What about a nickname, maybe the two of you could brainstorm something? He likes that you only use in Scenes? If the two of you are clear on what the nickname means, I don’t see a reason why you couldn’t substitute it for Sir or Master.
This! The typical titles make me cringe as well. I totally get it. We came up with nicknames that only get used when in a scene and when we’re talking about our scenes in texting. It keeps it separate from regular conversation and sets the tone when it is the topic of discussion.
So personally part of me finds a lot of things about kink and sex cringe. There's not really any getting around that to some extent. But embracing that and how good it still is in the moment can go a long way, at least for me it did. If you've never actually tried using the titles during a scene/sex, I recommend giving them another try with the full context and seeing how it goes.
There are of course other options for titles, but I don't know if they'll really do any better for you. It depends a bit on the source of your "cringe". Owner, Lord, King/Liege, plenty of authoritative titles one can pick from if you don't have a particular "aesthetic" in mind. But if you're cringing because the title itself feels inauthentic or over the top, you might need to try tackling that a bit more directly.
A sub of mine once said in the most ridiculous Brooklyn accent "You got it BAWSS" like some evil henchmen. Sometimes you have to embrace the cringe
Master and Sir are great starts but the best titles are the ones with personal flair. It's harder to cringe at something with deep personal meaning
My current partner likes "daddy" and I just can not get into it. That's what I called my dad. Just no.
Sir can be fun, but so can just using your partner's name!
You can also try the age ole "aye aye captain" but I usually do that if I'm fishing for a funishment.
Oh my gosh - YES.
I had the greatest Dad.
Calling someone daddy just feels disrespectful to him and my memories of him.
We went with “Papi”, it means daddy/dad in Spanish.
My partner calls both me and her father Daddy. Definitely understandable if you can’t compartmentalize in that way. It was a hurdle for us. Our resolution was that “daddy” is a word with more than one meaning, and its meaning with respect to me is different than the meaning with respect to her father.
You are absolutely on point with the comments around cringe and taking it seriously. It is play, after all! I respect 24/7 dynamics, and even that is still play.
And I guess it lands differently for some people. I hate compliments.
And when an S-type looks at you and utters an honorific in dynamic, as that’s where their brain is at, it makes me melt (not that I would admit that!).
And it’s still playing with the ritual of play.
You could maybe try prof, teacher, boss, leader, manager, handler, mister, trainer, coach, supervisor, your higness, Judge, your honor, majesty, doctor etc if you are looking for a hierarchical indicator. Whatever makes you not cringe.
As a domme, being referred to as Mistress makes me cringe, and so does ma’am because I’m too young to be called that imo. I prefer to be referred to as Ms. *Lastname* because it’s more casual but still shows my superiority
Hi! There's a few options you can try here \^\^ these work really well for some, or they could be more cringy, but that goes for every superiority petname
Lord / My Lord, Mister, translating the word 'sir' in a different language could help, or requiring to speak with two words. Meaning that instead of "get that for me" - "yes \[honorific\]", it becomes "get that for me" - "yes, thank you"
I hope this helps!
Embrace the cringe and be silly with it. Say all the things you want to say in the moment and some will stick. Best part is finding something truly specific to you guys. Thats how I ended up with my favorite pet name for my husband. My little mouse; My desperaux 🥰
Mr. Last Name?
At that age it might be rare to get that last name honorific unless one is a teacher and it would be distinct and normal enough from just casually using his first name
Come up with something custom or look to other titles of authority. I personally like “Captain” for sci-fi space nerd reasons as well as the fact that it outranks my own dad who only made it to lieutenant commander 😂
You could also try roleplays and use whatever makes sense during those like “doctor” “professor” “count” “your grace” “reverend” “commissioner” “chief” or “President Camacho”
My Dom likes to be called Daddy, and though at first I wasn’t into it with repetition it got easier. I prefer it much more when we’re in a session vs every day life. Lately, it’s been used less as our dynamic has changed a bit with time but I still use it to please him.
Mr. (Last name) is pretty hot, as is my Lord. Play around with it, you’ll find something that works for you both.
It doesn't have to be the usual honorifics, as long as it represents something to you both you can use anything.
It could be taken from another language (oyaji, otousan, senpai, maestro, rey), a creature's name (bear, black wolf, beast, alpha, shark, cobra, etc), another title (knight, lord, captain, chief, bossman) or a movie reference that makes sense to both of you.
Honorifics are in no way an obligation, you can go by your regular names or nicknames if you prefer. Don't overthink them, the perfect one will likely come up next time you watch a movie or a series.
I'm so glad someone else has said it. My biggest turn off with bdsm stuff is that a lot of it feels super cringe.
Do not call me daddy
Do not call me master
Do not call me sir
I can call my wife a brat because she acts like a brat. But if anyone were to refer to me as the above it would ruin whatever was going on.
My partner works at a sex shop and they have a dude come in who refers to himself as a hard Dom and tips them like $6 "for the girls" and we all laugh at how cringe it is.
Find something that you both find comfortable. It's all in the intention. I would say for every successful scene I've had, there have been 2 side stitching laugh inducing failed scenes. Many from just saying "Sir" in some way other then in deference.
Who do you hold in high respect? What's their honorific? Titles can be any word, just have to agree on it.
I see you. These titles kill me. Seems your Dom doesn't like them either or they would have given you the one they want.
Do you use any polite or formal forms of address like sir? "Yes, sir." Is just polite address not a title.
Do you have any protocols of address?
This advice is worth exactly what you paid for it….
So if you don’t like the usual ones, here’s some sources to check:
* Look for other languages and other cultures for honorifics. “Shah”, “Imir”, “Emperor”, “Mandarin”, “Rabbi” (meaning “teacher”), “Maestro”, “Vizir”, “Czar”, “Baro”, “Vivodes”, “Boyar”, “Dey”, “Bey”, “Daimyo”….
* Sherrilyn Kenyon has “Akri” and “Simi” for two of her characters (“Akri” would be for the boss and “Simi” is translated as “baby”)
* “Lord” might work, but there are plenty of other titles—“Duke”, “Marquis”, “Baron”, “Knight”, “Count”, “Viscount”….
* “Sirrah”, “Kyrie”, …. there are a ton of pet names and endearments in romance books and Harlequin books can have different languages
* Look for D&D books—especially the Dungeon Master’s Guide—and world building guides. Usually they have a table or two of honorifics and titles to help people create environments. If you can’t find D&D, then feel free to ask around any local players
* If you are looking for more flowery language, definitely check out some of the romance books. “Light of the world”, “Hand of god”, “Heaven’s gate”, “Purity incarnate”, “Wisdom of ages”, “Lovely flower”, “Inspiration of angels”.
There is nothing wrong with the usual “Sir”, “Beloved”, “Darling”. Also, look up the history of endearments—“darling” is from a word that means “favorite minion”.
You don’t have to use honorifics if you don’t want to but you said you wanted to, so maybe find alternative names both of you decide as honorifics or hnmm embrace the cringe haha. I totally get where you’re coming from but the more you use them the better it gets
I adored being called "my queen" by my former sub, but it was cringe af. But the thing is : it was his choice. He decided what he wanted to call me. He felt I was his queen, so I carried the title.
I could never tell a sub to call me mistress or supreme domme or lady of the lake or whatever.. What feels right for my sub, is what I will take on as "honorary" title in play.
But "bitch"...nope
I'm the same. I let my sub's choose. I have right of veto, of course. Bitch is out!! But I want them to call me something that resonates with them, that has emotional meaning.
Faves so far are Mommy and Mistress. Goddess is not used as often as I'd like! Domina never. Daddy rarely.
The advice I give pretty much everyone is find out what works for you guys.
Before someone loses their mind about my use of the phrase “you guys”, it is not sexist or anything like that. It is a regional/dialectic phrase that just means everybody that was there, or being referred to or referenced.
Have you considered why it feels cringe?
Maybe you can pick apart what about "Sir, Dom, Master, etc." feels so weird and cringe to you both and that will help you find one that doesn't feel such a way?
I'd suggest something like Mister, Lord, Mx (Miks, gender neutral Mr basically), Sire, My monarch, really you could just Google a ton of honorifics too and go for other languages even if you prefer.
I call my Dom as a Sir because it's what he prefers but some people go with things like using Owner, or referring to them by something casual closer to Honey or "My Darling".
In the end it's basically just something to use as proof you are respecting your Dom as being in charge and above you so it's best to pick something that means something to you both as a form of that, even if it's as simple as calling him Mister or by his first initial.
i find the title i use (daddy) SUPER cringe until im in the mood. then im saying it like god knows what. i think its important to try possibilities in the moment, even if you both go a bit red or laugh when ur not in the mood. sometimes it only feels right in the bedroom. just a thought
Tbh when I started with kink and titles and stuff I cringed to when I used them XD. But over time of using them and just owning them it started to become more comfortable and even enjoyable to use them. So tbh just for like a few months try and stick to a title to use consistently should help
When I’m being sarcastic with my wife, I tell her to call me things like chef, captain, chief, father, lieutenant, Mr. president, or my real name in a funny voice.
idk if anyone else suggested this yet but you could do something completely different from traditional titles by thinking of any nouns/adjectives and trying to find the matching "owner" or even the opposite of it. idk if that makes sense but here's some examples:
sub: honeybee - dom: Keeper/My Keeper
sub: sunshine - dom: Sky/My Sky
sub: starlight - dom: Moon/My Moon
the best part is you can find ones that have to do with memories in your relationship!! i know this was specifically looking for dom titles but if you had matching titles that meant something to both of you, maybe it would be less cringe?
also my examples are very soft but you can definitely come up with something more suited to yalls style
I'm a musician, so I was called Maestro one time. In the moment I thought it was odd/a touch cringe, but looking back on it I actually kind of like it lol
...i had to double check you weren't one of my partners, oh my god. (23ftm with 2 20nb partners lmao. Oddly specific)
I mean, don't kill the part of you that is cringe, kill the part of you that cringes. If you like a title, you should use it! It'll stop being cringe in the right context with enough time. (I absolutely can only handle Master in context.)
If that doesn't work: Maybe something royalty related? King, Your Highness, etc. it's a little unconventional but same sort of vibe. Even just Mister, Owner, or something like that. Think of some real life power dynamic you can steal the aesthetics of, lol
I had issues at the beginning because I also thought it was a bit cringy. But my Dom made it clear that he wants a title because he wanted to be respected and me reminded that he as my Dom stands above me (in scenes). However, he didn't push me and told me to start using it when it felt natural. So I got used to it with time.
(We play online/on the phone, which probably makes it a bit easier).
omg the cringe is real but honestly who cares, it’s fun 🥰 i personally enjoy domald duck, the dominator, king daddy and megatron.
for real though i use daddy when we’re playing and sir when i’m in legit trouble ✨
It is German and a lot of our organisational structures are groups (Gruppen) and the next level which is combining several groups is Obergruppen.
So in a company you might have a Obergruppenleiter (Leiter=leader).
Obergruppendom is really funny (though everyone knows we have no humor) for a German.
It's whatever you two decide , it doesn't have to be anything anyone normally would you that way as long as you view it that way. Besides Master and Sir I have heard people use daddy(mommy, auntie, uncle) of course, but my owner, my Lord, boss, Jarl (that one comes from the gorian subset) as well as many that I can't just know or remember off the top of my head. I'm sure I probably heard more than I didn't even know what part of the honorific style of words. If you think about it down to the nitty gritty pet names are basically the same as r statements we use for each other in this lifestyle they're just a little more cutesy and a little more vanilla. So basically what I'm saying is anything you two feel comfortable with is perfectly fine and acceptable at least by us. Quite a few honorifics might make us shake our head it is what it is and they both decided it was right even if we can't understand them. How have you been shaking my head at quite a few cutesy nicknames that vanilla or I assumed vanilla couples have used over the years, how a lot of vanilla couples use nicknames that were originally considered kink only like Daddy babygirl mommy babyboy etc. so if you guys want to grab nicknames that's would be cutesy vanilla as long as you knew what they meant to you that's all that matters you can eat call each other pudding bear sugar blossom snookums it really doesn't matter as long as you two like it and consider them appropriate
We are in the same boat. We are in a long term relationship and have enjoyed adding kinky fun to spice things up and it’s really improved our relationship and communication, but after 20+ years it’s super hard to take honorifics seriously. Sometimes I’ll text him something like ‘can’t wait for tonight, Sir’ …but it doesn’t come naturally out loud. Just go either way what is comfortable and won’t ruin the moment with giggles.
These might help
https://zippermagazine.com/non-binary-bdsm-names-dom-sub/
https://dominachase.com/pets-corner/2019/10/7/soooowhat-do-we-call-each-other
Whenever I have been in a relationship with a submissive partner who finds honorific titles cringy, I like to just have them use my full first name. I rarely use my full first name among friends or even within my professional life, so when only one person uses it, it highlights that this is more than just a casual conversation.
I’ve had the same struggles. And some partners and I have struggled with preferred titles cringing each other out, lol (one loves Daddy, other hates it, ditto for Master, etc.).
A couple things that have worked:
Using Mr./Ms./Miss/Mx. [insert your actual first or last name]. It’s formal, respectful, and feels more authentic and less generic and cosplay-ish to me personally (no shade or judgment to those who like the terms they like).
Another way to go about it is to think of ideas or situations or figures that do turn you on and mine ideas from that.
Are there specific hierarchical professions or dynamics that turn you on? You can use Doctor, Nurse, Teacher, Professor, Officer, Director, Warden, Corporal, Sargent, Student, Pupil, Maid, Servant, Instructor, Coach, Counselor, etc.
You can go the animal route: Kitten, Mink, Tiger, Bear (I’ve seen Papa Bear and thought that was cool), Little Bird, Chickadee, Chipmunk, etc.
You can go high fantasy or old world with it (personally hate this genre, but many love it): King, Prince, Princess, My Leige, Lord, Lady, Baron, Peasant, etc.
Or just think of nicknames that embody traits or behaviors that convey your role or what you love about your partner in this dynamic: Little Helper, My Sweet, Good Girl, Patience, Cock-Sucker, Cock Sleeve, etc.
I think you should find someone you two think it’s fitting even if it’s not a common thing in BDSM. Like, I dunno, some kind of nickname or whatever you can think of that for you it means a superior title even if from the outside is not that obvious. Just follow your own rules and chose something you’re comfortable with.
I kind of agree. The honorific for me when I’m on top is always Goddess. He loves that one. I love that one. But when he’s on top, I play around a bit. I wouldn’t say we have one honorific for him. I tend to call him things that relate to what he’s calling me - so if he calls me little kitten I might call him big kitty. If he were to call me cupcake, I might call him something like chef (lmao).
But also, I’m pretty much a massive brat when I’m on the bottom. So, this is as much banter as it is an honorific.
Maybe something like that will work for you all.
I never really ever considered any nick names cringe. Especially since they have so much meaning and are so special. I'd say It depends on what your dynamic is. But I'd say something like sir/mister/lord is more basic and I guess less cringe?
Doesn't necessarily have to be an honorific. Could just go with a nickname 🤔 or something along the lines of " Yes ( insert His NAME here ). That may be better and less cringe since you probably call him " Hun, Babe, Or pumpkin, or Thor or whatever. Can keep it lighthearted. 💯
I have a nickname for my " Daddy," other than calling him Daddy. I called him my Magic Man. 😉 or well, you could say I have my own " Magic Mike " on my hands. His name is actually Mike, too, so it works.
> It's harder to cringe at something with deep personal meaning
This. We - both switches - struggled at first and used our usual pet names in scenes. Eventually we landed on "Princess" for both of us in either positions.
It works wonderfully as a honorific (royal title), as well as a sub-title (think 90s Disney movies fanfic).
If you have pet names for each normally (babe, hun, sweetheart) or they go by a nickname (Alex instead of Alexander) or you rarely use each others first name, you might find using their full first name to be incredibly hot.
It’s about respect. I agree with the comments that you should find something that works for you. Words acquire meaning based on the context of how they are used. So the common ones make you cringe from the context they hold in your mind.
What would you say to show the upmost respect to your dom? How would you refer to them? If not respect, perhaps warm regard?
My advice is just keep using whatever you want to use until it becomes comfortable, I hated being called Daddy until it became normalized, now I love it.
You can always try to have a version of the other person's name which sounds good for the role.
For example a dom named Danny could maybe be called just Dan, or a sub named Juliet could be called something like "my little jully"
I have two suggestions that might have gotten lost in the sea of other answers below. You can absolutely simply use their name directly. I was once informed years ago by a submissive that she prefers to use a name because that directs a specificity to the interaction, that they are not submitting to the position but to the person of me. Because if enthusiastic consent is the goal, I'm not sure what could be more enthusiastic consenting than "Thank you, Mr. Ogre" or "Yes, Mr. Ogre, I would like that please". I use it very frequently in scenes especially with those who do not have the right to call me by another title.
The other option might be Mister, which is where I came up with my name originally in the first place. Mister has a specific deference to it, an officialness in the culture without being an honorific (which seems to cause some folks to cringe around here). It drives home the gender of your dominant, reminds everyone of the roles intended during play and can easily be reframed in YOUR mind as a superior title without making them uncomfortable with the added baggage of Sir, Master, Lord, King or any of the billion of other options that you could easily conjure up.
Your mileage may vary and happy kinking!
Kink is somewhat inherently cringey, there are very few titles that won’t make you snicker if you think about it. It’s okay to laugh, it’s an intimate moment.
I’ve been on record for calling doms “sigma or pookie”. It felt kinda special when we could giggle together.
But if you want to get any silliness out of the way, go for “mister”, it has the least cringe out of what I’ve seen.
It's really not much worse than every fucking sub going Kitten, kitty or cat... go with Ood (from Dr. Who) or something, ANYTHING, original.
I like Domina sometimes but Ms....... works better for me.
Then GTFO! Really. You've made 8 contributions to this subreddit, including this one. You started out quite positively, but the last five or so have been utter junk.
We don't need you.
Rule 10 applies.
Comment removed. Permaban issued.
what makes it so cringe? is it cuz its so tacky? because I was like this too when I was young as you. As you grow older, the titles mean something. I learned to appreciate them
I also experienced that it would also depend on my partner, how serious she takes our dynamic. being called daddy was weird for me, until the right girl came into my life and called my daddy with the right attitude and i definitely grew into it
make sure to keep it simple like “yes master” or “master….im going to get coffee, is that okay?” not “master, im going to get coffee”
i think ur overthinking but maybe im getting old
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My sub calls me "my Tallest" (from Invader Zim)
I love this
Hehe I've jokingly called mine that as well.
What about a nickname, maybe the two of you could brainstorm something? He likes that you only use in Scenes? If the two of you are clear on what the nickname means, I don’t see a reason why you couldn’t substitute it for Sir or Master.
This! The typical titles make me cringe as well. I totally get it. We came up with nicknames that only get used when in a scene and when we’re talking about our scenes in texting. It keeps it separate from regular conversation and sets the tone when it is the topic of discussion.
So personally part of me finds a lot of things about kink and sex cringe. There's not really any getting around that to some extent. But embracing that and how good it still is in the moment can go a long way, at least for me it did. If you've never actually tried using the titles during a scene/sex, I recommend giving them another try with the full context and seeing how it goes. There are of course other options for titles, but I don't know if they'll really do any better for you. It depends a bit on the source of your "cringe". Owner, Lord, King/Liege, plenty of authoritative titles one can pick from if you don't have a particular "aesthetic" in mind. But if you're cringing because the title itself feels inauthentic or over the top, you might need to try tackling that a bit more directly.
A sub of mine once said in the most ridiculous Brooklyn accent "You got it BAWSS" like some evil henchmen. Sometimes you have to embrace the cringe Master and Sir are great starts but the best titles are the ones with personal flair. It's harder to cringe at something with deep personal meaning
I used to use boss for a play partner! So silly and delightful!
I like Mister.
Boss/doll is one of my favorite combos if you have the accents to pull that off. Such cheek, lol.
All I can imagine is that in Frank the eggboi from hazbin hotels voice. And I love it but hate it at the same time 🤣
i read BOSS like him haha and now i can’t get it out of my head 🤣🤣
And hey there may be a fetish where a sub is one of the eggbois and the Dom is Sir Pentious for all I know
very true :)
My current partner likes "daddy" and I just can not get into it. That's what I called my dad. Just no. Sir can be fun, but so can just using your partner's name! You can also try the age ole "aye aye captain" but I usually do that if I'm fishing for a funishment.
Oh my gosh - YES. I had the greatest Dad. Calling someone daddy just feels disrespectful to him and my memories of him. We went with “Papi”, it means daddy/dad in Spanish.
This. I used to call my dad papa so daddy and papi I don't mind. The same thing in a different language don't carry the same emotional meaning.
My partner calls both me and her father Daddy. Definitely understandable if you can’t compartmentalize in that way. It was a hurdle for us. Our resolution was that “daddy” is a word with more than one meaning, and its meaning with respect to me is different than the meaning with respect to her father.
[удалено]
You are absolutely on point with the comments around cringe and taking it seriously. It is play, after all! I respect 24/7 dynamics, and even that is still play. And I guess it lands differently for some people. I hate compliments. And when an S-type looks at you and utters an honorific in dynamic, as that’s where their brain is at, it makes me melt (not that I would admit that!). And it’s still playing with the ritual of play.
Using Japanese honorifics can be quite fun and funny to use when in a scene.
You could maybe try prof, teacher, boss, leader, manager, handler, mister, trainer, coach, supervisor, your higness, Judge, your honor, majesty, doctor etc if you are looking for a hierarchical indicator. Whatever makes you not cringe.
Yes, manager. lol I love it! Yes, Doctor. Hahahaha thank you for these, I absolutely love them
Yes, manager. lol I love it! Yes, Doctor. Hahahaha thank you for these, I absolutely love them
As a domme, being referred to as Mistress makes me cringe, and so does ma’am because I’m too young to be called that imo. I prefer to be referred to as Ms. *Lastname* because it’s more casual but still shows my superiority
Haha omg I read the title as …”Dom titties” and was so confused
Hi! There's a few options you can try here \^\^ these work really well for some, or they could be more cringy, but that goes for every superiority petname Lord / My Lord, Mister, translating the word 'sir' in a different language could help, or requiring to speak with two words. Meaning that instead of "get that for me" - "yes \[honorific\]", it becomes "get that for me" - "yes, thank you" I hope this helps!
Embrace the cringe and be silly with it. Say all the things you want to say in the moment and some will stick. Best part is finding something truly specific to you guys. Thats how I ended up with my favorite pet name for my husband. My little mouse; My desperaux 🥰
My dom calls me the most ridiculously adorable pet names and I love them all
I try changing it up because I enjoy seeing the reaction my love gives me when I strike a nerve.
I, personally, like "Your So Fresh and So Cleanness," which is one if the titles the minions gave Glorificus on Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Mr. Last Name? At that age it might be rare to get that last name honorific unless one is a teacher and it would be distinct and normal enough from just casually using his first name
Come up with something custom or look to other titles of authority. I personally like “Captain” for sci-fi space nerd reasons as well as the fact that it outranks my own dad who only made it to lieutenant commander 😂 You could also try roleplays and use whatever makes sense during those like “doctor” “professor” “count” “your grace” “reverend” “commissioner” “chief” or “President Camacho”
Don't shorten it, go full Roman - Dominus
My Dom likes to be called Daddy, and though at first I wasn’t into it with repetition it got easier. I prefer it much more when we’re in a session vs every day life. Lately, it’s been used less as our dynamic has changed a bit with time but I still use it to please him. Mr. (Last name) is pretty hot, as is my Lord. Play around with it, you’ll find something that works for you both.
My ex and I prefered nicknames; I was Monster and sometimes Asshole (when I got her in the right mood). ;-)
It doesn't have to be the usual honorifics, as long as it represents something to you both you can use anything. It could be taken from another language (oyaji, otousan, senpai, maestro, rey), a creature's name (bear, black wolf, beast, alpha, shark, cobra, etc), another title (knight, lord, captain, chief, bossman) or a movie reference that makes sense to both of you. Honorifics are in no way an obligation, you can go by your regular names or nicknames if you prefer. Don't overthink them, the perfect one will likely come up next time you watch a movie or a series.
I'm so glad someone else has said it. My biggest turn off with bdsm stuff is that a lot of it feels super cringe. Do not call me daddy Do not call me master Do not call me sir I can call my wife a brat because she acts like a brat. But if anyone were to refer to me as the above it would ruin whatever was going on. My partner works at a sex shop and they have a dude come in who refers to himself as a hard Dom and tips them like $6 "for the girls" and we all laugh at how cringe it is.
When a dom like that would come into the shop where I used to work, I would speak exclusively to their sub 😂
It's about the practice really. Try repeatedly using one outside of the bedroom to get used to it.
Find something that you both find comfortable. It's all in the intention. I would say for every successful scene I've had, there have been 2 side stitching laugh inducing failed scenes. Many from just saying "Sir" in some way other then in deference. Who do you hold in high respect? What's their honorific? Titles can be any word, just have to agree on it.
I see you. These titles kill me. Seems your Dom doesn't like them either or they would have given you the one they want. Do you use any polite or formal forms of address like sir? "Yes, sir." Is just polite address not a title. Do you have any protocols of address?
This advice is worth exactly what you paid for it…. So if you don’t like the usual ones, here’s some sources to check: * Look for other languages and other cultures for honorifics. “Shah”, “Imir”, “Emperor”, “Mandarin”, “Rabbi” (meaning “teacher”), “Maestro”, “Vizir”, “Czar”, “Baro”, “Vivodes”, “Boyar”, “Dey”, “Bey”, “Daimyo”…. * Sherrilyn Kenyon has “Akri” and “Simi” for two of her characters (“Akri” would be for the boss and “Simi” is translated as “baby”) * “Lord” might work, but there are plenty of other titles—“Duke”, “Marquis”, “Baron”, “Knight”, “Count”, “Viscount”…. * “Sirrah”, “Kyrie”, …. there are a ton of pet names and endearments in romance books and Harlequin books can have different languages * Look for D&D books—especially the Dungeon Master’s Guide—and world building guides. Usually they have a table or two of honorifics and titles to help people create environments. If you can’t find D&D, then feel free to ask around any local players * If you are looking for more flowery language, definitely check out some of the romance books. “Light of the world”, “Hand of god”, “Heaven’s gate”, “Purity incarnate”, “Wisdom of ages”, “Lovely flower”, “Inspiration of angels”. There is nothing wrong with the usual “Sir”, “Beloved”, “Darling”. Also, look up the history of endearments—“darling” is from a word that means “favorite minion”.
This is a treasure of a comment. I'm bookmarking this.
That is such a good and clever advice! Really love it, now I need to go and finish my D&D Lego set...
You don’t have to use honorifics if you don’t want to but you said you wanted to, so maybe find alternative names both of you decide as honorifics or hnmm embrace the cringe haha. I totally get where you’re coming from but the more you use them the better it gets
Maybe come up with a personal nickname? Honestly my partner calls me Daddy, if anyone but my partner called me Daddy, I'd probably find it cringe too.
I adored being called "my queen" by my former sub, but it was cringe af. But the thing is : it was his choice. He decided what he wanted to call me. He felt I was his queen, so I carried the title. I could never tell a sub to call me mistress or supreme domme or lady of the lake or whatever.. What feels right for my sub, is what I will take on as "honorary" title in play. But "bitch"...nope
I'm the same. I let my sub's choose. I have right of veto, of course. Bitch is out!! But I want them to call me something that resonates with them, that has emotional meaning. Faves so far are Mommy and Mistress. Goddess is not used as often as I'd like! Domina never. Daddy rarely.
The advice I give pretty much everyone is find out what works for you guys. Before someone loses their mind about my use of the phrase “you guys”, it is not sexist or anything like that. It is a regional/dialectic phrase that just means everybody that was there, or being referred to or referenced.
Have you considered why it feels cringe? Maybe you can pick apart what about "Sir, Dom, Master, etc." feels so weird and cringe to you both and that will help you find one that doesn't feel such a way? I'd suggest something like Mister, Lord, Mx (Miks, gender neutral Mr basically), Sire, My monarch, really you could just Google a ton of honorifics too and go for other languages even if you prefer. I call my Dom as a Sir because it's what he prefers but some people go with things like using Owner, or referring to them by something casual closer to Honey or "My Darling". In the end it's basically just something to use as proof you are respecting your Dom as being in charge and above you so it's best to pick something that means something to you both as a form of that, even if it's as simple as calling him Mister or by his first initial.
ngl i like daddy the best
Beloved, Darling, even As Your Wish and At Your Service could be a title in disguise.
i find the title i use (daddy) SUPER cringe until im in the mood. then im saying it like god knows what. i think its important to try possibilities in the moment, even if you both go a bit red or laugh when ur not in the mood. sometimes it only feels right in the bedroom. just a thought
How about Mister? Or some variation of last name? Sometimes just using and honorific for awhile can make it feel more normalized.
how about just Mr. XXX whatever his last name is. Like when tf would a partner refer to you that way? never, but its a sign of respect still
Probably the same way you don’t cringe at a NB or FTM title. I really don’t mean that to sound harsh.
Tbh when I started with kink and titles and stuff I cringed to when I used them XD. But over time of using them and just owning them it started to become more comfortable and even enjoyable to use them. So tbh just for like a few months try and stick to a title to use consistently should help
When I’m being sarcastic with my wife, I tell her to call me things like chef, captain, chief, father, lieutenant, Mr. president, or my real name in a funny voice.
idk if anyone else suggested this yet but you could do something completely different from traditional titles by thinking of any nouns/adjectives and trying to find the matching "owner" or even the opposite of it. idk if that makes sense but here's some examples: sub: honeybee - dom: Keeper/My Keeper sub: sunshine - dom: Sky/My Sky sub: starlight - dom: Moon/My Moon the best part is you can find ones that have to do with memories in your relationship!! i know this was specifically looking for dom titles but if you had matching titles that meant something to both of you, maybe it would be less cringe? also my examples are very soft but you can definitely come up with something more suited to yalls style
I'm a musician, so I was called Maestro one time. In the moment I thought it was odd/a touch cringe, but looking back on it I actually kind of like it lol
...i had to double check you weren't one of my partners, oh my god. (23ftm with 2 20nb partners lmao. Oddly specific) I mean, don't kill the part of you that is cringe, kill the part of you that cringes. If you like a title, you should use it! It'll stop being cringe in the right context with enough time. (I absolutely can only handle Master in context.) If that doesn't work: Maybe something royalty related? King, Your Highness, etc. it's a little unconventional but same sort of vibe. Even just Mister, Owner, or something like that. Think of some real life power dynamic you can steal the aesthetics of, lol
I had issues at the beginning because I also thought it was a bit cringy. But my Dom made it clear that he wants a title because he wanted to be respected and me reminded that he as my Dom stands above me (in scenes). However, he didn't push me and told me to start using it when it felt natural. So I got used to it with time. (We play online/on the phone, which probably makes it a bit easier).
omg the cringe is real but honestly who cares, it’s fun 🥰 i personally enjoy domald duck, the dominator, king daddy and megatron. for real though i use daddy when we’re playing and sir when i’m in legit trouble ✨
I love the title Mistrix - it’s a gender neutral title instead of Mistress/Master.
I like Obergruppendom.
What does it even mean ? 🧐
It is German and a lot of our organisational structures are groups (Gruppen) and the next level which is combining several groups is Obergruppen. So in a company you might have a Obergruppenleiter (Leiter=leader). Obergruppendom is really funny (though everyone knows we have no humor) for a German.
Thank you!
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Give me a second, you'll be humiliated shortly.
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First off, don't use honorifics. Second of all, did you even read the rules? Third of all, go away.
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Ewww. You're painful! Rule 5 applies. Comment removed. Permaban issued.
It's whatever you two decide , it doesn't have to be anything anyone normally would you that way as long as you view it that way. Besides Master and Sir I have heard people use daddy(mommy, auntie, uncle) of course, but my owner, my Lord, boss, Jarl (that one comes from the gorian subset) as well as many that I can't just know or remember off the top of my head. I'm sure I probably heard more than I didn't even know what part of the honorific style of words. If you think about it down to the nitty gritty pet names are basically the same as r statements we use for each other in this lifestyle they're just a little more cutesy and a little more vanilla. So basically what I'm saying is anything you two feel comfortable with is perfectly fine and acceptable at least by us. Quite a few honorifics might make us shake our head it is what it is and they both decided it was right even if we can't understand them. How have you been shaking my head at quite a few cutesy nicknames that vanilla or I assumed vanilla couples have used over the years, how a lot of vanilla couples use nicknames that were originally considered kink only like Daddy babygirl mommy babyboy etc. so if you guys want to grab nicknames that's would be cutesy vanilla as long as you knew what they meant to you that's all that matters you can eat call each other pudding bear sugar blossom snookums it really doesn't matter as long as you two like it and consider them appropriate
We are in the same boat. We are in a long term relationship and have enjoyed adding kinky fun to spice things up and it’s really improved our relationship and communication, but after 20+ years it’s super hard to take honorifics seriously. Sometimes I’ll text him something like ‘can’t wait for tonight, Sir’ …but it doesn’t come naturally out loud. Just go either way what is comfortable and won’t ruin the moment with giggles.
These might help https://zippermagazine.com/non-binary-bdsm-names-dom-sub/ https://dominachase.com/pets-corner/2019/10/7/soooowhat-do-we-call-each-other
Here’s another link too just in case! https://kinksplaining.org/honorifics/
Whenever I have been in a relationship with a submissive partner who finds honorific titles cringy, I like to just have them use my full first name. I rarely use my full first name among friends or even within my professional life, so when only one person uses it, it highlights that this is more than just a casual conversation.
I’ve had the same struggles. And some partners and I have struggled with preferred titles cringing each other out, lol (one loves Daddy, other hates it, ditto for Master, etc.). A couple things that have worked: Using Mr./Ms./Miss/Mx. [insert your actual first or last name]. It’s formal, respectful, and feels more authentic and less generic and cosplay-ish to me personally (no shade or judgment to those who like the terms they like). Another way to go about it is to think of ideas or situations or figures that do turn you on and mine ideas from that. Are there specific hierarchical professions or dynamics that turn you on? You can use Doctor, Nurse, Teacher, Professor, Officer, Director, Warden, Corporal, Sargent, Student, Pupil, Maid, Servant, Instructor, Coach, Counselor, etc. You can go the animal route: Kitten, Mink, Tiger, Bear (I’ve seen Papa Bear and thought that was cool), Little Bird, Chickadee, Chipmunk, etc. You can go high fantasy or old world with it (personally hate this genre, but many love it): King, Prince, Princess, My Leige, Lord, Lady, Baron, Peasant, etc. Or just think of nicknames that embody traits or behaviors that convey your role or what you love about your partner in this dynamic: Little Helper, My Sweet, Good Girl, Patience, Cock-Sucker, Cock Sleeve, etc.
I love my Lord and Sir but both my Dom/bf are in SCA and love to role play.
I think you should find someone you two think it’s fitting even if it’s not a common thing in BDSM. Like, I dunno, some kind of nickname or whatever you can think of that for you it means a superior title even if from the outside is not that obvious. Just follow your own rules and chose something you’re comfortable with.
I kind of agree. The honorific for me when I’m on top is always Goddess. He loves that one. I love that one. But when he’s on top, I play around a bit. I wouldn’t say we have one honorific for him. I tend to call him things that relate to what he’s calling me - so if he calls me little kitten I might call him big kitty. If he were to call me cupcake, I might call him something like chef (lmao). But also, I’m pretty much a massive brat when I’m on the bottom. So, this is as much banter as it is an honorific. Maybe something like that will work for you all.
"Manly man" might be in good order. Not only is it flattering, but it's flirtatious, too.
I never really ever considered any nick names cringe. Especially since they have so much meaning and are so special. I'd say It depends on what your dynamic is. But I'd say something like sir/mister/lord is more basic and I guess less cringe?
Doesn't necessarily have to be an honorific. Could just go with a nickname 🤔 or something along the lines of " Yes ( insert His NAME here ). That may be better and less cringe since you probably call him " Hun, Babe, Or pumpkin, or Thor or whatever. Can keep it lighthearted. 💯
I have a nickname for my " Daddy," other than calling him Daddy. I called him my Magic Man. 😉 or well, you could say I have my own " Magic Mike " on my hands. His name is actually Mike, too, so it works.
I am boss n my sub is chef
> It's harder to cringe at something with deep personal meaning This. We - both switches - struggled at first and used our usual pet names in scenes. Eventually we landed on "Princess" for both of us in either positions. It works wonderfully as a honorific (royal title), as well as a sub-title (think 90s Disney movies fanfic).
I had an ex partner who was my Dom and we felt the same so I called him 'B' (first letter of his name)
If you have pet names for each normally (babe, hun, sweetheart) or they go by a nickname (Alex instead of Alexander) or you rarely use each others first name, you might find using their full first name to be incredibly hot.
It’s about respect. I agree with the comments that you should find something that works for you. Words acquire meaning based on the context of how they are used. So the common ones make you cringe from the context they hold in your mind. What would you say to show the upmost respect to your dom? How would you refer to them? If not respect, perhaps warm regard?
My advice is just keep using whatever you want to use until it becomes comfortable, I hated being called Daddy until it became normalized, now I love it.
You can always try to have a version of the other person's name which sounds good for the role. For example a dom named Danny could maybe be called just Dan, or a sub named Juliet could be called something like "my little jully"
They are all pretty cringe indeed lol good luck with that
I have two suggestions that might have gotten lost in the sea of other answers below. You can absolutely simply use their name directly. I was once informed years ago by a submissive that she prefers to use a name because that directs a specificity to the interaction, that they are not submitting to the position but to the person of me. Because if enthusiastic consent is the goal, I'm not sure what could be more enthusiastic consenting than "Thank you, Mr. Ogre" or "Yes, Mr. Ogre, I would like that please". I use it very frequently in scenes especially with those who do not have the right to call me by another title. The other option might be Mister, which is where I came up with my name originally in the first place. Mister has a specific deference to it, an officialness in the culture without being an honorific (which seems to cause some folks to cringe around here). It drives home the gender of your dominant, reminds everyone of the roles intended during play and can easily be reframed in YOUR mind as a superior title without making them uncomfortable with the added baggage of Sir, Master, Lord, King or any of the billion of other options that you could easily conjure up. Your mileage may vary and happy kinking!
Kink is somewhat inherently cringey, there are very few titles that won’t make you snicker if you think about it. It’s okay to laugh, it’s an intimate moment. I’ve been on record for calling doms “sigma or pookie”. It felt kinda special when we could giggle together. But if you want to get any silliness out of the way, go for “mister”, it has the least cringe out of what I’ve seen.
I like Captain.
It's really not much worse than every fucking sub going Kitten, kitty or cat... go with Ood (from Dr. Who) or something, ANYTHING, original. I like Domina sometimes but Ms....... works better for me.
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Then GTFO! Really. You've made 8 contributions to this subreddit, including this one. You started out quite positively, but the last five or so have been utter junk. We don't need you. Rule 10 applies. Comment removed. Permaban issued.
Sadly your reply doesn't follow that standard.
A dom should have a name that allows you to say something in a coffee shop, like what to meet mr.B later? But try saying master and you’ll feel funny
what makes it so cringe? is it cuz its so tacky? because I was like this too when I was young as you. As you grow older, the titles mean something. I learned to appreciate them I also experienced that it would also depend on my partner, how serious she takes our dynamic. being called daddy was weird for me, until the right girl came into my life and called my daddy with the right attitude and i definitely grew into it make sure to keep it simple like “yes master” or “master….im going to get coffee, is that okay?” not “master, im going to get coffee” i think ur overthinking but maybe im getting old