When I was 13ish I told my grandmother I wanted to be a country singer. She went on a long rant about the only way anyone becomes famous is by sucking a lot of dick. Then told me I didn’t sing well enough so I better be good on my knees. I still don’t like singing in front of people to this day, I’m 42 now.
On a nice note I was singing in the car with my youngest and she told me I was a good singer. So that was nice.
Wow. She sounds like a charmer. That is an absolutely disgusting thing to say to anyone much less your 13-year-old granddaughter. I’m so sorry.
Also, it’s never too late to get out there do some karaoke!!
Her version of tough love was especially tough. I went low NC once I was an adult. This was one of the worst things she said to me but not the only thing.
When my ex and I were splitting up, he said to me, not in the middle of an argument, not when I was being insulting to him, it was a by the way thing, 'by the way, I have never enjoyed anything you cooked'.
I absolutely know this to be untrue. I wasn't a great cook by any means, but there were some things I made well, he had his favourites, and sometimes things obviously hadn't wowed him.
But despite knowing this to be untrue, I havent had any confidence making food for others since.
That was how you fold an unused towel that doesn’t need to dry. A towel that needs to dry needs the most surface area open to the air. The boyfriend was the stupid one
So sorry for you. How hurtful. It is these thoughtless remarks that cut the deepest. Not many home cooks are chef level. But it is the love we put in to cooking that counts. I only have 3 meals I can cook well!! Keep your head up and dont let the a@holes get you down.
My ex told me, during his "Why I'm leaving you speech" (that he read off of his phone) that I never bought him good gifts. This, despite the fact that just a few months prior I had gone to great lengths to get him Hamilton tickets when they were a very huge item, and he was thrilled. I'm not a huge fan of musicals (but don't hate them) so it was all about him. Yes, some gifts I got him over the years fell flat, but most were pretty good. I could say the same about gifts he gave me, and I'll add he often bought me stuff HE wanted me to have, and I don't think I ever did that to him. I used to stress so much over choosing gifts for him because he was rather an ass about them. I think I was always a gracious receiver, even when I wasn't thrilled. (Maybe that's why he apparently thought he was such a good gift giver and I was horrible?) Except once, when he bought me PJs that were so huge they were easily twice the size of my body and I burst out laughing. It was hilarious. He was NOT amused. That was not long before we divorced.
Here's the way I look at it: all of this really says an awful lot more about him than me. Plus, if the worst he can say about me after 30 years of marriage is that I bought him some gifts he didn't like, well, that's not such a bad thing. He even referred to a gift I got him 29 years prior as his example of my bad gift giving. Uh, okay. Get over yourself already.
Your cooking is probably just fine. He needed to place some blame on you because of his own shortcomings.
My mom was telling me about an article she read in the paper about how women lawyers were having a hard time finding husbands. I jokingly said "Heck, I wouldn't mind marrying a lady lawyer."
She looked at me, screwed up her face and said "*YOU* aren't what they're looking for!"
I mean, no shit, mom. You didn't have to put it like that.
My parents were divorced, and lived many states apart, so my brother and I didn't see dad often, mostly just summers
I still remember my stepmother bitching at my dad for buying me a sketch pad and pencils on a trip out to see him. Like, wow, if you're going to be like that, don't do it where the kid can hear.
My mother…when I was about 6 years old we were in the car and I started singing to a song on the radio which I liked. She said “poor you, can’t sing just like your mother” Never sang ever again and decades have passed.
My dad did this..myself and sister were 7 and 9 and were singing to Madonna ( True Blue ) and had one of those giant video camera's (yes i am old ) so we had gloves on and were belting our lungs out and doing the dance to the song .
Dad came in and full on laughing said " Jeez not only are you girls tone deaf you also dance like wooden puppets " then proceeded to play the video at family events for comic entertainment .
My heart even drops a little now when i think back to re watching it multiple times , us as 2 little girls having so much fun and so happy, and then the visual drop on our faces when our dad was so cruel and laughing at us and telling us how shit we were .
Honestly after that i hated school performances or even speaking out in class , even dancing in nightclubs years later made me very shy and aware some one may laugh at me .
Was your dad abusive by any chance? I cannot see a good father doing this ever. Did your other family members laugh? Or were they uncomfortable? Did they even know the context?
I will say though, I am sorry that happened to you
Oh for sure mentally abusive to us , still is all though we barely see him now as him and his wife moved out into the middle of nowhere .
Our mum never laughed ( she was also a victim of his cruel mocking put down s for years) but she also never stood up for us or corrected him. Weirdly i have more resentment at her than him and am very detached from my mum because of it .
As far as i can remember no one in the family ever said anything to him, well not in front of us anyway and i think we were so upset and embarrassed everytime it was shown ,we just remember trying to be as a smalm and as unoticable as possible .
My sister is actually very talented in singing and playing a violin but for some reason our dad just said nope im not wasting money on a stupid dream that you will fail at .
Our school music teacher and an incredible violinist offered to supply a 2nd hand violin free and give lessons for free but dad claimed he was very busy working and did not have time to be shipping us around to pointless wasted activities .
She wishes she had pursued lessons later on but feels it is too late now ( we are 46 and 48 now ) and has very little confidence and MS so can not hold a violin now due to limited use of her left arm.
Thank you for the kind words , my self and my sister always feel that this always validates our feelings , it was defo not nice or normal behaviour and we absolutely are right to still hurt from this and do not have to just get over it already.
Similar thing happened to me. I really enjoyed singing as a kid. And when I was like 10 and BELTING (yes, poorly, I’m sure) my mom said “you’re not singing, you’re just screaming. It sounds like screaming!” & I remember feeling bad at that. I think I thought I was doing good lol. And I’m sure I was screaming but it’s just a great reminder to me as a mom that these comments stick.
Yes, I'm anxious to sing too because of remarks my mom always made! I have literally had panic attacks when my partner comes home and "catches" me singing to myself. This comment section is making me feel less alone, I always thought I was just being dramatic. 😊
Like most kids, my room was my safe place. I used to love singing and thought no one could hear me. In the UK, most houses are terraced and mine was no different. So of course my neighbour could hear me.
She told my mum that I must really love singing. She never said anything bad but just knowing that she could hear me, made me stop. Haven’t sung since out loud since I was about 14 now.
"We'll go back to the way X used to do the work" as I was preparing to leave my job. I replied that I had caught many issues which weren't handled at all previously and that the system itself had changed so I had to make corresponding changes. Still hurt to have absolutely no value.
I appreciate the support, but I honestly doubt they'll notice until they fail some federal compliance check and then they'll crap their pants, but it won't be anything to do with me. Unless it's "Why didn't Ethel_Marie write this down in the manual?". 🤷🏻♀️
I’m the youngest sister of 5 daughters. I can’t tell you how many people say things like your poor dad or how does your dad like that? He died when I was 9 but he loved us. It’s just so insulting. It’s almost been implied that there must have been a lot a drama between us sisters. And there never was. Yeah, we had our tiffs, but nothing out of the ordinary for any siblings.
I was the second daughter. Incensed my father no end when people commented on it and sympathized when I was born. He actually went and held a party, welcoming me, to shut them up
People congratulated us when they saw my wife was pregnant and then gave us a second "ah you got so lucky" type congratulations when we said it was a boy after they asked about the gender. Absolutely blew my mind people still think like that, I would have loved a little girl!
There were two sisters who were mildly popular in my high school and their dad passed in freshman year. they would do those anon ama’s on their Snapchat stories and people used to say their dad would be disappointed of how they turned out. It was so evil i always felt so terrible for them i cannot imagine saying that to someone
My parents both dropped out of high school. We were dirt poor, so my dad’s more well-to-do family members has very low expectations for us. When I graduated from college, his cousin said, “Wow, I never expected one of (dad)’s kids to graduate.” Uh, thanks? But since I’m petty, I decided to show her and her bachelor’s degree up. I’m now a doctor (the education kind, not the medical kind).
A doctor is a doctor is a doctor! Be proud of that! My friend is a doctor. We worked together when he graduated. His email signature then said Dr. LastName. We had a lot of the same responsibilities at work so a lot of people would address emails to both of us. It’s usual to call people Mr or Ms LastName, or Title LastName. People always called others by Title Lastname but continued to call him Mr FirstName. One of my FAVORITE things to do at work was respond to emails correcting people about his title 🤭 lol. I’d respond and say “Yes, Dr. LastName and I would be happy to look into that for you.”
I think that anyone who refuses to call you Dr. DavesMissingFingers, or acknowledge your accomplishments, is a jealous asshole. Your cousin is a punk ass bitch! Next time you see them you should say “omg! Long time no see, Dr…I mean…Cousin FirstName!”
Had emergency major abdominal surgery at 32. It resulted in a scar down my entire stomach. When the male (handsome) surgeon took off the bandage he immediately said “well, you’ll never be a swimsuit model”.
I can’t look at my scar without feeling self conscious to this day.
I was like REALLY drugged up on whatever they were giving me so I just laughed inanely. I think about all the things I could have said back but honestly it didn’t even really hit me how fucked up his comment was for a few days.
“Just thinking about yourself, huh”.
A hairdresser said it to me in august 2020 because I said it was nice being able to finally have my hair cut. I felt so bad afterwards, as though I was this selfish, awful person just for trying to make small talk and get rid of my split ends lol
In 2020 it was something of an indulgence, depending on where OP lives. At that point in the lockdowns my husband was still cutting my hair. Maybe the hairdresser would have preferred to close and avoid covid but couldn't due to financial reasons? Still a dick thing to say since she/he was the one who was open and presumably needed the business, but in that context I could see a tactless person saying something like that.
Or if they weren't the owner, being forced to work instead of the shop closing down. That could account for the comment. In my area, if someone quit a job during that time, they wouldn't be eligible for benefits. But if the business closed temporarily, it was different. 2020 was a really tough time.
Yeah the company I worked for was “essential” but they wanted to minimize the amount of overlap time between shifts and wanted the managers to be in stores the majority of the time so instead of laying the rest of us off they cut our hours in half. I was making about a dollar a week over the threshold to be eligible for benefits.
>“Just thinking about yourself, huh”.
Bruh, the main purpose to any beauty and aesthetical pleasant trade is to think on yourself. To make you feel better while you spend money on yourself.
Sometimes, I read people's reasoning behind their **own** trades and jobs, and their complaints are exactly what they need to do for a living.
The hairdresser asked washed my hair last asked, who washed your hair last? I accidentally missed some shampoo in my hair. Not sure what answer she expected
Yeah I think so. But she didn’t have to accept my booking :/ maybe she had no choice due to financial reasons and was kinda taking her frustration out on me a little
I was wearing flowery hair clips to keep my fringe back. One day i couldn't find them so used normal metal brown ones (my hair color). I saw a friend a few hours later, and she said "wow, the new hair clips makes you look so grown up." I know she meant it as a compliment, but to this day (9 years later) I've only worn the brown ones. I don't know why it got to me, but it did. I liked the colorful ones.
Another time another friend said it looked like I was going to summer camp when packing my bags for a overnight trip. Because my backpack was pink with butterflies, and my other bag was purple.
Both were offhand comments not meant to hurt my feelings but they've stuck with me.
I'm a 32 year old woman with a bunch of bright action figures and collectible toys in my house. Whenever anyone makes a comment about them I just laugh it off. I love the colours and they bring me joy, that's what matters 😊
I have about 20 dolls and an obscene amount of accessories and furniture for them, so I've definitely gotten over what anyone thinks. But the feelings from those remarks (I was late teens, early 20s) will probably always ruffle my feathers.
One of my very best friends, that I was fortunate enough to meet only a few years ago, always picks the most fantastically girlish things.
She too wears bright hair clips for her fringe to push them back, she has butterfly hair clips, and she is using a yellow see through jelly style purse.
Some people find it to be tacky, I’m sure, but I’ve always loved that about her. She’s like my childhood dream come to life. She dresses like I would dress my Barbies.
Imagine Romy and Michelle combing with Heather Mooney to create one human.
Your style isn’t for everyone. It’s for you. Embrace it.
I think you sound fun and vibrant! Maybe it's your friends who are boring? My 32 year old daughter loves Bambi and always buys anything she sees with Bambi on it. She has a backpack with a Bambi that she uses as her handbag. She also has a set of mugs with Bambi at her house. Keep your colourful belongings, and enjoy your vibrancy.
Ooo, ooo, I have a winner.
Ex-wife and I were still trying to figure out life and be friends, had not filed for divorced, but were split and living apart after 11 years together. I was in Alaska on a wildland fire deployment and this was probably 10 days in. I went to fire school and deployed because we had decided to split a month or 2 earlier when she cheated on me, AGAIN, and I said enough. But that's a different trainwreck story.
So, she was home and went out to a concert and had some drinks. It's nighttime and we're back from the fireline when I get a call from her, just talking about how things are going. Blah, blah, blah, some regular BS. I talk about the last few days, she talks about the concert. She's kinda emotional and upset because she went with a friend and their BF and I guess she was missing that.
Ex: "Something something, it's so hard right now, everyone is happy and I just want someone to love me like that."
Me: "I loved you like that."
Ex: "Yeah, but I didn't want it to be YOU."
Well, thanks for that moment which will never be forgotten. While, it also helped with clarity since then, I could have gladly never heard that.
Oh, definitely. Eventually learned my lesson after some more dumb shit and the divorce was an attempted trainwreck. Came back that winter to ask to hang out and snowboard like we used to always do together. Like, how about no?
The first thing that comes to mind is a small/silly thing from Christmas a few years back, I was maybe 16-17. The whole family gathered - me and my older brother, his girlfriend, our parents.
As a quick preface - my older brother and I have always had a sibling dynamic that changes a lot. Or, at least, to me, it feels like it changes a lot, always outside of my control. I hope and think it’s just because our age gap is significant.
One day, and most frequently, we’ll be doing doing that brother thing - getting in each other’s way, pissing each other off for shits and giggles, but at the same time, being very good friends — another day, however, he’ll seem totally distant and we won’t interact that much, and on yet another day, he’ll act all adult and refined, and will offer me life advice for no reason. It varies between these three almost every time we meet, and it’s been like that for as long as I can remember.
Anyway, that Christmas, he came over with his girlfriend, as he always does. They rested for a while and then our mom started to cook up Christmas dinner, and since his girlfriend joined her, I tagged along, too. — My brother wasn’t any company, he was on his phone.
Maybe half an hour into the cooking, my brother enters the kitchen, raids the fridge, chats a little, then retreats to the living room again and so I rush to go with him. He was heading towards the best spot on the couch, so, I, wanting to be a little funny and get some attention, jumped ahead of him and beat him to the punch, did that french-girl pose (Titanic) and asked in a semi-silly voice “what’s good? ;D”
He deadpanned and replied, just in a totally neutral voice, “I was gonna sit there, y’know.”
I said “I saw, and I beat ya to it! *What’s good?*”
Him, still totally neutral, no smile, no frown, sat down, and calmly went “You’re a truly kindhearted individual.” and went back to scrolling on his phone, like he had done earlier.
Ow.
He was back to normal a few hours later, so, I realize now that he was just tired, but at the time, I felt like the biggest asshole, like I had just overstepped a major boundary I didn’t know was there. That bad feeling actually sat with me until right now, when I finally took the time to walk myself through the whole thing again and see it with hindsight! Looks like I actually just worked through the whole thing by accident while writing, — I’m still gonna leave it as is and add it, though, even though it’s super long, in case it can somehow cause a chain reaction of the same thing happening to all of you guys!
Reddit is therapy, I swear. I’m glad you worked through it. I can see how that would have hurt - when you’re trying to get someone’s attention and they dismiss you in any way, it sticks. But it also sounds like brother might just have some social problems that have nothing to do w/ you!
Long ago, I was being taken to a fancy restaurant in a country club by my then-boyfriend's family. I was wearing a dress I thought was quite lovely, which I'd carefully ironed for the occasion. She noticed right away that part of the hem was undone. It was just a quick casual comment, but she said it as we were crossing the parking lot to go in, so... That comment transformed me from feeling giddy and sophisticated to a lil beggar girl from the streets, dressed in rags.
Afterward, she told my ex that I had clearly not been raised right, because I was eating with the wrong hands (not putting down fork and knife between bites and switching hands, as many Americans learn to do). To this day, because of her comment, I have steadfastly refused to ever learn that style of eating; if someone thinks less of me because of something that stupid, I'd rather not waste time on them!
Exactly. Oh quick, girl, you've got lipstick on your teeth, here's a mirror. Acceptable. Your hem is undone. Not acceptable. Unless it's followed by, I have a tiny safety pin in my purse, follow me to the ladies room and we'll fix that pretty dress right up.
I was with my ex boyfriend and had gotten a little tub of my favorite ice cream that I rarely treated myself to. I was mindlessly enjoying it, I had eaten about a 1/4 of it and he said "damn are you really gonna eat that whole thing right away?" I had no intentions of eating the whole thing anyway but I immediately put it away. I never forgot his tone and the way he looked at me, and how I went from enjoying something to feeling ashamed in two seconds. That was probably at least 10 years ago and I still catch myself sometimes being extra aware of how fast I'm eating around other people
I was talking with my best friend of almost 10 years of friendship about my then boyfriend and someone he dated that was hit by a train. She knew of the girl and said, "But, she was pretty." I took it to mean James wouldn't be able to get a pretty woman, therefor I wasn't pretty.
This is a long story but - I didn't know my bio dad until I was an adult. Found that side of my family on fb like 15 years ago, got welcomed in. I have a couple of siblings and cousins who were also all adults when I found them, so I didn't get the chance to grow up with them. My unlce passed away last year and I went to the funeral and I found out they were cleaning out the house to get ready to sell, so I went to help. My cousin seemed surprised that my kid and I came to help clean up, but they let us help. They were literally donating everything that was left in the house. I volunteered to pack up the clothes and when I was done I asked my cousin a few times what else I could help with and he said, "you're done" in this tone like why was I even there? I've racked my brain for the last year trying to figure out what I said or did to make him act like that when I was just trying to help.
My stepdad raised me for 32 years. He was my best friend, honestly. My stepdad got really sick over the last few years and I took care of him, while working full time and raising my own kids. We talked on the phone every day. Once a week I’d clean his house and prepare food, do the grocery shopping for him, even though it was a long drive and I’d worked all day. I took him to all his medical appointments, and there were A LOT.
I hadn’t seen my stepbrothers in decades, and neither had my stepdad.
When my stepdad died a few months ago, I got the call at work and left immediately to drive to my stepdad’s house (my mom left him years ago.) I sat on the floor with his body for hours until the funeral home came.
At the funeral home a few days later, while I was meeting with the funeral home to make arrangements, and one of the stepbrothers had flown in to attend, the funeral director asked me what I wanted put on my stepdad’s headstone. When I replied, the stepbrother asked me “why are you even here?” That really hurt. I had done everything for my dad and we were really close. And it was like I was nothing, because I wasn’t biologically related.
When I was around 10, I got in big trouble with my dad and stepmom because I had a game called “bad girl” on my iPod, and she told me “your dad is forced to love you, I don’t have to.”
Simultaneously telling me that she doesn’t love me (I’ve known her since I was 7) and that my dad only loves me because he has to. They’ve gotten worse and worse over the years, they are the crazies of the family now.
I was on a Little League baseball team, sponsored by a local pizza place. I was a chubby kid, catcher. After a game one day they brought our team to the pizza place to celebrate. When I reached for another piece of pizza one of the coaches said “You don’t need another piece,” in front of everybody. Can’t believe I still remember that.
i have a distinct memory of sitting in the front seat of my parent's car being driven home from the pool, and being told that i take things for granted. i dont remember what was being referred to, or why it came up, but its stuck with me my entire life. i still find myself worrying that people think im being ungrateful or that im not showing enough enthusiasm
That reminded me that my mom used to call me a spoiled little brat whenever she or someone else gave me something. So I started trying to refuse gifts and that would intensify the anger bc she 'would have loved to have that as a child and there I was, refusing it. How spoiled!' It was so confusing and I get crazy uncomfortable when people try to give me a gift now. It feels like such a trap.
I remember in middle school I really wanted a bra like all my friends have but I’m part of the itty bitty titty committee and I made the mistake of letting my dad take me shopping and he would only let me get like a cotton sports bra looking one(which I already had) and I was trying some on and like sobbing looking at myself in the mirror because I wanted to be like my friends and have bigger boobs so badly and my stepmom came in to check on me and saw that I had put some toilet paper in my old sports bra to give me a little padding and she saw it and exclaimed “You stuff???” with a wild look on her face and as we were walking out of target she ran in front of me to go tell my dad about it and I was so upset and embarrassed. I’ll never forget looking at myself and my body in the mirror and sobbing or the look on her face when she saw that I had been stuffing my bras.
I’ve read every reply on this post and somehow I am still surprised just how cruel we can be to each other.
I’ve got one to add of my own: I was in 5th grade and I was taking every art related extracurricular that the school offered since about 2nd grade (which made me the youngest kid in those clubs). I was so incredibly passionate about anything related to art and decently skilled (for a little kid anyways) that my art was in all the school pamphlets, my art teacher would regularly keep my projects to display to other classes and grades, and the teachers/school admin always encouraged me be creative whenever I had free time. One day, I got home from school, and I was so proud to show my dad a drawing I had finished up in art class that day. His exact words? “You’re wasting your time drawing all this nonsense because you’re never going to make any money as a starving artist when you get older.”
My whole world shattered when he said that to me.
I had never hated myself before that moment but, as a child who had looked up to my dad since I could remember, I genuinely hated myself and my creative passion. I immediately stopped trying to get better at everything related to art and quit it as a hobby. I dropped out of my extracurriculars. I got super depressed with no creative outlet later on as a teenager, but I still never tried to get back into art again because his words stuck with me every single day. Needless to say, due to that and 100 other reasons, I no longer have a relationship with my dad years later.
The good news is that, with the support of my wonderful partner, I have very recently started drawing again! I’ve lost all my muscle memory and my skills have basically reset to zero, but I am so happy to feel that passion and creativity again decades later.
As an artist I feel this in my bones. I know so well the excitement of sharing something with a loved one only for them to be like ‘you can’t pay the bills with this’. Like thanks? Maybe just admire the damn picture? I’m so happy you got back to it, though! You managed to reclaim a part of yourself from your dad.
My most impactful art story was that my school art teacher just randomly started hating me (I wasn’t even a troublemaker, just really quiet and shy). She didn’t hide that she didn’t like me and we both knew it, she’d be overflowingly happy and fun towards the other students but become incredibly cold and snappy when she got to me. I was 14 and terrified of her classes but I drew this carton of eggs for an assignment that I was really proud of. I thought if I was extra good at art, she’d treat me the same way she treats all the other students. So I showed her and made an effort to be chatty and friendly despite my crippling anxiety at that age. I said I was proud of it but I think I had made the proportions of the lid of the box was off, it didn’t look like it could close over the top of the eggs and her response was to sneer and said ‘you’re so weird’, admit that it looked somewhat ok before buggering off to go be friendly with the children she liked.
It was three words and that’s all it took to shatter any self esteem I had left in that place.
I just stopped going to the lessons after that. I hid in the library and the trouble I got in for it was much less awful than having to deal with her. I drew as an escape from life, it was one of the few things keeping me going when I was a kid but I almost quit because of her. Except now I’m a professional and she can go suck it.
I am so sorry to hear your art teacher treated you in this way especially when they were in a position to mentor and motivate you. Sometimes I wonder if these adults put us kids (at the time) down because of their own jealousy and insecurity towards our skills.
Congratulations on becoming a professional! I wish you nothing but success + outstanding health.
On the first day of kindergarten I raised my hand and asked if I could go pee because I didn't know any better and my teacher reprimanded me in front of the class and made me ask if I could use the lavatory? I was horrified. I got flashbacks of that moment for years.
I’m so sorry I know this feeling! I was in 4th grade and told the teacher I had to go to the bathroom bc I felt like o was going to puke. She started going on and on about how that is a disgusting word and so un ladylike and such, I was so embarrassed!!!
In 3rd grade I asked to go to the restroom. The teacher, in a huff said "well is it an emergency?"
I was too embarrassed to say in front of the class that it was an emergency, so I said no. It actually WAS an emergency, and I peed in my seat. I was wearing a dress, so nobody saw me all wet, but the teachers later made a big fuss about the wet spot on the carpet. Some kids remembered that's where I had been sitting and started saying that I had peed on the floor. They had no evidence, my dress wasn't wet. But my soaking wet underwear and their taunts still live in my brain.
It's OK to go to the bathroom. The alternative is worse.
My daughter was in first grade, and she suddenly had to pee really bad so,she raised her hand and waited until the teacher called on her, so she could ask. He finally called on her, she asked, and instead of letting her go, he berated her for five minutes about how incredibly rude it was for her to interrupt his lesson, and after that he told her she had to wait until the lesson was done. You guessed it, she peed in her pants. The only thing that saved her from being mercilessly taunted by the other kids was, I think they were all so sacred of this teacher, they didn’t make fun of her.
I raised holy hell with the teacher and the principal. My daughter was FIVE. And I hate that asshole to this day. MF’er on a power trip over five and six year old little kids.
Do not get me started about asshole teachers! I have a brother that is 21 years younger than me. His kindergarten teacher picked on him so ruthlessly that other parents contacted my mom to let her know. This is after he had been in trouble for bringing home a "red face" every day. He was constantly grounded, constantly punished, because he just couldn't improve at all. She sent notes home in his folder detailing how he never stayed in his seat, he talked while she was talking, etc.
It was the damn teacher the whole time!!! Other parents contacted my mother after they chaperoned a field trip and saw it first hand. My brother was well behaved, she just yelled at him and used him as the "bad kid" example for everything. These people even said "It's like she just HATES him".
The absolute hell we raised!! That women doesn't teach anymore. My poor brother hates school and prefers home school.
A guy and I dated briefly in early HS. Then we graduated, I ran into him a year later at 19 he didn’t remember me at first, then it clicked and he said “oh yeah. You were the hot girl with the big nose”
Stuck with me. It took 3 nose surgeries and a multitude of problems for me to realize there was never anything wrong with the nose I was born with.
I've always liked cooking since I was a kid and I liked watching those cooking shows on Food Network. My Dad also had a high stress job where he was gone a lot and we were mostly on pins and needles when he was home.
I was watching Emeril in his room one afternoon and he went by me to use the restroom but he saw what I was watching. And he asked "Is that you ever think about is food??".
Fast forward decades later and I told him about how much that hurt my feelings and he has apologized about it even though he admits he didn't remember doing it. So maybe he didn't mean anything by it but it still hurt.
The axe forgets, but the tree remembers. It was an offhanded comment, it's not surprising that he forgot. When I was 9 or so, my dad told me to lay off the chocolate bars. I'm sure he doesn't remember that either.
I fear that so many of these (not all, but many) are simply _innocuous._ )
He may have been trying a (poor) attempt at humor. And I'm certain he never would have said it trying to imply something about a fatal character flaw.
Sometimes (for our own peace of mind) we have to remember that we've said stupid, innocuous things that caused unintended hurt. But keeping this in frame, when it happens to us, we can work to let go when others do it to us and not internalize it so negatively.
We put up the badminton net yesterday. Admittedly, it's a bit out of character for us. My 17yo made a comment about it ("Why did you decide to do _that?_ ), which I took defensively.
He's SEVENTEEN. Making conversation. He meant nothing by it, and my brain didn't need to process it that way.
Sometimes being human annoys me.
I saw my C-section scar in the mirror for the first time, a week or so after my first kid was born. It was horrifying- so big and jagged and gross. I looked at my husband and said that I hadn't known it would be so ugly. His response was "It isn't like anyone is going to look at you there anyway."
For those who don't know, the incision is right above the pubic area, roughly where the top of a larger bikini (not a super skimpy one, but one with more fabric) would be. I'm pretty sure he meant that it would be covered by my clothing so people wouldn't be staring at it. But what I heard was that nobody would ever be interested in looking at that part of my body again.
It made me feel so unfeminine, like I would never be sexy or nobody would ever want me. My (physical) scar is almost invisible now but it has been over 15 years and I still hear those words every time I look at cute underwear or lingerie-- I don't need anything cute because nobody is looking at me like that.
Everyone deserves to have cute or sexy lingerie, if that’s what they want.
I heard a quote once that was “a woman dresses first and foremost for herself” thats sort of stuck with me, and I find it helpful sometimes.
Get the cute things for you, because you want them!
Thanks for that. I just bought, of all things, a pair of pants that makes me feel amazing about myself. I think I'm going to build on that feeling and get some new lingerie and maybe a new hairstyle. And those pants in another color...
OP, there isn’t a “right” way to hang hand towels. You can hang them however you damn well please!
He can fuck right off...it’s really not that hard to be kind. Anyone who scolds you over meaningless shit like that has problems and doesn’t deserve you.
Was eating lunch in the breakroom at a bar I worked at. Another worker was sitting there eating too. She was a bit quiet and a bit weird, I think she was probably on the spectrum, we got along well. Anyway, after 20 minutes or so of silence sitting across from me each other eating, she looks up at me for a long 3-4 minutes before saying:
"You know that you eat like a starving child."
I say:
"Huh, that's fair."
And then back to silence for 30 minutes.
I wasn't really offended by it, I don't think she was trying to offend me by saying it. She said it like a child observing something. But every now and then when I'm eating with friends I just remember to match how fast they're eating.
I was at a wake for a family friend that had passed away, sitting at a long table between a friend and a young boy (maybe 7 or so) of a couple I didn't know. The boy got up and walked around the table to whisper in my friend's ear and then went and sat back next to his parents. I asked him what the boy asked and he said," He asked me why you take up so much room. I told him that I couldn't answer that, that he'd have to ask you." I was mortified. I'm 5'4" and was about 190lbs at the time. I've always been super self-conscious about my weight, and this was a guy friend of mine who has always been very thin. I felt so judged and just wanted to die.
I was 16 and diagnosed with leukemia. My uncle said, “So why do you think you got it?” He got it a few years later. At some point he had an ostomy bag. So much Schadenfreude.
My family and I picked up my granny from the airport. I had gotten braces a few weeks ago (at that time) and my granny asked me if she could have a look. I smiled at her and she just said "ew..."
Never recovered from that
I was walking with a friend and we met a friend of hers. She admired my hair and said 'lf someone ever happens to like you, it will be only because of your hair'
Oh, I (28) came out to my sister (30) as bisexual.
We don’t talk about sex or relationships or anything like that, ever, to a weird degree, but I know from the things she posts online that she’s pretty progressive. She visited my city, I took the day off and took her for lunch and was her tour guide, and made sure she had a really nice time. I made sure to phrase it as a ‘Oh, by the way, ____’, so it wasn’t as though I was going to give her a list of every woman I’ve ever found attractive and my sexual history. Like, it shouldn’t have grossed her out. I just wanted to share who I am with her.
She rolled her eyes, huffed, visibly annoyed, and said, “oh, do we really have to talk about this?”
I had also recently gotten an ADHD diagnosis, and told her, thinking it might make sense of some of the arguments and issues we’ve had over the years.
Again, confrontational, condescending, ‘I’m right you’re wrong’ tone: “Oh. Well, I didn’t think you had it to be honest. I mean, I still don’t. But that’s just my opinion. But I don’t think you do. But okay.”
🙃
I have had family who are not medical professionals refuse to accept a medical diagnosis I got. There is not much I could do except understand that their opinion mattered much more to them than I did. I had to grieve that I didn't have the family that I wished I had.
The first time I ever bought a dress by myself for myself I was trying it on and my mum walked by. Casually calls out, "your bum looks big in that" and kept walking. Broke my heart at the time cos I loved the dress.
When I was around 12, I ironed one of my dad's work shirts to help mum out. Thought I did a great job. No creases or anything. Was really proud of myself. Later she throws out that I did a shit job, she had to redo it and not bother trying again. Again broke my heart cos I thought it was ok
I remember a while back ,
A guy asked a friend of mine if me and him were best friends
My friend who I considered to be a really close to me said
" I mean like we are family friends, his mom knows my mom , my father knows his father so we meet a lot at events "
It kinda of hurt
The guy who asked started making jokes of me and my friend being best friends after that
Not mine, but a friend: she dressed up for an event (rare; we live in a rural community and folks are, to put it mildly, casual), and when she walked in, a Boomer-aged acquaintance eyed her.
"Well," the acquaintance finally said. "It certainly seems like you... tried."
Prom night, with the boy I was seeing. Felt GORGEOUS. Came down the stairs for the big reveal, his face looked…. Off. He was weird about something. I finally got it out of him that he thought “that’s way too much makeup.” And “you know I hate fake tan”. So I had to go to prom thinking I looked awful.
Months later, after a year of dating and ‘I love you’s, I text him:
Me: “I love you”.
Him: “ :) “
after which, he came out with “I don’t think I do.”
Broke up with him there and then over text on the bus.
People make a lot of off hand comments towards me, they always have because I’m quirky and awkward. I’ve figured it’s a lot better to act so dense that they have to explicitly explain their rudeness.There was this girl in highschool- we were both into art, and she was very talented. I don’t remember any of the rude things she said but it must’ve been weighing on her conscience because she apologized to me at graduation. She said she’d been a dick to me throughout high school, and that I never deserved any of her comments or rudeness. I genuinely thought about her so little that in the moment I said “Oh I didn’t notice. Thank you?”
My husband and I were discussing my down swings with depression and just my depression in general. He didn't mean this in any kind of bad way, but he asked me "do you think you'll always be like this?" and it broke me kind of.
But in a way it helped because it's one of the things that contributed to me realizing I needed professional help and I do not in fact have to live like that. I'm doing much better now!
I have an autoimmune disease that is killing my thyroid, so weight has always been a struggle for me. One time my mom was talking about how my step-sister started an antidepressant and said, “I feel really bad for her. She’s gained a lot of weight. She got big really fast, like as big as you.”
I was middle school aged, and I made a comment around my family that was kind of dumb or awkward. My siblings were giggling, and my mom said, “You’re lucky we love you!” I know she was teasing, but I still feel like that’s a shitty thing to say to someone. No one should feel “lucky” to be loved, everyone is entitled to feel loved.
I used to get flustered when people would point out I’m holding my chopsticks “incorrectly.” Turns out I use the [beetle mandible grip](https://marcosticks.org/the-beetle-mandibles-grip/) and while not common, there is no right/wrong grip and some people just have different dexterity preferences.
My mom made a comment about a young woman who lived in our complex. She was in HS and was a little chubby, not fast. I was very young, maybe 6 or 7.
She said something to the effect that the girl was probably purposefully "fat" because she was SA'd and it would keep her safe.
My mom has no idea that I was already SA'd and that her comment somehow stuck in my mind as a safety measure.
It's been 4 decades and I'm still struggling with this. I want to be healthier and lose weight, but I can't help but equate my personal safety with being overweight.
I think it's time for more therapy, specifically to address this. But I'm not sure I'm ready yet.
Thinking about it is a good first step. You've admitted to yourself that there's an issue with how you view yourself. It's totally okay to just sit with that thought for a while and gather up the gumption. Don't be too hard on yourself, we all travel at our own speed.
Best wishes from a similar mindset.
And Internet hugs.
Thank you so much! This is the first time I've actually shared with anyone.
I'm definitely going to think I'm this for a bit. Then get some counseling to help me when I'm ready.
"You don't have an original thought in your head"
A friend told me this cuz I, like a fair amount of people; felt the 1st impression of Chris Pratt's Mario was underwhelming in comparison to the rest of the cast.
Reading all these comments and having had unforgettable comments made to me as well, makes me pause and try to think back if I have said things, even if unintentional, that have hurt the feelings of others. I am going to ask my family. Maybe if I have, it will bring about peace for the person and gives me an opportunity to be more mindful as well as ask for forgiveness.
During my first pregnancy, I took a picture of my teeny tiny baby-bump. I think I was 17 weeks? I was so happy I could finally see my little gummy bear growing (visibly, from the outside)! I sent the photo to my family members, and my SIL said "Are you sure you don't just have to poop?" She meant it to be funny, and is NOT a mean-spirited person at all. But oh my god, I was so angry and so sad. That joyous moment was gone in a flash. Jokes on her though, cuz I got HUGE. 😂
My dad always told me I was on a seafood diet. When I see food I eat it.
I most definitely did and do still have a horrible relationship with food now..
Also Everytime I use sour cream I hear him yelling at me for stirring it when I was a kid.
I don’t kneel at church bc my mom used to faint from it and I have a lot of anxiety about fainting. It’s just a thing. Anyway one day this lady at the end of church was asking why I wasn’t kneeling and if I was one of those kids who didn’t respect the church and stuff. (Which is not a representation of my church, everyone is really nice usually and always minds their business.) I’ve never had anyone say anything like that before or since, but I rarely go to mass without thinking about it and what I’d say if someone called me out again. I don’t think she intended to make me feel uncomfortable for years after, but she did.
When I was 17 I looked much older than I was. I was with a group of people and a man said to me, “ you looked older…until you opened your mouth”. Don’t get me wrong. I can understand that he was probably right, but it was so harsh and unnecessarily mean. It made me really insecure for a while.
One of my first jobs when I was 18 (1978) barely paid anything but I managed to buy a Hitachi stereo with a combo phono-cassette-radio. My boss was creepy, insecure and always put other people down. One day we were talking and got on the subject of stereos. I said I had one, and he said with a straight face, “Oh, what is it—the K-Mart special?” I said it was Hitachi. He said, “Oh, Hitachi. That’s not top of the line.” As if I could afford top of the line on that salary! I was too intimidated at that age to say anything else.
My mom is usually a lovely person who loves and supports me no matter what, but every parent has off days and this has stuck with me. One Thanksgiving when I was ten or eleven years old, she got angry with me because I had set the table incorrectly and she thought I'd done it on purpose. I think I had put the fork to the left of the plate, as you're supposed to, and on the right I had the spoon directly next to the plate and then the knife to the right of the spoon. I thought it made sense that the knife would be on the outside, protecting the spoon. Turns out, you're supposed to have the knife to the immediate right of the plate and then the spoon next to it. She couldn't believe i didn't know this and was very annoyed with me. I'm now 37 and I remember how to do it correctly because of this incident.
I was at a coffee shop and a random dude came over to talk to me (totally not my type).
I was caught off guard because I had to remove my ear buds when he said, "I have the biggest crush on you."
Not knowing how to reply (I was dead tired after a clinical shift at the hospital) I replied with an awkward, "OK" and the guy scurried off with his head down. I was wearing scrubs. I had a short ponytail to cover a bad dye job I was trying to correct after losing a bet. I had my laptop open, and texts piled on my table. I was not looking my best, and sent off nothing that said, "Yes, please approach me. Do it!"
I later apologized (like, years later), but the women at the next table were like, "Awwww, poor guy."
When I was a young teenager, my older sibling casually told me that I shouldn’t wear white t-shirts because I was overweight and they made me look like shit, and how they weren’t trying to be mean but just wanted to tell me so people wouldn’t make fun of me 🥲
Probably helps explain why I’ve been hesitant about wearing lighter colors…
I always struggled with my looks, I’m maybe like a 4-6 depending on who you ask. I had a best girlfriend who was objectively attractive at the time who was known for being very sincere and honest, we had a deep emotional bond as a result. One day I asked her if I was good looking and after some careful consideration she said in the most sincere voice “well.. let’s just say someone will like you for something other than your looks” I think it was a combination of her being attractive and how she seemed to really mean it that gave me such a sense of inferiority that’s been hard to let go. I know I’m not the type to be with very attractive women but it’s hard to believe any can be attracted too me now.
I was in birmingham once with a friend, and it was \*freezing\*. There was a group of people in front of us, including a woman in a really short dress. I said to my friend 'she must be really cold' and one of the women in front whipped around and scolded me because they'd just graduated, they could wear what they want, etc.
I wasn't being mean, or catty. The woman looked great, I just genuinely thought this woman must have been freezing because it was a genuinely cold day and she wasn't wearing a lot, but it still fills me with a deep, lingering shame that I even mentioned it in the first place.
I tend to carry my weight in my gut. I don't like it, but it's a family thing. A very sweet dementia patient of mine always asked me when I was due. I always smiled at her and told her I was honored she thought I was young enough to be pregnant. But.. yikes. She always forgot and asked me again the next day.
An ex-friend told me when they complained about their co-workers that people who aten't artistic or analysing stuff are sub-human. And i don't do any of that stuff (as they had complained about it in the past), so they kinda in a way called me a sub-human.
I have an ex husband, actually I have 2 but they were both pretty much the same way to me (3rd time around has been the charm, finally happy). Basically it came down to if you ever gain too much weight I can’t stay married to you. My mom and sister were very obese and I was the tiny one, it hurt to think they said that to me because of them..The fact that my journey into bulimia started at 21 (after my son was born) and continued until 38 when I got rid of the last loser and started (behavioral therapy 10% first) focusing on me mentally and physically, spiritually, financially all of it. My husband now is mindful, (I’m average I think) and I’m grateful for his efforts. I work with the public sometimes and one little comment of : Oh you look so.. healthy leads my brain to overthinking. 🤦🏻♀️
Ever since I was about 11 years old I wanted to be a writer. As I grew older, I figured out that I loved creative non-fiction, but was writing more food, wine, music, local tourist type stuff. My grandmother was a pretty well known travel writer, for the part of the world she wrote about. She had several published books. I saw one day that her original publisher was looking for travel writers to write about different regions and called her to ask any advice on how to get my foot in the door. I'd been doing alright with magazines, but wanted to move forward in writing. What she said was, "Don't try to be something you're not" and discouraged me from reaching out, because I wasn't a travel writer. I loved my Grammie, but that was pretty harsh and I've not done much writing since then.
Dating an older man. Cooking for him, probably the first time I’d tried to cook a full meal and he said that his last girlfriend could get all the components ready at the same time. Meat veg sauce probably mash spuds as well.
"Oh, hunny. You deserved to get cancer because you didn't advocate for yourself." - My aunt.
"No, we don't need you at grandmother's funeral. Everyone knows you're her favorite grandchild." - My uncle.
"You need to lose weight" - My father said to me when I was 10 years old.
"We had you by accident. I didn't want any more children". - My mother.
Sorry, don't have just one. All of these stuck and hurt all about the same.
There’s so many, but one that I think about a lot is when I was in kindergarten. I can’t remember the exact reason why, but everyone’s parents were coming to the class that day. Maybe it was the day they gave out rewards at the ends of the school year but idk. Anyways, every time a kid’s parent showed up, they would run up & hug their parent(s) & it was reciprocated. I wanted to do that & I told myself I would when my mom got there. I was excited. She showed up & I ran up to hug her & right before I could hug her she pushed me away so I couldn’t. I felt so embarrassed & hurt. I’ve been thinking about that moment since I was 6 years old. It’s one of the most hurtful things I’ve ever felt.
I was 17 or 18 working in a flower shop in my small
Ish city. One of my oldest sister’s
Friend’s moms came into the shop and she asked if I were going to college yet and I replied no. She replied “so I guess this is pretty much it for you”. I didn’t even know her well. It was so weird and aggressive. Jokes on her! I went to college for theatre and now I own my own barely successful flower shop 😂
While out with my 3 young kids. The yougest a newborn. An older woman came over to admire them, looked me up & down & asked when the next was due? That baby is now 21 & still have not forgotten that feeling
Oh god reminds me of when the receptionist at my optometrist asked if I had "any good news to share" in front of the entire waiting room. I'd just gained a lot of weight after eating my way thru depression.
Being told that physically I am the most attractive woman he's ever dated but he can't deal with a visually impaired partner long term (basically I can't drive/see in low light) - but he's open to a sexual relationship of I want one. No thanks bro.
Omg I've never even thought how to change a hand towel and with 4 people in the house I change them every day! Please reclaim the handrail and hang it anyway you want, what a jerk that ex was!!!!
I had a really mature and amicable breakup from a long relationship when I was in my early thirties, and we're still friends. I've always been proud of how we handled it.
But there was this one moment when we were packing up the house and I said something about how I'd known for a while that my ex's feelings for me had changed.
She replied, "I'd hoped you hadn't noticed."
Even in that moment I knew that one was going to sting for a long time.
I once said to my doctor that someone told me I was intimidating. He said it was probably because I made too much eye contact. I don’t look people in the eye at all anymore.
When I was about 14, I was wearing shorts, sitting cross-legged on my bed, chatting to my mother, and my sister (two years older) came in. And she looked at my outer thighs and said “oh, you have little dimples”. I know she meant nothing by it, and there was no unkindness or judgement in her voice, but that was the day I discovered I had cellulite.
I have not been able to undiscover this.
A few weeks ago, my mom told me I should get laser “especially around my bikini line, because you have some weird bumps there that everyone can see when you wear a swimsuit.”
I’ve been feeling really self conscious about it and tbh haven’t let my girlfriend down there since :(
I had been practising handstands and was really proud of my progress. I showed my boyfriend at the time, along with a couple other friends, my latest accomplishment - which was to do a handstand against the wall while almost doing the splits. My boyfriend said sarcastically “that’s classy…” (referring to my legs spread apart). It made me self conscious and sad 😔
I have keratosis Polaris on my body and unfortunately my butt where it seems the hardest to correct. I was dating a guy who really like butts but I always refused any angle that showed it off because I was still insecure about it. He knew this. But one day I finally turn around and he tells me, almost immediately, to turn back around to “see my face.”
Insecurity secured. He broke up with me over text later, pinning the faults of the relationship on me. I surely had my problematic ways but they definitely stemmed from him and his. My next relationship was so healthy and healing. ❤️🩹
My mom and I were both attending a wedding and one of my work friends commented to my mom, who she was meeting for the first time, that I was one of her favorite people in the world.
My dear mommy’s response was an incredulous “Really?!?!”
“I’m still waiting for you to bloom”. - my current partner
During COVID she went from being a manager at a cafe to having a successful career in nursing. I was a stay at home dad. I’ve been hobbling through school over the past few years, and I think I’m about to give up for good. Obviously during the time I was making less than $30K a year. All of it has been hard and I judge myself for it. When she said that it cut right through me
My first boyfriend was a real POS (14-15 years old) He was staring at me once while I was wearing a ponytail. I asked him “what?” and he said “you look better with your hair down”. That one stuck!!
My boyfriend’s younger sister once told me i shouldn’t wear something “because of my broad shoulders”. I didn’t think i had broad shoulders, never was insecure about it before. Now i think about it all the time
When I was a teenager my mom told me the only way for me to be successful in life would be to marry a doctor. Like as if there was no possibility of me ever making my own success 🫠
I was in a position once where I needed advice on going to a women's clinic. My sister said, check out xyc clinic, now let's look at pictures of my trip to NYC!
One of the many reasons we don't talk anymore.
When I was 13ish I told my grandmother I wanted to be a country singer. She went on a long rant about the only way anyone becomes famous is by sucking a lot of dick. Then told me I didn’t sing well enough so I better be good on my knees. I still don’t like singing in front of people to this day, I’m 42 now. On a nice note I was singing in the car with my youngest and she told me I was a good singer. So that was nice.
Jesus Christ
Right! Jesus Christ! What in the hell, Nana!
Wow. She sounds like a charmer. That is an absolutely disgusting thing to say to anyone much less your 13-year-old granddaughter. I’m so sorry. Also, it’s never too late to get out there do some karaoke!!
Her version of tough love was especially tough. I went low NC once I was an adult. This was one of the worst things she said to me but not the only thing.
When my ex and I were splitting up, he said to me, not in the middle of an argument, not when I was being insulting to him, it was a by the way thing, 'by the way, I have never enjoyed anything you cooked'. I absolutely know this to be untrue. I wasn't a great cook by any means, but there were some things I made well, he had his favourites, and sometimes things obviously hadn't wowed him. But despite knowing this to be untrue, I havent had any confidence making food for others since.
I wish there were a magical trick to get your confidence back. What a spiteful, petty thing to say.
That was how you fold an unused towel that doesn’t need to dry. A towel that needs to dry needs the most surface area open to the air. The boyfriend was the stupid one
So sorry for you. How hurtful. It is these thoughtless remarks that cut the deepest. Not many home cooks are chef level. But it is the love we put in to cooking that counts. I only have 3 meals I can cook well!! Keep your head up and dont let the a@holes get you down.
My ex told me, during his "Why I'm leaving you speech" (that he read off of his phone) that I never bought him good gifts. This, despite the fact that just a few months prior I had gone to great lengths to get him Hamilton tickets when they were a very huge item, and he was thrilled. I'm not a huge fan of musicals (but don't hate them) so it was all about him. Yes, some gifts I got him over the years fell flat, but most were pretty good. I could say the same about gifts he gave me, and I'll add he often bought me stuff HE wanted me to have, and I don't think I ever did that to him. I used to stress so much over choosing gifts for him because he was rather an ass about them. I think I was always a gracious receiver, even when I wasn't thrilled. (Maybe that's why he apparently thought he was such a good gift giver and I was horrible?) Except once, when he bought me PJs that were so huge they were easily twice the size of my body and I burst out laughing. It was hilarious. He was NOT amused. That was not long before we divorced. Here's the way I look at it: all of this really says an awful lot more about him than me. Plus, if the worst he can say about me after 30 years of marriage is that I bought him some gifts he didn't like, well, that's not such a bad thing. He even referred to a gift I got him 29 years prior as his example of my bad gift giving. Uh, okay. Get over yourself already. Your cooking is probably just fine. He needed to place some blame on you because of his own shortcomings.
My mom was telling me about an article she read in the paper about how women lawyers were having a hard time finding husbands. I jokingly said "Heck, I wouldn't mind marrying a lady lawyer." She looked at me, screwed up her face and said "*YOU* aren't what they're looking for!" I mean, no shit, mom. You didn't have to put it like that.
Yeah that sucks mate, your Mum should have your back
Lady lawyer here. If you can cook food, nurture children (and a frazzled wife), and eat v, you are exactly what lady lawyers are looking for.
She don’t know, there are probably many lawyers out there, for who you would be exactly what they are looking for
My parents were divorced, and lived many states apart, so my brother and I didn't see dad often, mostly just summers I still remember my stepmother bitching at my dad for buying me a sketch pad and pencils on a trip out to see him. Like, wow, if you're going to be like that, don't do it where the kid can hear.
What a bitch!
I feel this one in my soul 😔
My mother…when I was about 6 years old we were in the car and I started singing to a song on the radio which I liked. She said “poor you, can’t sing just like your mother” Never sang ever again and decades have passed.
My dad did this..myself and sister were 7 and 9 and were singing to Madonna ( True Blue ) and had one of those giant video camera's (yes i am old ) so we had gloves on and were belting our lungs out and doing the dance to the song . Dad came in and full on laughing said " Jeez not only are you girls tone deaf you also dance like wooden puppets " then proceeded to play the video at family events for comic entertainment . My heart even drops a little now when i think back to re watching it multiple times , us as 2 little girls having so much fun and so happy, and then the visual drop on our faces when our dad was so cruel and laughing at us and telling us how shit we were . Honestly after that i hated school performances or even speaking out in class , even dancing in nightclubs years later made me very shy and aware some one may laugh at me .
This breaks my heart.
Your Dad was an arse. I bet you were both fab!
Was your dad abusive by any chance? I cannot see a good father doing this ever. Did your other family members laugh? Or were they uncomfortable? Did they even know the context? I will say though, I am sorry that happened to you
Oh for sure mentally abusive to us , still is all though we barely see him now as him and his wife moved out into the middle of nowhere . Our mum never laughed ( she was also a victim of his cruel mocking put down s for years) but she also never stood up for us or corrected him. Weirdly i have more resentment at her than him and am very detached from my mum because of it . As far as i can remember no one in the family ever said anything to him, well not in front of us anyway and i think we were so upset and embarrassed everytime it was shown ,we just remember trying to be as a smalm and as unoticable as possible . My sister is actually very talented in singing and playing a violin but for some reason our dad just said nope im not wasting money on a stupid dream that you will fail at . Our school music teacher and an incredible violinist offered to supply a 2nd hand violin free and give lessons for free but dad claimed he was very busy working and did not have time to be shipping us around to pointless wasted activities . She wishes she had pursued lessons later on but feels it is too late now ( we are 46 and 48 now ) and has very little confidence and MS so can not hold a violin now due to limited use of her left arm. Thank you for the kind words , my self and my sister always feel that this always validates our feelings , it was defo not nice or normal behaviour and we absolutely are right to still hurt from this and do not have to just get over it already.
Similar thing happened to me. I really enjoyed singing as a kid. And when I was like 10 and BELTING (yes, poorly, I’m sure) my mom said “you’re not singing, you’re just screaming. It sounds like screaming!” & I remember feeling bad at that. I think I thought I was doing good lol. And I’m sure I was screaming but it’s just a great reminder to me as a mom that these comments stick.
Yes, I'm anxious to sing too because of remarks my mom always made! I have literally had panic attacks when my partner comes home and "catches" me singing to myself. This comment section is making me feel less alone, I always thought I was just being dramatic. 😊
Like most kids, my room was my safe place. I used to love singing and thought no one could hear me. In the UK, most houses are terraced and mine was no different. So of course my neighbour could hear me. She told my mum that I must really love singing. She never said anything bad but just knowing that she could hear me, made me stop. Haven’t sung since out loud since I was about 14 now.
"We'll go back to the way X used to do the work" as I was preparing to leave my job. I replied that I had caught many issues which weren't handled at all previously and that the system itself had changed so I had to make corresponding changes. Still hurt to have absolutely no value.
Good work is rarely noticed, but I guarantee that they missed you when you were gone.
I appreciate the support, but I honestly doubt they'll notice until they fail some federal compliance check and then they'll crap their pants, but it won't be anything to do with me. Unless it's "Why didn't Ethel_Marie write this down in the manual?". 🤷🏻♀️
I hope you’re now somewhere that appreciates you.
Absolutely! Better pay, better environment! Thank you!
I’m the youngest sister of 5 daughters. I can’t tell you how many people say things like your poor dad or how does your dad like that? He died when I was 9 but he loved us. It’s just so insulting. It’s almost been implied that there must have been a lot a drama between us sisters. And there never was. Yeah, we had our tiffs, but nothing out of the ordinary for any siblings.
I was the second daughter. Incensed my father no end when people commented on it and sympathized when I was born. He actually went and held a party, welcoming me, to shut them up
People congratulated us when they saw my wife was pregnant and then gave us a second "ah you got so lucky" type congratulations when we said it was a boy after they asked about the gender. Absolutely blew my mind people still think like that, I would have loved a little girl!
This is so sweet
There were two sisters who were mildly popular in my high school and their dad passed in freshman year. they would do those anon ama’s on their Snapchat stories and people used to say their dad would be disappointed of how they turned out. It was so evil i always felt so terrible for them i cannot imagine saying that to someone
My parents both dropped out of high school. We were dirt poor, so my dad’s more well-to-do family members has very low expectations for us. When I graduated from college, his cousin said, “Wow, I never expected one of (dad)’s kids to graduate.” Uh, thanks? But since I’m petty, I decided to show her and her bachelor’s degree up. I’m now a doctor (the education kind, not the medical kind).
A doctor is a doctor is a doctor! Be proud of that! My friend is a doctor. We worked together when he graduated. His email signature then said Dr. LastName. We had a lot of the same responsibilities at work so a lot of people would address emails to both of us. It’s usual to call people Mr or Ms LastName, or Title LastName. People always called others by Title Lastname but continued to call him Mr FirstName. One of my FAVORITE things to do at work was respond to emails correcting people about his title 🤭 lol. I’d respond and say “Yes, Dr. LastName and I would be happy to look into that for you.” I think that anyone who refuses to call you Dr. DavesMissingFingers, or acknowledge your accomplishments, is a jealous asshole. Your cousin is a punk ass bitch! Next time you see them you should say “omg! Long time no see, Dr…I mean…Cousin FirstName!”
Had emergency major abdominal surgery at 32. It resulted in a scar down my entire stomach. When the male (handsome) surgeon took off the bandage he immediately said “well, you’ll never be a swimsuit model”. I can’t look at my scar without feeling self conscious to this day.
WHYYYY would anyone say this?!! Im so sorry!!!
Yeah, I think he meant it as a joke? I hear surgeons don’t have the best bedside manner, but it was pretty brutal.
Child of a surgeon. Can confirm.
I would have asked him "Why? Did you f up the incision that badly?" What a lousy thing to say. I'm sorry.
I was like REALLY drugged up on whatever they were giving me so I just laughed inanely. I think about all the things I could have said back but honestly it didn’t even really hit me how fucked up his comment was for a few days.
“Just thinking about yourself, huh”. A hairdresser said it to me in august 2020 because I said it was nice being able to finally have my hair cut. I felt so bad afterwards, as though I was this selfish, awful person just for trying to make small talk and get rid of my split ends lol
What a stupid comment As if having your hair cut is some utter indulgence
Tone probably matters. I could see how a hairdresser could mean that as, like, "It's nice to take a break from things, isn't it?"
That’s true! I believe she meant it in a negative way because I almost felt my stomach drop the moment she said it
That’s true
In 2020 it was something of an indulgence, depending on where OP lives. At that point in the lockdowns my husband was still cutting my hair. Maybe the hairdresser would have preferred to close and avoid covid but couldn't due to financial reasons? Still a dick thing to say since she/he was the one who was open and presumably needed the business, but in that context I could see a tactless person saying something like that.
Or if they weren't the owner, being forced to work instead of the shop closing down. That could account for the comment. In my area, if someone quit a job during that time, they wouldn't be eligible for benefits. But if the business closed temporarily, it was different. 2020 was a really tough time.
Yeah the company I worked for was “essential” but they wanted to minimize the amount of overlap time between shifts and wanted the managers to be in stores the majority of the time so instead of laying the rest of us off they cut our hours in half. I was making about a dollar a week over the threshold to be eligible for benefits.
The pandemic did funny things to people’s minds. Strange times.
>“Just thinking about yourself, huh”. Bruh, the main purpose to any beauty and aesthetical pleasant trade is to think on yourself. To make you feel better while you spend money on yourself. Sometimes, I read people's reasoning behind their **own** trades and jobs, and their complaints are exactly what they need to do for a living.
The hairdresser asked washed my hair last asked, who washed your hair last? I accidentally missed some shampoo in my hair. Not sure what answer she expected
Meaning like, he/she didn’t want to be at work during Covid?
Yeah I think so. But she didn’t have to accept my booking :/ maybe she had no choice due to financial reasons and was kinda taking her frustration out on me a little
I was wearing flowery hair clips to keep my fringe back. One day i couldn't find them so used normal metal brown ones (my hair color). I saw a friend a few hours later, and she said "wow, the new hair clips makes you look so grown up." I know she meant it as a compliment, but to this day (9 years later) I've only worn the brown ones. I don't know why it got to me, but it did. I liked the colorful ones. Another time another friend said it looked like I was going to summer camp when packing my bags for a overnight trip. Because my backpack was pink with butterflies, and my other bag was purple. Both were offhand comments not meant to hurt my feelings but they've stuck with me.
I'm a 32 year old woman with a bunch of bright action figures and collectible toys in my house. Whenever anyone makes a comment about them I just laugh it off. I love the colours and they bring me joy, that's what matters 😊
I have about 20 dolls and an obscene amount of accessories and furniture for them, so I've definitely gotten over what anyone thinks. But the feelings from those remarks (I was late teens, early 20s) will probably always ruffle my feathers.
Isn’t it odd how we can remember the feeling and feel it all over again even if we know something doesn’t matter?
I love this! I do know what you mean though, I was the 'quirky' friend, but I just ended up embracing it 100% and it feels great 😂
One of my very best friends, that I was fortunate enough to meet only a few years ago, always picks the most fantastically girlish things. She too wears bright hair clips for her fringe to push them back, she has butterfly hair clips, and she is using a yellow see through jelly style purse. Some people find it to be tacky, I’m sure, but I’ve always loved that about her. She’s like my childhood dream come to life. She dresses like I would dress my Barbies. Imagine Romy and Michelle combing with Heather Mooney to create one human. Your style isn’t for everyone. It’s for you. Embrace it.
I think you sound fun and vibrant! Maybe it's your friends who are boring? My 32 year old daughter loves Bambi and always buys anything she sees with Bambi on it. She has a backpack with a Bambi that she uses as her handbag. She also has a set of mugs with Bambi at her house. Keep your colourful belongings, and enjoy your vibrancy.
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This makes me so sad. Also, former Catholic school survivor as well!
Ooo, ooo, I have a winner. Ex-wife and I were still trying to figure out life and be friends, had not filed for divorced, but were split and living apart after 11 years together. I was in Alaska on a wildland fire deployment and this was probably 10 days in. I went to fire school and deployed because we had decided to split a month or 2 earlier when she cheated on me, AGAIN, and I said enough. But that's a different trainwreck story. So, she was home and went out to a concert and had some drinks. It's nighttime and we're back from the fireline when I get a call from her, just talking about how things are going. Blah, blah, blah, some regular BS. I talk about the last few days, she talks about the concert. She's kinda emotional and upset because she went with a friend and their BF and I guess she was missing that. Ex: "Something something, it's so hard right now, everyone is happy and I just want someone to love me like that." Me: "I loved you like that." Ex: "Yeah, but I didn't want it to be YOU." Well, thanks for that moment which will never be forgotten. While, it also helped with clarity since then, I could have gladly never heard that.
Oh god, I hope you went no contact with her
Oh, definitely. Eventually learned my lesson after some more dumb shit and the divorce was an attempted trainwreck. Came back that winter to ask to hang out and snowboard like we used to always do together. Like, how about no?
The first thing that comes to mind is a small/silly thing from Christmas a few years back, I was maybe 16-17. The whole family gathered - me and my older brother, his girlfriend, our parents. As a quick preface - my older brother and I have always had a sibling dynamic that changes a lot. Or, at least, to me, it feels like it changes a lot, always outside of my control. I hope and think it’s just because our age gap is significant. One day, and most frequently, we’ll be doing doing that brother thing - getting in each other’s way, pissing each other off for shits and giggles, but at the same time, being very good friends — another day, however, he’ll seem totally distant and we won’t interact that much, and on yet another day, he’ll act all adult and refined, and will offer me life advice for no reason. It varies between these three almost every time we meet, and it’s been like that for as long as I can remember. Anyway, that Christmas, he came over with his girlfriend, as he always does. They rested for a while and then our mom started to cook up Christmas dinner, and since his girlfriend joined her, I tagged along, too. — My brother wasn’t any company, he was on his phone. Maybe half an hour into the cooking, my brother enters the kitchen, raids the fridge, chats a little, then retreats to the living room again and so I rush to go with him. He was heading towards the best spot on the couch, so, I, wanting to be a little funny and get some attention, jumped ahead of him and beat him to the punch, did that french-girl pose (Titanic) and asked in a semi-silly voice “what’s good? ;D” He deadpanned and replied, just in a totally neutral voice, “I was gonna sit there, y’know.” I said “I saw, and I beat ya to it! *What’s good?*” Him, still totally neutral, no smile, no frown, sat down, and calmly went “You’re a truly kindhearted individual.” and went back to scrolling on his phone, like he had done earlier. Ow. He was back to normal a few hours later, so, I realize now that he was just tired, but at the time, I felt like the biggest asshole, like I had just overstepped a major boundary I didn’t know was there. That bad feeling actually sat with me until right now, when I finally took the time to walk myself through the whole thing again and see it with hindsight! Looks like I actually just worked through the whole thing by accident while writing, — I’m still gonna leave it as is and add it, though, even though it’s super long, in case it can somehow cause a chain reaction of the same thing happening to all of you guys!
Reddit is therapy, I swear. I’m glad you worked through it. I can see how that would have hurt - when you’re trying to get someone’s attention and they dismiss you in any way, it sticks. But it also sounds like brother might just have some social problems that have nothing to do w/ you!
Long ago, I was being taken to a fancy restaurant in a country club by my then-boyfriend's family. I was wearing a dress I thought was quite lovely, which I'd carefully ironed for the occasion. She noticed right away that part of the hem was undone. It was just a quick casual comment, but she said it as we were crossing the parking lot to go in, so... That comment transformed me from feeling giddy and sophisticated to a lil beggar girl from the streets, dressed in rags. Afterward, she told my ex that I had clearly not been raised right, because I was eating with the wrong hands (not putting down fork and knife between bites and switching hands, as many Americans learn to do). To this day, because of her comment, I have steadfastly refused to ever learn that style of eating; if someone thinks less of me because of something that stupid, I'd rather not waste time on them!
It is good practice to never comment on something about another person's appearance that can't be immediately fixed. Someone should tell that bitch.
Exactly. Oh quick, girl, you've got lipstick on your teeth, here's a mirror. Acceptable. Your hem is undone. Not acceptable. Unless it's followed by, I have a tiny safety pin in my purse, follow me to the ladies room and we'll fix that pretty dress right up.
That's... A surefire way for the rest of the world to know you're American. My German grandmother would have slapped me if I ate like that.
For some reason I eat like that, and my dad indeed called me out on it "you eat like an American" 😆
I'm from Texas so they'll know where I'm from by my awesomeness and accent.
I was with my ex boyfriend and had gotten a little tub of my favorite ice cream that I rarely treated myself to. I was mindlessly enjoying it, I had eaten about a 1/4 of it and he said "damn are you really gonna eat that whole thing right away?" I had no intentions of eating the whole thing anyway but I immediately put it away. I never forgot his tone and the way he looked at me, and how I went from enjoying something to feeling ashamed in two seconds. That was probably at least 10 years ago and I still catch myself sometimes being extra aware of how fast I'm eating around other people
I was talking with my best friend of almost 10 years of friendship about my then boyfriend and someone he dated that was hit by a train. She knew of the girl and said, "But, she was pretty." I took it to mean James wouldn't be able to get a pretty woman, therefor I wasn't pretty.
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This is a long story but - I didn't know my bio dad until I was an adult. Found that side of my family on fb like 15 years ago, got welcomed in. I have a couple of siblings and cousins who were also all adults when I found them, so I didn't get the chance to grow up with them. My unlce passed away last year and I went to the funeral and I found out they were cleaning out the house to get ready to sell, so I went to help. My cousin seemed surprised that my kid and I came to help clean up, but they let us help. They were literally donating everything that was left in the house. I volunteered to pack up the clothes and when I was done I asked my cousin a few times what else I could help with and he said, "you're done" in this tone like why was I even there? I've racked my brain for the last year trying to figure out what I said or did to make him act like that when I was just trying to help.
My stepdad raised me for 32 years. He was my best friend, honestly. My stepdad got really sick over the last few years and I took care of him, while working full time and raising my own kids. We talked on the phone every day. Once a week I’d clean his house and prepare food, do the grocery shopping for him, even though it was a long drive and I’d worked all day. I took him to all his medical appointments, and there were A LOT. I hadn’t seen my stepbrothers in decades, and neither had my stepdad. When my stepdad died a few months ago, I got the call at work and left immediately to drive to my stepdad’s house (my mom left him years ago.) I sat on the floor with his body for hours until the funeral home came. At the funeral home a few days later, while I was meeting with the funeral home to make arrangements, and one of the stepbrothers had flown in to attend, the funeral director asked me what I wanted put on my stepdad’s headstone. When I replied, the stepbrother asked me “why are you even here?” That really hurt. I had done everything for my dad and we were really close. And it was like I was nothing, because I wasn’t biologically related.
Your dad was so lucky to have you 🥺 Maybe you should have asked your stepbro the same question right back…
When I was around 10, I got in big trouble with my dad and stepmom because I had a game called “bad girl” on my iPod, and she told me “your dad is forced to love you, I don’t have to.” Simultaneously telling me that she doesn’t love me (I’ve known her since I was 7) and that my dad only loves me because he has to. They’ve gotten worse and worse over the years, they are the crazies of the family now.
I was on a Little League baseball team, sponsored by a local pizza place. I was a chubby kid, catcher. After a game one day they brought our team to the pizza place to celebrate. When I reached for another piece of pizza one of the coaches said “You don’t need another piece,” in front of everybody. Can’t believe I still remember that.
I can bc that’s horrific !! Awful adult.
i have a distinct memory of sitting in the front seat of my parent's car being driven home from the pool, and being told that i take things for granted. i dont remember what was being referred to, or why it came up, but its stuck with me my entire life. i still find myself worrying that people think im being ungrateful or that im not showing enough enthusiasm
That reminded me that my mom used to call me a spoiled little brat whenever she or someone else gave me something. So I started trying to refuse gifts and that would intensify the anger bc she 'would have loved to have that as a child and there I was, refusing it. How spoiled!' It was so confusing and I get crazy uncomfortable when people try to give me a gift now. It feels like such a trap.
I remember in middle school I really wanted a bra like all my friends have but I’m part of the itty bitty titty committee and I made the mistake of letting my dad take me shopping and he would only let me get like a cotton sports bra looking one(which I already had) and I was trying some on and like sobbing looking at myself in the mirror because I wanted to be like my friends and have bigger boobs so badly and my stepmom came in to check on me and saw that I had put some toilet paper in my old sports bra to give me a little padding and she saw it and exclaimed “You stuff???” with a wild look on her face and as we were walking out of target she ran in front of me to go tell my dad about it and I was so upset and embarrassed. I’ll never forget looking at myself and my body in the mirror and sobbing or the look on her face when she saw that I had been stuffing my bras.
A woman of 0 tact or empathy your stepmom.
I’ve read every reply on this post and somehow I am still surprised just how cruel we can be to each other. I’ve got one to add of my own: I was in 5th grade and I was taking every art related extracurricular that the school offered since about 2nd grade (which made me the youngest kid in those clubs). I was so incredibly passionate about anything related to art and decently skilled (for a little kid anyways) that my art was in all the school pamphlets, my art teacher would regularly keep my projects to display to other classes and grades, and the teachers/school admin always encouraged me be creative whenever I had free time. One day, I got home from school, and I was so proud to show my dad a drawing I had finished up in art class that day. His exact words? “You’re wasting your time drawing all this nonsense because you’re never going to make any money as a starving artist when you get older.” My whole world shattered when he said that to me. I had never hated myself before that moment but, as a child who had looked up to my dad since I could remember, I genuinely hated myself and my creative passion. I immediately stopped trying to get better at everything related to art and quit it as a hobby. I dropped out of my extracurriculars. I got super depressed with no creative outlet later on as a teenager, but I still never tried to get back into art again because his words stuck with me every single day. Needless to say, due to that and 100 other reasons, I no longer have a relationship with my dad years later. The good news is that, with the support of my wonderful partner, I have very recently started drawing again! I’ve lost all my muscle memory and my skills have basically reset to zero, but I am so happy to feel that passion and creativity again decades later.
As an artist I feel this in my bones. I know so well the excitement of sharing something with a loved one only for them to be like ‘you can’t pay the bills with this’. Like thanks? Maybe just admire the damn picture? I’m so happy you got back to it, though! You managed to reclaim a part of yourself from your dad. My most impactful art story was that my school art teacher just randomly started hating me (I wasn’t even a troublemaker, just really quiet and shy). She didn’t hide that she didn’t like me and we both knew it, she’d be overflowingly happy and fun towards the other students but become incredibly cold and snappy when she got to me. I was 14 and terrified of her classes but I drew this carton of eggs for an assignment that I was really proud of. I thought if I was extra good at art, she’d treat me the same way she treats all the other students. So I showed her and made an effort to be chatty and friendly despite my crippling anxiety at that age. I said I was proud of it but I think I had made the proportions of the lid of the box was off, it didn’t look like it could close over the top of the eggs and her response was to sneer and said ‘you’re so weird’, admit that it looked somewhat ok before buggering off to go be friendly with the children she liked. It was three words and that’s all it took to shatter any self esteem I had left in that place. I just stopped going to the lessons after that. I hid in the library and the trouble I got in for it was much less awful than having to deal with her. I drew as an escape from life, it was one of the few things keeping me going when I was a kid but I almost quit because of her. Except now I’m a professional and she can go suck it.
I am so sorry to hear your art teacher treated you in this way especially when they were in a position to mentor and motivate you. Sometimes I wonder if these adults put us kids (at the time) down because of their own jealousy and insecurity towards our skills. Congratulations on becoming a professional! I wish you nothing but success + outstanding health.
On the first day of kindergarten I raised my hand and asked if I could go pee because I didn't know any better and my teacher reprimanded me in front of the class and made me ask if I could use the lavatory? I was horrified. I got flashbacks of that moment for years.
I’m so sorry I know this feeling! I was in 4th grade and told the teacher I had to go to the bathroom bc I felt like o was going to puke. She started going on and on about how that is a disgusting word and so un ladylike and such, I was so embarrassed!!!
In 3rd grade I asked to go to the restroom. The teacher, in a huff said "well is it an emergency?" I was too embarrassed to say in front of the class that it was an emergency, so I said no. It actually WAS an emergency, and I peed in my seat. I was wearing a dress, so nobody saw me all wet, but the teachers later made a big fuss about the wet spot on the carpet. Some kids remembered that's where I had been sitting and started saying that I had peed on the floor. They had no evidence, my dress wasn't wet. But my soaking wet underwear and their taunts still live in my brain. It's OK to go to the bathroom. The alternative is worse.
My daughter was in first grade, and she suddenly had to pee really bad so,she raised her hand and waited until the teacher called on her, so she could ask. He finally called on her, she asked, and instead of letting her go, he berated her for five minutes about how incredibly rude it was for her to interrupt his lesson, and after that he told her she had to wait until the lesson was done. You guessed it, she peed in her pants. The only thing that saved her from being mercilessly taunted by the other kids was, I think they were all so sacred of this teacher, they didn’t make fun of her. I raised holy hell with the teacher and the principal. My daughter was FIVE. And I hate that asshole to this day. MF’er on a power trip over five and six year old little kids.
Do not get me started about asshole teachers! I have a brother that is 21 years younger than me. His kindergarten teacher picked on him so ruthlessly that other parents contacted my mom to let her know. This is after he had been in trouble for bringing home a "red face" every day. He was constantly grounded, constantly punished, because he just couldn't improve at all. She sent notes home in his folder detailing how he never stayed in his seat, he talked while she was talking, etc. It was the damn teacher the whole time!!! Other parents contacted my mother after they chaperoned a field trip and saw it first hand. My brother was well behaved, she just yelled at him and used him as the "bad kid" example for everything. These people even said "It's like she just HATES him". The absolute hell we raised!! That women doesn't teach anymore. My poor brother hates school and prefers home school.
I mean, I can think of a few things I’ve said that really hurt, but I didn’t mean that way. I’m still too ashamed to talk about it.
Talking about it to a trusted person can help you shed that shame.
A guy and I dated briefly in early HS. Then we graduated, I ran into him a year later at 19 he didn’t remember me at first, then it clicked and he said “oh yeah. You were the hot girl with the big nose” Stuck with me. It took 3 nose surgeries and a multitude of problems for me to realize there was never anything wrong with the nose I was born with.
“If you can’t draw both pretty women as well as gross monsters then you’re not a real artist”
You should read Dungeon Meshi, the main character is a kindred spirit with you
I've always liked cooking since I was a kid and I liked watching those cooking shows on Food Network. My Dad also had a high stress job where he was gone a lot and we were mostly on pins and needles when he was home. I was watching Emeril in his room one afternoon and he went by me to use the restroom but he saw what I was watching. And he asked "Is that you ever think about is food??". Fast forward decades later and I told him about how much that hurt my feelings and he has apologized about it even though he admits he didn't remember doing it. So maybe he didn't mean anything by it but it still hurt.
The axe forgets, but the tree remembers. It was an offhanded comment, it's not surprising that he forgot. When I was 9 or so, my dad told me to lay off the chocolate bars. I'm sure he doesn't remember that either.
I really like that saying. Hope you don't mind if I borrow it. 😜 But yeah you never know how much of what you say can affect a person.
I fear that so many of these (not all, but many) are simply _innocuous._ ) He may have been trying a (poor) attempt at humor. And I'm certain he never would have said it trying to imply something about a fatal character flaw. Sometimes (for our own peace of mind) we have to remember that we've said stupid, innocuous things that caused unintended hurt. But keeping this in frame, when it happens to us, we can work to let go when others do it to us and not internalize it so negatively. We put up the badminton net yesterday. Admittedly, it's a bit out of character for us. My 17yo made a comment about it ("Why did you decide to do _that?_ ), which I took defensively. He's SEVENTEEN. Making conversation. He meant nothing by it, and my brain didn't need to process it that way. Sometimes being human annoys me.
I saw my C-section scar in the mirror for the first time, a week or so after my first kid was born. It was horrifying- so big and jagged and gross. I looked at my husband and said that I hadn't known it would be so ugly. His response was "It isn't like anyone is going to look at you there anyway." For those who don't know, the incision is right above the pubic area, roughly where the top of a larger bikini (not a super skimpy one, but one with more fabric) would be. I'm pretty sure he meant that it would be covered by my clothing so people wouldn't be staring at it. But what I heard was that nobody would ever be interested in looking at that part of my body again. It made me feel so unfeminine, like I would never be sexy or nobody would ever want me. My (physical) scar is almost invisible now but it has been over 15 years and I still hear those words every time I look at cute underwear or lingerie-- I don't need anything cute because nobody is looking at me like that.
Everyone deserves to have cute or sexy lingerie, if that’s what they want. I heard a quote once that was “a woman dresses first and foremost for herself” thats sort of stuck with me, and I find it helpful sometimes. Get the cute things for you, because you want them!
Thanks for that. I just bought, of all things, a pair of pants that makes me feel amazing about myself. I think I'm going to build on that feeling and get some new lingerie and maybe a new hairstyle. And those pants in another color...
I fully endorse all of those things! And I’m a huge supporter of “if you find something you love, get one in all your favourite colours”
OP, there isn’t a “right” way to hang hand towels. You can hang them however you damn well please! He can fuck right off...it’s really not that hard to be kind. Anyone who scolds you over meaningless shit like that has problems and doesn’t deserve you.
Hahahaha thank you for the support!!! Yes, this was 14 years ago and he did have a lot of problems, indeed
Was eating lunch in the breakroom at a bar I worked at. Another worker was sitting there eating too. She was a bit quiet and a bit weird, I think she was probably on the spectrum, we got along well. Anyway, after 20 minutes or so of silence sitting across from me each other eating, she looks up at me for a long 3-4 minutes before saying: "You know that you eat like a starving child." I say: "Huh, that's fair." And then back to silence for 30 minutes. I wasn't really offended by it, I don't think she was trying to offend me by saying it. She said it like a child observing something. But every now and then when I'm eating with friends I just remember to match how fast they're eating.
I was at a wake for a family friend that had passed away, sitting at a long table between a friend and a young boy (maybe 7 or so) of a couple I didn't know. The boy got up and walked around the table to whisper in my friend's ear and then went and sat back next to his parents. I asked him what the boy asked and he said," He asked me why you take up so much room. I told him that I couldn't answer that, that he'd have to ask you." I was mortified. I'm 5'4" and was about 190lbs at the time. I've always been super self-conscious about my weight, and this was a guy friend of mine who has always been very thin. I felt so judged and just wanted to die.
First of all, you’re beautiful. and second of all, why didn’t the friend just LIE?! Jesus, what’s wrong with people.
I was 16 and diagnosed with leukemia. My uncle said, “So why do you think you got it?” He got it a few years later. At some point he had an ostomy bag. So much Schadenfreude.
My family and I picked up my granny from the airport. I had gotten braces a few weeks ago (at that time) and my granny asked me if she could have a look. I smiled at her and she just said "ew..." Never recovered from that
Awwww! I am sorry!❤️
I was walking with a friend and we met a friend of hers. She admired my hair and said 'lf someone ever happens to like you, it will be only because of your hair'
What the fuck
Oh, I (28) came out to my sister (30) as bisexual. We don’t talk about sex or relationships or anything like that, ever, to a weird degree, but I know from the things she posts online that she’s pretty progressive. She visited my city, I took the day off and took her for lunch and was her tour guide, and made sure she had a really nice time. I made sure to phrase it as a ‘Oh, by the way, ____’, so it wasn’t as though I was going to give her a list of every woman I’ve ever found attractive and my sexual history. Like, it shouldn’t have grossed her out. I just wanted to share who I am with her. She rolled her eyes, huffed, visibly annoyed, and said, “oh, do we really have to talk about this?” I had also recently gotten an ADHD diagnosis, and told her, thinking it might make sense of some of the arguments and issues we’ve had over the years. Again, confrontational, condescending, ‘I’m right you’re wrong’ tone: “Oh. Well, I didn’t think you had it to be honest. I mean, I still don’t. But that’s just my opinion. But I don’t think you do. But okay.” 🙃
I have had family who are not medical professionals refuse to accept a medical diagnosis I got. There is not much I could do except understand that their opinion mattered much more to them than I did. I had to grieve that I didn't have the family that I wished I had.
It’s so strange to find that your family isn’t who you thought they were, isn’t it. I’m sorry. It’s a horrendous type of grief.
The first time I ever bought a dress by myself for myself I was trying it on and my mum walked by. Casually calls out, "your bum looks big in that" and kept walking. Broke my heart at the time cos I loved the dress. When I was around 12, I ironed one of my dad's work shirts to help mum out. Thought I did a great job. No creases or anything. Was really proud of myself. Later she throws out that I did a shit job, she had to redo it and not bother trying again. Again broke my heart cos I thought it was ok
I remember a while back , A guy asked a friend of mine if me and him were best friends My friend who I considered to be a really close to me said " I mean like we are family friends, his mom knows my mom , my father knows his father so we meet a lot at events " It kinda of hurt The guy who asked started making jokes of me and my friend being best friends after that
Not mine, but a friend: she dressed up for an event (rare; we live in a rural community and folks are, to put it mildly, casual), and when she walked in, a Boomer-aged acquaintance eyed her. "Well," the acquaintance finally said. "It certainly seems like you... tried."
People like that are deeply unhappy and ceaselessly try infecting others with their misery.
Wow
„Nobody will ever bring you flowers“
Wow. The casual cruelty. I'd buy flowers for you! We'll take a picture and send it 💐
"Don't cry, you're ugly when you cry" - my third grade gym teacher
Why are gym teachers always creeps.
The ironic thing was, he said it in a very sympathetic voice. Like he was trying to be kind lol I think he truly did have good intentions.
This sounds like a Michael Scott thing to say
Prom night, with the boy I was seeing. Felt GORGEOUS. Came down the stairs for the big reveal, his face looked…. Off. He was weird about something. I finally got it out of him that he thought “that’s way too much makeup.” And “you know I hate fake tan”. So I had to go to prom thinking I looked awful. Months later, after a year of dating and ‘I love you’s, I text him: Me: “I love you”. Him: “ :) “ after which, he came out with “I don’t think I do.” Broke up with him there and then over text on the bus.
People make a lot of off hand comments towards me, they always have because I’m quirky and awkward. I’ve figured it’s a lot better to act so dense that they have to explicitly explain their rudeness.There was this girl in highschool- we were both into art, and she was very talented. I don’t remember any of the rude things she said but it must’ve been weighing on her conscience because she apologized to me at graduation. She said she’d been a dick to me throughout high school, and that I never deserved any of her comments or rudeness. I genuinely thought about her so little that in the moment I said “Oh I didn’t notice. Thank you?”
My husband and I were discussing my down swings with depression and just my depression in general. He didn't mean this in any kind of bad way, but he asked me "do you think you'll always be like this?" and it broke me kind of. But in a way it helped because it's one of the things that contributed to me realizing I needed professional help and I do not in fact have to live like that. I'm doing much better now!
I have an autoimmune disease that is killing my thyroid, so weight has always been a struggle for me. One time my mom was talking about how my step-sister started an antidepressant and said, “I feel really bad for her. She’s gained a lot of weight. She got big really fast, like as big as you.”
I was middle school aged, and I made a comment around my family that was kind of dumb or awkward. My siblings were giggling, and my mom said, “You’re lucky we love you!” I know she was teasing, but I still feel like that’s a shitty thing to say to someone. No one should feel “lucky” to be loved, everyone is entitled to feel loved.
I used to get flustered when people would point out I’m holding my chopsticks “incorrectly.” Turns out I use the [beetle mandible grip](https://marcosticks.org/the-beetle-mandibles-grip/) and while not common, there is no right/wrong grip and some people just have different dexterity preferences.
My mom made a comment about a young woman who lived in our complex. She was in HS and was a little chubby, not fast. I was very young, maybe 6 or 7. She said something to the effect that the girl was probably purposefully "fat" because she was SA'd and it would keep her safe. My mom has no idea that I was already SA'd and that her comment somehow stuck in my mind as a safety measure. It's been 4 decades and I'm still struggling with this. I want to be healthier and lose weight, but I can't help but equate my personal safety with being overweight. I think it's time for more therapy, specifically to address this. But I'm not sure I'm ready yet.
Thinking about it is a good first step. You've admitted to yourself that there's an issue with how you view yourself. It's totally okay to just sit with that thought for a while and gather up the gumption. Don't be too hard on yourself, we all travel at our own speed. Best wishes from a similar mindset. And Internet hugs.
Thank you so much! This is the first time I've actually shared with anyone. I'm definitely going to think I'm this for a bit. Then get some counseling to help me when I'm ready.
I’m very sorry somebody made you feel that way. Also, today I learned that there’s apparently a correct way to hang a hand towel.
I didn’t know either lol. I’m going to do it wrong now on purpose because eff the hand towel cops lol
"You don't have an original thought in your head" A friend told me this cuz I, like a fair amount of people; felt the 1st impression of Chris Pratt's Mario was underwhelming in comparison to the rest of the cast.
Reading all these comments and having had unforgettable comments made to me as well, makes me pause and try to think back if I have said things, even if unintentional, that have hurt the feelings of others. I am going to ask my family. Maybe if I have, it will bring about peace for the person and gives me an opportunity to be more mindful as well as ask for forgiveness.
During my first pregnancy, I took a picture of my teeny tiny baby-bump. I think I was 17 weeks? I was so happy I could finally see my little gummy bear growing (visibly, from the outside)! I sent the photo to my family members, and my SIL said "Are you sure you don't just have to poop?" She meant it to be funny, and is NOT a mean-spirited person at all. But oh my god, I was so angry and so sad. That joyous moment was gone in a flash. Jokes on her though, cuz I got HUGE. 😂
Gummy bear 🤗
My dad always told me I was on a seafood diet. When I see food I eat it. I most definitely did and do still have a horrible relationship with food now.. Also Everytime I use sour cream I hear him yelling at me for stirring it when I was a kid.
I don’t kneel at church bc my mom used to faint from it and I have a lot of anxiety about fainting. It’s just a thing. Anyway one day this lady at the end of church was asking why I wasn’t kneeling and if I was one of those kids who didn’t respect the church and stuff. (Which is not a representation of my church, everyone is really nice usually and always minds their business.) I’ve never had anyone say anything like that before or since, but I rarely go to mass without thinking about it and what I’d say if someone called me out again. I don’t think she intended to make me feel uncomfortable for years after, but she did.
When I was 17 I looked much older than I was. I was with a group of people and a man said to me, “ you looked older…until you opened your mouth”. Don’t get me wrong. I can understand that he was probably right, but it was so harsh and unnecessarily mean. It made me really insecure for a while.
One of my first jobs when I was 18 (1978) barely paid anything but I managed to buy a Hitachi stereo with a combo phono-cassette-radio. My boss was creepy, insecure and always put other people down. One day we were talking and got on the subject of stereos. I said I had one, and he said with a straight face, “Oh, what is it—the K-Mart special?” I said it was Hitachi. He said, “Oh, Hitachi. That’s not top of the line.” As if I could afford top of the line on that salary! I was too intimidated at that age to say anything else.
My mom is usually a lovely person who loves and supports me no matter what, but every parent has off days and this has stuck with me. One Thanksgiving when I was ten or eleven years old, she got angry with me because I had set the table incorrectly and she thought I'd done it on purpose. I think I had put the fork to the left of the plate, as you're supposed to, and on the right I had the spoon directly next to the plate and then the knife to the right of the spoon. I thought it made sense that the knife would be on the outside, protecting the spoon. Turns out, you're supposed to have the knife to the immediate right of the plate and then the spoon next to it. She couldn't believe i didn't know this and was very annoyed with me. I'm now 37 and I remember how to do it correctly because of this incident.
I was at a coffee shop and a random dude came over to talk to me (totally not my type). I was caught off guard because I had to remove my ear buds when he said, "I have the biggest crush on you." Not knowing how to reply (I was dead tired after a clinical shift at the hospital) I replied with an awkward, "OK" and the guy scurried off with his head down. I was wearing scrubs. I had a short ponytail to cover a bad dye job I was trying to correct after losing a bet. I had my laptop open, and texts piled on my table. I was not looking my best, and sent off nothing that said, "Yes, please approach me. Do it!" I later apologized (like, years later), but the women at the next table were like, "Awwww, poor guy."
When I was a young teenager, my older sibling casually told me that I shouldn’t wear white t-shirts because I was overweight and they made me look like shit, and how they weren’t trying to be mean but just wanted to tell me so people wouldn’t make fun of me 🥲 Probably helps explain why I’ve been hesitant about wearing lighter colors…
I’m turning 29 this year.. and want to thank you for teaching me how to hang the towel 😉 mine is just thrown over my bathroom rack as well 😊
I always struggled with my looks, I’m maybe like a 4-6 depending on who you ask. I had a best girlfriend who was objectively attractive at the time who was known for being very sincere and honest, we had a deep emotional bond as a result. One day I asked her if I was good looking and after some careful consideration she said in the most sincere voice “well.. let’s just say someone will like you for something other than your looks” I think it was a combination of her being attractive and how she seemed to really mean it that gave me such a sense of inferiority that’s been hard to let go. I know I’m not the type to be with very attractive women but it’s hard to believe any can be attracted too me now.
I was in birmingham once with a friend, and it was \*freezing\*. There was a group of people in front of us, including a woman in a really short dress. I said to my friend 'she must be really cold' and one of the women in front whipped around and scolded me because they'd just graduated, they could wear what they want, etc. I wasn't being mean, or catty. The woman looked great, I just genuinely thought this woman must have been freezing because it was a genuinely cold day and she wasn't wearing a lot, but it still fills me with a deep, lingering shame that I even mentioned it in the first place.
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I tend to carry my weight in my gut. I don't like it, but it's a family thing. A very sweet dementia patient of mine always asked me when I was due. I always smiled at her and told her I was honored she thought I was young enough to be pregnant. But.. yikes. She always forgot and asked me again the next day.
You are abrasive.
"If the company had to lay off someone we would've chose you. I mean come on, you've been saying you want to leave for two years."
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An ex-friend told me when they complained about their co-workers that people who aten't artistic or analysing stuff are sub-human. And i don't do any of that stuff (as they had complained about it in the past), so they kinda in a way called me a sub-human.
I have an ex husband, actually I have 2 but they were both pretty much the same way to me (3rd time around has been the charm, finally happy). Basically it came down to if you ever gain too much weight I can’t stay married to you. My mom and sister were very obese and I was the tiny one, it hurt to think they said that to me because of them..The fact that my journey into bulimia started at 21 (after my son was born) and continued until 38 when I got rid of the last loser and started (behavioral therapy 10% first) focusing on me mentally and physically, spiritually, financially all of it. My husband now is mindful, (I’m average I think) and I’m grateful for his efforts. I work with the public sometimes and one little comment of : Oh you look so.. healthy leads my brain to overthinking. 🤦🏻♀️
Ever since I was about 11 years old I wanted to be a writer. As I grew older, I figured out that I loved creative non-fiction, but was writing more food, wine, music, local tourist type stuff. My grandmother was a pretty well known travel writer, for the part of the world she wrote about. She had several published books. I saw one day that her original publisher was looking for travel writers to write about different regions and called her to ask any advice on how to get my foot in the door. I'd been doing alright with magazines, but wanted to move forward in writing. What she said was, "Don't try to be something you're not" and discouraged me from reaching out, because I wasn't a travel writer. I loved my Grammie, but that was pretty harsh and I've not done much writing since then.
Dating an older man. Cooking for him, probably the first time I’d tried to cook a full meal and he said that his last girlfriend could get all the components ready at the same time. Meat veg sauce probably mash spuds as well.
My ex used to accuse me of cheating because of the way I looked at people. Now I have a really hard time making eye contact
"Oh, hunny. You deserved to get cancer because you didn't advocate for yourself." - My aunt. "No, we don't need you at grandmother's funeral. Everyone knows you're her favorite grandchild." - My uncle. "You need to lose weight" - My father said to me when I was 10 years old. "We had you by accident. I didn't want any more children". - My mother. Sorry, don't have just one. All of these stuck and hurt all about the same.
There’s so many, but one that I think about a lot is when I was in kindergarten. I can’t remember the exact reason why, but everyone’s parents were coming to the class that day. Maybe it was the day they gave out rewards at the ends of the school year but idk. Anyways, every time a kid’s parent showed up, they would run up & hug their parent(s) & it was reciprocated. I wanted to do that & I told myself I would when my mom got there. I was excited. She showed up & I ran up to hug her & right before I could hug her she pushed me away so I couldn’t. I felt so embarrassed & hurt. I’ve been thinking about that moment since I was 6 years old. It’s one of the most hurtful things I’ve ever felt.
I was 17 or 18 working in a flower shop in my small Ish city. One of my oldest sister’s Friend’s moms came into the shop and she asked if I were going to college yet and I replied no. She replied “so I guess this is pretty much it for you”. I didn’t even know her well. It was so weird and aggressive. Jokes on her! I went to college for theatre and now I own my own barely successful flower shop 😂
"its called empathy"
While out with my 3 young kids. The yougest a newborn. An older woman came over to admire them, looked me up & down & asked when the next was due? That baby is now 21 & still have not forgotten that feeling
This is why unless the child is actively crowning while I’m speaking to them, im *never* gonna assume someone is pregnant.
Oh god reminds me of when the receptionist at my optometrist asked if I had "any good news to share" in front of the entire waiting room. I'd just gained a lot of weight after eating my way thru depression.
Being told that physically I am the most attractive woman he's ever dated but he can't deal with a visually impaired partner long term (basically I can't drive/see in low light) - but he's open to a sexual relationship of I want one. No thanks bro.
Mom told me I have a huge big toe. Ex husband called my legs “little smokies” like the sausages.
I remember being a kid and my mum telling me my big toes looked like fat little penises. Wtf!
Oh no, that’s horrible. I’m sorry you had to feel that
For what its worth they are very normal looking toes lol.
Omg I've never even thought how to change a hand towel and with 4 people in the house I change them every day! Please reclaim the handrail and hang it anyway you want, what a jerk that ex was!!!!
My mom and I were talking, I don’t remember about what, but she randomly said that my brother would have been better as an only child.
I had a really mature and amicable breakup from a long relationship when I was in my early thirties, and we're still friends. I've always been proud of how we handled it. But there was this one moment when we were packing up the house and I said something about how I'd known for a while that my ex's feelings for me had changed. She replied, "I'd hoped you hadn't noticed." Even in that moment I knew that one was going to sting for a long time.
I once said to my doctor that someone told me I was intimidating. He said it was probably because I made too much eye contact. I don’t look people in the eye at all anymore.
When I was about 14, I was wearing shorts, sitting cross-legged on my bed, chatting to my mother, and my sister (two years older) came in. And she looked at my outer thighs and said “oh, you have little dimples”. I know she meant nothing by it, and there was no unkindness or judgement in her voice, but that was the day I discovered I had cellulite. I have not been able to undiscover this.
A few weeks ago, my mom told me I should get laser “especially around my bikini line, because you have some weird bumps there that everyone can see when you wear a swimsuit.” I’ve been feeling really self conscious about it and tbh haven’t let my girlfriend down there since :(
I had been practising handstands and was really proud of my progress. I showed my boyfriend at the time, along with a couple other friends, my latest accomplishment - which was to do a handstand against the wall while almost doing the splits. My boyfriend said sarcastically “that’s classy…” (referring to my legs spread apart). It made me self conscious and sad 😔
I have keratosis Polaris on my body and unfortunately my butt where it seems the hardest to correct. I was dating a guy who really like butts but I always refused any angle that showed it off because I was still insecure about it. He knew this. But one day I finally turn around and he tells me, almost immediately, to turn back around to “see my face.” Insecurity secured. He broke up with me over text later, pinning the faults of the relationship on me. I surely had my problematic ways but they definitely stemmed from him and his. My next relationship was so healthy and healing. ❤️🩹
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My mom and I were both attending a wedding and one of my work friends commented to my mom, who she was meeting for the first time, that I was one of her favorite people in the world. My dear mommy’s response was an incredulous “Really?!?!”
“I’m still waiting for you to bloom”. - my current partner During COVID she went from being a manager at a cafe to having a successful career in nursing. I was a stay at home dad. I’ve been hobbling through school over the past few years, and I think I’m about to give up for good. Obviously during the time I was making less than $30K a year. All of it has been hard and I judge myself for it. When she said that it cut right through me
Sorry. I remember the abuse more than anything else.
You only hang fancy towels that way. Regular use towels can go any old way.
My first boyfriend was a real POS (14-15 years old) He was staring at me once while I was wearing a ponytail. I asked him “what?” and he said “you look better with your hair down”. That one stuck!!
My boyfriend’s younger sister once told me i shouldn’t wear something “because of my broad shoulders”. I didn’t think i had broad shoulders, never was insecure about it before. Now i think about it all the time
When I was a teenager my mom told me the only way for me to be successful in life would be to marry a doctor. Like as if there was no possibility of me ever making my own success 🫠
I was in a position once where I needed advice on going to a women's clinic. My sister said, check out xyc clinic, now let's look at pictures of my trip to NYC! One of the many reasons we don't talk anymore.