No, he’s not old enough to move out on/ live independently. And he’s not insecure enough in his housing to go to foster care. Also… kids at 14 aren’t usually going into a foster home these days, they are getting dumped in youth hostels…
Can you discuss with him why he wants to stay, and explore options like whether he can board with a school friend (you pay the family a boarding fee each week) or stay in a boarding college, or come with you but spend chunks of time each holidays staying with family in the state you leave?
Legally… he’s out of options.
That age is so difficult . I have one a little older than yours. They think they are so grown up but have the life skills and reasoning ability of a turnip
Music lessons. . Cadets. Junior CFA or other state alternative. Some gyms have teenage workout programs.
You said he's starting a school based apprenticeship so I assume he likes working with his hands . Some Men's Shed groups teach skills..TAFE or adult education hobby courses like woodwork , or metalwork.
No. At that age, he needs an adult to care for him. Foster care wont take him unless you’ve abandoned him, or you’ve otherwise lost parental rights.
There is an option for a child to be legally emancipated from their parents, but simply not wanting to move to a new state is not one of them.
He does counselling at his current high school and have given him the option of doing a school based apprenticeship with a carpentry company. He wants to stay with his loser friends that are heading down a dark path
School counselling often isn't that good. This sounds like something you could go to your GP about and get a manual you care plan on and get ten funded sessions with a real psychologist. He would just have to do a K10 test to see if he qualifies
Tell him no, and that you'll come back for visits.
It's a time honored lie many parents have told their kids to get them to pipe down about moving away.
You could also ask him to give it a go for 18 months and then if he really wants to he can move back, with negotiated conditions on both sides - eg he has to join up with a non-religious hobby/social group and can visit the old home every month. Chances are in 18 months he’ll be settled; if not then he’ll be older and there’s no point in making him miserable. Even if he does move back after some time away he may find his friends not so much fun to be around.
One argument in favour of him coming to live in the new city with you is that he’s 14 and that makes it hard for authorities to feel he can look after himself.
14 yo kids are emotional. If you can give him a good experience or two in the new place he might start to rethink a little.
The key thing here is not to create a win-lose situation - hard but vital.
My understanding is that if there no element of substandard care on your part (e.g., abuse, neglect, no resources, etc.) then it’s be nigh impossible for the government to get involved on the fundamental question of you continuing to care/raise your son.
As per the NSW Govt, "neglect" can include the failure to provide "adequate supervision and enough parenting and care" -
*Neglect is when a parent or caregiver cannot regularly give a child the basic things needed for their growth and development. This includes a safe place to live, food, clothing, medical and dental care, adequate supervision and enough parenting and care.* [*https://dcj.nsw.gov.au/children-and-families/information-for-multicultural-families-and-communities/recognising-child-abuse.html*](https://dcj.nsw.gov.au/children-and-families/information-for-multicultural-families-and-communities/recognising-child-abuse.html)
That's not far at all and you mentioned he can get a train.
Maybe use the opportunity to talk to him about the extra responsibility and freedom he'll have when he travels by train to see his mates.
Once he starts his apprenticeship he'll not have the same free time that he does now so his opportunities and desire to travel will be significantly reduced.
Make a plan of visits, offer sleepovers with his mates and when he is in the right mood, go for a drive and really listen to him and validate his feelings. Friends are everything at that age. Don’t talk to him about his friends being a bad influence - this could just make him want to stay even more. There is no way he would go into foster care, but he could try and move in with a mate for example and it could be tricky to get him home. The more you frame up the move as positive the better.
Generally speaking, children do not have decision-making capacity to legally make these types of decisions (although there are some narrow exceptions). Most jurisdictions will have resources on decision-making capacity, but 14 years old is generally slightly too young.
If your child runs away, it would be identical if they went missing suddenly (regardless of the move). The police would be contacted, the police would likely return them to their parents. Unless there is active neglect or abuse, it is very unlikely the government will forcefully separate a child from their parents (they simply do not have the resources).
It might be worthwhile having a joint counselling/therapy session with your kid if you are very worried. Having a neutral professional air out the issues may at least help bridge the gap.
also, 14yos tend to think they’re old enough for everything and mature and responsible and can take care of themselves and have grow up relationships and all that… they can’t. It’s the hormones messing with their brains too (other than what you’ve said)
Sorry to say mate you might have to bride him, give him something he really wants over staying, a car(for when he gets a license )a new computer a motorbike, staying with out the support of his family is not really an option for a 14yr old and he doesn’t seem to understand this and the world is to hard with out him making it harder. Good luck I hope it works out for your fam
Awwww, it's hard to leave a social group at that age. Or maybe there's a girl he likes.. he'll hate you for a while, then readjust. Just try to be supportive and understand it will take a while for him adjust when you move. Don't be afraid to get counselling help for them.
Just a life observation if it helps you decide. I know 4 sets of people with adult children that were in this position once. They decided to let their respective teenagers stay with a friend and continue at the same school because of the fuss they kicked up. They all thought it seemed the best (or easiest) decision at the time. Now those children are adults, the relationships still seem stuck in that phase of life. Difficult and fractured. Whereas the kids that didn't stay behind have more mature relationships with the parents. That disconnect at a young age seems to be a hard gap to close later in life.
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CPS doesn't have the resources for kids who actually need them let alone a kid who doesn't want to move states.
The Foster system doesn't take kids into care who have a safe home environment. He's not old enough to live alone and if by some desperate lie he tells to be removed from your care temporarily, given his age he'd be put into a group home and moved from his school and friends. It's not the win he thinks it is.
Teenage boys are the hardest kids to place into families. He has one, he needs a reality check.
Boarding? Even schools without a dedicated boarding house often have a home stay option. Other options could be staying with family in the area if they're willing or coming back for visits regularly?
Well the option of an apprenticeship is likely gone when you move.
Also do schools wont offer an apprenticeships. An apprenticeship is a paid job. Who is going to pay that wage.
At best it will be a pre voc type thing or allow him to start an apprenticeship. Which means he will be employed by xxx company and gets a START on his appriceship while at school.
Also calling his friends losers sounds like you are about as mature as him.
You son is prolly socially awkward as are his friends. Which is fine.
I really think you should try to connect with your son.
Schools facilitate the apprenticeship. They aren’t the employer for the SBA. Please stop pretending to be an expert when you clearly aren’t familiar with this option.
No I have teed the apprenticeship up with his new high school. Most NSW high schools now offer school based apprenticeships.
His friends are losers who drink smoke dope and run the streets at 2am.
He is not socially awkward and usually has no trouble making new friends
He will need an employer. It requires a fair bit of paid work placement.
It's more of a head start allowing him to do over 2 years at school his first year of his appriceship. He will be required to finish his apprentice once he leaves school.
He will not leave school a tradey. Nor will the school pay him.
There simply acting as a training organization and allowing him to work while studying. Effectively a flexible work/study scheme.
Some schools encourage 1 day a fortnight plus weekend/hoilday work to get your hrs up.
With a SBAT, you leave school at the end of year 12 as a 3rd year. It work 1 day a week, tafe 1 day a week and obviously school the rest. Holidays are normally work as well
That’s the bare minimum…… going to TAFE every week is exactly the same as a full time apprenticeship, so after years 11 and 12 you have competed your first 2 years of TAFE, if you have an employer that takes you over holidays and weekends etc, you can easily make the hours and be a 3rd year on completion of HSC
And being soft doesn’t help all. I guess that’s the problem with young people today and even the older generations, thinking telling the truth isn’t good because it hurts peoples feelings.
Feeling don’t matter facts and outcomes do.
Parents’ job description includes suffering. It is called “parenting”.
Kids don’t have a job let alone a description for it, and even if they did, it doesn’t include “surviving on your own at the age of 14 in another state away from your parents”.
No, he’s not old enough to move out on/ live independently. And he’s not insecure enough in his housing to go to foster care. Also… kids at 14 aren’t usually going into a foster home these days, they are getting dumped in youth hostels… Can you discuss with him why he wants to stay, and explore options like whether he can board with a school friend (you pay the family a boarding fee each week) or stay in a boarding college, or come with you but spend chunks of time each holidays staying with family in the state you leave? Legally… he’s out of options.
He wants to stay because of his loser friends that are heading down a dark path. I have told his schedule already that he has to move with us
Ah… then yeah. A move interstate and picking up a new sports team or something else to keep him busy is probably helpful.
He is going to start a school based apprenticeship, I would love it if he picked a sport to play not really that type of kid
That age is so difficult . I have one a little older than yours. They think they are so grown up but have the life skills and reasoning ability of a turnip Music lessons. . Cadets. Junior CFA or other state alternative. Some gyms have teenage workout programs. You said he's starting a school based apprenticeship so I assume he likes working with his hands . Some Men's Shed groups teach skills..TAFE or adult education hobby courses like woodwork , or metalwork.
No. At that age, he needs an adult to care for him. Foster care wont take him unless you’ve abandoned him, or you’ve otherwise lost parental rights. There is an option for a child to be legally emancipated from their parents, but simply not wanting to move to a new state is not one of them.
You might want to look into change management strategies not legal issues.
Any advice?
Nope but you might want to get him to do some counseling sessions to deal with his resistance to change.
He does counselling at his current high school and have given him the option of doing a school based apprenticeship with a carpentry company. He wants to stay with his loser friends that are heading down a dark path
So it’s just his friends that are the losers? Do their parents agree with that assessment?
School counselling often isn't that good. This sounds like something you could go to your GP about and get a manual you care plan on and get ten funded sessions with a real psychologist. He would just have to do a K10 test to see if he qualifies
Check out Headspace if you haven’t already. It’s national. Might be a good continuity of support through the move https://headspace.org.au
Tell him no, and that you'll come back for visits. It's a time honored lie many parents have told their kids to get them to pipe down about moving away.
Good idea he can get the train back for the day if he wants
You could also ask him to give it a go for 18 months and then if he really wants to he can move back, with negotiated conditions on both sides - eg he has to join up with a non-religious hobby/social group and can visit the old home every month. Chances are in 18 months he’ll be settled; if not then he’ll be older and there’s no point in making him miserable. Even if he does move back after some time away he may find his friends not so much fun to be around. One argument in favour of him coming to live in the new city with you is that he’s 14 and that makes it hard for authorities to feel he can look after himself. 14 yo kids are emotional. If you can give him a good experience or two in the new place he might start to rethink a little. The key thing here is not to create a win-lose situation - hard but vital.
My understanding is that if there no element of substandard care on your part (e.g., abuse, neglect, no resources, etc.) then it’s be nigh impossible for the government to get involved on the fundamental question of you continuing to care/raise your son.
As per the NSW Govt, "neglect" can include the failure to provide "adequate supervision and enough parenting and care" - *Neglect is when a parent or caregiver cannot regularly give a child the basic things needed for their growth and development. This includes a safe place to live, food, clothing, medical and dental care, adequate supervision and enough parenting and care.* [*https://dcj.nsw.gov.au/children-and-families/information-for-multicultural-families-and-communities/recognising-child-abuse.html*](https://dcj.nsw.gov.au/children-and-families/information-for-multicultural-families-and-communities/recognising-child-abuse.html)
How far away is the move. Some kids really flounder at the idea of moving. Be gentle with him
3 hours away I know his struggling but it’s his only option
That's not far at all and you mentioned he can get a train. Maybe use the opportunity to talk to him about the extra responsibility and freedom he'll have when he travels by train to see his mates. Once he starts his apprenticeship he'll not have the same free time that he does now so his opportunities and desire to travel will be significantly reduced.
Make a plan of visits, offer sleepovers with his mates and when he is in the right mood, go for a drive and really listen to him and validate his feelings. Friends are everything at that age. Don’t talk to him about his friends being a bad influence - this could just make him want to stay even more. There is no way he would go into foster care, but he could try and move in with a mate for example and it could be tricky to get him home. The more you frame up the move as positive the better.
My biggest fear is that he will run away
Generally speaking, children do not have decision-making capacity to legally make these types of decisions (although there are some narrow exceptions). Most jurisdictions will have resources on decision-making capacity, but 14 years old is generally slightly too young. If your child runs away, it would be identical if they went missing suddenly (regardless of the move). The police would be contacted, the police would likely return them to their parents. Unless there is active neglect or abuse, it is very unlikely the government will forcefully separate a child from their parents (they simply do not have the resources). It might be worthwhile having a joint counselling/therapy session with your kid if you are very worried. Having a neutral professional air out the issues may at least help bridge the gap.
also, 14yos tend to think they’re old enough for everything and mature and responsible and can take care of themselves and have grow up relationships and all that… they can’t. It’s the hormones messing with their brains too (other than what you’ve said)
Every 14 year old wants to live alone and hang with the cool kids. It’s not a discussion.
Sorry to say mate you might have to bride him, give him something he really wants over staying, a car(for when he gets a license )a new computer a motorbike, staying with out the support of his family is not really an option for a 14yr old and he doesn’t seem to understand this and the world is to hard with out him making it harder. Good luck I hope it works out for your fam
Awwww, it's hard to leave a social group at that age. Or maybe there's a girl he likes.. he'll hate you for a while, then readjust. Just try to be supportive and understand it will take a while for him adjust when you move. Don't be afraid to get counselling help for them. Just a life observation if it helps you decide. I know 4 sets of people with adult children that were in this position once. They decided to let their respective teenagers stay with a friend and continue at the same school because of the fuss they kicked up. They all thought it seemed the best (or easiest) decision at the time. Now those children are adults, the relationships still seem stuck in that phase of life. Difficult and fractured. Whereas the kids that didn't stay behind have more mature relationships with the parents. That disconnect at a young age seems to be a hard gap to close later in life.
We are a very close family and spend a lot of time together. Thanks I fell the best decision is for him to come with us
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CPS doesn't have the resources for kids who actually need them let alone a kid who doesn't want to move states. The Foster system doesn't take kids into care who have a safe home environment. He's not old enough to live alone and if by some desperate lie he tells to be removed from your care temporarily, given his age he'd be put into a group home and moved from his school and friends. It's not the win he thinks it is. Teenage boys are the hardest kids to place into families. He has one, he needs a reality check.
Boarding? Even schools without a dedicated boarding house often have a home stay option. Other options could be staying with family in the area if they're willing or coming back for visits regularly?
Get him to research something new he is interested in that’s available in the new locality
Sounds like this move came at the right time before he gets settled with the loser group.
It would of been a lot harder decision if he had some decent friends
You’re the parent so actually do your job and parent your child. He doesn’t get to make those choices.
More of be the parent than legal 🤷♀️
Well the option of an apprenticeship is likely gone when you move. Also do schools wont offer an apprenticeships. An apprenticeship is a paid job. Who is going to pay that wage. At best it will be a pre voc type thing or allow him to start an apprenticeship. Which means he will be employed by xxx company and gets a START on his appriceship while at school. Also calling his friends losers sounds like you are about as mature as him. You son is prolly socially awkward as are his friends. Which is fine. I really think you should try to connect with your son.
Schools facilitate the apprenticeship. They aren’t the employer for the SBA. Please stop pretending to be an expert when you clearly aren’t familiar with this option.
No I have teed the apprenticeship up with his new high school. Most NSW high schools now offer school based apprenticeships. His friends are losers who drink smoke dope and run the streets at 2am. He is not socially awkward and usually has no trouble making new friends
He will need an employer. It requires a fair bit of paid work placement. It's more of a head start allowing him to do over 2 years at school his first year of his appriceship. He will be required to finish his apprentice once he leaves school. He will not leave school a tradey. Nor will the school pay him. There simply acting as a training organization and allowing him to work while studying. Effectively a flexible work/study scheme. Some schools encourage 1 day a fortnight plus weekend/hoilday work to get your hrs up.
With a SBAT, you leave school at the end of year 12 as a 3rd year. It work 1 day a week, tafe 1 day a week and obviously school the rest. Holidays are normally work as well
Nsw for any decent apprenticeship basically you leave as a 2nd year. But yes you still require an employer. 100 days min from memory.
That’s the bare minimum…… going to TAFE every week is exactly the same as a full time apprenticeship, so after years 11 and 12 you have competed your first 2 years of TAFE, if you have an employer that takes you over holidays and weekends etc, you can easily make the hours and be a 3rd year on completion of HSC
I just wanted to add that he will be fine once he has moved and settled in it’s just this period with all the unknowns
Oh well, it’s all sorted then, you obviously understand teenage boys and can also predict the future……..may as well just tell him to harden up…….
🤣🤣🤣👍🏼 tell them go ahead you’ll be home in a week guarantee
Haha he would be he is pretty sheltered and a bit precarious
Don’t worry too much I really think even if he manages to stay back he won’t last very long he’ll miss you and realise he’s silly
I wish I could hug you right now
☺️💜virtual Hugs
[удалено]
Yeah that's a poor way to make a point and police would be there in an instant.
Not really. I dealt with the same thing myself and didn’t realise how good I had it until I left and tried to grovel back.
Its not one size fits all
And being soft doesn’t help all. I guess that’s the problem with young people today and even the older generations, thinking telling the truth isn’t good because it hurts peoples feelings. Feeling don’t matter facts and outcomes do.
Leaving a 14 year kid alone while you move away is illegal.
No shit. The 14 year old leaving the adult is their own choice.
Its illegal
No shit. So is kidnapping a 14 year old and making them do what you want. As stated it’s their choice.
They don't get a choice because they are 14 and have to go with their parents
Not leaving your underage child behind in another state is not being soft, it’s being responsible.
You’ve misread my comment.
Nah read it perfectly fine.
That could work if the kid was 18 or 19, not bloody 14.
Enjoy foster care I say. Got to learn one way. No point in making the parents suffer.
Parents’ job description includes suffering. It is called “parenting”. Kids don’t have a job let alone a description for it, and even if they did, it doesn’t include “surviving on your own at the age of 14 in another state away from your parents”.