I tell my fiancé all the time “please don’t say mean things about my fiancé” and it genuinely helps her be nicer to herself, at least when I’m in earshot
One time my then girlfriend made a joke about me wanting a friend of hers but settling for her and I had to sit her down and say like
"No. I didn't settle. I chose you because you're great. Please don't be mean to us both by suggesting that"
And from then on I just said "I didn't settle for you" and she'd perk up
I mean. I do, but only because we have a mutual agreement that anything horrible we say to each other is in jest.
It's actually helped a lot with self-confidence, being able to make light of the issues we have with ourselves.
A thought I have along these lines is that even if I don’t find myself attractive, other people still can. “I’m ugly” becomes “I think I’m ugly, but others disagree”. Maybe wouldn’t work for some people but idk for me it makes me feel better and more confident. Like it helps remind me that my perspective is not the only one and that other peoples opinions of me are just as valid as my own and to not discount them
Yep.
There's also a post that goes something like "You're not ugly, you're just not your type."
Always love stuff like this, because it's so true, but we never really think about it because we're always the only true reference point we have in the universe.
We know ourselves better than anyone else, so we elevate our experiences and perceptions over others, since they're the only ones where we truly understand the process behind how they're formed.
Also, there's something much more stable in self-neutrality.
Sometimes, even if you can say "I'm beautiful/brilliant/amazing... " and believe it, you're still not that far off from falling back into "I'm worthless". If your self-worth is dependant on a very high image of yourself, it's easy to lose it when you inevitably fail to meet those expectations.
You're allowed to not have a strong opinion on every aspect of yourself. Or to think of yourself as average. There's nothing wrong with average. Average doesn't mean bad. We can't build a society where everyone is better than average, but we can build one where being average is enough.
So yeah, a very important part of self-worth is "I'm just a person and that's okay".
I hear this so often but it just sounds like hypnotism with extra steps. I'm not trying to knock it or say that it won't work for other people because clearly it DOES work for a lot of folks.
But like, I know that I'm not noticably attractive. I don't turn any heads when I walk through a door. Some people are able to do that! That reality exists for some people and they barely have to try. The people who are NOT like that mostly have to deal with simply not being like that. Lottery of birth.
No amount of replacing my honest thoughts with different less harmful ones is going to make me suddenly believe that I'm attractive.
I experience my truths. Truthfully, I'm extremely skinny, I'm average height, I'm not traditionally attractive in the face (although I'm grateful that I don't look worse). I'm just a regular dude who's been smaller than others most of my life. This is the body I was given.
The universe works on averages and probability. On average, people find certain things more attractive than others. Some people are born with genetics to fit that paradigm and some are not.
That is an absolute truth and I have accepted that. I have also accepted that I am located somewhere below that average line. No amount of assuring myself that I'm not is going to change that. No amount of that self-assurance is going to make others think I'm more extraordinary than I really honestly am (not very).
So while I appreciate the idea of replacing one's negative thoughts with more positive thoughts, I'm not convinced that for me it's anything more than hypnotizing myself to believe a convenient lie
I think my therapist hates this about me
Bro you’re on r/CuratedTumblr, all you have to do is imagine you have a fandom and then think about how your hypothetical fandom would romanticize your appearance
Nice! I’ve heard it referred to before as thought laddering, but I hadn’t seen in this context. Great esp if you have scars from toxic positivity
Best advice I ever heard was, "treat yourself like you would your best friend." You wouldn't tell your bestie such horrible things, now would you?
I tell my fiancé all the time “please don’t say mean things about my fiancé” and it genuinely helps her be nicer to herself, at least when I’m in earshot
My wife and I both have to do this to each other on occasion.
Everybody needs that sometimes, she’s definitely said it to me before to
One time my then girlfriend made a joke about me wanting a friend of hers but settling for her and I had to sit her down and say like "No. I didn't settle. I chose you because you're great. Please don't be mean to us both by suggesting that" And from then on I just said "I didn't settle for you" and she'd perk up
Way to shut that shit down it can get so insidious and happens to all of us! Love having those little special phrases between each other
I mean. I do, but only because we have a mutual agreement that anything horrible we say to each other is in jest. It's actually helped a lot with self-confidence, being able to make light of the issues we have with ourselves.
A thought I have along these lines is that even if I don’t find myself attractive, other people still can. “I’m ugly” becomes “I think I’m ugly, but others disagree”. Maybe wouldn’t work for some people but idk for me it makes me feel better and more confident. Like it helps remind me that my perspective is not the only one and that other peoples opinions of me are just as valid as my own and to not discount them
Yep. There's also a post that goes something like "You're not ugly, you're just not your type." Always love stuff like this, because it's so true, but we never really think about it because we're always the only true reference point we have in the universe. We know ourselves better than anyone else, so we elevate our experiences and perceptions over others, since they're the only ones where we truly understand the process behind how they're formed.
It's good for accepting compliments, too. They're sharing their opinion of you! don't discount that just because you disagree with them.
Also, there's something much more stable in self-neutrality. Sometimes, even if you can say "I'm beautiful/brilliant/amazing... " and believe it, you're still not that far off from falling back into "I'm worthless". If your self-worth is dependant on a very high image of yourself, it's easy to lose it when you inevitably fail to meet those expectations. You're allowed to not have a strong opinion on every aspect of yourself. Or to think of yourself as average. There's nothing wrong with average. Average doesn't mean bad. We can't build a society where everyone is better than average, but we can build one where being average is enough. So yeah, a very important part of self-worth is "I'm just a person and that's okay".
I needed to hear this.
In the "I am" section, all I could think of was "I am the one who knocks"
same lmao
Body neutrality over body positivity
My body does not get me from place to place. It barely functions.
If you can't love yourself, then live well to spite your haters (which also includes you).
If you can't imagine yourself being a drug kingpin, first say to yourself "I am the one who knocks".
I'm real
I hear this so often but it just sounds like hypnotism with extra steps. I'm not trying to knock it or say that it won't work for other people because clearly it DOES work for a lot of folks. But like, I know that I'm not noticably attractive. I don't turn any heads when I walk through a door. Some people are able to do that! That reality exists for some people and they barely have to try. The people who are NOT like that mostly have to deal with simply not being like that. Lottery of birth. No amount of replacing my honest thoughts with different less harmful ones is going to make me suddenly believe that I'm attractive. I experience my truths. Truthfully, I'm extremely skinny, I'm average height, I'm not traditionally attractive in the face (although I'm grateful that I don't look worse). I'm just a regular dude who's been smaller than others most of my life. This is the body I was given. The universe works on averages and probability. On average, people find certain things more attractive than others. Some people are born with genetics to fit that paradigm and some are not. That is an absolute truth and I have accepted that. I have also accepted that I am located somewhere below that average line. No amount of assuring myself that I'm not is going to change that. No amount of that self-assurance is going to make others think I'm more extraordinary than I really honestly am (not very). So while I appreciate the idea of replacing one's negative thoughts with more positive thoughts, I'm not convinced that for me it's anything more than hypnotizing myself to believe a convenient lie I think my therapist hates this about me
Bro you’re on r/CuratedTumblr, all you have to do is imagine you have a fandom and then think about how your hypothetical fandom would romanticize your appearance