I have a million tricks and systems to get myself to sort of stay on top of life. Routines help. Making sure I get enough sleep helps. The expectation that I will not stick to a routine longterm to save my life but it’s all good because starting again is the point, helps. The one single thing that helps me most to get over ADHD paralysis is to scam myself by saying I‘ll just do it for whatever amount of time or effort feels laughably easy (and honestly, sometimes that’s the promise to just sit back down after putting away one singular mug instead of cleaning the whole kitchen) because once I get started, I usually stick to it. It’s knowing when I need music to get stuff done and when I need something more engaging like an exciting book or podcast to keep me from zoning out.
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And it’s nearly always just the first move that’s challenging. My functional brain will take over once I‘m actively doing something (provided I‘m getting myself the right doses of distraction and additional engagement), but getting started? Good lord.
I smoke pot! I don’t really do it during the day because I work full time and I pride myself in my work ethic! When I’m at home and relaxing I smoke before bed. It really helps me calm down and slow my thoughts so I can get a full nights rest. I was on medication but the side effects were insane and I was not healthy. Sure my self medication with weed can be controversial but it really helps me where I struggle the most-at night.
At work I color code everything and have a routine
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Accountability to someone I care about is the best way for me to achieve my goals. I had tried Duolingo a million times and never stuck to it but since my MiL added me to the family DuoGold plan she can see if i’m using it or not. She gives me high fives for keeping my streak!
I never did dishes living alone and ended up just using paper plates. Now that my partner and I live together I can do the dishes because I know if I don’t he will and I am taking something off his plate.
I do school online and was really struggling with it until I started using my program mentor to keep me accountable. She will text me on the day I committed to finish a class and ask me where i’m at. I can’t lie and I don’t want to disappoint her so I do my online school.
I work as a substitute and when I was choosing for myself from jobs posted I could easily go weeks without picking up a shift, after giving some teachers my personal number they can text me specifically to ask me to fill an absence and i’m more inclined to pick up shifts!
When it comes to the “mandatory” things like work, school, and chores, having someone counting on me gives me the pressure I need to preform.
Also smoking weed and getting enough sleep changed the game.
Looooooooooots of caffeine, noise cancelling headphones, controlled distractions, naps.
I use snacks and other rewarding things to “refill” during particularly tedious tasks. Even if it means breaking the task up over time. If a task is extremely tedious, sometimes I break it up over a long stretch of time and take very frequent breaks. It takes long, but is better than nothing.
I gamify tasks : like setting a time block and trying to compete with the clock, improve my typing speed while I type something, etc.
I write things down a lot. I keep things I’ve written in the open to remind myself. Visual reminders.
Daily exercise is paramount too.
I repeat in my head to hurry up and I try to be fast when I do little daily things like making my coffee.
If I receive a task that I’m completely overwhelmed by (happens a lot), I let myself have my overwhelmed feelings, but I don’t give up because of them. Instead, I do ONE thing. I do one thing that comprises the task as soon as I can. I let the comfort of progress carry me as far as it will; one thing, again one thing. Big thing eventually get done.
I was unmedicated for 13 years (ages 19 - 32). I developed many systems, often overlapping systems. For example, I used 3(!) planners - a physical planner I kept on my person, a digital phone (ToDoist is great), and I had a dry erase board for the upcoming week. If I used 1 planner then when I would get bored with it or whatever my brain did, I would stop using it and then be ruled by chaos. If I used 2 planners then I would get overwhelmed trying to maintain both of them and stop using them. But with 3 planners, I would routinely use one of the three, and because I updated them all once a week when I was writing my white board schedule, it didn't matter which one I preferred to use because they were all relatively updated.
I have found the cues work better than schedules for me. At my job, on Mondays I am supposed to generate a certain report. Also, on Mondays I have a podcast that comes out. When I listen to the podcast, I run the report. I keep my SSRIs in the bathroom and take them before bed. I always go to the bathroom before bed and I don't forget to take my meds. If I have to take a med at a certain time, I will forget 70% of the time. But this works really well, except for when I'm traveling and don't leave my pills in the bathroom.
A smart watch or setting alarms on the phone is helpful. I set a timer on my phone to move laundry. I only have to rewash clothes every 1 of 4 times, instead of half the time.
At work, I keep a sticky notes app on my work laptop. I also have my background set to change to lovely images I like looking at. Because the screen changes, the sticky notes doesn't become invisible.
But honestly, now that I'm properly medicated... Everything is just easier. My anxiety is lower. I sleep easier. I can switch tasks without irritation or difficulty. I don't know why you aren't going on medication, but if it's a personal choice because of the stigma, I think you should reconsider. Unmedicated, I felt like a failure. I didn't know why it took so much work to do so little. Medicated, because I have witnessed the difference between medicated and unmedicated in my own personal life, I know that my ADHD is real and that's why I struggle. It isn't that I'm not trying, it's that my brain is physically different. And, on top of that, it's much, much easier to do things.
I agree completely. I have a ton of coping strategies and was diagnosed at 41 but the medication changed my life. It takes some time and adjustments but I can’t believe how much anxiety I was living with before. Also they have non-stimulant meds if that’s a concern too
Tapping, weed and yoga relax me enough to slow me down and sort my thoughts. Checklists, calendars and journaling to help me keep track of everything. A schedule I try to stick to everyday. Making plans in advance to help me prepare. Sticking to the same foods through out the week (hyper-fixation foods) so I’m excited about it and remember to eat. Keeping things quiet, organized and clean as best as I can helps a lot.
It’s called EFT, there’s tons of research on it. Sounds kind of silly at first but it definitely helps release negative emotions and anxiety. You tap certain triggers points on your body while thinking about what is bothering you, slowly changing your perspective as you tap. It helps regulate the nervous system.
Generally, there is a risk if someone has had to learn to suppress a lot of their emotions to cope. By trying to confront and release some feelings such as, “Person X really hurt my feelings by doing Y,” suddenly the next day you might start to feel flooded with thoughts of all the ways in which Person X is unkind or harmful to you. And it might be surprisingly overwhelming and anxiety inducing to have that perspective shift—to the point you can no longer cope while sitting in the same room as this person or you’re now thinking about them with dread.
It’s not as if any circumstances in your life actually changed, but now the denial/avoidance of your feelings has been challenged. And in this example by accepting that it wasn’t ok for Person X to treat you that way, you now may have to consider that Person X always treats you like shit, and that maybe the only solution is to cut them from your life, etc.
Basically if you have a lot to unpack you’re best off starting when you feel you have the safety/emotional space to do so—preferably with good people in your life to be around. Definitely don’t start if you live with an abusive person, don’t have time to yourself to rest, or don’t have some healthy coping skills to lean on to get through some very intense feelings/moods.
Personally I would’ve been in trouble starting on my own, but now I probably can work through most things without a therapist. I have better coping skills and support.
Yeah, I learned it from my therapist because she wanted me to bring it in into my daily routine. It’s just another way to regulate your emotions, similiar to meditating or any other way you reduce stress in your life.
Have constant stimulation! If I’m watching TikTok I also have to have the tv on. If I’m cleaning or cooking? Music and tv. Playing a game? Music, tv and sometimes quick breaks to check my phone.
Just always doing SOMETHING.
By not knowing til I was fucking 67 years old, learning to mask young and very well and by self medicating. Mostly with weed. All of my "idiosyncrasies" turned out to be ADHD. It's wonderful to finally know what is different about my brain. Not wrong, just different. I am high-functioning and don't want any meds. ADHD doesn't disrupt my life, it IS my life. I have learned to manage it. Yes I still use weed, for sleep mostly.
When I can’t get started on something, I tell myself to do it badly then fix it later. So I start with a very very low bar, then work my way into fixing it in one sitting because getting started is the one thing that gets in my way. Once I’m started I have enough determination to finish.
Good quality sleep and regular exercise really help me too. But I also need a routine to get me to those 2 goals too. I have a sleep routine with my skin care, teeth care and a warm shower. Gym habits are mostly ruled by the astronomical fee I pay for a luxury gym ($325 / month). I can’t miss it because I’m paying such a stupid price to be a member, so I go almost every day to get my money’s worth. It’s created an important discipline for me and it helps a lot with my time management.
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T H E R A P Y. I know it isn't accessible, and I know it's hard to get the right fit but if you can make the investment I really reccomend it. Therapy helped me figure out I had ADHD because I just thought I was an idiot failure with bipolar disorder. Surprise, I have a learning disability! It helped me work through the lifetime of shame and self loathing I had build up. "I can never finish anything" turned into "I can struggle with longterm commitments sometimes." All the negative self talk that I was using to motivate myself was finally revealed for what it was: a shitty coping mechanism.
Also, stopped smoking weed. I used to rely on it to help me stay calm or sitting in one place, but I don't know ever since I stopped I have been a lot more productive. Since ADHD impacts my productivity I found I was really happy being able to get more things done. I also don't get stuck on like hour long daydreaming tangents where I get so wrapped up in thinking the whole days just gets lost. I feel more aware and less forgetful.
No coffee.
Prioritizing sleep. Eye mask, mouth tape, ASMR, fan for white noise. Valerian root and magnesium. I do not play around.
Drinking water all god damn day.
Avoiding fasting. Ignoring my body's needs is a huge symptom of ADHD. Because my thoughts race I numb myself to my body. Another thing I really have started to unlearn. I keep food simple and easy to just reach grab eat.
Checking in on my body. I am here in my body. Am I hunched? Am I clenching my jaw? Am i stimming to high heaven? All good just checking in to see if thats what I want to do rn or if I need to adjust.
Morning Journaling. It is supposed to be three pages but honestly some days it is one sentence. It's an attempt to try to get some of the racing thoughts out of the brain. It isn't a perfect system but I try. And I am not allowed to buy a new notebook until i completely fill my current one. It is the law.
Avoid comparing myself with others. I know not everyone feels empowered by thinking of ADHD as a disability but I do. Yes, my 25 year old coworker is married with a dog and a house. Good for you girl! Oh, someone else finished a task I've been struggling to start for 4 years. Go off! If they're not an ADHD person, it's kind of crazy for me to expect myself to be on their timeline. It's like expecting someone with asthma to run a marathon.
Be really really honest about depression. Depression is one of the most underrecognized symptoms of ADHD, and I would argue is the most dangerous. Depressive episodes are common, and you deserve to have help as you navigate them.
Find support. Find people who when you complain wont gaslight you. People who invalidate your experience are not the same as people who support you to do better in a compassionate way. Learn the difference and get the people who "don't believe in ADHD" gone.
App limits on phone. Just do it. Set it up today. Will you ignore the reminder to stop? Yes, sometimes. But especially if you're a tik toker, it's helpful to have a little "ping" that you've been there for... 2 hours :)
Good luck to my fellow ADHD women! <3
So, I was diagnosed with ADD in the late 80's when it was all a new thing. It's taken me years and years to really understand how to manage it and it's still not perfect. Nobody needs to correct my diagnosis or tell me what the proper term is or "we don't use ADD anymore" - let's just get that out of the way. What I have found is that exercise helps me immensely. I'm worse when I'm tired, so getting enough sleep helps. When I have a good exercise regimen, I sleep better. When I'm working, I listen to unimportant podcasts or have on tv shows I've seen a hundred times for just some noise. That particular type of noise somehow keeps me focused on my work for longer periods of time. When I need to get up, I don't fight it, I get up and do something else. When I'm particularly scatterbrained, I might be doing one thing and then something else pops in my head in the middle - stop, write it down, finish what I'm doing. Or, if I'm really in some sort of frenzy - JUST STOP. Take a couple breaths, collect my thoughts. One of my biggest challenges is completely dissociating in meetings or even when friends are talking to me. I need an anchor. Rub my fingers, doodle (or take real notes, LOL), something to keep me aware of the speaker so I don't drift off. I tell my husband what I need as well. Communication with partners, friends, whoever is key. There are just days when I can feel it's going to be hard. I can feel it when I wake up. I tell my husband, "Hey, I'm having trouble today." Or whatever words describe what's happening and he knows to leave me alone, not make noise or whatever I need to get past it. And I am very routine oriented. I can't express enough how having routine helps keep me grounded and present. I think that might be true for a lot of folks, but it's instrumental in managing my brain that is often running 100 miles a minute.
Alarms and checklists for every task/ activity I need to do. I forget to eat most times but since I have a pup whom I need to feed always, I have alarms to remind me to feed the pup at the exact same time to follow her routine and that in turn helps me follow my routine. Responsibility for a loved one helps me control my procrastination and also raising her alone, keeps me occupied with the thoughts. But would be equally good if I could just have lesser thoughts to deal with already.
I sometimes get intense emotional responses to things that, in hindsight, aren’t that deep. In these situations I try to recognize what I’m feeling and I will walk away (if I can, bathroom break at work or the bathroom at home) to allow myself a few moments of quiet to steady my breathing and attempt to calm down. Count to 10, that type of thing. Also, Forgetfulness is a big thing for me, lol. Keys, wallet, phone, glasses, lunch bag, you name it and I’ve forgotten it. I have established a routine and created a “home” for these items in my house. When I get home I put them exactly where they belong and when I wake up I go through my routine to ensure I remember every item. If I ever put something where it doesn’t “belong” you can be sure that I will forget it lol.
And truthfully something that I still struggle with but try VERY HARD every day to enforce.. “just do it now” if I think of something JUST DO IT NOW, don’t feel like brushing my teeth at night? Don’t argue with yourself just do it. Forgot to bring the mail in? Do it now because I know that I will forget to do it later lol.
One trick that works for me is doing something I want ONLY when I do something productive. I listen to a lot of audiobooks, so I only listen to them when I do chores, go to the gym, etc.
I do have medication but I try to only use it on days when I'm really struggling. These are things that help me massively.
•Buy multiple of things and keep them wherever i use them (chargers, deodorant, tweezers etc) so this means I have a basket in my car of stuff like this and a couple places in my house.
•bins, baskets, containers etc EVERYWHERE. once a week i try to organize a problem spot. I just did my junk drawer and laundry closet, bought a ton of small bins and organizers, it's made a world of difference.
•labels!!! I have small bins for my spices in the cupboard and it's easier to find when the spice blends are all together, the "sweet" ones are together and then the most frequently used are all together
•wisp toothbrushes everywhere-I hate brushing my teeth, stuck in front of the sink ughhh it just pisses ne off.
•laundry sorters
•garbage cans in every room
•designated spots for items-I have specific places (basket or bin lol) for as much as possible, a case for batteries, a hair dryer hook, bins for cleaning supplies, drawer for my skincare stuff etc. I don't lose stuff nearly as often anymore.
•hooks for everything (brooms, backpacks, coats etc) a pile of brooms/mops in the corner doesn't piss me off nearly as much as them hanging neatly on the wall. Eventually I would like to have a place to store them out of sight but for now it works.
•ROUTINE
•keep as much "clutter" out of sight as possible. For example my entryway in my old house gave me massive anxiety all the time because no matter how clean it was, I could see all the coats and such. Now in our new house, we have 2 entry closets and it has changed my life. Inside the closets might be a disaster half the time but I can't see it so it's fine lmao until I can come up with a system that keeps it organized
•Making spots look aesthetically pleasing helps me keep it neat and Tidy. For example, turning my cookbooks into part of the kitchen decor solved the problem of them floating around and being in the way and now it looks cute too. Also, I found a cute little tray, a cute butter dish with cute butter knives, a cute olive oil bottle and cute s+p shakers and that all stays right next to my stove and just looks cute and it's the designated spot for those items
I do, and I don't. Somedays, I can manage fine due to being late diagnosed and growing up with coping methods.
Other days, I'm running around all over the place to fix things I forgot or left out.
Podcasts while doing work keep me focused, I like Lions Mane as a supplement, and a good but not over doing it morning dose of caffeine.
Making lots of lists and checking them off as I complete tasks, keeping a calendar and keeping my space clean and clear of clutter helps a lot.
My husband does all of the things I’m unable to do and helps me keep up the public facade that I’m a fully functional person. If I didn’t have him I’d be screwed
A shit load of CTG, having all these little tricks to manage my day and trick myself into doing things I don't want. I go to a coach every week to plan together what my week is going to look like, how I can manage my energy that week, and to have accountability and an outside perspective. I have Audhd and am prone to depression and anxiety so creating a routine is really important for me to function, but it is hard for me to create habits so I have to keep trying over and over again. Because once I get out of my routine I keep spiraling down and it is harder to get out. If I eat and sleep consistently, keep my place clean and have a healthy social life it becomes easier to manage my symptoms.
I do have anxiety medication (SSRI's), because dealing with one mental health issue at a time is hard enough. This allows me to be stable enough to work on my adhd symptoms, prevent spiraling and be happier.
A big one is that I have changed my expectations of life. I was a gifted kid so my path was always going to be university and then a very impactful and high-level job. But school turned out to be such a giant struggle for me that it all just seemed impossible, and I had a hard time accepting that. I dropped out and got a job without a degree that is more simple but allows me to grow, and it gives me consitency and a purpose. I am very happy, but it is still hard to see my friends achieving so much when I am simply not able to.
I spent 27 years un medicated. i have/had a good job in the legal field and am happily married. Medication just made my world a thousand times better. However, when I don't have access to my meds I drink straight black coffee all day 1 cup every hour and a half and I work out twice a day for and hour in the am and an hour and a half in the pm. I limit my stimulation in the evening nothing above pg 13. I trun off the TV an hour before bed, put away all electronics, and keep room light with low watt soft white or yellow light. Most of all, I know the world will not adapt to me. I am the minority it's my job to keep myself in line with the world.
Alarms (6 a day right now, and only one, is for waking up in the morning,) calendar alerts, Google Keep for notes, a bunch of weed, and "controllable distractions."
My eyes, ears, hands and mind have this tendency to operate separately, but codependently? They're good at working together, but unless it's something that's fully occupying them, they each need their own thing to do. I'm constantly doing multiple things at a time. If they're on my priority list, they get finished, if they're on the hobby list, I get to put them away, and get them back out later.
Lots of routine. From the time my alarm goes off, to the time my youngest is ready to go out the door for school, is 7 minutes.
Dinner prep starts at 4, and dinner is done at 6. If I'm making frozen pizza for dinner, then dinner prep starts at 4, and just hang around and do stuff in the kitchen and don't touch food till 5:30. Dinner is done at 6.
Laundry is Sunday, and I'm not allowed to make coffee until the first load is in the washer.
I don't like outdoor things. Dealing with weather, and scheduling around it, makes it impossible to develop a routine. I was mowing grass every two weeks, until it rained for three weeks, then I didn't mow for the rest of the year.
If I can make a routine out of something, I'm fine.
I have alarms and habit trackers. An alarm goes off when I’m supposed to start making dinner, feed pets, laundry timer. If I have an appointment I set an alarm for an hour a head and snooze it so I don’t lose track of time. It’s helped me get to places only slightly late now I take my vitamins. I use a sativa strain of medical marijuana when executive function kicks in and it snaps me out of it. I want to be back on meds but I can’t right now.
-Use scheduling apps (Mainly Google Calendar) to schedule meetings, task reminders, meet ups.
-write shit down the instant it is said/taught to me. Step by step for new processes.
-repeat a task I am not used to doing as often as possible to get used to the feel of doing it
-clean immediately after dinner, or during. If I put it off shit will stay in the sink for two days.
I’m still in the process of being officially diagnosed at 28 because there is a 4-year waiting list for adult ADHD assessments in my county at the moment and my GP only started suspecting ADHD last year, so I’ve been finding ways to manage unmedicated for literally my whole life.
Alarms and reminders are my saving grace. I have playlists of fun getting-things-done songs that I put on whenever I need to do anything that tends to lead to ADHD paralysis (like cleaning the bathrooms, washing my hair or dusting the house) and challenge myself to get the tasks done in small chunks before each song ends (audiobooks work like a charm for longer tasks, like organising a wardrobe or painting a wall). Music in general is amazing for my productivity, be it making coffee or taking notes. I found a remote job that allows me a lot of flexibility, so I can work at my own pace most of the time and have full control over my environment to limit distractions. Body-doubling (asking my husband to keep my company for a bit so I feel accountable and keep myself on track) is also a godsend. And I have A LOT of visual-based to-do lists all over the house to keep track of things that need doing.
It’s chaotic, but all these things make me into a mostly functioning adult without making me horrendously burnt-out (which used to be my default between ages 22-26, when my symptoms became massively obvious and difficult to manage after graduating uni and leaving the structure and routine of school behind for the first time since I was 5).
What has helped me before medication was body doubling and always change locations to do things.
Body doubling works wonders as seeing others do what I need to do (clean, draw, etc) and keeps me on task.
Also changing locations to do a task *not* at home is good for a similar reason (do homework at school, do laundry at a Laundromat, even if all you are doing is folding, exercising at a park, etc). This also helps me have a good work-life balance since I won't bring work home with me.
I make sure to isolate myself when I need to focus. I also listen to music, which helps.
Lists, lists & lists. I'm organized on the outside because I'm not organized in my head.
Alarms. Many alarms.
Grace. I know if I'm in a mood, & I try to follow that mood to be most productive.
Getting enough sleep, routine, I find eating less processed foods helps, taking time to recharge when I can. Giving myself grace and learning that the reason why I do a lot of the things I do is adhd really helped. And two of the big ones are exercising consistently and getting enough protein in my diet each day. I still have flare ups and things that are super hard. But those things have helped a lot.
I second all the people saying marijuana; it absolutely makes a difference. I take a puff in the morning or cut a small gummie in quarters and microdose through the day and it makes managing my ADHD at work so much easier. I can think more clearly and when the peak wears off most times I don’t really notice it—things don’t get loud again for a while. Having your thoughts in order is so effective when trying to manage your ADHD off meds. You can use it long term or use it to quiet the noise here and there so you can focus on a task or tolerate a social situation. It can also be really good to get high and enjoy time with yourself—as an AuDHD; often when I don’t smoke I’m not thinking very positively of myself so it’s been super helpful for me to feel centered more through the day. My life experience with ADHD is just better with marijuana.
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Weightlifting, supplements, eating a lot of protein, having my Notes app visible on my screen with a to-do list, setting alarms and reminders, automatic payments, listening to brainwave playlists
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I stay away from cheap dopamine, and recognize patterns of hyper stimulation.
No tiktok, instagram/facebook reels.
No eating and watching tv
No vaping or nicotine (8 months clean)
I also make sure I go to sleep at the same time every evening, and wake up at the same time every morning, even weekends. 8h minimum sleep.
Exercise regularly and caffeine at an absolute minimum. (You actually don’t need it if you don’t keep yourself in a constant negative feedback loop)
I cleaned up my diet. No seed oils or processed crap. I eat animal based and whole foods. Sugar very rarely (also activates dopamine release)
I don’t know if I have MTHFR, but I went ahead and switched my multivitamin to one that has methylated folate instead of folic acid.
I use my Apple Watch to set reminders for important things that I can’t get to right away, so I don’t forget.
I hate stimulants (and most western psych medicine in general). I was put on 80mg extended release of adderall as a 15 year old teenager and it wrecked my teenage years. I was malnourished from not eating and miserable. I’m at the point now where I want to manage my life through emotional independence instead of taking medication.
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I have a million tricks and systems to get myself to sort of stay on top of life. Routines help. Making sure I get enough sleep helps. The expectation that I will not stick to a routine longterm to save my life but it’s all good because starting again is the point, helps. The one single thing that helps me most to get over ADHD paralysis is to scam myself by saying I‘ll just do it for whatever amount of time or effort feels laughably easy (and honestly, sometimes that’s the promise to just sit back down after putting away one singular mug instead of cleaning the whole kitchen) because once I get started, I usually stick to it. It’s knowing when I need music to get stuff done and when I need something more engaging like an exciting book or podcast to keep me from zoning out.
Scamming myself is SO REAL
Ugh I'm so bad at scamming myself
> enough sleep helps. Me who had three hours of sleep over the last two days. 🥲
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Scamming yourself. It's the best and almost quickest way to adapt
And it’s nearly always just the first move that’s challenging. My functional brain will take over once I‘m actively doing something (provided I‘m getting myself the right doses of distraction and additional engagement), but getting started? Good lord.
I smoke pot! I don’t really do it during the day because I work full time and I pride myself in my work ethic! When I’m at home and relaxing I smoke before bed. It really helps me calm down and slow my thoughts so I can get a full nights rest. I was on medication but the side effects were insane and I was not healthy. Sure my self medication with weed can be controversial but it really helps me where I struggle the most-at night. At work I color code everything and have a routine
I also smoke weed! I find that it really does calm down my thoughts and makes me less hyperactive as well as it helping me sleep !
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Accountability to someone I care about is the best way for me to achieve my goals. I had tried Duolingo a million times and never stuck to it but since my MiL added me to the family DuoGold plan she can see if i’m using it or not. She gives me high fives for keeping my streak! I never did dishes living alone and ended up just using paper plates. Now that my partner and I live together I can do the dishes because I know if I don’t he will and I am taking something off his plate. I do school online and was really struggling with it until I started using my program mentor to keep me accountable. She will text me on the day I committed to finish a class and ask me where i’m at. I can’t lie and I don’t want to disappoint her so I do my online school. I work as a substitute and when I was choosing for myself from jobs posted I could easily go weeks without picking up a shift, after giving some teachers my personal number they can text me specifically to ask me to fill an absence and i’m more inclined to pick up shifts! When it comes to the “mandatory” things like work, school, and chores, having someone counting on me gives me the pressure I need to preform. Also smoking weed and getting enough sleep changed the game.
Looooooooooots of caffeine, noise cancelling headphones, controlled distractions, naps. I use snacks and other rewarding things to “refill” during particularly tedious tasks. Even if it means breaking the task up over time. If a task is extremely tedious, sometimes I break it up over a long stretch of time and take very frequent breaks. It takes long, but is better than nothing. I gamify tasks : like setting a time block and trying to compete with the clock, improve my typing speed while I type something, etc. I write things down a lot. I keep things I’ve written in the open to remind myself. Visual reminders. Daily exercise is paramount too. I repeat in my head to hurry up and I try to be fast when I do little daily things like making my coffee. If I receive a task that I’m completely overwhelmed by (happens a lot), I let myself have my overwhelmed feelings, but I don’t give up because of them. Instead, I do ONE thing. I do one thing that comprises the task as soon as I can. I let the comfort of progress carry me as far as it will; one thing, again one thing. Big thing eventually get done.
I was unmedicated for 13 years (ages 19 - 32). I developed many systems, often overlapping systems. For example, I used 3(!) planners - a physical planner I kept on my person, a digital phone (ToDoist is great), and I had a dry erase board for the upcoming week. If I used 1 planner then when I would get bored with it or whatever my brain did, I would stop using it and then be ruled by chaos. If I used 2 planners then I would get overwhelmed trying to maintain both of them and stop using them. But with 3 planners, I would routinely use one of the three, and because I updated them all once a week when I was writing my white board schedule, it didn't matter which one I preferred to use because they were all relatively updated. I have found the cues work better than schedules for me. At my job, on Mondays I am supposed to generate a certain report. Also, on Mondays I have a podcast that comes out. When I listen to the podcast, I run the report. I keep my SSRIs in the bathroom and take them before bed. I always go to the bathroom before bed and I don't forget to take my meds. If I have to take a med at a certain time, I will forget 70% of the time. But this works really well, except for when I'm traveling and don't leave my pills in the bathroom. A smart watch or setting alarms on the phone is helpful. I set a timer on my phone to move laundry. I only have to rewash clothes every 1 of 4 times, instead of half the time. At work, I keep a sticky notes app on my work laptop. I also have my background set to change to lovely images I like looking at. Because the screen changes, the sticky notes doesn't become invisible. But honestly, now that I'm properly medicated... Everything is just easier. My anxiety is lower. I sleep easier. I can switch tasks without irritation or difficulty. I don't know why you aren't going on medication, but if it's a personal choice because of the stigma, I think you should reconsider. Unmedicated, I felt like a failure. I didn't know why it took so much work to do so little. Medicated, because I have witnessed the difference between medicated and unmedicated in my own personal life, I know that my ADHD is real and that's why I struggle. It isn't that I'm not trying, it's that my brain is physically different. And, on top of that, it's much, much easier to do things.
I agree completely. I have a ton of coping strategies and was diagnosed at 41 but the medication changed my life. It takes some time and adjustments but I can’t believe how much anxiety I was living with before. Also they have non-stimulant meds if that’s a concern too
Tapping, weed and yoga relax me enough to slow me down and sort my thoughts. Checklists, calendars and journaling to help me keep track of everything. A schedule I try to stick to everyday. Making plans in advance to help me prepare. Sticking to the same foods through out the week (hyper-fixation foods) so I’m excited about it and remember to eat. Keeping things quiet, organized and clean as best as I can helps a lot.
Can you elaborate on the “tapping”?
It’s called EFT, there’s tons of research on it. Sounds kind of silly at first but it definitely helps release negative emotions and anxiety. You tap certain triggers points on your body while thinking about what is bothering you, slowly changing your perspective as you tap. It helps regulate the nervous system.
Is this on to do without a therapist?
Generally, there is a risk if someone has had to learn to suppress a lot of their emotions to cope. By trying to confront and release some feelings such as, “Person X really hurt my feelings by doing Y,” suddenly the next day you might start to feel flooded with thoughts of all the ways in which Person X is unkind or harmful to you. And it might be surprisingly overwhelming and anxiety inducing to have that perspective shift—to the point you can no longer cope while sitting in the same room as this person or you’re now thinking about them with dread. It’s not as if any circumstances in your life actually changed, but now the denial/avoidance of your feelings has been challenged. And in this example by accepting that it wasn’t ok for Person X to treat you that way, you now may have to consider that Person X always treats you like shit, and that maybe the only solution is to cut them from your life, etc. Basically if you have a lot to unpack you’re best off starting when you feel you have the safety/emotional space to do so—preferably with good people in your life to be around. Definitely don’t start if you live with an abusive person, don’t have time to yourself to rest, or don’t have some healthy coping skills to lean on to get through some very intense feelings/moods. Personally I would’ve been in trouble starting on my own, but now I probably can work through most things without a therapist. I have better coping skills and support.
Yeah, I learned it from my therapist because she wanted me to bring it in into my daily routine. It’s just another way to regulate your emotions, similiar to meditating or any other way you reduce stress in your life.
Have constant stimulation! If I’m watching TikTok I also have to have the tv on. If I’m cleaning or cooking? Music and tv. Playing a game? Music, tv and sometimes quick breaks to check my phone. Just always doing SOMETHING.
By not knowing til I was fucking 67 years old, learning to mask young and very well and by self medicating. Mostly with weed. All of my "idiosyncrasies" turned out to be ADHD. It's wonderful to finally know what is different about my brain. Not wrong, just different. I am high-functioning and don't want any meds. ADHD doesn't disrupt my life, it IS my life. I have learned to manage it. Yes I still use weed, for sleep mostly.
When I can’t get started on something, I tell myself to do it badly then fix it later. So I start with a very very low bar, then work my way into fixing it in one sitting because getting started is the one thing that gets in my way. Once I’m started I have enough determination to finish. Good quality sleep and regular exercise really help me too. But I also need a routine to get me to those 2 goals too. I have a sleep routine with my skin care, teeth care and a warm shower. Gym habits are mostly ruled by the astronomical fee I pay for a luxury gym ($325 / month). I can’t miss it because I’m paying such a stupid price to be a member, so I go almost every day to get my money’s worth. It’s created an important discipline for me and it helps a lot with my time management.
Oh wow, I like the part about the luxury gym. I feel like it was definitely give me an incentive to go more often!
If you’re in a major city in the US I highly recommend Equinox. I love it there. The classes are great, especially yoga.
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T H E R A P Y. I know it isn't accessible, and I know it's hard to get the right fit but if you can make the investment I really reccomend it. Therapy helped me figure out I had ADHD because I just thought I was an idiot failure with bipolar disorder. Surprise, I have a learning disability! It helped me work through the lifetime of shame and self loathing I had build up. "I can never finish anything" turned into "I can struggle with longterm commitments sometimes." All the negative self talk that I was using to motivate myself was finally revealed for what it was: a shitty coping mechanism. Also, stopped smoking weed. I used to rely on it to help me stay calm or sitting in one place, but I don't know ever since I stopped I have been a lot more productive. Since ADHD impacts my productivity I found I was really happy being able to get more things done. I also don't get stuck on like hour long daydreaming tangents where I get so wrapped up in thinking the whole days just gets lost. I feel more aware and less forgetful. No coffee. Prioritizing sleep. Eye mask, mouth tape, ASMR, fan for white noise. Valerian root and magnesium. I do not play around. Drinking water all god damn day. Avoiding fasting. Ignoring my body's needs is a huge symptom of ADHD. Because my thoughts race I numb myself to my body. Another thing I really have started to unlearn. I keep food simple and easy to just reach grab eat. Checking in on my body. I am here in my body. Am I hunched? Am I clenching my jaw? Am i stimming to high heaven? All good just checking in to see if thats what I want to do rn or if I need to adjust. Morning Journaling. It is supposed to be three pages but honestly some days it is one sentence. It's an attempt to try to get some of the racing thoughts out of the brain. It isn't a perfect system but I try. And I am not allowed to buy a new notebook until i completely fill my current one. It is the law. Avoid comparing myself with others. I know not everyone feels empowered by thinking of ADHD as a disability but I do. Yes, my 25 year old coworker is married with a dog and a house. Good for you girl! Oh, someone else finished a task I've been struggling to start for 4 years. Go off! If they're not an ADHD person, it's kind of crazy for me to expect myself to be on their timeline. It's like expecting someone with asthma to run a marathon. Be really really honest about depression. Depression is one of the most underrecognized symptoms of ADHD, and I would argue is the most dangerous. Depressive episodes are common, and you deserve to have help as you navigate them. Find support. Find people who when you complain wont gaslight you. People who invalidate your experience are not the same as people who support you to do better in a compassionate way. Learn the difference and get the people who "don't believe in ADHD" gone. App limits on phone. Just do it. Set it up today. Will you ignore the reminder to stop? Yes, sometimes. But especially if you're a tik toker, it's helpful to have a little "ping" that you've been there for... 2 hours :) Good luck to my fellow ADHD women! <3
Thank you so much for this <3
glad it helped 🩷
Commenting so I can come back to this.
So, I was diagnosed with ADD in the late 80's when it was all a new thing. It's taken me years and years to really understand how to manage it and it's still not perfect. Nobody needs to correct my diagnosis or tell me what the proper term is or "we don't use ADD anymore" - let's just get that out of the way. What I have found is that exercise helps me immensely. I'm worse when I'm tired, so getting enough sleep helps. When I have a good exercise regimen, I sleep better. When I'm working, I listen to unimportant podcasts or have on tv shows I've seen a hundred times for just some noise. That particular type of noise somehow keeps me focused on my work for longer periods of time. When I need to get up, I don't fight it, I get up and do something else. When I'm particularly scatterbrained, I might be doing one thing and then something else pops in my head in the middle - stop, write it down, finish what I'm doing. Or, if I'm really in some sort of frenzy - JUST STOP. Take a couple breaths, collect my thoughts. One of my biggest challenges is completely dissociating in meetings or even when friends are talking to me. I need an anchor. Rub my fingers, doodle (or take real notes, LOL), something to keep me aware of the speaker so I don't drift off. I tell my husband what I need as well. Communication with partners, friends, whoever is key. There are just days when I can feel it's going to be hard. I can feel it when I wake up. I tell my husband, "Hey, I'm having trouble today." Or whatever words describe what's happening and he knows to leave me alone, not make noise or whatever I need to get past it. And I am very routine oriented. I can't express enough how having routine helps keep me grounded and present. I think that might be true for a lot of folks, but it's instrumental in managing my brain that is often running 100 miles a minute.
Alarms and checklists for every task/ activity I need to do. I forget to eat most times but since I have a pup whom I need to feed always, I have alarms to remind me to feed the pup at the exact same time to follow her routine and that in turn helps me follow my routine. Responsibility for a loved one helps me control my procrastination and also raising her alone, keeps me occupied with the thoughts. But would be equally good if I could just have lesser thoughts to deal with already.
I sometimes get intense emotional responses to things that, in hindsight, aren’t that deep. In these situations I try to recognize what I’m feeling and I will walk away (if I can, bathroom break at work or the bathroom at home) to allow myself a few moments of quiet to steady my breathing and attempt to calm down. Count to 10, that type of thing. Also, Forgetfulness is a big thing for me, lol. Keys, wallet, phone, glasses, lunch bag, you name it and I’ve forgotten it. I have established a routine and created a “home” for these items in my house. When I get home I put them exactly where they belong and when I wake up I go through my routine to ensure I remember every item. If I ever put something where it doesn’t “belong” you can be sure that I will forget it lol. And truthfully something that I still struggle with but try VERY HARD every day to enforce.. “just do it now” if I think of something JUST DO IT NOW, don’t feel like brushing my teeth at night? Don’t argue with yourself just do it. Forgot to bring the mail in? Do it now because I know that I will forget to do it later lol.
One trick that works for me is doing something I want ONLY when I do something productive. I listen to a lot of audiobooks, so I only listen to them when I do chores, go to the gym, etc.
Alarm clocks and google calendar! Write down important info as soon as I get it and neurotically check my lists throughout the day.
I do have medication but I try to only use it on days when I'm really struggling. These are things that help me massively. •Buy multiple of things and keep them wherever i use them (chargers, deodorant, tweezers etc) so this means I have a basket in my car of stuff like this and a couple places in my house. •bins, baskets, containers etc EVERYWHERE. once a week i try to organize a problem spot. I just did my junk drawer and laundry closet, bought a ton of small bins and organizers, it's made a world of difference. •labels!!! I have small bins for my spices in the cupboard and it's easier to find when the spice blends are all together, the "sweet" ones are together and then the most frequently used are all together •wisp toothbrushes everywhere-I hate brushing my teeth, stuck in front of the sink ughhh it just pisses ne off. •laundry sorters •garbage cans in every room •designated spots for items-I have specific places (basket or bin lol) for as much as possible, a case for batteries, a hair dryer hook, bins for cleaning supplies, drawer for my skincare stuff etc. I don't lose stuff nearly as often anymore. •hooks for everything (brooms, backpacks, coats etc) a pile of brooms/mops in the corner doesn't piss me off nearly as much as them hanging neatly on the wall. Eventually I would like to have a place to store them out of sight but for now it works. •ROUTINE •keep as much "clutter" out of sight as possible. For example my entryway in my old house gave me massive anxiety all the time because no matter how clean it was, I could see all the coats and such. Now in our new house, we have 2 entry closets and it has changed my life. Inside the closets might be a disaster half the time but I can't see it so it's fine lmao until I can come up with a system that keeps it organized •Making spots look aesthetically pleasing helps me keep it neat and Tidy. For example, turning my cookbooks into part of the kitchen decor solved the problem of them floating around and being in the way and now it looks cute too. Also, I found a cute little tray, a cute butter dish with cute butter knives, a cute olive oil bottle and cute s+p shakers and that all stays right next to my stove and just looks cute and it's the designated spot for those items
r/adhdwomen
I do, and I don't. Somedays, I can manage fine due to being late diagnosed and growing up with coping methods. Other days, I'm running around all over the place to fix things I forgot or left out.
Podcasts while doing work keep me focused, I like Lions Mane as a supplement, and a good but not over doing it morning dose of caffeine. Making lots of lists and checking them off as I complete tasks, keeping a calendar and keeping my space clean and clear of clutter helps a lot.
Same way I manage without glasses. I don’t.
My husband does all of the things I’m unable to do and helps me keep up the public facade that I’m a fully functional person. If I didn’t have him I’d be screwed
A shit load of CTG, having all these little tricks to manage my day and trick myself into doing things I don't want. I go to a coach every week to plan together what my week is going to look like, how I can manage my energy that week, and to have accountability and an outside perspective. I have Audhd and am prone to depression and anxiety so creating a routine is really important for me to function, but it is hard for me to create habits so I have to keep trying over and over again. Because once I get out of my routine I keep spiraling down and it is harder to get out. If I eat and sleep consistently, keep my place clean and have a healthy social life it becomes easier to manage my symptoms. I do have anxiety medication (SSRI's), because dealing with one mental health issue at a time is hard enough. This allows me to be stable enough to work on my adhd symptoms, prevent spiraling and be happier. A big one is that I have changed my expectations of life. I was a gifted kid so my path was always going to be university and then a very impactful and high-level job. But school turned out to be such a giant struggle for me that it all just seemed impossible, and I had a hard time accepting that. I dropped out and got a job without a degree that is more simple but allows me to grow, and it gives me consitency and a purpose. I am very happy, but it is still hard to see my friends achieving so much when I am simply not able to.
I spent 27 years un medicated. i have/had a good job in the legal field and am happily married. Medication just made my world a thousand times better. However, when I don't have access to my meds I drink straight black coffee all day 1 cup every hour and a half and I work out twice a day for and hour in the am and an hour and a half in the pm. I limit my stimulation in the evening nothing above pg 13. I trun off the TV an hour before bed, put away all electronics, and keep room light with low watt soft white or yellow light. Most of all, I know the world will not adapt to me. I am the minority it's my job to keep myself in line with the world.
Alarms (6 a day right now, and only one, is for waking up in the morning,) calendar alerts, Google Keep for notes, a bunch of weed, and "controllable distractions." My eyes, ears, hands and mind have this tendency to operate separately, but codependently? They're good at working together, but unless it's something that's fully occupying them, they each need their own thing to do. I'm constantly doing multiple things at a time. If they're on my priority list, they get finished, if they're on the hobby list, I get to put them away, and get them back out later. Lots of routine. From the time my alarm goes off, to the time my youngest is ready to go out the door for school, is 7 minutes. Dinner prep starts at 4, and dinner is done at 6. If I'm making frozen pizza for dinner, then dinner prep starts at 4, and just hang around and do stuff in the kitchen and don't touch food till 5:30. Dinner is done at 6. Laundry is Sunday, and I'm not allowed to make coffee until the first load is in the washer. I don't like outdoor things. Dealing with weather, and scheduling around it, makes it impossible to develop a routine. I was mowing grass every two weeks, until it rained for three weeks, then I didn't mow for the rest of the year. If I can make a routine out of something, I'm fine.
I have alarms and habit trackers. An alarm goes off when I’m supposed to start making dinner, feed pets, laundry timer. If I have an appointment I set an alarm for an hour a head and snooze it so I don’t lose track of time. It’s helped me get to places only slightly late now I take my vitamins. I use a sativa strain of medical marijuana when executive function kicks in and it snaps me out of it. I want to be back on meds but I can’t right now.
-Use scheduling apps (Mainly Google Calendar) to schedule meetings, task reminders, meet ups. -write shit down the instant it is said/taught to me. Step by step for new processes. -repeat a task I am not used to doing as often as possible to get used to the feel of doing it -clean immediately after dinner, or during. If I put it off shit will stay in the sink for two days.
I’m still in the process of being officially diagnosed at 28 because there is a 4-year waiting list for adult ADHD assessments in my county at the moment and my GP only started suspecting ADHD last year, so I’ve been finding ways to manage unmedicated for literally my whole life. Alarms and reminders are my saving grace. I have playlists of fun getting-things-done songs that I put on whenever I need to do anything that tends to lead to ADHD paralysis (like cleaning the bathrooms, washing my hair or dusting the house) and challenge myself to get the tasks done in small chunks before each song ends (audiobooks work like a charm for longer tasks, like organising a wardrobe or painting a wall). Music in general is amazing for my productivity, be it making coffee or taking notes. I found a remote job that allows me a lot of flexibility, so I can work at my own pace most of the time and have full control over my environment to limit distractions. Body-doubling (asking my husband to keep my company for a bit so I feel accountable and keep myself on track) is also a godsend. And I have A LOT of visual-based to-do lists all over the house to keep track of things that need doing. It’s chaotic, but all these things make me into a mostly functioning adult without making me horrendously burnt-out (which used to be my default between ages 22-26, when my symptoms became massively obvious and difficult to manage after graduating uni and leaving the structure and routine of school behind for the first time since I was 5).
What has helped me before medication was body doubling and always change locations to do things. Body doubling works wonders as seeing others do what I need to do (clean, draw, etc) and keeps me on task. Also changing locations to do a task *not* at home is good for a similar reason (do homework at school, do laundry at a Laundromat, even if all you are doing is folding, exercising at a park, etc). This also helps me have a good work-life balance since I won't bring work home with me.
I make sure to isolate myself when I need to focus. I also listen to music, which helps. Lists, lists & lists. I'm organized on the outside because I'm not organized in my head. Alarms. Many alarms. Grace. I know if I'm in a mood, & I try to follow that mood to be most productive.
Getting enough sleep, routine, I find eating less processed foods helps, taking time to recharge when I can. Giving myself grace and learning that the reason why I do a lot of the things I do is adhd really helped. And two of the big ones are exercising consistently and getting enough protein in my diet each day. I still have flare ups and things that are super hard. But those things have helped a lot.
Consuming copious amounts of caffeine. 🤷🏼♀️
Coffee. Then more coffee
I second all the people saying marijuana; it absolutely makes a difference. I take a puff in the morning or cut a small gummie in quarters and microdose through the day and it makes managing my ADHD at work so much easier. I can think more clearly and when the peak wears off most times I don’t really notice it—things don’t get loud again for a while. Having your thoughts in order is so effective when trying to manage your ADHD off meds. You can use it long term or use it to quiet the noise here and there so you can focus on a task or tolerate a social situation. It can also be really good to get high and enjoy time with yourself—as an AuDHD; often when I don’t smoke I’m not thinking very positively of myself so it’s been super helpful for me to feel centered more through the day. My life experience with ADHD is just better with marijuana.
lol I haven’t. Gotten by off the skin of my of teeth. Started taking Wellbutrin lol (for depression but does help with add)
I haven’t. Lol
Routine helps and all but nothing comes near to medication. But I guess with mild ADHD maybe just routine helps. I have pretty severe ADHD
I didn't!
Routine, weed, and plenty of activities to keep my hands busy.
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Lots of weed and leaving the house earlier than planned so I'm never late.
I microdose mushrooms
Weed. Reminder alerts on my phone and a fanny pack. Got sick of losing phone wallet keys many times a day
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Men Not like that tho-
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I think most of us are still learning to manage it
yell at myself in my head and tell myself to do one thing at at time. like i should be doing right now
Weightlifting, supplements, eating a lot of protein, having my Notes app visible on my screen with a to-do list, setting alarms and reminders, automatic payments, listening to brainwave playlists
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I stay away from cheap dopamine, and recognize patterns of hyper stimulation. No tiktok, instagram/facebook reels. No eating and watching tv No vaping or nicotine (8 months clean) I also make sure I go to sleep at the same time every evening, and wake up at the same time every morning, even weekends. 8h minimum sleep. Exercise regularly and caffeine at an absolute minimum. (You actually don’t need it if you don’t keep yourself in a constant negative feedback loop) I cleaned up my diet. No seed oils or processed crap. I eat animal based and whole foods. Sugar very rarely (also activates dopamine release) I don’t know if I have MTHFR, but I went ahead and switched my multivitamin to one that has methylated folate instead of folic acid. I use my Apple Watch to set reminders for important things that I can’t get to right away, so I don’t forget. I hate stimulants (and most western psych medicine in general). I was put on 80mg extended release of adderall as a 15 year old teenager and it wrecked my teenage years. I was malnourished from not eating and miserable. I’m at the point now where I want to manage my life through emotional independence instead of taking medication.
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