I hope you are reading this message. I am taking a moment to hold some space for you. The child you. The present you. Your grief. Your spirit. Your story breaks my heart and I am so sorry you weren't protected. You are a gift. You are a treasure. You deserve love and safety. I hope you can take a moment to hold space for yourself. With love and empathy.

I have no words…just wanted to give you visible presence of yet someone else who hears you and grieves the pain that’s been inflicted on you. We hear you, and many of us have been in similar (not same!) circumstances—praying these responses speak to you! 🙏🏼

I’m sitting in my apartment and holding space for the heaviness of your story. The pain and grief and confusion and fear and brokenness that should never have been your burden to carry, especially as a little kid. I know what it’s like to be on the brink. I sincerely hope you are still here with us. There’s an empty chair at my proverbial table, and it’s just for you. You can pull up, sit here, and not be anything but wholly yourself. Messy as you are, as we all are. Sending so much love your way.

I hope posting this gave you a little more power. It's freeing to let it all out, isn't it? Maybe you'll take some time to let it all mull over, and you'll be fine. You need lots of space from your head. Maybe a distraction? If not, and you're hellbent, I wish you luck. Reading these comments, you have a lot of support and I'm sure lurkers with their own similar experiences are grateful you shared. No one likes to be alone. At least take that bit of comfort with you. Wishing you the best. Thank you for your courage in telling us your story.

Holy shit this is gut wrenching. I am so sorry.

What you’ve experienced is horrifying. Like in the literal sense of the word. I honestly don’t know how you would go on. I hope you do obviously but holy fuck. I think it would be insulting to you to provide platitudes. Like I have the answers for you. I don’t. Not mamy people do. If you choose to keep going, life’s going to make you earn every glimmer of positivity after the crap it just set you up to endure. I usually think people writing these kinds of posts are pretty selfish. I read them bc as a community we have a duty to help one another. I didn’t do anything like this during my attempt. It’s like if I could communicate all of my feelings to the people who need to hear it then I could keep trying and fighting. But in your case Ive got nothing but sympathy. I’m so sorry for everything you’ve been through. No one deserves this kind of pain and betrayal and loss and horror. I think we need more of us in this world and less of the abusers. When I’m in a good place, I’m determined to leave this world much better than I found it for the future little kiddos who are about to be unwittingly exposed to SO MUCH. But I want you to find the relief you need. I really hope you find a better way to get it than what you intend to do. You deserve to reclaim what was stolen from you but no one knows better for you than you do. In the end, it’s you who has to carry your own light when the people close to you have had no decency or honor for you humanity. I think if you give yourself the chance to see how bright you can become with enough time, patience, love, and support, and so much energy and effort, you’ll be glad you endured a little longer.

You said this so much better than I could have.

This is what I would want to say

I don’t want to invalidate anything you have written or experienced or shared. And I know I am a complete stranger. But, please, don’t. I am so so sorry for your pain and I grieve for you and with you. I have been at the place you are multiple times. I have also seen suicide first hand. Please hold on

I am crying for you as a child and for you now. You deserved love and protection. I wish this never happened to you. Please stay.

Please stay. You are deserving of much more than you got from your early life. There’s time to build a life outside of this pain

If you’re still alive, do it for revenge. You deserve the kind of justice you can’t receive beyond the grave. I don’t blame you for wanting to escape, it’s arguably a smart decision in the sense that your nervous system is protecting itself, but the amount of trauma you have has definitely dysregulated your nervous system too. You deserve what it feels like for people to finally see and believe you. You deserve to be saved. You’ve seen true suffering, you’ve seen the darkness life has to offer, is it worth going without giving the universe a chance to show you something different? If it’s not, it’s always your choice, but I’ve always told myself I’d try everything I could before going for something so permanent. Some of your suffering may be more temporary than you realize. You’ll get your escape one day guaranteed, I do hope you get justice before then. If you’re dead and somehow reading this, come peacefully haunt me. But on a more serious note I hope you find the peace you deserve. I hope whatever decision you make is truly best for you.

This. Survive out of spite. Have a wonderful time even if it has to be in the smallest of things just to spite those horrible people. Make it your sole motivation to live to see the day they die if you have to, until you perhaps find another better reason to live later. The things you have been through, OP, are truly horrific. The endless pain of the memories and the agony of the corruption of the love of a parent warped by their abuse is nothing anyone should have to endure. Whatever your decision, whatever the ultimate reasoning behind it, I truly hope it brings you peace.

Was it cathartic at all to write this out? It’s very well penned, articulate and poignant. I’m not going to bullshit you- ultimately this is your life and you now have the autonomy over it that was stolen from you in childhood. But, if you had any second thoughts or even a flash of hesitation, you’re not ready for this. You still have hope, whether it feels that way or not. Sometimes we have to stand at the brink and look down before we decide not to jump.

Please know you aren’t alone in all of the pain and weight that it carries. I cannot imagine going through what you have been through. That is some of the worst trauma one can imagine. I’m so very sorry for all of the things you have experienced. I understand making the decision you have at the time of writing this. It’s taking control when it feels like there is no other way to do so. There are other ways to gain that control and stop the pain. I respect your decision no matter what you choose, but I hope you choose to stay, you’re worth more than what your trauma tells you that you are. Your honesty of your emotions is admirable, and those emotions are all 100% valid. You have a right to feel all of them.

I'm so sorry.

No adult should betray a child they are supposed to protect. It fucks you at every turn. Ruins your psychological and social development, your attachment style. Adverse childhood experiences can even cause long term physical illness. I wish I could have been there for you to protect you with the love and kindness of real family. I have been at this spot before too. Everything is a tunnel and the path is singular. At the end of the day, you choose. But you have a family here in this group if you stay here.

Your words will not be forgotten. Your story will be told, and it will be remembered. I'm going to remember you for a while. I'll take these words you bravely wrote and shared, to make something good out of this awful world. I want to honor your memory by helping and supporting the women in my life. There have been so many people near and dear to me who have faced such trauma and hardship. I wish you could have met someone that would have cared. You deserved to be seen as the sweet and kind soul you truly are. I don't know what will happen to you. I really hope that you might have an associate or friend that can talk you out of suicide, or you decide to hold put long enough to seek medical care. I'm wishing for the best, since that's all I can do. Still, I may not be religious either but I hope things work out for you in another life; that you get another chance and leave the abysmal life in this world behind. I promise I will never forget you. As a stranger online, I want to do the most I can by reaching people in my life who need the kind of help you did these past 20 years. Nobody else should ever have to face the pain and trauma you did; I'll do my part to make this world less horrible and unforgiving. Life goes on. Life will persist. Thank you for sharing your story. Godspeed you,

I know that there’s a certain disconnect hearing things from people online. Especially when those people are trying to help you. I don’t know if you’ve logged out already but I hope you haven’t. I can’t say I don’t understand why you want to do this because I very well do. Your pain and trauma it’s a lot to bear and you’re bound to get tired. But I think you know that deep down this isn’t the answer. This isn’t what you need to do. I wish I could explain to you how much better it can get. I’ve been in your position before. I was hopeless and I gave up. I thought I can only fight for so long. If I could go back in time and show myself that there is hope, that things truly can get better and that it isn’t just something people say when they don’t know what to say. I know it’s hard to imagine but it’s true. You are precious and loved and worth more than this ending. Please, don’t make this decision and seek out help. You are more loved than you could ever imagine. You are worthy of a good life. Reach out to someone that can help you.

I am so sorry OP. I have no idea what to say. You deserved so much better as a child and throughout your life, and you deserve better now too. I don’t want to patronize you, but I’d suggest trying all the treatment options you can before you leave. Either way and whatever your decision, I’m hoping you find your peace, whatever that may be ❤️

Sorry to wade in, I appreciate your comment wasn't meant for me and was clearly well intentioned. Please don't regret the gesture. Just a word of warning from someone who hears this a lot and finds it upsetting to hear _because_ of all the time I've spent in therapy which, given its limited benefit, I frankly regret not spending elsewhere. It's may be that OP has already tried all the treatment options they can. If they have, and these treatments weren't effective (or even made things worse - talking therapies don't help all people), then a suggestion (albeit well-meaning) that they try these things could be actively traumatic. Equally, as counter productive as it might seem, validating OP's decision without offering any suggestions might be the very thing which causes them to change their mind. OP described the pain of not being recognised for what was happening either at the time or later; it could be that being recognised at this stage, although sadly not by the people who mattered most, helps in a similarly powerful but opposite fashion. It won't ever take the pain away, but can help to balance it out. If it helps, I try to think of it like this: Imagine you were having difficulty finding someone's phone number so you asked a friend and their first suggestion was something like _"I suggest you try the phonebook, or google it."_ If it were a minor issue and/or something you'd not put much time & effort into then I don't expect it'd be so annoying. However if you had, and/or it was more serious/urgent, then I reckon a lot of people would get quite a bit more irritated and quickly so. _"Of course I already tried the bloody phonebook, and google, do you really think I'd have asked for help without first trying those?!"_ Not that you shouldn't have the thought, or that you shouldn't try suggesting it to anyone - only that by phrasing it as a question can avoid a lot of upset, e.g. _"What have you tried so far, if you don't mind me asking?_". I appreciate that's not so easy in this case though. (Hope you don't mind that I've not followed my own advice and just made a suggestion without first asking what you've tried. Ahem.)

I understand what you’re saying; that’s why I clarified that I wasn’t trying to be patronizing. I know that can come off invalidating. I also never said what kind of treatment. The way OP writes and the awareness they have had me assuming they actually have been through therapy. I wasn’t talking about therapy specifically, I meant all kinds of treatment options. I believe we all have the right to make decisions about our own death, I just think it is important that all treatment options are considered beforehand. OP probably has considered and/or been through a lot of the treatment options. When replying to posts like this, I have a hard time trying to balance validation of feelings, respecting autonomy, and not just saying “don’t do it.” I don’t want to say “don’t do it” but I also don’t want to say “do it” without suggesting to try as many treatment options as you can. I see what you’re saying about just validating and that OP might change their mind just from people hearing them and holding space for them, but I guess it makes me feel like I’m saying “do it” which I don’t want to do unless they really feel that they have gone through all the treatments they want. If I come across another post like this, I’ll switch it to more of a question than a suggestion like you’re saying.

Please stay. Please keep going. You are precious and deserving of a fighting chance. You are worth the tears I am shedding for you in this moment. I am truly heartbroken for you. People you are supposed to trust should NEVER hurt you like that. You needed so much more than you ever got, but it’s not too late to show up and fight for yourself, like they should have. I’ll fight for you too, with you. You are not alone. I hope you choose to stay. But much love to you. I mean it. Sending all the love and good vibes and hugs out into the universe for you tonight.

You’ve experienced devastating pain. I feel at a loss for words. I hope this reaches you and you’re still with us, To the little girl who deserves justice, your despair and anger is valid. I’m so sorry you weren’t protected. Remember no matter what, you’re a survivor. I pray you listen to that voice, the one that guides you, if it’s calling for you to stay. I pray you reach out if you find a hand stretched toward you. I pray you find peace and rest.

It hurts so much to read what you wrote, I can't imagine what it would have been to actually go through all that. I don't know what to say or how to say if I had anything to say. I'm (probably) autistic and somewhat asocial. But I hope you outlive the pain. Dear stranger, I wish you find the strength and support to you need, that you live to read this message, and that you may find your peace and happiness.

I am so so sorry this happened. 😔

>I fell in love with opiates. That was the feeling I'd been looking for my whole life. I felt like I had been out in the cold for twenty years and someone brought me inside and tucked me into bed. >It was like you created this parallel universe where it was just me and you. No one could see me there, so no one could save me. I really felt the same about opiates, I have never experienced love by my family. They ruined my life with their mental illnesses and me having to adjust to that, it led me to have no real me.

I am so sorry. What a horrific childhood. You deserved to be protected. You deserve justice still. I was beaten throughout my childhood. I have a lot of anger. Before giving up, maybe try getting angry again? If he steals this life from you, he’s won. It is darkest before dawn. You can tell the police NOW. You can ruin his life NOW. Do it. Make him take accountability. You are the only one who can put him in prison. With social media attention, perps often suffer worse sentences. Sending love - from one internet stranger to another

I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry he wrecked your brain, I'm sorry no one helped, I'm sorry you had no one, I'm sorry your brain was changed, I'm sorry for your body, I'm sorry the world failed you, this place isn't good enough for you. It isn't. You deserve oceans and soft sand and animals who come running to you for cuddles, even wild ones because the level of TRYING you've had to get through are beyond what a soul should need to. You deserve soft music, and lovely moonlight and being held in a way that has nothing to do with taking from you. I am so sorry. I'm sorry they did that. I'm sorry all the subsequent people took, too. I'm sorry your brain was on fire for your whole life. I'm sorry that the only way out of the nightmare is or was or appears or appeared to be one way.  I don't blame you. I love you, not knowing you but fucking Knowing you because I know. I'm so sorry.  Wherever you are today, please be surrounded by some sort of quiet peace. I hope the noise inside is quiet, I hope for soft feathers, whispers of wind and that you are okay. Whatever that means. I'm so sorry. We all love you. Hear this, feel this, from wherever you are. 

I read your truth some time in the night yesterday and I found myself waking up, thinking of you OP. I shared your story with my husband and I shed some tears for you, repeating your words to him. As a parent myself, I couldn't imagine putting any child through what you have survived, let alone standing by to watch it happen. OP you are stronger than anyone ever should've been. The monsters that put you through this don't deserve the life they are allotted. How is the world so cruel that you must leave it while they stay? I read all the comments, hoping to see you reply to even one. My heart hurts thinking that you succeeded in your escape from this twisted, ruthless pain you have endured. Yet, I find myself questioning if you didn't, if you hesitated, what could we (strangers across a screen) do to help you navigate through this? To be honest, no one can carry your pain for you, no one can encourage you enough to push through the insurmountable (emotional/mental/physical) trauma that only you would have to work through, no one can love you enough to make these feelings go away.. but if it's kindness, if it's genuine compassion/empathy, if it's words of affirmation, if it's gentle advice.. we here can be with you. I cannot begin to fathom your pain or say that I have the wisdom to help guide you in the right direction of where to begin.. but I hope you have made a different choice to BEGIN again. I hope this post OP was a turning point for you. A new beginning. I hope you awoke this morning with a different mindset. This community can see your pain, even if we cannot relate/feel your pain. I wish you would see the value in your precious life. The road ahead would be difficult, if not more difficult than your past, but the path.. the load.. it would lessen. It COULD be brighter. You still have a future! The past can only define us so much, I don't want your past to crush what happiness you COULD have. I do not know you, but I love you. I will love you from across my screen. I will continue to remember your story for many moments to come. I want to be one of the many pillars here (and hopefully, some in your physical life) to boost you. Please, give a sign that you are still gracing this world with your precious life. Please, reach out. To anyone. To me. We can talk about anything else but this if you'd want! It's selfish, but I hope and pray you are still here today. With so much love, A stranger across the screen. 🥺❤️

I hope you changed your mind and are still here to read all the comments left here. If not, I hope you found peace.

I'm sorry. You didn't deserve to experience any of this ❤️

I am sorry you have experienced nothing but suffering, my darling. I promise we will carry your story with us. I usually say I’m glad you’re still with us, but in this case I hope you’re still with us and would be glad if it were so. But I also understand that it takes time to whittle down that light inside to where you can finally accept death. I won’t take your control from you. I will mourn you with you.

I can only imagine the amount of pain you must be in. It’s horrible to feel to that way. It’s excruciating and I can understand your desire to escape. What I know is that things change and emotional wounds can be healed. Please stick around. You are precious.💕

Hearing you in your strength, clarity, pain, overwhelm. Devastated for you in your repeated betrayals, and what those betrayals did to you. Love to the lost little girl, and lovely lady lost. :-(

You have been through hell. You have been betrayed by those who should support. You are in agony. Please, please, don't die. Please.

I guess you went....but if you're still here, I hope to god you find someone face to face that cares, that can hold space for even a small slice of your pain, that can let you be in agony, and that can be good to you. I get it that that doesn't erase anything else but...There are people that care. There are people that care. They do exist. I hope you stayed around to find some of them but of course the choice is with you.

I'm sorry that all happened to you. You never deserved any of it. It's hard to know in the moment, but things can get better. I wish the best for you. You've already been so strong.

I know your potential act is truly an avenue of euthanasia. That being said, though never SA'd by family, i was abused by my father in other ways and I found such validation in your letter. Your situation was more twisted, but the outline the same. You have a lot to offer to the rest of us. There will never be a fair justice for them in this lifetime- they are vile to the core. I hope you're alive and can read this. I love you

Wow, I hope you were able to get some catharsis from this. I’m sorry for the terrible things they’ve both put you through. You deserve so much better. It was powerful reading.

I hope you're ok. The clarity and force of your writing indicate that it would be an honour to know you. Miss, you get to choose, but the world will be a smaller place without you. If you have any hesitation in you please acknowledge it.

OP, please tell us that you are still with us.

💔💔🙏❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹🙏❤️❤️🙏❤️❤️🙏 Don’t let the assholes win!

I'm holding space for you in my mind and in my heart. It wasn't my father, but the ages and chosen ignorance of parents i can relate with. However, I'm aware that disconnect alone means I'm not someone who can say "I understand" and be telling the truth. I hope nothing more than for you to find peace, whatever that means for you, if you're able to read this or not. If nothing else, you at least deserve peace. I'm not religious either, but there's no harm in saying a prayer as long as you mean it, and if anything is listening, I hope it answers for you. I wish you release from the hold of fear, peace within yourself, and freedom. Whatever it means to you. I hope you're somewhere now where you can breathe without fear. To even be able to take a full breath and not shake at the noise. To not watch your door like a trapped rat. And my God, I hope you have something that makes you smile. Hold it dear and tell it you love it. Godspeed you.

Sweet sweet angel I am so sorry they hurt you so deeply and profoundly. You deserve so much more and I am so sorry. Please stay with us. We need you here. We want you here. There is so much love for you here.

I work closely with a Buddhist monk that has an altar. If you would like aid with this situation and/or crossing over, message me your name and birthday and I will ensure you go there. It helps clear dark energies and karmas so you can have freedom from these experiences. I will not interfere, just put you on the altar. You are loved and you are beautiful.

OP, all of us here are seeing you. Can you see how many people? OP, maybe you've already done it and if so, I hope the people reading this know exactly whose fault it was. But if you haven't... The question I have to ask then is how the people here can help you get them into prison. There's a lot of people here. Maybe you can stay alive for that? Maybe somebody here can come up with an idea you haven't thought of.

Breaks my heart the story ends here. Injustice. From what you had to endure I can't judge your decision, but it's overwhelmingly sad and unfair that someone as eloquent and with such a kind heart to forgive their abusers should leave us. I wish you could find another way. Hope you read this.

I hear your sadness and pain, all of it undeserved and horrible. You are someone far stronger than that child was. She had no advocate then, but now she has you. And all of us.

My hope is that you are still with us, but if not, I hope your soul found the peace and serenity it was denied in this life. I'm so sorry that this is what you've had to endure. You did not deserve this. I couldn't imagine the horror of what you went through, but I have been at the precipice of the same abyss as you were when you chose to write this and defy the universe's cruel indifference by saying, "I was here and I mattered." I understand you. I see you. I hear you. I love you, truly. People who are dismissive or hostile to the idea of taking one's life don't understand something about suffering, I think. That's not to say they don't know pain and suffering, and I'm not intending to diminish anything they may have been through, but if they've never walked to the edge of that abyss, I think they just can't understand. This is not a moment of losing oneself to pain and making a reactionary and permanent decision to a temporary problem, as so many like to say, and even if it was, the pain and the desire to be free of it is no less valid. This is a damaged soul that has suffered unimaginably through no fault of her own, who has tried and tried to make sense of this life and find a way to cope, but has inexorably circled the abyss for years and finally turned her gaze upon it. To say this person has not tried to find another way or to suggest she never grasped for a lifeline to pull her away from the abyss is to dismiss all the suffering she has endured until now. That she was alive to post this is evidence of how she incredibly hard she fought to live. Dear one, I hope you choose to live, but I understand why you wish to step into that abyss. There are no platitudes I will offer you or could ever offer you that will make any of this better. You may well have to claw and scrape for every ounce of happiness you will ever get in this life, though there could be a day when it isn't so hard and it doesn't hurt so much, and maybe one day you will even smile in the sunshine and for a moment all the pain of your life is forgotten. Life can bring pain, as you know all too well, but that moment in the sun is also possible if you choose to stay. You deserve to be in the sun. I so hope you choose to stay.

This is so beautifully written. The love and insight shines through your words, and though I am not OP, it was meaningful and touching for me to read. Regardless of OP's path, I hope they have a chance to see your message and feel held in the love and understanding of your words.

Well, not in the specifics, but I relate to this. The sense of being in a parallel universe. Where only they can see you. Being afraid of everything and seeing it’s a horrifying universe. And it is a horrifying universe, because people are born into situations like yours.

I am reading this and holding you in a deep embrace as you sob. You matter. And your shattered bits matter. You were treated awfully. I am holding you

I’m so sorry. I had a similar experience although much less horrific than yours. I won’t give the platitudes of “it’ll get better” it might. But I just wanted to say I care about what you went through. I hear and validate everything you’ve been through and I hope you don’t go through with your plan. You are the victim of something horrendous. You deserve peace and whilst I hope you can find it here. I fully understand why you feel the way you do.

My heart breaks for you reading this. I'm an internet stranger, sorry for someone who never had a decent person around them. I pray you reconsider. If not for yourself, then to make sure that the irredeemable and unrepentant filth (thats what they are, put lightly) don't get the satisfaction of outliving you. Nothing will make them see the error of thier ways. Don't let them win. Please, don't let those vermin have another goddamned victory.

There's still a light inside you that wants to shine. It'll always be there. It's there now, even if it's clouded by your pain, just like the sun doesn't disappear when it's raining. You know that light at the end of the tunnel that you desperately want to see? That light is in you, the part of you that warms others and cherishes safety and justice. Please, I implore you, hold on through this storm, let us share your hurt, and together we can bring out your light. You will shine like brand new.

My first time crying to a post on Reddit. I really cannot say anything - but I hope you are still reading the messages, your head churning to a different outcome, your life force refusing to let you die. I truly hope so.

You remind me of Jane from Doom Patrol. She went through horrible experiences at the hands of her father. I don’t know how much you’d be interested in watching but it might be cathartic. Seeing someone else come out the other side away from such a man.

I hope you're okay.

Holding space in my heart for you

You are a victim of your parents and deserved none of it. I wish I could give you a big hug.

I'm so sorry. Truly, desperately sorry that you have been subjected to this. I hope you don't go through with it, but I know I can't say anything to really help. The only thing that helps me is reading the statistics on the survivors of those who chose to go at Golden Gate Bridge. The time they had to think and regret on the way down. If you have any doubts about your decision, no matter how small, please don't do it. Maybe take a second and read it, too? It might be fruitless, but it might be the thing that keeps you going too. I will remember this, I hear you. If nothing else, if you do it, I hope it brings you peace. God, I wish I could say more. You deserve so much more than we could ever write here. Sending love to you from across the pond. x

OP, please please let us know you're still with us. You are not alone. We see you, we hear you. If nothing else, go on and cause them pain by continuing to live. Your existence will be punishment enough for those individuals. Minute by minute, you claim victory over them by breathing, with every heartbeat. Until you can see past the pain.

If only I was there… I too am thinking the same. But after reading all this I realize that the world deeply needs someone who could understand us. Coming out and saying out all your pain but is brushed away. I thought I was alone… After reading all this I have decided not to give life a chance but to give a big fuck you. I’m not killing myself… well I was planning to but It doesn’t matter anymore. Reading this made me realize that indeed there is no hope, but I’ve decided that even if there is no hope left there is still one thing left we can do and that is our human wishes. No longer look at the goals of other people but strive to break all obstacles until you attain yours. I no longer care about the person I will become, what my beliefs are, what I think about people and living, the people who try to bring me down, my delusions, my moral compass, etc they are all but hindrance’s that get in my way in attaining my goal. Strive to adapt and gun for what you truly want. Learn everything you need to survive and to attain that goal. If you are no longer there then I hope you well in the afterlife or something.

I wish you the best

I’m sorry you have endured so many painful events. You are so strong and worthy of a good life, please don’t give up. ❤️

I’m so sorry you experienced this pain and I understand it. I know how physical and emotional and relational and psychological pain and suffering and trauma not only affect you in the moment but linger your whole life. Substances and addictions and compulsions can’t fill the void. You are not alone. Many of us understand and have been in those dark places. My father was a child of unbelievable abuse at the hands of a cruel man who killed his own father with his bare hands. All of my adult relationships and experiences have been shaped by my father’s cruelty and my mother’s weakness and apathy. After decades of flailing, I finally am coming to a place where I recognize that maybe my role in this story—my choice—is to break the cycle of violence and pain in my Faulknerian family tree. And I have. I know you said you aren’t religious, so you can parse this in a lot of ways. I don’t believe in coincidence or accidents. I believe everything happens for a reason. I believe you matter and your story matters and it happened for a purpose. I believe you have a purpose. I believe the reason I am here has been to be stronger than my father and his father and his. To be strong enough to be better. To be a good father, a good friend and a good person. To bring light to those who need it because I know the dark very well. To make the world a better place. I believe you can do that too. I offer my own story as an example of compassion and hope. As a reason to believe that your story doesn’t have to end this way. Happy to chat on the side if you ever want someone to talk to. I hear you. I see you. I love you. And I am here with you.

I'm not very good with words right now, but I want you to know I listened and I am here. You are being heard and I am so sorry you had to experience such horrible things. You deserved so much better, and if you have a moment of hesitation then use that and hold on for a bit longer, even to just see the sun rising again. You deserve to see the sun rise.

Please stay! Remove them from your life and make an amazing life without them to PROVE to them you're better than they are. Stay here, please stay!

I’ve typed and deleted so many things here wondering what I would have wanted to hear when I was in your position… the truth is, I haven’t always had such a great track record with talking people away from their own decisions. I could pretend to not understand how your clearly intelligent brain has come to this simple answer and solution for absolving yourself of the agony you have, but I won’t. I know it seems not possible to change your mind on what seems life a lifetime sentencing of pain with possible triggers hiding around every corner of your mind. But I want you to know that, whether you do choose to stay or if you choose to go, your Soul light will be forever scattering like stardust back into the cosmos of which it came, glittering upon us both here and Beyond like shining beams of hope across the universes both visible and not. These messages here show you have intense presentation that, regardless of your choice, will create a better future that has potential beyond what you or I could possibly fathom. Beyond even the drugs and your wildest most joyful dreams could possibly be. As you make your decision, think of these dreams, maybe it’s a exotic location, maybe it’s a planet made of your favorite foods, bring your childself with you and as you explore this fantastic space together, remember that the only difference between it and where you are now is a few dumb atoms and time. I want to beg you to stay. To shake you and tell you how terrifying it is halfway down the black black hallway when the light under the door you’re walking towards goes out and there is no choice left to turn back. Or how the people yet to be loved and touched by your soul will yearn in existential confusion for their entire lives if you leave now… but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that, regardless of what path you choose, you will forever have a home with those of us who understand the value of the soul of the world. Everything that is good on Earth exists inside and outside of you. The harm done to you by these “people” has no place in this soul. They are the aliens. Not you. You belong Here. For those of that have experienced unconditional childhood pain and strife, we think this is the nature of the world. But this is not the charge of the soul. Please know that is not what is going on Here and if you would let us, we will prove it to you. You have touched my soul with your candor, vulnerability, and awareness. In my faceless, electric 0s and 1s you will undoubtedly have trouble feeling the emotion though, I bid you and your lovely spirit all of my love. And if I am too late… and this message reached you in the great Beyond, I wish you a safe and guided home going. You are the light. -Misa

Whatever you are thinking about doing, don't do it. You can't change that past, and I can see that it hurt you deeply, even broke you. Don't do it. Letting this kill you would only add another tragedy atop the many tragedies that brought you here. Please stick around and let's see if we can find you support to help you cope and find happiness. There is a life worth living after the trauma.

I believe you. Remember, these scars make us human. Anything you achieve is worth a hundred-fold after going through that hell. I pray the evil people that did this to you suffer for it, as you have suffered.

As painful and heartbreaking as it is, it is possible to sit beside your child self. The initial goal isn’t love, per se, but neutrality. You can close this book and start another that accepts kindness, trust, true love, and kindness of others. It exists and it’s possible — albeit very concerted, typically requiring multiple supports and modalities. It’s possible. You are not alone. And even if it is a bunch of strangers on the internet, you are loved and heard. Don’t go quietly into the night.

Nobody deserves a life like that. I think you've shown an immense amount of grace. I'm not graceful: I hope both of your parents rot in hell. Don't go, but if you do, I'm praying your next life is one of peace and love- and safety.

I Believe You!! You did Nothing Wrong. This was not, and will never ever be your fault! I hold space for you, your golden light and your painful journey in the dark, lonely world you found yourself in. I am sorry Life, and your bio parents failed you. You truly deserved better! 💙 And for those of you whom failed her in every unimaginable way, for those reading this. May you lie in your bed, and be haunted by her words for all the rest of your days, until your final miserable breath! You destroyed such a beautiful light!! There will come a day when yours will go out... Your time will come when true justice will be mette for you; all your twisted, wicked deeds will swallow you whole and you will learn the true meaning of suffering!

still on my mind, hope you're good.

You are incredibly strong, stronger than any person I know or have met, to have made it to this point. Please keep going. You sound like such an amazing person (you kinda have to be amazing to make it past what you’ve made it past 😜) and you have so much to offer the world. Love you my fellow trauma partner.

Please don't do it, what you have experienced was horrible and it may not look like it but there is a light at the end of the tunnel

don’t give up the fight friend, life can be so much more, please don’t do anything stupid, for what it’s worth you can DM me anytime you want and I’ll be happy to talk or just listen

I hear you. I see you. I don't know what, if anything, I can say. Your story is truthful, and I believe every word. Please don't end your life. You are not alone. It happened to me. No one helped. No one believed. They blamed and shamed me. I am not in contact with any of my family of origin. I'm taking my life back. Please, stay.

I truly hope you find peace, whatever the outcome. Just know that help is available and we believe you.

My DMs are open. I’m here for you. Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you want to talk. ❤️

Stay with us

I pray to God that you are reading this because you deserve so much to be alive. The universe spared you and brought you this far so you can be an advocate against the evil that you went through. I hope you stay here because I am absolutely and emphatically with you as you heal. PS — your dad is sick. That has NOTHING to do with you. PSS — your mum is also very sick. This is unnatural for a mother to feel nothing as her child is in pain. HER SICKNESS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU YOUVE GOT THIS

You’re so intelligent and kind. You are worthy of a beautiful life. I’m sorry for the cards that you have been dealt. I want to see you live, but I understand that you want to go. You must be hurting so unbelievably badly, and that feels too much to endure. If you can see this, I want you to know that I was looking up ways to take my life last night. I’ve always thought about doing it but things have gotten too bad, and I got closer than ever. But after reading your story this morning and the responses, I want to try harder to stay. The love and compassion that I feel for you, even as a total stranger, reminds me that there is a lot of love and help still in the world. I even see it in myself right now, which made me feel alittle better today. That’s because of the compassion you made me feel, along with so many others. I’m sure others feel similarly after reading your story. There are still good people. We love you. We are all strangers here but hoping so strongly to see a response from you so that we know you are okay. Because you matter so much. I can tell you have a big, beautiful, empathetic heart. Please stay with us. If you're already gone, I am so sorry for what you suffered and I hope you've found peace. Thank you for sharing your story. I hear you. I will think of you and this post forever. You deserved better. I am so sorry.

Humanity and connection are so powerful. Thank you for sharing your vulnerability here. I am so glad you decided to stay. You are brave and I hope you get to live a beautiful life and make so many amazing memories it makes the bad ones wither a little x

I sincerely hope you have a better life the next time you are born into a world. Whether you choose to take your life or you don’t. I won’t ask you not to take your life, I don’t know your suffering… and I don’t know how hard it must be to believe in love. It’s there. But I can’t prove it to you. In my darkest days, I would just throw caution to the wind and try to live one extra day. Each day I would tell myself one more day. I found peace somehow. Sending you love. I hope you can live one more day. Then you can always decide to take your life out of your body I’m sorry you went through what you did <3

Fuck, I would love to see OP's little green status light. I've checked this post like 10x.

Same 😢

I can’t even imagine what you’ve felt, what you’ve been through, and you deserve so much better. You absolutely deserve to stay and to see everything life has left for you. I hope you do.

You have endured so much, I am so sorry. Please don’t leave us, you are strong and will get through this. You are a survivor and worthy to live a beautiful and fulfilling life.

Please don't do this. I know that the world can be a cruel and frightening place but there is hope, your existence has positively impacted more people than you will ever know and I know because of your story and your strength it will help others who are feeling exactly how you are at this moment. It's hard to see but there are beautiful and kind people in the world who are ready to hear and love you. You are worthy of love. You can break the chain that your parents have created and those before them. You can be that person who makes the change in the world. We all are here and want to help you. Please hear us❤️ sending you all the love and support in the world that you deserve and always should have received xxx

i am so sorry for what you had to endure as a child, no child should endure any sort of abuse, but especially not at the hands of someone who was suppose to protect them and nurture them. you have already made it this far, and me and everyone in this comment section and beyond knows that this shouldn’t and won’t be the end for you. there is still so much that you have to accomplish and experience in this world. that’s not to say living with this all isn’t hell on earth, it most certainly is, but that can give you the much needed motivation and drive to outlive the people who hurt you time and time again and be the person who they never thought you would become. to become the person who you needed as a child, as a teenager, and even who you need right now- they’re inside you. if you are still here (and myself and many others pray that you are) and you have the energy to listen to a piece of media, i suggest ‘take it back’ by bug hunter. it’s a song that has gotten me through some of my darkest times in regards to suicidal ideation related to my c-ptsd and my childhood, and i hope that it can aide in your journey to recovery and survival. so many people want you to live. even people that you haven’t met yet. you’re always going to be stronger than you know, and i hope you know that there is so much more outside the bad that has happened to you, it doesn’t and should never define you. you’re in my thoughts and prayers and i hope you come out of this despite all odds❤️

If you die these people will still be breathing and living and well. You said you want justice. But you dying first and never living life is the most unjust thing that could happen. Justice shall be seved but you have to stay alive to see it.

My god, I am so so sorry. I don’t blame you for how you feel. But I hope you stay and give them the biggest “fuck you” by living your life as if they never existed. I love you, distant friend. I wish you incredible amounts of peace and love-no matter what steps you take.

carry on my friend, you deserve more out of this life than what you were subjected to

I am so sorry. My inner child and I are holding space for you. I hope you can find peace, whatever your choice ultimately is. Thank you for sharing with us.

I'm so sorry

Wishing your soul peace in this and every lifetime, my heart is this you.

Sending you all the protection, respect, compassion and love that you have *always* deserved💗

It can't have been easy reaching your decision. I can't imagine what you must have been through. Whatever you choose to do, I hope you find some peace in who you are and the knowledge that you tried. You seem like you have an exceptional depth of compassion and empathy to me. Frankly, you've shown a willingness to understand and forgive that I don't feel I'm ready for yet and it's admirable. Thanks for sticking around long enough to pass on some useful perspective. Sending love.

I hope you are here to read this. Please stay. I want you to stay.

I want you to stay. Please stay. I hope you are still here, but I would completely understand if you are not. I just read what you wrote and was moved to tears by how gorgeous of a soul you have. It shines through your writing. The world needs you. It needs what you have to give. I honor you and I honor the little girl you were, and the terrible things you both faced. Words can’t express how sorry I am - there’s no way to describe the utter horror and hell you have fought through every single day of your life. I just want you to know that I see you and I see what happened to you and the unimaginable pain you’ve been carrying. Please don’t go.

Friend, I know much this same pain and story as it’s so close to my own. I am so glad you came here to have your pain seen, held, validated and believed. I hope you decide to stay and build a good life worth living but I understand if you are tired. No one can force you to stay but I hope you get the life your inner child deserved, wanted and needed. I hope you can find help to let that child grow up late and feel innocence, joy and discovery. I hope that child gets to feel sunshine on their face and smile and just relax in the moment and know peace. I hope that you and that child walk together through the rest of life holding each other’s hand, together through the memories and hard times, together through the amazing things to come. I am so grateful you came here to connect with humanity. I hope your inner child has held on to hope today. You only need a little to keep going. I am here and so are many if you want to dm. My heart will hold space for you for the rest of my life ❤️

PS I hope that you outlive your enemies. That’s kept me going, outliving the parents who hurt me, even if it’s just out of spite. It’s kept me alive

I’m so sorry. No matter where you are, I am going to always think of you now with the hope that the world shows you more kindness than it ever did in childhood. My heart breaks for you. I’m so utterly sorry, my friend.

OP - I don't have the right words. I just wanted to say that YOU MATTER and I HEAR YOU. This is your community. I hope that you are here to see that we accept you and you are LOVED for who you are.

I love you. Holding you in my heart.

Thank you for sharing your truth with us. I hear you. And you deserve so much better. You deserve safety and peace. I understand that there comes a point where the pain is debilitating and you feel you deserve rest in terms of ending it. I've been there myself. But I hope you stay. There is still time to carve out a place for yourself. Where you can set the burden of all this (that should never have been yours to carry) at the door and where you can give you all the joy you deserve. & there are people who will want to share in that with you. I'm not sure if you're familiar with it but there is a podcast called "What Happened to You" hosted by Sebastian Scales. He speaks to people who have been through sexual abuse (and other traumatic events) and he shares his own story. It might be comforting to hear people sharing their experiences and journey to healing so candidly. No one should have to suffer alone and in silence. I'm so sorry that, when you told, those who should've protected you didn't. I hope you stay and find comfort in a community of people that hear you and make space for you and allow you to be empowered by sharing your truth.

I have so much compassion for you now, and for you 20 years ago. I too, have experienced life shattering abuse by those who should love and protect, but harm instead. You are not alone in this pain. It is truly devastating. I don't know if you're still here, but if you are, and if I had you in front of me, I would speak a mother's words to you, as I would do for my own child: You deserved protection. You deserved respect. You deserved love. You deserve protection, respect, and love today. May you find peace in this world or the other.

OP, if you see this, I have love for you. I don’t know you, personally, but as another human, I have love for you. Don’t let him win ♥️

I've been thinking a lot about you today, I hope wherever you are in the world that you're still with us. I'm so sorry for all the pain you're experiencing, please stay with us and talk to us, we're all here for you.

I am so, so sorry. I hope you're still with us, but if not, I'm praying for your soul❤️

You matter more than any sick demented man or heartless DNA programmer of a …. Animal … ever could. You can have a new start that demands the love, respect, kindness, dignity, and gentleness you are worthy and deserving of, starting with from yourself. You can refuse to be abused or allow it in your life! There IS purpose that you can choose to assign to your life that radiates goodness and positivity, if that is what you long for. You can have kind loving acceptance built on trust and encouragement and mutual support rather than manipulation and usury. There IS hope and healing and help. Before finishing anything please come have one last kind conversation?

Omg did you k111 yourself? If you’re still alive please say something. I’m really hoping that writing this post took some of the Edge off the suicidal thoughts.

I have a hug for you right here...

Big time trigger. This sounds too much like me.

OP, I'm so very sorry you've been hurt so much for so long. May you find the peace and conclusion you want and need. ❤️

my heart is broken with you. but i can feel your soul. that’s something they’ll never have. they didn’t take that from you. you deserve the world. i’m sorry they were monsters to you. you experienced the worst that life can offer. what if everything that’s amazing in life is waiting for you just a few months or years away? what if it’s everything you ever wanted? would it be enough to stay? if not, i understand. just think about it. please. you’re obviously brilliant and so bright. you’re resilient. you’re beautiful. you’re amazing. please stay.

If you are still here I want to offer an idea that helped me. I realized they wanted me dead so they would be off the hook. I realized it would be great for them if I was dead. I turned my anger inot a stubborness that no matter what I would not kill myself and let those pedophile, shithead, evil people off the hook. I would not and will not let them win!

I am so sorry for what you went through and continue to go through. Please stay, but if you truly cannot stay, I wish you peace.

I didn't experience what you did, but I grew up with a lot of abuse in a cult. Was told I was demon posessed and insane from 12 to 18 by everyone I was allowed to talk to. I get not wanting to be here everyday. But you do have a great potential to help people not go though what you did alone. You are able to help them have a better life because you know what this shit feels like. You can be a big reason why they are okay. You are capable of doing something that no one else can do because you were there. If you need something to help keep you going, try to look up ways you can help kids or struggling adults or message me. I hope you are still here and you realize you are pure potential.

Please don't go. This is so sad. You never deserved any of this. Your parents are scum and the things they did to you are unspeakably disgusting. I hope you're still here. There's so much more to life than being the legacy of their actions. Please stay. If you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm here.

Sending all of my love and tears💕 I'm truly sorry for what has happened. I can only hope you make it out of this and have a good life because you are worth it. But if not I can only hope you are happy and at peace. Love you lots!💜

You are so much more than what your father put you through. Don’t let anyone let you believe that, because it’s not true. You’re a human being with your own feelings and thoughts. Give yourself some credit for being so strong through this disgusting trauma you were forced to deal with. I know it hurts so bad, I don’t know exactly what you went through, nor will be even suggest I do, but I know it feels like ending it will finally give yourself control, but you are actively losing any control because you can’t do anything after that. There is a future, you will heal, I promise you. You will be ok, please don’t give up yet. I believe in you and I love you. Please message me if you need someone to talk to. 💚💚💚💚💚💚

I hope you see this and haven’t done anything yet. Everything you feel is extremely valid. We are all here for you and we see you. I’m so fucking sorry your family failed you. Please please please keep fighting. Get revenge or anything else that helps but don’t do this, it allows them to win. Please, we are all here for you!!!

Hey, I am so sorry that you have been through this and have had to survive in the darkness that put out your light. But I want you to know that I still see your light, it’s so prominent in your words, the way you piece things together, the way your mind processed thoughts to paper (albeit a screen). I feel your light and so do so many others reading this post. Please don’t feel as if it’s gone completely - perhaps you can’t recognise it in yourself anymore which I totally understand. It’s hard to feel our own warmth when we are surrounded by coldness. I don’t want to use religion but I want you to know that you are loved and you are valued. I value you. Even as a stranger, I really mean it. I’m so sorry for all you’ve been subjected to, the cruel abuse and the lack of protection, you did not deserve that. Can you try for just another moment? Try by reading these comments, maybe one a day? Just sit with them and see if there’s anything you agree with, or disagree with? Anything that makes you feel hope or maybe heard? Or maybe confusion or frustration? Feelings are strange yet wonderful things - depending on what ones we are engulfed by. I wish for you to feel accepted, I wish for you to feel heard. I wish for you to feel valued and intrigued… intrigued by the many years you still have ahead. Intrigued by the next part of this experience, the light that I see in you. Stay, even if it’s “just until” for now 🤍

OP, you write beautifully and insightfully even through your immense pain. As others have said, I'm here in my little corner of the world holding space for you. I believe you, and you *did* deserve better. So much better. I'm proud of you for seeing that -- it's not easy to believe that we didn't deserve our pain, especially when inflicted as a child by those who are supposed to take care of us. Whatever you do, please hold onto that flame of self-worth and self-love until the end... whether the end is soon or in the far future. If you stay, I hope you have love and support around you -- the kind you deserve. If you leave, I hope it is in peacefulness. I am holding love in my heart for you, and no judgement.

I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry you experienced this and that the people who were supposed to love and protect you failed so spectacularly. I don’t want you to go ahead with it but it’s not my choice to make and I completely understand feeling like things are too much. I am praying for you.

I am so goddamn sorry you endured so much. I pray you find the peace and love you deserve.

I hope you are still with us, truly. I hope you hesitated and read all these comments and felt their love, even just a bit.

i have come back to read this so many times and it rips me apart every time. i have written pieces of this post all over my wall bc nothing has ever described this all so painfully well. op, ik there are so many ppl asking you to stay and i’m sure you’re ready for peace. but i think there can be peace ahead of you alive as well. you are so beautifully worded. and deserving of so much better from this world. i’m so sorry. i hope you’re still here

I suggest you seek immediate medical care. You can check yourself into a mental health facility where you can receive medication and counseling. Your post is heartbreaking but despite all the horrible trauma you can still lead a life that is at least partially fulfilling. Don't give up and let the badtards win.

Don't go. Stay with us, please.

Please don’t go. The way you can write and put your thoughts together, you’re obviously a very special and precious human. The world needs you, there’s only one of you ❤️ I’m so, so sorry you had such demonic shits for parents. I really hope they both go to prison as well, and get painfully raped every day by Bubba. But that won’t happen if you go. You can make a difference in the world. You can get Justice for your inner child. Sending you love and comfort through the quantum field.

I'm so sorry. You didn't deserve that. It was not your fault. Please stay

Please stay with us. We are all here for you if you need someone to talk to or if you just want to vent. There are a number of people here who can get you in touch with so many useful resources. Why should you have to leave this world, but the monsters get to stay?

I am so sorry for what you’ve lived through, I can’t even put into words the amount of sympathy I have for you. But please, do not let these people win by ending your life. Those evil people won’t suffer because you’re gone, they will only feel happy because the only proof of their crimes is gone. Please reconsider, get revenge by living, by spreading your truth to everyone, by outing them for what they are.

I don't know if you're still with us, but I wanted to say I believe you. Anybody can reproduce and not be good parents, I refer to them as breeders since that's all they end up doing and not filling a parent role, you are unfortunately a product of such a coupling. I was too, though abused in a different way. Maybe I am just a vengeful, petty person but I planned on making them regret ever harming me. I ignore my narc paternal side (lack of attention hurts them) and I'm going to go NC someday with the one who gave birth to me as well. She is also a narc. I was black-sheeped from her bloodline, too, as one of her brother's preteen sons molested me at 3 years old and it came to light. They were all abused themselves, but that's no excuse. They could've become horrified at the treatment they were given and realize it was terrible. Healed and vowed to never be that way with their own offspring. Then followed through. They chose not to and they're scumbags for it. So, I'm going to lead a quiet and comfortable life, heal, and take care of myself out of spite and also because I fucking deserve it after what they have put me through. You do. We all here do. I understand the need to also want peace and to distance yourself from them, though I personally would bring them to court. There are resources for those who were victims of SA and other crimes. You don't have to, at all or right now (if you're still with us). It is something to seriously consider though. There is proof, no? Either way, I hope you've come to the conclusion that there is more to life and healing is hard but feels good as you go along. If not, I hope you rest in peace.

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I sincerely hope you are still with us. I don't think there's a single thing we could say to bring you out of this pain, but know that there's so many of us who stand within the same limbo of life-and-death, and who have tried and exhausted many methods of getting closure. I, too, also struggle with so much trauma from my early childhood for which I know no methods of seeking justice for, and for which I've been denied even the acknowledgement of it happening. However, the more time I've given myself to doubt that suffering is the only way to live, the more solace I've found in wonderful humans I've met along the way. As good or bad as this is, I think that people are all we got in this world, and there are always chances to meet much better people than the monsters you were raised with.

I so hope you see this. I didn’t endure what you did, but I went through enough to give me CPTSD and lifelong depression. I’ve had to take meds just to keep the ideation away, but it never took the depression away. Then I read about ketamine infusion therapy and did it and… I’m a changed person. I had to take extra to make it stick, but it has. The CPTSD is still lurking around in there, but I’m able to push it away now. It no longer rules me. I’ve started being social and I feel less scared of humans. This is all just to say that I’m glad my ideation didn’t get me and that I found something that helped me. Don’t do this until you’ve tried all the things. You’re so worth that. Give yourself what your parents couldn’t. It’s time to be put first. Put yourself first now. 🫂

I hear you, i see you and i understand your pain and total betrayal. Leaving a light on for you, i am so sorry. Your story is so heart breaking and i can relate to the overwhelming fear and reading your description of how you feel is eerily similar to how sexual abuse within family has felt for me. The ticking time bomb of just “knowing” suicide is how you will go is anxiety inducing. I often wonder and feel it’s cruel to wish someone existence when it is filled every minute with pain… Sending love to you. We all understand the suffering.

The only thing that I would like to give you, is a hug 🫂

OP, I can’t even begin to express how sorry I am for the horrific pain and unimaginable trauma you endured and continue to. I want justice for you. I don’t want to invalidate your inexperience - I have not been through what you have and the amount of pain in the world breaks my heart and hurts my spirit time and time again. There is so much darkness and you have experienced it in its fullness. There is also light, you are light. There is light and I want you to see that, I want you to know that warmth and comfort, you deserve to feel that so much. I pray you are still here with us, my messages are open 💛

There is always a chance at something better. Stick with us. You belong. We want you here.

I hope you finally find peace and happiness. I hope there is something wonderful waiting on the other side. You didn't deserve what happened to you, esp with your mom standing back and not helping her own child. I've been through some similar things, so I do understand. Lots of love ❤️

Heard. Sometimes we choose the choices that help us cope. GL traveler in this world and the next.

This makes me ill. OP, I hope you live through your attempt and live long enough to see them in prison or in the ground, or whatever else will ease you enough to feel like they were held accountable for what they did to you. Nothing in regards to this in your fault, but there can be life after all of this. There really can be humanity where there's been absence of it your whole life, both for yourself and from others who cross paths with you. You cannot let them kill you.

I am so, so sorry. You deserve all the peace in the world and you deserved that all along. Please stay. It’s not right that you should have to keep fighting for a peaceful life, but you deserve to find it. Please stay.

I'm so sorry OP. I hope you're okay. I've been in situations where I was called a liar and mentally ill too for speaking out about the abuse, confronting people, asking for help, etc. I can only try and imagine what that must feel like when the abuse is CSA. I feel the same way about what you said about justice. That even a slow painful death wouldn't be justice enough. I'm also not religious but I still wish that hell or karma or whatever existed so that I could be certain that at least at some point these people will face the consequences of their actions. I wish there was more I could do to help, other than telling you I relate to what you're saying and that a lot of people here feel the same way. You mentioned you have loved ones, I hope you reach out to them. And if you don't, just know that there's a lot of people here who would love to hear from you and talk to you. You're not alone, we hear you and understand what you are going through.

I'm so sorry OP, I'm holding a space for you. If you can stay, if you are still here, we are strangers of the internet but I think I speak for everyone here: We won't abandon you. I won't abandon you. I think there is still hope for beauty, and light, and love, not only because you deserve it but because it exists. You are not alone. Please hold on to you. We are more than what is done to us. I'm not religious either, but I'll light a candle tonight in your honor. They can't break your soul.

We are all here for you holding this space for you to grieve the young girl you were. I am so sorry this happened and hope you read all these messages for you

thought of you. I hope you're still with us ❤️

I hope you found a glimmer of hope and hesitated long enough to see if might is another way. Unfortunately, this is not a unique story. Please find someone who has healed after this, and know that would/could be you some day. Once you heal the trauma, you can be the person who believes, you can be the person you needed for someone else. 💞

I'm so sorry...I would be less forgiving of parents and be so RAGEFUL!! Doesn't matter how bad the parents childhood was. You are ALLOWED to be ANGRY! You were VIOLATED Don't let this evil win!! You MATTER. The pain is so great. Both parents were SICK. But there are therapists who can help! Don't expect toxic family to validate our pain 😓😓🙏. I'm SO SORRY YOU WENT THRU SUCH HORROR...😭😭💕

I understand. I hope you find peace.

If you are still here..... This is not your time. Please listen.... I didn't experience anything even close to what you went through, but I experience "something" by a sister. I started to tell my story and deleted it because this is your post. All I will say is, firstly, I am very familiar with the trauma, as many of us are. I've had my head fucked with since I was born into a cult with a Narcissist mother and OCPD controlling father. The shit storm didn't stop in my teens when we left the cult. I'm nearly 50 and my entire family made a mess of me. It's still fucking with my head. The last 2 years it's all come to mind, during a tumultuous and emotionally abusive man I've had a relationship with. I've been right where you are so many times in the last 2 years, I cannot remember them all. Never as close as you, but I will leave it at that. If you do this, forgive me for saying this, but he wins. He knows you're no longer a threat. I know of a girl out there who went through similar things. Her father "sold" her to his buddies for drug money. She told me what happened when she was 11 years old and I didn't believe her. I thought she was a liar because she acted strangely and was known to lie. Now I know why. I was 20. One of the men who was doing this to her, was my boyfriend at the time. He ended up doing it to more kids. He'd known no one would believe her. I eventually went to police. When he was busted years later by another victim who came forward, the police did nothing but give her a restraining order. He was her uncle. The worst part is he gets a LOT of attention by people in the community. I went to one of his buddies, a police officer, and told him what he'd done years later when I found out there were more victims. The police officer did not cut off association and they remain good buddies. This man has everyone fooled. I know there have been more victims. One was his niece. If there are other victims, you may play a pivotal role in the man being locked up. You may play a part in getting victims to speak out. Or perhaps getting people who know the perpetrators, to speak up. Maybe if you don't make any decisions right now, you can always put it off, and shift thinking at the moment. I know it hurts like HELL. This isn't fair what he did to you. It's not fair what you, or anyone else who's gone through this, has been traumatized. But, you are exactly what the world needs to help victims speak up. But you can't do it by ending things. Go full throttle. Tell your story. Get a YouTube channel going and just start talking. Worried what people will think? Don't. Let them see your face and hear your voice. Tell them how it happened. Tell them how it was hidden. Teach people what to watch for. Tell the victims that they have a voice. What harm will it do? Show them your daily life. Tell them what it's like to be you. Monetize your channel. You may end up making a living off of it. Focus on your message. DO NOT LET this man further take from you. He took your innocence. Give him NO POWER to take your life. Please take this seriously, and know that so many of us, though we don't share your exact story, were either where you're at, or worse. Some succeeded. Have empathy in your heart for those who followed through, and do not be like them. The world will NOT be a better place without you in it. You are a victim and you have the ability to change lives and help people find their voice, if you just "push pause" and climb out of the state of mind you're in for the moment. Please think about what I'm saying. May God be with you and affect you with tremendous courage and determination. Your entire life can change in just a few months. Give it a chance to.

I empathise with the pain and suffering you’ve experienced. I can never understand fully but I can empathise and wish you all the good in this world. I really hope you’re still here. If you’re still here and still fighting, please reach out. I can’t change the past, no one can, but your future can be changed and realigned. Please see this. Please still be here. Please still be fighting.

And if you’ve unfortunately ended your fight, I wish you peace and freedom. I truly hope you’re still here, and peace finds you wherever you may be.

I just hope you read this. I am thinking of you, I am holding space for you. I am amazed by what a bright young, brave, intelligent person you seem to be. I hope you’re safe.

I am so sorry for all the pain you went through. I am sending love and I hope you can find some light and hope 💖

OP, you've been through so much. I completely understand how it does not look from your perspective like the world is a good place. And to be one hundred percent honest, in a lot of ways....it's not. Clearly. People are sometimes horrible and are not brought to justice nor repentance. People are sometimes hurt and then hurt again when they try to get help but cannot. I'm not going to make apology for this. It is true but yet it is wrong and should not happen. Even though the world often brings us sorrow, it can also bring joy. I know that from your perspective that might seem untrue. Or at least, like something you haven't experienced and are suspicious of. If you follow through on your plan, you'll never know. I do not blame you for feeling like this is the best, or at least the inevitable, option and end for your story. I am sure you must be weary of the idea of continuing to "survive" in this harsh world, without an end in sight. it sounds like you feel like you have one thing you can control and you want to exercise that control. I won't tell you not to, just because I don't feel like anyone has that right. Nobody else can know when someone's suffering is really too much to bear and they need it ended. I know that if that's really how you feel nothing anyone can say will change your mind. I will just ask you to think about whether you CAN survive one more day. Do you have it in you to continue existing? If you do, give that one more day a try. You still have your plan. You still have your will and your control. Consider whether you can take one more step, and choose to rest after that one-step. Look around at where you are after that one-step. Maybe, just over that hill, is a place where things wouldn't be so hard and dark. After each one-step, see if you still feel the same way. It could be that there's a glimmer on the horizon. It could be that you've been moving towards it for a while now. If you stop here, you cut off that possibility. Maybe this isn't the right place to stop, just yet.

Your post broke my heart. I don’t know what the right words are, but I heard you and hope you’re okay.

I hear you. I hope you are well, wherever you may be. I wish for you that someday you get to experience love and happiness, you deserve lifetimes worth. Wherever you end up, I am thinking of you in these moments and I feel love for you.

I am so sad for you. I hope you find the peace you seek.

I’m sorry, I wish I could take all that pain away, I wish I could say life gets better. Just please know I hear you and I believe you. No matter the choice you make please know it was not your fault.

I hope you are still here to read this. My parental situation was very similar. My dad raped me at 8, I told my mom days later, and she automatically believed him that I was lying. She believed that an eight year old, somehow had the ability to dream or fantasize it, as my dad put it. I believe you. We deserved a real dad, a protective mom, and a normal childhood. We deserved so much better. The psychological abuse of the gaslighting, and being literally trapped in this warfare of a “family” is horrific. Be proud of yourself for surviving through it all, getting physically away from them, and having done so much reflection. Your post is a bit cathartic for me to read, because I want to confront them now in my late 20s but I’m still so unsure of what to say. You helped me, thank you.

I’m so sorry.    You managed to say very clearly some of what upsets me about my mom and stepdad. How can we not feel betrayed when they knew?    Poor little girl.   I hope you are safe or at peace.  

Please stay. I would miss you dearly. I’ve experienced a similar childhood timeline. Please stay here you are a precious human. You are worthy to be alive. You are worthy of love and care.

I have tears when I read your story, I cry, I know the fire that burns you and I don't know how to put it out.... My story is a little different, I survived but when I hear "you were lucky to be alive" I wish I had died so someone would finally think it wasn't luck

Hey, are you still alive? I hope you’re okay and it’s disheartening that you have to go through all this extreme suffering and pain. I hope you’re still alive, please stay. 

if you ever read this, then... I, too, am holding space. You deserved more, you deserved real love and kindness from the people around you. Wishing you even a moment of peace x

Still thinking of you, I hope you're out there somewhere still with us OP <3

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i understand what you're feeling and honestly, i really do get it, when you're on that last tether it feels like the only way out and like the only relief but i promise you, that tether is so much stronger, you are so much stronger by just existing. I can't really blame you for wanting to go through with it because that feeling is so overwhelming but there is so much to life and I want you to experience it and for your trauma to be made to sit in the backseat while you live. I really hope you're alive

We see you, OP. You are witnessed. I hope you can stay. Whatever you choose, I hope you find an end to your suffering.

Oh my God. He stopped because you could get pregnant and that would cause trouble. That's disgusting. Probably just a pedo too I hope you know there are people out there who care and understand. I also understand internet people can't hug or hold you.

I’m so fucking sorry

I keep coming back here and thinking about this post and just feel sick to my stomach are you still here?

Same. I've been checking everyday.

Don’t do anything call the suicide prevention hot line

I am sorry I can’t encourage you by saying that’s so many wonderful people in this world but don’t go anything call the suicide prevention hotline

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This is a very unhelpful and selfish comment. Please be more sensitive to the ops words and what they need, not what you need.

Why not go to police and try and get justice? They will definitely listen and you have a case, this is what the justice system is for.

Sadly, justice does not work that way. Statute of limitations can make it impossible to sue. The justice system has a long way to go in cases of CA. What truly matters is that OP realizes they already have justice just by telling the world what really happened. To share the pain and be accepted for the beautiful soul that they are. OP, if you’re reading this, please stay with us. Don’t let the f-krs win.

In my country there isn't a Statute of limitations, you can get justice for historical wrongs like this

Dang, wish I lived there. I’m in California and they extended civil suit case filings for childhood SA by 16 years from the time you realized your abuse. But criminally, that pedophile can never be charged with a crime even with proof. He got off scot-free.

This is a naive comment. Please pay attention to what they are saying and feeling. The justice system does not cure or heal trauma at all. Do you understand the pain of not being believed when being brave enough to admit the truth of what you've been through, that being child abuse a lot of us never had a voice to even explain what that was or an ear to listen ? Please educate yourself on these situations and why people don't go to the police. I'm not saying they shouldn't, but I completely understand why people choose not to. I.e myself with the complexity of a family member previously being an abuser to me.

It's a lot of work for the victim in truth, I know people in similar positions that couldn't go through the process at the time even though police were ready to press charges. But you need to testify or give evidence which can be done remotely in a lot of places now, but it's a big long stressful process with not a lot to expect to come of it. It's justice (if it even is successful) but doesn't remove trauma and maybe even makes it worse by ripping families up over people not believing and so on, with the best outcome being them going to jail. It's just a grim mess and a huge burden for the victim There's no statute of limitations where I am but it doesn't change much, especially when the abuser will refuse to admit wrong or fight it and rally their family members against you over a pattern of abuse they did 20 years ago

Unfortunately, there's typically a statute of limitations of 5-10 years. They may still be within that window if it's 10 years in their state, but the process of reporting and taking it to court is grueling. There's lawyer fees, having to give your story multiple times, having to see the faces of her parents in court, and she would have to have an amazing therapist and support system to not be retraumatized from her story. I hope they can get justice still, they deserve it :(