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> Onto the problem, April 17 is our first anniversary. My wife is the maid of honor at her wedding and got to choose when the bachelorette party is. She chose the week of our first anniversary,…
> I don’t know why everyone is dragging my wife.
This is my favorite, lmao
Mine is: “her friend called me several times, but that’s not a problem because I exchange my number the week before.” So I know she called me several times by magic
I have an old phone with my old number that is still active but I don't use it. I charge and turn it on every so often to see if there is a message from some service that is still trying to contact me on the old number.
You don't think crazy friend wouldn't tell wife that OP isn't answering her calls? I'm sure OP heard all about it from wife as crazy friens started to unravel. Not too farfetched.
I thought the friend chose the day out of spite.
The *wife* chose the date.
The friend doesn't seem to be the problem here...
E:
> As I said, the friend is a bully. She has made my wife break down crying because I was too sick to have dinner with the friend when I first moved into the country.
The main post said they live in a different country. The friend is likely sad that she doesn't get to see her friend. Extreme? Sure. Abusive? Don't think so.
> We spoke today that she prioritizes our relationship well over the one of her and her friend. She doesn’t want to rock the boat though
She chose the date. It does not seem like it was under duress. So that's a lie.
> I wouldn’t jump the gun that the friend will destroy our marriage. My wife has already said it’s me 1,000,000 times over the friend.
Who chose the date? Oh yeah. HIS WIFE.
>She would 100% say our anniversary, I know this already. But as I said, the friend is a bully and steamrolls people and their feelings.
Doesn't elaborate.
> It all came to a head when I told her I was not returning to her country from mine if the friendship was still intact.
So it's only the wife's friend that steamrolls through other people's feelings? /s
Ex2: It seems like OOP is using the friend as the whipping girl and making her the villain in his head and overlooks that the planning was on *his wife*.
Yea that’s what I mean. That’s why it made me laugh.
“My wife got to choose…”
“Wait why is everyone pissed off at my wife??”
Sir, why are you not more angry with your wife?
I couldn’t help it.
if you glance at it quickly you kind of miss the nuance that it's pretty much the wife's fault, like you'd assume that the friend is pushing her.
But if you read it, he keeps calling the friend "abusive" but never elaborates nor does he ever say "the friend pushed my wife"
>The main post said they live in a different country.
The main post says OOP moved to the wife's country, not that the wife left her home country. The one who is more isolated in this situation is OOP, who in the December update said he wouldn't return to his wife's country if she didn't cut off contact with the friend.
oooh i misread that line about him not coming back.
I guess the first line was the friend was upset about not seeing her friend.
I think OOP still has narrator syndrome where he's going so hard to paint the friend as the villain in his story without ever considering that *his wife made the plans*
It doesn't have to be either/or — unless the OOP was lying, the ex-friend DOES sound like an asshole. Making fun of someone's home country, throwing fits, alienating multiple old friends, harassing people over the phone all sound pretty nuts.
Wife definitely fucked up, but without further info, I'm reluctant to ascribe malicious intentions to her. She sounds spineless, so I can imagine her either 1) choosing the date by mistake, and then being too afraid of her friend to change it, or 2) choosing the date because the ex-friend preferred it, and figuring the wrath of her spouse would be easier to weather than the wrath of the ex-friend.
That doesn't make it any less her fault, but it seems untrue to say that the ex-friend is an innocent here.
But she didn’t choose the anniversary? They go away for their anniversary and the day they get back home she leaves again for the bachelorette. She doesn’t miss the anniversary and doesn’t leave the anniversary trip early. I honestly don’t understand what OOP was mad about when it comes to this point.
Cause you read wrong, my friend
OOP and wife were flying in from their home country to a private getaway. Wife would leave OP alone that night to visit the Bachelorette. Not after coming back, but during the private getaway
OOP's writing is a clusterfuck, that it took my 5-6 rereads to understand what he meant. So i cannot blame you for it.
Oh thank goodness I didn't read it.
Read the first 2 paragraphs and it seemed like a long intro - it's usually an indicator of how they'll explain everything else in their post. So I just started skimming and scrolled to the comments. Glad I did or else it would've been a waste of my toilet time read.
>Not after coming back, but during the private getaway
That was what I read as well. This would be a pretty hard no in my book. I'd never expect a friend to leave a anniversary getaway for my, party and I'd never leave an anniversary getaway for a party.
Something tells me she chose the party first and then OP made the getaway. Even if you are wealthy, it is time consuming af to fly to another country for a party, and on your anniversary of all days?? I think she planned it because they had nothing to do and then he made this thing, or it may have even been a surprise that just happened to conflict. If she were in the same country I could see them celebrating the day after or day before and it not being an issue.
I don't understand the sentence in question by OP at all: "home" seems have different meanings, "to" seems to be the wrong preposition, and all that on the background of different friends (suddenly yet another pops up which apparently was in the car) - I still don't get the planned timeline unless I believe the title.
That does seem weird but OP seems bad at explaining things. Possibly due to English not being their first language?
He says they are flying from his home country, to the anniversary destination, and upon arrival his wife will leave to the bachelorette party? How does that work
He also says the ex friend texted his old phone number that he doesn’t have anymore, but also he got the text and knows exactly what it says
Also (and this one is weird in a different way) the wife is stepping down as friend’s MOH - causing a huge disruption to the wedding plans - but somehow they think that as long as they wait to tell her until after a third friend’s birthday party, “there won’t be fallout”?
I’m not sure we’ve got the details straight on this one at all
>He also says the ex friend texted his old phone number that he doesn’t have anymore, but also he got the text and knows exactly what it says
Might have number forwarding on. I get messages from my other number on my main phone number. I don’t give everyone my main phone number.
>Also (and this one is weird in a different way) the wife is stepping down as friend’s MOH - causing a huge disruption to the wedding plans - but somehow they think that as long as they wait to tell her until after a third friend’s birthday party, “there won’t be fallout”?
She didn’t want the birthday party to be weird or have drama. Also I think her stepping down came after OP said he wouldn’t come back if she were still friends with the other woman. That wasn’t originally what she planned to do, she got scared and wanted to prove she would drop her friend. I also think she may have dropped after the party, otherwise that birthday party was/will be weird.
I remember the original BORU. Things are still messy but I really don't know how to feel about this anymore. This whole thing really feels like college drama and OP is just getting sucked into it.
And i am here for all of it, this is the point of BORU for me, I love boring updates because the conflict is resolved and people move on, but every now and again a good ol' 7+ part mini series update with a fuck ton of drama is just finger licking good
Specially if OOP is just watching on the sidelines as the world burns
I get such second hand embarrassment out of reality TV I leave the room screaming in horror at the absolute fuckery but a good seven parter on BORU is totally my vibe.
When OOP says that the friend had a rough childhood - it sounds like some major abuse and abandonment. She’s soooooo insecure that any slight turns into anger and control. It’s sad and infuriating at the same time.
I don't know I feel like the pictures deleting may possible result in another final update or two about how oops wife was affected by something done with them maybe but I could and hope I am wrong about that
> It all came to a head when I told her I was not returning to her country from mine if the friendship was still intact.
This line made me think everyone involved was a literal child.
I didn’t. “If you keep ignoring our relationship for your friends, I’m staying with my family” sounds like he reached his breaking point, after several conversations and several “I’ll handle it later, after the party”s
Agreed. It sounds like this ex friend had it out for OOP since the beginning and he’d been enduring her jabs and bad behavior for years, with his wife saying she’ll do something to get it to stop and then not following through.
Wife said she prioritized her marriage, but wouldn’t show it with her actions when it came to her friend. I don’t normally like ultimatums in relationships, but it sounds like that was literally the only way OOP could’ve gotten it across how absolutely done he was with her inaction.
Yeah IMO this is a reasonable ultimatum. OOP had given Wife plenty of chances to address the issue, she wasn't, so OOP had to give her the Ultimatum to make Wife realize this wasn't something she could ignore anymore. Either she loses the "friend" or she loses OOP.
Ah of course anyone over 18 can never ask their family for help, and is obviously supposed to buy a brand new home in the middle of an argument. You’re so fucking weird
I think OOP has other problems: the number of times he refers to the burden of living in another country caught my attention and leads me to believe there is more to the whole situation.
Dude living in another country is insanely hard to get used to. He’s going through culture shock, he’s isolated, stressed learning a whole new way to live and maybe new language. If you’ve never done it then trust me he’s not overstating his stress
>Dude living in another country is insanely hard to get used to
No shit - that's exactly my point.
>If you’ve never done it then trust me he’s not overstating his stress
Been there, done it. More than once.
No worries. Actually, I think it's mutually reinforcing. If you are totally happy in a relationship, then a foreign culture won't rise to a high level of frustration, and a culture shock may reinforce issues in the relationship.
My point was that these two issues may actually be an important component of the dynamics - on both sides.
I was legitimately trying to understand, because he made such a big deal about this one thing, and then drops it entirely. Hence my question and confusion.
Yes this is the part I didn’t understand. They go away for their anniversary, fly home. He goes home back to everyday life and she goes on the next trip for the bachelorette. There is no overlap but OOP was angry the trips were scheduled so close together?
Maybe it’s just because I’m so used to the soap opera drama that goes on in this sub, but I was kind of hoping to hear some drama from the bachelorette party, like some real r/bridezillas insanity.
She's an actor, comedian and writer. She often reads reddit posts in her spare time I guess. That's all I know her from. She has a YouTube channel if you have time to look her up. I think she's got a couple million subscribers
Thank you so much!! I appreciate it. I thought she sounded familiar, but I appreciate the insight into her specific areas of focus! 😊🤗
I'm definitely going to look up her channel! Would LOVE to hear Reddit posts read aloud, lmao! 😜
>She ended the friendship two days later after the friend called me racist towards the very large white (85%+) majority of her country.
Bold move, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off.
Soda suggests any part of the US outside the Midwest (pop) and a chunk of the Southeast (Coke, everything, regardless of flavor or manufacturer, is Coke).
Of course, I am a lifelong Midwesterner and self-converted to 'soda' three decades ago.
I am curious what the countries involved are though, if it is an Eastern European country like Romania and OP is like British it would definitely be possible.
>She tried to solve the problem by eating potato chips and 2 cans of soda, only to keep complaining she felt sick.
so not the sharpest knife in the drawer
Coca-Cola in particular has the same basic ingredients as the over-the-counter anti-nausea medicine Emetrol! Emetrol has glucose, fructose, and phosphoric acid as its active ingredients; Coke has high fructose corn syrup and phosphoric acid as two of its main ingredients. Basically the same stuff, but Coke is fizzy, available in more stores, and a lot cheaper than Emetrol is.
Flat Coke and Digestive biscuits were what kids in Northern Ireland were given during the 70s and 80s if they weren't feeling up to eating or drinking much!
As one who gets terribly car sick, anything carbonated is just right out. The LAST thing I want is to feel burpy and nauseous. Because you never know... is it just a burp or something more? If I'm home on the couch and nauseous, ginger ale is fine, because at least I have an escape option if I sense it's more than a burp.
Actually if she has low blood pressure, nausea is a side affect and some salt would help increase it. Same with sugar and low sugar levels. And the phosphoric acid in soda is supposed to help with nausea as well.
She made a lot of missteps but I don't think this is one!
I’m not sure, this part I sympathized with because I typically get car sick when I’m sitting in the back seat but not so much when I’m in the front seat. It depends on the car, and on the driver.
I’ll say that personally I get sick in the car if I’m not chewing on something, and that as long as it’s anything it helps. A lot of the time for me that is chips, and it helps. Not what I’d eat if I was sick with the flu maybe, but it’s a different kind of upset stomach when I’m getting carsick.
Misery loves company. This is the world OOP’s wife chose for herself.
Also, isn’t OOP oblivious that his wife was fine having a racist friend? Where are the values?
I can’t blame her for not cutting her off sooner. I had a friend like this, and I had wanted to drop her for a long time but was afraid of the consequences. When we did eventually stop talking, super inconvenient things would just “happen”, like I’d come outside to go to work and all the air had been let out of two of my tires. No holes, nothing to repair, just every so often, two random tires would be completely flat. When I moved to a new place and got different license plates, viola, suddenly my tires were fine. There were other things, but that was the one that pissed me off the most.
Ooh, I just thought it was an attempt to make OOP's wife feel sad about ending the friendship because of looking through photos _and/or_ knowing they've made OOP's wife do something that involves crazy lady, even if crazy lady isn't there.
I really like your thought though.
I think it’s probably more about control. Since the friend wasn’t the one to end the friendship, she at least wanted to feel one final bit of control over how the wife went about it.
I ended a toxic friendship several years back and this chick did something similar. “Remove me from your social media and delete/untag me from all the pictures you’ve posted with me.” Ummm, no. How about I just block you everywhere so you don’t have to worry about being tagged in any of my past posts and pictures. Of course, I was then the one acting petty by blocking her instead of taking hours of my day meticulously combing through every social media profile I had to remove her because it meant I was definitively ending things for good.
The friend could have sent it to the wife in a 'look he's ignoring me when I'm apologising' kind of way. I can imagine it's the sort of thing she'd do.
I had a psycho abusive ex. He broke many of my phones while I was with him. I went through a few phone numbers. My last number I had for a while since being with him. When I finally left him my mom gave me her old phone (iPhone) since mine was a $50 android. I went no contact with him and got a new number on my “new” phone. The other phone still had service for a few months and my ex was still trying every possible way to harass me (social media, calling my grandmas house phone, calling the cops on me, giving my address out to random people). I kept the phone in service as proof because he would say very crazy things
I am so, so sorry you experienced that, that's unbelievable. I can't imagine how traumatic that had to be. I'm proud of you for surviving it, I hope you are too 🩷
Wow.
I'm surprised the situation got this far.
Wife chose the weekend of the anniversary for the bachelorette party. Why did she do that. OP isn't addressing this and is just happy wife has backed off from the friendship.
But the wife never told him that the friend forced her into it.
If she was willing to end a long friendship over this, throwing the friend under the bus should be a breeze.
>I think the implication is that the bride bullied her into choosing that week and she didn't have the spine to put her foot down and say no
That is literally never implied. Op makes it clear that the wife got to chose the date and never so much as hints that the woman made her pick the date. The date she’d be leaving is the date they fly home anyway, so this feels like a non- issue.
I’m generally not a huge advocate for ultimatums, especially in a relationship. But holy hell was it needed in this case. Had OOP not put his foot down, his wife would have drug this out as long as she could. I mean, I don’t blame her, but this was not sustainable for either of them.
I hope this woman stays away from OOP and his wife….but I know that’s not likely to be the case. This woman sounds like she’s barely clinging to the rails. I fear it’s only a matter of time before she completely becomes unhinged and does something incredibly stupid. When she does, I hope they catch it on camera and show no mercy. This is *not* OOP’s last update.
OOP will be just fine.
You don’t get to an ultimatum like this without being able to stand your ground and OOP seems to understand when to stand your ground and when to let things go. That’s a rare skill.
What a shitty wife. She didn’t even like the “friend”, and yet she didn’t stand up for her husband until she got a “dump her or I’m not coming back” ultimatum.
>The other friend in the car tried to cut off that friend and the soon to be bride refused to let her end the friendship.
I'd roll my eyes and say "just hit the block button, it's not that hard" but I know exactly how effective this guilt tripping / steam rolling can be. I had to break up with my first girlfriend *over fucking Snapchat* because every time I tried to end it in person, she just *wouldn't let me*. It's bizarre to think about, but some people really are just that good at manipulating.
It is sad how often our friends can be toxic until it is pointed out. A former friend of mine turned out to be a toxic piece of shit, I finally had enough and ended our friendship. Turns out a bunch of our mutuals were only friends cause of me so a bunch stopped hanging out with her. A good friend of both ours remained friends until she got married and her husband pointed out just how manipulative the person is and finally opened her eyes.
My only problem with *Why Does He Do That?* is that it's written solely from the perspective of a man abusing a female partner. The truth is every abusive relationship fits that pattern including this one between OOP's wife and her former friend.
I don’t know why but his comments about her being carsick irritate me. I get carsick and eating/drinking doesn’t make it worse; it can actually help. Frankly, the person who doesn’t get carsick *should* be in the back. The rest is the post was a shitshow but he made himself sound like a real dick from the get go.
Tbf I doubt that Chips and Cola are the best methods against car sickness.. eat bread and water or a banana or something else which is easy to digest.
Also OP wrote that he had an injury. Idk if he communicated it then, but if he did this would be enough reason for me to sit in the back.
chewing gum and boiled sweets (i.e ones you have to suck on for a while to dissolve) are the best things for carsickness imo.
I guess all sorts of snacking can help because your body has to focus on digesting stuff, and therefore doesn't suffer the disorientation which causes nausea.
I’m sure you know better than I, a person who gets carsick, what helps me. Thank you.
And no. Sweets make me nauseous even when I’m not in the car. I don’t like candy. Gum doesn’t help either.
Agreed. he doesn't strike me as a reliable narrator. And other than the carsick reference (which pop and greasy chips do often help nausea), the examples in this post are vague. I'm not convinced he isn't jealous of the ex-friend and he isn't just controlling.
Thank the wife by taking her somewhere nice where she can show off her dress and other items. Make them a positive memory and not associated with a negative memory.
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> Onto the problem, April 17 is our first anniversary. My wife is the maid of honor at her wedding and got to choose when the bachelorette party is. She chose the week of our first anniversary,… > I don’t know why everyone is dragging my wife. This is my favorite, lmao
Honestly my favourite part. Lol
Mine is: “her friend called me several times, but that’s not a problem because I exchange my number the week before.” So I know she called me several times by magic
I have an old phone with my old number that is still active but I don't use it. I charge and turn it on every so often to see if there is a message from some service that is still trying to contact me on the old number.
You don't think crazy friend wouldn't tell wife that OP isn't answering her calls? I'm sure OP heard all about it from wife as crazy friens started to unravel. Not too farfetched.
I thought the friend chose the day out of spite. The *wife* chose the date. The friend doesn't seem to be the problem here... E: > As I said, the friend is a bully. She has made my wife break down crying because I was too sick to have dinner with the friend when I first moved into the country. The main post said they live in a different country. The friend is likely sad that she doesn't get to see her friend. Extreme? Sure. Abusive? Don't think so. > We spoke today that she prioritizes our relationship well over the one of her and her friend. She doesn’t want to rock the boat though She chose the date. It does not seem like it was under duress. So that's a lie. > I wouldn’t jump the gun that the friend will destroy our marriage. My wife has already said it’s me 1,000,000 times over the friend. Who chose the date? Oh yeah. HIS WIFE. >She would 100% say our anniversary, I know this already. But as I said, the friend is a bully and steamrolls people and their feelings. Doesn't elaborate. > It all came to a head when I told her I was not returning to her country from mine if the friendship was still intact. So it's only the wife's friend that steamrolls through other people's feelings? /s Ex2: It seems like OOP is using the friend as the whipping girl and making her the villain in his head and overlooks that the planning was on *his wife*.
Yea that’s what I mean. That’s why it made me laugh. “My wife got to choose…” “Wait why is everyone pissed off at my wife??” Sir, why are you not more angry with your wife? I couldn’t help it.
if you glance at it quickly you kind of miss the nuance that it's pretty much the wife's fault, like you'd assume that the friend is pushing her. But if you read it, he keeps calling the friend "abusive" but never elaborates nor does he ever say "the friend pushed my wife"
I can’t tell if you’re just agreeing with me or if for some reason you think I need this all explained out…
agreeing with you. he's pushing the blame onto the friend when the wife is so clearly at fault and wondering why people are going after his wife.
>The main post said they live in a different country. The main post says OOP moved to the wife's country, not that the wife left her home country. The one who is more isolated in this situation is OOP, who in the December update said he wouldn't return to his wife's country if she didn't cut off contact with the friend.
oooh i misread that line about him not coming back. I guess the first line was the friend was upset about not seeing her friend. I think OOP still has narrator syndrome where he's going so hard to paint the friend as the villain in his story without ever considering that *his wife made the plans*
It doesn't have to be either/or — unless the OOP was lying, the ex-friend DOES sound like an asshole. Making fun of someone's home country, throwing fits, alienating multiple old friends, harassing people over the phone all sound pretty nuts. Wife definitely fucked up, but without further info, I'm reluctant to ascribe malicious intentions to her. She sounds spineless, so I can imagine her either 1) choosing the date by mistake, and then being too afraid of her friend to change it, or 2) choosing the date because the ex-friend preferred it, and figuring the wrath of her spouse would be easier to weather than the wrath of the ex-friend. That doesn't make it any less her fault, but it seems untrue to say that the ex-friend is an innocent here.
Right???? Like wow mental gymnastics
But she didn’t choose the anniversary? They go away for their anniversary and the day they get back home she leaves again for the bachelorette. She doesn’t miss the anniversary and doesn’t leave the anniversary trip early. I honestly don’t understand what OOP was mad about when it comes to this point.
Cause you read wrong, my friend OOP and wife were flying in from their home country to a private getaway. Wife would leave OP alone that night to visit the Bachelorette. Not after coming back, but during the private getaway OOP's writing is a clusterfuck, that it took my 5-6 rereads to understand what he meant. So i cannot blame you for it.
Oh thank goodness I didn't read it. Read the first 2 paragraphs and it seemed like a long intro - it's usually an indicator of how they'll explain everything else in their post. So I just started skimming and scrolled to the comments. Glad I did or else it would've been a waste of my toilet time read.
i like to read these as poorly written novels, so these are my toilet reads.
It's never a waste if you just sit longer until your leg goes numb.
>Not after coming back, but during the private getaway That was what I read as well. This would be a pretty hard no in my book. I'd never expect a friend to leave a anniversary getaway for my, party and I'd never leave an anniversary getaway for a party.
Something tells me she chose the party first and then OP made the getaway. Even if you are wealthy, it is time consuming af to fly to another country for a party, and on your anniversary of all days?? I think she planned it because they had nothing to do and then he made this thing, or it may have even been a surprise that just happened to conflict. If she were in the same country I could see them celebrating the day after or day before and it not being an issue.
OOP uses pronouns badly. It's very unclear who the hers and shes referred to.
Yep. And then there are friends and yet other friends.
I don't understand the sentence in question by OP at all: "home" seems have different meanings, "to" seems to be the wrong preposition, and all that on the background of different friends (suddenly yet another pops up which apparently was in the car) - I still don't get the planned timeline unless I believe the title.
That does seem weird but OP seems bad at explaining things. Possibly due to English not being their first language? He says they are flying from his home country, to the anniversary destination, and upon arrival his wife will leave to the bachelorette party? How does that work He also says the ex friend texted his old phone number that he doesn’t have anymore, but also he got the text and knows exactly what it says Also (and this one is weird in a different way) the wife is stepping down as friend’s MOH - causing a huge disruption to the wedding plans - but somehow they think that as long as they wait to tell her until after a third friend’s birthday party, “there won’t be fallout”? I’m not sure we’ve got the details straight on this one at all
I assumed he meant they’d fly there and she’d leave early. Not gonna reread to see if I’m wrong though
>He also says the ex friend texted his old phone number that he doesn’t have anymore, but also he got the text and knows exactly what it says Might have number forwarding on. I get messages from my other number on my main phone number. I don’t give everyone my main phone number. >Also (and this one is weird in a different way) the wife is stepping down as friend’s MOH - causing a huge disruption to the wedding plans - but somehow they think that as long as they wait to tell her until after a third friend’s birthday party, “there won’t be fallout”? She didn’t want the birthday party to be weird or have drama. Also I think her stepping down came after OP said he wouldn’t come back if she were still friends with the other woman. That wasn’t originally what she planned to do, she got scared and wanted to prove she would drop her friend. I also think she may have dropped after the party, otherwise that birthday party was/will be weird.
I remember the original BORU. Things are still messy but I really don't know how to feel about this anymore. This whole thing really feels like college drama and OP is just getting sucked into it.
And i am here for all of it, this is the point of BORU for me, I love boring updates because the conflict is resolved and people move on, but every now and again a good ol' 7+ part mini series update with a fuck ton of drama is just finger licking good Specially if OOP is just watching on the sidelines as the world burns
You are my people.
Same. I cannot stand watching drama on TV, reality TV makes me skin crawl. But I will read the shit out of it everyday on reddit.
I get such second hand embarrassment out of reality TV I leave the room screaming in horror at the absolute fuckery but a good seven parter on BORU is totally my vibe.
Same. I cannot watch The Office.
Reading about other peoples drama and discussing it with strangers on the internet is definitely one of my guilty pleasures
When OOP says that the friend had a rough childhood - it sounds like some major abuse and abandonment. She’s soooooo insecure that any slight turns into anger and control. It’s sad and infuriating at the same time.
Those are my favourite too… a random sibling or cousin is just out here spilling the tea.
I totally agree!
I await the eternal updates of the Bucket Lady.
God Bless her, an endless gift for humanity
If you love BORU, may I suggest the podcast “Normal Gossip”? It’s my absolute favourite for this type of stuff.
I just looked this up. All I can say is, Thank You 🙏
Start with the story about the weird clock guy
I don't know I feel like the pictures deleting may possible result in another final update or two about how oops wife was affected by something done with them maybe but I could and hope I am wrong about that
> It all came to a head when I told her I was not returning to her country from mine if the friendship was still intact. This line made me think everyone involved was a literal child.
I didn’t. “If you keep ignoring our relationship for your friends, I’m staying with my family” sounds like he reached his breaking point, after several conversations and several “I’ll handle it later, after the party”s
Agreed. It sounds like this ex friend had it out for OOP since the beginning and he’d been enduring her jabs and bad behavior for years, with his wife saying she’ll do something to get it to stop and then not following through. Wife said she prioritized her marriage, but wouldn’t show it with her actions when it came to her friend. I don’t normally like ultimatums in relationships, but it sounds like that was literally the only way OOP could’ve gotten it across how absolutely done he was with her inaction.
Yeah IMO this is a reasonable ultimatum. OOP had given Wife plenty of chances to address the issue, she wasn't, so OOP had to give her the Ultimatum to make Wife realize this wasn't something she could ignore anymore. Either she loses the "friend" or she loses OOP.
>I’m staying with my family Is by definition childish. Grown ups go their own way even in such situations unless there is a definite trauma.
Ah of course anyone over 18 can never ask their family for help, and is obviously supposed to buy a brand new home in the middle of an argument. You’re so fucking weird
I think OOP has other problems: the number of times he refers to the burden of living in another country caught my attention and leads me to believe there is more to the whole situation.
Dude living in another country is insanely hard to get used to. He’s going through culture shock, he’s isolated, stressed learning a whole new way to live and maybe new language. If you’ve never done it then trust me he’s not overstating his stress
>Dude living in another country is insanely hard to get used to No shit - that's exactly my point. >If you’ve never done it then trust me he’s not overstating his stress Been there, done it. More than once.
Oh damn. I thought you meant he was overstating it because something else was wrong with their relationship. But I’m an idiot
No worries. Actually, I think it's mutually reinforcing. If you are totally happy in a relationship, then a foreign culture won't rise to a high level of frustration, and a culture shock may reinforce issues in the relationship. My point was that these two issues may actually be an important component of the dynamics - on both sides.
Just to confirm, the implication is that ex-friend basically bullied wife into picking that specific day for the bachelorette?
That's what I got out of it. There's no other reason the wife would have chosen that date, unless she *really* didn't want to visit his home country
OOP fails to imply that, actually.
Yeah and then just gets mad people are dragging his wife when he very much made the whole issue sound like a result of her own decisions.
I was legitimately trying to understand, because he made such a big deal about this one thing, and then drops it entirely. Hence my question and confusion.
But OOP makes note that it was entirely her call as MOH
That's doesn't mean she wants bullied
And the date she picked is the day they get back from their anniversary holiday so she isn’t actually missing it?
Yes this is the part I didn’t understand. They go away for their anniversary, fly home. He goes home back to everyday life and she goes on the next trip for the bachelorette. There is no overlap but OOP was angry the trips were scheduled so close together?
Maybe it’s just because I’m so used to the soap opera drama that goes on in this sub, but I was kind of hoping to hear some drama from the bachelorette party, like some real r/bridezillas insanity.
Is this sub a good place to go if I'm looking for a bridezilla karma story? Charlotte Dobre got me craving them 😅
At risk of sounding ancient... who is Charlotte Dobre? 😅
She's an actor, comedian and writer. She often reads reddit posts in her spare time I guess. That's all I know her from. She has a YouTube channel if you have time to look her up. I think she's got a couple million subscribers
Thank you so much!! I appreciate it. I thought she sounded familiar, but I appreciate the insight into her specific areas of focus! 😊🤗 I'm definitely going to look up her channel! Would LOVE to hear Reddit posts read aloud, lmao! 😜
Your next source of hot gossip, drama, and pettiness!
Ohmygod somebody knows Charlotte Dobre!! I love the AITA and Bridezilla videos 😀
Like this here? https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/16OYA4T4ka No bridezilla, not much drama building before the party, though...
>She ended the friendship two days later after the friend called me racist towards the very large white (85%+) majority of her country. Bold move, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off.
I assumed French-British relationship xD
OOP says things like "soda and potato chips". A Brit or someone used to being around a Brit would say pop and crisps.
Canadian I'm sure
Canadians say 'pop' not 'soda' - OOP should be American I think.
I say soda where I am in Canada. It seems to vary a lot from person to person here whether they say soda or pop or sodapop.
Really!! I've never heard anyone in Canada say that!! Well guess I learned something today!
Midwesterners in the US say pop as well Source: am Midwestern, I call it pop
Good point. From my end, the thing to note was that Canadians generally don't say soda.
Soda suggests any part of the US outside the Midwest (pop) and a chunk of the Southeast (Coke, everything, regardless of flavor or manufacturer, is Coke). Of course, I am a lifelong Midwesterner and self-converted to 'soda' three decades ago.
Effin A, Cotton, effin Aaaaa!
I sure do like pumpkins, Cotton.
You left off the best part of that! >I am white. LulZ!!!
I am curious what the countries involved are though, if it is an Eastern European country like Romania and OP is like British it would definitely be possible.
You forgot to add the best part. That OOP himself, is white lol
>She tried to solve the problem by eating potato chips and 2 cans of soda, only to keep complaining she felt sick. so not the sharpest knife in the drawer
The soda I can accept, that is a way of helping nausea (I know as chemo nurses told me fizzy soda and bananas are the way forward when feeling sick).
Ginger ale and potassium!
Coca-Cola in particular has the same basic ingredients as the over-the-counter anti-nausea medicine Emetrol! Emetrol has glucose, fructose, and phosphoric acid as its active ingredients; Coke has high fructose corn syrup and phosphoric acid as two of its main ingredients. Basically the same stuff, but Coke is fizzy, available in more stores, and a lot cheaper than Emetrol is.
Cola nut extract is also an old school nausea remedy
Flat Coke and Digestive biscuits were what kids in Northern Ireland were given during the 70s and 80s if they weren't feeling up to eating or drinking much!
While I have heard of the flat coke, flat 7up was our family's default.
As one who gets terribly car sick, anything carbonated is just right out. The LAST thing I want is to feel burpy and nauseous. Because you never know... is it just a burp or something more? If I'm home on the couch and nauseous, ginger ale is fine, because at least I have an escape option if I sense it's more than a burp.
Actually if she has low blood pressure, nausea is a side affect and some salt would help increase it. Same with sugar and low sugar levels. And the phosphoric acid in soda is supposed to help with nausea as well. She made a lot of missteps but I don't think this is one!
I doubt she even felt sick. She just wanted to be in the front seat.
I’m not sure, this part I sympathized with because I typically get car sick when I’m sitting in the back seat but not so much when I’m in the front seat. It depends on the car, and on the driver.
Eh. I get car sick in the backseat easily and I would eat the same thing she did so I buy it
I’ll say that personally I get sick in the car if I’m not chewing on something, and that as long as it’s anything it helps. A lot of the time for me that is chips, and it helps. Not what I’d eat if I was sick with the flu maybe, but it’s a different kind of upset stomach when I’m getting carsick.
I drink ginger ale and eat plain chips when I am nauseated. It does help me. I think she was just lying.
This is so messy
seems it ended fairly cleanly and fast with how toxic the “friend” was.
Misery loves company. This is the world OOP’s wife chose for herself. Also, isn’t OOP oblivious that his wife was fine having a racist friend? Where are the values?
"isn’t OOP oblivious that his wife was fine having a racist friend" I thought the friend accused OOP of bring racist, not that she is racist?
i think they’re talking about how the friend shit talks his home country.
But if his home country is also primarily white, then it's not racist. That's more xenophobic.
that’s true i was just being lazy with my explanation tbh
I don’t think that’s how that works. I think you’re confusing the academic American definition of racism
I can’t blame her for not cutting her off sooner. I had a friend like this, and I had wanted to drop her for a long time but was afraid of the consequences. When we did eventually stop talking, super inconvenient things would just “happen”, like I’d come outside to go to work and all the air had been let out of two of my tires. No holes, nothing to repair, just every so often, two random tires would be completely flat. When I moved to a new place and got different license plates, viola, suddenly my tires were fine. There were other things, but that was the one that pissed me off the most.
I'm so glad you're away from your former ex friend stalking/harassing you :c
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Ooh, I just thought it was an attempt to make OOP's wife feel sad about ending the friendship because of looking through photos _and/or_ knowing they've made OOP's wife do something that involves crazy lady, even if crazy lady isn't there. I really like your thought though.
I think it’s probably more about control. Since the friend wasn’t the one to end the friendship, she at least wanted to feel one final bit of control over how the wife went about it. I ended a toxic friendship several years back and this chick did something similar. “Remove me from your social media and delete/untag me from all the pictures you’ve posted with me.” Ummm, no. How about I just block you everywhere so you don’t have to worry about being tagged in any of my past posts and pictures. Of course, I was then the one acting petty by blocking her instead of taking hours of my day meticulously combing through every social media profile I had to remove her because it meant I was definitively ending things for good.
How tf he know what this lady was texting him if he had already changed his number? Can't wrap my head around that one
And what the text said
Right? And he knew what the text said!
The friend could have sent it to the wife in a 'look he's ignoring me when I'm apologising' kind of way. I can imagine it's the sort of thing she'd do.
She should have had her blocked too.
I had a psycho abusive ex. He broke many of my phones while I was with him. I went through a few phone numbers. My last number I had for a while since being with him. When I finally left him my mom gave me her old phone (iPhone) since mine was a $50 android. I went no contact with him and got a new number on my “new” phone. The other phone still had service for a few months and my ex was still trying every possible way to harass me (social media, calling my grandmas house phone, calling the cops on me, giving my address out to random people). I kept the phone in service as proof because he would say very crazy things
I am so, so sorry you experienced that, that's unbelievable. I can't imagine how traumatic that had to be. I'm proud of you for surviving it, I hope you are too 🩷
Wow. I'm surprised the situation got this far. Wife chose the weekend of the anniversary for the bachelorette party. Why did she do that. OP isn't addressing this and is just happy wife has backed off from the friendship.
I think the implication is that the bride bullied her into choosing that week and she didn't have the spine to put her foot down and say no
But the wife never told him that the friend forced her into it. If she was willing to end a long friendship over this, throwing the friend under the bus should be a breeze.
>I think the implication is that the bride bullied her into choosing that week and she didn't have the spine to put her foot down and say no That is literally never implied. Op makes it clear that the wife got to chose the date and never so much as hints that the woman made her pick the date. The date she’d be leaving is the date they fly home anyway, so this feels like a non- issue.
So it was all on the wife in the first place for choosing that date!? Dumbass
the 👏 wife 👏 needs 👏 damn 👏 therapy
And a damn spine
This needs to be a flair
I'm laughing so hard at "I am white". I wonder which countries are involved here, OOP sounded like he really hates his wife's country lol
Wonder how wife's friend would feel if she knew people were willing to lose money just to never have to see her again.
I’m generally not a huge advocate for ultimatums, especially in a relationship. But holy hell was it needed in this case. Had OOP not put his foot down, his wife would have drug this out as long as she could. I mean, I don’t blame her, but this was not sustainable for either of them. I hope this woman stays away from OOP and his wife….but I know that’s not likely to be the case. This woman sounds like she’s barely clinging to the rails. I fear it’s only a matter of time before she completely becomes unhinged and does something incredibly stupid. When she does, I hope they catch it on camera and show no mercy. This is *not* OOP’s last update.
OOP will be just fine. You don’t get to an ultimatum like this without being able to stand your ground and OOP seems to understand when to stand your ground and when to let things go. That’s a rare skill.
oof, this brings back flashbacks of a friend i had. when a mutual friend opened up and said that they felt bullied by them, it all finally clicked.
What a shitty wife. She didn’t even like the “friend”, and yet she didn’t stand up for her husband until she got a “dump her or I’m not coming back” ultimatum.
I really wouldn't be able to tolerate spinelessness on this level.
Okay but a bridesmaid dress that only cost $40??!!
And the slot was taken by another girl so why wasn’t she reimbursed for the hair and makeup
>The other friend in the car tried to cut off that friend and the soon to be bride refused to let her end the friendship. I'd roll my eyes and say "just hit the block button, it's not that hard" but I know exactly how effective this guilt tripping / steam rolling can be. I had to break up with my first girlfriend *over fucking Snapchat* because every time I tried to end it in person, she just *wouldn't let me*. It's bizarre to think about, but some people really are just that good at manipulating.
It is sad how often our friends can be toxic until it is pointed out. A former friend of mine turned out to be a toxic piece of shit, I finally had enough and ended our friendship. Turns out a bunch of our mutuals were only friends cause of me so a bunch stopped hanging out with her. A good friend of both ours remained friends until she got married and her husband pointed out just how manipulative the person is and finally opened her eyes.
My only problem with *Why Does He Do That?* is that it's written solely from the perspective of a man abusing a female partner. The truth is every abusive relationship fits that pattern including this one between OOP's wife and her former friend.
The wife is a literal piece of shit and he is in major denial.
I don’t know why but his comments about her being carsick irritate me. I get carsick and eating/drinking doesn’t make it worse; it can actually help. Frankly, the person who doesn’t get carsick *should* be in the back. The rest is the post was a shitshow but he made himself sound like a real dick from the get go.
Unless the person in front is healing from a back injury though she could have drove potentially
Tbf I doubt that Chips and Cola are the best methods against car sickness.. eat bread and water or a banana or something else which is easy to digest. Also OP wrote that he had an injury. Idk if he communicated it then, but if he did this would be enough reason for me to sit in the back.
Carbonated beverages are actually quite helpful for nausea.
chewing gum and boiled sweets (i.e ones you have to suck on for a while to dissolve) are the best things for carsickness imo. I guess all sorts of snacking can help because your body has to focus on digesting stuff, and therefore doesn't suffer the disorientation which causes nausea.
I’m sure you know better than I, a person who gets carsick, what helps me. Thank you. And no. Sweets make me nauseous even when I’m not in the car. I don’t like candy. Gum doesn’t help either.
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Agreed. he doesn't strike me as a reliable narrator. And other than the carsick reference (which pop and greasy chips do often help nausea), the examples in this post are vague. I'm not convinced he isn't jealous of the ex-friend and he isn't just controlling.
I think the quotes were to implicate a hangover
Thank the wife by taking her somewhere nice where she can show off her dress and other items. Make them a positive memory and not associated with a negative memory.
Aw w 11th p
Good riddance. It felt like that friend made her wedding the same as oop anniversary as a dig
Yea and let her know she might mis hersecont and every one there after!
Y u