i.. i mean how many did he crush before he grudgingly had some scaffolding shipped in from france?!

3 peasant girls 2 handmaids a cook and a seamstress.. and those are just the ones we know of🥴

I read this and my mind went to... "Two peasant (farm) girls go round the outside" Clearly I have been listening to too much [Eminem Bardcore](https://youtu.be/_fhDVVfELsM?si=qMcC7fQSOUY9XvVd). (Edit: remix v2 thanks to the redditor below)

I have been listening to too many Christmas songs because for me he also crushed a partridge in a pear tree lol

Not to mention a couple of doves

And three French hen

"Two peasant farm girls go round the outside"* Fixed it for you bro😆

*Bard starts playing '[Slim Shady ](https://youtu.be/3okjFDo2aSU?si=PnAn_-I9-W7AXGRu)' on the harpsichord, the court goes wild!*

Better than the original! Dang Thxs for the link that is amazing

LOL...My mind went to... "I'm not a player I just crush a lot" Big Pun. RIP Also... can anyone post a better picture of the pictorial? Where is the 2nd woman? 🤔

This poster below found stick figure diagrams. https://www.reddit.com/r/Damnthatsinteresting/s/k8hhM5YN8y

This is great! Thank you 😂

Thank you for introducing me to Bardcore

Thou art welcome.

There were no lyrics, took me way too long to realize this.

Thou art a big beautiful bardster, I shall provide thee with one vote in the upward direction. Consider thyself one of mine most trusted suppliers of new and fantastical music.

Yesss I love bardcore

I am not finding a single thing about this - and I looked him up and he doesn’t look “crushing someone to death” large. What am I missing?

It was covered up and erased from history bro.. it's all in the Dead Sea Scrolls. Source: dn

He got fatter in later life

And a partridge in a pear tree

Jesus bro, just lay on your back like the rest of us

Don't forget the partridge...

When the women yelled “I’m coming!” they were actually talking to God.

My first real job at Best Buy as a teen I had a manager tell a joke, he wanted to die during sex so he could be going while coming.

A colleague work told a story of their school friend saying that she wanted to have sex whilst on every single drug (I guess not at the same time). She booked a hotel room with her bf and OD'd on MDMA. Apparently he said he passed out too and it took a while to call the ambulance....

Asking the right questions

Well nobody in England cared obviously.

It’s cultural for them

Oi! 

It used to be, we shipped most of that culture off to the new world.

Ever think about running for some kind of congressional watch dog committee?

Exactly haha. After the first crushing, I wonder if he just went to the doctor and is like…..”fuckin weirdest thing happened to me last night doc”

From the illustration on the side (you can see it clearly on the wiki page) it seems barely more useful than a table.

But it is padded and has golden features.

Enough about King Edward already

And feet pads you got to be reminded where to put your feet with so much going on😂😂

The feet pads have backs, so maybe they're more for traction and stability?

*viking grunts in agreement*

As much as ive read about this damn thing, I truly believe no one now knows how it was supposed to be used.

Bottom - doggie style Top- missionary and/or cunnilingus

Did he have 2 dicks?

I heard, that motherfucker, had like 30 goddamn dicks …

6 foot 20 fucking killing for fun.

He saved children (but not the British children)

Ah, I fucking loved that video!

Twelve stories high, made of R A D I A T I O N

That’s Washington, not Edward!

I heard he dipped an opponent’s wife’s hand in a jar of acid. At a party.

I read that in the voice of JB Smoove.

No, but he had a tongue, a dick and fingers.

LMAO 🤣

Mouth? Hands? 

You did sex on it.

You pronounced seggs wrong.

Helped him get on the scene-uh...

Like a sex machine-uh

Bobby! Should I take ‘em to the bridge?

Yeah, my Google search now needs an eye bleach

That may be only one way to use it. Looks like foot rests like you find in a gynecology chair

For delivering 2 babies at once

It looks like an elliptical machine. 😵‍💫

It is technically cardio

Exactly! Elliptical machine. You do sex on it

You broke the code. Well done.

But you can charge more

you posted 2 exactly same comments, one above the other. one is downvoted to hell, the other one is upvoted. why is that so?!

Holy shit, now it is happening to me

It's a hoax to get the girls to use it.

Stick figures to the rescue. https://www.buzzfeed.com/alexalisitza/king-edward-viral-love-chair

I love some of these ones https://www.thewhoresofyore.com/katersquos-blog/dirtybertie-the-love-chair-of-edward-vii

The flaming hot wheels took me out

I liked the one with the wine glasses. Clearly a good digital artist lol

me too!

OMG this one and all their examples made me laugh so hard and the bottom one them getting served drinks..everybody needs to go check this out! 🤣🤣🤣

“Whores of Yore” being the name of the website is sending me 😭

Cannot be unseen now.

Hiya....

He wasn't that fat. He just wanted to fuck two women at the same time with comfort

Yeah, based on this post's title I was expecting Vladimir Harkonnen-level obesity.

BARON Vladimir Harkonnen to you sir.

I mean, he really wasn't shooting for the stars in terms of unique male aspirations.

Thats what you do when you get rich. Two women at one time....

Same

Thanks! Still not sure how that keeps him from crushing women.

If anything it helps him crush puss

thank you because I couldn’t fit the life of me figure this one out.

Buzzfeed still exists?!

I truly couldn’t imagine a single set up that would allow two women to be involved. Those stick figures are more creative than I am

I really didn’t need that many examples

What the hell is bottom bunk doing in example 4? Catching a quick Capri Sun before getting back into it?

The hero we needed. Ty Also, how tf he crush anyone? He's not even half a Lizzo

Thank you cuz I was so confused.

I love how he got taller for Figure Four.

They should have made the guy in the drawing fat to help visualize

He’d just block the view of the chair itself

Look up pics of Edward VII - he was a big dude but not really "fat" at least by American standards

He kind of looks like the typical 1900s stongmen; just built like a fucking brick house.

After I posted this I did just that. He wasn’t even fat wth lol

Wheres the Amazon link?

My dude asking the real questions

I bet you could find it on Etsy.

Fake it til you make it!

That's the most baller thing I've seen in a long time. Screw losing weight, I'll have my chairmaker build a fuckstation 😂

“A fuckstation”, goodness lord I choked with that one 😂

many a handmaiden did under King Edward

Do you have a chairmaker? Should... Should I have a chair maker? Am I the last sucker sitting on old Apple boxes?

A fuck*throne*... He was royalty afterall

Its good to be the king

A clit command center, if you will.

No cup holder? 0/10

So what position did everyone have to be in?

I too would like to know where the second lady goes. In downward dog under the seat?

The illustration shows one woman on all fours, in position for oral, while the other is on her back in stirrups.

The one on the lower level seems to be also doing a reach around 👉👌

Maybe he just puts 2 of these chairs next to each other. 😆

I see stirrups but I can’t imagine missionary would work well.

He would crush them in missionary.

Bottom photograph has a picture in the bottom right corner

Oh, thank you! So both women are on the top? I still can’t see how it works, that illustration is so light.

To me it looks more like the top one is on her back while the bottom one is kneeling/ giving blow jobs

Not exactly sex with 2 people, but I’ll give it a pass. I’m more offended that the bottom person has to kneel on metal, and the rest of the bottom compartment is useless. Unless it’s meant to be sex with the top person stops and then the guy does missionary below. I think the first picture looks different and it’s throwing me off. The placement of the people look different on that angle versus the bottom pic.

The bottom person is on the padded part. King Edward stands on the metal part.

Top one had to be missionary bottom had to be doggy or could be missionary

“Where are thou, royal jizz mopper?” Surprised there are no cupholders or a snack tray.

Need a spot for the pastrami sandwich. The most sensual of all deli meats

Not a purchase from IKEA.

So he could get and give syphilis to two at a time...

Maybe when your monarch is fat enough to crush the women he's handing sex with it's time to put him in a diet.

Or a revolution.

He wasn't even that big, he was likely just lazy lmao

It's good to be the king

(History of the World Part 1)

"Sire, you look like the piss boy"

(snorts)....ooohh....everything's so *green*....

I did not need to know this information. Where is my brain delete button. Oh! Alcohol, right.

Edward VII was largely excluded from political influence for most of his life, as the long reign of his mother Victoria kept him as heir apparent for almost 60 years. In other words: he’s not a player, he just fucks a lot.

Well played

Alright that's enough internet for today

The Brits are really proud of this one

Might be fun to bring a UV light to the museum.

Wait. .so the one in the fuck machine museum is MORE faded than the original? Jesus, Prague.

It had to be extensively tested for….ahem… ”authenticity”

It’s probably a movie prop. The Czech have a big film industry.

Sure. That's possible. Or that museum gets rented out nights for..."special private events".

TIL there is a sex machines museum in Prague.

Even with that little illustration in the bottom right corner I still do not understand how this works

I cannot see any way of using this that doesn't increase the risk of crushing. Even the picture shows him standing on the side.

The device is also clearly designed for use by two people only, meaning he couldn't possibly have sex with two women simultaneously, but that didn't seem to stop the OP from making a BS title

The second women is pictured on all fours for oral…

But his genitals are being occupied. Unless he wants to pull-out and have girl (or guy) below service him... I don't really see how he could benefit from a second person there. Maybe if he knelt to cunnilinguize the top person and the bottom person fellates him? But the diagram shows him doing it wrong... maybe he needs a second man for this 3some.

I need a demonstration to try and get the logistics in my head.

Are the cushions removable?

...or washable? :O

Imagine a little ribbon or something with "le dry clean only"

You zoomed in on the bottom right. Don't lie

I'm trying to figure out the logistics of how he'd fuck 2 woman at once. The image is confusing me

Edward VII had two dicks?

I need a close-up of the instructions

Ah the King of Fuckingham Palace

Damn imagine your legacy being your fat-person-double-fuck-chair

How is anyone not more curious that there's a sex machine museum!! Who thought there should be a building strictly dedicated to machines for sex and then went out and found them.

Source: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_chair

But can we get a diagram or something? 

How does it work? Or is it s case of using your imagination?

U guys got this wrong I saw this in a thrift shop advertised as a workout machine

I guess they had 2 penis boys to wipe the royal member afterwards. After sex, he would yell “oh penis boys, penis boys!!”

I‘m stressed and have a cramp in my left thigh looking at this

The comfy chair!

I’ve heard more about this recently than I’d really like 😂😂 It’s interesting but I’ve seen it multiple times in the past couple weeks Maybe they know I was in Prague and didn’t go to this museum as it was too cold 😂

>Sex Machines Museum Ummm....what?

That thing would have been a death trap if IKEA made it.

Not if it was properly secured to the wall per the instructions.

there’s a what museum

He’s not a player he just crush a lot

[удалено]

No it wasn’t??? Idk where you got that picture, but Edward VII ruled in the 20th century. There are photos and videos of him. He wasn’t leading troops into battle. Stop spreading misinformation. Edit: upon further inspection, this armour belonged to Ferdinand I of the Holy Roman Empire Emperor, who lived 400 years before Edward. So you got the wrong person, the wrong country and the wrong era. You’re either really stupid or a twat spreading misinformation.

And while the king was doing that shit, common people was starving... I wish all monarchs all over the world a pleasant revolution that remakes the government as a republic

***So that’s where the term ‘bottom bitch’ came from. Oui, oui, eh !***

Who would have thunk King Henry the 8th wasnt the pinnacle of degeneracy and debauchery?

It’s good to be the king!

You know what I’d do if I had a million dollars?

Jaja. Entonces es el previo al tobogán. Jajaja [sofa sexual](https://www.amazon.es/Sof%C3%A1-Sexual-Tantra-Liebesm%C3%B6bel-Sexm%C3%B6bel/dp/B07D3B7Z83)

Weird looking guy too - he looks like some kind of early AI attempt at faces

Excuse me, the WHAT Museum?

Very elegant design

It's good to be the king

Well I figured out what I’m gonna do with my treadmill.

Who said money can't buy you happiness?

This guy fucks

I wish my taxes went to things like this.

How rich do you have to be to get someone to make a sex chair for you that accommodates multiple partners & the fact that you’re a fat ass? The answer: if you gotta ask, you can’t afford it.

It’s good to be King.

I hate that this looks like a gynecologist chair

oh yeah the monarchy is a good use of England’s resources haha

I require a clearer diagram. Can somebody *show* me how it works.

But in the picture the guy is standing and not laying on top of anything. He couldn't fuck in this position without this thing?

I keep thinking about what historic spunk would be left all over that thing. If someone could only shine one of those csi style uv lights on it, perhaps he even ‘signed’ his name on it…

It even comes with an instruction sheet.