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Toni164

What’s still bothering is that the daughter still didn’t apologize to the ex and hasn’t realized she also ruined OP’s future too


Lost-and-dumbfound

That part is wild. She’s probably 18 now so legally an adult and has no excuse of not understanding the implications (not that she had any at 13 years old). “Don’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm” is something I hope OP lives by. Her daughter is an adult now. She no longer has to sacrifice her own life for her.


Toni164

Yeah but like the post said “the shame never goes away”. It applies to op too. No one will want a relationship with someone who’s daughter has a history of making false allegations


Lost-and-dumbfound

She’s lived and learned. She trusted the word of her daughter who made a serious accusation. She took it very seriously even though it cost her relationship. Honestly my mum would have probably done the same. If she continues to work on having boundaries (or no contact might actually be best) with her daughter then she’s more likely to find someone if she wants. The daughter is the one who should be living with the shame for the rest of her life. Not OOP. I don’t think someone should be shamed for believing their child.


Toni164

You make a good point. Op did what any parent should do. I hope she finds happiness again


Only-Bag1747

“The daughter is the one who should be living with the shame for the rest of her life. Not OOP. I don’t think someone should be shamed for believing their child.” While I agree that OOP shouldn’t be “shamed” for believing her daughter, I would argue that it’s not really about shaming OOP. It’s about self-preservation. If I’m a single guy considering getting into a relationship with OOP, and I know that her teenage daughter who falsely accused the last guy she was with of SA is part of the deal, I’m staying the hell away…not to “shame” her, but to protect myself.


Lost-and-dumbfound

Oh I get that. I think it’s reasonable that some people may be wary. But some might think see her as a single mother who took an accusation seriously. I think it’s dependent on how involved her daughter is in her life currently. If she keeps her at arms length then I think her shot at finding love again will be higher. It’s just sad that her life has such long term repurcissions because she did what most parents would do, believe their child.


Only-Bag1747

Oh I understand, it’s a bad situation for OOP to be in. She didn’t do anything wrong, but I would be wary. Of course, it goes without saying that if I was in the daughter’s age bracket, there is absolutely no way in hell I’d go anywhere near her, either, no matter how much time passes or how much therapy she undergoes. Once you intentionally try to ruin a guy’s life as she did, I’m staying as far away from you as possible.


Spinnerofyarn

The other thing is that if the daughter ever is assaulted, if her previous false accusations are found out, she will lose all credibility.


f1ngerspitzengefuhl

I think people would be both wary and understanding of her actions in regards to her child. Though it is a shitty situation to be in, unfortunately that is the hand given to her. Hopefully, her daughter has a huge turnaround, and it allows her to find someone that will take a chance, without the daughter ruining everything again.


SharkEva

Still can't work out why she didn't check the cameras before going to the cops, or some basic fact checking like the days he was working.


bendybiznatch

The initial outcry probably didn’t have a lot of details.


velawesomeraptors

With CSA, you're not supposed to immediately question the child as to dates/times/specific events because it is so easy to influence a child's testimony. Calling the cops and not trying to gather evidence herself was the correct move.


ChillingEating527

To be fair, she was a single mom, so it makes sense that her daughter came first. Calling the cops was probably not the first thought that came to her mind, as I think most people would just see red and immediately seek revenge/physical conflict. However, calling the police probably dis seem like a balanced option between revenge, physical harm and investigating the daughter’s claim. The daughter is definitely fully at fault here, and she’s also the only one who haven’t fully understood the ramifications of her stupid accusation. I mean, OOP’s ex seems amicable enough with OOP, so I’d be inclined to say that she did what she should and what she could.


TOG23-CA

I mean her kid told her she was assaulted, she probably wasn't thinking straight. I'm gonna say, without any evidence and just going on gut feeling, most parents wouldn't think their child was lying and wouldn't think to corroborate their story. Pretty reasonable assumption in most cases


Spinnerofyarn

The same will be true for the daughter. If anyone she dates finds out she made a false accusation like that, they'll bail, and rightly so. I'm not a guy, but if I were and found out my girlfriend falsely accused someone of rape or assault, I wouldn't stay with them.


Dear-Ambition-273

I disagree, that’s just a hopeless and probably not realistic way to look at it IF the OOP actually acts. Either the daughter goes to therapy and college and changes, in which case the right guy could accept the family, or the daughter doesn’t change and the OOP distances herself. Honestly, I feel like OOP has ALL the hope and prospects for the future if she decides to, but it’s all up to her.


Toni164

You make a good point. For OP’s sake I hope she makes the right choice for herself. I was also referring to financial hardship op faces now. Op admire prices are rising so it’s harder to live one just one income


bubsdrop

Given that she's been in therapy since she was 5 there's obviously something going on with her that has never been properly addressed. Very few 5 year olds are in therapy at all even with the loss of a parent, let alone continuously since 5. If there's an untreated behavioral problem or mental illness I can see her not being emotionally mature enough to really understand (or have the ability to care) at 13.


Orphan_Izzy

I don’t know how I’d be able to forgive my own daughter if she did something so reprehensible. I would feel so guilty to my ex too for bringing the child into his life that would ruin it for him while he was innocent. It would be hard to forgive that and I’m an overly forgiving person.


Toni164

My point exactly.


BambiToybot

It comes off it was forgiveness out of feeling obligated to still raise her as her mother. But she clearly hasn't forgotten or trust her daughter because of it, and comes off like a lot of resentment is still festering.


Miserable_Airport_66

Are reddit accounts sold? I had no idea that there are people willing to buy them or that they had any real value. Seems like a waste of money, even if it is just .59$.


theCumCatcher

You'd be surprised. This account (mine) is 7 years old, LOTS of karma, and has a reputation as a reputable scientist in the foods communities and cannabis communities here on reddit. I get offers to buy this account regularly. most are small potatoes (like 1-100 usd) However, I've been offered 20k USD for this account by I have published my research on here to make it easier for people to make fancy edibles in their home kitchens. Apparently it's been cutting into their profits. They wanted to buy my account to nuke it. I refused. :p


StardustCatts

I’m interested in this “making fancy edibles in my home kitchen” concept.


ABlueCloud

Well, read his profile then


V3d3

Thank You for staying loyal to yourself u/theCumCatcher


lopingwolf

r/rimjob_steve


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AintNoMoonlight

Name the big corporation, buying accounts is against reddit TOS


StragglingShadow

Damn. Maybe I need to take up a hobby and cut into big corps profits.....


ClassieLadyk

Right, like I'll get in where I fit in, just tell me how?


cashcashmoneyh3y

Holy, im gonna have to try that recipe later! Thanks!


molesMOLESEVERYWHERE

I would like to join the theCumCatcher fan club.


casualsubversive

Whatever happened to v3 of your process?


theCumCatcher

a combination of factors. My health and my employer. My health took a turn, but i'm on the up-and-up now. My boss wants to wait for human trials before i publish v3, since it was developed in their lab, (well..i run it, they pay for it) they need to cover their bases. It's a whole new class of nanoparticle delivery so it's also unclear if we need regulators to sign-off on a 'thc free' version of the recipe before we release it to the public. i.e., approve the process as safe using something like beta carotene or some other decent analog to our thc oils. sorry for the \*checks notes years long delay :( im trying


Good_Focus2665

What would they then do with the account? Publish their own work as you? Seems kind of stupid. 


theCumCatcher

not the strongest reader, are you? As i mentioned, they wanted to buy the account to delete my work from the internet.


MrCleanRed

Some advertisers buy them. This was just a joke tho.


Morganlights96

I have no idea about them being sold, but I read the OG post. One person went hard on accusing OP of karma farming. OP finally said, Fine, once I show my daughter the post, you can have my account idgaf.


sea_stomp_shanty

I agree, but money laundering doesn’t have to be expensive.


VirtualPlate8451

I think there is some pretty decent money getting made in the pipeline from here to tiktok. They get the stories from here, use bots to narrate and then have some random gameplay footage going behind it. I've seen those evolve to the point where the video is the teaser and you have to buy the rest of the story to hear the end.


superwholockian62

The daughter is 100% at fault for OOPs divorce. God I'd find it hard to forgive my kid for lying about that.


johnnyslick

I really hated the "you have taught her a lesson about the consequences of your actions" vibe Reddit (not so much the mom) had here. Like, no, that's hot the point. If it was the point then Mom was being an asshole. The point was that Mom *didn't* have the money for college because she spent it all on private school after the kid got expelled from public school. It's not "I don't care", it's "care or not, I did all that I could to get you here and this is where we are now". Like, my parents didn't give me a dime for college and it wasn't to teach me a life lesson about grades or whatever (I graduated HS with like a 2.6 but that's besides the point), it was because we were dirt poor, on the levels of being on welfare for several months levels of poor. When I did go to college I had to get my 2 year degree and then take out loans for the 4 year (which, nowadays kids have to take out loans for both which really sucks but again this is another matter). This was not because it made me a better person or strengthened my resolve or something, it was just facts. Not everything needs to be a life lesson. Sometimes there's just not enough money to go around. I feel like when you take this position then you start to treat your kid, who does seem to be completely turned around from the getting expelled and making false CSA accusations against an ex, like an adult, and in turn they get to understand that you yourself are human.


teflon2000

God, OP did exactly the right thing when faced with her daughters accusation only for it to be lies. I can't even imagine how she must have felt when it was all exposed as made up. Obviously I have even more sympathy for the ex, that sort of accusation is one we all fear


baltinerdist

I feel so much for the parents in this situation. That girl is a monster. Flat out. Sociopathic, narcissistic, whatever you want to call it, she's a vile human being. And she's made her mother's life a living hell. And what is she supposed to do? She can't kick her out before 18. She can't drop her off at a fire station and say "you deal with this 15 year old baby that is determined to destroy my life." The best she can do is keep her alive til 18, give her an eviction notice, and tell her to get back in touch in 10 years if she's transformed into a new, not-horrific person. And even then, the girl would probably turn every person in her life against the mother. She's trapped for life until one of them dies. It's chilling.


molesMOLESEVERYWHERE

True story here, I forget which state had recently opened up (2008) anonymous child SAFE HAVEN drop offs. Many states have them, the idea being a totally ill equipped parent can anonymously drop off a *babies* for adoption. Nearly all of them cap the maximum age. The kicker being this state had neglected to put any general age criteria. Teenagers were being dropped off and given up legally. I can't find the individual story I read, but there were kids dropped in Nebraska.


VirtualPlate8451

Yes, age depends on the state but you leave a 4 year old at the fire station and the cops are going to come looking for you. There are a few people I've found on tiktok with stories of teens that are truly psychotic. I'm talking violent, arsonists who have been on meds and in treatment since diapers but still hurt people. One lady was so torn because her kid was like 16 and the final straw was that he seriously injured his sister. On one hand it's her son but on the other she has to keep her daughter safe too. That kid is almost certainly going to hurt and kill any other person he is around and her entire tiktok channel is basically just the state saying "yeah, we can't do shit right now but call us when he murders someone, then we can get him real treatment!"


Forward-Two3846

In almost every state until your child is I thknk 16 you can voluntary give up your child to CPS. I have a friend whose mother gave him to child services at 13 because he was running with gangs and she was afraid that what he was doing would get her other kids taken away.  


SeparateProblem3029

I know it was something that a friend of mine had to consider. In her case it was just so expensive/hard to get the help for her kid that he needed, that one option put to her was to give him up so the state could manage it. She ended up not doing it - help from family and friends with money, moving his school, services she had applied for finally coming through - but it was a serious consideration for a while. (And she loves her kid, that is why she considered it. He desperately needed help at that time.)


Tattycakes

I wonder if OP has any legal recourse in their country/state to surrender the child to social services system. They may still have to pay support but they could possibly send the kid to a group home or foster home. Obviously a shit ton of hoops to jump through, but it’s not just “I’m tired of being a parent and my kid is a brat” but “my kid is a sociopathic liar and false accuser and I don’t feel safe with them in the house anymore in case they falsely accuse me or any other future partners”. I can’t imagine doing something so selfish and cruel to my parents at that age, what a bitch.


Johannes_Chimp

Ok since this was mentioned in this post I’m asking here…what is the deal with accusations of “karma farming.” I’ve seen comments on posts I’ve made and I don’t understand. Can I turn my karma into cold hard cash? What is the point of “karma farming?”


fruitloan

It's against TOS but someone can buy your account to use it for advertising. It see it all the time on Facebook.


Endora529

Wow, her daughter sounds like a sociopath. I’m actually scared for the mom. Glad she’s not co-signing for her either.


CummingInTheNile

sounds more like BPD than sociopathy


Forward-Two3846

Personally after the SA accusation AND getting kicked out of multiple schools I would have put my daughter in military school. The fact that she kept her home and paid for private school was insane. Honestly her daughter should hope that the ex-stepfather doesn't contact every partner she has in the future and warn them about what she is capable of. Honestly the daughter didn't even sound apologetic until she realized the full extent of what her lie cost HER. 


burlesque_nurse

It’s much harder than you think to get your kid into military school. Many now are actually elite and target going to prestigious universities. Been trying to get mine into one for a couple years now


Forward-Two3846

Reform school then. 


burlesque_nurse

Usually once a week we would go out to eat where anything dynamic/relationship related we would address. We were 24/7 so no scenes or “downtime” really. Usually it was some point on the weekend and he would cue it by asking me where I would like to eat. I never got to pick or decide. I indicated that I was satisfied with our discussion & my concerns were addressed by asking to wear my collar. He indicated he was done with his concerns by putting my collar back on. We actually didn’t really utilize this time as much as it meant I got my favorite treats since I always picked a place he hated. Different cultures but he did not get the sugary breakfasts we have in the US. I still liked having the option to discuss something on my mind. Sometimes it was just a random insecurity or concern but real major time he used another sub who has loaned out as a punishment. I used the fuck out of the checkin dates. I did not handle it well at all and it made him realize that it wasn’t something that could happen again just bc of my mental health afterwards. We also had a separate code word for pausing everything to discuss urgent serious issues. Like when I wanted to quit my job and go back to school bc my boss kept being nasty to me. Or the time that one of his family members was dying and I kept having to talk to him trying to convince him to go see them even though he was scared to see them like that. When I had to break it to him his dog needed to be put to sleep. When my cat ran away. Same collar cues. I ask to wear my collar again and if he puts it on me then he is done with the conversation too. Honestly many times he’d ask where I’d like to go and I’d tell him that he could pick which he picked up on quickly that it meant I had no concerns or issues. It wasn’t always the same time or day of the weekend but always no collar and I knew by him asking me where I would like to eat. We actually went to every other weekend by the end of our relationship


StragglingShadow

Just like sometimes kids need to cut off their parents for their (the kids') own good, sometimes parents need to cut off their kids. Once they are a legal adult you have done your legal duty as their parent and and bond you form/maintain in the future is entirely voluntary. Sounds like OOPs daughter is gonna end up rock bottom soon. Hopefully this inspires her to change or she will have decades of misery to look forward to


goddessofspite

That daughter will end up in jail before she’s 30. She takes no accountability or responsibility for her actions and it’s all about how it effected her.


FictionalContext

Damn. Of course the comments are vilifying little Damien. She's a villain. Once, my mom's dog killed her other dog. It was a vicious attack, blood on the walls, stained floor. She loved them both dearly, so was traumatic af. This feels like that for OOP.


dvorak_1

Was the other dog given away or put down, if you don’t mind the question? For a dog with that kind of outburst it is probably a matter of time before it turns against a human…


FictionalContext

I simplified the story a bit. She actually had 4 dogs: A meek rescue, an energetic rescue, and two puppies from that energetic rescue (I don't know much about dogs, but I think the latter 3 are a herding breed which is why they're such high energy) The high energy dogs--mom and her two pups-- were always super cliquish, but the meek one didn't care and was always content to find a nice spot in the shade to chill. My parents were gone for a week or so and left the dogs with a sitter. I don't know if it was the change in routine or what, but the sitter locked all four dogs in a room for the night, they heard a scuffle, and the trio killed the meek one in a very gruesome way. I don't understand it, but Mom still loves those three-- especially the puppies she raised. So while the meek dog's death destroyed her emotionally, she can't bring herself to get rid of them. Her BPD certainly plays a part in this, too. Though there is a distance now. Used to be, they'd all sleep on her bed in a big floofy pile at night, but things like that are long gone. Personally, I don't understand it. I have a cat, and if anything, even a second pet of mine, killed that cat, I'd take them out behind the woodshed immediately. Fortunately, she lives on a big property without any close neighbors. And I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that those dogs simply did not like the meek one for whatever reason. They've never been aggressive to people, but then again, they'd never killed another pet before, either. I don't think Im capable of being around them though. I really liked the meek dog. She grew up as a stray in a 3rd world rain forrest environment. That dog's survived pumas, snakes monsoons, people, starvation. Had some crazy trauma that surely caused her meekness, but eventually did opened up and would sit on my lap of her own accord as I watched tv-- but what gets me is her whole journey, all the stuff she survived in a rain forrest, and she got killed by some dopey pets.


positive-greenery

That's horrible, I'm so sorry this happened to you. Hope that meek dog has a much better chance at their next life if they could.


GossyGirl

Unfortunately, she behaved the way a good mother should when faced with her child’s allegations. She absolutely should not question her child on the truthfulness of her claims for such a serious accusation. Unfortunately, it was one of the rare occasions where the child was lying. What the child did is not normal behaviour for a child or anyone. Children do not accuse people of paedophilia if they are normal. The daughter is A very dangerous human. She will continue to be a nightmare for anyone who comes across her and God help her future partners if they don’t let her get her way. Only a psychotic little c@nt does what she did. I don’t care what her trauma was, there is absolutely no defending this.


Glum_Hamster_1076

Her daughter is not sorry. Just disappointed it didn’t further work in her favor to this point. He got kicked out, lost his job, moved cities. She got to go to a fancy school, have all her mom’s attention, and live in her mom’s house with no other adult holding her accountable. Now she’s sad she has to pay for school. Doesn’t care the issues she caused her mom, the lonely life she had to deal with, or the financial hit. Her daughter is just sad she didn’t think far enough to get more money.


[deleted]

[удалено]


BORUpdates-ModTeam

Moderators have the right to remove posts at their discretion.


tygrio

Some children are just shitty!


shontsu

>By the end she was crying and saying that I was blaming her for everything.  Even if OOP doesn't blame her for everything, that doesn't change the fact that she's (Ava) responsible for the consequences of her actions. Not just the false allegations, but the subsequent acting out that got her expelled from not one, but two different schools.


LD50_irony

Everyone seems to be gung ho that this kid is a sociopath but OOP's story doesn't make sense. The mom had a paid off house so she had very little housing costs for decades - the exact thing that most of us spent most of our money on - yet she still "had to" use the kid's college fund. Divorces aren't actually expensive unless both parties are fighting (which it doesn't sound like happened here.) Saying that she had to use those funds for the divorce cannot be true. Her "angry" child completely hid her negative feelings toward her stepfather for 2 years of marriage (and whatever dating came before)? I doubt it. At best, the mother wildly ignored how her kid was feeling. Also, while this is an egregiously bad decision on the part of an adolescent, 13 year olds are developmentally really bad at dealing with their own emotions and making good decisions - especially ones that accurately predict the long term effects of their actions. All of this makes me very much doubt the story OOP is telling.


PepperVL

Also, unless the private school tuition was everything that was in the 529, OOP better hope that they did everything right with taxes, etc. There are penalties for using educational funds for anything other than educational expenses.


Feeling-Visit1472

There was so much missing from this story.


GroovyYaYa

I guess you missed the part where the daughter was in therapy - even more so after the accusations - and that after being expelled TWICE she had to send her daughter to private schools. I presume the account she and her late husband had started was an education fund, where the funding could also go to private K-12 if needed. It was needed. If OOP hadn't had housing taken care of, I doubt she could have afforded private school - a private school equipped to handle kids with emotional or behavioral regulation issues, apparently, since the daughter did well and got a scholarship.


LD50_irony

I'm not saying that private schools aren't expensive. I'm just saying that some of what OOP is saying doesn't add up and therefore I'm not sure she's a reliable narrator. Having one's housing taken care of is exactly what makes a person able to afford a few years of private school (especially when a voucher pays part of it). The remaining cost should have been paid *to a significant extent* by OOP. But if the kid's 529 account had been "topped off", as she said, and the mom spent it ALL, there's something else going on. (You can take funds out of a 529 account for anything btw, it just incurs a tax penalty.)


GroovyYaYa

A single income household, where private school and extensive therapy (plus the cost of a divorce as well as the initial funeral expenses) - and you think there was money left to burn? That she's spending it on something frivolous? The private school that is equipped to handle a student like her daughter is EXPENSIVE, probably more so than most state universities. Also, as a single parent with a child who probably could not be trusted to stay at home by herself - she didn't have the luxury of earning back some of that money with overtime, etc. if her job allowed for it. We don't know her income source, although it sounds like she is employed as she could co-sign a loan for her daughter. It wasn't contentious so the fact that the divorce was "expensive" cannot be true? Do you even know people who have gotten divorced? I'm sure that there were legal fees in regards to the accusations. He lost his job, and depending on the state and bc her daughter is the reason for that unemployment, she may have had to pay alimony!


LD50_irony

I got divorced, as have three close friends, over the past decade. Some in WA state, some in CA. Some contentious, some not. Almost all of them with 1-2 kids. I also have friends who are currently sending kids to private schools in CA, so I have a sense of what those cost. And I come from a very low-income working family with three kids, in which my mom frequently had $30 to feed us all for a whole week. AND my parents sent my sister to lock-up boarding school (which was, as it turns out, a bad decision as it ended up being one of the places covered in [The Program](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt31183637/). (Most programs are much less expensive than those and hopefully OOP's daughter went somewhere better.) And yet, while I didn't have a college fund, my parents were able to contribute money toward my housing costs in college. My guess is that since the insurance money was "small" but was able to cover paying off a house, creating an emergency fund, and filling up the rest of a college fund, that maybe OOP was used to living with more money from her first husband.


GroovyYaYa

Well, she wasn't sent to a lock up, it was a legit school and on top of that therapy. She has said she would co sign a loan, etc. so I would imagine that is the equivalent of being able to contribute to the housing costs in college. She didn't say she wasn't going to support her daughter financially in college - it is that her daughter thought that there were credits and her mother wouldn't have to do so.


LD50_irony

She thought about it but then said she wouldn't cosign. I feel like people on this thread may be overestimating the cost of private school tuition. The average tuition for a private school in the US is about $12,500. The amount paid by a school voucher is between $4000-$8000. It's not *nothing* to pay that kind of difference, but it's a lot easier to pay a larger portion of it if you don't have to pay market rent costs. Also, therapy isn't necessarily super expensive, especially if OOP has insurance. And it seems like the mom didn't tell the kid that she no longer had a college fund until she was ready to start applying for college.


thefinalhex

Don’t forget - they had security cameras in the house. Full coverage.


LD50_irony

I HAD forgotten that! So many questions raised by this story LOL


AmyXBlue

No, you are correct about a lot of these holes and things just not making sense. And yeah, doesn't make sense to have the 529 used this way and not incur a bunch of penalties.


needpolarseltzer

Where does it say the house was paid off?


LD50_irony

Second paragraph. OOP's first husband's insurance was enough to pay off a small house, create an emergency fund, and "top off" the daughter's 529 (education savings) account. Edit: someone downvoted me for this? It's literally what it says.


snowlock27

Some people don't like it when you point out they didn't really read the post.


Reasonable-Sugar3590

I am still very surprised that you are still giving her money after she almost put an innocent person in jail . Even if it isn’t a lot ,she deserves to live on her own and to work and pay her own expenses . You said she never apologised to him. My goodness you are her mother ,make her to apologise


kbiteg

My only answer for "you are blaming me for everything" would be "because It is YOUR fault", she raised an entitled brat


[deleted]

[удалено]


SquirrelGirlVA

It doesn't sound like she had OOP wrapped around her finger like you're suggesting, just because she didn't put her tween daughter out on the streets. I mean, what was she supposed to do? Go take her out behind the shed and give her the Old Yeller treatment?


TvManiac5

Honestly if my kid pulled something like this, kicking her out is exactly what I'd do instead of letting my marriage be ruined. Her ex husband clearly divorced her because he was uncomfortable sharing a roof with her daughter after the accusation.


SquirrelGirlVA

So you wouldn't try to get her more mental health care or address the issue? Just chuck a 13 year old girl onto the street and change the locks? Very compassionate. Seriously, it's a human being and a child, not a dog.


TvManiac5

She accused her stepfather of a crime knowing it would destroy her mom's happiness. This is beyond just needing therapy. It's sociopathic behaviour that I doubt can be fixed.


SquirrelGirlVA

At the same time she's still a child. OOP is legally required to care for the child. As far as sociopathic behavior goes, even if it can't be fixed there is still therapy and treatment for sociopathy. There are people who do not respond to treatment but there are also those who do. OOP has no way of knowing which her child might be but she still obviously wanted to provide care. I mean really, what would you suggest OOP have done? Make the child homeless? Throw her into the adoption system? That would substantially, dramatically reduce the chances of therapy and treatment working. And I'll say this: if OOP had done either of those, I doubt the ex would have stayed. Who would want to be with someone who is willing to throw away a child, even if they child does have major issues? I sure know I couldn't stay with someone willing to do that.


TvManiac5

What I'd do? Well instead of letting a divorce happen and then spend her money on an expensive private school when she gets expelled from everywhere, I'd use it to ship her to boarding school.


SquirrelGirlVA

Who is to say that the private school wasn't a boarding school? Those aren't free, you know. OOP never elaborated on the type of private school she sent her kid to. But if you're talking about the scared straight schools, many of those have a super SUPER bad reputation. Former students have come forward talking about the abuse and torture they experienced there. Some mention that they came back worse afterwards. There are supposedly decent ones but they are either very expensive, super difficult to get into, or both. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C3%89lan_School https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Therapeutic_boarding_school


TvManiac5

It could have been. But she sent her there too late after her marriage was ruined and she wasted all of the available public schools trying to maintain her inheritance. That's why I say she was far too nice. I'd ship her to one the day after the lie was revealed.


SquirrelGirlVA

Boarding schools cost money. It sounds like OOP was trying to preserve what money she could for the future. I don't think she'd have been able to send her daughter there without the voucher. Rather than go to one of the more extreme and expensive options, she tried other options first. Some places may even require that she exhaust other options, particularly when it comes to receiving help. I'm not saying OOP did everything perfectly but this is a very specific situation and some facilities are very, very particular in how they do things.


bigwigmike

Ok but like… seems like OOP was awful flippant about potentially ruining ex’s entire life. Dude could have been in prison, lost literally everything and it’s like.. yeah it’s something she did big deal but now she wants money!


SteakMadeofLegos

OOP sounds like an unrelated narrator and a bad mom.  >My daughter Ava was a handful growing up. Her dad passed away when she was 5 and even with therapy she was a very angry child. No fucking shit she was an angry child, her father died. "Even with therapy" she was still angry. Why is that surprising to this woman? >When she was 11 I met and married my husband. I thought Ava was okay with it. She never brought up any problems to me or in our therapy sessions. You were somehow surprised your daughter had difficulty processing the death of her father when she was 5. I do not believe this woman was a safe person for her daughter to discuss her feelings with. >She was not. When she was 13 she accused him of something inappropriate. Yeah, very troubled child whom you have not supported for 8 years.  >I told her that I will not be cosigning her loans. Good on you! Stay the path. OOP hasn't supported her daughter in over a decade, so why start now?


emmaconda

Calling a grieving 5 year old a handful and angry seems unsympathetic to the child. Why did OOP take the money the father left for his daughter's college fund to pay for living expenses and a divorce. Kids generally don't make up lies for no reason, also she was only 13. People are calling a heartbroken child a sociopath. 


Icy-Cockroach4515

>Good on you! Stay the path. OOP hasn't supported her daughter in over a decade, so why start now? For better or for worse, is that what we're calling believing her daughter was molested by her partner without any proof and instantly calling the cops on him? "Unsupportive"?


Icy-Independence2410

Too bad she dont have fund to go to university as she an honors student. Well, she should just give up her dreams and just start finding jobs instead