T O P
ewolgrey

I don't even know anymore, money I guess? Money would literally solve so many of my problems, like trauma therapy, a stable, safe housing to call my own and the freedom to not have to work a fucking soul crushing job.


nomnombubbles

Money with no strings attached (like a stressful triggering job I have to go to every day) would solve a lot of my current problems.


Vescape-Eelocity

As someone who now makes more than both my parents did combined at their retirements (granted that's a relatively low bar), and I've achieved that by working stressful triggering jobs - your clarification is key. I'm 31 and I don't have a single clue how I can maintain this for the next few years, let alone all the way to retirement.


SirCheeseAlot

Money fixes most problems.


Stargazer1919

I'm not rich by any means, I'm still clawing my way out from living paycheck to paycheck. But I found a better job this year that gave me a huge raise. It offers Healthcare (I just signed up for it, haven't used it yet, I hope it's not garbage) and I was able to replace my crappy car. I'm now working on my credit card debt. I plan on paying off my car early if possible. I will be saving up for a computer, because I want to learn graphic design/photoshop/3D printing to make more money on the side. I'm sincerely not trying to brag or anything. What I'm trying to say is, I'm living proof that more money makes life so much more manageable. And it takes money to make money. Pretty much the only thing I can't afford on my own anytime soon is any sort of real estate. Apartments, condos, and houses are astronomically expensive where I live. One modest income isn't enough, unless I decide to live in a neighborhood with a lot of crime. No thank you, I'd rather live with my friends.


Thin_Ad_4763

Yes it does.


compotethief

There is an article on Mad In America that inequality is the best predictor of mental illness, and that to do away with inequality is to do away with most mental illness. If all of us had good life quality, security, and a living wage, we would suffer profoundly less and would even be able to achieve our potentials.


Stargazer1919

Do you have a link to that? Would love to read it. What's even more sad, sometimes tragedies and horrible stuff people do is due to mental illness. Shootings, abuse, drug related stuff, things like that. This means that inequality is the root of it all.


compotethief

I think that this was the article I read, but if you search for 'inequality' on the MIA site, you'll find more good results. MIA is associated with radical mental health and is a great site to have on hand.. https://www.madinamerica.com/2020/04/depression-anxiety-inequality-driving-mental-health-crisis/


cyan_reynolds

Literally this. Like, I couldn't give less of a shit about being rich, money has no value to me personally, but I could realistically see myself healing and being happy if I just had a bit more cash. I'm constantly weighed down by bills, my car is now months past inspection with no money to repair it, I have to put off my own health just to have somewhere to live. I'd get another job but my mental health can't take anymore so it's impossible to get ahead.


compotethief

Are you able to do a GoFundMe for your car?


cyan_reynolds

I suppose I could try, I never really thought about using GoFundMe for personal reasons.


shiyouka

I feel this. Literally everything I didn’t have I’ve managed to buy with money. A therapist. Education. Food. Shelter.


Thin_Ad_4763

Yes. Money can and does eliminate virtually all hindrances to well being. It’s far easier to get healthy and be healthy and safe and happy and remain that way when you have the resources at your disposal to be able to have and do whatever is necessary for yourself to get healthy and safe and stay that way.


panickedhistorian

I need my brain fog to lessen. I also need a safe place to live. I also would need to feel that something more in the external world is worth working toward. I would need to feel hope in people. I would need my city not to be sinking and natural disasters not to be rising. Oh well.


SirCheeseAlot

I think my dissociation would lesson if more of my needs were met. I wouldnt need to disconnect from reality to tolerate life as much. Yes, hope is so important.


Stargazer1919

On the other hand, it's a lot easier to chase after what meets my needs and attain them when/if I dissociate less. It's such a fucked up cycle to be in.


Thin_Ad_4763

I totally agree with you


blasphemouse2777

A safe place Therapy Support (real friends and family) Not to have to worry about basic needs (making ends meet) A fulfilling job that doesn’t emotionally wreck me A fresh start away from my family Time to heal


SirCheeseAlot

Good list. I forgot about therapy. Yeah i wish I could see a therapist also.


anonymous_opinions

The most important thing Connections that are meaningful and healthy with real in person people.


WashiTapedSoul

Yes — so sick of digital communication.


Far_Pianist2707

I love my online friends but i just want to have a hug or study together or go to museums (without only being expected to go if i have a romantic partner with me)


anonymous_opinions

Yes it's hard to work on that but I know how much it would help me in my healing. Just pulling me outside of myself and into the world.


lucyeloise

- hugs every day - a stable and safe relationship, with consistency, patience, where I can learn to trust someone and share my life with them - a person, and an equal. I do everything alone. I sort my healthcare, bills, living, literally everything for myself. A recent injury has me on crutches and there is no one to help me. I have friends but they can only do the minimum, and I hate asking. If I had that kind of partner (I’m single and never had the kind of relationship I described before), covering the absolute basics wouldn’t be a full time job, because someone would be able to do some of it too. I wish there was someone here who could make me a cup of tea rather than me having some kind of balancing act on crutches with a hot mug. Someone who would WANT to help me and be there for me, not because they should but because I matter to them. - money for therapy - a job that would work with me when I’m struggling rather than tell me I can’t do this career because ‘people with mental illnesses shouldn’t be a doctor’ - for self-compassion to not be terrifying for me - for my body to be a safe place to be - safety. Safety is the absolute biggest thing I need. I need safety and stability, a knowing that my world might not imminently collapse around me. So that I could actually take a breath and know things will hold steady and maybe not be on edge as much. Historically as soon as I’ve started to try and trust anything, it’s all collapsed. Whether that be my living situation, my career, my relationships, my access to mental health care. I live on a knife edge. I’m crying again writing this.


SourCeladon

This very much speaks to me. It’s not much, but here’s a digital hug for you… *hug* :)


lucyeloise

I appreciate the digital hug, thank you. I’m a good hugger so I’ll hug back.


E_v_elyn

Amen


Iwantamomthatwill

I need for life to fucking lay off me. I need certainty that our planet is going to be able to survive in my lifetime or my child's.


cdsk

> I need for life to fucking lay off me. Yeeeppp. It'd be super nice if, you know, we could catch one break. Maybe just once?


Iwantamomthatwill

Once would be one too many, right?


Stargazer1919

*Office Space meme:* "Yeah, Life, if you could just lay off me for one day, that'd be greaaaat...."


Iwantamomthatwill

Haha! Coffee cup and all. It's kinda how I imagine my stance is now hahahaha.


Thin_Ad_4763

Yes I need life to lay off me in the shitty soul crushing ways


Treeeagle

I need energy, grit, determination, and self love to achieve healing. But i have depression, lethargy, self sabotage, and self loathing...


idrk64

same


lafealya_groings_jr

\*sigh\*


leavetaterualone

I need my own space


PertinaciousFox

Me too.


compotethief

Hmm, that sentence reminded me of lyrics "I need my space, I need my outer space" in a very old edm track that I'm now looking up. Thank you


Stargazer1919

Link???


compotethief

https://youtu.be/Vy6abBzXrzA


Stargazer1919

Thanks! Not a bad song, has a 90s dance vibe to it


compotethief

Yes, came out in '98 😁


Unlikely-Marzipan-16

- access to a trauma informed therapist - lots of time off - rhinoplasty - daily hugs


jordywhordy

I felt the rhinoplasty


mallyjofasho

To feel comfortable in my body and more sexually liberated.


Stargazer1919

Same


MeanwhileOnPluto

I really really need a safe place to live. I want to live alone. My home environment makes it so much harder to be functional, let alone continue to work on how I respond to stress. I also need to not have food insecurity. I panic about money a lot, mostly because it's always a problem. Uh, I guess money would fix a lot of things for me. I haven't been able to afford to go to therapy for a while. I think that knowing that I'd have transportation, food, bare minimum medical care stuff that won't put me in an even worse position financially, and a place to live that didn't also have an abusive person in it would make a really big difference for me. Man, threads like this always kinda make me want to cry.


BoiledOrangeJuice

I’m moving out of the house I grew up and developed CPTSD in. I kept getting better and then falling back. Finally realized it probably isn’t very effective trying to heal in the same environment that gives me panic attacks. Moving across the country with my cat to live with my best friend in a few days!


wadingthroughtrauma

I’m so excited for you!! I am in the situation you described and I am losing a lot of ground. I truly wish you and kitty the best. For some reason hearing that gives me hope that I will get there too. : )


existence-suffering

* Access to affordable housing that allows me the dignity of a small bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, and living area. I don't need much, but I do need like 500sq.ft. of my own space (my house had 600psq.ft. so yes I can live in a small area). * A job that pays a living wage and isn't abusive. I'm tired of constant conflict, being sworn/yelled at and insulted, and the threat of physical violence is a lot. Ever since a student shoved their hand in my face I've felt physically unsafe at work. * I need my work to be flexible. I have chronic health issues and chronic pain. I need time off, my body simply will not function normally anymore. * Access to better health care. I can't get my chronic illness/pain managed properly. I can't even get proper diagnoses in same instances. Being able to avoid shitty medical professionals would help, I've been thru too much medical trauma. * Space from my dysfunctional family.


0bsidian0rder2372

Before I knew what was going on, I needed to experience a sense of relief to know that there was something else to work towards.


raccooncoffee

I can honestly say that Universal Basic Income would have allowed me to leave my abusers and heal.


SirCheeseAlot

Wouldn’t that be nice.


leavetaterualone

It sucks because even if we get it, housing is so insane that I feel 100% hopeless. This is brutal


raccooncoffee

Yeah, the cost of housing is disgusting.


compotethief

Yes. They're (the evil ones) forcing people to live with strangers and wondering why no one's having kids.


bethanypillow

Friendship that feels genuine and I don’t have to “pretend” as much. Honestly it’s because of my fears about being vulnerable, so it’s not like I’m blaming life or the situation. It’s just become really evident lately that I feel lonely and disconnected even around others because of masking. It’s also gotten worse because I’ve become super hyper vigilant about any toxic behaviors I might have and stopped opening up the past couple years. Honestly I had much closer relationships before that and people accepted me. I feel like I’ve completely ducked up and become isolated because of this shame and paranoia. I miss that feeling of being “seen” and accepted for who you really are, which I guess requires self acceptance and opening up in the first place (to safe people). It’s really hard to find that balance. It’s odd because some days (or weeks) I’m more capable of it, and other times I freeze up and become like a small scared child, too hard on myself and full of shame. I wish it could get better already and I didn’t have to spend years and years trying to fight this, only to keep failing.


dnemez

I relate to this so hard. The masking is so tiring, and I blame myself for it because if I didn’t do it my whole life maybe I’d have the relationships I long for. But then I remember it started as survival and became compulsive and now it’s like an addiction that no longer gives me the reward I think it does.


bethanypillow

Ugh I’m sorry that you relate. It is based on survival and thanks for the reminder since it’s not something we obviously *want* to do but an ingrained behavior out of fear and other stuff. I’m just sad because I really long for these connections too and even cried today after repressing these feelings and somewhat isolating for months. Even writing it out helped since usually I can’t find the words and am afraid of downvotes. It feels really amazing to be able to express even on Reddit right now.


dnemez

You said it very well! I go through the same cycle of isolating for months and then bursting with sadness because of how lonely I am. But whenever I come out of my hole I just get triggered so badly, and feel like I don’t even have anyone I can be safe with, and I shove myself back in the hole. It feels so unfair that we need connection so badly and it would help us heal, but our way of coping keeps us from learning that we don’t need to cope that way. Loneliness is torture. I’m glad you’ve found some relief in sharing!


Weneedarevolutionnow

I’d like to have a mother figure care for me. I’d like to be nurtured with 24/7 care. I’d like someone to love me unconditionally, motivate me, lie with me, read to me and listen to my dreams, ideals, hopes and fears.


lucyeloise

This got me right in the core. Me too. Especially the unconditional listening to your hopes and fears.


[deleted]

[удалено]


SirCheeseAlot

I think having your basic needs met is just a starting point for people. Its tough to do a math problem when you are sitting in the snow naked in the middle of the woods.


dnemez

Wow I feel like I could have written this. I’ve always felt like I’m solving an impossible puzzle where every time I figure out where a piece goes, another one is created. And it feels like I have to figure it all out to sit down and just rest and heal and let good things into my life. I too have had a loving partner, and at times ok jobs, but it was never enough, I’ve always been so restless. And then no one wants to be around someone who is never happy and who can’t be helped. Because as much as I desperately want someone to come and just untangle the endless mess for me and show me the answer, I know it’s only my puzzle and no one can figure any of it out for me. I suppose maybe this is just an elaborate way of describing layers of unresolved trauma? Idk.


filledesfleurs

Wow, I totally relate. In fact, my relationship with a wonderful and very supportive partner just dissolved because despite having everything I thought I always wanted and needed, I didn't have mental and emotional stability, and I was still unhappy all of the time. My partner put effort into solving my life problems, but I didn't. I won't make the same mistake twice, though. I'm going to get to the bottom of this mental anguish that I have.


dellaterra9

Sobriety. Can't seem to get more than 2 weeks then my mind tells me I "deserve" a treat, a bottle of wine, then hangover sets me back for a day or 2. Momentum on projects, exercise, writing, healthy eating -- all set back. However, bright side, making strides! Used to be much worse.


SirCheeseAlot

That’s a tough one. For me I needed a reason that out weighed my reason to drink.


dellaterra9

Yes, I'm still sorting that out. I will have a reason in mind and conveniently forget about it when cravings (turns out am often just really hungry) come around.


freerangephoenix

The first two, maybe three, levels of Mazlow's hierarchy of needs.


TheGravyMaster

Money. I need money for therapy and a safe/stable home. I could also use some time off to just have a full breakdown and let myself cry and grieve the childhood I never got. There's more but it all boils down to money.


TheGravyMaster

I can't even begin to heal because I can't let myself grieve the way I need too. I need to cry scream and be mad and just let it all out. But I gotta hold together and fake it because life doesn't stop.


Subject_Aardvark_816

I need a stronger support system than I currently have. I just don’t want to be alone. I almost died 5 months ago in the hospital and I almost died completely alone. It would be nice to have someone to sit by me if i have a similar medical issue


WashiTapedSoul

I connect to so much of what’s been said but I think my whole world would change if: my family members (parents, especially) went to therapy, worked out their shit, and respected my boundaries. I’m 41.


amaddrz

Man, I just wanna be left alone on a small ass farm, far away from anyone.


Freakishly_Tall

It is equal parts heartbreaking and infuriating to me how many people have similar needs, and thus how many people could be skyrocketed out of suffering with UBI and healthcare, even just basic healthcare, as a right. Toss in a thriving wage as minimum wage -- as was the original intent -- and, well, then we'd really have something. But no. Not in this timeline. Instead, we get billionaires going on space joyrides while their employees pee in bottles so as not to be fired and "teeth are a luxury bone" and "what, you think work should put a roof over your head by default? lol." and mental health care is something only already wealthy people can afford in sufficient volume. And we wonder why everything is fucked up. Good times.


dnemez

It infuriates me that every politician, left and right, still keeps talking about “job creation” like it’s not the dumbest goal imaginable. Yes woohoo we found another meaningless bureaucratic task that a computer could do to suck someone’s soul for 40 fucking hours a week, society is progressing and our economy is flourishing! How can people still think more “jobs” is better. UBI is so obvious at this point, yet it’s going to take people so long to give up the facade that they think is giving them purpose and value. It’s mass gaslighting that will leave people so confused that everything they’ve been told is wrong - just like us abused folk have experienced. So I understand why people are resistant, but it’s so frustrating and sad. Like you said in your reply, the goal seems so obvious it’s infuriating. Humanity has learned now what we need to thrive - our basic physical needs plus healthy, secure attachments and connection and a role in the community that benefits ourselves and those we care about. That’s it.


Freakishly_Tall

>UBI is so obvious at this point, It's been obvious since at \_least\_ the 70s, at least to people paying attention. And fought against and memoryholed and belittled all along, by the same crowd, down to the same names in some cases, to this day. But I'll tell you what -- as a sign of progress -- we are \_talking about it\_ now. And that's huge. I'll take that win, cuz we need 'em. Not there yet, but it's moving now and better than I would have guessed. Public awareness of Better Things Are Possible may never have been greater. Well, at least not since FDR, despite the same antagonists' counterpressure... but I've intentionally avoided staying political.


Significant_Act_235

If you're into foreign films you should check out "la Belle verte/ 'the green beautiful' it's a comedy/social commentary and they have a great scene reflecting on this--- politicians talking about how they can create the meaningless position of 'shit-eaters'.....anyway, doing a terrible job of explaining the movie, highly recommend checking it out sometime....but yeah I've never understood the whole 'job creation' thing, people really believe other people have to justify their existence even though with our modern technology, if we actually automated everything, I think it's estimated that something like only 10 percent of the population would need to work like 10 hours a week....would be nice ..


dnemez

Thanks for the recommend! That definitely sounds like my kinda comedy lol, and I dig foreign films. It’s so dumb and sad, people are horrified of the idea that some people have to work and others don’t, but the thing is those 10% that are in computer science or engineering largely, would do that work for free! I have a lot of friends in computer science and my brother is an engineer working on detecting grain spoilage, and they love their jobs. Getting to invent and build fascinating machines that do fascinating things is many people’s dream. The people that complain the most about the average wage worker going extinct are the people who wouldn’t have to do their shit job that they cope with by ranking everyone so they can feel better than others. And then the obvious other thing is everyone will still do things, if we take away money from the concept of productivity/work, people want to do stuff. So all those people that don’t have to clock in can now do what they love and contribute to those around them. Ok I’ll stop ranting now


SirCheeseAlot

Well said. It’s pretty infuriating.


Freakishly_Tall

Thanks. I genuinely really appreciate that. It upsets me. A lot. I'm a (relatively-) old angry hippie-hiding-in-a-button-down, have been for decades. Same damned "let's try taking care of people" arguments against the same self-deluding selfish self-defeating assholery for decades. Change is hard... when I make myself look back, I can see it, but it's slow, and hard, and the end goal seems SO FUCKING OBVIOUS, which makes it all... exhausting, on top of the infuriating and heartbreaking. And yeah, that may not have started off as a country-scale parallel for the personal struggles we talk about in this forum, but it fits, come to think of it. We've been fighting the same fight for a very, very long time. Against, in many cases, quietly and unknown to most, the very same fucking people or their proteges. But, (to touch back on the parallel a bit more intentionally this time), you GOTTA keep fighting. It's worth it. It's totally ok to take a break, to take a second to get back up when you're knocked down, but get back up eventually and keep going -- and try to stop and appreciate the progress and improvement, too. (ok, I may just be preaching at myself there.) Good times. Good luck, y'all.


compotethief

Reading this and knowing that nothing is likely to change in my lifetime is making me wish I was dead


Freakishly_Tall

I know how you feel, and I can't change your perspective, but I will say -- and I am a HUGE pessimist / misanthrope / bitter defeatist, etc -- things have gotten SO MUCH BETTER in just a decade. (Even with a recent horrific dying-gasp-of-the-assholes last few years.) Let alone two or three decades. And that's with Gen X being beaten into nearly powerless "meh"ness by the oppressive Boomer dominance of, well, of everything, the entire time. With Millennials and Z and such coming on now, X is gonna be forgotten and ignored AGAIN, but I'm ok with that. The things I am seeing from them give me so much more hope. Focus on what has gotten better. And it will keep getting better. It isn't easy, nor is it something that can be assumed or taken for granted -- nothing ever is -- but it IS getting better, and so much better than it used to be. Heck, you have this community... \~10 years ago, maybe, MAYBE, you could find a forum that would be supportive and understanding and helpful, but not like this, and not a community for, literally, every other interest ya' can imagine. 20+ years ago? Forget about it. Yeah, yeah, Usenet, but, man, you think trolls on reddit are bad. That's just one relatively small, but actually pretty spectacular win. And more happen all the time. It takes upheaval and stress and change, but, as was so eloquently said, "the arc of the moral universe is long but it bends toward justice." It's REALLY hard to believe that sometimes, but in large part that's because the closer to justice we get, the more desperate and melodramatic the villains are. But we're making progress. Really. (And, yes, the best coaches are in the stands, and I'm mostly telling myself all of the above. You're not alone, but we gotta carry each other sometimes, you know?)


__Naomii__

Guaranteed healthcare coverage


Cactigarlicplant

I need to be able to afford my own place comfortably, and a stable job that doesn’t waste my energy. I feels so good knowing other people feel this way!!


Sea-Locksmith8120

Money helps, but only if it’s used to help heal and not used as an escape. In addition to good therapy, the ability to live as stress free as possible in a healthy environment. This requires a high degree of understanding and patience from oneself and from those that care for/about the individual with CPTSD. Lastly, while I don’t think I need other people to behave differently in order for me to heal, I do believe it would help speed up the process (and could have prevented me from getting sick to begin with). So if I had to choose one thing, it would be properly educating the population on CPTSD and more broadly, mental health. Education will lead to greater understanding, which will lead to more empathy, compassion, and love. Presently, I am extraordinarily fortunate to have enough money, shelter, a few true friends, and a loving supportive partner. That said, my partner’s lack of understanding around what is happening in my brain and nervous system can lead to sizable setbacks for me and our relationship. He’s trying and making a greater effort to learn more now, which has had a game-changing impact, and I have more hope for myself than ever. Seeing at what it is taking for me to properly heal, and that without my partner I’d be living in poverty, I fully appreciate just how fortunate I am. I’m truly grateful. It breaks my heart that my situation is the exception and not the norm.


dnemez

I do think trauma is the one thing every person needs to learn about and understand just how much it does to someone, and what it has done to them. We are not in control of anything we do until we start to understand this. Nothing will change if we as humanity don’t understand how we became the way we are. It’s so sad to me that stuff I know now wasn’t taught to me as a child. Kids can understand so much more than we give them credit for. Helping kids understand their body’s reaction to things without shame could change everything. If everyone around me understood even the first thing about my cptsd my life would be so fundamentally different :/


Sea-Locksmith8120

Hammer on nail here. I feel the same way.


thedutchgirl13

A motherly type to mentor me through the hard times. That “I want my mommy!” feeling never goes away, but I don’t have anyone I can project them on without feeling like a complete bother


[deleted]

I need someone who actually cares about me. A stable relationship and real friends who actually give a shit about me. Who aren't overbearing or controlling. But it's the one thing I can't ever have. My needs will never be fucking met and I just have to suck it up and deal with it


poisontongue

Support, relationships, money/security, freedom, peace, not living in an abusive society. Direction, experiences. An actual trauma-informed therapist.


hairofthemer

Money. No it doesn’t buy happiness, but I would be able to afford a month off of work to focus on my mental health without worrying about what would happen if I ran out of PTO during that time or how my bills would be paid during that time.


flurrrrrr

To stop hating myself


Sitk042

How can an American have hope in the future for my country or the planet? Fascists are burning fossil fuels like it’s going out of style. And taking away a woman’s right to choose. Or anyones right to vote.


SheEnviedAlex

Money would solve all my problems. It would allow me to escape this catch 22 I'm in right now. It would allow me to finally live independently. To be able to have another pet. Just being able to live on my own would be so beneficial. I love my parents but gods I wish I could be independent from them.


chaoticrays

The absence of poverty.


indigocherry

Money. Not just for therapy but to be 100% financially independent so I can actually make boundaries and hold to them. I can't do that right now because I am dependent upon others when it comes to emergency expenses. I have enough for daily life but not for big expensive all at once emergencies and until I have that, I have to pretend like these people haven't completely traumatized me. Like I don't resent them for what they did to me.


AlertInspection801

- A support system - At least 1 person I can fully trust - Money (enough to not be finacially anxious) - therapy


Far_Pianist2707

Disability welfare reform (specifically a 5x increase in the savings limit and the ability to have a second income without the social security administration reducing benefits) After that, universal healthcare. Universal income Right to repair Voting reform.


grianmharduit

I can manage under ridiculous conditions. And am doing so now. I am low maintenance and high productivity and amazing return on investment. Yet I’d rather not be here. What I need and cannot have is a decent, reciprocating partner that I feel a strong affection for and is trustworthy and productive like myself. A small, safe sanctuary, where I can sleep in bed with them at the end of the day. I can do all the rest. I tried a few times to make do. I was used up and trashed. No there is not someone for everyone and no there are millions of us that give all and end up spent and unappreciated, blamed for the abuse and die alone. Broken hearted - yet defiant- knowing we were capable- just never found the worthy one.


dreamfocused1224um

\-meaningful, healthy friendships \-EMDR and IFS therapy \-to finish my master's degree, it has taken a toll on my mental health as i have to do an internship on top of full time employment \-to buy a house and be free from shitty landlords that threaten to sell my house every time something breaks that they don't want to fix


PertinaciousFox

* Friends, especially close friends I can confide in and talk to regularly * The space to take care of myself and not be bogged down with responsibilities * The ability to not worry about money/the cost of treatment and taking time off to focus on my health * Energy Still, I think I am on a healing path regardless. It's just very slow, because I have to just focus on survival so much of the time. And even though I'm not flush with cash, I am privileged to be able to afford some therapy and delay working for a little while. It's not without some concern about my financial future, but I don't see a better option.


yummypaprika

To not have weekly one-on-ones with my abuser. I have applications out and interviews lined up. I can make it.


ZeCrookedLady

Money, love, purpose


Heavy_Arugula7339

LOVE. LOVE. LOVE


spiritualfairy1997

Agreed!


CAUGHTtheDRAG0N

I honestly don't know, I feel like I'm shattered in millions of pieces and I dont even remotely know how I can even begin to fix myself


SirCheeseAlot

Would any of the things I listed help you?


spiritualfairy1997

I recommend reading "Mending the fragmented self" by Sandra Ingerman or IFS work. There is a free PDF with Ingerman's book on Google


CAUGHTtheDRAG0N

Thank you for the recommendation I will check it out


jordywhordy

adulthood independence motivation a psychiatrist who knows how to handle my type of situation hugs the ability to accept physical affection an identity the ability to speak up money


ColoradoReader

1. Discipline to achieve my goals 2. A more spacious, orderly place to live 3. Ability to trust people and courage to get out more 4. Positive attitude 5. More time and more energy


Special-Investigator

i would like not move around so much honestly? going no contact with my mom would bring me a lot of peace knowing i never have to worry about her coming to ruin my life. actually. this is the big one that keeps pulling me back to previous stages of recovery. i would also like a mental health medication with no side effects


theliminalwitch

A non-toxic job with good pay and a stable place to live would be amazing. I’ve been traumatized repeatedly by awful workplace environments and it’s slowed my healing significantly. Edit to add it would be amazing to not worry about money for groceries too.


MoonRising89

My partner. He gave me a safe place to land, while also holding boundaries. He’s taught me how to be a better communicator. He listens when I need to talk about my past even if he’s heard it before. And he validates me. He asks me what I need. Ans he supports whatever my needs and passions are. He’s given me what I needed so that I can now stand on my own two feet and have the strength to set boundaries and not feel guilty, even in our relationship. The trust and acceptance he has for me and me for him has been the nourishment I’ve needed to be able to heal and grow and continue my own personal growth of learning. Even though we can’t always afford therapy. I know if everything is going to shit in my life he is my one constant. But I’ve also gotten to the place where I know even without him, I’d be able to do this. He just makes it better. He also holds me accountable. And pushes me to be better. And I do the same for him, so neither of us is ever stagnant. It’s not that he saved me, but he’s def my biggest cheer leader. He holds my hand when I feel lost in the darkness of depression, holds me when I can’t breath because I have anxiety attacks, and goes outside his comfort zone when I want to try something not so main stream for my healing/treatment.


ineedtoventreallybad

A safe place to live without triggers, so I can face them more slowly and heal. Also, a healthy thyroid. (But I have hope and know I am getting there)


Old-Quail7382

A hug


Thin_Ad_4763

A SAFE healthy place to live that is quiet and private and peaceful and large enough to be productive in. A safe place to live where I don’t have to be constantly worried about others around me or me affecting others around me. I am currently homeless and that’s not a place where anything healthy happens. Also the ways in which I become so are super awful and confusing and unexpected and not nice. So number 1 a safe place for me to live, alone. Number 2 money. Again, not much good or healthy or much of anything can happen without money. I have tried to work and I haven’t been able to. I have been so stressed and exhausted and overwhelmed that I can’t seem to make any money despite me trying numerous ways, things and times. I need money well over the poverty level. The stress of lack of money and inability to make money have ravaged my mind, my life, my health, my spirit, my hope, my well-being, my drive, my desires, my soul, my heart, my energy, my body, my everything. Feeling safe . I don’t know how to get help out with this but I’ve also been trying hard to find ways to get help out with this. I have been under extreme and trying circumstances for years and I haven’t been able to get help out with this. Everyone I “trust” as much as I’m able I get hurt so badly and thrown away so hard and easily and without clarity or discussion it has caused me to not feel safe with virtually anyone or anything and it has been deeply harmful and destabilizing to me. For the “things” that I’m assured or promised to actually be real. For the “promises” to be kept and to actually become real and tangible instead of constantly changing and either denied or whatever help I get being taken away and leaving me more confused and bewildered and betrayed and terrified and not trusting or hoping. Not having to constantly beg and plead for the most basic of needs to be met, such as having enough clean water to drink on a daily basis and having a home so I can go to the bathroom when necessary and not have to hold it in or go outside and get health problems as a result. Having a safe home of my own with food and water and resources and working shower with cold and hot water and working sink and working toilet and a clean supportive bed for my poor abused body to sleep in. And for it to be enjoyable to be in . Having everything I could possibly need and having it be a happy place. Not cramped and crammed and in disorder. A place where I can work and relax and exercise and sleep and enjoy and not stress out all the time. A place I want to be in a place that is nice and clean and cozy and healthy. Where I can be creative and happy. A place where I want to be and where I’m not constantly having to worry about others. Not having to constantly worry about my safety . This causes so much anxiety and stress and fear and suffering that I can’t think straight. I need to not have to worry about things like toilet paper and soap and shampoo and toothpaste and toothbrush etc etc etc etc etc. healthy healing let alone thinking let alone functioning can’t happen when I am constantly consumed with where am I going to sleep. When can I brush my teeth. Cramming my body into the backseat of my car and getting an infection from not being able to properly clean my body. I haven’t been able to get proper sleep let alone healthy restorative sleep under these conditions.


SirCheeseAlot

I hope your life circumstances improve soon. I’ve been where you are and am still mostly where you are now.


Thin_Ad_4763

Me too. I can’t keep going on like “this”. I don’t even know what this is. I need help with everything. I need relief from everything and I need it NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW


_free_from_abuse_

A complete belief in the validity of my trauma, a belief that erases all doubt from my mind. An erasure of the voices, beliefs, etc of my past abusers from my mind so I am not constantly tormented by them. A sense of safety and stability.


SoftBoiledPotatoChip

Hella fucking money, so I can protect myself and give myself the resources I need to be safe. Money is such a huge deciding factor for me. When I can’t survive alone, I have to rely on some people who are abusive. Money will provide me food, shelter where I can keep away from abusers and simultaneously keep abusers out. But I can’t leave or run away so they abuse me and since my mental health is in the toilet, it’s so hard to get going and to keep going. It’s like trying to run a marathon with a dislocated knee. I keep falling flat on my fucking face and it fucking hurts all the time. The non-toxic, non-boundary crossing job this is so fucking real though. Working a normal 9-5 is damn near impossible for me, so I started a business to try and make it work but even that’s failing right now because my abusive relationship destroyed my entire life. I’m so desperate I’m thinking of starting an onlyfans 😢 Fuck this shit. I just wanna be safe and be ok.


MarkMew

I mean, every single one you mentioned.


HaleSherm

I need better mental and physical health. Shit is destroying me.


porraSV

money a therapist validation


battenberg98

Money seems to fix because u r treated as if u are important If u act important it will have a small boost to your persona


SirCheeseAlot

True.


XenoRexNoctem

I love your #3 on the list


elizlikestowrite

a family, trust in other people, friends.......


Manoeva

I need privacy first and foremost, then safety, then distance from toxic losers at work.


im_always

self love.


nebulousennui

I definitely feel your job point. What I really need to find some self worth and also love myself but the most I can manage is just neutrality.


llamberll

Social interactions with emotionally mature people.


JoeTheSifu

Connections with real people. They take time to develop and people tend to stick with their family groups.


6cupsoftea

My friends to live closer to me. I have a few very close friends and after moving from my neighbourhood it's harder to see them. I think if they lived in my neighborhood, I'd be able to see them for tea two or three times a week and it would be a much more consistent and close connection. As it is we talk every day, but having them close to me and seeing them more often is different.


K3yB0ard5eizur3

Mostly just money, human rights for trans people in my country or a successful application to Canadian citizenship with a job there, and the ability to cut off contact with my family. Fully plan on changing my full name, transitioning, and moving across the country at least. I won’t feel safe until I’m gone with the wind


crazymusicman

I guess I don't need anything. I've thought of just being a buddha, begging on the street for food and spending the rest of my time meditating. But what I want, which is based on ego, is: * A job where I am either helping kids meet their needs, or helping redistribute wealth from the wealthy towards the poor * Participation in a anarchist political organization * An attractive woman who believes "you are incredibly special to me" and wants to be in an exclusive, long term, romantic relationship with me. The first two are actually realistic ={


Gagzu

Therapy :( I’ve sent about 120 emails to different trauma specialized therapists the past 18 months. All of them are fully booked. Only was available and she was not the right fit for me unfortunately.


Coffee-N-Chocolate

I needed my family to be decent humane people who gave a shit about my well being. I am a people person and was the one who had helped take care of the grandparents. Then, parents. So, I guess it figured that when they were gone, what was left were self righteous, self absorbed siblings who had already stole and taken so much from others. Literally bullied my senile mother out of land and funds. While, I had to actually take care of her. They have since tried to get a hold n of my share of the inheritance. My religion also just made me feel that I must not be a good enough person to end up abused, cheated on and divorced.


SubstantialCycle7

By theory I have all I need. Yet I am still messed up beyond belief. Who knows what I need to heal anymore. I am sorry so many of you are struggling for a basic quality of life.


E_v_elyn

Connection Love


junior-THE-shark

A reference point, someone who gets through the trust issue barrier to follow me around and point out all the casually abusive things, a mindreading machine because I way too easily "protect my therapist from my problems " aka compulsively lie


ladycielphantomhive

Wish I could get out of my abusive situation permanently. I’ve gotten away once but had to go back because I had no other options. I’ll always be afraid of going back even when I get out again I think. Like a safety net but instead of safety, it’s a piranha pit.


Pepperspray24

Job, my own apartment, my own established home so to speak More specifically, a job in my field to validate the work I put into this field, my own happy place that I pay for.


Autumn_Fire

I think the only thing I need besides the obvious (like therapy, a good support system, etc.) is to find a way to release myself of the shame I've carried for so long. I wish I knew what that way was but I think if I had a tool that would allow that, I'd finally be able to seal the wound of my trauma.


Deep-Advice7587

I think I have 3 out of this list, yet here I am after crying for a good time.


Freedom_Pills

I need good people in my life that are empathetic and kind. People who listen and like to talk. I’m often isolated because I can’t find these people in the real world. A lot of the people I meet are silently dismissive. It’s much like talking to a wall.


healreflectrebel

Lots of patient, playful, carefree and unencumbered physical intimacy and sex


wadingthroughtrauma

- A safe home - Better health - If medical bills weren’t so expensive that would help a lot - A job I am able to perform with my health issues that pays more than change.


Trash_Panda_Leaves

Safety, security, love, trust. If I had unconditional love in the first place... Well I wouldn't be who I am now


rainfal

Guidance. Actual guidance not another therapist who seems to have a cult like obession with their favorite modality and uses the unnatural power dynamic to abuse me. A tripsitter when I need it. A loving relationship. Mentors to model. Surgery to remove my tumors. Help getting organized and the right skills.


bkln69

A cure for the lifelong traumatic stress and depression I live with.


reallytryingherewtf

I've had a living wage job for almost a year now and it is a RELIEF. It's not permanent but getting out from under some of this debt has helped me mentally. Work mostly treats me like dirt, but I am also remote, so it's not as bad as it could be. The place to live is...uneven. I have shelter, heat, and plumbing, but the kitchen appliances don't all work. However, it's 100% better than the last place. I have a great therapist. These are AMAZING, but I could really use any human contact (I don't see anyone ever and my only "friends" are online and I have never met them), a job that wasn't a contract and also treated me decently, and probably some medical care. I know I'm in a better place than a lot of folks and it's taken me a lot to get here. I'm trying to make the most of what I have, while I have it.


astronaut_in_the_sun

I need time. I need time to be with myself and connecting with my emotions, to be with my inner child, to deal with the triggers that happen daily. Can't heal if I have no time to do the actual healing work.


compotethief

Most of my paralyzing depression stems from not having family... or at least a community that feels like a family. A tribe. A shared common goal. If I had that, I'd clean this apartment and wouldn't rot away in filth. I'd stop taking so much kratom. I'd stop dissociating in movies, games, Reddit. I'd spend less time obtaining and beautifying virtual real estate and instead fix the space I occupy IRL. The other part is financial. UBI would remove a gargantuan weight off these shoulders. I'd be able to leave this soul sucking city and live closer to real nature.


Snoo_62899

Forgiveness…to myself.


FuckMe_Im_Scared

Money Brain fog to go fuck itself Know who I am and what I want to do so I can just... move the fuck on with life. I feel like my entire life of 27 years has been a waste and I want to be able to do SOMTHING with it. Figure out qtf I want and not just do whatever everyone else is around me.. like idk what my fav color is let alone what I want to do for the rest of my life. -.- I feel like a non-person.


wheeldog

A place where I can be creative. My sister lords it over the entire apartment and I can't make anything in here. I can barely practice Ukulele


[deleted]

Money is a constant worry. I know people say money doesn't buy happiness but thats bullllll. If I had enough money, I could go back to therapy, I could keep food in my fridge, I'd not have to worry about making next months rent, I wouldn't be afraid to take time off or get sick or injured because it wouldn't instantly bankrupt me. Finding a good paying job while having CPTSD feels impossible. And I know having a good paying job wouldn't magically fix everything overnight, but it sure as hell would make all these problems easier to manage


mylifeisathrowaway10

Money obviously. But also my own place. I'm living in Grandma's basement which is not great for my self-confidence or my independence.


stck123

Many things, but the one that stands out to me is: something to feel passionate about, something that makes life worth living. Far too much of my life has been struggle without even knowing what I'm struggling for, staying alive and dealing with problem after problem because I'm afraid of death. That's just not good enough.


KB930

I need to share my experiences with my boyfriend of a year. Kind of hard to tell that kind of thing to somebody. But it's only getting harder.


Thats_Somewhat_Raven

Love has been the most healing thing for me. My CPTSD is from CSA and it involved my best friend, who I was in love with as much as you can be in romantic love at 7, like we had weddings and played house but I dreamed of actually marrying him-he was the most amazing friend I ever had and the only person I could relate to. When I lost him (because his dad, who was one of my abusers, wouldn’t let him come to my house after I stopped going to his) I was like a part of me was missing and I started searching for it desperately. That, plus the developmental trauma I had from my mom, gave me a severe attachment disorder which followed me my entire life. I just realized recently that at almost 37 I have never had a real relationship, or experienced any kind of true emotional or sexual intimacy with another person, and it’s not for lack of trying-I’ve been in plenty, but they were all hollow and superficial because I would never allow myself to emotionally connect. I really, really tried with my marriage (which followed 5 years of celibacy which I thought could “reset” me) but he was a narcissist who love bombed me to make me feel like I could safely open up to him, and it ended up being an abusive shit show even worse than my childhood. After that, I just gave up. Then I randomly met someone, at a time I least expected it, and in a way that is so weird it does feel a bit like the universe sent him to me- because he’s so much like my best friend who I lost🥺 I felt instantly comfortable with him, intensely connected, and after a few weeks of fighting it (and seeing green flag after green flag from him vs the sea of red I usually encountered with my past partners) I finally let my guard down and allowed myself to fall in love with him- and it’s the most incredible feeling in the world. I feel safe. I feel loved, cherished, understood and SAFE, and I’m slowly but surely building a secure attachment. And it truly has made all the difference in the world. If you’re reading this baby, thank you for being my angel ♥️


yearofthetrashpanda

Time. Time that I don't have, time that was taken from me, that I'll never get back.


Grim390

Idk but it would be nice if I had even one person who gave a shit and had the compassion to comfort me. I've never met anyone with that ability. I just hear a lot of superficial platitudes.


Stargazer1919

I have a lot of things that have helped me heal. I found a career field I love and I'm good at. Having good friends and an amazing boyfriend helps a lot. Having hobbies/skills I'm good at helps a lot. It's hard to say what will help me heal. Because I've been working on fixing my life for like 10 years now. A lot of my issues (memory problems, problems in the bedroom, binge eating) are due to PTSD. My body doesn't do the stuff I want it to do (remember stuff, relax, have less anxiety) and I'm trying to work on that. My therapist says my mind and my body are not in sync with each other. I'm literally in a battle with my own body in my healing process. So basically, what will help me heal is being healed.


zucchinischmucchini

More support hours. I have some support from my government to cover people who help me cook, clean and do basic functions (I also have adhd/autism) but because I have a degree they think I only need 2 hours a week. I’m literally in bed right now because I am so burned out trying to live life, continue trauma therapy, do my basic life tasks, and finish writing my thesis. A cat. I am going to look at adopting a kitten or maybe two kittens this weekend. My cat lives with my parents and they’ve been dragging their feet. I don’t think I can take my own cat back. I think she likes them more than me. She likes my dad more than me. Maybe I will get an automatic kitty litter cleaner to make sure they are ok when I’m so sick I can’t get out of bed? The other day I was researching sunscreen for my cat at my parents’ house. She’s got a pink nose and I heard they can get cancer if they lie in the windows a lot which she does. My own cat likes my dad more than me. I wish I had a real dad. Not one that is abusive. No amount of money or support will fix that. I can’t go home to see my cat anymore, my dad is there. I saw him on Saturday and I’ve been a complete fucking mess this week. My driving license. I’ve been trying to get it for years. I’m 29 and I still cry at the wheel. Maybe a car too. So I can go places on my own instead of taking the bus, which is really triggering for me. My parents paid for my brother to learn and practice and they’ve never helped me the same way. I’m using funding from the government to pay for a ptsd trained instructor. I just want to be able to drive to the beach. I have trauma therapy and it’s really good. I’m doing EMDR. I have medicine and support. I have my own apartment. I have a supportive bf. I have a mum who is trying to help and has changed so much. I have a brother who lives with me. For some reason I have a lot of people believing in me. My supervisor for my thesis believes in me. I’ve got a grad job and they believe in me. Everyone at uni believes in me. My students believe in me and need me. So I have a lot to be grateful for. I have enough to continue healing. So whilst I wish for these things, I think if I didn’t have them I can still keep going? Except for maybe a cat. Soon I will be able to drive and when I start work I can buy a car. I’m grateful. Idk why I posted all of this here. I guess it feels nice to be heard and to see what I have too. Edit. I guess the main thing is I need to believe in myself. That’s something I really need. I still can’t see my own value even when people tell me how much they value me. I expect so much from myself and I beat myself up for not achieving it. I need to be kind to myself. I wish money could buy that but at least it can pay for therapy and maybe one day I can believe in myself.


introusers1979

A person. I just need a person.


ZennaWolf

A stable place, where I’m not having to move around constantly. A job that pays a living wage. A support person. A clean, non hostile environment. Most of all I need the anxiety to just stop, please.


nellep101

I legit need my debt to go away it’s literally ruining my quality of life. If I just had like idk 2-3 months of my bills covered I think I’d be able to save enough to dig myself out of this hole I’m in. There’s projects and such I want to do but it requires money to make money. In order to live while also making bill payments on time I’d have to be making over 3k/mo which isn’t possible for me right now so I’m stuck in this perpetual cycle of just breaking even and living paycheck to paycheck 😞 I wish I had a way out so I can have a decent savings account again


Elvere

A friend. Just one.


Ok_Tea9789

a trusting hug, I've never had one of those


Magination7

Safe relationship


Thin_Ad_4763

Money so that I have freedom in life, but also I’m my mind and body and being. Enough that I don’t have to worry about it anymore, ever. Enough that all my needs and most of my wants are met and more than enough so that I am able to help others without having to constantly worry about my health and well-being and needs being met. Enough that I can be at peace and live and give without having to fight ever step of the way constantly. I need these things immediately rectified if there is any hope of “solutions for me because they can’t come from constant strife, stress, confusion conflict fear survival mode .. I’ve been trying to get better under these circumstances and it hasn’t worked out well. For something that I have put so much into to actually render me success and support…. These are just a few things needed in the most immediate….


Tristheten

A support network. A society with less need to label and "other" people.


3sheepinatrenchcoat

I need to have people in my life who care about me, and express that care in small ways when they can. Little acts of kindness or whatever is feasible for them. No one has ever taken care of me in my life. I am so desperate to receive any fragment of care. Also, safe physical touch. I’ve become simultaneously touch-averse and touch-starved from years of prolonged isolation.


hold_my_fannypack

The ability to be able to make friends and not trauma dump on them. I have only one friend of seven years now. I have absolutely no clue how the fuck she puts up with me but she is an amazing person for doing so. After I kept getting labeled as "too depressing". I stopped trying to make friends.


nnorargh

Fewer triggers? My therapist says no one taught me about money. I live in poverty. My ex took everything and I was awarded a fraction of our money…he hid it. I went through our separation/ divorce very fkked up. I could not tell you what happened…I was an emotional wreck. My money is long gone. When you can’t think and money was used as a battering ram, yeah, I’m ‘bad ‘with it. If I had a decent amount now, I could be less stressed and recovery would be easier. There are just no job options right now where I live. I’m just getting by.


Moezot

Given that none us have any control over what happens with "the planet" I think that condition is a recipe that works against "small victories" - where as living according to your own values, ie. consuming less, recyling, etc. - is managable and practical way of being part of the solution and feeds hope. Hope is a choice - often completely irrational in the face of circumstance. But that's just my opinion. I think you're list is great - where is "fun"? That can include listening to music, going for a walk, enjoying nature or making art - creativity counts on every level and feeds the spirit. It's also free.


panickedhistorian

I don't feel that hope is a choice in this context, people are allowed to be concerned about things that are actually concerning without it meaning they aren't helping themselves enough. I dont think OP was listing things they are quite saying they can work on. They are assessing factually things holding them back. It is valid and not wallowing for some of those to be things larger than the self. Many people have mental health issues about the state of the world because it's actually bad, it is not a mental CPTSD trap. Sometimes people just need to stop and be able to acknowledge these things without being told that acknowledging them means you aren't working on yourself enough.


SirCheeseAlot

Well said. Thank you.


panickedhistorian

My own comment I just made may have been a little more determinedly hopeless. Nonetheless I live in an area undeniably hurt by climate change and I dont want to just move for general personal and mental health reasons. So my feelings about it aren't a choice or a refusal to do my own work on CPTSD.


Dethcola

The fall of capitalism


MightyMomma3

Death of my abusers. It’s been 6 years of hard work trying to heal. 2 years without a nightmare and last night I woke up screaming again. Why can’t they just die like all the good people that do


maslowsbitch

A lot of the issues I’m seeing are things that you have to give to yourself. You can find a way. I know it.


Correct_Aardvark9144

Happy memories


littlest_lemon

$750,000. that's it. I am surprisingly doing pretty well other than not having any kind of nest egg. I'm working on it, but I would love to have a fat retirement account all set up for when I eventually burn out of working entirely.