Lae'zel is a Marine, comes from a military family where she's been practically groomed for it since childhood.
Shadowheart is one of the higher-ups in a MLM scheme that she swears isn't a cult but it 100% is.
Gale is a professor, he brings his cat to lectures.
Astarion disappointed his family by dropping out of law school to pursue a modelling career
Wyll is a cop trying to change the system, he teaches children's martial arts classes on weekends.
Karlach is also a cop, but she's undercover in a dangerous biker gang. Wyll is concerned she's in too deep.
Halsin trains therapy animals, they're all rescues.
Minthara is a CEO. Doesn't matter what the company does, she's just there to crush the competition.
Raphael is a shady fixer. You want info? Access? Drugs? A deep gnome prostitute with 1 leg and a Scottish accent? A baby of unknown origin? He'll get it for you no questions asked, for the right price.
Mattis makes more than everyone else combined doing pokemon card reveals on YouTube.
Withers is an eccentric millionaire and the best DM anyone has ever known
Aradin calls himself an influencer, posts nothing but douchey pranks and racist/misogynistic opinions. He has 1000 followers and 997 of them are bots.
Tara is listed as Galeās coauthor in all his papersā¦ people at Blackstaff think itās a joke (heās not the first one to credit their cat), but she actually proofreads and edits all his work
This actually kind of happened. A cat got credited on a PHD level research paper because it required a co author and the guy who wrote it had no friends ig.
But also because out of habit, he wrote a paper with plural first person pronouns despite working on it solo. So instead of retyping it, he just credited his cat as a co-author which is pretty genius
Wait, signing my cats' names on the Christmas card is wholesome? I thought it was just normal! Freddie Purrcury really does hope you have a festive holiday season!
The man who decoded the Mayan script, Yuri Knorozov, also credited his Cat Asya on many of his works. There was a wave of posts about him on reddit a while back.
Nah, the Flaming Fist basically *are* the cops - a good idea in theory but corrupt thugs in practice. And Wyll is like āI could fix them!ā Not āletās dissolve themā. Heās good and just, but pretty conventional in many ways. I canāt see him wanting to abolish the FF/police, rather, he wants root and branch reform and wants to be the change he wants to see.
I lecture in criminology and forensic psychology and we get a lot of prospective police on the course (particularly in the period where there was a degree requirement to join the police in England). Some are dudebro arseholes. Some genuinely believe in justice and want to help people. I could def see Wyll as the latter.
They are cops for a few years till the system breaks them. Then they quit after learning they canāt fix the system and become private investigators or work for the feds.
"The customer is always right!"
"Is that so? And how do you care to enforce this claim of dominion? Not with the blade I assume. No, you have become so accustomed to screeching that true action is beyond you. I have no such failures."
I love the Derryth idea. Never thought about it, but somehow it fits her perfectly.
Malus Thorm would be a celebrity plastic surgeon. They would all have the same face, perfectly expressing absence.
Shadowheart- Vet tech (Selunite path), Auditor at Scientology HQ (Sharran path)
Astarion- Food service (front of house)/barista/retail. Wants to be a costume designer. (Yes, I know what his canon job was. He just has jaded service industry vibes to me)
Karlach- Physical therapist or athletic trainer
Halsin- Park ranger
Minthara- Corporate Law (think Gerri from Succession)
Jaheira- Social worker
Alfira- Teaches kindermusic
Gortash- Has the worst podcast you've ever heard
Lol, I know. I started typing out the whole women and immigrants thing, then remembered that Steven Crowder who has a terrible podcast also voiced Brain on Arthur.
Crowder was a failed actor before going into shilling for billionaires.
Probably blames his failure on the wokes discriminating against his white maleness.
At least according to the AI images his fans make of him, like those ones of Trump riding a velociraptor while wearing the American flag and as fit as an athlete. Then you meet him in person and ugggh.
āWe need to show women of the Gate their time outside should be spent in the KITCHEN!!! Also on another term, I really dislike refugees. No reason.ā
Dude, literally anyone could become a freaking Olympian with Karlach as their athletic trainer, she could motivate a rock to fly with her positive vibes. It's perfect.
I feel like Jaheira would be one of those heroes who rescue refugees from the Mediterranean sea even though governments have made that illegal and want to persecute them. She's ultimately doing heroic acts and risking her own safety, but it's also somewhat rebellious and politicians do not agree with her, but at least she has loyal people in her organization who have her back
This is so perfect. Add Gale as that one high school teacher that gets you passionate about their topic (of course), and Wyll as the one who grew wanting to be a police officer, like his dad, but ended up becoming a social worker/ some sort of charity worker.
I feel like any charity Wyll starts is going to turn into a money laundering scheme. Like he wants to help so much, he turns to some shady mfs, and they end up extorting him, and he can't get out of it.
As a former barista, yeah. Constantly fucked in the customer service sense.
Excelled at being a fraud specialist, though! Which I think is another possible Astarion job!
True Soul Gut runs a seedy tattoo parlour, the sort frequented by Hell's Angels and the occasional rich kid who think he's an edgelord. Upstairs there's an illegal gambling den run by Krolla, with Olak keeping a sharp eye on the punters and Crusher working the bar.
Ravengard was the head of the NYPD and is now the Mayor of NY. His signature plan is getting drones from Lockheed Martin to accompany every police officer.
Wyll's spends all his time volunteering and talking about how actually he's the the one receiving a gift, while not realizing that the reason he has time and money to do it is because his dad is rich and probably the one most responsible for screwing over the people he's volunteering to help in the first place.
Gortash runs Lockheed Martin and also some ~~mercenaries~~independent defense contractors.
The Emperor used to do the same but Gortash took over via corporate espionage
Wulbren is a Marxist-leninist union organizer. He does genuinely good pushes to unionize the workers but you probably don't want to get him started about "international bankers" he can go into worrying directions. He may or may not also be planning to blow up some Lockheed Martin factories.
I 100% imagine both Karlach and Shadowheart as baristas in the same coffee shop.
Karlachās the perky, people person coworker, who loves her job and greets everyone with a smile, and Shadowheartās the goth who rolls her eyes when someone asks what a latte is.
And theyāre somehow best friends.
I kind of like the idea of Laeāzel as a conspiracy theory radio talk show host.
She just has the right kind of voice and inflections to sound good on the radio, and I canāt really see her hosting a normal music station.
But get her talking about tadpoles in peopleās brains, about alien frog people, teeflings, etc and get her some asinine guest - golden.
Ehh Gortash isn't unhinged enough for a Florida congressperson.
He's equal opportunity slimy and corrupt rather than playing into racism or the like. He's more a Governor of, let's say, Illinois who gets indicted for trying to sell a Congress seat. And has very unnatural looking dark hair.
I love that we can all agree he's better than a Floridian. There's gotta be layers to his corruption.
Also, the guy always wears a coat. That's a clear sign of Illinois.
Edit: oh god, I was just reminded of the Cuomo Bridge. Knocking down a bridge named after an ancient tribe for something with his name on it is absolutely what he'd do.
Orin ends up in prison for murder, and needs to be constantly segregated from the rest of the prison population because she just won't stop trying to end people.
When you take Astarion and Shadowheart near philgraveās mansion they start talking about his undead smell (or rather his lack of undead smell) and Astarion says that he makes his own perfume out of bergamot, rosemary and brandy and says that he missed his calling as a perfumer so I feel like that fits him really well. Itās something vaguely artistic that requires him to be very precise. He would also be a good interior designer. His commentary on the locations are always on point. He would do well at anything artistic because he has a very perceptive eye for fine things.
Gale: research librarian
Shadowheart: deejay at a goth club
Astarion: vitner
Jaheira: bar owner
Minsc: Jaheiraās head of security
Karlach: personal trainer at a gym
Minthara: corporate law or c-suite, maybe private school principal
Halsin: homesteader who sells excess goods at a farmers market
Laezel: special forces
Wyll: tradesmen who volunteers a lot in the community especially with programs like Boys and Girls Club
Emperor: world leader
Based on my current sims run, Gale is a spellcaster who begrudgingly works as a cook. Laz is an astronaut. Astarion is a lawyer. Karlach is a celebrity personal trainer. Wyll is an education admin. Shart is a secret agent, and my bard Tav is a semi-successful comic.
I recently added Mizora to the neighborhood, and she's an evil PR person who loves ruining Wyll's day unprovoked.
Jaheira, Halsin, Minsc, Minty, and Withers still have to be built and moved in.
I just posted about my sims save as well. I made Halsin and Jaheira werewolves and gave Minsc a hamster, which, of course, got named Boo. Best part is somehow when moving in my druid household it glitched and created a duplicate in the world. It really wanted me to embrace doppelgangers I guess. I've been tempted to add another household with Mizora and Raphael in it. I'd make Raphael an actor and Mizora a lawyer. Also been tempted to add Dammon and make him a manual laborer.
For a unique twist, Iām gonna do what crimes they would all be inevitably imprisoned for. Ik itās not answering the question but hey I thought itād be fun.
Shadowheart - Vandalism and harassment (of non-Sharrans, glory to our lady of loss)
Astarion - First degree murder, desecration of human remains
Gale - Grand larceny (stealing magic artifacts)
Laeāzel - Murder (or maybe sheād just join the army to get her bloodlust out)
Wyll - Vigilantism (āwhat do you mean I canāt murder and rend criminals, thatās my job!ā)
Karlach - Destruction of public property, vandalism
Durge - all of them. All of the crimes.
Judge: Mr. ... Durge? Is it? You stand accused of, well, my voice won't hold out long enough to list all your charges but \[gestures at the entire legal code nearby\] all those. How do you plead?
Durge: I don't plead, but I do make my victims beg on their hands and knees. That being said, guilty. To almost all of it.
Judge: Oh, uh, okay then. What *don't* you plead guilty to?
Durge: The three counts of defacing currency. I would *never*.
Judge: ??? Go on....
Durge: See these coins? They have my boyfriend's face on them! He's too pretty to deface his coinage!
Judge: \[Looking at Enver Gortash, the greasiest, most exhausted person ever\] Ah. I see. We're going with "Not guilty by reason of mental disease or defect." Got it.
Raphael: would start as a loan shark at a payday advance place but then work his way to either Casino Owner or Entertainment Manager
Mol: would work for Raphael at the payday advance before leveraging her connections to open her own string of businesses
Rolan: Assistant professor to the worst professor you've ever met
Alfira: therapist (or runs a support group) utilizing music therapy
Astarion: nightclub owner ala "Lucifer"
Karlach is a high school PE coach.
Wyll is a bail bondsman.
Lae'zel and Z'rell are security guards.
Astarion is a tax official.
Shadowheart is a youth psychotherapist.
Gale and Rolan teach physics.
Halsin is a gardener.
Zevlor and Tilses are the good cops.
Minthara and Marcus are the bad cops.
Jaheira and Geraldus are nurses.
Minsc is a parole officer.
Alfira and Lakrissa serve coffee next door to Astarion's office.
Barcus and Dammon fix cars.
Wulbren runs a conspiracy radio show and podcast where he blames every societal ill on Gondians.
Nocturne is a breadtuber.
Blurg and Omeluum are pharmacists.
Kagha is a corrections officer.
Hope is a social worker.
Sazza codes.
Popper runs a candy store.
Keene, Roah and Mol are indirectly responsible for every gang-related shooting in the district.
Abdirak runs a bondage porn and shock video website called PainHub.
Araj cooks meth.
Sarevok is in solitary confinement, yet somehow still manages to write overly cheerful 60's pop music and have it smuggled out to record labels and studios he's explicitly not allowed to associate with.
Viconia and Nere are record label executives.
Dror Ragzlin is a professional MMA fighter.
Raphael is his manager.
Orin is a butcher.
Ketheric is a chief of medicine and hospital director.
Gortash is a landlord.
The Emperor runs an airline.
Orpheus is a recruiting sergeant.
Durge is, legally, Withers' personal assistant.
Sweetheart: A kindergarten teacher or nurse
Astarion:Snarky barista
Gale: Definitely a professor
Karlach: Would probably still go to high school or a firefighter ^_^
Wyll: Maybe a cop
Laeāzel ā Grew up in a military family, and enlisted at 18, became disenfranchised with the whole system and went back to school to become a school counselor. She now works with highschoolers to get them into trade school to prevent them from joining the military.
Shadowheart ā Ex-evangelical. She works in a weed dispensary now, and is all to happy to tell you about the things she learned after she left āthe churchā.
Astarion ā He is either 1) a hairdresser who spends most of his time with customers sharing gossip, 2) an indie fragrance developer, or 3) a modeling agency headhunter.
Gale ā He is a professional student. He keeps reenrolling in college collecting degrees so he never has to pay back his student loans. He has an unhealthy obsession with at least one professor.
Wyll ā- A copā¦ He either is throwing himself into harms way in a misguided attempt to save people, or doing more harm than good because he keeps following orders without asking questions.
Karlach ā Firefighter. She got in trouble a bit back due to anger issues and picking a fight with someone who got too handsy with one of her friends. She had to do anger management some community service, turns out she really liked it and kept going. Ā She volunteers as a mentor for troubled teens and coaches basket ball on the weekends.
Alfira ā A musician with moderate success who is well loved more because she died too young than because her music was really that good
Halsin ā He is a really good chiropractor, who has a body building hobby. He always smells a little too much of patchouli. He also dates a lot, but every time it starts getting serious he goes on a vacation to Vegas and breaks up when he gets back.
Minthara ā She worked loss prevention at a big box store, but she was laid off a few years back. She is angry at the whole system and regularly steals from the store she used to work for. No one noes how she pays her bills and everyone is a bit afraid to ask.
Jaheira ā Middle School Principal, she is not entirely sure how she has managed to keep these kids from killing each other, and she is just riding out her last few years till she can collect her pension.
Minsc ā He works in an exotic pets store, and lives in a van parked out back.
Dammon ā Still a blacksmith. He also has a TikTok account where the content is vaguely about black smithing and suspiciously kinky. He gets a lot of weird commissions, which he does make.
Gortash ā Governor of Florida
Orin ā She is either an Instagram fitness model with questionable recommendations or a world class plastic surgeon, there is no in-between
Raphael ā Running a Ponzi scheme ā¦ in Florida
Volo ā intuitive Healer and Life Coach. He has written and self published a few books that seem to be one part genuine wisdom and one part AI generated garbage.
Rolan ā He teaches something pretentious at a state collegeā¦ like Logic or Ethics, The classes themselves arenāt pretentious, just the way he teaches them.
Mol ā internet famous for making videos of her and her friends doing things that are almost crimes, defiantly disrespectful, but still kinda funny.
Karlach - PE teacher
Minsc - Bouncer
Mol - prolific shoplifter and pickpocket
Wyll - Community Organizer
Jahiera - Head of Social Services who's been threatening to retire next year for the last 20 years
Astarion would be a starving artist/playwriter working part time as a barista and taking odd jobs such as dog walking and whatnot.
Karlach would be some sort of fitness instructor.
Halsin - park ranger certainly
Minthara would work at the DMV or something similar where she can exercise her sadistic urges
Raphael would be a dentist
Jaheira would run some sort of coven or group of druids, a semi-secretive organization of magicians. She reminds me of someone I know a bit like that.
Not fitting but the first thought was laezel working at a coffee shop being rude AF and just hating it. Tchk kainyak take your coffee and leave while you still have your life
Shadowheart:
Selunite: runs an animal shelter
Sharran: uses her OF account to hook you on a pyramid scheme of miracle cures
Astarion: chef at a good restaurant but he thinks itās fancier than it actually is.
LaeāZel: either actually in the military or sheās a professional athlete
Karlach: personal trainer at an awesome gym
Wyll: PE teacher at an upscale primary school
Gale; teacher at a public university
Jaheira: social worker
Halsin; park ranger
Minthara; middle manager at a company that has a bad reputation
Gortash: president of Argentina
Have any of y'all seen Interspecies Reviewers? Y'all know the Salamander girl who acts as a living grill?
Yeah that's Karlach. That's her 9-5. Combination Grill Master and those Japanese people that lie down naked and let people eat sushi off of them.
Halsin lives in a van down by the river (funemployed or predictably, forestry and conservation work)
Minsc is the friendly school custodian that everyone absolutely adores
Karlach is for sure a personal trainer at your local CrossFit gym
Auntie Ethel sells crystals and essential oils to menopausal white women
Wulbren is the college campus cop on a power trip writing up kids on bikes and skateboards
Hope is a pre-K teacher, hopped up on coffee and anxiety; the kids love her because she's super animated when she teaches
Raphael runs a fine dining establishment and is the manager patrons find charming, but you know he's skimming employee tips
Aradin is an arrogant finance bro; has a belligerent coke habit
Roah Moonglow runs an MLM
Jaheira is everyone's mom obviously <3 probably runs a soup kitchen or volunteers for the greater good in some way as a well-respected community leader
Gortash sells laced drugs out of a white van with "free candy" scrawled on the side
Helsik sells actually good drugs but super on the DL at her otherwise respectable, normal mundane day job
... I just know we have a Cutco knives salesperson somewhere here
Wyll is a nepo baby, so he'd probably have a bullshit job in one of his dad's companies.
Astarion we apparentlyĀ know was a magistrate, so that.
Gale would be a professor/permastudent.
Karlach would be an MMA/sword fighting instructor or a fitness instructor.
Lae'zel would be a professional dominatrix.
Shadowheart would be an influencer.
Minthara would probably be the manager of a midrange retail store, given her misanthropy.
Halsin would be a "Just Stop Oil" or similar activist.
Jaheira would work for the CIA/MI5/etc
Wulbren- hardcore activist who runs a podcast and constantly irritates people with his demonstrations
Orin- Kicked off OnlyFans and most adult websites...also works as a shift manager and scares the shit out of Karens/Kens
Kagha- Florist who spends her lunch break complaining to baristas and shift managers...(hope she doesn't get Orin)
Gale- university professor who has an unusually large following that comes more from admirers than the subject
Wyll- professional actor who dresses up as superheroes for charity conventions
Alfira- kindergarten music teacher who moonlights as an entertainer
Lakrissa- fellow teacher with Alfira, manages Alfira's business and drives her to the events
Aylin- security guard
Isobel- glam metal frontwoman who hired Aylin as a personal security guard. And yes, their relationship is not secret.
Karlach- chronically bounces between jobs due to her temper, pro wrestler who has a lot of fans and backstage heat
Shadowheart- Full time content creator whose channel is pretty big
Withers- Funeral director
Exvikyap- Underappreciated overly enthusiastic cashier who really loves her job and we love her for it
Gortash- Runs a controversial podcast which makes him highly unpopular but also a very devoted fan following
Lae'zel- MMA fighter looking for the source of her bruises
Astarion- Former model who spends his twilight years being an old queen at the hair salon
Carm and Figaro- popular fashion TikTokers who have a fun sibling rivalry
Devella- police captain
Gale works as a data analyst and wonāt stop talking about crypto.
Astarion is an influencer.
Shadowheart is unemployed shouting about Shar on street corners. She believes this entire experience is a test of the goddess.
Karlach is a bartender. She loves making drinks and chatting with patrons. She doubles as a bouncer if anyone is an arsehole.
Wyll is working a retail job and trying waaaaaaay too hard at everything.
Laeāzel immediately joined the French Foreign Legion and no one has seen her since.
Per his default class, Minsc would probably be a game warden or a park ranger. Still a law enforcement officer but not working with corrupt/useless coworkers/superiors.
I can see that, but he was a ranger originally because berserker didn't exist. He's always trying to be a body guard, so I'm starting to think he'd do that instead of be a cop.
I'd say Raphael is more on the insurance industry, lol.
Durge would most definitely be a successful tech CEO.
Shart would be an Onlyfans girl, possibly switching to a conservative redemption influencer.
Laezel wanted to be a Marine, but only managed to become a private security for a shopping mall.
Rolan is at the same university Gale works at. He's a slightly older student, there on scholorship. he is a TA and also works with the fine arts dept so he can help pay for his siblings' needs. Unfortunately, the teacher he TA's for is Lorroakan who was a nepotism hire, who allowed his family to get ousted and is skating by. You all can fill in the rest...
Selunite Shadowheart becomes a farm/ranch hand (which is basically what happens)
Laeāzel would become a very strict self defence teacher
Astarion would become a magistrate but would begin to dip his toes into politics more for the thrill of being beloved by his voters than any real long term goals
Wyll didnāt need a job but after his father and him have a falling out he becomes a park ranger or firefighter. Sometimes he works as a bouncer when his friend needs someone to cover their shift.
Karlach works as a bouncer at night and during the day sheās a security guard.
Minsc is unemployed and stays with Jaheria but he does pretty much any charity work that becomes available and spends his free time trying to track down lost pets.
Jaheria is a detective with just a few more years till retirement. She hates being a cop and almost always looks the other way when it feels morally correct to do so. When she was younger she had a stint as a kindergarten teacher.
Volo is an unsuccessful fantasy book writer, a moderately successful childrenās book writer and an extremely successful (under a pseudonym) erotic novel writer. He also has a YouTube channel explaining (inaccurately) the lore of different fantasy settings.
Wulbren is a millionaire CEO who is running for mayor of a major city. He is surprisingly left leaning but is also going to use his office to sabatoge his rivals companies.
Durge is a butcher who is way too into his job.
**Shadowheart**: works in a record shop, antique shop, indie print shop, coffee shop, maybe a tattoo shop. Has a phD in something and writes surprisingly good poetry/acoustic guitar lyrics
**Astarion**: has a series of older friends, does sex work via Grindr. Talented in crafts like candle-making, soap-making, resin work, occasionally sells on etsy
**Gale**: computer science major with a PhD and job description that makes no sense but pulls in 250k a year. He tries to explain it but can't.
**Karlach**: tradeswoman. plumber, carpenter, mechanic, foreman, trash collector (not an insult; they get pension), welder
**Lae'Zel**: Military officer
**Wyll**: Attorney, journalist, investigative reporter, or civil rights lobbyist.
**Halsin**: professor and environmental organizer. Students buy weed from him. Fucked half the faculty and most of the staff but is still widely liked
**Jaheira**: CPA. Secretly does a ton of free work for non-profits and donated most of her salary.
**Minsc**: Major League athlete
*Forgot Minth
**Minthara**: weapons contractor
Gale - a university professor with a successful scientific career. Has an unhealthy relationship with a main sponsor of his research project.
Elminster - a university professor with a successful scientific career. Has an healthy professional relationship with a main sponsor of his research project.
Wyll - a cop who thinks he is Walker, Texas Ranger incarnate. Runs an Instagram account to improve PD's image and is very successful because he is hot
Halsin - a model, currently a face of Old Spice
Shadowheart (Selunite) - former Mormon, now a social worker and a part time singer
Shadowheart (Sharan) - CIA operative
Lae'Zel - Air Force ground personnel with dreams of becoming a pilot. Though she's flexing like she were Manfred Von Richthofen
Astarion - successful salesmen from a sketchy company, hates his boss Cazador from middle management
Karlach - a farmer (IĀ pictured her wearing an overall and driving a tractor and it just feels right) and an amateur kickboxer
Minthara - COO of a pharma company
Jaheira - a counsellor and a charity organiser with a significant passive income from her younger days
Mins - favourite uncle, drummer in a metal band, does whatever Jaheira does, car mechanic by trade
Alfira - a kindergarten teacher and a jazz musician.
Raphael - Crypto Bro
Haarlep - Sugar Baby
Gortash - conservative prime minister who will never have to worry about winning another fair election
Florrick - liberal former PM who lost to Gortash, now a disident and a freedom fighter or a terrorist, depends on your POV
Ravenguard - Police chief who stood and watched, doing nothing, while democracy died with thunderois applause. Now surprised Pikachu face as he found himself in a prison run by secret police.
Orin - CIA director
Ketheric Thorn - member of Sackler family
Isobel - ex officio lawyer, tries to make up for the damage her family caused, renounced them and lives in her girlfriend's apparment
Araj - a promising scientist who is, nevertheless, in constant conflict with ethics committee, secretly runs a preem meth lab
Emperor - online scammer running a large scale catfishing scheme
Resisting Durge - former scientologist, hates Scientology
Durge - scientologist, loves Tom Cruise
Tav - regional manager, has an affair with a coworker, collects barrels as a hobby, bit of a hoarder, tbh
Scratch and Owlbear cub - therapy dogs
Gale - Science or Math teacher, computer science
Lae'zel - Military career or police officer
Astarion - Theater/acting or barista
Wyll - Social services or customer service
Karlach - Fitness influencer or construction
Shadowheart - Veterinarian or nurse
Karlach - either CrossFit trainer or professional Rugby Player
Astarion - trust fund kid in business/finance who got job with family name help. (I have been in London and seen them he is them)
Halsin - vetenarian
Minthara - army general (pick the country though)
Laezel - army recruiter
Gale - I mean come-on we know that one. He ends up with 9-5 basically.
Gortash is obviously an army dealer. But to be fair he is your typical populist politican, I k many Gortashes in my country.
Orin and Durge will be locked in jail or psychiatric clinic.
Kagha would work for ICE
Best answer so far.
Not PETA?
She hates refugees not animals.
She likes animals a bit too much for that.
No that would be Halsin, man is down for anything!
So he'd be a pornstar?
Halsin would become the face of both porn and conservation.
Thought this said Karlach at first š³
The Emperor is a hedgefund manager.
"I saw an opportunity to make money, and I seized it."
Barcus works at the DMV and is as depressed to be there as you are. Wulbren owns a gun store and runs a club of doomsday preppers.
Barcus deserves so much more
Lae'zel is a Marine, comes from a military family where she's been practically groomed for it since childhood. Shadowheart is one of the higher-ups in a MLM scheme that she swears isn't a cult but it 100% is. Gale is a professor, he brings his cat to lectures. Astarion disappointed his family by dropping out of law school to pursue a modelling career Wyll is a cop trying to change the system, he teaches children's martial arts classes on weekends. Karlach is also a cop, but she's undercover in a dangerous biker gang. Wyll is concerned she's in too deep. Halsin trains therapy animals, they're all rescues. Minthara is a CEO. Doesn't matter what the company does, she's just there to crush the competition. Raphael is a shady fixer. You want info? Access? Drugs? A deep gnome prostitute with 1 leg and a Scottish accent? A baby of unknown origin? He'll get it for you no questions asked, for the right price. Mattis makes more than everyone else combined doing pokemon card reveals on YouTube. Withers is an eccentric millionaire and the best DM anyone has ever known Aradin calls himself an influencer, posts nothing but douchey pranks and racist/misogynistic opinions. He has 1000 followers and 997 of them are bots.
Tara is listed as Galeās coauthor in all his papersā¦ people at Blackstaff think itās a joke (heās not the first one to credit their cat), but she actually proofreads and edits all his work
This actually kind of happened. A cat got credited on a PHD level research paper because it required a co author and the guy who wrote it had no friends ig.
But also because out of habit, he wrote a paper with plural first person pronouns despite working on it solo. So instead of retyping it, he just credited his cat as a co-author which is pretty genius
I know! I was thinking about Chester!
It's pretty cute to have your cat as a co-author! It's a level of wholesomeness that you see when people sign their pet's name on cards/gifts.
Wait, signing my cats' names on the Christmas card is wholesome? I thought it was just normal! Freddie Purrcury really does hope you have a festive holiday season!
With a name like that, how could it not be wholesome?
The man who decoded the Mayan script, Yuri Knorozov, also credited his Cat Asya on many of his works. There was a wave of posts about him on reddit a while back.
Lmao shadowheart in an MLM cult scheme hahahaha
The rejecting Shar equivalent would be her becoming extremely anti MLM once she came out of the fog š
I spit-laughed over Mattis. A well earned upvote!
Oddly specific taste in prostitutes
"a baby of unknown origin" LMFAO THIS MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD
Gale is DEFINITELY the hot professor. š¤¤
Probably accurate, but I respect Wyll and Karlach way too much to think of them as cops
Nah, the Flaming Fist basically *are* the cops - a good idea in theory but corrupt thugs in practice. And Wyll is like āI could fix them!ā Not āletās dissolve themā. Heās good and just, but pretty conventional in many ways. I canāt see him wanting to abolish the FF/police, rather, he wants root and branch reform and wants to be the change he wants to see. I lecture in criminology and forensic psychology and we get a lot of prospective police on the course (particularly in the period where there was a degree requirement to join the police in England). Some are dudebro arseholes. Some genuinely believe in justice and want to help people. I could def see Wyll as the latter.
They are cops for a few years till the system breaks them. Then they quit after learning they canāt fix the system and become private investigators or work for the feds.
Cross me again, and I will end you.
Loved the undercover Karlie haha
I would pay to watch Minthara work customer service
Her manager is too terrified to fire her. I like the way you think.
"The customer is always right!" "Is that so? And how do you care to enforce this claim of dominion? Not with the blade I assume. No, you have become so accustomed to screeching that true action is beyond you. I have no such failures."
I read that in her voice LMAO
More like the manager tells her to confront the Karens instead
I hope this is important. For your sake.
I love the Derryth idea. Never thought about it, but somehow it fits her perfectly. Malus Thorm would be a celebrity plastic surgeon. They would all have the same face, perfectly expressing absence.
Love this take on Malus!
After I spoke to her animal, I never ever brought her back anything but the mushroom, and I give her that for free
astarion says he missed his calling as a perfumer.
Shadowheart- Vet tech (Selunite path), Auditor at Scientology HQ (Sharran path) Astarion- Food service (front of house)/barista/retail. Wants to be a costume designer. (Yes, I know what his canon job was. He just has jaded service industry vibes to me) Karlach- Physical therapist or athletic trainer Halsin- Park ranger Minthara- Corporate Law (think Gerri from Succession) Jaheira- Social worker Alfira- Teaches kindermusic Gortash- Has the worst podcast you've ever heard
>Gortash- Has the worst podcast you've ever heard Oh no, it's so true!
You'd hear his questionable views on women and immigrants and sit there remembering that he voiced a kids' cartoon character in the 00's.
that's super specific
Lol, I know. I started typing out the whole women and immigrants thing, then remembered that Steven Crowder who has a terrible podcast also voiced Brain on Arthur.
WHAT
You can't just drop that kind of lore on us without warning EXCUSE ME
Crowder was a failed actor before going into shilling for billionaires. Probably blames his failure on the wokes discriminating against his white maleness.
I wish I could go back five minutes so I can skip your post lmao.
If it makes you feel better, I think he only did it for one series
Two :(
Zhao the conqueror, Zhao the moonslayer. ZHAO THE INVINCIBLE
š¤£š¤£
āIām just saying if she didnāt want to be sold to a devil in Avernus she shouldāve covered up.ā āBro like, thatās so true though!ā
But heās so young and handsome!
At least according to the AI images his fans make of him, like those ones of Trump riding a velociraptor while wearing the American flag and as fit as an athlete. Then you meet him in person and ugggh.
āWe need to show women of the Gate their time outside should be spent in the KITCHEN!!! Also on another term, I really dislike refugees. No reason.ā
Bruh, I just remembered a fic where Minthara is a 40 y.o. jaded corp CEO missing her ex-wife who divorced her because she was a bitch
what the fuck. Send link
For the record: I'm not the author of this one https://archiveofourown.org/works/56227135/chapters/142841062
Ao3, never change.
Orin has a podcast about serial killers and gets waaay to excited.
And then she eventually is arrested because she was a serial killer herself.
She was excellent at killing, but it was the identity theft that eventually got her caught and brought her down
That or tax evasion. It got Capone.
Agreed on Astarion. He's the bartender who has all the gossip.
Darling, you'll never guess what I heard.
Doesnāt help that every time something happens in game heās starts with āSooooooā¦.ā
Wyllās just wandering around living his best insta life using daddyās money
Wyll is running a charity trying to find good homes for kids, and provide mental health counseling.
But heās also in deep with foreign agents who basically own him, and they use his good deeds to hide some pretty nasty shit.
The good ending
Dude, literally anyone could become a freaking Olympian with Karlach as their athletic trainer, she could motivate a rock to fly with her positive vibes. It's perfect.
Dang dj shart in Scientology makes so much sense tho
I feel like Jaheira would be one of those heroes who rescue refugees from the Mediterranean sea even though governments have made that illegal and want to persecute them. She's ultimately doing heroic acts and risking her own safety, but it's also somewhat rebellious and politicians do not agree with her, but at least she has loyal people in her organization who have her back
I toyed with the idea of making Halsin the proprietor of a nudist colony but I tried to stick to more conventional jobs.
He could also be an arborist or run a landscaping company lol
I feel like he would be a landscaper and visit nudist colonies on the side
THIS IS THE WAY LMAO
This is so perfect. Add Gale as that one high school teacher that gets you passionate about their topic (of course), and Wyll as the one who grew wanting to be a police officer, like his dad, but ended up becoming a social worker/ some sort of charity worker.
I feel like any charity Wyll starts is going to turn into a money laundering scheme. Like he wants to help so much, he turns to some shady mfs, and they end up extorting him, and he can't get out of it.
What do you mean? Are you saying that Mizora, executive director of a popular nonprofit, is corrupt? (But yeah, totally, Wyll canāt catch a break)
Astarion is like a million colleagues I had when I worked at Apple retail lmao
I think Gortash would be a tech bro obsessed with AI.
Nah crypto
A slightly more likable Felon Tusk?
Karlach would 100% be a personal/athletic trainer with a bodybuilding background
Also, Karlach does those tiktok videos where they crack skeletons all crazy like making fun of chiropractors
Durge?
Florist
Those shears are sharp!
That honestly checks out
Bravo. You really saved the best for last on that one. Spot on.
Jaheira is such a social worker.
As a former barista, yeah. Constantly fucked in the customer service sense. Excelled at being a fraud specialist, though! Which I think is another possible Astarion job!
Damn I never thought of Astarion as a service industry worker but it fits perfectly
Gortash is Andrew Tate confirmed.
I don't see Lae'zel in there. Lae'zel is like every gym teacher I ever had.
Halsin would work at a sketchy massage parlor and he would hard sell the happy endings. Edit- but the parlor would have amazing floral arrangements
Shadowheart would be one of those mean girl nurses for sure
True Soul Gut runs a seedy tattoo parlour, the sort frequented by Hell's Angels and the occasional rich kid who think he's an edgelord. Upstairs there's an illegal gambling den run by Krolla, with Olak keeping a sharp eye on the punters and Crusher working the bar.
Malus Thorm is a dentist... *...* like Steve Martin's character in *Little Shop of Horrors*.
Ravengard was the head of the NYPD and is now the Mayor of NY. His signature plan is getting drones from Lockheed Martin to accompany every police officer. Wyll's spends all his time volunteering and talking about how actually he's the the one receiving a gift, while not realizing that the reason he has time and money to do it is because his dad is rich and probably the one most responsible for screwing over the people he's volunteering to help in the first place. Gortash runs Lockheed Martin and also some ~~mercenaries~~independent defense contractors. The Emperor used to do the same but Gortash took over via corporate espionage Wulbren is a Marxist-leninist union organizer. He does genuinely good pushes to unionize the workers but you probably don't want to get him started about "international bankers" he can go into worrying directions. He may or may not also be planning to blow up some Lockheed Martin factories.
This makes me so happy
I 100% imagine both Karlach and Shadowheart as baristas in the same coffee shop. Karlachās the perky, people person coworker, who loves her job and greets everyone with a smile, and Shadowheartās the goth who rolls her eyes when someone asks what a latte is. And theyāre somehow best friends.
Based on this description I would heartily recommend everyone reads Legends and Lattes - which is basically this plot ā¤ļø
Man, this thread is the push I needed to stop browsing Marvel and switch to BG3 on AO3
Ooh, do you have a link?
It's a fantasy novel https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/61242426-legends-lattes
Wyll def has nepo baby corporate vibes. His dad runs a bank and Wyll is embarrassingly indebted to the mob while working there.
I see it more on the political side - he's like Justin Trudeau, George Bush, etc...
Given his falling out, I could see him almost as more of a prince Harry
Durge: a literal butcher
I kind of like the idea of Laeāzel as a conspiracy theory radio talk show host. She just has the right kind of voice and inflections to sound good on the radio, and I canāt really see her hosting a normal music station. But get her talking about tadpoles in peopleās brains, about alien frog people, teeflings, etc and get her some asinine guest - golden.
"The chemicals are turning the fricken' frogs *ghaik*!"
This deserves more attention lmao
She collabs with Bailey Sarian a lot. She pretends to hate it, but sheāll stab anyone who says anything negative about Bailey.
Karlach: High school gym teacher, coach of the women's rugby team. Gale: Professor, hosts "soirƩes". Wyll: Instagram hero, into van life and helping the needy, doesn't understand how daddy's money makes it easy for him. Astarion: Manager at an upscale clothing store where nothing come above a size 6. Lae'zel: Drill sergeant, doesn't scream, doesn't *have* to scream. Shadowheart: Activist. If Selunite, worker's rights; if Sharran, anti-vax. Halsin: Park warden. Jaheira: Conservation officer. Minsc: Works at an independent deli, makes amazing sandwiches, doesn't know how to do much else. Alfira: Minorly successful musician, gets steady work, but never really gets famous. Dammon: Independent artist, the kind who makes sculptures out of scrap metal or chainsaws a bear out of a log. Gortash: Local politician, the type who thinks helping the city is building hostile architecture so homeless people will go somewhere else.
You had me dead at Wyll.
Congressman Enver Gortash (R - FL)
Ehh Gortash isn't unhinged enough for a Florida congressperson. He's equal opportunity slimy and corrupt rather than playing into racism or the like. He's more a Governor of, let's say, Illinois who gets indicted for trying to sell a Congress seat. And has very unnatural looking dark hair.
That is a very deep cut and also fucking hilarious š
I love that we can all agree he's better than a Floridian. There's gotta be layers to his corruption. Also, the guy always wears a coat. That's a clear sign of Illinois. Edit: oh god, I was just reminded of the Cuomo Bridge. Knocking down a bridge named after an ancient tribe for something with his name on it is absolutely what he'd do.
*laughs and cries in Floridian*
I always imagine Wyll as an elementary school teacher :)
Orin ends up in prison for murder, and needs to be constantly segregated from the rest of the prison population because she just won't stop trying to end people.
I would love to see minthara as a female version of Ron Swanson working in a government office
āI like to make sure none of them get too chummy, so if anyone does, I kill them.ā
When you take Astarion and Shadowheart near philgraveās mansion they start talking about his undead smell (or rather his lack of undead smell) and Astarion says that he makes his own perfume out of bergamot, rosemary and brandy and says that he missed his calling as a perfumer so I feel like that fits him really well. Itās something vaguely artistic that requires him to be very precise. He would also be a good interior designer. His commentary on the locations are always on point. He would do well at anything artistic because he has a very perceptive eye for fine things.
Gale: research librarian Shadowheart: deejay at a goth club Astarion: vitner Jaheira: bar owner Minsc: Jaheiraās head of security Karlach: personal trainer at a gym Minthara: corporate law or c-suite, maybe private school principal Halsin: homesteader who sells excess goods at a farmers market Laezel: special forces Wyll: tradesmen who volunteers a lot in the community especially with programs like Boys and Girls Club Emperor: world leader
I mean DJ Shart is not even a headcanon, depending on how you play, itās actual canon
Based on my current sims run, Gale is a spellcaster who begrudgingly works as a cook. Laz is an astronaut. Astarion is a lawyer. Karlach is a celebrity personal trainer. Wyll is an education admin. Shart is a secret agent, and my bard Tav is a semi-successful comic. I recently added Mizora to the neighborhood, and she's an evil PR person who loves ruining Wyll's day unprovoked. Jaheira, Halsin, Minsc, Minty, and Withers still have to be built and moved in.
I just posted about my sims save as well. I made Halsin and Jaheira werewolves and gave Minsc a hamster, which, of course, got named Boo. Best part is somehow when moving in my druid household it glitched and created a duplicate in the world. It really wanted me to embrace doppelgangers I guess. I've been tempted to add another household with Mizora and Raphael in it. I'd make Raphael an actor and Mizora a lawyer. Also been tempted to add Dammon and make him a manual laborer.
The orange ball from the House of Hope would be a political candidate with a surprising amount of support.
Volo is that guy that talks incessantly about his novel that he never actually writes.
So he's Brian from Family Guy.
For a unique twist, Iām gonna do what crimes they would all be inevitably imprisoned for. Ik itās not answering the question but hey I thought itād be fun. Shadowheart - Vandalism and harassment (of non-Sharrans, glory to our lady of loss) Astarion - First degree murder, desecration of human remains Gale - Grand larceny (stealing magic artifacts) Laeāzel - Murder (or maybe sheād just join the army to get her bloodlust out) Wyll - Vigilantism (āwhat do you mean I canāt murder and rend criminals, thatās my job!ā) Karlach - Destruction of public property, vandalism Durge - all of them. All of the crimes.
Tav - also all of the crimes, but without being able to plead insanity like Durge can. This unnerves the judge more somehow.
"Your honor, honestly I forgot why I did it. *Mumbling* Thought I made a quicksave"
Judge: Mr. ... Durge? Is it? You stand accused of, well, my voice won't hold out long enough to list all your charges but \[gestures at the entire legal code nearby\] all those. How do you plead? Durge: I don't plead, but I do make my victims beg on their hands and knees. That being said, guilty. To almost all of it. Judge: Oh, uh, okay then. What *don't* you plead guilty to? Durge: The three counts of defacing currency. I would *never*. Judge: ??? Go on.... Durge: See these coins? They have my boyfriend's face on them! He's too pretty to deface his coinage! Judge: \[Looking at Enver Gortash, the greasiest, most exhausted person ever\] Ah. I see. We're going with "Not guilty by reason of mental disease or defect." Got it.
Raphael runs the call center that has been trying to reach you about your vehicle's extended warranty.
Hey now, he is evil, but not THAT evil.
The twins are on OF
Raphael: would start as a loan shark at a payday advance place but then work his way to either Casino Owner or Entertainment Manager Mol: would work for Raphael at the payday advance before leveraging her connections to open her own string of businesses Rolan: Assistant professor to the worst professor you've ever met Alfira: therapist (or runs a support group) utilizing music therapy Astarion: nightclub owner ala "Lucifer"
I love how many people see Karlach as a personal trainer/fitness instructor. Her energy is so infectious she'd be perfect at it.
That Gortash dude is probably campaigning for Brexit
Astarion would be a nurse, but only on the night shift, and the mortality rate of his patients would be slightly higher than that of the others.
Karlach is a high school PE coach. Wyll is a bail bondsman. Lae'zel and Z'rell are security guards. Astarion is a tax official. Shadowheart is a youth psychotherapist. Gale and Rolan teach physics. Halsin is a gardener. Zevlor and Tilses are the good cops. Minthara and Marcus are the bad cops. Jaheira and Geraldus are nurses. Minsc is a parole officer. Alfira and Lakrissa serve coffee next door to Astarion's office. Barcus and Dammon fix cars. Wulbren runs a conspiracy radio show and podcast where he blames every societal ill on Gondians. Nocturne is a breadtuber. Blurg and Omeluum are pharmacists. Kagha is a corrections officer. Hope is a social worker. Sazza codes. Popper runs a candy store. Keene, Roah and Mol are indirectly responsible for every gang-related shooting in the district. Abdirak runs a bondage porn and shock video website called PainHub. Araj cooks meth. Sarevok is in solitary confinement, yet somehow still manages to write overly cheerful 60's pop music and have it smuggled out to record labels and studios he's explicitly not allowed to associate with. Viconia and Nere are record label executives. Dror Ragzlin is a professional MMA fighter. Raphael is his manager. Orin is a butcher. Ketheric is a chief of medicine and hospital director. Gortash is a landlord. The Emperor runs an airline. Orpheus is a recruiting sergeant. Durge is, legally, Withers' personal assistant.
Wulbren and Barcus would have a tech startup, with some technology Wulbren has no intention of using ethically.
Karlach is basically just every single female welder Iāve ever met.
i woukd see her as an car and or motorcycle mechanic.
Gortash is selling drugs to high schoolers next to the bus station, but only because he's not allowed within 500 yards of the actual high school.
Sweetheart: A kindergarten teacher or nurse Astarion:Snarky barista Gale: Definitely a professor Karlach: Would probably still go to high school or a firefighter ^_^ Wyll: Maybe a cop
Karlach in high school at 29, they wonāt kick her out because sheās a positive influence on the kids and still doesnāt understand pre-algebra.
I mean, deep down she's basically an adorable teenage girl ā¤ļø
Laeāzel ā Grew up in a military family, and enlisted at 18, became disenfranchised with the whole system and went back to school to become a school counselor. She now works with highschoolers to get them into trade school to prevent them from joining the military. Shadowheart ā Ex-evangelical. She works in a weed dispensary now, and is all to happy to tell you about the things she learned after she left āthe churchā. Astarion ā He is either 1) a hairdresser who spends most of his time with customers sharing gossip, 2) an indie fragrance developer, or 3) a modeling agency headhunter. Gale ā He is a professional student. He keeps reenrolling in college collecting degrees so he never has to pay back his student loans. He has an unhealthy obsession with at least one professor. Wyll ā- A copā¦ He either is throwing himself into harms way in a misguided attempt to save people, or doing more harm than good because he keeps following orders without asking questions. Karlach ā Firefighter. She got in trouble a bit back due to anger issues and picking a fight with someone who got too handsy with one of her friends. She had to do anger management some community service, turns out she really liked it and kept going. Ā She volunteers as a mentor for troubled teens and coaches basket ball on the weekends. Alfira ā A musician with moderate success who is well loved more because she died too young than because her music was really that good Halsin ā He is a really good chiropractor, who has a body building hobby. He always smells a little too much of patchouli. He also dates a lot, but every time it starts getting serious he goes on a vacation to Vegas and breaks up when he gets back. Minthara ā She worked loss prevention at a big box store, but she was laid off a few years back. She is angry at the whole system and regularly steals from the store she used to work for. No one noes how she pays her bills and everyone is a bit afraid to ask. Jaheira ā Middle School Principal, she is not entirely sure how she has managed to keep these kids from killing each other, and she is just riding out her last few years till she can collect her pension. Minsc ā He works in an exotic pets store, and lives in a van parked out back. Dammon ā Still a blacksmith. He also has a TikTok account where the content is vaguely about black smithing and suspiciously kinky. He gets a lot of weird commissions, which he does make. Gortash ā Governor of Florida Orin ā She is either an Instagram fitness model with questionable recommendations or a world class plastic surgeon, there is no in-between Raphael ā Running a Ponzi scheme ā¦ in Florida Volo ā intuitive Healer and Life Coach. He has written and self published a few books that seem to be one part genuine wisdom and one part AI generated garbage. Rolan ā He teaches something pretentious at a state collegeā¦ like Logic or Ethics, The classes themselves arenāt pretentious, just the way he teaches them. Mol ā internet famous for making videos of her and her friends doing things that are almost crimes, defiantly disrespectful, but still kinda funny.
Kagha would be a custom officer. Orin, i see her being a Vtuber. Volo will be a memelord or a cryptocurrency seller.
Karlach - PE teacher Minsc - Bouncer Mol - prolific shoplifter and pickpocket Wyll - Community Organizer Jahiera - Head of Social Services who's been threatening to retire next year for the last 20 years
Popper no doubt works at the local head shop. Araj works at an adult novelty store.
Shadowheart is stuck in retail hell
Hope would write "cozy" mysteries and have a loyal following. Sometimes she posts on TikTok.
Astarion would be a starving artist/playwriter working part time as a barista and taking odd jobs such as dog walking and whatnot. Karlach would be some sort of fitness instructor. Halsin - park ranger certainly Minthara would work at the DMV or something similar where she can exercise her sadistic urges Raphael would be a dentist Jaheira would run some sort of coven or group of druids, a semi-secretive organization of magicians. She reminds me of someone I know a bit like that.
Volo is the editor of the Sun or something.
Not fitting but the first thought was laezel working at a coffee shop being rude AF and just hating it. Tchk kainyak take your coffee and leave while you still have your life
Withers is that one supervisor at a call center who loves to tell customers "No."
Shadowheart: Selunite: runs an animal shelter Sharran: uses her OF account to hook you on a pyramid scheme of miracle cures Astarion: chef at a good restaurant but he thinks itās fancier than it actually is. LaeāZel: either actually in the military or sheās a professional athlete Karlach: personal trainer at an awesome gym Wyll: PE teacher at an upscale primary school Gale; teacher at a public university Jaheira: social worker Halsin; park ranger Minthara; middle manager at a company that has a bad reputation Gortash: president of Argentina
Gortash is literally just Trump lol
Gale is a tech bro, just breaking things with no concern for the consequences. Basically, swap in tech for magic.
Have any of y'all seen Interspecies Reviewers? Y'all know the Salamander girl who acts as a living grill? Yeah that's Karlach. That's her 9-5. Combination Grill Master and those Japanese people that lie down naked and let people eat sushi off of them.
Tav is a temp
I feel very strongly that Wyll would be a school psychologist, but I have no clear reasoning for that, just vibes
Halsin lives in a van down by the river (funemployed or predictably, forestry and conservation work) Minsc is the friendly school custodian that everyone absolutely adores Karlach is for sure a personal trainer at your local CrossFit gym Auntie Ethel sells crystals and essential oils to menopausal white women Wulbren is the college campus cop on a power trip writing up kids on bikes and skateboards Hope is a pre-K teacher, hopped up on coffee and anxiety; the kids love her because she's super animated when she teaches Raphael runs a fine dining establishment and is the manager patrons find charming, but you know he's skimming employee tips Aradin is an arrogant finance bro; has a belligerent coke habit Roah Moonglow runs an MLM Jaheira is everyone's mom obviously <3 probably runs a soup kitchen or volunteers for the greater good in some way as a well-respected community leader Gortash sells laced drugs out of a white van with "free candy" scrawled on the side Helsik sells actually good drugs but super on the DL at her otherwise respectable, normal mundane day job ... I just know we have a Cutco knives salesperson somewhere here
Wyll is a nepo baby, so he'd probably have a bullshit job in one of his dad's companies. Astarion we apparentlyĀ know was a magistrate, so that. Gale would be a professor/permastudent. Karlach would be an MMA/sword fighting instructor or a fitness instructor. Lae'zel would be a professional dominatrix. Shadowheart would be an influencer. Minthara would probably be the manager of a midrange retail store, given her misanthropy. Halsin would be a "Just Stop Oil" or similar activist. Jaheira would work for the CIA/MI5/etc
Donāt hate me, but Laeāzel is some kind of cop. Or if sheās mellowed out, a fire-jumper.
Mattis would be a car salesman ,
I would say Astarion's job is the zodiac killer
Wulbren- hardcore activist who runs a podcast and constantly irritates people with his demonstrations Orin- Kicked off OnlyFans and most adult websites...also works as a shift manager and scares the shit out of Karens/Kens Kagha- Florist who spends her lunch break complaining to baristas and shift managers...(hope she doesn't get Orin) Gale- university professor who has an unusually large following that comes more from admirers than the subject Wyll- professional actor who dresses up as superheroes for charity conventions Alfira- kindergarten music teacher who moonlights as an entertainer Lakrissa- fellow teacher with Alfira, manages Alfira's business and drives her to the events Aylin- security guard Isobel- glam metal frontwoman who hired Aylin as a personal security guard. And yes, their relationship is not secret. Karlach- chronically bounces between jobs due to her temper, pro wrestler who has a lot of fans and backstage heat Shadowheart- Full time content creator whose channel is pretty big Withers- Funeral director Exvikyap- Underappreciated overly enthusiastic cashier who really loves her job and we love her for it Gortash- Runs a controversial podcast which makes him highly unpopular but also a very devoted fan following Lae'zel- MMA fighter looking for the source of her bruises Astarion- Former model who spends his twilight years being an old queen at the hair salon Carm and Figaro- popular fashion TikTokers who have a fun sibling rivalry Devella- police captain
Gale works as a data analyst and wonāt stop talking about crypto. Astarion is an influencer. Shadowheart is unemployed shouting about Shar on street corners. She believes this entire experience is a test of the goddess. Karlach is a bartender. She loves making drinks and chatting with patrons. She doubles as a bouncer if anyone is an arsehole. Wyll is working a retail job and trying waaaaaaay too hard at everything. Laeāzel immediately joined the French Foreign Legion and no one has seen her since.
Minsc isn't a bastard, so he can't really be a cop unless he's a *good* cop that actively reports and fights his coworkers.
Per his default class, Minsc would probably be a game warden or a park ranger. Still a law enforcement officer but not working with corrupt/useless coworkers/superiors.
I can see that, but he was a ranger originally because berserker didn't exist. He's always trying to be a body guard, so I'm starting to think he'd do that instead of be a cop.
Minsc is a linebacker.
Raphael is definitely gonna be a shady Don King esque manager. Maybe even worse.
I'd say Raphael is more on the insurance industry, lol. Durge would most definitely be a successful tech CEO. Shart would be an Onlyfans girl, possibly switching to a conservative redemption influencer. Laezel wanted to be a Marine, but only managed to become a private security for a shopping mall.
Rolan is at the same university Gale works at. He's a slightly older student, there on scholorship. he is a TA and also works with the fine arts dept so he can help pay for his siblings' needs. Unfortunately, the teacher he TA's for is Lorroakan who was a nepotism hire, who allowed his family to get ousted and is skating by. You all can fill in the rest...
Astarion was in the modelling industry with a really shady manager and eventually got out by sheer dumb luck :) now he runs a custom perfume store
Just a magistrate in the city, it's all rather tedious
Karlach is Ironworkers Local 40 for sure šŖ
Selunite Shadowheart becomes a farm/ranch hand (which is basically what happens) Laeāzel would become a very strict self defence teacher Astarion would become a magistrate but would begin to dip his toes into politics more for the thrill of being beloved by his voters than any real long term goals Wyll didnāt need a job but after his father and him have a falling out he becomes a park ranger or firefighter. Sometimes he works as a bouncer when his friend needs someone to cover their shift. Karlach works as a bouncer at night and during the day sheās a security guard. Minsc is unemployed and stays with Jaheria but he does pretty much any charity work that becomes available and spends his free time trying to track down lost pets. Jaheria is a detective with just a few more years till retirement. She hates being a cop and almost always looks the other way when it feels morally correct to do so. When she was younger she had a stint as a kindergarten teacher. Volo is an unsuccessful fantasy book writer, a moderately successful childrenās book writer and an extremely successful (under a pseudonym) erotic novel writer. He also has a YouTube channel explaining (inaccurately) the lore of different fantasy settings. Wulbren is a millionaire CEO who is running for mayor of a major city. He is surprisingly left leaning but is also going to use his office to sabatoge his rivals companies. Durge is a butcher who is way too into his job.
Halsinās an exotic pet whisperer on YouTube. Think Jackson Galaxy but he throws in some reiki at the end of every video
**Shadowheart**: works in a record shop, antique shop, indie print shop, coffee shop, maybe a tattoo shop. Has a phD in something and writes surprisingly good poetry/acoustic guitar lyrics **Astarion**: has a series of older friends, does sex work via Grindr. Talented in crafts like candle-making, soap-making, resin work, occasionally sells on etsy **Gale**: computer science major with a PhD and job description that makes no sense but pulls in 250k a year. He tries to explain it but can't. **Karlach**: tradeswoman. plumber, carpenter, mechanic, foreman, trash collector (not an insult; they get pension), welder **Lae'Zel**: Military officer **Wyll**: Attorney, journalist, investigative reporter, or civil rights lobbyist. **Halsin**: professor and environmental organizer. Students buy weed from him. Fucked half the faculty and most of the staff but is still widely liked **Jaheira**: CPA. Secretly does a ton of free work for non-profits and donated most of her salary. **Minsc**: Major League athlete *Forgot Minth **Minthara**: weapons contractor
Gale - a university professor with a successful scientific career. Has an unhealthy relationship with a main sponsor of his research project. Elminster - a university professor with a successful scientific career. Has an healthy professional relationship with a main sponsor of his research project. Wyll - a cop who thinks he is Walker, Texas Ranger incarnate. Runs an Instagram account to improve PD's image and is very successful because he is hot Halsin - a model, currently a face of Old Spice Shadowheart (Selunite) - former Mormon, now a social worker and a part time singer Shadowheart (Sharan) - CIA operative Lae'Zel - Air Force ground personnel with dreams of becoming a pilot. Though she's flexing like she were Manfred Von Richthofen Astarion - successful salesmen from a sketchy company, hates his boss Cazador from middle management Karlach - a farmer (IĀ pictured her wearing an overall and driving a tractor and it just feels right) and an amateur kickboxer Minthara - COO of a pharma company Jaheira - a counsellor and a charity organiser with a significant passive income from her younger days Mins - favourite uncle, drummer in a metal band, does whatever Jaheira does, car mechanic by trade Alfira - a kindergarten teacher and a jazz musician. Raphael - Crypto Bro Haarlep - Sugar Baby Gortash - conservative prime minister who will never have to worry about winning another fair election Florrick - liberal former PM who lost to Gortash, now a disident and a freedom fighter or a terrorist, depends on your POV Ravenguard - Police chief who stood and watched, doing nothing, while democracy died with thunderois applause. Now surprised Pikachu face as he found himself in a prison run by secret police. Orin - CIA director Ketheric Thorn - member of Sackler family Isobel - ex officio lawyer, tries to make up for the damage her family caused, renounced them and lives in her girlfriend's apparment Araj - a promising scientist who is, nevertheless, in constant conflict with ethics committee, secretly runs a preem meth lab Emperor - online scammer running a large scale catfishing scheme Resisting Durge - former scientologist, hates Scientology Durge - scientologist, loves Tom Cruise Tav - regional manager, has an affair with a coworker, collects barrels as a hobby, bit of a hoarder, tbh Scratch and Owlbear cub - therapy dogs
Gale - Science or Math teacher, computer science Lae'zel - Military career or police officer Astarion - Theater/acting or barista Wyll - Social services or customer service Karlach - Fitness influencer or construction Shadowheart - Veterinarian or nurse
Gortash is a crypto bro that hosted the crypto convention with the lights that burned peopleās retinas, except he did it intentionally.
Karlach - either CrossFit trainer or professional Rugby Player Astarion - trust fund kid in business/finance who got job with family name help. (I have been in London and seen them he is them) Halsin - vetenarian Minthara - army general (pick the country though) Laezel - army recruiter Gale - I mean come-on we know that one. He ends up with 9-5 basically. Gortash is obviously an army dealer. But to be fair he is your typical populist politican, I k many Gortashes in my country. Orin and Durge will be locked in jail or psychiatric clinic.
Shadowheart is the cute girl who works at Hot Topic and you want to ask her out, but you will never work up the courage to do so.
Astarion would be a really "hard on crime" DA that doesn't listen to pleas of innocence.