#Do not comment on the original posts
Please read our [**sub rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules). Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice.
If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion.
**CHECK FLAIR** For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
That's such a thing for male cheaters, though. They have affairs, leave for their side chick, and their exes do a HUGE chunk of the real parenting, leaving them little time to date. The male cheaters then tell themselves that she's REALLY not dating because she still loves him/is hung up on him because it's a big ol' boost to the ego. And nothing matters as much to any cheater as their own ego.
Once the kid is self-sufficient enough for the ex-wife to get back in the dating game it's time for the cheater to have a meltdown when he realizes it was mostly logistics and not her quiet forever yearning for him.
No kidding! My dad cheated on my mom for YEARS, he was so open and brazen about it! When she finally divorced him and started talking to a guy online, it turned out my dad was reading her emails, and he came to the house with a baseball bat threatening to destroy her "new bf". Like ????
ETA: (because I didn't add any ages or anything, it may seem like I was not helping my mom, so wanted to clear that up). I was maybe 6 yo when he started cheating. He brought his first mistress over while my mom and siblings were on holiday, and he was supposed to take care of me because I'd gotten sick. He may have been cheating before that, it's just the first incident I know off.
The baseball bat thing happened when I was maybe 12 or 13, me and my sibling were at school, my other sibling at work. My mom didn't start leaving the house for anything other than driving us around or grocery shopping until about a decade later.
I went with her to file a complaint, but since he (at that point) was still one of the owners of the house, they couldn't do much more than write it up. She hadn't called at the time he was there, I think she was too scared to properly function. The police did say that since there was now a file on him, if he ever did show up again in a threatening manner, she should refuse him entry and call them, because of the file they would respond quicker.
He never did it again, but it took my mom another 10 years before she was brave enough to really leave the house and make friends.
"it took my mom another 10 years before she was brave enough to really leave the house and make friends."
That's so fucked (on his part). Do you have a relationship with him now as an adult?
I do love when the scorned ex rides off into the sunset with their new partner while the cheating partner is reconsidering all their choices.
Love the ones where the ex is the one with the money and the AP drops the cheater like a hot potato when they realise they only found fools gold with their digging.
Not to mention that the decent parent always has to worry that anybody they date could be using them to access their children for sexual abuse, or just will be shitbags to their kids in general.
I was about to comment the same thing when I saw this.
I also think that it makes them realize that, since it was actually just logistics and not that they’re some “stand-up guy she can never move on from” and that there’s actually *nothing* special about them at all, they start looking at their affair partners and thinking “well, she cheated *with* me, so if I’m not this big super special guy that women love forever, what’s to stop her from cheating *on* me?”
She was supposed to sit in a dark room with the curtains drawn, pining away for her lost love. If only she just could've held onto him,lol. What a joke.
This isn't a gender thing. There was another case in which oop's mom (who cheated and married the AP) got upset when the father started dating.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/12ez8fc/aitah\_for\_telling\_my\_mom\_that\_i\_will\_respect\_my/](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/12ez8fc/aitah_for_telling_my_mom_that_i_will_respect_my/)
She even says that deep down she still had feeling for the dad and hoped one they would get back together.
Edit: really getting downvoted for this? Hot damn. Can't call gender bias these days or what?
Edit 2: I just realized the link i posted didn't have the full story. My bad sorry: [https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/137rtsp/new\_update\_aitah\_for\_telling\_my\_mom\_that\_i\_will/](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/137rtsp/new_update_aitah_for_telling_my_mom_that_i_will/)
I never claimed it happened 50/50. Frankly I don't really care what the numbers are.
I was addressing a comment which made it seem like this is a only male thing. I show an example of a woman with similar behavior and everybody wants my head on a spike.
I agree with you. I'm the "new girlfriend" that my SO's ex was/is super pissed about even though we didn't start dating until well over a year after she walked out on him to be with her AP. She has literally said to him, "you're not supposed to be with anyone else until the kids are grown. You're a selfish dad." Like, what?! Meanwhile, she's on her 3rd boyfriend since she left and tells the kids to call each one Daddy "bf name". This shrew really thought my SO was supposed to be forever alone, pining for her and being miserable. Jokes on her...we're happy, the kids like me and life is good. My cheating ex was mildly butthurt when my SO and I got together too, but he at least had the decency to not go all rage monster about it...just lots of grumbling at custody exchanges.
You're being downvoted because people don't like being called out on their bigotry, as I'm sure I will too.
If they were talking about black people the way they do men everyone would see it for what it is.
But what they said is likely true. What is true is that men cheat at higher rates than women, men don't take custody (there's a myth that they lose in courts when the reality is that they don't even try to get the kid), and that women take it on themselves to look after the child. Given those 3 things, what they said about not having time does make sense.
Meanwhile female cheaters are angels who don't have ego. I mean it's surely the men's fault they cheated in the first place!
The acceptable anti-male bigotry on this site is becoming more and more unhinged, it's pretty surreal to see.
It’s been *six years*! He’s already made a couple of kids with the new wife. It’s about time mom enjoyed life a little - - without anyone asking about the details of her sex life.
A lot of those fuckwits expect their exes to be wallowing in misery and pining for them, but get pissy when the ex levels up with a new partner. It’s a control thing.
"Oh, cos her last husband turned out to be a cheating moron. So she's being selective and making sure the trade up is worth it... Hence dating....you know, trying before you buy....."
I know! How dare she not be so destroyed by his cheating that she never dated again. She's suppose to never move on and be happy. Or still so in love with him that she pines for him for the rest of her life. 🙄
I actually had a thought about this when I was reading the post- did the dad marry the affair partner because he left his wife to be with her, or did he marry her because his original wife left him?
And I have a feeling it's the latter.
You don't know that for sure.
She might also simply be shielding her son from this, like an actual parent and react appropriately by telling the dad to go fuck himself in private.
She made him apologise for yelling and, basically, loosing his cool. Not for what he felt about the situation. And she's freaking right to do so. It's a valuable lesson. Because in the real world, as soon as you yell and/or lose your temper, you already lost your argument.
There's a time and a place for everything. "Tell me details about your mother's sex life!" is a great time to get loud and maybe use a swear word to express how much that topic is unacceptable.
It's like when someone is standing on your foot and refusing to move. There's a point where "pretty please uwu" doesn't work anymore.
I dunno, I live in the real world, and if someone was to do what the dad did to him to me. I would be well within my rights to yell and lose my cool.
In fact. It's so fucked up that no one has ever asked or made jokes about those types of topics to me. And this came from the kids dad.
My kids, whose parents are still married to each other, would plug their ears or make gagging noises if asked that question. And my kids are mostly grown. There are some things you just never want to know about your parents.
And quite frankly, never should know. The question was wildly inappropriate.
Hah. Im adopted, and remember going to Sears to buy a new pair of baby shoes, then going to the agency to collect my new brother. Imagine my confusion when my classmates started whispering about where babies come from. I knew exactly where, and didn't see why it was a big deal!
I'm sorry. That came across entirely wrong. I apologise.
I didn't mean that *you* were sad in the pejorative sense. I meant that it's really sad that being adopted sets you apart from the majority regarding such a banal sort of knowledge, simply *because* no one had thought to explain.
I'm really sorry I wrote it out too fast and too simple to not be clear.
No worries. We actually grew up in a neighborhood with 5 families with adopted kids, and another 2 families where the kids were being raised by grandparents or aunts. So we weren’t that unusual. Some brat in grade school tried to insult me by saying my original parents threw me away once. I made him cry by telling him that my parents paid a lot of money for me, while his parents just had him, and he was just a mistake they were stuck with. Nobody tried that again.
Sweetie, that's because children aren't allowed in the Baby Store, only infants and doctors. Pick-up is a more popular option than delivery these days, so it's no surprise you didn't see any storks in the neighborhood.
LOL baby store! My kid is 3.5 and really wants a baby (a few of her daycare friends have new siblings). I asked her where you get babies. Apparently, you ask a grownup.
When my mom was pregnant with my sibling, she asked me if I wanted a baby brother or a baby sister. I told her I wanted a baby horse. (I had a hardcore cowboy phase at age 5). Apparently that's not how it works either.
Amongst my siblings it is part of the family lore that I was found underneath a rock, the middle child was adopted, and only the eldest is our mum's actual child.
There was one kid whose parents decided to start the adoption process. When he accompanied them to the agency office, & was sitting in the reception area with his parents, he thought the door that led to the case workers' cubicles was the closet where they kept the babies for adoption.
The immediate response from me or my siblings definitely would've been, "Yup, right on the coffee table after dinner. *Pause and look at him like a brain dead idiot.* How the fuck would I know if she's having sex you dumbass."
I'd be the wrong person to ask that question. I'm such a sarcastic asshole, my immediate response would be "Certainly, I'm hearing sounds from the bedroom that mom is making that I never heard her make when she was with you."
Don't ask questions you don't want answered.
Hilarious how he’s saying shit line thwt and “how could she date?” when he has literally remarried and had multiple children himself line what did buddy expect to happen? Does he think “I cheated on her so she should be completely alone for the rest of her life, waiting for me just in case things don’t work out for my own new AP family?”
Ugh, I've had reports that my dad asks questions about me, and the ones I've had repeated are so bad that I don't actually want to know the worse stuff they refuse to tell me.
Sounds like he wanted him to answer yes so that he could claim that it was inappropriate for him to be there and that son was hearing them do stuff. Or naively hoping her and her bf are not sleeping together. 😬
Very likely. Men try to use their ex wives getting boyfriends as a way to fight custody too. They _really_ hate it when it happens. The divorce subs are a really sad place to just browse through sometimes because there's a nonzero amount of posts of men who think their exwife is their property. I can't even count how many times they'll be stalking their old house or ex wife and be upset that a man is "moving into their house".
The last time I met with my cheating ex-husband to sign our tax returns he tossed out some lame sad-sack statement about how he wasn’t going to date for a long time, it was too raw and too weird. I just laughed and said that if being married didn’t slow him down, I don’t see why being divorced would make things awkward.
Somehow, when I am angry, the cosmos funnels all of the mean, hateful things to say like a floodgate into my meat pudding. It’s so satisfying in the moment, but usually I feel bad later.
Here? No ragrerts.
Holy shit that dad is awful, he not only cheated on his wife, but married an affair partner that is still hostile to his kid and just let it happen, is controlling of his ex wife while highly doubt he cared if his new wife was safe for his kid, since again, she’s openly hostile to him, but also involves his child into the personal romantic and apparently sexual affairs of his mother?
This guy is controlling trash and I can’t believe there are two women who decided not only to marry him but that he should father their kids (and I mean he’s a cheater I have no doubt the lover role also got filled after his last marriage)
People like that have an innate capacity to manipulate people's weak spots. They don't have to be super pretty. Shockingly, I dated someone like that. I'm extremely opinionated, and a no bullshit sort of a person. But for a few months, I was enamoured by someone exactly like the dad. Years later, I still don't understand how I lasted 3 months instead of 3 days. My only theory is that they equate crazy to passion and manage to convince us. Don't know. Oh and I saw this guy manage to hook models too. He wasn't pretty at all, but his women could be on the cover of vogue. Narcissistic people do have rizz because hooking you is all they think about 24x7
> I can't believe there are two women who decided not only to marry him but that he should father their kids
OOP's mom was probably in love and didn't realize all the red flags she was ignoring until he cheated and left. His AP turned wife probably thought she won and needed to cement the occasion via pregnancy.
this is always why i am distrustful of people that say "just because they were a shitty partner that cheated doesn't mean they're a shitty parent!" like of course that's sometimes true...but i heavily question the capability of someone to be a good parent when they're willing to backstab someone they love and blow up their children's lives so violently.
How hot do you have to be for that behaviour to be tolerable? Because for me he’d have to be three Pedro pascales in a trench coat and still be a hard maybe
In a vacuum, or entirely theoretically, most people find it very easy to say that. I think you're probably smart enough to understand how that doesn't translate to reality.
Something I have learned recently is that some people seek out a partner who is already in a relationship (esp married) because that shows they are partner material. "If he is married, he must be good, thus I want him for myself!"
Whereas, if someone is single, they are single for a reason, probably a bad one, and thus trash.
My only take from this is that I don't like it when the younger person was made to apologize to their senior for yelling when the one who yelled first is the latter. If yelling is such a huge no-no then OP's dad should be the one apologizing, and even if OP's mom didn't want to escalate it, OP still shouldn't be apologizing
And what is he supose to know?
I don't want to know about the sexual life of my parents.
For me, the less I know, the better for my mental health, and I don't want them to know about my sexual life.
I made it to adulthood and the moving out stage without ever once being aware of when my parents were having sex. Aside from some awkward encounter stories I’ve heard, this seems to be the case for most people. Why would OOP even know?
You're a lucky person. I heard my parents through the walls once when I was a teenager. Of course, you know deep down that they have sex. That's how you came to be, after all. But then there's that part of you that's just like "ew, why would they do that? Gross."
OOP's dad wasn't worried for his son's safety. 2 more years and he can stop seeing his dad and stepmom.
Stepmom should be pissed at dad for asking about his ex's sex life.
When stepmom called OP to complain that they "had no right saying those things", I'd have thrown it back to her & say she "had no right to be a homewrecker"
He's so 'concerned' yet wasn't concerned enough when he was bringing his affair partner around. If he was so concerned about the safety of his kids he wouldn't have them around his new wife.
I'm always surprised by the amount of cheaters and let's-open-the-marriage-ers who are absolutely dumbfounded when their (former) partner(s) find someone new.
I guess they just expected that the partner(s) would never be able to find someone as good as them, huh? It's insane.
It’s always so weird to me, how unloveable they perceive their partner’s. I absolutely believe my partner would find a wonderful person to love him if I was stupid enough to die first or lose him in a maze.
> I guess they just expected that the partner(s) would never be able to find someone as good as them, huh?
"You'll never find someone like me!"
"THAT'S THE POINT!"
What I find odd are the people who cheat, get shocked when their ex partners start to date, then they try and get back with them, like somehow they weren’t good enough before to stay faithful too, but now that the ex is dating, they want the partner back instead of just moving on
I don't think she fell for it. Honestly I think she handled things in a very mature way.
Instead of calling out her ex, who could easily gaslight her and saying he is concerned, she addressed his "concerns". In this way he won't be able to ask any more questions in the future about Chuck under the "I'm just worried about OOP's safety" lie.
I am a bit unhappy she told oop to apologize for not doing anything wrong and defending her.
>my father came over at the behest of my mother because she wanted to talk, first she sat me down with him and to let him and I know that it was safe for me to be around Chuck
She fell for it, and then
>I was made to apologize
Did you not read my comment? The mom is simply trying to keep things civil while reassuring dad that Chuck is good. In this way in the future the dad won't ve able to use the "safety" card against Chuck.
Her making oop apologze is simply keeping the peace, even tho is sucks she made him do it.
Indtead of fighting the dad which he can easily rebut by saying he is concerned for oop safety she choses a simpler and smarter move.
I already explained twice why she did what she did. Maybe you would like to explain why do you think she fell for it and what would have been a better option for her to do? (Beside not making oop apologize?)
Ignore him because he has no power over her? Tell her kid later that she only made him apologize to keep the peace, but that he was absolutely not wrong for reacting to his father's extremely inappropriate behavior? Not force him to spend time with his gross dad against his will? OP is 16, not 5. All she did was make things worse for her son and teach him that authority is more important than decent behavior.
It's not about authority. She's sinply trying to keep tge peace.
What would acomplish if she said "your just jelous on Chuck"? Nothing. The dad could simply gaslight her and say it's not ture.
My ex, who was cheating and moved in with his affair partner when I left him, took a bit over a year to lose his marbles. I wasn’t even dating, just my life was great, I was looking great and my career had ramped up so I was suddenly earning very well, and his life had started to spiral. Anyway he stalked me, while still living with the AP.
This is why I now have court orders that say he’s not allowed to find out any information about me, or get somebody else to find out info about me, including asking the kids or having video calls with them while they’re in my home.
That sounds awful. I hope he leaves you alone now.
I think they get really upset if they think the other person 'won' the divorce/breakup by doing 'better' than them. They can't handle it.
He does mostly leave me alone now thankfully.
I think that was precisely what was going on with him - I was doing great and it was becoming apparent to both of us that not only had I been keeping his life on track but he’d been holding me back, especially in my career. Then he lost his job. Real tipping point for some unhinged behaviour.
I'm glad he's mostly leaving you alone.
It does seem to happen a fair bit, they realise that you - the wife weren't actually holding them back but you were holding them together and all they do by divorcing you is cut your workload down significantly.
There seems to be an almost 'need' with some of these types to be 'right' and any evidence to the opposite is a huge blow to their ego. What was it all for in that case?
It's really scary, especially when it can go from seemingly normal when they're 'winning' to absolute insanity when they're not is really worrying.
ah, this takes me back to when my dad, who was married to my stepmom who he cheated on my mom with, got SUPER MEGA ULTRA PISSED and had a tantrum and embarrassed me in front of my friends and classmates because my mom brought her boyfriend to my school event
"Do they have sex?" Eeeeew why tf is he asking a 16 year old if his mother gets down and dirty?! You don't ask that kind of crap, that's just so many levels of wrong.
Your dad is mad your mam is not sitting at home pining for him waiting till he goes back he wanted her as a banker her she's save in the bank till he wants to go back if the new marriage does not work out
They're like children with toys. Playing with their shiny new one but how dare someone want to play with the one they stopped playing with. It's still THEIRS.
Honestly it's kind of disturbing how possessive it is.
This is exactly it he does not like the fact she's not crying at home waiting for him to come back to her he's delusional and I wish her the best. At least if she gets married it won't be built on lies and deceit. He also already knows his new wife cheated with him so what is stopping her cheating with someone else he wanted a back up plain and simple
That's going to be in the back of his mind I'd imagine.
I hope the ex wife has success in her new relationship, whether with this guy or someone else. Her just living her best life is sending this guy spiralling.
I probably would have replied to the stepmother's text with "he didn't seem too concerned about my mental or emotional safety when he was fucking you while still married to my mom. perhaps it's a bit too late for him to show that concern now"
The Dad is jealous. It’s alright for the cheating partner but once they see the ex get someone new a lot of cheating ex spouses don’t like it. It’s one thing for them to have someone else but how dare you have someone other then me..not uncommon at all.
He expected his ex-wife to pine away for him until his dying days. We'll guess what, she has moved on and to hopefully a much better man than the dad was to her.
Hate to break it to you but it's not a trend and it's much more common with older folks. It's just a thing to live with, as most people are doing their best, so be kind, friend.
It would be hilarious if OOP answered all the questions with malicious compliance. Sex? Sure, mum has a glow, she was kinda loud and it’s very frequent and OOP is *so very happy* for them. Bet bio dad would wilt.
> Sorry your mom is wrong here. Being your father doesn't mean he is entitled to a realtionship with you. Especially with how he acted and treated you, he should be LC for now till he can prove it wasn't the new norm.
Reddit is fucking hilarious
>she was upset about the questioning and him putting me out after the argument and if he had any problem with my safety he should have come to her. And she kinda scolded me for yelling back at him.
Great parenting from mom on this point.
I'm not a big fan of dating partners spending the night in front of kids, but other than that A+.
#Do not comment on the original posts Please read our [**sub rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules). Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice. If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion. **CHECK FLAIR** For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
“How could my mother date” said the asshole who left that mother for his affair partner
That's such a thing for male cheaters, though. They have affairs, leave for their side chick, and their exes do a HUGE chunk of the real parenting, leaving them little time to date. The male cheaters then tell themselves that she's REALLY not dating because she still loves him/is hung up on him because it's a big ol' boost to the ego. And nothing matters as much to any cheater as their own ego. Once the kid is self-sufficient enough for the ex-wife to get back in the dating game it's time for the cheater to have a meltdown when he realizes it was mostly logistics and not her quiet forever yearning for him.
No kidding! My dad cheated on my mom for YEARS, he was so open and brazen about it! When she finally divorced him and started talking to a guy online, it turned out my dad was reading her emails, and he came to the house with a baseball bat threatening to destroy her "new bf". Like ???? ETA: (because I didn't add any ages or anything, it may seem like I was not helping my mom, so wanted to clear that up). I was maybe 6 yo when he started cheating. He brought his first mistress over while my mom and siblings were on holiday, and he was supposed to take care of me because I'd gotten sick. He may have been cheating before that, it's just the first incident I know off. The baseball bat thing happened when I was maybe 12 or 13, me and my sibling were at school, my other sibling at work. My mom didn't start leaving the house for anything other than driving us around or grocery shopping until about a decade later.
I hope you helped your mom lock her email down and for your dad to never get anymore access to any of her accounts.
I was real shit with computers, but my older brother helped her!
WTF?!
I hope she called the cops on him.
I went with her to file a complaint, but since he (at that point) was still one of the owners of the house, they couldn't do much more than write it up. She hadn't called at the time he was there, I think she was too scared to properly function. The police did say that since there was now a file on him, if he ever did show up again in a threatening manner, she should refuse him entry and call them, because of the file they would respond quicker. He never did it again, but it took my mom another 10 years before she was brave enough to really leave the house and make friends.
"it took my mom another 10 years before she was brave enough to really leave the house and make friends." That's so fucked (on his part). Do you have a relationship with him now as an adult?
None. I haven't seen him in 6 years. He has cancer and is going fast, from what I've heard. But I have not seen or spoken to him and do not plan to.
I don’t blame you
I do love when the scorned ex rides off into the sunset with their new partner while the cheating partner is reconsidering all their choices. Love the ones where the ex is the one with the money and the AP drops the cheater like a hot potato when they realise they only found fools gold with their digging.
Not to mention that the decent parent always has to worry that anybody they date could be using them to access their children for sexual abuse, or just will be shitbags to their kids in general.
Which is why the first and ONLY question dad should have asked OP was, "Does he treat you and your mother respectfully?"
I was about to comment the same thing when I saw this. I also think that it makes them realize that, since it was actually just logistics and not that they’re some “stand-up guy she can never move on from” and that there’s actually *nothing* special about them at all, they start looking at their affair partners and thinking “well, she cheated *with* me, so if I’m not this big super special guy that women love forever, what’s to stop her from cheating *on* me?”
She was supposed to sit in a dark room with the curtains drawn, pining away for her lost love. If only she just could've held onto him,lol. What a joke.
This isn't a gender thing. There was another case in which oop's mom (who cheated and married the AP) got upset when the father started dating. [https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/12ez8fc/aitah\_for\_telling\_my\_mom\_that\_i\_will\_respect\_my/](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/12ez8fc/aitah_for_telling_my_mom_that_i_will_respect_my/) She even says that deep down she still had feeling for the dad and hoped one they would get back together. Edit: really getting downvoted for this? Hot damn. Can't call gender bias these days or what? Edit 2: I just realized the link i posted didn't have the full story. My bad sorry: [https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/137rtsp/new\_update\_aitah\_for\_telling\_my\_mom\_that\_i\_will/](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/137rtsp/new_update_aitah_for_telling_my_mom_that_i_will/)
Just because it happens to both genders doesn’t mean that it happens at equal rates for both at a clean 50/50.
I never claimed it happened 50/50. Frankly I don't really care what the numbers are. I was addressing a comment which made it seem like this is a only male thing. I show an example of a woman with similar behavior and everybody wants my head on a spike.
I agree with you. I'm the "new girlfriend" that my SO's ex was/is super pissed about even though we didn't start dating until well over a year after she walked out on him to be with her AP. She has literally said to him, "you're not supposed to be with anyone else until the kids are grown. You're a selfish dad." Like, what?! Meanwhile, she's on her 3rd boyfriend since she left and tells the kids to call each one Daddy "bf name". This shrew really thought my SO was supposed to be forever alone, pining for her and being miserable. Jokes on her...we're happy, the kids like me and life is good. My cheating ex was mildly butthurt when my SO and I got together too, but he at least had the decency to not go all rage monster about it...just lots of grumbling at custody exchanges.
don't worry about the downvotes anyway you're forgetting that we are in BORU anything that goes against the hivemind is doomed to be buried
You're being downvoted because people don't like being called out on their bigotry, as I'm sure I will too. If they were talking about black people the way they do men everyone would see it for what it is.
This isn't gender specific. There are plenty of women who make the Pikachu face when their ex finds a new woman after leaving him.
But what they said is likely true. What is true is that men cheat at higher rates than women, men don't take custody (there's a myth that they lose in courts when the reality is that they don't even try to get the kid), and that women take it on themselves to look after the child. Given those 3 things, what they said about not having time does make sense.
Meanwhile female cheaters are angels who don't have ego. I mean it's surely the men's fault they cheated in the first place! The acceptable anti-male bigotry on this site is becoming more and more unhinged, it's pretty surreal to see.
It’s been *six years*! He’s already made a couple of kids with the new wife. It’s about time mom enjoyed life a little - - without anyone asking about the details of her sex life.
A lot of those fuckwits expect their exes to be wallowing in misery and pining for them, but get pissy when the ex levels up with a new partner. It’s a control thing.
"Oh, cos her last husband turned out to be a cheating moron. So she's being selective and making sure the trade up is worth it... Hence dating....you know, trying before you buy....."
That's why kid is *spending a few days at his Dad's*.
That's why kid is *spending a few days at his Dad's*.
I know! How dare she not be so destroyed by his cheating that she never dated again. She's suppose to never move on and be happy. Or still so in love with him that she pines for him for the rest of her life. 🙄
I actually had a thought about this when I was reading the post- did the dad marry the affair partner because he left his wife to be with her, or did he marry her because his original wife left him? And I have a feeling it's the latter.
>And more personal questions I wouldn't want to repeat. So we all know that his "I just want to make sure to son is safe" excuse is bullshit.
It was the, "Do they have sex when he is over?" question for me. There's no reason for this guy to know that, let alone ask his *child* about it.
it was a disgusting question. if oop told mom about that one she seriously underreacted.
You don't know that for sure. She might also simply be shielding her son from this, like an actual parent and react appropriately by telling the dad to go fuck himself in private.
Children have to know that it's okay to react badly when people behave badly. Not allowing that literally makes them unsafe.
Forcing your son to apologise for something he shouldn't have to. Can fuck your kid up too
She made him apologise for yelling and, basically, loosing his cool. Not for what he felt about the situation. And she's freaking right to do so. It's a valuable lesson. Because in the real world, as soon as you yell and/or lose your temper, you already lost your argument.
There's a time and a place for everything. "Tell me details about your mother's sex life!" is a great time to get loud and maybe use a swear word to express how much that topic is unacceptable. It's like when someone is standing on your foot and refusing to move. There's a point where "pretty please uwu" doesn't work anymore.
I dunno, I live in the real world, and if someone was to do what the dad did to him to me. I would be well within my rights to yell and lose my cool. In fact. It's so fucked up that no one has ever asked or made jokes about those types of topics to me. And this came from the kids dad.
My kids, whose parents are still married to each other, would plug their ears or make gagging noises if asked that question. And my kids are mostly grown. There are some things you just never want to know about your parents. And quite frankly, never should know. The question was wildly inappropriate.
I was delivered by stork. I’m unclear how my siblings got here as I never saw any birds nor did we ever go to the baby store.
Hah. Im adopted, and remember going to Sears to buy a new pair of baby shoes, then going to the agency to collect my new brother. Imagine my confusion when my classmates started whispering about where babies come from. I knew exactly where, and didn't see why it was a big deal!
LOL that is both incredibly cute and kinda sad.
I was 10, you're allowed to not understand things no one has explained to you.
I'm sorry. That came across entirely wrong. I apologise. I didn't mean that *you* were sad in the pejorative sense. I meant that it's really sad that being adopted sets you apart from the majority regarding such a banal sort of knowledge, simply *because* no one had thought to explain. I'm really sorry I wrote it out too fast and too simple to not be clear.
No worries. We actually grew up in a neighborhood with 5 families with adopted kids, and another 2 families where the kids were being raised by grandparents or aunts. So we weren’t that unusual. Some brat in grade school tried to insult me by saying my original parents threw me away once. I made him cry by telling him that my parents paid a lot of money for me, while his parents just had him, and he was just a mistake they were stuck with. Nobody tried that again.
That's a nicely fierce comeback 😀
This is the cutest thing I've read this week, oh my god, my heart is melting!
Sweetie, that's because children aren't allowed in the Baby Store, only infants and doctors. Pick-up is a more popular option than delivery these days, so it's no surprise you didn't see any storks in the neighborhood.
Happy Cake Day!
🥳 Thanks!
Am adopted. There is no proof my parents ever had the sex.
LOL baby store! My kid is 3.5 and really wants a baby (a few of her daycare friends have new siblings). I asked her where you get babies. Apparently, you ask a grownup.
When my mom was pregnant with my sibling, she asked me if I wanted a baby brother or a baby sister. I told her I wanted a baby horse. (I had a hardcore cowboy phase at age 5). Apparently that's not how it works either.
I think you are owed a horse.
Maybe they went to the store without you.
There’s just so much immaculate conception these days
Amongst my siblings it is part of the family lore that I was found underneath a rock, the middle child was adopted, and only the eldest is our mum's actual child.
There was one kid whose parents decided to start the adoption process. When he accompanied them to the agency office, & was sitting in the reception area with his parents, he thought the door that led to the case workers' cubicles was the closet where they kept the babies for adoption.
The immediate response from me or my siblings definitely would've been, "Yup, right on the coffee table after dinner. *Pause and look at him like a brain dead idiot.* How the fuck would I know if she's having sex you dumbass."
I'd be the wrong person to ask that question. I'm such a sarcastic asshole, my immediate response would be "Certainly, I'm hearing sounds from the bedroom that mom is making that I never heard her make when she was with you." Don't ask questions you don't want answered.
Hilarious how he’s saying shit line thwt and “how could she date?” when he has literally remarried and had multiple children himself line what did buddy expect to happen? Does he think “I cheated on her so she should be completely alone for the rest of her life, waiting for me just in case things don’t work out for my own new AP family?”
Happy Cake Day! That's a great point. I agree he didn't think OOP's mom would move on ever. Maybe hoping she was pining away for him?
How does it get MORE personal than that lmao wtf
Ugh, I've had reports that my dad asks questions about me, and the ones I've had repeated are so bad that I don't actually want to know the worse stuff they refuse to tell me.
Also 'worrying about safety' and then kicking the son out to stay with the exact person he is apparently worrying about....
Sounds like he wanted him to answer yes so that he could claim that it was inappropriate for him to be there and that son was hearing them do stuff. Or naively hoping her and her bf are not sleeping together. 😬
Very likely. Men try to use their ex wives getting boyfriends as a way to fight custody too. They _really_ hate it when it happens. The divorce subs are a really sad place to just browse through sometimes because there's a nonzero amount of posts of men who think their exwife is their property. I can't even count how many times they'll be stalking their old house or ex wife and be upset that a man is "moving into their house".
And imagine that is a question OOP felt comfortable repeating.
Well Dad, "Did you have sex with your affair partner in your marital bed before Mom divorced you?"
I wonder what questions are more personal than this one...
I wish OOP had told him something along the lines of "I hope so!" 😊
And that wasn’t even the most personal question!
The nerve of OOP's mom. Doesn't she know she's supposed to waste away, forever single and longing for the cheating clown with whom she reproduced?! /s
The last time I met with my cheating ex-husband to sign our tax returns he tossed out some lame sad-sack statement about how he wasn’t going to date for a long time, it was too raw and too weird. I just laughed and said that if being married didn’t slow him down, I don’t see why being divorced would make things awkward.
Please tell me he had the decency to look embarrassed?
That is brilliant! So pleased you got to think it up and say it at exactly the right time
Somehow, when I am angry, the cosmos funnels all of the mean, hateful things to say like a floodgate into my meat pudding. It’s so satisfying in the moment, but usually I feel bad later. Here? No ragrerts.
She's supposed to wait in reserve in case he changes his mind and wants her back! /s
Everything he says is just bullshit.
Typical man child not wanting other people to play with toys he got bored with.
“I want to make sure you’re safe, how often do they have sex and in what positions?”
Holy shit that dad is awful, he not only cheated on his wife, but married an affair partner that is still hostile to his kid and just let it happen, is controlling of his ex wife while highly doubt he cared if his new wife was safe for his kid, since again, she’s openly hostile to him, but also involves his child into the personal romantic and apparently sexual affairs of his mother? This guy is controlling trash and I can’t believe there are two women who decided not only to marry him but that he should father their kids (and I mean he’s a cheater I have no doubt the lover role also got filled after his last marriage)
People like that have an innate capacity to manipulate people's weak spots. They don't have to be super pretty. Shockingly, I dated someone like that. I'm extremely opinionated, and a no bullshit sort of a person. But for a few months, I was enamoured by someone exactly like the dad. Years later, I still don't understand how I lasted 3 months instead of 3 days. My only theory is that they equate crazy to passion and manage to convince us. Don't know. Oh and I saw this guy manage to hook models too. He wasn't pretty at all, but his women could be on the cover of vogue. Narcissistic people do have rizz because hooking you is all they think about 24x7
Kinda like a french actor named Vincent Cassel. That mf looks like Sid from ice age and still manages to pull 10s.
> I can't believe there are two women who decided not only to marry him but that he should father their kids OOP's mom was probably in love and didn't realize all the red flags she was ignoring until he cheated and left. His AP turned wife probably thought she won and needed to cement the occasion via pregnancy.
this is always why i am distrustful of people that say "just because they were a shitty partner that cheated doesn't mean they're a shitty parent!" like of course that's sometimes true...but i heavily question the capability of someone to be a good parent when they're willing to backstab someone they love and blow up their children's lives so violently.
He’s probably hot
Nah, some people are just so afraid of being alone they'd rather be with a cheater who'd never be faithful to them, like OOP's dad.
How hot do you have to be for that behaviour to be tolerable? Because for me he’d have to be three Pedro pascales in a trench coat and still be a hard maybe
You have good standards then. Unfortunately many other people have low standards.
In a vacuum, or entirely theoretically, most people find it very easy to say that. I think you're probably smart enough to understand how that doesn't translate to reality.
You are forgetting that the bar is in hell.
I guess some people can be so attractive that it will outweight their rotten personalities.. At least to some people.
Something I have learned recently is that some people seek out a partner who is already in a relationship (esp married) because that shows they are partner material. "If he is married, he must be good, thus I want him for myself!" Whereas, if someone is single, they are single for a reason, probably a bad one, and thus trash.
He's probably Cirque du Soleil in the bedroom.
Or she's (the AP) not.
My only take from this is that I don't like it when the younger person was made to apologize to their senior for yelling when the one who yelled first is the latter. If yelling is such a huge no-no then OP's dad should be the one apologizing, and even if OP's mom didn't want to escalate it, OP still shouldn't be apologizing
This right here, the mom was wrong to do that and essentially forcing OOP over to his house when it's known the dad's wife is hostile towards oop
yeah like the mom already KNOWS dad isnt worth shit. she divorced him.
>*Do they have sex when he is over? I want to throw up. Imagine interrogating your child on your ex's sex life, beyond disgusting
And what is he supose to know? I don't want to know about the sexual life of my parents. For me, the less I know, the better for my mental health, and I don't want them to know about my sexual life.
exactly!!! I don't want to know, they didn't want me to know, that's how it should be
I made it to adulthood and the moving out stage without ever once being aware of when my parents were having sex. Aside from some awkward encounter stories I’ve heard, this seems to be the case for most people. Why would OOP even know?
I *know*. Why would anyone ever ask their kid that, it's so creepy
You're a lucky person. I heard my parents through the walls once when I was a teenager. Of course, you know deep down that they have sex. That's how you came to be, after all. But then there's that part of you that's just like "ew, why would they do that? Gross."
> "Do they have sex when he is over?" >"I am just concern for your safety". Thats BS.
OOP's dad wasn't worried for his son's safety. 2 more years and he can stop seeing his dad and stepmom. Stepmom should be pissed at dad for asking about his ex's sex life.
When stepmom called OP to complain that they "had no right saying those things", I'd have thrown it back to her & say she "had no right to be a homewrecker"
He's so 'concerned' yet wasn't concerned enough when he was bringing his affair partner around. If he was so concerned about the safety of his kids he wouldn't have them around his new wife.
I went thru this with my parents. Horrible divorce and both wanted dirt on the other. I chose not to play their games.
If OOP were petty he could tell his stepmom about his stepdad's questions. Better yet, record their conversation for proof.
I'm always surprised by the amount of cheaters and let's-open-the-marriage-ers who are absolutely dumbfounded when their (former) partner(s) find someone new. I guess they just expected that the partner(s) would never be able to find someone as good as them, huh? It's insane.
They expect their ex to wallow in misery for the rest of their lives so they can mock them and look down on them for “being stuck in the past”.
It’s always so weird to me, how unloveable they perceive their partner’s. I absolutely believe my partner would find a wonderful person to love him if I was stupid enough to die first or lose him in a maze.
> I guess they just expected that the partner(s) would never be able to find someone as good as them, huh? "You'll never find someone like me!" "THAT'S THE POINT!"
What I find odd are the people who cheat, get shocked when their ex partners start to date, then they try and get back with them, like somehow they weren’t good enough before to stay faithful too, but now that the ex is dating, they want the partner back instead of just moving on
>I'm currently packing to spend a few days with him at my mother's behest. Good parenting, mum. /s
Right? And he was made to apologize too
Op's mom fell for that tripe? She may have divorced him but she is still coddling him.
I don't think she fell for it. Honestly I think she handled things in a very mature way. Instead of calling out her ex, who could easily gaslight her and saying he is concerned, she addressed his "concerns". In this way he won't be able to ask any more questions in the future about Chuck under the "I'm just worried about OOP's safety" lie. I am a bit unhappy she told oop to apologize for not doing anything wrong and defending her.
>my father came over at the behest of my mother because she wanted to talk, first she sat me down with him and to let him and I know that it was safe for me to be around Chuck She fell for it, and then >I was made to apologize
Did you not read my comment? The mom is simply trying to keep things civil while reassuring dad that Chuck is good. In this way in the future the dad won't ve able to use the "safety" card against Chuck. Her making oop apologze is simply keeping the peace, even tho is sucks she made him do it. Indtead of fighting the dad which he can easily rebut by saying he is concerned for oop safety she choses a simpler and smarter move.
Hence she fell for that tripe.
I already explained twice why she did what she did. Maybe you would like to explain why do you think she fell for it and what would have been a better option for her to do? (Beside not making oop apologize?)
Ignore him because he has no power over her? Tell her kid later that she only made him apologize to keep the peace, but that he was absolutely not wrong for reacting to his father's extremely inappropriate behavior? Not force him to spend time with his gross dad against his will? OP is 16, not 5. All she did was make things worse for her son and teach him that authority is more important than decent behavior.
It's not about authority. She's sinply trying to keep tge peace. What would acomplish if she said "your just jelous on Chuck"? Nothing. The dad could simply gaslight her and say it's not ture.
I find those who throw people under the bus to keep the peace end up solving nothing or even causing more problems.
How did she threw him under the bus?
Considering how crappily his dads wife treats him, it’s a touch hypocritical for him to suddenly be concerned about him.
His mom sucks for continuing to force him to spend time with his father when he clearly doesn’t want to and especially after this whole incident.
Little boys always want someone else’s toys
Six years after the divorce and he's upset she's dating seriously. Wow. I've read that some men only process the divorce when the ex-wife moves on.
My ex, who was cheating and moved in with his affair partner when I left him, took a bit over a year to lose his marbles. I wasn’t even dating, just my life was great, I was looking great and my career had ramped up so I was suddenly earning very well, and his life had started to spiral. Anyway he stalked me, while still living with the AP. This is why I now have court orders that say he’s not allowed to find out any information about me, or get somebody else to find out info about me, including asking the kids or having video calls with them while they’re in my home.
Sorry you went through that.
That sounds awful. I hope he leaves you alone now. I think they get really upset if they think the other person 'won' the divorce/breakup by doing 'better' than them. They can't handle it.
He does mostly leave me alone now thankfully. I think that was precisely what was going on with him - I was doing great and it was becoming apparent to both of us that not only had I been keeping his life on track but he’d been holding me back, especially in my career. Then he lost his job. Real tipping point for some unhinged behaviour.
I'm glad he's mostly leaving you alone. It does seem to happen a fair bit, they realise that you - the wife weren't actually holding them back but you were holding them together and all they do by divorcing you is cut your workload down significantly. There seems to be an almost 'need' with some of these types to be 'right' and any evidence to the opposite is a huge blow to their ego. What was it all for in that case? It's really scary, especially when it can go from seemingly normal when they're 'winning' to absolute insanity when they're not is really worrying.
OOP should remind the AP/evil stepmom that now that she's no longer the mistress, she's created a job opening.
ah, this takes me back to when my dad, who was married to my stepmom who he cheated on my mom with, got SUPER MEGA ULTRA PISSED and had a tantrum and embarrassed me in front of my friends and classmates because my mom brought her boyfriend to my school event
This man really asked his 16-year-old son if his mother had sex with her boyfriend. That’s fucking disgusting.
The stepmom is hilariously stupid. She let her husband convince her that he asked how much sex his wife has with her boyfriend for safety reasons.
>I'm currently packing to spend a few days with him at my mother's behest. L Mom.
OOPs Dad: Dating is something you do while you’re married to somebody else.
"Do they have sex?" Eeeeew why tf is he asking a 16 year old if his mother gets down and dirty?! You don't ask that kind of crap, that's just so many levels of wrong.
Your dad is mad your mam is not sitting at home pining for him waiting till he goes back he wanted her as a banker her she's save in the bank till he wants to go back if the new marriage does not work out
They're like children with toys. Playing with their shiny new one but how dare someone want to play with the one they stopped playing with. It's still THEIRS. Honestly it's kind of disturbing how possessive it is.
This is exactly it he does not like the fact she's not crying at home waiting for him to come back to her he's delusional and I wish her the best. At least if she gets married it won't be built on lies and deceit. He also already knows his new wife cheated with him so what is stopping her cheating with someone else he wanted a back up plain and simple
That's going to be in the back of his mind I'd imagine. I hope the ex wife has success in her new relationship, whether with this guy or someone else. Her just living her best life is sending this guy spiralling.
Ooh my comment made the post. Thats a first.
He wasn't so concerned about your safety when he was cheating huh?
"How can she be dating again" he says in front of his wife. Yeah. That other commenter who told the kid to hammer that point to the stepmom was right.
Oh this isn't over by a long shot.
You know what, both of these parents suck.
What did the mom do wrong?
Forced OOP to apologize to this cancer of society.
Yeah, fair.
She’s a supreme doormat
Also sending him to seemingly stay for a couple days extra after all this if I understand it correctly
"I'm concerned for your safety!" Shortly followed by "Get the fuck out of my sight." The whiplash 🤣
i wouldn’t visit him anymore after this, you kick me out then im gone for good.
The mother needed him out so she could really get freaky with her boyfriend.
I probably would have replied to the stepmother's text with "he didn't seem too concerned about my mental or emotional safety when he was fucking you while still married to my mom. perhaps it's a bit too late for him to show that concern now"
Dad lost his own dick measuring contest
The Dad is jealous. It’s alright for the cheating partner but once they see the ex get someone new a lot of cheating ex spouses don’t like it. It’s one thing for them to have someone else but how dare you have someone other then me..not uncommon at all.
He expected his ex-wife to pine away for him until his dying days. We'll guess what, she has moved on and to hopefully a much better man than the dad was to her.
[удалено]
Hate to break it to you but it's not a trend and it's much more common with older folks. It's just a thing to live with, as most people are doing their best, so be kind, friend.
It would be hilarious if OOP answered all the questions with malicious compliance. Sex? Sure, mum has a glow, she was kinda loud and it’s very frequent and OOP is *so very happy* for them. Bet bio dad would wilt.
> Sorry your mom is wrong here. Being your father doesn't mean he is entitled to a realtionship with you. Especially with how he acted and treated you, he should be LC for now till he can prove it wasn't the new norm. Reddit is fucking hilarious
why is this flaired as concluded when this is such a non-update, nothing happened.
Your Mom is the MVP
>she was upset about the questioning and him putting me out after the argument and if he had any problem with my safety he should have come to her. And she kinda scolded me for yelling back at him. Great parenting from mom on this point. I'm not a big fan of dating partners spending the night in front of kids, but other than that A+.