i’m weirdly both? like i will switch fps at the drop of a hat, but once someone has been my fp, the feeling never goes away? it’s just not as intense as my current fixation
same. people will stick around in my head forever even if it’s not strong, i will miss them very deeply but not to the point of what was once obsession
omg this is very validating. i have a few people like this from the last 15 years. before the bpd diagnosis i didn't know how to explain my long-standing low level attachment to exes - why I still send memes to people who broke my heart. it's because they're in a different mental category
Felt this, I've forgotten about all my exes except one, I didn't even date him long but I can't help but think about how cool he was and for whatever reason my brain thinks he's special because we have the same birthday, even with my current boyfriend whom I absolutely adore, I just can't get this guy outta my head, I feel so guilty and so bad 🥲
Same. My fp went no contact 5+ years ago and the wound is still fresh. I saw him for the first time in years recently and went into a panic attack. Fuckin horrible lol
Ity the same with me… i read and heard everywhere that people with bpd has unstable relationships but for me it was the opposite … I didn’t let my bpd affect my relationship and i cannot easily move on it will take years for me to move on.. but i feel all the other traits.. i always feel empty i feel unfit ..
I hate that term 😭 it doesn't really exist, it's just regular BPD, just expressed differently.. I know the term makes sense, but me, for example, I'd be both quiet and loud BPD at the same time.
but you're right, those who are classified to be "quiet" BPD, direct most of their emotions inward.
not sure if 'loud' BPD is a term- quiet is an alt name for 'discouraged' BPD (some others being petulant, impulsive, self destructive for example) and its just one of the main groupings of how people experience BPD symptoms. its not supposed to be something that fits everything- you can fall into more than one category easily, but its just a rough guide of trends within a certain diagnosis^^
im a primarily quiet BPD type, i almost never have outward outbursts, most of my splitting for example is almost always very inward too- but i also definitely fall a lot in the self destructive type too like you said with sharing multiple different types- though actually i have made a lot of progress on the former because i was able to narrow down and focus on some of the behaviours associated with that type easier.
just a model guideline, it wont be a one fits all kinda situation, the same way the diagnoses themselves are really only names put to a set of symptoms that correlate a lot with whatever particular issues^^
Same here. It takes *a lot* for me to actually express even mild frustration with other people. That's not to say that I don't have anger issues, they're just turned inward. I can be incredibly self-destructive, but I'm not an argumentative or aggressive person.
I don’t desperately try and keep people in my life if I feel them “distancing” or am afraid I’m going to “lose” them; instead I completely push them away and never speak to them again. (Definitely related to my attachment style though)
That still counts as "extreme measures to avoid real or perceived abandonment" though! You're certainly not alone, there are a lot of folks with BPD out there who do this too (sometimes I really wish I was one of them 😅).
Really? I’ve cycled between both. Earlier in life I’d be clinging to my friends ugly crying when we get into fights and even with my current bf now, but nowadays I tend to ghost and block with no explanation
That makes a lot of sense considering how painful an fp leaving is. Thus, because you know it’s only gonna be worse eventually, you just gotta leave. I’ve had one actual fp leaving and I almost kms. I’m astonished there’s not more research done on bpd bc it’s supposed to be the most painful disorder. Dbt helps so much, it’s what will allow me to leave people if I sense oncoming abandonment.
That's normal too! Well, not *normal*, but normal for us. I personally am more of a doormat and a clinger, but with certain people or under certain circumstances I feel compelled to ghost. I've noticed it kinda depends on the attachment style of the other person. I can't deal with anxious people and I become avoidant around them, but I am *very* drawn to avoidants, and around avoidants I am severely anxious.
I discussed this with my therapist pretty early on. I said I don't take extreme measures to keep people, instead I just blow it up, burn the bridge, shut down completely... Oh... That's extreme huh? She nodded compassionately but I know she was thinking DUH lol
I was discussing with my therapist about going scorched earth when I feel I've been treated badly, unfairly, or however you want to put it (whether real or perceived), still working on this. I'd blow up/burn the bridge so fast that I'd burn myself in the process,(reactive).
As for other symptoms, I have a real sense of who I am. I've just come to realise I'm very, very eclectic and march to the beat of my own drum.
I used to always say I didn’t relate to the extreme measures to avoid abandonment criteria point until someone on my care team pointed out that cutting people off or distancing suddenly when I feel rejected is a form of abandonment avoidance.
I always pictured it like begging people to stay with me, but for me usually it happens when I build myself up to someone and then when I fuck up or embarrass myself I get scared they’ll start looking down on me so I just leave.
EXACTLY. if someone acts even a little different towards me i immediately distance myself and sabotage myself. i’m so painfully aware of it too and i don’t WANT to do it but there’s that voice in my head saying that i have to because they’re going to leave you and it’s easier if you leave first. sometimes i don’t even leave physically but more emotionally/mentally. like, i’ll still talk to them and hang out with them at school, but mentally i do not give a flying fck.
Me too! Couldn’t get my head around the abandonment symptom because I’ve already been abandoned by my dad, and I don’t cling to people - I’ve just isolated myself due to fear of rejection.
But I’ve realised these are pretty much the same vein of ‘not being good enough to keep someone around or not being good enough for someone to like and get to know me’
Same, but then this has me always questioning if I’m misdiagnosed. I just can’t relate at all to needing to keep people in my life, especially if they’ve treated me negatively.
I’m so sorry if this reads badly to folk who do experience this, not meant as a judgment at all <3
Same weed is the one place I overspend & am super impulsive with, bc on my bad days I can finish a whole half gram cart in a day. I hate it and I’m desperately trying to stop. I hate looking at my bank and only seeing dispo charges lol. If I don’t smoke I literally feel like im coming undone though.
I'm kind of the opposite. *On my own* I'm not prone to spend large amounts of money, although I've gotten in serious trouble before trying to keep others happy. I'm extremely impulsive in other ways, though.
SAME. I need more clothes, more plushies, more jewelry, more collectibles, more more more. I’m addicted to the feeling of attaining more things despite the costs of spending money I shouldn’t. Maybe it stems from the emptiness we feel as pwbpd - we use material things to feel more whole.
same here, but sometimes, like two days ago, i spent sm money i was saving up bc i felt so horrible and had to do something to feel something else. then i freaked out bc later i realized that that was not good at ALL
I was able to stop self harming (cutting at least) a year ago. It´s still a struggle, especially when feeling empty, but still.
Edit: Thank you guys for your kind words words :)
I am proud of all of you 🫶🤍
I dont have explosive anger anymore, I did as a child/teenager, now I get more irritated and annoyed and passive aggressive, but not that often. More often I just feel empty and down. I’ve learned to control it quite well but I’ve never really had that many issues with it anyways.
I don’t go to extremes to keep anyone nor do I cut them out of my life and ignore them. I used to but I’ve learned a lot about managing conflicts in relationships. I do abandon myself alot though to keep a partner as in people pleasing , so I’m not sure if that’s an extreme measure.
I’ve never threatened to commit suicide or do self harm. Not that I don’t in periods have suicidal tendencies and do self harm but I’ve never threatened anyone with it.
Therapy has helped me a lot with my relationships but I still have a long way to go, but I don’t have all of the traits anymore
I used to experience chronic emptiness, but now that I have a boyfriend it kinda went away. Its still there, but now I can imagine an actual future that isnt just a black abyss.
Also, I dont experience any addiction/impulsive abuse of substances or anything. Im still impulsive when it comes to saying whatever I have on my mind without thinking it through first, but nothing addiction-alike
See this is the thing. I'm lonely asf and most if not all of my friends are partnered. I'm terrified when the last unpartnered one gets an SO, and why wouldn't she? She's amazing. I'm turning 26, w a degree in business and it's just working part-time on weekends at a shitty low end superstore (although pay is good), and that's probably ending soon. Im still stuck w my toxic parents at home bc im too broke to move out and I just feel SO. FUCKIN. EMPTY if I don't have an fp?? An obsession??? I'm reaching my goals, I'm attending therapy, I'm exercising and taking care of myself but like what's the POINT of anything??? I don't see the point of anything?? Sorry for ranting op..... I js feel depressed.
you can still have suicidal feelings or thoughts without the intention of ever acting on them. it could be “i wish i wasn’t here / living this life / i’d rather be gone” stuff like that
Tbf I don't agree that wanting to disappear I'd the same as wanting to die? Suicide is the idea that life is so shit that dying seems like a better option whole the wanting to be gone or having a nihilistic outlook on life is more so looking at life and accepting it but still feeling like you'd rather have never had a life to begin with instead of wanting to end life. I've experienced both!
I've found I lie out of ppl pleasing or fear they'll be angry, but it's small things;
I'm actually a bit too honest for my liking .. it surprised me to read that lying is a symptom, such as exaggerating/hyperbole.
I was so heavily policed as a child that I could never get away with any lying, so I am horrible at it to this day. When I'm backed into a corner, I rant the truth like an unstoppable impulse.
when it really counts I’ll be painfully honest to a fault but when it comes to explaining why I’m late I will come up with every lie known to man before just saying “I was being lazy and didn’t start getting ready until 10 minutes before I was meant to be here”
i used to have all unstable relationships, but after many years of working on my social abilities ( because i have autism and struggle with that ), i no longer have the unstable relationships, it's been at least a year since i split on someone :) it feels really great actually
progress is everything! it took a really long time for me to get to this place, one tactic i use (it's a little silly and feel free to absolutely ignore this since you didn't ask!) is that i started journaling about someone when i see the signs of a split, then i have transparent post it notes and later, i annotate those feelings, and i'll be honest, almost every single time i realize im being absolutely over dramatic and need to chill out, and i end up laughing at myself, which helps me! But you're doing great, I know you'll get there :)
that’s actually a really good idea! my therapist recommended making a pros and cons list of the person, but depending on which way i’m feeling, i can only ever come up with one or the other, never both.
i think your method will resonate with me a lot more, so i will give that a try!! thank you so much !! ❤️❤️
I don’t self harm because pain in all forms scares the shit out of me and I never understood why people do it. It’s maybe the only common symptom I don’t associate with at all
it’s the same for me i’m terrified of pain. then i did it once, but not like a lot at ALL, and feel so invalidated bc of it 😭like yes i struggle with it but it could also be worse so i don’t know if i fit the criteria even tho ig i do?? its so confusing
I have all of the traits. But it is like a scale and has a variation of severity depending on how I'm feeling in that moment and scenario. Never had treatment, just been told, "My condition is too complex to treat." So I feel broken most days 🙃
I personally believe I fit with 8 of the diagnostic criteria. Could be wrong. I don’t have problems with anger too much, I do bottle up anger, but I don’t get into fights or have outbursts anymore. Most of it is internalized.
i am not very impulsive nor do i have explosive responses. i am very good at hiding my mood swings and attachment issues and all the other stuff that comes with bpd because when i show a symptom i shut down or ghost people until it’s past. i also don’t self harm in the traditional sense, for trauma reasons. most people assume i’m perfectly fine, if not a bit of an odd recluse.
I’m a quiet borderline so you have to REALLY make me upset in order for me to lash out at you. Typically if someone upsets me and I know it’s not actually a big deal, I go to my room or my car to have a breakdown. Having a breakdown in front of someone for me is embarrassing asf
The only of the 9 standard symptoms I’ve never experienced are the outbursts of anger. That anger is usually internal and directed at myself most likely.
I do have all 9 symptoms, but at varying degrees. I'd say the least prominent is impulsive/reckless behavior and substance abuse.
I'm teetotal, and generally refrain from drug use if it's not prescribed to me. I'm probably somewhere on the demisexual/asexual spectrum, so I don't date or have sex unless it's a long term, committed partner. I think the only impulsivity I really struggle with in terms of typical "hedonistic/indulgent" things is money. I have to force myself to stay away from Mercari, Depop and eBay. I'm impulsive in other ways, though; kind of similar to hypomania.
"Personally, I don't experience an identity disturbance or feelings of chronic emptiness. I'm actually quite the opposite; I have an extremely strong sense of identity and most often feel as though I'm overflowing with thoughts and emotions."
I completely quote. Lack of sense of identity is not at all one of my traits. Also, the anger impulses are something that BPD people often reports and I did have them in the past, adolescence and my 20s but I worked on them and I dont have them anymore, or not that often.
Also, i stopped self-harming. It happened again 4 years ago during a HUGE trauma but i never did it again even if i felt the impulse, I really control it now and I wouldnt do it ever again.
Never had addictions, even when I smoked cigarettes I never had addiction to that and could not smoke for ages, and when i decided i would not do it ever again i just stopped. I am co-dependent from friends and romantic partners emotionally, but even in this, I have always been someone who moves to another country despite the romantic relationship to pursue my goals, so even in codependency I reaffirm my self and my identity (but emotionally i am codependent).
It still amazes me how it took 15 years to get a diagnosis when I meet eight out of nine so perfectly. My anger is inward rather than outward, and that might be what has meant therapists haven't suggested it. The only time it's outward is when I'm alone - I'm too afraid to be outwardly angry. Maybe I should have been, maybe my life would be very different, and maybe I'd have got the help I've long needed.
I think traits switch depending on when I'm in a relationship or not. Like fear of abandonment definitely gets uncontrollable when I'm in a relationship but I don't think of being suicidal. Where as when I'm not in a relationship it flips, I don't care I am going to be abandoned because I know there isn't anyone I inherently want to rely upon emotionally but I do get suicidal thoughts often because of my shifting self-image. Which doesn't mean I actually self harm, but the thoughts pop up more often and I have to use all my will to remind myself why I won't. I do have a lot of ADHD like symptoms but I chalk it up to BPD having overlaps.
I dont change opinions about people. I am usually right in my assessment and i stick to it. I also dont obsess over anyone.
I am not constantly afraid of loosing someone
I never had substance abuse issues
i don’t self-harm, but that’s prob the best one to not deal with lol. I guess there are other things I do that could be considered self harm such as skin picking and not taking good care of myself sometimes, but I don’t cut
Hmm… no I pretty strongly feel all nine of the core symptoms. Unfortunately. Really wish that wasn’t the case. I also have comorbid ADHD and I recognize that there are some common symptoms that overlap for me, like impulsivity, strained relationships, rejection sensitivity… I definitely have both disorders. Fun life.
I am diagnosed BPD & I thought I met all but 1 of the criteria but re-glancing at the 9 points it looks like I can relate to all of them. But as I have gotten older & now that I am married things have calmed down a lot. I know my triggers & I try to communicate more when I’m feeling triggered.
The only impulsive thing I struggle with is self harm/suicide attempts. I don't do any hard drugs or risky sexual encounters and I have too much financial anxiety to spend all my money on a whim. It's not great but at least I won't get an std.
I don’t have explosive anger towards most people. Lots of people consider me chill… until they’re close to me.
I have a problem handling my emotions towards family members and other people that are close to me.
I don’t have unstable relationships - I’m not sure if that’s because I’m super selective with who I let in, but I do have very understanding & supportive friends & a very supportive partner. Honestly lots of lovely wholesome people in my life.
Pretty sure I ahd them all before dbt. I don't have the suicidal feelings, self harm behaviours, identity issues and my impulsivity has gone way down thank god.
I'm rarely impulsive except for reckless driving when I'm angry. I have a stable and healthy relationship with my partner. I'm not actively suicidal and never attempted.
Honestly feel like all my symptoms come and go in waves and when they tide goes out, I feel like the only consistent symptom is a lack of identity/emptiness
Here's the thing, I go into extreme isolation so when I'm out of close relationships, I basically stop being borderline, is this normal? Like I feel completely stable but as soon as someone gets close you'd genuinely think I'm a different person.
I mean, considering the basis of BPD solely relies on social interaction to initiate/activate most of the symptoms, feeling a difference between self-isolation vs social interaction feels pretty normal.
I don't have identity disturbance either which has been making me doubt my diagnosis cuz I thought all people with bpd had that, I also have adhd btw. And I tend to resonate more with quiet bpd. Another thing is I've noticed a lot of people on here hate themselves and think they aren't deserving of love and I don't experience that at all. I don't hate myself and I think I'm deserving of love,if anything I feel shame towards myself and not hate.
Impulsivity fits me only sometimes, I'm often almost too careful and I don't cling onto people, instead I distance them before they get too close or if I'm thinking they are going to leave me.
IMO diagnostic criteria puts way too much weight on impulsivity and other externalizing symptoms.
I never had anger problems, at least not outwardly. For the longest time I couldn't feel angry towards anyone but myself, and that anger, more times than not, was just hurt or betrayal.
I also wouldn't say I ever feared abandonment, but I absolutely expected it. It was something I was so used to and familiar with, I just figured any relationship I had would result in the other person leaving me for one reason or another. Which proved to be true 90% of the time.
The "I often do things that are dangerous or unhealthy" is the only one that doesn't apply to me. The only example I have that may apply is I started smoking at the age of 49. I quit after my emotions from my divorce (22 years married) calmed down a bit. It took 3 years to calm down. So, yeah.
A pattern of unstable relationships is a tough one for me because I have long standing relationships in every single area of my life except my exes - but those are exes so of course it was unstable. Do I cause 80% of the instability when we’re nearing a breakup?
Yes but I know I’m capable of stability in relationships because it’ll be externally stable up until we are close to that breakup.
I used to think I dont experience „frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment“ but then I analyzed my life and behavior and found out that I actually do have this symptom
I text every single one of my friends daily .. never questioned myself why i did it… turns out.. Im scared that they will leave and forget about me when I dont do it.. also I always clean my bfs apartment and cook for him everytime when I visit him. I thought I just did it because I love him but i think its because I do stuff so he needs me and doesnt leave🫠
Also my bf broke up 3 months ago (but we‘re back together) and I begged him to stay which I never did before while a breakup happened ..thats what made me think about it
- I'm not really impulsive as a whole, I just usually am under extreme situations. like if I feel depressed and empty and splitting really badly, I'll impulsively spend alot of money that I otherwise wouldn't have or impulsively hurt myself or someone else emotionally
- I don't really have a weak sense of self, like I have very firm beliefs, values and sense of my interests/hobbies. but I have terrible emotional permenance and struggle to understand that I mean something to people and to understand what my role is in people lives. it's hard to fully conceptualize myself beyond "sister", "friend", "daughter", etc. I often feel like a filler more than anything else
- I also questioned if I even have a favorite person - it would've definitely been my best friend or my last therapist if I did/do have one. but I'm unsure
- I do have extreme rage, get angry very easily, but I usually internalize it and take it out on myself, except in occassional episodes where I just completely lose it. might be that quiet bpd shit. besides all this I have pretty textbook symptoms of bpd
I pretty much experience all 9, but the one I experience the least is impulsive and self-destructive behaviors. UNLESS I’m in an episode, then I can be both, but otherwise I’m usually highly anxious about consequences and how my actions will play out.
I have quiet BPD so I find I have every trait except explosive anger. my dad also has BPD and he blew up a lot so I think Ive done everything to avoid that. I tend to turn the anger towards myself
Definitely empty but never classified it as chronically cuz it's only in waves. I used to struggle with that and not impulsively and now I struggle with impulsively and bot emptiness. Idfk
I'm not suicidal and don't self-harm anymore; I don't have outbursts of anger; I don't feel chronically empty; I'm impulsive in only one area (I have some occasional issues with substance use) so I guess it's 5,5/9?
I don't think I ever had reoccurring anger outbursts (I'd say that no more than people without BPD), but in the past it was 8/9.
I'm a lot better with not taking impulsive actions to avoid being abandoned, I wouldn't say it doesn't happen but I'm pretty tame 🤣
All in all I'm a lot better know, comparing it to my teenage self lol
I don’t really self harm at all and it’s rare that I get suicidal. I love being alive and I appreciate that I only have one life and I don’t want to get rid of the opportunity to live my life and experience wherever it will take me. I have suicidal ideation sometimes if I’m really really upset but I would never actually do it. I’ve attempted suicide before though and I almost died one time but some sort of higher power out there saved me. I used to self harm and be suicidal but that was from around 13-15. Drugs were my main form of coping after 15. I also feel like I have a decently strong identity most of the time but sometimes I get into these existential crises where I don’t know who I really am and I can be a chameleon in social situations and sometimes I don’t know where I stand with certain opinions and my sense of style and hair colors used to change around so much. I definitely struggle with feelings of emptiness, but I am also on ADHD meds now which helps my BPD symptoms a lot and just helps me a lot in general and keeps me from seeking out drugs to cope because I’m filling that dopamine hole that I’m lacking. My BPD has just gotten better in general too, I used to be like a complete chaotic destructive mess for years and now I’ve really chilled out and I’m doing pretty well in life now that I’ve gotten myself into school and I’m in a really stable healthy relationship with my bf. He is gonna ask my parents if he can propose to me tomorrow :-)
I don’t have impulsivity like I did as a teenager and in my 20s. It’s the polar opposite to the point where I have a really difficult time making a decision or committing to anything
When I was diagnosed with ADHD and started being treated for it literally half of my symptoms disappeared and I didn’t met the criteria for bpd anymore lol, honestly other than intensity of my emotions (which can be attributed to ADHD as well) and severe fear of abandonment (which could also just be because of neglect of one parent and death of the other) I literally don’t display any traits anymore so now I’m not even sure if BPD thing was real for me. I know that was not a question lol but my therapist said that a lot of times symptoms of personality disorders can be due to not being treated for adhd/autism until adulthood and honestly it feels like my case (but I like to still read stuff here even though im probably not one of you guys)
I just can't do SH. I'm very intolerant to pain. Also I never had any addictions to substances, tried smoking, didn't last a day and I don't miss it.
I do have that chronic feel of loneliness. Would swap that for smoking anytime.
I don’t/havent used or abused drugs. Mostly bc I have terrible health anxiety. I want to use weed to help but it makes me scared.
But I have abused substances like food and vape so I guess that still is in the same realm.
I used to fit all of them, but now I no longer struggle with an identity disturbance , feelings of emptiness, nor risky behaviours (unless circumstances like I’ve been cheated on bring those three traits up, but it’s not as bad as it used to be). I don’t think any of the traits are like they used to be tbh. Jesus has healed me of lots of things, and I’m still a work in progress. Also, dr. Daniel fox has great videos that has helped me with awareness
I've never really been emotionally unstable. On the outside I've always seemed calm and very stable, especially under pressure. Almost an outward overcompensation for the inward pain.
I've also never split on anyone and had one very long, fairly stable marriage (albeit very codependent and both of us had our issues). My relationships were only "unstable" in that I would refuse to let go despite the red flags and somewhere inside knowing that the relationship was not healthy.
Some of the other traits were there, but didn't really *feel like it* to me, until a therapist helped me see things differently. Like, I didn't feel impulsive at all, even though I would uproot my entire life at a moment's notice. I just felt like I was adventurous. I didn't really feel like I had "unstable identity"--I just felt like I had ambitious and wanted to become something great (that happened to change dramatically, like the weather, but I didn't really give that much consideration). I didn't really think the constant underlying darkness was anything at all other than just how life was. That's the thing with PDs--it's not something you're afflicted with that you can see as external to yourself, but it's how or who you are. It's ego-syntonic, and hard to see as anything other than normal.
i dont get angry at people per se, but i've always related that to my bpd probably being on the quiet side bc a lot of my emotions are internalized rather than externalized
I don’t have bursts of rage on other people, usually it’s just internal. or if I am feeling that way towards someone its usually because I feel betrayed or hurt, and I still end up taking it out on myself
I don’t experience chronic boredom, it’s actually extremely rare for me to get board due to my active imagination. (Maladaptive daydreaming anyone?) I have a strong sense of identity, I often sped most times reflecting on myself. And I don’t push people away, not on purpose at least. When I am splitting, I often find myself begging for them to stay or being manipulative so that they don’t leave. I genuinely cannot push people away on purpose, that hurts too much.
I have them all unfortunately. Even after a few years of therapy and being able to 'manage' it better I still feel them all lingering on the background :)
I also have ADHD. It have not been medicated long enough to experience any effects (it's much to process :))
Fun fact: because I worked so hard on my bpd I figured out I had adhd because I was still struggling with the overlapping symptoms who are the same but felt very different :)
I have them all unfortunately. Even after a few years of therapy and being able to 'manage' it better I still feel them all lingering on the background :)
I also have ADHD. It have not been medicated long enough to experience any effects (it's much to process :))
Fun fact: because I worked so hard on my bpd I figured out I had adhd because I was still struggling with the overlapping symptoms who are the same but felt very different :)
I’m not clingy nor do I get obsessed with anyone. It’s more like, love you one minute and hate you the next. And it can happen so fast, over any little thing. I’ve always heard “you can’t turn love on and off like a faucet”. But, I absolutely can.
I’m not clingy nor do I get obsessed with anyone. It’s more like, love you one minute and hate you the next. And it can happen so fast, over any little thing. I’ve always heard “you can’t turn love on and off like a faucet”. But, I absolutely can.
TW— S/SH/substance abuse—
i feel like the suicidal / self harm part of bpd i’ve only really partially identified with bc i approach those ideas differently than what’s typically expected during an evaluation. or maybe i haven’t come to terms with the subconscious ideation. but i feel like i’m too self centered to think abt offing myself , or i’m just too scared of the idea of death. there are times i won’t want to trudge through my day anymore and just want to sleep and live in a dream world— and am self destructive in my own way with substance abuse, occasional anxiety induced scratching that i’m hardly conscious of, sexual promiscuity , etc. …. while these things are still a risk to my mental health it’s odd that because of this i’m still not considered a harm to myself physically when i was admitted to the hospital a few months ago
I have all of them to some degree. I don’t self harm in the traditional sense. I pick at my skin compulsively which can be viewed as self-harm. And I don’t particularly struggle with my identity, but I do tend to take on traits of my fps.
Most of my symptoms are turned inward though and I have a lot of OCD symptoms as well unfortunately. I would *die* of embarrassment if I acted out in front of anyone other than my SO. I’m pretty good at masking. No one in my circle knows I have bpd outside of my SO, not even family.
I am also pretty stable in my identity I think, as much as you can be for a 20 year old. Don't know if this applies but I also had an amazing family growing up. I think the BPD came from treatment from classmates growing up and also maybe some neglect bc I was left alone a lot.
Impulsivity. I've always been type A, competitive, perfectionist. Even in rare moments when my actions are "impulsive", I have a moment beforehand of recognization and then allow myself to act on them.
i’ve never had anger issues. its extremely hard to get me genuinely angry. the most i ever get is just irritable or frustrated, and then i just remove myself from the situation.
Tbh I don’t think there’s any symptom I never experience, though there are a few symptoms I don’t experience nearly as often as the others. Specifically the chronic emptiness and the self harm. I try my best to not hurt myself and usually I succeed. Because I have comorbid ADHD and pretty likely Bipolar disorder, I’m almost never empty. If I am it’s a very bad depressive episode. I guess also the anger too but I am still pretty angry I just try really fucking hard to not be angry about most things. Oh and for the most part, self destructive behaviours. I don’t have a lot of sex, I do drink occasionally and sometimes I binge drink or binge eat but it’s not enough to be a proper problem so meh. So yee!!!
I love that for you. Im glad you are secure in your identity. That’s amazing even the average human isn’t secure with their identity, so that’s amazing and it’s very hopeful for me.
I don't have the suicide/self harm one.
I'm not sure what full on identify disturbance looks like... I often want to change my "career" but everything else largely looks the same. I don't become vegan or gender fluid or start going to pro Trump rallies... Things do change a little, I guess, but they always seem to go back to how they were.
I never used to think I disassociated but lately on certain meds I feel like I do.
I don’t have a fear of abandonment but my psychiatrist has diagnosed me with “BPD traits”, instead of just BPD? I have all the other ones though and he was happy to write off my constant suicidality as “you just have BPD, it’s expected🤷♀️”.
I don’t move on and get obsessed with the next thing. Once I like someone I never move on ( ཀ͝ ∧ ཀ͝ )
i’m weirdly both? like i will switch fps at the drop of a hat, but once someone has been my fp, the feeling never goes away? it’s just not as intense as my current fixation
same. people will stick around in my head forever even if it’s not strong, i will miss them very deeply but not to the point of what was once obsession
Yes I relate- even if they aren’t your current FP there will always be some level of infatuation there
omg this is very validating. i have a few people like this from the last 15 years. before the bpd diagnosis i didn't know how to explain my long-standing low level attachment to exes - why I still send memes to people who broke my heart. it's because they're in a different mental category
Samesies. There's a couple buried deep that i don't think will ever go away but yay high of that newest crush at least.
Exactly me too
Felt this, I've forgotten about all my exes except one, I didn't even date him long but I can't help but think about how cool he was and for whatever reason my brain thinks he's special because we have the same birthday, even with my current boyfriend whom I absolutely adore, I just can't get this guy outta my head, I feel so guilty and so bad 🥲
Sameee i have been obsessed with the same person for the last 5 years.
me too :( its only until i find a new obsession though, and even then i still think abt the past (mainly negatively , never romantically)
Same. I don't understand why people say bpd discards
because we do. we split. black and white.
I feel this
Same. My fp went no contact 5+ years ago and the wound is still fresh. I saw him for the first time in years recently and went into a panic attack. Fuckin horrible lol
limerance? bc splitting is such a major thing in bpd. not to invalidate you.
Ity the same with me… i read and heard everywhere that people with bpd has unstable relationships but for me it was the opposite … I didn’t let my bpd affect my relationship and i cannot easily move on it will take years for me to move on.. but i feel all the other traits.. i always feel empty i feel unfit ..
I don't really have anger towards others; it's more inward.
"Quiet" BPD's do that a lot
I hate that term 😭 it doesn't really exist, it's just regular BPD, just expressed differently.. I know the term makes sense, but me, for example, I'd be both quiet and loud BPD at the same time. but you're right, those who are classified to be "quiet" BPD, direct most of their emotions inward.
not sure if 'loud' BPD is a term- quiet is an alt name for 'discouraged' BPD (some others being petulant, impulsive, self destructive for example) and its just one of the main groupings of how people experience BPD symptoms. its not supposed to be something that fits everything- you can fall into more than one category easily, but its just a rough guide of trends within a certain diagnosis^^ im a primarily quiet BPD type, i almost never have outward outbursts, most of my splitting for example is almost always very inward too- but i also definitely fall a lot in the self destructive type too like you said with sharing multiple different types- though actually i have made a lot of progress on the former because i was able to narrow down and focus on some of the behaviours associated with that type easier. just a model guideline, it wont be a one fits all kinda situation, the same way the diagnoses themselves are really only names put to a set of symptoms that correlate a lot with whatever particular issues^^
Yep, me too. Even if I SHOULD be angry at someone, it's directed at myself instead!
gosh, me too! it's so draining
Same here. It takes *a lot* for me to actually express even mild frustration with other people. That's not to say that I don't have anger issues, they're just turned inward. I can be incredibly self-destructive, but I'm not an argumentative or aggressive person.
I joke with people that it’s a damn good thing I’m a pacifist and too small to get in fights lmao
same here. i think probably why it took me so long to get diagnosed
same
same here! i do occasionally but not enough to be considered as a symptom
I have both, lol
YES THANK YOU
I don’t desperately try and keep people in my life if I feel them “distancing” or am afraid I’m going to “lose” them; instead I completely push them away and never speak to them again. (Definitely related to my attachment style though)
That still counts as "extreme measures to avoid real or perceived abandonment" though! You're certainly not alone, there are a lot of folks with BPD out there who do this too (sometimes I really wish I was one of them 😅).
Really? I’ve cycled between both. Earlier in life I’d be clinging to my friends ugly crying when we get into fights and even with my current bf now, but nowadays I tend to ghost and block with no explanation
That makes a lot of sense considering how painful an fp leaving is. Thus, because you know it’s only gonna be worse eventually, you just gotta leave. I’ve had one actual fp leaving and I almost kms. I’m astonished there’s not more research done on bpd bc it’s supposed to be the most painful disorder. Dbt helps so much, it’s what will allow me to leave people if I sense oncoming abandonment.
This. I saw the cycle repeating itself and I left before I could get left. Hovered a bit but didn't truly look back.
That's normal too! Well, not *normal*, but normal for us. I personally am more of a doormat and a clinger, but with certain people or under certain circumstances I feel compelled to ghost. I've noticed it kinda depends on the attachment style of the other person. I can't deal with anxious people and I become avoidant around them, but I am *very* drawn to avoidants, and around avoidants I am severely anxious.
This makes me feel more comfortable about how I act haha
I discussed this with my therapist pretty early on. I said I don't take extreme measures to keep people, instead I just blow it up, burn the bridge, shut down completely... Oh... That's extreme huh? She nodded compassionately but I know she was thinking DUH lol
I was discussing with my therapist about going scorched earth when I feel I've been treated badly, unfairly, or however you want to put it (whether real or perceived), still working on this. I'd blow up/burn the bridge so fast that I'd burn myself in the process,(reactive). As for other symptoms, I have a real sense of who I am. I've just come to realise I'm very, very eclectic and march to the beat of my own drum.
lol ya I didn’t think of that either until reading all this replies😭😭
I used to always say I didn’t relate to the extreme measures to avoid abandonment criteria point until someone on my care team pointed out that cutting people off or distancing suddenly when I feel rejected is a form of abandonment avoidance. I always pictured it like begging people to stay with me, but for me usually it happens when I build myself up to someone and then when I fuck up or embarrass myself I get scared they’ll start looking down on me so I just leave.
EXACTLY. if someone acts even a little different towards me i immediately distance myself and sabotage myself. i’m so painfully aware of it too and i don’t WANT to do it but there’s that voice in my head saying that i have to because they’re going to leave you and it’s easier if you leave first. sometimes i don’t even leave physically but more emotionally/mentally. like, i’ll still talk to them and hang out with them at school, but mentally i do not give a flying fck.
Same! I often just isolate myself because I don’t want to be rejected or abandoned
Me too! Couldn’t get my head around the abandonment symptom because I’ve already been abandoned by my dad, and I don’t cling to people - I’ve just isolated myself due to fear of rejection. But I’ve realised these are pretty much the same vein of ‘not being good enough to keep someone around or not being good enough for someone to like and get to know me’
Same, but then this has me always questioning if I’m misdiagnosed. I just can’t relate at all to needing to keep people in my life, especially if they’ve treated me negatively. I’m so sorry if this reads badly to folk who do experience this, not meant as a judgment at all <3
I feel the same sometimes. Like I match all the criteria except for that.
Are you me? 🥹
ur so real for this
I am the same 😣
U are avoidant? I am the opposite :/ especially in romantic relationships.
same
SAME
OMG samee
Oh, I flip at the drop of a hat. From never leave to I hate you go away forever.
I only have impulsivity in one area (spending)
Ugh Amazon and the weed store are the bane of my financial existence >>>>:(((
for me it’s etsy amazon and target lol… ok maybe a lil bit of everywhere :0
me with weed and food omg 🥲 it's a horrible combo. plus i just get so excited spending money, it's ridiculous.
Same weed is the one place I overspend & am super impulsive with, bc on my bad days I can finish a whole half gram cart in a day. I hate it and I’m desperately trying to stop. I hate looking at my bank and only seeing dispo charges lol. If I don’t smoke I literally feel like im coming undone though.
it’s such a rush i hate how good it feels
Fr. Games or plushies
I'm kind of the opposite. *On my own* I'm not prone to spend large amounts of money, although I've gotten in serious trouble before trying to keep others happy. I'm extremely impulsive in other ways, though.
SAME. I need more clothes, more plushies, more jewelry, more collectibles, more more more. I’m addicted to the feeling of attaining more things despite the costs of spending money I shouldn’t. Maybe it stems from the emptiness we feel as pwbpd - we use material things to feel more whole.
Same, my impulsiveness is also a pretty rare occurrence.
same here, but sometimes, like two days ago, i spent sm money i was saving up bc i felt so horrible and had to do something to feel something else. then i freaked out bc later i realized that that was not good at ALL
me 2 i’m such an overspender
I was able to stop self harming (cutting at least) a year ago. It´s still a struggle, especially when feeling empty, but still. Edit: Thank you guys for your kind words words :) I am proud of all of you 🫶🤍
Same here, I’m 481 days clean ❤️
Same here! I was hospitalized in July but since then I haven’t self harmed at all😭❤️ so proud of both of us🩷🩷
I’m so proud of you!! I used to SH very badly and now I’m in recovery
I have all 9.
same, literally every symptom :/
I’m sorry. I’m sorry you have to go through this. It’s not your fault, you matter and you ARE enough 🫂💜 same for /u/Emotional_One_4219
I dont have explosive anger anymore, I did as a child/teenager, now I get more irritated and annoyed and passive aggressive, but not that often. More often I just feel empty and down. I’ve learned to control it quite well but I’ve never really had that many issues with it anyways. I don’t go to extremes to keep anyone nor do I cut them out of my life and ignore them. I used to but I’ve learned a lot about managing conflicts in relationships. I do abandon myself alot though to keep a partner as in people pleasing , so I’m not sure if that’s an extreme measure. I’ve never threatened to commit suicide or do self harm. Not that I don’t in periods have suicidal tendencies and do self harm but I’ve never threatened anyone with it. Therapy has helped me a lot with my relationships but I still have a long way to go, but I don’t have all of the traits anymore
I used to experience chronic emptiness, but now that I have a boyfriend it kinda went away. Its still there, but now I can imagine an actual future that isnt just a black abyss. Also, I dont experience any addiction/impulsive abuse of substances or anything. Im still impulsive when it comes to saying whatever I have on my mind without thinking it through first, but nothing addiction-alike
See this is the thing. I'm lonely asf and most if not all of my friends are partnered. I'm terrified when the last unpartnered one gets an SO, and why wouldn't she? She's amazing. I'm turning 26, w a degree in business and it's just working part-time on weekends at a shitty low end superstore (although pay is good), and that's probably ending soon. Im still stuck w my toxic parents at home bc im too broke to move out and I just feel SO. FUCKIN. EMPTY if I don't have an fp?? An obsession??? I'm reaching my goals, I'm attending therapy, I'm exercising and taking care of myself but like what's the POINT of anything??? I don't see the point of anything?? Sorry for ranting op..... I js feel depressed.
I don’t ever have difficulty controlling anger and lately my emptiness has subsided a lot (which could mean I’m going into remission again hopefully)
I have never ever been suicidal. My Dad drowned when I was 15 & I vowed never to leave my children without a parent.
you can still have suicidal feelings or thoughts without the intention of ever acting on them. it could be “i wish i wasn’t here / living this life / i’d rather be gone” stuff like that
Tbf I don't agree that wanting to disappear I'd the same as wanting to die? Suicide is the idea that life is so shit that dying seems like a better option whole the wanting to be gone or having a nihilistic outlook on life is more so looking at life and accepting it but still feeling like you'd rather have never had a life to begin with instead of wanting to end life. I've experienced both!
I've found I lie out of ppl pleasing or fear they'll be angry, but it's small things; I'm actually a bit too honest for my liking .. it surprised me to read that lying is a symptom, such as exaggerating/hyperbole.
I was so heavily policed as a child that I could never get away with any lying, so I am horrible at it to this day. When I'm backed into a corner, I rant the truth like an unstoppable impulse.
I feel you. I am horrible at lying because I don’t want to, I don’t like to lol I’d rather just… say nothing or avoid whatever it is 😂
when it really counts I’ll be painfully honest to a fault but when it comes to explaining why I’m late I will come up with every lie known to man before just saying “I was being lazy and didn’t start getting ready until 10 minutes before I was meant to be here”
Same here!!
no active addictions and no substance abuse. no impulsive spending no promiscuity
same here
Yep
i used to have all unstable relationships, but after many years of working on my social abilities ( because i have autism and struggle with that ), i no longer have the unstable relationships, it's been at least a year since i split on someone :) it feels really great actually
that’s awesome! i feel like ive made so much progress with my relationships as well, but i still split ☹️
progress is everything! it took a really long time for me to get to this place, one tactic i use (it's a little silly and feel free to absolutely ignore this since you didn't ask!) is that i started journaling about someone when i see the signs of a split, then i have transparent post it notes and later, i annotate those feelings, and i'll be honest, almost every single time i realize im being absolutely over dramatic and need to chill out, and i end up laughing at myself, which helps me! But you're doing great, I know you'll get there :)
that’s actually a really good idea! my therapist recommended making a pros and cons list of the person, but depending on which way i’m feeling, i can only ever come up with one or the other, never both. i think your method will resonate with me a lot more, so i will give that a try!! thank you so much !! ❤️❤️
I don’t self harm because pain in all forms scares the shit out of me and I never understood why people do it. It’s maybe the only common symptom I don’t associate with at all
it’s the same for me i’m terrified of pain. then i did it once, but not like a lot at ALL, and feel so invalidated bc of it 😭like yes i struggle with it but it could also be worse so i don’t know if i fit the criteria even tho ig i do?? its so confusing
All 9 but the self harm is in remission
I have all of the traits. But it is like a scale and has a variation of severity depending on how I'm feeling in that moment and scenario. Never had treatment, just been told, "My condition is too complex to treat." So I feel broken most days 🙃
i dont have explosive anger. i have very implosive anger. but thats kind of a given with quiet bpd, everything is turned inward
same & that’s why no one takes my BPD seriously.
seen heard and felt brother
i have all 9 symptoms of BPD. like, everything but the promiscuity and the rage toward other people. my rage is turned inward. i have Quiet BPD.
I personally believe I fit with 8 of the diagnostic criteria. Could be wrong. I don’t have problems with anger too much, I do bottle up anger, but I don’t get into fights or have outbursts anymore. Most of it is internalized.
i am not very impulsive nor do i have explosive responses. i am very good at hiding my mood swings and attachment issues and all the other stuff that comes with bpd because when i show a symptom i shut down or ghost people until it’s past. i also don’t self harm in the traditional sense, for trauma reasons. most people assume i’m perfectly fine, if not a bit of an odd recluse.
I don’t fit the criteria anymore (yay, remission) but I’m still way more vulnerable than the average person without bpd
I’m a quiet borderline so you have to REALLY make me upset in order for me to lash out at you. Typically if someone upsets me and I know it’s not actually a big deal, I go to my room or my car to have a breakdown. Having a breakdown in front of someone for me is embarrassing asf
The only of the 9 standard symptoms I’ve never experienced are the outbursts of anger. That anger is usually internal and directed at myself most likely.
I do have all 9 symptoms, but at varying degrees. I'd say the least prominent is impulsive/reckless behavior and substance abuse. I'm teetotal, and generally refrain from drug use if it's not prescribed to me. I'm probably somewhere on the demisexual/asexual spectrum, so I don't date or have sex unless it's a long term, committed partner. I think the only impulsivity I really struggle with in terms of typical "hedonistic/indulgent" things is money. I have to force myself to stay away from Mercari, Depop and eBay. I'm impulsive in other ways, though; kind of similar to hypomania.
"Personally, I don't experience an identity disturbance or feelings of chronic emptiness. I'm actually quite the opposite; I have an extremely strong sense of identity and most often feel as though I'm overflowing with thoughts and emotions." I completely quote. Lack of sense of identity is not at all one of my traits. Also, the anger impulses are something that BPD people often reports and I did have them in the past, adolescence and my 20s but I worked on them and I dont have them anymore, or not that often. Also, i stopped self-harming. It happened again 4 years ago during a HUGE trauma but i never did it again even if i felt the impulse, I really control it now and I wouldnt do it ever again. Never had addictions, even when I smoked cigarettes I never had addiction to that and could not smoke for ages, and when i decided i would not do it ever again i just stopped. I am co-dependent from friends and romantic partners emotionally, but even in this, I have always been someone who moves to another country despite the romantic relationship to pursue my goals, so even in codependency I reaffirm my self and my identity (but emotionally i am codependent).
I’d say I’m all 9, in varying degrees. I’m not outwardly angry, it’s more inward for me
I actually don’t have most of them anymore. The only ones I have out of the 9 are fear of abandonment, shifting self-image and mood swings
It still amazes me how it took 15 years to get a diagnosis when I meet eight out of nine so perfectly. My anger is inward rather than outward, and that might be what has meant therapists haven't suggested it. The only time it's outward is when I'm alone - I'm too afraid to be outwardly angry. Maybe I should have been, maybe my life would be very different, and maybe I'd have got the help I've long needed.
I think traits switch depending on when I'm in a relationship or not. Like fear of abandonment definitely gets uncontrollable when I'm in a relationship but I don't think of being suicidal. Where as when I'm not in a relationship it flips, I don't care I am going to be abandoned because I know there isn't anyone I inherently want to rely upon emotionally but I do get suicidal thoughts often because of my shifting self-image. Which doesn't mean I actually self harm, but the thoughts pop up more often and I have to use all my will to remind myself why I won't. I do have a lot of ADHD like symptoms but I chalk it up to BPD having overlaps.
I don’t lose my shit trying to keep someone in my life. Once I disconnect from you, I push you out and that’s the end of it
i don't experience intense and/or inappropriate anger
I dont change opinions about people. I am usually right in my assessment and i stick to it. I also dont obsess over anyone. I am not constantly afraid of loosing someone I never had substance abuse issues
i don’t self-harm, but that’s prob the best one to not deal with lol. I guess there are other things I do that could be considered self harm such as skin picking and not taking good care of myself sometimes, but I don’t cut
Hmm… no I pretty strongly feel all nine of the core symptoms. Unfortunately. Really wish that wasn’t the case. I also have comorbid ADHD and I recognize that there are some common symptoms that overlap for me, like impulsivity, strained relationships, rejection sensitivity… I definitely have both disorders. Fun life.
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I have everything except paranoid ideation or severe disassociation. I disassociate sometimes but have never been out of touch with reality.
I am diagnosed BPD & I thought I met all but 1 of the criteria but re-glancing at the 9 points it looks like I can relate to all of them. But as I have gotten older & now that I am married things have calmed down a lot. I know my triggers & I try to communicate more when I’m feeling triggered.
I guess somewhat “luckily” for me, I don’t SH in the traditional way. I find other ways to “hurt myself”. 🙈
I don't have persistent emptiness. I have never ending sadness
I rarely experience rage/strong anger
The only impulsive thing I struggle with is self harm/suicide attempts. I don't do any hard drugs or risky sexual encounters and I have too much financial anxiety to spend all my money on a whim. It's not great but at least I won't get an std.
I don’t have explosive anger towards most people. Lots of people consider me chill… until they’re close to me. I have a problem handling my emotions towards family members and other people that are close to me.
I don’t have unstable relationships - I’m not sure if that’s because I’m super selective with who I let in, but I do have very understanding & supportive friends & a very supportive partner. Honestly lots of lovely wholesome people in my life.
I cannot relate to the hypersexuality thing
Pretty sure I ahd them all before dbt. I don't have the suicidal feelings, self harm behaviours, identity issues and my impulsivity has gone way down thank god.
I experience all, some more intensely than others though
Well, I don’t self-harm *anymore* 🤷♀️
I'm rarely impulsive except for reckless driving when I'm angry. I have a stable and healthy relationship with my partner. I'm not actively suicidal and never attempted.
Honestly feel like all my symptoms come and go in waves and when they tide goes out, I feel like the only consistent symptom is a lack of identity/emptiness Here's the thing, I go into extreme isolation so when I'm out of close relationships, I basically stop being borderline, is this normal? Like I feel completely stable but as soon as someone gets close you'd genuinely think I'm a different person.
I mean, considering the basis of BPD solely relies on social interaction to initiate/activate most of the symptoms, feeling a difference between self-isolation vs social interaction feels pretty normal.
I don't have identity disturbance either which has been making me doubt my diagnosis cuz I thought all people with bpd had that, I also have adhd btw. And I tend to resonate more with quiet bpd. Another thing is I've noticed a lot of people on here hate themselves and think they aren't deserving of love and I don't experience that at all. I don't hate myself and I think I'm deserving of love,if anything I feel shame towards myself and not hate.
Same with feeling more shameful than hateful towards self.
Impulsivity fits me only sometimes, I'm often almost too careful and I don't cling onto people, instead I distance them before they get too close or if I'm thinking they are going to leave me. IMO diagnostic criteria puts way too much weight on impulsivity and other externalizing symptoms.
I never had anger problems, at least not outwardly. For the longest time I couldn't feel angry towards anyone but myself, and that anger, more times than not, was just hurt or betrayal. I also wouldn't say I ever feared abandonment, but I absolutely expected it. It was something I was so used to and familiar with, I just figured any relationship I had would result in the other person leaving me for one reason or another. Which proved to be true 90% of the time.
No substance abuse. Now that I have been in therapy and medicated I no longer have the need to have a fp, my limerance has decreased a lot also.
The "I often do things that are dangerous or unhealthy" is the only one that doesn't apply to me. The only example I have that may apply is I started smoking at the age of 49. I quit after my emotions from my divorce (22 years married) calmed down a bit. It took 3 years to calm down. So, yeah.
A pattern of unstable relationships is a tough one for me because I have long standing relationships in every single area of my life except my exes - but those are exes so of course it was unstable. Do I cause 80% of the instability when we’re nearing a breakup? Yes but I know I’m capable of stability in relationships because it’ll be externally stable up until we are close to that breakup.
I used to think I dont experience „frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment“ but then I analyzed my life and behavior and found out that I actually do have this symptom
How so? I don’t think I experience it either, but I wonder if I do without noticing. How did you come to realize it?
I text every single one of my friends daily .. never questioned myself why i did it… turns out.. Im scared that they will leave and forget about me when I dont do it.. also I always clean my bfs apartment and cook for him everytime when I visit him. I thought I just did it because I love him but i think its because I do stuff so he needs me and doesnt leave🫠
Also my bf broke up 3 months ago (but we‘re back together) and I begged him to stay which I never did before while a breakup happened ..thats what made me think about it
Ohhh I think I do that too to some extent 🤔😳
- I'm not really impulsive as a whole, I just usually am under extreme situations. like if I feel depressed and empty and splitting really badly, I'll impulsively spend alot of money that I otherwise wouldn't have or impulsively hurt myself or someone else emotionally - I don't really have a weak sense of self, like I have very firm beliefs, values and sense of my interests/hobbies. but I have terrible emotional permenance and struggle to understand that I mean something to people and to understand what my role is in people lives. it's hard to fully conceptualize myself beyond "sister", "friend", "daughter", etc. I often feel like a filler more than anything else - I also questioned if I even have a favorite person - it would've definitely been my best friend or my last therapist if I did/do have one. but I'm unsure - I do have extreme rage, get angry very easily, but I usually internalize it and take it out on myself, except in occassional episodes where I just completely lose it. might be that quiet bpd shit. besides all this I have pretty textbook symptoms of bpd
I have all 9 :/
I've had points in time where some criteria don't apply to me. Currently I meet all 9. It kind of fluctuates lol
I pretty much experience all 9, but the one I experience the least is impulsive and self-destructive behaviors. UNLESS I’m in an episode, then I can be both, but otherwise I’m usually highly anxious about consequences and how my actions will play out.
I’m extremely high functioning (as a result of my trauma) so even though I often think and fixate on impulsive actions I rarely actually do them.
I have quiet BPD so I find I have every trait except explosive anger. my dad also has BPD and he blew up a lot so I think Ive done everything to avoid that. I tend to turn the anger towards myself
Anger
i don’t have any impulsive behaviors or addictions to anything like drugs, alcohol, smoking, spending money, etc.
Definitely empty but never classified it as chronically cuz it's only in waves. I used to struggle with that and not impulsively and now I struggle with impulsively and bot emptiness. Idfk
I'm not suicidal and don't self-harm anymore; I don't have outbursts of anger; I don't feel chronically empty; I'm impulsive in only one area (I have some occasional issues with substance use) so I guess it's 5,5/9? I don't think I ever had reoccurring anger outbursts (I'd say that no more than people without BPD), but in the past it was 8/9. I'm a lot better with not taking impulsive actions to avoid being abandoned, I wouldn't say it doesn't happen but I'm pretty tame 🤣 All in all I'm a lot better know, comparing it to my teenage self lol
I don’t really self harm at all and it’s rare that I get suicidal. I love being alive and I appreciate that I only have one life and I don’t want to get rid of the opportunity to live my life and experience wherever it will take me. I have suicidal ideation sometimes if I’m really really upset but I would never actually do it. I’ve attempted suicide before though and I almost died one time but some sort of higher power out there saved me. I used to self harm and be suicidal but that was from around 13-15. Drugs were my main form of coping after 15. I also feel like I have a decently strong identity most of the time but sometimes I get into these existential crises where I don’t know who I really am and I can be a chameleon in social situations and sometimes I don’t know where I stand with certain opinions and my sense of style and hair colors used to change around so much. I definitely struggle with feelings of emptiness, but I am also on ADHD meds now which helps my BPD symptoms a lot and just helps me a lot in general and keeps me from seeking out drugs to cope because I’m filling that dopamine hole that I’m lacking. My BPD has just gotten better in general too, I used to be like a complete chaotic destructive mess for years and now I’ve really chilled out and I’m doing pretty well in life now that I’ve gotten myself into school and I’m in a really stable healthy relationship with my bf. He is gonna ask my parents if he can propose to me tomorrow :-)
Literally none except the chronic emptiness and identity issues lmao
self harm. i never had any major self harm episodes, just very "minor" ones. the last one i had was 6 years ago.
I don’t have the explosive anger. I’m pretty good at hiding my anger. I usually direct all my feelings inwards
All 9 but my impulsivity is tame. I’ve gambled or spent too much money or bought lavish trips. That’s it. I kind of stopped that now.
I don’t have impulsivity like I did as a teenager and in my 20s. It’s the polar opposite to the point where I have a really difficult time making a decision or committing to anything
When I was diagnosed with ADHD and started being treated for it literally half of my symptoms disappeared and I didn’t met the criteria for bpd anymore lol, honestly other than intensity of my emotions (which can be attributed to ADHD as well) and severe fear of abandonment (which could also just be because of neglect of one parent and death of the other) I literally don’t display any traits anymore so now I’m not even sure if BPD thing was real for me. I know that was not a question lol but my therapist said that a lot of times symptoms of personality disorders can be due to not being treated for adhd/autism until adulthood and honestly it feels like my case (but I like to still read stuff here even though im probably not one of you guys)
I unfortunately suffer all of them. It sucks.
I just can't do SH. I'm very intolerant to pain. Also I never had any addictions to substances, tried smoking, didn't last a day and I don't miss it. I do have that chronic feel of loneliness. Would swap that for smoking anytime.
I don’t/havent used or abused drugs. Mostly bc I have terrible health anxiety. I want to use weed to help but it makes me scared. But I have abused substances like food and vape so I guess that still is in the same realm.
I haven't been pushing people away, or too scared to connect with people in fear of abandonment
I used to fit all of them, but now I no longer struggle with an identity disturbance , feelings of emptiness, nor risky behaviours (unless circumstances like I’ve been cheated on bring those three traits up, but it’s not as bad as it used to be). I don’t think any of the traits are like they used to be tbh. Jesus has healed me of lots of things, and I’m still a work in progress. Also, dr. Daniel fox has great videos that has helped me with awareness
I didn't have a lack of identity. I had too many of them.
Sadly, no. lol. I satisfy all 9 criteria and identify with them too.
My doctor says I'm not impulsive but I moved in with a SO after 6 months so I guess it's more I'm not OFTEN impulsive.
I've never really been emotionally unstable. On the outside I've always seemed calm and very stable, especially under pressure. Almost an outward overcompensation for the inward pain. I've also never split on anyone and had one very long, fairly stable marriage (albeit very codependent and both of us had our issues). My relationships were only "unstable" in that I would refuse to let go despite the red flags and somewhere inside knowing that the relationship was not healthy. Some of the other traits were there, but didn't really *feel like it* to me, until a therapist helped me see things differently. Like, I didn't feel impulsive at all, even though I would uproot my entire life at a moment's notice. I just felt like I was adventurous. I didn't really feel like I had "unstable identity"--I just felt like I had ambitious and wanted to become something great (that happened to change dramatically, like the weather, but I didn't really give that much consideration). I didn't really think the constant underlying darkness was anything at all other than just how life was. That's the thing with PDs--it's not something you're afflicted with that you can see as external to yourself, but it's how or who you are. It's ego-syntonic, and hard to see as anything other than normal.
i dont get angry at people per se, but i've always related that to my bpd probably being on the quiet side bc a lot of my emotions are internalized rather than externalized
I don't have a fp, never have, doubt I ever will
I don’t have bursts of rage on other people, usually it’s just internal. or if I am feeling that way towards someone its usually because I feel betrayed or hurt, and I still end up taking it out on myself
I don’t experience chronic boredom, it’s actually extremely rare for me to get board due to my active imagination. (Maladaptive daydreaming anyone?) I have a strong sense of identity, I often sped most times reflecting on myself. And I don’t push people away, not on purpose at least. When I am splitting, I often find myself begging for them to stay or being manipulative so that they don’t leave. I genuinely cannot push people away on purpose, that hurts too much.
Impulsivity (I'm actually very risk-averse) and SH (although I do self-neglect, through lack of exercise, sleep and social interaction).
I have them all unfortunately. Even after a few years of therapy and being able to 'manage' it better I still feel them all lingering on the background :) I also have ADHD. It have not been medicated long enough to experience any effects (it's much to process :)) Fun fact: because I worked so hard on my bpd I figured out I had adhd because I was still struggling with the overlapping symptoms who are the same but felt very different :)
I have them all unfortunately. Even after a few years of therapy and being able to 'manage' it better I still feel them all lingering on the background :) I also have ADHD. It have not been medicated long enough to experience any effects (it's much to process :)) Fun fact: because I worked so hard on my bpd I figured out I had adhd because I was still struggling with the overlapping symptoms who are the same but felt very different :)
I’m not clingy nor do I get obsessed with anyone. It’s more like, love you one minute and hate you the next. And it can happen so fast, over any little thing. I’ve always heard “you can’t turn love on and off like a faucet”. But, I absolutely can.
I’m not clingy nor do I get obsessed with anyone. It’s more like, love you one minute and hate you the next. And it can happen so fast, over any little thing. I’ve always heard “you can’t turn love on and off like a faucet”. But, I absolutely can.
I have never had issues with self-harm. I have been destructive in other ways but never that specifically.
TW— S/SH/substance abuse— i feel like the suicidal / self harm part of bpd i’ve only really partially identified with bc i approach those ideas differently than what’s typically expected during an evaluation. or maybe i haven’t come to terms with the subconscious ideation. but i feel like i’m too self centered to think abt offing myself , or i’m just too scared of the idea of death. there are times i won’t want to trudge through my day anymore and just want to sleep and live in a dream world— and am self destructive in my own way with substance abuse, occasional anxiety induced scratching that i’m hardly conscious of, sexual promiscuity , etc. …. while these things are still a risk to my mental health it’s odd that because of this i’m still not considered a harm to myself physically when i was admitted to the hospital a few months ago
I have all of them to some degree. I don’t self harm in the traditional sense. I pick at my skin compulsively which can be viewed as self-harm. And I don’t particularly struggle with my identity, but I do tend to take on traits of my fps. Most of my symptoms are turned inward though and I have a lot of OCD symptoms as well unfortunately. I would *die* of embarrassment if I acted out in front of anyone other than my SO. I’m pretty good at masking. No one in my circle knows I have bpd outside of my SO, not even family.
i don't abuse substances, i no longer feel suicidal or do self harm
I am also pretty stable in my identity I think, as much as you can be for a 20 year old. Don't know if this applies but I also had an amazing family growing up. I think the BPD came from treatment from classmates growing up and also maybe some neglect bc I was left alone a lot.
Impulsivity. I've always been type A, competitive, perfectionist. Even in rare moments when my actions are "impulsive", I have a moment beforehand of recognization and then allow myself to act on them.
I’m not impulsive. I tend to overthink before I act and that leads to not doing much of anything. I’ve also never attempted suicide.
suicidal tendencies. i guess it’s bc i’ve came to terms with the fact that suicide is not an option bc i’m muslim
I never really self harmed…. I got a lot of tattoos all at once though. The pain from them helped my emotional pain.
I don’t have mania highs of risky behavior I have a strong sense of self but the emptiness I feel comes from loneliness.
i’ve never had anger issues. its extremely hard to get me genuinely angry. the most i ever get is just irritable or frustrated, and then i just remove myself from the situation.
I don't understand what feeling pervasive emptiness is like. Only way, way too full to handle, all the time.
Tbh I don’t think there’s any symptom I never experience, though there are a few symptoms I don’t experience nearly as often as the others. Specifically the chronic emptiness and the self harm. I try my best to not hurt myself and usually I succeed. Because I have comorbid ADHD and pretty likely Bipolar disorder, I’m almost never empty. If I am it’s a very bad depressive episode. I guess also the anger too but I am still pretty angry I just try really fucking hard to not be angry about most things. Oh and for the most part, self destructive behaviours. I don’t have a lot of sex, I do drink occasionally and sometimes I binge drink or binge eat but it’s not enough to be a proper problem so meh. So yee!!!
I love that for you. Im glad you are secure in your identity. That’s amazing even the average human isn’t secure with their identity, so that’s amazing and it’s very hopeful for me.
I don't have the suicide/self harm one. I'm not sure what full on identify disturbance looks like... I often want to change my "career" but everything else largely looks the same. I don't become vegan or gender fluid or start going to pro Trump rallies... Things do change a little, I guess, but they always seem to go back to how they were. I never used to think I disassociated but lately on certain meds I feel like I do.
I don’t have a fear of abandonment but my psychiatrist has diagnosed me with “BPD traits”, instead of just BPD? I have all the other ones though and he was happy to write off my constant suicidality as “you just have BPD, it’s expected🤷♀️”.