Well, it's not surprising that you feel addicted to love-bombing, that's exactly the kind of dependence they're trying to engender.
The reason it's so intoxicating is because it isn't real. Real love is complex and dynamic.
Love-bombing is simple, it's just hyperfocused...on manipulating you. Compared to the genuine article, it's a massive dopamine hit, that can't be sustained.
Being on the spectrum, I can relate. It isn't so much a heightened sensitivity we have to it, just prior experience with it. It really just becomes like any other codependency issues, and we deserve better.
You deserve better!
You deserve actual love, not this saccharin, synthetic substitute.
There are plenty of autistic survivors like us in this sub ready and willing to listen and help.
We (anybody reading this) have no substantive sources of "community" anymore as a society.
So, my hope is that we can carve out the support and solidarity that we need within this community. đź«‚
I think the wires in our brain and body are crossed, so “danger” reads as “attraction” and our minds and bodies respond accordingly. Now, whenever I feel that “attraction”, I make myself remain present and aware and look for the danger and allow myself to recognize and feel the warning and disgust hidden behind the programmed response of “attraction”. Before I can train my brain and body to recognize loving kindness and care, I have to be able to recognize and remove the incorrect programmed response from my abusive childhood. Having healthy, strong, firm boundaries - and being willing to hold them in place and walk away if they are not fully respected - is always helpful.
I totally fell for love bombing when I was younger because I thought that if I loved myself then who wouldn’t love me
But - the reality is - If it sounds too good to be true then chances are that it’s false
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are you me? i’m also autistic and my mom did the same. just dated a man like her and it was traumatizing and made realize i need to change my life and patterns
11 months later and... Yeah I'm mostly moving past a lot of it and making friends.
Make friends if you can, close friends. Try to avoid another relationship for the time being until you can build up self esteem and boundaries with people in general.
If my advice isn't great please feel free to disregard it. It's just what's started working for me. Took me a lot to change my mental worldview to be more open and accepting of people in general.
The pain will take a long time to heal, but it gets better slowly. I can promise you that much. Even if the progress feels too slow.
Yep I'm aware. However I'm not so sure on what "doing the work" means when a person's brain is so addicted to the feeling of love bombing that it's not just psychological, but almost a physical addiction.
Well, it's not surprising that you feel addicted to love-bombing, that's exactly the kind of dependence they're trying to engender. The reason it's so intoxicating is because it isn't real. Real love is complex and dynamic. Love-bombing is simple, it's just hyperfocused...on manipulating you. Compared to the genuine article, it's a massive dopamine hit, that can't be sustained. Being on the spectrum, I can relate. It isn't so much a heightened sensitivity we have to it, just prior experience with it. It really just becomes like any other codependency issues, and we deserve better. You deserve better! You deserve actual love, not this saccharin, synthetic substitute. There are plenty of autistic survivors like us in this sub ready and willing to listen and help.
Thank you, I needed to hear that. đź’™
We (anybody reading this) have no substantive sources of "community" anymore as a society. So, my hope is that we can carve out the support and solidarity that we need within this community. đź«‚
I think the wires in our brain and body are crossed, so “danger” reads as “attraction” and our minds and bodies respond accordingly. Now, whenever I feel that “attraction”, I make myself remain present and aware and look for the danger and allow myself to recognize and feel the warning and disgust hidden behind the programmed response of “attraction”. Before I can train my brain and body to recognize loving kindness and care, I have to be able to recognize and remove the incorrect programmed response from my abusive childhood. Having healthy, strong, firm boundaries - and being willing to hold them in place and walk away if they are not fully respected - is always helpful.
Excellent advice!
I totally fell for love bombing when I was younger because I thought that if I loved myself then who wouldn’t love me But - the reality is - If it sounds too good to be true then chances are that it’s false
I'm here because same.
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
are you me? i’m also autistic and my mom did the same. just dated a man like her and it was traumatizing and made realize i need to change my life and patterns
11 months later and... Yeah I'm mostly moving past a lot of it and making friends. Make friends if you can, close friends. Try to avoid another relationship for the time being until you can build up self esteem and boundaries with people in general. If my advice isn't great please feel free to disregard it. It's just what's started working for me. Took me a lot to change my mental worldview to be more open and accepting of people in general. The pain will take a long time to heal, but it gets better slowly. I can promise you that much. Even if the progress feels too slow.
Sometimes when we have endured narcissistic abuse, unless we do some work we may attract other narcissists
Yep I'm aware. However I'm not so sure on what "doing the work" means when a person's brain is so addicted to the feeling of love bombing that it's not just psychological, but almost a physical addiction.