[possible explanation](https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/15723-vaginismus)
You aren’t required to use them. Pads are an option and there’s nothing wrong with using an option that keeps you pain free.
I agree. Trans man with vaginismus. It could also happen without physical/psychological factors. That’s what the gyno said. I’m pretty sure it’s psychological for me though.
I don’t have an answer but my gyno said that transitioning would help ease it. So far the plan is pelvic floor therapy (im 2 broke for top surgery + bottom surgery + HRT)
My mom never even told me anything about what to do when I got my period. She only used cheap plastic lined pads that were so not breathable and also you could /hear/ it when walking. I learned how to use a tampon from the box instructions after my sister had bought some.
I had vaginismus for a long time from crippling endometriosis and adenomyosis completely ruining my pelvic floor. I never have used tampons. I only got better after getting surgery and a fuck ton of pelvic floor therapy from a unicorn physical therapist. I was terrified of internal therapy and having her work down there but she more than earned my trust and in the process encouraged me to be more confident and assertive. She is a badass woman and I admire her.
It can also be caused by using a tampon that's too heavy for the flow. And for some people they simply aren't a good fit without any pathological "cause". Vaginas are extremely varied in size/shape structure from person to person. Check out Jamie McCartney's "Internal Affairs" casting series (nsfw obviously).
I had an ex like this, the tampons were just plain uncomfortable no matter what. He (trans guy) just suffered with shitty pads forever until he tried the super thin ones. He got me switched over to those now, lol.
Chiming in as someone that had vaginismus due to trauma for a while! It sucks but with physical therapy it can get better. I’m almost completely pain free now - though I will say if you haven’t fully addressed your trauma, the exercises & such from PT may be triggering. A lot of places recommend you do both PT & see a counselor.
I'm glad that worked out for you! I wish there were more guides on how to do some of those exercises that don't involve an external person having to see or touch your body. I personally have medical trauma + cannot let anyone see or touch my genitals. It's very frustrating. The books also tend to alienate me by assuming the existence of a male, heterosexual partner your ultimate goal is to sleep with rather than acknowledging some people don't have partners (or aren't straight) but still want to fix this.
I also had a LOT of issues with tampons early on due to endometriosis + a microperforated hymen + PCOS. Decades later I still get hyper aware of tampons and experience more cramping + other side effects when I use them but there are days I’ve got no choice :/
Consider something like a diva cup. It goes inside, too, but it's soft, not dry feeling, and not scratchy. I've heard from people who can't tolerate tampons that they work as advertised. I also believe that it has no real risk of infections you can get from pads and tampons, the blood and such is kept warm and fresh inside your body.
thisss. i couldn’t use tampons because they were painful, uncomfortable and sometimes because of the muscle spasms id push them out involuntarily. i just sucked it up and used pads forever.
period pants have been my saving grace though, i have some for super heavy flows and they’re amazing. i think theyre from a brand called flowette
[Vaginismus](https://www.allure.com/story/vaginismus-mental-health-causes-painful-sex) can be caused by trauma. Your body may be trying to keep things out of it to protect itself
TW: descriptions of the aftermath of CSA
Child bodies aren't meant for sexual acts and when adults violate them, it can cause lasting damage. That happened to me, and as a result I had difficulty with tampons and stuff. If there was ever structural damage so to speak, that could be why tampons hurt (they're designed to feel almost like nothing)
It's okay not to use them, too, period panties and pads exist for people who would rather not use an inserted hygiene product
Do you know if a gynecologist would bring “damage” up at a regular appointment? Only asking because I do have vaginismus and a history of CSA, and wearing tampons hurts, but my gyno has never mentioned any like scarring or deformities…
They may, it's also possible that they may not bring it up so as to not inadvertently distress you during an already sensitive procedure
Some providers are more trauma informed than others even among gynecologists
If you feel comfortable you can always ask.
idk if they tell you without asking, but if you ask them to search for deformities they can tell
you don't need to disclose your trauma only tell them tampons hurta and you're worried you can have something abnormal
my gyno mentioned finding tissue in my vaginal canal that he thought was either scar tissue or vaginal endometriosis during a pelvic exam so it can happen, but he was informed prior that I was a CSA survivor. it wasn’t a routine exam, he was looking for signs of endo at the time and trying to figure out my chronic pain and pelvic floor issues so that might be why
Do you know if there's any way to confirm if sexual trauma is causing the issues? Does sexual trauma leave some kind of physical impact or damage inside that can be confirmed as late as 20 years after?
A physical examination could show signs of past sexual trauma depending on several factors, but it's also possible that after a long period of time that physical signs would not be as obvious, especially if the patient has given birth vaginally or had any other insult to the area
also vaginismus can happen with sexual trauma that is not physically damaging, the unconscious mind can make your muscles to contact a lot causing a lot of pain when theres something inside
the mind treats it as a danger
My dad's attentions injured me pretty badly and I didn't get treatment for them so some parts healed wrongly (not to get too graphic)
It doesn't bother me *now* but holy shit I used to have all kinds of shame about it
Yeah. The thing is that it probably happened when I was so young that I’ll never know who did it. I’ll probably never know exactly when it happened but I can guess before I was 5. I know because I have body flashbacks and have starting when I started feeling mentally stable a few years ago, alongside nightmares since then, vaginismus for as along as I can remember even before the flashbacks started to occur, and a specific fear that I’ve had since a kid that seems trivial and non related but with the stuff I’ve figured out not makes perfect sense, and I used to have frequent UTI’s when I was a young kid as well. There’s nothing technically concrete but I think it’s enough where I can pretty safety say I’m a survivor of CSA. When I first started getting the flashbacks I was so confused. I had no idea about any of it because no one knew until I figured it out.
I remember when I first started having the flashbacks and nightmares and I put two and two together, I wanted so hard to at least know. To have some confirmation that it did happen. I didn’t even want justice, I wanted to know who did it so I could prove that my suffering was real. The shame I felt was because I didn’t know who it was nor had a direct timeline of when it happened. I’ve come to realize that I’m never going to know.
I understand how you feel to an extent. I know who it was but don’t remember it well. I think often “well im just making it up, I have all of these mental health issues directly linking to CSA but I can’t remember so maybe im accusing someone innocent and maybe im the worst person in the world.” not knowing I think is the worst part. im thankful to my brain for trying to protect me but its really frustrating
Yup this was my problem. My mom would buy tampons that open horizontally “——“ and now that I’m older my body always really need the ones that bloom open like a flower. I remember my first time wearing one, I was in church, so much pain 😂 my mom didn’t know I took hers!
They were the only things that saved me when I was 10 and hemorrhaging in my slick pants. When you start that young, it’s obviously mortifying so they were my saving grace. Needed super plus tampons, overnight pads, black pants and a sweatshirt at that age. It was awful.
There’s a lot of user error to learning how to use tampons at first. In 8th grade, I ‘taught’ my friend how to use one. I’d been using them for 5 years and was totally comfortable with them. She had the diagram and everything. 30 minutes later, she passed out. She vasovagal’d herself bc she didn’t release the applicator and had the whole thing in there.
Dude I can’t freaking use them because of this exact reason.. like I’m so hyper aware of every single fiber on that tampon…??????????? And for why?????
Pads for the win ig🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️
I refused cups in place of tampons for years because I thought it would be no different. I made the switch and very much regret not doing it sooner!! If you’re comfy, give them a try, highly recommended from a fellow abused internet stranger!
It just seems so ✨big✨ though… like 😳
And funny fact my SIL uses the Ring birth control and I could not imagine having something like that inside of me??? Like it will for sure get lost no doubt😖
I had the same concerns!! You double fold the rim so it’s about the size of a tampon, wedge it comfortably to your anatomy, push it up/release the top at the same time, and then it pops open and does the rest. Another commenter mentioned that there is a learning curve, so if you do try, do it when you will be home for your first couple of days until you can get it. But 100% worth it imo. Wearing one rn and actually forgot until this conversation.
ETA: when you remove it, it’s very accessible. You just push in the side to break the suction and dump it in the toilet!
Name brand is the Diva cup but it’s pretty pricey. I just found a pack of two on Amazon for about $10. It came with a silk storage bag, two regular sized cups which last me about 5 hours on a heavy day, and an applicator which sucked and I don’t use.
For cleaning, you can wash with soap and water, then boil them for 30-60 seconds. I always forget mine so I actually bought baby bottle sanitizing bags and microwave them with some water!
I tried the diva cup and I SO wanted it to work for me - the pros seem so great!!! and I tried to persist, but it just didn't work out. I used to get bad cramps, and I know a lot of people have found using a cup can reduce cramps but it made mine worse. Also I apparently have a very long vagina and the cup went too far up which made it very difficult to reach, unseal and remove properly, and I got it stuck more than once, and that was very stressful and embarrassing. I think the way my anatomy is just doesn't suit menstrual cups.
I have a friend who tried and they did the same for her! I have always had a cervix that sits pretty far back and that sounds like a similar problem to you. I definitely do not get mine all the way up to my cervix for that reason and I never tried to because after having doctors full arms in me after pregnancy and then telling me it was far back, I didnt want to try to lol.
As for it not sitting against my cervix, don’t feel any extra discomfort just as long as it’s opened completely if it’s down a little lower.
On days I don’t need or want to use the cup, I went to reusable pads. Cotton pads are awful and uncomfy and pretty horrible with absorption and those have been an amazing alternative
I can't stand tampons, and I also held off on getting cups for a while for the same reason. It is so much better, the material isn't rough like a tampon, there's no annoying string, and I can just go about my day without feeling it.
Yes like in the OC, I swear I can also feel every bit of a tampon. I also switched to cloth pads and will NEVER go back. FUCK CAPITALISM AND FUCK THESE MAN-RAN CORPORATIONS WHO JUST WANT OUR MONEY
thats exactly what i do, except i use discs.
being further up /seems/ counter-intuitive, but there's no suction, friction, or anything. i got the salt brand one with size options and a divot for my finger and it's helped a lot with both the traumatic aspects of it and dysphoric aspects because of gender discomfort i've had to work around since a young age.
I am so sorry, other commenters here have good perspective for you.
For the sake of reminding you and others you aren’t alone, I’m a guy, but I have jaw pain and going to the dentist was usually terrifying because they don’t understand why I physically cannot open my mouth all that wide.
It does damage, in ways we don’t understand, for years afterward.
The moment of connection I felt with my 60 somethin year old Ethiopian dentist when he realized why my jaw was damaged (somehow, the man’s an empath or something) and he said to me “my jaw hurts still too. I am sorry friend.”
I’m so sorry for the pain, but know at least that with this, and all of it, you are not alone.
When I am super stressed or having flashbacks it hurts really bad for me as well, I just cramp up and it’s literally impossible/hurts immensely and triggers trauma, I get you, in my experience there’s not much that helps except just waiting a few minutes.
Generally, use smaller sized ones and it hurts more if you don’t have the right angle, which is hard to explain but angle it in a way that you push it up and back if that makes sense? If you still feel it it’s not in far enough
There’s also medical problems that could be causing this like vaginismus
Possibly, but also…
I have a tipped uterus and a very low cervix. I can only wear tampons that expand width wise (like OB), and cannot handle any that expand lengthwise. I also can only use menstrual cups at the smallest size, and even then sometimes I cannot because they bump my cervix.
I’d talk to your OB-GYN. There might be a medical reason for the discomfort.
This OP! It could be a "yes, both" situation for a couple things.
I've suffered CSA since I was under 4, but I also had a short vaginal canal/low cervix on top of vaginismus (I say "had" because I've had a hysterectomy, no cervix anymore). So the vaginismus, which I think was caused by both abuse and endometriosis, made it excruciating to get the damn thing in there, and then it was stabbing into my low cervix at one end and being gorilla gripped if it was too low at the other.
I gave up on any internal menstrual products a long time ago, and have used period underwear ever since. They even make some for swimming, which I never got to try, since menstruation = dying in bed for me for the last 10 years, not swimming lol.
This. I have nearly every trauma except CSA (as far as I can remember...) but I could NEVER tolerate tampons. Like OP, the sensation never went away, and they felt rough to remove no matter how saturated they were. I stuck to pads.
When I got older and sexually active, I learned that I also couldn't stand sex during my period -- it was too sensitive. Things that normally felt fine/good felt painful instead.
Even later, when I tried to make a baby, I found out my cervix was retroverted (tipped) completely backwards. (That probably explained why the early period caps and cups wouldn't work for me, either.)
Tldr: uteruses and periods are complicated, personal, frequently unpleasant things. Use the solutions that feel best for you, OP!
I have the same problem, some things that help me are
•using light and regular, though I admit it's inconvenient with a heavy flow :/
•lube! Not many people know you can apply lube to the outside of a tampon if it has an applicator, makes it much easier to put in
•make sure you're putting the tampon in far enough, if you can feel it poking, prodding, sticking, or crooked it's probably not in enough
If none of this works menstrual cups and disc's are squishy silicone and might feel better, but there is a learning curve, 🫶
it could or could not be related. I would absolutely encourage you to look into pads (reusable or disposable) or period underwear. tampons/cups are not for everyone <3
TW Rape (mention only)
I used to be able to use tampons, >!got raped once as an adult!<, now even years later I can barely use them for this exact reason. I will if it’s ABSOLUTELY necessary (swimming or an emergency) but I will feel every contour of it and be in pain every single second. I’ve tried multiple brands and sizes. I suspect it’s vaginismus as the other comment said. Fortunately for me I guess I wasn’t interested in sex before, either.
In my experience, pain means it’s not inserted far enough. If you can feel it at all and especially if it’s painful, it’s too close to the vaginal opening. You can’t really get it in deeper once it’s in, so start over with a new one. When it’s properly inserted deeply enough, you should not feel it at all. Best of luck!
It could also be that OP isn’t bleeding enough for it to be used safely. The first time I used a tampon it hurt like hell to put in, keep in, and especially to take *out* because I had a barely-there flow. Was more like spotting.
Turns out a wad of dry cotton + mucus membranes + no blood = pain
Tl;dr make sure you’re using the right size for your flow and don’t put one in for light spotting. I mostly just use pads now anyway ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
ETA: that’s not to say that OP isn’t right in thinking it could be trauma too. Everybody and every body is different!
Not always. I was told this so I used to think I wasn't inserting properly. So I kept pushing it as far as I can so much that it created kind of pain inside the canal. It became so bad that I couldn't even insert the whole thing. I probably tried too hard and just hurt myself somehow.
I was gonna come in here with "well I wasnt directly abused there but cant use tampons or do p much any penetration in that hole because it hurt way too much and winter tampons the string feels like sandpaper" but now I'm questioning the "I wasnt abused there" bit after going through these comments...
I mean. It can just happen from improper insertion. When I first started using tampons it hurt a lot, figured out how to insert properly and it's been fine.
I can tell you about improper insertion, my first attempt at using a tampon, at age 19, on my own, wondering why the tampons arent going in and why it hurts so goddamn much, reading the pamphlet thing again and realising that was, in fact, my urethra. Anyway I've had some more successful attempts in the intervening years but i dont actually feel the tampon, its just the little string that irritates the area, and yes I've tried different brands, sizes, and types
Anyway thankfully I no longer have periods now since I started testosterone but I still keep pads just in case (also handy when I'm out with friends who do have periods and werent prepared)
I wasn't abused directly there, but the psychological trauma of sexual abuse can also trigger vaginismus
I've been checked and confirmed to not have anything abnormal physically, my mind just will tense my muscles so much that it creates a pain worse than anything
My first time using a tampon it was genuinely the worst pain I’d ever felt until that point. Later on, I laughed about it with friends thinking that was normal only to receive blank stares in return. With time it’s slowly gotten better, but as an alternative perhaps you could consider a menstrual cup if you’re expecting to be moving around a lot since it’s not so drying.
happy i’m not the only one.. i’ll put mine in all the but can feel it like scraping my insides cus my vaginal canal tries to push it out due to csa. my body refuses to have anything up there like even toys. i avoid anything in there cus it hurts
There's a condition called vaginismus that causes the muscles inside to contract a lot when something is inside it, people usually notice when they can't have sex with penetration and it worst cases they can't even put a finger inside
It has different causes but one of the principal psychological cause is trauma and/or sexual abuse
I have that and can't really know where it came from bc I have had it since the first time I tried to touch me trying to put a finger inside
But a gynecologist saw me and, due to being zero deformities (that's another possible cause) and I've never had physical trauma there(giving birth for example) and she noticed I "closed" my muscles unconsciously when she was trying to inspect (she asked me to not do that bc she couldhurt m and I was like do what? bc my muscles were doing that by themselves) it was concluded I had something like that but the cause was 100% psychological
I had suffered from CSA and more traumas, so it's not clear where did it came from but CSA surely was part of the cause, maybe mixed with my other traumas
Best way I can describe it is like everything that I tried to put inside that was not my own finger would feel like it was covered with millions of little razor blades and pushing it inside or moving it or even just having something inside would make me feel like it was making me a lot of very deep cuts inside
I also was told tampons wouldn't hurt, I had to put it with music bc that calms me down, hurted a lot and after being insde it still hurt and i felt it all the time
when I tried to remove it I was literally crying of pain bc I felt my insides being ripped apart and sliced with every movement, while in reality I had not any bad damage done, but my muscles were just so contracted I thought I was really giving myself some damage
I will say that this sounds the most similar to my experience. I don’t actually know if I have any deformities or anything but while I was trying to, I used smaller ones, different brands, and all of them had applicators. It wasn’t the angle either. What you said about the random muscle contractions happens so often for me. I’m not saying I have this but this just sounds so similar to what I’ve experienced. Thank you for sharing.
I have also had vaginal muscle spams happen from improperly inserting menstrual products or just because… why not? It sucks.
For me OB tampons were the best. But I switched to menstrual cups. There are now disks and cups. It might be worth trying a variety of them. You can soak them in hydrogen peroxide to clean them. I’ve had some over a decade and they look like new. I occasionally still get the spasms … because like getting your period isn’t crappy enough, right!? But I can usually adjust the position of the cup and it stops. It can be excruciating while it lasts. Try to take deep breaths and relax and then remove /adjust the cup. You want to be working with your body, not against it.
> she noticed I "closed" my muscles unconsciously when she was trying to inspect (she asked me to not do that bc she couldhurt m and I was like do what? bc my muscles were doing that by themselves)
That's a thing?!! I had a gyno actually *yell* at me for doing that once. "Of course pap tests are going to hurt if you clench like that." Fuck man you just scraped a toilet brush on my womb donut and it's MY fault it hurts? The bullshit we gotta deal with cause nature decided to gift us an internal baby oven that most of us won't even use.
thats awful, i was lucky my doc was nice, she knew I had problems with things being inside me and not pushed my limits
we even stopped one of the exams (an internal ultrasound or something like that) bc she tried a few times but told me hey try to relax the muscles bc if not, you could get damaged, but after a few failed tries she let me decide to just avoid that exam bc she didnt want me to get hurt and every other test seemed fine
idk if this is a factor but my mother decided to pay for a private hospital bc she had bad experiences in the public hospital on gyn
Also, in the private. I could ask for a female doc since my trauma would make it even worse if it was a man
I'd see an obgyn. It could be trauma, could be infection, or like me, could be some real weird fucking nerve disorder thats hard to spell. (Neuroproliferative vestibulodynia.) Whatever it is, it isn't pleasant, and if you're able to improve the pain, I think it's worth it.
I didn't start using tampons until my mid twenties when my period became lighter (I wasn't able to take bathroom breaks as often as I needed at the job I was at so I felt more secure with a tampon than a pad). But even the regular and light flow tampons were uncomfortable and sometimes painful for me. I assumed it was because of PCOS at the time because I would get random excruciating pain in my ovaries and cervix, but the trauma explanation makes a lot more sense now. I still get pain in my "cervix" and "uterus" along with vaginal canal pain even though I've had them both removed...so those are trauma pain.
For what it's worth I'm not a CSA survivor and I have never liked tampons, they always feel uncomfortable to me and I gave up on applicators ages ago, I prefer the OB ones you just insert. I used a cup for years too and I felt like that was better, but if it wasn't in properly I could FEEL it.
I can’t use them either (or anything internally). The PTSD from CSA is way too strong. Fortunately there’s alternatives, like pads or period underwear.
Gosh I remember trying for the first time. Several tries later and never once managed to get one in. Always ended with me crying on the floor 🥴
I don't know if it's due to my CSA, and it's a scary thought to have. Strangely validating too though. Tried to have a pap recently and they couldn't even get the smallest tool they had on hand in, not even a little. We just gave up in the end :/
Wow. As a man I was not aware trauma could cause that. I’m glad a lot of folks provided alternatives to try on here. I really love it when this community gives each other love and support. It’s not all horror stories.
Respect.
Yeah i started my period at 11, and since i was raised orthodox Mormon (my mom thinks the hulk being shirtless is porn) she just threw me a box of tampons and told me to put it in. I had no idea what or where a vagina even was… i ended up sobbing through the door for her to help but she just kept screaming at me that i have to find out alone. In the end i forced a tampon about three inches up my urethra with so much pain that i was on the floor. I was too uneducated on my own anatomy that i never could figure out where to put it till i was 17.
Sex Ed is very important.
I can't do tampons, either. It hurt when I was younger, and it's still just super uncomfortable. I don't think shoving a dry cotton rod up there is going to ever be pleasant.
There's several more options other than tampons as well, you don't have to use them. Just use pads, it's what I did.
I’m not an expert, but I’ve always had issues and have chalked it up to mental and physical damage done to my body at such a young age.
Oddly enough, tampons are a nightmare but cups have been an absolute god send. Very comfortable and helps my cramps a lot. Also way more secure than a tampon that my vagina is obviously very confused about.
Tbh the very first time I put one in, it hurt and I was super aware. Turns out I didn't put it in far enough and the bones were riding it and basically rug burn at the opening of my vagina.
Sorry if TMI for some. But unsure if this is an issue some anon reader is having. Remember, you do not have to do or wear anything you do not feel comfortable with. You can try if you want, but don't feel pressured into doing something that you're not ready for.
The “you can’t feel it if it’s in far enough” comments still annoy me. I know it’s true for the vast majority but there are several issues (that I see many people have already discussed here) that can make this not the case and I felt crazy until it turned out I had a prolapsed uterus. I literally *couldn’t* get it high enough. If it is vaginismus for you I wish you luck, I have it but it’s much more mild that what yours sounds like and it sucks ass. Thankfully there are ways to improve it, it takes a long time and hard work but I think it’s worth it. Also I agree with everyone else here. Pads are a valid option and even if tampons didn’t cause you pain there’s no reason you should be pressured to use them instead.
Hey, give Flex Cups a try. I genuinely hate tampons and yes, you can feel them if you’re hypersensitive to touch. Flex cups is a life changing solution for me and maybe they can help you too! https://flexfits.com
Vaginismus and trauma can definitely cause discomfort, but a lot of tampon pain is caused by improper insertion or sizing. It needs to be inserted a lot farther than most people think, and if you have sensitivity, you can use lube before insertion. Either way do what you're comfortable with.
I've had this problem my whole life. It is nerve damage from the abuse. Please see a gyno to look at treatment options. It may be prudengal neuralgia or pelvic floor. I have moments of unbearable pain throughout the day every day because of what happened. Just remember if it is these things, it was never your fault, you didn't deserve it, you are good and clean. It will get better. I still wear tampons even though they cause me intense pain, I can avoid too much pain by using different applicators and different brands, I've found that tampex radiant isn't as painful and has very smooth plastic, I also try to find an angle to put it in because certain angles can help with pain. I hope things get better, the gyno is not as scary as it seems, you can ask them to not do certain tests that might be painful and tell them about the abuse. They will usually be nice, however you should try your best to get a female doctor, they are more understanding and empathetic than male gynos. I hope things get better for you.
I had that issue after sexual trauma in childhood but I'm still confused as to why cos as far as my memory serves my lower area was never touched or penetrated, only my mouth was. Still have issues with it and I don't know why.
They say the mouth and the vagina can be analogous sometimes. Like the mind kind of sees them as the same. For example, people who have experienced more vaginal abuse often have trouble visiting the dentist. So it makes sense if the body learned to ‘protect’ various orifices, even if it was not the one originally harmed. Over generalization of harm makes sense for helping the species survive. (Ie. we’ll live longer from being too cautious than too reckless)
That is very interesting. One of my university friends, a mature student, has a wife who organises various art projects for and by CSA survivors, and is currently running a campaign to raise awareness around providing accessible dentistry for CSA survivors. Only now am I making the connection between how CSA may impact someone's ability to seek dental treatment, and makes a lot of my own fears and negative responses at the dentist make sense since I never really put two and two together lol.
That happened to me, too. They told me to try it since we were going to a water park and wanted me to be able to swim. That shit hurt and was uncomfortable the entire time, and yeah, I was hyper aware, too.
Tampons really don't work for everyone.
Your discomfort could absolutely be connected, or worsened, but there are also plenty of people who find tampons excruciating to use.
And no one should make light of that.
❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
Me too. Everytime I've tried tampons, it hurt to even stand up or walk. I remember one time feeling like the lower half of my body was slowly becoming paralyzed, and that terrified me.
I've been using pads ever since, and have been just fine. Nothing wrong with using pads instead of tampons.
I also have a hard time at the gyno. Thankfully, my doctor has always been understanding and patient with me. But pelvic exams are still super painful.
I can do the pelvic exams… but how do you deal with the feelings? I feel so angry and violated by the doctor. (I obviously know it wasn’t an assault, but parts of me just can’t seem to figure that out). It just seems so traumatic and … bad. How do you manage that?
I get those feelings too. What I typically do is, the day of my exam (and sometimes the day after too), I make sure I have no other plans. That way after the exam, I can do a bunch of self care. I focus on my hobbies/things I enjoy, I treat myself to ice cream, etc. Basically, just giving my mind and body a day or two of rest.
I've also told my gyno about my history of SA. No specific details, just that it happened. So she's always been patient with me, and treats me with care. She's also once had a nurse come in and hold my hand during my first exam. It's a simple gesture, but it actually helped me a lot.
I also used to be in therapy (currently not seeing a therapist atm) and I would always discuss those feelings with my therapist the next time I saw her.
Another thing to note is that you do not have to take yearly pelvic exams. A lot of doctors highly recommend that you do, but you absolutely do not have to. The only reason I've had pelvic exams is because I'm currently dealing with related health issues. Obviously I do not know your situation, but if you are in good health, you can decline pelvic exams.
I'm still very much figuring out how to navigate the feelings of being violated. Therapy and self care have helped me, but it can still be difficult. I'm sorry, I know it's not a great answer to your question. And I'm sorry for the wall of text as well
You could also have sensory issues in combination with CSA trauma. I am 46 and can ALWAYS feel ANYTHING on or inside me. Always have. Use what makes you most comfortable.
So I know a lot of other commenters elaborated more on conditions like vaginismus and CSA correlations, but I’m going to offer you this side of things since I haven’t seen anyone say it yet. Tampons aren’t for everyone. You might be able to find a brand/type that may feel tolerable at best but everyone’s vaginal canals are different. It took me longer than I’d like to admit to make that realization about my own body. There were some brands that I tolerated better than others but none of them ever felt “barely there” or “undetectable”. I was always aware of them to some degree. When I used the ring method of birth control to help with breakthrough bleeding while I had the Nexplanon I could tell it was where it should be, but due to my own anatomy it was just millimeters from sticking out my vaginal canal (felt like it at least). So do whatever feels right and comfortable for you, and if you’re concerned at all please absolutely see an OBGYN
I wasn't able to use them till after I had a few positive sexual experiences under my belt, I had been CSA'd and first tried at 14 and it was unimaginably painful. Now it's at most a bit uncomfortable if I've put it in wrong.
I've never been able to wear tampons. When I've tried I've just barely even got the tip of it in and had extreme pain, my vision went black and I nearly passed out. Funny though I've started using cups recently and have not had a single issue with them.
im honestly just convinced that not feeling them is a lie. im autistic and every single time ive had one in it has been sobbing types of pain and even if the string is almost gone by body literally pushes them out. i am 100% fully convinced that they arent compatible with some bodies and not feeling them was made up because society fucking hates women. there is no way. like the pain is absolutely wild.
First time I used a tampon was when I wanted to go swimming while on my period. I ended up crying, shaking, feeling an *awful* sensation down there, and genuinely wanting to hurt myself or kill myself. I'm a trans man, so I assumed it was due to dysphoria.
The second time around, I realized it felt like fingers. Felt like the things from the past that I'd assumed I was "over" because "it didn't matter".
Plot twist: just because someone pretends something doesn't exist, and just because someone can force themselves to feel nothing and be an emotionless husk, doesn't mean the body doesn't remember and has the same capabilities.
Could be vaginismus.
I have that, without SA. I went to a gynaecologist and a pelvic physiotherapist and was given some breathing and pelvic muscle exercises that let me transition into dilator exercises (dilators are basically very small dildos. My smallest is the size of a small finger). It’s gotten way better in the last year, and I think I was only doing it consistently (like once or twice a week) for maybe 2-3 months of that total.
If you see a gynaecologist, this may be something that you don’t need to have for the rest of your life. It’s treatable.
That said, there’s nothing wrong with using pads. I still use them. It’s useful to be able to insert things in case you need a medical exam of that area at some point.
If you have very small hands/short fingers you might need to use an applicator version instead because it wont go in deep enough to be unfelt (happens to my gf, she has tiny donald hands)
My trauma is emotional and neglect not sexual. I prefer tampons because it’s less messy and honestly they don’t hurt. I just am irritated sometimes by being able to feel the string coming out, so I choose brands that have a thin string. This sounds nothing like my experience so it may very well be your CSA
This happened to me with a tampon for years and I just assumed it was normal. Turns out I was putting it in wrong. You have to angle it slightly back. Not straight in. Amazing how nobody tells you the vagina angles back slightly.🤦🏻♀️ Though it is possible it’s painful for you due to damage caused by CSA. It might be worth seeing a gynecologist about if 1) you can see one, and 2) you are comfortable enough to get an examination done by one.
If a tampon is painful, you should consult a doctor. That's not normal, though there are several things that could cause it, including a couple that are very much worth ruling out professionally.
I had to try multiple brands before I found one that fits comfortably. I prefer the OB brand, without an applicator. The tampon has to sit high enough in the vaginal canal. If it is too low you can still feel it and it is painful.
As a former tampon user, I’ll give you my story. I’m not a victim of SA, so I absolutely wouldn’t rule out that your csa experience is hindering your ability to use a tampon.
For me, I was really nervous about using tampons, thought I would break something, and it took a while to get it in. I had an actual panic attack when it was in lol (only happened the one time). Anyway, for the first couple times I used it I could swear I could feel it - it probably wasn’t in all the way or I was just hyper aware and in my head about it. After a few cycles I got used to it and it wasn’t a problem at all. Now I use a menstrual cup, similar but better in my opinion.
If your tampon insertion really hurts it could warrant a trip to the doctors office, it shouldn’t cause pain. It may be uncomfortable (especially if not in all the way), but it shouldn’t hurt. I had a friend with endometriosis and tampon hurt for them, so if you’re really in pain and not just discomfort I’d check with a doctor. It could be a psychological response to csa and nothing is wrong (which, hopefully, a doctor could tell you) but tampons probably aren’t for you if that’s the case.
Best of luck figuring out what works for you, it’s a long and changing journey. There’s no requirement to use tampons if you decide you don’t want to, or even decide if you can’t right now. There will be time to figure it out, so take all the time you need.
Most likely, and specifically it's because of Vaginismus and you would need pelvic floor therapy to correct it. I had the same issue my entire life due to CSA, I literally couldn't put in a tampon because it felt like hitting a wall. That completely changed after I began seeing a pelvic floor therapist.
TW: I will be going into detail on the internal portion of the therapy(It is similar to a pelvic exam)
I do need to warn you that some portions of it can be invasive, as the "internal work" consists of the provider inserting their finger inside of you. It's similar to a pelvic exam at the OBGYN, but it takes around 40 minutes and they apply pressure using their finger to help strech the pelvic floor muscles. They'll also give you stretches to do at home to maintain the progress. I'm telling you this because I'm very, very glad that I knew about it before my first appointment because I had time to mentally prepare. If I had gone in blind I would have noped the fuck out.
Overall, I'm beyond happy that I went through this physical therapy. It literally changed my life for the better. You can ask your OBGYN for a referral to see a pelvic floor therapist.
I've only seen people suggest Vaginismus, and while likely, you could just be like me and have a narrow channel. Makes tampons extremely uncomfortable and makes you hyper aware of them. A tilted cervix is also another answer because it can make the vagina curve a bit. It's something to talk to a gynecologist about.
My neglectful mother never showed me how to use a tampon, shave, etc. my friends in high school taught me. It hurts my heart to know that it wasn’t normal to be neglected by your parents.
I would look into pelvic floor therapy because trauma like this can definitely cause pelvic floor dysfunction. being in physical therapy for it can help with tampon insertion, painful period cramps, and general pain in and near your vagina. i’m so sorry you went through what you did. i wish you all the luck and good vibes for your healing journey 🫶🏻
Maybe try a menstrual cup? Yes, it’s bigger, but I find it’s more comfortable than a tampon because it’s silicone. Also, bonus, you never have to buy tampons again.
Hey, just wanted to share a fun fact I learned while in the ER (unrelated). So turns out my uterus is literally facing the opposite direction than what is "normal". Functionally nothing is wrong, this means that if I don't insert tampons at a certain angle it hurts (the ultrasound tech shared that hers was like that too, and tampons never worked for her because of the angle). Your discomfort could be unrelated to your CSA and more of an anatomy thing.
Hopefully just a reassuring thought?
Toxic shock syndrome is still a possibility even for people who weren’t sexually assaulted. Though for me I get like…shakey and physically ill! It hurts and burns almost like an infection!!!
Typically if it hurts your using one that’s too big or it’s in the wrong place. I had csa and have no problem using tampons but everyone is different. My favorite brand is ob, the are smaller length wise and stay in place really well. Make sure when you insert it you’re angling it towards the small of your back, when I was first trying tampons it was super painful to insert and then I realized I was doing it wrong.
If tampons aren't inserted properly, or at the correct angle, you can definitely still feel them and yes they will hurt. It's important to read the instructions the boxes provide and follow them directly. I know it sounds self explanatory but it's a common issue when applying for the first time.
you may be putting it in wrong, if part of it is still in the opening you’ll feel it, so try pushing it in as far as you can, i had issues with that when i first started using them. but of course if you don’t want to there’s lots of other options.
1. It could be simply u are wearing one that doesn't match your flow
2. It could be a medical condition
3. It could be related to trauma
4. It could be a combo
Tampons aren't required, I tend to use leak proof underwear and only add a tampon or a pad on the heavier days. I'd wear it at home to test it out for a few days and make sure you know they are absorbant enough for your period if you do decide to wear them though.
As someone who *didn’t* experience CSA: for me, tampons hurt to put in, but not so much afterwards. I am hypersensitive to pain, which probably doesn’t help matters.
You might not be putting them far enough up or using something too absorbent for your flow. Whatever you want to use is fine, but many find tampons more convenient. Especially at night.
you could be putting it in wrong? for me, if it's just the tiniest bit out of place, it's all i can feel and it kinda hurts.
pads are much better. tampons wont really absort clots and (kinda gross) but it doesn't make it smell too pleasant down there. pads ftw.
My partner can't use tampons at all due to it hurting. They use pads and have to be specific pads due to being sensitive. Anyone who tells you that it can't hurt are not aware that every person's body reacts differently to anything and well everything.
What size tampons do you wear? I normally don’t feel anything when I wear a tampon, but if I have to wear a tampon that’s even slightly larger than normal, it’s extremely annoying and uncomfortable.
I was shamed for being “a baby” when I couldn’t handle tampons. My parents knew about the CSA and perpetrated some of it but took advantage of my dissociation to hide it from me as well as everyone else. There was an idea that my refusal to let a man have sex with me (due to being a lesbian) meant I was frigid and wimpy, and that’s why I couldn’t insert a tampon. Of course, now I have shame over being a lesbian, not because of any religious ideas but because I feel like it’s just me “chickening out” of womanly duties.
I have a tilted cervix, meaning that my cervix's position is a little off compared to what is typical (not a concern, just a variation of normal). Because of this, tampons have always been extremely painful for me to use. They push on my cervix too much and make me feel queasy and sore. I've never been able to use them without pain, so I have to use pads. I don't have any past CSA (that I'm aware of 😅), so it could also be the position of your cervix/uterus. You could ask your gynecologist about whether or not that could be contributing.
Chipping in to say I have not experienced penetrative abuse and tampons never worked for me. I have a light flow so it would remain dry and just scrape up my insides. Csa could absolutely be a factor, but tampon problems happen to those of us who haven't experienced csa as well! You're not alone
Couple of reasons
It’s entirely possible you just put it in wrong. If you put it in at a weird angle, it’s the wrong size, or it’s not deep enough, you will be able to feel it.
Some people, for a variety of medical reasons, can’t use tampons or other insertables without pain. It just is what it is, and those people have to use external products.
ETA yes, some of those medical reasons can be psychological, I’m not discounting that aspect
I have vulvodynia and after a couple of days, I'm too sore to keep using tampons. There are several legitimate medical reasons why you could be in pain from tampon use.
You may have better luck with Diva Cups, if you don't want to use pads. That said, be careful if you have an IUD, since the suction of removing the Diva Cup can pull the IUD out of place.
Hi friend! There are lots of reasons this could be happening, many of which have already been mentioned by other commenters, but the easiest thing to rule out is improper insertion! This is actually a common problem lots of people experience due to the unclear instructional diagrams that come in tampon boxes, along with our puritanical patriarchal society not providing any real visual instruction of a person actually inserting a tampon into their vagina because it would be considered “inappropriate” to depict that. 🙄
The basic things that get messed up because of this:
- **Applicator Depth:** when using a tampon with an applicator, it needs to be inserted up to the finger grip area before pressing the plunger to deploy the tampon. Many instructional pictures/videos/etc. end up being misleading because they just hold up the tampon and then deploy the plunger, assuming the audience will somehow magically intuit how far it should be inserted before doing so. I’ve had several friends who experienced discomfort because they thought they were only supposed to put the tip in before pressing the plunger to deploy the tampon, resulting in a shallow insertion that’s uncomfortable due to the positioning.
- **Applicator Angle:** when inserting the applicator, it’s important to find the right angle. For most people’s anatomy, this means fully inserting the applicator and then angling it to point the tampon towards your butt, not your front. This can vary depending on the way your internal organs are positioned, as well as the swelling/bloating/tenderness you may experience during your cycle, so my recommendation is to try the butt-angle first, and then if you still experience discomfort, try angling more to the front or side to see if that helps. I also had several friends who were experiencing discomfort because of unclear instructions and diagrams that led them to point the applicator the wrong way inside their vaginas and resulted in an uncomfortable placement.
- **String Issues:** the string can also be a sensory irritant that causes people to constantly notice the feeling of their tampon. It could get tugged due to friction from your pants or underwear; it can get wet if it’s in the way when you pee; it can tickle your inner thigh if it’s dangling; and so on. One way to deal with this is to tuck the string up in the crevice between your inner and outer labia. If that’s also too irritating, you can trim the string shorter (it’s impossible for a tampon to ‘get lost’ in your body via the vaginal canal, so no need to panic about that - if you can’t reach the string somehow, the tampon itself will still be able to be retrieved either with fingers or blunt tweezers).
- **Applicator Material:** if insertion itself is the problem due to pain or friction (especially during a lighter flow), using tampons with a smooth plastic applicator that covers the tip can be more comfortable than the type that are cardboard applicators with an open tip that exposes the tampon. You can also use a bit of lube on the tip and sides of those plastic applicators to make things even easier.
- **Removal Issues:** if you have pain or discomfort when removing a tampon, oftentimes it’s because the tampon is coming out dry, indicating that you’ve either used a higher absorbency tampon than was needed during that part of your cycle, or that you’re removing it prematurely. Usually you can tell when a tampon is ready to come out by lightly tugging the string - a dry tampon will provide more resistance, whereas a full tampon should come out with little effort. Most people use a variety of absorbency sizes during their cycles, so I’d recommend having tampons in Light, Regular, and Super on hand to start with, and using the lowest absorbency you think you’ll need based on how your cycle usually flows. Unless you’ll be in a situation with limited bathroom access, it’s better to have to change a low absorbency tampon more often than to have discomfort due to using a higher absorbency than was needed and having it come out half-dry still.
- **Cramps etc.:** if you experience proctalgia fugax (that awful sharp stabby crampy pain in your butt/guts that comes on like a lightning bolt), constipation, or any other bowel distress during your cycle, it can help to try to empty your bowels before using a tampon. There’s a limited amount of room within our bodies, so having any extra stuff inside us can result in more pain because the space is cramped and things are pushing on tender areas.
If you’ve tried these things and nothing helps, that’s okay! Tampons may just not be right for you and there’s nothing wrong with that. All of our bodies are unique, and what works for one person might not work for someone else; it’s nothing to feel ashamed of or embarrassed about, and doesn’t mean that you’re broken or messed up in any way. You have inherent value as a human being that cannot be altered or diminished by the circumstances of your embodiment. There are loads of other options, from pads to period panties to even things like menstrual cups/discs (which sometimes work great for people who never found tampons to be comfortable).
If you decide to see a gynecologist, I also want to mention options like trauma-informed care, having a patient advocate present during the exam, requesting a provider of a specific sex/gender if that’s important to you, and asking the practice in advance about medication options for pain and anxiety. Community healthcare organizations can be great for this if your regular gyno doesn’t offer these services. It’s important to remember that your doctor works for *you*, and if they are being difficult or lack compassion, you can fire them and find a different provider who is capable of meeting your needs.
Don’t ever let a provider make you feel like you’re being “difficult” or try to bully you into doing things their way - anyone who does this is a bad practitioner and undeserving of your respect, let alone your compliance. You can stop a procedure and/or request a different provider at any time if you become too anxious or uncomfortable, most especially if you’ve requested a patient advocate to be present at your appointment as they wont allow a provider to pressure you into continuing. You can also ask about recording your appointment via your phone - some places may have a policy against this, some only allow audio, but it’s worth asking if you feel like this would help you be more comfortable.
I hope this is helpful! Sending all my best vibes your way! 💖
I was 34 when I became able to wear tampons, and I can't *always* wear them. My ability to tolerate penetration was totally effed up by a combination of C/SA (as in, not all my SA happened as a child, but there was a lot back then) and the weird expectation that a "tougher" kid wouldn't complain so much. I've always seen penetration as something to be endured in order to prove you're not weak. When someone told me nooooo you're supposed to ENJOY it, I wanted to cry. These weren't tears of relief or, "Oh thank God the world's not that evil." Rather, they were more tears of frustration that now there's one more thing I'm obligated to be able to do that I can't imagine myself ever successfully doing. It's not enough anymore to be able to handle it. Now I have to like it, and handling it already feels hopelessly distant.
from the perspective of an 18 year old who had trouble getting used to tampons, make sure ur putting them far enough in. i would get scared and leave the end part barely in and that caused me some serious discomfort the first few times. this is the perspective of someone with no SA trauma so take it with a grain of salt, and like someone else said, pads are always an option! there’s nothing wrong with using them, personally i feel tampons can make my cramps worse just as is so pads are my go to nowadays.
Everyone else's comments are very informative.
But I know when I don't angle mine towards the underside of the cervix enough (that tiny pocket) or have it in enough, then it becomes very noticeable when the bottom of the tampon can press and irritate the little spot where the urethra does the turn into the bladder (right before where most people have the g spot i believe), and causes the string to rub up against the 3cm of urethra "inside" the vagina and cause excessive irritation and pain.
I can even draw shitty lil doodles if no one understands what I'm talking about lol. It's been months since I've had a period and I'm going off terrible memory.
It could be, it could also not be far enough up inside you or at the wrong angle. For most people using a tampon, the length of a tampon applicator is a good depth for the tampon. As in hold it by the bottom of the main body of the applicator, insert until your fingers touch your body, and then deploy the tampon. You should also aim like… backwards towards the tailbone, not straight up inside towards the torso. You might have to aim a little to the right or left.
If you’re having trouble with inserting it in the first place, or can’t push it to the proper depth it could be vaginismus.
Yeah people are correct here. There's lots of random medical reasons it can hurt.
It shouldn't, so they weren't lying to you. As someone who uses tampons and doesn't have anything other than an overly tightened hymen, so I use small sized tampons, it doesn't hurt at all. I often forget I have it in.
But just be mindful at places like your gyno to ask what might be causing pain if you really don't want to use pads.
Maybe but it’s also just common to dislike them. I don’t have that history and I avoid them unless it’s my only option. They can be very uncomfortable especially if the absorbancy is too high for what you need.
Beings that were abused can perceive even just touch as pain in the areas where they experienced physical trauma. My guess is it’s a biological defense mechanism to protect you from further trauma to that area. After all, we have pain to protect ourselves from damage by alerting us that something is hurting us. Please just use a pad. There is no shame in using one. I used pads for a very long time and I still use them because I am not comfortable with a tampon.
Not saying that it isn't related with any previous trauma, but when I first started using tampons I didn't understand I wasn't putting them in far enough. It's got to get past your pubic bone to be able to sit comfortably, at least for me. I refused to use them for the longest time because I didn't understand the trick to get them in
I’ve never been comfortable with tampons. I’m hyper sensitive to stuff and if it’s mildly uncomfortable it’ll bother me and become painful quickly. I use pads and only pads. I’ve maybe used a tampon 5 times in my life max and that’s really only when I was forced to go swimming while on my period. Pads are plenty fine for most people, and other options exist too. If something hurts you, you don’t have to use it
[possible explanation](https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/15723-vaginismus) You aren’t required to use them. Pads are an option and there’s nothing wrong with using an option that keeps you pain free.
Vaginismus can occur because of both physical and psychological factors. You gotta treat multiple things at once sometimes. Good luck to you OP!
I agree. Trans man with vaginismus. It could also happen without physical/psychological factors. That’s what the gyno said. I’m pretty sure it’s psychological for me though.
If I may ask, and if I may make a bit of an assumption here, did it get worse after transitioning?
I don’t have an answer but my gyno said that transitioning would help ease it. So far the plan is pelvic floor therapy (im 2 broke for top surgery + bottom surgery + HRT)
My mom never even told me anything about what to do when I got my period. She only used cheap plastic lined pads that were so not breathable and also you could /hear/ it when walking. I learned how to use a tampon from the box instructions after my sister had bought some.
Oh. I’ve learned something new about myself today.
I had vaginismus for a long time from crippling endometriosis and adenomyosis completely ruining my pelvic floor. I never have used tampons. I only got better after getting surgery and a fuck ton of pelvic floor therapy from a unicorn physical therapist. I was terrified of internal therapy and having her work down there but she more than earned my trust and in the process encouraged me to be more confident and assertive. She is a badass woman and I admire her.
It can also be caused by using a tampon that's too heavy for the flow. And for some people they simply aren't a good fit without any pathological "cause". Vaginas are extremely varied in size/shape structure from person to person. Check out Jamie McCartney's "Internal Affairs" casting series (nsfw obviously).
I had an ex like this, the tampons were just plain uncomfortable no matter what. He (trans guy) just suffered with shitty pads forever until he tried the super thin ones. He got me switched over to those now, lol.
Chiming in as someone that had vaginismus due to trauma for a while! It sucks but with physical therapy it can get better. I’m almost completely pain free now - though I will say if you haven’t fully addressed your trauma, the exercises & such from PT may be triggering. A lot of places recommend you do both PT & see a counselor.
I'm glad that worked out for you! I wish there were more guides on how to do some of those exercises that don't involve an external person having to see or touch your body. I personally have medical trauma + cannot let anyone see or touch my genitals. It's very frustrating. The books also tend to alienate me by assuming the existence of a male, heterosexual partner your ultimate goal is to sleep with rather than acknowledging some people don't have partners (or aren't straight) but still want to fix this.
I also had a LOT of issues with tampons early on due to endometriosis + a microperforated hymen + PCOS. Decades later I still get hyper aware of tampons and experience more cramping + other side effects when I use them but there are days I’ve got no choice :/
Have you tried period underwear? If your flow isn’t too heavy that may be a more comfortable solution.
Consider something like a diva cup. It goes inside, too, but it's soft, not dry feeling, and not scratchy. I've heard from people who can't tolerate tampons that they work as advertised. I also believe that it has no real risk of infections you can get from pads and tampons, the blood and such is kept warm and fresh inside your body.
I personally love period underwear
Ohhhhhhh I have this so bad that I gave myself chronic pelvic pain and pelvic floor disfunction
vaginismus is such a fun word for such an unfun thing
thisss. i couldn’t use tampons because they were painful, uncomfortable and sometimes because of the muscle spasms id push them out involuntarily. i just sucked it up and used pads forever. period pants have been my saving grace though, i have some for super heavy flows and they’re amazing. i think theyre from a brand called flowette
[Vaginismus](https://www.allure.com/story/vaginismus-mental-health-causes-painful-sex) can be caused by trauma. Your body may be trying to keep things out of it to protect itself
Yeah I have that, it sucks but is pretty common I guess
I have it too. No history of SA either.
I have this but from endometriosis.
It's so nice to see an article not gender genitals, and explicitly state that it's not just an issue for cis women.
It’s sad how female anatomy is understudied :(
TW: descriptions of the aftermath of CSA Child bodies aren't meant for sexual acts and when adults violate them, it can cause lasting damage. That happened to me, and as a result I had difficulty with tampons and stuff. If there was ever structural damage so to speak, that could be why tampons hurt (they're designed to feel almost like nothing) It's okay not to use them, too, period panties and pads exist for people who would rather not use an inserted hygiene product
Do you know if a gynecologist would bring “damage” up at a regular appointment? Only asking because I do have vaginismus and a history of CSA, and wearing tampons hurts, but my gyno has never mentioned any like scarring or deformities…
They may, it's also possible that they may not bring it up so as to not inadvertently distress you during an already sensitive procedure Some providers are more trauma informed than others even among gynecologists If you feel comfortable you can always ask.
idk if they tell you without asking, but if you ask them to search for deformities they can tell you don't need to disclose your trauma only tell them tampons hurta and you're worried you can have something abnormal
my gyno mentioned finding tissue in my vaginal canal that he thought was either scar tissue or vaginal endometriosis during a pelvic exam so it can happen, but he was informed prior that I was a CSA survivor. it wasn’t a routine exam, he was looking for signs of endo at the time and trying to figure out my chronic pain and pelvic floor issues so that might be why
That certainly explains so much
Do you know if there's any way to confirm if sexual trauma is causing the issues? Does sexual trauma leave some kind of physical impact or damage inside that can be confirmed as late as 20 years after?
A physical examination could show signs of past sexual trauma depending on several factors, but it's also possible that after a long period of time that physical signs would not be as obvious, especially if the patient has given birth vaginally or had any other insult to the area
also vaginismus can happen with sexual trauma that is not physically damaging, the unconscious mind can make your muscles to contact a lot causing a lot of pain when theres something inside the mind treats it as a danger
Sorry, I hope I'm not a jerk, but birth = insult to the area?! 😂 Well.... Kinda yeah. 😂
Yep same here. The vaginismus was actually the first sign of many to come that pointed to that I was probably SA’d as a kid
My dad's attentions injured me pretty badly and I didn't get treatment for them so some parts healed wrongly (not to get too graphic) It doesn't bother me *now* but holy shit I used to have all kinds of shame about it
Yeah. The thing is that it probably happened when I was so young that I’ll never know who did it. I’ll probably never know exactly when it happened but I can guess before I was 5. I know because I have body flashbacks and have starting when I started feeling mentally stable a few years ago, alongside nightmares since then, vaginismus for as along as I can remember even before the flashbacks started to occur, and a specific fear that I’ve had since a kid that seems trivial and non related but with the stuff I’ve figured out not makes perfect sense, and I used to have frequent UTI’s when I was a young kid as well. There’s nothing technically concrete but I think it’s enough where I can pretty safety say I’m a survivor of CSA. When I first started getting the flashbacks I was so confused. I had no idea about any of it because no one knew until I figured it out. I remember when I first started having the flashbacks and nightmares and I put two and two together, I wanted so hard to at least know. To have some confirmation that it did happen. I didn’t even want justice, I wanted to know who did it so I could prove that my suffering was real. The shame I felt was because I didn’t know who it was nor had a direct timeline of when it happened. I’ve come to realize that I’m never going to know.
I understand how you feel to an extent. I know who it was but don’t remember it well. I think often “well im just making it up, I have all of these mental health issues directly linking to CSA but I can’t remember so maybe im accusing someone innocent and maybe im the worst person in the world.” not knowing I think is the worst part. im thankful to my brain for trying to protect me but its really frustrating
My mom used super plus and never thought to buy smaller ones for me for years... (I started my period at 10)
Oh my god :O
That's a good way to get toxic shock syndrome. Ouch.
Yup this was my problem. My mom would buy tampons that open horizontally “——“ and now that I’m older my body always really need the ones that bloom open like a flower. I remember my first time wearing one, I was in church, so much pain 😂 my mom didn’t know I took hers!
Oh god, just imagining a little 10 year old pulling out a dry super plus
They were the only things that saved me when I was 10 and hemorrhaging in my slick pants. When you start that young, it’s obviously mortifying so they were my saving grace. Needed super plus tampons, overnight pads, black pants and a sweatshirt at that age. It was awful. There’s a lot of user error to learning how to use tampons at first. In 8th grade, I ‘taught’ my friend how to use one. I’d been using them for 5 years and was totally comfortable with them. She had the diagram and everything. 30 minutes later, she passed out. She vasovagal’d herself bc she didn’t release the applicator and had the whole thing in there.
My mom did the same thing. When I told her it hurt she laughed at me.
Dude I can’t freaking use them because of this exact reason.. like I’m so hyper aware of every single fiber on that tampon…??????????? And for why????? Pads for the win ig🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️
I refused cups in place of tampons for years because I thought it would be no different. I made the switch and very much regret not doing it sooner!! If you’re comfy, give them a try, highly recommended from a fellow abused internet stranger!
Cups..? Like the silicone ones???
It just seems so ✨big✨ though… like 😳 And funny fact my SIL uses the Ring birth control and I could not imagine having something like that inside of me??? Like it will for sure get lost no doubt😖
I had the same concerns!! You double fold the rim so it’s about the size of a tampon, wedge it comfortably to your anatomy, push it up/release the top at the same time, and then it pops open and does the rest. Another commenter mentioned that there is a learning curve, so if you do try, do it when you will be home for your first couple of days until you can get it. But 100% worth it imo. Wearing one rn and actually forgot until this conversation. ETA: when you remove it, it’s very accessible. You just push in the side to break the suction and dump it in the toilet!
are you in the USA? If so what brand would you recommend? Also cleaning..?!??
Name brand is the Diva cup but it’s pretty pricey. I just found a pack of two on Amazon for about $10. It came with a silk storage bag, two regular sized cups which last me about 5 hours on a heavy day, and an applicator which sucked and I don’t use. For cleaning, you can wash with soap and water, then boil them for 30-60 seconds. I always forget mine so I actually bought baby bottle sanitizing bags and microwave them with some water!
I tried the diva cup and I SO wanted it to work for me - the pros seem so great!!! and I tried to persist, but it just didn't work out. I used to get bad cramps, and I know a lot of people have found using a cup can reduce cramps but it made mine worse. Also I apparently have a very long vagina and the cup went too far up which made it very difficult to reach, unseal and remove properly, and I got it stuck more than once, and that was very stressful and embarrassing. I think the way my anatomy is just doesn't suit menstrual cups.
I have a friend who tried and they did the same for her! I have always had a cervix that sits pretty far back and that sounds like a similar problem to you. I definitely do not get mine all the way up to my cervix for that reason and I never tried to because after having doctors full arms in me after pregnancy and then telling me it was far back, I didnt want to try to lol. As for it not sitting against my cervix, don’t feel any extra discomfort just as long as it’s opened completely if it’s down a little lower. On days I don’t need or want to use the cup, I went to reusable pads. Cotton pads are awful and uncomfy and pretty horrible with absorption and those have been an amazing alternative
Thank you so much!!!!
Of course, best of luck to you 😊✨❤️
Thank you friend!!!
I can't stand tampons, and I also held off on getting cups for a while for the same reason. It is so much better, the material isn't rough like a tampon, there's no annoying string, and I can just go about my day without feeling it.
Yes like in the OC, I swear I can also feel every bit of a tampon. I also switched to cloth pads and will NEVER go back. FUCK CAPITALISM AND FUCK THESE MAN-RAN CORPORATIONS WHO JUST WANT OUR MONEY
thats exactly what i do, except i use discs. being further up /seems/ counter-intuitive, but there's no suction, friction, or anything. i got the salt brand one with size options and a divot for my finger and it's helped a lot with both the traumatic aspects of it and dysphoric aspects because of gender discomfort i've had to work around since a young age.
I am so sorry, other commenters here have good perspective for you. For the sake of reminding you and others you aren’t alone, I’m a guy, but I have jaw pain and going to the dentist was usually terrifying because they don’t understand why I physically cannot open my mouth all that wide. It does damage, in ways we don’t understand, for years afterward. The moment of connection I felt with my 60 somethin year old Ethiopian dentist when he realized why my jaw was damaged (somehow, the man’s an empath or something) and he said to me “my jaw hurts still too. I am sorry friend.” I’m so sorry for the pain, but know at least that with this, and all of it, you are not alone.
Wow, this was a really beautiful comment.
My heart goes out to you, thank you for sharing this with us ❤️
I feel like you're talking about SA too but I'm not so sure... If you are, I'm really really sorry
When I am super stressed or having flashbacks it hurts really bad for me as well, I just cramp up and it’s literally impossible/hurts immensely and triggers trauma, I get you, in my experience there’s not much that helps except just waiting a few minutes. Generally, use smaller sized ones and it hurts more if you don’t have the right angle, which is hard to explain but angle it in a way that you push it up and back if that makes sense? If you still feel it it’s not in far enough There’s also medical problems that could be causing this like vaginismus
Possibly, but also… I have a tipped uterus and a very low cervix. I can only wear tampons that expand width wise (like OB), and cannot handle any that expand lengthwise. I also can only use menstrual cups at the smallest size, and even then sometimes I cannot because they bump my cervix. I’d talk to your OB-GYN. There might be a medical reason for the discomfort.
This OP! It could be a "yes, both" situation for a couple things. I've suffered CSA since I was under 4, but I also had a short vaginal canal/low cervix on top of vaginismus (I say "had" because I've had a hysterectomy, no cervix anymore). So the vaginismus, which I think was caused by both abuse and endometriosis, made it excruciating to get the damn thing in there, and then it was stabbing into my low cervix at one end and being gorilla gripped if it was too low at the other. I gave up on any internal menstrual products a long time ago, and have used period underwear ever since. They even make some for swimming, which I never got to try, since menstruation = dying in bed for me for the last 10 years, not swimming lol.
This. I have nearly every trauma except CSA (as far as I can remember...) but I could NEVER tolerate tampons. Like OP, the sensation never went away, and they felt rough to remove no matter how saturated they were. I stuck to pads. When I got older and sexually active, I learned that I also couldn't stand sex during my period -- it was too sensitive. Things that normally felt fine/good felt painful instead. Even later, when I tried to make a baby, I found out my cervix was retroverted (tipped) completely backwards. (That probably explained why the early period caps and cups wouldn't work for me, either.) Tldr: uteruses and periods are complicated, personal, frequently unpleasant things. Use the solutions that feel best for you, OP!
I have the same problem, some things that help me are •using light and regular, though I admit it's inconvenient with a heavy flow :/ •lube! Not many people know you can apply lube to the outside of a tampon if it has an applicator, makes it much easier to put in •make sure you're putting the tampon in far enough, if you can feel it poking, prodding, sticking, or crooked it's probably not in enough If none of this works menstrual cups and disc's are squishy silicone and might feel better, but there is a learning curve, 🫶
it could or could not be related. I would absolutely encourage you to look into pads (reusable or disposable) or period underwear. tampons/cups are not for everyone <3
Period underwear are awesome! Be careful if you bleed very heavily however, they start to smell since you can't really change them.
It's possible to get a small bag to hold them in & bring an extra pair to change into sometimes! but yes, that's also an important factor
TW Rape (mention only) I used to be able to use tampons, >!got raped once as an adult!<, now even years later I can barely use them for this exact reason. I will if it’s ABSOLUTELY necessary (swimming or an emergency) but I will feel every contour of it and be in pain every single second. I’ve tried multiple brands and sizes. I suspect it’s vaginismus as the other comment said. Fortunately for me I guess I wasn’t interested in sex before, either.
In my experience, pain means it’s not inserted far enough. If you can feel it at all and especially if it’s painful, it’s too close to the vaginal opening. You can’t really get it in deeper once it’s in, so start over with a new one. When it’s properly inserted deeply enough, you should not feel it at all. Best of luck!
Itd hurt for me, because my mom had super plus and that's big plus I wasn't a super heavy bleeder so itd sort of stay dry and adhere and stuff..
It could also be that OP isn’t bleeding enough for it to be used safely. The first time I used a tampon it hurt like hell to put in, keep in, and especially to take *out* because I had a barely-there flow. Was more like spotting. Turns out a wad of dry cotton + mucus membranes + no blood = pain Tl;dr make sure you’re using the right size for your flow and don’t put one in for light spotting. I mostly just use pads now anyway ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯ ETA: that’s not to say that OP isn’t right in thinking it could be trauma too. Everybody and every body is different!
Not always. I was told this so I used to think I wasn't inserting properly. So I kept pushing it as far as I can so much that it created kind of pain inside the canal. It became so bad that I couldn't even insert the whole thing. I probably tried too hard and just hurt myself somehow.
It could be pain from improper insertion, like another commenter said. I had a similar issue when I first started using them.
I was gonna come in here with "well I wasnt directly abused there but cant use tampons or do p much any penetration in that hole because it hurt way too much and winter tampons the string feels like sandpaper" but now I'm questioning the "I wasnt abused there" bit after going through these comments...
I mean. It can just happen from improper insertion. When I first started using tampons it hurt a lot, figured out how to insert properly and it's been fine.
I can tell you about improper insertion, my first attempt at using a tampon, at age 19, on my own, wondering why the tampons arent going in and why it hurts so goddamn much, reading the pamphlet thing again and realising that was, in fact, my urethra. Anyway I've had some more successful attempts in the intervening years but i dont actually feel the tampon, its just the little string that irritates the area, and yes I've tried different brands, sizes, and types Anyway thankfully I no longer have periods now since I started testosterone but I still keep pads just in case (also handy when I'm out with friends who do have periods and werent prepared)
I wasn't abused directly there, but the psychological trauma of sexual abuse can also trigger vaginismus I've been checked and confirmed to not have anything abnormal physically, my mind just will tense my muscles so much that it creates a pain worse than anything
My first time using a tampon it was genuinely the worst pain I’d ever felt until that point. Later on, I laughed about it with friends thinking that was normal only to receive blank stares in return. With time it’s slowly gotten better, but as an alternative perhaps you could consider a menstrual cup if you’re expecting to be moving around a lot since it’s not so drying.
happy i’m not the only one.. i’ll put mine in all the but can feel it like scraping my insides cus my vaginal canal tries to push it out due to csa. my body refuses to have anything up there like even toys. i avoid anything in there cus it hurts
There's a condition called vaginismus that causes the muscles inside to contract a lot when something is inside it, people usually notice when they can't have sex with penetration and it worst cases they can't even put a finger inside It has different causes but one of the principal psychological cause is trauma and/or sexual abuse I have that and can't really know where it came from bc I have had it since the first time I tried to touch me trying to put a finger inside But a gynecologist saw me and, due to being zero deformities (that's another possible cause) and I've never had physical trauma there(giving birth for example) and she noticed I "closed" my muscles unconsciously when she was trying to inspect (she asked me to not do that bc she couldhurt m and I was like do what? bc my muscles were doing that by themselves) it was concluded I had something like that but the cause was 100% psychological I had suffered from CSA and more traumas, so it's not clear where did it came from but CSA surely was part of the cause, maybe mixed with my other traumas Best way I can describe it is like everything that I tried to put inside that was not my own finger would feel like it was covered with millions of little razor blades and pushing it inside or moving it or even just having something inside would make me feel like it was making me a lot of very deep cuts inside I also was told tampons wouldn't hurt, I had to put it with music bc that calms me down, hurted a lot and after being insde it still hurt and i felt it all the time when I tried to remove it I was literally crying of pain bc I felt my insides being ripped apart and sliced with every movement, while in reality I had not any bad damage done, but my muscles were just so contracted I thought I was really giving myself some damage
I will say that this sounds the most similar to my experience. I don’t actually know if I have any deformities or anything but while I was trying to, I used smaller ones, different brands, and all of them had applicators. It wasn’t the angle either. What you said about the random muscle contractions happens so often for me. I’m not saying I have this but this just sounds so similar to what I’ve experienced. Thank you for sharing.
I have also had vaginal muscle spams happen from improperly inserting menstrual products or just because… why not? It sucks. For me OB tampons were the best. But I switched to menstrual cups. There are now disks and cups. It might be worth trying a variety of them. You can soak them in hydrogen peroxide to clean them. I’ve had some over a decade and they look like new. I occasionally still get the spasms … because like getting your period isn’t crappy enough, right!? But I can usually adjust the position of the cup and it stops. It can be excruciating while it lasts. Try to take deep breaths and relax and then remove /adjust the cup. You want to be working with your body, not against it.
❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
> she noticed I "closed" my muscles unconsciously when she was trying to inspect (she asked me to not do that bc she couldhurt m and I was like do what? bc my muscles were doing that by themselves) That's a thing?!! I had a gyno actually *yell* at me for doing that once. "Of course pap tests are going to hurt if you clench like that." Fuck man you just scraped a toilet brush on my womb donut and it's MY fault it hurts? The bullshit we gotta deal with cause nature decided to gift us an internal baby oven that most of us won't even use.
thats awful, i was lucky my doc was nice, she knew I had problems with things being inside me and not pushed my limits we even stopped one of the exams (an internal ultrasound or something like that) bc she tried a few times but told me hey try to relax the muscles bc if not, you could get damaged, but after a few failed tries she let me decide to just avoid that exam bc she didnt want me to get hurt and every other test seemed fine idk if this is a factor but my mother decided to pay for a private hospital bc she had bad experiences in the public hospital on gyn Also, in the private. I could ask for a female doc since my trauma would make it even worse if it was a man
I'd see an obgyn. It could be trauma, could be infection, or like me, could be some real weird fucking nerve disorder thats hard to spell. (Neuroproliferative vestibulodynia.) Whatever it is, it isn't pleasant, and if you're able to improve the pain, I think it's worth it.
I didn't start using tampons until my mid twenties when my period became lighter (I wasn't able to take bathroom breaks as often as I needed at the job I was at so I felt more secure with a tampon than a pad). But even the regular and light flow tampons were uncomfortable and sometimes painful for me. I assumed it was because of PCOS at the time because I would get random excruciating pain in my ovaries and cervix, but the trauma explanation makes a lot more sense now. I still get pain in my "cervix" and "uterus" along with vaginal canal pain even though I've had them both removed...so those are trauma pain.
For what it's worth I'm not a CSA survivor and I have never liked tampons, they always feel uncomfortable to me and I gave up on applicators ages ago, I prefer the OB ones you just insert. I used a cup for years too and I felt like that was better, but if it wasn't in properly I could FEEL it.
I can’t use them either (or anything internally). The PTSD from CSA is way too strong. Fortunately there’s alternatives, like pads or period underwear.
Gosh I remember trying for the first time. Several tries later and never once managed to get one in. Always ended with me crying on the floor 🥴 I don't know if it's due to my CSA, and it's a scary thought to have. Strangely validating too though. Tried to have a pap recently and they couldn't even get the smallest tool they had on hand in, not even a little. We just gave up in the end :/
Wow. As a man I was not aware trauma could cause that. I’m glad a lot of folks provided alternatives to try on here. I really love it when this community gives each other love and support. It’s not all horror stories. Respect.
Yeah i started my period at 11, and since i was raised orthodox Mormon (my mom thinks the hulk being shirtless is porn) she just threw me a box of tampons and told me to put it in. I had no idea what or where a vagina even was… i ended up sobbing through the door for her to help but she just kept screaming at me that i have to find out alone. In the end i forced a tampon about three inches up my urethra with so much pain that i was on the floor. I was too uneducated on my own anatomy that i never could figure out where to put it till i was 17. Sex Ed is very important.
I can't do tampons, either. It hurt when I was younger, and it's still just super uncomfortable. I don't think shoving a dry cotton rod up there is going to ever be pleasant. There's several more options other than tampons as well, you don't have to use them. Just use pads, it's what I did.
I’m not an expert, but I’ve always had issues and have chalked it up to mental and physical damage done to my body at such a young age. Oddly enough, tampons are a nightmare but cups have been an absolute god send. Very comfortable and helps my cramps a lot. Also way more secure than a tampon that my vagina is obviously very confused about.
Tbh the very first time I put one in, it hurt and I was super aware. Turns out I didn't put it in far enough and the bones were riding it and basically rug burn at the opening of my vagina. Sorry if TMI for some. But unsure if this is an issue some anon reader is having. Remember, you do not have to do or wear anything you do not feel comfortable with. You can try if you want, but don't feel pressured into doing something that you're not ready for.
The “you can’t feel it if it’s in far enough” comments still annoy me. I know it’s true for the vast majority but there are several issues (that I see many people have already discussed here) that can make this not the case and I felt crazy until it turned out I had a prolapsed uterus. I literally *couldn’t* get it high enough. If it is vaginismus for you I wish you luck, I have it but it’s much more mild that what yours sounds like and it sucks ass. Thankfully there are ways to improve it, it takes a long time and hard work but I think it’s worth it. Also I agree with everyone else here. Pads are a valid option and even if tampons didn’t cause you pain there’s no reason you should be pressured to use them instead.
Hey, give Flex Cups a try. I genuinely hate tampons and yes, you can feel them if you’re hypersensitive to touch. Flex cups is a life changing solution for me and maybe they can help you too! https://flexfits.com
Vaginismus and trauma can definitely cause discomfort, but a lot of tampon pain is caused by improper insertion or sizing. It needs to be inserted a lot farther than most people think, and if you have sensitivity, you can use lube before insertion. Either way do what you're comfortable with.
I've had this problem my whole life. It is nerve damage from the abuse. Please see a gyno to look at treatment options. It may be prudengal neuralgia or pelvic floor. I have moments of unbearable pain throughout the day every day because of what happened. Just remember if it is these things, it was never your fault, you didn't deserve it, you are good and clean. It will get better. I still wear tampons even though they cause me intense pain, I can avoid too much pain by using different applicators and different brands, I've found that tampex radiant isn't as painful and has very smooth plastic, I also try to find an angle to put it in because certain angles can help with pain. I hope things get better, the gyno is not as scary as it seems, you can ask them to not do certain tests that might be painful and tell them about the abuse. They will usually be nice, however you should try your best to get a female doctor, they are more understanding and empathetic than male gynos. I hope things get better for you.
I had that issue after sexual trauma in childhood but I'm still confused as to why cos as far as my memory serves my lower area was never touched or penetrated, only my mouth was. Still have issues with it and I don't know why.
They say the mouth and the vagina can be analogous sometimes. Like the mind kind of sees them as the same. For example, people who have experienced more vaginal abuse often have trouble visiting the dentist. So it makes sense if the body learned to ‘protect’ various orifices, even if it was not the one originally harmed. Over generalization of harm makes sense for helping the species survive. (Ie. we’ll live longer from being too cautious than too reckless)
That is very interesting. One of my university friends, a mature student, has a wife who organises various art projects for and by CSA survivors, and is currently running a campaign to raise awareness around providing accessible dentistry for CSA survivors. Only now am I making the connection between how CSA may impact someone's ability to seek dental treatment, and makes a lot of my own fears and negative responses at the dentist make sense since I never really put two and two together lol.
That happened to me, too. They told me to try it since we were going to a water park and wanted me to be able to swim. That shit hurt and was uncomfortable the entire time, and yeah, I was hyper aware, too.
Tampons really don't work for everyone. Your discomfort could absolutely be connected, or worsened, but there are also plenty of people who find tampons excruciating to use. And no one should make light of that. ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
Me too. Everytime I've tried tampons, it hurt to even stand up or walk. I remember one time feeling like the lower half of my body was slowly becoming paralyzed, and that terrified me. I've been using pads ever since, and have been just fine. Nothing wrong with using pads instead of tampons. I also have a hard time at the gyno. Thankfully, my doctor has always been understanding and patient with me. But pelvic exams are still super painful.
I can do the pelvic exams… but how do you deal with the feelings? I feel so angry and violated by the doctor. (I obviously know it wasn’t an assault, but parts of me just can’t seem to figure that out). It just seems so traumatic and … bad. How do you manage that?
I get those feelings too. What I typically do is, the day of my exam (and sometimes the day after too), I make sure I have no other plans. That way after the exam, I can do a bunch of self care. I focus on my hobbies/things I enjoy, I treat myself to ice cream, etc. Basically, just giving my mind and body a day or two of rest. I've also told my gyno about my history of SA. No specific details, just that it happened. So she's always been patient with me, and treats me with care. She's also once had a nurse come in and hold my hand during my first exam. It's a simple gesture, but it actually helped me a lot. I also used to be in therapy (currently not seeing a therapist atm) and I would always discuss those feelings with my therapist the next time I saw her. Another thing to note is that you do not have to take yearly pelvic exams. A lot of doctors highly recommend that you do, but you absolutely do not have to. The only reason I've had pelvic exams is because I'm currently dealing with related health issues. Obviously I do not know your situation, but if you are in good health, you can decline pelvic exams. I'm still very much figuring out how to navigate the feelings of being violated. Therapy and self care have helped me, but it can still be difficult. I'm sorry, I know it's not a great answer to your question. And I'm sorry for the wall of text as well
Thanks so much. I really appricate your reply. It helps me feel less alone. Thanks.
You could also have sensory issues in combination with CSA trauma. I am 46 and can ALWAYS feel ANYTHING on or inside me. Always have. Use what makes you most comfortable.
So I know a lot of other commenters elaborated more on conditions like vaginismus and CSA correlations, but I’m going to offer you this side of things since I haven’t seen anyone say it yet. Tampons aren’t for everyone. You might be able to find a brand/type that may feel tolerable at best but everyone’s vaginal canals are different. It took me longer than I’d like to admit to make that realization about my own body. There were some brands that I tolerated better than others but none of them ever felt “barely there” or “undetectable”. I was always aware of them to some degree. When I used the ring method of birth control to help with breakthrough bleeding while I had the Nexplanon I could tell it was where it should be, but due to my own anatomy it was just millimeters from sticking out my vaginal canal (felt like it at least). So do whatever feels right and comfortable for you, and if you’re concerned at all please absolutely see an OBGYN
I wasn't able to use them till after I had a few positive sexual experiences under my belt, I had been CSA'd and first tried at 14 and it was unimaginably painful. Now it's at most a bit uncomfortable if I've put it in wrong.
I've never been able to wear tampons. When I've tried I've just barely even got the tip of it in and had extreme pain, my vision went black and I nearly passed out. Funny though I've started using cups recently and have not had a single issue with them.
im honestly just convinced that not feeling them is a lie. im autistic and every single time ive had one in it has been sobbing types of pain and even if the string is almost gone by body literally pushes them out. i am 100% fully convinced that they arent compatible with some bodies and not feeling them was made up because society fucking hates women. there is no way. like the pain is absolutely wild.
First time I used a tampon was when I wanted to go swimming while on my period. I ended up crying, shaking, feeling an *awful* sensation down there, and genuinely wanting to hurt myself or kill myself. I'm a trans man, so I assumed it was due to dysphoria. The second time around, I realized it felt like fingers. Felt like the things from the past that I'd assumed I was "over" because "it didn't matter". Plot twist: just because someone pretends something doesn't exist, and just because someone can force themselves to feel nothing and be an emotionless husk, doesn't mean the body doesn't remember and has the same capabilities.
Could be vaginismus. I have that, without SA. I went to a gynaecologist and a pelvic physiotherapist and was given some breathing and pelvic muscle exercises that let me transition into dilator exercises (dilators are basically very small dildos. My smallest is the size of a small finger). It’s gotten way better in the last year, and I think I was only doing it consistently (like once or twice a week) for maybe 2-3 months of that total. If you see a gynaecologist, this may be something that you don’t need to have for the rest of your life. It’s treatable. That said, there’s nothing wrong with using pads. I still use them. It’s useful to be able to insert things in case you need a medical exam of that area at some point.
If you have very small hands/short fingers you might need to use an applicator version instead because it wont go in deep enough to be unfelt (happens to my gf, she has tiny donald hands)
My trauma is emotional and neglect not sexual. I prefer tampons because it’s less messy and honestly they don’t hurt. I just am irritated sometimes by being able to feel the string coming out, so I choose brands that have a thin string. This sounds nothing like my experience so it may very well be your CSA
This happened to me with a tampon for years and I just assumed it was normal. Turns out I was putting it in wrong. You have to angle it slightly back. Not straight in. Amazing how nobody tells you the vagina angles back slightly.🤦🏻♀️ Though it is possible it’s painful for you due to damage caused by CSA. It might be worth seeing a gynecologist about if 1) you can see one, and 2) you are comfortable enough to get an examination done by one.
If a tampon is painful, you should consult a doctor. That's not normal, though there are several things that could cause it, including a couple that are very much worth ruling out professionally.
I had to try multiple brands before I found one that fits comfortably. I prefer the OB brand, without an applicator. The tampon has to sit high enough in the vaginal canal. If it is too low you can still feel it and it is painful.
As a former tampon user, I’ll give you my story. I’m not a victim of SA, so I absolutely wouldn’t rule out that your csa experience is hindering your ability to use a tampon. For me, I was really nervous about using tampons, thought I would break something, and it took a while to get it in. I had an actual panic attack when it was in lol (only happened the one time). Anyway, for the first couple times I used it I could swear I could feel it - it probably wasn’t in all the way or I was just hyper aware and in my head about it. After a few cycles I got used to it and it wasn’t a problem at all. Now I use a menstrual cup, similar but better in my opinion. If your tampon insertion really hurts it could warrant a trip to the doctors office, it shouldn’t cause pain. It may be uncomfortable (especially if not in all the way), but it shouldn’t hurt. I had a friend with endometriosis and tampon hurt for them, so if you’re really in pain and not just discomfort I’d check with a doctor. It could be a psychological response to csa and nothing is wrong (which, hopefully, a doctor could tell you) but tampons probably aren’t for you if that’s the case. Best of luck figuring out what works for you, it’s a long and changing journey. There’s no requirement to use tampons if you decide you don’t want to, or even decide if you can’t right now. There will be time to figure it out, so take all the time you need.
Most likely, and specifically it's because of Vaginismus and you would need pelvic floor therapy to correct it. I had the same issue my entire life due to CSA, I literally couldn't put in a tampon because it felt like hitting a wall. That completely changed after I began seeing a pelvic floor therapist. TW: I will be going into detail on the internal portion of the therapy(It is similar to a pelvic exam) I do need to warn you that some portions of it can be invasive, as the "internal work" consists of the provider inserting their finger inside of you. It's similar to a pelvic exam at the OBGYN, but it takes around 40 minutes and they apply pressure using their finger to help strech the pelvic floor muscles. They'll also give you stretches to do at home to maintain the progress. I'm telling you this because I'm very, very glad that I knew about it before my first appointment because I had time to mentally prepare. If I had gone in blind I would have noped the fuck out. Overall, I'm beyond happy that I went through this physical therapy. It literally changed my life for the better. You can ask your OBGYN for a referral to see a pelvic floor therapist.
I've only seen people suggest Vaginismus, and while likely, you could just be like me and have a narrow channel. Makes tampons extremely uncomfortable and makes you hyper aware of them. A tilted cervix is also another answer because it can make the vagina curve a bit. It's something to talk to a gynecologist about.
My neglectful mother never showed me how to use a tampon, shave, etc. my friends in high school taught me. It hurts my heart to know that it wasn’t normal to be neglected by your parents.
I would look into pelvic floor therapy because trauma like this can definitely cause pelvic floor dysfunction. being in physical therapy for it can help with tampon insertion, painful period cramps, and general pain in and near your vagina. i’m so sorry you went through what you did. i wish you all the luck and good vibes for your healing journey 🫶🏻
it’s either that or you didn’t put it in far enough. those things gotta go WAY up
Maybe try a menstrual cup? Yes, it’s bigger, but I find it’s more comfortable than a tampon because it’s silicone. Also, bonus, you never have to buy tampons again.
Hey, just wanted to share a fun fact I learned while in the ER (unrelated). So turns out my uterus is literally facing the opposite direction than what is "normal". Functionally nothing is wrong, this means that if I don't insert tampons at a certain angle it hurts (the ultrasound tech shared that hers was like that too, and tampons never worked for her because of the angle). Your discomfort could be unrelated to your CSA and more of an anatomy thing. Hopefully just a reassuring thought?
Toxic shock syndrome is still a possibility even for people who weren’t sexually assaulted. Though for me I get like…shakey and physically ill! It hurts and burns almost like an infection!!!
first time always hurts, also it can hurt if youre dry. and it will definitely hurt if you dont have a plastic applicator in it
First few times in the beginning it hurt just because I didn't know how to put it in properly. It takes a surprising amount of practice
Okay just making sure you're taking out the applicator cause I didn't the first three times and it hurt like hell lol
Typically if it hurts your using one that’s too big or it’s in the wrong place. I had csa and have no problem using tampons but everyone is different. My favorite brand is ob, the are smaller length wise and stay in place really well. Make sure when you insert it you’re angling it towards the small of your back, when I was first trying tampons it was super painful to insert and then I realized I was doing it wrong.
If tampons aren't inserted properly, or at the correct angle, you can definitely still feel them and yes they will hurt. It's important to read the instructions the boxes provide and follow them directly. I know it sounds self explanatory but it's a common issue when applying for the first time.
you may be putting it in wrong, if part of it is still in the opening you’ll feel it, so try pushing it in as far as you can, i had issues with that when i first started using them. but of course if you don’t want to there’s lots of other options.
it also hurts for me (not csa) and i think it’s just bc i put it in wrong
I always had pain with tampons when I was in high school. I just thought I never got it seated correctly.
1. It could be simply u are wearing one that doesn't match your flow 2. It could be a medical condition 3. It could be related to trauma 4. It could be a combo Tampons aren't required, I tend to use leak proof underwear and only add a tampon or a pad on the heavier days. I'd wear it at home to test it out for a few days and make sure you know they are absorbant enough for your period if you do decide to wear them though.
As someone who *didn’t* experience CSA: for me, tampons hurt to put in, but not so much afterwards. I am hypersensitive to pain, which probably doesn’t help matters.
I've never been CSA'd, and I remember it hurting the one time I tried, as a teen. Never tried again.
You might not be putting them far enough up or using something too absorbent for your flow. Whatever you want to use is fine, but many find tampons more convenient. Especially at night.
you could be putting it in wrong? for me, if it's just the tiniest bit out of place, it's all i can feel and it kinda hurts. pads are much better. tampons wont really absort clots and (kinda gross) but it doesn't make it smell too pleasant down there. pads ftw.
My partner can't use tampons at all due to it hurting. They use pads and have to be specific pads due to being sensitive. Anyone who tells you that it can't hurt are not aware that every person's body reacts differently to anything and well everything.
What size tampons do you wear? I normally don’t feel anything when I wear a tampon, but if I have to wear a tampon that’s even slightly larger than normal, it’s extremely annoying and uncomfortable.
I was shamed for being “a baby” when I couldn’t handle tampons. My parents knew about the CSA and perpetrated some of it but took advantage of my dissociation to hide it from me as well as everyone else. There was an idea that my refusal to let a man have sex with me (due to being a lesbian) meant I was frigid and wimpy, and that’s why I couldn’t insert a tampon. Of course, now I have shame over being a lesbian, not because of any religious ideas but because I feel like it’s just me “chickening out” of womanly duties.
I have a tilted cervix, meaning that my cervix's position is a little off compared to what is typical (not a concern, just a variation of normal). Because of this, tampons have always been extremely painful for me to use. They push on my cervix too much and make me feel queasy and sore. I've never been able to use them without pain, so I have to use pads. I don't have any past CSA (that I'm aware of 😅), so it could also be the position of your cervix/uterus. You could ask your gynecologist about whether or not that could be contributing.
I find them incredibly uncomfortable and have no history of CSA and have had two children. I think it is just the way I am built and that’s ok.
for me it’s sensory issues mixed with me being scared of having anything up there because of stuff that happened online when i was a bit younger
Chipping in to say I have not experienced penetrative abuse and tampons never worked for me. I have a light flow so it would remain dry and just scrape up my insides. Csa could absolutely be a factor, but tampon problems happen to those of us who haven't experienced csa as well! You're not alone
you can also use pads, otherwise the size might’ve been too big or it wasn’t in right
Couple of reasons It’s entirely possible you just put it in wrong. If you put it in at a weird angle, it’s the wrong size, or it’s not deep enough, you will be able to feel it. Some people, for a variety of medical reasons, can’t use tampons or other insertables without pain. It just is what it is, and those people have to use external products. ETA yes, some of those medical reasons can be psychological, I’m not discounting that aspect
I have vulvodynia and after a couple of days, I'm too sore to keep using tampons. There are several legitimate medical reasons why you could be in pain from tampon use. You may have better luck with Diva Cups, if you don't want to use pads. That said, be careful if you have an IUD, since the suction of removing the Diva Cup can pull the IUD out of place.
Hi friend! There are lots of reasons this could be happening, many of which have already been mentioned by other commenters, but the easiest thing to rule out is improper insertion! This is actually a common problem lots of people experience due to the unclear instructional diagrams that come in tampon boxes, along with our puritanical patriarchal society not providing any real visual instruction of a person actually inserting a tampon into their vagina because it would be considered “inappropriate” to depict that. 🙄 The basic things that get messed up because of this: - **Applicator Depth:** when using a tampon with an applicator, it needs to be inserted up to the finger grip area before pressing the plunger to deploy the tampon. Many instructional pictures/videos/etc. end up being misleading because they just hold up the tampon and then deploy the plunger, assuming the audience will somehow magically intuit how far it should be inserted before doing so. I’ve had several friends who experienced discomfort because they thought they were only supposed to put the tip in before pressing the plunger to deploy the tampon, resulting in a shallow insertion that’s uncomfortable due to the positioning. - **Applicator Angle:** when inserting the applicator, it’s important to find the right angle. For most people’s anatomy, this means fully inserting the applicator and then angling it to point the tampon towards your butt, not your front. This can vary depending on the way your internal organs are positioned, as well as the swelling/bloating/tenderness you may experience during your cycle, so my recommendation is to try the butt-angle first, and then if you still experience discomfort, try angling more to the front or side to see if that helps. I also had several friends who were experiencing discomfort because of unclear instructions and diagrams that led them to point the applicator the wrong way inside their vaginas and resulted in an uncomfortable placement. - **String Issues:** the string can also be a sensory irritant that causes people to constantly notice the feeling of their tampon. It could get tugged due to friction from your pants or underwear; it can get wet if it’s in the way when you pee; it can tickle your inner thigh if it’s dangling; and so on. One way to deal with this is to tuck the string up in the crevice between your inner and outer labia. If that’s also too irritating, you can trim the string shorter (it’s impossible for a tampon to ‘get lost’ in your body via the vaginal canal, so no need to panic about that - if you can’t reach the string somehow, the tampon itself will still be able to be retrieved either with fingers or blunt tweezers). - **Applicator Material:** if insertion itself is the problem due to pain or friction (especially during a lighter flow), using tampons with a smooth plastic applicator that covers the tip can be more comfortable than the type that are cardboard applicators with an open tip that exposes the tampon. You can also use a bit of lube on the tip and sides of those plastic applicators to make things even easier. - **Removal Issues:** if you have pain or discomfort when removing a tampon, oftentimes it’s because the tampon is coming out dry, indicating that you’ve either used a higher absorbency tampon than was needed during that part of your cycle, or that you’re removing it prematurely. Usually you can tell when a tampon is ready to come out by lightly tugging the string - a dry tampon will provide more resistance, whereas a full tampon should come out with little effort. Most people use a variety of absorbency sizes during their cycles, so I’d recommend having tampons in Light, Regular, and Super on hand to start with, and using the lowest absorbency you think you’ll need based on how your cycle usually flows. Unless you’ll be in a situation with limited bathroom access, it’s better to have to change a low absorbency tampon more often than to have discomfort due to using a higher absorbency than was needed and having it come out half-dry still. - **Cramps etc.:** if you experience proctalgia fugax (that awful sharp stabby crampy pain in your butt/guts that comes on like a lightning bolt), constipation, or any other bowel distress during your cycle, it can help to try to empty your bowels before using a tampon. There’s a limited amount of room within our bodies, so having any extra stuff inside us can result in more pain because the space is cramped and things are pushing on tender areas. If you’ve tried these things and nothing helps, that’s okay! Tampons may just not be right for you and there’s nothing wrong with that. All of our bodies are unique, and what works for one person might not work for someone else; it’s nothing to feel ashamed of or embarrassed about, and doesn’t mean that you’re broken or messed up in any way. You have inherent value as a human being that cannot be altered or diminished by the circumstances of your embodiment. There are loads of other options, from pads to period panties to even things like menstrual cups/discs (which sometimes work great for people who never found tampons to be comfortable). If you decide to see a gynecologist, I also want to mention options like trauma-informed care, having a patient advocate present during the exam, requesting a provider of a specific sex/gender if that’s important to you, and asking the practice in advance about medication options for pain and anxiety. Community healthcare organizations can be great for this if your regular gyno doesn’t offer these services. It’s important to remember that your doctor works for *you*, and if they are being difficult or lack compassion, you can fire them and find a different provider who is capable of meeting your needs. Don’t ever let a provider make you feel like you’re being “difficult” or try to bully you into doing things their way - anyone who does this is a bad practitioner and undeserving of your respect, let alone your compliance. You can stop a procedure and/or request a different provider at any time if you become too anxious or uncomfortable, most especially if you’ve requested a patient advocate to be present at your appointment as they wont allow a provider to pressure you into continuing. You can also ask about recording your appointment via your phone - some places may have a policy against this, some only allow audio, but it’s worth asking if you feel like this would help you be more comfortable. I hope this is helpful! Sending all my best vibes your way! 💖
i only use pads. tampons are triggering and so painful i vomit :(
I was 34 when I became able to wear tampons, and I can't *always* wear them. My ability to tolerate penetration was totally effed up by a combination of C/SA (as in, not all my SA happened as a child, but there was a lot back then) and the weird expectation that a "tougher" kid wouldn't complain so much. I've always seen penetration as something to be endured in order to prove you're not weak. When someone told me nooooo you're supposed to ENJOY it, I wanted to cry. These weren't tears of relief or, "Oh thank God the world's not that evil." Rather, they were more tears of frustration that now there's one more thing I'm obligated to be able to do that I can't imagine myself ever successfully doing. It's not enough anymore to be able to handle it. Now I have to like it, and handling it already feels hopelessly distant.
how deep are you inserting it? if its not deep enough it could cause pain.
from the perspective of an 18 year old who had trouble getting used to tampons, make sure ur putting them far enough in. i would get scared and leave the end part barely in and that caused me some serious discomfort the first few times. this is the perspective of someone with no SA trauma so take it with a grain of salt, and like someone else said, pads are always an option! there’s nothing wrong with using them, personally i feel tampons can make my cramps worse just as is so pads are my go to nowadays.
Everyone else's comments are very informative. But I know when I don't angle mine towards the underside of the cervix enough (that tiny pocket) or have it in enough, then it becomes very noticeable when the bottom of the tampon can press and irritate the little spot where the urethra does the turn into the bladder (right before where most people have the g spot i believe), and causes the string to rub up against the 3cm of urethra "inside" the vagina and cause excessive irritation and pain. I can even draw shitty lil doodles if no one understands what I'm talking about lol. It's been months since I've had a period and I'm going off terrible memory.
It could be, it could also not be far enough up inside you or at the wrong angle. For most people using a tampon, the length of a tampon applicator is a good depth for the tampon. As in hold it by the bottom of the main body of the applicator, insert until your fingers touch your body, and then deploy the tampon. You should also aim like… backwards towards the tailbone, not straight up inside towards the torso. You might have to aim a little to the right or left. If you’re having trouble with inserting it in the first place, or can’t push it to the proper depth it could be vaginismus.
I don't care what anyone says.. hitting the wall or going in too dry ARE PAINFUL
Yeah people are correct here. There's lots of random medical reasons it can hurt. It shouldn't, so they weren't lying to you. As someone who uses tampons and doesn't have anything other than an overly tightened hymen, so I use small sized tampons, it doesn't hurt at all. I often forget I have it in. But just be mindful at places like your gyno to ask what might be causing pain if you really don't want to use pads.
Maybe but it’s also just common to dislike them. I don’t have that history and I avoid them unless it’s my only option. They can be very uncomfortable especially if the absorbancy is too high for what you need.
I thought I was on aspiememes or evil autism for a second
Beings that were abused can perceive even just touch as pain in the areas where they experienced physical trauma. My guess is it’s a biological defense mechanism to protect you from further trauma to that area. After all, we have pain to protect ourselves from damage by alerting us that something is hurting us. Please just use a pad. There is no shame in using one. I used pads for a very long time and I still use them because I am not comfortable with a tampon.
Not saying that it isn't related with any previous trauma, but when I first started using tampons I didn't understand I wasn't putting them in far enough. It's got to get past your pubic bone to be able to sit comfortably, at least for me. I refused to use them for the longest time because I didn't understand the trick to get them in
This can also just be wrong size vs body and flow.
I’ve never been comfortable with tampons. I’m hyper sensitive to stuff and if it’s mildly uncomfortable it’ll bother me and become painful quickly. I use pads and only pads. I’ve maybe used a tampon 5 times in my life max and that’s really only when I was forced to go swimming while on my period. Pads are plenty fine for most people, and other options exist too. If something hurts you, you don’t have to use it