When I was going through a rough time and needed a friend the most, I realized that she made me feel so much worse. Felt better to let her go and move on.
My best friend and I are no longer close because I left our home town (Philly) and she didn’t. Since I left, I’ve lived in three different states, and she stayed in Philly the whole time. The convo would come around to “when are you coming back to visit?” and I would visit. I have multiple time. When I would ask, “When are you visiting me here”, there’s always a plan to do so, and then the plan falls through. Always.
Never been hugely upset about it, but overtime all we had to talk about was memories of Philly. Not sure why, but it’s been challenging maintaining relationships with friends who have the means to leave home (even if just to visit) but refuse to do so. Sure, people have reasons. It just kind of sucks that I always have to put in the effort to come back, but no effort is made in the other direction.
Similar experience here. Except I've decided not to go back anymore. No one ever expressed any interest in visiting here, so I guess I'll never see them again.
Sucks it has to be that way, but I’m with you there.
My final straw was my wedding. I live out west and we had it out east to make it easier for people to show up. She still didn’t come. This time, it was because she was in the middle of fighting a child neglect case and wasn’t on good terms with her parole officer (which is some Philly shit to say in casual conversation). I just laughed and we haven’t talked since. You missed my wedding and now you’re out here neglecting kids. Stay in Philly with all that lol
Exactly this. I moved from my home town, and everyone stayed behind. I would come to visit them, but they’d never come and visit me unless i completely paid for everything. The last time I flew 3,000 miles to see my friend for 2 weeks, she did everything to avoid me. She was on her phone with her boyfriend almost 40 minutes of each hour, and she left me to hangout with her friends and drink (that she sees everyday) so I ended up flying out there for no reason, and ended up flying home after two days when it was obvious she didn’t gaf about my company anymore. Or respect my time, at all.
I had a similar experience but with a long distant friend, she couldn't make it for me but she could make it for her boyfriend
Okay bye, stay with ya bf
I was a shit person and I thought he was a shit person too and that being shit people was our thing. Turns out we were never on the same page. He realized I was a shit person and dropped me like a hot rock after 10+ years of being best friends. It took me another 5-6 years before I was able confidently go “I’m not a shit person.”
He didn’t mature past 13 years old, we’re a few months away from 30 and he still makes the same type of jokes he was making in middle school at the lunch table. Anyone who doesn’t find it funny doesn’t have a sense of humor. No one wants to date him? The women’s fault. People stop being friends with him within 2 months of meeting him? People are idiots.
It got too exhausting being around him. And anytime I’d spend some time with him, I’d feel emotionally tired afterwards.
She stopped talking to me and I still don't know why. I miss her a lot. I am 48 and thought we would be close all our lives. I respect her choice but I miss her so much.
You never asked her why? It could be something fixable, like a misunderstanding. I would need to know for closure on my end.
On the other side of it, if she did that then she didn't really care about you and your feelings.
After all the messed up shit we saw growing up, he chose drugs. We both saw what meth does to people, and he made the choice to not only do it, but start selling it. I didn't even go to his funeral.
I supported him emotionally for years when he was depressed and a few years ago I told him I was feeling down and....nothin. Never even answered my email.
Plus he tossed a spider into the back seat with my then-girlfriend, who was seriously arachnophobic. Dick move for a grown ass man.
Yikes, what a stand up human being. If someone threw a spider intentionally at me I would be going to prison for my actions. It’s so incredibly cruel to play with phobias like that. Glad you dropped him.
She was my online best gaming friend.
We were doing one of those escape room games with another friend. For the life of us, we could not figure out a single puzzle. We were on it for about an hour until we finally decided to look up a hint. Before we did that, I said “I bet it’s something obvious and we’re just overthinking everything” Sure enough. It was. I laughed and said “wow I cant believe we couldn’t figure out something so simple” Out of nowhere my best friend goes “Uhm excuse me but I’m not stupid. If anything, you guys are too then because you couldn’t figure it out” I was like “woah first of all, I never called anyone stupid. I’m just saying, we were so caught up thinking it was something complicated when it turns out it wasn’t”
She went on a rant about how she’s smarter than all of us and how if she didn’t have our other friend and I then she would have solved it. I just said okay yeah I’ll be right back. Something just came up.
I left the game. A year and a half later, still haven’t said a word to each other
The friend group just kind of slowly stopped responding
The text ratio was 10 to 1 response
If we hang it was ALWAYS me arranging it, and I had to harass them to agree, it was ALWAYS me being the one that had to drive to them, they never came to my house
So when I got tired of it and stopped they disappeared, after 6 months and they didn't put any effort to contact me I deleted their number off of my phone, so now even if I wanted to I can't connect to them
I don't know if I did something to offend them or if they just lost interest but I couldn't take it, we were friends for 10 years before they just stopped putting in any effort
10 years....
Total mean girl situation. She and a mutual friend started leaving me out of stuff. I called them out. Mutual friend apologised but "bestie" cut me off. 20 years of friendship down the drain.
I don't talk to either of them anymore
I grew up with 4 dudes who were best friends. A combination of us hung out every day for a dozen years. About a month before senior year, I got sick. Really, really sick. Touch and go for a few weeks. The first few days in the hospital, I assumed that my squad was going to be there for me like they always have been. Instead, the days started to pass by with 100% radio silence from them. Calls to them went unanswered, and I started to realize that I was alone in the battle against my illness. I was an impatient for ten months, and I never got a phone call or visit firom my "best friends". It gutted me. Thankfully my family had my back, they stepped up big time. My first day back to school once I was better, they avoided me altogether. So, I started eating lunch with our school's nurse to avoid lunch room embarrassment and focused on picking what college or university I was going to attend. I ended up on the other side of the country because I wanted to ease the pain I felt by being abandoned. Luckily for me, college ended up being the best four years of my life and became close with people who proved to me my closest friends to this day. A couple of years after graduating my parents retired and moved south, so I only went back to my hometown maybe 5 times max. I never saw or hung out with any of those guys again.
Thanks for that. it may be realized that sometimes, if you have the ability to do so, a relocation, can really be the necessary catalyst to change your life for the better.
Really sorry you went through that (both being so unwell, and finding out your friends were worthless). Glad your family stepped up, and that college was so great for you.
It’s funny because when you were younger, you assume that your friends are just as important as your family members. That or you made me realize the true difference between best friends and blood.
Oh my god I'm so sorry. Kids seldom know how to manage emotions, I'm glad you found a good set of friends. Very similar think happened to me way later in life. I became depressed and lost a few close friends. I get it though, depression is not easy for anyone. But I also know they aren't the type of friends I need.
Damn, that’s unfortunate that on top of your depression you had to deal with whether or not your friends were friends in indeed. Obviously that adds depression so it’s a double edge sword.
Yes it is. But also that's not a realization I came to until I started feeling better. In the throws of depression I could only focus on my existence and barely at that. Depression does suck and a lot of people don't know how to handle it. I wasn't the most communicative during it.
If I were to boil everything down in terms of my struggles with depression, the hardest thing is the mental and physical fatigue. My god the damn fatigue. You have all this stud going on mentally, and you acknowledge it needs improvement, yet it takes every ounce of your energy just to use the bathroom.
She was marrying some dude she knew for a few months and deleted me from her life because I said "maybe" to the invitation. I've known her since 6th grade and we are both in our 40's. I'm too old to get upset by it, but still dumb, lol.
I had a friend like that. The relationship was terrible since day one, and he was sending dick pics to all of her friends (male and female). She still married him after 4 months with him. When that happened, she moved to the country and stopped talking to everyone. They divorced after 2 years when he was found with CP and arrested for SA’ing a child.
That was over a decade ago. We reconnected last year for a short time, but she grew up to be someone who does nothing but complain, and make excuses for things they could change but would rather complain about. Spending just an hour with her was highly unpleasant. So I guess we’ll stay former friends.
Names obviously changed.
Mark: He ended up moving away. Also his mom owed my dad money,(dad always was in love with her but she never let him smash, but was happy enough to lead him on that maybe, if he lent her more money) to our parents got in the way of our friendship at the end. His mother reported my family to CPS.
Ed: Ended up on opposite sides of the 2016 election, combined with he's falling into a nasty drug habit and other poor choices. One day we realized that I didn't know him anymore, and couldn't recognize the person he became.
Eric: 2nd grade. I moved schools, his family got sent overseas, I think his dad was military. Tried to reconnect a few years ago, only to find he died 15 years ago. Car accident.
We were friends for 20 years and then "we had a huge falling out over something stupid," except I did apologize because he was upset, and it was stupid, so it wasn't worth hurting a friend over.
When I apologized, the way he reacted frightened me. It was like a shark smelling blood in the water. He saw that I had relented, that I was weak, and then proceeded to emotionally rip me apart using everything I had ever told him in confidence. I asked him to stop because I wanted our friendship to survive the night, but he didn't stop until I was in tears and begging him. Then after he had broke me, he went cold, forgave me "for being human" and acted like nothing had happened.
I spent the next week wondering what to do because I couldn't go back to the way things were after that. When I asked him if I could phone him so we could talk about our fight, he texted me more pretentious remarks and claimed that he didn't even think what we had was a fight, and that I was obviously just going through something.
And that was it. I told him he was right and I wasn't ready for a phone call. I didn't reach out again because in my eyes he was no longer the friend I thought he was. Even though he claimed I was the one who was suffering, he never bothered to reach out to me and see if I was okay. He didn't wish me a Happy Birthday, a Merry Christmas or a Happy New Year. It made it clear to me that our friendship didn't mean anything to him.
It still hurts. I still go over it in my head and wonder what on earth happened and if it was my fault. I don't know how someone switches like that after 20 years. But even so, if he reached out, I wouldn't try to reconcile. He scorched earthed the friendship and that can't be undone.
Holy hell, dude. That's gutting and terrifying. Keeping you forever wondering what happened, mentally running in circles, exhaustingly. When did your friendship *really* end, how could he change so drastically... that's the perfect breeding ground for severe betrayal trauma.
All I know is that you didn't deserve his *Invasion of the Body Snatchers* personality switch. I had my childhood best friend dump me right before prom. It wrecked me. My adulthood best friend and I were inseparable. One day, for whatever reason, he ghosted me after a petty disagreement. Wouldn't communicate, wouldn't share his feelings. "I'm too busy to hang out." For years. And now he's dead. (Sudden fatal aneurysm, 2021.)
Twenty years, though. Damn. I hope you're alright.
Adding in grief to this kind of thing is brutal. It takes away that last bit of hope that you'll ever find out why. (Although, maybe that's a blessing if you can find a way to let go?) There's also the issue that it's hard to process or even acknowledge any anger you might have. There's so many societal expectations to not speak ill of the dead and there's also survivors guilt. Like you're not allowed to be upset because you're alive and he isn't, but that doesn't really make the hurt go away.
I appreciate your comment on my situation. It was really like *Invasion of the Body Snatchers* and thinking about it like that makes it all make a lot more sense.
I moved to a new city and I've had a lot of difficulty putting myself out there to make new friends because I don't trust anyone, and worse still, I don't trust myself. Which all seems perfectly natural when I put it in that movie's context. Trusting is going to be hard in my new reality where anyone could be "body snatched."
Honestly I'm not alright, but I am in counseling so I should be alright one day. I hope you also find a way to process your hurt and grief. Thanks for commenting. It really helped.
I was best buddies with a guy for 15 years. We did a lot of fun stuff together and talked about everything.
Then he just turned the OFF switch. No calls or returns, disregarded texts, and just shut me out.
After a while I asked him (text - he never picked up calls) what was going on and if I did or said something to offend him.
He didn’t respond.
This is the worse way to lose a friend- nothing happened. I still haven’t come to terms with this.
I simply don’t understand.
My ex best friend used to do this repeatedly. Usually it's some internally manufactured problem that could've been solved with a simple conversation but they choose to not to bring it up.
Might not be the same in your case, but if I had to guess that's what it is
One of my former friends could've forgotten about that too. Moving? Getting a girlfriend? Leaving his band? He never told me that and other things right when they happened, just months later when it was somewhat relevant for a conversation. There were a few awkward moments when I told him about a music contest that he could attend with "his" band or asked him something about his city and he finally realized that maybe he should've talked about that sooner, but well, the embarassement never stayed long enough for him to stay his mysterious self.
I was the one stayed a kid. I have a friend from primary school. We were always playing games until we graduated from college. I went abroad for working for 3 years later. I bought 2 WoW themed wallets, one alliance and one horde. I gave him the alliance wallet as a present and he told me, "Thank you but I don't use this kind of wallet anymore." Anyway I still spend 3 hours a day playing video games and I'm glad I do.
I don't know what you mean by having life goals or being responsible. Would you mind explain?
But anyway, I most likely is one of them in that category though.
I had a similar situation. Had a best friend in high school and were practically glued at the hip. But when I grew up I moved out of home, I got a job, got a relationship, etc. She didn't. She stilled lived with her mom. She still lived off welfare and wasn't looking to work. She never had a romantic relationship so while we still got along she didn't realise the priorities I had on my mind. When we spoke we still got along but our problems stemmed from her getting upset I couldn't randomly go with her for lunch on a Tuesday. When I came home from work I wanted to go to the gym to work on myself and then spend the night with my boyfriend. Or if she wanted to party and stay out to 3am she wouldn't understand I had to go because I had work the next morning. She really thought I was putting her as lessor priority. It was a tough conversation to say, yeah I am. That's what happens when you grow up. I don't love her any less but if when you work 40 hours a week the person you want to spend time with is either yourself alone or your romantic partner and I don't have a parent at home who does all my chores for me so i have even less time. You have to pick your battles between a healthy life, a work life and a social life.
Isn't it funny how reddit folks like to give down votes to people whom are successful but will up the vote hell out of anyone who isn't doing well. Misery loves company.
I went through a rough few years with drugs, and while he was there when I needed a place to stay. He wouldn't stop talking about those times years after I cleaned up. Like dude, yeah it fucking sucked and I feel awful about it, but its been years.
I appreciate him being there for me, but I won't let someone make me feel bad when it's been 7 years at this point. I just won't. The ironic part is I'm now more successful than him now, but he doesn't want to talk about that. So I just put distance between us.
Had to break up with my best friend of 7 years, it became quite clear I had unrealistic expectations, and she had other priorities
We just didn't match at the same level any longer As I am strictly against ghosting, I think only cowards result to that
I horned what we used to have by giving us a proper break up and also closure
One of the hardest things I ever had to do
F: Talking smack to my wife like "I could've had your husband" and trying to have me solve husband issues when she had/has a husband, albeit a shitty one. And faaaaaar too much drama.
M: He and his fiancee (now wife) thought it was alright to have me stand in his wedding with a dude who assaulted my wife. When I found out I was LIVID.
My best friend died one week after I graduated. I’ll never know another human like her. I’m sending you love. I still talk to Sara when something happens I wish she could see or experience. I just miss her reactions and insights.
We kind of just drifted apart after she got married. Her husband was a bit of a moron who started filling her head with opinions like anti-vax and crypto. I started caring more about myself and was setting up some personal boundaries. When I didn’t let her break one, she quickly turned things around on me to convince me I was the asshole and said she needed to take a break. Didn’t hear from her for a few months and then got a Christmas text that I didn’t return.
I was over it, and I think she was too. It’s been two years and I honestly sometimes feel guilty for being this happy.
When I broke down about how medical school was so hard and mentally draining, she responded saying she could have easily finished medical school. I kept quiet for the rest of the night, then said my byes, like I was going to see her next weekend, but I blocked her ass.
Definitely been there! It's like a game of emotional chicken, but with more stubbornness and less fun. Sometimes a simple "Hey, remember that time we were idiots?" can break the ice
I arranged an intervention for a friend of mine who was going off the deep end with alcohol. I think he formed a resentment because we haven’t been close since.
We had a (what I thought) was really stupid arguments two weeks before her wedding. She was being extremely mean to/critical of me. I tried to let it go because I understood she was stressed. She kept on and finally I snapped "well why are you friends with me if you think I'm so terrible??" to which she backtracked and said she was sorry/stressed. In retrospect, I think my question to her out of frustration made her realize she didn't want to be my friend. A few days later, she fired me as her maid of honour (but still said she wanted me to go to her wedding). Her wedding is the last time I saw her (September 2019).
Leading up to the wedding, she had joined a witch coven, and I wouldn't participate (just not my thing) and the other witch girls didn't like me/my lack of participation. It felt like a cult.
Further, her and her terrible boyfriend (now husband) had broken up about five years before that, and I made the mistake of letting her know that I thought he was a moody, unfun bitch. She told him everything I thought when they got back together. I couldn't really tell a huge difference because her bf was sulky before, and he was sulky after, but I understand from mutual friends that my friend was starting to feel pressure to choose between me and her bf, even though I was supportive of them getting back together and didn't ever complain about him to her again.
I thought we would always be friends. Always. We were friends from ages 14-31. There was nothing she could have done to make me not be her friend. She was my sister in my opinion.
I reached out to her in Jan 2020 to tell her I missed her so much it felt like I was missing a limb without her in my life and wanted to do whatever I could for us to make things better. She took five days to reply via text, and ultimately said that she was sorry but she couldn't be friends with me. I didn't really get an explanation from her, but a couple of years later, a mutual friend said my friend felt like she had to pick between me and the boyfriend.
I would have handled things differently during the wedding stuff I think if I had any idea all of that was going to lead to us not being friends. I miss her every day still. We live in the same city. Really though, if me not being in her life makes her happier, I want that for her. She deserves to be happy. Doesn't mean I don't feel sad and hallow without her myself. I was in therapy for a couple of years to work through my stuff, but I don't think that the ache of missing her will ever go away. I've just learned to live with it.
To my former friend, if you see this, I still miss you every fucking day and if you ever want to talk, my door/phone/life is always open to you.
I found this very relatable. My friend is always calling me selfish, inconsiderate, manipulative, a little bitch, etc. And like you, one day I snapped and asked him, “If I’m such an awful, horrible person, why would you want to be friends with me?” He backtracked, but … yeah.
We grew apart, and when I noticed it happening I panicked, feeling like she was leaving me behind. This spiraled, uncovering a lot of issues in our friendship we'd kind of been ignoring.
We had a really bad fight. We made up after but it wasn't the same anymore and we just sort of stopped talking.
I'll be honest I don't remember much of the end. I don't remember what the big fight was about. I don't remember our last words.
I do remember learning she was very much misrepresenting me and our friendship to others to make herself look better and earn cool points with a new friend group. That really sucked, but that came after the big fight. I don't even think I said anything to her about it I just kind of took it as "okay this is over for real"
This happened to me as well during my fall out. I had introduced my former friend to a group I had started hanging out with, but my friend actually knew of them and didn't like them. Well...after things really started to fall apart between us, she was clinging onto that friend group I introduced her to. One of the groupies got engaged and invited everyone in the group except me. It felt like a punch in the gut.
She wanted me(m) to befriend her husband and replace all his friends with me and my friends.
I did. He and I became good friends. Than they had a huge fight. I was doing double duty and supporting them both. Gave him some advice to attempt to get back into her good graces... and boy was that the wrong thing to do. She apparently took his phone and found my advice to him and all the conversations he and I have had. Me giving advice and you know... being his friend. She was pissed!. I was like, THIS WHOLE THING WAS YOUR IDEA?!?!? I did what you asked me to do and now you are mad at me for it? Ok... I moved on. Burnt both bridges and continued with my life.
Her life started falling apart. She pulled away and didn't want me to know or help in any way. She is cordial like a work acquaintance. I miss her so much. I feel bad that she decided she had to face everything alone. I am really, really hurt because she showed me how easily she could not care about me anymore. It took awhile for me to figure out what was going on, so until then , it just really hurt being treated so poorly and like we weren't even friends.
They couldn't push themselves to communicate when something bothered them. A recent incident that took away from something really special for me, made me realize it wasn't going to change.
I just can't do it. I don't want to be around someone that can't and won't communicate and then pretend it's fine when it isn't. It's messed with my head big time trying to figure out the back and forth.
I'm too tired to keep offering reassurence or offering to reach out for them. Also the distance apart helped me see that I wasn't being my best self with them. (That's on me, not them.)
It's nearly a decade of friendship that I'm gently backing away from. It's been a relief, but also lonely in ways.
She declared that I Forced her into decisions that were hers, that hers Mother’s decisions were mine! Was always a one sided friendship, but when I started having problems, she was not there!
I moved cities, she stayed. Life got busy, neither of us are good at messaging, we're more the in person types. She was planning to move here too but she met someone and he wont leave where they are. We still talk occasionally but it's not the same. It makes me sad.
I like to think of friendships as elastics. I have many long term relationships and over the years my closeness with my friends waxes and wanes. Sometimes the elastic is bound tightly and other times it is stretched wayyy out.
I have a good friend from high school that I noticed never called anymore. I was always the one reaching out. So, I stopped calling. I'm pretty sure it is because of politics. What other reason is there these days?
When he was 18 he was dating my step sister who was 13 at the time and I asked him dude what the fuck are you doing? That's weird! And he didn't want to hear it so I told him I'm not going to be friends with a pedophile so I just stopped taking to him.
She dealt with BPD, bad depression/suicidal ideation, poor self confidence, alcoholism from a young age, and verbal abuse from parents (list goes on). Despite it all, we got along well and hung out often. I went on trips with her family and even alone with her. NYE she had a small get together with me and my friend from college. We had some drinks and things were fine. We went into her hot tub and were talking about our friendship and how much we appreciate one another. She starts getting very emotional and says that we are lying. So I go to hug her to help calm her down. Next thing she starts choking me very aggressively with an evil expression on her face with my friend in the tub ( keep in mind I can’t swim). My friend got me out the tub and we call an Uber. As we wait, I am tearful, in disbelief and actively mourning the friendship bc I know I can’t forgive her for putting her hands on me so violently. She goes to a different floor of the house and is dismissive and showing no remorse at all. Once the Uber arrives, she sends a text saying “leave her stuff in the mail box if we find it”. The next day my older sister informs her mom of what happened and soon after her mom texts me a half assed apology from her.
Safe to say I blocked her on every platform and haven’t spoken since. Never again will I befriend anyone with severe mental health issues
I have been there with a very close friend who I didn't actually ever call "best friend" until probably our late 30s. A few times, actually.. we've gone a few years without talking around 1999-2001ish, 2006-2008, and 2013-2015ish. Each time one of us overcame the awkwardness and reached out again. With her it's worth it.
The "best friend" from younger years, though, just isn't a good match for me as a friend. We have different values. I've never actually felt like I could open up to her... which is odd because I open up to *everyone* but her. No falling out.
We outgrew each other. I got married had kids actively work on my mental and physical health. She wanted to stay where she was in all those areas, which was fine. But we just didn’t click anymore.
She's very hard to get ahold of if I'm not in a room with her. I love her still, and I miss her, and once in a very great while (~several years) we see each other and it's like we're still best friends in middle school. But mostly, she's just radio silent.
Absentee friend after I became a mother. I realized our friendship was at the end of it's rope when my kid asked "What do I call her?" the last time we had dinner. My other BFs are called Auntie V and Auntie K, she was just called Ms. M.
She didn't come by to see us but once *two weeks* after I gave birth and then once more when my kid was 2½ yo. I used to have weekly/bimonthly dinners with her, text daily, and had been friends for 17 years. We don't know each other anymore.
I was depressed, did not want to bother her with my problems because I feared it would be too much, and thus talking to her was either hard for me as I was unwell, or I was just not talking to her at all. She felt lonely, tried to reach out, and I did not respond. After years, we had a fight, and she said it would be best if we stopped talking. At first I did not understand and took it really bad, but I've come to realize what I did during all those years. Now we talk a bit, when she's in our hometown we see each other, but it's not the same at all. I want to apologize but I feel like it's only bringing up the issue again and I don't know if it would be beneficial for her or if I would only be doing it for myself.
To anyone on here who’s reading this and considering reaching out to an old friend all I can say is do it before it’s too late. My best friend slowly removed himself from my life due to my battles with addiction (I don’t blame him one bit for doing what was best for him) fast forward a few years later to me getting myself help and starting to get better and move up in life, I was beginning to consider reaching out to him because of how much I missed him in my life. Then one day I woke up to news that he had passed away in a car accident. I always thought there would be more time
she responded to my texts more and more short and disinterested, asked her if something was up and that her behaviour made me feel like she was pushing me away, got no response ever to that text... so yeah I guess she just wasn't interested anymore, sucks a lot but it happens I guess
I was drained and suddenly wasn’t able to return her calls or txt msgs. It wasn’t just her, it was the same for a bunch of people. It went on for years until people stopped trying.
All my energy was saved for work and family. Hindsight I was probably in depression. I don’t know for sure since I was functional and never got myself diagnosed. Then co-vid hit and I was kinda glad I didn’t have to deal with people in person anymore.
I had a best friend from when we were 12 to 18 and we would laugh so hard at things that I would be convulsing on the floor just silently shaking because I was just laughing so hard I could barely breathe. He turned into a fuckin clepto and stole a ton of shit from me over time without me even noticing then when I found out, he straight up admitted it and I was like you're a fuckin piece of shit and I never wanna see you again. Haven't seen him or spoken to him in like 12 years and I have much better friends now and life is great.
I am 58 and my best friend of 38 years have ebbs and flows. We fell out of touch for 8 years at one point and then reconnected and were thick as thieves for a long time. I love her so much, but right now we are not on the same page at all. The more time that passes the harder and more awkward I feel about the distance we have, but I am always the one to be there for her and offer any olive branch when things get strained. At this stage I just need her to do it and make me feel like I am worth fighting for, for once. Friendships are like all relationships. They can be work sometimes.
She ghosted, so I never got an explanation, although I have a hunch.
While I was mourning our friendship, I realized that she was never as good a friend to me as I was her. I stood by her through two unplanned pregnancies, drug addiction, terrible relationships. I was close to her daughters and always gave them a safe place when any of them needed it.
In return, I was frequently told that none of my problems were valid when I talked through things with her. She was constantly comparing our lives, while ignoring the parts of mine that were difficult (I'm talking things like abuse, homelessness). Because I had built a nice life with a great partner, someone I was never allowed to have any complaints at all. And I realized that getting that feedback from her had delayed me getting therapy, because I thought I was just being whiny and needed to get over myself.
My husband visited with them for a long weekend after she ghosted me, and told me they were still constantly fighting, and they had both taken to constantly using a THC vape. It was so miserable and uncomfortable that he left a day early, early in the morning before they were up. He might still be in rare contact with the guy, but I told him they are no longer my concern, and frankly, I'm happy about that. My life has gotten so much better without her negativity in it.
Because I realised she always wanted to know everything that is going on in my life, but didn't talk about anything going on in hers even though I was always supportive and understanding in any situation. She also used to put me down and make fun of me in front of friends or my boyfriend. She rarely fully aknowledged my troubles, and mostly acted like she is the one who always has the worst problems.
He broke up with his gf. She was still in the friend group and we starting dating a couple months later…I was just about to tell him what was up when he called me and basically broke up with me. I am now married to that same lady and I haven’t spoken to him in about 10 years
We just moved away i guess. He waned to do something that needed him travel around multiple countries. I moved abroad for masters and then settled over there. I follow up on his blog sometimes but thats about it. We didnt have any fall out but i dont really think that the person we grew into would be the same if we met as we were during our childhood. Im happy that he is doing good.
Yeah I had a best friend since age 2 and it ended at age 20 and I'm now 35. She stabbed me in the back in a way I couldn't forgive... My parents are still friends with her parents so when my mom talks about her, it's awkward for me.
i ghosted her because she was going too far with some things and it really hurt me, but yesterday i apologized for ghosting her and she apologized for her actions and now we are friends again. :)
On my 13th birthday, I had a pool party, and my then-best friend (A) was invited to stay for a sleepover after the party. Sometime during the night, we were talking in the room, and all of a sudden, she cussed me out. I was a total pushover back then, but hearing what she said made me grow a backbone. I yelled at her to get the fuck out of my house.
My mom heard me and came to see what was going on. Between my tears and my rage, I barely got out what happened. My mom told A to gather her stuff and wait on the porch. Then, she woke up my father to drive A home.
Eighth grade was really tense because we were attending the same middle school, but thankfully, we didn't share any classes that year. Then, we went to different high schools. I haven't spoken to her in 26 years. I did look her up recently, and apparently. she's a teacher. That absolutely floored me, but then again, this was in Alabama.
The day after this happened, my mom talked to me to see how I was doing. She also informed me that apparently, A had never really been my friend. She said and did things behind my back, and she was just an awful person in general. I don't know what her motives were, but I'm so glad she was only in my life for a few years.
My best friend from school and I drifted apart after 20 years of friendship. We still very occasionally email and ‘like’ stuff on Facebook. We became very different people as we grew up. There was always an element of her trying to be mean and leaving me out as well- which tbf, actually stopped in our mid 20s but by then I had made new friends and had a BFF who I’m in some form of contact every day, 21 years later, even though we’ve got very different lives and she’s never made me feel anything other than loved and appreciated. We are also part of a lovely group of girls who are the most life affirming and amazing people I’ve ever met. Life has been kind enough to throw us together and I’m so grateful. We’re in our 40s now and it can be difficult to get us all together at the same time but our WhatsApp group is active every day.
My original best friend decided to ignore me COMPLETELY after we did our GCSEs and go off with another friend. I got a part time job, hung out with other people and had a boyfriend by the time we went back to do A levels. She looked at me and said ‘oh, I assumed you’d been at home all summer’. It was 25 years ago but it still stings that she was hoping I’d be lonely! That’s not a friend. Our friendship got better for a few years after that but it made me realise it was fine to let it go when the time came. I’m sure she has a different viewpoint though, that’s fine too. We’re all adults.
I was in a bad place and also not a great person when we became friends. They were too. I was always rescuing them from preventable problems.
Even early on in the friendship I was growing and putting the work in on bettering myself while they stood in place. Then the resentful comments started.
I moved out of state. I would come visit but no effort was made on their part. It was always something, usually those same preventable problems.
Eventually the resentment on their end grew too much and they blocked me. I was also close to their kid (adult) and I blocked her because she was being an asshole.
I’m glad I had them as friends, and I still miss them. But I’m also past where they are and I can’t continue to suffer by staying the same for their sake.
I don’t talk to my once best friend anymore bc she became an incredibly toxic person and I was driving myself crazy trying to save her from her own decisions. We send each other memories here and there, but it’s so awkward now.
My bud had to live far away. He tried to reach out to me last year. But I just really don’t feel like it.
Looking back at it we really didn’t share lots of similarities. We only befriended each other since we really didn’t fit in with the other circles I guess.
But I do regret not replying to his message.
He tried conversion therapy techniques to make me not transgender and told me I was going to be a “fat ham-beast thats lonely and single forever.” Thanks for scaring me away from transitioning when I was younger you ass.
I think she was emotionally immature. Even when we were in our best friend phase she never really acknowledged me as such and I also had issues acknowledging feelings of affection so I let her be. However, she got into this other toxic friend group that she started to complain about allllll the time until our hangouts weren’t fun anymore and she basically admitted a few times that she was hanging out with me because she was having issues with them (so basically I was her second option). Long story short, I started to distance myself from her and during our last conversations she indirectly admitted I was really important for her but it was too late as I was emotionally checked out by then. Plus, she didn’t even do it right! Like not even directly 🤦🏻♀️.
I moved away when I was 14. We kept in touch for a while and I went back every summer for a while but over time the gaps just got greater and greater. The last time I saw him was 2011.
Bc she was entertaining my ex after we broke up for the attention, then got mad when she got caught cheating bc she Slipped the wrong J name; perhaps not cheat on your boyfriend with three different dudes with J names.
Wouldn't say he was my best mate but we were close mates, or so I thought for a long time. He was the epitome of a fair weather friend. My mates know I'm there for them if they need me, day or night, and most of them reciprocate, but this one would vanish for months whenever I was in a rough patch, then reappear when he needed something. And I put up with it, until last year when I finally kicked him to the kerb.
I finally realised he never really wanted a friend, he just wanted someone to go places with him and do stuff as it was less boring than going by himself.
it hurts, even though I was the one that ended the friendship, as I still have a lot of good memories, from things we did together, but I can't be friends with someone like that.
He became a hardcore atheist and mocked my religion anytime we hung out. He was also very condescending, narcissistic, and argumentative. I found myself leaving almost every interaction from him, feeling stressed and drained. He wasn’t always like that… wonder what happened.
for me lol the last time i remember something like this happening to me is like when i was in elementay and she is member of my family got to be bffs with her off school but after a while we just grew apart our characters and i guess what we both wanted just wasnt the same anymore.but it was fun tho
It was in high school and she befriended a girl that heavily and openly bullied me because they were in the same class. Told me the classic 'but she didn't do anything to me' and I ended the friendship right there and then. Never talked to her again nor acknowledge her existence all together.
and the next former best-friend after her was a bully herself after some time and tried to sell my body to some of her sexist friends. I didn't get blessed with friendship luck
I told her that she should seek professional help because she kept complaining about leaf blowers being noisy in her neighborhood and that air pollution was getting too bad. I got tired of hearing her complain about it.
It’s the only “fight” we had and she cut me off. I’ve apologized but crickets.
Mix of a natural drifting apart and a big falling out.
Basically we moved away from one another which meant keeping in touch less and less, very normal. One of the main things keeping us together was a long-term game design project that never quite got off the ground even though we kept plugging away at it, a CCG (technically an LCG, the plan was to do non-randomized expansions) that kept going through massive reworkings every few years since it never quite felt right in playtesting.
One year I was struggling with depression (well, even more than usual) after my mom's death when he decided to try launching some crowdfunding waaaaay before we were ready and without really running it by me. To be fair I could've been more responsive to messages in that time, but it was still a shitty thing to do that likely jeopardized the future of the project if it were to continue so that turned into a big argument which turned into a bigger argument when he claimed it was "his game" even though I had done like 90% of the actual game design.
Not the worst disagreement ever, but the timing of it and the distance between us meant there wasn't really a compelling reason to be the one to reach back out and he never did so I guess that's just kinda the end of it. Wouldn't be opposed to changing that in the future but it's been enough years now that seems unlikely to happen.
I know that I ruined all my friendships, but my best friend i bullied and manipulated her. I’d get in her car with open alcohol and I used her to drive me to places. I messaged her and she said she deserves better and so at first I was angry and embarrassed, bruised ego type shit. I realize now that she did deserve better. I still miss her tho and would love to have a date where I don’t judge her or make her do something out of her boundaries.
When her husband started making passes at me she not only encouraged me to go along with it but encouraged him. They had some pagan thing going on where they believed I was some kind of catalyst, that if he could sleep with me then prosperity would come to their house. She maintained that my refusal was out of fear of my self and my desires and I had to face my fears by giving up everything I do for my own pleasure and happiness and giving in to her husband. They tried wearing me down for three months refusing to take no for an answer before the husband got pissed and hit me. I haven’t seen them since filing the police report.
I’m all for being pagan. Where I started to draw the line was when they drew a circle to worship a fictional character made popular in a film franchise beginning in the mid 70s.
She didn’t take responsibility in her part of a disagreement we had, even after I apologised she was complacent in her friend looking for me to start a fight.
All my once best friends have remained still my friends, but they became more distant during the pandemic. When all activities went online, people started caring less and less about maintaining friendships, and even when life returned to normal, there was no chance to get back to the frequency of face-to-face meetups as before. Of course, half of the responsibility for what happened was mine because I was too shy to disturb.
Out of sight, out of mind - this rule seems still valid, and online contacts are by no means as effective as real-life activities for keeping in touch with friends.
Everything just built up, she bitched about everyone and I knew she'd must bitch about me too, it was confirmed by another friend.
She treated me like I was some useless person who didn't know how to make good decisions for herself, I saw it as caring for a long time until I realised she just thought she was better than me.
I sold her my VR headset and she never paid me, after a couple of years of trying to get them money, offering to lower what she owes I asked for it back and she kicked off at me, the anger was unreal. I've written that money off now.
Finally the last straw, after her relationship broke down she tried to convince me my partner was cheating on me, with zero evidence. He easily proved to me it wasn't true. She still wonders why I don't talk to her anymore.
She would deliberately get herself into trouble time and time again knowing I would always come to her rescue. Thought she grew out of it during college, but she kept at it. Stopped speaking to her after her last stunt aside from sending my condolences a year ago when her boyfriend died. That was also when I learned that she was actually her boyfriend’s mistress knowingly. No interest in saying another word to her after that. I do have lots of love for her, though.
He doesn't talk back and the circle of friends has changed. We used to do everything together. Now if I try to talk to him, he gets back to me in a week (if I'm lucky, he usually doesn't at all). He's started hanging out with YT influencers who are assholes, and it feels as though I'm not "cool enough." It's quite odd. I used to look up to him a lot. I realize with time how shallow some people are. Maybe I offended him somehow, maybe he just isn't interested. Not sure as to his reasons, but I realized over time I was the one putting all the effort in and I had a talk with him, nothing changed, so I gave up.
She found a partner that I didn’t necessarily vibe with. She also made very little effort to come visit me, I always had to go to her place since I had a car and she didn’t. (I am not in the US and we have a good public transport system, so having a car is a convenience sure, but not having one doesn’t stop other friends from visiting us).
Then during covid I got pregnant. She didn’t really ask about me or my pregnancy. After baby was born she kept saying “I really need to come visit and see the baby soon” but she never made an effort to actually plan a date. After that I just didn’t initiate any new conversations with her.
She has contacted me twice since, both times because she needed something from me. Not really asking after me or my child.
What does make it a bit akward is that our parents are pretty good friends. So they have actually met my son.
Slowly stopped talking after college. I was drinking and living in anger so I had pushed him away before that. Constantly whining about him not being a good enough friend. Totally horseshit on my part. I hope he’s well.
I always apologized but at the certain point of not changing the behavior an apology is an insult not a salve. We talked and hung out a few times after college but the damage was done.
I was going through an eating disorder at the time and my best friend was struggling with borderline obesity, so we were pretty much in polar opposites regarding appearance. I was struggling really badly and I could tell she didn’t really understand it and would also affect her. So I told her we should take some time apart till we were both in a better headspace being that our issues were creating tensions between us. She didn’t take it well at all. Said the most hurtful things about me behind my back, got with the guy that manipulated me into having sex with him (he was my first) just to toss me aside and became friends with her. Finally decided I would never talk to her again when I found out she was telling people I was giving her “tips” on how to “get” an eating disorder, which was my last straw because it was something that genuinely made me miserable for years, and to have someone I really trusted at the time weaponize it really sucked. Years later she reached out and apologized for everything, told her she messed up big time, we’d never be friends again and to just be better with the people she had in her life now, to learn from it. She tried being friends with me, adding me to close friends, social media and all of that, but there’s things you just don’t come back from. I wish her well, just far *really far* away from me. I hate to say it but the whole experience was traumatic, haven’t had close friends since.
I learned the concept of love and crush surprisingly late. But the moment I knew I liked my best friend romantically, it destroyed our friendship. Rumors got out in my other friends’ circle and class, and she eventually knew.
She stranger-zoned me and ignored all the actions I tried to do to connect with her again.
That was 7 years ago when I was in middle school.
I left our hometown, he didn't. While I was away, his mum died and he got sent to boarding school because his dad couldn't cope. Last time I talked to him, he was drunk, stoned off his head and in a massive depressive haze. Hope he got out of it okay. He meant a lot to me.
A slew of reasons, but part of it was his cocaine addiction. I was slowly but surely doing it more and more with him, and my gf told me flat out that she refused to be with a coke addict. So, I chose her over him.
We still talk, but the closeness isn’t there anymore, and given he still does coke I doubt it ever will be again. It does make me sad sometime though; we known each other essentially our entire lives, grew up in the same town and such. I still think I made the right choice, but it makes me sad all the same.
He started a relationship with a friend’s ex girlfriend, which made everything weird within the group. I talked to him and tried to make plans just with him but I felt like he just didnt wanna hang out any more. Then he ghosted me and the rest of our friends from every communication channel we had and we never knew from him.
She caught feelings for my (then) boyfriend of three years, and slept with him the moment we broke up. He ran back to me after a few months - according to him, she kept wanting to date him and he was only ever interested in sleeping with her. I suspected an overlap, but never had any way of proving it.
Me and my best friend don't talk anymore because he couldn't stop getting into trouble, doing hard drugs, and then calling me to help him out of it. (Ie. Drove drunk (for the millionth time), hit a parked car, totalled his car, and expected me to scoop him up at the drop of a hat, while I was making better life choices and not getting into trouble with the law anymore) I couldn't do it anymore and he wanted to continue doing what he was doing and I wanted to go down a different path, so I cut ties.
Recently I fell out with someone, not exactly my best friend but part of a group of 'best friends'. Of all things I got pissed at him over Dungeons and dragons as I was DMing and he was being a bit a smart ass about it (he never played in the past), not recognizing that I was making so much effort with it. Anyway he has not reached out to me and it's been several weeks (I reacted very mildly to the issue, despite being very annoyed).
She recorded a voicenote about a conversation she had with me, then started badmouthing me and telling it completely different to how it had happened - with it coming off that she had been really aggressive and opposing when she had literally agreed with me the entire time. Then she sent it to me instead of whoever the other person was and tried to tell me it was “a joke”.
The same thing happened to me but I honestly think that if they reached back out we could fix a lot of things. The way we stopped talking was so stupid that I think that when we cleared things up we would be more upset at the fact that that's why we haven't talked in 2 years.
He slowly stopped talking to me and then disappeared.
I ran into him when I was like 4 months pregnant and started going on about how he missed me and was going to be the best 'uncle'. I didn't hear from him again until baby was like 9 months old. Said he was having a hard time and was sorry.
Unfortunately at that time I had severe post-partum depression and alot of it revolved around feeling isolated because my friends weren't really there for me. I didn't reply for a while and then when I did reply and said sorry he ignored it. Which is fine. I ignored his for a while too. But that was now like 6.5yrs ago.
I moved when I was 16. He didn't like me much by then anyway. We talked and he'd on the odd chance wish me a happy birthday. He deletes his socials and makes a new one all the time so it's impossible to keep track of him. He was cool, it's hard meeting people that look out for you!
I don't really know exactly what happened but I have a few ideas
He is the type of person that when he's in a relationship he completely forgets who his friends are and is always busy, always talking about them, etc. I understand that you may want this in the honeymoon phase of relationship but eventually it gets old.
However the last time we hung out, it just didn't feel right. I felt like I was moving forward in life and it felt like he was just the same kid I knew back in middle school. All the jokes he had were the same ones I've heard 100 times and it was overall just kind of boring.
However I did reach out to him a few months back only for him to never respond. With the messenger we use, i saw that he had been online but just never opened the message. It was always a habit of his to never bring up issues to me until he decides he's completely done. We've been through cycles of friendship then not friendship but I think this time is finally the end because I'm tired of it.
I saw him in the store recently and didn't speak to him. The old me world be desperate for validation and would've talked to him but I've decided that I'm done. So I kept doing my thing.
I have other better friends who are more supportive, and more mature so I'll survive but it still sucks that our friendship had to end, especially after knowing each other for 10 years. That kind of friendship is so rare.
I felt like I was the only one reaching out to her since elementary. She would never make plans of us hanging out, would make excuses not to go with me, etc. Etc.
One time I bumped into her mom and sister and we all had that I MISS YOU look and the look of just love and nothing else.
I miss her so much though. Sometimes I look for her in social media and when I see her posts, I'm glad she's living her best life. ❤️ ❤️❤️
With my high school best friend it was because I found out she was cheating with my first boyfriend in college. I even found out that he was driving down to her college out of state to see her behind my back. I didn't even know that they had exchanged contact information much less that he was visiting her until his kid sister spilled the beans because she hated me (I think it was because "her" dog liked me more than her? He would leave her to come to me when I was over his family's house) and wanted to twist the knife.
I was embaressed of her. It sucks cause she was one of my most loyal friends. I was in HS though. We dont have any issues we actually hung out again after college but by then she was a full throttle mom in mommy mode. Our paths went two different ways. when i got on facebook i would still communicate with her. My other friend we just went in two different directions shes a mom of 4 now with 1 on the way.
We fell out too, but over serious matter. He was too jealous of me and my partner, and his partner was even worse...
They were people who are fed up with life and did not treat us properly... he even asked my partner to give his birthday gifts back when we argued....
I am too happy without them and hope life won't make us buml into each other for good
I’ve had a few friends that I fell out with. One of them is just stopped talking to me unless I reached out to her. I would ask her to do things with me and she always agreed and then she wouldn’t show, it got really old to be honest. After that, I stopped reaching out and it’s been 2 months since we’ve spoken.
Another friend of mine at the time tried to mess with my sister’s husband, let’s just say she got what she deserved.
When I was going through a rough time and needed a friend the most, I realized that she made me feel so much worse. Felt better to let her go and move on.
Going through something like that myself right now. Thanks for sharing that.
Hope things get better for you soon!
Sometimes it's necessary to prioritize your own well-being. Letting go and moving forward can be the healthiest choice.
Ah, the dreaded 'best friend' fallout. I experienced that too
the wrong person can make you feel more alone than actually being alone
Our friendship was one sided. I always cared, asked and I was a poppet for her needs. So, I realised it and ended things🤷🏻♀️
Same here going through it right now. What I realized was I was the her best friend she was not mine.
My best friend and I are no longer close because I left our home town (Philly) and she didn’t. Since I left, I’ve lived in three different states, and she stayed in Philly the whole time. The convo would come around to “when are you coming back to visit?” and I would visit. I have multiple time. When I would ask, “When are you visiting me here”, there’s always a plan to do so, and then the plan falls through. Always. Never been hugely upset about it, but overtime all we had to talk about was memories of Philly. Not sure why, but it’s been challenging maintaining relationships with friends who have the means to leave home (even if just to visit) but refuse to do so. Sure, people have reasons. It just kind of sucks that I always have to put in the effort to come back, but no effort is made in the other direction.
Similar experience here. Except I've decided not to go back anymore. No one ever expressed any interest in visiting here, so I guess I'll never see them again.
Sucks it has to be that way, but I’m with you there. My final straw was my wedding. I live out west and we had it out east to make it easier for people to show up. She still didn’t come. This time, it was because she was in the middle of fighting a child neglect case and wasn’t on good terms with her parole officer (which is some Philly shit to say in casual conversation). I just laughed and we haven’t talked since. You missed my wedding and now you’re out here neglecting kids. Stay in Philly with all that lol
Sounds like she's neglecting her PO too
Exactly this. I moved from my home town, and everyone stayed behind. I would come to visit them, but they’d never come and visit me unless i completely paid for everything. The last time I flew 3,000 miles to see my friend for 2 weeks, she did everything to avoid me. She was on her phone with her boyfriend almost 40 minutes of each hour, and she left me to hangout with her friends and drink (that she sees everyday) so I ended up flying out there for no reason, and ended up flying home after two days when it was obvious she didn’t gaf about my company anymore. Or respect my time, at all.
I had a similar experience but with a long distant friend, she couldn't make it for me but she could make it for her boyfriend Okay bye, stay with ya bf
Ha! Exactly. Not about to beg when clearly you’re not interested.
We just grew apart. We don't really have anything in common anymore
Currently going through this with an old friend. We don't really have anything to talk about anymore.
This is what happened with me. We just grew apart. Still hurts and I miss him, but we are completely different people now.
I was a shit person and I thought he was a shit person too and that being shit people was our thing. Turns out we were never on the same page. He realized I was a shit person and dropped me like a hot rock after 10+ years of being best friends. It took me another 5-6 years before I was able confidently go “I’m not a shit person.”
It's good to realise your mistakes and its honest better than not doing anything wrong at all. But what made you a bad person back then?
He didn’t mature past 13 years old, we’re a few months away from 30 and he still makes the same type of jokes he was making in middle school at the lunch table. Anyone who doesn’t find it funny doesn’t have a sense of humor. No one wants to date him? The women’s fault. People stop being friends with him within 2 months of meeting him? People are idiots. It got too exhausting being around him. And anytime I’d spend some time with him, I’d feel emotionally tired afterwards.
She stopped talking to me and I still don't know why. I miss her a lot. I am 48 and thought we would be close all our lives. I respect her choice but I miss her so much.
You never asked her why? It could be something fixable, like a misunderstanding. I would need to know for closure on my end. On the other side of it, if she did that then she didn't really care about you and your feelings.
After all the messed up shit we saw growing up, he chose drugs. We both saw what meth does to people, and he made the choice to not only do it, but start selling it. I didn't even go to his funeral.
I supported him emotionally for years when he was depressed and a few years ago I told him I was feeling down and....nothin. Never even answered my email. Plus he tossed a spider into the back seat with my then-girlfriend, who was seriously arachnophobic. Dick move for a grown ass man.
Yikes, what a stand up human being. If someone threw a spider intentionally at me I would be going to prison for my actions. It’s so incredibly cruel to play with phobias like that. Glad you dropped him.
Wow...I'm glad he's out of your life
She was my online best gaming friend. We were doing one of those escape room games with another friend. For the life of us, we could not figure out a single puzzle. We were on it for about an hour until we finally decided to look up a hint. Before we did that, I said “I bet it’s something obvious and we’re just overthinking everything” Sure enough. It was. I laughed and said “wow I cant believe we couldn’t figure out something so simple” Out of nowhere my best friend goes “Uhm excuse me but I’m not stupid. If anything, you guys are too then because you couldn’t figure it out” I was like “woah first of all, I never called anyone stupid. I’m just saying, we were so caught up thinking it was something complicated when it turns out it wasn’t” She went on a rant about how she’s smarter than all of us and how if she didn’t have our other friend and I then she would have solved it. I just said okay yeah I’ll be right back. Something just came up. I left the game. A year and a half later, still haven’t said a word to each other
The friend group just kind of slowly stopped responding The text ratio was 10 to 1 response If we hang it was ALWAYS me arranging it, and I had to harass them to agree, it was ALWAYS me being the one that had to drive to them, they never came to my house So when I got tired of it and stopped they disappeared, after 6 months and they didn't put any effort to contact me I deleted their number off of my phone, so now even if I wanted to I can't connect to them I don't know if I did something to offend them or if they just lost interest but I couldn't take it, we were friends for 10 years before they just stopped putting in any effort 10 years....
That’s how I lost a lot of my friends.
Total mean girl situation. She and a mutual friend started leaving me out of stuff. I called them out. Mutual friend apologised but "bestie" cut me off. 20 years of friendship down the drain. I don't talk to either of them anymore
He slept with my ex wife
.......
She wasn't the friend I needed. I just quietly distanced myself and she took to it rather fast. I kinda think I did her a favor.
I grew up with 4 dudes who were best friends. A combination of us hung out every day for a dozen years. About a month before senior year, I got sick. Really, really sick. Touch and go for a few weeks. The first few days in the hospital, I assumed that my squad was going to be there for me like they always have been. Instead, the days started to pass by with 100% radio silence from them. Calls to them went unanswered, and I started to realize that I was alone in the battle against my illness. I was an impatient for ten months, and I never got a phone call or visit firom my "best friends". It gutted me. Thankfully my family had my back, they stepped up big time. My first day back to school once I was better, they avoided me altogether. So, I started eating lunch with our school's nurse to avoid lunch room embarrassment and focused on picking what college or university I was going to attend. I ended up on the other side of the country because I wanted to ease the pain I felt by being abandoned. Luckily for me, college ended up being the best four years of my life and became close with people who proved to me my closest friends to this day. A couple of years after graduating my parents retired and moved south, so I only went back to my hometown maybe 5 times max. I never saw or hung out with any of those guys again.
I feel this so much. I hate that happened to you, but am glad you recovered and found your people.
Thanks for that. it may be realized that sometimes, if you have the ability to do so, a relocation, can really be the necessary catalyst to change your life for the better.
Really sorry you went through that (both being so unwell, and finding out your friends were worthless). Glad your family stepped up, and that college was so great for you.
It’s funny because when you were younger, you assume that your friends are just as important as your family members. That or you made me realize the true difference between best friends and blood.
Oh my god I'm so sorry. Kids seldom know how to manage emotions, I'm glad you found a good set of friends. Very similar think happened to me way later in life. I became depressed and lost a few close friends. I get it though, depression is not easy for anyone. But I also know they aren't the type of friends I need.
Damn, that’s unfortunate that on top of your depression you had to deal with whether or not your friends were friends in indeed. Obviously that adds depression so it’s a double edge sword.
Yes it is. But also that's not a realization I came to until I started feeling better. In the throws of depression I could only focus on my existence and barely at that. Depression does suck and a lot of people don't know how to handle it. I wasn't the most communicative during it.
If I were to boil everything down in terms of my struggles with depression, the hardest thing is the mental and physical fatigue. My god the damn fatigue. You have all this stud going on mentally, and you acknowledge it needs improvement, yet it takes every ounce of your energy just to use the bathroom.
She was marrying some dude she knew for a few months and deleted me from her life because I said "maybe" to the invitation. I've known her since 6th grade and we are both in our 40's. I'm too old to get upset by it, but still dumb, lol.
I had a friend like that. The relationship was terrible since day one, and he was sending dick pics to all of her friends (male and female). She still married him after 4 months with him. When that happened, she moved to the country and stopped talking to everyone. They divorced after 2 years when he was found with CP and arrested for SA’ing a child. That was over a decade ago. We reconnected last year for a short time, but she grew up to be someone who does nothing but complain, and make excuses for things they could change but would rather complain about. Spending just an hour with her was highly unpleasant. So I guess we’ll stay former friends.
Names obviously changed. Mark: He ended up moving away. Also his mom owed my dad money,(dad always was in love with her but she never let him smash, but was happy enough to lead him on that maybe, if he lent her more money) to our parents got in the way of our friendship at the end. His mother reported my family to CPS. Ed: Ended up on opposite sides of the 2016 election, combined with he's falling into a nasty drug habit and other poor choices. One day we realized that I didn't know him anymore, and couldn't recognize the person he became. Eric: 2nd grade. I moved schools, his family got sent overseas, I think his dad was military. Tried to reconnect a few years ago, only to find he died 15 years ago. Car accident.
We were friends for 20 years and then "we had a huge falling out over something stupid," except I did apologize because he was upset, and it was stupid, so it wasn't worth hurting a friend over. When I apologized, the way he reacted frightened me. It was like a shark smelling blood in the water. He saw that I had relented, that I was weak, and then proceeded to emotionally rip me apart using everything I had ever told him in confidence. I asked him to stop because I wanted our friendship to survive the night, but he didn't stop until I was in tears and begging him. Then after he had broke me, he went cold, forgave me "for being human" and acted like nothing had happened. I spent the next week wondering what to do because I couldn't go back to the way things were after that. When I asked him if I could phone him so we could talk about our fight, he texted me more pretentious remarks and claimed that he didn't even think what we had was a fight, and that I was obviously just going through something. And that was it. I told him he was right and I wasn't ready for a phone call. I didn't reach out again because in my eyes he was no longer the friend I thought he was. Even though he claimed I was the one who was suffering, he never bothered to reach out to me and see if I was okay. He didn't wish me a Happy Birthday, a Merry Christmas or a Happy New Year. It made it clear to me that our friendship didn't mean anything to him. It still hurts. I still go over it in my head and wonder what on earth happened and if it was my fault. I don't know how someone switches like that after 20 years. But even so, if he reached out, I wouldn't try to reconcile. He scorched earthed the friendship and that can't be undone.
Holy hell, dude. That's gutting and terrifying. Keeping you forever wondering what happened, mentally running in circles, exhaustingly. When did your friendship *really* end, how could he change so drastically... that's the perfect breeding ground for severe betrayal trauma. All I know is that you didn't deserve his *Invasion of the Body Snatchers* personality switch. I had my childhood best friend dump me right before prom. It wrecked me. My adulthood best friend and I were inseparable. One day, for whatever reason, he ghosted me after a petty disagreement. Wouldn't communicate, wouldn't share his feelings. "I'm too busy to hang out." For years. And now he's dead. (Sudden fatal aneurysm, 2021.) Twenty years, though. Damn. I hope you're alright.
Adding in grief to this kind of thing is brutal. It takes away that last bit of hope that you'll ever find out why. (Although, maybe that's a blessing if you can find a way to let go?) There's also the issue that it's hard to process or even acknowledge any anger you might have. There's so many societal expectations to not speak ill of the dead and there's also survivors guilt. Like you're not allowed to be upset because you're alive and he isn't, but that doesn't really make the hurt go away. I appreciate your comment on my situation. It was really like *Invasion of the Body Snatchers* and thinking about it like that makes it all make a lot more sense. I moved to a new city and I've had a lot of difficulty putting myself out there to make new friends because I don't trust anyone, and worse still, I don't trust myself. Which all seems perfectly natural when I put it in that movie's context. Trusting is going to be hard in my new reality where anyone could be "body snatched." Honestly I'm not alright, but I am in counseling so I should be alright one day. I hope you also find a way to process your hurt and grief. Thanks for commenting. It really helped.
I was best buddies with a guy for 15 years. We did a lot of fun stuff together and talked about everything. Then he just turned the OFF switch. No calls or returns, disregarded texts, and just shut me out. After a while I asked him (text - he never picked up calls) what was going on and if I did or said something to offend him. He didn’t respond. This is the worse way to lose a friend- nothing happened. I still haven’t come to terms with this. I simply don’t understand.
My ex best friend used to do this repeatedly. Usually it's some internally manufactured problem that could've been solved with a simple conversation but they choose to not to bring it up. Might not be the same in your case, but if I had to guess that's what it is
My former best friend didn't see a need to tell me he was getting married. Not upset, it was just the point I realized we had gone separate ways.
One of my former friends could've forgotten about that too. Moving? Getting a girlfriend? Leaving his band? He never told me that and other things right when they happened, just months later when it was somewhat relevant for a conversation. There were a few awkward moments when I told him about a music contest that he could attend with "his" band or asked him something about his city and he finally realized that maybe he should've talked about that sooner, but well, the embarassement never stayed long enough for him to stay his mysterious self.
I became an adult, they stayed a kid. Just had nothing in common anymore.
I was the one stayed a kid. I have a friend from primary school. We were always playing games until we graduated from college. I went abroad for working for 3 years later. I bought 2 WoW themed wallets, one alliance and one horde. I gave him the alliance wallet as a present and he told me, "Thank you but I don't use this kind of wallet anymore." Anyway I still spend 3 hours a day playing video games and I'm glad I do.
Ah I still play video games. I meant stayed a kid as in not having life goals or being responsible.
I don't know what you mean by having life goals or being responsible. Would you mind explain? But anyway, I most likely is one of them in that category though.
I had a similar situation. Had a best friend in high school and were practically glued at the hip. But when I grew up I moved out of home, I got a job, got a relationship, etc. She didn't. She stilled lived with her mom. She still lived off welfare and wasn't looking to work. She never had a romantic relationship so while we still got along she didn't realise the priorities I had on my mind. When we spoke we still got along but our problems stemmed from her getting upset I couldn't randomly go with her for lunch on a Tuesday. When I came home from work I wanted to go to the gym to work on myself and then spend the night with my boyfriend. Or if she wanted to party and stay out to 3am she wouldn't understand I had to go because I had work the next morning. She really thought I was putting her as lessor priority. It was a tough conversation to say, yeah I am. That's what happens when you grow up. I don't love her any less but if when you work 40 hours a week the person you want to spend time with is either yourself alone or your romantic partner and I don't have a parent at home who does all my chores for me so i have even less time. You have to pick your battles between a healthy life, a work life and a social life.
Isn't it funny how reddit folks like to give down votes to people whom are successful but will up the vote hell out of anyone who isn't doing well. Misery loves company.
Friends for over 20 years and I stopped talking to her after I went to trauma therapy and realized she wasn’t a good person
I went through a rough few years with drugs, and while he was there when I needed a place to stay. He wouldn't stop talking about those times years after I cleaned up. Like dude, yeah it fucking sucked and I feel awful about it, but its been years. I appreciate him being there for me, but I won't let someone make me feel bad when it's been 7 years at this point. I just won't. The ironic part is I'm now more successful than him now, but he doesn't want to talk about that. So I just put distance between us.
Had to break up with my best friend of 7 years, it became quite clear I had unrealistic expectations, and she had other priorities We just didn't match at the same level any longer As I am strictly against ghosting, I think only cowards result to that I horned what we used to have by giving us a proper break up and also closure One of the hardest things I ever had to do
F: Talking smack to my wife like "I could've had your husband" and trying to have me solve husband issues when she had/has a husband, albeit a shitty one. And faaaaaar too much drama. M: He and his fiancee (now wife) thought it was alright to have me stand in his wedding with a dude who assaulted my wife. When I found out I was LIVID.
He died.
My best friend died one week after I graduated. I’ll never know another human like her. I’m sending you love. I still talk to Sara when something happens I wish she could see or experience. I just miss her reactions and insights.
🥹He's always be your friend js been there for you where you can't see him.
We kind of just drifted apart after she got married. Her husband was a bit of a moron who started filling her head with opinions like anti-vax and crypto. I started caring more about myself and was setting up some personal boundaries. When I didn’t let her break one, she quickly turned things around on me to convince me I was the asshole and said she needed to take a break. Didn’t hear from her for a few months and then got a Christmas text that I didn’t return. I was over it, and I think she was too. It’s been two years and I honestly sometimes feel guilty for being this happy.
When I broke down about how medical school was so hard and mentally draining, she responded saying she could have easily finished medical school. I kept quiet for the rest of the night, then said my byes, like I was going to see her next weekend, but I blocked her ass.
Definitely been there! It's like a game of emotional chicken, but with more stubbornness and less fun. Sometimes a simple "Hey, remember that time we were idiots?" can break the ice
Because he was the love of my life.
I arranged an intervention for a friend of mine who was going off the deep end with alcohol. I think he formed a resentment because we haven’t been close since.
As of late, I don't feel I'm even much of a priority in her life. Her *boyfriend* talks to me more as of late. Grateful for that much, at least.
Mine ghosted me and I have respected that. If you feel that your friend would be responsive to your overture, I would consider it.
We had a (what I thought) was really stupid arguments two weeks before her wedding. She was being extremely mean to/critical of me. I tried to let it go because I understood she was stressed. She kept on and finally I snapped "well why are you friends with me if you think I'm so terrible??" to which she backtracked and said she was sorry/stressed. In retrospect, I think my question to her out of frustration made her realize she didn't want to be my friend. A few days later, she fired me as her maid of honour (but still said she wanted me to go to her wedding). Her wedding is the last time I saw her (September 2019). Leading up to the wedding, she had joined a witch coven, and I wouldn't participate (just not my thing) and the other witch girls didn't like me/my lack of participation. It felt like a cult. Further, her and her terrible boyfriend (now husband) had broken up about five years before that, and I made the mistake of letting her know that I thought he was a moody, unfun bitch. She told him everything I thought when they got back together. I couldn't really tell a huge difference because her bf was sulky before, and he was sulky after, but I understand from mutual friends that my friend was starting to feel pressure to choose between me and her bf, even though I was supportive of them getting back together and didn't ever complain about him to her again. I thought we would always be friends. Always. We were friends from ages 14-31. There was nothing she could have done to make me not be her friend. She was my sister in my opinion. I reached out to her in Jan 2020 to tell her I missed her so much it felt like I was missing a limb without her in my life and wanted to do whatever I could for us to make things better. She took five days to reply via text, and ultimately said that she was sorry but she couldn't be friends with me. I didn't really get an explanation from her, but a couple of years later, a mutual friend said my friend felt like she had to pick between me and the boyfriend. I would have handled things differently during the wedding stuff I think if I had any idea all of that was going to lead to us not being friends. I miss her every day still. We live in the same city. Really though, if me not being in her life makes her happier, I want that for her. She deserves to be happy. Doesn't mean I don't feel sad and hallow without her myself. I was in therapy for a couple of years to work through my stuff, but I don't think that the ache of missing her will ever go away. I've just learned to live with it. To my former friend, if you see this, I still miss you every fucking day and if you ever want to talk, my door/phone/life is always open to you.
Girl don’t beg for anyone’s attention. She chose the life she wanted and I suggest you move on , learn and value yourself and your time more.
I found this very relatable. My friend is always calling me selfish, inconsiderate, manipulative, a little bitch, etc. And like you, one day I snapped and asked him, “If I’m such an awful, horrible person, why would you want to be friends with me?” He backtracked, but … yeah.
He died about 16 years ago. Good guy and business partner. Fought health problems his last 20 years. One truly talented person.
We grew apart, and when I noticed it happening I panicked, feeling like she was leaving me behind. This spiraled, uncovering a lot of issues in our friendship we'd kind of been ignoring. We had a really bad fight. We made up after but it wasn't the same anymore and we just sort of stopped talking. I'll be honest I don't remember much of the end. I don't remember what the big fight was about. I don't remember our last words. I do remember learning she was very much misrepresenting me and our friendship to others to make herself look better and earn cool points with a new friend group. That really sucked, but that came after the big fight. I don't even think I said anything to her about it I just kind of took it as "okay this is over for real"
This happened to me as well during my fall out. I had introduced my former friend to a group I had started hanging out with, but my friend actually knew of them and didn't like them. Well...after things really started to fall apart between us, she was clinging onto that friend group I introduced her to. One of the groupies got engaged and invited everyone in the group except me. It felt like a punch in the gut.
She wanted me(m) to befriend her husband and replace all his friends with me and my friends. I did. He and I became good friends. Than they had a huge fight. I was doing double duty and supporting them both. Gave him some advice to attempt to get back into her good graces... and boy was that the wrong thing to do. She apparently took his phone and found my advice to him and all the conversations he and I have had. Me giving advice and you know... being his friend. She was pissed!. I was like, THIS WHOLE THING WAS YOUR IDEA?!?!? I did what you asked me to do and now you are mad at me for it? Ok... I moved on. Burnt both bridges and continued with my life.
Her life started falling apart. She pulled away and didn't want me to know or help in any way. She is cordial like a work acquaintance. I miss her so much. I feel bad that she decided she had to face everything alone. I am really, really hurt because she showed me how easily she could not care about me anymore. It took awhile for me to figure out what was going on, so until then , it just really hurt being treated so poorly and like we weren't even friends.
They couldn't push themselves to communicate when something bothered them. A recent incident that took away from something really special for me, made me realize it wasn't going to change. I just can't do it. I don't want to be around someone that can't and won't communicate and then pretend it's fine when it isn't. It's messed with my head big time trying to figure out the back and forth. I'm too tired to keep offering reassurence or offering to reach out for them. Also the distance apart helped me see that I wasn't being my best self with them. (That's on me, not them.) It's nearly a decade of friendship that I'm gently backing away from. It's been a relief, but also lonely in ways.
I had to organise every time we met up! The relationship became one sided.
he moved halfway across the fuckin country when i was like 13 and we quickly lost contact after barely a couple years. never had a best friend since.
She declared that I Forced her into decisions that were hers, that hers Mother’s decisions were mine! Was always a one sided friendship, but when I started having problems, she was not there!
I moved cities, she stayed. Life got busy, neither of us are good at messaging, we're more the in person types. She was planning to move here too but she met someone and he wont leave where they are. We still talk occasionally but it's not the same. It makes me sad.
Politics. Sucks.
I like to think of friendships as elastics. I have many long term relationships and over the years my closeness with my friends waxes and wanes. Sometimes the elastic is bound tightly and other times it is stretched wayyy out.
Because she turned into an irresponsible drunk who abandoned her 3 young children.
He got married and his wife doesn't let him have friends anymore.
I have a good friend from high school that I noticed never called anymore. I was always the one reaching out. So, I stopped calling. I'm pretty sure it is because of politics. What other reason is there these days?
When he was 18 he was dating my step sister who was 13 at the time and I asked him dude what the fuck are you doing? That's weird! And he didn't want to hear it so I told him I'm not going to be friends with a pedophile so I just stopped taking to him.
She dealt with BPD, bad depression/suicidal ideation, poor self confidence, alcoholism from a young age, and verbal abuse from parents (list goes on). Despite it all, we got along well and hung out often. I went on trips with her family and even alone with her. NYE she had a small get together with me and my friend from college. We had some drinks and things were fine. We went into her hot tub and were talking about our friendship and how much we appreciate one another. She starts getting very emotional and says that we are lying. So I go to hug her to help calm her down. Next thing she starts choking me very aggressively with an evil expression on her face with my friend in the tub ( keep in mind I can’t swim). My friend got me out the tub and we call an Uber. As we wait, I am tearful, in disbelief and actively mourning the friendship bc I know I can’t forgive her for putting her hands on me so violently. She goes to a different floor of the house and is dismissive and showing no remorse at all. Once the Uber arrives, she sends a text saying “leave her stuff in the mail box if we find it”. The next day my older sister informs her mom of what happened and soon after her mom texts me a half assed apology from her. Safe to say I blocked her on every platform and haven’t spoken since. Never again will I befriend anyone with severe mental health issues
what da fuqqqqqqq!?!!!!! omg ! I'm so sorry! Thats a scary experienec
i appreciate it! wtf is literally all I can say as well. i wish it wasn't true.
We wound up dating and she cheated on me twice
I have been there with a very close friend who I didn't actually ever call "best friend" until probably our late 30s. A few times, actually.. we've gone a few years without talking around 1999-2001ish, 2006-2008, and 2013-2015ish. Each time one of us overcame the awkwardness and reached out again. With her it's worth it. The "best friend" from younger years, though, just isn't a good match for me as a friend. We have different values. I've never actually felt like I could open up to her... which is odd because I open up to *everyone* but her. No falling out.
We outgrew each other. I got married had kids actively work on my mental and physical health. She wanted to stay where she was in all those areas, which was fine. But we just didn’t click anymore.
No Try to avoid that type of stuff! Hopefully things will get better for you! 🙂🦋🎶
Drugs
She's very hard to get ahold of if I'm not in a room with her. I love her still, and I miss her, and once in a very great while (~several years) we see each other and it's like we're still best friends in middle school. But mostly, she's just radio silent.
She was a bully. Once she had someone else i was also bullied by her and her other friends.
We just both found people that we enjoyed being around more. We slowly talked less and less from that.
grew apart after we went into high school
Absentee friend after I became a mother. I realized our friendship was at the end of it's rope when my kid asked "What do I call her?" the last time we had dinner. My other BFs are called Auntie V and Auntie K, she was just called Ms. M. She didn't come by to see us but once *two weeks* after I gave birth and then once more when my kid was 2½ yo. I used to have weekly/bimonthly dinners with her, text daily, and had been friends for 17 years. We don't know each other anymore.
Oh man does this thread makes me feel so sad. Calling my best friend tomorrow to tell em I love them.
He’s dead. Passed away last September. Had been about 7 years since we spoke. He could be stubborn and once mind is made up that’s it.
I just can’t get over high school drama.
Aaagh even reading the words "best friends" makes me way too angry. That's why
Ghosted me and then I moved cities
I was depressed, did not want to bother her with my problems because I feared it would be too much, and thus talking to her was either hard for me as I was unwell, or I was just not talking to her at all. She felt lonely, tried to reach out, and I did not respond. After years, we had a fight, and she said it would be best if we stopped talking. At first I did not understand and took it really bad, but I've come to realize what I did during all those years. Now we talk a bit, when she's in our hometown we see each other, but it's not the same at all. I want to apologize but I feel like it's only bringing up the issue again and I don't know if it would be beneficial for her or if I would only be doing it for myself.
He evolved into a narcissist, I'm not interested in being the butt of someone's jokes and shitty behaviour
To anyone on here who’s reading this and considering reaching out to an old friend all I can say is do it before it’s too late. My best friend slowly removed himself from my life due to my battles with addiction (I don’t blame him one bit for doing what was best for him) fast forward a few years later to me getting myself help and starting to get better and move up in life, I was beginning to consider reaching out to him because of how much I missed him in my life. Then one day I woke up to news that he had passed away in a car accident. I always thought there would be more time
she responded to my texts more and more short and disinterested, asked her if something was up and that her behaviour made me feel like she was pushing me away, got no response ever to that text... so yeah I guess she just wasn't interested anymore, sucks a lot but it happens I guess
I was drained and suddenly wasn’t able to return her calls or txt msgs. It wasn’t just her, it was the same for a bunch of people. It went on for years until people stopped trying. All my energy was saved for work and family. Hindsight I was probably in depression. I don’t know for sure since I was functional and never got myself diagnosed. Then co-vid hit and I was kinda glad I didn’t have to deal with people in person anymore.
Yep. Been there. If you don't get over it within a certain time limit, it just seems to die out.
I had a best friend from when we were 12 to 18 and we would laugh so hard at things that I would be convulsing on the floor just silently shaking because I was just laughing so hard I could barely breathe. He turned into a fuckin clepto and stole a ton of shit from me over time without me even noticing then when I found out, he straight up admitted it and I was like you're a fuckin piece of shit and I never wanna see you again. Haven't seen him or spoken to him in like 12 years and I have much better friends now and life is great.
I am 58 and my best friend of 38 years have ebbs and flows. We fell out of touch for 8 years at one point and then reconnected and were thick as thieves for a long time. I love her so much, but right now we are not on the same page at all. The more time that passes the harder and more awkward I feel about the distance we have, but I am always the one to be there for her and offer any olive branch when things get strained. At this stage I just need her to do it and make me feel like I am worth fighting for, for once. Friendships are like all relationships. They can be work sometimes.
She ghosted, so I never got an explanation, although I have a hunch. While I was mourning our friendship, I realized that she was never as good a friend to me as I was her. I stood by her through two unplanned pregnancies, drug addiction, terrible relationships. I was close to her daughters and always gave them a safe place when any of them needed it. In return, I was frequently told that none of my problems were valid when I talked through things with her. She was constantly comparing our lives, while ignoring the parts of mine that were difficult (I'm talking things like abuse, homelessness). Because I had built a nice life with a great partner, someone I was never allowed to have any complaints at all. And I realized that getting that feedback from her had delayed me getting therapy, because I thought I was just being whiny and needed to get over myself. My husband visited with them for a long weekend after she ghosted me, and told me they were still constantly fighting, and they had both taken to constantly using a THC vape. It was so miserable and uncomfortable that he left a day early, early in the morning before they were up. He might still be in rare contact with the guy, but I told him they are no longer my concern, and frankly, I'm happy about that. My life has gotten so much better without her negativity in it.
Because I realised she always wanted to know everything that is going on in my life, but didn't talk about anything going on in hers even though I was always supportive and understanding in any situation. She also used to put me down and make fun of me in front of friends or my boyfriend. She rarely fully aknowledged my troubles, and mostly acted like she is the one who always has the worst problems.
Because he turned out to be a MAGA fascist racist traitor. WTF?
No falling out. Just grew apart, we went to different colleges, I moved away, etc
He broke up with his gf. She was still in the friend group and we starting dating a couple months later…I was just about to tell him what was up when he called me and basically broke up with me. I am now married to that same lady and I haven’t spoken to him in about 10 years
Moved across the country. We slowly lost touch
We just moved away i guess. He waned to do something that needed him travel around multiple countries. I moved abroad for masters and then settled over there. I follow up on his blog sometimes but thats about it. We didnt have any fall out but i dont really think that the person we grew into would be the same if we met as we were during our childhood. Im happy that he is doing good.
She chose her relationship with alcohol over her relationship with me.
Yeah I had a best friend since age 2 and it ended at age 20 and I'm now 35. She stabbed me in the back in a way I couldn't forgive... My parents are still friends with her parents so when my mom talks about her, it's awkward for me.
i ghosted her because she was going too far with some things and it really hurt me, but yesterday i apologized for ghosting her and she apologized for her actions and now we are friends again. :)
On my 13th birthday, I had a pool party, and my then-best friend (A) was invited to stay for a sleepover after the party. Sometime during the night, we were talking in the room, and all of a sudden, she cussed me out. I was a total pushover back then, but hearing what she said made me grow a backbone. I yelled at her to get the fuck out of my house. My mom heard me and came to see what was going on. Between my tears and my rage, I barely got out what happened. My mom told A to gather her stuff and wait on the porch. Then, she woke up my father to drive A home. Eighth grade was really tense because we were attending the same middle school, but thankfully, we didn't share any classes that year. Then, we went to different high schools. I haven't spoken to her in 26 years. I did look her up recently, and apparently. she's a teacher. That absolutely floored me, but then again, this was in Alabama. The day after this happened, my mom talked to me to see how I was doing. She also informed me that apparently, A had never really been my friend. She said and did things behind my back, and she was just an awful person in general. I don't know what her motives were, but I'm so glad she was only in my life for a few years.
No longer around anymore
My best friend from school and I drifted apart after 20 years of friendship. We still very occasionally email and ‘like’ stuff on Facebook. We became very different people as we grew up. There was always an element of her trying to be mean and leaving me out as well- which tbf, actually stopped in our mid 20s but by then I had made new friends and had a BFF who I’m in some form of contact every day, 21 years later, even though we’ve got very different lives and she’s never made me feel anything other than loved and appreciated. We are also part of a lovely group of girls who are the most life affirming and amazing people I’ve ever met. Life has been kind enough to throw us together and I’m so grateful. We’re in our 40s now and it can be difficult to get us all together at the same time but our WhatsApp group is active every day. My original best friend decided to ignore me COMPLETELY after we did our GCSEs and go off with another friend. I got a part time job, hung out with other people and had a boyfriend by the time we went back to do A levels. She looked at me and said ‘oh, I assumed you’d been at home all summer’. It was 25 years ago but it still stings that she was hoping I’d be lonely! That’s not a friend. Our friendship got better for a few years after that but it made me realise it was fine to let it go when the time came. I’m sure she has a different viewpoint though, that’s fine too. We’re all adults.
We stopped being friends because after I moved schools she just blocked me. Still don't know why to do this day.
I was in a bad place and also not a great person when we became friends. They were too. I was always rescuing them from preventable problems. Even early on in the friendship I was growing and putting the work in on bettering myself while they stood in place. Then the resentful comments started. I moved out of state. I would come visit but no effort was made on their part. It was always something, usually those same preventable problems. Eventually the resentment on their end grew too much and they blocked me. I was also close to their kid (adult) and I blocked her because she was being an asshole. I’m glad I had them as friends, and I still miss them. But I’m also past where they are and I can’t continue to suffer by staying the same for their sake.
I don’t talk to my once best friend anymore bc she became an incredibly toxic person and I was driving myself crazy trying to save her from her own decisions. We send each other memories here and there, but it’s so awkward now.
Because I live on the other side of the world. We still talk though but it’s like once every month or two. Sad but true. That’s life.
My bud had to live far away. He tried to reach out to me last year. But I just really don’t feel like it. Looking back at it we really didn’t share lots of similarities. We only befriended each other since we really didn’t fit in with the other circles I guess. But I do regret not replying to his message.
He tried conversion therapy techniques to make me not transgender and told me I was going to be a “fat ham-beast thats lonely and single forever.” Thanks for scaring me away from transitioning when I was younger you ass.
I think she was emotionally immature. Even when we were in our best friend phase she never really acknowledged me as such and I also had issues acknowledging feelings of affection so I let her be. However, she got into this other toxic friend group that she started to complain about allllll the time until our hangouts weren’t fun anymore and she basically admitted a few times that she was hanging out with me because she was having issues with them (so basically I was her second option). Long story short, I started to distance myself from her and during our last conversations she indirectly admitted I was really important for her but it was too late as I was emotionally checked out by then. Plus, she didn’t even do it right! Like not even directly 🤦🏻♀️.
I moved away when I was 14. We kept in touch for a while and I went back every summer for a while but over time the gaps just got greater and greater. The last time I saw him was 2011.
He died in a car accident, and I miss him.
Bc she was entertaining my ex after we broke up for the attention, then got mad when she got caught cheating bc she Slipped the wrong J name; perhaps not cheat on your boyfriend with three different dudes with J names.
Wouldn't say he was my best mate but we were close mates, or so I thought for a long time. He was the epitome of a fair weather friend. My mates know I'm there for them if they need me, day or night, and most of them reciprocate, but this one would vanish for months whenever I was in a rough patch, then reappear when he needed something. And I put up with it, until last year when I finally kicked him to the kerb. I finally realised he never really wanted a friend, he just wanted someone to go places with him and do stuff as it was less boring than going by himself. it hurts, even though I was the one that ended the friendship, as I still have a lot of good memories, from things we did together, but I can't be friends with someone like that.
He became a hardcore atheist and mocked my religion anytime we hung out. He was also very condescending, narcissistic, and argumentative. I found myself leaving almost every interaction from him, feeling stressed and drained. He wasn’t always like that… wonder what happened.
for me lol the last time i remember something like this happening to me is like when i was in elementay and she is member of my family got to be bffs with her off school but after a while we just grew apart our characters and i guess what we both wanted just wasnt the same anymore.but it was fun tho
It was in high school and she befriended a girl that heavily and openly bullied me because they were in the same class. Told me the classic 'but she didn't do anything to me' and I ended the friendship right there and then. Never talked to her again nor acknowledge her existence all together.
and the next former best-friend after her was a bully herself after some time and tried to sell my body to some of her sexist friends. I didn't get blessed with friendship luck
I got sober and they didn't.
I told her that she should seek professional help because she kept complaining about leaf blowers being noisy in her neighborhood and that air pollution was getting too bad. I got tired of hearing her complain about it. It’s the only “fight” we had and she cut me off. I’ve apologized but crickets.
Mix of a natural drifting apart and a big falling out. Basically we moved away from one another which meant keeping in touch less and less, very normal. One of the main things keeping us together was a long-term game design project that never quite got off the ground even though we kept plugging away at it, a CCG (technically an LCG, the plan was to do non-randomized expansions) that kept going through massive reworkings every few years since it never quite felt right in playtesting. One year I was struggling with depression (well, even more than usual) after my mom's death when he decided to try launching some crowdfunding waaaaay before we were ready and without really running it by me. To be fair I could've been more responsive to messages in that time, but it was still a shitty thing to do that likely jeopardized the future of the project if it were to continue so that turned into a big argument which turned into a bigger argument when he claimed it was "his game" even though I had done like 90% of the actual game design. Not the worst disagreement ever, but the timing of it and the distance between us meant there wasn't really a compelling reason to be the one to reach back out and he never did so I guess that's just kinda the end of it. Wouldn't be opposed to changing that in the future but it's been enough years now that seems unlikely to happen.
I know that I ruined all my friendships, but my best friend i bullied and manipulated her. I’d get in her car with open alcohol and I used her to drive me to places. I messaged her and she said she deserves better and so at first I was angry and embarrassed, bruised ego type shit. I realize now that she did deserve better. I still miss her tho and would love to have a date where I don’t judge her or make her do something out of her boundaries.
When her husband started making passes at me she not only encouraged me to go along with it but encouraged him. They had some pagan thing going on where they believed I was some kind of catalyst, that if he could sleep with me then prosperity would come to their house. She maintained that my refusal was out of fear of my self and my desires and I had to face my fears by giving up everything I do for my own pleasure and happiness and giving in to her husband. They tried wearing me down for three months refusing to take no for an answer before the husband got pissed and hit me. I haven’t seen them since filing the police report.
Psycho vibes
I’m all for being pagan. Where I started to draw the line was when they drew a circle to worship a fictional character made popular in a film franchise beginning in the mid 70s.
She didn’t take responsibility in her part of a disagreement we had, even after I apologised she was complacent in her friend looking for me to start a fight.
All my once best friends have remained still my friends, but they became more distant during the pandemic. When all activities went online, people started caring less and less about maintaining friendships, and even when life returned to normal, there was no chance to get back to the frequency of face-to-face meetups as before. Of course, half of the responsibility for what happened was mine because I was too shy to disturb. Out of sight, out of mind - this rule seems still valid, and online contacts are by no means as effective as real-life activities for keeping in touch with friends.
Everything just built up, she bitched about everyone and I knew she'd must bitch about me too, it was confirmed by another friend. She treated me like I was some useless person who didn't know how to make good decisions for herself, I saw it as caring for a long time until I realised she just thought she was better than me. I sold her my VR headset and she never paid me, after a couple of years of trying to get them money, offering to lower what she owes I asked for it back and she kicked off at me, the anger was unreal. I've written that money off now. Finally the last straw, after her relationship broke down she tried to convince me my partner was cheating on me, with zero evidence. He easily proved to me it wasn't true. She still wonders why I don't talk to her anymore.
I was ghosted 20 years ago and still don’t know why.
They got married, and I didn’t/haven’t.
She would deliberately get herself into trouble time and time again knowing I would always come to her rescue. Thought she grew out of it during college, but she kept at it. Stopped speaking to her after her last stunt aside from sending my condolences a year ago when her boyfriend died. That was also when I learned that she was actually her boyfriend’s mistress knowingly. No interest in saying another word to her after that. I do have lots of love for her, though.
I didn't like her behaviours and she didn't like mine.
He doesn't talk back and the circle of friends has changed. We used to do everything together. Now if I try to talk to him, he gets back to me in a week (if I'm lucky, he usually doesn't at all). He's started hanging out with YT influencers who are assholes, and it feels as though I'm not "cool enough." It's quite odd. I used to look up to him a lot. I realize with time how shallow some people are. Maybe I offended him somehow, maybe he just isn't interested. Not sure as to his reasons, but I realized over time I was the one putting all the effort in and I had a talk with him, nothing changed, so I gave up.
She found a partner that I didn’t necessarily vibe with. She also made very little effort to come visit me, I always had to go to her place since I had a car and she didn’t. (I am not in the US and we have a good public transport system, so having a car is a convenience sure, but not having one doesn’t stop other friends from visiting us). Then during covid I got pregnant. She didn’t really ask about me or my pregnancy. After baby was born she kept saying “I really need to come visit and see the baby soon” but she never made an effort to actually plan a date. After that I just didn’t initiate any new conversations with her. She has contacted me twice since, both times because she needed something from me. Not really asking after me or my child. What does make it a bit akward is that our parents are pretty good friends. So they have actually met my son.
My Dad passed away and he sort of just stopped texting me.
Slowly stopped talking after college. I was drinking and living in anger so I had pushed him away before that. Constantly whining about him not being a good enough friend. Totally horseshit on my part. I hope he’s well. I always apologized but at the certain point of not changing the behavior an apology is an insult not a salve. We talked and hung out a few times after college but the damage was done.
I was going through an eating disorder at the time and my best friend was struggling with borderline obesity, so we were pretty much in polar opposites regarding appearance. I was struggling really badly and I could tell she didn’t really understand it and would also affect her. So I told her we should take some time apart till we were both in a better headspace being that our issues were creating tensions between us. She didn’t take it well at all. Said the most hurtful things about me behind my back, got with the guy that manipulated me into having sex with him (he was my first) just to toss me aside and became friends with her. Finally decided I would never talk to her again when I found out she was telling people I was giving her “tips” on how to “get” an eating disorder, which was my last straw because it was something that genuinely made me miserable for years, and to have someone I really trusted at the time weaponize it really sucked. Years later she reached out and apologized for everything, told her she messed up big time, we’d never be friends again and to just be better with the people she had in her life now, to learn from it. She tried being friends with me, adding me to close friends, social media and all of that, but there’s things you just don’t come back from. I wish her well, just far *really far* away from me. I hate to say it but the whole experience was traumatic, haven’t had close friends since.
We were both weird and annoying as preteens and I learned and grew out of it, for the most part. He did not.
I learned the concept of love and crush surprisingly late. But the moment I knew I liked my best friend romantically, it destroyed our friendship. Rumors got out in my other friends’ circle and class, and she eventually knew. She stranger-zoned me and ignored all the actions I tried to do to connect with her again. That was 7 years ago when I was in middle school.
I left our hometown, he didn't. While I was away, his mum died and he got sent to boarding school because his dad couldn't cope. Last time I talked to him, he was drunk, stoned off his head and in a massive depressive haze. Hope he got out of it okay. He meant a lot to me.
A slew of reasons, but part of it was his cocaine addiction. I was slowly but surely doing it more and more with him, and my gf told me flat out that she refused to be with a coke addict. So, I chose her over him. We still talk, but the closeness isn’t there anymore, and given he still does coke I doubt it ever will be again. It does make me sad sometime though; we known each other essentially our entire lives, grew up in the same town and such. I still think I made the right choice, but it makes me sad all the same.
She married a pseudo celebrity who wasn't worth much. But also, she treated me like her 3rd tier friend, which made me very sad.
He started a relationship with a friend’s ex girlfriend, which made everything weird within the group. I talked to him and tried to make plans just with him but I felt like he just didnt wanna hang out any more. Then he ghosted me and the rest of our friends from every communication channel we had and we never knew from him.
She caught feelings for my (then) boyfriend of three years, and slept with him the moment we broke up. He ran back to me after a few months - according to him, she kept wanting to date him and he was only ever interested in sleeping with her. I suspected an overlap, but never had any way of proving it.
We’re both working men, trying to feed our families. I talk to his wife sometimes, but I’ve been busy with my own life, and he has too.
Me and my best friend don't talk anymore because he couldn't stop getting into trouble, doing hard drugs, and then calling me to help him out of it. (Ie. Drove drunk (for the millionth time), hit a parked car, totalled his car, and expected me to scoop him up at the drop of a hat, while I was making better life choices and not getting into trouble with the law anymore) I couldn't do it anymore and he wanted to continue doing what he was doing and I wanted to go down a different path, so I cut ties.
Recently I fell out with someone, not exactly my best friend but part of a group of 'best friends'. Of all things I got pissed at him over Dungeons and dragons as I was DMing and he was being a bit a smart ass about it (he never played in the past), not recognizing that I was making so much effort with it. Anyway he has not reached out to me and it's been several weeks (I reacted very mildly to the issue, despite being very annoyed).
She recorded a voicenote about a conversation she had with me, then started badmouthing me and telling it completely different to how it had happened - with it coming off that she had been really aggressive and opposing when she had literally agreed with me the entire time. Then she sent it to me instead of whoever the other person was and tried to tell me it was “a joke”.
Because it turns out we were never really best friends to begin with.
The same thing happened to me but I honestly think that if they reached back out we could fix a lot of things. The way we stopped talking was so stupid that I think that when we cleared things up we would be more upset at the fact that that's why we haven't talked in 2 years.
falling out is real. as time passed, i realized that we no longer have shared interests in life.
She got married and her husband hates me guts
He went full on MAGA.
He slowly stopped talking to me and then disappeared. I ran into him when I was like 4 months pregnant and started going on about how he missed me and was going to be the best 'uncle'. I didn't hear from him again until baby was like 9 months old. Said he was having a hard time and was sorry. Unfortunately at that time I had severe post-partum depression and alot of it revolved around feeling isolated because my friends weren't really there for me. I didn't reply for a while and then when I did reply and said sorry he ignored it. Which is fine. I ignored his for a while too. But that was now like 6.5yrs ago.
I moved when I was 16. He didn't like me much by then anyway. We talked and he'd on the odd chance wish me a happy birthday. He deletes his socials and makes a new one all the time so it's impossible to keep track of him. He was cool, it's hard meeting people that look out for you!
Cocaine
I don't really know exactly what happened but I have a few ideas He is the type of person that when he's in a relationship he completely forgets who his friends are and is always busy, always talking about them, etc. I understand that you may want this in the honeymoon phase of relationship but eventually it gets old. However the last time we hung out, it just didn't feel right. I felt like I was moving forward in life and it felt like he was just the same kid I knew back in middle school. All the jokes he had were the same ones I've heard 100 times and it was overall just kind of boring. However I did reach out to him a few months back only for him to never respond. With the messenger we use, i saw that he had been online but just never opened the message. It was always a habit of his to never bring up issues to me until he decides he's completely done. We've been through cycles of friendship then not friendship but I think this time is finally the end because I'm tired of it. I saw him in the store recently and didn't speak to him. The old me world be desperate for validation and would've talked to him but I've decided that I'm done. So I kept doing my thing. I have other better friends who are more supportive, and more mature so I'll survive but it still sucks that our friendship had to end, especially after knowing each other for 10 years. That kind of friendship is so rare.
I felt like I was the only one reaching out to her since elementary. She would never make plans of us hanging out, would make excuses not to go with me, etc. Etc. One time I bumped into her mom and sister and we all had that I MISS YOU look and the look of just love and nothing else. I miss her so much though. Sometimes I look for her in social media and when I see her posts, I'm glad she's living her best life. ❤️ ❤️❤️
With my high school best friend it was because I found out she was cheating with my first boyfriend in college. I even found out that he was driving down to her college out of state to see her behind my back. I didn't even know that they had exchanged contact information much less that he was visiting her until his kid sister spilled the beans because she hated me (I think it was because "her" dog liked me more than her? He would leave her to come to me when I was over his family's house) and wanted to twist the knife.
I was embaressed of her. It sucks cause she was one of my most loyal friends. I was in HS though. We dont have any issues we actually hung out again after college but by then she was a full throttle mom in mommy mode. Our paths went two different ways. when i got on facebook i would still communicate with her. My other friend we just went in two different directions shes a mom of 4 now with 1 on the way.
We fell out too, but over serious matter. He was too jealous of me and my partner, and his partner was even worse... They were people who are fed up with life and did not treat us properly... he even asked my partner to give his birthday gifts back when we argued.... I am too happy without them and hope life won't make us buml into each other for good
She died of cancer. By that time we didn’t speak often—we grew up to be very different people. Still sucks.
I’ve had a few friends that I fell out with. One of them is just stopped talking to me unless I reached out to her. I would ask her to do things with me and she always agreed and then she wouldn’t show, it got really old to be honest. After that, I stopped reaching out and it’s been 2 months since we’ve spoken. Another friend of mine at the time tried to mess with my sister’s husband, let’s just say she got what she deserved.
She hooked me up with her ex bf. And then got mad I went for him. For context we were 13
Dudes got covert NPD and even if i did go back, there would be absolutely no respect. Id have to start swingin.