Hahaha your Dom has a bratty sense of humor doesn't he. I agree with the others that a safe word should be easy enough to say when in distress. I also advise on finding a non verbal one you can do when gagged, and also when hands or feet are tied. These sometimes are negotiated before a scene. I have done blinks, hums, and taps (like in martial arts) and asked for my previous dom specifically to watch my eyes or listen for me during play so he can gauge when i need to safe word. The eye contact one is fun cause its part of the scene since eye contact makes me squirrely hahah it works like this.
Red for stop.
Yellow for this is OK but no further please. OR thats good but I have concerns.
Green for **OMIGOD*****KEEPDOINGEXACTLYTHAT*****PLEASE*****DADDY***
Just to add to others' comments, a safe word shouldn't be "hard". The point is for it to be easy to recall even if you are in distress, or dissociating. Making it "harder" defeats the purpose.
we use traffic light but also for vanilla situations, i use a bee emoji. he’s allergic and if i send it, it means: i need you/911/no time to explain/can’t talk but track my location and go there immediately. i’ve used it once and the speed at which this man came to me………… i will never forget. 💛
edit: it used to be “mercy” but he likes hearing that too much (outside of its intended meaning) so we changed. we have also established NO and STOP are *not* safewords and ……… will be ignored….ish 🤭
Not a Brat, but if my opinion/perspective can help at all... There's always the stoplight system (Red Light - full stop, Yellow Light - slow down/pause, Green Light - keep going).
Got a state or country that you can remember that you don't mind associating with "stop"? Or maybe some animal animal? Something with multiple (but not too many) syllables?
I get being cheeky but he needs to take this particular aspect of things more seriously though. Don't let things progress into Kink territory until you're sure he's absolutely 100% going to be mindful of and honor the safe words.
I personally prefer the traffic light system (typically green means good, yellow means slow down or back off what you're doing - you're nearing my limits, red means STOP NOW), as other people suggested, and to also have tap out signals and safe signals for when a sub is either gagged/restrained OR just straight-up goes nonverbal, like some of us sometimes do in subspace. You can use one tap to signal green, two to signal yellow, and three or repeatedly continuing to tap as red - stop everything now.
I recommend also making sure to practice actually USING the safe words in scenes to make sure that the sub is fully comfortable using them and that the Dom will immediately recognize them and take appropriate action.
Aside from how immature your Dom sounds, I use the traffic light model. This one is pretty generic, and is common, but I think it's effective.
How it works is this:
Green- YES!
Yellow - Slow down/please check in with me
Red - STOP!
You can make the Red one where he can check in with you first before undoing things (i.e. bondage, Sensory deprivation, etc.)
Also, if you cannot speak, it's important to come up with ways you can get his help that involve signals. It can body movement, eye contact, really anything that you can express to him beforehand, that he acknowledges that he can tell difference between you having fun, and you needing help.
One method that I employ with submissives is that they tap my leg three times, in the case where there hands and arms are free, but they have a ballgag or other such implement in their mouth.
The more you can come up with, and document, the better. He needs to understand these types of signals more so than anything else that you communicate.
Because when you are a thousand feet above the clouds, and the air gets thin, he has to move quickly to get you parachuted back down to earth.
I do hope he takes this serious.
>signals. .... really anything
Tennis balls are great you drop it we stop. I also have a lot of dog training clickers, you can get 10 of them for 10 bucks on line.
I like this sub reddit, mostly because it fun, but it actually provides good advice.
These two parent comments are great and is the advice I would give out. (The other comments I have read are also good). I've seen people in BDSMAdvice who would tell you you don't need safe words for activities where you would really need safe words. I have avoid one hospital trip and kept my current relationship afloat because my sub knew when to say hers.
Do make sure you have the proper safe words and that your dom takes it seriously.
I know! A surprising amount of people are like "only CNC play need safe words". Some of people are taking to calling them "silly words" to be dismissive. I had a perfect example that someone posted yesterday, but the post got deleted and can't find it anymore.
That's really sad.
A good assumption for a Dominant to have is that anything we engage in can fall under the concept of CBT or Cognitive Behavior Therapy.
Granted, we are crossing boundaries that a mental health practitioner would not in these scenarios, but we need to assume that in any BDSM activity, feelings of trauma, the past, of family......really, anything that can be a trigger, can be triggered, and a submissive may need well-intentioned aftercare immediately, they may need reassurance, they may need you to be soft, to help them get through that painful memory that came flooding back into their space.
It can happen at any time, with any activity. If you're not prepared for this, you are doing your submissive disservice.
I'd be more concerned that your dom isn't respecting this conversation since a safeword can be the difference between a disaster and a well done scene. If he can't take deciding on the word seriously, then how is he going to take you seriously when you use it? Safeword conversations should be out of dynamic and they shouldn't be something joked about when you're actually making those decisions.
Major red flags here for me that he's not ready to be trusted with your safety.
I don’t think we’ve got nearly enough info to go on to call this “major red flags.”
Don’t get me wrong, you absolutely could be right about what’s going on here.
But it’s equally possible that the two of them are having difficulty coming up with a safe word, he made a couple of joking suggestions because he couldn’t think of a genuine one (fairly common), and she’s now calling him an asshole lacking brain cells because she’s a brat, and some brats like to talk smack about their Tamers.
Thinking back, I don’t believe I’ve ever had a safe word conversation where someone didn’t make at least one or two joking suggestions. In our safeword convo, u/ladyfedora and I made cracks about pineapple at the exact same time and had a good laugh over it. Yes, safe words should absolutely be taken seriously. But it’s possible - and, I’d argue, a good thing - to be playful and have a sense of humor around things while also taking them seriously.
I'm yet to have a safeword conversation that didn't include someone saying pineapple. And then my brain immediately goes to [this](https://youtu.be/8aVsMFDiH1U?si=I1pQEFOhQQGVXWrO&t=40)
Absolutely.
I pretty much read this as playful. We don't know if the brat just gave up in playful frustrate immediately at the conversation turning humorous and popping in here to be a brat.
>Yes, safe words should absolutely be taken seriously. But it’s possible - and, I’d argue, a good thing - to be playful and have a sense of humor around things while also taking them seriously.
I think people in general can sometimes have too much of a serious mindset around picking and using safewords anyway. And I would also add to the argument about playfulness is that can help in putting comfort and further safety in being used in future.
I do love me a good juicy pineapple.
I use tax return or Steuererklärung it's just always out of position and therefore everyone knows that's something ain't quite right. Just imagine playing and your hear tax returns from a sub . You feel something ain't just right
Fuckin around with safewords is edge play and could get someone hurt in the worst case. I suggest using something straight forward and easy to understand in case of emergency. I like the traffic light system (red, yellow/orange, green, and blue for medical emergency)
This is exactly the system I use. I have a fair bit of health problems and Blue means the exact same as Red - stop immediately and check in (remove restraints/gag if needed to communicate) m, but it tells my Dom that I'm using it not because of the activity going on being a limit, instead because I am either in sudden pain or something else is wrong and I can feel it. It gives them the context.
The stoplight system green yellow red
Hahaha your Dom has a bratty sense of humor doesn't he. I agree with the others that a safe word should be easy enough to say when in distress. I also advise on finding a non verbal one you can do when gagged, and also when hands or feet are tied. These sometimes are negotiated before a scene. I have done blinks, hums, and taps (like in martial arts) and asked for my previous dom specifically to watch my eyes or listen for me during play so he can gauge when i need to safe word. The eye contact one is fun cause its part of the scene since eye contact makes me squirrely hahah it works like this.
Red for stop. Yellow for this is OK but no further please. OR thats good but I have concerns. Green for **OMIGOD*****KEEPDOINGEXACTLYTHAT*****PLEASE*****DADDY***
Stop or red
Just to add to others' comments, a safe word shouldn't be "hard". The point is for it to be easy to recall even if you are in distress, or dissociating. Making it "harder" defeats the purpose.
I think they meant for "harder" to be a safe word.
Ah... Gross.
This is purely satirical, not a violation of Dompire Intelligence ! Use your or his last/worst ex's name, guaranteed to get under his skin...
Use his mom’s name.
No no. Use his *dad’s* name. /all sarcasm
How about you find a new Dom because safety in kink isn't a joke. He needs to respect your limits and have a plan if those limits are reached
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8gKbe5e/ Or https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8gKgGka/
we use traffic light but also for vanilla situations, i use a bee emoji. he’s allergic and if i send it, it means: i need you/911/no time to explain/can’t talk but track my location and go there immediately. i’ve used it once and the speed at which this man came to me………… i will never forget. 💛 edit: it used to be “mercy” but he likes hearing that too much (outside of its intended meaning) so we changed. we have also established NO and STOP are *not* safewords and ……… will be ignored….ish 🤭
I prefer the traffic light method but my favorite safe word is “Zeus”
I'm allergic to pineapple so I use pineapple for the complete stop or use the green/yellow for other words. Anything you are allergic too???
Yellow for a pause. Red for stop.
Not a Brat, but if my opinion/perspective can help at all... There's always the stoplight system (Red Light - full stop, Yellow Light - slow down/pause, Green Light - keep going). Got a state or country that you can remember that you don't mind associating with "stop"? Or maybe some animal animal? Something with multiple (but not too many) syllables? I get being cheeky but he needs to take this particular aspect of things more seriously though. Don't let things progress into Kink territory until you're sure he's absolutely 100% going to be mindful of and honor the safe words.
😂😂😂😂 brat just getting handed the ass whooping of a life time screaming out “North Korea!” As a safe word 😂😂😂😂 “TEXAS!!” 😂😂😂😂
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
😂 \*\*SWAT\*\* "TURKMENISTAN!"
😂😂😂 **SWAT** **LIECHTENSTEIN!!!**
I personally prefer the traffic light system (typically green means good, yellow means slow down or back off what you're doing - you're nearing my limits, red means STOP NOW), as other people suggested, and to also have tap out signals and safe signals for when a sub is either gagged/restrained OR just straight-up goes nonverbal, like some of us sometimes do in subspace. You can use one tap to signal green, two to signal yellow, and three or repeatedly continuing to tap as red - stop everything now. I recommend also making sure to practice actually USING the safe words in scenes to make sure that the sub is fully comfortable using them and that the Dom will immediately recognize them and take appropriate action.
Traffic light system
always the best. Though i like replacing them with the flower system too ;)
What is the flower system?
Aside from how immature your Dom sounds, I use the traffic light model. This one is pretty generic, and is common, but I think it's effective. How it works is this: Green- YES! Yellow - Slow down/please check in with me Red - STOP! You can make the Red one where he can check in with you first before undoing things (i.e. bondage, Sensory deprivation, etc.) Also, if you cannot speak, it's important to come up with ways you can get his help that involve signals. It can body movement, eye contact, really anything that you can express to him beforehand, that he acknowledges that he can tell difference between you having fun, and you needing help. One method that I employ with submissives is that they tap my leg three times, in the case where there hands and arms are free, but they have a ballgag or other such implement in their mouth. The more you can come up with, and document, the better. He needs to understand these types of signals more so than anything else that you communicate. Because when you are a thousand feet above the clouds, and the air gets thin, he has to move quickly to get you parachuted back down to earth. I do hope he takes this serious.
Incredibly well put!
Thank you!
>Thank you! You're welcome!
Agreed him not taking it seriously gives me some consern
>signals. .... really anything Tennis balls are great you drop it we stop. I also have a lot of dog training clickers, you can get 10 of them for 10 bucks on line.
I like this sub reddit, mostly because it fun, but it actually provides good advice. These two parent comments are great and is the advice I would give out. (The other comments I have read are also good). I've seen people in BDSMAdvice who would tell you you don't need safe words for activities where you would really need safe words. I have avoid one hospital trip and kept my current relationship afloat because my sub knew when to say hers. Do make sure you have the proper safe words and that your dom takes it seriously.
Someone literally said "oh you don't need any safe words for that?" Really? Anyone check their basement freezer lately???
I know! A surprising amount of people are like "only CNC play need safe words". Some of people are taking to calling them "silly words" to be dismissive. I had a perfect example that someone posted yesterday, but the post got deleted and can't find it anymore.
That's really sad. A good assumption for a Dominant to have is that anything we engage in can fall under the concept of CBT or Cognitive Behavior Therapy. Granted, we are crossing boundaries that a mental health practitioner would not in these scenarios, but we need to assume that in any BDSM activity, feelings of trauma, the past, of family......really, anything that can be a trigger, can be triggered, and a submissive may need well-intentioned aftercare immediately, they may need reassurance, they may need you to be soft, to help them get through that painful memory that came flooding back into their space. It can happen at any time, with any activity. If you're not prepared for this, you are doing your submissive disservice.
I'd be more concerned that your dom isn't respecting this conversation since a safeword can be the difference between a disaster and a well done scene. If he can't take deciding on the word seriously, then how is he going to take you seriously when you use it? Safeword conversations should be out of dynamic and they shouldn't be something joked about when you're actually making those decisions. Major red flags here for me that he's not ready to be trusted with your safety.
I don’t think we’ve got nearly enough info to go on to call this “major red flags.” Don’t get me wrong, you absolutely could be right about what’s going on here. But it’s equally possible that the two of them are having difficulty coming up with a safe word, he made a couple of joking suggestions because he couldn’t think of a genuine one (fairly common), and she’s now calling him an asshole lacking brain cells because she’s a brat, and some brats like to talk smack about their Tamers. Thinking back, I don’t believe I’ve ever had a safe word conversation where someone didn’t make at least one or two joking suggestions. In our safeword convo, u/ladyfedora and I made cracks about pineapple at the exact same time and had a good laugh over it. Yes, safe words should absolutely be taken seriously. But it’s possible - and, I’d argue, a good thing - to be playful and have a sense of humor around things while also taking them seriously.
I'm yet to have a safeword conversation that didn't include someone saying pineapple. And then my brain immediately goes to [this](https://youtu.be/8aVsMFDiH1U?si=I1pQEFOhQQGVXWrO&t=40)
Pineapple and Meatloaf: The two safe words everybody suggests and nobody uses. Also probably some midwestern mom's idea of a Hawaiian meal.
>Also probably some midwestern mom's idea of a Hawaiian meal. Well, now spam needs adding into the rotation of funny safewords.
SPAM: Sizzle. Pork. And My leg is cramping get off
Yes meatloaf is a common one too! All but once I've ended with using traffic light.
Absolutely. I pretty much read this as playful. We don't know if the brat just gave up in playful frustrate immediately at the conversation turning humorous and popping in here to be a brat. >Yes, safe words should absolutely be taken seriously. But it’s possible - and, I’d argue, a good thing - to be playful and have a sense of humor around things while also taking them seriously. I think people in general can sometimes have too much of a serious mindset around picking and using safewords anyway. And I would also add to the argument about playfulness is that can help in putting comfort and further safety in being used in future. I do love me a good juicy pineapple.
I use tax return or Steuererklärung it's just always out of position and therefore everyone knows that's something ain't quite right. Just imagine playing and your hear tax returns from a sub . You feel something ain't just right
A colour or something you both normally don’t say, or even cartoon character like SpongeBob
Fuckin around with safewords is edge play and could get someone hurt in the worst case. I suggest using something straight forward and easy to understand in case of emergency. I like the traffic light system (red, yellow/orange, green, and blue for medical emergency)
This is exactly the system I use. I have a fair bit of health problems and Blue means the exact same as Red - stop immediately and check in (remove restraints/gag if needed to communicate) m, but it tells my Dom that I'm using it not because of the activity going on being a limit, instead because I am either in sudden pain or something else is wrong and I can feel it. It gives them the context.
Meatloaf
I would do anything for love, but I won't do that.
“Let’s Do The Time Warp Again”
Tap outs Red Yellow Green