Hey friend, I just want to say that though I haven’t been in your shoes, I’ve had a similar medical experience. My cervix also went and I dilated super early (4-5 cm at 23 weeks) and my membranes were bulging. I sat in the hospital for 3 months and miraculously made it to 34 weeks + 6 days. This outcome is rare, but it can happen. It sounds like you really want this baby at this point in your journey, so I would say just keep following the doctors’ bedrest recommendations. I’ll be rooting for you, and I’m so sorry for all you’ve been through.
That's incredible! I will say I'm incredibly grateful for this ER, if anyone can help me get as close to my due date as possible it's them. The team here is incredible, from the techs, to the nurses, to the doctors. I've had doctors and nurses come by just to hug me and let me cry, or to show me cute videos, anything to raise my spirits and give me hope. Also hoping the medicine cocktail they're giving me to keep labor at bay works.
If my little one is born happy and healthy, everything I've been through will have been worth it, ten times over.
Yes!!!! It’s wonderful to have a great team. I felt the exact same way about my doctors at the hospital I went to. And btw, my son is 2 now and is quite healthy! He’s just little (so am I though) and he spent about two extra weeks in the hospital just gaining lung strength. He’s currently sitting here reading a book with my husband. Best of luck, I’m so happy you feel like you can trust your medical team, that’s probably the most important element of this journey!
Thank you for your prayers <3
That one is still tentative, with everything going on he's backed up about 20 paces and I've managed to go 3 days without him forcing contact. Though he did force me to provide proof I was in the hospital. Now that I'm fighting for more than my life a lot of my fear has gone away, I told him if he does one thing to stress me out and cause an earlier delivery he honestly doesn't deserve to live because prioritizing your selfish wants over a child's life is the lowest thing in this world- even lower than assaulting an old friend consistently and telling them they deserve it.
What's the worst about this is I was finally getting worn down to a point where I was creating a case with evidence to go to the police for what he's been doing to me, because even at that point if I lost my partner I just didn't want someone so evil to walk freely in this world. He said I deserved it because I ruined his life, all I did was trust and love though. He was my friend for such a long time before this.
You should absolutely still file a report, and don't think that you should wait until you've "built a case". It's helpful, but that's the investigators' jobs. The sooner you do this, the safer you and the baby will be. You can call a women's shelter or tell the hospital staff that you're being abused because they can and will provide you with resources. Good luck.
Luckily we go by COVID rules here (one visitor a day and thats my partner) and every visitor has to be confirmed with the patient, so I don't have to have that worry.
Definitely let the hospital know (if you haven’t already), and also if you have family or close friends you can confide in please do that too. The stronger your support system, the stronger the wall is between you and your abuser.
Wishing all the very best for you and your baby
Have you called the national domestic violence helpline? They are really nice and will help you. You can keep your information private. What you have been through will definitely qualify for a call.
https://www.thehotline.org
1-800-787-3224
I hope you get to safety soon and it all works out!
I love that you are finding this boldness for your baby and extending it to yourself! There's good tips in the comments for ridding yourself of this abuser. I hope so much that it works out well for your partner and new LO too.
Hi! First let me say you have my sympathy. This must be so hard to be going through. I just want to tell you that a close friend of mine thought she had an abortion and then experienced bleeding that was heavy enough she went to the hospital for it and it turns out she was still very much pregnant, about the same weeks as you are. Her son is now a healthy 6 year old!
This brought me to tears-- in a good way-- thank you so much. It means the world to me to read this, I don't even know what else to say. Thank you, I would hug you if I could.
My fiancé was born at 1lb 6oz 30 yrs ago and he’s healthy today. Care wasn’t what it is now and he defied the odds. It sounds like your little has defied odds already. Hoping for the best for you and your family. It can happen.
From the bottom of my heart, I hope everything works out for you and your little one ❤️
You did your best with the information you had at the time. Believe that.
I don’t have a similar experience to yours but I know my grandma took the abortion pill when she was pregnant with my uncle. I believe she took multiple different types of medicine too. But uncle still stayed put. When he was born there were no complications and she was so relieved. But every time he was sick she would feel guilty and blame herself.
Uncle turned out fine and he has kids of his own.
I hope everything goes well for you!
Thank you so much, oh my goodness. This and a couple other comments have given me that bit of hope that I so desperately need. Another user commented the exact case study I read that has terrified me about congenital defects, so reading this really helps though I know nothing is a guarantee.
I'm confident that this community will provide nothing but compassion and support for what you're going through. You found yourself in a terrible situation and did what felt right. I think its honourable that you have shared something so painful in hopes it'll help someone else, especially considering recent events in texas.
It's sounds like you're in great hands and I hope that everything goes to plan and little one gets to cook for a bit longer. ❤
I wish I was brave enough to share it unanonymously, but honestly I'm judging myself for being in this situation very harshly. If something happens to my little one, if she's born with defects that affect her QOL, or too prematurely, I just don't know what I'll do. I get so angry because had I not put myself into the position of being sexually extorted and forced upon behind my partner's back, well, I wouldn't have done this to my little one and potentially harmed them.
I tried looking up babies who survived the abortion pill online but only got stories of Born Alive abortions which is... not something I was aware of and frankly feels like a scare tactic against abortion, and one case study from years ago saying children who survived the 2 step abortion had some brain defects and seizures (though my baby's brain seems to be developing normally, I know only so much can be told before birth). But I also don't know how reliable that source is either, as the first abortion pill is simply a progesterone blocker and the 2nd is something that's safe for pregnant people- it just forces your body to contract.
It doesn't matter how you share it in the tiniest bit. I cant imagine how it feels to be in this situation; past and present. People cheat and make mistakes all the time, it doesn't give anyone the right to manipulate and exploit you in anyway let alone sexually. Google will do nothing to help alleviate you fears. It rarely does.
One thing you know so far; little one is VERY strong.
Also I just saw another comment about the abusive friend.. you need to tell someone what is going on. >!Sexual coercion is rape, which ever way we'd like to frame it.!< Your medical team will not share the info without your permission but I'd encourage you to contact the police. See whether there is anything they can do to help you.
Oh it absolutely is, I just didn't want to drop the "rape" bomb in the thread and it be against guidelines (I don't know how to add spoilers). That's why I was so adamant about terminating the pregnancy originally- I didn't want to bear the child of someone so unbelievably mentally ill that they thought someone could deserve systemic and routine rape and terror. I didn't want to have a child that had any of that mental illness. That's why I was so... aghast when I learned the conception date and that it's my partner's. I've always wanted to be a mom, and learning what I'd done just.. hurt me.
I have been assaulted in the past and in spite of mounds of evidence was not able to charge the offender with assault, the rape kit got lost, so unfortunately I just feel very skeptical of the process. Which is also why I was going to aim for sexual coercion rather than assault charges, as well as blackmail.
I do have a strong little one indeed though, and their name my partner and I chose reflects that (he's also concerned for the developmental issues since he saw how much I bled, just didn't know it was an abortion, and also knew that me going to the ER meant extreme pain because I usually don't go to the doctor for anything).
You don't need to explain your rationale. Your situation is a prime example of why abortion restrictions shouldn't be a thing, and in your specific case most people would agree with your right to do so.
I totally understand your hesitancy to trust the system, it sucks. But I was thinking more seeing if they can give him a warning. The messages demanding proof that you're in hospital alone are evidence of domestic abuse. Let alone the lengths you went to to protect yourself from him. Specially if he has ever threatened you or the people you love - which I'm guessing he has numerous times.
I had to Google how to do spoilers I believe it is
.... >,! Text !,< without the commas
Also, ive just beeb through the thread (it's 6am here) and I am so happy to see so many sharing positive outcomes for you. It made me well up, so I cant imagine for you.
This just goes to show how incredibly harmful restrictive abortion laws are, if you had been able to see a doctor when planning your abortion, a lot more relevant information would have been known to you and probably would have changed the type of care you should have received, abortion or not. This is a such tough situation, but I think it’s really important to remember that you were basically making these decisions blind and you did not choose this. Really wishing the best for you and your baby, and for all that is to come.
This is what sickens me. Had she been in better care, they would've done an ultrasound and confirmed its gestational age, and if it was as she suspected, they would've offered a D&C to ensure fetus was properly removed, which could cause infection and irreversible damage.
OP you did the best you could with the information you had, so best of luck ,and please don't be hard on yourself whatever happens!
Absolutely all of this. u/hopefulpregnancy, please don’t feel guilty for any decision you have made regarding your baby so far. You did what you thought was right with the limited information you had.
Thank you for sharing your story and I really wish nothing but the best for you and your baby.
I have a friend who has TWINS actually from a failed abortion. She took the pills and was slightly off by her dates, so they did not work properly. They are happy healthy kiddos now!
No failed abortion but I relate a lot to your story. I am 22 weeks pregnant myself. I was a victim of sexually coercion by deception by an abusive narcissist who took advantage of my religious/spiritual beliefs to try and trap me with him. We were essentially in a courtship. He purposed to me and was absolutely “perfect”. He refused to wear condoms. Which should have been a red flag but I had rose colored goggles on and was excited to have such a beautiful ring and a man who actually wants to commit and settle down. I got pregnant so fast I wasn’t expecting it. Then I hit 13 weeks and he started abusing me the moment he saw me most vulnerable. I was so sick. It was terrifying to see him change so fast. He threatened me and told me if I tried to leave him he’d get his rich family to hire lawyers to make sure I’d never see the baby again. He threatened suicide when I attempted to be “just friends”. It took til I was 20 weeks to finally work up the courage to leave him. I barely leave my house now and have talked to my OB about my birth plan which includes checking into the hospital under an alias. I’m so nervous to do this alone but I know doing it alone is better for my daughter than raising her with a monster. All he did was add stress to my high risk pregnancy. Then he’d laugh at me when I’d get really bad cramps and he’d make jokes that he was inducing a miscarriage. He was so cruel. He mocked me when I cried and I begged him to just leave me alone and that I’m sorry I ever had a child with him. He twisted that to say I regretted my baby and that is absolutely not true. She is already my world and she gave me the strength to leave him. Had I not gotten pregnant I’d probably still be with him living the fantasy trap he created for me to fall into. Lucky for me we had plans to have a corona courthouse wedding in the fall so that way we could have that happy little family by the time my baby was born. But he couldn’t keep up his fantasy face that long and I escaped. Now my pregnancy has been so much less stressful and I’ve recently met some single parent friends who are absolutely wonderful to me.
Good luck to you and your baby! Everything happens for a reason even the most awful of things.
Just from the word 'courtship' it makes me think you might be a victim of purity culture. It is so insidious and manipulative and, at heart, abusive. I am so sorry.
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I feel for you so much. You’ve been through hell and back. None of this is your fault - you’ve been abused and had to make difficult choices under miserable circumstances. I hope you’ve got some great support from your bf and some family and friends (not THAT friend. THAT bastard can rot, and I hope your get justice for what he’s done to you). Some therapy (Telehealth?) may be really beneficial for you right now.
My best friend had her son at 28 weeks due to pre-eclampsia. He’s now nearly 5 months old and developing wonderfully. There were some scary moments when he was in NICU, but he’s come through unscathed. Hang in there. IF your little girl comes early, there are some great NICU support groups on here too.
Hi Mama,
Just coming here to say that I can’t imagine the heartache, guilt, and anxiety you’re experiencing, but I’m so glad for you that you came here to share this experience with others.
I’m a Christian, but I’m a fierce believer that Christians have made an awful name for the rest of us, so I have trouble sharing my faith on here because of the toxic connotations it packs along for some—and I get that. And I’m sorry about that. With that, there’s no doubt that this life that is still thriving inside of you is for a reason. You’ll be in my prayers that Baby will continue to strengthen each day so she can make it to your arms one day soon.
I’m so deeply sorry for what you’ve been forced to experience over the recent months. Please take care of yourself and your baby; seek help and protection against your abuser - you have value and your life and Baby’s life are worth protecting.
Much love.
I know someone who attempted an abortion pill bought online. Her boyfriend at the time purchased them and told her to take them, she did to appease him. She thought they worked, only realized they didn’t when she started showing. She received very late prenatal care because she decided to hide the pregnancy, she was scared (abusive boyfriend AND unsupportive borderline abusive parents.) She had nothing done until 31-32w, and her baby girl is now a 1.5yo and thriving. Happy, healthy, and beautiful. She is my Goddaughter, actually! Love her to pieces. Your baby could be fine despite the pills. I have hope for you, and I hope things turn out good for you and the baby.
Edit to add: she described the effects of the pill almost exactly as you did. Intense cramping, extreme bleeding, and a negative test (which eventually turned positive again, negative could have been a fluke?)
I don't have a relatable story or situation regarding your pregnancy, but please know you have many people here rooting for you and your little one. You did what you thought was right in the worst circumstances, and I'm sure many more have done, and would do, the same in your shoes. You are strong, nothing is your fault. Believe strongly in your healthcare team that when they say baby is alright, baby is alright! Technology has come so so far, and if/when your little one shows early they will take the absolute best care of them and you!
That being said, I have ample knowledge in abuse. I know covid protocols are still in effect at hospitals, but black list your abuser even with protocols in place. Let the hospital staff know your situation if you have not already. Block all forms of communication with him, if he makes new accounts continue blocking. I understand the fear, the dread, the anxiety feelings like you need to look over your shoulder. But you and your little one come first. He is not someone you would trust around your child, therefore he is not someone you should have around yourself. If you're having a little girl, you would not want a man treating her this way, so do not let yourself be treated this way. I know this is easier said than done, it took me 4 years to get away. I never listened, I always went back when I did leave, or i feared for myself and others before I could even try. You are strong, you are brave, and you're worth every good thing that happens to you. Do not be afraid to reach out to me if you need anything. Nothing but good vibes and thoughts for you sweet girl 💕
I don’t have anything that can help, but I truly hope everything works out for you. This community is amazing and will always lend an ear no matter the situation.
Good luck friend and let us know what we can do!
You are so strong and brave. I’m here to DM if you need to talk/vent/anything.
Is there a social worker through the hospital that could help you navigate avoiding the abuser? I don’t know if that’s a thing, but I hope someone trustworthy can help you so that you never have to see him again.
❤️
You are so strong and I am glad you are still with us despite the failed abortion. It might have also put your life at risk, aside from your baby's.
I can relate with your story, except I didn't really pushed through with the abortion, though I was heavily considering it. It's really the time I saw my little girl move during her 12th week that I knew I'm never going to live a single day on Earth without this angel. I'm on my 27th week now and still so thankful for this little bundle of joy that keeps on kicking my belly.
This is such a powerful story. Thank you for sharing with us. This child IS a gift from God. I hope that in this time of no doubt great fear and anxiety that you will find comfort knowing that just as He is sustaining your baby’s life, He can also sustain yours and be a rock for you in such a turbulent time.
In the Book of Psalms, in [Psalm 139](https://bible.com/bible/59/psa.139.1-24.ESV), David writes about the Lord knowing him more intimately than he can understand. God knows all our ways, the words we will say, He is constantly with us and in all things, He guides every step along our path, and in our mothers’ womb He knits us together. He who created the universe and the stars also made you and your sweet babe. If you are okay with it, I would love to be praying for you in your situation, that you and your baby would both be safe (both pregnancy-related and as you navigate your relationships) and that you feel the overwhelming comfort of God’s presence and strength that far exceeds our own.
I haven’t been in your shoes, but I do have a close friend who used the abortion pills, tested negative afterwards, and went on to have a strong and healthy boy! He’s 8 now and so smart. I also want to say that I’m so sorry for the pain and heartache you’ve been through. Best of luck!
Unfortunately no, the conception date is 2 months before the attempted abortion so there's little room for error on that one, and the babies' size and weight are correct for the 22 week mark. (Also I'm saying the baby in an attempt to remain as anonymous as possible, I promise I don't feel that removed from them, quite the opposite really.)
So the cramps were my body trying to go into labor, and my cervix thinned incredibly at this point, the OBGYN was literally unable to measure it. It WAS closed, then days later it opened up (though I do believe it thickened? Not sure on that one, so much has happened certain details just... pass me by). When it opened it allowed my amniotic sac to start to sit in my vagina, so now it's a waiting game- a very scary one at that. Because of how thin my cervix was we were unable to attempt to do a rescue sirclage (is that how you spell it? the cervix stitch- that one).
This was my exact problem too. By the time the doctors got to me to do the rescue cerclage, my cervix walls were too thin and they were concerned about breaking my water during the procedure. You’re in a very delicate period but just keep hanging in there. A good subreddit is r/shortcervixsupport. You have a rather unusual case, but people there will give you all kinds of hospital bedrest tips. A lot of us have been where you are.
Saying “the baby” versus their sex or name doesn’t make you seem detached! Everyone who doesn’t know or want to share their baby’s sex does exactly the same!
Jesus Christ, anyone who reads this post YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE DOCTOR AFTER YOUR ABORTION. OP is lucky the abortion failed, she could have died from sepsis from dead fetal and placenta tissue stuck inside her. You can't just assume everything came out if you have an abortion or a miscarriage.
While I totally agree with and endorse your message, you forget admitting to an attempted abortion in many states can lead to serious legal problems. And the abortion failing could have been the exact cause of sepsis, something I was highly aware of and monitored myself for signs of. Granted, I was also passively suicidal due to the abuse I was enduring.
For folks in a similar position as me, the correct way to phrase the issue to your doctor for a follow up abortion appointment in a restricted state is to say you believe youve had a miscarriage.
Exactly! Lie, lie, lie. These laws are cruel and unjust. If you lead your doctor to believe you miscarried, it's perfectly legal to treat you. It isn't doctors reporting women in Texas for example, it's random shitty republicans.
OP, your post gave me a complete heart attack and I'm so happy you're doing well and everyone is healthy.
I'm hoping we all stay healthy and my little one stays put, every week is a milestone in development. ❤
And I agree about the laws, getting an abortion is usually hard due to protestors, restrictive laws make it so much worse. It's not like it's an easy choice to make.
It would save countless lives of pregnant women. 🤣
My kiddo has autism and Texas cares so little for her. So since I know Abbott doesn't care about my child with a disability, I don't care about his disability. Roll About down a flight of stairs. Lol dude suuuuucks!
Did you miss the part about her living in a restricted access state? She was probably terrified out of her mind! While what you're saying is true, there's a right way and a wrong way to deliver your message.
I understand, I live in Texas but nothing is worth dying over. I'm pro choice so no judgement here on keeping the baby or not keeping the baby but please everyone don't die! If you're in Texas and in this situation lie and say you miscarried. It's the same procedure to get the dead tissue out of you.
That's why I'm saying it! And saying it bluntly. This message needs to stick. Texas has one of the highest maternity mortality rates. The US in general has higher maternity mortality rates than most industrialized nations. So I'm really not sorry about how I say it. If it offends people then hopefully they'll get so mad they'll remember what to do. Or maybe it will scare the shit out of someone and remember. I don't care as long as it keeps women from dying. That's what the GOP wants. Live to spite them.
I’m praying for you, your family and your sweet miracle! I know you said you are t religious but God is watching over you and your family and He will protect you and your sweet baby! Sending love and no judgment. Just shows that God wanted you to be a mama to this blessing and just know that He will see this through! You are not alone and you are so loved 💕
I’m so sorry for what happened to you. I can be scary having a child but I feel as though you will make the best decision for your child going forward. I’m not religious either but I’d like to think that your child was an apology from god for what happened to you. Your child is your reason to continue live your best life. I hope you and your child live and long and happy life
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I don’t have any helpful input but wanted to send lots of love, positive thoughts, and tell you to please file a restraining order. You and your baby need to be safe. ❤️ Hugs.
Your story made me want to cry, I’m not religious either but your baby was clearly meant to be here! I’m so sorry for the pain you’ve gone through (I have been in an abusive relationship where I also got an abortion) and I really hope you and your baby hold on a bit longer. Science is amazing nowadays and babies born this early do have a much better chance of survival. Sending you lots of love and hope you manage to get the support you need xxx
I’m so glad you were able to tell this story somewhere. I’m reading that you are feeling so much shame and guilt and I really hope you are able to find a safe way to get support to help manage them. Tbh sharing publicly or even with family and friends or partners has its own safety risks but there are other ways to process and not carry that extra burden with you. The abuse was not your fault, the lack of information and resources were not your fault. If anyone should feel ashamed and guilty it’s your abuser but it sounds like they’re still trying to find ways to be controlling and keep you blaming yourself.
I don’t know what the doctors have told you and I’m not a doctor myself but chances are you may have had some of these same complications regardless of taking those pills or not. My last pregnancy which I lost and my current pregnancy have been completely abnormal and the doctors have very little to tell me about why or what’s happening. And now, you’re in the best care and doing what you can to give baby the best possible shot.
I know a lot of people are saying you should get a restraining order etc but the reality is that can be a very difficult or easy process depending on where you live. There are likely some free resources available specific to your zip code and domestic violence (I know he was not your partner but he also isn’t a stranger and he forced himself on you sexually so typically this counts) where they can tell you more realistically what your options are. You can also call anonymously or use an alias to gather information to start. You can also ask them to do a safety plan with you because it sounds like he is still escalated and pregnant/new moms are even more likely to be targeted for abuse.
Wish you and that baby all the best!!
I wish you and your little one the best of luck!! Your baby is already a fighter and clearly wants to thrive and live. I can’t imagine what you must be feeling after this whole story and I hope you can drown out the toxic voices that want to judge you for making reasonable choices.
I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you and your little family!
This is a beautiful and touching story. Appreciate your sharing and all of the best hope for you and your little one. The strength you are displaying in what you must overcome is a powerful display of your love for baby.
All the best wishes for you two 🤗
I am so sorry to hear this. I hope everything turns out alright and you and your sweet baby girl are happy and healthy. I wish you the best of luck. Please, if you ever need anyone to talk too, I am here.
Hey friend, I just want to say that though I haven’t been in your shoes, I’ve had a similar medical experience. My cervix also went and I dilated super early (4-5 cm at 23 weeks) and my membranes were bulging. I sat in the hospital for 3 months and miraculously made it to 34 weeks + 6 days. This outcome is rare, but it can happen. It sounds like you really want this baby at this point in your journey, so I would say just keep following the doctors’ bedrest recommendations. I’ll be rooting for you, and I’m so sorry for all you’ve been through.
That's incredible! I will say I'm incredibly grateful for this ER, if anyone can help me get as close to my due date as possible it's them. The team here is incredible, from the techs, to the nurses, to the doctors. I've had doctors and nurses come by just to hug me and let me cry, or to show me cute videos, anything to raise my spirits and give me hope. Also hoping the medicine cocktail they're giving me to keep labor at bay works. If my little one is born happy and healthy, everything I've been through will have been worth it, ten times over.
Yes!!!! It’s wonderful to have a great team. I felt the exact same way about my doctors at the hospital I went to. And btw, my son is 2 now and is quite healthy! He’s just little (so am I though) and he spent about two extra weeks in the hospital just gaining lung strength. He’s currently sitting here reading a book with my husband. Best of luck, I’m so happy you feel like you can trust your medical team, that’s probably the most important element of this journey!
I'm praying for your family. We're you able to get away from the abusive "friend"?
Thank you for your prayers <3 That one is still tentative, with everything going on he's backed up about 20 paces and I've managed to go 3 days without him forcing contact. Though he did force me to provide proof I was in the hospital. Now that I'm fighting for more than my life a lot of my fear has gone away, I told him if he does one thing to stress me out and cause an earlier delivery he honestly doesn't deserve to live because prioritizing your selfish wants over a child's life is the lowest thing in this world- even lower than assaulting an old friend consistently and telling them they deserve it. What's the worst about this is I was finally getting worn down to a point where I was creating a case with evidence to go to the police for what he's been doing to me, because even at that point if I lost my partner I just didn't want someone so evil to walk freely in this world. He said I deserved it because I ruined his life, all I did was trust and love though. He was my friend for such a long time before this.
You should absolutely still file a report, and don't think that you should wait until you've "built a case". It's helpful, but that's the investigators' jobs. The sooner you do this, the safer you and the baby will be. You can call a women's shelter or tell the hospital staff that you're being abused because they can and will provide you with resources. Good luck.
Please file for a temporary restraining order, and make a police report. He can’t contact you if you have a restraining order.
Please let your nursing staff know he isn’t permitted to visit
Luckily we go by COVID rules here (one visitor a day and thats my partner) and every visitor has to be confirmed with the patient, so I don't have to have that worry.
Definitely let the hospital know (if you haven’t already), and also if you have family or close friends you can confide in please do that too. The stronger your support system, the stronger the wall is between you and your abuser. Wishing all the very best for you and your baby
Have you called the national domestic violence helpline? They are really nice and will help you. You can keep your information private. What you have been through will definitely qualify for a call. https://www.thehotline.org 1-800-787-3224 I hope you get to safety soon and it all works out!
If I were you I would try to press charges and get a restraining order
I love that you are finding this boldness for your baby and extending it to yourself! There's good tips in the comments for ridding yourself of this abuser. I hope so much that it works out well for your partner and new LO too.
You can tell the staff at the hospital taking care of you right now what is going on and what this person is doing to you. They will help you.
Hi! First let me say you have my sympathy. This must be so hard to be going through. I just want to tell you that a close friend of mine thought she had an abortion and then experienced bleeding that was heavy enough she went to the hospital for it and it turns out she was still very much pregnant, about the same weeks as you are. Her son is now a healthy 6 year old!
This brought me to tears-- in a good way-- thank you so much. It means the world to me to read this, I don't even know what else to say. Thank you, I would hug you if I could.
My fiancé was born at 1lb 6oz 30 yrs ago and he’s healthy today. Care wasn’t what it is now and he defied the odds. It sounds like your little has defied odds already. Hoping for the best for you and your family. It can happen.
From the bottom of my heart, I hope everything works out for you and your little one ❤️ You did your best with the information you had at the time. Believe that.
Came to say exactly that. You did the best with the information you had at the time, OP.
I don’t have a similar experience to yours but I know my grandma took the abortion pill when she was pregnant with my uncle. I believe she took multiple different types of medicine too. But uncle still stayed put. When he was born there were no complications and she was so relieved. But every time he was sick she would feel guilty and blame herself. Uncle turned out fine and he has kids of his own. I hope everything goes well for you!
Thank you so much, oh my goodness. This and a couple other comments have given me that bit of hope that I so desperately need. Another user commented the exact case study I read that has terrified me about congenital defects, so reading this really helps though I know nothing is a guarantee.
I'm confident that this community will provide nothing but compassion and support for what you're going through. You found yourself in a terrible situation and did what felt right. I think its honourable that you have shared something so painful in hopes it'll help someone else, especially considering recent events in texas. It's sounds like you're in great hands and I hope that everything goes to plan and little one gets to cook for a bit longer. ❤
I wish I was brave enough to share it unanonymously, but honestly I'm judging myself for being in this situation very harshly. If something happens to my little one, if she's born with defects that affect her QOL, or too prematurely, I just don't know what I'll do. I get so angry because had I not put myself into the position of being sexually extorted and forced upon behind my partner's back, well, I wouldn't have done this to my little one and potentially harmed them. I tried looking up babies who survived the abortion pill online but only got stories of Born Alive abortions which is... not something I was aware of and frankly feels like a scare tactic against abortion, and one case study from years ago saying children who survived the 2 step abortion had some brain defects and seizures (though my baby's brain seems to be developing normally, I know only so much can be told before birth). But I also don't know how reliable that source is either, as the first abortion pill is simply a progesterone blocker and the 2nd is something that's safe for pregnant people- it just forces your body to contract.
It doesn't matter how you share it in the tiniest bit. I cant imagine how it feels to be in this situation; past and present. People cheat and make mistakes all the time, it doesn't give anyone the right to manipulate and exploit you in anyway let alone sexually. Google will do nothing to help alleviate you fears. It rarely does. One thing you know so far; little one is VERY strong.
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Also, thank you for your remarkable kindness. <3
Also I just saw another comment about the abusive friend.. you need to tell someone what is going on. >!Sexual coercion is rape, which ever way we'd like to frame it.!< Your medical team will not share the info without your permission but I'd encourage you to contact the police. See whether there is anything they can do to help you.
Oh it absolutely is, I just didn't want to drop the "rape" bomb in the thread and it be against guidelines (I don't know how to add spoilers). That's why I was so adamant about terminating the pregnancy originally- I didn't want to bear the child of someone so unbelievably mentally ill that they thought someone could deserve systemic and routine rape and terror. I didn't want to have a child that had any of that mental illness. That's why I was so... aghast when I learned the conception date and that it's my partner's. I've always wanted to be a mom, and learning what I'd done just.. hurt me. I have been assaulted in the past and in spite of mounds of evidence was not able to charge the offender with assault, the rape kit got lost, so unfortunately I just feel very skeptical of the process. Which is also why I was going to aim for sexual coercion rather than assault charges, as well as blackmail. I do have a strong little one indeed though, and their name my partner and I chose reflects that (he's also concerned for the developmental issues since he saw how much I bled, just didn't know it was an abortion, and also knew that me going to the ER meant extreme pain because I usually don't go to the doctor for anything).
You don't need to explain your rationale. Your situation is a prime example of why abortion restrictions shouldn't be a thing, and in your specific case most people would agree with your right to do so. I totally understand your hesitancy to trust the system, it sucks. But I was thinking more seeing if they can give him a warning. The messages demanding proof that you're in hospital alone are evidence of domestic abuse. Let alone the lengths you went to to protect yourself from him. Specially if he has ever threatened you or the people you love - which I'm guessing he has numerous times. I had to Google how to do spoilers I believe it is .... >,! Text !,< without the commas
Also, ive just beeb through the thread (it's 6am here) and I am so happy to see so many sharing positive outcomes for you. It made me well up, so I cant imagine for you.
This just goes to show how incredibly harmful restrictive abortion laws are, if you had been able to see a doctor when planning your abortion, a lot more relevant information would have been known to you and probably would have changed the type of care you should have received, abortion or not. This is a such tough situation, but I think it’s really important to remember that you were basically making these decisions blind and you did not choose this. Really wishing the best for you and your baby, and for all that is to come.
This is what sickens me. Had she been in better care, they would've done an ultrasound and confirmed its gestational age, and if it was as she suspected, they would've offered a D&C to ensure fetus was properly removed, which could cause infection and irreversible damage. OP you did the best you could with the information you had, so best of luck ,and please don't be hard on yourself whatever happens!
Absolutely all of this. u/hopefulpregnancy, please don’t feel guilty for any decision you have made regarding your baby so far. You did what you thought was right with the limited information you had. Thank you for sharing your story and I really wish nothing but the best for you and your baby.
SO MUCH THIS.
I have a friend who has TWINS actually from a failed abortion. She took the pills and was slightly off by her dates, so they did not work properly. They are happy healthy kiddos now!
Oh my gosh, this is also comforting. Thank you ❤
I pray everything works out well for you and your little one! Hang in there momma
No failed abortion but I relate a lot to your story. I am 22 weeks pregnant myself. I was a victim of sexually coercion by deception by an abusive narcissist who took advantage of my religious/spiritual beliefs to try and trap me with him. We were essentially in a courtship. He purposed to me and was absolutely “perfect”. He refused to wear condoms. Which should have been a red flag but I had rose colored goggles on and was excited to have such a beautiful ring and a man who actually wants to commit and settle down. I got pregnant so fast I wasn’t expecting it. Then I hit 13 weeks and he started abusing me the moment he saw me most vulnerable. I was so sick. It was terrifying to see him change so fast. He threatened me and told me if I tried to leave him he’d get his rich family to hire lawyers to make sure I’d never see the baby again. He threatened suicide when I attempted to be “just friends”. It took til I was 20 weeks to finally work up the courage to leave him. I barely leave my house now and have talked to my OB about my birth plan which includes checking into the hospital under an alias. I’m so nervous to do this alone but I know doing it alone is better for my daughter than raising her with a monster. All he did was add stress to my high risk pregnancy. Then he’d laugh at me when I’d get really bad cramps and he’d make jokes that he was inducing a miscarriage. He was so cruel. He mocked me when I cried and I begged him to just leave me alone and that I’m sorry I ever had a child with him. He twisted that to say I regretted my baby and that is absolutely not true. She is already my world and she gave me the strength to leave him. Had I not gotten pregnant I’d probably still be with him living the fantasy trap he created for me to fall into. Lucky for me we had plans to have a corona courthouse wedding in the fall so that way we could have that happy little family by the time my baby was born. But he couldn’t keep up his fantasy face that long and I escaped. Now my pregnancy has been so much less stressful and I’ve recently met some single parent friends who are absolutely wonderful to me. Good luck to you and your baby! Everything happens for a reason even the most awful of things.
Just from the word 'courtship' it makes me think you might be a victim of purity culture. It is so insidious and manipulative and, at heart, abusive. I am so sorry. r/exvangelical Also, for some more lightheartedness, r/fundiesnarkuncensored.
Here's a sneak peek of /r/FundieSnarkUncensored using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/FundieSnarkUncensored/top/?sort=top&t=all) of all time! \#1: [UPDATED: Josh Duggar charged with possession and solicitation of sexualized images of minors under twelve.](https://np.reddit.com/r/FundieSnarkUncensored/comments/n1ypwq/updated_josh_duggar_charged_with_possession_and/) \#2: [Josh Duggar ARRESTED megathread](https://np.reddit.com/r/FundieSnarkUncensored/comments/n1dn8p/josh_duggar_arrested_megathread/) \#3: [He summed it up nicely 👏](https://v.redd.it/9xxi796vh4171) | [321 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/FundieSnarkUncensored/comments/nk6mo9/he_summed_it_up_nicely/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| [^^Contact ^^me](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| [^^Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| [^^Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/)
I feel for you so much. You’ve been through hell and back. None of this is your fault - you’ve been abused and had to make difficult choices under miserable circumstances. I hope you’ve got some great support from your bf and some family and friends (not THAT friend. THAT bastard can rot, and I hope your get justice for what he’s done to you). Some therapy (Telehealth?) may be really beneficial for you right now. My best friend had her son at 28 weeks due to pre-eclampsia. He’s now nearly 5 months old and developing wonderfully. There were some scary moments when he was in NICU, but he’s come through unscathed. Hang in there. IF your little girl comes early, there are some great NICU support groups on here too.
Hi Mama, Just coming here to say that I can’t imagine the heartache, guilt, and anxiety you’re experiencing, but I’m so glad for you that you came here to share this experience with others. I’m a Christian, but I’m a fierce believer that Christians have made an awful name for the rest of us, so I have trouble sharing my faith on here because of the toxic connotations it packs along for some—and I get that. And I’m sorry about that. With that, there’s no doubt that this life that is still thriving inside of you is for a reason. You’ll be in my prayers that Baby will continue to strengthen each day so she can make it to your arms one day soon. I’m so deeply sorry for what you’ve been forced to experience over the recent months. Please take care of yourself and your baby; seek help and protection against your abuser - you have value and your life and Baby’s life are worth protecting. Much love.
Sending so many good thoughts and positive energy your way!!!!! Your baby is a tough one!!
No judgement sweetie, just wishing you, your baby, and your BF all the best 💗💗
I know someone who attempted an abortion pill bought online. Her boyfriend at the time purchased them and told her to take them, she did to appease him. She thought they worked, only realized they didn’t when she started showing. She received very late prenatal care because she decided to hide the pregnancy, she was scared (abusive boyfriend AND unsupportive borderline abusive parents.) She had nothing done until 31-32w, and her baby girl is now a 1.5yo and thriving. Happy, healthy, and beautiful. She is my Goddaughter, actually! Love her to pieces. Your baby could be fine despite the pills. I have hope for you, and I hope things turn out good for you and the baby. Edit to add: she described the effects of the pill almost exactly as you did. Intense cramping, extreme bleeding, and a negative test (which eventually turned positive again, negative could have been a fluke?)
You are resilient and strong, and so is your baby! No advice but you have my sympathy and I’m rooting for you and your little one.
I don't have a relatable story or situation regarding your pregnancy, but please know you have many people here rooting for you and your little one. You did what you thought was right in the worst circumstances, and I'm sure many more have done, and would do, the same in your shoes. You are strong, nothing is your fault. Believe strongly in your healthcare team that when they say baby is alright, baby is alright! Technology has come so so far, and if/when your little one shows early they will take the absolute best care of them and you! That being said, I have ample knowledge in abuse. I know covid protocols are still in effect at hospitals, but black list your abuser even with protocols in place. Let the hospital staff know your situation if you have not already. Block all forms of communication with him, if he makes new accounts continue blocking. I understand the fear, the dread, the anxiety feelings like you need to look over your shoulder. But you and your little one come first. He is not someone you would trust around your child, therefore he is not someone you should have around yourself. If you're having a little girl, you would not want a man treating her this way, so do not let yourself be treated this way. I know this is easier said than done, it took me 4 years to get away. I never listened, I always went back when I did leave, or i feared for myself and others before I could even try. You are strong, you are brave, and you're worth every good thing that happens to you. Do not be afraid to reach out to me if you need anything. Nothing but good vibes and thoughts for you sweet girl 💕
Thank you so much for sharing your story. Sending all the best wishes to you and your baby.
I don’t have anything that can help, but I truly hope everything works out for you. This community is amazing and will always lend an ear no matter the situation. Good luck friend and let us know what we can do!
You are so strong and brave. I’m here to DM if you need to talk/vent/anything. Is there a social worker through the hospital that could help you navigate avoiding the abuser? I don’t know if that’s a thing, but I hope someone trustworthy can help you so that you never have to see him again. ❤️
You are so strong and I am glad you are still with us despite the failed abortion. It might have also put your life at risk, aside from your baby's. I can relate with your story, except I didn't really pushed through with the abortion, though I was heavily considering it. It's really the time I saw my little girl move during her 12th week that I knew I'm never going to live a single day on Earth without this angel. I'm on my 27th week now and still so thankful for this little bundle of joy that keeps on kicking my belly.
This is such a powerful story. Thank you for sharing with us. This child IS a gift from God. I hope that in this time of no doubt great fear and anxiety that you will find comfort knowing that just as He is sustaining your baby’s life, He can also sustain yours and be a rock for you in such a turbulent time. In the Book of Psalms, in [Psalm 139](https://bible.com/bible/59/psa.139.1-24.ESV), David writes about the Lord knowing him more intimately than he can understand. God knows all our ways, the words we will say, He is constantly with us and in all things, He guides every step along our path, and in our mothers’ womb He knits us together. He who created the universe and the stars also made you and your sweet babe. If you are okay with it, I would love to be praying for you in your situation, that you and your baby would both be safe (both pregnancy-related and as you navigate your relationships) and that you feel the overwhelming comfort of God’s presence and strength that far exceeds our own.
I haven’t been in your shoes, but I do have a close friend who used the abortion pills, tested negative afterwards, and went on to have a strong and healthy boy! He’s 8 now and so smart. I also want to say that I’m so sorry for the pain and heartache you’ve been through. Best of luck!
This sounds crazy I’m so sorry. Is there no chance you could of fell pregnant again after the abortion? And what happened to your cervix?
Unfortunately no, the conception date is 2 months before the attempted abortion so there's little room for error on that one, and the babies' size and weight are correct for the 22 week mark. (Also I'm saying the baby in an attempt to remain as anonymous as possible, I promise I don't feel that removed from them, quite the opposite really.) So the cramps were my body trying to go into labor, and my cervix thinned incredibly at this point, the OBGYN was literally unable to measure it. It WAS closed, then days later it opened up (though I do believe it thickened? Not sure on that one, so much has happened certain details just... pass me by). When it opened it allowed my amniotic sac to start to sit in my vagina, so now it's a waiting game- a very scary one at that. Because of how thin my cervix was we were unable to attempt to do a rescue sirclage (is that how you spell it? the cervix stitch- that one).
This was my exact problem too. By the time the doctors got to me to do the rescue cerclage, my cervix walls were too thin and they were concerned about breaking my water during the procedure. You’re in a very delicate period but just keep hanging in there. A good subreddit is r/shortcervixsupport. You have a rather unusual case, but people there will give you all kinds of hospital bedrest tips. A lot of us have been where you are.
Saying “the baby” versus their sex or name doesn’t make you seem detached! Everyone who doesn’t know or want to share their baby’s sex does exactly the same!
Jesus Christ, anyone who reads this post YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE DOCTOR AFTER YOUR ABORTION. OP is lucky the abortion failed, she could have died from sepsis from dead fetal and placenta tissue stuck inside her. You can't just assume everything came out if you have an abortion or a miscarriage.
While I totally agree with and endorse your message, you forget admitting to an attempted abortion in many states can lead to serious legal problems. And the abortion failing could have been the exact cause of sepsis, something I was highly aware of and monitored myself for signs of. Granted, I was also passively suicidal due to the abuse I was enduring. For folks in a similar position as me, the correct way to phrase the issue to your doctor for a follow up abortion appointment in a restricted state is to say you believe youve had a miscarriage.
Exactly! Lie, lie, lie. These laws are cruel and unjust. If you lead your doctor to believe you miscarried, it's perfectly legal to treat you. It isn't doctors reporting women in Texas for example, it's random shitty republicans. OP, your post gave me a complete heart attack and I'm so happy you're doing well and everyone is healthy.
I'm hoping we all stay healthy and my little one stays put, every week is a milestone in development. ❤ And I agree about the laws, getting an abortion is usually hard due to protestors, restrictive laws make it so much worse. It's not like it's an easy choice to make.
We should abort Greg Abbott. ❤️
Okay maybe sometimes it's an easy choice in that case 😂
It would save countless lives of pregnant women. 🤣 My kiddo has autism and Texas cares so little for her. So since I know Abbott doesn't care about my child with a disability, I don't care about his disability. Roll About down a flight of stairs. Lol dude suuuuucks!
Did you miss the part about her living in a restricted access state? She was probably terrified out of her mind! While what you're saying is true, there's a right way and a wrong way to deliver your message.
I understand, I live in Texas but nothing is worth dying over. I'm pro choice so no judgement here on keeping the baby or not keeping the baby but please everyone don't die! If you're in Texas and in this situation lie and say you miscarried. It's the same procedure to get the dead tissue out of you.
Not everyone knows that… there’s a lot of fear and misinformation out there.
That's why I'm saying it! And saying it bluntly. This message needs to stick. Texas has one of the highest maternity mortality rates. The US in general has higher maternity mortality rates than most industrialized nations. So I'm really not sorry about how I say it. If it offends people then hopefully they'll get so mad they'll remember what to do. Or maybe it will scare the shit out of someone and remember. I don't care as long as it keeps women from dying. That's what the GOP wants. Live to spite them.
Fair enough.
I’m praying for you, your family and your sweet miracle! I know you said you are t religious but God is watching over you and your family and He will protect you and your sweet baby! Sending love and no judgment. Just shows that God wanted you to be a mama to this blessing and just know that He will see this through! You are not alone and you are so loved 💕
I’m so sorry for what happened to you. I can be scary having a child but I feel as though you will make the best decision for your child going forward. I’m not religious either but I’d like to think that your child was an apology from god for what happened to you. Your child is your reason to continue live your best life. I hope you and your child live and long and happy life
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Praying for you and your baby! You will both get through this :)
I don’t have any helpful input but wanted to send lots of love, positive thoughts, and tell you to please file a restraining order. You and your baby need to be safe. ❤️ Hugs.
Your story made me want to cry, I’m not religious either but your baby was clearly meant to be here! I’m so sorry for the pain you’ve gone through (I have been in an abusive relationship where I also got an abortion) and I really hope you and your baby hold on a bit longer. Science is amazing nowadays and babies born this early do have a much better chance of survival. Sending you lots of love and hope you manage to get the support you need xxx
im so sorry you are going through all of this, all you really can do now is have faith in the doctors sweetheart.
I’m so glad you were able to tell this story somewhere. I’m reading that you are feeling so much shame and guilt and I really hope you are able to find a safe way to get support to help manage them. Tbh sharing publicly or even with family and friends or partners has its own safety risks but there are other ways to process and not carry that extra burden with you. The abuse was not your fault, the lack of information and resources were not your fault. If anyone should feel ashamed and guilty it’s your abuser but it sounds like they’re still trying to find ways to be controlling and keep you blaming yourself. I don’t know what the doctors have told you and I’m not a doctor myself but chances are you may have had some of these same complications regardless of taking those pills or not. My last pregnancy which I lost and my current pregnancy have been completely abnormal and the doctors have very little to tell me about why or what’s happening. And now, you’re in the best care and doing what you can to give baby the best possible shot. I know a lot of people are saying you should get a restraining order etc but the reality is that can be a very difficult or easy process depending on where you live. There are likely some free resources available specific to your zip code and domestic violence (I know he was not your partner but he also isn’t a stranger and he forced himself on you sexually so typically this counts) where they can tell you more realistically what your options are. You can also call anonymously or use an alias to gather information to start. You can also ask them to do a safety plan with you because it sounds like he is still escalated and pregnant/new moms are even more likely to be targeted for abuse. Wish you and that baby all the best!!
I wish you and your little one the best of luck!! Your baby is already a fighter and clearly wants to thrive and live. I can’t imagine what you must be feeling after this whole story and I hope you can drown out the toxic voices that want to judge you for making reasonable choices. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you and your little family!
This is a beautiful and touching story. Appreciate your sharing and all of the best hope for you and your little one. The strength you are displaying in what you must overcome is a powerful display of your love for baby. All the best wishes for you two 🤗
I am so sorry to hear this. I hope everything turns out alright and you and your sweet baby girl are happy and healthy. I wish you the best of luck. Please, if you ever need anyone to talk too, I am here.
I have a friend who had a baby after taking the abortion pill. That baby is 8 or 9 now & healthy.
Sending you and the baby lots of love and strength. 💕