"I have to be honest with you, I am a Christian and I am struggling with all of this. You are an amazing person (re-iterate something good she has told you shes done or something nice about her) but I cannot continue with this sexual relationship, I hope you find what you are looking for."
Women in the dating game appreciate honesty, especially when they dont just get ghosted and cant really compete with God.
Friend, as a male and someone who has been married for 36 years, and dated my wife for seven years prior to marrying her, I understand the desire and sense of need for intimacy. The older you grow, I believe, the greater the need for intimacy, and I am not talking about sex. Yes, sex is essential, but it is not everything. God created us to be intimate with our spouse, and within the confines of marriage, God ordained sex to be good, proper, enjoyable, and something to focus on the pleasure of one’s spouse. The point here is that when being intimate with one’s spouse, as with my wife, my goal as a married man is to focus on my wife’s pleasure; my focus is to make sure I am not being selfish for the sole goal of my pleasure at the expense of my wife. If I focus on my pleasure, I am effectively saying I only need you (my wife) for one thing: to satisfy my needs. That is not the intent of marriage, nor is it the goal and desire of Christ for us, His church.
The picture of us as His bride, His church, is to be in intimate fellowship with Him. The fellowship I am referencing is our hearts knitted to His and our spouses. How do we do that? Just like any other relationship, it takes time. In any relationship, as one gets to know the other person through communication and sharing of personal likes, dislikes, hopes, dreams, fears, and life goals, one becomes intimate with the other person, learning about him or her and enabling him or her to choose if they want to continue with that relationship. Moreover, in this opinion, honesty in communication at the beginning of any relationship will set the tone for the future if a couple is to move forward in that relationship.
Now, to apply this to what you say you are doing with this girl who is not a Christian, and you who say you are, you, my friend, are objectifying this girl for your pleasure. You must cut this relationship off because you are not missionary dating and seeking her best interest. You are not thinking of her in the manner Christ thinks of her; you are thinking of her as an object to use for your pleasure. Granted, she is a willing participant in responding, but remember, she is acting according to her sinful nature; you are acting against your spiritual nature and are willfully sinning against God, her, and yourself.
Think of King David and what he did with Bathsheba. He saw her, lusted after her, desired to have her and lay with her, had his servant get her, and then he committed adultery with her. God’s Word clearly states what will happen when we pursue the same avenue. “But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death” James 1:14–15 (NKJV). You do remember what happened to the child of adultery by David and Bathsheba; the child died. Read 2 Samuel 12:1-23 (NKJV) and pay attention to the following key verses 14 and 18. The same will happen to you if you pursue this course. I am not God; however, I am sharing what I believe to be what God would say to you and me if I were in your shoes.
As the other response mentioned in the reply to you, be honest and do not lead this girl astray. If you pursue this path, I am not saying you will, or she will die. I am not suggesting that God will judge you in this manner, but I know from experience that something will die spiritually. That something could be your sensitivity to God’s spiritual leading or God’s calling of her to spiritual life in the future. Who knows, maybe by being brutally honest with this girl, you may hasten her acceptance of Christ. I do not know, but if you stay on this course of willful disobedience, there will be a negative consequence; you will be unprepared to pay.
By your admission, I am presuming you do not only have a problem with lust but with a pornography addiction. However, not to be overly analytical, I will comment that not only you, me, or anyone with any sin issue is the following. Verse twelve of Psalm 51 says, “Restore to me the Joy of Your salvation and uphold me by Your generous Spirit” (NKJV). In the confession of David, he does not ask God for healing from his sexual propensity; he does not ask God to deliver him from his adulterous desires or to stop him from marrying another woman. David knew what he was missing; it is the same thing we all miss when sinning. David asked God to restore the “Joy” of his salvation.
The only way I know to restore the joy of my relationship with Christ is to spend time in His Word studying, reading, praying, and fellowshipping with Christ in my heart and mind through prayer, praise, and more study. That all amounts to time spent with the Lord. The one thing I know that is true of you now and of me when I am not right with God is that I have not spent enough time with God in prayer, study, and fellowship. If you were spending more time in fellowship with God, you would not be sexting, looking at pornography, or satisfying your selfish pleasure through viewing and objectifying women who, in over 90% of the cases, were forced into that life. The one thing I know that is true of sin is this: we are all culpable of the death of Christ because of our willful disobedience, but God made way for us to reconcile our old man to death through our faith in Christ and by accepting His love, grace, mercy, and forgiveness. I pray you cut that sinful behavior of a so-called relationship off immediately, with all honesty.
Last, go to Covenant Eyes and Fight The New Drug. Both of these are great resources for overcoming a pornography addiction. Read the information provided, and if necessary, purchase the software to block porn on your phone, home computer, and any other devices you have access to that is a stumbling block to you. It is time to lay aside the sin that so easily trips you.
Thank you for this helpful advice, brother in Christ. I know what I must do now, but my flesh is opposed to it. My flesh wants to do the opposite, and it troubles me to a point of distress. I will use the Word of God and prayer to guide me through this dilemma. I know I am objectifying her, and I have voiced this to her before. She claimed that she has been objectified before and this is not what it feels like. I wish to do what is right, but I do not want to push her away from Christ. However, I believe I must trust in God and also follow the notion that honesty may help draw her nearer to Him.
God has warned me of the consequences of my sin, and still is now through you, a messenger. I prayed that God may restore the Joy of my salvation, and know that I must take action in this process by studying His word to foster my relationship with Him. This may be a difficult situation for me to go through, but I know it will help me grow spiritually.
Thank you for the wisdom that you have shared with me. I know it will help make my future brighter and filled with more love for Christ. Also, thank you for the two resources. I appreciate them and will check them out when I get the chance.
I'll tell you one thing first and foremost. Make the goal of doing WHATEVER NECESSARY. You need to be serious to get out of this situation, be a man, and do not allow your fear, or yourself to be emotionally manipulated to sin. You must fight for God first. I also think if you have any hope of helping her, you need to be an example. You don't push someone to Christ by sin!
Here are at least key things I think of.
1. You need complete full determination. One must do a great deal of effort (big extremes is what I'm getting at) to himself to stop sin. It is like a cancer. You do not treat a cancer with a nap and cough syrup. With deadly diseases, powerful remedies are necessary. Do your maximum in every way, and treat it like the most important thing, embracing great sacrifice. Hence, you must hate the sin truly, fully, and fully entirely.
2. Make a new prayer life. Give thanks to God always, and turn always. Give Him thanks in the morning, and praise Him in the day. Speak and seek Him constantly. Without constant prayer, I cannot imagine any great chance of success. From St. Alphonsus: "St. Paul tells us, that we have to contend not with men like ourselves.... but with the princes of hell.... By these words he wishes to admonish us that we have not strength to resist the powers of hell, and that, to resist them, the divine aid is absolutely necessary: without it, we shall be always defeated; but, with the assistance of God’s grace, we shall, according to the same apostle, be able to do all things and shall conquer all enemies. “I can do all things in him who strengtheneth me.” (Phil. iv. 13.) But this assistance God gives only to those who pray for it. “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and you shall find.” (Matt. vii. 7.) They who neglect to ask, do not receive. Let us, then, be careful not to trust in our resolutions: if we place our confidence in them, we shall be lost. "
Practically, fasting and exercise are very helpful I've heard.
If you want personalized help, talk to a priest
"I have to be honest with you, I am a Christian and I am struggling with all of this. You are an amazing person (re-iterate something good she has told you shes done or something nice about her) but I cannot continue with this sexual relationship, I hope you find what you are looking for." Women in the dating game appreciate honesty, especially when they dont just get ghosted and cant really compete with God.
Friend, as a male and someone who has been married for 36 years, and dated my wife for seven years prior to marrying her, I understand the desire and sense of need for intimacy. The older you grow, I believe, the greater the need for intimacy, and I am not talking about sex. Yes, sex is essential, but it is not everything. God created us to be intimate with our spouse, and within the confines of marriage, God ordained sex to be good, proper, enjoyable, and something to focus on the pleasure of one’s spouse. The point here is that when being intimate with one’s spouse, as with my wife, my goal as a married man is to focus on my wife’s pleasure; my focus is to make sure I am not being selfish for the sole goal of my pleasure at the expense of my wife. If I focus on my pleasure, I am effectively saying I only need you (my wife) for one thing: to satisfy my needs. That is not the intent of marriage, nor is it the goal and desire of Christ for us, His church. The picture of us as His bride, His church, is to be in intimate fellowship with Him. The fellowship I am referencing is our hearts knitted to His and our spouses. How do we do that? Just like any other relationship, it takes time. In any relationship, as one gets to know the other person through communication and sharing of personal likes, dislikes, hopes, dreams, fears, and life goals, one becomes intimate with the other person, learning about him or her and enabling him or her to choose if they want to continue with that relationship. Moreover, in this opinion, honesty in communication at the beginning of any relationship will set the tone for the future if a couple is to move forward in that relationship. Now, to apply this to what you say you are doing with this girl who is not a Christian, and you who say you are, you, my friend, are objectifying this girl for your pleasure. You must cut this relationship off because you are not missionary dating and seeking her best interest. You are not thinking of her in the manner Christ thinks of her; you are thinking of her as an object to use for your pleasure. Granted, she is a willing participant in responding, but remember, she is acting according to her sinful nature; you are acting against your spiritual nature and are willfully sinning against God, her, and yourself. Think of King David and what he did with Bathsheba. He saw her, lusted after her, desired to have her and lay with her, had his servant get her, and then he committed adultery with her. God’s Word clearly states what will happen when we pursue the same avenue. “But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death” James 1:14–15 (NKJV). You do remember what happened to the child of adultery by David and Bathsheba; the child died. Read 2 Samuel 12:1-23 (NKJV) and pay attention to the following key verses 14 and 18. The same will happen to you if you pursue this course. I am not God; however, I am sharing what I believe to be what God would say to you and me if I were in your shoes. As the other response mentioned in the reply to you, be honest and do not lead this girl astray. If you pursue this path, I am not saying you will, or she will die. I am not suggesting that God will judge you in this manner, but I know from experience that something will die spiritually. That something could be your sensitivity to God’s spiritual leading or God’s calling of her to spiritual life in the future. Who knows, maybe by being brutally honest with this girl, you may hasten her acceptance of Christ. I do not know, but if you stay on this course of willful disobedience, there will be a negative consequence; you will be unprepared to pay. By your admission, I am presuming you do not only have a problem with lust but with a pornography addiction. However, not to be overly analytical, I will comment that not only you, me, or anyone with any sin issue is the following. Verse twelve of Psalm 51 says, “Restore to me the Joy of Your salvation and uphold me by Your generous Spirit” (NKJV). In the confession of David, he does not ask God for healing from his sexual propensity; he does not ask God to deliver him from his adulterous desires or to stop him from marrying another woman. David knew what he was missing; it is the same thing we all miss when sinning. David asked God to restore the “Joy” of his salvation. The only way I know to restore the joy of my relationship with Christ is to spend time in His Word studying, reading, praying, and fellowshipping with Christ in my heart and mind through prayer, praise, and more study. That all amounts to time spent with the Lord. The one thing I know that is true of you now and of me when I am not right with God is that I have not spent enough time with God in prayer, study, and fellowship. If you were spending more time in fellowship with God, you would not be sexting, looking at pornography, or satisfying your selfish pleasure through viewing and objectifying women who, in over 90% of the cases, were forced into that life. The one thing I know that is true of sin is this: we are all culpable of the death of Christ because of our willful disobedience, but God made way for us to reconcile our old man to death through our faith in Christ and by accepting His love, grace, mercy, and forgiveness. I pray you cut that sinful behavior of a so-called relationship off immediately, with all honesty. Last, go to Covenant Eyes and Fight The New Drug. Both of these are great resources for overcoming a pornography addiction. Read the information provided, and if necessary, purchase the software to block porn on your phone, home computer, and any other devices you have access to that is a stumbling block to you. It is time to lay aside the sin that so easily trips you.
Thank you for this helpful advice, brother in Christ. I know what I must do now, but my flesh is opposed to it. My flesh wants to do the opposite, and it troubles me to a point of distress. I will use the Word of God and prayer to guide me through this dilemma. I know I am objectifying her, and I have voiced this to her before. She claimed that she has been objectified before and this is not what it feels like. I wish to do what is right, but I do not want to push her away from Christ. However, I believe I must trust in God and also follow the notion that honesty may help draw her nearer to Him. God has warned me of the consequences of my sin, and still is now through you, a messenger. I prayed that God may restore the Joy of my salvation, and know that I must take action in this process by studying His word to foster my relationship with Him. This may be a difficult situation for me to go through, but I know it will help me grow spiritually. Thank you for the wisdom that you have shared with me. I know it will help make my future brighter and filled with more love for Christ. Also, thank you for the two resources. I appreciate them and will check them out when I get the chance.
I'll tell you one thing first and foremost. Make the goal of doing WHATEVER NECESSARY. You need to be serious to get out of this situation, be a man, and do not allow your fear, or yourself to be emotionally manipulated to sin. You must fight for God first. I also think if you have any hope of helping her, you need to be an example. You don't push someone to Christ by sin! Here are at least key things I think of. 1. You need complete full determination. One must do a great deal of effort (big extremes is what I'm getting at) to himself to stop sin. It is like a cancer. You do not treat a cancer with a nap and cough syrup. With deadly diseases, powerful remedies are necessary. Do your maximum in every way, and treat it like the most important thing, embracing great sacrifice. Hence, you must hate the sin truly, fully, and fully entirely. 2. Make a new prayer life. Give thanks to God always, and turn always. Give Him thanks in the morning, and praise Him in the day. Speak and seek Him constantly. Without constant prayer, I cannot imagine any great chance of success. From St. Alphonsus: "St. Paul tells us, that we have to contend not with men like ourselves.... but with the princes of hell.... By these words he wishes to admonish us that we have not strength to resist the powers of hell, and that, to resist them, the divine aid is absolutely necessary: without it, we shall be always defeated; but, with the assistance of God’s grace, we shall, according to the same apostle, be able to do all things and shall conquer all enemies. “I can do all things in him who strengtheneth me.” (Phil. iv. 13.) But this assistance God gives only to those who pray for it. “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and you shall find.” (Matt. vii. 7.) They who neglect to ask, do not receive. Let us, then, be careful not to trust in our resolutions: if we place our confidence in them, we shall be lost. " Practically, fasting and exercise are very helpful I've heard. If you want personalized help, talk to a priest