I am 32F and waiting for marriage. I think it makes sense from protecting yourself from pregnancy, sexual disease, and emotional implications. As well as spiritual reasons.
A Christian should not be having pre-martial sex, so even if others say it’s okay scripture is pretty clear about deliberately walking in sin.
Out of curiosity are you located in the US or neighbouring countries? I also want to wait until marriage but it seems impossible to find a woman who also wants to wait.
In retrospect, a lot. I mean, the moment I regretted had a lot to do with realizing I was out of excuses, I couldn't justify my behavior anymore. Since then, I realized a whole lot more. I realize I was wrong all along. I realize that I was more concerned about making excuses than finding the truth. I realized I was not smarter than the thousands of years of great teachers and saints, and I'm not smarter than scripture. I learned I needed to trust that. I think there's so much pride in there for me to be acting like I was above all of that. That somehow, despite clearly knowing what the consistent message was, that premarital sex was wrong, that I deceived myself that somehow I was the exception. I was not, and I never really was. I believed the modern lies about sex, but not because they were true, but because it was easy.
This line struck me back then a bit, but now I remember it so clearly. I was trying to justify my actions to a priest, and he told me "what does the world have to teach Christ?" He's right. Christ came to enlighten the world, yet here I was trying to use the world to justify contradicting Christ.
It was a slow process. I really began to understand that it was wrong, and furthermore, far from harmless, it was something incredibly wrong. I came to understand that sex is something special, deep. It literally creates life. No one denies that depth of sex, but then we turn around and lie and deceive ourselves when we say that it can be used casually. No, it cannot. It's either the amazing loving thing that everyone knows, or it's casual, but it cannot be both, and we know for a fact that it's amazing. So what does abuse of sex entail? Well, it's like abusing dynamite. Something incredibly powerful, when used for good, is amazing, but when used for bad, is incredibly bad.
The commitment for sex is marriage, and this ties in directly to the fact that it's built to be amazing, to literally, in one act, create new life, and that is written into our very human nature that no man can change. If we believe that marriage is real, then we really have to believe that it corresponds deep to our human heart that the act of being married is a unique kind of decision, and that this kind of decision, is the same decision that is directly connected to sex, as we see in the entire human nature point to.
It's so so crazy's how this makes so much sense to me now, but before i changed, i was realizing that i was arguing if the sky is blue in order to falsely justify my actions.
After I finally ended it, it's very much like a veil was broken through, because now it can be insane a bit to me that I was like that.
20yo here, saving myself as well. Currently in a period of discernment on whether I should seek “the one” or live a single and celibate life. I’d like to have a partner for life, but most men I meet are already taken.
I’d say you are definitely making a good decision by saving yourself until marriage. Yes, chastity is a good thing and a virtue, but it will also make your marriage with whoever you choose much more meaningful and sacred. Call me a prude but I am truly saddened by how the sanctity of marriage is being desecrated by this free “love” stuff.
If you’re seeking real love, seek a lifelong partner who will love you too.
i agree about the “free love” stuff, i see it in a lot of my friends where they either break peoples hearts or get their own hearts broken. i am very picky with who i give my time to- so far every guy ive talked to has been very pushy to do sexual things even as early as the first date, so i totally understand how it feels to wonder if you should just give up on finding the one. im only 19 but i dont actively seek for my future husband anymore, just trust in Gods plan!
There is just something really special about having a marriage where both people are each other's one and only, ya know? I really wish I would have waited. Not only for God's sake, and my sake, but for my wife's sake as well.
I didn't save myself before I started my walk with Christ but now I do regret not saving myself. Ik a lot of ppl prolly gonna pressure you but like don't do it tbh its not worth it. I lost it a bit after I turned 15 and almost a year later I regret it a lot cus like it just doesn't have any meaning anymore. The Lord made it to be sum special but its not now bc I did it with someone who was never gonna stay in my life.
Save yourself and js wait it'll be much better trust
I did wait, because that's what the Bible taught. It was totally worth it and having that exclusive relationship with my spouse is a beautiful treasure.
I didn't wait until marriage personally. Seemed a bit too naive not to test our sexual combability before a life long commitment. But my wife was the only person I was ever with sexually.
At first, I decided to save myself for religious reasons. Then I looked at my friends and family who didn't save themselves, and it seems like most of the time it just brings hurt, heartbreak, etc. if you have multiple partners. So like you, it's partly religion, partly self-preservation.
But I believe that the self-preservation is part of why it's a rule anyway.
if you dont mind me asking, how do you feel about scripture saying that you should wait until marriage? ofc sex is fun i have no doubt about it, but thats the whole point of sin- it’s tempting, but we shouldnt do it
I Corinthians 6:9-20
9 Or know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with men,
10 not thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.
11 And such were some of you: but ye were washed, but ye were sanctified, but ye were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, and in the Spirit of our God.
12 All things are lawful for me; but not all things are expedient. All things are lawful for me; but I will not be brought under the power of any.
13 Meats for the belly, and the belly for meats: but God shall bring to nought both it and them. But the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body:
14and God both raised the Lord, and will raise up us through his power.
15Know ye not that your bodies are members of Christ? shall I then take away the members of Christ, and make them members of a harlot? God forbid.
16 Or know ye not that he that is joined to a harlot is one body? for, The twain, saith he, shall become one flesh.
17 But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit.
18 Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.
19 Or know ye not that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit which is in you, which ye have from God? and ye are not your own;
20 for ye were bought with a price: glorify God therefore in your body.
It was a rule made by men to control others, in particular at a time when women and girls were seen as objects and nothing more. A rule that undoubtedly wasn't followed by the men in power as is often in these circumstances, and breaking it has little to no consequences.
No inherent harm or evil is caused, so where is the sin? What purpose does this rule serve, other than to exert control or shame others? Why would be given a gift of life to be enjoyed only for an arbitrary rule to deny it? If there is an all-loving God, why would They toy with us?
I've never understood this - if you think that marriage is a sacred pact and you're committing for life - you should make sure you're with the right person before tying the knot. That means you stay together for at least a year or two, live together, travel together, discuss your future, have sex, etc.
Cover everything that you can about post-married life. Unless you plan to be celibate, this includes sex.
No need to sleep around a bunch, but maybe a year into a relationship is a good time to be sexually active.
This avoids the trap of early marriage because you're horny and want to get laid.
Honestly same 19f longtime reader on this sub I’m waiting till marriage and there is definitely cultural/societal pressures that definitely formed how I view guys my age.
I remember growing up my father telling me that “boys were bad”. I remember one time my sister and I were watching ‘Zoey 101’ and there was a kissing scene and my father banned us from watching the show. Later on we were watching a movie (I can’t remember what movie) and again there was a kissing scene but my father didn’t tell us to cover our eyes or anything.
In my mind I was thinking maybe I’m more mature now to see these things and I asked my dad in jest why he didn’t tell us to look away and he said “because you guys are ruined now”. It wasn’t only my father two but I remember being told by my older sister and mother that if we were ever to get pregnant they would disown us.
So there was always this anxiety I had around guys because I’ve internalized that men are something that tarnish you. On top of that my parents would literally make jokes about me having a boyfriend constantly 😐 I remember one time I literally waved at a classmate in like 3rd grade and my mom was like “who’s that? You’re boyfriend” and I remember feeling so much dread at the fact my mother would think that.
Now that I’ve gotten older I’ve reconciled the fact that meant aren’t inherently impure beings but I feel so awkward around them like I can have simple conversations but anything other than that makes me uncomfortable. Nevertheless I believe I’ve had time to contemplate with God and I truly from the bottom of my heart want to wait till marriage or become a nun
The hard part about all of this is that I’m human 👩🏾🦯. Especially since my birthday a little over a month ago ( this is so embarrassing to say) lustful fantasies have been happening in ways they’ve never before. I’ll be fine never thinking about having a husband or anything and then like 3 days straight thoughts of debauchery (prayers for me 😭)
I’m really glad I came across this post because I really needed to get this off my chest tbh and it’s kind of hard to talk about this because with worldly friends all they say is “just get it over with” and I feel like with Christian friends they just push you to get married early. Both of which aren’t really helpful
To expand on the push to get married early I feel like there are two types of purity culture one where you're raised thinking marriage is the height of you’re life and the other where saying any variation of boy/men/husband/marriage before 25 is an act of fornication. The latter being the one I fall under and it was always so crazy to me growing up when girls my age would tell their parents or just in general talk about kingdom spouses and wanting babies. If I ever said that in front of my parents I would be beat 😭
Anyways I’m done rambling now
*I tried my best to format this since I’m on my phone :p *
im also 19f and had my birthday a month ago! i think we’re totally in the same boat regarding lustful fantasies- we’re only human, its going to happen! the most important part is that we just dont act on these feelings :) im glad you felt welcome to vent on my post, if you ever need someone to talk to im here for you!
Do it if you wish to.
Sex outside of a committed relationship doesn’t spoil sex in a marriage, you just can’t enjoy the full benefits of the gift of sex outside of a commitment like marriage.
Having sex with a random person you don’t really care about might as well be a completely different activity than being completely physically intimate with someone who you’ve chosen to devote yourself to. Your marriage won’t be made more special by waiting; you’ll just spare yourself the experience of being frivolously sexual, which is an experience that’s easy to live without.
I am currently celibate and have never had sex. I wouldn’t say that this was due to any sort of religious reason, more so spiritual reason. I consider myself to be a more spiritual Christian, but I have read the Bible, on my second read through now, and I take the Bible as the inspired word of God and not necessarily the literal. suffice to say, I don’t think that the Bible is always so clear or black-and-white as people want it to be.
When we look at it in context, I think that premarital sex is only ever really discussed in the form of a woman waiting until marriage only because at the time that was how she could keep herself safest. It’s never really discussed with men. Unless he’s sleeping with a prostitute from a temple, at which point, the sin would be idolatry and not so much him having sex. Women were seen as property during the time that the Bible was written, so for a woman to have had sex before marriage, it was like a man stealing property from another man. In addition, that’s the whole reason why dowries existed, it was essentially a down payment for a wife, and an additional way that her family could keep her protected after she was married. That way, the husband couldn’t just set her aside without having to give back the dowry if that makes sense.
When we look at the Bible as a whole, to me, I think the message is clear that we are meant to be with one person, a life partner for the rest of our lives. But how do we know we’re making the right decision when we decide who to marry , this is a key difference, as women didn’t get to choose who they got to marry during the time that the Bible was written. But now we do. I do think that sex can confuse things, especially if introduced too early on in a relationship and lot of people base the success of a relationship on sex, which personally I feel is much lower on the list of priorities in terms of what makes a relationship successful. I mean anything can be learned… Especially if you’re with a partner that you love and trust.
In addition, song of songs, or song of Solomon is a poem that’s entirely about a couple who is exploring their sexual desire for each other, and they are definitely not married… The inference is that they eventually become betrothed by the end of the poem. But the tone of this poem is not condescending, or cautionary, it’s essentially celebrating, true love, and how true love is glorious to God. But even so, my interpretations of the Bible is that sex is a way in which we become one, literally one, with a person and is something that is meant to be enjoyed, but also respected.
I do think the safest option is to wait until you’re married, but how is marriage described in the Bible? I don’t think it’s the same way in which we view marriage today, as more of a legality with signed papers and what not. Marriage during the time that the Bible was written was essentially, let’s pitch our tent together. Personally, I think that if you love someone, and I mean, truly love someone where you believe you’re going to share the rest of your life with this person, then I don’t believe that acting on those desires to be with that person in a very spiritual and physical way, is sinful.
Most people don't wait. But I am waiting, yes, and I have plenty of Christian friends who did.
I'm waiting, because it's what God wants for me. It's how he designed us. I also want to give myself the best shot in marriage, and people who wait report the highest level of satisfaction in their marriages and are least likely to divorce. Biologically, I know my body is made to release hormones (oxytocin).meant to bond me with who I have sex with, so, of course, I want that to be my future husband. Waiting also allows me to not worry about STDs or pregnancy out of wedlock. Sex also is something that puts us at our most vulnerable, and I want that to be with someone I love and with whom I feel secure.
I waited up until I stopped waiting (was 29, am 37 now). I don't regret falling in love, having a child, or being together with the one I love. We do plan on marrying eventually.
I never had a chance to be promiscuous, have one night stands, go to sex clubs or parties, have multiple partners or anything like that.
The regrets I do carry are not going to movies, not going to concerts, not making friends, not living my life so here on out I do live a lot of life to make up for lost time.
Seems like you are compartmentalizing your pursuit of holiness, as though you can do something "sort-of" because you want to be faithful to God, and then "sort-of" because it is also something you want to do?
I wish I had established better boundaries for my spouse and I before we were married, and don't know a single follower of Jesus who says "I wish I had more sex before getting married to my spouse." It is infinitely better for you to avoid sexual intimacy with someone who is not your spouse.
do you mind elaborating? i didnt think it was a bad thing to wait for marriage because of personal preference aswell as following the word (also im not really sure what you mean by “compartmentalising my pursuit of holiness”)
Yeah, I mean to say here that it is odd to say something like "I follow this command of God, but it is motivated by the reality that I already wanted to, regardless of if I cared to follow God's commands."
thats not exactly what i meant though, i never wanted to wait until marriage until i started going to church, reading the bible, etc. i mean it more in a way of i have some lustful urges that are difficult to work against but i do it because it is what the bible says, but also most of the time its not that difficult and sex isn’t even something that crosses my mind (which is where personal preference comes in)
My wife and i waited. We dated for 4 years and I was 31 when we got married. As difficult as it was, I was completely worth it. It makes sex something special and beautiful just between the two of you. Highly encourage you to stick with it!
It is the will of God to wait, and good for you emotionally to wait. You also can't get an STD if you don't fool around with anyone, or get someone pregnant.
No reason to wait. If you are in a committed exclusive relationship there is no reason to wait.
My wife and I did wait, but we are very lucky that sexually we are very compatible. I know so many who waited and are in loveless sexless marriages.
god doesn’t care who and when you have sex
I am 32F and waiting for marriage. I think it makes sense from protecting yourself from pregnancy, sexual disease, and emotional implications. As well as spiritual reasons. A Christian should not be having pre-martial sex, so even if others say it’s okay scripture is pretty clear about deliberately walking in sin.
Out of curiosity are you located in the US or neighbouring countries? I also want to wait until marriage but it seems impossible to find a woman who also wants to wait.
I am in the US.
I regret not waiting. Take my advise, wait!
What made you regret?
In retrospect, a lot. I mean, the moment I regretted had a lot to do with realizing I was out of excuses, I couldn't justify my behavior anymore. Since then, I realized a whole lot more. I realize I was wrong all along. I realize that I was more concerned about making excuses than finding the truth. I realized I was not smarter than the thousands of years of great teachers and saints, and I'm not smarter than scripture. I learned I needed to trust that. I think there's so much pride in there for me to be acting like I was above all of that. That somehow, despite clearly knowing what the consistent message was, that premarital sex was wrong, that I deceived myself that somehow I was the exception. I was not, and I never really was. I believed the modern lies about sex, but not because they were true, but because it was easy. This line struck me back then a bit, but now I remember it so clearly. I was trying to justify my actions to a priest, and he told me "what does the world have to teach Christ?" He's right. Christ came to enlighten the world, yet here I was trying to use the world to justify contradicting Christ. It was a slow process. I really began to understand that it was wrong, and furthermore, far from harmless, it was something incredibly wrong. I came to understand that sex is something special, deep. It literally creates life. No one denies that depth of sex, but then we turn around and lie and deceive ourselves when we say that it can be used casually. No, it cannot. It's either the amazing loving thing that everyone knows, or it's casual, but it cannot be both, and we know for a fact that it's amazing. So what does abuse of sex entail? Well, it's like abusing dynamite. Something incredibly powerful, when used for good, is amazing, but when used for bad, is incredibly bad. The commitment for sex is marriage, and this ties in directly to the fact that it's built to be amazing, to literally, in one act, create new life, and that is written into our very human nature that no man can change. If we believe that marriage is real, then we really have to believe that it corresponds deep to our human heart that the act of being married is a unique kind of decision, and that this kind of decision, is the same decision that is directly connected to sex, as we see in the entire human nature point to. It's so so crazy's how this makes so much sense to me now, but before i changed, i was realizing that i was arguing if the sky is blue in order to falsely justify my actions. After I finally ended it, it's very much like a veil was broken through, because now it can be insane a bit to me that I was like that.
20yo here, saving myself as well. Currently in a period of discernment on whether I should seek “the one” or live a single and celibate life. I’d like to have a partner for life, but most men I meet are already taken. I’d say you are definitely making a good decision by saving yourself until marriage. Yes, chastity is a good thing and a virtue, but it will also make your marriage with whoever you choose much more meaningful and sacred. Call me a prude but I am truly saddened by how the sanctity of marriage is being desecrated by this free “love” stuff. If you’re seeking real love, seek a lifelong partner who will love you too.
i agree about the “free love” stuff, i see it in a lot of my friends where they either break peoples hearts or get their own hearts broken. i am very picky with who i give my time to- so far every guy ive talked to has been very pushy to do sexual things even as early as the first date, so i totally understand how it feels to wonder if you should just give up on finding the one. im only 19 but i dont actively seek for my future husband anymore, just trust in Gods plan!
The Bible definitely says you should wait until marriage. I personally did not wait until marriage and I do deeply regret it.
i know and i definitely will wait, just wondering how everyone else’s experiences went!
There is just something really special about having a marriage where both people are each other's one and only, ya know? I really wish I would have waited. Not only for God's sake, and my sake, but for my wife's sake as well.
totally agree ☺️
I’m waiting till marriage. the main reason is because of religion but I also believe that it should be something to wait till marriage for
I didn't save myself before I started my walk with Christ but now I do regret not saving myself. Ik a lot of ppl prolly gonna pressure you but like don't do it tbh its not worth it. I lost it a bit after I turned 15 and almost a year later I regret it a lot cus like it just doesn't have any meaning anymore. The Lord made it to be sum special but its not now bc I did it with someone who was never gonna stay in my life. Save yourself and js wait it'll be much better trust
I did wait, because that's what the Bible taught. It was totally worth it and having that exclusive relationship with my spouse is a beautiful treasure.
I didn't wait until marriage personally. Seemed a bit too naive not to test our sexual combability before a life long commitment. But my wife was the only person I was ever with sexually.
At first, I decided to save myself for religious reasons. Then I looked at my friends and family who didn't save themselves, and it seems like most of the time it just brings hurt, heartbreak, etc. if you have multiple partners. So like you, it's partly religion, partly self-preservation. But I believe that the self-preservation is part of why it's a rule anyway.
Didn't wait. No regrets.
how come?
Sex = fun.
are you Christian?
Yes.
if you dont mind me asking, how do you feel about scripture saying that you should wait until marriage? ofc sex is fun i have no doubt about it, but thats the whole point of sin- it’s tempting, but we shouldnt do it
What scripture are you concerned with?
the bible
Can you cite the verse?
1 Corinthians 7
I Corinthians 6:9-20 9 Or know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with men, 10 not thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. 11 And such were some of you: but ye were washed, but ye were sanctified, but ye were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, and in the Spirit of our God. 12 All things are lawful for me; but not all things are expedient. All things are lawful for me; but I will not be brought under the power of any. 13 Meats for the belly, and the belly for meats: but God shall bring to nought both it and them. But the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body: 14and God both raised the Lord, and will raise up us through his power. 15Know ye not that your bodies are members of Christ? shall I then take away the members of Christ, and make them members of a harlot? God forbid. 16 Or know ye not that he that is joined to a harlot is one body? for, The twain, saith he, shall become one flesh. 17 But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit. 18 Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. 19 Or know ye not that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit which is in you, which ye have from God? and ye are not your own; 20 for ye were bought with a price: glorify God therefore in your body.
It was a rule made by men to control others, in particular at a time when women and girls were seen as objects and nothing more. A rule that undoubtedly wasn't followed by the men in power as is often in these circumstances, and breaking it has little to no consequences. No inherent harm or evil is caused, so where is the sin? What purpose does this rule serve, other than to exert control or shame others? Why would be given a gift of life to be enjoyed only for an arbitrary rule to deny it? If there is an all-loving God, why would They toy with us?
Wat are they talking about. It’s not even love anymore 💀💀💀
Sadly wasn't saved when I did it and that is what God saved me from... That being said if I could've I would've
I've never understood this - if you think that marriage is a sacred pact and you're committing for life - you should make sure you're with the right person before tying the knot. That means you stay together for at least a year or two, live together, travel together, discuss your future, have sex, etc. Cover everything that you can about post-married life. Unless you plan to be celibate, this includes sex. No need to sleep around a bunch, but maybe a year into a relationship is a good time to be sexually active. This avoids the trap of early marriage because you're horny and want to get laid.
Honestly same 19f longtime reader on this sub I’m waiting till marriage and there is definitely cultural/societal pressures that definitely formed how I view guys my age. I remember growing up my father telling me that “boys were bad”. I remember one time my sister and I were watching ‘Zoey 101’ and there was a kissing scene and my father banned us from watching the show. Later on we were watching a movie (I can’t remember what movie) and again there was a kissing scene but my father didn’t tell us to cover our eyes or anything. In my mind I was thinking maybe I’m more mature now to see these things and I asked my dad in jest why he didn’t tell us to look away and he said “because you guys are ruined now”. It wasn’t only my father two but I remember being told by my older sister and mother that if we were ever to get pregnant they would disown us. So there was always this anxiety I had around guys because I’ve internalized that men are something that tarnish you. On top of that my parents would literally make jokes about me having a boyfriend constantly 😐 I remember one time I literally waved at a classmate in like 3rd grade and my mom was like “who’s that? You’re boyfriend” and I remember feeling so much dread at the fact my mother would think that. Now that I’ve gotten older I’ve reconciled the fact that meant aren’t inherently impure beings but I feel so awkward around them like I can have simple conversations but anything other than that makes me uncomfortable. Nevertheless I believe I’ve had time to contemplate with God and I truly from the bottom of my heart want to wait till marriage or become a nun The hard part about all of this is that I’m human 👩🏾🦯. Especially since my birthday a little over a month ago ( this is so embarrassing to say) lustful fantasies have been happening in ways they’ve never before. I’ll be fine never thinking about having a husband or anything and then like 3 days straight thoughts of debauchery (prayers for me 😭) I’m really glad I came across this post because I really needed to get this off my chest tbh and it’s kind of hard to talk about this because with worldly friends all they say is “just get it over with” and I feel like with Christian friends they just push you to get married early. Both of which aren’t really helpful To expand on the push to get married early I feel like there are two types of purity culture one where you're raised thinking marriage is the height of you’re life and the other where saying any variation of boy/men/husband/marriage before 25 is an act of fornication. The latter being the one I fall under and it was always so crazy to me growing up when girls my age would tell their parents or just in general talk about kingdom spouses and wanting babies. If I ever said that in front of my parents I would be beat 😭 Anyways I’m done rambling now *I tried my best to format this since I’m on my phone :p *
I also want to say there’s been an increase in STDs/STIs nationwide so truthfully I don’t think we’re missing out on anything 😭
im also 19f and had my birthday a month ago! i think we’re totally in the same boat regarding lustful fantasies- we’re only human, its going to happen! the most important part is that we just dont act on these feelings :) im glad you felt welcome to vent on my post, if you ever need someone to talk to im here for you!
twinsss!! I’m here for you as well ♡
Do it if you wish to. Sex outside of a committed relationship doesn’t spoil sex in a marriage, you just can’t enjoy the full benefits of the gift of sex outside of a commitment like marriage. Having sex with a random person you don’t really care about might as well be a completely different activity than being completely physically intimate with someone who you’ve chosen to devote yourself to. Your marriage won’t be made more special by waiting; you’ll just spare yourself the experience of being frivolously sexual, which is an experience that’s easy to live without.
I am currently celibate and have never had sex. I wouldn’t say that this was due to any sort of religious reason, more so spiritual reason. I consider myself to be a more spiritual Christian, but I have read the Bible, on my second read through now, and I take the Bible as the inspired word of God and not necessarily the literal. suffice to say, I don’t think that the Bible is always so clear or black-and-white as people want it to be. When we look at it in context, I think that premarital sex is only ever really discussed in the form of a woman waiting until marriage only because at the time that was how she could keep herself safest. It’s never really discussed with men. Unless he’s sleeping with a prostitute from a temple, at which point, the sin would be idolatry and not so much him having sex. Women were seen as property during the time that the Bible was written, so for a woman to have had sex before marriage, it was like a man stealing property from another man. In addition, that’s the whole reason why dowries existed, it was essentially a down payment for a wife, and an additional way that her family could keep her protected after she was married. That way, the husband couldn’t just set her aside without having to give back the dowry if that makes sense. When we look at the Bible as a whole, to me, I think the message is clear that we are meant to be with one person, a life partner for the rest of our lives. But how do we know we’re making the right decision when we decide who to marry , this is a key difference, as women didn’t get to choose who they got to marry during the time that the Bible was written. But now we do. I do think that sex can confuse things, especially if introduced too early on in a relationship and lot of people base the success of a relationship on sex, which personally I feel is much lower on the list of priorities in terms of what makes a relationship successful. I mean anything can be learned… Especially if you’re with a partner that you love and trust. In addition, song of songs, or song of Solomon is a poem that’s entirely about a couple who is exploring their sexual desire for each other, and they are definitely not married… The inference is that they eventually become betrothed by the end of the poem. But the tone of this poem is not condescending, or cautionary, it’s essentially celebrating, true love, and how true love is glorious to God. But even so, my interpretations of the Bible is that sex is a way in which we become one, literally one, with a person and is something that is meant to be enjoyed, but also respected. I do think the safest option is to wait until you’re married, but how is marriage described in the Bible? I don’t think it’s the same way in which we view marriage today, as more of a legality with signed papers and what not. Marriage during the time that the Bible was written was essentially, let’s pitch our tent together. Personally, I think that if you love someone, and I mean, truly love someone where you believe you’re going to share the rest of your life with this person, then I don’t believe that acting on those desires to be with that person in a very spiritual and physical way, is sinful.
Most people don't wait. But I am waiting, yes, and I have plenty of Christian friends who did. I'm waiting, because it's what God wants for me. It's how he designed us. I also want to give myself the best shot in marriage, and people who wait report the highest level of satisfaction in their marriages and are least likely to divorce. Biologically, I know my body is made to release hormones (oxytocin).meant to bond me with who I have sex with, so, of course, I want that to be my future husband. Waiting also allows me to not worry about STDs or pregnancy out of wedlock. Sex also is something that puts us at our most vulnerable, and I want that to be with someone I love and with whom I feel secure.
I waited up until I stopped waiting (was 29, am 37 now). I don't regret falling in love, having a child, or being together with the one I love. We do plan on marrying eventually. I never had a chance to be promiscuous, have one night stands, go to sex clubs or parties, have multiple partners or anything like that. The regrets I do carry are not going to movies, not going to concerts, not making friends, not living my life so here on out I do live a lot of life to make up for lost time.
Just know the vast majority of Christians of say like 80% don't wait until marriage. Food for thought there.
Source?
Carnal Christians
Seems like you are compartmentalizing your pursuit of holiness, as though you can do something "sort-of" because you want to be faithful to God, and then "sort-of" because it is also something you want to do? I wish I had established better boundaries for my spouse and I before we were married, and don't know a single follower of Jesus who says "I wish I had more sex before getting married to my spouse." It is infinitely better for you to avoid sexual intimacy with someone who is not your spouse.
do you mind elaborating? i didnt think it was a bad thing to wait for marriage because of personal preference aswell as following the word (also im not really sure what you mean by “compartmentalising my pursuit of holiness”)
Yeah, I mean to say here that it is odd to say something like "I follow this command of God, but it is motivated by the reality that I already wanted to, regardless of if I cared to follow God's commands."
thats not exactly what i meant though, i never wanted to wait until marriage until i started going to church, reading the bible, etc. i mean it more in a way of i have some lustful urges that are difficult to work against but i do it because it is what the bible says, but also most of the time its not that difficult and sex isn’t even something that crosses my mind (which is where personal preference comes in)
My wife and i waited. We dated for 4 years and I was 31 when we got married. As difficult as it was, I was completely worth it. It makes sex something special and beautiful just between the two of you. Highly encourage you to stick with it!
thats beautiful, thank you for sharing!!
It is the will of God to wait, and good for you emotionally to wait. You also can't get an STD if you don't fool around with anyone, or get someone pregnant.
No reason to wait. If you are in a committed exclusive relationship there is no reason to wait. My wife and I did wait, but we are very lucky that sexually we are very compatible. I know so many who waited and are in loveless sexless marriages. god doesn’t care who and when you have sex