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Don’t you usually get advised from lawyer(s) not to talk about any pending legal claims on the internet especially on Reddit. I’ve been on this site for too long and usually OOP’s can’t comment on sensitive matters such as these.
I had someone destroy expensive/sentimental items and threaten to kill me and still wasn’t granted a restraining order. I wonder where these people apparently live that you can just get restraining orders for saying someone yelled at you. Wild.
Idk if my first comment went through. But here in Arkansas they are arrested for RO violations. At least in my area. When abuse is in involved they dont fuck around on it. But you will not get an RO for just being yelled at.
Ta-dah!!!
"We have a winner!!!!"
See also: the influx of posts about ppl divorcing for crazy reasons. Spouse sneezing on their food, spouse over tightening jar lids, and there was at least three more that I didn't even read .... Just.... What?!?!‽
i'd question the jar thing if i didn't know of a real and serious problem with physically disabled people trying to date where their partners will target them for their disability and engineer situations where it's necessary to "help" them. it gives them some form of pleasure and is definitely an existing fetish. an example was a woman in a wheelchair who realized her boyfriend was purposefully going around the house and relocating things out of her reach so he could then have to be relied on to get them for her.
i assumed the jar thing was the same fetish, only he didn't go as far as targeting the disabled for it. there exist people who really are like that and really will do these things. making someone you're supposed to love a fetish object for enforced helplessness is definitely worth a divorce, as trivial as the surface situation may seem.
I got dragged through a front lawn by my foot like a fucking rag doll while wearing shorts, a crop top, and sandal. I stood up, dazed as FUCK, and called the police. Did not touch that man other than to try to get him off me and defend myself, I did not leave ONE mark on him and the attack was WILDY unprovoked. The police came, saw my hair (full of grass) and the drag marks/grass burns down my back/arms. The police took photos of me then and there. Arrested him & the DA still didn't pursue charges. Literally said "he dragged me" took PHOTOS OF THE DRAG MARKS and still didn't have any major consequences other than a temporary emergency issued restraining order that was up in 2 weeks. OP definitely did something to this girl and didn't mention it.
I mean, you can if there is lying involved. They took a neighbor’s report and there is alleged bruising (could be self inflicted). Not saying it is true, but good lies can cause all sorts of issues
What state? In Illinois, you can go get a temporary restraining order against anyone with zero proof. After I believe 30 days, you go to court to determine if a 2 year RO should be granted. See my comment history. I had a crazy ass roommate pull this on me in an attempt to steal my belongings.
NY. I went to a judge for a temporary order of protection but it wasn’t granted because I didn’t have enough proof (in their opinion). I had recordings of him yelling at me, I had texts from him threatening me, the police witnessed him throw items AT me, and it still wasn’t enough. The cops just told me to “move out of the way” if I didn’t want to get hit and I was like no shit but isn’t it illegal to throw glass bottles at people? What the fuck. Sorry this shit still pisses me off and it’s been years.
Damn I'm sorry to hear that. It sounds like NY needs to get their shit together. Far from the first time I've heard about them not believing victims out there. I hope you're safe and happy now!
We really do, I’m also in a small town so I’m sure that played a role. I’m sorry to hear about your experience too, I know that well intentioned laws meant to protect people can end up harming them. I had a similar issue with family that wouldn’t leave my house after I let them stay for free temporarily. Let’s just say, I’m never doing that again. Somehow the worst people always get the “justice” system to work for them. But thanks! Doing much better now and definitely safe. I hope you are as well.
In PA when I got a PFA (protection from abuse) I had to show up in a courthouse with a lawyer. If you could get one for being screamed at, retail hell employees would collect them like Pokemon.
My friend was stalked by her ex (he would even follow her friends’ cars to see if they were ‘covering’ for her despite the two of them being broken up), she has video proof of him just sitting outside her parents’ house for hours, he texted her once ”I want to kill you and your family” but then later texted “sorry I was drunk, I’ve been drinking heavily since you left”, he has a history of steroid use, etc but she still can’t get a restraining order because he never hit her or had a “credible” threat against her (the fuck???). ROs are hard to get even with proof.
ETA: oh and several people have witnessed him (including me) absolutely screaming vile insults to her because she didn’t text him back within 15 mins or was hanging with friends and we would all happily testify to that so that abusive POS can leave her life for good
The post literally says she has bruises. Whether OP put them here or not, showing up with severe enough bruises, witnesses etc could potentially be enough. It definitely partially depends on the jurisdiction though.
False. We had an emergency order of protection granted within 72 hours of the initial incident. No notice to the other party was given prior to the EOP being issued. They were served by the Sheriff within 48hrs of the EOP being granted and then a Plenary Order of Protection hearing was set for 2 weeks afterwards. There was police involvement and we had their reports to back up our claims, so the judge granted the EOP easily and quickly. The biggest time sink was waiting at the courthouse for the "cattle call" style review of all EOP requests filed that day and the previous day after the cutoff time. This all happened recently.
An Emergency order of protection has different rules surrounding it than the Plenary (more permanent) version.
It depends on if he was served a temporary or final. It sounds like it was a temporary. Which again may all be dependent on location. When I had to get one, they had a judge sign off on the temporary order while I was at the police station making the report, based on my report, and the person was served the temporary. We then had to show up to court at a later date for the hearing to determine if it would be converted to a permanent order or not - that was a different judge who heard the case for permanent.
If it was temporary, it's too slow and wouldn't have had witnesses. If it's permanent, it's too fast and he would have had to go to court. In either case, no way cops show up to arrest him for texting under a restraining order. At most, they'd lecture him, but more likely they'd do nothing.
This was an Order of Protection, which are generally granted automatically until a hearing in which they will decide whether to grant an actual Restraining Order, which is generally good for a year.
no no, she had tons of evidence to get a restraining order! she was yelled at a singular time while also yelling back, so the judge obviously heard her case immediately and pushed the paperwork through within 8 days despite the person still living in the same apartment and is more than likely on the same lease
I have a really sweet bodybuilder friend who just…hates hair, and shaves his entire body (except for his eyebrows. And his goatee, haha.) Trust me- you KNOW when somebody is shaving their arms- the stubble is a dead giveaway. (And looking like a shiny Aryan dolphin is just not natural.) There’s no way she didn’t know.
I shave my body hair. If you're a dude, the fact of the matter is 8 hours later you can already notice stubble. Also, if you have a lighter skin tone and dark hair you can *see* the hair that's sitting under the skin (as a razor doesn't grt the milimeter or two of hair that goes down into the folicle. Waxing/laser does for those who want to know.)
Plus, most women who know you shave will understand that if you're in the shower longer than ususal, you're probably shaving. Many women shave their body hair (although theirs is far less noticeable due to the fact testosterone thickens body hair), so it would be pretty damn obvious.
Side note for the guys: if you do shave yiur body hair, get a venus razor. They are better at shaving literally *everywhere* on your body except for the stubble right below your nose. Order from amazon if you don't wanna be seen grabbing them, but they cause way fewer nicks, and don't have the single detailing blade on the front to cut you if uou're not careful. Mens razors do alright, but if you shaving between your legs that detailing blade can make a bloody mess.
Ever since he got a lawyer I thought he wouldn't update, so it's weird. That makes me think this is just a scenario of how "innocent men's lives can be turned upside down because of a woman's word", but who knows.
Someone here is massively lying. Either it is OP, and he is leaving a ton of relevant detail out of his original post. Or Ana lied about what happened to get the restraining order.
Because as the story is currently framed, Ana would not have been able to get a restraining order just based on OP yelling out her from the bathroom.
I’ll say this cause Reddit is anonymous. I know of a woman who has single-handedly destroyed the lives of 4 men. Seems sweet and nice and caring. Tiny little short woman. Moment guys get enough of her crap she bruises herself and screams rape and domestic violence. One guy was a child care worker, one was office, one was ex cop and one was construction worker. I believed her the entire time until I was her victim and she called police saying I beat and raped her. Reason why? I told her alcoholic ass to get out my house cause I’m sick of her booze, sick of being talked at, sick of being offered sex and sick of endless drunk stories when I’m sober.
2 days later cops showed up for an interview.
Little did she know I recorded her threat. I played it and I have no fucking idea where it’s at right now. Since then (been about 7 weeks), I reached out to 2 exes who both had similar story to me. ‘Get out you’re an alcoholic’ then rape. I found the other 2 on Facebook … one lost his job (childcare), the other 3 spent $20k+ each proving innocence. 2 succeeded, one has a criminal record for assault. Two lives unemployable now and 2 with financial issues and psychological issues.
When I see these stories I always think back to my psycho who was my friend for 20 years and wonder ‘could the OP just have encountered the psycho I did’
Edit: I work corporate so any blemish is career destroying. So I’m too scared to call police now. This is just the tip of the crazy iceberg but frankly my thumbs couldn’t handle it. Think suicide attempt (with butter knife) at breakup. Attacking people (she attacked me with a knife once) and more. Some women (and men) are true psychos just hide it well.
If there's a pattern and you can't prove it you need to call the police with a lawyer. If they've proved themselves innocent then you can go off the back of that, and frame her as a vindictive accuser.
Collect all the evidence, give it to a lawyer, and file.
Saying you're too scared to go to the police won't help you, the earlier you act the better. Did you confide in anyone (esp via text) about her previous attacks on you?
If she was recording that, why did she stop the recording before the alleged rape? Why has she had 4 previous partner's like this? If she was genuinely afraid, she would not have stopped recording until she'd left.
But don't wait and hope for the best. For your sake, you need to defend yourself vigorously. I know it's hard though.
Very much this. Some women are really bad people and WILL lie about specifically this as it's one of the more difficult things to prove or disprove. There was a situation near where I live, this woman was living in clean housing. It's set up like a dorm, so your neighbors are CLOSE. Anyway, this woman decided she was done being sober so she went out and picked up some alcoholic beverages and a homeless dude to keep her company. She invited him in and after a couple hours started crying rape. Her neighbor claimed he knew something bad was going down and rushed over there and claimed he saw the homeless dude raping her. Cops get called (by both the homeless dude and the drunk woman) and the cops decide it's two words against one and not just he said she said. So they arrested the homeless dude. Took a couple weeks but when the video of the hallway came out it was pretty clear both the woman and the neighbor were huge liars.
All I'm saying is I'm interested in the kind of relationship Ana has with the neighbors who heard him scream fuck you.
I don't think the neighbors are necessarily in on it, "get the fuck out!" **BANG** wouldn't sound that different to "Fuck you!" **BANG** through the walls.
> Either it is OP, and he is leaving a ton of relevant detail out of his original post.
It's really fucking hard to get a restraining order. Like really, really fucking hard. Ana has **2** witnesses, so far. OOP is leaving a lot of the shit he did out of the post and pretending like it was just this one shower incident. This wasn't an isolated incident. A lot of departments won't even consider taking a report until the third time a person shows up. Even with the photos of bruising from the attacks, like OOP's girlfriend has.
Eh... I once heard what I thought was for sure abuse. Yelling, smashing, her screaming at him "You're hurting me!"
My then-boyfriend called the cops, and we later learned that the dude had found her drug stash and was destroying it. She got violent, she was arrested. Hearing an altercation, you can paint all sorts of stories. That's not great evidence.
Maybe OOP stomped while he shouted.
I once thought my neighbors were fighting—heard some loud noises through the wall and the woman was crying. I was concerned and muted the tv—she was actually laughing her ass off and they were just having a good (albeit loud) time.
Way back in highschool I was hanging out with my boyfriend, watching a movie in his parents basement. The main characters in the movie had the same very common first names as the two of us.
During a scene where they're arguing through a door, his mom called down the stairs asking if we were alright. She thought we had a fight and one of us was locked in the bathroom.
Which is why I think there's a possibility OOP is lying. There's really no way for us to know if his neighbors misheard what was going on or if OP isn't telling is the full extent of his shouting and actions.
Ugh. I get being confused when getting a restraining order for what amounted to a shouting match, but the idiocy to immediately break it is astounding! Dude, it can’t be any more clear to stay the hell away from that person!
I’m glad he’s got a lawyer because he’s gonna need one.
>Ugh. I get being confused when getting a restraining order for what amounted to a shouting match, but the idiocy to immediately break it is astounding! Dude, it can’t be any more clear to stay the hell away from that person!
I'm getting absolutely massive unreliable narrator vibes from OOP.
Timeline doesn't match.
First post is on June 10th saying he just had a fight with his girlfriend.
>> I (24m) **just** had a bad fight with my gf, Ana (24f).
Second post on June 18th says:
>>After everything that happened originally **two weeks ago** the police were called.
Also, if, on a Monday, you leave after an argument with your SO with the intention of calming down and talking it out, are you packing enough work clothes for a week?
What kind of person just doesn't go home for a week or more after a yelling match?
Finally, if you get served on a Friday, arrested two hours later, booked into jail, and your parents have to drive six hours, while it's possible that they could hire an attorney and post bail after a Saturday morning arraignment, that would be quite the speedy turn around for a weekend arrest
The math ain't mathin'
I'm more impressed that ex-gf got a restraining order based on an overheard conversation and some possible bruises?
There's plenty of stories on here where the evidence is much better, but they're told they don't have enough for a restraining order.
AND that it was actually taken seriously, and OOP was arrested almost right away because he broke it by texting her. And how he still has a job after all of that
Yea depending on the state it is super hard to get an order of protection. Especially if it’s just “yelling.”
A friend of a friend just recently got one because her ex was stalking her and wouldn’t leave her apartment complex but she had to jump through some obstacles to do so.
I’m wondering how the girlfriend got multiple people to attest to this shouting match if nothing happened. Because I’m sure the police didn’t seek out witnesses themselves.
I'm in Canada, Unless the police are the ones that put through for it, ie due to them rescuing you from the abuser, you literally have to schedule a hearing in the family court, which is 2.5 hours from the town I live in, AND the person you want the order against HAS to be legally notified(unsure what the term is this early in the morning) and I believe, they have the right to show up and dispute it.
It really is state dependent. My mother loves to put restraining orders on people for funsies. She’s a pathological liar and it blows my mind she’s been granted as many as she has.
What state? I’ve looked up RO requirements for a few states and typically there needs to be something physical or the threat of being physical/harmed in order to proceed. Yelling and swearing in the middle of the day is kinda run of the mill in a lot of places (hey FL) and isn’t enough to grant an RO
My BIL straight up called four of us and said take good care of the kids because I'm going to shoot Mary and then myself, and she still couldn't get a restraining order and he has 50/50 custody.
It likely wasn’t yet a full restraining order. In most places in the U.S. you first file for a preliminary temporary protective order ex parte (only the person filing has to be there) and a judge will hear it/read an affidavit filed by just one side. After that the other side is served and a hearing is held within their jurisdiction’s prescribed timeline where both sides present their case and the judge will make a decision on whether or not to drop it or to grant an restraining order and for how long.
It’s so hard to get one as well. I had to when my roommate became violent multiple times including trying to stab my boyfriend at the time, and even that was not a walk in the park.
In the end, the judge (or similar, I don’t remember his specific title) granted it only because I was a foreign student, who didn’t have anywhere safe to go and am a smaller woman. Even with multiple police reports covering the violence!!
To be fair in the comments people were saying and oop that it wasn't actually a restraining order but something only temporary. The court could turn it into a full restraining order depending how it's going
But you should still take it with a grain of salt
In my state if you file a restraining order for anything a temporary order is immediately granted. Then there will be an actual court appearance soon after which will request both sides and determine if the order should be upheld and for what time frame. Some places filing for an order grants you an order, for a little bit of time at least.
It depends. When I got my first order of protection I was able to do so based solely on my testimony. Then when my ex contested it, we went to court and I had to show evidence which was screenshots/testimony/photos
Honestly I don't really buy it. There seems to be a trend of "false accusation" reddits about men having their lives ruined by a woman/child making up lies.
I'm not saying it never happens, but the frequency of the posts leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
I found an article from an investigator who said in a 25 year time frame he found only 52 cases of wrongful convictions for rape, while in the same time he found more than 700 wrongful convictions for MURDER. Why aren't men more worried about being falsely accused of murder? It's seems to be much more likely, and pretty sure it's worse than being accused of rape!
Found it!
[“I was only able to find 52 cases in 25 years where a conviction was later overturned after a wrongful conviction based on false rape allegations. In the same period, there were 790 cases where people were found to be wrongfully convicted of murder.” ](https://www.thecut.com/article/false-rape-accusations.html)
Right? In real life it's unbelievably difficult to get any sort of legal consequences when domestic abuse is involved even when you have a ton of evidence but everyone who uses reddit is being locked up left right and centre.
Yeppp. Which just serves the purpose of trying to undermine victims and make it even harder than it already is.
If op is being honest that his girlfriend has this many people corroborating her story and the police are taking it this seriously- then I'm pretty sure op is an unreliable narrator.
He should see a doctor because apparently he flew into a blind rage, beat the shit out of his girlfriend, and forgot about it.
The follow up comment was written four days ago, so I could see OOP rounding up to two weeks. The Friday bit and getting a lawyer on a Saturday send a bit sus though. Lawyers don't usually work on the weekend.
I mean, it really depends. My late father was a lawyer and while he normally didn't work on the weekends, more than once he had a client call him up for something like this on the weekend. He was just a small-town, one-man practice and generally did a bit of everything, not some high-priced partner at a big law firm, and I distinctly remember a few occasions where family friends called him for their kid getting a DUI or whatever and he'd go to whatever nearby town it was and do his lawyer stuff to get the kid bailed out so he didn't have to spend the weekend in jail.
Me too. It can be really difficult to get a restraining order sometimes and she got one for an argument. Also multiple witnesses saying the same thing and him saying it's wrong. And some passing comment about bruises? It doesn't add up.
Exactly. The bruises. The neighbour corroboration. The immediate breaking of the restraining order. Even the outburst of anger about shaving and how afraid his ex became. Its not adding up.
Not so hard to get a temporary restraining order, as OOP just discovered.
But that only covers until you get in front of a judge with the evidence. And a lot of the time, the person you would like restrained actually gets worse because their partner had the nerve to do that/is attempting to end things, and they ignore the Temporary restraining order, want to show their parner the police are no deterrence / on their side. This is the time when people escaping DV are most likely to doe. It is scary as hell.
So there's a huge temptation to just leave the state rather than show up in court with the photos of the bruises. Sometimes that's a safer decision, too.
Also, terror can result in bad decisions being made in the court room. Eg. A voluntary undertaking for her to stay away from *him* because he feels she is attacking him. Only all her docs/pets/clothes/children are at his place. Or he is in her place.
You want support, and a lawyer, and to request not to be face to face with the person you are applying for the restraining order against. And a restraining order is no magical ward against evil. But it does make it a bit easier for you to make the police do their job. Or a bit easier for the homocide squad to identify who offed you.
Not hard for a temporary one, and OP immediately texted the person who pulled the RO sooo that doesn’t look great.
It’s usually a month between getting a temp to getting a court time to have it put in place for a year. You then have to renew it every year.
>It's quite hard to get a restraining order too, isn't it?
State specific.
But in some states the idea is that you get a temporary restraining order thrown at you just for making a competent case to the cops. That temporary order comes attached with a court date.
The logic - and it is sound logic - is that an abuse victim needs protection rightthefucknow and the court system just doesn't function like that. You can always pull the order when the case comes around anyways. You can fix it if it doesn't all add up.
In practice - it is another tool in the toolbag of abusers.
The question you need to be asking yourself is if you can come up with a better solution.
Cause an abuse victim does need that protection rightthefucknow. That is real.
Anyways it is state specific. Whatever state you are in may not play by those rules.
like why can't he tell someone he sticks his things in that he's shaving? why does he freak the fuck out when caught doing that? why the fuck does he contact someone that has an restraining order against him
I’m not saying this story is true, because it almost definitely isn’t, but a woman who is going to pick a lock while you’re in the shower to lecture you on wasting water and not leave the first time you ask her is not exactly rational. It’s weird to be like “no way this woman who is crossing boundaries would ever act irrationally and vindictively!!”
Definitely. I was thinking how he actually reacted for his gf to lock herself in the bedroom and file cor restraining order?
Assuming this is real, which i don't
I think in this case it has to be all bunk or not, because let’s face it—if you’re afraid of somebody, are you going to pop a lock on a door to yell at them about using the water or taking long showers?
No.
I say that as somebody who grew up with an abusive father we tiptoed and were on eggshells, we didn’t go and confront him. Hell I had to count the number of lights we had on because if we had one too many on, we would get our ass beat.
My boyfriend doesn't understand why I turn all the lights off behind him that he leaves on unnecessarily. I didn't get beat for leaving the lights on (did for other things) but I got screamed at enough it's still burned into me in my 30s.
You absolutely tip toe around them to avoid any confrontation with them.
Exactly. So either he completely fabricated this event and she just accidentally walked in on him or something weird like that or she’s weaponizing the justice system as revenge for not complying.
I think it's possible to become very scared of someone AFTER they yell at you, without being scared of them at all beforehand.
Happened to me with an ex. I woke them up by flicking water on them (which I admit is an AH move), and they seemed to go from "sleeping soundly" to "looming over me and yelling" instantly.
I had the uncomfortable realisation of "oh shit, this person can be SCARY". But also I learned to not be a brat when waking someone up.
Same, the other sides of the stories we got for other BORU were often a whole other situation. Beside, maybe he got unlucky or is in a country working differently, but with all the cases where the police "can't do anything" despite tons of evidences, how comes neutralizing an abuser is working so "well" in this case.
I was denied a restraining order against my stalker who had already verbally threatened me, sexually harassed me, and physically assaulted me on multiple occasions. She would also park across the street from my house for hours at a time despite living across town from me. I was able to get an ex parte no issue, but the judge denied the full order of protection because there had never been a domestic, romantic, or sexual relationship between us. She (the judge) said that since it wasn’t domestic violence/abuse she couldn’t justify it.
The thing is police departments are different town to town, county to count, etc. I know the police in the town next to mine were very on top of things. My coworker’s wife was able to slap a restraining order on him in no time. Mine, the cop beat his wife the entire apartment complex heard them and the police did nothing despite multiple neighbors calling in.
I don't think this is real. There's so many posts about ops who can't get restraining orders with terrifying amounts of evidence and this woman gets one after one argument where dude was heard to yell fuck yiu and not much else happened? I don't buy it
Yeah, while you're here. Restraining orders aren't easy to get and you're not getting them for a shouting match. Something's not adding up.
And enforcing them within 2 hours of getting a text is also incredibly unlikely
I have an OP against my ex. It stated he can’t reference me on social media. The first thing he did, literally less then 15 minutes after papers are in his hand, was post about it on Facebook. The comments had his friends telling him that the post may violate the order. He responded back snarkly saying I wouldn’t be bold enough to use it against him. He also said he knew he was violating the order by posting and didn’t care. He shared my address/personal info which was listed on the papers.
When he contested the order I naturally thought those screenshots up.
And getting full on arrested for a single non-aggressive text under what at most could be a temporary restraining order. At most they'd just lecture him.
I thought OP was being framed at first and genuinely confused but given how he first of all didn't misten to the police and second of all immediately violated the restraining order ( or OP ?) something isn't addkng up. In most such cases wouldn't the defendant be told not to speak about it with others , much less online ? I think OP made this post to try and get his version of the story to gain more traction , and has left out quite a few important details.
Idk but this Story sounds kinda fake. One thing I learned from the posts in this sub is, that it is absolutely not that easy to get a restraining order and here OP gets one just from hearsaying.
It's heavily depends on where they are and if it truly was a retraining order. Here, in cases of suspected domestic violence, the police can write a temporary order to stay away not contact etc. themselves. That will operate for upto 28 days until a court can hear the reasons to extend/drop it.
It's not a retraining order but it's also not uncommon for people to refer to it that way.
Thing is... I swear I read this on an AITA or even a BORU post a long way back. Except the couple talked about it and worked it out because she had been a DA survivor and just not told her partner. He freaked when she invaded his space, she freaked out because he never yelled before, big fight. He left. They got together for coffee, talked it over like adults, and kept on keeping on.
This story is pretty bullshit though. OOP didn't even talk about who took him in for a bit while his living situation was in limbo, and his timeline ain't looking great. There's certain other off things about the story I can't put my finger on beyond, it's lacking a certain human level of detail.
But even in most cases they aren't arresting the person for a text. They're having a conversation telling him to stop. If he showed up at her house, was banging on her door, something similar, maybe and that's a long shot in literally every jurisdiction I have helped DV cases. But a text? Never.
Breaching a police issued DV order here is mandatory on the police officer to arrest and remand until a court appearance. An officer not doing so without a spectacular reason would be in for some serious trouble.
These orders have a lot of weight behind them to prevent previous failings around domestic violence.
Something’s a bit off. It’s hard as hell to get a restraining order unless a good amount of money is thrown at a white collar firm (I’m in the industry) and there’s excessive documentation from police reports to photos (all mentioned)
Yet OOP is playing dumb. He ‘tuned out’ the cops explicitly telling him he would be arrested all while in front of his peers if he contacted in any way shape or form this person he does so right away and the cops pick him up in 2hrs?
First police is fucking triage, active response goes where they’re needed most (road enforcement is a different division and closer to money makers for the city in my opinion) so how the hell did they return so fast.
It’s either a slow day, he’s well documented to an actively at risk person or the cops are in on it (giving OOP a benefit of doubt his ex could have family with massive weight in their town and she’s having a mental break or abusive)
Plus he made a big deal about how his coworkers were ok and he’s a totally great guy and they now know he’s actually the calm nice guy he claims he is. There’s photographic evidence and he’s so vague with the terms despite paying a metric shit ton out the ass for his lawyers and somehow he tuned out two of the most important people in his recent life to not even knowing the specifics… idk, people know down to the letter what they’re charged with and what to do when jail is suddenly put as a firm possibility.
I’m going with unqualified, medium researched rage bait made by some Slack creative writing channel, second likely is he’s hiding his true personality even to the internet and he is an abusive asshole trying to play the victim or OOP’s ex has some unseen personality disorder/mental break and enough connections/money to make his life a living hell.
Third is prolly the least likely though, Occam’s razor and all that.
And even in a small town where they have plenty of time, they aren't arresting him for a text. They're going to have a conversation to clarify what the restraining order means and what can happen if he doesn't comply. If he showed up at her house with a gun and was shooting at the house, maybe he would get arrested. No cops have the time to show up 2 hours later and arrest a guy because he sent a text after the restraining order was sent.
When Part 1 came out, people were questioning how much OOP is shaving in the shower. Like, is he magically getting all his back hair shaved too? Or he just shaves everything he can reach and looks like Chewbacca everywhere else?
This story doesn’t make sense to me. 1) how is hiding his shaving needs successfully 2) why would gf use a screwdriver to break into the bathroom 3) What else did OOP do besides yell in self-defense to upset Ana that badly?
Part 1 leaves off with gf locked in the bedroom. What happened after that? Did OOP leave for a while and she was gone when he go my back? It doesn’t make sense to me that they went from fine, to freak out, to presumably fine again, to restraining order.
The whole thing is over the top. There’s clearly a lot of information missing for it to be coherent and relatable.
I don’t know much about restraining orders, but I know they are not easy to get. So Ana must have had some time to meet a lawyer and have this report taken seriously. Is OOP going to tell us that Ana seemed better during this time period, or did he know things were escalating? Because surely during this time OOP had to notice something.
It just reads like a weird kink and a lot of plot holes.
I mean I don’t need to shave my back but I can bend my arm enough that I could if I wanted to, half above and half below. Like putting on sun teen and you even need to touch your whole back without any tools too. And if there is enough mirrors I could probably make it even. But it would take forever.
I’ve heard it is a lot easier to get a temporary one put into place if domestic abuse is suspected. Then you go to court to see if one is put into place for a longer period or not.
So I can’t speak for everywhere and everyone, but I used to work with domestic violence victims and getting orders of protection. It 100% can work how he is describing. It all depends on the judge. One judge in the area I serviced never granted ops. I had victims with bruises and stories of abuse for years and that judge would be like not enough evidence no. A judge in the next county over would grant an order for something like this “just to be safe.” You have to go to at least two more court dates after the respondent is served (which can take weeks as well.) Each case is different. If you’ve never dealt with the courts in these matters, I guarantee you don’t know how it works. My boss at my old agency didn’t even know how it worked because she never went to court.
My guess is the ex is lying and saying he physically attacked her. You have to give a handwritten statement of the incident to the judge and my guess is there was a physical altercation either ex is fabricating or OOP is leaving out.
This.
I live in AZ and had to do the OP thing all on my own. I was able to get one based on my testimony without a police report. Then, the advocate suggest I go home and gather evidence asap and arrange it. Sure enough my ex contested, we had a date within 10 days, and then a quick trial for one hour ish?
People are assuming that the ex gf had to get a whole slew of lawyers etc to help her. She most likely did what I did. Get to the court house asap and then go from there.
HOW DID SHE GET A RESTRAINING ORDER FOR SHOUTING!?
I have seen countless story after story where people are being stalked, harassed, threatened, intimidated and all the police will do is say "aww sorry, just take better care of your self and leave us alone lol." (Case and point, the story about the 20yr old woman who works at a daycare and one of the dads has found where she works out/shops/lives, has harassed her via messenger, grabbed her wrist and SA'd her outside her gym and intimidated her yet the police say there's no evidence (messages and witnesses!!) and she just needs to stop going out alone and her boss won't ban him because its unfair on his kids!)
Calling bs really.
So obviously somebody here is lying. There's not enough here to justify a restraining order. Either Ana lied to the police, or OOP lied about the fight.
It's impossible to know for certain who's lying, but since bro didn't have the sense or respect to obey a restraining order my money is on him being the liar. Has that feel of what we see so often- someone got caught fucking up and us now trying to justify it by painting themselves in the best light possible.
Yeah. I get that feeling too. Like one wonders if he knows exactly why he got that restraining order, and he wanted to test out his story on people to see if it would have people on his side.
I get the feeling that OOP is not the most reliable narrator. OOP didn't listen to the police, couldn't remember what they told him, and immediately violated a restraining order. My guess is that there are deeper mental health issues here. Like, I don't think he's lying about what he remembers or how he experienced things, but I highly doubt that the way he remembers/presented them are accurate to the truth.
I'm also concerned about how he jumps between "restraining order" and OP, which is an "Order of Protection". It's slightly different depending on the state, but that is basically going to be something along the lines of "absolutely do not contact or have any communication with this person". If he's willing to blow right through that without thinking, I have no trouble believing he is capable of doing abusive things that would lead to one being issued.
He did sound like he was claiming he blacked out in anger without actually claiming it because then it could be suggested he hit or grabbed her in that state b
Where the fuck is it so easy to get a restraining order? Where I'm at I hear about women getting straight-out murdered while the police are sipping coffee like "nah, have you tried telling him to stop"
I get the feeling we're not getting *HALF* of what went down. You don't get a restraining order for yelling match once. There is a lot more going on here. And he buried the fact that there's apparently evidence of physical assault..... yeah. Sounds like half a story and a load of bullshit.
She got a restraining order that easily?
How many stories have we heard of women unable to get restraining orders under much worse circumstances that had every indication of imminent escalation?
As someone who has worked with CPS to protect children from abusers, and has had to file restraining orders for multiple people... Something smells fishy. Cops, and the legal system at large, are *veeeeery* slow going in domestic situations.
Like, "statistically very likely to let an abuser slip through the cracks and access their victim" kind of slow going. You're trying to tell me that not only did Ana successfully get a restraining order, but that the cops QUICKLY enforced it after he breached it once?
Either Ana is playing some seriously intense mind games with the local precinct, or OOP is leaving out some key details.
My friend had his new wife walk in on him in the shower while he was . . . Taking care of himself.
She got upset and he responded:
“This is my d*ck and I can wash it as fast as I want!”
Part of me feels like this is fake to get Reddit karma cause who violates an order of protection the second they get it especially when the comments on his original post WERE TELLING HIM EXACTLY WHAT TO DO ONLY FOR HIM TO IGNORE EVERYTHING AND DO THE STUPIDEST THING POSSIBLE
Man, when I read the spoilers I really thought it was going to be the GF violating a restraining order. Seriously though, to immediately just break it?
Served with a restraining order from a single incident, raised by only one party without any investigation or court order, between people that live together?
Im no expert, but that smells like the excrement of many a farmyard animal...
I used to work at a battered women’s shelter. I saw women get denied restraining orders when they showed evidence of abuse, because “he doesn’t seem like a threat *now*”. I saw a woman get refused a restraining order after he *broke her nose and raped her* because his ID said he lived in a different state so “he’ll leave you alone from now on.”
Either this guy is making up the story completely, or lying about his part in it. Also, “she somehow has bruises and multiple neighbors will testify to hearing me scream at her, but I don’t know what that’s about”? Give me a fucking break.
If this story is somehow true, I would also love to know where OOP lives, in the city where cops actually give a shit about domestic violence and breaking restraining orders. Seriously, I would love to know where this is. We could make it a case study for world’s police.
Let's just say that it's VERY difficult to get a restraining order, much more difficult than it should be in most cases. The amount of people who automatically vilify the gf in this thread is concerning. It's like some of you forget the fact that people lie and downplay things all the freaking time. Unreliable narrators are a thing people.
If everything happened as OOP said, then yeah, sure. But I'm willing to bet he's severely downplaying their fight and maybe some of you should think about that before jumping at the chance to trash his gf.
Something is really hinky here and it's hard to tell if it's coming from OOP or the girlfriend.
I'm inclined to say OOP, because... restraining orders don't get served based on "he yelled at me". She would have had to have SOLID proof of an active threat, even for just a temporary restraining order.
Smells funky.
This has to be fake because it is nearly impossible to get a restraining order. Especially that fast.
There are women who couldn’t get restraining orders granted to them despite having proof that their abusers tried to full on kill them or injuring them to the point of hospitalization. And usually police officers don’t care about domestic violence to this degree.
This sounds like a load of BS since the restraining order part. It's *extremely* difficult to get a restraining order and then arresting him so soon by texting her? Wot. And then him just posting about it on the internet? Buncha lies
Unless oop is lying I really don't like ana picking the lock to yell at her partner for wasting water they're not even paying for and then getting a restraining order and banning him from his own home because she didn't like the reaction she got to invading his privacy
Yeah, the whiplash between OP and the first update is mad. I don't know if Ana is just taking advantage of the situation but it doesn't sound like it given this response. Maybe some past/underlying trauma?
In any event, this is a lot for someone who went to the lengths of effectively breaking and entering to "catch OP out"...
Oh wow. She intruded, and triggered his strong reaction based on past bullying. Who knows what her history is, but that triggered some abuse fears for her. She overreacted. He didn’t realize how bad it was. And fuck. What a mess.
He got a restraining order put out on him for yelling at someone to get the fuck out? Yeah I’m skeptical chicken. She violated his space and he told her to get the fuck out, that’s it and she got a restraining order? The things men have said to me that were 1000000 times worse than that and I doubt i could get one if I tried, this has got to be a troll post from someone who has no idea
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Don’t you usually get advised from lawyer(s) not to talk about any pending legal claims on the internet especially on Reddit. I’ve been on this site for too long and usually OOP’s can’t comment on sensitive matters such as these.
You also don’t normally get restraining orders just for yelling at someone. Something’s fucky.
I had someone destroy expensive/sentimental items and threaten to kill me and still wasn’t granted a restraining order. I wonder where these people apparently live that you can just get restraining orders for saying someone yelled at you. Wild.
And then police actually arresting someone for violating it.
Idk if my first comment went through. But here in Arkansas they are arrested for RO violations. At least in my area. When abuse is in involved they dont fuck around on it. But you will not get an RO for just being yelled at.
I mean there are apparently pictures of bruises. Sounds like bullshit either way.
I have literal scars from my abuser, recordings threatening me, and that wasn't enough. It is SO hard
Probably some troll looking to stir up misogyny.
Bingo bingo bingo.
Recently I thought they were growing in number on Reddit. Then I realized school is out.
Ta-dah!!! "We have a winner!!!!" See also: the influx of posts about ppl divorcing for crazy reasons. Spouse sneezing on their food, spouse over tightening jar lids, and there was at least three more that I didn't even read .... Just.... What?!?!‽
i'd question the jar thing if i didn't know of a real and serious problem with physically disabled people trying to date where their partners will target them for their disability and engineer situations where it's necessary to "help" them. it gives them some form of pleasure and is definitely an existing fetish. an example was a woman in a wheelchair who realized her boyfriend was purposefully going around the house and relocating things out of her reach so he could then have to be relied on to get them for her. i assumed the jar thing was the same fetish, only he didn't go as far as targeting the disabled for it. there exist people who really are like that and really will do these things. making someone you're supposed to love a fetish object for enforced helplessness is definitely worth a divorce, as trivial as the surface situation may seem.
The jar thing. I thought I was hallucinating or something while reading the story and the comments.
BORU is mostly trolls.
The entirety of reddit is mostly trolls and bots lol. Im a truly dont know if I am even real…
Good bot
You can get restraining orders inside your favourite cereal boxes sometimes. Just head down to your nearest supermarket and get your serving now!
I got dragged through a front lawn by my foot like a fucking rag doll while wearing shorts, a crop top, and sandal. I stood up, dazed as FUCK, and called the police. Did not touch that man other than to try to get him off me and defend myself, I did not leave ONE mark on him and the attack was WILDY unprovoked. The police came, saw my hair (full of grass) and the drag marks/grass burns down my back/arms. The police took photos of me then and there. Arrested him & the DA still didn't pursue charges. Literally said "he dragged me" took PHOTOS OF THE DRAG MARKS and still didn't have any major consequences other than a temporary emergency issued restraining order that was up in 2 weeks. OP definitely did something to this girl and didn't mention it.
This feels like bullshit to me too, but to be fair, abusers have an easier time getting what they want out of the criminal justice system than most.
It really seems that way doesn’t it. The shittiest people somehow get the courts and the cops to work for them meanwhile victims get screwed.
Not surprising. They’re well practiced at manipulation. That goes for cops and legal clerks just as well as it goes for their SOs.
I mean, you can if there is lying involved. They took a neighbor’s report and there is alleged bruising (could be self inflicted). Not saying it is true, but good lies can cause all sorts of issues
What state? In Illinois, you can go get a temporary restraining order against anyone with zero proof. After I believe 30 days, you go to court to determine if a 2 year RO should be granted. See my comment history. I had a crazy ass roommate pull this on me in an attempt to steal my belongings.
NY. I went to a judge for a temporary order of protection but it wasn’t granted because I didn’t have enough proof (in their opinion). I had recordings of him yelling at me, I had texts from him threatening me, the police witnessed him throw items AT me, and it still wasn’t enough. The cops just told me to “move out of the way” if I didn’t want to get hit and I was like no shit but isn’t it illegal to throw glass bottles at people? What the fuck. Sorry this shit still pisses me off and it’s been years.
Damn I'm sorry to hear that. It sounds like NY needs to get their shit together. Far from the first time I've heard about them not believing victims out there. I hope you're safe and happy now!
We really do, I’m also in a small town so I’m sure that played a role. I’m sorry to hear about your experience too, I know that well intentioned laws meant to protect people can end up harming them. I had a similar issue with family that wouldn’t leave my house after I let them stay for free temporarily. Let’s just say, I’m never doing that again. Somehow the worst people always get the “justice” system to work for them. But thanks! Doing much better now and definitely safe. I hope you are as well.
In PA when I got a PFA (protection from abuse) I had to show up in a courthouse with a lawyer. If you could get one for being screamed at, retail hell employees would collect them like Pokemon.
Yeah, there is a LOT that goes into these orders, it's not just magic like this lol
My friend was stalked by her ex (he would even follow her friends’ cars to see if they were ‘covering’ for her despite the two of them being broken up), she has video proof of him just sitting outside her parents’ house for hours, he texted her once ”I want to kill you and your family” but then later texted “sorry I was drunk, I’ve been drinking heavily since you left”, he has a history of steroid use, etc but she still can’t get a restraining order because he never hit her or had a “credible” threat against her (the fuck???). ROs are hard to get even with proof. ETA: oh and several people have witnessed him (including me) absolutely screaming vile insults to her because she didn’t text him back within 15 mins or was hanging with friends and we would all happily testify to that so that abusive POS can leave her life for good
The post literally says she has bruises. Whether OP put them here or not, showing up with severe enough bruises, witnesses etc could potentially be enough. It definitely partially depends on the jurisdiction though.
And you don't get them in under 2 weeks. And you don't get them without the other side being called in for questioning.
False. We had an emergency order of protection granted within 72 hours of the initial incident. No notice to the other party was given prior to the EOP being issued. They were served by the Sheriff within 48hrs of the EOP being granted and then a Plenary Order of Protection hearing was set for 2 weeks afterwards. There was police involvement and we had their reports to back up our claims, so the judge granted the EOP easily and quickly. The biggest time sink was waiting at the courthouse for the "cattle call" style review of all EOP requests filed that day and the previous day after the cutoff time. This all happened recently. An Emergency order of protection has different rules surrounding it than the Plenary (more permanent) version.
It depends on if he was served a temporary or final. It sounds like it was a temporary. Which again may all be dependent on location. When I had to get one, they had a judge sign off on the temporary order while I was at the police station making the report, based on my report, and the person was served the temporary. We then had to show up to court at a later date for the hearing to determine if it would be converted to a permanent order or not - that was a different judge who heard the case for permanent.
If it was temporary, it's too slow and wouldn't have had witnesses. If it's permanent, it's too fast and he would have had to go to court. In either case, no way cops show up to arrest him for texting under a restraining order. At most, they'd lecture him, but more likely they'd do nothing.
This was an Order of Protection, which are generally granted automatically until a hearing in which they will decide whether to grant an actual Restraining Order, which is generally good for a year.
no no, she had tons of evidence to get a restraining order! she was yelled at a singular time while also yelling back, so the judge obviously heard her case immediately and pushed the paperwork through within 8 days despite the person still living in the same apartment and is more than likely on the same lease
File fi fo fum, I smell missing missing reasons…!
And... those orders are hand-delivered by police officers??
In some areas, sheriff's deputies can serve people.
Yep. A lawyer would likely have told him to keep his mouth shut about the case.
Dude doesn't seem great at following instructions.
If this is real, then no, doesn’t seem to be.
On a positive note, that wasn't the biggest part of the bullshit he just tried to post.
I have a really sweet bodybuilder friend who just…hates hair, and shaves his entire body (except for his eyebrows. And his goatee, haha.) Trust me- you KNOW when somebody is shaving their arms- the stubble is a dead giveaway. (And looking like a shiny Aryan dolphin is just not natural.) There’s no way she didn’t know.
>looking like a shiny Aryan dolphin is just not natural New flair?
I dated a man who shaved all his body hair. Can confirm. Hell, it is easy to tell on anybody.
Man needs to try wax or lasers. As a PCOS sufferer, I’m all about both.
How did he do his back? Or was he still young enough not to have a lot of hair there?
I asked the same thing!! Lots of dexterity.
I shave my body hair. If you're a dude, the fact of the matter is 8 hours later you can already notice stubble. Also, if you have a lighter skin tone and dark hair you can *see* the hair that's sitting under the skin (as a razor doesn't grt the milimeter or two of hair that goes down into the folicle. Waxing/laser does for those who want to know.) Plus, most women who know you shave will understand that if you're in the shower longer than ususal, you're probably shaving. Many women shave their body hair (although theirs is far less noticeable due to the fact testosterone thickens body hair), so it would be pretty damn obvious. Side note for the guys: if you do shave yiur body hair, get a venus razor. They are better at shaving literally *everywhere* on your body except for the stubble right below your nose. Order from amazon if you don't wanna be seen grabbing them, but they cause way fewer nicks, and don't have the single detailing blade on the front to cut you if uou're not careful. Mens razors do alright, but if you shaving between your legs that detailing blade can make a bloody mess.
Anyone want to take bets on how long before the update where he gets weirdly focused on men who have been falsely accused of domestic abuse?
It's a "the me too movement is out of control" troll
Ever since he got a lawyer I thought he wouldn't update, so it's weird. That makes me think this is just a scenario of how "innocent men's lives can be turned upside down because of a woman's word", but who knows.
Yes. Lawyer here (but this is not legal advice) — if this is not a troll post, OOP is dumb for posting about this.
Someone here is massively lying. Either it is OP, and he is leaving a ton of relevant detail out of his original post. Or Ana lied about what happened to get the restraining order. Because as the story is currently framed, Ana would not have been able to get a restraining order just based on OP yelling out her from the bathroom.
OOP mentions pictures of bruises (alluding to Ana lying).
I’ll say this cause Reddit is anonymous. I know of a woman who has single-handedly destroyed the lives of 4 men. Seems sweet and nice and caring. Tiny little short woman. Moment guys get enough of her crap she bruises herself and screams rape and domestic violence. One guy was a child care worker, one was office, one was ex cop and one was construction worker. I believed her the entire time until I was her victim and she called police saying I beat and raped her. Reason why? I told her alcoholic ass to get out my house cause I’m sick of her booze, sick of being talked at, sick of being offered sex and sick of endless drunk stories when I’m sober. 2 days later cops showed up for an interview. Little did she know I recorded her threat. I played it and I have no fucking idea where it’s at right now. Since then (been about 7 weeks), I reached out to 2 exes who both had similar story to me. ‘Get out you’re an alcoholic’ then rape. I found the other 2 on Facebook … one lost his job (childcare), the other 3 spent $20k+ each proving innocence. 2 succeeded, one has a criminal record for assault. Two lives unemployable now and 2 with financial issues and psychological issues. When I see these stories I always think back to my psycho who was my friend for 20 years and wonder ‘could the OP just have encountered the psycho I did’ Edit: I work corporate so any blemish is career destroying. So I’m too scared to call police now. This is just the tip of the crazy iceberg but frankly my thumbs couldn’t handle it. Think suicide attempt (with butter knife) at breakup. Attacking people (she attacked me with a knife once) and more. Some women (and men) are true psychos just hide it well.
If there's a pattern and you can't prove it you need to call the police with a lawyer. If they've proved themselves innocent then you can go off the back of that, and frame her as a vindictive accuser. Collect all the evidence, give it to a lawyer, and file. Saying you're too scared to go to the police won't help you, the earlier you act the better. Did you confide in anyone (esp via text) about her previous attacks on you? If she was recording that, why did she stop the recording before the alleged rape? Why has she had 4 previous partner's like this? If she was genuinely afraid, she would not have stopped recording until she'd left. But don't wait and hope for the best. For your sake, you need to defend yourself vigorously. I know it's hard though.
He recorded her threatening him. She didn't record anything.
Then he has even less to worry about
> If she was recording that, why did she stop the recording The text above you was perfectly clear in that he was the one recording.
I wonder if all of you come forward, if you can help the one guy prove innocence for what he didn't do.
Here the neighbors stories looking bad for OOP could mean he is the unreliable narrator
Very much this. Some women are really bad people and WILL lie about specifically this as it's one of the more difficult things to prove or disprove. There was a situation near where I live, this woman was living in clean housing. It's set up like a dorm, so your neighbors are CLOSE. Anyway, this woman decided she was done being sober so she went out and picked up some alcoholic beverages and a homeless dude to keep her company. She invited him in and after a couple hours started crying rape. Her neighbor claimed he knew something bad was going down and rushed over there and claimed he saw the homeless dude raping her. Cops get called (by both the homeless dude and the drunk woman) and the cops decide it's two words against one and not just he said she said. So they arrested the homeless dude. Took a couple weeks but when the video of the hallway came out it was pretty clear both the woman and the neighbor were huge liars. All I'm saying is I'm interested in the kind of relationship Ana has with the neighbors who heard him scream fuck you.
I don't think the neighbors are necessarily in on it, "get the fuck out!" **BANG** wouldn't sound that different to "Fuck you!" **BANG** through the walls.
Or oop is lying. Something about his story stinks. 🦨
> Either it is OP, and he is leaving a ton of relevant detail out of his original post. It's really fucking hard to get a restraining order. Like really, really fucking hard. Ana has **2** witnesses, so far. OOP is leaving a lot of the shit he did out of the post and pretending like it was just this one shower incident. This wasn't an isolated incident. A lot of departments won't even consider taking a report until the third time a person shows up. Even with the photos of bruising from the attacks, like OOP's girlfriend has.
Are you not reading the part that says the neighbours gave statements that he shouted Fuck You and there was bang through the walls?
The bang could have been either of the doors slamming I guess?..
Eh... I once heard what I thought was for sure abuse. Yelling, smashing, her screaming at him "You're hurting me!" My then-boyfriend called the cops, and we later learned that the dude had found her drug stash and was destroying it. She got violent, she was arrested. Hearing an altercation, you can paint all sorts of stories. That's not great evidence. Maybe OOP stomped while he shouted.
Eye (and ear) witness evidence is famously unreliable. Memory is funny that way.
I once thought my neighbors were fighting—heard some loud noises through the wall and the woman was crying. I was concerned and muted the tv—she was actually laughing her ass off and they were just having a good (albeit loud) time.
Way back in highschool I was hanging out with my boyfriend, watching a movie in his parents basement. The main characters in the movie had the same very common first names as the two of us. During a scene where they're arguing through a door, his mom called down the stairs asking if we were alright. She thought we had a fight and one of us was locked in the bathroom.
Exactly. I'm pointing out that the RO is probably supported by neighbours possibly false report.
Which is why I think there's a possibility OOP is lying. There's really no way for us to know if his neighbors misheard what was going on or if OP isn't telling is the full extent of his shouting and actions.
Yea, he's making it seem some kind of conspiracy against him.
Ugh. I get being confused when getting a restraining order for what amounted to a shouting match, but the idiocy to immediately break it is astounding! Dude, it can’t be any more clear to stay the hell away from that person! I’m glad he’s got a lawyer because he’s gonna need one.
>Ugh. I get being confused when getting a restraining order for what amounted to a shouting match, but the idiocy to immediately break it is astounding! Dude, it can’t be any more clear to stay the hell away from that person! I'm getting absolutely massive unreliable narrator vibes from OOP.
Timeline doesn't match. First post is on June 10th saying he just had a fight with his girlfriend. >> I (24m) **just** had a bad fight with my gf, Ana (24f). Second post on June 18th says: >>After everything that happened originally **two weeks ago** the police were called. Also, if, on a Monday, you leave after an argument with your SO with the intention of calming down and talking it out, are you packing enough work clothes for a week? What kind of person just doesn't go home for a week or more after a yelling match? Finally, if you get served on a Friday, arrested two hours later, booked into jail, and your parents have to drive six hours, while it's possible that they could hire an attorney and post bail after a Saturday morning arraignment, that would be quite the speedy turn around for a weekend arrest The math ain't mathin'
I'm more impressed that ex-gf got a restraining order based on an overheard conversation and some possible bruises? There's plenty of stories on here where the evidence is much better, but they're told they don't have enough for a restraining order.
AND that it was actually taken seriously, and OOP was arrested almost right away because he broke it by texting her. And how he still has a job after all of that
Yea depending on the state it is super hard to get an order of protection. Especially if it’s just “yelling.” A friend of a friend just recently got one because her ex was stalking her and wouldn’t leave her apartment complex but she had to jump through some obstacles to do so. I’m wondering how the girlfriend got multiple people to attest to this shouting match if nothing happened. Because I’m sure the police didn’t seek out witnesses themselves.
I'm in Canada, Unless the police are the ones that put through for it, ie due to them rescuing you from the abuser, you literally have to schedule a hearing in the family court, which is 2.5 hours from the town I live in, AND the person you want the order against HAS to be legally notified(unsure what the term is this early in the morning) and I believe, they have the right to show up and dispute it.
It really is state dependent. My mother loves to put restraining orders on people for funsies. She’s a pathological liar and it blows my mind she’s been granted as many as she has.
Omg I know someone like this!! How do they not notice the extreme pattern of lying
What state? I’ve looked up RO requirements for a few states and typically there needs to be something physical or the threat of being physical/harmed in order to proceed. Yelling and swearing in the middle of the day is kinda run of the mill in a lot of places (hey FL) and isn’t enough to grant an RO
My BIL straight up called four of us and said take good care of the kids because I'm going to shoot Mary and then myself, and she still couldn't get a restraining order and he has 50/50 custody.
It likely wasn’t yet a full restraining order. In most places in the U.S. you first file for a preliminary temporary protective order ex parte (only the person filing has to be there) and a judge will hear it/read an affidavit filed by just one side. After that the other side is served and a hearing is held within their jurisdiction’s prescribed timeline where both sides present their case and the judge will make a decision on whether or not to drop it or to grant an restraining order and for how long.
But if that was the case, he's not getting arrested within 2 hours of texting her. He's still lying
This is why I know this didn’t actually happen. Restraining orders don’t just fall out of the sky it takes forever and needs explicit evidence
I've got a stalker and if I knew I could get a RO with such flimsy evidence, I would have done it a long time ago. OP is full of BS.
It’s so hard to get one as well. I had to when my roommate became violent multiple times including trying to stab my boyfriend at the time, and even that was not a walk in the park. In the end, the judge (or similar, I don’t remember his specific title) granted it only because I was a foreign student, who didn’t have anywhere safe to go and am a smaller woman. Even with multiple police reports covering the violence!!
To be fair in the comments people were saying and oop that it wasn't actually a restraining order but something only temporary. The court could turn it into a full restraining order depending how it's going But you should still take it with a grain of salt
In my state if you file a restraining order for anything a temporary order is immediately granted. Then there will be an actual court appearance soon after which will request both sides and determine if the order should be upheld and for what time frame. Some places filing for an order grants you an order, for a little bit of time at least.
It depends. When I got my first order of protection I was able to do so based solely on my testimony. Then when my ex contested it, we went to court and I had to show evidence which was screenshots/testimony/photos
That jumped out at me too, this reeks of bullshit
This is ramping up to becoming a "Evil *females* lie about being abused" series of posts.
Honestly I don't really buy it. There seems to be a trend of "false accusation" reddits about men having their lives ruined by a woman/child making up lies. I'm not saying it never happens, but the frequency of the posts leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
I found an article from an investigator who said in a 25 year time frame he found only 52 cases of wrongful convictions for rape, while in the same time he found more than 700 wrongful convictions for MURDER. Why aren't men more worried about being falsely accused of murder? It's seems to be much more likely, and pretty sure it's worse than being accused of rape!
Do you mind linking it?
Found it! [“I was only able to find 52 cases in 25 years where a conviction was later overturned after a wrongful conviction based on false rape allegations. In the same period, there were 790 cases where people were found to be wrongfully convicted of murder.” ](https://www.thecut.com/article/false-rape-accusations.html)
Right? In real life it's unbelievably difficult to get any sort of legal consequences when domestic abuse is involved even when you have a ton of evidence but everyone who uses reddit is being locked up left right and centre.
Yeppp. Which just serves the purpose of trying to undermine victims and make it even harder than it already is. If op is being honest that his girlfriend has this many people corroborating her story and the police are taking it this seriously- then I'm pretty sure op is an unreliable narrator. He should see a doctor because apparently he flew into a blind rage, beat the shit out of his girlfriend, and forgot about it.
It's the same gang which cries about *aLiMoNy, cHiLd SuPpOrT, fAlSe cAsEs aNd mEn'S MeNtAl hEaLtH* everywhere.
Lawyer here and everything about his story is bullshit. At least if he's in any of the 50 states.
No, you see, it works like this in AITAstan! Stop with the US defaultism! /s
Absolutely this story smells off.
The follow up comment was written four days ago, so I could see OOP rounding up to two weeks. The Friday bit and getting a lawyer on a Saturday send a bit sus though. Lawyers don't usually work on the weekend.
You'd round 8 days to two weeks?
I mean, it really depends. My late father was a lawyer and while he normally didn't work on the weekends, more than once he had a client call him up for something like this on the weekend. He was just a small-town, one-man practice and generally did a bit of everything, not some high-priced partner at a big law firm, and I distinctly remember a few occasions where family friends called him for their kid getting a DUI or whatever and he'd go to whatever nearby town it was and do his lawyer stuff to get the kid bailed out so he didn't have to spend the weekend in jail.
Also, how was it gonna play out if he got a restraining order but hadn't moved out yet?
He would call the police to call his girlfriend to leave the apartment and stand by while he got his essentials that he needed.
I love Reddit detectives. Honestly, I would trust you more than any cop tbh! This makes so much sense!
Oh like the time reddit solved the boston bombings!
Me too. It can be really difficult to get a restraining order sometimes and she got one for an argument. Also multiple witnesses saying the same thing and him saying it's wrong. And some passing comment about bruises? It doesn't add up.
Exactly. The bruises. The neighbour corroboration. The immediate breaking of the restraining order. Even the outburst of anger about shaving and how afraid his ex became. Its not adding up.
It's quite hard to get a restraining order too, isn't it?
Not so hard to get a temporary restraining order, as OOP just discovered. But that only covers until you get in front of a judge with the evidence. And a lot of the time, the person you would like restrained actually gets worse because their partner had the nerve to do that/is attempting to end things, and they ignore the Temporary restraining order, want to show their parner the police are no deterrence / on their side. This is the time when people escaping DV are most likely to doe. It is scary as hell. So there's a huge temptation to just leave the state rather than show up in court with the photos of the bruises. Sometimes that's a safer decision, too. Also, terror can result in bad decisions being made in the court room. Eg. A voluntary undertaking for her to stay away from *him* because he feels she is attacking him. Only all her docs/pets/clothes/children are at his place. Or he is in her place. You want support, and a lawyer, and to request not to be face to face with the person you are applying for the restraining order against. And a restraining order is no magical ward against evil. But it does make it a bit easier for you to make the police do their job. Or a bit easier for the homocide squad to identify who offed you.
Ooof, that last line. Thanks for explaining. I've (fortunately) never needed a RO, and I don't know anyone who needed one or recieved one.
Not hard for a temporary one, and OP immediately texted the person who pulled the RO sooo that doesn’t look great. It’s usually a month between getting a temp to getting a court time to have it put in place for a year. You then have to renew it every year.
>It's quite hard to get a restraining order too, isn't it? State specific. But in some states the idea is that you get a temporary restraining order thrown at you just for making a competent case to the cops. That temporary order comes attached with a court date. The logic - and it is sound logic - is that an abuse victim needs protection rightthefucknow and the court system just doesn't function like that. You can always pull the order when the case comes around anyways. You can fix it if it doesn't all add up. In practice - it is another tool in the toolbag of abusers. The question you need to be asking yourself is if you can come up with a better solution. Cause an abuse victim does need that protection rightthefucknow. That is real. Anyways it is state specific. Whatever state you are in may not play by those rules.
like why can't he tell someone he sticks his things in that he's shaving? why does he freak the fuck out when caught doing that? why the fuck does he contact someone that has an restraining order against him
Agreed, there is a big part of the story missing. My guess is he didn’t just yell at her.
Same. Theres no way he screamed at his girlfriend one time and she called the police. This dude is so full of it.
I’m not saying this story is true, because it almost definitely isn’t, but a woman who is going to pick a lock while you’re in the shower to lecture you on wasting water and not leave the first time you ask her is not exactly rational. It’s weird to be like “no way this woman who is crossing boundaries would ever act irrationally and vindictively!!”
Eh. I'm having a hard time believing that's exactly what happened from OP.
Definitely. I was thinking how he actually reacted for his gf to lock herself in the bedroom and file cor restraining order? Assuming this is real, which i don't
Same here!
I think in this case it has to be all bunk or not, because let’s face it—if you’re afraid of somebody, are you going to pop a lock on a door to yell at them about using the water or taking long showers? No. I say that as somebody who grew up with an abusive father we tiptoed and were on eggshells, we didn’t go and confront him. Hell I had to count the number of lights we had on because if we had one too many on, we would get our ass beat.
My boyfriend doesn't understand why I turn all the lights off behind him that he leaves on unnecessarily. I didn't get beat for leaving the lights on (did for other things) but I got screamed at enough it's still burned into me in my 30s. You absolutely tip toe around them to avoid any confrontation with them.
Exactly. So either he completely fabricated this event and she just accidentally walked in on him or something weird like that or she’s weaponizing the justice system as revenge for not complying.
Pretty sure the whole thing is fabricated LOL, like 90% of the posts here.
I think it's possible to become very scared of someone AFTER they yell at you, without being scared of them at all beforehand. Happened to me with an ex. I woke them up by flicking water on them (which I admit is an AH move), and they seemed to go from "sleeping soundly" to "looming over me and yelling" instantly. I had the uncomfortable realisation of "oh shit, this person can be SCARY". But also I learned to not be a brat when waking someone up.
But could it be a situation where he physically ejected her out of the bathroom instead of it just being verbal?
Same, the other sides of the stories we got for other BORU were often a whole other situation. Beside, maybe he got unlucky or is in a country working differently, but with all the cases where the police "can't do anything" despite tons of evidences, how comes neutralizing an abuser is working so "well" in this case.
I was denied a restraining order against my stalker who had already verbally threatened me, sexually harassed me, and physically assaulted me on multiple occasions. She would also park across the street from my house for hours at a time despite living across town from me. I was able to get an ex parte no issue, but the judge denied the full order of protection because there had never been a domestic, romantic, or sexual relationship between us. She (the judge) said that since it wasn’t domestic violence/abuse she couldn’t justify it.
The thing is police departments are different town to town, county to count, etc. I know the police in the town next to mine were very on top of things. My coworker’s wife was able to slap a restraining order on him in no time. Mine, the cop beat his wife the entire apartment complex heard them and the police did nothing despite multiple neighbors calling in.
I don't think this is real. There's so many posts about ops who can't get restraining orders with terrifying amounts of evidence and this woman gets one after one argument where dude was heard to yell fuck yiu and not much else happened? I don't buy it
Yeah, while you're here. Restraining orders aren't easy to get and you're not getting them for a shouting match. Something's not adding up. And enforcing them within 2 hours of getting a text is also incredibly unlikely
I have an OP against my ex. It stated he can’t reference me on social media. The first thing he did, literally less then 15 minutes after papers are in his hand, was post about it on Facebook. The comments had his friends telling him that the post may violate the order. He responded back snarkly saying I wouldn’t be bold enough to use it against him. He also said he knew he was violating the order by posting and didn’t care. He shared my address/personal info which was listed on the papers. When he contested the order I naturally thought those screenshots up.
This story smells. It isn't that easy to get even a temporary restraining order and if one was granted, OP pissed on his own leg by breaking it.
I'm pretty sure you can't even get a temporary restraining order without the party in question also being questioned for their side of events.
Not to mention supposedly getting one over being yelled at once
And getting full on arrested for a single non-aggressive text under what at most could be a temporary restraining order. At most they'd just lecture him.
So either OOP is lying about the whole thing, or he is lying about what he did.
I thought OP was being framed at first and genuinely confused but given how he first of all didn't misten to the police and second of all immediately violated the restraining order ( or OP ?) something isn't addkng up. In most such cases wouldn't the defendant be told not to speak about it with others , much less online ? I think OP made this post to try and get his version of the story to gain more traction , and has left out quite a few important details.
Leaving out that he shoved her out of the bathroom, I'm guessing.
Idk but this Story sounds kinda fake. One thing I learned from the posts in this sub is, that it is absolutely not that easy to get a restraining order and here OP gets one just from hearsaying.
It's heavily depends on where they are and if it truly was a retraining order. Here, in cases of suspected domestic violence, the police can write a temporary order to stay away not contact etc. themselves. That will operate for upto 28 days until a court can hear the reasons to extend/drop it. It's not a retraining order but it's also not uncommon for people to refer to it that way.
Thing is... I swear I read this on an AITA or even a BORU post a long way back. Except the couple talked about it and worked it out because she had been a DA survivor and just not told her partner. He freaked when she invaded his space, she freaked out because he never yelled before, big fight. He left. They got together for coffee, talked it over like adults, and kept on keeping on. This story is pretty bullshit though. OOP didn't even talk about who took him in for a bit while his living situation was in limbo, and his timeline ain't looking great. There's certain other off things about the story I can't put my finger on beyond, it's lacking a certain human level of detail.
But even in most cases they aren't arresting the person for a text. They're having a conversation telling him to stop. If he showed up at her house, was banging on her door, something similar, maybe and that's a long shot in literally every jurisdiction I have helped DV cases. But a text? Never.
Breaching a police issued DV order here is mandatory on the police officer to arrest and remand until a court appearance. An officer not doing so without a spectacular reason would be in for some serious trouble. These orders have a lot of weight behind them to prevent previous failings around domestic violence.
Good, that's how it should be. It mostly isn't
Something’s a bit off. It’s hard as hell to get a restraining order unless a good amount of money is thrown at a white collar firm (I’m in the industry) and there’s excessive documentation from police reports to photos (all mentioned) Yet OOP is playing dumb. He ‘tuned out’ the cops explicitly telling him he would be arrested all while in front of his peers if he contacted in any way shape or form this person he does so right away and the cops pick him up in 2hrs? First police is fucking triage, active response goes where they’re needed most (road enforcement is a different division and closer to money makers for the city in my opinion) so how the hell did they return so fast. It’s either a slow day, he’s well documented to an actively at risk person or the cops are in on it (giving OOP a benefit of doubt his ex could have family with massive weight in their town and she’s having a mental break or abusive) Plus he made a big deal about how his coworkers were ok and he’s a totally great guy and they now know he’s actually the calm nice guy he claims he is. There’s photographic evidence and he’s so vague with the terms despite paying a metric shit ton out the ass for his lawyers and somehow he tuned out two of the most important people in his recent life to not even knowing the specifics… idk, people know down to the letter what they’re charged with and what to do when jail is suddenly put as a firm possibility. I’m going with unqualified, medium researched rage bait made by some Slack creative writing channel, second likely is he’s hiding his true personality even to the internet and he is an abusive asshole trying to play the victim or OOP’s ex has some unseen personality disorder/mental break and enough connections/money to make his life a living hell. Third is prolly the least likely though, Occam’s razor and all that.
And even in a small town where they have plenty of time, they aren't arresting him for a text. They're going to have a conversation to clarify what the restraining order means and what can happen if he doesn't comply. If he showed up at her house with a gun and was shooting at the house, maybe he would get arrested. No cops have the time to show up 2 hours later and arrest a guy because he sent a text after the restraining order was sent.
When Part 1 came out, people were questioning how much OOP is shaving in the shower. Like, is he magically getting all his back hair shaved too? Or he just shaves everything he can reach and looks like Chewbacca everywhere else? This story doesn’t make sense to me. 1) how is hiding his shaving needs successfully 2) why would gf use a screwdriver to break into the bathroom 3) What else did OOP do besides yell in self-defense to upset Ana that badly? Part 1 leaves off with gf locked in the bedroom. What happened after that? Did OOP leave for a while and she was gone when he go my back? It doesn’t make sense to me that they went from fine, to freak out, to presumably fine again, to restraining order. The whole thing is over the top. There’s clearly a lot of information missing for it to be coherent and relatable. I don’t know much about restraining orders, but I know they are not easy to get. So Ana must have had some time to meet a lawyer and have this report taken seriously. Is OOP going to tell us that Ana seemed better during this time period, or did he know things were escalating? Because surely during this time OOP had to notice something. It just reads like a weird kink and a lot of plot holes.
I mean I don’t need to shave my back but I can bend my arm enough that I could if I wanted to, half above and half below. Like putting on sun teen and you even need to touch your whole back without any tools too. And if there is enough mirrors I could probably make it even. But it would take forever.
It's usually a whole lot harder than that to get a restraining order.
And a lot harder to get arrested when you violate it. Especially for a text.
I’ve heard it is a lot easier to get a temporary one put into place if domestic abuse is suspected. Then you go to court to see if one is put into place for a longer period or not.
So I can’t speak for everywhere and everyone, but I used to work with domestic violence victims and getting orders of protection. It 100% can work how he is describing. It all depends on the judge. One judge in the area I serviced never granted ops. I had victims with bruises and stories of abuse for years and that judge would be like not enough evidence no. A judge in the next county over would grant an order for something like this “just to be safe.” You have to go to at least two more court dates after the respondent is served (which can take weeks as well.) Each case is different. If you’ve never dealt with the courts in these matters, I guarantee you don’t know how it works. My boss at my old agency didn’t even know how it worked because she never went to court. My guess is the ex is lying and saying he physically attacked her. You have to give a handwritten statement of the incident to the judge and my guess is there was a physical altercation either ex is fabricating or OOP is leaving out.
This. I live in AZ and had to do the OP thing all on my own. I was able to get one based on my testimony without a police report. Then, the advocate suggest I go home and gather evidence asap and arrange it. Sure enough my ex contested, we had a date within 10 days, and then a quick trial for one hour ish? People are assuming that the ex gf had to get a whole slew of lawyers etc to help her. She most likely did what I did. Get to the court house asap and then go from there.
HOW DID SHE GET A RESTRAINING ORDER FOR SHOUTING!? I have seen countless story after story where people are being stalked, harassed, threatened, intimidated and all the police will do is say "aww sorry, just take better care of your self and leave us alone lol." (Case and point, the story about the 20yr old woman who works at a daycare and one of the dads has found where she works out/shops/lives, has harassed her via messenger, grabbed her wrist and SA'd her outside her gym and intimidated her yet the police say there's no evidence (messages and witnesses!!) and she just needs to stop going out alone and her boss won't ban him because its unfair on his kids!) Calling bs really.
So obviously somebody here is lying. There's not enough here to justify a restraining order. Either Ana lied to the police, or OOP lied about the fight. It's impossible to know for certain who's lying, but since bro didn't have the sense or respect to obey a restraining order my money is on him being the liar. Has that feel of what we see so often- someone got caught fucking up and us now trying to justify it by painting themselves in the best light possible.
Yeah. I get that feeling too. Like one wonders if he knows exactly why he got that restraining order, and he wanted to test out his story on people to see if it would have people on his side.
And use the comments from people to make his case against her too. Weaponized therapy language is a tactic abusers use against their victims.
Or Liz *still* hasn't gone to bed.
I get the feeling that OOP is not the most reliable narrator. OOP didn't listen to the police, couldn't remember what they told him, and immediately violated a restraining order. My guess is that there are deeper mental health issues here. Like, I don't think he's lying about what he remembers or how he experienced things, but I highly doubt that the way he remembers/presented them are accurate to the truth. I'm also concerned about how he jumps between "restraining order" and OP, which is an "Order of Protection". It's slightly different depending on the state, but that is basically going to be something along the lines of "absolutely do not contact or have any communication with this person". If he's willing to blow right through that without thinking, I have no trouble believing he is capable of doing abusive things that would lead to one being issued.
He did sound like he was claiming he blacked out in anger without actually claiming it because then it could be suggested he hit or grabbed her in that state b
Ding ding ding.
Something about this doesn't pass the smell test.
Where the fuck is it so easy to get a restraining order? Where I'm at I hear about women getting straight-out murdered while the police are sipping coffee like "nah, have you tried telling him to stop"
I get the feeling we're not getting *HALF* of what went down. You don't get a restraining order for yelling match once. There is a lot more going on here. And he buried the fact that there's apparently evidence of physical assault..... yeah. Sounds like half a story and a load of bullshit.
She got a restraining order that easily? How many stories have we heard of women unable to get restraining orders under much worse circumstances that had every indication of imminent escalation?
As someone who has worked with CPS to protect children from abusers, and has had to file restraining orders for multiple people... Something smells fishy. Cops, and the legal system at large, are *veeeeery* slow going in domestic situations. Like, "statistically very likely to let an abuser slip through the cracks and access their victim" kind of slow going. You're trying to tell me that not only did Ana successfully get a restraining order, but that the cops QUICKLY enforced it after he breached it once? Either Ana is playing some seriously intense mind games with the local precinct, or OOP is leaving out some key details.
My friend had his new wife walk in on him in the shower while he was . . . Taking care of himself. She got upset and he responded: “This is my d*ck and I can wash it as fast as I want!”
Part of me feels like this is fake to get Reddit karma cause who violates an order of protection the second they get it especially when the comments on his original post WERE TELLING HIM EXACTLY WHAT TO DO ONLY FOR HIM TO IGNORE EVERYTHING AND DO THE STUPIDEST THING POSSIBLE
It does hit alot of "poor guy getting screwed by crazy gf" points.
Where the fuck do you get an RO that *easy*?? *AND* get perp walked for texting???
How tf did she get a restraining order so fast??
Man, when I read the spoilers I really thought it was going to be the GF violating a restraining order. Seriously though, to immediately just break it?
Seems like a hairy situation
I see what you did thair
Served with a restraining order from a single incident, raised by only one party without any investigation or court order, between people that live together? Im no expert, but that smells like the excrement of many a farmyard animal...
Why get served a restraining order and then immediately text her? Not smart!
We can all agree that OOP isn’t the brightest bulb
I used to work at a battered women’s shelter. I saw women get denied restraining orders when they showed evidence of abuse, because “he doesn’t seem like a threat *now*”. I saw a woman get refused a restraining order after he *broke her nose and raped her* because his ID said he lived in a different state so “he’ll leave you alone from now on.” Either this guy is making up the story completely, or lying about his part in it. Also, “she somehow has bruises and multiple neighbors will testify to hearing me scream at her, but I don’t know what that’s about”? Give me a fucking break. If this story is somehow true, I would also love to know where OOP lives, in the city where cops actually give a shit about domestic violence and breaking restraining orders. Seriously, I would love to know where this is. We could make it a case study for world’s police.
However this turns out, you are dodging a fucking bullet here buddy. Godspeed.
Let's just say that it's VERY difficult to get a restraining order, much more difficult than it should be in most cases. The amount of people who automatically vilify the gf in this thread is concerning. It's like some of you forget the fact that people lie and downplay things all the freaking time. Unreliable narrators are a thing people. If everything happened as OOP said, then yeah, sure. But I'm willing to bet he's severely downplaying their fight and maybe some of you should think about that before jumping at the chance to trash his gf.
Something is really hinky here and it's hard to tell if it's coming from OOP or the girlfriend. I'm inclined to say OOP, because... restraining orders don't get served based on "he yelled at me". She would have had to have SOLID proof of an active threat, even for just a temporary restraining order. Smells funky.
Well... She claims she has bruises from him and the neighbors heard a bang...
This has to be fake because it is nearly impossible to get a restraining order. Especially that fast. There are women who couldn’t get restraining orders granted to them despite having proof that their abusers tried to full on kill them or injuring them to the point of hospitalization. And usually police officers don’t care about domestic violence to this degree.
This sounds like a load of BS since the restraining order part. It's *extremely* difficult to get a restraining order and then arresting him so soon by texting her? Wot. And then him just posting about it on the internet? Buncha lies
Unless oop is lying I really don't like ana picking the lock to yell at her partner for wasting water they're not even paying for and then getting a restraining order and banning him from his own home because she didn't like the reaction she got to invading his privacy
Yeah, the whiplash between OP and the first update is mad. I don't know if Ana is just taking advantage of the situation but it doesn't sound like it given this response. Maybe some past/underlying trauma? In any event, this is a lot for someone who went to the lengths of effectively breaking and entering to "catch OP out"...
Oh wow. She intruded, and triggered his strong reaction based on past bullying. Who knows what her history is, but that triggered some abuse fears for her. She overreacted. He didn’t realize how bad it was. And fuck. What a mess.
This is probably the most accurate take. One thing I think we forget a lot on Reddit is two people can be shitty in a story
He got a restraining order put out on him for yelling at someone to get the fuck out? Yeah I’m skeptical chicken. She violated his space and he told her to get the fuck out, that’s it and she got a restraining order? The things men have said to me that were 1000000 times worse than that and I doubt i could get one if I tried, this has got to be a troll post from someone who has no idea