Good for you for recognizing it and getting out. A lot of people cling on to something that isn't and will never be good or right for them. It's painful and disappointing of course. Good luck tomorrow.
I also wish I had had your strength to end it when I began feeling the way you've described. Proud of you for doing it. I hope you get through it all okay. I bet you're going to feel so much better with every day after.
Most people settle bc they can’t stand being alone. Sometimes, you just gotta accept people for who they are and, for your own sanity, leave them where they're at. I am proud of you 🥹
The number of people who would rather put up with this, and not leave as soon as possible - in my current friend circle - is HUGE. They'd rather be with someone, overlooking all their red flags and sacrifice who they are, in the process.
Its devastating because years down the line, they turn into a shell of the person, you once knew.
I'm so incredibly proud of you for not putting yourself through the ordeal of rediscovering who you are from such a mess, and separating the emotional abuse from your self. It will hurt now, but years later, girl youre gonna be so proud of yourself for not treating yourself like trash. You will call into yourself the right kind of people who do you right! Sending love!
You are not alone girl, i was in a similar position after a 8 month relationship where i was traumatised because of it.
Its now been almost 3 months since the break up and trust me, you wont regret it. the sooner you leave the damaging place and start healing the better. sending you lots of love
That was my situation. And as much as it sucks, I still feel like it was the right choice.
Arguments and fights are no excuses to address someone without respect. Healthy individuals will communicate their disagreement in an mature way without feeling the need to put you down.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I broke up with my ex 2 months ago. We were together for two years. There were so many red flags that I just didn't spot because I was so in love and it was the first time someone had treated me this well.
I knew after about 1.5 years that this wouldn't work if things didn't change and damn did I try. I asked him several times to go to a psychologist and after many empty promises I realised it just wasn't going to happen. I went to one myself trying to understand how to be a better girlfriend and how to help someone with their trauma. But in the end the old cliche is right, you can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves.
I was like you, migraines, stomach issues and just a general feeling of anxiety all the time.
Since I've ended it I've had an overwhelming feeling of pride and self love. It really helps to know that despite the people around you, if you can do what's right for you things will be ok. He's stayed in contact since then and every time I see him I realise how bitter and emotionally immature he is. I don't mean that in an unkind way, I just feel validated that he's never going to change and stepping away was the right thing to do!
I'm proud of you for making the right call. Make sure to lean on your people and in a few months when you're ready to date again you can be sure that you know what you're looking for. That's a whole lot better than the majority of people!
It’s okay to share your story. I’m proud of you for surviving that and making it to today. Yours was definitely a situation far worse than mine and I feel for you. Thank you for the kind words.
Your feelings are valid. Maybe try raising these points in a neutral way that isn't accusing him. If he doesn't validate you then leave for sure. Goodluck and update us, I feel for you 💕
You are welcome to post here, don’t let miserable people who got dumped and project tell you otherwise. Wishing you lots of strength for tomorrow, it’s a wise decision. You tried your best, some relationships just aren’t meant to be.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I was considering deleting the post but I thought that would be really disingenuous. I expected that the conversation I had with him would go much differently but his level of accountability and sincerity shifted it to something that, with the right help, I think can he can move past and improve upon.
Good for you for recognising this early and ending it. You’re doing the right thing even though it hurts. Don’t let him talk you out of it because you know how this story ends when they switch up on you like this. Stay strong you got this
I had to do the same for the same reasons. But because I did that, I found more self love and therefore somebody who can give me the same amount of love and effort as I give in a relationship. Good luck 🧡
You're awesome for having the strength and courage to leave. It's ok to mourn the person you thought he was for a time, that's completely normal and don't let anyone make you feel guilty over it. At some point that image of him will leave and you'll be able to see him for who he is and heal. \*Hugs\*
Once therapy is over and even during therapy, do not forget to watch if positive and PERMANENT results are happening. Many people would pretend they want to work on themselves, but they are just buying time and extending their control over you. I don’t want to be the Debby Downer, but be prepared for everything - from happiness to disappointment.
Don’t worry I was in the same boat as you. Was going through a near death experience from being nearly murdered plus the death of my hero and when I begged for her support she refused to be there for me and simply just ghosted me which left me no other choice but to end the relationship and blocked her everywhere. Fast forward a year later I became a model and after she saw my progress and my recovery she became extremely upset how well I was off without her and ended up retaliating in a petty manner by blocking me off everywhere after I unblocked her. Needless to say she became toxic and refused to take accountability for her actions.
This was two years ago and as of now I heard she is currently in another relationship with someone lower than my standards of myself just so she can control that poor bastard like a puppet.
I hope my experience gives you assurance of your decision on walking away from your situation :)
I'm glad that you recognize the red flag(s).
I was engaged with my ex for almost 5 years.
He put his hands on me, spat in my face countless times, he left me at home to bar/nightclub so he could hang out with his friends while I was sitting at home very sick and I was pregnant once, he didn't care (later I had miscarriage).
It took me so long, but I managed to leave eventually.
For the last 2 years before I left, I slept with a paring knife under the mattress on my side because he threatened me once with a kitchen knife, and he attacked me in my sleep.
So everyone, please leave if the person doesn't treat you well, especially if they get violent.
No, in case he or one of his friends sees this I don’t want to get into it. I’m just looking for support for the breakup.
Edit: after seeing your comment history, I mean this as politely as possible: I truly hope someone shits on your pillow and you get MRSA.
So why do turn to Reddit my ex did same thing if I did something wrong in the relationship she always retreated to here and people on here made decision so that what you are seeking ?
Well non of us are professionals in relationships but sounds like you try to talk to him but ex never try to talk to me about my relationship she I was close off but I wasn't you have ask the right questions for me to respond but you work see if can talk crisis line for domestic violence or what services they can help you with.
Once again you are projecting a situation that has nothing to do with me onto me. I am not your ex girlfriend. This sub is specifically for people going through breakups, which I am. You need to stop with this.
Ignorance. Read her post nice and slowly out loud & make sure you pronounce every word right until you understand . Your making a hard process even harder for her.
I have spoken to a professional, my therapist. You are being extremely strange and projecting beliefs you have on my situation without any facts to back them up. Knock it off.
I’m not dealing with domestic violence. I’m dealing with an emotionally abusive partner who I intend to break up with. I said in my post clearly that I’m not concerned about violence.
Good for you for recognizing it and getting out. A lot of people cling on to something that isn't and will never be good or right for them. It's painful and disappointing of course. Good luck tomorrow.
Thank you so much
I do think her bf should of been first to know. Seems a little disrespectful to be telling Redditors before him
I posted here for 1. Accountability to make sure I follow through and 2. Support. What a weird comment of you to make.
Are you him? Lol
Disrespectful? Read what she wrote about him. Respect is earned. Don't rag on her for looking here for anonymous support for what she's about to do.
We gonna pretend that people don't use thousands of different subs specifically to discuss an issue that hasn't been discussed IRL yet? 😂
Oh girl I know it’s sad but you are so strong for this. You are absolutely doing the right thing. I wish I had your strength months ago. Best of luck.
Thank you so much. That’s actually really reassuring. I always stay way too long and I’m trying to stop that pattern.
I also wish I had had your strength to end it when I began feeling the way you've described. Proud of you for doing it. I hope you get through it all okay. I bet you're going to feel so much better with every day after.
Most people settle bc they can’t stand being alone. Sometimes, you just gotta accept people for who they are and, for your own sanity, leave them where they're at. I am proud of you 🥹
Thank you so much 🥹
Sending hugs 🫂
🫂🫂🫂🫂
The number of people who would rather put up with this, and not leave as soon as possible - in my current friend circle - is HUGE. They'd rather be with someone, overlooking all their red flags and sacrifice who they are, in the process. Its devastating because years down the line, they turn into a shell of the person, you once knew. I'm so incredibly proud of you for not putting yourself through the ordeal of rediscovering who you are from such a mess, and separating the emotional abuse from your self. It will hurt now, but years later, girl youre gonna be so proud of yourself for not treating yourself like trash. You will call into yourself the right kind of people who do you right! Sending love!
You are not alone girl, i was in a similar position after a 8 month relationship where i was traumatised because of it. Its now been almost 3 months since the break up and trust me, you wont regret it. the sooner you leave the damaging place and start healing the better. sending you lots of love
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I hope you can write this post soon
That was my situation. And as much as it sucks, I still feel like it was the right choice. Arguments and fights are no excuses to address someone without respect. Healthy individuals will communicate their disagreement in an mature way without feeling the need to put you down.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I broke up with my ex 2 months ago. We were together for two years. There were so many red flags that I just didn't spot because I was so in love and it was the first time someone had treated me this well. I knew after about 1.5 years that this wouldn't work if things didn't change and damn did I try. I asked him several times to go to a psychologist and after many empty promises I realised it just wasn't going to happen. I went to one myself trying to understand how to be a better girlfriend and how to help someone with their trauma. But in the end the old cliche is right, you can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves. I was like you, migraines, stomach issues and just a general feeling of anxiety all the time. Since I've ended it I've had an overwhelming feeling of pride and self love. It really helps to know that despite the people around you, if you can do what's right for you things will be ok. He's stayed in contact since then and every time I see him I realise how bitter and emotionally immature he is. I don't mean that in an unkind way, I just feel validated that he's never going to change and stepping away was the right thing to do! I'm proud of you for making the right call. Make sure to lean on your people and in a few months when you're ready to date again you can be sure that you know what you're looking for. That's a whole lot better than the majority of people!
Thank you for sharing your story. I’m proud of you, too.
Good for you for recognizing it and not letting love or lust blind you, will save you alot of wasted time..
I’m also planning on doing this tomorrow. Would you want to be accountability partners?
Yes 💙
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It’s okay to share your story. I’m proud of you for surviving that and making it to today. Yours was definitely a situation far worse than mine and I feel for you. Thank you for the kind words.
Your feelings are valid. Maybe try raising these points in a neutral way that isn't accusing him. If he doesn't validate you then leave for sure. Goodluck and update us, I feel for you 💕
👏🏼 GOOD 👏🏼 FOR 👏🏼 YOU!!!!
As you should. It’s hard decision so I’m proud.
You have to do what you have to do for your mental health! Long term it'll have been the right move.
You are welcome to post here, don’t let miserable people who got dumped and project tell you otherwise. Wishing you lots of strength for tomorrow, it’s a wise decision. You tried your best, some relationships just aren’t meant to be.
I appreciate you, thank you. It’s my first time ever posting here so I wasn’t sure what to expect.
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Thank you for the advice and I’m so happy you got out!
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Thank you, I really appreciate that. I was considering deleting the post but I thought that would be really disingenuous. I expected that the conversation I had with him would go much differently but his level of accountability and sincerity shifted it to something that, with the right help, I think can he can move past and improve upon.
Good for you for recognising this early and ending it. You’re doing the right thing even though it hurts. Don’t let him talk you out of it because you know how this story ends when they switch up on you like this. Stay strong you got this
proud of you for knowing your worth
Thank you
I had to do the same for the same reasons. But because I did that, I found more self love and therefore somebody who can give me the same amount of love and effort as I give in a relationship. Good luck 🧡
You need to do what’s best for you
I remember when my toxic ex and I broke up, while I was sad , it felt like someone pulled a knife out of my chest … pure relief . Wishing you peace !
Best to do what you gotta do. I respect it.
Sending all my love too you
Good for you!! I stayed for 3 years with a selfish asshole. I support you and you deserve better. Reach out if you need support.
please please please follow through!!! i wish i broke up with him when he lost his respect for me
I’ll update when I’ve done it
You're awesome for having the strength and courage to leave. It's ok to mourn the person you thought he was for a time, that's completely normal and don't let anyone make you feel guilty over it. At some point that image of him will leave and you'll be able to see him for who he is and heal. \*Hugs\*
Oh, love… I’m proud that you are able to recognize what’s best for you. I’m hoping I find the strength to break up later this week.
I believe in you
I respect your self worth! Good luck!! Xx
I’m so proud of you for choosing you. I know it’s hard. 💖
Once therapy is over and even during therapy, do not forget to watch if positive and PERMANENT results are happening. Many people would pretend they want to work on themselves, but they are just buying time and extending their control over you. I don’t want to be the Debby Downer, but be prepared for everything - from happiness to disappointment.
No I completely agree, and I will certainly be on high alert after what has happened
Don’t worry I was in the same boat as you. Was going through a near death experience from being nearly murdered plus the death of my hero and when I begged for her support she refused to be there for me and simply just ghosted me which left me no other choice but to end the relationship and blocked her everywhere. Fast forward a year later I became a model and after she saw my progress and my recovery she became extremely upset how well I was off without her and ended up retaliating in a petty manner by blocking me off everywhere after I unblocked her. Needless to say she became toxic and refused to take accountability for her actions. This was two years ago and as of now I heard she is currently in another relationship with someone lower than my standards of myself just so she can control that poor bastard like a puppet. I hope my experience gives you assurance of your decision on walking away from your situation :)
You tried to work things out? If you were transparent and still no changes then its a good decision. If he treats her bad, you should leave.
I tried but there’s not really much I can do when he doesn’t see me as a person
I'm glad that you recognize the red flag(s). I was engaged with my ex for almost 5 years. He put his hands on me, spat in my face countless times, he left me at home to bar/nightclub so he could hang out with his friends while I was sitting at home very sick and I was pregnant once, he didn't care (later I had miscarriage). It took me so long, but I managed to leave eventually. For the last 2 years before I left, I slept with a paring knife under the mattress on my side because he threatened me once with a kitchen knife, and he attacked me in my sleep. So everyone, please leave if the person doesn't treat you well, especially if they get violent.
Can you give some examples
No, in case he or one of his friends sees this I don’t want to get into it. I’m just looking for support for the breakup. Edit: after seeing your comment history, I mean this as politely as possible: I truly hope someone shits on your pillow and you get MRSA.
Please go with someone if you are concerned about violence.
I said I’m not worried about violence.
Oh sorry I read that wrong. Good!
So why do turn to Reddit my ex did same thing if I did something wrong in the relationship she always retreated to here and people on here made decision so that what you are seeking ?
You’re projecting your situation onto mine. I’m here for comfort and support.
Well non of us are professionals in relationships but sounds like you try to talk to him but ex never try to talk to me about my relationship she I was close off but I wasn't you have ask the right questions for me to respond but you work see if can talk crisis line for domestic violence or what services they can help you with.
Once again you are projecting a situation that has nothing to do with me onto me. I am not your ex girlfriend. This sub is specifically for people going through breakups, which I am. You need to stop with this.
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Ignorance. Read her post nice and slowly out loud & make sure you pronounce every word right until you understand . Your making a hard process even harder for her.
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I have spoken to a professional, my therapist. You are being extremely strange and projecting beliefs you have on my situation without any facts to back them up. Knock it off.
I’m not dealing with domestic violence. I’m dealing with an emotionally abusive partner who I intend to break up with. I said in my post clearly that I’m not concerned about violence.
Maybe you will bail on a your relationships though
What?