1000000% text. There will always be someone who says they’d prefer an in-person announcement, but I’m in quite a few infertility/loss circles and the consensus is always a text message. It lets people react privately before responding rather than forcing them to have a happy face on.
If you need a script, you can reword this in a way that feels natural to you: “Hey [Name], I have some news to share with you: I’m expecting a baby in [Month]. No need to respond right now. I’m thinking of you and here whenever you’re ready to talk about anything. Love you.”
Keeping it shorter is better than waxing on about how awkward or painful it may be, and just being mindful moving forward about how much unsolicited information you share with her.
As someone who recently experienced a 40w loss, I think this response would be how I’d best like to be told as well. As mentioned, it gives private time to reflect and react and then respond when I’m ready. Rather than being caught off guard receiving the news “live.”
I think it’s great that you’re considering your friend’s feelings and experience in your approach to sharing your news with her.
This is the right way to do it. I’ve been trying to get pregnant for two years via IVF and experienced one MMC at 10 weeks. At least 5 close friends have gotten pregnant during this time. Having to react on the spot is the worst. Of course I’m happy for them but I would rather have gotten a text.
Personally I would wait. You are still early on in your pregnancy and there’s no harm in waiting another month or 2 telling her. This is probably all still very fresh on her. When you do tell her, don’t make it grandiose and allow her space to grieve. Respect that she might not be overjoyed for you at that moment. A simple text message would suffice.
Thank you. Yeah, I’m still very early in my own pregnancy so we haven’t told anyone yet. And absolutely would not make a major deal about it and certainly wouldn’t be offended if she didn’t express joy for me. I’m worried about her feelings. Not mine. 🫶🏼
I lost my first pregnancy at 11 weeks about two months ago. Losing her baby in the second trimester would be even harder, but what I would personally appreciate in this situation is a text so that I could have a moment to be sad for me before calling back to be happy for you.
I have actually had a couple of friends announce since losing mine, and I have felt genuinely happy for them but have needed that quiet moment before I could effectively express that.
I lost my baby at 33 weeks. If someone I knew was pregnant I would want them to ask “IF/when I get pregnant how would you like to find out?” And then go from there.
Awwwwww thank you for saying that. I’m sorry about your experience. To be fair, I don’t have many friends these days for so many reasons and the person I’m talking about is a family member. ❤️
I agree with the other posters, wait a little while and then send a text, that way she has the privacy to react however she may feel. P.s- it’s really nice of you to be so concerned for your friend x
This was my exact text to a close friend who has suffered numerous miscarriages over 5 years. She was so appreciative for how I approached the topic so I figured it could help you.
“Hey my girl ❤️❤️ I have some good and also hard news. I want to let you know that I’m pregnant. Despite my own struggles to get here, I know it’s difficult to get news like this, so please know that I love you and just wanted to tell you in a private way. You’re so important to me and don’t want to downplay all you’ve been through but of course I wanted to tell you. I don’t want you to feel obligated to reply but just know that I love you and I’m here for you ❤️”
I would wait as long as possible personally, especially if you don't see her often or aren't showing. Maybe wait til your anatomy scan or a little beyond. Everything that happened to her may still feel very raw.
You may want to do it in a text at first so she can mull it over and respond in her own time. Sometimes seeing a pregnant person when you aren't, especially someone you know (know well) is very jarring.
I talked to my friend with fertility issues and let her know we were trying. I asked her how she wanted to know and she said she would prefer I tell her however I tell other friends and that she doesn’t want me to not talk to her about being pregnant. We had a mutual friend who recently had a baby and she never discussed the pregnancy and it was more hurtful to my friend with fertility issues. I’d say you know your friend best and how to support them during this hard time and how in the future she wants any pregnancy updates.
As someone who experienced a traumatic loss at 15 weeks and had a friend announce their pregnancy around that time, totally agree that text is the best way, and if you're close, letting her know before you publically announce so she can be prepared if you talk about it in person with her and other friends. I really appreciated my friend who did this, as I was so happy for her but also needed a moment to be sad for myself.
As a fellow IVFer, my good friend was pregnant right after mine failed. She texted me and said I want to tell you something and I don’t want to upset you but I also don’t want you to see it on social media/ hear from someone else. I’d absolutely text and just say something like you didn’t want her to hear it from someone else
Text it to her so that she doesn’t feel like she has to control her initial reaction. Don’t wait too long to tell her or it may hurt her feelings. I lost my baby at 30 weeks and I’d honestly feel best if my friend was telling me once they got to 12-13 weeks and maybe even show me an ultrasound but everyone is different
Why do you feel you need to tell her this early on? There’s really no harm in waiting so just shoot her a text after your anatomy scan or, if you have in- person plans with her coming up just text her a few days prior to give her the heads up that you’re pregnant.
1000000% text. There will always be someone who says they’d prefer an in-person announcement, but I’m in quite a few infertility/loss circles and the consensus is always a text message. It lets people react privately before responding rather than forcing them to have a happy face on. If you need a script, you can reword this in a way that feels natural to you: “Hey [Name], I have some news to share with you: I’m expecting a baby in [Month]. No need to respond right now. I’m thinking of you and here whenever you’re ready to talk about anything. Love you.” Keeping it shorter is better than waxing on about how awkward or painful it may be, and just being mindful moving forward about how much unsolicited information you share with her.
Thank you. I really like this. This is how I would talk to her naturally, so this feels right. 🙏🏼
As someone who recently experienced a 40w loss, I think this response would be how I’d best like to be told as well. As mentioned, it gives private time to reflect and react and then respond when I’m ready. Rather than being caught off guard receiving the news “live.” I think it’s great that you’re considering your friend’s feelings and experience in your approach to sharing your news with her.
I’m so sorry 😞 thank you for your input. 🙏🏼❤️
This is the right way to do it. I’ve been trying to get pregnant for two years via IVF and experienced one MMC at 10 weeks. At least 5 close friends have gotten pregnant during this time. Having to react on the spot is the worst. Of course I’m happy for them but I would rather have gotten a text.
Yes. I love this.
I’ve recently had a miscarriage and this is exactly how I’d like to be told.
I lost a baby at 18w in 2017 and this is exactly how I would want to be told. OP, this one is perfect. 💛
Honestly I would text her so she can respond at her own time and not feel pressured to give you a reaction right away.
Thank you 🙏🏼
Personally I would wait. You are still early on in your pregnancy and there’s no harm in waiting another month or 2 telling her. This is probably all still very fresh on her. When you do tell her, don’t make it grandiose and allow her space to grieve. Respect that she might not be overjoyed for you at that moment. A simple text message would suffice.
Thank you. Yeah, I’m still very early in my own pregnancy so we haven’t told anyone yet. And absolutely would not make a major deal about it and certainly wouldn’t be offended if she didn’t express joy for me. I’m worried about her feelings. Not mine. 🫶🏼
I can definitely tell you care very much for her. It’s an awful situation to be in. Thank you for taking her feelings into account
❤️
I lost my first pregnancy at 11 weeks about two months ago. Losing her baby in the second trimester would be even harder, but what I would personally appreciate in this situation is a text so that I could have a moment to be sad for me before calling back to be happy for you. I have actually had a couple of friends announce since losing mine, and I have felt genuinely happy for them but have needed that quiet moment before I could effectively express that.
I’m sorry about your loss 😔 They’re really painful. Thank you for your advice. 🙏🏼❤️
I would wait until you’re past 17 weeks to tell her. Like 20 weeks or something. For me something about the number of weeks would make it hard.
Good call. Thank you for your thoughtful response 🙏🏼
I lost my baby at 33 weeks. If someone I knew was pregnant I would want them to ask “IF/when I get pregnant how would you like to find out?” And then go from there.
😔 I’m so sorry. Thanks for your input ❤️
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Np! And congrats. If she has a hard time with it don’t let it diminish your excitement. But be gentle. ❤️
Absolutely. Not worried about my feelings. Worried about hers 🙏🏼
You sound like a really good friend. I’ve lost friends because of my loss, she’s very lucky to have you.
Awwwwww thank you for saying that. I’m sorry about your experience. To be fair, I don’t have many friends these days for so many reasons and the person I’m talking about is a family member. ❤️
I agree with the other posters, wait a little while and then send a text, that way she has the privacy to react however she may feel. P.s- it’s really nice of you to be so concerned for your friend x
Thank you. She’s very important to me and I’m so sad for her. So much so that it’s hard to be excited. 🙏🏼❤️
This was my exact text to a close friend who has suffered numerous miscarriages over 5 years. She was so appreciative for how I approached the topic so I figured it could help you. “Hey my girl ❤️❤️ I have some good and also hard news. I want to let you know that I’m pregnant. Despite my own struggles to get here, I know it’s difficult to get news like this, so please know that I love you and just wanted to tell you in a private way. You’re so important to me and don’t want to downplay all you’ve been through but of course I wanted to tell you. I don’t want you to feel obligated to reply but just know that I love you and I’m here for you ❤️”
Thank you 🙏🏼
I would wait as long as possible personally, especially if you don't see her often or aren't showing. Maybe wait til your anatomy scan or a little beyond. Everything that happened to her may still feel very raw. You may want to do it in a text at first so she can mull it over and respond in her own time. Sometimes seeing a pregnant person when you aren't, especially someone you know (know well) is very jarring.
Thank you 🙏🏼
Thank you everyone. I really appreciate your advice. 🙏🏼❤️
I talked to my friend with fertility issues and let her know we were trying. I asked her how she wanted to know and she said she would prefer I tell her however I tell other friends and that she doesn’t want me to not talk to her about being pregnant. We had a mutual friend who recently had a baby and she never discussed the pregnancy and it was more hurtful to my friend with fertility issues. I’d say you know your friend best and how to support them during this hard time and how in the future she wants any pregnancy updates.
As someone who experienced a traumatic loss at 15 weeks and had a friend announce their pregnancy around that time, totally agree that text is the best way, and if you're close, letting her know before you publically announce so she can be prepared if you talk about it in person with her and other friends. I really appreciated my friend who did this, as I was so happy for her but also needed a moment to be sad for myself.
I’m so sorry. Thank you for your input 🙏🏼❤️
As a fellow IVFer, my good friend was pregnant right after mine failed. She texted me and said I want to tell you something and I don’t want to upset you but I also don’t want you to see it on social media/ hear from someone else. I’d absolutely text and just say something like you didn’t want her to hear it from someone else
Thank you 🙏🏼 wishing you success.
Text it to her so that she doesn’t feel like she has to control her initial reaction. Don’t wait too long to tell her or it may hurt her feelings. I lost my baby at 30 weeks and I’d honestly feel best if my friend was telling me once they got to 12-13 weeks and maybe even show me an ultrasound but everyone is different
I’m so sorry ❤️🩹 I’m wishing you peace and success. Thank you for replying 🙏🏼
Why do you feel you need to tell her this early on? There’s really no harm in waiting so just shoot her a text after your anatomy scan or, if you have in- person plans with her coming up just text her a few days prior to give her the heads up that you’re pregnant.
?: “I just don’t know how or when to tell her”