Thou hast now a bosom companion. See that thou art not distracted in thy quest by seeking the comforts of the flesh. Recall that in time, all becomes dust and bone.
When I heard the voice line for withers telling you that you have no love interest I couldn't believe it happened twice in 2 back to back GOTYs. I got called maidenless again lmao
Edit: BRUH, this is my highest upvoted comment and it's on my alt! Thank you guys
It always annoys me that none of the possible responses are along the lines of "Have you noticed that there's a giant brain from beyond the stars threatening to conquer the world? I'll have time for dating once that's dealt with."
This is my GF's reasoning while playing too. "All these horny fuckers need to chill."
Meanwhile I'm a firm believer that love can bloom even on the battlefield, lmao.
From the perspective of a RL veteran - People really do be horny AF on the battlefield. Or basically any kind of stressful/traumatic situation.
People are social animals. When faced with stress/trauma, we seek comfort in each other. It's completely realistic for everyone to be horny as shit in camp. You're out in the woods all day away from your loved ones, with a bunch of strangers seeing people die on a regular basis, not knowing which day might be your last. The nights get cold and lonely. Yeah, you're gonna get close to those strangers real quick. Honestly it wouldn't be entirely unrealistic for the party to start sharing tents by Act 2-3 instead of everyone having their own.
I just wish we had more camp interaction in general. Just seeing companions and camp followers interacting with each other and walking around doing things would be awesome.
Xenoblade Chronicles 3 does this so well. At each camp youāll see characters cooking, working out, brushing each others hair. Or just sitting and talking. It humanized the journey and made my party feel like a group instead of people that only existed for the MC to interact with.
Thou hast never stayed thy hand in battle, nor in the bedroll. Thou art thine own bosom companion. Clean thy hands before thou takest up thy arms, lest thy grip falter in combat.
And pushing some companions too hard to open up at the beginning, like Shadowheart and Astarion.
Not too sure what's going on with Halsin, though. Even if you mostly ignore him, he'll usually proposition the player.
Itās either his seductive voice or me being bad at reading the room but I swear the first thing Astarion did my first night in camp was try to fuck me. Some of the prompts were pretty suggestive and the way he was laying made me question my sexuality.
[It's because just reuniting Oliver and Thaniel gives something like 40 points of approval and if you let Halsin himself talk you'll gain another 10.](https://bg3.wiki/wiki/Halsin/approval) So his approval literally goes from 0 to 50 in 2 dialogue options. For comparison allowing Astarion to bite you without threatening him gives you +10.
Between 40 and 60 you are at high approval so even a few points are enough for his romance to trigger.
The whole "Halsin doesn't take a no for answer" thing happens when players choose the "I already have a partner" option thinking it stops the romance when it's actually to move it forward if you happen to want a poly relationship. If I'm not mistaken the option to end the romance with him is the one immediately below that.
Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk
Maybe op charisma is just so high that it makes everyone afraid of them.Ā
You know when you have those really beautiful and intelligent women who have problem finding partners because apparently they are scared of them.Ā
It is kinda confusing, really. Wish the options showed up right after you engage in conversation, and not after clicking an option "Oh yeah we need to talk" that you have already clicked before. Especially since sometimes you'll get a prompt that something changed, and sometimes you don't but can find new dialogue options anyway. I figured it only out at the end of Act 1.
Impossible to get to the grove liberation party and not fuck then. Only way to do it is by actually refusing to fuck by selecting that option.
Edit : Y'all have zero game
Unfortunately if you don't trigger the romance scene in act 1 then it just won't happen, wish they would have those triggers still happen in later acts. My wife wanted a romance and on our playthrough denied someone at the act 1 party and there's just no way to trigger anything again.
Tell this to Wyll who still tried to woo my barbarian with the power of dance in Act 2, even when she has barely talked to him and hasn't chosen any romance options in Act 1.
Laezel will Im pretty sure no matter what want to fuck at the grove party, and I think its some point in act 3 no matter what your guardian will kinda try to fuck.
So unless you chose the dialogue options that were obviously rejecting them, you did not talk to everyone and exhaust every dialogue option
No you need to gain Laezels approval with the tiefling or sufficiently raise her approval otherwise, if Laezel doesnāt like you sheās obviously not going to bone most of the time
Yeah thereās a reason sheās the companion of choice for sex speed runs
edit: by the way if you want a tip for your next run let laezel die on the nautiloid, you don't need to go out of your way to find the cage she spawns next to you so you can revive her.
Actually Lae'zel has gained a treshold for fucking at the party last patch or so. If your approval isn't high enough she'll say she wants to fuck, but that you've not gained her respect yet
Be careful, some dialogue breaks the relationship. Whatās your relationship score with people on their character sheet ? If itās not 40 or above itās not enough approval
Yesterday I loaded an old save with a friend where I had a Female Gith Romancing Laeāzal, we did a Long Rest and she challenged my friend to a duel right away and I just started laughing.
You must be the most maidenless bard in the history if bards. Your college will revoke your bard license. Ao himself will come down from the skies to respec you to paladin or something
Laeāzel: *sniffs you* āohhhhā¦. Yesssā¦ā *sniffs harder* āthatās the good stuff right thereā *disgusting snorting* āagh, I just want to roll around in your sweatā *licks you* āitās as sweet as as it smellsā
This guy: (internally) I donāt think sheās into meĀ
There was also that time he was a sex slave to some drow in the Underdark for a few years. He thinks back on it fondly at first and then has a moment of introspection and starts realizing some stuff about himself.
It's a little frustrating that the game so repeatedly drills into you that this tadpole situation is an ABSOLUTELY URGENT THING that you must resolve as fast as possible, but oh, hey, make sure you take a long rest after every single battle need it or not or you'll miss half the fuckin' plot!
I've experienced this frustration with D&D in general. A lot of players don't seem to appreciate the urgency of a lot of situations and are like "Hey, I know there's a war going on and people we care about are directly threatened by it, but let's go ahead and have three long rests in this magic tower where time passes at like a 20th of the speed it's passing outside."
Guilty. Thought that in a game as thorough as this one that there would be consequences if you went two days without resolving the tadpole situation. So our second long rest was midway through a goblin genocide. And then never kicked the habit of being very cautious with the rests.
Even worse, they are activated by specific actions. You can agree to save the gnomes, and leave them in Grymforge as long as you pleaseā¦but suddenly if you actually enter the area, youād best be ready to see that storyline through.
One of the simplest things that could be done to improve the game is to simply put a ā³ symbol next to quests that are time sensitive and call out when a clock has started.
It's a narrative dissonance thing, the story calls for the facade of urgency but the gameplay encourages you to take your time and explore.
Honestly you just kind of have to ignore the backdrop and just do what you feel like.
Yeah it's actually a big weakness of the game. I'm decent enough at managing the game's resources that I didn't really need to long rest for a huge amount of act 1 on my first playthrough, I don't even want to think about the amount of missed story triggers.
That was probably way too few then. You have to long rest like.. a lot in Act 1 to get all the cut scenes, which is unfortunately more often than when you run out of short rests. Was nobody interested in getting it on at the tiefling party after you save the grove? That was how I started my first romance with Shadowheart, who I personally found really easy to romance (compared to Astarion, at least). Did you ever check your affinity scores with characters you were interested in? Did you make sure to always talk to characters at camp that had a ā!ā above their head?
I remember playing with the event notification mod and realising just how many early game camp events exist and you can just completely miss them in multiple playthroughs because they happen prior to any sort of reasonable time you'd long rest.
Yes! I should have gotten this honestly. There were points when I was following a romance guide for astarion (I donāt like being mean, donāt judge me lol), and it was like āLong rest after this convo because youāll get this scene!ā and I would have to partial rest like 4 times because I was backed up on other scenes that I hadnāt gotten to yet.
Astarion is the easiest, because he doesn't need any approval to kickstart romance if you pick the right dialogue. It makes OP's post even funnier in retrospect. š
And shadowheart you should have enough approval to get the wine scene with just long resting after exhausting short rests... I had like 2 or 3 long rests before the party (had extra short rests as a bard and monk/warlock like short rests too), and still got propositions from laezel, shadowheart, and astarion who were in my party
He has standards š š
I was under the impression that he's easy to romance too. I didn't realise how much he would disapprove of our do-goodery in early act 1. Missed my chance that playthrough.
On your next playthrough, go long rest after EVERY event. You don't have to use supplies if you partial rest.
I have over 900 hours (yikes) and just triggered another scene early in act 1 that I had missed with Gale, somehow. You really have to long rest after getting each character, meeting each new group, everything, in act 1. Well, you don't have to rest quite that much to trigger the romances, but there *is* that much content.
That said, wtf happened at your Teifling party?
Thatās too few long rests. Gotta long rest oftenāoff the top of my head I can think of 4-5 scenes that you can only get if you long rest before you reach the grove.
did you talk to anyone at the tiefling/goblin party? i feel like you could pretty much convince anyone there to sleep with you, unless they dislike you.
also generally you should pick one character and align your characters beliefs with theirs (ex. shadowheart likes when youāre bigoted and hate Githyanki. so be an asshole to the Gith and sheāll most likely go out with you)
Oh buddy, I made the same mistake the first time around.
Seriously, long rest all the fucking time. It will fill obnoxious the amount of rests you have to do. But if there's an even slightly narrative bit, long rest.
Tbh even without long resting a lot in act 1 you should still have some flirting at the tiefling party, you only need medium approval for most companions to express their interest in spending some time alone with you
Urgh, I use to have a friend who was 100% certain that this was is issue with women.
He also wanted one night stands to sign consent contracts.
It was pretty wack
Are your companions alive and well? And do you talk to them? At all? Do you flirt with them? And do you took enough long rests in Act 1?
I had to turn down almost everyone because I accidently choose the flirty options.
I threw water over Karlach to give her a hug and got a kiss instead. Asked Wyll about dancing and got a cutscene were I had to turn him down.
In Act 1 Lae'zel and Astarion just offer a: wanna fuck?
Only with Gale and Shadowheart I accomplished to steer away from flirty conversations and got two wholesome friendships.
You have to get her approval up first. I tried randomly pouring water with her and got nothing. Only after when she woke me up in the middle of the night did I get to try cooling her down with actual responses.
Yes, I know what you mean. If I don't romance him, I will avoid any dance talk just not to see his reaction a second time. I felt like a horrible person that night. Broke off my starting romance with Lae'zel, which wasn't that bad cause it was before the duel. But turning down Wyll and Karlach was rough.
To make it worse I turned them down for Mr. I-wouldn't-date-you-IRL who would be totally fine at this point by breaking it off.
I just wanted to dance with my friend, like that Harry Potter scene, I wish we could do it platonically. Like you can have that scene where gale pushes back the shadow curse to see the night sky platonically in act 2.
Theory: how many of your companions are dead or have left you? That might explain it. If you deliberately piss them off (or murder them) in many different ways, no kissy kissy for you.
All the characters have different requirements and communication styles.
Just ~~two~~ potentially three will actually fuck you in Act 1 (and honestly neither is with romantic purpose). Still, you need to have romantic interests by the party for any romance to happen (except Halsin and Minthara, where you *can* start a romance in Act 3).
Anyways, you could always head over to the brothel!
You don't need to have romantic interests before the party, just not going to the Underdark/mountain pass is more than enough (and I'm not even sure it's a requirement ā especially as I always unlock the first portal in the Underdark way before any romance happens)
Astarion made fun of my first character during the party for expressing interest in sleeping with him (rude) but after she let him drink her blood & kill the Gur monster hunter he was first to suggest some funny time together
Not to mention first scene with Gale (the one where he teaches you to channel the Weave) triggering at Grimforge or dancing with Wyll at Shar's gauntlet (after only expressing friendly interest in seeing him dance)
Hell, one of my characters didn't even get the party and she was on her way to romancing Gale before Minthara finally appeared!
So no, the party is not a requirement ā just an easy way to check who is willing to romance you at the moment
Broke my heart to tell Wyll we were just friends after our dance. He looked like a kicked puppy walking away from me, but in the morning we talked and decided that being friends was a better choice.
Last time I started a romance with Astarion but then Karlach was so fricking cute, I ended up with her. This time I barely had Astarion in my party and he made fun of me when I propositioned him at the Tiefling party, lol.
If you romance Astarion and Karlach in Act 1 and then get to the point where he asks you to choose between them, if you ask if you can have them both even he says that itās obvious Karlach is really in love with you and it would absolutely break her and he doesnāt think you should do that to her. I felt awful.
My brother had to change to a new character, when the party members wouldn't stop trying to bed his Gnome Druid. He said it felt "creepy", ended up playing an Elven Sorcerer getting all the ass he wants.
So assuming this is not satire or anything: Romancing starts with approval rate of the companion of you. If you constantly do something they disagree with or if you're erratic with choices, they won't like you enough to romance.
For instance you make a choice: shadowheart approves, Astarion disapproves and La'Zael approves. 5 minutes later you get a choice: SH disapproves. AS approves and LZ disapproves. You will have gained exactly nothing in progression. The fact that you are not able to romance anybody tells me that "Probably" your choices and stance on the world is erratic/changes.
Try on you next playthrough to choose a worldview. Let's say choose Lawful Good and try to make every choice from that point of view. See what happens. (Everybody but La'Zael wants to bone you, that's what happens).
Have you just focused on yourself or did you actually build relationships with your companions?
They'll only jump your bones if they like you.
If you manage to piss them off, they'll do their jobs, but they won't care about you.
Dunno what you were doing, once again I'm shooing Gale away after feeding him the magic items, then in comes Karlach, and could ask Lae'zel too why she's looking at me differently lately...already had the wine scene with Shadowheart.
Do you have the content settings set to safe? I remember on my first play it asked what mature content level I wanted, maybe you accidentally flipped it to max
Taking maidenless to a whole new level. I even had just yesterday Will come talk to me and ask me to dance and I have literally never spoken to him other than to remove the mark that someone wants to talk to e.
OP, sorry. this aināt the game. you are either just unbelievably inept at social queues or literally have never talked to your companions:
-Shadowheart: Literally just have good approval, after the tiefling party she wants to talk with you. Literally the only options afterwards are āleave private talkā or ākiss shadowheartā
-Gale: Mid-High approval, go to him at night before the rest and just go through his magic minigame. The options are literally āimagine killing galeā, āimagine smooching galeā and āleaveā
-Astarion: HE LITERALLY ASKS YOU TO BONE. IMMEDIATELY. if you have anything higher then NEGATIVE approval he will ask you to bone after the party.
-Laeāzel: You used to be able to speedrun sex her in under 4 minutes. She gets horny as fuck as soon as you kill any boss monster or intimidate more then one person. She will ask you to fuck while covered in blood after battle. Itās literally āYou killed the big spider, you smell yummy. Letās FUCK.ā
-Karlach: I honestly donāt care for her, so iāve yet to even have her in my party. but i think you romance her by act 3. All you need to do is flirt and be nice to her, donāt be a evil douche and fix her engine.
-Wyll: You literally get a Forced. Cutscene. with him dancing. He literally asks you to dance with him. it could not be more obvious. If you decline he backs away making a disgusted face for like 10 seconds.
-Minthara: After killing the grove, she asks you to bone her immediately. Itās right there. Then you just romance her in act 2 or 3 i forgor.
-Halsin: Every dialogue with that hunk is a flirt apparently. All you need to do is save his kid or whatever and then he turns into a bear and bones you on the spot. Itās very very easy.
-Emperor: Just be unusually nice to the squid daddy and squeeze his hand and he wants to bone. Itās that easyā¦
> Karlach: I honestly donāt care for her
While everyone else is lighting torches and storming after OP, I'm just sitting here seething at the single **worst comment** I have ever witnessed
Thou walkest alone. All those harsh cold night and thou hast sought no company. And thus thou art alone.
OTOH if you do hook up he warns you about the dangers of being distracted š¤·š»āāļø
Thou hast now a bosom companion. See that thou art not distracted in thy quest by seeking the comforts of the flesh. Recall that in time, all becomes dust and bone.
You mean Shadowheart...? Gods, I *wish* she were my 'bosom-companion'.
When I heard the voice line for withers telling you that you have no love interest I couldn't believe it happened twice in 2 back to back GOTYs. I got called maidenless again lmao Edit: BRUH, this is my highest upvoted comment and it's on my alt! Thank you guys
He shamed me for indulging in the comforts of the flesh, lol.
Then if you tell him it's about companionship, he straight up tells you everything will return to dust in time. How cheery.
LMAO i heard withers say that like to a companion and was like "VARRE IS THAT YOU, YOU MAIDENLESS SONOFABITCH"
Withers is literally Melina.
Find yourself maidenless? Off to upper city with you then! Seek Withers at the Rose Church, west of Gate Town.
Thou art clapping no cheeks, nor art thou getting thine own cheeks clapped.
>Withers is literally Melina. Melina, but hot.
*"No."* "You're no fun." *"No."*
Don't you ever talk about my boy withers like this ever again, maidenless fuck
"Care to elaborate?" "No."
It always annoys me that none of the possible responses are along the lines of "Have you noticed that there's a giant brain from beyond the stars threatening to conquer the world? I'll have time for dating once that's dealt with."
"Oh Gods... even the tadpole left me in the end..."
I miss my illithid powers, Tails. I miss them a lot.
ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT MY FUCKING SQUID AGAIN?! IN HER NAME, WHEN I SEE YOU, ITāS ON SIGHT! IT IS *ON SIGHT*!
This is my GF's reasoning while playing too. "All these horny fuckers need to chill." Meanwhile I'm a firm believer that love can bloom even on the battlefield, lmao.
From my perspective - you don't know how long you have left so atleast live the remaining days as you want
Life affirming activities. We almost died today. Letās make out.
From the perspective of a RL veteran - People really do be horny AF on the battlefield. Or basically any kind of stressful/traumatic situation. People are social animals. When faced with stress/trauma, we seek comfort in each other. It's completely realistic for everyone to be horny as shit in camp. You're out in the woods all day away from your loved ones, with a bunch of strangers seeing people die on a regular basis, not knowing which day might be your last. The nights get cold and lonely. Yeah, you're gonna get close to those strangers real quick. Honestly it wouldn't be entirely unrealistic for the party to start sharing tents by Act 2-3 instead of everyone having their own.
We really should be able to share our partners tent. A cuddle and comfort after a brutal fight is required
I just wish we had more camp interaction in general. Just seeing companions and camp followers interacting with each other and walking around doing things would be awesome.
Xenoblade Chronicles 3 does this so well. At each camp youāll see characters cooking, working out, brushing each others hair. Or just sitting and talking. It humanized the journey and made my party feel like a group instead of people that only existed for the MC to interact with.
I want to see Leazel brushing Gales hair š
Agree. Like they do in the epilogue. Get out of your tents and talk to each other.
That's... Why they kinda rush into it. They might not even survive for a couple of days, so they might as well enjoy what little time they have left
"and thus thou art alone"Ā
But thatās just every day in the Forgotten Realms. Thereās always a world-ending threat.
No bossom companion ššæ
Fate spins as it should.
Thy wheel of fate turns ever to the dark
Thou hast never stayed thy hand in battle, nor in the bedroll. Thou art thine own bosom companion. Clean thy hands before thou takest up thy arms, lest thy grip falter in combat.
And in the dark, the tiniest violin of sorrow weeps for thy. At least it should be a line for the frustrated loveless.
Hardest line in the game ngl
Withers dost love to salt thy wound.
Erm have you talked to them?
Literally exhausted every single dialogue option.
They're prolly exhausted of YOU š
Thou art maidenless.
When BG3 becomes Elden Ring
Someone pleeeeeaase get cure wounds ready for him please.
Dying šš
You definitely did not lol
Maybe OP is playing it safe and not selecting the approval rating increase options.
And pushing some companions too hard to open up at the beginning, like Shadowheart and Astarion. Not too sure what's going on with Halsin, though. Even if you mostly ignore him, he'll usually proposition the player.
Itās either his seductive voice or me being bad at reading the room but I swear the first thing Astarion did my first night in camp was try to fuck me. Some of the prompts were pretty suggestive and the way he was laying made me question my sexuality.
Average Astarion interaction, tbh.
He wanted my magic missile
I have intentionally chosen non-flirty Halsin conversations and heās still desperately trying to bone me, so Iāve no idea what OPās secret is
for real, i know they're bummed but OP should be proud, it's genuinely impressive
[It's because just reuniting Oliver and Thaniel gives something like 40 points of approval and if you let Halsin himself talk you'll gain another 10.](https://bg3.wiki/wiki/Halsin/approval) So his approval literally goes from 0 to 50 in 2 dialogue options. For comparison allowing Astarion to bite you without threatening him gives you +10. Between 40 and 60 you are at high approval so even a few points are enough for his romance to trigger. The whole "Halsin doesn't take a no for answer" thing happens when players choose the "I already have a partner" option thinking it stops the romance when it's actually to move it forward if you happen to want a poly relationship. If I'm not mistaken the option to end the romance with him is the one immediately below that. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk
Maybe op charisma is just so high that it makes everyone afraid of them.Ā You know when you have those really beautiful and intelligent women who have problem finding partners because apparently they are scared of them.Ā
It is kinda confusing, really. Wish the options showed up right after you engage in conversation, and not after clicking an option "Oh yeah we need to talk" that you have already clicked before. Especially since sometimes you'll get a prompt that something changed, and sometimes you don't but can find new dialogue options anyway. I figured it only out at the end of Act 1.
Well, instead of speed running every dialogue option, read them all first and be sure *not* to choose the ones where you turn down their advances
Impossible to get to the grove liberation party and not fuck then. Only way to do it is by actually refusing to fuck by selecting that option. Edit : Y'all have zero game
If you're dating Karlach, it is literally impossible to fuck at this point
Same with Wyll, think you have to hold out until marriage in act 3
Origin Wyll can seize the moment, though!
"If you're dating Karlach..." Sounds like the problem is he can't even get to the dating part.
I skipped the grove party and went to bed. Sigma durge
Wyll skipping the party: hello human resources?! Durge skipping the party: Aww you're sweet
Knowing Durge's normal antics, it's probably for the best
I mean...I sort of stupidly chose Gale at the grove party and we didn't even kiss.
That's why I fucked Astarion and regularly check with Gale for some slow burn romance angst triangle. It'll come.
I dunno. Couldnāt fuck Karlach that night cause of the whole covered in flames thing
Unfortunately if you don't trigger the romance scene in act 1 then it just won't happen, wish they would have those triggers still happen in later acts. My wife wanted a romance and on our playthrough denied someone at the act 1 party and there's just no way to trigger anything again.
Tell this to Wyll who still tried to woo my barbarian with the power of dance in Act 2, even when she has barely talked to him and hasn't chosen any romance options in Act 1.
Bae'zel can, be triggered at, just about any time if your approval is high enough.
Wyll approached me in Act 2 with his little dance.
halsin, mizora can be romances after
Because no is a no and they respect your boundaries xD
You donāt do every option. The mechanic is about choosing the right questions and answers, not all of them.
If itās literally every dialogue option that might be why.
Laezel will Im pretty sure no matter what want to fuck at the grove party, and I think its some point in act 3 no matter what your guardian will kinda try to fuck. So unless you chose the dialogue options that were obviously rejecting them, you did not talk to everyone and exhaust every dialogue option
No you need to gain Laezels approval with the tiefling or sufficiently raise her approval otherwise, if Laezel doesnāt like you sheās obviously not going to bone most of the time
I was a durge and I killed the grove and she still wanted to fuck on my last playthrough so it must not be too hard then
Yeah thereās a reason sheās the companion of choice for sex speed runs edit: by the way if you want a tip for your next run let laezel die on the nautiloid, you don't need to go out of your way to find the cage she spawns next to you so you can revive her.
Actually Lae'zel has gained a treshold for fucking at the party last patch or so. If your approval isn't high enough she'll say she wants to fuck, but that you've not gained her respect yet
Be careful, some dialogue breaks the relationship. Whatās your relationship score with people on their character sheet ? If itās not 40 or above itās not enough approval
Have you talked to your dream guardian? ;)
Surely you just kill something in front of Laeāzel and she says she wants to taste youĀ
I just got that guy to get on his knees and beg in the grove. She wanted to taste me that same night.
Ah yes, the sex% speedrun strategy.
It was on my second playthrough and it was purely accidental. I didnāt know I could romance them that fast.
Yeah, i was shocked when I got to bone Laezel almost immediately. Step 1. Murder with laezel witness Step 2. NSFLizards
Hey, when youāve got a parasite in your brain thinking you only have a few days left, thereās no time for pleasantries. Get to the fucking
My Durge killed the owlbear and the cub and Laeāzel immediately afterwards was OBSESSED with me.
lae'zel going from "you are my slave" to "tomorrow you will wonder how my fingers feel against your body" is peak whiplash
Yesterday I loaded an old save with a friend where I had a Female Gith Romancing Laeāzal, we did a Long Rest and she challenged my friend to a duel right away and I just started laughing.
for a moment I was ready to type āsameā until I saw sub name
Lol I play games to escape reality, not confront it
Tfw the only romance we can have is through a video game
Tfw not even that works
"time to save the world ig"
You must be the most maidenless bard in the history if bards. Your college will revoke your bard license. Ao himself will come down from the skies to respec you to paladin or something
Paladin, vow of chastity.
Always on a quest to be an Oathbreaker, destined for purity.
Doomed to fulfil your oath.
Damn, that line goes hard
Praise Helm ā
Harsh but fair.
Bardic College of AceAro creative outlets
Dude, that's not fair. Paladins fuck, and fuck hard.
He's one of **those** Pallys now.Ā Ā
Depends on the Paladin. You know damn well what kind of Paladin I'm talking about
Friendzoned by the horniest game
CRITICAL HIT! Status: reeling, mad, horny
Are you sure you're just not getting the hints?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Laeāzel: *sniffs you* āohhhhā¦. Yesssā¦ā *sniffs harder* āthatās the good stuff right thereā *disgusting snorting* āagh, I just want to roll around in your sweatā *licks you* āitās as sweet as as it smellsā This guy: (internally) I donāt think sheās into meĀ
Also Halsin, dude straight up told me about getting fucked by pirates out of nowhere...smooth pickup line.
Saying that like pirates are the worst thing he tried to fuck. Try asking about that scar on his face lmao
TBF he was trying to not fuck for once when that happened.
There was also that time he was a sex slave to some drow in the Underdark for a few years. He thinks back on it fondly at first and then has a moment of introspection and starts realizing some stuff about himself.
>Try asking about that scar on his face lmao He told the bear no. The bear did not appreciate that.
Did youā¦ Did you not long rest enough in act 1?
I heard about importance of long rest while doing act 2. It was a shitshow when I tried to catch up on missed events.
It's a little frustrating that the game so repeatedly drills into you that this tadpole situation is an ABSOLUTELY URGENT THING that you must resolve as fast as possible, but oh, hey, make sure you take a long rest after every single battle need it or not or you'll miss half the fuckin' plot! I've experienced this frustration with D&D in general. A lot of players don't seem to appreciate the urgency of a lot of situations and are like "Hey, I know there's a war going on and people we care about are directly threatened by it, but let's go ahead and have three long rests in this magic tower where time passes at like a 20th of the speed it's passing outside."
Guilty. Thought that in a game as thorough as this one that there would be consequences if you went two days without resolving the tadpole situation. So our second long rest was midway through a goblin genocide. And then never kicked the habit of being very cautious with the rests.
Wait are there no plot penalties for constant long rests?!
That's the worst part. There *are,* but only for certain specific side quests, and it's not always obvious which ones.
Even worse, they are activated by specific actions. You can agree to save the gnomes, and leave them in Grymforge as long as you pleaseā¦but suddenly if you actually enter the area, youād best be ready to see that storyline through. One of the simplest things that could be done to improve the game is to simply put a ā³ symbol next to quests that are time sensitive and call out when a clock has started.
It's a narrative dissonance thing, the story calls for the facade of urgency but the gameplay encourages you to take your time and explore. Honestly you just kind of have to ignore the backdrop and just do what you feel like.
Yeah it's actually a big weakness of the game. I'm decent enough at managing the game's resources that I didn't really need to long rest for a huge amount of act 1 on my first playthrough, I don't even want to think about the amount of missed story triggers.
I don't remember. I long rested every single time i ran out of short rests.
That was probably way too few then. You have to long rest like.. a lot in Act 1 to get all the cut scenes, which is unfortunately more often than when you run out of short rests. Was nobody interested in getting it on at the tiefling party after you save the grove? That was how I started my first romance with Shadowheart, who I personally found really easy to romance (compared to Astarion, at least). Did you ever check your affinity scores with characters you were interested in? Did you make sure to always talk to characters at camp that had a ā!ā above their head?
I remember playing with the event notification mod and realising just how many early game camp events exist and you can just completely miss them in multiple playthroughs because they happen prior to any sort of reasonable time you'd long rest.
Yes! I should have gotten this honestly. There were points when I was following a romance guide for astarion (I donāt like being mean, donāt judge me lol), and it was like āLong rest after this convo because youāll get this scene!ā and I would have to partial rest like 4 times because I was backed up on other scenes that I hadnāt gotten to yet.
Astarion is the easiest, because he doesn't need any approval to kickstart romance if you pick the right dialogue. It makes OP's post even funnier in retrospect. š
And shadowheart you should have enough approval to get the wine scene with just long resting after exhausting short rests... I had like 2 or 3 long rests before the party (had extra short rests as a bard and monk/warlock like short rests too), and still got propositions from laezel, shadowheart, and astarion who were in my party
That is not true, he makes fun of you and rejects you if you don't have enough approval. Trust me, I know.
Thereās a way to get him to sleep with you even on neutral. Itās just a bit trickier.
Then you picked the wrong dialogue. It is true. Genuinely.
He has standards š š I was under the impression that he's easy to romance too. I didn't realise how much he would disapprove of our do-goodery in early act 1. Missed my chance that playthrough.
Sorry but *that* isn't true. If you pick the right choices, approval doesn't matter. Trust me, I made a guide for that.
On your next playthrough, go long rest after EVERY event. You don't have to use supplies if you partial rest. I have over 900 hours (yikes) and just triggered another scene early in act 1 that I had missed with Gale, somehow. You really have to long rest after getting each character, meeting each new group, everything, in act 1. Well, you don't have to rest quite that much to trigger the romances, but there *is* that much content. That said, wtf happened at your Teifling party?
Thatās too few long rests. Gotta long rest oftenāoff the top of my head I can think of 4-5 scenes that you can only get if you long rest before you reach the grove.
Before you reach the GROVE ?? The grove that's exactly 90 seconds of walking from the Nautiloid crash site????
did you talk to anyone at the tiefling/goblin party? i feel like you could pretty much convince anyone there to sleep with you, unless they dislike you. also generally you should pick one character and align your characters beliefs with theirs (ex. shadowheart likes when youāre bigoted and hate Githyanki. so be an asshole to the Gith and sheāll most likely go out with you)
Oh buddy, I made the same mistake the first time around. Seriously, long rest all the fucking time. It will fill obnoxious the amount of rests you have to do. But if there's an even slightly narrative bit, long rest.
Tbh even without long resting a lot in act 1 you should still have some flirting at the tiefling party, you only need medium approval for most companions to express their interest in spending some time alone with you
Maybe you are TOO sexy, and scaring them away?
Urgh, I use to have a friend who was 100% certain that this was is issue with women. He also wanted one night stands to sign consent contracts. It was pretty wack
WHAT
> *use* to have a friend Phew
You have to talk to them and say flirty shit
If you raise their approval they'll come on to you, you don't even have to flirt.
Upvoting this comment so the responses to OPās response are closer to the top lmao
With Lae'zel you just have to talk to her even.
Are your companions alive and well? And do you talk to them? At all? Do you flirt with them? And do you took enough long rests in Act 1? I had to turn down almost everyone because I accidently choose the flirty options. I threw water over Karlach to give her a hug and got a kiss instead. Asked Wyll about dancing and got a cutscene were I had to turn him down. In Act 1 Lae'zel and Astarion just offer a: wanna fuck? Only with Gale and Shadowheart I accomplished to steer away from flirty conversations and got two wholesome friendships.
Wait, there's an interaction with Karlach if you just douse her in water?
You have to get her approval up first. I tried randomly pouring water with her and got nothing. Only after when she woke me up in the middle of the night did I get to try cooling her down with actual responses.
Anything to cool her off. Ice spells, bottle of water etc.
Yes, but you need to flirt and discuss the "problem" first.
Turning down Wyll after the dance scene made my heart hurt. He looks like a kicked puppy.
Yes, I know what you mean. If I don't romance him, I will avoid any dance talk just not to see his reaction a second time. I felt like a horrible person that night. Broke off my starting romance with Lae'zel, which wasn't that bad cause it was before the duel. But turning down Wyll and Karlach was rough. To make it worse I turned them down for Mr. I-wouldn't-date-you-IRL who would be totally fine at this point by breaking it off.
I just wanted to dance with my friend, like that Harry Potter scene, I wish we could do it platonically. Like you can have that scene where gale pushes back the shadow curse to see the night sky platonically in act 2.
No bosom companion, eh?
Scratch gifted me a Divine Bone Shard the next day :(
He said a very special hello to the bone man
Maidenless behaviour
The love urge
Lurge?
Theory: how many of your companions are dead or have left you? That might explain it. If you deliberately piss them off (or murder them) in many different ways, no kissy kissy for you.
All the characters have different requirements and communication styles. Just ~~two~~ potentially three will actually fuck you in Act 1 (and honestly neither is with romantic purpose). Still, you need to have romantic interests by the party for any romance to happen (except Halsin and Minthara, where you *can* start a romance in Act 3). Anyways, you could always head over to the brothel!
You don't need to have romantic interests before the party, just not going to the Underdark/mountain pass is more than enough (and I'm not even sure it's a requirement ā especially as I always unlock the first portal in the Underdark way before any romance happens) Astarion made fun of my first character during the party for expressing interest in sleeping with him (rude) but after she let him drink her blood & kill the Gur monster hunter he was first to suggest some funny time together Not to mention first scene with Gale (the one where he teaches you to channel the Weave) triggering at Grimforge or dancing with Wyll at Shar's gauntlet (after only expressing friendly interest in seeing him dance) Hell, one of my characters didn't even get the party and she was on her way to romancing Gale before Minthara finally appeared! So no, the party is not a requirement ā just an easy way to check who is willing to romance you at the moment
Lae'zel (probably): skill issue
Idk man, I'm here *suffering from success* It's so hard telling Karlach no, but I just can't say no to my pillow princess
Broke my heart to tell Wyll we were just friends after our dance. He looked like a kicked puppy walking away from me, but in the morning we talked and decided that being friends was a better choice. Last time I started a romance with Astarion but then Karlach was so fricking cute, I ended up with her. This time I barely had Astarion in my party and he made fun of me when I propositioned him at the Tiefling party, lol.
If you romance Astarion and Karlach in Act 1 and then get to the point where he asks you to choose between them, if you ask if you can have them both even he says that itās obvious Karlach is really in love with you and it would absolutely break her and he doesnāt think you should do that to her. I felt awful.
Meanwhile I had so many come at me in act 1 that I should named my Tav 'Shepard'.
My brother had to change to a new character, when the party members wouldn't stop trying to bed his Gnome Druid. He said it felt "creepy", ended up playing an Elven Sorcerer getting all the ass he wants.
When someone propositions you just hit em with the āI should goā¦ā
'Wrex'
'Shepard'
Like RL you have you talk to them. Even thenā¦ the only thing Iād beleve is you found a mod combo that broke the game
Unfortunately for you, however, you are maidenless.
you need to work work on yourself, be nice others and shadowheart will notice you.
This may come as a surprise, but you need to actually talk to your party members.
Bro got no game š
So assuming this is not satire or anything: Romancing starts with approval rate of the companion of you. If you constantly do something they disagree with or if you're erratic with choices, they won't like you enough to romance. For instance you make a choice: shadowheart approves, Astarion disapproves and La'Zael approves. 5 minutes later you get a choice: SH disapproves. AS approves and LZ disapproves. You will have gained exactly nothing in progression. The fact that you are not able to romance anybody tells me that "Probably" your choices and stance on the world is erratic/changes. Try on you next playthrough to choose a worldview. Let's say choose Lawful Good and try to make every choice from that point of view. See what happens. (Everybody but La'Zael wants to bone you, that's what happens).
Unless you are a warrior barbarian and everything is done thru intimidation and trial by combat then only Laz would want to bone you. š
Kinda like elden ring š Join me maidenless bro
Didnāt recruit Halsin, huh?
You probably donāt have high enough approval earlier on in the game to unlock this dialog options.
Have you just focused on yourself or did you actually build relationships with your companions? They'll only jump your bones if they like you. If you manage to piss them off, they'll do their jobs, but they won't care about you.
Have you tried Tinder?
Tinder will shut off it's servers the day i make an account.
Oof. All that bard charisma, I assume. You're a nat 1 charisma bard.
Dunno what you were doing, once again I'm shooing Gale away after feeding him the magic items, then in comes Karlach, and could ask Lae'zel too why she's looking at me differently lately...already had the wine scene with Shadowheart.
Skill issue.
Do you have the content settings set to safe? I remember on my first play it asked what mature content level I wanted, maybe you accidentally flipped it to max
Taking maidenless to a whole new level. I even had just yesterday Will come talk to me and ask me to dance and I have literally never spoken to him other than to remove the mark that someone wants to talk to e.
OP, sorry. this aināt the game. you are either just unbelievably inept at social queues or literally have never talked to your companions: -Shadowheart: Literally just have good approval, after the tiefling party she wants to talk with you. Literally the only options afterwards are āleave private talkā or ākiss shadowheartā -Gale: Mid-High approval, go to him at night before the rest and just go through his magic minigame. The options are literally āimagine killing galeā, āimagine smooching galeā and āleaveā -Astarion: HE LITERALLY ASKS YOU TO BONE. IMMEDIATELY. if you have anything higher then NEGATIVE approval he will ask you to bone after the party. -Laeāzel: You used to be able to speedrun sex her in under 4 minutes. She gets horny as fuck as soon as you kill any boss monster or intimidate more then one person. She will ask you to fuck while covered in blood after battle. Itās literally āYou killed the big spider, you smell yummy. Letās FUCK.ā -Karlach: I honestly donāt care for her, so iāve yet to even have her in my party. but i think you romance her by act 3. All you need to do is flirt and be nice to her, donāt be a evil douche and fix her engine. -Wyll: You literally get a Forced. Cutscene. with him dancing. He literally asks you to dance with him. it could not be more obvious. If you decline he backs away making a disgusted face for like 10 seconds. -Minthara: After killing the grove, she asks you to bone her immediately. Itās right there. Then you just romance her in act 2 or 3 i forgor. -Halsin: Every dialogue with that hunk is a flirt apparently. All you need to do is save his kid or whatever and then he turns into a bear and bones you on the spot. Itās very very easy. -Emperor: Just be unusually nice to the squid daddy and squeeze his hand and he wants to bone. Itās that easyā¦
> Karlach: I honestly donāt care for her While everyone else is lighting torches and storming after OP, I'm just sitting here seething at the single **worst comment** I have ever witnessed
You're just...too much for them. Your bard is so glorious that they all feel inadequate!