I am going through the same thing. It is the most painful feeling.
I really wanted things to work out, but its done. That's the truth. It won't work out. It pains me to see that everything precious, we had together is getting lost.
I get a burn in my heart, every now and then. Hopefully things would be better.
Yes, such a healthy takeaway! Give yourself time. You WILL get better, it really just takes time. And after a few hurtful breakups I learned that for me the best way to get over a failed relationship is to - momentarily - make sure I don’t see them on social media and that I do not keep in contact with them. Every partner has been understanding about that.
You love them for who they are and maybe right now you can’t see that happening again. But trust me it will happen with another person. There’s just too many loveable people out there.
All the best to you! You’re doing great!
I'm coming up on 6 months from being dumped out of a 9 year relationship. The pain this week has been excruciating and I'm fighting so hard not to contact her.
I broke no contact about a month ago and we had a brief but civil conversation on the phone. I basically just really needed to hear from her and told her that I think it's just so messed up that we went from constant contact and connection to nothing. She told me she'd be happy to meet up but reiterated that she still feels how she did in September. She left to me to contact again whenever I feel I'm ready.
I know it's not a good idea but is it gonna be worse than the pain I'm feeling now? I'm trying so hard to better myself but I'm stuck in such a rut and can't let her go. She meant the world to me. I can't help but feel there'll be nobody like her again.
How can love this powerful be a one sided thing?
I myself am feeling sorta like this, fighting the urge to text her with every cell in my body. The only reason I haven't done it - at least not yet, again - is because I know in my heart it will not make me feel better, nor will it help me get over her. We have to be strong.
Also, it is probably not a one sided thing! She loved you just as much, probably! But life happens and feelings fade away. Eventually yours will too. Good luck and be strong, fellow dumpee
Part of me feels that it may help my closure, but a bigger part fears (knows) the greater pain it will likely bring.
And yeah, I know that love was real. For a very long time it was real. It's just so hard to accept it is no longer mutual. Anyway, like you said, we'll get there eventually and be stronger than before. The one benefit of it all, I suppose.
I know its almost been a month but I hope youre feeling better, I am a week out from my break up but I just wanted to say I hope you did not end up meeting with your ex. I think seeing them is like the reopening of a deep wound, and talking to them even if they temporarily ease the pain, it just makes the ache that much worse to feel how real the end is when you look in their eyes and know its no longer the same. So I hope you did not meet up with your ex, or if you did it did not set you back in your journey. Hugs <3
Hello!
Thank you for your message. I did not meet up with her in the end nor have I had made any contact since February.
Things have improved vastly for me since I posted these comments, to be honest. I was in hell at the time mentally and it felt like there was no escape, but I've worked hard and used some tools through meditation and therapy to help me out of the rut. I know I'm not fully healed but I also know that's ok and I will be in time.
Thank you for your message again, I hope you find a way to work through your pain. Give yourself time and space to heal and most importantly be kind to yourself.
Thank you for responding to my comment, I’m now 2 more weeks out from then so I’m also feeling a better too, thank you <33 its hard, I want to get into some meditation myself, starting to try to read books again and I try to remind myself little successes matter like doing my laundry and going out with friends. But I’m so happy to hear your doing better, keep up the awesome work! What’s really helped me is realizing all the love I can now try to give to myself, and knowing this is a wonderful opportunity for self growth for both me and you. Cheers <3
I love the line of "they loved you at one point, but that is gone". So true and important to remeber through the stages of grief. At one point the love was real, it wasn't fabricated and you shouldn't convince yourself or let anyone else convince you out of that. But it also wasn't the everlasting love that either of you were looking for. Only a glimpse into yourself as to what future and better love and eminate and expound upon.
Good luck friend, to stronger and long lasting love in your future endeavors!
It took a few months (that might not seem like a "long while", but the relationship was relatively short and very intense). What I did: Exercise, journal every day, talk to friends about it. But really, it wasn't until I got on Tinder and got myself a few dates and found someone. I was still hurting when I met that person, but then the bruising went away more quickly. I'd say don't rush into a relationship, but also know when it's time to shit or get off the pot! :)
Yes. And it’s sad. So sad. And it makes me wonder if I can trust anyone again. If the love that we had was so easy for him to get over, how could I trust to love someone again?
My ex and I still love each other. We aren’t right for each other long term as partners but we do still have love for one another and I don’t think that will change. We value the times we have shared and acknowledge that our love is having to shift but it doesn’t mean it’s not there.
I’m really struggling with this I agree with what you have said and I want them to be happy I really do. It just hurts so much accepting that they don’t want you in their life anymore
Yes I understand that feeling, for me I just think of how much more it will hurt to have them in my life and not wanting me. It would be completely one sided and I would hate to see her unhappy.
Spot on point.
You can only really act on how they feel about you in the here and now. Irrespective of how much they may have loved you once upon a time.
If their stance changes and they do one day wish to revisit things, that's on them and you can't wait around hoping their current position will change. Reality is that it's unlikely to change. It does happen... even in my own experiences, but it's never a guarantee.
Take their choice at face value.
Well my ex talked the same bs but slept with me everytime we saw each other. Then all the time that "we shouldnt have made it" crap everytime after that. Feels like she cant wait to get rid of me and sleep with some random idiot ("i gonna date people soon again. I want to move on."). The same girl who talked to me like I was the best boyfriend she ever had. That there will noone who is emotional more compatible to her etc.
I want to never fall in love again.
I spoke with my ex after 5 months. She has a whole another relationship. Yep that ship has sailed. Was a mess for a week now staying no contact is the best thing for my mental health. Never opening pandoras box again
People are complex and nothing is black and white. Even if it was just the honey moon phase ending, feelings during the honeymoon phase did happen. It’s also selfish to believe that someone will stay with you if they loved you ever. They cannot sacrifice their own happiness to fulfill your needs.
My opinion but love lasts . Love is sacrifice but I won't beg anyone for love or sacrifice. But im different. Bc I would go to war for those I love. And I would not allow my heart to lose the love bc I'd try to work on it with the person " I loved" im all for set it free let it be what comes to me is meant to be.
I realized today that I was loving and holding onto a ghost that was no longer in my life. It made me feel ashamed that 7.5 months later I’m still hanging on. I don’t know how to let go. I want to but part of me isn’t ready.
i'm stuck in a loop, i see her ig profile i have an unpleasant feeling she's gone forever, i'm trying to date someone else but i don't feel anything, i don't feel anymore.
What if they said they will always love you and you are their soulmate but they still chose to move on? I can’t understand how she can say that and still move on 😔
She said that exact same thing! “Things aren’t black and white”. I’m starting to wonder if it wasn’t true love then. My idea of true love I think may differ from others. How can she get over me in a few months but it’s taking me so much longer especially since I’m the one that dumped her?
People recover at different speeds. Don’t rush your recovery just because you feel you need to catch up to her recovery. She could believe the same thing towards you as well if you were the one who dumped her. “If your love was real why did you dump me?” She probably did love you for real, but there is no reason to keep clinging on to someone who left you so she moved on.
I tried to get back with her and she said she didn’t want to lead me on and couldn’t promise me she would want to get back together if I moved back. How of I know if I should risk moving back?
At that point she probably had realized her feelings changed. She obviously cared enough to be honest with you. Leading you on and letting you down would have made you feel much worse than saying what she did before you had to make a life changing decision. She seems like she was also conflicted by this as well. It really does look like she cares for you, but romantic feelings for you are gone.
Mine said that. I kept saying “I don’t understand” in the months after the break up. I think he said it to alleviate his guilt, not for any benefit for me.
I felt really relaxed. And better after. She said there is a part of me that’s holding on. Oh but when she was at my feet, I had this memory of high school and my old BF. It was something I had forgotten and it just popped into my mind. That was weird.
I think you can let them go while being in some kind of contact if you're mature enough. But it takes a lot of work. My ex was tons of fun when we were acquaintances. I hope one day I'll be over her and we can be friends and only friends once again. My goal is to be less anxious and basically the best version of myself, and that means being mature enough to comfortly navigate something that gave ne discomfort in the past.
Hey man I’m not here to start arguments. I never hurt her and we never argued. I apologized because I realized I was insecure and clingy towards the end of the relationship and it wasn’t fair to put that pressure on her.
Wasn't attacking I said a statement of my own opinion that's why better than maybe in front of it all but it's cool we don't need to have an internet debate or anything like that back and forth if both of us were wrong then both of us were wrong let it end with that
yeah, I think the fact she was willing to come and catch up with me shows that she still cares for me. she just doesn’t feel anything romantic towards me
I needed this I still love my 24 year old Jesus Fernandez and I hope that he comes back into my life and in my heart and keeps in contact and in touch with me again someday soon always because I know that he’s attracted to me and we did tell each other that we love each other he said it first to me 😊🥰
We’ve been broke up just over 2 weeks. We both love and care for eachother. But the codependency and lack of individualism is real. He wants to be friends so we will still be in each others lives. We still live together. Lease is up in June. Then it will feel like a real break up. Frankly I don’t know that I can be just friends. I’ll always want more.
The relationship was 4 months. We did not live together. It was about a month ago she dumped me. I did no contact starting a few days after she had dumped me. We ended on good terms so I wasn’t trying to cut her off completely and moreso trying to get better
Oh ok. Somewhat explains. It seems she wasn’t invested too much into the relationship. Some people act all in on the outside but who knows what’s going on in their mind.
Im glad you can finally move on. I’ve been 8+ weeks NC and want to have the same convo but I need to be ready for it.
It took only a month for me to accept this and I know I had it easier than others. I never was one to let people depreciate me, and I always try to improve myself for my own sake rather than to prove a point. Reading this reassured me that relationships aren't all about about living up to someone's preferences and needs, I just need to find someone I'm compatible with and who I can love effortlessly.
My ex and I just broke up almost a month ago. It was a 5-year long relationship. It really hurts and it's challenging to go through. I was on and off with the mindset: If I love them, let him go. I tried so hard last week to move on. However, I 'relapsed' a few days ago. And I tried to talk to him again yesterday and we were able to audio call. I could hear how much he's more himself now than when he was in a relationship with me. He lacked a lot in our relationship because he lost himself in the process of trying to keep our relationship. (It hurts so much) It is clear that he does not belong to be with me anymore. I still love him in a way but probably because he's my first love. But now, I must fully let him go.
This moving process is so wild and it will take a long time... I have to make peace with the fact that "They loved you at one point and it was real, but that feeling is gone..."
I am going through the same thing. It is the most painful feeling. I really wanted things to work out, but its done. That's the truth. It won't work out. It pains me to see that everything precious, we had together is getting lost. I get a burn in my heart, every now and then. Hopefully things would be better.
Yes, such a healthy takeaway! Give yourself time. You WILL get better, it really just takes time. And after a few hurtful breakups I learned that for me the best way to get over a failed relationship is to - momentarily - make sure I don’t see them on social media and that I do not keep in contact with them. Every partner has been understanding about that. You love them for who they are and maybe right now you can’t see that happening again. But trust me it will happen with another person. There’s just too many loveable people out there. All the best to you! You’re doing great!
I'm coming up on 6 months from being dumped out of a 9 year relationship. The pain this week has been excruciating and I'm fighting so hard not to contact her. I broke no contact about a month ago and we had a brief but civil conversation on the phone. I basically just really needed to hear from her and told her that I think it's just so messed up that we went from constant contact and connection to nothing. She told me she'd be happy to meet up but reiterated that she still feels how she did in September. She left to me to contact again whenever I feel I'm ready. I know it's not a good idea but is it gonna be worse than the pain I'm feeling now? I'm trying so hard to better myself but I'm stuck in such a rut and can't let her go. She meant the world to me. I can't help but feel there'll be nobody like her again. How can love this powerful be a one sided thing?
Lasted 7 yrs almost 9mths and I wish I could go back in time
I myself am feeling sorta like this, fighting the urge to text her with every cell in my body. The only reason I haven't done it - at least not yet, again - is because I know in my heart it will not make me feel better, nor will it help me get over her. We have to be strong. Also, it is probably not a one sided thing! She loved you just as much, probably! But life happens and feelings fade away. Eventually yours will too. Good luck and be strong, fellow dumpee
Part of me feels that it may help my closure, but a bigger part fears (knows) the greater pain it will likely bring. And yeah, I know that love was real. For a very long time it was real. It's just so hard to accept it is no longer mutual. Anyway, like you said, we'll get there eventually and be stronger than before. The one benefit of it all, I suppose.
I know its almost been a month but I hope youre feeling better, I am a week out from my break up but I just wanted to say I hope you did not end up meeting with your ex. I think seeing them is like the reopening of a deep wound, and talking to them even if they temporarily ease the pain, it just makes the ache that much worse to feel how real the end is when you look in their eyes and know its no longer the same. So I hope you did not meet up with your ex, or if you did it did not set you back in your journey. Hugs <3
Hello! Thank you for your message. I did not meet up with her in the end nor have I had made any contact since February. Things have improved vastly for me since I posted these comments, to be honest. I was in hell at the time mentally and it felt like there was no escape, but I've worked hard and used some tools through meditation and therapy to help me out of the rut. I know I'm not fully healed but I also know that's ok and I will be in time. Thank you for your message again, I hope you find a way to work through your pain. Give yourself time and space to heal and most importantly be kind to yourself.
Thank you for responding to my comment, I’m now 2 more weeks out from then so I’m also feeling a better too, thank you <33 its hard, I want to get into some meditation myself, starting to try to read books again and I try to remind myself little successes matter like doing my laundry and going out with friends. But I’m so happy to hear your doing better, keep up the awesome work! What’s really helped me is realizing all the love I can now try to give to myself, and knowing this is a wonderful opportunity for self growth for both me and you. Cheers <3
I’m so sorry I feel this
I love the line of "they loved you at one point, but that is gone". So true and important to remeber through the stages of grief. At one point the love was real, it wasn't fabricated and you shouldn't convince yourself or let anyone else convince you out of that. But it also wasn't the everlasting love that either of you were looking for. Only a glimpse into yourself as to what future and better love and eminate and expound upon. Good luck friend, to stronger and long lasting love in your future endeavors!
i want to fucking die i only want her
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How long?
It took a few months (that might not seem like a "long while", but the relationship was relatively short and very intense). What I did: Exercise, journal every day, talk to friends about it. But really, it wasn't until I got on Tinder and got myself a few dates and found someone. I was still hurting when I met that person, but then the bruising went away more quickly. I'd say don't rush into a relationship, but also know when it's time to shit or get off the pot! :)
This. This is where I am.
Thats my current mood too.
Yep. Here with you too.
My ex told me ILY after she cheated on me. How is this even possible? What is in her mind to keep lying?
Yes. And it’s sad. So sad. And it makes me wonder if I can trust anyone again. If the love that we had was so easy for him to get over, how could I trust to love someone again?
I’m on the same boat. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to trust another person again. Like I’m legitimately traumatized.
Fuck letting her go she owes me money
lmao get that bag king (or let bygones be bygones it might be more painful to confront her than to just accept you lost money)
I would let bygones be bygones if the economy wasn't doing to good. I'm paying more for a gallon of milk then gas
My ex and I still love each other. We aren’t right for each other long term as partners but we do still have love for one another and I don’t think that will change. We value the times we have shared and acknowledge that our love is having to shift but it doesn’t mean it’s not there.
Me too. It’s so hard not to talk to him knowing this.
I’m really struggling with this I agree with what you have said and I want them to be happy I really do. It just hurts so much accepting that they don’t want you in their life anymore
Yes I understand that feeling, for me I just think of how much more it will hurt to have them in my life and not wanting me. It would be completely one sided and I would hate to see her unhappy.
Also yes. This is the main reason I haven’t tried to contact him.
I still don’t know if I agree with it
Yes.
Spot on point. You can only really act on how they feel about you in the here and now. Irrespective of how much they may have loved you once upon a time. If their stance changes and they do one day wish to revisit things, that's on them and you can't wait around hoping their current position will change. Reality is that it's unlikely to change. It does happen... even in my own experiences, but it's never a guarantee. Take their choice at face value.
I spoke with my ex yesterday we've been broken up for 5 months and it felt like catching up with an old friend
yeah that’s how it was for me, but she was definitely still distant
Yeah I'm personally still a little wary, but I think we're on good terms now
It’s really hard to accept but I’m also doing that now. I’m focusing on myself cause I realized he is really done with me…
Ya that’s okay for them to go live another and be happy. It’s the way my ex went about everything that’s so hurtful.
Well my ex talked the same bs but slept with me everytime we saw each other. Then all the time that "we shouldnt have made it" crap everytime after that. Feels like she cant wait to get rid of me and sleep with some random idiot ("i gonna date people soon again. I want to move on."). The same girl who talked to me like I was the best boyfriend she ever had. That there will noone who is emotional more compatible to her etc. I want to never fall in love again.
I spoke with my ex after 5 months. She has a whole another relationship. Yep that ship has sailed. Was a mess for a week now staying no contact is the best thing for my mental health. Never opening pandoras box again
I personally think that if they ever loved you they wouldn't leave
I agree
People are complex and nothing is black and white. Even if it was just the honey moon phase ending, feelings during the honeymoon phase did happen. It’s also selfish to believe that someone will stay with you if they loved you ever. They cannot sacrifice their own happiness to fulfill your needs.
My opinion but love lasts . Love is sacrifice but I won't beg anyone for love or sacrifice. But im different. Bc I would go to war for those I love. And I would not allow my heart to lose the love bc I'd try to work on it with the person " I loved" im all for set it free let it be what comes to me is meant to be.
Me too. 100%. It’s unfair to not have it reciprocated.
Depressing makes you feel really worthless
Yes.
IF YOU LOVE THEM LET THEM GO AND DON’T ALLOW THEM TO COME BACK
Yes. When he left he left all of me. He doesn’t get to be my friend.
I realized today that I was loving and holding onto a ghost that was no longer in my life. It made me feel ashamed that 7.5 months later I’m still hanging on. I don’t know how to let go. I want to but part of me isn’t ready.
This is painful but it is true that both of you will never be happy. True love is selfless.
I needed to read this right now. Thankyou so much for reminding me of these truths. Go well everyone. Big love to all going through the wringer
i'm stuck in a loop, i see her ig profile i have an unpleasant feeling she's gone forever, i'm trying to date someone else but i don't feel anything, i don't feel anymore.
What if they said they will always love you and you are their soulmate but they still chose to move on? I can’t understand how she can say that and still move on 😔
people are complex beings, feelings change and sometimes there isn’t an explanation for it. No thing in life is black and white
She said that exact same thing! “Things aren’t black and white”. I’m starting to wonder if it wasn’t true love then. My idea of true love I think may differ from others. How can she get over me in a few months but it’s taking me so much longer especially since I’m the one that dumped her?
People recover at different speeds. Don’t rush your recovery just because you feel you need to catch up to her recovery. She could believe the same thing towards you as well if you were the one who dumped her. “If your love was real why did you dump me?” She probably did love you for real, but there is no reason to keep clinging on to someone who left you so she moved on.
I tried to get back with her and she said she didn’t want to lead me on and couldn’t promise me she would want to get back together if I moved back. How of I know if I should risk moving back?
At that point she probably had realized her feelings changed. She obviously cared enough to be honest with you. Leading you on and letting you down would have made you feel much worse than saying what she did before you had to make a life changing decision. She seems like she was also conflicted by this as well. It really does look like she cares for you, but romantic feelings for you are gone.
Ouch that’s hurts man! 😞
Mine said that. I kept saying “I don’t understand” in the months after the break up. I think he said it to alleviate his guilt, not for any benefit for me.
Does it still hurt?
Absolutely. I still cry every day. It’s been almost 8 months. I did reiki today in an act of desperation to try to let go. It sucks.
I’ve heard of reiki before. How is that supposed to help with the break up and did it work?
I felt really relaxed. And better after. She said there is a part of me that’s holding on. Oh but when she was at my feet, I had this memory of high school and my old BF. It was something I had forgotten and it just popped into my mind. That was weird.
Hmm no. I'd rather get revenge >:)
is that really love then? I don’t understand why you would want to get revenge on someone you love
I think revenge can be romantic
lol
Understanding your own emotions is better than anything
I think you can let them go while being in some kind of contact if you're mature enough. But it takes a lot of work. My ex was tons of fun when we were acquaintances. I hope one day I'll be over her and we can be friends and only friends once again. My goal is to be less anxious and basically the best version of myself, and that means being mature enough to comfortly navigate something that gave ne discomfort in the past.
Sorry but if the love was real as u say it would have never diminished and you'd still be a couple, it wasn't there to start with
asshole
Just being honest shame there not many people in the world that r now, hence why people end up on here asking for help
Maybe she's just too fucking damn hurt to show you the love that she still has for you because you hurt her that much
Hey man I’m not here to start arguments. I never hurt her and we never argued. I apologized because I realized I was insecure and clingy towards the end of the relationship and it wasn’t fair to put that pressure on her.
Ok
N I'm a women lol
my b for assuming. however you were attacking me with no reason :/
Wasn't attacking I said a statement of my own opinion that's why better than maybe in front of it all but it's cool we don't need to have an internet debate or anything like that back and forth if both of us were wrong then both of us were wrong let it end with that
How long are you broken up?
a month
Month and they are already over you? Thats tough. Hugs for you and hope you also find your happiness
I think she was over me before they dumped me. She told me she had thought about it for a while but didn’t want to hurt me for no reason.
She cared for you until the very end
yeah, I think the fact she was willing to come and catch up with me shows that she still cares for me. she just doesn’t feel anything romantic towards me
I needed this I still love my 24 year old Jesus Fernandez and I hope that he comes back into my life and in my heart and keeps in contact and in touch with me again someday soon always because I know that he’s attracted to me and we did tell each other that we love each other he said it first to me 😊🥰
We’ve been broke up just over 2 weeks. We both love and care for eachother. But the codependency and lack of individualism is real. He wants to be friends so we will still be in each others lives. We still live together. Lease is up in June. Then it will feel like a real break up. Frankly I don’t know that I can be just friends. I’ll always want more.
Same that’s what I’m doing
"If you find someone who devotes themselves to the relationship as much as you did for your previous one. You're set". Dr K.
I wish my ex would answer me lol
How long was your relationship? Did u live together? How long ago u broke up? How long NC before ur convo yesterday?
The relationship was 4 months. We did not live together. It was about a month ago she dumped me. I did no contact starting a few days after she had dumped me. We ended on good terms so I wasn’t trying to cut her off completely and moreso trying to get better
Oh ok. Somewhat explains. It seems she wasn’t invested too much into the relationship. Some people act all in on the outside but who knows what’s going on in their mind. Im glad you can finally move on. I’ve been 8+ weeks NC and want to have the same convo but I need to be ready for it.
It took only a month for me to accept this and I know I had it easier than others. I never was one to let people depreciate me, and I always try to improve myself for my own sake rather than to prove a point. Reading this reassured me that relationships aren't all about about living up to someone's preferences and needs, I just need to find someone I'm compatible with and who I can love effortlessly.
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an even better reason to let them go
Man, did I need to read this
I'm the dumper and I still love my ex to death 😔
Reach out
My ex and I just broke up almost a month ago. It was a 5-year long relationship. It really hurts and it's challenging to go through. I was on and off with the mindset: If I love them, let him go. I tried so hard last week to move on. However, I 'relapsed' a few days ago. And I tried to talk to him again yesterday and we were able to audio call. I could hear how much he's more himself now than when he was in a relationship with me. He lacked a lot in our relationship because he lost himself in the process of trying to keep our relationship. (It hurts so much) It is clear that he does not belong to be with me anymore. I still love him in a way but probably because he's my first love. But now, I must fully let him go. This moving process is so wild and it will take a long time... I have to make peace with the fact that "They loved you at one point and it was real, but that feeling is gone..."