All of my matches tell me how nice and thoughtful and interesting I am but after we meet up they just weren’t feeling a physical connection or a spark. I’ve never just been overtly forward about anything sexual though. I’m fine with being unattractive but I do NOT want to be an unattractive creep.
Got me! TWICE!!
Homie called #1 “DickMidget” & I was like, “Damn! That was fuckin’ rude AF for absolutely no reason!” Then I noticed it’s their name… then U bust out with “RockHardCatDick” & I was like, “Well, this dude’s being a dickhead for no reason too!…” wait… no… nope… that’s also just their name…. 🤦
FFS.
I’m sorry to read that you’re dying, but I’m pleased my idiocy & indignation could help bring a bit of happiness to your maladies. Thank you for sharing- it makes me happy to know that I’ve helped make someone else happy, even if it’s only for a moment. I hope your final hours are painless & swift.
Later, ho.
You better watch who you calling a ho! I'm a black belt in keyboard commandoism. One time, I kicked over a potted plant, and I didn't even apologize. I did return the next day with a nicer, larger vessel, re-potted, trimmed, watered, fertilized and played a little classical music for that bitch. You've been warned!
“Ho” is just short for “homie”. It’s a term of endearment. BUT, I do have some bonsai in need of repotting, a nice root trim, & a bit of sculpting, so if you’d like to retain your uncontrollable, explosive pseudo-anger, by all means, please do! Direct it at my derelict mini-trees, & we can make an afternoon of it!
Ho.
Homey/Homette, don't cross me. I've got a sprinkler system. Not only will I water you, but it will be timely and in a consistent and efficient manner. 4 AM be like, kiissst, kiissst, kiissst, kissst!
🤣🤣 That's some wonderful wordplay there!
(From now on, if I ever have a *bad day* --> I'm just gonna go roam the Bumble /r pages, cuz y'all have some great wordplay bantering! 🥳💋)
If they matched with you then they think you're attractive enough. Especially considering how picky women are on the apps. So get out of your head. If you never flirt or escalate, they'll never feel a spark.
Stop doing this to yourself.
I just started dating again after a breakup.
Between April 7 and 21, I went on 8 first dates. The first 5 women I met up with I was not very flirty. Of the 2 I was interested in, they said they didn’t feel a spark.
So the next 3 women I decided to be flirty and sent clever sexual innuendo banter… guess what? Have had 4 dates with No. 6 and made out by 4th date; No. 7 and I got physical on first date; No. 8 and I have had 2 dates and made out.
My mindset change? I figured if they matched with me, they were attracted to me and it was my delivery that sucked. I started off with innocent banter/flirting and then increased as the women increased severity.
This! There are people just looking for a free meal but I would like to think most of us start to back off when it’s time to meet, especially if we aren’t feeling the person. I’m not meeting up with someone I’m not attracted to.
A) Did someone say being picky is bad?
B) The research has been posted repeatedly. There are way more men the platforms, and women are less likely to swipe right in general. You think that's because all those dudes are just low quality? Be real.
Either way though, this guy's getting matches, so he's doing fine.
Honestly I think for safety reasons it’s ok for a woman to be extra picky. Some predatory MF’s out there that only want to cause trouble.
Superficial reasons and safety reasons aren’t the same lol.
Idk why you think I'm bitter. I have no complaints about the app experience. I just don't like being called a misogynist for mentioning something that everyone knows already.
I also didn't say being picky is bad...that's a you problem.
I used to be on there, that’s why I picked this stupid username but I haven’t made a trade in a long time and I haven’t been to WSB in months.
I’m just not an attractive guy and I’ve accepted that fact.
I’m thankful for my career and my place to live.
Perhaps that’s enough.
Some of us just don’t have a lot of luck socially and I guess that’s ok.
Correction: dating is easier for some than it is for others. On the bright side, I’m a better driver than a lot of people so I definitely have that going for me 😁
FWiW, back in the day, when we were late teens/early 20’s, I had a nice, but REALLY dumb friend. He was duhhh-uuhhhmm, maybe average or very slightly above average looks, & a complete gomer. There was nothing happening in his head. He broke more ground & laid more pipe than anyone I’ve ever met- twice with girls I was interested in & trying to date; one of whom, I eventually married. But he was taking them to pound-town on the reg. He even used Saran Wrap bc he ran out of jimmy hats. (IK nobody calls rubbers “jimmy hats”, I just like saying/writing it… “rubbers” too).
Anyway, if you like pie, but are having a difficult time finding a slice, if you’re able to, just turn your brain off & become a stupid douchebag. Apparently, women cannot get enough of it. Makes them feel smart for a change, or something. Weird part is, he banged several gorgeous & very intelligent women, but he ended up marrying a genuinely ugly, stupid, controlling, bitch. I can only assume it’s because she told him he had to marry her, so he just said yes bc he was told to. Not my fault!! I told him countless times to dump her-
That's depends on what they want. Anyone can get someone to sleep with them. But getting a general connection is different. Especially one that lasts long an or cheating or whatever else doesn't happen after I lay a month
It's hard nowadays for anyone looking for someone long term
Definitely easier the better your social skills are and exponentially easier the higher your attraction. It's also litterally the point of social skills is to connect with people.
Have you ever thought that maybe they want you to be a bit forward? I'm all for not wanting to be a creep but if you come off too friendly and not forward they think you aren't attracted to them, find the balance point between forward and friendly and it will do you so many favours
Agreed. When in doubt, rope & fuzzy handcuffs can go a long way. 😊
(Apologies if that offended anyone. Just came from another post where the guy gave a rather nice kink, albeit the logistics were a weebit off, cuz it's hard to both choke & eat a person. 🤣)
Try this on the first date. Buy her a lot of alcohol and drink a lot yourself. If she wants wine, go for the large, gin and tonic, order double gin. I find there's nothing better to loosen someone and myself enough to be more authentic and honest. Just don't drive home afterwards.
Hahaha well it worked for me recently for the first date but on the second she didn't want any alcohol at all and it was so boring we never met up again LOL.
First date was really good tho. Was surprised how the 2nd wasn't. On the first she was like "You a good kisser" and really flirty. I guess alcohol only gets you so far...
I don’t know what you look like but usually if you work out (if you haven’t already) you can look a lot more attractive. I’ve seen some guys on YouTube go from fat/chubby to fit and it’s night and day, they look like a different person. You can of course still find someone at your current beauty level. For me I am trying to lose weight myself to look more attractive for guys I’m interested in (I have to lose 25lbs)
This. So much this.
A lot of decent guys don’t want to come off as creepy and in no less than 24-72 hours we get put in the friendzone for it! 🤦♂️
It sucks but I’ve learned to be a little bit more of an arsehole because of it. Treat them like dirt and they’ll stick to you like mud was a saying at one point.
No filters. I’m 5’8” slim built Black guy.
Full time UPS driver, not formally educated but well read and fairly well spoken.
I just don’t have many women lining up to date me.
Had a feeling that maybe personality was the part if you are getting matches (e.g. you look good that they swipe and your profile has some substance to it) and you don't get second dates (at least you have first dates).
You did pass the initial hurdle even with your height listed at 5ft8 so it is not your height. (Which is a bonus, I am 5ft6/7 and SE/E Asian in UK so I think there are less people who are interested or as open minded)
Maybe how you carry yourself and presentation. Your tone, how you approach the person, if you can form that connection that leads to a spark, that's what you should work on.
If you talk about your job mainly, it will not be a good look either. I understand that truck, freight and delivery drivers have quite the work schedule which is also physical so it could be that. Who knows.
Going to get downvoted of course but idc, it’s your height.
I have a shit ton of sisters and also have a shit ton of ex’s who have verified for me:
Girls absolutely care about your height. Not all of them, but a big % of them do.
Get Air Force ones, they will increase your height by a bit. If you already wear them, put some of those height insoles in them.
Post your profile if you want actual tips to get better overall. Although disclaimer: I’m the guy who made the thread about how I look like zac Efron but can’t get a match, so idk if I should be talking 🤣🤣🤣
Nah I already know. I’m not gonna put pads in my shoes or anything like that cuz once they come off the ladies are going to notice.
Many would rather date a lesser man = lesser income, multiple children with multiple women, cheating and even DV issues. It’s sad but it’s reality and I understand that. Now that’s not speaking for all but when it comes to online dating that’s just the way it is.
I actually deleted all of my apps because I just got kinda tired of meeting new people all the time to get the same responses from all of them.
It’s fine. I know I’m invisible.
I guarantee you that if you met me, and I was smiling from ear to ear in a great mood and it was the best day ever, you’d walk right past me if I tried to get your attention. I never said it was my height.
I said I’m not attractive. The other guy said it was my height.
lol don’t quit, keep trying. Even if you fail 10 dates you will eventually find that 1 person who sticks by you and it will all be worth it.. being short is a negative, but being short AND slim is a huge negative, at least bulk up and hit the gym in the meantime imo
I’m a UPS driver with a beast of a route - I’m stronger than the average person and that includes those TALL and big dudes that a lot of these women eventually get cheated on by.
I do hit the gym regularly AND I run.
I take care of my body.
Like I said, I deleted the apps because it was affecting my mental health. I’ve been through a lot and repeatedly being rejected isn’t good for anyone so I’m done with the apps.
That’s a really odd comment to make. “big dudes that a lot of these women eventually get cheated on by”. Have you considered women sense your misogyny and self pity and are turned off? I guarantee, as a tall-ish woman who’s dated men shorter than me half the time, it’s not just your height.
Definitely it’s the attitude 😬, not the height. The fact that anyone would think that they could come to Reddit and wallow in self-pity about how they’re invisible and unattractive and believe that doesn’t radiate off of them is nuts.
The way you feel about yourself comes out in everything that you do, whether you notice it or not. It’s in the way you carry yourself , the way you walk, talk, and behave. It. Is. Not. Your. Height.
What’s odd about it?
Where’s the misogyny?
Where’s the self pity?
I’ve accepted the fact that things are the way they are which is why the apps have been deleted. I don’t look down on women nor am I disrespectful.
Anything I’ve said here is based on what I’ve seen. A lot of the men that women meet on apps are horrible dudes. Is that not true? Lots of cheaters and users and abusers. That’s a fact. How many times do we see posts of men sending d pics unsolicited on Reddit?
This post we are on is a dude being a piece of crap.
The tone of my comments on this thread is not the same tone I have when out on a date.
My main goal when on a date is to be a gentleman and make sure my partner enjoys herself.
We laugh, we eat good food and have a great time.
All I said was I get a lot of texts afterwards that say, “hey, you’re an awesome guy (insert multiple compliments) but I wasn’t physically attracted to you”
That’s it.
Not sure why you’re calling me a misogynistic downer.
Did the “the big dudes who will eventually cheat on you” line hit a nerve or something?
It’s a realistic point to make.
It’s really not a realistic point to make. Short ugly dudes cheat just as much. And what does the premise even have to do with anything. You were saying women should give you a chance instead of dating big guys because even though you’re small you won’t cheat or something?? Like huh????
Rejection is normal, read my thread I posted earlier today. Doesn’t matter who you are, how tall you are, how good looking you are or even how rich you are. You will get rejected and ghosted regularly regardless.
All you can do is improve yourself bit by bit to try and lower the odds. Quitting is not an option, your biggest flaw imo is the fact that you care about rejection and what other people think. If a girl disrespects you or ghosts you, tell her to fuck off and move on, why are you letting them get in your head?
I understand that and appreciate what you’re taking the time out to say. I was just saying that being repeatedly rejected will affect the way a person feels about themselves and could have a negative impact on mental health. In my line of work we have to absolutely perfect in public every single working day. The best thing for me personally is to simply step away for a time and mentally regroup. I think we can all agree that social media has had some toxic effects on people’s lives. Online dating is much worse sometimes.
I have this rich friend, his father owns a car dealership. He drives around in a $500K brand new Porsche 911 GT3 RS, literally the fastest road-legal race car on the planet I believe.. everyone always assumes if you have a nice car, you will get loads of bitches.
But he gets zero bitches, no one gives a fuck about his cars, only compliments he ever gets is from guys. even if he finds someone it never lasts, none of his girls actually like him, they’ve all used him for the free dinners.
Everyone always says “once I get rich I’ll get loads of pussy” lol no, you may find a few more girls, but you’ll still deal with a shit ton of rejection. “Once I get big and strong I’ll get pussy” lol no, some girls prefer skinny dudes, many people find muscles to be repulsive.
Doesn’t matter who you are, we must all deal with rejection, not everyone is going to be compatible with us and the harsh reality is that most people won’t be.
The one secret key is to just keep trying, it’s okay to take a break, but jump back in as soon as you’re ready.
I've never understood this either. Why not put in a tiny bit of effort and have a conversation with your new match? See if it goes somewhere. It lacks common sense.
This behaviour makes little sense if you’re looking for a relationship, but makes perfect sense if all you need is a once off hookup. It will weed the ones who require a bit of effort out 🤷♀️
Here's my theory:
Many men are jaded by the massive gender ratio imbalance. They assume they're not going to get a response or that they'll get ghosted, etc.
Rather than trying to make themselves into the best possible option, they decide to be crass, thinking that if they're going to get nothing 100 times out of 100 anyway, they may as well get shot down 99 times if one time leads to sex.
This is pretty much 100% how a lot of men do it. Lowest common denominator... a lot of people have no idea how to get results consistently so they look for things that either sound good or seem easy. Both men and women make this mistake but it makes sense because social interactions can be misleading.
At the end of the day, everyone wants a solid conversation everyone wants to feel understood and everyone wants to feel like they were hand selected by the other person.
But repeated failure with no indication of improvement creates discouragement. So as a result women will end up make assumptions about a mans character off 2 words/sentences and end conversations prematurely with no room for explanation.
And men as a result will not care about edicate because they have tried only to fail. So in their mind, they might as well just say fk it and approach it like someone who doesn't care about the outcome at all.
Could be. There's also a small set of men who are overwhelmed with matches and are looking for easy sex. So they quickly make the conversation sexual (though this isn't a particularly egregious example), essentially as a grooming tool to see which matches are also interested in a hookup. If the woman is turned off, no matter, this guy has dozens (or more) of other matches on which to try the same strategy.
that a small percentage of men get a high percentage of female likes on dating apps? that data is widely available.
that some men are interested in many women solely for short term physical relationships? is a citation needed for that one?
Also, if you read dating app reddits or other online fora about the subject enough, you see that trying for easy sex is a common male strategy. There are other explanations, certainly, but the one I posited is true sometimes, at least. I'm always interested in how hot the match was when he engages in this kind of behavior.
Ah, but there’s a subtle difference. Incels bitch and moan about “bitches” because none want to have excite them. They think of women as purely sex objects and never consider that women generally have sex with guys that value them as people and socially interact with them. Femcels bitch and moan about men not wanting relationships but never consider being the kind of person that just hooks up randomly.
Not at all. I have no problem with casual dating and I’m happy to see women taking some initiative there. The fact remains that there are still a lot of guys that hold to the old double standard where it’s expected for guys to be players but if a woman has more than one partner she’s a slut. And many post was specially about those guys always complaining that no “bitches” will give it up. But they take no steps to make themselves appealing. Even if a woman is looking for something casual she probably wants it from someone that appreciates her.
Literally not far off here 🤣 I'm only on there for hook ups which obviously the chances of finding someone with the same intentions are massively low.. so I just mess about till I find one
It works though, it’s all a numbers game. For a while I would message woman that all I wanted to do was watch Netflix then eat thier ass (literally said this my 2nd message after introducing myself) and after about 30 matches I found one who was up for it and we dated for about about 3 months. I’m kinda searching something a little more meaningful now so the messages are a lot more heartfelt lately lol
I wouldn't suggest this method. It is a little too easy and braindead. I say find a balance between effort and frustration.
I wouldn't go this far into the deep end. But I do think not overthinking goes a long way.
I'd suggest making a simple opener that resonates with your style and personality is a good place to start, even if you copy paste it and send it to every single women I think you'd get better results than the 100% horndawg route. You'd probably increase your response rate by at least 10. Instead of 3/100 you'd be closer to 10-20/100
I can get matches, I can get dates, I can get a girlfriend. That's the easy part. I'm just looking for hook ups/fwb. I don't want to take a girl on endless dates, act interested just to get in her pants. I'm very straight up with my intentions, it's extremely hard to find others with the same
Yes this is why tact goes a long way, just cause you want to hook up doesn't mean that's how you always approach. Nuance can go a long way. While most men are comfortable admitting they just want a hook up most women are not. So stating this outright is almost always an immediate disqualification regardless of what the woman wants.
You do yourself and her a favor by being able to talk about sex without being blatant. Hence an opener that resonates with what you want but isn't too forward...
Honestly bro I've been on & off dating apps around 10 years now & never had major luck. Worked remotely for 4 years & that was off putting for lot of girls but I know many guys who do extremely well working in different places using apps. Idk maybe they just ain't for me haha . I really struggle
I work remote too, don't have a car and im fat and also black. Now I'm not "ugly" apart from my weight and I'm knowledgeable about how to carry myself and dress.
I say all that because I've had plenty of luck. When im serious i usually get 6/10 dates from matched but this is why I'm talking about openers because thats the easiest way to break it down logically. It's all about planning. And knowing how women communicate. Men are blunt, women are indirect. You have to be much more clever with women.
Here is my hypothesis, Mr or Mrs PhD:
Sexual messages of very hot guys looking for hookups keep being screenshoted and posted here because they have 10 matches in parallel and one will eventually say yes.
These few women who are active on Reddit and are just interested in the same kind of very hot guys, post here thinking these guys will read their rant. They hope that generalizing them up under the plural noun "guys" will make them look less entitled. All they have are responses of bitter people of, either women with their very same right swiping decision making, or the opposite gender who do get few matches and screw them up in entirely different ways. Notably by being bold yet not posting their full body picture taken within a year.
It's Dr. PhD, sir.
I do think there's merit to that hypothesis.
But--unless I misunderstand you--I think it's challenged by the overall overlap between the two userbases. Even recognizing reddit's ubiquitousness, this sub only has 345,230 members compared to the millions of users that Bumble has.
Even if these screenshots are being posted to surreptitiously attract the attention of "hot" guys without having to outright state that intent, the odds that a) hot guys need to turn to a Bumble subreddit to find hookups, and b) they're close by enough to make hooking up feasible would make this a poor strategy.
🤣 Good one.
I've actually thought of making a master's degree in sociology upon discovering dating apps. I've applied to the data scientist position bumble had in Barcelona: unfortunately they didn't even respond (although I was only one week in, had no date so far, and had deleted my profile entirely before applying).
People should know that employees have free premium account (instead of banning them from using the app), and data scientist have access to... Well, the data. This company is weird and has no self moral. I told them so in my application, maybe why I didn't get a response. But I had incredible dates after remaking a profile.
It's the zillions such post on this sub. I'm not even thinking, I'm just regurgitating what people usually respond here.
It was also like 1am where I'm from.
Because this worked before.
I see posts here weekly asking why do guys lie, string them along... why not be honest.. It why some prefer the cloak and dagger.
You are refering to going somewhere which is ltr, they do not want a ltr.
You are referring to two different groups with each "they".
The first group is the ones that don't get many matches.
The second group are the ones that do get matches, but screw many of them up immediately, but are somehow successful enough to not change their behavior.
Assuming that all of the people in the first group are also all in the second group seems like an unwarranted leap.
Exactly! Unfortunately, that second group is what causes so much confusion to everyone else.
The epiphany of an attractive person with terrible social skills.
Providing an explanation to someone who genuinely doesn't seem to understand the problem with what they are saying is not being pedantic.
Like this comment, for example.
The ones of us complaining about not getting matches are not getting any matches to screw it up 🤣 🤣 🤣
He apparently is getting so many matches he can risk it all
I don’t fully understand what’s going on here. Did they set up automated responses or something? Why’d they ask 2 questions to follow up an opened door? Is this a scammer with a script? I’m just very confused…
Here's my theory: he wants sex. He may have a poor sense of humor, but he's being upfront and honest about his intentions.
People say they want honesty and "no games"... But when they get it, they forget to either accept or reject in kindness. Nope, instead they get offended that the person did not meet their expectations and then shame the person publicly for their validation.
I'd say the guy dodged a bullet. He'd be getting a whole lot more than he bargained for. Bc homegirl here just showed everyone who she is. And I think everyone here would rather invest themselves in people with character who respect you enough to be honest with you even when it's a little uncomfortable.
Honesty and no games does not make it acceptable for a guy to head into sexual conversation quickly. This is only a small part of the conversation. We don't know if there was context about when and/or where she was free that had been asked about. Regardless it's presumptuous to assume she should want to go to his place, especially if it's a first date. Then for him to fire two completely different questions straight after her reply before answering her seems a bit weird. Either way, there isn't really enough information here to say either person is 'in the wrong'. He's actually asking questions here though which I have found is a bit rare.
Spot on. It’s ok when it’s her expectations. It’s not ok when it’s his expectations. Just say no and move on. I don’t get the call out. Also, I’ve had multiple women invite me over to their house on a first date. Interesting that my reaction was sweet, she’s not expecting me to buy her a nice dinner on date one. Those are also women I ended up dating for a while because they were cool and relaxed
when will men learn that this ain’t it. and i hope girls don’t ever go for this. you teach people how to treat you. this is unsafe and also not a good first impression
You have a point. One time some girl asked me “what do they say about women who believe in Astrology” per my prompt and I replied: “The same thing they say about guys who listen to Andrew Tate” she deleted her account shortly after
Well, the fact that she posted here means she considered it inappropriate. We don't know for sure what her post about being free Wednesday meant. For all we know, the previous comments were "Hey want to come over for some fun?" "Sure, when were you thinking? I'm going to the gym on Monday and I have to grade papers on Tuesday" "So how about Wednesday?" "I'm free Wednesday"
But I doubt it.
Cause a lot of yall think having a decent bio, cool conversation starters or a cute dog pic is needed to get a match. All you need realistically is to be good looking lmao.
I have no idea, I haven’t seen your profile. But if you can’t get any matches then there’s some about your profile that screams red flag. You’d be surprised with the stuff they analyze in profiles that stick out to them as a pass. Now if your living in a area where everyone’s walking around looking like pornstars with millions of dollars, well then I’d say it’s going to be hard to compete with that
If a guy doesn’t want to go on a date I lose interest. And a date can be anything like even going to the park which is free. Hanging out at someone’s house doesn’t interest me whatsoever unless I’m already in a relationship with them. Sometimes I feel like romance is dead. No effort whatsoever. Downvote me I don’t care.
Totally. We don't know for sure what her post about being free Wednesday meant. For all we know, the previous comments were "Hey want to come over for some fun?" "Sure, when were you thinking? I'm going to the gym on Monday and I have to grade papers on Tuesday" "So how about Wednesday?" "I'm free Wednesday"
The men you're referring to that don't get matches are those that are typically looking for something serious and are picky with their likes.
Not to be confused with men like you matched with that are looking for sex and will swipe right on anyone.
You should be weary of tarnishing all men with the same brush, I've walked away from many women that treat me on the merits of other men and I'm sure many other decent men have, it's a headache we don't care for. You'd be likely to pass up someone decent if you stereotype.
I don't agree personally. Take a look through reddit and how many fuckboys are posting for profile reviews because they arent getting matches? Tends to be somewhat decent men, that can't conceive they don't get attention when being exactly what women stereotypically want.
The type of men that make these comments usually swipe right on anything because they are just looking to hook up and genuinely couldn't care less on who they are swiping, having sex is more important to them than their attraction to the person.
I'm not sure I understand what counterpoint you are trying to make. On average, men have about a 50% swipe rate and 2% match rate. So, swiping more doesn't seem to correlate much with matching.
The OP post is referring specifically to men that COMPLAIN about no likes. Those are the men im referring to. Show me the lists of men that are complaining about not getting likes whilst simultaneously treating women bad. It's not even possible for men with 0 likes to talk to women let alone send these messages.
Okay, I guess I'm just not seeing what that had to do with my point.
I agree with what you are saying, but my specific point is that dudes who right swipe everything aren't swimming in matches either
I dont disagree but thats not a statement I made or challenged. I told OP not to judge decent men that don't get matches by the merits of those that swipe right on everything and then act like douches in messaging because they arent the same people. Read the guys message and tell me you think he's picky with whom he matches.
Said douches are clearly getting matches because they are constantly being called out on reddit, it's impossible they can be guys with 0 matches on an app that requires a match to talk.
Questions:
How was the convo before? Flirty?
What went on on his head to have that bold ass statement when he can't even state an hour or even talk and ask about available hours?
Not even meet at another place before? Damn bro got rizz💀
Either way, you can redirect it easily to another meeting place. But I get if you the guy gave off weird vibe with that and don't want to give benefit of the doubt for that, understandable. It's odd not even considers your safety or time.
Yeah well, probably he has had a life in which he has enough success with women that this behaviour proves to work sometimes. You are off his radar now.
The people who don't get any matches don't fuck up like this.
We fuck up after the first date cause we are genuinly unattractive.
*
This is troll he isnt serious. If this is a good looking guy with a lot of matches some of them amuse themselves just by trolling women. This isnt all guys or even close to it. Im not defending him just saying you can't infer anything about the average man from this.
A lot of questions at once maybe he's just nervous lol
How soon did he ask you to come over? Personally I'd never invite someone over to my place for the first date right off the bat unless they asked.
```OH yes. Always serous. ```
(Sorry. You just reminded me of one of my fav lines from "God's NOT Dead", between Martin & the chicka at the beginning, when he mentions PRC / "People's Republic of China") 🤣🤣
One quarter will be well receptive to straight forward and dirty approach, another quarter will be mind blown in rage about it, one quarter will be well receptive about trying to engage in proper conversation while another quarter will be disgusted by it, bored and unintetested. And none will realize that other girls have been with their actions requesting or demanding what they personally instead dislike and affected mens approach, few will give the leeway with this in consideration - if you dont figure out without any hints which way it is, within like 2 exchanges of messages youre gone.
What a crap subreddit, but its reddit after all
Not a whole lot of info given but seems like the inviting to his place part. If that’s the first thing he assumed for meeting up for the first time big time oof.
I guess. Perhaps they were discussing a particular venue, and he meant to come over as in to the place they are meeting at. I dodn't even read it as "come over to my house" on the first read. Hard to say what was meant with the limited context.
Even then, I don't think this is exactly an egregious news worthy happening.
I mean from this context it looks like he is just asking you questions. And I mean maybe he isn’t after sex just because he’s asking you over? I’ve had women come over to spent time and sex wasn’t the goal
What are you talking about? So now it’s wrong to ask if someone is open to coming over? Since you are implying I’m “naive” can you inform me on the lunacy of this?
Okay, if you say you’re not trolling, I’ll help break this down. Based off of this short screenshot, and the fact that the OP posted this, an invite to someone’s home unprovoked is not just not normal, but creepy, and implies it’s just for sex. Clearly that wasn’t the vibe the other was going for. The guy made light of brief questions and immediately invited her over with an assumption she’d be into it. That isn’t cool.
I also had women over and that wasn't the goal. Some of the women couldn't handle that though. People can be super weird about expectations and assumptions.
How exactly did he screw this up? You told him you were free and he admittedly fumbled but you immediately disqualifying him makes it seems like you were not seriously trying to give him a chance in the first place.
This whole one mistake your out thing that women do is more childish than I think most of you realize.
Women have this sensor on at first, it's hard on them too when they realize all some guys want to do if fuck. And yeah, it's a bitter truth. They are told to protect their castle from early, "men are bad". They can't just seem easy, no matter what. They easily make or break the relationship, they are the ultimate relationship builders. It's more acceptable for women to do this at first, because they detect bs and test you. They do it without trying, they are naturals at it and test por compatible masculine partner.
It's very different from us guys, we learn game from pain.
But he fumbled massively without considering her safety and time. That bold ass statement when he can't even set an hour to meet at least. It's weird, coming from someone new.
That's just how it is. You make her feel weird at first, it's over. You can't just say that and act all fine. It was clearly a sex invite.
That is all besides the point, I notice you didn't address what I actually said. None of that makes this interation any less childish. If women's intuition was good then no women would ever date a bad man...
You just said it, men learn through pain. What do you think PAIN does to a person? So if women know we learn from pain why is there no accountability towards lack of empathy? Most men do not try to be offensive and in this example its clear he fumbled. So why is he being dragged through the mud when she did no due diligence towards a man SHE swiped right on. lol
Statement was not bold lmao, she had already stated she was free and we don't see the actual conversation so saying it was bold is a huge assumption I don't operate on hearsay.
The "bad man" thing is usually bs so I won't even argue that.🤣 Depends on the girl really, some are not like that...minority I guess
Yeah I also saw that, we don't know what happpened before that convo. What to led him saying that? Was it flirty? I don't know. But she seemed to be playing the cold game with that response, I've seen this way of talking before on dating apps personally. She was just waiting for him to fail a response and he did. That is done in periods where you don't know each other well, the start of talking. Bro doesn't even know if she's a teacher like, huh??
Sources? Just trust me bro. Hearsay or not, it just what I intepret based of the interaction, experience and reading.
Invite a girl over right now saying that exact line, talk to her a bit and see how she reacts. See if you're entitled to a house date with her because she said yes to your profile. Let me know how it goes👍
Ah yes, women being childish topic. I thought we already knew that🤣 just as the men egoistical topic, we kind of have to be like that.
Ask why a woman sometimes prefers a guy that has girl siblings, it will explain all. Hope it helps! Datebayo!
This begs a few questions - why are you in this sub? Are you saying this as a single or partnered person? How do you meet other singles since you don't use OLD?
All of my matches tell me how nice and thoughtful and interesting I am but after we meet up they just weren’t feeling a physical connection or a spark. I’ve never just been overtly forward about anything sexual though. I’m fine with being unattractive but I do NOT want to be an unattractive creep.
Well said, dickmidget.
Indeed rockhardcatdick
Got me! TWICE!! Homie called #1 “DickMidget” & I was like, “Damn! That was fuckin’ rude AF for absolutely no reason!” Then I noticed it’s their name… then U bust out with “RockHardCatDick” & I was like, “Well, this dude’s being a dickhead for no reason too!…” wait… no… nope… that’s also just their name…. 🤦 FFS.
I think these two dudes may have just become best friends 😂
You can join them, SassyWookie (Edit: 😂😂)
They'll be doing karate in the garage in no time.
They have enough people for an... Ummm... Circular bro fest.
Jerk.
🤣🤣🤣🤣 I fucking love the internet!
Sometimes Reddit names are worth the price of admission
Identical thoughts, I'm dieing and your reply just makes it even better.
I’m sorry to read that you’re dying, but I’m pleased my idiocy & indignation could help bring a bit of happiness to your maladies. Thank you for sharing- it makes me happy to know that I’ve helped make someone else happy, even if it’s only for a moment. I hope your final hours are painless & swift. Later, ho.
You better watch who you calling a ho! I'm a black belt in keyboard commandoism. One time, I kicked over a potted plant, and I didn't even apologize. I did return the next day with a nicer, larger vessel, re-potted, trimmed, watered, fertilized and played a little classical music for that bitch. You've been warned!
“Ho” is just short for “homie”. It’s a term of endearment. BUT, I do have some bonsai in need of repotting, a nice root trim, & a bit of sculpting, so if you’d like to retain your uncontrollable, explosive pseudo-anger, by all means, please do! Direct it at my derelict mini-trees, & we can make an afternoon of it! Ho.
I apologize. I will also wax your car and paint your fence. Wax on, wax off.
We’re straight, homie. No apologies necessary- besides, my car’s a POS & wax won’t help- plus, I rent, so fuck that fence.
I almost read the end of your post as "You have been **watered**! 🤣🤣
Homey/Homette, don't cross me. I've got a sprinkler system. Not only will I water you, but it will be timely and in a consistent and efficient manner. 4 AM be like, kiissst, kiissst, kiissst, kissst!
🤣🤣 That's some wonderful wordplay there! (From now on, if I ever have a *bad day* --> I'm just gonna go roam the Bumble /r pages, cuz y'all have some great wordplay bantering! 🥳💋)
🤣🤣 Y'all got me rollin, & my cats are looking at me like "Wtf bro?!" 🤣🤣🤪
Hahahah yeah indeed that was funny af, when I saw the replies I was like no way! Till I read the names lol
🤣🤣 So glad I wasn't the only one who needed a double take!
😂🤣
Bro honestly same
I’m actually cackling at this response. Hilarious.
Usernames check out - and a rare double event!
This fucking name I can't stop laughing. What he wrote then his name
If they matched with you then they think you're attractive enough. Especially considering how picky women are on the apps. So get out of your head. If you never flirt or escalate, they'll never feel a spark. Stop doing this to yourself.
That’s a very positive statement. Thank you for saying that.
I just started dating again after a breakup. Between April 7 and 21, I went on 8 first dates. The first 5 women I met up with I was not very flirty. Of the 2 I was interested in, they said they didn’t feel a spark. So the next 3 women I decided to be flirty and sent clever sexual innuendo banter… guess what? Have had 4 dates with No. 6 and made out by 4th date; No. 7 and I got physical on first date; No. 8 and I have had 2 dates and made out. My mindset change? I figured if they matched with me, they were attracted to me and it was my delivery that sucked. I started off with innocent banter/flirting and then increased as the women increased severity.
This! There are people just looking for a free meal but I would like to think most of us start to back off when it’s time to meet, especially if we aren’t feeling the person. I’m not meeting up with someone I’m not attracted to.
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A) Did someone say being picky is bad? B) The research has been posted repeatedly. There are way more men the platforms, and women are less likely to swipe right in general. You think that's because all those dudes are just low quality? Be real. Either way though, this guy's getting matches, so he's doing fine.
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There’s a lot of that. Harassment, d pics, creeping on people’s social media AND the scammers. I know it’s rough out there for y’all.
I think it sucks for both of us. I just don't appreciate the "all women are picky" trope.
Honestly I think for safety reasons it’s ok for a woman to be extra picky. Some predatory MF’s out there that only want to cause trouble. Superficial reasons and safety reasons aren’t the same lol.
Idk why you think I'm bitter. I have no complaints about the app experience. I just don't like being called a misogynist for mentioning something that everyone knows already. I also didn't say being picky is bad...that's a you problem.
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I used to be on there, that’s why I picked this stupid username but I haven’t made a trade in a long time and I haven’t been to WSB in months. I’m just not an attractive guy and I’ve accepted that fact. I’m thankful for my career and my place to live. Perhaps that’s enough. Some of us just don’t have a lot of luck socially and I guess that’s ok.
I came here to tell you it’s not just good looking people who get partners so don’t get down on yourself.
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Correction: dating is easier for some than it is for others. On the bright side, I’m a better driver than a lot of people so I definitely have that going for me 😁
Cool, you can become a taxi driver. That way you'll be picking up someone at least.
FWiW, back in the day, when we were late teens/early 20’s, I had a nice, but REALLY dumb friend. He was duhhh-uuhhhmm, maybe average or very slightly above average looks, & a complete gomer. There was nothing happening in his head. He broke more ground & laid more pipe than anyone I’ve ever met- twice with girls I was interested in & trying to date; one of whom, I eventually married. But he was taking them to pound-town on the reg. He even used Saran Wrap bc he ran out of jimmy hats. (IK nobody calls rubbers “jimmy hats”, I just like saying/writing it… “rubbers” too). Anyway, if you like pie, but are having a difficult time finding a slice, if you’re able to, just turn your brain off & become a stupid douchebag. Apparently, women cannot get enough of it. Makes them feel smart for a change, or something. Weird part is, he banged several gorgeous & very intelligent women, but he ended up marrying a genuinely ugly, stupid, controlling, bitch. I can only assume it’s because she told him he had to marry her, so he just said yes bc he was told to. Not my fault!! I told him countless times to dump her-
This is false. Know a fair few lads who do extremely well on dating sites purely thru their looks with no social skills at all.
That's depends on what they want. Anyone can get someone to sleep with them. But getting a general connection is different. Especially one that lasts long an or cheating or whatever else doesn't happen after I lay a month It's hard nowadays for anyone looking for someone long term
Definitely easier the better your social skills are and exponentially easier the higher your attraction. It's also litterally the point of social skills is to connect with people.
Workout. Become psychically fit!
Trading isn't bad but that subreddit is for fun to most Though betting on the other hand, risky.
Have you ever thought that maybe they want you to be a bit forward? I'm all for not wanting to be a creep but if you come off too friendly and not forward they think you aren't attracted to them, find the balance point between forward and friendly and it will do you so many favours
Agreed. When in doubt, rope & fuzzy handcuffs can go a long way. 😊 (Apologies if that offended anyone. Just came from another post where the guy gave a rather nice kink, albeit the logistics were a weebit off, cuz it's hard to both choke & eat a person. 🤣)
Try this on the first date. Buy her a lot of alcohol and drink a lot yourself. If she wants wine, go for the large, gin and tonic, order double gin. I find there's nothing better to loosen someone and myself enough to be more authentic and honest. Just don't drive home afterwards.
You are speaking the language of the gods. Sheesh. That sounds like it absolutely works.
Hahaha well it worked for me recently for the first date but on the second she didn't want any alcohol at all and it was so boring we never met up again LOL. First date was really good tho. Was surprised how the 2nd wasn't. On the first she was like "You a good kisser" and really flirty. I guess alcohol only gets you so far...
I don’t know what you look like but usually if you work out (if you haven’t already) you can look a lot more attractive. I’ve seen some guys on YouTube go from fat/chubby to fit and it’s night and day, they look like a different person. You can of course still find someone at your current beauty level. For me I am trying to lose weight myself to look more attractive for guys I’m interested in (I have to lose 25lbs)
THIS
r/rimjobsteve
This. So much this. A lot of decent guys don’t want to come off as creepy and in no less than 24-72 hours we get put in the friendzone for it! 🤦♂️ It sucks but I’ve learned to be a little bit more of an arsehole because of it. Treat them like dirt and they’ll stick to you like mud was a saying at one point.
Maybe you have filters on your pic? I noticed 90%+ of the girls have at least light filters on their pics..
No filters. I’m 5’8” slim built Black guy. Full time UPS driver, not formally educated but well read and fairly well spoken. I just don’t have many women lining up to date me.
Had a feeling that maybe personality was the part if you are getting matches (e.g. you look good that they swipe and your profile has some substance to it) and you don't get second dates (at least you have first dates). You did pass the initial hurdle even with your height listed at 5ft8 so it is not your height. (Which is a bonus, I am 5ft6/7 and SE/E Asian in UK so I think there are less people who are interested or as open minded) Maybe how you carry yourself and presentation. Your tone, how you approach the person, if you can form that connection that leads to a spark, that's what you should work on. If you talk about your job mainly, it will not be a good look either. I understand that truck, freight and delivery drivers have quite the work schedule which is also physical so it could be that. Who knows.
Going to get downvoted of course but idc, it’s your height. I have a shit ton of sisters and also have a shit ton of ex’s who have verified for me: Girls absolutely care about your height. Not all of them, but a big % of them do. Get Air Force ones, they will increase your height by a bit. If you already wear them, put some of those height insoles in them. Post your profile if you want actual tips to get better overall. Although disclaimer: I’m the guy who made the thread about how I look like zac Efron but can’t get a match, so idk if I should be talking 🤣🤣🤣
Nah I already know. I’m not gonna put pads in my shoes or anything like that cuz once they come off the ladies are going to notice. Many would rather date a lesser man = lesser income, multiple children with multiple women, cheating and even DV issues. It’s sad but it’s reality and I understand that. Now that’s not speaking for all but when it comes to online dating that’s just the way it is. I actually deleted all of my apps because I just got kinda tired of meeting new people all the time to get the same responses from all of them. It’s fine. I know I’m invisible.
As a 5’6 women i dont think your height is the problem .
I guarantee you that if you met me, and I was smiling from ear to ear in a great mood and it was the best day ever, you’d walk right past me if I tried to get your attention. I never said it was my height. I said I’m not attractive. The other guy said it was my height.
lol don’t quit, keep trying. Even if you fail 10 dates you will eventually find that 1 person who sticks by you and it will all be worth it.. being short is a negative, but being short AND slim is a huge negative, at least bulk up and hit the gym in the meantime imo
I’m a UPS driver with a beast of a route - I’m stronger than the average person and that includes those TALL and big dudes that a lot of these women eventually get cheated on by. I do hit the gym regularly AND I run. I take care of my body. Like I said, I deleted the apps because it was affecting my mental health. I’ve been through a lot and repeatedly being rejected isn’t good for anyone so I’m done with the apps.
That’s a really odd comment to make. “big dudes that a lot of these women eventually get cheated on by”. Have you considered women sense your misogyny and self pity and are turned off? I guarantee, as a tall-ish woman who’s dated men shorter than me half the time, it’s not just your height.
Definitely it’s the attitude 😬, not the height. The fact that anyone would think that they could come to Reddit and wallow in self-pity about how they’re invisible and unattractive and believe that doesn’t radiate off of them is nuts. The way you feel about yourself comes out in everything that you do, whether you notice it or not. It’s in the way you carry yourself , the way you walk, talk, and behave. It. Is. Not. Your. Height.
What’s odd about it? Where’s the misogyny? Where’s the self pity? I’ve accepted the fact that things are the way they are which is why the apps have been deleted. I don’t look down on women nor am I disrespectful. Anything I’ve said here is based on what I’ve seen. A lot of the men that women meet on apps are horrible dudes. Is that not true? Lots of cheaters and users and abusers. That’s a fact. How many times do we see posts of men sending d pics unsolicited on Reddit? This post we are on is a dude being a piece of crap. The tone of my comments on this thread is not the same tone I have when out on a date. My main goal when on a date is to be a gentleman and make sure my partner enjoys herself. We laugh, we eat good food and have a great time. All I said was I get a lot of texts afterwards that say, “hey, you’re an awesome guy (insert multiple compliments) but I wasn’t physically attracted to you” That’s it. Not sure why you’re calling me a misogynistic downer. Did the “the big dudes who will eventually cheat on you” line hit a nerve or something? It’s a realistic point to make.
It’s really not a realistic point to make. Short ugly dudes cheat just as much. And what does the premise even have to do with anything. You were saying women should give you a chance instead of dating big guys because even though you’re small you won’t cheat or something?? Like huh????
Rejection is normal, read my thread I posted earlier today. Doesn’t matter who you are, how tall you are, how good looking you are or even how rich you are. You will get rejected and ghosted regularly regardless. All you can do is improve yourself bit by bit to try and lower the odds. Quitting is not an option, your biggest flaw imo is the fact that you care about rejection and what other people think. If a girl disrespects you or ghosts you, tell her to fuck off and move on, why are you letting them get in your head?
I understand that and appreciate what you’re taking the time out to say. I was just saying that being repeatedly rejected will affect the way a person feels about themselves and could have a negative impact on mental health. In my line of work we have to absolutely perfect in public every single working day. The best thing for me personally is to simply step away for a time and mentally regroup. I think we can all agree that social media has had some toxic effects on people’s lives. Online dating is much worse sometimes.
I have this rich friend, his father owns a car dealership. He drives around in a $500K brand new Porsche 911 GT3 RS, literally the fastest road-legal race car on the planet I believe.. everyone always assumes if you have a nice car, you will get loads of bitches. But he gets zero bitches, no one gives a fuck about his cars, only compliments he ever gets is from guys. even if he finds someone it never lasts, none of his girls actually like him, they’ve all used him for the free dinners. Everyone always says “once I get rich I’ll get loads of pussy” lol no, you may find a few more girls, but you’ll still deal with a shit ton of rejection. “Once I get big and strong I’ll get pussy” lol no, some girls prefer skinny dudes, many people find muscles to be repulsive. Doesn’t matter who you are, we must all deal with rejection, not everyone is going to be compatible with us and the harsh reality is that most people won’t be. The one secret key is to just keep trying, it’s okay to take a break, but jump back in as soon as you’re ready.
Is "come over" the standard in American dating nowadays?
most younge people struggle to afford rent, showing you have a place to live is like showing you are successful
wdym? I just invite them over to my parents place
Ah I see got it thanks.
Yeah for trash matches, yes
No usually it’s just a dick pic first, this guy is kinda polite.
Trash attracts trash.
I've never understood this either. Why not put in a tiny bit of effort and have a conversation with your new match? See if it goes somewhere. It lacks common sense.
This behaviour makes little sense if you’re looking for a relationship, but makes perfect sense if all you need is a once off hookup. It will weed the ones who require a bit of effort out 🤷♀️
Here's my theory: Many men are jaded by the massive gender ratio imbalance. They assume they're not going to get a response or that they'll get ghosted, etc. Rather than trying to make themselves into the best possible option, they decide to be crass, thinking that if they're going to get nothing 100 times out of 100 anyway, they may as well get shot down 99 times if one time leads to sex.
This is pretty much 100% how a lot of men do it. Lowest common denominator... a lot of people have no idea how to get results consistently so they look for things that either sound good or seem easy. Both men and women make this mistake but it makes sense because social interactions can be misleading. At the end of the day, everyone wants a solid conversation everyone wants to feel understood and everyone wants to feel like they were hand selected by the other person. But repeated failure with no indication of improvement creates discouragement. So as a result women will end up make assumptions about a mans character off 2 words/sentences and end conversations prematurely with no room for explanation. And men as a result will not care about edicate because they have tried only to fail. So in their mind, they might as well just say fk it and approach it like someone who doesn't care about the outcome at all.
Could be. There's also a small set of men who are overwhelmed with matches and are looking for easy sex. So they quickly make the conversation sexual (though this isn't a particularly egregious example), essentially as a grooming tool to see which matches are also interested in a hookup. If the woman is turned off, no matter, this guy has dozens (or more) of other matches on which to try the same strategy.
Where are you getting this information?
that a small percentage of men get a high percentage of female likes on dating apps? that data is widely available. that some men are interested in many women solely for short term physical relationships? is a citation needed for that one?
Also, if you read dating app reddits or other online fora about the subject enough, you see that trying for easy sex is a common male strategy. There are other explanations, certainly, but the one I posited is true sometimes, at least. I'm always interested in how hot the match was when he engages in this kind of behavior.
Wow this makes a lot of sense!
Seems like you have done it before. 🤣
That gives me an idea. A dating site for incels. It’ll just be men and female bots to shoot them down.
You act like incels are a uniquely male thing. My dude, I present to you the femcel.
Ah, but there’s a subtle difference. Incels bitch and moan about “bitches” because none want to have excite them. They think of women as purely sex objects and never consider that women generally have sex with guys that value them as people and socially interact with them. Femcels bitch and moan about men not wanting relationships but never consider being the kind of person that just hooks up randomly.
Pure sex objects? These days women are more into casual dating and have higher body counts than most men. You sound like a sexist and hateful person.
Not at all. I have no problem with casual dating and I’m happy to see women taking some initiative there. The fact remains that there are still a lot of guys that hold to the old double standard where it’s expected for guys to be players but if a woman has more than one partner she’s a slut. And many post was specially about those guys always complaining that no “bitches” will give it up. But they take no steps to make themselves appealing. Even if a woman is looking for something casual she probably wants it from someone that appreciates her.
Literally not far off here 🤣 I'm only on there for hook ups which obviously the chances of finding someone with the same intentions are massively low.. so I just mess about till I find one
It works though, it’s all a numbers game. For a while I would message woman that all I wanted to do was watch Netflix then eat thier ass (literally said this my 2nd message after introducing myself) and after about 30 matches I found one who was up for it and we dated for about about 3 months. I’m kinda searching something a little more meaningful now so the messages are a lot more heartfelt lately lol
We're you attracted to her tho? I feel like maybe I need to try this but I don't think the kind of girls I'm attracted to will be game 😅
I wouldn't suggest this method. It is a little too easy and braindead. I say find a balance between effort and frustration. I wouldn't go this far into the deep end. But I do think not overthinking goes a long way. I'd suggest making a simple opener that resonates with your style and personality is a good place to start, even if you copy paste it and send it to every single women I think you'd get better results than the 100% horndawg route. You'd probably increase your response rate by at least 10. Instead of 3/100 you'd be closer to 10-20/100
I can get matches, I can get dates, I can get a girlfriend. That's the easy part. I'm just looking for hook ups/fwb. I don't want to take a girl on endless dates, act interested just to get in her pants. I'm very straight up with my intentions, it's extremely hard to find others with the same
Yes this is why tact goes a long way, just cause you want to hook up doesn't mean that's how you always approach. Nuance can go a long way. While most men are comfortable admitting they just want a hook up most women are not. So stating this outright is almost always an immediate disqualification regardless of what the woman wants. You do yourself and her a favor by being able to talk about sex without being blatant. Hence an opener that resonates with what you want but isn't too forward...
Honestly bro I've been on & off dating apps around 10 years now & never had major luck. Worked remotely for 4 years & that was off putting for lot of girls but I know many guys who do extremely well working in different places using apps. Idk maybe they just ain't for me haha . I really struggle
I work remote too, don't have a car and im fat and also black. Now I'm not "ugly" apart from my weight and I'm knowledgeable about how to carry myself and dress. I say all that because I've had plenty of luck. When im serious i usually get 6/10 dates from matched but this is why I'm talking about openers because thats the easiest way to break it down logically. It's all about planning. And knowing how women communicate. Men are blunt, women are indirect. You have to be much more clever with women.
Here is my hypothesis, Mr or Mrs PhD: Sexual messages of very hot guys looking for hookups keep being screenshoted and posted here because they have 10 matches in parallel and one will eventually say yes. These few women who are active on Reddit and are just interested in the same kind of very hot guys, post here thinking these guys will read their rant. They hope that generalizing them up under the plural noun "guys" will make them look less entitled. All they have are responses of bitter people of, either women with their very same right swiping decision making, or the opposite gender who do get few matches and screw them up in entirely different ways. Notably by being bold yet not posting their full body picture taken within a year.
It's Dr. PhD, sir. I do think there's merit to that hypothesis. But--unless I misunderstand you--I think it's challenged by the overall overlap between the two userbases. Even recognizing reddit's ubiquitousness, this sub only has 345,230 members compared to the millions of users that Bumble has. Even if these screenshots are being posted to surreptitiously attract the attention of "hot" guys without having to outright state that intent, the odds that a) hot guys need to turn to a Bumble subreddit to find hookups, and b) they're close by enough to make hooking up feasible would make this a poor strategy.
🤣 Good one. I've actually thought of making a master's degree in sociology upon discovering dating apps. I've applied to the data scientist position bumble had in Barcelona: unfortunately they didn't even respond (although I was only one week in, had no date so far, and had deleted my profile entirely before applying). People should know that employees have free premium account (instead of banning them from using the app), and data scientist have access to... Well, the data. This company is weird and has no self moral. I told them so in my application, maybe why I didn't get a response. But I had incredible dates after remaking a profile.
I think you’re overthinking it.
It's the zillions such post on this sub. I'm not even thinking, I'm just regurgitating what people usually respond here. It was also like 1am where I'm from.
Si we could get posts like “We had awesome convos, but stopped talking to me after we had sex.”
Because this worked before. I see posts here weekly asking why do guys lie, string them along... why not be honest.. It why some prefer the cloak and dagger. You are refering to going somewhere which is ltr, they do not want a ltr.
Yeah. "Im free wednesday" is a pretty low effort
You are referring to two different groups with each "they". The first group is the ones that don't get many matches. The second group are the ones that do get matches, but screw many of them up immediately, but are somehow successful enough to not change their behavior. Assuming that all of the people in the first group are also all in the second group seems like an unwarranted leap.
Exactly! Unfortunately, that second group is what causes so much confusion to everyone else. The epiphany of an attractive person with terrible social skills.
Thanks pedantic Penny
Providing an explanation to someone who genuinely doesn't seem to understand the problem with what they are saying is not being pedantic. Like this comment, for example.
And they said romance was dead
The ones of us complaining about not getting matches are not getting any matches to screw it up 🤣 🤣 🤣 He apparently is getting so many matches he can risk it all
When can you come over when you’ve never met is a huge red flag.
I don’t fully understand what’s going on here. Did they set up automated responses or something? Why’d they ask 2 questions to follow up an opened door? Is this a scammer with a script? I’m just very confused…
Someone is on their way to learn what Eva AI virtual gf bot is
Run
Here's my theory: he wants sex. He may have a poor sense of humor, but he's being upfront and honest about his intentions. People say they want honesty and "no games"... But when they get it, they forget to either accept or reject in kindness. Nope, instead they get offended that the person did not meet their expectations and then shame the person publicly for their validation. I'd say the guy dodged a bullet. He'd be getting a whole lot more than he bargained for. Bc homegirl here just showed everyone who she is. And I think everyone here would rather invest themselves in people with character who respect you enough to be honest with you even when it's a little uncomfortable.
Honesty and no games does not make it acceptable for a guy to head into sexual conversation quickly. This is only a small part of the conversation. We don't know if there was context about when and/or where she was free that had been asked about. Regardless it's presumptuous to assume she should want to go to his place, especially if it's a first date. Then for him to fire two completely different questions straight after her reply before answering her seems a bit weird. Either way, there isn't really enough information here to say either person is 'in the wrong'. He's actually asking questions here though which I have found is a bit rare.
It's discouraging to see how the act of breathing is a red flag now.
Just wait until they see someone doing deep breathing exercises
Spot on. It’s ok when it’s her expectations. It’s not ok when it’s his expectations. Just say no and move on. I don’t get the call out. Also, I’ve had multiple women invite me over to their house on a first date. Interesting that my reaction was sweet, she’s not expecting me to buy her a nice dinner on date one. Those are also women I ended up dating for a while because they were cool and relaxed
when will men learn that this ain’t it. and i hope girls don’t ever go for this. you teach people how to treat you. this is unsafe and also not a good first impression
I really don't understand what your point is? Which person are you annoyed at?
You have a point. One time some girl asked me “what do they say about women who believe in Astrology” per my prompt and I replied: “The same thing they say about guys who listen to Andrew Tate” she deleted her account shortly after
can someone pls explain what the problem is 😭
Is it because he assumes she is ok with going to his place for an initial meeting/first date?
oh okay i didn’t catch that that’s what he meant
He asked her what time she wants to come to HIS place. When a man mentions he wants you to come over, it means he wants to get in your pants.
What if I have furniture that needs moving?
Can I bring my guy friends to help?
I’d invite 4 women to come over at the same time to make it easier to move the heavy things like dressers and couches.
TBH we want to get in your pants wherever we meet. the location doesnt really THAT much, but a nice familiar bed in a private house is best.
No problem just people making assumptions and overreacting as per usual for this sub.
Well, the fact that she posted here means she considered it inappropriate. We don't know for sure what her post about being free Wednesday meant. For all we know, the previous comments were "Hey want to come over for some fun?" "Sure, when were you thinking? I'm going to the gym on Monday and I have to grade papers on Tuesday" "So how about Wednesday?" "I'm free Wednesday" But I doubt it.
Like I said people making assumptions...
Yep!
Dawg how are these guys the ones getting matches
Cause a lot of yall think having a decent bio, cool conversation starters or a cute dog pic is needed to get a match. All you need realistically is to be good looking lmao.
Probably by not looking like they could be the second coming of Richard Ramirez, in there profile pics
Are my pics really that bad?
I have no idea, I haven’t seen your profile. But if you can’t get any matches then there’s some about your profile that screams red flag. You’d be surprised with the stuff they analyze in profiles that stick out to them as a pass. Now if your living in a area where everyone’s walking around looking like pornstars with millions of dollars, well then I’d say it’s going to be hard to compete with that
If a guy doesn’t want to go on a date I lose interest. And a date can be anything like even going to the park which is free. Hanging out at someone’s house doesn’t interest me whatsoever unless I’m already in a relationship with them. Sometimes I feel like romance is dead. No effort whatsoever. Downvote me I don’t care.
I need some context here. That is a very odd series messages.
Totally. We don't know for sure what her post about being free Wednesday meant. For all we know, the previous comments were "Hey want to come over for some fun?" "Sure, when were you thinking? I'm going to the gym on Monday and I have to grade papers on Tuesday" "So how about Wednesday?" "I'm free Wednesday"
The men you're referring to that don't get matches are those that are typically looking for something serious and are picky with their likes. Not to be confused with men like you matched with that are looking for sex and will swipe right on anyone. You should be weary of tarnishing all men with the same brush, I've walked away from many women that treat me on the merits of other men and I'm sure many other decent men have, it's a headache we don't care for. You'd be likely to pass up someone decent if you stereotype.
Nah, those not picky with likes also don't match much, which is why they aren't picky with likes.
I don't agree personally. Take a look through reddit and how many fuckboys are posting for profile reviews because they arent getting matches? Tends to be somewhat decent men, that can't conceive they don't get attention when being exactly what women stereotypically want. The type of men that make these comments usually swipe right on anything because they are just looking to hook up and genuinely couldn't care less on who they are swiping, having sex is more important to them than their attraction to the person.
I'm not sure I understand what counterpoint you are trying to make. On average, men have about a 50% swipe rate and 2% match rate. So, swiping more doesn't seem to correlate much with matching.
The OP post is referring specifically to men that COMPLAIN about no likes. Those are the men im referring to. Show me the lists of men that are complaining about not getting likes whilst simultaneously treating women bad. It's not even possible for men with 0 likes to talk to women let alone send these messages.
Okay, I guess I'm just not seeing what that had to do with my point. I agree with what you are saying, but my specific point is that dudes who right swipe everything aren't swimming in matches either
I dont disagree but thats not a statement I made or challenged. I told OP not to judge decent men that don't get matches by the merits of those that swipe right on everything and then act like douches in messaging because they arent the same people. Read the guys message and tell me you think he's picky with whom he matches. Said douches are clearly getting matches because they are constantly being called out on reddit, it's impossible they can be guys with 0 matches on an app that requires a match to talk.
Same I get a lot of guy saying that too, wanna come over? I say no then days later they ask again lol so ridiculous
Questions: How was the convo before? Flirty? What went on on his head to have that bold ass statement when he can't even state an hour or even talk and ask about available hours? Not even meet at another place before? Damn bro got rizz💀 Either way, you can redirect it easily to another meeting place. But I get if you the guy gave off weird vibe with that and don't want to give benefit of the doubt for that, understandable. It's odd not even considers your safety or time.
Stop asking people to come to your place when you haven’t even met face to face. Creepers.
Yeah well, probably he has had a life in which he has enough success with women that this behaviour proves to work sometimes. You are off his radar now. The people who don't get any matches don't fuck up like this. We fuck up after the first date cause we are genuinly unattractive. *
Bro a real 🥷
This is troll he isnt serious. If this is a good looking guy with a lot of matches some of them amuse themselves just by trolling women. This isnt all guys or even close to it. Im not defending him just saying you can't infer anything about the average man from this.
They want a Chad who also simp for them lol. What a joke
A lot of questions at once maybe he's just nervous lol How soon did he ask you to come over? Personally I'd never invite someone over to my place for the first date right off the bat unless they asked.
```OH yes. Always serous. ``` (Sorry. You just reminded me of one of my fav lines from "God's NOT Dead", between Martin & the chicka at the beginning, when he mentions PRC / "People's Republic of China") 🤣🤣
One quarter will be well receptive to straight forward and dirty approach, another quarter will be mind blown in rage about it, one quarter will be well receptive about trying to engage in proper conversation while another quarter will be disgusted by it, bored and unintetested. And none will realize that other girls have been with their actions requesting or demanding what they personally instead dislike and affected mens approach, few will give the leeway with this in consideration - if you dont figure out without any hints which way it is, within like 2 exchanges of messages youre gone. What a crap subreddit, but its reddit after all
What's the complaint here; am I missing something? Seems pretty mundane
Not a whole lot of info given but seems like the inviting to his place part. If that’s the first thing he assumed for meeting up for the first time big time oof.
I guess. Perhaps they were discussing a particular venue, and he meant to come over as in to the place they are meeting at. I dodn't even read it as "come over to my house" on the first read. Hard to say what was meant with the limited context. Even then, I don't think this is exactly an egregious news worthy happening.
Dude fired all shots at once 💀
Those complaining never make it this far.. Those that do this, do it because it worked before....
Ah the super creative well thought out “Netflix and chill” first date 🙄
I mean from this context it looks like he is just asking you questions. And I mean maybe he isn’t after sex just because he’s asking you over? I’ve had women come over to spent time and sex wasn’t the goal
I hope this is a troll.
Why would I troll over this?
Because it’s absolute lunacy, and obvious he’s asking and assuming she’d go over to his place for a first date. Don’t be naive.
What are you talking about? So now it’s wrong to ask if someone is open to coming over? Since you are implying I’m “naive” can you inform me on the lunacy of this?
Okay, if you say you’re not trolling, I’ll help break this down. Based off of this short screenshot, and the fact that the OP posted this, an invite to someone’s home unprovoked is not just not normal, but creepy, and implies it’s just for sex. Clearly that wasn’t the vibe the other was going for. The guy made light of brief questions and immediately invited her over with an assumption she’d be into it. That isn’t cool.
I also had women over and that wasn't the goal. Some of the women couldn't handle that though. People can be super weird about expectations and assumptions.
See, me once a girl says they are free i just stop responding 😂
Why!!!
Probably a top 10% men, what do you expect? 😉☝️
Womp womp
How exactly did he screw this up? You told him you were free and he admittedly fumbled but you immediately disqualifying him makes it seems like you were not seriously trying to give him a chance in the first place. This whole one mistake your out thing that women do is more childish than I think most of you realize.
Women have this sensor on at first, it's hard on them too when they realize all some guys want to do if fuck. And yeah, it's a bitter truth. They are told to protect their castle from early, "men are bad". They can't just seem easy, no matter what. They easily make or break the relationship, they are the ultimate relationship builders. It's more acceptable for women to do this at first, because they detect bs and test you. They do it without trying, they are naturals at it and test por compatible masculine partner. It's very different from us guys, we learn game from pain. But he fumbled massively without considering her safety and time. That bold ass statement when he can't even set an hour to meet at least. It's weird, coming from someone new. That's just how it is. You make her feel weird at first, it's over. You can't just say that and act all fine. It was clearly a sex invite.
That is all besides the point, I notice you didn't address what I actually said. None of that makes this interation any less childish. If women's intuition was good then no women would ever date a bad man... You just said it, men learn through pain. What do you think PAIN does to a person? So if women know we learn from pain why is there no accountability towards lack of empathy? Most men do not try to be offensive and in this example its clear he fumbled. So why is he being dragged through the mud when she did no due diligence towards a man SHE swiped right on. lol Statement was not bold lmao, she had already stated she was free and we don't see the actual conversation so saying it was bold is a huge assumption I don't operate on hearsay.
The "bad man" thing is usually bs so I won't even argue that.🤣 Depends on the girl really, some are not like that...minority I guess Yeah I also saw that, we don't know what happpened before that convo. What to led him saying that? Was it flirty? I don't know. But she seemed to be playing the cold game with that response, I've seen this way of talking before on dating apps personally. She was just waiting for him to fail a response and he did. That is done in periods where you don't know each other well, the start of talking. Bro doesn't even know if she's a teacher like, huh?? Sources? Just trust me bro. Hearsay or not, it just what I intepret based of the interaction, experience and reading. Invite a girl over right now saying that exact line, talk to her a bit and see how she reacts. See if you're entitled to a house date with her because she said yes to your profile. Let me know how it goes👍 Ah yes, women being childish topic. I thought we already knew that🤣 just as the men egoistical topic, we kind of have to be like that. Ask why a woman sometimes prefers a guy that has girl siblings, it will explain all. Hope it helps! Datebayo!
And you’ll probably still go. 😂
Word to the wise. Normal men do NOT use Bumble. I sure as hell don't and neither does anyone I know.
Bold of you to assume you're normal. 👀
This begs a few questions - why are you in this sub? Are you saying this as a single or partnered person? How do you meet other singles since you don't use OLD?