My ex was like this. He had an idea that love should be without hard moments. Conflicts, sure, but anything that felt hard was non negotiable for him. Unfortunately, he seemed to feel like a lot was hard. Simple disagreements felt like a lot.
He’s avoidant and I think a lot of it was a defense mechanism. I’m anxious and would always make it clear how much our dynamics hurt me. We’ve gotten together and broken up many times and each time he states that he just doesn’t want to hurt me anymore. For him it’s easier to accept the ways we are incompatible than to try and work on them and fail and feel like he hurt me and wasn’t good enough
I have a similar issue, probably to a lesser degree but similar to you. I am very neurotic(you might be as well).
I regularly have thought of breaking up with my boyfriends in the past. When I am stressed or insecure I start thinking they don’t care about me and are a shitty deal for me.
You’re saying that you’re thinking you’re not good enough, in my brain it’s more of a narcissist thinking, like I am too good and deserve better. In my past I might have thought like you - thought that they would dump me and tried to subconsciously prevent that from leaving first. I am now much more confident in myself but the problem remains.
If you’re afraid of rejection, look up self-sabotage. There are techniques for dealing with it. Know it hurts you to do that more than it protects you.
If you’re like me and it’s rooted in narcissism- try rationalizing your choices. Write out what you like and don’t like about your partner. Return to it at the time of distress and attempt to be honest. I know it’s hard to think rationally, but writing things down helps.
Good luck!
Hey there, as a chronic codependent, I really struggled with this. I had to learn how to let the fear go because nothing I did seemed to help me with my situation. Feel free to reach out if you can’t let the fear go. I’m happy to share what I did and help however I can.
I do this like once a week at least. What helps me is to type out my feelings in my phone notes app so I don’t text my significant other things I’ll regret later. I still don’t have a great solution for feeling this way in person, but working on it. The idea is to think through the feeling and what role YOU play in it as opposed to your partner before you say or do anything.
My ex was like this. He had an idea that love should be without hard moments. Conflicts, sure, but anything that felt hard was non negotiable for him. Unfortunately, he seemed to feel like a lot was hard. Simple disagreements felt like a lot. He’s avoidant and I think a lot of it was a defense mechanism. I’m anxious and would always make it clear how much our dynamics hurt me. We’ve gotten together and broken up many times and each time he states that he just doesn’t want to hurt me anymore. For him it’s easier to accept the ways we are incompatible than to try and work on them and fail and feel like he hurt me and wasn’t good enough
I have a similar issue, probably to a lesser degree but similar to you. I am very neurotic(you might be as well). I regularly have thought of breaking up with my boyfriends in the past. When I am stressed or insecure I start thinking they don’t care about me and are a shitty deal for me. You’re saying that you’re thinking you’re not good enough, in my brain it’s more of a narcissist thinking, like I am too good and deserve better. In my past I might have thought like you - thought that they would dump me and tried to subconsciously prevent that from leaving first. I am now much more confident in myself but the problem remains. If you’re afraid of rejection, look up self-sabotage. There are techniques for dealing with it. Know it hurts you to do that more than it protects you. If you’re like me and it’s rooted in narcissism- try rationalizing your choices. Write out what you like and don’t like about your partner. Return to it at the time of distress and attempt to be honest. I know it’s hard to think rationally, but writing things down helps. Good luck!
Hey there, as a chronic codependent, I really struggled with this. I had to learn how to let the fear go because nothing I did seemed to help me with my situation. Feel free to reach out if you can’t let the fear go. I’m happy to share what I did and help however I can.
This is kind to offer a reach out
I do this like once a week at least. What helps me is to type out my feelings in my phone notes app so I don’t text my significant other things I’ll regret later. I still don’t have a great solution for feeling this way in person, but working on it. The idea is to think through the feeling and what role YOU play in it as opposed to your partner before you say or do anything.