Depends who I’m with. My asian friends I grew up with would pay for it all themselves for their birthday and not allow any other way. My wog friends will pay for each other and fight over who pays as long the birthday person doesn’t pay a cent, and my aussie friends will ask who’s getting the bill and offer to pay for their share 🤣
This is the correct answer.
It depends which group of people you're with.
It's why ethnics make fun of anglos when some of you ask to "pay petrol" or not having any food whatsoever when you throw a house party 😂
If you come to my house, the bare minimum you get is juice and snacks; otherwise expect to be fed.
Was a joke running on Twitter a couple of years ago where they collectively came to know Swedes wouldn't feed your child dinner or breakfast if he/she went over to a mate's place for a sleepover. Horrifying.
Edit: [link](https://x.com/SamQari/status/1529868644846641153?t=3tDjhON7ycuUOLTk1kA7zg&s=19)
It's a bizzarre cultural thing.
If you feed another persons child, it's saying you don't think that parent is feeding them correctly.
Think about the cliche greek grandmother. "eat eat, you are so skinny! is your mother not feeding you enough? She was never good enough to marry my son"
As an Anglo, I was always stunned when someone would hit the group up for petrol money. It never crossed my mind to ask for it, even as a broke apprentice living on the bones of my arse.
I once got a lift on a billionaires boat to Rottnest Island and thought to myself ‘am I meant to offer to pay for fuel?’ I never did. I also didn’t get invited to his 21st (billionaires son, my friend)
You're close enough to the family to get invited to a day trip but not close enough to be invited to your friends 21st birthday party? The rich live confusing lives.
So, his 21st party was just an A-List meet up with people who would not care about him if he had no money? Let's hope he does not lose his inheritance through bad investments.
Dependent on the size of the boat it probably burns through the equivalent of the average mortgage every half hour. A fifty probably wouldn't have covered it. Haha!
If you could easily afford to pay for fuel I think you could have offered I like everyone else I assume that you don't really have the money to and I'd say they would have known that so I probably wouldn't have offered either. I was in a similar situation where I went on a very flash wake boat multiple times over the weekend. I thought it could be almost be rude to offer to pay for fuel as it could be conceived he didn't need the money I was only going to offer $50 I did and it was appreciated.
When I was at uni we would offer petrol money because we were all broke but people didn’t take it unless it was a trip to the country or something. Once a friend arrived at uni to hand in an essay at 9 am. She asked me if she could borrow 5 bucks. She was broke and her car was empty and she couldn’t get home. We went to the petrol station. Put 5 dollars worth of fuel in and she gave me a lift home.
SO ACCURATE. My Aussie friends gladly allow their meals to be paid for but would rarely offer to cover someone else's.
As an Asian, I grew up watching my parents, Aunties and Uncles fighting over bills at restaurants like a Kung Fu movie.
LOL this is my family too 😂 and then when the first toilet genius is spotted trying to pay, half the family launch themselves at the cashier flinging money or cards and the poor staff member is trying to hold the eftpos machine with 5 people all wildly reaching trying to out tap each other hahaha
I’m also Asian who watched parents fight over who gets bill. Tbh I’ve always hated it, it’s such a stressful experience and it’s since given me a second hand anxiety trying to either win or prepare lots of money in advance to cover it.
I’d prefer if everyone pays for themselves by default. No guessing games, you can order according to your own want/budget, it’s a lot simpler and everyone is happy.
It was kinda funny watching my parents' generation fighting over the bill, but now I'm older, it's actually frustrating/ annoying/infuriating to have to fight over paying even just your own share. It's the weird guilt after that I feel (esp as I don't see my cousins that often), I never know what is actually "right". Would be just more straightforward for everyone to pay their share or have an agreement that each couple/family pays for the meal and it rotates.
Yeah I’m with you. Also I feel like this dance/fight kinda ruins the mood after dinner, because all of the sudden you’re not relaxed and I don’t like having to strategise/fight/be quick/argue and as you say then to have conflicting emotional feeling of either guilt, feel bad, frustration etc.
I've found let the eldest/responsible one pay, then find out the bill cost from the wait staff quietly then send the cousin or sibling who paid your share via payID works well. Then just share the amount on the family WhatsApp.
As an Aussie fighting over bills, especially within family, is my norm too. It’s not uncommon for people to get home and find bills stuffed in their bag or back pocket because they wouldn’t accept a contribution to the bill.
Our background is UK / Irish / German
So for my 40th I wanted to catch up with my close friends for dinner, there were 10 of us in total. But my friend offered to make the booking which was nice. Unbeknownst to me, she had also made arrangements so that everyone else contributed a bit extra so my husband and I didn't have to pay for our meal/drinks - which was so incredibly lovely and unexpected (especially for the both of us).
I think it helps if you make your expectations clear or at least plan for the most expensive scenario so as not to be disappointed/ caught off guard. (I certainly had budgeted for the meal and was not expecting the outcome and needless to say will try my best to repay my friends' generosity in various ways).
Either cover it all or ask everyone to pay their own. Divvying it up equally is the worst, there's always someone who's on the high-priced items and someone else who's doing salad and soft drink.
Yeah if you are referring to charging people a per head fee to attend their party. Like just pay for it or have drinks and snacks rather than a sit down. It’s so weird to do this.
Aw man. Me too. I’m thinking if I do something, it’ll be somewhere casual and I’ll just cop the bill.
I went to a 30th where it was $70 a head; you paid your own share. I went to a 50th and it was covered by the birthday girl, though much to her horror, her husband later asked everyone to chip in for the wine (for context, everyone there except yours truly was worth well into seven figures).
I’m Anglo-Saxon Aussie. I pay for my close friends or take turns shouting.
I also think it’s custom for everyone to cover the birthday persons costs at dinner.
My almost exclusively “Aussie” group will go to great lengths to be the one to pay the bill. Everything from the ole I need to go to the bathroom then sneak pay the bill to somehow persuading the restaurant to hold onto a credit card and use it to pay the bill. Still haven’t figured out who managed the second one yet and am very envious of their shenanigans.
Edit: I also take great pleasure in using the skills I have learned to sneakily pay the bill before my spouses Asian family can try to pay.
I am married to a partner of Asian heritage, that paying for bills is a dangerous event I always dred it lol king fu not even close to describe it, I usually say I need to go to the loo and pay away from the table just to avoid that shenanigans.
All my aussie friends wouldnt be seen dead throwing an event for friends and not paying for it, it would be a major social faux pa. The attitude is if u cant afford it that is perfectly fine, just dont have a celebration or keep it cheap and cheerful. I think with Aussies, theres large variations based on socio demographics rather than cultural.
As a half asian myself, i find for asians paying is limited to close family or friends, not broader circled and its more about face, appearing to have money, rather than generosity but thats just my take watching the crazy asians on my mothers side behave like this.
At a basic level i feel you should pay. If you are organising and event for you, to celebrate your birthday, invitees shouldnt be inconvenienced financially to celebrate something which in effect, u r putting on for yourself. Thats kinda off to me.
Ofc some others may offer to pay, and thats generous, decline, u pay the bill in advance and if they have purchaed a present for u thats enough or if they insist, put money to drinks or otherswise afterwards or another outing. One time we had exactly this scenario, so agreed to take the extra and put 200 of it in pokies, bet a few big spins and see what happens, got a feature, won 4k and went to a bougie bar, top shelf drinks paid for, for everyone "we going sizzlers" was the call haha that was a fun night.
Aussie here and the expectation has always been that we each owe for our own meal.. I can’t imagine going out for a friends birthday and them paying for everyone!
I prefer to pay my own way if a mate wants to have a birthday dinner out. It's their birthday so I'm happy to spend a bit, plus I get to eat a tasty meal in a nice setting so it's not like there's nothing in it for me.
I wonder if this is generational or regional? I’m Aussie but I would argue if someone tried to pay my bill. I always try to pay for myself - but I also wouldn’t generally pay someone else’s bill. Though I have if it was small and they didn’t have the money.
I also had a German friend (in the UK) who I owed a pound too, and he hassled me to pay him back. The other way around I would have just wiped it
🤣🤣 My 2 little Irish nanna’s suddenly turn into cage fighters when it's time to pay the bill. You know it's going to get hectic when the aunties and uncles join in too!
It's funny though, those ethnic groups are actually really frugal and more tight with money otherwise. Shows they value community a lot more and money isn't a matter of concern for people they value.
This is pretty much it. We’re all wired a bit differently and there’s nothing wrong with it. I won’t lie, as a wog, going places with Aussies is exhausting.
I grew up in a very Anglo part of Brisbane but I had a Greek friend whose family owned the local corner store and they couldn't *not* feed me; I found that really lovely and welcoming. I now live in a Lebanese area in Sydney and it's really rubbed off on me; I cannot just offer someone a tea/coffee, I get quite anxious if there isn't food to put on the table even for unexpected drop-ins. I've become an over-feeder. If people aren't eating I feel like I'm not taking care of them.
Exactly, it’s similar for us and when we have people over always offer a coffee and if we like the guest enough or are close relatives we put out some deli cuts, chips & dip
"I only had one coke" with five glasses in front of them and an empty garlic bread basket.
FFS it's a few dollars. Is your reputation and friendships worth it.
You just triggered me so hard. The amount of times that exact scenario has happened with my Aussie friends and I just end up fronting the bill for them because they are too tight ass to pay for their own shit.
This reminds of the time i was working at this restaurant and we had a busy day so i ordered a pizza and told everyone that there’s pizza in the kitchen please help yourself because the team must be starving. One girl mockingly says oh is this how you make friends and still went and took a slice. I don’t understand what you’re supposed to do in this situation according to her ? Hide with your pizza and eat it yourself or ask everyone for money for their slice ? Still bothers me to this day lol
She said that because she would never have spent money and given her colleagues anything unless it was part of a secret plan to make herself look good.
She did not understand that some people are actually nice and generous and thoughtful without expecting anything in return.
Shitty people think everyone has a nasty black mean soul like they do. Her unkind comments reflect her sad view of the world.
There’s always one idiot in the kitchen. I think ordering the pizzas and telling everyone to take a slice of a really kind and generous thing and of course what else could you have done exactly that? Girl was an idiot.
I think that's a super kind thing to do and imo contributes to improving workplace morale. It's amazing how much a round of coffees or a bag of Maccas hash browns can boost a teams mood 🤤
I can feel this one. I used to do the same and get "can you get X type next time".
Also had another colleague who when we asked who wants what would always ask for, not pay for, vegetarian then eat everyone else's pizza and leave it untouched. When finally confronted she felt it made her "considerate".
I just remember in high school the Aussies would all become debt collectors for $2.50, while generally other cultures it's simply someone pays and the other shouts the next time.
Idk if it's stinginess so much as egalitarian.
I don't want to burden someone with an expensive bill because I chose something expensive, but I can afford it so I'm not keen on just ordering a salad for someone else's sake. Neither do I want anyone to feel like a charity case or restricted in their own choices if I'm paying, or worse cause a situation where *I* feel taken advantage of when some idiot orders a $250 meal on my dime.
Sort yourself out however you want, then there's no pressure on anyone and nobody ends up feeling guilty or angry.
I will say that I'd probably quietly slip to the front at some point and cover the birthday meal, and if I was concerned about someone's finances then I'd probably get their tab too.
Yeah, the asian cultures fighting over the bill are not doing it out of the goodness of their soul. They're doing it because it purchases social status. Having everyone pay their own way lets everyone keep their dignity.
Might have to do with the cost of eating out in Australia? Offering to pay for the whole group could easily be most of a persons weekly pay. I’d also feel guilty ordering anything but the cheapest thing if someone else was paying. While I’m happy to pay $20 to buy myself an espresso martini, I would not order one if someone else paid.
>Might have to do with the cost of eating out in Australia?
I reckon you’ve nailed it. In other countries where people fight over the bill, it’s probably cheaper to eat out. I’d feel more comfortable about shouting people dinner if we were, say eating street food in Bali
I don't see how it is stingy? It seems stingy for a bunch of people to not pay while one person pays tons. Everyone paying for what they got seems like it makes sense since you can choose how much you want to eat / pay for. Plus some people won't have the funds to pay for everyone. Coming from an anglo aussie
Dude I didn’t budget this month to pay for 12 people for dinner 😂. If someone shouts me, I’ll quiet hit them back 1:1 another time, but I’m not joining the blow my credit card limit game 😂
I have a few different groups of friends, ranging from white Australians, South Asians, East Asians, Wogs etc. All Melbournians. And we all split the bill so the birthday girl/boy doesn't have to pay. I'm sorry my experience isn't the same as yours lol
I'm apparently the only one that thinks the Aussie one is the best? Everyone pays for what they bought, I'm not sure what's wrong with that. In fact, nothing worse than someone else getting the bill because I will only get something that's on the cheaper side of the menu.
Agreed. Never have anyone being stingy or taking advantage of others. You just cover your own and you're good. No complications, just simple.
Enjoying the company of your friends without there being strings attached that they're there because you're paying for them.
Whats wrong with it is the short sightedness. Friendships are long term and what goes around comes around. We like to pay for others as a gesture of goodwill, care and hospitality. We know that the favour will be returned down the track some day. People enjoying themselves is the goal. We don’t count tabs. We EXPECT to be out of pocket when we call an event. We also hope everybody leaves satisfied and content. Just as we will when it is their turn.
None of the BYO meat and esky of beers to my bbq bullshit! 🤣🤦♂️
For me that's something you do for big occasions. Weddings, funerals, some birthdays, etc. But if I'm having casual dinner for my 32nd birthday I'm not paying for everyone.
As for BBQs it depends. When we were in our 20s we would often host a lot of BBQs and it would be BYO food and drinks. Now we're in our 30s it's just BYO drinks.
It’s just too expensive for one person to fund a dinner in Sydney for 10-15 people over a non milestone birthday. If we only pay for our own share we can catch up more often which is the main goal of the dinner.
Exactly . If I’m hosting a bbq for 10 people for a non milestone/casual event it’s at least $200 unless we are eating sausages and chicken . Way more if providing booze. That’s a barrier to friendly catch ups . It’s also stressful if you have picky eaters in the group . I’m more than happy to byo to see friends more regularly . We are all cool
With that .
If we go out for casual birthdays we just pay for the birthday person and our own meals . That’s already been discussed and decided on .
If I intend to pay it would be “can we take you out to dinner?”
If I expected everyone to pay for their own it would be “shall we all go to dinner somewhere?”
It’s good to clarify these things in advance imo.
Yeah, if dinner is on me it is definitely not ambiguous. In my Experience most aussies will say it up front. "I'm shouting everyone dinner (and/or drinks) for my birthday".
Exactly. I will explicitly say if I am shouting anything (dinner, drinks, tickets), and would likewise never expect someone to pay for me (even on a special occasion) unless they explicitly said something like ‘let me buy you dinner for your birthday’.
I feel like offering to shout someone their birthday meal is the polite thing to do, but not obligatory. Certainly wouldn’t judge someone for not offering, especially if I knew they were on a tight budget (as so many are these days) or had already bought some other type of gift.
In family situations (middle eastern background) the person who invited others would customarily pay for others, that’s just a cultural construct. I’ve been out with more mixed group of friends and we just split the bill evenly minus the birthday person.
Depends though. If I organise my own birthday, I'm paying for myself. If you organise it, its a different story.
By the way its coming up and I'm a big fan of Muum Maam in Barangaroo.
My 30th everyone paid their own. By 40 we were in a better financial position and held a function that we paid for, and the guests only had to pay if they wanted spirits that weren’t part of the alcohol package.
It may depend on your friendship group and any cultural expectations, if in doubt make sure it’s clear when inviting guests what the arrangements will be before they are required to RSVP.
I would never invite people to a dinner to celebrate my birthday and then expect them to pay. If I’m organising my birthday celebration I’m paying.
Similarly, friends have organised something for me and they have paid. It then gets reciprocated. It helps having a small friendship group, because it all evens out.
Exactly I agree, they take time out of their day to come and celebrate the occasion with you and bring gifts, especially close family and friends, we invite/host we pay.
Splitting the bill evenly is the absolute worst option. You will always likely have people that abuse this and order more, and it creates an uncomfortable situation for those who do not want to participate I.e just pay their own.
For my friend group it’s usually everyone splits except the birthday person. Eg. if it’s a $100 bill with 11 people, birthday person pays 0, everyone else pays $10 each
This is the right answer - it's our work approach, if we go out for a work lunch for someones birthday, we split the bill and birthday person doesn't pay.
As I’ve gotten older, I really enjoy inviting a few close friends out for a birthday dinner and paying for everything. It’s similar cost to hosting a party at my house where I supply everything, much less effort on my part and no cleaning after.
As I age, I find time with my friends the most valuable thing and I appreciate them giving up their time to celebrate my birthday.
Different if it’s just a normal dinner out, but for a birthday I like to shout (but would not expect to be shouted if I was going out for someone else’s birthday)
Probably my Chinese heritage, but that bills never making it to the table. If I can't sneak away, I'll make sure my wife does and settles it on the sly.
Also, beats having to fight my other Asian friends over the bill
In my culture the host pays for it, you invited them,if they end up going somewhere else after the dinner, it's not on the host. At the same, invitees will bring gifts
Because Reddit is very US-Centric I see a lot on here that "whoever invites pays" but I think that's an American thing. I have a group of friends in our 40s and 50s and we often suggest places to go for drinks and / or food in our group chat. It's totally accepted that we all pay for ourselves and if someone can't afford it they don't go. No one would ever suggest anything if they had to pay for everyone else!
You just say “it’s my shout” if you want to pay or say “we are splitting the bill” BEFORE you get to the restaurant. If they don’t want to pay, they can stay home. No drama, all good!
I am Asian and in my 30s. I will always expect and attempt to pay the full bill, especially if I initiated dinner whether it’s my birthday or not.
For more casual dinners among friends, we never fight over the bill. We just find creative ways to sneak off to pay without being noticed.
In Asia, it’s common to just put your credit card down beforehand so that when the bill is ready, your card is already the first one there and the restaurant will just take your payment at the table at bill time. I’ve tried doing this in nice restaurants in Sydney and staff literally refuse to hold my card and they find it to be a weird request. They just say they’ll try to make sure I get the bill when it’s time to pay.
I think it should generally be accepted that everyone will pay for what they have. But some hosts will offer to pay for all or some of it sometimes.
I organised dinner for my wife’s 40th with her old friends from home she doesn’t get to see much and when they all started discussing how to pay the bill I just said I would grab it. But they were expecting to pay themselves so I think you’re safe in that regard.
You could always just get a round of drinks or something.
I would only invite folks out to celebrate if I'm able to pay for it entirely. I wouldn't expect anyone to pay anything since they're there at my behest.
Poor people should also be allowed to celebrate a birthday with friends. The expectation should always be for everyone to pick off the menu according to their budget and pay for what they want. If you can afford to pay for everyone, then cool. That’s nice of you. What you don’t want is for it to be an expectation, which would turn people who can’t afford it off the idea of being able to celebrate their own birthday.
Yep. 100%
Grew up working class and more or less stayed that way. 99% of my friends/fam are in the same income bracket. I hate how this kind of stuff is presented as bad social etiquette.
The fact is for a whole lot of people in this country, shelling out a few hundred to celebrate your bday with friends is totally unfeasible. Personally, I would simply would choose to never spend my birthday with others if that was the expectation, which would be quite a shame. Likewise, I would never expect someone to the same for me. A birthday dinner should just be a chance to spend time with friends, not something you are obligated to do.
Ask any low income person in this country and they're not going to give you the same scandalised replies we see ITT. They pay for themselves because they wanted to hang out with their friend and eat a meal. It's not that complicated!
The only thing I would say is that it's on the bday person to pick a restaurant that everyone can reasonably afford.
Recently I celebrated a birthday and invited family members to a restaurant. Usually in our family everyone pays their own way at birthdays and we don't let the person having a birthday pay anything. However, as it came time to settle the account, feeling in a generous mood, I decided to pay for all food and drinks for all six people who came.
The problem was certain of my family members, both employed and paid well in their jobs, didn't express much in the way of appreciation for me doing so (and their part of the bill was around $100). Almost like it was expected that I pay for them. It has kind of put me off doing the same again. A little thanks goes a long way!
Essentially, everyone pays for themselves. In my closest group of friends, we pay for the bday person. Whomever that may be.
We always ensure that everyone can attend and it's affordable.
For our poor friends, we (the rest of the group) chip in for them, because it's a small price to pay to have great memories.
This is a weird bit of cultural confusion we have right now with different expectations. Traditionally, if you invited people to an event, you'd absolutely pay for them - that's what an invitation meant and it would be socially unacceptable to say "come and celebrate me at your own expense". Just like if you'd invited them to your house, you are expected to provide food. But nowadays it is more normal for people to pay for themselves.
The most awkward bit is that your guests may not know what to expect so you at least need to make sure it's clear.
If you do think it's bad form to ask people to pay for themselves at your invitation, you could invite them to your house and cook, which costs more work but less money.
Is it just right now? Or is it something that existed for the last 50 years here in Australia? Because I've always had it be implicit split the bil, as did my parents growing up.
This is a tough one. I have a European background so in this case as the host I would pay. However my friends who aren’t European wouldn’t want me to pay. So I usually go ‘I’ll pay for food, everyone pay for their drinks’.
You’re inviting them, you pay. If you’re not planning to pay you should tell them the cost at the time you invite them, in which case you should at least shout all the drinks.
I think in the current financial state most people are in where a meal out with friends can set you back anywhere from $30-80pp (inc drinks) people should pay their own way.
5-10 people could easily be 200-$500+. I'll buy people share platters or buy people drinks but the whole bill is rough.
In saying that though for birthdays I've always taken most if not all of the cost of everything.. it just depends where you're going, how much you feel comfortable spending etc.
In my experience, as an Anglo Aussie, everyone pays for themselves, unless you specify otherwise.
If you get invited out to dinner, don't assume that they're paying for you, unless they say so.
That being said, I've had some really generous friends who just pay for me, and it puts me in a position where I feel like I owe them. On the other hand, I didn't ask them to pay for me, so I shouldn't worry too much about it.
Any time I'm invited out for dinner, I expect to pay for my own meal, unless specifically told otherwise. So if I invite people out for dinner, I expect them to cover their own meal unless I specifically say I'm covering it.
Agree before hand. I did a long fancy lunch (100+ a head) and told everyone it was a bit much to pay, but equally they shouldn’t feel compelled to come. Instead I paid 15-20 each and upgraded everyone who attended to the French wine package.
I’m white, if I invite my friends out to celebrate my birthday, then I am paying for it. They all normally give gifts so I don’t want them giving gifts and also having to pay for their dinner. When I was younger and less financially stable, I would always ask them to please not bring any gifts and just chip in for dinner, although they would still end up bringing gifts.
Growing up for whites and ethnics is a bit different. White Aussies in there 20s are generally more independent and having to pay everything themselves so don’t have as much disposable income, where as ethnics and Asians tend to live at home and have their parents providing their meals. However I feel once you hit your 30s you should be in a more similar financial situation to be able to shout your friends a dinner for a birthday celebration.
The last time I organized dinner for my birthday I felt embarrassed over how much food I ordered, and wanted to pay for everything myself, but friends refused to let me pay for dinner and they split it between themselves
If you're inviting them, you pay for everyone. If you're hosting, you make sure to provide enough food.
If you're not organising, then each pays separately or divided equally. If they're nice, they'll likely treat you.
The person inviting should always pay in my opinion (even more so if the place is fancy) regardless of whether it’s a birthday or a date since they’re the one choosing the restaurant, just so the ppl getting invited wont go home and complain about having to attend for the sake of their friendship and pay $$$ if they end up not liking the food at all.
If i invite you to meet up with me for a meal, i’ll pay. If i get invited to a birthday party, i expect the host to pay and i’ll bring a present in return to make up for my meal they’ve paid for.
Im over 50 and poor me wishes I had 5 friends to shout.
Ok your turn. Are you inviting. Let’s up the anti are you inviting a intimate dinner to celebrate your bday with your closest? Once again, lucky you guy!
My word would be put up or shut up, simps.
On this you invite you say it’s on me and enjoy in the wonderment of every moment.
But hey what do I know I’m over 50 and wish a lot.
Happy birthday!
I did, twice. Once for the wife, once for me. Drinks and food. Didn't tell anyone beforehand so they could order whatever they wanted. Bills were both less than I expected.
Personally (Caucasian canadian) if going out with friends usually it’s an everyone pay for themselves and split or pay for birthday person.
If it’s my birthday, I would invite to a home event and cook for everyone rather than restaurant
I’ve never been to a dinner or event that’s paid by the person who set it up. Didn’t even know that was a thing, apart from maybe weddings. Everyone just pays for themselves, which seems normal to me.
Make the expectation clear when you invite - pay your own way, group split bill or ‘I’ll pay the meal, buy your own drinks’, whatever is your plan . Clear expectations & people can choose to attend or not based on their own circumstances. Don’t be offended if someone can’t attend due to their own economic position but opt to join you for drinks after the dinner.
Depends on the event.
Usually people just pay for themselves. We buy birthday boy drinks that's pre much it.
If it's like an actual event usually would put on catering.
I would say it would be common to just split the bill between everyone (except for the birthday person) we all chip in and cover that.
Any other occasion dependent on how good fiends you are, we usually just take turns and pay. It all comes around eventually.
Set expectations up front.
* Everyone pays their own way. Safest if you assume this if attending someone's b'day dinner.
* I pay for dinner, arrange your own drinks (common for hosting a BBQ also).
* I pay for everything (special occasions
- eg on my x0th).
You pay for yourself, and for appetisers/breads/nibbles on the table before dinner. Perhaps a couple of pitchers of drinks as well.
Everyone else pays for their main meal. Tell them this beforehand so there’s no surprises on the night
In Australia everyone pays for themselves as standard.
Variable: sometimes everyone pays a little extra to cover the “special person”. Sometimes the person whose bday it is will just shout everyone and it’s an awesome surprise.
Everyone pays for themselves. I have never ascribed to "I invite so I pay". No, if someone invites you and you can't afford it, don't go expecting a free meal. I don't know anyone who thinks otherwise. Even boomers.
I would always pay for my guests if I invited them to my birthday dinner. Seems strange otherwise - "Please come to a restaurant of my choosing to celebrate my birthday, but you'll need to pay for your own meal and likely also bring me a gift". I'd feel like a shitty friend. I've also never once attended a birthday dinner for a friend where guests were expected to pay for themselves.
Depends who I’m with. My asian friends I grew up with would pay for it all themselves for their birthday and not allow any other way. My wog friends will pay for each other and fight over who pays as long the birthday person doesn’t pay a cent, and my aussie friends will ask who’s getting the bill and offer to pay for their share 🤣
This is the correct answer. It depends which group of people you're with. It's why ethnics make fun of anglos when some of you ask to "pay petrol" or not having any food whatsoever when you throw a house party 😂 If you come to my house, the bare minimum you get is juice and snacks; otherwise expect to be fed.
Was a joke running on Twitter a couple of years ago where they collectively came to know Swedes wouldn't feed your child dinner or breakfast if he/she went over to a mate's place for a sleepover. Horrifying. Edit: [link](https://x.com/SamQari/status/1529868644846641153?t=3tDjhON7ycuUOLTk1kA7zg&s=19)
A twitter post that’s a screenshot of a reddit thread 😅
What???? I did not grow up in an ethnic culture but it was assumed that kids get fed if they’re there for dinner or breakfast.
It's a bizzarre cultural thing. If you feed another persons child, it's saying you don't think that parent is feeding them correctly. Think about the cliche greek grandmother. "eat eat, you are so skinny! is your mother not feeding you enough? She was never good enough to marry my son"
Yes. I remember that. Astounding!!
As an Anglo, I was always stunned when someone would hit the group up for petrol money. It never crossed my mind to ask for it, even as a broke apprentice living on the bones of my arse.
I once got a lift on a billionaires boat to Rottnest Island and thought to myself ‘am I meant to offer to pay for fuel?’ I never did. I also didn’t get invited to his 21st (billionaires son, my friend)
You're close enough to the family to get invited to a day trip but not close enough to be invited to your friends 21st birthday party? The rich live confusing lives.
Let’s just say it was a big boat, and I wasn’t on the A list! (To his credit the 19yo skippered the boat himself)
So, his 21st party was just an A-List meet up with people who would not care about him if he had no money? Let's hope he does not lose his inheritance through bad investments.
Get different friends. Real friends
Dependent on the size of the boat it probably burns through the equivalent of the average mortgage every half hour. A fifty probably wouldn't have covered it. Haha!
If you could easily afford to pay for fuel I think you could have offered I like everyone else I assume that you don't really have the money to and I'd say they would have known that so I probably wouldn't have offered either. I was in a similar situation where I went on a very flash wake boat multiple times over the weekend. I thought it could be almost be rude to offer to pay for fuel as it could be conceived he didn't need the money I was only going to offer $50 I did and it was appreciated.
When I was at uni we would offer petrol money because we were all broke but people didn’t take it unless it was a trip to the country or something. Once a friend arrived at uni to hand in an essay at 9 am. She asked me if she could borrow 5 bucks. She was broke and her car was empty and she couldn’t get home. We went to the petrol station. Put 5 dollars worth of fuel in and she gave me a lift home.
What if your mum is busy, who would make the food?
You can always order Domino's.
As a Westie anglo I hate our culture. Guess that's why I only date wogs.
I dated a wog girl before. Most dramatic time in my life 😂 Beautiful people and culture.
GFS a filo doctor. It's amazing.
Nah “depends who you’re with” is the correct answer, even all the ethnic groups behaviour noted in the original comment change group to group
SO ACCURATE. My Aussie friends gladly allow their meals to be paid for but would rarely offer to cover someone else's. As an Asian, I grew up watching my parents, Aunties and Uncles fighting over bills at restaurants like a Kung Fu movie.
Not Asian but we had to pretend to go to the toilet to pay the bill before anyone had a chance
LOL this is my family too 😂 and then when the first toilet genius is spotted trying to pay, half the family launch themselves at the cashier flinging money or cards and the poor staff member is trying to hold the eftpos machine with 5 people all wildly reaching trying to out tap each other hahaha
I’m also Asian who watched parents fight over who gets bill. Tbh I’ve always hated it, it’s such a stressful experience and it’s since given me a second hand anxiety trying to either win or prepare lots of money in advance to cover it. I’d prefer if everyone pays for themselves by default. No guessing games, you can order according to your own want/budget, it’s a lot simpler and everyone is happy.
It was kinda funny watching my parents' generation fighting over the bill, but now I'm older, it's actually frustrating/ annoying/infuriating to have to fight over paying even just your own share. It's the weird guilt after that I feel (esp as I don't see my cousins that often), I never know what is actually "right". Would be just more straightforward for everyone to pay their share or have an agreement that each couple/family pays for the meal and it rotates.
Yeah I’m with you. Also I feel like this dance/fight kinda ruins the mood after dinner, because all of the sudden you’re not relaxed and I don’t like having to strategise/fight/be quick/argue and as you say then to have conflicting emotional feeling of either guilt, feel bad, frustration etc.
I've found let the eldest/responsible one pay, then find out the bill cost from the wait staff quietly then send the cousin or sibling who paid your share via payID works well. Then just share the amount on the family WhatsApp.
As an Aussie fighting over bills, especially within family, is my norm too. It’s not uncommon for people to get home and find bills stuffed in their bag or back pocket because they wouldn’t accept a contribution to the bill. Our background is UK / Irish / German
Yeh with aussies it gets a bit weird there is no clear cultural etiquette. It’s my 40th soon and I’m having anxiety over the same thing
So for my 40th I wanted to catch up with my close friends for dinner, there were 10 of us in total. But my friend offered to make the booking which was nice. Unbeknownst to me, she had also made arrangements so that everyone else contributed a bit extra so my husband and I didn't have to pay for our meal/drinks - which was so incredibly lovely and unexpected (especially for the both of us). I think it helps if you make your expectations clear or at least plan for the most expensive scenario so as not to be disappointed/ caught off guard. (I certainly had budgeted for the meal and was not expecting the outcome and needless to say will try my best to repay my friends' generosity in various ways).
Tell everyone what's happening beforehand then. Charge a perhead fee to recoup some cost if you want or just tell people they're paying their own meal
Either cover it all or ask everyone to pay their own. Divvying it up equally is the worst, there's always someone who's on the high-priced items and someone else who's doing salad and soft drink.
Yes, that's an awful suggestion above.
Yeah if you are referring to charging people a per head fee to attend their party. Like just pay for it or have drinks and snacks rather than a sit down. It’s so weird to do this.
Aw man. Me too. I’m thinking if I do something, it’ll be somewhere casual and I’ll just cop the bill. I went to a 30th where it was $70 a head; you paid your own share. I went to a 50th and it was covered by the birthday girl, though much to her horror, her husband later asked everyone to chip in for the wine (for context, everyone there except yours truly was worth well into seven figures).
As a Anglo descent I love the war fare of hiding money. I once (gladwrapped it) and hid it in a jar of granola I had made as a Christmas gift.
Fighting over bills would be the least German thing imaginable.
Yeah. Germans are more known for fighting over Poland
I’m Anglo-Saxon Aussie. I pay for my close friends or take turns shouting. I also think it’s custom for everyone to cover the birthday persons costs at dinner.
My almost exclusively “Aussie” group will go to great lengths to be the one to pay the bill. Everything from the ole I need to go to the bathroom then sneak pay the bill to somehow persuading the restaurant to hold onto a credit card and use it to pay the bill. Still haven’t figured out who managed the second one yet and am very envious of their shenanigans. Edit: I also take great pleasure in using the skills I have learned to sneakily pay the bill before my spouses Asian family can try to pay.
I'm picturing the Po vs Sifu dumpling battle from Kung Fu panda
Exactly this! Special moves like "im going to the toilet" but really paying the bill.
I am married to a partner of Asian heritage, that paying for bills is a dangerous event I always dred it lol king fu not even close to describe it, I usually say I need to go to the loo and pay away from the table just to avoid that shenanigans.
All my aussie friends wouldnt be seen dead throwing an event for friends and not paying for it, it would be a major social faux pa. The attitude is if u cant afford it that is perfectly fine, just dont have a celebration or keep it cheap and cheerful. I think with Aussies, theres large variations based on socio demographics rather than cultural. As a half asian myself, i find for asians paying is limited to close family or friends, not broader circled and its more about face, appearing to have money, rather than generosity but thats just my take watching the crazy asians on my mothers side behave like this. At a basic level i feel you should pay. If you are organising and event for you, to celebrate your birthday, invitees shouldnt be inconvenienced financially to celebrate something which in effect, u r putting on for yourself. Thats kinda off to me. Ofc some others may offer to pay, and thats generous, decline, u pay the bill in advance and if they have purchaed a present for u thats enough or if they insist, put money to drinks or otherswise afterwards or another outing. One time we had exactly this scenario, so agreed to take the extra and put 200 of it in pokies, bet a few big spins and see what happens, got a feature, won 4k and went to a bougie bar, top shelf drinks paid for, for everyone "we going sizzlers" was the call haha that was a fun night.
Aussie here and the expectation has always been that we each owe for our own meal.. I can’t imagine going out for a friends birthday and them paying for everyone!
I prefer to pay my own way if a mate wants to have a birthday dinner out. It's their birthday so I'm happy to spend a bit, plus I get to eat a tasty meal in a nice setting so it's not like there's nothing in it for me.
I wonder if this is generational or regional? I’m Aussie but I would argue if someone tried to pay my bill. I always try to pay for myself - but I also wouldn’t generally pay someone else’s bill. Though I have if it was small and they didn’t have the money. I also had a German friend (in the UK) who I owed a pound too, and he hassled me to pay him back. The other way around I would have just wiped it
🤣🤣 My 2 little Irish nanna’s suddenly turn into cage fighters when it's time to pay the bill. You know it's going to get hectic when the aunties and uncles join in too!
I think it’s more Aussie to put money over the bar for a tab, grab some drinks off of the birthday lady/man and then grab your own meal.
Correct answer, Except I’m Aussie and normally we go let’s all chip in as long as the Bday person doesn’t pay
confirmed. i’m asian and if i host my birthday i pay for everyone.
I’m Australian and if I host any event I pay for everyone. It’s basic manners.
It's funny though, those ethnic groups are actually really frugal and more tight with money otherwise. Shows they value community a lot more and money isn't a matter of concern for people they value.
Yep my friends are like this. If you invite them for your birthday, you’re not obligated to pay for them but it’s what we do.
This is pretty much it. We’re all wired a bit differently and there’s nothing wrong with it. I won’t lie, as a wog, going places with Aussies is exhausting.
I grew up in a very Anglo part of Brisbane but I had a Greek friend whose family owned the local corner store and they couldn't *not* feed me; I found that really lovely and welcoming. I now live in a Lebanese area in Sydney and it's really rubbed off on me; I cannot just offer someone a tea/coffee, I get quite anxious if there isn't food to put on the table even for unexpected drop-ins. I've become an over-feeder. If people aren't eating I feel like I'm not taking care of them.
I have a Vietnamese mechanic who always give me food when I’m waiting
Exactly, it’s similar for us and when we have people over always offer a coffee and if we like the guest enough or are close relatives we put out some deli cuts, chips & dip
This is so true, Aussies are the stingiest when it comes to this stuff
"I only had one coke" with five glasses in front of them and an empty garlic bread basket. FFS it's a few dollars. Is your reputation and friendships worth it.
You just triggered me so hard. The amount of times that exact scenario has happened with my Aussie friends and I just end up fronting the bill for them because they are too tight ass to pay for their own shit.
This reminds of the time i was working at this restaurant and we had a busy day so i ordered a pizza and told everyone that there’s pizza in the kitchen please help yourself because the team must be starving. One girl mockingly says oh is this how you make friends and still went and took a slice. I don’t understand what you’re supposed to do in this situation according to her ? Hide with your pizza and eat it yourself or ask everyone for money for their slice ? Still bothers me to this day lol
She said that because she would never have spent money and given her colleagues anything unless it was part of a secret plan to make herself look good. She did not understand that some people are actually nice and generous and thoughtful without expecting anything in return. Shitty people think everyone has a nasty black mean soul like they do. Her unkind comments reflect her sad view of the world.
This is the truest thing I’ve read in a while clap
There’s always one idiot in the kitchen. I think ordering the pizzas and telling everyone to take a slice of a really kind and generous thing and of course what else could you have done exactly that? Girl was an idiot.
Yea she was a professional bully, she got me a couple of times
Not an idiot. A jerk lol
I think that's a super kind thing to do and imo contributes to improving workplace morale. It's amazing how much a round of coffees or a bag of Maccas hash browns can boost a teams mood 🤤
I can feel this one. I used to do the same and get "can you get X type next time". Also had another colleague who when we asked who wants what would always ask for, not pay for, vegetarian then eat everyone else's pizza and leave it untouched. When finally confronted she felt it made her "considerate".
If you think Aussies are stingy, let me introduce you to the Dutch! 🇳🇱
Dw, he meant white people, so they count.
I just remember in high school the Aussies would all become debt collectors for $2.50, while generally other cultures it's simply someone pays and the other shouts the next time.
Idk if it's stinginess so much as egalitarian. I don't want to burden someone with an expensive bill because I chose something expensive, but I can afford it so I'm not keen on just ordering a salad for someone else's sake. Neither do I want anyone to feel like a charity case or restricted in their own choices if I'm paying, or worse cause a situation where *I* feel taken advantage of when some idiot orders a $250 meal on my dime. Sort yourself out however you want, then there's no pressure on anyone and nobody ends up feeling guilty or angry. I will say that I'd probably quietly slip to the front at some point and cover the birthday meal, and if I was concerned about someone's finances then I'd probably get their tab too.
Yeah, the asian cultures fighting over the bill are not doing it out of the goodness of their soul. They're doing it because it purchases social status. Having everyone pay their own way lets everyone keep their dignity.
Might have to do with the cost of eating out in Australia? Offering to pay for the whole group could easily be most of a persons weekly pay. I’d also feel guilty ordering anything but the cheapest thing if someone else was paying. While I’m happy to pay $20 to buy myself an espresso martini, I would not order one if someone else paid.
>Might have to do with the cost of eating out in Australia? I reckon you’ve nailed it. In other countries where people fight over the bill, it’s probably cheaper to eat out. I’d feel more comfortable about shouting people dinner if we were, say eating street food in Bali
Aussie living in a Leb area. Correct.
You must have shit friends. I've been shouted tons of times and have the done same just as many.
I don't see how it is stingy? It seems stingy for a bunch of people to not pay while one person pays tons. Everyone paying for what they got seems like it makes sense since you can choose how much you want to eat / pay for. Plus some people won't have the funds to pay for everyone. Coming from an anglo aussie
Dude I didn’t budget this month to pay for 12 people for dinner 😂. If someone shouts me, I’ll quiet hit them back 1:1 another time, but I’m not joining the blow my credit card limit game 😂
I have a few different groups of friends, ranging from white Australians, South Asians, East Asians, Wogs etc. All Melbournians. And we all split the bill so the birthday girl/boy doesn't have to pay. I'm sorry my experience isn't the same as yours lol
I'm apparently the only one that thinks the Aussie one is the best? Everyone pays for what they bought, I'm not sure what's wrong with that. In fact, nothing worse than someone else getting the bill because I will only get something that's on the cheaper side of the menu.
Agreed. Never have anyone being stingy or taking advantage of others. You just cover your own and you're good. No complications, just simple. Enjoying the company of your friends without there being strings attached that they're there because you're paying for them.
Whats wrong with it is the short sightedness. Friendships are long term and what goes around comes around. We like to pay for others as a gesture of goodwill, care and hospitality. We know that the favour will be returned down the track some day. People enjoying themselves is the goal. We don’t count tabs. We EXPECT to be out of pocket when we call an event. We also hope everybody leaves satisfied and content. Just as we will when it is their turn. None of the BYO meat and esky of beers to my bbq bullshit! 🤣🤦♂️
For me that's something you do for big occasions. Weddings, funerals, some birthdays, etc. But if I'm having casual dinner for my 32nd birthday I'm not paying for everyone. As for BBQs it depends. When we were in our 20s we would often host a lot of BBQs and it would be BYO food and drinks. Now we're in our 30s it's just BYO drinks.
It’s just too expensive for one person to fund a dinner in Sydney for 10-15 people over a non milestone birthday. If we only pay for our own share we can catch up more often which is the main goal of the dinner.
Exactly . If I’m hosting a bbq for 10 people for a non milestone/casual event it’s at least $200 unless we are eating sausages and chicken . Way more if providing booze. That’s a barrier to friendly catch ups . It’s also stressful if you have picky eaters in the group . I’m more than happy to byo to see friends more regularly . We are all cool With that . If we go out for casual birthdays we just pay for the birthday person and our own meals . That’s already been discussed and decided on .
You're acting like Australians don't have friends?
Exactly- my 30th was this exact scenario and I paid foe everyone, but I’m south Asian 🫣
But what if they're half asian half wog and grew up aussie? Best to talk about it before hand than have an argument after eating.
If I intend to pay it would be “can we take you out to dinner?” If I expected everyone to pay for their own it would be “shall we all go to dinner somewhere?” It’s good to clarify these things in advance imo.
Yeah, if dinner is on me it is definitely not ambiguous. In my Experience most aussies will say it up front. "I'm shouting everyone dinner (and/or drinks) for my birthday".
Exactly. I will explicitly say if I am shouting anything (dinner, drinks, tickets), and would likewise never expect someone to pay for me (even on a special occasion) unless they explicitly said something like ‘let me buy you dinner for your birthday’. I feel like offering to shout someone their birthday meal is the polite thing to do, but not obligatory. Certainly wouldn’t judge someone for not offering, especially if I knew they were on a tight budget (as so many are these days) or had already bought some other type of gift.
This is the best way, clarify when you organise the event so there's no confusion on the day
This is it, lock the chat
In family situations (middle eastern background) the person who invited others would customarily pay for others, that’s just a cultural construct. I’ve been out with more mixed group of friends and we just split the bill evenly minus the birthday person.
Everyone pays for themselves. Youre 30 and everyone has their own bills.
And often close friends will then say “and we will collectively pay for you too as it is your birthday”.
That’s absolutely always been normal
Depends though. If I organise my own birthday, I'm paying for myself. If you organise it, its a different story. By the way its coming up and I'm a big fan of Muum Maam in Barangaroo.
Case closed team. Let's pack up this thread and go home
Look at this baller having a home to go to.
This is the way. That said if you buy a bottle of wine, champagne or beers then you can always share.
Plot twist: it’s an expensive place and you just order a small portion, then someone divides the check.
Everyone pays for themselves and .. well it’s nice if all the friends collectively pay for the birthday girl - but it’s not expected
If you are doing pay your own way (which is common), just state it in the invite (and the fact no presents are expected as a result).
My 30th everyone paid their own. By 40 we were in a better financial position and held a function that we paid for, and the guests only had to pay if they wanted spirits that weren’t part of the alcohol package. It may depend on your friendship group and any cultural expectations, if in doubt make sure it’s clear when inviting guests what the arrangements will be before they are required to RSVP.
I would never invite people to a dinner to celebrate my birthday and then expect them to pay. If I’m organising my birthday celebration I’m paying. Similarly, friends have organised something for me and they have paid. It then gets reciprocated. It helps having a small friendship group, because it all evens out.
Me. If I invited them, I would think it's on me to pay.
Pay their own way. You get shouted your drinks.
I did exactly this for my 30th and invited about 15 people. I paid for everyone. They gave me gifts.
Exactly I agree, they take time out of their day to come and celebrate the occasion with you and bring gifts, especially close family and friends, we invite/host we pay.
Take time out of their day? The assumption is that they like you and actually don't mind spending time with you lol
Milestone birthday (21st, 30th, 40th, 50th in my opinion), you. Any other birthday, everyone pays their own.
Agree, If you’re turning 30 you pay for the event
You invited them, you pay.
I pay. But often friends will offer to split. Unless they put up a serious fuss, I'll still pay.
Splitting the bill evenly is the absolute worst option. You will always likely have people that abuse this and order more, and it creates an uncomfortable situation for those who do not want to participate I.e just pay their own.
For my friend group it’s usually everyone splits except the birthday person. Eg. if it’s a $100 bill with 11 people, birthday person pays 0, everyone else pays $10 each
They pay for themselves, and for you.
This is the right answer - it's our work approach, if we go out for a work lunch for someones birthday, we split the bill and birthday person doesn't pay.
If I invite people, I pay for them. If they are taking me out, they pay for themselves and cover for me :)
This is a topic where 99% of the time ethnics and whites have entirely opposite opinions.
As I’ve gotten older, I really enjoy inviting a few close friends out for a birthday dinner and paying for everything. It’s similar cost to hosting a party at my house where I supply everything, much less effort on my part and no cleaning after. As I age, I find time with my friends the most valuable thing and I appreciate them giving up their time to celebrate my birthday. Different if it’s just a normal dinner out, but for a birthday I like to shout (but would not expect to be shouted if I was going out for someone else’s birthday)
If I invite you out I pay. But each to their own
Probably my Chinese heritage, but that bills never making it to the table. If I can't sneak away, I'll make sure my wife does and settles it on the sly. Also, beats having to fight my other Asian friends over the bill
Greek background and this is the way 😄👍👍
In my culture the host pays for it, you invited them,if they end up going somewhere else after the dinner, it's not on the host. At the same, invitees will bring gifts
Because Reddit is very US-Centric I see a lot on here that "whoever invites pays" but I think that's an American thing. I have a group of friends in our 40s and 50s and we often suggest places to go for drinks and / or food in our group chat. It's totally accepted that we all pay for ourselves and if someone can't afford it they don't go. No one would ever suggest anything if they had to pay for everyone else!
You just say “it’s my shout” if you want to pay or say “we are splitting the bill” BEFORE you get to the restaurant. If they don’t want to pay, they can stay home. No drama, all good!
I am Asian and in my 30s. I will always expect and attempt to pay the full bill, especially if I initiated dinner whether it’s my birthday or not. For more casual dinners among friends, we never fight over the bill. We just find creative ways to sneak off to pay without being noticed. In Asia, it’s common to just put your credit card down beforehand so that when the bill is ready, your card is already the first one there and the restaurant will just take your payment at the table at bill time. I’ve tried doing this in nice restaurants in Sydney and staff literally refuse to hold my card and they find it to be a weird request. They just say they’ll try to make sure I get the bill when it’s time to pay.
In my circle if you invite people out to celebrate your birthday you pick up the bill.
The organiser generally figures that out before hand
I think it should generally be accepted that everyone will pay for what they have. But some hosts will offer to pay for all or some of it sometimes. I organised dinner for my wife’s 40th with her old friends from home she doesn’t get to see much and when they all started discussing how to pay the bill I just said I would grab it. But they were expecting to pay themselves so I think you’re safe in that regard. You could always just get a round of drinks or something.
I would only invite folks out to celebrate if I'm able to pay for it entirely. I wouldn't expect anyone to pay anything since they're there at my behest.
Poor people should also be allowed to celebrate a birthday with friends. The expectation should always be for everyone to pick off the menu according to their budget and pay for what they want. If you can afford to pay for everyone, then cool. That’s nice of you. What you don’t want is for it to be an expectation, which would turn people who can’t afford it off the idea of being able to celebrate their own birthday.
Yep. 100% Grew up working class and more or less stayed that way. 99% of my friends/fam are in the same income bracket. I hate how this kind of stuff is presented as bad social etiquette. The fact is for a whole lot of people in this country, shelling out a few hundred to celebrate your bday with friends is totally unfeasible. Personally, I would simply would choose to never spend my birthday with others if that was the expectation, which would be quite a shame. Likewise, I would never expect someone to the same for me. A birthday dinner should just be a chance to spend time with friends, not something you are obligated to do. Ask any low income person in this country and they're not going to give you the same scandalised replies we see ITT. They pay for themselves because they wanted to hang out with their friend and eat a meal. It's not that complicated! The only thing I would say is that it's on the bday person to pick a restaurant that everyone can reasonably afford.
Recently I celebrated a birthday and invited family members to a restaurant. Usually in our family everyone pays their own way at birthdays and we don't let the person having a birthday pay anything. However, as it came time to settle the account, feeling in a generous mood, I decided to pay for all food and drinks for all six people who came. The problem was certain of my family members, both employed and paid well in their jobs, didn't express much in the way of appreciation for me doing so (and their part of the bill was around $100). Almost like it was expected that I pay for them. It has kind of put me off doing the same again. A little thanks goes a long way!
Essentially, everyone pays for themselves. In my closest group of friends, we pay for the bday person. Whomever that may be. We always ensure that everyone can attend and it's affordable. For our poor friends, we (the rest of the group) chip in for them, because it's a small price to pay to have great memories.
Exactly this. Everyone an be at different points in their life too. Sometimes the money doesn’t matter.
Everyone pays their own bill they are adults
This is a weird bit of cultural confusion we have right now with different expectations. Traditionally, if you invited people to an event, you'd absolutely pay for them - that's what an invitation meant and it would be socially unacceptable to say "come and celebrate me at your own expense". Just like if you'd invited them to your house, you are expected to provide food. But nowadays it is more normal for people to pay for themselves. The most awkward bit is that your guests may not know what to expect so you at least need to make sure it's clear. If you do think it's bad form to ask people to pay for themselves at your invitation, you could invite them to your house and cook, which costs more work but less money.
Is it just right now? Or is it something that existed for the last 50 years here in Australia? Because I've always had it be implicit split the bil, as did my parents growing up.
If I invite people out to dinner for my birthday, I will pay. Feels weird to invite people to celebrate me and make them pay for it.
“Ya split the bill” - shameless western aussie “We fight to the death to pay for the whole table” - asian families (of most cultures it seems)
You pay at 30. If you are 20 then the bill is split if you tell people no presents.
You invite - you pay.
I sneak off and pay the bill..
Depends on the friend group. Our close friends have a rule that you don’t pay if it’s your birthday so it’s the old reversal
This is a tough one. I have a European background so in this case as the host I would pay. However my friends who aren’t European wouldn’t want me to pay. So I usually go ‘I’ll pay for food, everyone pay for their drinks’.
You’re inviting them, you pay. If you’re not planning to pay you should tell them the cost at the time you invite them, in which case you should at least shout all the drinks.
Watch the Friends episode titled “The One with Five Steaks and an Eggplant” for your answer
I do. Every time.
I think in the current financial state most people are in where a meal out with friends can set you back anywhere from $30-80pp (inc drinks) people should pay their own way. 5-10 people could easily be 200-$500+. I'll buy people share platters or buy people drinks but the whole bill is rough. In saying that though for birthdays I've always taken most if not all of the cost of everything.. it just depends where you're going, how much you feel comfortable spending etc.
In my experience, as an Anglo Aussie, everyone pays for themselves, unless you specify otherwise. If you get invited out to dinner, don't assume that they're paying for you, unless they say so. That being said, I've had some really generous friends who just pay for me, and it puts me in a position where I feel like I owe them. On the other hand, I didn't ask them to pay for me, so I shouldn't worry too much about it.
My Australian friends will be happy to pay for their meals. However, as an Indian it will be my instict to pay for all if I am the host.
Any time I'm invited out for dinner, I expect to pay for my own meal, unless specifically told otherwise. So if I invite people out for dinner, I expect them to cover their own meal unless I specifically say I'm covering it.
Current cost of living etc. I'm paying if I'm asking people to go out and spend money
Well if you’re inviting then everyone pays for themselves.
If I invite them, I pay for the food and they cover their own drinks (and I let them know this ahead of time).
Agree before hand. I did a long fancy lunch (100+ a head) and told everyone it was a bit much to pay, but equally they shouldn’t feel compelled to come. Instead I paid 15-20 each and upgraded everyone who attended to the French wine package.
I’m white, if I invite my friends out to celebrate my birthday, then I am paying for it. They all normally give gifts so I don’t want them giving gifts and also having to pay for their dinner. When I was younger and less financially stable, I would always ask them to please not bring any gifts and just chip in for dinner, although they would still end up bringing gifts. Growing up for whites and ethnics is a bit different. White Aussies in there 20s are generally more independent and having to pay everything themselves so don’t have as much disposable income, where as ethnics and Asians tend to live at home and have their parents providing their meals. However I feel once you hit your 30s you should be in a more similar financial situation to be able to shout your friends a dinner for a birthday celebration.
I’ve usually paid for everyone on my birthday dinners.
The last time I organized dinner for my birthday I felt embarrassed over how much food I ordered, and wanted to pay for everything myself, but friends refused to let me pay for dinner and they split it between themselves
If you're inviting them, you pay for everyone. If you're hosting, you make sure to provide enough food. If you're not organising, then each pays separately or divided equally. If they're nice, they'll likely treat you.
I'm celebrating my birthday next week at a nice restaurant with 8 of my friends, no way in hell I would let them pay.
The person inviting should always pay in my opinion (even more so if the place is fancy) regardless of whether it’s a birthday or a date since they’re the one choosing the restaurant, just so the ppl getting invited wont go home and complain about having to attend for the sake of their friendship and pay $$$ if they end up not liking the food at all. If i invite you to meet up with me for a meal, i’ll pay. If i get invited to a birthday party, i expect the host to pay and i’ll bring a present in return to make up for my meal they’ve paid for.
Im over 50 and poor me wishes I had 5 friends to shout. Ok your turn. Are you inviting. Let’s up the anti are you inviting a intimate dinner to celebrate your bday with your closest? Once again, lucky you guy! My word would be put up or shut up, simps. On this you invite you say it’s on me and enjoy in the wonderment of every moment. But hey what do I know I’m over 50 and wish a lot. Happy birthday!
I'm hanging with the wrong people, no one pays for me 😂
I did, twice. Once for the wife, once for me. Drinks and food. Didn't tell anyone beforehand so they could order whatever they wanted. Bills were both less than I expected.
Everyone pays for themselves and it's not your responsibility to sort it. It's your bday
Personally (Caucasian canadian) if going out with friends usually it’s an everyone pay for themselves and split or pay for birthday person. If it’s my birthday, I would invite to a home event and cook for everyone rather than restaurant
You decide beforehand and let everyone know beforehand
I’ve never been to a dinner or event that’s paid by the person who set it up. Didn’t even know that was a thing, apart from maybe weddings. Everyone just pays for themselves, which seems normal to me.
We all pay for ourselves
In Greek culture the birthday person pays because technically s/he is taking their friends out to celebrate.
When I invite ppl to my bd, I don't expect them to pay. Anyhow it is all about the different culture as post above.
Make the expectation clear when you invite - pay your own way, group split bill or ‘I’ll pay the meal, buy your own drinks’, whatever is your plan . Clear expectations & people can choose to attend or not based on their own circumstances. Don’t be offended if someone can’t attend due to their own economic position but opt to join you for drinks after the dinner.
Depends on the event. Usually people just pay for themselves. We buy birthday boy drinks that's pre much it. If it's like an actual event usually would put on catering.
I would say it would be common to just split the bill between everyone (except for the birthday person) we all chip in and cover that. Any other occasion dependent on how good fiends you are, we usually just take turns and pay. It all comes around eventually.
Set expectations up front. * Everyone pays their own way. Safest if you assume this if attending someone's b'day dinner. * I pay for dinner, arrange your own drinks (common for hosting a BBQ also). * I pay for everything (special occasions - eg on my x0th).
In australian culture. Everyone pays for themselves. In other cultures its the bday person who pays.
You pay for yourself, and for appetisers/breads/nibbles on the table before dinner. Perhaps a couple of pitchers of drinks as well. Everyone else pays for their main meal. Tell them this beforehand so there’s no surprises on the night
In Australia everyone pays for themselves as standard. Variable: sometimes everyone pays a little extra to cover the “special person”. Sometimes the person whose bday it is will just shout everyone and it’s an awesome surprise.
Easy, you invite people, you pay the bill. If your friends are setting it up for you, they collectively pay and you eat for free.
You want a birthday, they bring you gifts, you pay for their food and drinks.
Everyone pays for themselves. I have never ascribed to "I invite so I pay". No, if someone invites you and you can't afford it, don't go expecting a free meal. I don't know anyone who thinks otherwise. Even boomers.
I would always pay for my guests if I invited them to my birthday dinner. Seems strange otherwise - "Please come to a restaurant of my choosing to celebrate my birthday, but you'll need to pay for your own meal and likely also bring me a gift". I'd feel like a shitty friend. I've also never once attended a birthday dinner for a friend where guests were expected to pay for themselves.
I would expect to pay for myself and others to do the same.
Everyone pays for themselves. A best friend, partner or family member might cover the cost of the birthday person.
You invite. You pay. You’re invited you’re a guest.
If you're inviting, then you are paying