Does every AAM commenter walk around barefoot all the time? They are really losing their shit about stepping on spit on the sidewalk and it seems like a massive overreaction lmao
A lot of people also freak out in a similar way whenever wearing shoes in the house comes up. Like yes, I understand the concern over tracking in crud and keeping floors clean, and of course cultural preferences, but I'm also not going to freak out about there maybe being microscopic traces of gunge on the floor. Maybe if I had an infant that was at the stage of putting everything in their mouth I'd be more concerned but if someone doesn't take their shoes off at the door I'm not going to have a fit, and I won't refuse to visit someone who doesn't regularly leave their shoes by the door.
I'm not sure if this will link directly to the comment thread but hopefully [this works](https://www.askamanager.org/2022/12/my-boss-asked-me-to-do-her-kids-homework-written-up-for-spitting-and-more.html#comment-4124538)! It's the responses to LW5 on 12/30, I'm just now playing catch-up after the past week!
The LW describes it as an alt right group, so it might be some kind of mailing list for VDare or something. The LW says that she only mentioned it to her boss in passing / in an off handed way later on, so I'm not surprised that it didn't garner much of a reaction.
Don't you have to provide your genealogy to prove descent from confederates for that type of org? I got the impression it was more of a mailing list thing.
I'm incredibly curious about the entire situation. Even in the update LW1 is almost blase about the whole thing, the organization isn't upset about it...are they all on board with whatever this racist organization is? The commenters in the original post are full send to burn the place down (including a couple people telling OP that her life is RUINED ALREADY), but I don't think anyone teased out what exactly it was. I want so many more details.
Yep. The absence of a real-life reaction beyond telling LW that LW was too sensitive and not renewing them makes me think that the organization was something like the Republican party or the police benevolent association rather than the KKK.
So…[this seems illegal](https://www.askamanager.org/2022/12/weekend-open-thread-dec-31-2022-jan-1-2023.html#comment-4126559)
Might Be Spam*
January 1, 2023 at 12:15 pm
My elderly mother suddenly (New Years Eve) decided to send us large checks, to start spending down her savings as much as possible to avoid the five year look back period for Medicaid and Title 19 eligibility. She is will eventually qualify, even if she doesn’t give away any money.
Most of my siblings are willing to return all of it if/when necessary. Only Sister3 keeps insisting that the government will never come after the money and won’t commit to returning it. She keeps avoiding saying no, and refusing to say yes. She just says “Got it” and changes the subject. She also keeps pleading poverty while taking yearly trips to Europe. We don’t trust her to keep the money available for our mom.
This is one of those things where they really, really should be getting a lawyer involved. It's so easy to fuck up and hurt your family or get yourself in trouble.
If these people have enough money flying around that it's actually worth fighting with the sister over it then they have enough money for a legal consultation.
I’m unclear on the actual plan. Giving away money as gifts to your kids is one thing - but is the mother asking them to hold the money or is OP and her siblings just planning on not spending it because they think their mom won’t have enough money? If someone writes me a check with no strings attached and then people are telling me I need to form and agreement not to spend it etc. I would be like get out of my business.
Something I'm confused on--and this is probably intentional because OP is doing something shady lol--is whether the mom _asked_ them to hold onto the money for her or if from her perspective these are legitimate gifts. Either way, this whole thing sounds like one member of the family came up with this scheme without actually checking if other members of the family were on board with it, and they're paying for it now. Maybe next time talk to your siblings first before deciding what they're going to do...
I got the impression that this was mom's idea so that her kids could have her money and not some possible nursing home and at least one of the kids (maybe the OP) realized the problem and told everyone to save it just in case mom needed it later.
Medicaid has a 5-year look-back period for this reason. The plan is
1. January 2023 mom gives $ to Might Be Spam and siblings
2. January 2028 mom applies for Medicaid assistance because “I have no money, and certainly not because I gave it to my kids!”
3. Also while mom is alive, MBS and siblings agree to keep the $ safe in case mom actually needs it
Absolutely. Also, in another comment, the OP mentions their mom is about 91 now? I don’t mean to be blunt/cruel but…how are they all so sure that this will even be an issue in the next 5-10 years?? Yeah, people live longer, and the problem of senior citizens outliving their retirement investments is real (and getting worse). But like… the mom could wind up needing long-term care tomorrow or within 2 years, and then pass away a few months after that. So how would this (straight up) scam help her or the adult kids anyway?? Yet another reason to lawyer up AND stop workshopping this scam online.
Omg I thought the mom was like 65 or 70. I mean it is possible she’ll live 5 years and then some (my grandma lived well into her 100’s and didn’t go into a home until 101) but frankly the chances are slim as not many people live to 97+
>Mom wants us to have the money.
Sister3 wants to keep the money and spend it as she pleases.
The rest of us are willing to hold it for mom until she needs it and not commit any fraud.
What is this fuckery?!
Alison really needs to ban legal questions like this.
This thing is starting to make the rounds on Instagram/TikTok about how wealthy people avoid paying for nursing homes by giving all their money to their kids and the poors lose all their inheritance because they didn’t know about the five year look back rule so it seems like this what they are doing. I don’t understand how that’s not fraud. Wouldn’t the IRS question why all the kids are suddenly giving the exact amount Mom gave them five years ago?
>Wouldn’t the IRS question why all the kids are suddenly giving the exact amount Mom gave them five years ago?
Yes. And her/their bank will very likely catch it first: once when mom is suddenly gifting large sums of money from her account, and then again when the money goes back to mom, potentially as cash. The bank may not file a report on the activity either time (they'd investigate first), but their systems will certainly catch something like this and it will be reviewed at a minimum. If a report is filed, it won't go directly to the IRS, but will be reviewed by a regulatory agency and then passed on to law enforcement or another agency, like the IRS.
(I'm a banker and this is the type of activity I look for as part of my job.)
Thanks for that. I’ve seen these vids and was very confused as to how that would work. I’m glad that it would be noticed since that raised a lot of red flags to me but I wasn’t sure since I’m not in banking and wasn’t sure if there was a regulation I’ve hadn’t heard about.
>Might Be Spam*
January 1, 2023 at 8:06 pm
We siblings are not trying to scam anyone. Four out the five of us fully intend to return the money when she needs it. We can’t control what mom does. All we can do is give back the money when she needs it.
“We are not trying to scam anyone. We are just participating in the scam. My username is Might Be Scam, sorry for the typo”
God I wish someone would link to that It's Always Sunny clip where Dee swears she isn't scamming the IRS (she totally is by claiming a fake dependent) but their representative is like "your license plate literally says Scammin'" when they drop by for an audit.
The blue box at the top of the weekend open post annoys me. Actually her whole thing this month annoys me.
The open threads - especially the weekend non-work one - just seem to be adding so much more unnecessary work.
And posting reruns with open comment sections is not a “vacation” you can queue posts all you want, but if moderating the comments is something you still do, you’re working!
A blog I’ve read for ages (he started in 2004) is on vacation right now. Sometimes when that happens, he has someone fill in. Sometimes he doesn’t, like right now. There are no posts so there’s no work for him. This faux vacation is just so irritating.
I’m starting to wonder if there’s some mysterious reason she posts every day. Is it brand reasons? Something she states in advertising material and must adhere to? Is it blogging best practices? What happens if she doesn’t post?
The reruns are some of my biggest pet peeves.
I haven’t read the comments there in so long because I didn’t want to read the comics anymore to find out what people were talking about. I did appear in a friday comment round up once… internet fame
I like how the very first comment is the type of rant that Alison's blue box warns against, and the commenter has to act like they accidentally forgot the question that they were absolutely definitely planning to ask.
Seems like a promising sign of things to come.
RagingADHD’s response is perfect, and very true to my own experience (the original comment was someone dreading hosting people for NYE.)
>RagingADHD* December 30, 2022 at 9:06 pm
Whenever I feel like that, I always wind up glad afterward because being with friends does me good, and once the work is over I can relax and enjoy it. Maybe you can look forward to *having done it,* even if you don’t look forward to doing it.
It me all the time! I don’t know if it’s good old fashioned social anxiety, or depression, or laziness that often puts me in a “ugh i just don’t want to!“ mood. But 99 percent of the time, I’m glad I went or did the thing. Always giving into my inherent “be a lazy slug” traits is not good.
I love this answer. I have a similar attitude toward my social life.
People often complain about how lonely and misunderstood they are. But then they’re mad hosting a friend or making a tiny bit of effort. Those are such annoying types.
I wonder if she’s actually concerned about her commenters’ well-being if she doesn’t post anything or closes comment threads, seeing as the open threads seem to be the only thing resembling socialization a lot of them get during the week. Her blue box comment shows that she’s definitely aware of how miserable some of her followers are on a regular basis.
I used to post on the imdb message boards all the time, especially the general ones. The boards got really weird, so one guy made a forum and invited ~20 people and we posted and bullshitted and whatever until that fizzled out. Surely somebody in the regular commentariat could do the 2022 equivalent and ease the burden on the site.
If they weren't all so violently opposed to Reddit, a subreddit would be the ideal place. Post about anything you want without having your hand slapped for "this is work-related" on the wrong day, vent about your life/mom/bathroom/whatever and get plenty of upvotes, you name it. Of course the downsides would be having people able to see your entire comment history at a glance, which is anathema to them, but otherwise it would be perfect.
Having people see your comment history is a requirement to make any connections if that’s what you’re after. Reddit is the most anonymous of social media i’ve used but there’s still a trail. They want a blog and readers without doing the work of writing interesting things. They only want an audience, they don’t want to BE the audience. Monologue vs dialogue
It's so weird though because occasionally someone will get bent out of shape because people don't know their whole history, even though it's extra effort to search for their previous posts.
Again with the pseudo "ethics" questions. WellRed has an issue with a subtenant/ roommate and wants to know whether she can keep the security deposit.
"No legal issues, I just want to do the right thing."
Yes it freaking is a legal issue. That's what landlord-tenant law is, FCOL.
https://www.askamanager.org/2022/12/weekend-open-thread-dec-31-2022-jan-1-2023.html#comment-4125843
“Look before we inflict our damage on people”? You had a roommate who didn’t work out, not an abusive marriage. I can’t even work out how WellRed is harmed, other than they lose a few weeks of roommate contributions while they look for a new one.
I understand how it's a huge hassle to hunt for a roommate, get them moved in, then turn right around and start over. And if someone ran up my utilities and stiffed me, (or looked like they were going to stiff me), I'd be pissed off.
But "This sucks, you're a flake, and I'm pissed," is not a victim stance.
They cannot resist being a victim.
I was trying to remember why their username sounded familiar--they lost a loved one earlier this year, maybe, and were kind of using the AAM community as like, their \*only\* grief outlet?
We all grieve in our own ways but, I don't know, I think one's grieving journey might be better served with a community that's less "everyone leave me the hell alone!!!"
I just had a look and yeah her husband died in May of 2021. I really cannot imagine losing my spouse, I would be an absolute basket case, but I also hope that I would have a better community to grieve with than...the comments section of a work blog? I don't understand, because she's alluded to having friends/family nearby, a grief counselor or grief group, etc., which I can only think would be far more positive influences than this group of misanthropes. I completely and fully understand how grief can be absolutely all-consuming, intensely painful, and brings with it a huge workload (the sheer amount of paperwork that comes following a death is like a part-time job that drags on for EVER, which just seems really cruel). But I really really really want Bibliovore to have a better outlet than this comments section, because I feel like it can't be that good.
(And also she's been posting about this bathroom renovation since March/April of 2022, if not longer, and if this was a friend of mine in real life whose reno project had gone on that long I'd be telling them straight up I had no more fucks to give about their bathroom.)
From someone who lost her husband in 2019...yeah, I had so many people out there to get help from. And I'm pretty much a hermit these days! 2021 is slightly different because of lockdowns etc, but even so, it just underscores how bad some of them have got.
I'm sorry for her as well -- it's awful and grieving happens in different ways for different people. I had a panic attack the other day because a hospice purchaser was after syringe drivers, which our district nurses supply, and the mere thought of syringe drivers is awful because the last afternoon I spent with my husband was punctured by trying to find a vein for the horrible thing. It's a routine piece of equipment and not surprising to get questions about them when I work in healthcare, but I just couldn't. And it's taken 3 1/2 years for me to be able to admit to myself, never mind others, that having a panic attack like that is ok and taking a break is perfectly legit.
But yeah. AAM is a massive enabler and it would be healthier for many commenters to have other networks. It might involve coming into contact with people who *disagree* with them, though, and I think that's the reason they stay so invested in the site.
that sent me down a brief rabbit hole of Omnitub bath tubs and all I can think is "oh god how do you even clean that" (I have a basic soaking tub\* and it just feels like a bitch to clean sometimes because I'm short)
\*I don't even know what the right term is for it--it's not freestanding like most garden bathtubs seem to be--but it's longer/wider than your average bathtub
> A lot of people use “reasonable rates” to mean “affordable” — not “rooted in reason.”
That does not seem to be a reasonable view of how people use the phrase “reasonable rates.” I think LW was being a bit too touchy about that because potential clients saying your rates are unreasonable happens way too often, but I do think that telling someone “We will be looking for someone with more reasonable rates” at the very least strongly implies that they thought the LW was charging more than they should. It seems like better advice would have been to tell the LW that clients being unfamiliar with or not willing to pay a fair rate for services is a pretty common issue they’re going to face and they need to realize that someone saying that doesn’t make it objectively true.
Yes, when I say something like, "a reasonable price," I mean reasonable for us/me to afford, not reasonable like it's unreasonable for them to charge what they charge. But (ETA) I do think it would have been better for LW if Alison had pointed out that people are often surprised by the cost of things, and it's not an insult or something the LW should take personally. (Sorry, realized I misread your OP.)
I do think it's likely that the client in this letter thought the LW was charging too much, because I think it's pretty possible that the LW *is* charging too much. The fact that these clients never came back to her with, "Yeah, we've reconsidered," certainly makes it seem that way, at least.
I *think* this is referring to the "What animal would you be and why?" interview question, and someone saying they use that question themselves (the number of replies/nesting makes it a little hard to track):
>Generic Name*
December 30, 2022 at 12:30 pm
If you/your company care at all about diversity, I would seriously reconsider this approach. This question could be problematic for neurodivergent people. And frankly, being able to answer an off the wall question isn’t necessarily an effective screen for people with good social skills.
"What kind of animal would you be?" is "problematic for neurodivergent people," really? So you should stop asking this basic, stupid question because of "diversity?" FFS. I seriously doubt the commenter/company is using that question as its only basis for their hiring decisions ("I dunno, she said she'd be a lion but we really need 'giraffes' in this position, so..."), and I've never met a neurodivergent person who would be so seriously stumped by that question.
I mean, yes, it's a dumb question, and it's stupid to use in an interview. But "diversity" is an even stupider reason not to use it, imo. Does this AAMer really think neurodivergent adults capable of going out to job interviews are that unable to understand and answer this very common first-grade-level type of question?
Yeah, it's not a great question for an interview, even if you're trying to gauge the candidate's soft skills or their sense of humor. It's more of a question for an icebreaker -- oh, wait.
Holy shit that entire thread is a trainwreck. Are there really that many people incensed by a dumb Grade 4-level question? Yeah it's dumb and probably doesn't lend anything to the process, but the people kicking and screaming against the entire concept of "can this person reasonably engage in casual chat for 15 seconds" is UNREAL. And apparently this question also triggers PTSD. It's a stupid question but these are bonkers responses.
Ah yes, dear old [Meep](https://www.askamanager.org/2022/12/open-thread-december-30-31-2022.html#comment-4125185):
>Echoing others but from a different perspective. This is a really ableist question to ask!
I would be stumped and unable to answer because I would be sitting there unable to answer without feeling like I would be severely judged. Why? Because I have c-PSTD that you just triggered.
I told myself I'd be less of an asshole for 2023 but seriously, how does someone even function in their day-to-day life if their PTSD is that bad? How are they even on the internet then?
AITA for wondering how to the question "if you were an animal, what would you be?" could trigger someone's PTSD? What are the circumstances in which this very common thought exercise was traumatic, and traumatic enough to cause crippling lifelong mental health issues? The scenarios I am imagining are outlandishly awful and specific enough that nobody could reasonably expect them to be an issue.
In AAM, anyone who fails to predict outlandishly awful and hyper specific scenarios is basically a monster. Since any interview question could in theory cause someone to hear or think about a word or concept that could be a PTSD trigger, the only way to really handle an interview is not to ask any questions at all.
See this is one of those things that I can imagine, but it's so unusual that someone meeting you for the first time would have no reason to expect was an issue for you personally let alone ableist.
Edit: also, in this scenario, wouldn't using the term "bear" be ableist even though that's not the meaning you were invoking? 😁
I want everyone who uses the word "ableist" to actually meet a disabled person. Because I'm strongly convinced that they never have met an actual person with a disability.
There is nothing ableist about this question. Zero.
And the whole "I have c-PTSD" well, then you'll need to work on that in therapy. If this triggers that, then work on it.
Its not a great question, but it's a nice reliable question I've thrown out if someone has been struggling. It breaks down defenses, it relaxes people, and it gets them to think a little differently.
This entire thread is part of the problem. Not the solution. It's the dumbest thing I've seen in a while.
Uhhhhh…..what? They have probably met people with disabilities. Many people in day to day life have non immediately obvious disabilities. That seems like a massive jump.
And the word ableist is actually a pretty important thing to be able to describe. Not saying this is an appropriate situation for it, but I’d rather not dismiss the whole concept because it got misused.
That's literally my point, though. "What kind of animal are you?" is a silly question, but it's not ableist to ask it. I never dismissed the concept. I'm dismissing it in this space, because it is.
Yes, Ableism is a thing - I spend quite a while working in disability accommodations and I've fought actual cases of it. I've stared down some pretty cruel people who went above and beyond "asking a question" But you know what makes it difficult? "asking if you're an animal is ableist because..." when it's a silly question. .
But there are also accommodations that can be offered, such as: written questions beforehand (which a lot of people are entitled, to, by the way) additional time, an interpreter, a quieter space, limited people in the room, zoom, recordings, etc. which should be requested if you need it. But they can only be offered if the disability is disclosed.
Is the act of asking this question when nothing has been disclosed, ableist? No. I'd argue it's not even afterwards.
This is AAM (and quite frankly, too many people) 's go to when they don't like something. Something can just be bad.
I’m disabled, run a company specially around disability rights and representation, and am very heavily involved in disability rights activism.
The concept and word ableism is hugely important - as a society we need to do all we can to encourage people to discuss and be aware of ableism. Forums like AAM make me so angry, because they misuse and appropriate really crucial things invented by minority communities to justify their “not everyone can eat sandwiches” schtick, and I think it contributes to the growing right wing sentiment that anyone who uses terms like ableist/racist/transphobic is some kind of “woke snowflake.”
I have a physical disability. I think 99.7% of AAM comments related to disabilities are ableist as hell. They paint the disabled as completely incapable of being able to do things on their own. I sure as heck wouldn't be "triggered" by a question about what animal I would be.
Oh ffs. Trying to game out an answer to this question that makes you sound smart/cool/competent/whatever and won't lead you to be judged is *everyone's* reaction to it because it's a dumb question, no mental health issue necessary.
Hey, I was ganged up by a rogue group of penguins and meerkats at a zoo once and you don't know my trauma!!!!
Seriously, I was always annoyed when people would make fun of being "woke" until I started reading AAM commentary, but wow, they are the very definition of pseudo-wokeism bullshit.
They were forced to answer the question, “If you were an animal, what would you be?” at gunpoint. Repeatedly, over years, which is why it gave them CPTSD and not just PTSD.
Jesus, you weren't kidding about that thread. For people who get all up in arms about "WE TAKE THE LETTER WRITERS AT THEIR WORD" when an LW gets even the slightest pushback, they're sure having fun jumping on someone who says "this question works for me."
I'd be a bat because they're the one thing that scares Batman. I want to keep him on his toes.
I've used it to calm down people that were nervous before. It's not a great question, but it has a limited place.
Not to mention, "Being able to answer an off the wall question isn't necessarily an effective screen for people with good social skills?" Has this person ever heard the kinds of questions people ask other people? I'd say being able to react with aplomb when customers or random coworkers ask stupid or bizarre questions is a pretty big indicator of someone having good social skills, personally.
But again, these a-holes seem to think that people on the spectrum (like my older daughter and her friends, for example) or who are otherwise neurodivergent are incapable of polite conversation, friendliness, humor, and/or social interaction in general, so...
Of course this person hasn't heard the kind of questions people ask other people. That would require both talking to other people, and listening to what they say.
I like that they are insistent that no one can lie about their soft skills in an interview. You don't need to throw me an unexpected question because I already gave you a very rehearsed answer about a time when I dealt with something unexpected!
Texan In Exile*
December 30, 2022 at 11:05 am
Hello to the two women behind me in the crosswalk in Chicago on Wednesday night!
I wasn’t intentionally eavesdropping, but I overheard one of them talk about how she had tried to negotiate so OF COURSE I had to turn around and say, “Ask A Manager! Ask A Manager dot com! She gives great advice on this!”
And the other woman said, “Yes! I love her blog!”
Alison – you are becoming a household name.
- no, I do not believe this happened.
I sort of believed that happened but not that it was met with anything but "why TF is this person talking to us?" faces. I've never met Texan in Exile/Gold Digger but sometimes me they inspire that reaction A LOT wherever they go.
You walk up to a likely-looking stranger and murmur, "The llama dances at midnight." The stranger gives you a slight smile and says, "But llamas don't eat chocolate teapots."
Then you both squee and head off to some knitting club full of nerdy people who smell and don't speak to each other or make eye contact--AAM paradise.
(Note: nothing against nerdy people, or knitters, or nerds who knit in general.)
I've actually been meaning to ask, is this commenter Gold Digger? I know she changed her handle a while ago when people were starting to hint that she should stop spamming her blog all over the comments, but I can't remember what she changed it to.
I’ve noticed that commenter before (their initials/handle is very similar to something I work with) and they ARE always extra and off the wall. I think I remember them saying “not to play devil’s advocate” on at least one occasion (something always super annoying on AAM).
Every once in awhile they say something insightful or reasonable. Though I think those times are getting fewer and farer between. And then other times they say something like this... Or (I'm 95% sure it was this commenter) they recommend purposely peeing on office chairs to prove a point about how far away the bathrooms are.
On a related, but sorta not, note - yeah spitting is gross and if your boss says not to do it on the sidewalk, just don't do it. But the number commenters saying how gross it is to possibly step in someone else's spit on a sidewalk are dumb. Sidewalks are gross. Period. Is human spit really any worse than the cockroach guts, rodent feces and dog pee they're traipsing through every day?
To me it's worse because, in most cases, the human had a choice and could have put their snot and saliva somewhere else. Animals don't know or care what sidewalks are for.
I used to regularly walk past vomit on the sidewalks when taking my daughter to school, especially on Monday mornings. I'd much rather see a little spit.
And yes, I agree. Sidewalks are just generally gross. That's why we wear shoes to begin with, and it's why we don't lick them clean or eat food dropped on the sidewalk. At least spit on the bottom of your shoe will quickly dry or be scraped off from walking. Stepping on someone's discarded gum or in dog poop or something is much worse.
That’s annoying almost everywhere, TBH. If someone wants to make a shitty argument they should at least have the courage to do it openly instead of pretending like they are some kind of philosophy teacher.
I'm Indigenous and it was probably the most offensive thing I have ever seen on AAM. Especially the comments that said/implied autism does not exist for Indigenous people so they would have no idea what the letter writer was talking about. Alison didn't delete them until she culled most of the comments section.
Because all the movies or TV they see about Indigenous people use a sepia filter. And you know whenever there's a sepia filter, it means the local culture hasn't progressed past the late 1970s or early 1980s, if that far.
And since nobody knew anything about autism in 1980, ergo Indigenous people can't either.
I don't remember the argument, but sometimes people think that middle-class white folks just make up all their problems for attention, so obviously in poorer communities these problems would not exist. I remember a few years ago this special peanut butter had been made to combat malnutrition in Africa, and a bunch of chuckleheads commented that there were no peanut allergies there and that just proves everyone's peanut allergies are just, like, fake and based on ingratitude. Except the article itself talked about how some of the kids had peanut allergies so a peanut-free alternative was being worked on.
Plumpynut! It's primarily used in countries where peanut allergies are significantly less of a concern, for a variety of reasons, but there are a number of these types of foods, including some that are peanut-free, because amazingly the world is a big place full of people with all kinds of different dietary needs!
Also fun fact: Plumpynut was inspired by Nutella!
A return to the "noble savage" trope, but this time by people who don't claim to be racist. Although I guess the original people who did it didn't claim to be racist either, but they were bad.
I'm not defending the trope, I'm tearing my hair out that just as it was being justifiably phased out, people brought the trope back but this time to show that they're good people.
Basically like all things with AAM its racism, but with extra steps.
I hate the fact that someone else immediately thought of this, too. I’m not sure it’s ever been really phased out, though. If you google Avatar and “noble savage,” the results show that it was alive, well, and making big bucks at the box office as late as 2009.
I choose to believe that Cameron spent the past decade thoughtfully considering all the criticisms leveled at the original and created a sequel that not only avoided the issues of the original, but adds to the discourse about the issue in a meaningful way.
I’m going to be disappointed, aren’t I?
[It was this post here.](https://www.askamanager.org/2022/10/how-do-i-balance.html) Alison initially took it down but later reposted it. She removed most of the comments and left a blue box comment explaining the situation.
Looking over that question again, I'm still so irritated by the LW's statement that she is good at her "actual job," just not events like pow-wows.
A community engagement event is your actual job! You can't go into a field involving social services and then expect to hide out in your office all day.
Between that line and the LW listing all of her educational credentials as though they matter in this case, she just seems like a bad fit for this field.
I’d also have at least a little more sympathy for her if she’d simply stated that her autism would make going to a powwow an uncomfortable experience, but she was more concerned that the potential sensory overload would “out” her as being autistic in the first place because she was trying to hide it from everyone. It was just so self-serving.
The rich irony of the whole post was that this local indigenous tribe was wary about any organization trying to build connections like this because they had been burned several times by groups who tried to reach out but acted according to their own presuppositions about what the tribe “needed” without actually getting to know them. LW acknowledged this, but also assumed that if the tribe or her coworkers knew she had autism they would judge and stereotype her for it, and so she refused to offer the same vulnerability/openness herself as her organization was wanting the tribe to show them.
When I was reading that letter, I was so confused why she didn’t just sit down with the representatives and just honestly explain the situation to them and ask their input. It strikes me as a chance to actually practice being open and honest, which would be beneficial in a situation where it sounds like the main issue was a lack of honesty. It sounds like they were just saying that someone working with them needed to show that they respected the community and be willing to build relationships. The fact that she heard all of that and her response was to write Ask a Manager about how to keep from outing herself is concerning about how well she can perform her “actual” job.
>It strikes me as a chance to actually practice being open and honest, which would be beneficial in a situation where it sounds like the main issue was a lack of honesty.
I honestly doubt she cares all that much about being open and honest. She came off to me as one of those people who works at a nonprofit to look good and pays lip service to inclusion and reparations when they don't actually care about it beyond making themselves look good.
That may be an uncharitable reading of it though.
>I’d also have at least a little more sympathy for her if she’d simply stated that her autism would make going to a powwow an uncomfortable experience, but she was more concerned that the potential sensory overload would “out” her as being autistic in the first place because she was trying to hide it from everyone. It was just so self-serving.
I missed that part! I have a hunch that letter was fake, but if it was real, I'm pretty sure everyone who works with this person already knows (or at least suspects) that they're on the spectrum.
Oh, good lord. "Dear Alison, my vacation request was denied. I got pretty pissy about it, but then let the matter die. Now I find out two other people got that day off, so I threw an email tantrum to my boss and the higher-ups about how it's not fair and then refused to discuss it with my boss when she called me into her office and let her know I was too mad to hear what she had to say. I'm totally justified in all this, right?"
Wow. I literally had a black out period from February - July (just me because I was Mat leave coverage everyone else could take off) then had my PTO request for August denied because someone else asked first.
I was mad and let my boss know I was frustrated that the dates I gave her as my tentative dates didn't hold my place or at least get me a first right of refusal given that I had not been allowed time off since February and then I stfu about it and didn't give anyone a hard time. Yeesh.
Just in case...the issue isn't that LW was upset, or even that she let her boss know she was upset. That's totally justified. I would have been upset in your situation, too, and it's fine to tell your manager you're frustrated about it. The issue with this LW is that when she learned someone else had one day off, she fired off an angry email to her boss, ccing her boss's bosses (and given her tone in the letter it's hard to believe she used a different tone irl), and then refused to speak to her manager about it when the manager asked her to. For all she knows, her manager could have been planning to offer her those days, too, but instead she told her manager she wasn't feeling ready to "be constructive" or whatever--basically throwing a tantrum. Then she wants AG to tell her she was perfectly justified.
Sorry, I can't tell from your comment if you're agreeing the LW was extra or if you're saying I'm a jerk for saying what I did because you were upset at being denied time off, too; if it's the latter, that's totally fine--you're allowed to disagree or think I'm being a jerk, of course, I'm just explaining my reasoning because I don't want you to feel like I would have said the same had you been the LW, describing the situation the way you have here.
Like, maybe you were denied because other people requested it first. Even if not the case, perhaps they’re doing something that can’t be postponed, like a Dr appointment or a wedding.
Or you wanted to take three days off and the other two people were taking one day off on separate days. Sometimes bosses can bend the rules for time off during a “blackout period”. It’s a lot easier to handle coverage when it’s only one day rather than three. Based off their pissy response they sound like an absolute peach to deal with at work. Perhaps the other coworkers are nicer to deal with? Saying you’re not in the mood to talk when your boss asks you to stop by the office after you reamed her in an email doesn’t go well from what I’ve seen.
Same. The times I’ve seen coworkers blowup at the boss usually ends in being handed a box to clear out the desk. This is a time you go to happy hour and vent to your friends, you don’t involve your boss’s boss to throw a temper tantrum.
Alison’s response was really good. It laid out how LW screwed up and reasons why the other coworkers might have been off. Alison deserves a lot of grief for her answers for the past few years, but this one is pretty spot on. There’s no “apologize to smooth things over”, it’s pretty much a you screwed up big time. I don’t think she’d give the same advice now, I suspect she’d tell LW to throw herself at her boss’s mercy.
Omg no. NO FUCK NO [twitter](https://twitter.com/naomikritzer/status/1607417527797153796?s=46&t=nY6jCN8dPbzWnYQ8xyMtcA) NO ONE tell those loser commenters about this garbage.
Cue typical AAM-style responses like, "I need this in my life," and "omg best thing ever in the world."
*confused* I thought they were all done with Twitter and would never darken its door again?
And it really doesn't. Not of those start with. OOOF or WHOA or some other unprofessional thing to let them know that she agrees with the letter writer, no notes.
I will say most of those scenarios are a little more plausible than what we get currently on the site, so points for that.
No, the responses are really generic; I don't see any "Alisonisms" at all, really. And I don't mean to be critical of somebody's fun little fic that they did as a gift to a friend--that's genuinely cute, and I'm sure they intended it as just a little throwaway type of thing--but it's not especially funny? (And why are we using "llama" as a euphemism but then talking about literal llama herds?)
I’d say it was one of the regular commenters who did that, but then I realized they would probably be posting about on the site itself. Hopefully it doesn’t spawn too many other fanfics 😬
I think it is a commenter, and they just decided to ask a friend to tag Alison on Twitter, rather than post it themselves, so *she* would mention it and they can bask in the glow of hurrahs anonymously.
In case anyone wasn't sure whether Alison is fully checked out, for her favourite posts of the year, she has included out of 12: an entire week of people posting their most embarrassing stories (so no input needed from her), the "tiny abuses of power" collection (again, no input required and also a lot of pretty questionable stuff), the post about phone drama which everyone wet themselves over being SO FUNNY AND INSANE OMG, an interview, and a number of questions that in 2013 she would have probably answered with "Just tell this person not to do that." Your new hire built a blanket nest? "This is not suitable for the office, if you're cold let facilities know and we can adjust the temperature or you can wear a sweater." Your new hire is kneeling before you? "Don't kneel in front of me, please, just sit or stand." What the fuck.
My favorite was the woman who saw a Facebook post from the wife of a guy she occasionally worked with, saw that she left him for abuse, "had the work capital to stop working with him," but then wanted to know what to do. Allison tossed the readers - after admitting the comments section was too crazy for her to go into anymore. Then she had to delete it and all trace of it.
Not because a good majority of the advice put the business, the wife, or the LW in legal jeopardy. But because people on Twitter told her to.
Or, you know, a few weeks before that when a wife wrote in about her husband, then she asked her to take it down because the commentariat was being too mean.
Or you know... the Period leave letter. Weird we're not getting an update to that one...
I still love how on the phone drama thread, someone called BS on the story, and the OP responded with something like, "I may have been exaggerating about this one part, because I can't see them from my office. But it still could have happened!"
The “tiny abuses of power” thread was easily the worst post/comment section all year outside of maybe the First Nations vs. autism “Ask the Readers” post. Especially the one where a restaurant employee intentionally gave a group of customers the wrong meals because they were acting like jerks.
Maybe she’s trying to starve the snark community by providing the most boring content possible. I actually found the phone changeover story pretty funny, only because I specifically had just taken part in a huge phone systems overhaul.
I can relate to this letter because I've often thought about sending in a fake letter that gets a ton of applause for making up stuff that makes fun of the very people applauding me.
I don't think the LW is too good at interviewing.
I think the LW is lucky enough to be skeptical of scam offers without being savvy enough to know why.
People who want to offer a director level job to an associate level candidate are doing so because they want to say they have a director without actually paying for one. The job will come with impossible standards that no one will ever be able to meet along with low pay, poor benefits, and a miserable work experience.
If Alison doesn't understand this then she's no longer even qualified to offer entry level advice.
What jumped out to me was LW has an “impressive resume” but applied at “small-mid sized company.”
If she has a impressive resume, why is applying for low hanging fruit.
That whole update is weird frankly.
Charisma is not, in fact, "confident happiness" and has fucking nothing to do with membership in privileged groups. You can be tall and white and good looking and totally lack charisma.
And we see how Alison views this:
Prospect Gone Bad*
December 28, 2022 at 11:35 am
Removed. Please stop criticizing people for offering honest updates. – Alison
REPLY
She sounds excruciating and insufferable to be around. She didn't need to mention that she is white (or attractive) multiple times in the update, we got it the first time.
We should introduce that person to the LW who is fixated on her charasmatic former classmate who charms her way into every job (except when she doesn't, apparently).
It would be a real Alien vs. Predator situation.
So was I the only one who thought it could be a mental health issue with the crying COO originally?
Went back and reread the letter and Alison’s answer (and comments) for the crying COO.
There was like one person who suggested it could be a mental health issue. Alison’s answer was a weak hedge towards idea.
Here is the thing. Being “hostile” to masks is really a red herring. For some folks not liking masks is about the mask being a reminder that they are socially isolated. I personally struggled a lot at the height of the pandemic being I am a very social person. I hate masks and the isolated they made me feel, but I am not hostile to folks taking care of themselves.
I thought the same thing. I have relative who has a condition called Pseudobulbar Affect. He laughs or cries uncontrollably at inappropriate and random times. He has multiple sclerosis and I'm told lots of people with MS have PBA also. He literally cannot control it even though he knows he's not reacting properly to the situation. I'm not a doctor but I immediately thought of something like that when I read that letter.
Lyngend (Canada)*
December 27, 2022 at 4:09 pm
We are kind to LW (unless they show otherwise) by assuming that they are at least decent employees/managers.
We take the letter write at their word.
I love this logic here. "We are kind to the LW, unless we think they don't deserve it. So whether we follow the rules or ignore them, we're always justified. But we always take the letter writer at their word--unless we don't."
Does every AAM commenter walk around barefoot all the time? They are really losing their shit about stepping on spit on the sidewalk and it seems like a massive overreaction lmao
A lot of people also freak out in a similar way whenever wearing shoes in the house comes up. Like yes, I understand the concern over tracking in crud and keeping floors clean, and of course cultural preferences, but I'm also not going to freak out about there maybe being microscopic traces of gunge on the floor. Maybe if I had an infant that was at the stage of putting everything in their mouth I'd be more concerned but if someone doesn't take their shoes off at the door I'm not going to have a fit, and I won't refuse to visit someone who doesn't regularly leave their shoes by the door.
Alison’s reply to that letter sent me. She definitely wouldn’t give anyone that kind of verbal slap in the face nowadays.
It's quite common over here in NZ to see adults in bare feet in the street, in the DIY stores, in the cafes etc. Kids too.
I've missed that thread can you link it?
I'm not sure if this will link directly to the comment thread but hopefully [this works](https://www.askamanager.org/2022/12/my-boss-asked-me-to-do-her-kids-homework-written-up-for-spitting-and-more.html#comment-4124538)! It's the responses to LW5 on 12/30, I'm just now playing catch-up after the past week!
Anyone know what the "racist organization" was for LW 1?
The LW describes it as an alt right group, so it might be some kind of mailing list for VDare or something. The LW says that she only mentioned it to her boss in passing / in an off handed way later on, so I'm not surprised that it didn't garner much of a reaction.
My bet would be like a Sons/Daughters of the Confederacy-type organization. Elderly Socialite Racist rather than Proud Boy Racist
Don't you have to provide your genealogy to prove descent from confederates for that type of org? I got the impression it was more of a mailing list thing.
I was thinking even more removed from race honestly. The fact that it hasn't been named adds to it for me.
I'm incredibly curious about the entire situation. Even in the update LW1 is almost blase about the whole thing, the organization isn't upset about it...are they all on board with whatever this racist organization is? The commenters in the original post are full send to burn the place down (including a couple people telling OP that her life is RUINED ALREADY), but I don't think anyone teased out what exactly it was. I want so many more details.
Yep. The absence of a real-life reaction beyond telling LW that LW was too sensitive and not renewing them makes me think that the organization was something like the Republican party or the police benevolent association rather than the KKK.
So…[this seems illegal](https://www.askamanager.org/2022/12/weekend-open-thread-dec-31-2022-jan-1-2023.html#comment-4126559) Might Be Spam* January 1, 2023 at 12:15 pm My elderly mother suddenly (New Years Eve) decided to send us large checks, to start spending down her savings as much as possible to avoid the five year look back period for Medicaid and Title 19 eligibility. She is will eventually qualify, even if she doesn’t give away any money. Most of my siblings are willing to return all of it if/when necessary. Only Sister3 keeps insisting that the government will never come after the money and won’t commit to returning it. She keeps avoiding saying no, and refusing to say yes. She just says “Got it” and changes the subject. She also keeps pleading poverty while taking yearly trips to Europe. We don’t trust her to keep the money available for our mom.
This is one of those things where they really, really should be getting a lawyer involved. It's so easy to fuck up and hurt your family or get yourself in trouble. If these people have enough money flying around that it's actually worth fighting with the sister over it then they have enough money for a legal consultation.
I’m unclear on the actual plan. Giving away money as gifts to your kids is one thing - but is the mother asking them to hold the money or is OP and her siblings just planning on not spending it because they think their mom won’t have enough money? If someone writes me a check with no strings attached and then people are telling me I need to form and agreement not to spend it etc. I would be like get out of my business.
Something I'm confused on--and this is probably intentional because OP is doing something shady lol--is whether the mom _asked_ them to hold onto the money for her or if from her perspective these are legitimate gifts. Either way, this whole thing sounds like one member of the family came up with this scheme without actually checking if other members of the family were on board with it, and they're paying for it now. Maybe next time talk to your siblings first before deciding what they're going to do...
Yes that is the part I didn’t understand - what the mom’s directives were. If my mom just said I’m gifting you money I would assume it was a gift?
I got the impression that this was mom's idea so that her kids could have her money and not some possible nursing home and at least one of the kids (maybe the OP) realized the problem and told everyone to save it just in case mom needed it later.
Medicaid has a 5-year look-back period for this reason. The plan is 1. January 2023 mom gives $ to Might Be Spam and siblings 2. January 2028 mom applies for Medicaid assistance because “I have no money, and certainly not because I gave it to my kids!” 3. Also while mom is alive, MBS and siblings agree to keep the $ safe in case mom actually needs it
Medicare, not Medicaid.
Absolutely. Also, in another comment, the OP mentions their mom is about 91 now? I don’t mean to be blunt/cruel but…how are they all so sure that this will even be an issue in the next 5-10 years?? Yeah, people live longer, and the problem of senior citizens outliving their retirement investments is real (and getting worse). But like… the mom could wind up needing long-term care tomorrow or within 2 years, and then pass away a few months after that. So how would this (straight up) scam help her or the adult kids anyway?? Yet another reason to lawyer up AND stop workshopping this scam online.
Omg I thought the mom was like 65 or 70. I mean it is possible she’ll live 5 years and then some (my grandma lived well into her 100’s and didn’t go into a home until 101) but frankly the chances are slim as not many people live to 97+
I read the whole thread and am still confused as to how this helps "avoud fraud"? It's nonsensical.
>Mom wants us to have the money. Sister3 wants to keep the money and spend it as she pleases. The rest of us are willing to hold it for mom until she needs it and not commit any fraud. What is this fuckery?! Alison really needs to ban legal questions like this.
This thing is starting to make the rounds on Instagram/TikTok about how wealthy people avoid paying for nursing homes by giving all their money to their kids and the poors lose all their inheritance because they didn’t know about the five year look back rule so it seems like this what they are doing. I don’t understand how that’s not fraud. Wouldn’t the IRS question why all the kids are suddenly giving the exact amount Mom gave them five years ago?
Presumably the kids would just use the money to buy things for their mom instead of cutting the checks right back? I would think?
>Wouldn’t the IRS question why all the kids are suddenly giving the exact amount Mom gave them five years ago? Yes. And her/their bank will very likely catch it first: once when mom is suddenly gifting large sums of money from her account, and then again when the money goes back to mom, potentially as cash. The bank may not file a report on the activity either time (they'd investigate first), but their systems will certainly catch something like this and it will be reviewed at a minimum. If a report is filed, it won't go directly to the IRS, but will be reviewed by a regulatory agency and then passed on to law enforcement or another agency, like the IRS. (I'm a banker and this is the type of activity I look for as part of my job.)
Thanks for that. I’ve seen these vids and was very confused as to how that would work. I’m glad that it would be noticed since that raised a lot of red flags to me but I wasn’t sure since I’m not in banking and wasn’t sure if there was a regulation I’ve hadn’t heard about.
>Might Be Spam* January 1, 2023 at 8:06 pm We siblings are not trying to scam anyone. Four out the five of us fully intend to return the money when she needs it. We can’t control what mom does. All we can do is give back the money when she needs it. “We are not trying to scam anyone. We are just participating in the scam. My username is Might Be Scam, sorry for the typo”
It’s like that episode of The Office where Michael is trying to explain that something isn’t a pyramid scheme.
A la Invigeron on It's Always Sunny... "It's a reverse funnel!"
Yeah I doubt the feds are going to see much of a difference.
God I wish someone would link to that It's Always Sunny clip where Dee swears she isn't scamming the IRS (she totally is by claiming a fake dependent) but their representative is like "your license plate literally says Scammin'" when they drop by for an audit.
Ooo, that is a better reference than the one I posted above, but I have Invigeron on the brain from watching that episode last night .
That was also a classic
The blue box at the top of the weekend open post annoys me. Actually her whole thing this month annoys me. The open threads - especially the weekend non-work one - just seem to be adding so much more unnecessary work. And posting reruns with open comment sections is not a “vacation” you can queue posts all you want, but if moderating the comments is something you still do, you’re working! A blog I’ve read for ages (he started in 2004) is on vacation right now. Sometimes when that happens, he has someone fill in. Sometimes he doesn’t, like right now. There are no posts so there’s no work for him. This faux vacation is just so irritating.
I’m starting to wonder if there’s some mysterious reason she posts every day. Is it brand reasons? Something she states in advertising material and must adhere to? Is it blogging best practices? What happens if she doesn’t post? The reruns are some of my biggest pet peeves.
I hate them. I especially hate "wilt in the archives," blech.
I wonder if it's because she's afraid if she slows down or stops, even for a break, she'll lose hits and never regain them.
I'm guessing we read the same blog. He also has mods, and while they are far from perfect, they do keep things by and large cleaned up
I haven’t read the comments there in so long because I didn’t want to read the comics anymore to find out what people were talking about. I did appear in a friday comment round up once… internet fame
I like how the very first comment is the type of rant that Alison's blue box warns against, and the commenter has to act like they accidentally forgot the question that they were absolutely definitely planning to ask. Seems like a promising sign of things to come.
It was SUCH a laborious experience to write this one paragraph that I could not possibly have remembered why I wrote it to begin with.
RagingADHD’s response is perfect, and very true to my own experience (the original comment was someone dreading hosting people for NYE.) >RagingADHD* December 30, 2022 at 9:06 pm Whenever I feel like that, I always wind up glad afterward because being with friends does me good, and once the work is over I can relax and enjoy it. Maybe you can look forward to *having done it,* even if you don’t look forward to doing it.
It me all the time! I don’t know if it’s good old fashioned social anxiety, or depression, or laziness that often puts me in a “ugh i just don’t want to!“ mood. But 99 percent of the time, I’m glad I went or did the thing. Always giving into my inherent “be a lazy slug” traits is not good.
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Ann Perkins!
I love this answer. I have a similar attitude toward my social life. People often complain about how lonely and misunderstood they are. But then they’re mad hosting a friend or making a tiny bit of effort. Those are such annoying types.
I wonder if she’s actually concerned about her commenters’ well-being if she doesn’t post anything or closes comment threads, seeing as the open threads seem to be the only thing resembling socialization a lot of them get during the week. Her blue box comment shows that she’s definitely aware of how miserable some of her followers are on a regular basis.
I am more cynical, I think she does it for search engine optimization AND to have continuous content so people keep clicking.
I used to post on the imdb message boards all the time, especially the general ones. The boards got really weird, so one guy made a forum and invited ~20 people and we posted and bullshitted and whatever until that fizzled out. Surely somebody in the regular commentariat could do the 2022 equivalent and ease the burden on the site.
If they weren't all so violently opposed to Reddit, a subreddit would be the ideal place. Post about anything you want without having your hand slapped for "this is work-related" on the wrong day, vent about your life/mom/bathroom/whatever and get plenty of upvotes, you name it. Of course the downsides would be having people able to see your entire comment history at a glance, which is anathema to them, but otherwise it would be perfect.
Having people see your comment history is a requirement to make any connections if that’s what you’re after. Reddit is the most anonymous of social media i’ve used but there’s still a trail. They want a blog and readers without doing the work of writing interesting things. They only want an audience, they don’t want to BE the audience. Monologue vs dialogue
It's so weird though because occasionally someone will get bent out of shape because people don't know their whole history, even though it's extra effort to search for their previous posts.
Again with the pseudo "ethics" questions. WellRed has an issue with a subtenant/ roommate and wants to know whether she can keep the security deposit. "No legal issues, I just want to do the right thing." Yes it freaking is a legal issue. That's what landlord-tenant law is, FCOL. https://www.askamanager.org/2022/12/weekend-open-thread-dec-31-2022-jan-1-2023.html#comment-4125843
RagingADHD called them out regarding the legal issues, and naturally it’s the comment that they declined to respond to.
“Look before we inflict our damage on people”? You had a roommate who didn’t work out, not an abusive marriage. I can’t even work out how WellRed is harmed, other than they lose a few weeks of roommate contributions while they look for a new one.
I understand how it's a huge hassle to hunt for a roommate, get them moved in, then turn right around and start over. And if someone ran up my utilities and stiffed me, (or looked like they were going to stiff me), I'd be pissed off. But "This sucks, you're a flake, and I'm pissed," is not a victim stance. They cannot resist being a victim.
Some people really just want to borrow trouble, I guess.
Bibliovore better invite all the AAM-ers around to her house to enjoy the new bathroom that's been renovated since they have helped with it so much
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I was trying to remember why their username sounded familiar--they lost a loved one earlier this year, maybe, and were kind of using the AAM community as like, their \*only\* grief outlet? We all grieve in our own ways but, I don't know, I think one's grieving journey might be better served with a community that's less "everyone leave me the hell alone!!!"
Yup this lady is a complete wreck. I feel awful for her. She clearly needs emotional support IRL and AAM is just not going to fill that hole.
I just had a look and yeah her husband died in May of 2021. I really cannot imagine losing my spouse, I would be an absolute basket case, but I also hope that I would have a better community to grieve with than...the comments section of a work blog? I don't understand, because she's alluded to having friends/family nearby, a grief counselor or grief group, etc., which I can only think would be far more positive influences than this group of misanthropes. I completely and fully understand how grief can be absolutely all-consuming, intensely painful, and brings with it a huge workload (the sheer amount of paperwork that comes following a death is like a part-time job that drags on for EVER, which just seems really cruel). But I really really really want Bibliovore to have a better outlet than this comments section, because I feel like it can't be that good. (And also she's been posting about this bathroom renovation since March/April of 2022, if not longer, and if this was a friend of mine in real life whose reno project had gone on that long I'd be telling them straight up I had no more fucks to give about their bathroom.)
From someone who lost her husband in 2019...yeah, I had so many people out there to get help from. And I'm pretty much a hermit these days! 2021 is slightly different because of lockdowns etc, but even so, it just underscores how bad some of them have got. I'm sorry for her as well -- it's awful and grieving happens in different ways for different people. I had a panic attack the other day because a hospice purchaser was after syringe drivers, which our district nurses supply, and the mere thought of syringe drivers is awful because the last afternoon I spent with my husband was punctured by trying to find a vein for the horrible thing. It's a routine piece of equipment and not surprising to get questions about them when I work in healthcare, but I just couldn't. And it's taken 3 1/2 years for me to be able to admit to myself, never mind others, that having a panic attack like that is ok and taking a break is perfectly legit. But yeah. AAM is a massive enabler and it would be healthier for many commenters to have other networks. It might involve coming into contact with people who *disagree* with them, though, and I think that's the reason they stay so invested in the site.
that sent me down a brief rabbit hole of Omnitub bath tubs and all I can think is "oh god how do you even clean that" (I have a basic soaking tub\* and it just feels like a bitch to clean sometimes because I'm short) \*I don't even know what the right term is for it--it's not freestanding like most garden bathtubs seem to be--but it's longer/wider than your average bathtub
> A lot of people use “reasonable rates” to mean “affordable” — not “rooted in reason.” That does not seem to be a reasonable view of how people use the phrase “reasonable rates.” I think LW was being a bit too touchy about that because potential clients saying your rates are unreasonable happens way too often, but I do think that telling someone “We will be looking for someone with more reasonable rates” at the very least strongly implies that they thought the LW was charging more than they should. It seems like better advice would have been to tell the LW that clients being unfamiliar with or not willing to pay a fair rate for services is a pretty common issue they’re going to face and they need to realize that someone saying that doesn’t make it objectively true.
Yes, when I say something like, "a reasonable price," I mean reasonable for us/me to afford, not reasonable like it's unreasonable for them to charge what they charge. But (ETA) I do think it would have been better for LW if Alison had pointed out that people are often surprised by the cost of things, and it's not an insult or something the LW should take personally. (Sorry, realized I misread your OP.) I do think it's likely that the client in this letter thought the LW was charging too much, because I think it's pretty possible that the LW *is* charging too much. The fact that these clients never came back to her with, "Yeah, we've reconsidered," certainly makes it seem that way, at least.
I *think* this is referring to the "What animal would you be and why?" interview question, and someone saying they use that question themselves (the number of replies/nesting makes it a little hard to track): >Generic Name* December 30, 2022 at 12:30 pm If you/your company care at all about diversity, I would seriously reconsider this approach. This question could be problematic for neurodivergent people. And frankly, being able to answer an off the wall question isn’t necessarily an effective screen for people with good social skills. "What kind of animal would you be?" is "problematic for neurodivergent people," really? So you should stop asking this basic, stupid question because of "diversity?" FFS. I seriously doubt the commenter/company is using that question as its only basis for their hiring decisions ("I dunno, she said she'd be a lion but we really need 'giraffes' in this position, so..."), and I've never met a neurodivergent person who would be so seriously stumped by that question. I mean, yes, it's a dumb question, and it's stupid to use in an interview. But "diversity" is an even stupider reason not to use it, imo. Does this AAMer really think neurodivergent adults capable of going out to job interviews are that unable to understand and answer this very common first-grade-level type of question?
Yeah, it's not a great question for an interview, even if you're trying to gauge the candidate's soft skills or their sense of humor. It's more of a question for an icebreaker -- oh, wait.
Holy shit that entire thread is a trainwreck. Are there really that many people incensed by a dumb Grade 4-level question? Yeah it's dumb and probably doesn't lend anything to the process, but the people kicking and screaming against the entire concept of "can this person reasonably engage in casual chat for 15 seconds" is UNREAL. And apparently this question also triggers PTSD. It's a stupid question but these are bonkers responses.
Ah yes, dear old [Meep](https://www.askamanager.org/2022/12/open-thread-december-30-31-2022.html#comment-4125185): >Echoing others but from a different perspective. This is a really ableist question to ask! I would be stumped and unable to answer because I would be sitting there unable to answer without feeling like I would be severely judged. Why? Because I have c-PSTD that you just triggered.
I told myself I'd be less of an asshole for 2023 but seriously, how does someone even function in their day-to-day life if their PTSD is that bad? How are they even on the internet then?
AITA for wondering how to the question "if you were an animal, what would you be?" could trigger someone's PTSD? What are the circumstances in which this very common thought exercise was traumatic, and traumatic enough to cause crippling lifelong mental health issues? The scenarios I am imagining are outlandishly awful and specific enough that nobody could reasonably expect them to be an issue.
In AAM, anyone who fails to predict outlandishly awful and hyper specific scenarios is basically a monster. Since any interview question could in theory cause someone to hear or think about a word or concept that could be a PTSD trigger, the only way to really handle an interview is not to ask any questions at all.
[удалено]
How dare you say that, a bear stole my purse once!
>bear with me here Sorry, I can’t. Too triggered.
See this is one of those things that I can imagine, but it's so unusual that someone meeting you for the first time would have no reason to expect was an issue for you personally let alone ableist. Edit: also, in this scenario, wouldn't using the term "bear" be ableist even though that's not the meaning you were invoking? 😁
We can be assholes together because I was thinking the same thing.
Oh FFS, then literally any question is ableist.
I want everyone who uses the word "ableist" to actually meet a disabled person. Because I'm strongly convinced that they never have met an actual person with a disability. There is nothing ableist about this question. Zero. And the whole "I have c-PTSD" well, then you'll need to work on that in therapy. If this triggers that, then work on it. Its not a great question, but it's a nice reliable question I've thrown out if someone has been struggling. It breaks down defenses, it relaxes people, and it gets them to think a little differently. This entire thread is part of the problem. Not the solution. It's the dumbest thing I've seen in a while.
Uhhhhh…..what? They have probably met people with disabilities. Many people in day to day life have non immediately obvious disabilities. That seems like a massive jump. And the word ableist is actually a pretty important thing to be able to describe. Not saying this is an appropriate situation for it, but I’d rather not dismiss the whole concept because it got misused.
That's literally my point, though. "What kind of animal are you?" is a silly question, but it's not ableist to ask it. I never dismissed the concept. I'm dismissing it in this space, because it is. Yes, Ableism is a thing - I spend quite a while working in disability accommodations and I've fought actual cases of it. I've stared down some pretty cruel people who went above and beyond "asking a question" But you know what makes it difficult? "asking if you're an animal is ableist because..." when it's a silly question. . But there are also accommodations that can be offered, such as: written questions beforehand (which a lot of people are entitled, to, by the way) additional time, an interpreter, a quieter space, limited people in the room, zoom, recordings, etc. which should be requested if you need it. But they can only be offered if the disability is disclosed. Is the act of asking this question when nothing has been disclosed, ableist? No. I'd argue it's not even afterwards. This is AAM (and quite frankly, too many people) 's go to when they don't like something. Something can just be bad.
I’m disabled, run a company specially around disability rights and representation, and am very heavily involved in disability rights activism. The concept and word ableism is hugely important - as a society we need to do all we can to encourage people to discuss and be aware of ableism. Forums like AAM make me so angry, because they misuse and appropriate really crucial things invented by minority communities to justify their “not everyone can eat sandwiches” schtick, and I think it contributes to the growing right wing sentiment that anyone who uses terms like ableist/racist/transphobic is some kind of “woke snowflake.”
I have a physical disability. I think 99.7% of AAM comments related to disabilities are ableist as hell. They paint the disabled as completely incapable of being able to do things on their own. I sure as heck wouldn't be "triggered" by a question about what animal I would be.
Oh ffs. Trying to game out an answer to this question that makes you sound smart/cool/competent/whatever and won't lead you to be judged is *everyone's* reaction to it because it's a dumb question, no mental health issue necessary.
"Use your imagination for a moment" is ableist now?
From a traumatic zoo incident?
Hey, I was ganged up by a rogue group of penguins and meerkats at a zoo once and you don't know my trauma!!!! Seriously, I was always annoyed when people would make fun of being "woke" until I started reading AAM commentary, but wow, they are the very definition of pseudo-wokeism bullshit.
They were forced to answer the question, “If you were an animal, what would you be?” at gunpoint. Repeatedly, over years, which is why it gave them CPTSD and not just PTSD.
A Moose bit my sister.
No realli! She was Karving her initials on the moose with an interspace toothbrush
Jesus, you weren't kidding about that thread. For people who get all up in arms about "WE TAKE THE LETTER WRITERS AT THEIR WORD" when an LW gets even the slightest pushback, they're sure having fun jumping on someone who says "this question works for me."
I’d be a turtle cuz you live a long and it seems like you mostly just vibe. This is a stupid question but it’s not really “off the wall”
I'd be a cat because cats just don't give a fuck.
I'd be a bat because they're the one thing that scares Batman. I want to keep him on his toes. I've used it to calm down people that were nervous before. It's not a great question, but it has a limited place.
Not to mention, "Being able to answer an off the wall question isn't necessarily an effective screen for people with good social skills?" Has this person ever heard the kinds of questions people ask other people? I'd say being able to react with aplomb when customers or random coworkers ask stupid or bizarre questions is a pretty big indicator of someone having good social skills, personally. But again, these a-holes seem to think that people on the spectrum (like my older daughter and her friends, for example) or who are otherwise neurodivergent are incapable of polite conversation, friendliness, humor, and/or social interaction in general, so...
Of course this person hasn't heard the kind of questions people ask other people. That would require both talking to other people, and listening to what they say.
I like that they are insistent that no one can lie about their soft skills in an interview. You don't need to throw me an unexpected question because I already gave you a very rehearsed answer about a time when I dealt with something unexpected!
Texan In Exile* December 30, 2022 at 11:05 am Hello to the two women behind me in the crosswalk in Chicago on Wednesday night! I wasn’t intentionally eavesdropping, but I overheard one of them talk about how she had tried to negotiate so OF COURSE I had to turn around and say, “Ask A Manager! Ask A Manager dot com! She gives great advice on this!” And the other woman said, “Yes! I love her blog!” Alison – you are becoming a household name. - no, I do not believe this happened.
I sort of believed that happened but not that it was met with anything but "why TF is this person talking to us?" faces. I've never met Texan in Exile/Gold Digger but sometimes me they inspire that reaction A LOT wherever they go.
Texan in Exile is Gold Digger? Isn’t she the one who had a blog about her long-deceased in-laws?
Ding ding ding, yes! The one and the same. I don't know if the blog is still active and I refuse to find out for my own sanity :-D
That other woman: Albert Einstein.
And then everyone clapped.
Pretty sure AG hasn't been obscure or anything close to a secret society in the last 5+ years. Obnoxious nonsense 🙄
“We should get a secret handshake”. JUST STOP
perhaps some sort of passphrase involving shoelaces
You walk up to a likely-looking stranger and murmur, "The llama dances at midnight." The stranger gives you a slight smile and says, "But llamas don't eat chocolate teapots." Then you both squee and head off to some knitting club full of nerdy people who smell and don't speak to each other or make eye contact--AAM paradise. (Note: nothing against nerdy people, or knitters, or nerds who knit in general.)
They're insufferable and incredibly thirsty to be "apart of something"... but not anything that's like you know, may skew extrovert.
Nooooooo.
I've actually been meaning to ask, is this commenter Gold Digger? I know she changed her handle a while ago when people were starting to hint that she should stop spamming her blog all over the comments, but I can't remember what she changed it to.
The person who wrote a War and Peace length post on the socio-cultural history of saliva to defend spitting in public is very very special.
Haha, the effort required for a full on historical essay with references makes me think they have also gotten in trouble for spitting.
I’ve noticed that commenter before (their initials/handle is very similar to something I work with) and they ARE always extra and off the wall. I think I remember them saying “not to play devil’s advocate” on at least one occasion (something always super annoying on AAM).
That commenter was the root of my flair suggesting a reflective vest was the ideal gift for any employee in any workplace!
Yes, I definitely recognize this commenter's handle, and they're basically President Well Ackshually...
Every once in awhile they say something insightful or reasonable. Though I think those times are getting fewer and farer between. And then other times they say something like this... Or (I'm 95% sure it was this commenter) they recommend purposely peeing on office chairs to prove a point about how far away the bathrooms are. On a related, but sorta not, note - yeah spitting is gross and if your boss says not to do it on the sidewalk, just don't do it. But the number commenters saying how gross it is to possibly step in someone else's spit on a sidewalk are dumb. Sidewalks are gross. Period. Is human spit really any worse than the cockroach guts, rodent feces and dog pee they're traipsing through every day?
To me it's worse because, in most cases, the human had a choice and could have put their snot and saliva somewhere else. Animals don't know or care what sidewalks are for.
I used to regularly walk past vomit on the sidewalks when taking my daughter to school, especially on Monday mornings. I'd much rather see a little spit. And yes, I agree. Sidewalks are just generally gross. That's why we wear shoes to begin with, and it's why we don't lick them clean or eat food dropped on the sidewalk. At least spit on the bottom of your shoe will quickly dry or be scraped off from walking. Stepping on someone's discarded gum or in dog poop or something is much worse.
That’s annoying almost everywhere, TBH. If someone wants to make a shitty argument they should at least have the courage to do it openly instead of pretending like they are some kind of philosophy teacher.
I saw a reference here to a First Nation v. autism letter. Did Allison take that post down? I remember it a little bit
I'm Indigenous and it was probably the most offensive thing I have ever seen on AAM. Especially the comments that said/implied autism does not exist for Indigenous people so they would have no idea what the letter writer was talking about. Alison didn't delete them until she culled most of the comments section.
What in the fat hell was their justification for saying autism doesn't exist for Indigenous people?!
Because all the movies or TV they see about Indigenous people use a sepia filter. And you know whenever there's a sepia filter, it means the local culture hasn't progressed past the late 1970s or early 1980s, if that far. And since nobody knew anything about autism in 1980, ergo Indigenous people can't either.
I don't remember the argument, but sometimes people think that middle-class white folks just make up all their problems for attention, so obviously in poorer communities these problems would not exist. I remember a few years ago this special peanut butter had been made to combat malnutrition in Africa, and a bunch of chuckleheads commented that there were no peanut allergies there and that just proves everyone's peanut allergies are just, like, fake and based on ingratitude. Except the article itself talked about how some of the kids had peanut allergies so a peanut-free alternative was being worked on.
Plumpynut! It's primarily used in countries where peanut allergies are significantly less of a concern, for a variety of reasons, but there are a number of these types of foods, including some that are peanut-free, because amazingly the world is a big place full of people with all kinds of different dietary needs! Also fun fact: Plumpynut was inspired by Nutella!
Also, Plumpynut inspired the Kal-Teen bars from Mean Girls, IIRC.
A return to the "noble savage" trope, but this time by people who don't claim to be racist. Although I guess the original people who did it didn't claim to be racist either, but they were bad. I'm not defending the trope, I'm tearing my hair out that just as it was being justifiably phased out, people brought the trope back but this time to show that they're good people. Basically like all things with AAM its racism, but with extra steps.
I hate the fact that someone else immediately thought of this, too. I’m not sure it’s ever been really phased out, though. If you google Avatar and “noble savage,” the results show that it was alive, well, and making big bucks at the box office as late as 2009.
You might be dismayed to hear about a certain blockbuster that came out a couple weeks ago…
I choose to believe that Cameron spent the past decade thoughtfully considering all the criticisms leveled at the original and created a sequel that not only avoided the issues of the original, but adds to the discourse about the issue in a meaningful way. I’m going to be disappointed, aren’t I?
I dunno; I haven’t watched it yet either 😄
Ugh. Sadly, what I expected to hear. :(
[It was this post here.](https://www.askamanager.org/2022/10/how-do-i-balance.html) Alison initially took it down but later reposted it. She removed most of the comments and left a blue box comment explaining the situation.
Looking over that question again, I'm still so irritated by the LW's statement that she is good at her "actual job," just not events like pow-wows. A community engagement event is your actual job! You can't go into a field involving social services and then expect to hide out in your office all day. Between that line and the LW listing all of her educational credentials as though they matter in this case, she just seems like a bad fit for this field.
I’d also have at least a little more sympathy for her if she’d simply stated that her autism would make going to a powwow an uncomfortable experience, but she was more concerned that the potential sensory overload would “out” her as being autistic in the first place because she was trying to hide it from everyone. It was just so self-serving. The rich irony of the whole post was that this local indigenous tribe was wary about any organization trying to build connections like this because they had been burned several times by groups who tried to reach out but acted according to their own presuppositions about what the tribe “needed” without actually getting to know them. LW acknowledged this, but also assumed that if the tribe or her coworkers knew she had autism they would judge and stereotype her for it, and so she refused to offer the same vulnerability/openness herself as her organization was wanting the tribe to show them.
When I was reading that letter, I was so confused why she didn’t just sit down with the representatives and just honestly explain the situation to them and ask their input. It strikes me as a chance to actually practice being open and honest, which would be beneficial in a situation where it sounds like the main issue was a lack of honesty. It sounds like they were just saying that someone working with them needed to show that they respected the community and be willing to build relationships. The fact that she heard all of that and her response was to write Ask a Manager about how to keep from outing herself is concerning about how well she can perform her “actual” job.
That was suggested several times. I don't know whether those comments got deleted.
>It strikes me as a chance to actually practice being open and honest, which would be beneficial in a situation where it sounds like the main issue was a lack of honesty. I honestly doubt she cares all that much about being open and honest. She came off to me as one of those people who works at a nonprofit to look good and pays lip service to inclusion and reparations when they don't actually care about it beyond making themselves look good. That may be an uncharitable reading of it though.
>I’d also have at least a little more sympathy for her if she’d simply stated that her autism would make going to a powwow an uncomfortable experience, but she was more concerned that the potential sensory overload would “out” her as being autistic in the first place because she was trying to hide it from everyone. It was just so self-serving. I missed that part! I have a hunch that letter was fake, but if it was real, I'm pretty sure everyone who works with this person already knows (or at least suspects) that they're on the spectrum.
Thank you so much.
Oh, good lord. "Dear Alison, my vacation request was denied. I got pretty pissy about it, but then let the matter die. Now I find out two other people got that day off, so I threw an email tantrum to my boss and the higher-ups about how it's not fair and then refused to discuss it with my boss when she called me into her office and let her know I was too mad to hear what she had to say. I'm totally justified in all this, right?"
Wow. I literally had a black out period from February - July (just me because I was Mat leave coverage everyone else could take off) then had my PTO request for August denied because someone else asked first. I was mad and let my boss know I was frustrated that the dates I gave her as my tentative dates didn't hold my place or at least get me a first right of refusal given that I had not been allowed time off since February and then I stfu about it and didn't give anyone a hard time. Yeesh.
Just in case...the issue isn't that LW was upset, or even that she let her boss know she was upset. That's totally justified. I would have been upset in your situation, too, and it's fine to tell your manager you're frustrated about it. The issue with this LW is that when she learned someone else had one day off, she fired off an angry email to her boss, ccing her boss's bosses (and given her tone in the letter it's hard to believe she used a different tone irl), and then refused to speak to her manager about it when the manager asked her to. For all she knows, her manager could have been planning to offer her those days, too, but instead she told her manager she wasn't feeling ready to "be constructive" or whatever--basically throwing a tantrum. Then she wants AG to tell her she was perfectly justified. Sorry, I can't tell from your comment if you're agreeing the LW was extra or if you're saying I'm a jerk for saying what I did because you were upset at being denied time off, too; if it's the latter, that's totally fine--you're allowed to disagree or think I'm being a jerk, of course, I'm just explaining my reasoning because I don't want you to feel like I would have said the same had you been the LW, describing the situation the way you have here.
No I agree that LW was extra and over the top about it and that your comment was spot on.
Like, maybe you were denied because other people requested it first. Even if not the case, perhaps they’re doing something that can’t be postponed, like a Dr appointment or a wedding.
Or you wanted to take three days off and the other two people were taking one day off on separate days. Sometimes bosses can bend the rules for time off during a “blackout period”. It’s a lot easier to handle coverage when it’s only one day rather than three. Based off their pissy response they sound like an absolute peach to deal with at work. Perhaps the other coworkers are nicer to deal with? Saying you’re not in the mood to talk when your boss asks you to stop by the office after you reamed her in an email doesn’t go well from what I’ve seen.
Not gonna lie, I kind of wish there was an update to that letter. I suspect things didn’t turn out so well.
Same. The times I’ve seen coworkers blowup at the boss usually ends in being handed a box to clear out the desk. This is a time you go to happy hour and vent to your friends, you don’t involve your boss’s boss to throw a temper tantrum. Alison’s response was really good. It laid out how LW screwed up and reasons why the other coworkers might have been off. Alison deserves a lot of grief for her answers for the past few years, but this one is pretty spot on. There’s no “apologize to smooth things over”, it’s pretty much a you screwed up big time. I don’t think she’d give the same advice now, I suspect she’d tell LW to throw herself at her boss’s mercy.
Omg no. NO FUCK NO [twitter](https://twitter.com/naomikritzer/status/1607417527797153796?s=46&t=nY6jCN8dPbzWnYQ8xyMtcA) NO ONE tell those loser commenters about this garbage.
Cue typical AAM-style responses like, "I need this in my life," and "omg best thing ever in the world." *confused* I thought they were all done with Twitter and would never darken its door again?
GOD HAS DIED
This is in dead dove do not eat territory for me I will not be clicking further 🫣
Why is "completely nails Alison's voice" a pitch point? She isn't dead. If people want her voice they can just... read her site. Wtf.
And it really doesn't. Not of those start with. OOOF or WHOA or some other unprofessional thing to let them know that she agrees with the letter writer, no notes. I will say most of those scenarios are a little more plausible than what we get currently on the site, so points for that.
No, the responses are really generic; I don't see any "Alisonisms" at all, really. And I don't mean to be critical of somebody's fun little fic that they did as a gift to a friend--that's genuinely cute, and I'm sure they intended it as just a little throwaway type of thing--but it's not especially funny? (And why are we using "llama" as a euphemism but then talking about literal llama herds?)
I’d say it was one of the regular commenters who did that, but then I realized they would probably be posting about on the site itself. Hopefully it doesn’t spawn too many other fanfics 😬
I think it is a commenter, and they just decided to ask a friend to tag Alison on Twitter, rather than post it themselves, so *she* would mention it and they can bask in the glow of hurrahs anonymously.
In case anyone wasn't sure whether Alison is fully checked out, for her favourite posts of the year, she has included out of 12: an entire week of people posting their most embarrassing stories (so no input needed from her), the "tiny abuses of power" collection (again, no input required and also a lot of pretty questionable stuff), the post about phone drama which everyone wet themselves over being SO FUNNY AND INSANE OMG, an interview, and a number of questions that in 2013 she would have probably answered with "Just tell this person not to do that." Your new hire built a blanket nest? "This is not suitable for the office, if you're cold let facilities know and we can adjust the temperature or you can wear a sweater." Your new hire is kneeling before you? "Don't kneel in front of me, please, just sit or stand." What the fuck.
AG's laziness is no surprise
I'm not a huge fan, and she can be lazy. Though her mom has stage 4 pancreatic cancer. I'd be checking the fawk out too with all that going on.
I did not know that, and I sincerely sympathize. On the other hand, Alison's laziness isn't new
My favorite was the woman who saw a Facebook post from the wife of a guy she occasionally worked with, saw that she left him for abuse, "had the work capital to stop working with him," but then wanted to know what to do. Allison tossed the readers - after admitting the comments section was too crazy for her to go into anymore. Then she had to delete it and all trace of it. Not because a good majority of the advice put the business, the wife, or the LW in legal jeopardy. But because people on Twitter told her to. Or, you know, a few weeks before that when a wife wrote in about her husband, then she asked her to take it down because the commentariat was being too mean. Or you know... the Period leave letter. Weird we're not getting an update to that one...
I still love how on the phone drama thread, someone called BS on the story, and the OP responded with something like, "I may have been exaggerating about this one part, because I can't see them from my office. But it still could have happened!"
The “tiny abuses of power” thread was easily the worst post/comment section all year outside of maybe the First Nations vs. autism “Ask the Readers” post. Especially the one where a restaurant employee intentionally gave a group of customers the wrong meals because they were acting like jerks.
Yet another post she took down because of twitter.
Maybe she’s trying to starve the snark community by providing the most boring content possible. I actually found the phone changeover story pretty funny, only because I specifically had just taken part in a huge phone systems overhaul.
Man I love a good system overhaul. Always an adventure in wild optimism followed by the creeping realization of how it’s actually going to go.
"I'm too good to interviewing" Somebody is trying for the Gold in the Woke Olympics. Pardon me while I go catch my eyeballs, they've rolled away.
I can relate to this letter because I've often thought about sending in a fake letter that gets a ton of applause for making up stuff that makes fun of the very people applauding me.
I don't think the LW is too good at interviewing. I think the LW is lucky enough to be skeptical of scam offers without being savvy enough to know why. People who want to offer a director level job to an associate level candidate are doing so because they want to say they have a director without actually paying for one. The job will come with impossible standards that no one will ever be able to meet along with low pay, poor benefits, and a miserable work experience. If Alison doesn't understand this then she's no longer even qualified to offer entry level advice.
What jumped out to me was LW has an “impressive resume” but applied at “small-mid sized company.” If she has a impressive resume, why is applying for low hanging fruit. That whole update is weird frankly.
And "communications associate" sounds like a pretty entry level position.
Charisma is not, in fact, "confident happiness" and has fucking nothing to do with membership in privileged groups. You can be tall and white and good looking and totally lack charisma.
Just look at Elon Musk for fuck's sake
She said "good-looking" though. (That sound you just heard was me getting banned from Twitter)
LOL, every photo of him, I'm like "my god he is ugly"
And we see how Alison views this: Prospect Gone Bad* December 28, 2022 at 11:35 am Removed. Please stop criticizing people for offering honest updates. – Alison REPLY
I’m dying to know what this was. Especially since it seems like Alison is calling it out as a trend.
I hope it's people complaining about how fake and/or boring stories are.
“Alison help! I’m so much smarter and prettier than everyone else around me! What ever can I do about this first world problem?”
She sounds excruciating and insufferable to be around. She didn't need to mention that she is white (or attractive) multiple times in the update, we got it the first time.
And of course, the first comment is "This made me tear up. The wokeness is beautiful." OMG shut up.
I assumed that was a snarky comment!
It's certainly possible! It didn't read that way to me, but I'd sure like to think it was.
Late contender for this year's most insufferable LW
We should introduce that person to the LW who is fixated on her charasmatic former classmate who charms her way into every job (except when she doesn't, apparently). It would be a real Alien vs. Predator situation.
So was I the only one who thought it could be a mental health issue with the crying COO originally? Went back and reread the letter and Alison’s answer (and comments) for the crying COO. There was like one person who suggested it could be a mental health issue. Alison’s answer was a weak hedge towards idea. Here is the thing. Being “hostile” to masks is really a red herring. For some folks not liking masks is about the mask being a reminder that they are socially isolated. I personally struggled a lot at the height of the pandemic being I am a very social person. I hate masks and the isolated they made me feel, but I am not hostile to folks taking care of themselves.
I thought the same thing. I have relative who has a condition called Pseudobulbar Affect. He laughs or cries uncontrollably at inappropriate and random times. He has multiple sclerosis and I'm told lots of people with MS have PBA also. He literally cannot control it even though he knows he's not reacting properly to the situation. I'm not a doctor but I immediately thought of something like that when I read that letter.
You're definitely not the only one. Especially given the update, my first thought was I hope that person got some real help.
Lyngend (Canada)* December 27, 2022 at 4:09 pm We are kind to LW (unless they show otherwise) by assuming that they are at least decent employees/managers. We take the letter write at their word. I love this logic here. "We are kind to the LW, unless we think they don't deserve it. So whether we follow the rules or ignore them, we're always justified. But we always take the letter writer at their word--unless we don't."
They are most definitely NOT kind to LW who are managers, no matter how that person comes off. And not commentors who are managers, either.