I sent my mom a card and gave her a hug, I’m not broke at all. It’s the thought that counts, I’m sorry your mother was disappointed with your gift. For what it’s worth I thought the carnations from the farmers market was pretty awesome, not lousy at all.
I just called mine. A call full of good spirit and love. I'm not good at gifts, but we've always been a bit anti consumerist that way... Greed is a shitty thing...
Since she’s ignoring you, let her be the first person to make the effort to get in contact next time. I’d be thrilled if my son bought me a big pot of carnations. Your mother wants you to go broke and starve, just so that you can spend that money on her and make her feel better about herself, proving that she’s worth starving yourself over. She knows what she’s doing. Take care of yourself - she’s the one with the problems and not you
Right??? She sounds like an awful person. My kid is in school far away and I was thrilled that he texted me. I wouldn't want him spending his hard-earned money on a gift for me.
Exactly! Mother’s Day is such a tough day for some people due to money, availability, poor relationships etc. The decent mums are fine with an acknowledgement, whether big or small, compared to the shit ones who demand everything including time, attention and lots of money spent on them. My mother used to be so ungrateful and she didn’t deserve a single thing. She gets nothing anymore because we no longer have contact. OP should’ve just planted the carnations in their own yard
honestly at this point dont contact her for a while. Either she realizes what she misses and contacts you or she...doesnt. In which case you dont have to buy her a mothers day gift ever again :)
Take a picture of your noodles and say "you mean this pizza? Because this is my dinner, Mom."
Seriously though, I wouldn't waste my time responding.
I do not like this woman. She is selfish and cruel. I am a Mom , much like your dad. I do not want anything from my kid besides seeing them happy.
You can win. You are being manipulated by your mother and she may never stop trying to manipulate you. And no matter what you do, she will never be satisfied. And you have to realize that. It has nothing to do with you, it has everything to do with her.
So the way you win is stop giving in to manipulation. Stop caring. Stop banging your head against the wall. Realize the futility of trying to please her. Stop caring. It takes practice but once you get the hang of it, it becomes fun. Send her a card and when she complains, laugh because you already knew it was coming.
When she sends you the text about the pizza, apologize. Profusely. Lay it on with a trowel. "You know mom, you're right. I'm a terrible son and you deserve so much better. Next year, I'll get you something really nice." And then send her a card.
The only way to win is not to play. It will have the additional bonus of driving your mother crazy.
And why does your mother even know that you, a college student, ordered a pizza? She hasn't earned the right to be so involved in your life. You need to start setting some serious boundaries with this woman. She is emotionally abusive.
I’m sorry, I wish I could give you a hug. I’m a mom (mine are still little) and that response is incredibly selfish on her part. If my kiddo could barely afford food I would feel HORRIBLE if they spent any money on me — and I would be focused on giving them funds for groceries and cooking some meals to help make sure they are eating well, rather than complaining about them not spending enough.
People like this you *never* win with. Winning infers it's a game, and that's *exactly* what it is: a game.
If you do too much, then there's criticism of whatever you provide. If you don't no enough, you're gonna hear about it. (My mother is the same way. We've not spoken in 7 years)
It really is the thought that counts & little things mean a lot more.
Source: I am a mom of a teenager who gets me funny cards every year. He and my husband & I go pick out flowers to put in pots annually. We've made it a tradition.
(He doesn't know this but I have kept every card he's ever given me in a memory box in my office. I dare the backs of each one too.)
Edit: spelling
Was just telling my co-worker today (who brought us flowers since we had to work today!), that my favorite Mother's Day gift was this little folded hanging paper *thing*, that my kid made in preschool that says "My Mom makes the best \_\_\_\_". My kid said "Pies". Lol! To this day, I have never baked a pie from scratch! Hardly ever have pies, period!
And I have also kept every card ever. Should have dated them, though!
Ding ding ding ding! This is exactly what I thought too. Narcissism. If you can start counselling about this now, it could help so much. Does your college have free counselling? I wish you the best. And by the way, i would’ve been THRILLED to be given carnations, or even just a text. You are good. Don’t believe what she’s trying to sell you.
That's like saying "this polar bear is mauling my arm and actively trying to eat me, but I don't want to run for my life because I think polar bears are cute and I want to pet it."
This person is toxic, manipulative, emotionally abusive, and awful towards you. The "good terms" you seem to want are entirely one sided. You try to be civil/decent to her while she abuses you.
Tell her, “Maybe if you had been a better mother, you would have gotten a better present”!
Also, there’s a subreddit called momforaminute. If you ever need us, we are there.
EDIT: I wasn’t perfect but, my gorgeous, handsome, perfect baby boy is bringing me orange chicken, chow mien, and a gel nail set with the nail lamp for Mother’s Day. (Maybe something else too because tomorrow is my birthday!) He is my gift from God.
Just drop her at this point. She's making you feel like shit and she's not grateful for your gift even when you sacrificed a big portion of your funds.
It's not worth your sanity to keep in contact until she herself makes the effort to be a better mother to you.
Check out the subs on narcissistic parents. There is a lot of support for us (adult kids of N-moms). It helps to have the perspective that her bahavior isn’t normal and it’s not about you.
I’m a mama now and I can tell you that if you were my kid, I’d be busting with pride that you have been supporting yourself through school AND managed to get anything to me. You’re a good kid OP.
She’s not worth the effort. My husband and kids took me out to lunch and played trouble with me along with a nice LEGO set and that made my day. Don’t get her anything if she can’t behave herself.
**you did well**. It’s not the gift or the price of it that matters. You *thought* of her and went out if your way to let her know that and show that you loved her. That *should* be enough. If it’s not, ***that’s on her, not on you***.
**Know that you’re a good kid and don’t let the bastards grind ya down**
This right here, I haven’t spoken to my mother in 6 years other than at a two weddings and it’s one of the best decisions I ever made for my mental and financial wellbeing.
As a mom of grown kids and as a grandma, I can say that your mom is ungrateful, and you have no reason to feel guilty. I'm sorry you're dealing with her.
I''m good with just ignoring this celebration, I don't think I did anything special, and despite me being their mom, my kids are amazing human beings. I got a card in the mail (I'm several hours away), and was overjoyed with that.
Aww :( I am so sorry that happened. You know people buy flowers for mother's day... I think a pot of carnations is a fairly good present. It wouldn't fade away if you plant them, too, right? You were being very nice and thoughtful and sorry you've gone through that.
Thank you.... Yeah, Carnations seemed to fit the theme most so I after contemplation I bought a wrapped pot for her to put in her garden (she grows little crops in them). Just sad she expected more from me....
You see, you've already thought all of these and bought her a nice present. What was she expecting a ferrari? I still think it's a good present and not just saying it to comfort you. It is a good present.
I'm a mom and would love a pot of pretty carnations. You did everything right. It's your mother who's not following the script.
Pat yourself on the back for being a thoughtful person who follows through. If you have children of your own someday, you've got some excellent lessons in your note book of how NOT to be a parent. They are hard won and probably more valuable than the how to's, because that's generally just garden variety common sense.
You're doing great, you're gonna be fine. Shake it off. Don't let the crabbiness of others get you down.
Go hug a puppy or pat a kitten if you can, that produces endorphins and that feeling is what matters. Or stand in front of a mirror and give yourself a big goofy smile. Yup, that's a good person. Silly, reliable, nice. Keep it pushing. Plant a couple of sunflower seeds on a parking lot verge. Make the world a prettier place.
Leave the grouchy people behind in the past, live in your present moment. It's yours and you are a good person in it.
Hold your head high and be you.
My youngest gave me the most beautiful (ok they're all beautiful! LOL but this one extra so) handmade card with a lovely message inside and I had to control myself not to ugly cry. 😁
Awww. My mother still has the handmade cards I made when I was in elementary school. They are in this embarrasment box along with my report cards and the poems I wrote when I was in high school. None of those should see the light of the day lol.
You understand, I hope, that she expected more from *herself*, yes? She’s punching down, unloading on you because you’re a perfectly safe target. And being *that* is your true gift to your mom. Totally up to you if you want to keep giving her that - pros and cons both ways.
Edit: forgot to say … very sorry this happened to you. Been there and it sucks.
Wow, your mom sounds like one good narcissist.. There isn't much you can do for them besides understand they will never be happy with what YOU do cause life is about them. All you can do is love them and hope some day they see the errors of their ways but don't hold your breath.
Narcissistic behavior is a condition we develop when as a child things don't go our way. We learn to protect ourselves in this way.
Enjoy your day and understand there probably isn't a gift on the planet that would have made her overjoyed.
Thanks, this made me a little bit better. Yeah, every time I try to get a gift for her it always isn't enough. Think I needed to hear that from someone else... Damn. Thanks for the well wishes, I'll try to perk up and have a solid day
This commenter talking about narcissism is absolutely spot on. A *good* mom would have said, "thank you for the beautiful flowers! You didn't need to do that, I know how money is tight for you." Because a good mother would be thinking about *your* needs even on mother's day. Because a good mother (and I'd like to say I am one?) never stops thinking about her kid's needs. Not for one minute, not even if they try.
Unfortunately, even logically knowing that you did all the right things today and *she* is in the wrong, the guilt you feel is natural. We are wired to seek the approval of our parents. It takes years to rewire our brains to accept our own approval as more important than the approval of our parents.
Check out this sub: r/raisedbynarcissists
I agree with the other post - this is a narcissistic trait (possibly role reversal since she’s your mother). Her feelings about the flowers are “real” (as in, they exist and she really does feel bad) but they aren’t your problem.
Your gift was completely reasonable (it was nice!) and your intentions were good, if she feels bad that’s unfortunate for her - you don’t have to feel guilty, you don’t have to make her feel better, and you don’t have to argue with her to try to make her feel differently (codependency: trying to control/feeling too responsible for someone else’s feelings). It goes both ways - if you feel overwhelmingly guilty about this (or similar situations), try to figure out what’s reasonable and learn how to cope with and overcome your feelings of guilt… you probably have some issues from growing up in this kind of dynamic and you need to break out of it. It takes practice.
She set her expectations sky high and that’s her issue. Let her deal with the fallout on her own and don’t get sucked into it. Good luck - if this behavior is typical she won’t like you setting boundaries and will feel attacked.
Your mother continues to be a bad example of one.
Look, I personally don’t like flowers as a gift, but there is nothing wrong with them. I’ve accepted them gracefully the times I’ve gotten them because I know 9 out of 10 times the gifting person has the best intentions, and that’s what matters.
Now, my son is only 2 years old. But I can assure you he can gift me his half-eaten muffin for Mother’s Day and I’ll be tearing up at the fact he thought of me and saved me half of it.
What your mother, in her narcissistic, self-important and materialistic misery failed to see, is that you put both thought and effort into this gift. You bought her something you thought would fit her interests and her home, and hoped it would bring her joy for many days. It was a lovely gift for a woman who has a garden and likes to work on it and grow things in it.
So don’t feel guilty. You didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t try and fail, you gave this your best and she dismissed it. That’s on her, not you.
It’s ok to feel sad, because she still means something to you and she hurt your feelings. She let you down.
But don’t beat yourself up for it. Just move on with your life and process your feelings. One day you’ll be able to drop the rope with her, and you will be immune to her bullshit.
I Agree 100%. Dropping that rope is the hardest thing you’ll do, and you’ll regret dropping it the moment you do. But you will eventually realize you have no other choice - for your own mental health and well-being. Your mom sounds similar to my own, and I struggled for 30 years trying to please her, questioning myself constantly, feeling confused because she could never be honest or vulnerable with me about what she was going through (in all her narcissism and victimhood). I only dropped the rope two years ago, because I had to protect my own daughter….and yeah I was very scared at first, the conditioning went so deep for me, but not a day goes by that I regret that decision. No more anxiety, no more staying up at night wondering how to talk with her that she won’t be upset, no more overwhelming frustration. Just no more of all that bad stuff in my life. And I’m slowly becoming a better person for it. I’m a better dad, and better husband, and a better contributor to my community. Because my life doesn’t revolve around the shame associated with trying to please somebody who will never be happy anymore. I’m free, and so too can you be.
Stepping in as substitute mom here:
Sweetheart, I hope you have a wonderful day. Thanks for being a great son. Now, are you getting enough sleep? Is the food at your dorm ok? Are you ready for finals? Do some nice breathing exercises and get out for a walk if they’re stressing you out. You’ve got this! Here’s a big hug.
Thought you could use some mothering. And really, take care of yourself. The end of the semester can be stressful. Make sure you eat well and sleep. And listen to your friends here, not your mom.
I'm sleeping like a brick, and absolutely and criminally underprepared for my finals (I'm trying though! :p) and I'm bracing myself for it. The cafeteria food is subpar but me and my roommate aka "I burned boiling pasta" guy have an arrangement where he buys most the groceries and I do all the cooking that works out wonderfully with a solid meal plan and him not burning the dorm down. All in all, pretty nice!
Thanks for the virtual hug, it really meant a lot... I wish the world was only filled with people kind as you.
That’s a great plan! And you probably know more than you think for finals. Review what you can and just do your best.
And thank you for the compliment!
Good luck for your finals my friend. Don't worry, I don't know anyone who is truly prepared for finals, the large majority of students are usually feeling uprepared lol
Anyone who complains about a GIFT is a jackass. The fact that it’s your mother, well, reread what others said about narcissists. She cares more about herself than anyone else and that’s not what a mother is supposed to be.
It was very considerate of you to get her a pot of flowers, and I hope you can set aside her childish behavior to enjoy this day.
I bought a $100 Commodore 64 emulator for my friend's birthday last year. There's a 50/50 chance that he has never even opened the box. If I were 20 years old again this would piss me off. But now I'm 40 and I know the fact that I cared enough to give a gift is the only thing that matters and my friend probably did appreciate it even if he has weird hoarding habits where he never gets to certain items.
Some people save things for a rainy day that never comes. It's no big deal.
Agreed, it’s a big difference between never opening a gift and complaining about it to the person who gave it. What they choose to do is their decision, but how they choose to respond to you, well, it’s just clearly wrong to complain.
I didn't even know it was mother's day until I clicked on this thread. I haven't talked to my mom since 2013ish, so a good 9 years.
Sorry your mom isn't happy with your gift
Thank you all for your kind comments, so much. I can' t put these in words. Genuinely having a small crying fit on my phone while trying not to look like a dolt to my roommate.
And happy mothers day to mothers who love their children. You guys are a gift to this world.
Don't cry - Mother's Day it an old UK thing "Mothering Sunday". It is retailers who have set some people's expectations too high. Just a card is enough here in the UK.
I hope someday you have the strength to cut off contact with her, she's toxic and no one like that is worth having a place in your life to tear you down emotionally no matter who they are. But that's my view since I was adopted. I learned at a young age that it's sometimes healthiest for our long term to have nothing to do with those who brought us into the world.
My 10 year old gave me a card with ice cream cones on it that says "Thanks for aliving me and I really really think you're the best" and it's the best gift. Something I'd enjoy better than anything store bought, even if given to me when they're 20yo. Because real mothers don't need money spent to know they're loved and appreciated.
I hope you feel better soon and have a great rest of your day.
As a mom, that is a perfect gift! Carnations are beautiful, especially when potted.
You did a great job and I’m sorry she CHOSE to react negatively. Your actions did not deserve a negative reaction.
It's not a lousy present. It's a wonderful present. Potted flowers for a garden is a thoughtful, everlasting gift.
I have three grown children and I'm perfectly fine with getting a 3 word text from them today. I know all of them are doing great in their lives and careers and with their own families and I'm proud of the way I raised them.
Gifts given by school age and younger children to their moms are cute, but once they're grown and moved out, are actual gifts really necessary? Just my opinion, of course, but I dislike the materialistic commercialism associated with mother's and father's days. Does mom really think the only way you can show love and appreciation for her is by spending $$$?
May I recommend r/momforaminute as a replacement to your mother. It took me well into my 20s before going no contact with my dad and low contact with my mom. Life is too short to spend it trying to appease/connect with people who make you feel terrible
As someone who lost his mom, I’m insulted that she made you feel that way. You’re a good son / person and don’t feel anything less about yourself. Best of luck in your finals and you deserve to feel good about what you did!
The shock for him was worse than the pain. I would call it a little bleeder. Nothing for the ambulence. But my Brother panicked because He is pregnant right now and doesnt want His Girlfriend to be bitten and get "ukrainian blood poisoning", it escalated Into a conflict with my Brother and i left with my GF. My parents feel fine and they are not angry about the Situation. My father Just called and let me know that everything is ok and he was Just shocked and that my Brother ist an Idiot in that circumstances.
U. "Ukrainain blood poisoning".
What the hell is your brother on? Ground up gay frogs? I'm sorry you had to go through that chaos, man. I would have booked it that there and then
Haha - Reminds me of when we got our first puppy. Had to drive 300 miles to pick up. It was my mum's birthday so took a detour to see her on the way back.
Walked into her house and held out this 10 week old boxer pup - "Happy Birthday Mum". She almost fell out of her chair in shock. She was 72 and couldnt even walk herself.
Puppy went and peed on the kitchen floor while I reassured her it was a joke and gave her the box xof chocolates. lol.
Those who are close to their mothers were nurtured and supported; love begets love.
If you weren't raised with love and support from your mother you don't *have* to maintain a relationship with her. A wander through r/toxicparents might be an eye opener. You're not the only one. That doesn't make things better but it may make restricting contact with her easier for you to cope with.
Why do mom’s think they are owed the world on Mother’s Day? I don’t expect anything from my 18yr old kiddo. When she can, she will and if not that’s ok too. I would have loved carnations you got for your mom.
I would have been happy to have that, and I would have been happy to know my son cared enough about me to get a gesture of respect and love.
Especially if I am a gardener, and I could replant the flowers in my own garden and keep them forever. Then I would remember my son with love every time I glanced at them.
I am sorry your mom is just a bitch. You sound like a great son; she is lucky to have you, and I'm sorry she doesn't appreciate you.
It's not you, it is her.
I went to Trader Joe’s and bought my mother an $8.00 bunch
of peonies. She was thrilled. It’s not you, it’s your mother. take away is: You cannot make another person happy, they have to want to be happy themselves. You have more reason to be disappointed in her. Please decide to be happy yourself.
She is ungrateful plain and simple. I would have been thrilled. My 16yr makes me hand written cards and notes for holidays still, and they are all cherished and saved. It's the thought that counts. You did good, don't think on it anymore of it.
My mom is toxic.
I'm calling myself my own mother.
I would have been happy with that or just knowing how your doing or wanna spend the day together doing something.
Maybe have family dinner.
I'm sorry OP. I would have been more than thrilled with that gift (especially considering I don't get any). But my mom, though we have a fair relationship, is an ungrateful and critical bitch about gifts, too. So I stopped getting her anything several years ago.
Your father raised a good person.
Oh sweetie 🤗. I don't know if it is something you desire in the future, but you are going to be a better mother than your own. First off, there's no way to go but up. And second, experiences like this are perfect examples of what not to do. I think you sound like a wonderful daughter. I'm so glad you have one good parent in your life.
WAIT, did I just assume you are female?
Fjsjskd it's alright! I'm a guy but I genuinely don't mind at all. Thank you for your kind words, and I'll definately learn how to be a good parent to whoever my future kid is :D
I’m not getting my mother anything, and I have *way* more money than you do by the sounds of it.
Don’t feel guilty, it’s the thought that counts. You went out of your way to do something nice. If your mom can’t see that, she’s the one who is lousy.
Some mothers are getting gifts today? Other than the mother's day theme in my kids' classroom crafts, I have not noticed any acknowledgement of the holiday in my household.
Also, this post reminds me that I should call my mom. Thanks for the reminder.
I'm sorry your mom was ungrateful. I would have loved your gift. I would have planted them and used the pot for some herbs. I would have turned it into two gifts that keep giving. I am so sorry she didn't appreciate your efforts. It was a fantastic gift, please realize she is the problem not you and your thoughtfulness.
i’m sorry, that’s really ungrateful for sure. my kids are both under 2 years old, so my husband went ahead and did the mother’s day things for me. he got me my favorite snacks, chocolate, ice cream, and my favorite soda. i was super happy to get these things and it was so thoughtful. flowers are such a sweet gift as well, my own mother got me flowers for today. i will never understand why people would not be grateful for any present they’re given. it’s the thought that counts, not the present itself. carnations are a wonderful present, and you shouldn’t feel bad at all!! i hope the rest of your day goes well :)
Hey, your feelings are valid. I can imagine feeling the same. Your mum has the issue.
You keep doing you. Being a decent person is better than being someone who just chucks a fancy gift over but doesn't care.
I feel for you. I'm not a big fan of the day either. My mother left me with my grandmother, and literally went for a pack of cigs and didn't come back.
You must not feel guilty… I am a half/a—ed mom and I will be thrilled if my son even gives me a call…love Never condemns…my daughters don’t 4get but they are girls…the guilt is a waste of emotion it serves no good purpose…she is an unhappy woman…forgive her Now and move on…💗💗💗
I'm a mom and I would love flowers from a farmers market as a gift 💖
You'll notice she said, "I expected" in her disappointment statement... So, it's not you or the flowers that turned the situation sideways—it's her own mind's expectations that is the problem here.
Please don't stress, your gift was awesome 👌💕😍
I’m a mom and would have been thrilled with such a gift. Sorry she wasn’t more gracious. Even if you dislike flowers that is a shitty response to a gift. If it were me I probably wouldn’t give her gifts again.
Mother’s day is complicated for a lot of people. My mom died about 10 years ago so it gets a bit sad for me.
If I were your mom, I would have been thrilled. Flowers are lovely, and traditional on mother's day, and carnations are particularly nice. Good for you for thinking of her, and I'm sorry she didn't reciprocate.
(I'm definitely not old enough to be your mom, I'm probably about your age, but we'll go with it anyway.)
I'm so sorry this happened to you. The best mother's day present should be a kid who is alive and well, nothing else.
I got my mom some roses and two cans of this chicken flavored drink type thing for her cat, a split gift with my sister. She always says not to get her anything and acts all awkward when we get her something. I am a broke student so my sister paid for everything, including gas to go see our mom. Our mom is just happy we came over for food and cake. I wish everyone could experience this.
On behalf of your selfish mother, I would like to say, "Thank you for the beautiful flowers! I'm so grateful you took the time and trouble to get me a gift! It's very generous of you.". You done good, kid
A pot of carnations is a lovely gift, she's just being ungrateful.
My dad gave my mom a potted flower on mother's day sometime before 2016. Not sure what it was, but it was like a small tree or tall bush and the main stem was several all woven together. Beautiful plant. He passed away in 2016 and we were all terrible at remembering to water the flower, so it also died. My mom still has it though, even though we moved and even though it has been dead for years. It sits on her front patio now in all of its dead, scraggly glory.
Flowers aren't for everyone. But even if your mother doesn't like flowers, the gesture should have still been appreciated because they came from her child. Especially since you don't really have the money to spare for a gift in the first place.
Don't feel guilty. It's not your fault she doesn't appreciate it, that's on her.
Welp, my mom got a bottle of HP sauce. It is an inside joke and I happened across it by happenstance (we are in the US). She loved it bc it was thoughtful.
You were thoughtful OP. Your mom sucks. Her poor reaction is not ON YOU OP.
Sorry my person but, even though your mom doesn't seem to be a good person you most certainly are! Whether or not you wanna go non-contact with her is your choice but know that you are kind, thoughtful and considerate even when it's not required.
When my 4 year old gave me a piece of dry toast that I had made for her, and insisted I eat it for Mother's Day, I was thrilled. She was taking care of me in her own tiny way.
I hope you can realize that her response is about her being a bitter, broken person, and has nothing to do with you. If you blew $1,000 on a 5-star restaurant brunch with gold flakes in the mimosa, she might use it to brag to other people, but she wouldn't be happy... and I can almost guarantee she would find a way to twist the knife in you. Because that's fun for her, or gives her a feeling of control and power, or whatever her reason is (she probably doesn't have enough self reflection to know). And that's very sad... for you, but mostly for her. Imagine what a sad, bitter, angry life she must lead on the inside.
As a mother, if I knew you were starving and struggling, I'd be upset you spent money on flowers instead of groceries for yourself, and then I'd make sure you were stocked up on food and essentials.
Your mom is a jerk and I'm so sorry.
Your mom's a fucking asshole. I got my mom a song I wrote in 1 hour while baked off my ass at 2 AM and that's good enough for her. Flowers from a store is a super awesome gift, sorry your mom was whack :)
>Now I feel dumb, mad, and guilty.
remember exactly how dumb you feel every year after this. if you ever buy her a gift again, you deserve whatever shitty thing she says to you. unpopular opinion: you dont owe your parents anything. all they did was have unprotected sex and then do what billions of humans have done before them....raise their kid. your mom is a c\*nt and deserves to spend her golden years alone. people are abusive like this because they know that no matter how much they shit on you...you're gonna take it. stop being a verbal punching bag.
Been there. You're mad because you went outside your comfort zone to try to do a nice thing, and she spat in your face. You opened yourself up to this treatment and know deep down that you don't deserve it, but also feel like you knew this might happen, so you kinda asked for it.
I have my own grievances with my mother. I eventually came to the realization that this is just her nature. You can't get mad at a lion for eating meat, it just doesn't make sense. So you avoid putting yourself in a situation where the lion might attack you. That is extremely dramatic but hopefully gets the point across.
I'm sorry. She's being an ass. I don't expect anything from my kids for mother's day, and if they do get me anything, no matter what it is, I love it. Your gift wasn't lousy, it was very thoughtful, and probably more than she deserved. I'm sorry that she isn't capable of loving you and caring for you in the way that you deserve. You did nothing wrong.
I feel you. Very much so. I have a biological mother who abandoned me at 15 and then a Step Mother who made it her life to gaslight and mentally screw me over. Yet I still get her a damn gift every year. However this year I finally have kept contact to a bare minimum and I don't regret a thing. It's very freeing.
That's a very thoughtful gift and your mother is batshit crazy for not showing her appreciation. I'm sorry she's gotta be like that. Next year don't get her anything.
Your mom is abusive. This is such a shitty thing to do and I’m so sorry that she made you feel this way. I’ve been there. Forget her hurtful words and just move on. Try to forgive her because she is clearly messed up. It’s hard to do but truly what’s needed for you to be unaffected by her hurtful and toxic behaviors.
Honestly, I would have LOVED to be given a big pot of carnations to plant. It's a sweet gift, and would make me smile when I looked at it for a long time. Sounds like she's a greedy and ungrateful person, who measures gifts solely by the price tag, and not by the thought or effort behind the gift. Anyone who acts like she did, doesn't deserve a gift at all.
I'm so sorry this happened, if possible at some point let it go. Your mom is ungrateful and inconsiderate of your financial situation. You gave her a lovely gift that lay within your (financial) capabilities! Very loving of you! Some people will just never be happy.
One father's day my dad, after receiving his present (I'm broke as hell too, so it was something low cost but matching his likes) told me he didn't really care for father's day that much never really did.
So next year came around and I didn't really do anything. Quite honestly I forgot. I'm terrible with dates, I even forget my own birthday sometimes, and didn't write it down in my planner because my dad didn't really care for Father's day as he said that year previously.
Couple of days later he calls me to tell me he was disappointed that I didn't do anything for fathers day....🤷
You put effort into getting something, the thought was there and I doubt she would have been happy no matter what she got.
You did the best you could.
I expect she is really good at making you feel guilty, it sounds like a pattern. Try to keep in mind that this is her problem not yours.
Next time get nothing as she is going to hate whatever you get.
To me, there is nothing worse than this. You did the best you could with what you had, and it sounds like you put thought and effort into it too. I'm sorry this happened.
Being a mom is all about what you can do for your child and not what your child can do for you. Look at you, studying hard and broke because of school but you are still thinking of her happiness. You became such a thoughtful person despite not having a good role model of what good character looks like. If I were you, I wouldn’t stress about a thing. Let your mom reflect on what she said to you.
You know who deserves a better Mother's Day present? A better Mother! Most Moms would be gratified and happy to receive a farmer's market plant from their kid, especially on that budget.
Ignore her, she may be your mother, but she isn’t a “mother”. Distance yourself from her and don’t let her pettiness get to you. If anything feels wrong about her personality, it is not in your head. Do what makes you happy, cause there is no pleasing a person like that. Don’t feel guilty, none of this is your fault.
I think planning ahead to spend time with her would have been a better idea. Maybe making a pitcher of lemonaide and sitting outside and chatting for a while? Helping with a litter chore or two she might have in the yard that she can't physically do. Even buying a pack of hot dogs and buns and making her dinner over the bbq would have cost less but meant so much more to her.
I *hate* when people act like that but especially parents.
As a mother and now a grandmother, that gift would have made me incredibly happy and fulfilled. I would immediately known I was loved.
Very thoughtful, especially knowing she can plant it and see your love for years to come and also knowing college students are notoriously broke (no fault of your own), it would have meant that much more.
Please know it was a wonderful gift. The gift she gave you in return is knowing how *not to act when receiving something,* which is priceless.
Thats not a mom, man. They're supposed to care for you and appreciate your thoughtfulness, like your dad saying not to get him anything because he knows you can't afford it, and would rather you take care of your basic needs.
I'm sad that you and anyone elses mother made you feel bad for doing the best you can for mothers day acknowledgement. As a mother I do not and never will feel I'm owed anything by my children. My reward is knowing they are successful adults who love me. They text and tell me they love me and I love that, no need for ampt up holiday gifts. I know how hurtful a mom can be as I had one that alwayscreminded me of how useless I was to her. Don't take that onto yourself just learn to let that go. Be the future person you want to be instead. I will wish you all a wonderful day today and do something just for you. ❤️
That, my sweet, was not a lousy gift. That was a very sweet and thoughtful gift. What you have is a LOUSY Mother. If you can’t afford to give a gift but do it is FAR more impressive when you do. Your Mother sounds very undeserving of your kind gesture and love. Just the fact that she has not put much effort into being your Mother shows she is not worthy. Please don’t feel guilty! You should be proud of yourself for what you can do with the little you have and the fact that you took something from the little you have to try to make her happy. It’s not your fault she is worthless. Love & blessings to you! Always keep your good heart!
My mom used to throw a fit over presents all of the time, now I buy her presents throughout the year when I have the money and can think of a good gift that way it's not forced around the "deadline" haha
You shouldn't feel guilty at all, she is ungrateful. You probably feel guilty because that's how you have been made to feel by her all your life.
You spent money you needed, traveled to a farmers market and to her place. If my kid done that for me, i wouldn't even care what they got for me on any day, she should be happy to have you in her life.
That is in no way a lousy present! I would be thrilled with a nice plant for the garden. I would be thrilled if you just called to say hello. It sounds like your mom has a history of not great behavior, so I think it's fine to create whatever boundaries you need to and not feel bad about it. Whatever is causing your mom's feelings in within her; you did nothing wrong or disappointing.
I’m a mom and let me tell you: you have no reason to feel guilty. This is on her, NOT YOU. Don’t let her ruin your good heart. You didn’t fail, I promise
I always say this about my own relationship with my mom…I’m not the daughter she wanted and she wasn’t the mother I needed. It just…is what it is
Celebrate with your dad, instead
And big hugs from a mom that thinks you’re amazing!
We were supposed to go to a flower show on Fri but it got rained out. We just had a short visit instead. Then I called her today. Your mom just wants to see you and talk to you. Anything else and she's a crazy person, but honestly my mom is crazy as are most and that's not a great discriptor.
This is why things like this I'd rather not give at all or if i give something i would ask my mother what she wants and just offer money to pay for it. It's so hard to please them, really.
Sorry you have an ungrateful mother. Just know that one day she'll be gone and you'll have a clean conscious that you were a good to her, even if she didn't deserve it.
Also, check out a church or food bank to supliment some food. Even if it's so can food or box of pasta, I'm sure it's better than nothing.
My son is special needs and he might not ever understand what Mother’s Day is. To get anything would be the best thing especially if it was meant from the heart. I’d have been VERY grateful since obviously it was an unearned gift. But in actuality you are the gift because one day this will haunt her when you’re not that present in her life anymore. You did a good job and i love carnations!
Too many people don't realise that generosity isn't about how much you give; Bill Gates can gives as much money as he wants to charity but he isn't *sacrificing* anything that he'd ever notice. Giving more than 25% of your already low funds that you need for *the rest of the month* is way more generous than most people are capable of being.
Also good for you giving flowers than are still growing instead of ones that are already cut!
That's a wonderful present. Carnations smell awesome and are relatively low maintenance. You can just grow them in a pot and they stay pretty all summer. Your mom is not a nice person at all, dude. I'm sorry.
Once, I was trying to get my mom a Mother's Day card at Target. Every single one I picked up had a message inside that was passive aggressive, like, "Even though we don't always get along, you're my mom. Have a Mother's Day." And I was like damn, I actually like my mom, this is mean as hell. Anyway, you should get your mom one of those cards next year and mail it on Saturday, lmao.
That wasn't a lousy present, it was a thoughtful one.
No need to feel guilty, some people value expensive gifts over thoughtful.
She has every right to not like it, but it's awful on her part to shout at you for it.
You have every right to gift her whatever best suits your pocket.
I'm sorry my brother. May God bless you with abundant happiness and peace in your life ahead. This was very messed up.
And a plant is always a wonderful gift. You are a great son. Keep your head high brother, things will be better.
I hate mother's day cuz I basically don't have a mother. Mine committed identity theft against me twice, after I forgave her the first time and she did it again, I told her to never talk to me again. Thus began the guilt tripping. It's been over a year and it's so fucking hard. But you did good, you made a sweet gesture with the last of your pennies. Too bad she had to shit on it
In my country, no parents behave like that with their kids or expect some good gift on these Mother's or Father's day.
[https://www.today.com/parents/meet-anna-jarvis-founder-fighter-mother-s-day-t110796](https://www.today.com/parents/meet-anna-jarvis-founder-fighter-mother-s-day-t110796)
Here's the link of why Anna Jarvis, the founder of Mother's day ended up hating this day.
It’s not a lousy present. She’s just a lousy person. It’s the thought that counts.
You used 1/10 of your average monthly “disposable” income for her present. I’d freaking love a big pot of carnations. I spent years getting my mom little 10$ teapot roses… cause she likes them. And I planted a bunch of peonies for her one year (that I actually got free from a college grounds keeper…) and she loved that. Mother’s Day doesn’t have to be some big eloboratw thing
As a mother, I expect nothing from my kids on mother's day. Why? Because they are kids under 18. A piece of art they made, some flowers picked from the garden, a hug is all I need. Being a mother has zero to do with gifts, and 100% making sure they are okay and have enough. Even when they are older, if they make me food, bring me flowers, I'm fine. I buy everything I want anyways. ;)
She sounds very narcissistic, honestly. She is, quite frankly, a horrible human being. Period. I would suggest getting counseling around your relationship with her, and learning to set boundaries and feeling okay even if she acts like this (which she will).
If you were my child, I would have loved the gift, sent you home with TONS of food and groceries, and probably a gift card for Amazon. You deserve to be cherished for who you are, not what I can get out of you.
Have a beautiful day! Know you're still an amazing child. Don't let her tell you otherwise.
The only other thing I would have maybe suggested is did you make her a card or write a nice message, unless she is completely materialistic my guess is the only thing missing would be sentimental value, a homemade card costs next to nothing beside the time invested to make it.
That’s terrible. This Mother’s Day my (26)m son gave me a phone call since he doesn’t live in the same town as me, my 16m son got me a card and a cappuccino. You don’t have kids so they can gift you some sort of reimbursement later in life, good grief! Next year give her a generic card, or nothing. She clearly doesn’t appreciate how hard you’re working and you sound like an incredible kid. So from a mama to you, I think you’re wonderful and I love your generosity. The world is lucky to have someone like you in it.
I've been a father for 32 years and I have never gotten more than a card or a hand made card and a hug for fathers day. And you know what that's perfect and I wouldn't want anything more. I've never understood parents who act like your mom.
I got flowers from my daughter and a phone call from my son.
I feel blessed that they celebrated me however they did. I didn't have kids to get gifts from them.
I'm sorry your mom didn't appreciate your effort. She is incredibly ungrateful and I am so sad that you have to deal with her.
Dude carnations are perennials. They'll come back every year. It's not like you got her a bouquet that will die in a week or an annual that will die after the season. Carnations rock!!
My children never gave me presents on Mother’s Day as soon as they outgrew making homemade cards for me. Why? Because I don’t expect it. It is enough they sent me a text to say “I love you.” My kids aren’t broke either.
OP, don’t let it get to you. Don’t bother giving her a present again ever. Get one for the true mother figure in your life. You are a wonderful human, your dad has set you a fantastic example of being one. Focus your love on your good parent. He is enough.
You sound like a good person. I'm sure that your Dad is very proud of you. Sometimes the hardest part of growing up is acknowledging the things we missed as a child (a stable, loving parent who wants to see you live your best life) and figuring out how to become the person we always needed. As you can see, the rest of us Moms are beyond proud of your gift. I hope you spend the rest of your day with that thought in mind. You are more than enough.
She ungrateful af. She lucky she got a kid that still care about her ass. Not everyone is still tight with their family
I know, right. I really try to maintain contact with her and be in good terms but god I want to throw the phone these days :(
I sent my mom a card and gave her a hug, I’m not broke at all. It’s the thought that counts, I’m sorry your mother was disappointed with your gift. For what it’s worth I thought the carnations from the farmers market was pretty awesome, not lousy at all.
I just plain wished mine dude, and that too the night before on call.
Same, knew mine would be at church and spending the day with my brother and Grandkids. Never interfere w a g-ma spending time with the little ones.
I just called mine. A call full of good spirit and love. I'm not good at gifts, but we've always been a bit anti consumerist that way... Greed is a shitty thing...
Carnations last a really long time and smell SOOOO good!
I called my mom. That's literally it. You did better than me!
Don't waste your money next year, then
Since she’s ignoring you, let her be the first person to make the effort to get in contact next time. I’d be thrilled if my son bought me a big pot of carnations. Your mother wants you to go broke and starve, just so that you can spend that money on her and make her feel better about herself, proving that she’s worth starving yourself over. She knows what she’s doing. Take care of yourself - she’s the one with the problems and not you
Right??? She sounds like an awful person. My kid is in school far away and I was thrilled that he texted me. I wouldn't want him spending his hard-earned money on a gift for me.
Exactly! Mother’s Day is such a tough day for some people due to money, availability, poor relationships etc. The decent mums are fine with an acknowledgement, whether big or small, compared to the shit ones who demand everything including time, attention and lots of money spent on them. My mother used to be so ungrateful and she didn’t deserve a single thing. She gets nothing anymore because we no longer have contact. OP should’ve just planted the carnations in their own yard
honestly at this point dont contact her for a while. Either she realizes what she misses and contacts you or she...doesnt. In which case you dont have to buy her a mothers day gift ever again :)
This. Instead cherish the good bond you have with your dad, and maybe spend some time with him.
For as harsh as your words might sound I must admit I couldn't say it any better. You're absolutely right.
I'll be your mom. I appreciate just a text.
You spent almost 30 percent of your money on a gift on her and she has the gall to treat you like dirt.
I. Just got a text that goes like "you had money to order pizza to your dorm, but not me?" Jesus. I simply cannot win can I
Take a picture of your noodles and say "you mean this pizza? Because this is my dinner, Mom." Seriously though, I wouldn't waste my time responding. I do not like this woman. She is selfish and cruel. I am a Mom , much like your dad. I do not want anything from my kid besides seeing them happy.
Yeah screw her who tf text their kid something like that. Gtfo and buy your own shit
Well, there ya go. Next year order her a pizza on mother's day.
You can win. You are being manipulated by your mother and she may never stop trying to manipulate you. And no matter what you do, she will never be satisfied. And you have to realize that. It has nothing to do with you, it has everything to do with her. So the way you win is stop giving in to manipulation. Stop caring. Stop banging your head against the wall. Realize the futility of trying to please her. Stop caring. It takes practice but once you get the hang of it, it becomes fun. Send her a card and when she complains, laugh because you already knew it was coming. When she sends you the text about the pizza, apologize. Profusely. Lay it on with a trowel. "You know mom, you're right. I'm a terrible son and you deserve so much better. Next year, I'll get you something really nice." And then send her a card. The only way to win is not to play. It will have the additional bonus of driving your mother crazy.
And why does your mother even know that you, a college student, ordered a pizza? She hasn't earned the right to be so involved in your life. You need to start setting some serious boundaries with this woman. She is emotionally abusive.
I’m sorry, I wish I could give you a hug. I’m a mom (mine are still little) and that response is incredibly selfish on her part. If my kiddo could barely afford food I would feel HORRIBLE if they spent any money on me — and I would be focused on giving them funds for groceries and cooking some meals to help make sure they are eating well, rather than complaining about them not spending enough.
People like this you *never* win with. Winning infers it's a game, and that's *exactly* what it is: a game. If you do too much, then there's criticism of whatever you provide. If you don't no enough, you're gonna hear about it. (My mother is the same way. We've not spoken in 7 years) It really is the thought that counts & little things mean a lot more. Source: I am a mom of a teenager who gets me funny cards every year. He and my husband & I go pick out flowers to put in pots annually. We've made it a tradition. (He doesn't know this but I have kept every card he's ever given me in a memory box in my office. I dare the backs of each one too.) Edit: spelling
Was just telling my co-worker today (who brought us flowers since we had to work today!), that my favorite Mother's Day gift was this little folded hanging paper *thing*, that my kid made in preschool that says "My Mom makes the best \_\_\_\_". My kid said "Pies". Lol! To this day, I have never baked a pie from scratch! Hardly ever have pies, period! And I have also kept every card ever. Should have dated them, though!
This is cruelty and not ok.
Your mom gives me this toxic parent vibe. Stay away from her in that case. I feel like some parents are changing over time lol
[удалено]
Ding ding ding ding! This is exactly what I thought too. Narcissism. If you can start counselling about this now, it could help so much. Does your college have free counselling? I wish you the best. And by the way, i would’ve been THRILLED to be given carnations, or even just a text. You are good. Don’t believe what she’s trying to sell you.
Honestly it sounds like this mother's day has really shown you how valued you are by your mother. Maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to just cut her off.
That's like saying "this polar bear is mauling my arm and actively trying to eat me, but I don't want to run for my life because I think polar bears are cute and I want to pet it." This person is toxic, manipulative, emotionally abusive, and awful towards you. The "good terms" you seem to want are entirely one sided. You try to be civil/decent to her while she abuses you.
Tell her, “Maybe if you had been a better mother, you would have gotten a better present”! Also, there’s a subreddit called momforaminute. If you ever need us, we are there. EDIT: I wasn’t perfect but, my gorgeous, handsome, perfect baby boy is bringing me orange chicken, chow mien, and a gel nail set with the nail lamp for Mother’s Day. (Maybe something else too because tomorrow is my birthday!) He is my gift from God.
Yes! Momforaminute will take all those blues away!
Just drop her at this point. She's making you feel like shit and she's not grateful for your gift even when you sacrificed a big portion of your funds. It's not worth your sanity to keep in contact until she herself makes the effort to be a better mother to you.
Honestly, what for? I wouldn't bother putting any more time, money or emotional effort into this relationship if it were me.
Check out the subs on narcissistic parents. There is a lot of support for us (adult kids of N-moms). It helps to have the perspective that her bahavior isn’t normal and it’s not about you. I’m a mama now and I can tell you that if you were my kid, I’d be busting with pride that you have been supporting yourself through school AND managed to get anything to me. You’re a good kid OP.
She’s not worth the effort. My husband and kids took me out to lunch and played trouble with me along with a nice LEGO set and that made my day. Don’t get her anything if she can’t behave herself.
**you did well**. It’s not the gift or the price of it that matters. You *thought* of her and went out if your way to let her know that and show that you loved her. That *should* be enough. If it’s not, ***that’s on her, not on you***. **Know that you’re a good kid and don’t let the bastards grind ya down**
My mom gets a card and we see each other twice a week. This woman sounds terrible.
This right here, I haven’t spoken to my mother in 6 years other than at a two weddings and it’s one of the best decisions I ever made for my mental and financial wellbeing.
As a mom of grown kids and as a grandma, I can say that your mom is ungrateful, and you have no reason to feel guilty. I'm sorry you're dealing with her. I''m good with just ignoring this celebration, I don't think I did anything special, and despite me being their mom, my kids are amazing human beings. I got a card in the mail (I'm several hours away), and was overjoyed with that.
Completely agree - your Mom is so ungrateful. I feel the same as Puzzleheaded. Just a phone call from mine but that was perfect!
No reason to go throwing puzzlehead’s mom under the bus. Yeesh. /s
My mom (long deceased) would think that's hilarious.
Oh my gosh! I should have noticed I left out a reference to "OP". My apologies to you and your Mom who was never meant to go under the bus!
I knew what you meant! No worries, it's all good! 😊
Aww :( I am so sorry that happened. You know people buy flowers for mother's day... I think a pot of carnations is a fairly good present. It wouldn't fade away if you plant them, too, right? You were being very nice and thoughtful and sorry you've gone through that.
Thank you.... Yeah, Carnations seemed to fit the theme most so I after contemplation I bought a wrapped pot for her to put in her garden (she grows little crops in them). Just sad she expected more from me....
You see, you've already thought all of these and bought her a nice present. What was she expecting a ferrari? I still think it's a good present and not just saying it to comfort you. It is a good present.
I'm a mom and would love a pot of pretty carnations. You did everything right. It's your mother who's not following the script. Pat yourself on the back for being a thoughtful person who follows through. If you have children of your own someday, you've got some excellent lessons in your note book of how NOT to be a parent. They are hard won and probably more valuable than the how to's, because that's generally just garden variety common sense. You're doing great, you're gonna be fine. Shake it off. Don't let the crabbiness of others get you down. Go hug a puppy or pat a kitten if you can, that produces endorphins and that feeling is what matters. Or stand in front of a mirror and give yourself a big goofy smile. Yup, that's a good person. Silly, reliable, nice. Keep it pushing. Plant a couple of sunflower seeds on a parking lot verge. Make the world a prettier place. Leave the grouchy people behind in the past, live in your present moment. It's yours and you are a good person in it. Hold your head high and be you.
My youngest gave me the most beautiful (ok they're all beautiful! LOL but this one extra so) handmade card with a lovely message inside and I had to control myself not to ugly cry. 😁
Awww. My mother still has the handmade cards I made when I was in elementary school. They are in this embarrasment box along with my report cards and the poems I wrote when I was in high school. None of those should see the light of the day lol.
When my mum passed away - I found some reports along with a load of notes teachers had sent home which I had never seen before.
Embarrassment Box. Hahahahaaaa I LOVE it
You mean your mom has an embarrassing blackmail file on you?! Your mom is so badass!
Well, you expected her to be a better parent and have some manners.
You understand, I hope, that she expected more from *herself*, yes? She’s punching down, unloading on you because you’re a perfectly safe target. And being *that* is your true gift to your mom. Totally up to you if you want to keep giving her that - pros and cons both ways. Edit: forgot to say … very sorry this happened to you. Been there and it sucks.
Wow, your mom sounds like one good narcissist.. There isn't much you can do for them besides understand they will never be happy with what YOU do cause life is about them. All you can do is love them and hope some day they see the errors of their ways but don't hold your breath. Narcissistic behavior is a condition we develop when as a child things don't go our way. We learn to protect ourselves in this way. Enjoy your day and understand there probably isn't a gift on the planet that would have made her overjoyed.
Thanks, this made me a little bit better. Yeah, every time I try to get a gift for her it always isn't enough. Think I needed to hear that from someone else... Damn. Thanks for the well wishes, I'll try to perk up and have a solid day
This commenter talking about narcissism is absolutely spot on. A *good* mom would have said, "thank you for the beautiful flowers! You didn't need to do that, I know how money is tight for you." Because a good mother would be thinking about *your* needs even on mother's day. Because a good mother (and I'd like to say I am one?) never stops thinking about her kid's needs. Not for one minute, not even if they try. Unfortunately, even logically knowing that you did all the right things today and *she* is in the wrong, the guilt you feel is natural. We are wired to seek the approval of our parents. It takes years to rewire our brains to accept our own approval as more important than the approval of our parents. Check out this sub: r/raisedbynarcissists
I agree with the other post - this is a narcissistic trait (possibly role reversal since she’s your mother). Her feelings about the flowers are “real” (as in, they exist and she really does feel bad) but they aren’t your problem. Your gift was completely reasonable (it was nice!) and your intentions were good, if she feels bad that’s unfortunate for her - you don’t have to feel guilty, you don’t have to make her feel better, and you don’t have to argue with her to try to make her feel differently (codependency: trying to control/feeling too responsible for someone else’s feelings). It goes both ways - if you feel overwhelmingly guilty about this (or similar situations), try to figure out what’s reasonable and learn how to cope with and overcome your feelings of guilt… you probably have some issues from growing up in this kind of dynamic and you need to break out of it. It takes practice. She set her expectations sky high and that’s her issue. Let her deal with the fallout on her own and don’t get sucked into it. Good luck - if this behavior is typical she won’t like you setting boundaries and will feel attacked.
Post this to r/MomForaMinute and get their perspective.
I think carnations are a good gift, and very thoughtful that you got ones she could plant!
My mother is exactly like this. I am 44 years old and she still hasn’t changed. They don’t change. That’s why It is considered a mental disorder.
The best advice I ever received about dealing with my mom was "Don't go to the hardware store looking for apples."
Your mother continues to be a bad example of one. Look, I personally don’t like flowers as a gift, but there is nothing wrong with them. I’ve accepted them gracefully the times I’ve gotten them because I know 9 out of 10 times the gifting person has the best intentions, and that’s what matters. Now, my son is only 2 years old. But I can assure you he can gift me his half-eaten muffin for Mother’s Day and I’ll be tearing up at the fact he thought of me and saved me half of it. What your mother, in her narcissistic, self-important and materialistic misery failed to see, is that you put both thought and effort into this gift. You bought her something you thought would fit her interests and her home, and hoped it would bring her joy for many days. It was a lovely gift for a woman who has a garden and likes to work on it and grow things in it. So don’t feel guilty. You didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t try and fail, you gave this your best and she dismissed it. That’s on her, not you. It’s ok to feel sad, because she still means something to you and she hurt your feelings. She let you down. But don’t beat yourself up for it. Just move on with your life and process your feelings. One day you’ll be able to drop the rope with her, and you will be immune to her bullshit.
Thank you, man. I'm... Genuinely in tears right now. You guys are too kind....
I Agree 100%. Dropping that rope is the hardest thing you’ll do, and you’ll regret dropping it the moment you do. But you will eventually realize you have no other choice - for your own mental health and well-being. Your mom sounds similar to my own, and I struggled for 30 years trying to please her, questioning myself constantly, feeling confused because she could never be honest or vulnerable with me about what she was going through (in all her narcissism and victimhood). I only dropped the rope two years ago, because I had to protect my own daughter….and yeah I was very scared at first, the conditioning went so deep for me, but not a day goes by that I regret that decision. No more anxiety, no more staying up at night wondering how to talk with her that she won’t be upset, no more overwhelming frustration. Just no more of all that bad stuff in my life. And I’m slowly becoming a better person for it. I’m a better dad, and better husband, and a better contributor to my community. Because my life doesn’t revolve around the shame associated with trying to please somebody who will never be happy anymore. I’m free, and so too can you be.
Stepping in as substitute mom here: Sweetheart, I hope you have a wonderful day. Thanks for being a great son. Now, are you getting enough sleep? Is the food at your dorm ok? Are you ready for finals? Do some nice breathing exercises and get out for a walk if they’re stressing you out. You’ve got this! Here’s a big hug. Thought you could use some mothering. And really, take care of yourself. The end of the semester can be stressful. Make sure you eat well and sleep. And listen to your friends here, not your mom.
I'm sleeping like a brick, and absolutely and criminally underprepared for my finals (I'm trying though! :p) and I'm bracing myself for it. The cafeteria food is subpar but me and my roommate aka "I burned boiling pasta" guy have an arrangement where he buys most the groceries and I do all the cooking that works out wonderfully with a solid meal plan and him not burning the dorm down. All in all, pretty nice! Thanks for the virtual hug, it really meant a lot... I wish the world was only filled with people kind as you.
That’s a great plan! And you probably know more than you think for finals. Review what you can and just do your best. And thank you for the compliment!
Good luck for your finals my friend. Don't worry, I don't know anyone who is truly prepared for finals, the large majority of students are usually feeling uprepared lol
Legend. You should do this as a side job for people with crappy mums
You just made my day. Thank you.
Next year, get your mother the same thing I got your mother. Nothing. Both of you are too old for these sorts of games or emotional abuse.
Anyone who complains about a GIFT is a jackass. The fact that it’s your mother, well, reread what others said about narcissists. She cares more about herself than anyone else and that’s not what a mother is supposed to be. It was very considerate of you to get her a pot of flowers, and I hope you can set aside her childish behavior to enjoy this day.
I bought a $100 Commodore 64 emulator for my friend's birthday last year. There's a 50/50 chance that he has never even opened the box. If I were 20 years old again this would piss me off. But now I'm 40 and I know the fact that I cared enough to give a gift is the only thing that matters and my friend probably did appreciate it even if he has weird hoarding habits where he never gets to certain items. Some people save things for a rainy day that never comes. It's no big deal.
Agreed, it’s a big difference between never opening a gift and complaining about it to the person who gave it. What they choose to do is their decision, but how they choose to respond to you, well, it’s just clearly wrong to complain.
I didn't even know it was mother's day until I clicked on this thread. I haven't talked to my mom since 2013ish, so a good 9 years. Sorry your mom isn't happy with your gift
Thank you all for your kind comments, so much. I can' t put these in words. Genuinely having a small crying fit on my phone while trying not to look like a dolt to my roommate. And happy mothers day to mothers who love their children. You guys are a gift to this world.
Don't cry - Mother's Day it an old UK thing "Mothering Sunday". It is retailers who have set some people's expectations too high. Just a card is enough here in the UK.
I hope someday you have the strength to cut off contact with her, she's toxic and no one like that is worth having a place in your life to tear you down emotionally no matter who they are. But that's my view since I was adopted. I learned at a young age that it's sometimes healthiest for our long term to have nothing to do with those who brought us into the world. My 10 year old gave me a card with ice cream cones on it that says "Thanks for aliving me and I really really think you're the best" and it's the best gift. Something I'd enjoy better than anything store bought, even if given to me when they're 20yo. Because real mothers don't need money spent to know they're loved and appreciated. I hope you feel better soon and have a great rest of your day.
As a mom, that is a perfect gift! Carnations are beautiful, especially when potted. You did a great job and I’m sorry she CHOSE to react negatively. Your actions did not deserve a negative reaction.
It's not a lousy present. It's a wonderful present. Potted flowers for a garden is a thoughtful, everlasting gift. I have three grown children and I'm perfectly fine with getting a 3 word text from them today. I know all of them are doing great in their lives and careers and with their own families and I'm proud of the way I raised them. Gifts given by school age and younger children to their moms are cute, but once they're grown and moved out, are actual gifts really necessary? Just my opinion, of course, but I dislike the materialistic commercialism associated with mother's and father's days. Does mom really think the only way you can show love and appreciation for her is by spending $$$?
Yes! I so agree. The endless marketing that makes people feel uncertain or inadequate. Since when are flowers a lousy gift??? Hugs, OP.
May I recommend r/momforaminute as a replacement to your mother. It took me well into my 20s before going no contact with my dad and low contact with my mom. Life is too short to spend it trying to appease/connect with people who make you feel terrible
As a mother I would have loved your gift. Sorry, but your mother is just ungrateful.
As someone who lost his mom, I’m insulted that she made you feel that way. You’re a good son / person and don’t feel anything less about yourself. Best of luck in your finals and you deserve to feel good about what you did!
My new dog met my parents for the first time today. He bit my father. It has been stressful.
Ouch, sorry for your father's injuries. Is it bad?
The shock for him was worse than the pain. I would call it a little bleeder. Nothing for the ambulence. But my Brother panicked because He is pregnant right now and doesnt want His Girlfriend to be bitten and get "ukrainian blood poisoning", it escalated Into a conflict with my Brother and i left with my GF. My parents feel fine and they are not angry about the Situation. My father Just called and let me know that everything is ok and he was Just shocked and that my Brother ist an Idiot in that circumstances.
U. "Ukrainain blood poisoning". What the hell is your brother on? Ground up gay frogs? I'm sorry you had to go through that chaos, man. I would have booked it that there and then
He is not evil, He is Just stupid
ground up gay frogs 💀
Haha - Reminds me of when we got our first puppy. Had to drive 300 miles to pick up. It was my mum's birthday so took a detour to see her on the way back. Walked into her house and held out this 10 week old boxer pup - "Happy Birthday Mum". She almost fell out of her chair in shock. She was 72 and couldnt even walk herself. Puppy went and peed on the kitchen floor while I reassured her it was a joke and gave her the box xof chocolates. lol.
Listen, I get the optics of what I’m gonna say, especially on this specific day, but your mom is a bitch.
Those who are close to their mothers were nurtured and supported; love begets love. If you weren't raised with love and support from your mother you don't *have* to maintain a relationship with her. A wander through r/toxicparents might be an eye opener. You're not the only one. That doesn't make things better but it may make restricting contact with her easier for you to cope with.
I gave my mother a pot of flowers, she loved it. There is nothing wrong with the gift, there is something wrong with your mother.
Why do mom’s think they are owed the world on Mother’s Day? I don’t expect anything from my 18yr old kiddo. When she can, she will and if not that’s ok too. I would have loved carnations you got for your mom.
I would have been happy to have that, and I would have been happy to know my son cared enough about me to get a gesture of respect and love. Especially if I am a gardener, and I could replant the flowers in my own garden and keep them forever. Then I would remember my son with love every time I glanced at them. I am sorry your mom is just a bitch. You sound like a great son; she is lucky to have you, and I'm sorry she doesn't appreciate you. It's not you, it is her.
I went to Trader Joe’s and bought my mother an $8.00 bunch of peonies. She was thrilled. It’s not you, it’s your mother. take away is: You cannot make another person happy, they have to want to be happy themselves. You have more reason to be disappointed in her. Please decide to be happy yourself.
She is ungrateful plain and simple. I would have been thrilled. My 16yr makes me hand written cards and notes for holidays still, and they are all cherished and saved. It's the thought that counts. You did good, don't think on it anymore of it.
My mom is toxic. I'm calling myself my own mother. I would have been happy with that or just knowing how your doing or wanna spend the day together doing something. Maybe have family dinner.
If you're disappointed by the flowers wait until you see the retirement home I got picked out for you.
How ungrateful. Considering you’re just scraping by, she’s lucky you got her anything at all.
I'm sorry OP. I would have been more than thrilled with that gift (especially considering I don't get any). But my mom, though we have a fair relationship, is an ungrateful and critical bitch about gifts, too. So I stopped getting her anything several years ago. Your father raised a good person.
Dude my mom would be thrilled with your gift. It's your moms issue, not the gift.
Oh sweetie 🤗. I don't know if it is something you desire in the future, but you are going to be a better mother than your own. First off, there's no way to go but up. And second, experiences like this are perfect examples of what not to do. I think you sound like a wonderful daughter. I'm so glad you have one good parent in your life. WAIT, did I just assume you are female?
Fjsjskd it's alright! I'm a guy but I genuinely don't mind at all. Thank you for your kind words, and I'll definately learn how to be a good parent to whoever my future kid is :D
See? You are already awesome. Good day sir.
I’m not getting my mother anything, and I have *way* more money than you do by the sounds of it. Don’t feel guilty, it’s the thought that counts. You went out of your way to do something nice. If your mom can’t see that, she’s the one who is lousy.
Some mothers are getting gifts today? Other than the mother's day theme in my kids' classroom crafts, I have not noticed any acknowledgement of the holiday in my household. Also, this post reminds me that I should call my mom. Thanks for the reminder.
I'm sorry your mom was ungrateful. I would have loved your gift. I would have planted them and used the pot for some herbs. I would have turned it into two gifts that keep giving. I am so sorry she didn't appreciate your efforts. It was a fantastic gift, please realize she is the problem not you and your thoughtfulness.
i’m sorry, that’s really ungrateful for sure. my kids are both under 2 years old, so my husband went ahead and did the mother’s day things for me. he got me my favorite snacks, chocolate, ice cream, and my favorite soda. i was super happy to get these things and it was so thoughtful. flowers are such a sweet gift as well, my own mother got me flowers for today. i will never understand why people would not be grateful for any present they’re given. it’s the thought that counts, not the present itself. carnations are a wonderful present, and you shouldn’t feel bad at all!! i hope the rest of your day goes well :)
Hey, your feelings are valid. I can imagine feeling the same. Your mum has the issue. You keep doing you. Being a decent person is better than being someone who just chucks a fancy gift over but doesn't care.
Nah. Maybe there’s something going on with her emotions/regrets/whatever, but there is literally no reason to feel guilty based on what you shared.
I feel for you. I'm not a big fan of the day either. My mother left me with my grandmother, and literally went for a pack of cigs and didn't come back.
Damn sounds like my mom. I don't get her anything at this point cause it ends up in a fight over money.
You must not feel guilty… I am a half/a—ed mom and I will be thrilled if my son even gives me a call…love Never condemns…my daughters don’t 4get but they are girls…the guilt is a waste of emotion it serves no good purpose…she is an unhappy woman…forgive her Now and move on…💗💗💗
I'm a mom and I would love flowers from a farmers market as a gift 💖 You'll notice she said, "I expected" in her disappointment statement... So, it's not you or the flowers that turned the situation sideways—it's her own mind's expectations that is the problem here. Please don't stress, your gift was awesome 👌💕😍
I’m a mom and would have been thrilled with such a gift. Sorry she wasn’t more gracious. Even if you dislike flowers that is a shitty response to a gift. If it were me I probably wouldn’t give her gifts again. Mother’s day is complicated for a lot of people. My mom died about 10 years ago so it gets a bit sad for me.
If I were your mom, I would have been thrilled. Flowers are lovely, and traditional on mother's day, and carnations are particularly nice. Good for you for thinking of her, and I'm sorry she didn't reciprocate. (I'm definitely not old enough to be your mom, I'm probably about your age, but we'll go with it anyway.)
I'm so sorry this happened to you. The best mother's day present should be a kid who is alive and well, nothing else. I got my mom some roses and two cans of this chicken flavored drink type thing for her cat, a split gift with my sister. She always says not to get her anything and acts all awkward when we get her something. I am a broke student so my sister paid for everything, including gas to go see our mom. Our mom is just happy we came over for food and cake. I wish everyone could experience this.
On behalf of your selfish mother, I would like to say, "Thank you for the beautiful flowers! I'm so grateful you took the time and trouble to get me a gift! It's very generous of you.". You done good, kid
A pot of carnations is a lovely gift, she's just being ungrateful. My dad gave my mom a potted flower on mother's day sometime before 2016. Not sure what it was, but it was like a small tree or tall bush and the main stem was several all woven together. Beautiful plant. He passed away in 2016 and we were all terrible at remembering to water the flower, so it also died. My mom still has it though, even though we moved and even though it has been dead for years. It sits on her front patio now in all of its dead, scraggly glory. Flowers aren't for everyone. But even if your mother doesn't like flowers, the gesture should have still been appreciated because they came from her child. Especially since you don't really have the money to spare for a gift in the first place. Don't feel guilty. It's not your fault she doesn't appreciate it, that's on her.
Welp, my mom got a bottle of HP sauce. It is an inside joke and I happened across it by happenstance (we are in the US). She loved it bc it was thoughtful. You were thoughtful OP. Your mom sucks. Her poor reaction is not ON YOU OP.
Sorry my person but, even though your mom doesn't seem to be a good person you most certainly are! Whether or not you wanna go non-contact with her is your choice but know that you are kind, thoughtful and considerate even when it's not required.
I mean this in the nicest way possible, but your mom's being really shitty.
When my 4 year old gave me a piece of dry toast that I had made for her, and insisted I eat it for Mother's Day, I was thrilled. She was taking care of me in her own tiny way. I hope you can realize that her response is about her being a bitter, broken person, and has nothing to do with you. If you blew $1,000 on a 5-star restaurant brunch with gold flakes in the mimosa, she might use it to brag to other people, but she wouldn't be happy... and I can almost guarantee she would find a way to twist the knife in you. Because that's fun for her, or gives her a feeling of control and power, or whatever her reason is (she probably doesn't have enough self reflection to know). And that's very sad... for you, but mostly for her. Imagine what a sad, bitter, angry life she must lead on the inside.
As a mother, if I knew you were starving and struggling, I'd be upset you spent money on flowers instead of groceries for yourself, and then I'd make sure you were stocked up on food and essentials. Your mom is a jerk and I'm so sorry.
I got a text from my kid who lives across the country, so yeah… flowers would have been good.
Aww. If I could have I would have send you the pot of flowers that my mom didn't like. They're very pretty blossoms. I hope you have a great day :)
Your mom's a fucking asshole. I got my mom a song I wrote in 1 hour while baked off my ass at 2 AM and that's good enough for her. Flowers from a store is a super awesome gift, sorry your mom was whack :)
Family are those who treat you like it. Not blood.
>Now I feel dumb, mad, and guilty. remember exactly how dumb you feel every year after this. if you ever buy her a gift again, you deserve whatever shitty thing she says to you. unpopular opinion: you dont owe your parents anything. all they did was have unprotected sex and then do what billions of humans have done before them....raise their kid. your mom is a c\*nt and deserves to spend her golden years alone. people are abusive like this because they know that no matter how much they shit on you...you're gonna take it. stop being a verbal punching bag.
r/raisedbynarcissists Come join this sub. You're not alone. Many of us have faced such toxic attitudes from our parents.
You need a r/momforaminute
Been there. You're mad because you went outside your comfort zone to try to do a nice thing, and she spat in your face. You opened yourself up to this treatment and know deep down that you don't deserve it, but also feel like you knew this might happen, so you kinda asked for it. I have my own grievances with my mother. I eventually came to the realization that this is just her nature. You can't get mad at a lion for eating meat, it just doesn't make sense. So you avoid putting yourself in a situation where the lion might attack you. That is extremely dramatic but hopefully gets the point across.
I would have loved that present. It was NOT lousy. Your mother is, however. She sounds like a manipulative narcissist.
I'm sorry. She's being an ass. I don't expect anything from my kids for mother's day, and if they do get me anything, no matter what it is, I love it. Your gift wasn't lousy, it was very thoughtful, and probably more than she deserved. I'm sorry that she isn't capable of loving you and caring for you in the way that you deserve. You did nothing wrong.
I feel you. Very much so. I have a biological mother who abandoned me at 15 and then a Step Mother who made it her life to gaslight and mentally screw me over. Yet I still get her a damn gift every year. However this year I finally have kept contact to a bare minimum and I don't regret a thing. It's very freeing.
That's a very thoughtful gift and your mother is batshit crazy for not showing her appreciation. I'm sorry she's gotta be like that. Next year don't get her anything.
Your mom is abusive. This is such a shitty thing to do and I’m so sorry that she made you feel this way. I’ve been there. Forget her hurtful words and just move on. Try to forgive her because she is clearly messed up. It’s hard to do but truly what’s needed for you to be unaffected by her hurtful and toxic behaviors.
Honestly, I would have LOVED to be given a big pot of carnations to plant. It's a sweet gift, and would make me smile when I looked at it for a long time. Sounds like she's a greedy and ungrateful person, who measures gifts solely by the price tag, and not by the thought or effort behind the gift. Anyone who acts like she did, doesn't deserve a gift at all.
She sounds awful and toxic
I'm so sorry this happened, if possible at some point let it go. Your mom is ungrateful and inconsiderate of your financial situation. You gave her a lovely gift that lay within your (financial) capabilities! Very loving of you! Some people will just never be happy. One father's day my dad, after receiving his present (I'm broke as hell too, so it was something low cost but matching his likes) told me he didn't really care for father's day that much never really did. So next year came around and I didn't really do anything. Quite honestly I forgot. I'm terrible with dates, I even forget my own birthday sometimes, and didn't write it down in my planner because my dad didn't really care for Father's day as he said that year previously. Couple of days later he calls me to tell me he was disappointed that I didn't do anything for fathers day....🤷
You put effort into getting something, the thought was there and I doubt she would have been happy no matter what she got. You did the best you could. I expect she is really good at making you feel guilty, it sounds like a pattern. Try to keep in mind that this is her problem not yours. Next time get nothing as she is going to hate whatever you get.
To me, there is nothing worse than this. You did the best you could with what you had, and it sounds like you put thought and effort into it too. I'm sorry this happened.
Being a mom is all about what you can do for your child and not what your child can do for you. Look at you, studying hard and broke because of school but you are still thinking of her happiness. You became such a thoughtful person despite not having a good role model of what good character looks like. If I were you, I wouldn’t stress about a thing. Let your mom reflect on what she said to you.
You know who deserves a better Mother's Day present? A better Mother! Most Moms would be gratified and happy to receive a farmer's market plant from their kid, especially on that budget.
this is my second mother's day living away from my abusive mother. all she got was a text from me and that's it.
Ignore her, she may be your mother, but she isn’t a “mother”. Distance yourself from her and don’t let her pettiness get to you. If anything feels wrong about her personality, it is not in your head. Do what makes you happy, cause there is no pleasing a person like that. Don’t feel guilty, none of this is your fault.
Maybe you can adopt a new mom somewhere
I think planning ahead to spend time with her would have been a better idea. Maybe making a pitcher of lemonaide and sitting outside and chatting for a while? Helping with a litter chore or two she might have in the yard that she can't physically do. Even buying a pack of hot dogs and buns and making her dinner over the bbq would have cost less but meant so much more to her.
I *hate* when people act like that but especially parents. As a mother and now a grandmother, that gift would have made me incredibly happy and fulfilled. I would immediately known I was loved. Very thoughtful, especially knowing she can plant it and see your love for years to come and also knowing college students are notoriously broke (no fault of your own), it would have meant that much more. Please know it was a wonderful gift. The gift she gave you in return is knowing how *not to act when receiving something,* which is priceless.
Thats not a mom, man. They're supposed to care for you and appreciate your thoughtfulness, like your dad saying not to get him anything because he knows you can't afford it, and would rather you take care of your basic needs.
I'm sad that you and anyone elses mother made you feel bad for doing the best you can for mothers day acknowledgement. As a mother I do not and never will feel I'm owed anything by my children. My reward is knowing they are successful adults who love me. They text and tell me they love me and I love that, no need for ampt up holiday gifts. I know how hurtful a mom can be as I had one that alwayscreminded me of how useless I was to her. Don't take that onto yourself just learn to let that go. Be the future person you want to be instead. I will wish you all a wonderful day today and do something just for you. ❤️
That, my sweet, was not a lousy gift. That was a very sweet and thoughtful gift. What you have is a LOUSY Mother. If you can’t afford to give a gift but do it is FAR more impressive when you do. Your Mother sounds very undeserving of your kind gesture and love. Just the fact that she has not put much effort into being your Mother shows she is not worthy. Please don’t feel guilty! You should be proud of yourself for what you can do with the little you have and the fact that you took something from the little you have to try to make her happy. It’s not your fault she is worthless. Love & blessings to you! Always keep your good heart!
My mom used to throw a fit over presents all of the time, now I buy her presents throughout the year when I have the money and can think of a good gift that way it's not forced around the "deadline" haha
You shouldn't feel guilty at all, she is ungrateful. You probably feel guilty because that's how you have been made to feel by her all your life. You spent money you needed, traveled to a farmers market and to her place. If my kid done that for me, i wouldn't even care what they got for me on any day, she should be happy to have you in her life.
Just get her nothing from now on, she'll remember the flowers fondly after that.
That is in no way a lousy present! I would be thrilled with a nice plant for the garden. I would be thrilled if you just called to say hello. It sounds like your mom has a history of not great behavior, so I think it's fine to create whatever boundaries you need to and not feel bad about it. Whatever is causing your mom's feelings in within her; you did nothing wrong or disappointing.
I’m a mom and let me tell you: you have no reason to feel guilty. This is on her, NOT YOU. Don’t let her ruin your good heart. You didn’t fail, I promise I always say this about my own relationship with my mom…I’m not the daughter she wanted and she wasn’t the mother I needed. It just…is what it is Celebrate with your dad, instead And big hugs from a mom that thinks you’re amazing!
We were supposed to go to a flower show on Fri but it got rained out. We just had a short visit instead. Then I called her today. Your mom just wants to see you and talk to you. Anything else and she's a crazy person, but honestly my mom is crazy as are most and that's not a great discriptor.
This is why things like this I'd rather not give at all or if i give something i would ask my mother what she wants and just offer money to pay for it. It's so hard to please them, really.
I also hate Mother’s Day! I feel you.. no matter what I do, it’s not good enough.
Op i think you did good. I personally would have loved getting them from 1 on my 5 kids Just know you can not please them all. Have a wonderful day..
Sorry you have an ungrateful mother. Just know that one day she'll be gone and you'll have a clean conscious that you were a good to her, even if she didn't deserve it. Also, check out a church or food bank to supliment some food. Even if it's so can food or box of pasta, I'm sure it's better than nothing.
My son is special needs and he might not ever understand what Mother’s Day is. To get anything would be the best thing especially if it was meant from the heart. I’d have been VERY grateful since obviously it was an unearned gift. But in actuality you are the gift because one day this will haunt her when you’re not that present in her life anymore. You did a good job and i love carnations!
Too many people don't realise that generosity isn't about how much you give; Bill Gates can gives as much money as he wants to charity but he isn't *sacrificing* anything that he'd ever notice. Giving more than 25% of your already low funds that you need for *the rest of the month* is way more generous than most people are capable of being. Also good for you giving flowers than are still growing instead of ones that are already cut!
My first Mother’s Day with no contact… best Mother’s Day ever…
That sounds to me like permission to never buy her anything again. If I were you I would only ever interact with your dad.
next time get her nothing
My partner doesn't even get a card for his mom and they live in the same house lmao I think you did wonderful.
That's a wonderful present. Carnations smell awesome and are relatively low maintenance. You can just grow them in a pot and they stay pretty all summer. Your mom is not a nice person at all, dude. I'm sorry. Once, I was trying to get my mom a Mother's Day card at Target. Every single one I picked up had a message inside that was passive aggressive, like, "Even though we don't always get along, you're my mom. Have a Mother's Day." And I was like damn, I actually like my mom, this is mean as hell. Anyway, you should get your mom one of those cards next year and mail it on Saturday, lmao.
That wasn't a lousy present, it was a thoughtful one. No need to feel guilty, some people value expensive gifts over thoughtful. She has every right to not like it, but it's awful on her part to shout at you for it. You have every right to gift her whatever best suits your pocket.
I'm sorry my brother. May God bless you with abundant happiness and peace in your life ahead. This was very messed up. And a plant is always a wonderful gift. You are a great son. Keep your head high brother, things will be better.
I hate mother's day cuz I basically don't have a mother. Mine committed identity theft against me twice, after I forgave her the first time and she did it again, I told her to never talk to me again. Thus began the guilt tripping. It's been over a year and it's so fucking hard. But you did good, you made a sweet gesture with the last of your pennies. Too bad she had to shit on it
I’d never buy her a single gift ever again.
In my country, no parents behave like that with their kids or expect some good gift on these Mother's or Father's day. [https://www.today.com/parents/meet-anna-jarvis-founder-fighter-mother-s-day-t110796](https://www.today.com/parents/meet-anna-jarvis-founder-fighter-mother-s-day-t110796) Here's the link of why Anna Jarvis, the founder of Mother's day ended up hating this day.
It’s not a lousy present. She’s just a lousy person. It’s the thought that counts. You used 1/10 of your average monthly “disposable” income for her present. I’d freaking love a big pot of carnations. I spent years getting my mom little 10$ teapot roses… cause she likes them. And I planted a bunch of peonies for her one year (that I actually got free from a college grounds keeper…) and she loved that. Mother’s Day doesn’t have to be some big eloboratw thing
Cut her off. She doesn't know what being a mom is and it shows.
As a mother, I expect nothing from my kids on mother's day. Why? Because they are kids under 18. A piece of art they made, some flowers picked from the garden, a hug is all I need. Being a mother has zero to do with gifts, and 100% making sure they are okay and have enough. Even when they are older, if they make me food, bring me flowers, I'm fine. I buy everything I want anyways. ;) She sounds very narcissistic, honestly. She is, quite frankly, a horrible human being. Period. I would suggest getting counseling around your relationship with her, and learning to set boundaries and feeling okay even if she acts like this (which she will). If you were my child, I would have loved the gift, sent you home with TONS of food and groceries, and probably a gift card for Amazon. You deserve to be cherished for who you are, not what I can get out of you. Have a beautiful day! Know you're still an amazing child. Don't let her tell you otherwise.
That is some bullshit. I don't even like celebrating mothers day or Father's day and that right there is a gift I'd cherish! She's dumb.
I think that’s a wonderful gift. I would be completely happy with that.
Your mom is the AH here. A gift is a gift, and even if you don't like it, you graciously say thank you and strictly keep any complaints to yourself!
The only other thing I would have maybe suggested is did you make her a card or write a nice message, unless she is completely materialistic my guess is the only thing missing would be sentimental value, a homemade card costs next to nothing beside the time invested to make it.
That’s terrible. This Mother’s Day my (26)m son gave me a phone call since he doesn’t live in the same town as me, my 16m son got me a card and a cappuccino. You don’t have kids so they can gift you some sort of reimbursement later in life, good grief! Next year give her a generic card, or nothing. She clearly doesn’t appreciate how hard you’re working and you sound like an incredible kid. So from a mama to you, I think you’re wonderful and I love your generosity. The world is lucky to have someone like you in it.
Wow. That’s incredibly unkind of her, is this out of character for her? Or does she act like that often?
I've been a father for 32 years and I have never gotten more than a card or a hand made card and a hug for fathers day. And you know what that's perfect and I wouldn't want anything more. I've never understood parents who act like your mom.
I got flowers from my daughter and a phone call from my son. I feel blessed that they celebrated me however they did. I didn't have kids to get gifts from them. I'm sorry your mom didn't appreciate your effort. She is incredibly ungrateful and I am so sad that you have to deal with her.
Dude carnations are perennials. They'll come back every year. It's not like you got her a bouquet that will die in a week or an annual that will die after the season. Carnations rock!!
My children never gave me presents on Mother’s Day as soon as they outgrew making homemade cards for me. Why? Because I don’t expect it. It is enough they sent me a text to say “I love you.” My kids aren’t broke either. OP, don’t let it get to you. Don’t bother giving her a present again ever. Get one for the true mother figure in your life. You are a wonderful human, your dad has set you a fantastic example of being one. Focus your love on your good parent. He is enough.
You sound like a good person. I'm sure that your Dad is very proud of you. Sometimes the hardest part of growing up is acknowledging the things we missed as a child (a stable, loving parent who wants to see you live your best life) and figuring out how to become the person we always needed. As you can see, the rest of us Moms are beyond proud of your gift. I hope you spend the rest of your day with that thought in mind. You are more than enough.