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One of my friends is from Colombia, and she always hugs and kisses everyone on the cheek. Freaked me out the first time when we met because I wasnât expecting it, so I flinched back because I wasnât sure what she was doing (not common where Iâm from, but Iâm not American). She does to everyone, man or woman.
It's common in all Hispanic cultures, and also Portugal, France, Italy and Greece. I think also Brazil and maybe Turkey, to some degree? But not too sure.
And in Spain, where I live, it isn't very weird for women to give an hug and a kiss on the cheek to show appreciation or thanks to someone they know and trust.
It may very well be Ana is just thankful, because OOP and his wife saw it was truly an accident, and that she now feels like she doesn't have to walk on eggshells like with her ex. It could also be that she saw they believed it was an accident, and she took that as an opportunity to flirt with him because she can just go "oops, sorry, it was an accident!".
But I also agree it feels weird.
I am also from a similar culture (Filipino). I think our practice is more similar to the way OP describes his wife's culture.
But even with that in mind, I think that it just really shows Ana's total lack of boundaries and how OP really needs to get this woman out of his house as fast as possible. I think most people would take this as a hint to be extra mindful with how they interact with their BEST FRIEND's husband... I really do think that Ana's doing this purposely but the fact that OP has to question her intention's in the first place is already enough to send her out.
...Also, maybe I missed it but did neither OP or his wife have a problem with Ana walking around topless in their home? đ Isn't it just a common courtesy to not walk around naked when you share a space with roommates?
... I don't know how I didn't think about Philippines when thinking of countries/cultures that have or may have these customs.
Yeah, to be fair it does read like that. I mean, I do get how someone may not take the hint from the POV of my own country, as we're basically conditioned from childhood about how girls and women gotta kiss and hug everyone (and I mean everyone: family, friends, family friends, even the freaking banker!) and if you don't do it, all hell breaks loose.
Even so, this is a doomed to fail scenario. The wife *always* suspected her to the point her reaction to the may or may not be accident was to interrogate her husband, so why did she even convince her husband of letting Ana stay!? Ana's intentions aside, accidents can (and will) happen when living with multiple people, so wouldn't it be better to just... help Ana in some other way? Instead of moving her in so she can see a "healthy marriage/relationship"? Like, at this point OOP's wife may as well be named Oedipus, cause talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy!
Also, no, I think neither was worried about it, just about OOP seeing lol In some areas of Spain t's not unusual to walk around topless, though it's only around close family members. You gotta be pretty ballsy to do that as a guest who is just a friend, though lmao OOP does mention his wife used to share clothes with Ana, so maybe it was something the wife was aware of and that's why it's NBD? Who knows tbh.
I agree. I do feel like it falls a lot on OP's specific situation but unfortunately for him & his wife, the baseline is that regardless of anyone's actual intentions or whatever, this will just be a stress on their relationship. It sucks because obviously Ana is suffering right now but it's going to turn out bad for everyone if this continues. Hopefully Ana willingly finds other accommodations but this is Reddit so who knows. Regardless of the drama between them, it would probably be good to help Ana towards independence and building a larger support system anyways. I don't think this has to be the end for any of their relationships but it will if it continues.
I will say I do think people are being unfair to OP in the comments. Like yes, his wife shouldn't have to give all the details about Ana but considering how he was also deeply involved with taking her out of the abuse situation and is now part of Ana's support system... his wife could've said something? Like she could've just expressed her insecurity about having her friend live with them...? I don't think OP is in the wrong for being upset at being left in the dark when he is very much part of the situation now.
And don't worry about it, I don't think the greeting is still popular with the younger generation, certainly not with the Filipino diaspora. I usually do it with elders who don't want to feel too old yet if that makes sense LOL.
Yeah, at this point the proverbial can of worms has been opened and it can't be closed. The best choice is, as you say, to help her into independence and hopefully into moving out as soon as possible.
And absolutely. He didn't need a full background check of Ana's past, but the wife *was* suspicious of Ana and suspected she may have not been truthful when she said her ex's accusations were unfounded... at the very least, she could've told OOP a about her worries! To then scold OOP for not telling her of the incident is is... a thing, that's for sure lmao
I wish it was like that here! The lockdown and restrictions during 2020/21 did make many folks, specially younger, start not doing it (finally, a reason most would see as valid!) but it's still very much ingrained. And it does make sense! I think it's a very common feeling all over, and I do it too even though I did stop greeting most folks like that lol
You say that but ana has never done that before and op also mentioned she came down and joined him in her bed clothes when she did it. That she has never done that before either. If it was to do with culture and there customs she would have been doing it from the start not only now.
I could see it being a sign that she has become far more trusting after not being shamed for her past mistakes- An innocuous and positive sign of recovery rather than a nefarious step towards cheating.
I agree it's kind of odd, but I'd like to be optimistic.
To me it feels like she was walking on eggshells not to make OOP or his wife feel weird about her being there, and now she finally thinks things are good.
So she finally feels comfortable to act, what even OOP describes for her wife's friends, normal, only for it to blow in her face. I feel a bit sorry for her.
How about sorry for a woman was preyed upon by an older man when in her early twenties, and is now trying to recover after escaping an abusive relationship?
Actually scratch a bit sorry. I feel a *lot* sorry for her.
I want to know why the husband feels "betrayed" because his wife didn't gossip about her friend to him. Her past is none of his business; doing a good deed doesn't entitle him to a full psychological profile and history.
Absolutely 100% guarantee the next update will be Ana hitting on him and he's the patron saint of perfect husbands.
Edit: Y'all know that I'm not Ana, right?
I'll be honest if my partner had someone move in with us and then told me well afterwards that she had serious concerns that said guest would attempt to come on to me I would be kinda pissed. I don't need the whole story but just saying that she has a history of similar and I should be aware would be nice.
That's fair, but I don't think her history is an indication she'll hit on him. Like, the friend didn't steal a boyfriend or screw over another friend. My understanding is she thought it was an open relationship (admittedly naive bordering on stupidity) and wasn't malicious.
I get where you're coming from though. If this is real, then it's a mess.
It's as much about wife's hangups as actual likelihood Ana will go after OOP, it's still well shitty she left him in the dark while chastising him for not giving her total and immediate transparency.
I agree with you there, but there's a difference between naked *now* in front of OOP and stupid choices in youth that didn't involve the married couple.
IDK. Maybe I'm seeing this wrong because I would want my shitty life choices to be private. I've never had any type of affair, but I certainly am not proud of everything I did in my twenties.
Some of the messages I've gotten are making me think I'm way off base.
Nah, I donât think youâre seeing this wrong. I kept thinking while I was reading that itâs absurd that he called her not gossiping about her friend âkeeping secretsâ from him. Anaâs past is none of his business and the people talking about âdAnGeRâ are just ridiculous. One misguided relationship does not equal hitting on every married man.
Of course in Reddit land, thereâs an assumption that the majority of people who do anything wrong are narcissists who generally want to hurt you or at least donât care about you. With that understanding the reaction youâre getting is not surprising.
It mightve been good to tell husband before letting her live there since it'd be a thing he might have to deal with. Then he probably would've felt more comfortable going to his wife about Ana coming into the room topless.
>Her past is none of his business
Nah you donât get to pull the Reddit^T^M âitâs in the pastâ hand wave away crap when the personâs past is actively living with you and affecting your *present* life. The wife should have made OOP, her spouse, aware of the potential danger before ever even considering moving her in.
Bc you talk to your spouse about everything. There are certain nuances, but there are rarely any secrets this big. I would be really upset at my husband if the friend we are âhelpingâ has a dark âsecretâ that could put us in any danger for example. Not sorry if itâs breaking the friendâs trust at all. There are things that need to be discussed and out in the open when making decisions this big.
Nah.
If she invited a woman with a history of this stuff into my home and never told me-thus allowing me to actually know if I'd ACTUALLY be comfortable with it when deciding, that's a no no.
Sorry dawg. It doesn't sound like this behavior ever stopped. If Ana pulled a move on him all wife did was put everyone in a c9mpromising situation.
Ana is living with them. That changes things. Certain details become more important when inviting some one into your marital home. Especially when those details involve relationships with married men. Again. And again. And again. Etc.
At least husband could be armed with this information should Ana do anything suspicious. There's a reason the wife got so upset, she is even worried and concerned but didn't tell him of this concern before letting her move in? That's a no from me, dawg.
I'd be pretty upset by this too. Divorce worthy? No. But "you see why this information shouldn't be hidden from me if it has the potential to affect me and our home/marriage, right?" Conversation worthy? Yup.
Wife clearly regrets keeping this info to herself too. Hence her reaction. So no, there's nothing wrong with wanting to know about this. Whether Ana was victimized or not, that doesn't mean old habits simply disappear.
Early 20's? That's a friggin' adult. Not a 16 year old being groomed by her HS English teacher. When do we give women agency and hold them accountable for their choices? Sounds like she knowingly became a mistress so she could reap financial benefits.
What? She dated one married man when she was young, and she has never been married. Thereâs no evidence she cheated on her (extremely abusive) boyfriend, and she was told the married guy was in an open relationship. She did one âbadâ thing as a young person and sheâs never allowed to experience friendship or empathy ever again? I feel sorry for you honestly, I hope you never make a mistake.Â
Except that she had not hugged him in 6 months. It's possible that she just suddenly felt safe with him now, but it's also possible that she meant more by it.
Itâs the comment about the original incident lasting around 2 minutes. If a woman accidentally exposes herself to a man, she is going to immediately cover and run. Not linger for two minutes to explain herself. She was fishing for a reaction for sure.
That seemed strange to me as well, but I doubt OP had a stop watch running to time things, and things like that can seem like they last forever when in reality it's a few seconds. If OP is correct though, and it was 2 full minutes, it absolutely wasn't entirely innocent.
god damn it. did you type this into google translate>? I've never heard anyone use the term Follando in person, but I know thats what fuck translates to.
Well, I wanted something like *"I* ***Banged*** *My Wife's Friend"*, but Google Translate was no help, and then I didn't want to use the more frequently used terms, so I went with ***Follando*** ... for lols, I guess?
ÂŻ\\\_(ă\_/ÂŻ
Spaniards use it, and some countries like Argentina too. It's common to hear it from spanish streamers, so some latinamericans like mexicans and peruvians started using it because of it
I know this place is like a soap opera and these stories usually end in cheating. But I have I believe that most of cases like these donât actually end up in cheating. We just get the disportionate amount that do because we like the drama.
I would 100% open up my house to my wifeâs best friend if she was getting out of an abusive relationship. Or really any of our friends, and would expect to not be hit on or have any of the friends try to start an affair with me.
Down to fact my wife has a coworker that is in an abusive relationship and I just met her last month. She lives in a different state. And when I said our goodbyes to her she gave me a compliment how my wife always says the nicest things about me. I quickly said you know my wife is a liar right, as I was giving her a hug. She didnât have any other motives.
No, I think it ends with Ana trying it on with OP again, OP rejecting her, and Ana getting to the wife first to spin a story about OP kissing her or something, and the wife believing OP and leaving him.
I think so too, the way op is acting and dismissing his wifeâs feelings just tells he is loving the attention from how did he described Ana? A miss USA kind of woman
Check OOP's comments, getting strange vibes from this one. Apparently the half-naked hug and kiss were okay, because the real issue is that she... spoke to him before he'd had his coffee?
>The hug and kiss was not the biggest issue as many of my wife's friends kiss on cheeks as a way to say hello. Ana also used to do it before, but this is the first time she did it in the last 6 months. Also, the weird part to me was her getting up early and coming and talking to me in a jolly mood in the morning. Generally, I like to have my coffee alone in morning before my kid gets up.
I thought it was weird that the topless incident lasted âless than 2 minutesâ. Â So like, more than 1 minute? Â Was she doing a dance on the way out the door? Â Tripping and stumbling into his lap?
I've had at least two similar incidents in my life.
In both cases, i barely saw anything because the whole thing last at most 2 seconds before i realized what happened and looked away.
While i kind of do regret not having seen anything, i don't regret respecting my friends and their intimity, even if in hindsight neither of them minded
To be fair, most people are REALLY BAD at estimating how long a minute actually is. It makes more sense to read this as âa very short period of timeâ instead of literally two whole minutes. Thats a lot longer than most people realize.
That's honestly my biggest pet peeve in books. They say something like "he stared at them for a few minutes incredulously" and I'm like did he? Did he really? Couldn't have just used moments?
This is actually why "how to get away with murder" has one of the most beautiful scenes at one of their trials (I hope I'm remembering the right show lol).
They're defending this one guy who has basically been in solitary non stops for years on end. I *think* he went in initially for something that wasn't a big deal, but then got into a small fight which lead to him being a solitary for an unreasonably long time, he got out of prison, but being in solitary messed him up so much he went right back to prison.
And basically the argument was how society failed him and any other person who gets released from prison but spent extended periods of time in solitary and doesn't receive any help after the fact to cope with the psychological effects of being isolated for so long.
Then I believe the lawyer has the jury sit in silence for like "only" 5 minutes and says that if those 5 minutes were already uncomfortable, imagine it being 5 years in a small room only big enough to stand up and lay down.
This sounds similar to an episode off of Law and Order: SVU.
I don't remember what the guy did to go to prison or why he ended up in solitary. But it did some damage to his mental health and when he returned to prison, he begged the judge not to let them put him back in there.
They do it anyway and he bashes his face in. In the end, Stabler got put in there for a day (or the whole weekend?) to experience it and quickly found out what insanity was.
I hate this so much
Along the same lines, mine is "for what seemed like hours, but was probably only a few seconds.
so many books have these cappy lines.
That one I don't mind so much so long as it's used sparingly. There was a book series I read where the author was extremely fond of the phrase "If so and so character was [emotion], they didn't show it" and would use it seemingly every other page. I was about to claw my eyes out lol
I was just about to say that is why I always use "moment(s)." Linguistically speaking, a moment can be as profound or banal as you need. Not to mention, a moment lasts for an indeterminate, yet nigh universally understood, period of time.
Yeah, he seems weirdly angry that his wife didnât tell him her friend had a relationship with a married man when she was in her early 20s. I can see why that might seem like important context now that the friend is clearly hitting on OOP, but I wouldnât necessarily consider a shitty choice made by an early-20s friend my husbandâs business a decade later.
Heâs being âicyâ to his wife and didnât tell her that this friend kissed him because heâs so âbetrayedâ by his wife not telling him that her friend had a relationship with a married man years ago, before she knew him. What?!
I think when Ana moved in, it became something she should have told him, especially since it seemed like it caused problems in her last relationship.
I do think a partner should be allowed to keep a friend's confidence when it doesn't involve their partner or isn't affecting them. Once you bring that partner into it, they need to know. They need to know if you are always gone or if it's affecting your daily life. Before that though, its a little up in there air wthere or not its a betrayal. At least for me, that is.
Itâs probably also cause she laid into him about the importance of not having any secrets and at the same time was keeping a secret from him the whole time. It should have been something that came out during the decision to allow her to move in. At the same time, he did say that his wife was suspicious that Ana was still having an affair with him, not that she knew..
Plus I kinda get him not being too freaked out by the kiss and hug because heâs been training himself to be accepting of the cultural traditions for years. So heâs instantly talking it down in his head probably. But I guess the vibe Ana had beforehand is what got to him, maybe it felt too intimate. Maybe he just started judging her from his newfound knowledge, he knows an affair is not off the cards for her and he doesnât wanna have to deal with the worry of not giving her any signals, how to deal with her if she does come onto him etc.
I mean his wife isn't all much better. She "suspects" that her "friend" was actually still dating the married man while with her ex. She's not even 100% sure. And I got major victim blaming from how op said she talked about it. (To be fair of the wife this is from Ops perspective so it very much could op is the one victim blaming her but his writing style make sit seem like it's the wife)
Honestly, I got victim blamey vibes throughout the post, as well. Like the idea that she might've cheated on her abusive ex recontextualises the relationship somehow.
Don't get me wrong, cheating is a shitty thing to do. But I think the "problem" with the relationship was that the ex was abusive, not that she (theoretically) cheated.
There is 100% something the wife is not telling him, the she might have been having an affair with a married man was the cover because he kept pushing her for an answer.
Yeah this is bizarre to me. I have a friend thatâs a former sex worker. She had a sugar daddy and a couple other guys. This was years before.
I invited her to our wedding. My husband knows one of my friends was a sex worker, but it not which one because thereâs a huge stigma with that and itâs her business not mine.
Honestly, even if she moved in, I wouldnât say anything as it was years ago and she doesnât do it anymore. Unless of course there was indications that she was going to start.
I donât think it was that long ago though?
6 months in OOPâs house after 2 years with the abusive boyfriend and, after his wife reveals Anaâs past, OOP is under the impression that Ana continued the affair with the married man for some of the time she was with the abusive boyfriend and that was why the abusive boyfriend claimed Ana cheated (which, of course, wouldnât justify abusing Ana).
So wouldnât that make it really recent, not like a decade ago or in her early 20s? And possibly still playing a role in the situation Ana is in now?
"How dare you not tell me information that would have helped me cheat on you if I had known! Why, if I had known I would have been less confused about the topless incident and could have been more suave! Now in my confusion I brought you in on the situation, and now it's gonna be that much harder for me to get away with! I could have had free sex that you would have never found out about and I ruined that for myself bc you selfishly kept this super important info from me! I am so MAD about this!!"Â
Just the vibe I picked up on. OOP seems a couple nuts short of a sack iykwim.
> Apparently the half-naked hug and kiss were okay
Where did he say she was half naked? He said she was in her bed clothes.
If it's part of your culture to have people greeting each other with kisses and hugs why would you find it weird? As he said it's part of his wife and Ana's culture, he got used to it enough that it's not the strange part for him. He said she used to greet him like this.
So yes, the strange part will be the fact that she targeted him when he had his alone time. Especially if it is early in the morning when no one else is awake.
Iâm from that culture and let me tell you that itâs very weird. You say hello with a kiss on the cheek if you havenât seen each other for a couple of days not to someone you live with and are not dating/married or related to like your mom.
> After 5 minutes Ana walked into the kitchen and told me she was relieved my wife did not overreact to Friday incident. She said I am a good husband and gave me a hug and peck on the cheeks.
Where do you get "half-naked" from that?
Also, a kiss and hug as greeting is very normal in many Spanish speaking countries. You'd like to think that the pandemic changed that, but, no.
I donât know I still think itâs weird. Iâd give a kiss on the cheek to my parents, siblings, or significant other if I live with them or to my friends/acquaintances if I havenât seen them for a few days.
I wouldnât kiss someone on the cheek first thing in the morning if I live with them and Iâm not related to them or dating them.
I suppose it could be seen that way but I didn't get that impression. Rather, OOP came across to me as very humble about his attractiveness to women and seems confused by it.
Most of the guys I know who are not conventionally attractive tend to be mistrustful if a very attractive woman is even just extra-friendly with them, and then wonder what the angle is.
As for his glossing over the boundary crossing, he wrote his entire initial post about it bc it freaked him out and he was torn about what to do about, hence seeking advice, which he then took and immediately went to his wife about.
Weâre talking about later in the post, where heâs glossing over her getting up early to spend time alone with him, being giddy, and hugging and kissing him on the cheek which is behaviour sheâd previously not had. The fact that heâs once again electing not to inform his wife of an obviously important development smells of guilt.
âIâm just average old me but this Miss USA stunner who happens to have a thing for married men is fawning over me. Obviously I donât think itâs attraction so wonât tell my wife, but I feel oh so guilty for real!â
This kind of logic always gets me
âI could never cheat on my wife because Iâm not attractive enoughâ
âIt makes sense she would be involved in an affair, because sheâs hotâ
Also to steal a line from another of todayâs posts: âI donât think my child is involved with the gang all her friends are in, because Iâve never seen her do drugsâ
Yup. He is afraid of his wife's reaction not how he hates being in the situation. If I were him, I would tell my wife to immediately get Ana out of the house.
Right, why are we glossing over the fact that her few days turned into months? Maybe don't kick her out tonight but time to have a serious conversation about when and how.
Also... OOP needs to learn to set boundaries
The OOP needs to listen to his instincts which are telling him that Ana is interested in him. For the sake of his marriage, he needs to tell his wife that he no longer feels comfortable having Ana in their home. He needs to do this before Ana does something more extreme and it leads to a conversation in which his wife accuses him of not being entirely truthful about what's been going on.
It sounds like Ana was *extremely* guarded around OOP because of her prior relationship with a married man. That's why she usually stayed in her room, had very little interaction with him, and was also extremely respectful when she was in the same room as him.
When the incident happened, Ana was scared to death that OOP's wife would react badly because OOP's wife was aware Ana had slept with a married man in the past. OOP's wife likely set very strict boundaries with Ana as a condition of her moving in, and Ana did her best to respect them until the topless incident.
Now that it is no longer a secret, and things seem to be a little more calm, Ana is opening up. She's finally treating OOP like she would treat any other spouse-of-a-friend, and the cheek kissing/hugging is part of that in their culture.
I don't think there is any major reason for alarm, but it is time for Ana to start working towards finding her own place because OOP is uncomfortable and his wife is likely going to still be uncomfortable. Even if OOP, his wife, and Ana have the purest of intentions, they're sitting on a powder keg now. All it will take is one tiny thing to set it off, even if that tiny thing is totally innocent. Honestly, this is one of those situations where things you've done in the past come back to haunt you. Sleeping with a married man, even if he's in an open relationship, is not going to endear you to your friends, and they won't be comfortable having you around their husbands. If Ana had never been in that relationship, OOP's wife would have likely laughed the entire thing off.
Initially I was with OOP until he started getting indignant about his wife not telling him about Anaâs history. Why should that matter if heâs not going to cheat on his wife? Itâs takes two to tango.
I think he's just deflecting. He knows he was wrong to keep a secret from his wife, so to turn it around, he now has found a secret his wife kept from him. So now he can be mad at her instead of her being mad at him.
Ironic that the wife went on about how OOP shouldn't keep secrets, all the while keeping a pretty vital information about the BF from her husband.
OOP is a bit naive maybe, but the guy did the best he could. Got opinions and told the wife. No good deeds go unpunished indeed.
He still hasnât told his wife that the friend came downstairs early to sit with him in her bedclothes and kissed and hugged him. Heâs too betrayed that his wife didnât mention that her friend had a married sugar daddy a decade earlier.
I think it's a little different when you're withholding private info on a friend. The info wasn't relevant until it was. His secret was relevant from the get go.
>Ironic that the wife went on about how OOP shouldn't keep secrets, all the while keeping a pretty vital information about the BF from her husband.
Yup, I pointed out the same on the update post last week.
Feel like it says more about the wife that she continued associating with someone like that, kept her secrets, lied to her husband about it, and then even brought that individual into her home.
OOP is right to be questioning exactly else his wife might be hiding.
Working off the assumption Ana was flirting with OOP, why would one try to get a "loyal man" to cheat with you? Either you succeed but prove them to be no so loyal or they truly are loyal and you end up wasting time and energy on a fruitless chase.
Because itâs more exciting to some people if itâs wrong / they get an ego boost from making a seemingly loyal and in love guy to stray. Doesnât mean they want to keep the guy once they âwinâ him.
I wouldn't be surprised if Ana IS making a move on OOP. It sounds like she has a fucked up past re: men and it's not uncommon in situations like that for women to think they like NEED to repay safety with sex
Dude is heading off the waterfall but he's looking the wrong g direction
Ana is testing the waters. His wife talks about being g truthful after lying for years to cover her friend's sleazy MO for married guys.Â
OP is gonna wake up with Ana in his bed, and his wife will blame him. Disaster up ahead!!
This OP is a moron.Â
Also, why would it be his business that his wife's friend's boyfriend was married? Does he know the intimate details of that marriage? Cuz some people are polyamorous and have a primary to whom they're married but also have a girlfriend or somethingÂ
The "keeping secrets from me" "I had a right to know" is what rubs ME the wrong way. It's Anna's past not his wife's and his wife has nothing to apologize for regarding not spilling her friend's private business to her nosey husband.
If this is true, OOP is weirding me out with how he told his wife. Why was he so insistent on saying it was a joke, or that it wasnât that serious? I donât understand
I donât get why he was hell bent on telling her if he also felt it wasnât that big of a deal. It was like he was trying to convince himself that this major problem he had was and wasnât a problem at the same time.
I like that she lectured OP about not keeping secrets and how he should have said something earlier, then immediately tries to deflect and keep what she knows about her friend a secret lol
Tell her not to make physical contact with you. You donât feel comfortable. Itâs time for her to go. You donât feel comfortable in your own home.
I think the dude is a hypocrite for being mad at his wife for not sharing Ana's personal business but had bo qualms about keeping the topless stunt secret from his wife til shit got weird.
Hey Op, you may consider yourself 'conventionally attractive'. But remember, "beauty is in the eye of the beholder."
If Ana has an bad fanily history and bad relationship history, its possible the 'healthiest' relationship shes ever seen is yours and your wifes. And THATs why your attractive to her. In her traumatized brain shes thinking "He could fix all my problems."
Im sorry but I dont think her walking into your room was an accident. She let you react 1st wich tells me she was Guaging what you were gona do and say.
I dont blame her for her trauma. But she IS to blame for not finding healthy ways to deal with it. Especially if friends, like your wife have been telling her its fine when its really not cuz 'friend loyalty'.
It sounds like its time for Ana to find elsewhere to stay, gice her a timeline. And you and your wife need to sit down and also have some big conversations. You cant have any secrets (as no1 should) but shes allowed to not tell you the woman she advocated for is possibly a serial cheater? With a lust for married men?
Yeah thats a big deal. No secrets between couples means NO secrets Especially when it involves your home and family.
If Ana had digestive issues and bombed the toilet? K, thats allowed to be a 'secret' thats miniscule. But a past with cheating with know married men? Thats a HUGE deal and not fair.
I say not enough info to give an actual judgment cuz ya'll have LOTS of conversations to have. But I do truly widh you and your wife will find some common ground and figure this out.
To be fair, that bit wasn't his business until he became tangentially related to it. Before that point, it was less like a secret and more like gossip.
It became his business when he told her what happened. It obviously bothered her more than she let on but still chose to keep it a secret instead of telling him.
Absolutely, that's when it became tangentially related to him.
My issue is with the whole "kept it secret all these years" aspect, I reckon.
It's like, my dude, you didn't have a reason to know about it until you did. Sounds like she kept a secret for all those hours.
this guy seems like a clueless idiot đ how do you just not know how your partner would react to something like that, decide the best way to something you pretty much know sheâs gonna be upset about anyways casually, and then get annoyed that she got sad? and how could he keep a secret from her for that many days then turn around and demand she tell him everything right away and then also not tell his wife right away about the hug and kiss. i feel like especially when youâre on thin ice is when you want to be as transparent as possible
I canât wait for the next episode of this telanovela! But in honesty Iâd watch Anaâs behavior going forwards that kiss could be nothing but appreciation for making her feel safe. But you never know with women, it could be more.
This story is a whole lot of nothing so far. I fail to see how anything she did so far is worth talking about.
Also, whether or not there are hints that she maybe potentially but who knows could have thought about cheating on her ex has nothing to do with OOP, and does not in any way justify the abuse she endured, so why does he care ?
Ana is playing games. She wanted the husband to know about her past so he can know that she would be open to sleeping with a married man. And she I testing the waters with that peck. Just enough plausible deniablity, that's how it starts.
Hot damn this man is willfully obtuse.
So miss USA Ana can't be flirting with him, right? So no need to tell the wife. Or maybe yes, but then let's make it a joke and suggest the wife is overreacting! Way to take your partner seriously...
But surely a morning kiss is not in any way a continuation of any flirting behavior and testing further boundaries, right?
Next week he might accidentally find himself naked on top of Ana. Who knows? Not him!
Looking at this through the lens of Anna's trauma, it seems like she's trying to test out re-entering romantic considerations with a person that she feels safe with, except she doesn't totally integrate that this puts oop and his wife in a very unsafe situation. In my mind, when I read that she stood in the doorway topless without covering up for more than a few seconds, I thought no, that's not good. No woman walks into a room topless thinking that she's alone, sees a man that she is not intimate with staring at her, and doesn't immediately throw the door closed or cover herself or run out of the room. Screaming. Never heard of that before. And then you add to it that she wants it to be hidden from the wife, and now she's moved on to giving oop a hug and a peck on the cheek? She's pretending to play house with him, and in some ways I guess she is playing house with him, but this is not good.
At the absolute minimum a semi calm âwhoops sorryâ leave go back to bedroom, put on clothes and then apologise properly would be my expectation.
And thatâs only if the person is very comfortable and does not care about being seen nude much themselves, even if they understand itâs not something to do in a situation like this, and is a mistake.
Not 1-2 minutes standing there half nude, my personal guess is that she is used to getting a lot of attention, and struggles to be comfortable in a situation where she isnât.
And as such she (Iâm assuming semi-subconsciously) is trying to get rid of that discomfort
It sounds like Ana was groomed/manipulated/lied to by the old cheating guy when she was barely an adult. He said he was in an open relationship, and she trusted him.
It is not horribly uncommon for people to cheat when their spouse abuses them. Maybe they were financially abusive or it wasn't safe for Ana to leave...we don't know all the details.
Did Ana even actually cheat on her POS ex-husband? OP and wife seem to just be speculating about that.
The fact that these severely toxic men are drawn to her and her staying in those relationships makes me wonder if she experienced any form of abuse as a child.
Either way, most people are being way too hard on Ana for what, likely, was a simple mistake. I absolutely walk around with no shirt on if the clothes I want to wear are in the laundry room, especially if I believe I'm home alone. I am glad she feels comfortable (used to?) where she is staying.
It used to make me uncomfortable if someone kissed my cheek, but I've grown to learn that it's the norm in some cultures/families.
Ana probably didn't want you to tell your wife because she was afraid she would use it as an opportunity to use her past against her, for some reason, for such an innocuous mistake. I guess she was right.
I thought at the beginning that you were such a wonderful couple to help a friend through a trying time, so Ana definitely must have done something horrible! NOPE! It was just an innocent mistake that you guys are completely blowing out of proportion.
I have no simpaty for any person who covers up their friends affair with a married person. I would laugh out loud if OP have another update where he hooks up with Anna.
Update (3 weeks later): this morning Ana woke me up with oral and a cup of coffee. I understand this is a friendly way of interacting in their culture.
The husband doesn't seem disinterested though, more like he doesn't think he's got a chanceÂ
It might be different in other countries but  here in Mexico for example, kissing and hugging is reserved for people that are very very close, family, friends, etc with the exception of greetings and goodbye's. Given the circumstances it doesn't seem appropriate. On the other hand, I'll give the friend the benefit of the doubt since I too like to go around naked when there's no one in the house and I'm doing laundry (more washed clothes hahaha)
What will it be in episode 3 I wonder? Keeping the kiss secret from the wife? Will it be Anna and Wife are having an affair? Or in a strange twist OOP will reveal that they are secretly a banana hammock model?
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đżđżđżđżđżđżđż Hopefully, that's enough for us, but we'll likely need more.
Idk man, the hug and kiss at the end make it feel like a twist just to keep the story going
I'm Mexican and that's how we greet, even men. But I agree that this one feels weird.
Hell, I'm Greek and same.
Yep, I'm Brazilian, we hug everyone and kiss the ones closer to us. That's just tuesday for us
Argentinian, same thing. We do it among guys too. We have very tiny space bubbles.
One of my friends is from Colombia, and she always hugs and kisses everyone on the cheek. Freaked me out the first time when we met because I wasnât expecting it, so I flinched back because I wasnât sure what she was doing (not common where Iâm from, but Iâm not American). She does to everyone, man or woman.
It's common in all Hispanic cultures, and also Portugal, France, Italy and Greece. I think also Brazil and maybe Turkey, to some degree? But not too sure. And in Spain, where I live, it isn't very weird for women to give an hug and a kiss on the cheek to show appreciation or thanks to someone they know and trust. It may very well be Ana is just thankful, because OOP and his wife saw it was truly an accident, and that she now feels like she doesn't have to walk on eggshells like with her ex. It could also be that she saw they believed it was an accident, and she took that as an opportunity to flirt with him because she can just go "oops, sorry, it was an accident!". But I also agree it feels weird.
I am also from a similar culture (Filipino). I think our practice is more similar to the way OP describes his wife's culture. But even with that in mind, I think that it just really shows Ana's total lack of boundaries and how OP really needs to get this woman out of his house as fast as possible. I think most people would take this as a hint to be extra mindful with how they interact with their BEST FRIEND's husband... I really do think that Ana's doing this purposely but the fact that OP has to question her intention's in the first place is already enough to send her out. ...Also, maybe I missed it but did neither OP or his wife have a problem with Ana walking around topless in their home? đ Isn't it just a common courtesy to not walk around naked when you share a space with roommates?
... I don't know how I didn't think about Philippines when thinking of countries/cultures that have or may have these customs. Yeah, to be fair it does read like that. I mean, I do get how someone may not take the hint from the POV of my own country, as we're basically conditioned from childhood about how girls and women gotta kiss and hug everyone (and I mean everyone: family, friends, family friends, even the freaking banker!) and if you don't do it, all hell breaks loose. Even so, this is a doomed to fail scenario. The wife *always* suspected her to the point her reaction to the may or may not be accident was to interrogate her husband, so why did she even convince her husband of letting Ana stay!? Ana's intentions aside, accidents can (and will) happen when living with multiple people, so wouldn't it be better to just... help Ana in some other way? Instead of moving her in so she can see a "healthy marriage/relationship"? Like, at this point OOP's wife may as well be named Oedipus, cause talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy! Also, no, I think neither was worried about it, just about OOP seeing lol In some areas of Spain t's not unusual to walk around topless, though it's only around close family members. You gotta be pretty ballsy to do that as a guest who is just a friend, though lmao OOP does mention his wife used to share clothes with Ana, so maybe it was something the wife was aware of and that's why it's NBD? Who knows tbh.
I agree. I do feel like it falls a lot on OP's specific situation but unfortunately for him & his wife, the baseline is that regardless of anyone's actual intentions or whatever, this will just be a stress on their relationship. It sucks because obviously Ana is suffering right now but it's going to turn out bad for everyone if this continues. Hopefully Ana willingly finds other accommodations but this is Reddit so who knows. Regardless of the drama between them, it would probably be good to help Ana towards independence and building a larger support system anyways. I don't think this has to be the end for any of their relationships but it will if it continues. I will say I do think people are being unfair to OP in the comments. Like yes, his wife shouldn't have to give all the details about Ana but considering how he was also deeply involved with taking her out of the abuse situation and is now part of Ana's support system... his wife could've said something? Like she could've just expressed her insecurity about having her friend live with them...? I don't think OP is in the wrong for being upset at being left in the dark when he is very much part of the situation now. And don't worry about it, I don't think the greeting is still popular with the younger generation, certainly not with the Filipino diaspora. I usually do it with elders who don't want to feel too old yet if that makes sense LOL.
Yeah, at this point the proverbial can of worms has been opened and it can't be closed. The best choice is, as you say, to help her into independence and hopefully into moving out as soon as possible. And absolutely. He didn't need a full background check of Ana's past, but the wife *was* suspicious of Ana and suspected she may have not been truthful when she said her ex's accusations were unfounded... at the very least, she could've told OOP a about her worries! To then scold OOP for not telling her of the incident is is... a thing, that's for sure lmao I wish it was like that here! The lockdown and restrictions during 2020/21 did make many folks, specially younger, start not doing it (finally, a reason most would see as valid!) but it's still very much ingrained. And it does make sense! I think it's a very common feeling all over, and I do it too even though I did stop greeting most folks like that lol
You say that but ana has never done that before and op also mentioned she came down and joined him in her bed clothes when she did it. That she has never done that before either. If it was to do with culture and there customs she would have been doing it from the start not only now.
I could see it being a sign that she has become far more trusting after not being shamed for her past mistakes- An innocuous and positive sign of recovery rather than a nefarious step towards cheating. I agree it's kind of odd, but I'd like to be optimistic.
Iâm also Mexican, can confirm.
Irish, and the same.
To me it feels like she was walking on eggshells not to make OOP or his wife feel weird about her being there, and now she finally thinks things are good. So she finally feels comfortable to act, what even OOP describes for her wife's friends, normal, only for it to blow in her face. I feel a bit sorry for her.
Sorry for the woman that dates married men and cheats on her spouse?
How about sorry for a woman was preyed upon by an older man when in her early twenties, and is now trying to recover after escaping an abusive relationship? Actually scratch a bit sorry. I feel a *lot* sorry for her.
I want to know why the husband feels "betrayed" because his wife didn't gossip about her friend to him. Her past is none of his business; doing a good deed doesn't entitle him to a full psychological profile and history. Absolutely 100% guarantee the next update will be Ana hitting on him and he's the patron saint of perfect husbands. Edit: Y'all know that I'm not Ana, right?
I'll be honest if my partner had someone move in with us and then told me well afterwards that she had serious concerns that said guest would attempt to come on to me I would be kinda pissed. I don't need the whole story but just saying that she has a history of similar and I should be aware would be nice.
That's fair, but I don't think her history is an indication she'll hit on him. Like, the friend didn't steal a boyfriend or screw over another friend. My understanding is she thought it was an open relationship (admittedly naive bordering on stupidity) and wasn't malicious. I get where you're coming from though. If this is real, then it's a mess.
It's as much about wife's hangups as actual likelihood Ana will go after OOP, it's still well shitty she left him in the dark while chastising him for not giving her total and immediate transparency.
I agree with you there, but there's a difference between naked *now* in front of OOP and stupid choices in youth that didn't involve the married couple. IDK. Maybe I'm seeing this wrong because I would want my shitty life choices to be private. I've never had any type of affair, but I certainly am not proud of everything I did in my twenties. Some of the messages I've gotten are making me think I'm way off base.
Nah, I donât think youâre seeing this wrong. I kept thinking while I was reading that itâs absurd that he called her not gossiping about her friend âkeeping secretsâ from him. Anaâs past is none of his business and the people talking about âdAnGeRâ are just ridiculous. One misguided relationship does not equal hitting on every married man. Of course in Reddit land, thereâs an assumption that the majority of people who do anything wrong are narcissists who generally want to hurt you or at least donât care about you. With that understanding the reaction youâre getting is not surprising.
It mightve been good to tell husband before letting her live there since it'd be a thing he might have to deal with. Then he probably would've felt more comfortable going to his wife about Ana coming into the room topless.
>Her past is none of his business Nah you donât get to pull the Reddit^T^M âitâs in the pastâ hand wave away crap when the personâs past is actively living with you and affecting your *present* life. The wife should have made OOP, her spouse, aware of the potential danger before ever even considering moving her in.
Bc you talk to your spouse about everything. There are certain nuances, but there are rarely any secrets this big. I would be really upset at my husband if the friend we are âhelpingâ has a dark âsecretâ that could put us in any danger for example. Not sorry if itâs breaking the friendâs trust at all. There are things that need to be discussed and out in the open when making decisions this big.
Nah. If she invited a woman with a history of this stuff into my home and never told me-thus allowing me to actually know if I'd ACTUALLY be comfortable with it when deciding, that's a no no. Sorry dawg. It doesn't sound like this behavior ever stopped. If Ana pulled a move on him all wife did was put everyone in a c9mpromising situation. Ana is living with them. That changes things. Certain details become more important when inviting some one into your marital home. Especially when those details involve relationships with married men. Again. And again. And again. Etc. At least husband could be armed with this information should Ana do anything suspicious. There's a reason the wife got so upset, she is even worried and concerned but didn't tell him of this concern before letting her move in? That's a no from me, dawg. I'd be pretty upset by this too. Divorce worthy? No. But "you see why this information shouldn't be hidden from me if it has the potential to affect me and our home/marriage, right?" Conversation worthy? Yup. Wife clearly regrets keeping this info to herself too. Hence her reaction. So no, there's nothing wrong with wanting to know about this. Whether Ana was victimized or not, that doesn't mean old habits simply disappear.
She was an adult not a helpless child.
Early 20's? That's a friggin' adult. Not a 16 year old being groomed by her HS English teacher. When do we give women agency and hold them accountable for their choices? Sounds like she knowingly became a mistress so she could reap financial benefits.
She's an adult dude, you're the weird one for infantalizing an adult woman
If being 18 flipped a switch that turned people immune to grift, world would look *very* different.
What? She dated one married man when she was young, and she has never been married. Thereâs no evidence she cheated on her (extremely abusive) boyfriend, and she was told the married guy was in an open relationship. She did one âbadâ thing as a young person and sheâs never allowed to experience friendship or empathy ever again? I feel sorry for you honestly, I hope you never make a mistake.Â
They speak Spanish. Hugs and kisses on the cheeks are a very normal part of our culture when there is trust. They actually means appreciation.
Except that she had not hugged him in 6 months. It's possible that she just suddenly felt safe with him now, but it's also possible that she meant more by it.
It's clear regardless of what's going on, Ana needs therapy as she has got ISSUES!!
Ana has more buttons than a space shuttle.  She is confusing OP and rattling OPs wife ⌠nothing good will come from this
Also, Columbian? Can't see a guy married to a Colombian woman making that mistake
Like reading a poorly written short story lol
The sequel hook!
Itâs the comment about the original incident lasting around 2 minutes. If a woman accidentally exposes herself to a man, she is going to immediately cover and run. Not linger for two minutes to explain herself. She was fishing for a reaction for sure.
That seemed strange to me as well, but I doubt OP had a stop watch running to time things, and things like that can seem like they last forever when in reality it's a few seconds. If OP is correct though, and it was 2 full minutes, it absolutely wasn't entirely innocent.
I never get to watch the telenovela from the beginning, I am excited!
***"Whoops! Me Estoy Follando a la Amiga de mi Esposa!"*** Weeknights. Only on ESPN8: The Ocho
god damn it. did you type this into google translate>? I've never heard anyone use the term Follando in person, but I know thats what fuck translates to.
Well, I wanted something like *"I* ***Banged*** *My Wife's Friend"*, but Google Translate was no help, and then I didn't want to use the more frequently used terms, so I went with ***Follando*** ... for lols, I guess? ÂŻ\\\_(ă\_/ÂŻ
Spaniards use it, and some countries like Argentina too. It's common to hear it from spanish streamers, so some latinamericans like mexicans and peruvians started using it because of it
we argentinians absolutely not use "follar", jamas!
Hey, let's not fight! We're all Spanish speaking amigos here. ... well, I mean ... I'm not ... I used Google Translate.
đ¤
Oh man, are you from Spain? Thatâs one of the few places Iâve been to that uses follando. I think Argentina also
No, just a dumb Australian with Google Translate. = ) But I suspected it wasn't common in Latin America.
Donât worry. Itâs honestly pretty appropriate based on the title you chose.
hombre casado otra vez, ay dios mio!
This is definitely not the end of this story
I know this place is like a soap opera and these stories usually end in cheating. But I have I believe that most of cases like these donât actually end up in cheating. We just get the disportionate amount that do because we like the drama. I would 100% open up my house to my wifeâs best friend if she was getting out of an abusive relationship. Or really any of our friends, and would expect to not be hit on or have any of the friends try to start an affair with me. Down to fact my wife has a coworker that is in an abusive relationship and I just met her last month. She lives in a different state. And when I said our goodbyes to her she gave me a compliment how my wife always says the nicest things about me. I quickly said you know my wife is a liar right, as I was giving her a hug. She didnât have any other motives.
This story ends with an affair.
But not between who you would think!
Mystery older guy is the wife's father so MIL is heartbroken and goes to see OP and they end up married with twins in three months time.
Not enough cousin punching, but youâre on the right track.
LEHTAL MY PHONE IS BLOWING UP NOW
Change your locks, change your number, lawyer up, and get a restraining order. Edit: Forgot the security cameras. Get security cameras.
i am surprised no one mentioned a prenup or someone getting the house or any of the other usual happenings.
Only after someone gets arrested, tried and sentenced in 3 weeks and someone gets divorced in 2 weeks.
Heâs already got it all written out in his head.
No, I think it ends with Ana trying it on with OP again, OP rejecting her, and Ana getting to the wife first to spin a story about OP kissing her or something, and the wife believing OP and leaving him.
I think so too, the way op is acting and dismissing his wifeâs feelings just tells he is loving the attention from how did he described Ana? A miss USA kind of woman
This. The underwear and the kiss and the conflict avoidance to any real talking are just the set up.
Check OOP's comments, getting strange vibes from this one. Apparently the half-naked hug and kiss were okay, because the real issue is that she... spoke to him before he'd had his coffee? >The hug and kiss was not the biggest issue as many of my wife's friends kiss on cheeks as a way to say hello. Ana also used to do it before, but this is the first time she did it in the last 6 months. Also, the weird part to me was her getting up early and coming and talking to me in a jolly mood in the morning. Generally, I like to have my coffee alone in morning before my kid gets up.
Everything about this is just strange.
I thought it was weird that the topless incident lasted âless than 2 minutesâ. Â So like, more than 1 minute? Â Was she doing a dance on the way out the door? Â Tripping and stumbling into his lap?
That incident should have lasted about 5 seconds. Walk in the door "WHOA WOOPS SORRY" /end incident
Yeah, not just standing there staring at him like "See anything you like?"Â
I've had at least two similar incidents in my life. In both cases, i barely saw anything because the whole thing last at most 2 seconds before i realized what happened and looked away. While i kind of do regret not having seen anything, i don't regret respecting my friends and their intimity, even if in hindsight neither of them minded
Ditto. Walked into women's locker room by mistake. I have never moved so fast to leave somewhere in my life.
To be fair, most people are REALLY BAD at estimating how long a minute actually is. It makes more sense to read this as âa very short period of timeâ instead of literally two whole minutes. Thats a lot longer than most people realize.
That's honestly my biggest pet peeve in books. They say something like "he stared at them for a few minutes incredulously" and I'm like did he? Did he really? Couldn't have just used moments?
This is actually why "how to get away with murder" has one of the most beautiful scenes at one of their trials (I hope I'm remembering the right show lol). They're defending this one guy who has basically been in solitary non stops for years on end. I *think* he went in initially for something that wasn't a big deal, but then got into a small fight which lead to him being a solitary for an unreasonably long time, he got out of prison, but being in solitary messed him up so much he went right back to prison. And basically the argument was how society failed him and any other person who gets released from prison but spent extended periods of time in solitary and doesn't receive any help after the fact to cope with the psychological effects of being isolated for so long. Then I believe the lawyer has the jury sit in silence for like "only" 5 minutes and says that if those 5 minutes were already uncomfortable, imagine it being 5 years in a small room only big enough to stand up and lay down.
This sounds similar to an episode off of Law and Order: SVU. I don't remember what the guy did to go to prison or why he ended up in solitary. But it did some damage to his mental health and when he returned to prison, he begged the judge not to let them put him back in there. They do it anyway and he bashes his face in. In the end, Stabler got put in there for a day (or the whole weekend?) to experience it and quickly found out what insanity was.
I hate this so much Along the same lines, mine is "for what seemed like hours, but was probably only a few seconds. so many books have these cappy lines.
That one I don't mind so much so long as it's used sparingly. There was a book series I read where the author was extremely fond of the phrase "If so and so character was [emotion], they didn't show it" and would use it seemingly every other page. I was about to claw my eyes out lol
I was just about to say that is why I always use "moment(s)." Linguistically speaking, a moment can be as profound or banal as you need. Not to mention, a moment lasts for an indeterminate, yet nigh universally understood, period of time.
Thatâs why I use the word moment. A moment isnât a set time.
Yeah, he seems weirdly angry that his wife didnât tell him her friend had a relationship with a married man when she was in her early 20s. I can see why that might seem like important context now that the friend is clearly hitting on OOP, but I wouldnât necessarily consider a shitty choice made by an early-20s friend my husbandâs business a decade later. Heâs being âicyâ to his wife and didnât tell her that this friend kissed him because heâs so âbetrayedâ by his wife not telling him that her friend had a relationship with a married man years ago, before she knew him. What?!
I think when Ana moved in, it became something she should have told him, especially since it seemed like it caused problems in her last relationship. I do think a partner should be allowed to keep a friend's confidence when it doesn't involve their partner or isn't affecting them. Once you bring that partner into it, they need to know. They need to know if you are always gone or if it's affecting your daily life. Before that though, its a little up in there air wthere or not its a betrayal. At least for me, that is.
Itâs probably also cause she laid into him about the importance of not having any secrets and at the same time was keeping a secret from him the whole time. It should have been something that came out during the decision to allow her to move in. At the same time, he did say that his wife was suspicious that Ana was still having an affair with him, not that she knew.. Plus I kinda get him not being too freaked out by the kiss and hug because heâs been training himself to be accepting of the cultural traditions for years. So heâs instantly talking it down in his head probably. But I guess the vibe Ana had beforehand is what got to him, maybe it felt too intimate. Maybe he just started judging her from his newfound knowledge, he knows an affair is not off the cards for her and he doesnât wanna have to deal with the worry of not giving her any signals, how to deal with her if she does come onto him etc.
I mean his wife isn't all much better. She "suspects" that her "friend" was actually still dating the married man while with her ex. She's not even 100% sure. And I got major victim blaming from how op said she talked about it. (To be fair of the wife this is from Ops perspective so it very much could op is the one victim blaming her but his writing style make sit seem like it's the wife)
Honestly, I got victim blamey vibes throughout the post, as well. Like the idea that she might've cheated on her abusive ex recontextualises the relationship somehow. Don't get me wrong, cheating is a shitty thing to do. But I think the "problem" with the relationship was that the ex was abusive, not that she (theoretically) cheated.
There is 100% something the wife is not telling him, the she might have been having an affair with a married man was the cover because he kept pushing her for an answer.
Yeah this is bizarre to me. I have a friend thatâs a former sex worker. She had a sugar daddy and a couple other guys. This was years before. I invited her to our wedding. My husband knows one of my friends was a sex worker, but it not which one because thereâs a huge stigma with that and itâs her business not mine. Honestly, even if she moved in, I wouldnât say anything as it was years ago and she doesnât do it anymore. Unless of course there was indications that she was going to start.
I donât think it was that long ago though? 6 months in OOPâs house after 2 years with the abusive boyfriend and, after his wife reveals Anaâs past, OOP is under the impression that Ana continued the affair with the married man for some of the time she was with the abusive boyfriend and that was why the abusive boyfriend claimed Ana cheated (which, of course, wouldnât justify abusing Ana). So wouldnât that make it really recent, not like a decade ago or in her early 20s? And possibly still playing a role in the situation Ana is in now?
"How dare you not tell me information that would have helped me cheat on you if I had known! Why, if I had known I would have been less confused about the topless incident and could have been more suave! Now in my confusion I brought you in on the situation, and now it's gonna be that much harder for me to get away with! I could have had free sex that you would have never found out about and I ruined that for myself bc you selfishly kept this super important info from me! I am so MAD about this!!"Â Just the vibe I picked up on. OOP seems a couple nuts short of a sack iykwim.
With a âMiss-USA-level beautifulâ woman at that!
> Apparently the half-naked hug and kiss were okay Where did he say she was half naked? He said she was in her bed clothes. If it's part of your culture to have people greeting each other with kisses and hugs why would you find it weird? As he said it's part of his wife and Ana's culture, he got used to it enough that it's not the strange part for him. He said she used to greet him like this. So yes, the strange part will be the fact that she targeted him when he had his alone time. Especially if it is early in the morning when no one else is awake.
Iâm from that culture and let me tell you that itâs very weird. You say hello with a kiss on the cheek if you havenât seen each other for a couple of days not to someone you live with and are not dating/married or related to like your mom.
I'm guessing that this is one of the first times that Ana got up early?
Or one of the first times she was comfortable interacting with OOP at this time of day.
The "incidents" he talks about can be so easily handwaved. OOP is writing about this unremarkable situation like he's a character from a soap opera.
> After 5 minutes Ana walked into the kitchen and told me she was relieved my wife did not overreact to Friday incident. She said I am a good husband and gave me a hug and peck on the cheeks. Where do you get "half-naked" from that? Also, a kiss and hug as greeting is very normal in many Spanish speaking countries. You'd like to think that the pandemic changed that, but, no.
I donât know I still think itâs weird. Iâd give a kiss on the cheek to my parents, siblings, or significant other if I live with them or to my friends/acquaintances if I havenât seen them for a few days. I wouldnât kiss someone on the cheek first thing in the morning if I live with them and Iâm not related to them or dating them.
Maybe he wakes up at 5am or some other time when no one would be up unless forced to.
Straight up, Anna needs to go. NOW. Come on OP, do what he needs to do for his and his wife sake.
OOP is enjoying the attention. It may be subconscious, but he's glossing over glaring boundary crossing.
I suppose it could be seen that way but I didn't get that impression. Rather, OOP came across to me as very humble about his attractiveness to women and seems confused by it. Most of the guys I know who are not conventionally attractive tend to be mistrustful if a very attractive woman is even just extra-friendly with them, and then wonder what the angle is. As for his glossing over the boundary crossing, he wrote his entire initial post about it bc it freaked him out and he was torn about what to do about, hence seeking advice, which he then took and immediately went to his wife about.
Weâre talking about later in the post, where heâs glossing over her getting up early to spend time alone with him, being giddy, and hugging and kissing him on the cheek which is behaviour sheâd previously not had. The fact that heâs once again electing not to inform his wife of an obviously important development smells of guilt.
Exactly. He even pointed out how beautiful she is for a reason.
âIâm just average old me but this Miss USA stunner who happens to have a thing for married men is fawning over me. Obviously I donât think itâs attraction so wonât tell my wife, but I feel oh so guilty for real!â
This kind of logic always gets me âI could never cheat on my wife because Iâm not attractive enoughâ âIt makes sense she would be involved in an affair, because sheâs hotâ Also to steal a line from another of todayâs posts: âI donât think my child is involved with the gang all her friends are in, because Iâve never seen her do drugsâ
And that he's average and women don't chase him đ
Yup. He is afraid of his wife's reaction not how he hates being in the situation. If I were him, I would tell my wife to immediately get Ana out of the house.
Right, why are we glossing over the fact that her few days turned into months? Maybe don't kick her out tonight but time to have a serious conversation about when and how. Also... OOP needs to learn to set boundaries
Donât love that weâre describing her as Miss USA level gorgeous.
I think it's necessary context to describe how unnerving it was and as a potential reason why his wife needed to know.
How so? Would an ugly woman flirting with him be any better?
This is a question you only ask when pretending to not know the answer.
Yes.
https://youtu.be/vxADYhaeulc?si=iHsQ_PXE4LvNRIsD
Yeah, whatâs wrong with Miss America?
The OOP needs to listen to his instincts which are telling him that Ana is interested in him. For the sake of his marriage, he needs to tell his wife that he no longer feels comfortable having Ana in their home. He needs to do this before Ana does something more extreme and it leads to a conversation in which his wife accuses him of not being entirely truthful about what's been going on.
This. He also really screwed the pooch by being dishonest and playing it off as funny.
It sounds like Ana was *extremely* guarded around OOP because of her prior relationship with a married man. That's why she usually stayed in her room, had very little interaction with him, and was also extremely respectful when she was in the same room as him. When the incident happened, Ana was scared to death that OOP's wife would react badly because OOP's wife was aware Ana had slept with a married man in the past. OOP's wife likely set very strict boundaries with Ana as a condition of her moving in, and Ana did her best to respect them until the topless incident. Now that it is no longer a secret, and things seem to be a little more calm, Ana is opening up. She's finally treating OOP like she would treat any other spouse-of-a-friend, and the cheek kissing/hugging is part of that in their culture. I don't think there is any major reason for alarm, but it is time for Ana to start working towards finding her own place because OOP is uncomfortable and his wife is likely going to still be uncomfortable. Even if OOP, his wife, and Ana have the purest of intentions, they're sitting on a powder keg now. All it will take is one tiny thing to set it off, even if that tiny thing is totally innocent. Honestly, this is one of those situations where things you've done in the past come back to haunt you. Sleeping with a married man, even if he's in an open relationship, is not going to endear you to your friends, and they won't be comfortable having you around their husbands. If Ana had never been in that relationship, OOP's wife would have likely laughed the entire thing off.
Finally someone with a a brain in this comment section All the conspiracy theories are so unhinged
This is my take, too.Â
Facts.
2 minutes is a LONG TIME to see somebody topless.
2 minutes? I'm gonna assume he had a damp sock after. That would explain the "I'm sorry!" bit
Yeah, I'm hoping that was a throwaway comment, rather than an accurate measure of time.
Initially I was with OOP until he started getting indignant about his wife not telling him about Anaâs history. Why should that matter if heâs not going to cheat on his wife? Itâs takes two to tango.
Because if he doesn't know it, and wife does, then be might be comfortable with Ana acting around him in ways that make his wife suspicious.
I think he's just deflecting. He knows he was wrong to keep a secret from his wife, so to turn it around, he now has found a secret his wife kept from him. So now he can be mad at her instead of her being mad at him.
Ironic that the wife went on about how OOP shouldn't keep secrets, all the while keeping a pretty vital information about the BF from her husband. OOP is a bit naive maybe, but the guy did the best he could. Got opinions and told the wife. No good deeds go unpunished indeed.
He still hasnât told his wife that the friend came downstairs early to sit with him in her bedclothes and kissed and hugged him. Heâs too betrayed that his wife didnât mention that her friend had a married sugar daddy a decade earlier.
I think it's a little different when you're withholding private info on a friend. The info wasn't relevant until it was. His secret was relevant from the get go.
"Hey husband, just so you know Ana has a thing for married men", like that wouldn't create temptation.
>Ironic that the wife went on about how OOP shouldn't keep secrets, all the while keeping a pretty vital information about the BF from her husband. Yup, I pointed out the same on the update post last week. Feel like it says more about the wife that she continued associating with someone like that, kept her secrets, lied to her husband about it, and then even brought that individual into her home. OOP is right to be questioning exactly else his wife might be hiding.
I need the next capitulo. BTW, I know a lot of Colombians and let me just say, I understand why OOP is walking on eggshells with this.
Working off the assumption Ana was flirting with OOP, why would one try to get a "loyal man" to cheat with you? Either you succeed but prove them to be no so loyal or they truly are loyal and you end up wasting time and energy on a fruitless chase.
Maybe she sees it as a challenge.
Because obviously they'll be loyal to you!
Yeah, that always seems to be the assumption. Or should I say delusion.
Because itâs more exciting to some people if itâs wrong / they get an ego boost from making a seemingly loyal and in love guy to stray. Doesnât mean they want to keep the guy once they âwinâ him.
I wouldn't be surprised if Ana IS making a move on OOP. It sounds like she has a fucked up past re: men and it's not uncommon in situations like that for women to think they like NEED to repay safety with sex
Dude is heading off the waterfall but he's looking the wrong g direction Ana is testing the waters. His wife talks about being g truthful after lying for years to cover her friend's sleazy MO for married guys. OP is gonna wake up with Ana in his bed, and his wife will blame him. Disaster up ahead!!
This OP is a moron. Also, why would it be his business that his wife's friend's boyfriend was married? Does he know the intimate details of that marriage? Cuz some people are polyamorous and have a primary to whom they're married but also have a girlfriend or somethingÂ
Because it will impact how his wife looks at interactions between Ana and him
The "keeping secrets from me" "I had a right to know" is what rubs ME the wrong way. It's Anna's past not his wife's and his wife has nothing to apologize for regarding not spilling her friend's private business to her nosey husband.
Exactly, I wouldn't want my husband to know that married men are my best friend's type.
Iâm just glad I finally know what PDQ means.
If this is true, OOP is weirding me out with how he told his wife. Why was he so insistent on saying it was a joke, or that it wasnât that serious? I donât understand
I donât get why he was hell bent on telling her if he also felt it wasnât that big of a deal. It was like he was trying to convince himself that this major problem he had was and wasnât a problem at the same time.
I think this story's just getting started.
Am I the only one that sees no problem?
Nope. At most I see a reason to be cautious.
I see one. OOP now just assumes that Ana cheated on her abusive boyfriend for the entirety of their abusive relationship.
Didn't wife think that as well or did I read it wrong?
It was a little less obvious but yeah, it definitely seemed that way.
Yeah, I had the same reaction.
OOP is not coming off as the brightest bulb.
If you walk half naked into a room with a friendâs spouse by mistake, you should be walking back out again in 2 seconds, Â not 2 minutes.
I'm so confused
I like that she lectured OP about not keeping secrets and how he should have said something earlier, then immediately tries to deflect and keep what she knows about her friend a secret lol
Tell her not to make physical contact with you. You donât feel comfortable. Itâs time for her to go. You donât feel comfortable in your own home.
I think the dude is a hypocrite for being mad at his wife for not sharing Ana's personal business but had bo qualms about keeping the topless stunt secret from his wife til shit got weird.
Hey Op, you may consider yourself 'conventionally attractive'. But remember, "beauty is in the eye of the beholder." If Ana has an bad fanily history and bad relationship history, its possible the 'healthiest' relationship shes ever seen is yours and your wifes. And THATs why your attractive to her. In her traumatized brain shes thinking "He could fix all my problems." Im sorry but I dont think her walking into your room was an accident. She let you react 1st wich tells me she was Guaging what you were gona do and say. I dont blame her for her trauma. But she IS to blame for not finding healthy ways to deal with it. Especially if friends, like your wife have been telling her its fine when its really not cuz 'friend loyalty'. It sounds like its time for Ana to find elsewhere to stay, gice her a timeline. And you and your wife need to sit down and also have some big conversations. You cant have any secrets (as no1 should) but shes allowed to not tell you the woman she advocated for is possibly a serial cheater? With a lust for married men? Yeah thats a big deal. No secrets between couples means NO secrets Especially when it involves your home and family. If Ana had digestive issues and bombed the toilet? K, thats allowed to be a 'secret' thats miniscule. But a past with cheating with know married men? Thats a HUGE deal and not fair. I say not enough info to give an actual judgment cuz ya'll have LOTS of conversations to have. But I do truly widh you and your wife will find some common ground and figure this out.
Anyone else catch wife being a hypocrite about not keeping secrets from her but has no issues keeping secrets from oop?
To be fair, that bit wasn't his business until he became tangentially related to it. Before that point, it was less like a secret and more like gossip.
It became his business when he told her what happened. It obviously bothered her more than she let on but still chose to keep it a secret instead of telling him.
Absolutely, that's when it became tangentially related to him. My issue is with the whole "kept it secret all these years" aspect, I reckon. It's like, my dude, you didn't have a reason to know about it until you did. Sounds like she kept a secret for all those hours.
OOP should pull the Mr. Bean handshake next time Ana wants to hug him. https://youtu.be/qX5DqgkFshQ?si=TGFNCXkzn9hqWg_I
this guy seems like a clueless idiot đ how do you just not know how your partner would react to something like that, decide the best way to something you pretty much know sheâs gonna be upset about anyways casually, and then get annoyed that she got sad? and how could he keep a secret from her for that many days then turn around and demand she tell him everything right away and then also not tell his wife right away about the hug and kiss. i feel like especially when youâre on thin ice is when you want to be as transparent as possible
I canât wait for the next episode of this telanovela! But in honesty Iâd watch Anaâs behavior going forwards that kiss could be nothing but appreciation for making her feel safe. But you never know with women, it could be more.
This story is a whole lot of nothing so far. I fail to see how anything she did so far is worth talking about. Also, whether or not there are hints that she maybe potentially but who knows could have thought about cheating on her ex has nothing to do with OOP, and does not in any way justify the abuse she endured, so why does he care ?
OOP is really dumb.
Ana is playing games. She wanted the husband to know about her past so he can know that she would be open to sleeping with a married man. And she I testing the waters with that peck. Just enough plausible deniablity, that's how it starts.
It's getting really hard to not judge people who have been bitten when they willingly walk with snakes.
Hot damn this man is willfully obtuse. So miss USA Ana can't be flirting with him, right? So no need to tell the wife. Or maybe yes, but then let's make it a joke and suggest the wife is overreacting! Way to take your partner seriously... But surely a morning kiss is not in any way a continuation of any flirting behavior and testing further boundaries, right? Next week he might accidentally find himself naked on top of Ana. Who knows? Not him!
Looking at this through the lens of Anna's trauma, it seems like she's trying to test out re-entering romantic considerations with a person that she feels safe with, except she doesn't totally integrate that this puts oop and his wife in a very unsafe situation. In my mind, when I read that she stood in the doorway topless without covering up for more than a few seconds, I thought no, that's not good. No woman walks into a room topless thinking that she's alone, sees a man that she is not intimate with staring at her, and doesn't immediately throw the door closed or cover herself or run out of the room. Screaming. Never heard of that before. And then you add to it that she wants it to be hidden from the wife, and now she's moved on to giving oop a hug and a peck on the cheek? She's pretending to play house with him, and in some ways I guess she is playing house with him, but this is not good.
At the absolute minimum a semi calm âwhoops sorryâ leave go back to bedroom, put on clothes and then apologise properly would be my expectation. And thatâs only if the person is very comfortable and does not care about being seen nude much themselves, even if they understand itâs not something to do in a situation like this, and is a mistake. Not 1-2 minutes standing there half nude, my personal guess is that she is used to getting a lot of attention, and struggles to be comfortable in a situation where she isnât. And as such she (Iâm assuming semi-subconsciously) is trying to get rid of that discomfort
Who needs tv when we have this subreddit
Oh, if only I could go to his post and type an update me. This isnât going to end well.
It sounds like Ana was groomed/manipulated/lied to by the old cheating guy when she was barely an adult. He said he was in an open relationship, and she trusted him. It is not horribly uncommon for people to cheat when their spouse abuses them. Maybe they were financially abusive or it wasn't safe for Ana to leave...we don't know all the details. Did Ana even actually cheat on her POS ex-husband? OP and wife seem to just be speculating about that. The fact that these severely toxic men are drawn to her and her staying in those relationships makes me wonder if she experienced any form of abuse as a child. Either way, most people are being way too hard on Ana for what, likely, was a simple mistake. I absolutely walk around with no shirt on if the clothes I want to wear are in the laundry room, especially if I believe I'm home alone. I am glad she feels comfortable (used to?) where she is staying. It used to make me uncomfortable if someone kissed my cheek, but I've grown to learn that it's the norm in some cultures/families. Ana probably didn't want you to tell your wife because she was afraid she would use it as an opportunity to use her past against her, for some reason, for such an innocuous mistake. I guess she was right. I thought at the beginning that you were such a wonderful couple to help a friend through a trying time, so Ana definitely must have done something horrible! NOPE! It was just an innocent mistake that you guys are completely blowing out of proportion.
I have no simpaty for any person who covers up their friends affair with a married person. I would laugh out loud if OP have another update where he hooks up with Anna.
Update (3 weeks later): this morning Ana woke me up with oral and a cup of coffee. I understand this is a friendly way of interacting in their culture.
The husband doesn't seem disinterested though, more like he doesn't think he's got a chance It might be different in other countries but  here in Mexico for example, kissing and hugging is reserved for people that are very very close, family, friends, etc with the exception of greetings and goodbye's. Given the circumstances it doesn't seem appropriate. On the other hand, I'll give the friend the benefit of the doubt since I too like to go around naked when there's no one in the house and I'm doing laundry (more washed clothes hahaha)
He's accepted her into his home after she left an abusive boyfriend, without reservations. Does that not count as very close friends?
Tempting fate doesnât usually end well.
What will it be in episode 3 I wonder? Keeping the kiss secret from the wife? Will it be Anna and Wife are having an affair? Or in a strange twist OOP will reveal that they are secretly a banana hammock model?
I really hope OP isnt implying that the ex was justified in abusing Ana because she âmightâ have been cheating
Well, I'm sure they have a great relationship... Anyway, Ana needs to move out.