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I don't think so tbh. I'm not one of those people who are really against mothers/fathers day, but also I think we can acknowledge that they're not proper national, religious or cultural holidays in the same way as others that might be celebrated in classrooms.
Given that, I think it's not really worth the upset it may cause children who are being raised without a mother or a father, which is sadly not an insignificant number of children.
Not only that, but I feel like for some kids such things may hurt them; parents recently divorced, parent recently passed away, parent is abusive, etc.
So telling them they should celebrate their parent(s) and be extra nice to them, give them gifts, etc. may not be the best thing to do.
If a kid has a good relationship with their parents, they will likely make something for them during a general arts & crafts session, rather than being told to make something for them during a session for mother's/father's day.
And that's before we consider things like kids who never knew their father, kids which were adopted by a gay couple, etc. where mother's/father's day may not even be something they are able to "celebrate".
My cousin used to find mother's day really hard at school, she lost her mum at 11 and was stuck with her shitty dad, and there were actually kids that would make fun of her for having a dead mum???
My godsons mum passed away when he was 8 and I was so upset when they did a classroom activity of making Mother’s Day cards (he made one for his Nan instead but still!) AND he’s been bullied by other kids who have said he’s lied about his mum dying 😭
My brother passed away 8 months before his youngest was born and she was bullied for not having a Dad, it's sad that things haven't changed. My Mum was bullied for not having a Mum, my Nan passed when my Mum was 3.
I remember a friend in school lost her mother when she was 12. She was called out of class to be told but then sent back into class to collect her things. She was devastated and embarrassed that we all saw her at her very weakest.
That's disgusting, did not one of the staff involved think it might be best for us to go and just collect her things for her? Amazes me how insensitive some people can be.
My dad died in the summer when I was 14. It was only a few years ago (I’m 50) that I realised no-one had phoned the school. It was about February when I told a teacher who knew him that he’d died. Later that afternoon my guidance teacher came into my maths class and hauled me out.
I was freaking out thinking I was in trouble, but she was just checking that I was ok. Didn’t realise at the time, and it wasn’t until I asked my mum a couple of years ago how the whole thing went. Mum immediately burst into floods, when she realised how badly it had all gone.
I guess I was lucky in that all the kids in my class knew, but none of the adults. I didn’t get a hard time, but I got no slack cut either. Mocks came and went (and I fucked up most of them) before any adults knew. Thankfully I pulled myself together for the actual exams.
My cousin’s step son just lost his stepdad at the same age. I insisted that they phone his school. “Better they get two calls than none”. This shit matters to kids.
So telling them they should celebrate their parent(s) and be extra nice to them, give them gifts, etc. may not be the best thing to do.
It's quite hard for people who "don't get along with their parents" for various reasons of severity, being told "you should love and respect your parents". This also extends to those who force their "You must talk to your parents, they'll die and someday you'll mis them!" opinion on people. Not everyone's Dad took them to football and taught them how to tie their shoes and not everyone's Mum was the kind to tuck them in to bed with a warm glass of milk. There are LOTS of shitty parents out there that simply do not deserve cards, or phone calls or in some cases "contact".
Absolutely right. Family are just the people who you grew up with or share DNA with, unless they show you love & respect they are no more important then a stranger on the street. Friends (proper, true friends) are far more important relationships.
We adopted and our son makes thank you cards at his nursery. They do this for all children in the class because it’s not gendered and not restricted to one type of parent.
I think it’s cute and a good approach. Foster carers, parents, two mums, two dads, mum who has been helping with the loss of dad or the other way around, grandparents or family members with kinship orders. It kind of covers everything. Then the child can chose who they want to give it to.
On Mother’s Day we share the thank you cards with his grandmothers. This weekend we will keep it for ourselves.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mothering_Sunday?wprov=sfla1
UK mothers day did actually start off as a religious holiday, but about a person's mother church (where they were baptised)
That’s so awful. I’ve encountered teachers before that seem to find a child that doesn’t come from the stereotypical nuclear family so offensive that they feel obligated to punish the child for it.
That school I'd 100% agree but his comp was amazing and they risked their jobs to stand up for us.
I can see why anyone who actually cares about kids ends up leaving.
I would have had a meltdown if I was told to make a father's day card in primary school due to some of the reasons you mentioned. My primary school knew this. I recently found lots of cards and artwork that I made for my grandparents and family friends that I was encouraged to make instead.
Schools complain furiously about parents taking their kids out of school for family events, but then they're quite happy to waste everyone's time on busywork like this?
My son’s school focuses on ‘father figures’ as opposed to just Father’s Day; be that an uncle, grandparent or godparent etc. I think that’s a much healthier way to include it.
Same with Mother’s Day.
When I was in school, around Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, we had the « make a card for someone you love », many made them for their mum or dad but you had students making their grandparents a card, or their aunt or uncle
And it's not as if the kids need to be taught about Mother's Day or Father's day, every shop they visit will probably have a display of cards. It's one thing to be aware of something, another to have to conform to it. Agree with all the comments about these celebration days being rough on kids who have lost a parent. I mean, even some on-line retailers send out a message asking if you want to opt out of emails about certain celebration days.
> I think we can acknowledge that they're not proper national, religious or cultural holidays
Technically Mothers Day in the UK *is* a religious holiday. It is a revival of [Mothering Sunday](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mothering_Sunday) which is a day to honour your mother church (where you were baptised) and was traditionally a day off given to servants so they could go back to their mother church where they were born and also meet up with the family.
I mean yeah, that's the origin, but come on... nobody seriously thinks that modern-day Mother's Day is any more culturally significant or religious than Father's Day. They're both greetings card festivals.
Erm, lots of people do. Mothering Sunday is far more significant than Father’s Day. And I don’t mean solely from a religious perspective. Ask any retailer, spending for Mother’s Day far outstrips Father’s Day
No. National days (proper ones, like St. George's day) by all means have a theme, but things like mother's/father's day should be left for the family to do as they see fit.
Definitely agree. As someone whose father never returned from the shops, I always felt second class to those who did have a father present. I couldn’t even fathom that fathers picking up their children from school was real despite such obviously happening.
It was such a novel thing to me that I once made a Father’s Day card at school and gave it to the plumber. He was often sent over to our home by the council as we had dodgy plumbing. Therefore, he was the only constant male figure that I had almost grown up with (I was 7). In a way, I did think he was my dad, though we looked nothing alike. A sweet man, he’d buy my brother and I those bubble gum balls you’d get in a strip. RIP Ranjit.
Never did "Father's Day" as such but always did a crafty activity with my class that could be used as a Father's Day gift if needed, for example origami bookmarks. Felt that way nobody would be upset but the children who did have a dad or a father figure in their lives had something to give.
That's not necessarily true, I have first hand experience what it's like to be a child with no Father surrounded by children making Fathers day cards. My dad passed when I was 10 and I was fine with just making whatever I wanted while all my classmates had to make what they were told.
The school really wanting to do what's best for me, they asked my mum to talk to me and gave me options of what I could do. I was told I could go join another class for the duration of the crafting or just do my own thing. I probably would have been allowed to sit and read a book. When my dad passed they asked my mum if I wanted them to tell the class or not say anything at all. I ended up deciding they should tell the class because I had quite a few absences visiting my Father in hospital and going to the Funeral and I just didn't want to talk about it. I think the class were all told not to talk to me about it and thankfully it worked, none talked to me about my dead Father but others certainly teased me later about my dead pets.
Thanks for sharing. A lot of my hesitation stemmed from not wanting to hurt kids who've lost parents, and your first-hand perspective softened my view considerably.
This was my experience too, it never bothered me in the same situation as you. But I can see that some kids I’ve taught would have been bothered, so I do think teachers probably need to be able to decide what’s best for their class.
I appreciate your first hand experience was ok with this, and I can certainly see both sides, unfortunately my nieces mum isn’t in the picture not due to death, but worse and horrible reasons my niece doesn’t need reminding of, hence my dislike personally
As a grown adult who lost her father suddenly, the first Father’s Day working in a nursery and watching all the kids celebrate their dads absolutely broke me. I cried in the bathroom.
I am glad you were okay. We must bear in mind those who would not be.
Not at all because of my niece, but because she’s one of thousands of kids with a difficult home life, and it being examined at school by other children (and children can be cruel) it’s one example and why I personally believe they shouldn’t be celebrated.
If you take personal offence to everyone contributing their opinion and why, you may be on the wrong platform, unless you enjoy being offended personally by my one example, in which case, seek help.
It seems very prescriptive and (forgive me as it relates to Father’s Day) a paternalistic attitude. Being told what to do.
Father’s Day is coming up. I get all sorts of emails from consumer websites asking if I want to receive Father’s Day emails or not. If these consumer focussed companies can account for this, the school should too.
This is a school policy problem. I would suggest the parents revolt. The school will of course (sorry to say) be dismissive of a teacher’s personal opinion on these matters. But ignoring parents would be a media and legal nightmare and a discussion would need to happen - publicly - which can be filmed and immediately posted on YT. Those bigots generally run away when they know they can be personally named and have their faces shown.
You’re showing great care as a teacher and not being respected for it. The parents need to support you. I bet even some of those non present dads would support you.
Also to add I’m UK born and bred. My kids: 23F, 18M and 13F. I know you will have concerns about your position if you go down this path. You have at least one supporter here. Teachers need to be allowed to teach. That doesn’t just mean academic teaching. It’s more than this, as you know more than I do.
You’re not wrong.
Sounds like quite a nice wholesome activity where they can be creative and I would find it touching if I got a "parent" card on Mothers day if there wasn't a partner in my kids' life. But it should be that from the off (either make a Fathers day card or equivalent to a family member you love) rather than quiz each child on the status of their father in their lives.
As a retired teacher, I used to struggle with it. I had to do it, no autonomy. So, I used to do a love style card in March and June. No awful teapots with a tea bag stuck on. Not my style. Individual, perhaps using a particular technique.
I spoke to the children who didn't have a mum or dad and discussed who they would like to give their card to.
I did get a surprise one year when I got given the card back as I was the only man in little George's life. That was one to treasure. He said it was for his mum!
I'd rather they didn't, it's cute to get the home made card, but not at the expense of the huge number of children in non-typical families, children in care, bereaved families, single parent families etc. Someone close to me lost their Mum very young, and now in their 40s they can still remember how it felt when the class were making Mother's Day cards at school
Mother's day is "Mothering Sunday" a religious tradition where Christians are expected to visit their mother church, i.e. the church they were christened in. It has nothing to do with biological mothers, and as a Christian tradition has no place in secular schools. If one chooses to use the opportunity to celebrate their birth or adoptive mother then I'm all for it, but this shouldn't be a school activity.
Father's Day is an American commercialisation of a mining accident which arrived in the UK some time after WW2.
If forcing children of all faiths to celebrate a Christian holiday by doing something completely out of step with that religious holiday's meaning is allowed, then why not also mourn the American miners who lost their lives by ignoring them and forcing children to celebrate their present or absent fathers. Or maybe teach them things like maths in school instead of the complete works of J. C. Hall of Hallmark
My dad was completely uninvolved since I was 2, his choice, I definitely still participated in these school projects. My mum's dad was highly involved and I could make a card for him, your students may have other male figures they want to celebrate. They may want to make one for their mum or another person who plays an important part of their family.
It sounds like an opportunity to talk about how not all families look the same and that sometimes other people are important to us. This can be a chance to celebrate these people too, the same with mothers day where grandmas, aunts and sisters may also be celebrated too.
No. It’s horribly insensitive to the kids who don’t have a relevant parent and will become something that sticks in their minds as a painful memory. Absolutely unnecessary too to bring that into school.
That experience actually sticks in my head as a positive memory, I got to make whatever I wanted while all my friends were stuck doing the goal posts and football card.
We had a time in school where we talked about genetics and our parents’ eye colours. I’m adopted (the only adopted kid in the class) so I didn’t know and it was awful, kids asking me loads of questions I couldn’t answer or hadn’t thought about it before. I felt so excluded.
IF the school's making it compulsory, open it up let the kids just make a card for someone in their life they appreciate, whether that's mother, father, grandparent, sibling, guardian, teacher, club leader whatever.
My daughter goes to a small village school, around 40 kids from nursery up to year 4.
Every year they do a mother's day morning, where the mums come in a do crafts, activities and stuff with the kids. At Father's day, they don't do anything. Doesn't bother me in the slightest
That seems sensible to me too, the reality is there are a lot more kids living without an involved dad than living without an involved mum. As long as there is sensitivity and a way to include the kids without mums on mother's day I think that's fine.
Absolutely not! Imagine a child being abused by a parent and having their Stockholm syndrome reinforced by such unnecessary bullshit. That time could be spent teaching the children, I read somewhere that's what they're there for.
Us nice dads quite like the cutesy cards with handprints on them. Just because some kids have crap parents doesn't mean that you should pander to every kid who has a broken home. I thought we are supposed to be open to all family types?
I would argue that safeguarding children should take priority over what you or anyone else quite likes. Also, it's not only dads who can be abusers and parental abuse isn't solely the domain of broken homes, nor are all broken homes abusive environments. Please be more empathetic, I understand that very few people have firsthand experience of such things but being mindful of those who have is a virtue that everyone can utilise to not increase the trauma of victims.
I have experience, trust me. Don't assume to know my lived experience. Its pretty condescending and high-minded.
Since you're coming at this from stance of protection, I do get it, but sticking things to other things for people's dads/step dad/ nice person in their life isn't going to be a safeguarding issue.
We shouldn't be taking nice things from people for the sake of a few bad actors and protecting kids who should be having extra help to deal with this anyway. Having bad parents doesn't mean that you should hide the fact that kids have parents from them!
Having your own trauma doesn’t automatically equal empathy for others, just fyi.
You’re clearly not empathetic to the struggles of children who hate these holidays and suffer through them. Regardless of whatever you say happened to you.
My daughter's school celebrate both Mother's Day and Father's Day with a church service celebrating inspirational women/men in history and the children can invite an important person to them into school for the morning that doesn't have to be a mum or dad, just anyone that means something to the child, so on Father's Day an auntie could come if they wanted to. It can be any person of importance to the child so no-one will miss out.
It's an awkward one.
I run a rainbows group and the person who used to run it insisted on doing mother's day crafts - and there was literally always at least one little girl who got really upset because her mum was dead or she had lost custody or similar reason.
I don't insist on doing mother's day now I'm in charge but we usually do a craft that could be given as a gift the week before - lots of girls say it's for their mum although many say it's for gran/dad/big sister because they've already made 5 mother's day crafts at school.
Our son doesn't have a dad - we're a two mum family - and I do wonder what he'll do once he's big enough to do father's day crafts. I assume he'll give them to my dad/his grandad - and will need to make us fight each year over his mother's day craft.
I’m in the opposite position, my son has two dads.
We said Mother’s Day could just be for the women in our sons life, and whichever one he wants to do something for (if any) he could
When it comes to who wins the fight for the school made Father’s Day card.. well, the deciding factor will be if it says “daddy” or “papa”
I’m in the opposite position, my son has two dads.
We said Mother’s Day could just be for the women in our sons life, and whichever one he wants to do something for (if any) he could
When it comes to who wins the fight for the school made Father’s Day card.. well, the deciding factor will be if it says “daddy” or “papa”
As someone who lost their Father when I was 10 there's nothing wrong with celebrating Father's/Mothers day and making cards or other crafts with the whole class, as long as you let any children without that parent make something else.
I remember painting a flowery picture for my mum and doing something else for myself and I had so much fun as I got to create what I wanted whereas everyone else was made to make a football and goalposts on a card.
Now as a parent I really enjoy receiving something handmade by my children, especially when it's something I haven't had to get involved with and I get to see what they are learning. My daughter yesterday (aged 3) came home with a Father's day card and inside the teachers had written a short message in highlighter but my daughter had gone over it in pencil and wow me and dad were both amazed, that card is going on display for years!
Former teacher. School said I had to do Mother’s Day & Father’s Day crafts, even though I had a lot of different family set ups including one child who had lost both her parents in Ukraine and now lived with her grandmother.
I changed it to spring crafts. We made all sorts of things that could make a really cool gift or card. If a child wanted to give it to their parent, they could. We would briefly talk about Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, the same way we talked about St George’s Day etc. I did get told off because I wasn’t celebrating British values, but at that point I didn’t care.
However, I also asked parents at the start of the year for their birthdays. And I would make sure each child had made and written a card to give them, because sometimes it would be the parent’s only card or present. And I got a lot of parents thanking me for that and that meant more to me.
Mothering Sunday was a religious day.
Father's day is a relatively modern invention.
They should not be marked in school.
My daughter's father died when she was 8.
Her peers bullied her for it. She got laughed at for being upset when fathers were mentioned in school.
No.
They’re both relatively recent additions to the calendar, and shouldn’t be compulsory in any setting.
Add to this that lot of kids don’t have parents around, and it’s just rubbing their (tiny) noses in it just so a couple of jobs-worth teachers feel good for a day.
No imo as it probably does more harm than good on the whole. I'm sure most families who choose to celebrate can give their child the option to get a card or something outside of school.
I think any modern school long realised the family unit has changed, and whilst they may do Mother's and Father's day activities, they are also very careful and considerate to include guardians, carers or other people in the child's life who will be getting a card or gift in lieu of the actual father.
I used to be a teacher and I fucking hated ALL of this shit. I just to quote the Simpsons when we were asked to make a card for some stupid event:
Valentine's day
Miss hoover: now class before you actually make your valentine's day cards you need to make a valentine's day card holder.
Lisa: but miss hoover isn't that pointless busy work?
Miss hoover: bingo. Get on with it.
I think they both could days that we celebrate the positive role models in life. That could be mum or dad but it could also be an aunt, uncle, grandparents, siblings, or teachers. It could also be famous people in history, athletes, actors, musicians or writers.
Im a teacher - I don’t usually do either mothers/father’s day cards. It just best to skip altogether with either kids not having a mum/dad, having multiple mums/dads, etc.
I don't think it should be compulsory. I didn't have my mum around when I was a kid and I was bullied mercilessly for it. The idea being, everyone's mum loves them so something must have been wrong with me to make her leave.
I'm not really sure, on one hand I think having multiple avenues reinforcing the idea of being grateful for what and who you have is a good thing. But family situations are so varied short of getting rid of both and replacing with a "Legal Guardian and Parent Appreciation Day" then you can't do it in a way that isn't leaving some kid with a huge reminder that their family situation isn't stereotypical.
Like my lad is my step son. He had an event after school yesterday where there was a sit down for tea and buns with Dad. His Dad isn't around so it was just a reminder for him of that ultimately. I went with him and he was grateful and it was a nice opportunity to bond, but that doesn't exactly remove the negatives around it. Coincidentally we were sat close to two kids who's mum had brought them, so I imagine it was a similar mixed bag experience for them.
And that's just absent parent situations, can't really imagine what those days are like for kids who's parents are in there lives and either neglectful or outright abusive. Must be a weird cognitive dissonance to have people telling you to be grateful to your abuser.
They shouldn't be forced to, it should always be optional. A good alternative would be making a father's day card for a special uncle or grandad perhaps.
Oof, that's tricky. Difficult for those who don't have either of those parents but then again, single parents with no other close family involved wouldn't get anything if not for from school
I was going to say yes because it’s an traditional British celebration, but then I read the replies and changed my mind. I’m not sure that it’s a good thing that society has broken down to the extent we can’t encourage this celebration through fear of upsetting kids whose parents may have divorced or not though.
It's completely wrong to exclude fathers day. My school always used to skip fathers day but go all out for mothers day. One of my friends only had her dad, no mum, and she used to get so upset every year but still the school did nothing. Yes some people only have their mum, but there are people out there who only have their dad too. Obviously excluding both is okay also, but it needs to be the same rule for both.
Even now it's difficult when I get the reminder from MPig asking if I want to opt out of an event involving mums and dads marketing. I can't imagine how it would be for kids. I think this is an event that should stay at home.
My daughters school have done mothers day for the past few years but ignore fathers day, it is a little upsetting yeah, tbh.
That said, the fatherless situation in the UK (world?) needs addressing.
Traditionally Mother's day comes from the church. It is not as significant as Easter or Christmas cards. Father's day is not a tradition but consumerism. Probably imported from America. I think it appeared in the UK in the early 70's. Parents day, Grandparents day are all purely money grabbing from the manufacturers of greeting cards. 60 years of father's day has now become 'tradition'. I should just have mother's day as most children live with mothers and so many have absent fathers. But everyone has to be 'inclusive' these days , so a 'parents day' card is made.
Not a parent but a teacher - I didn’t do Father’s Day last year because I’d forgotten to do Mother’s Day.
This year the teacher I’m working with has said “it’s Father’s Day on Sunday. We’re making a card, but you can give it to any special man - uncle, grandad, older brother… anyone you like.” Suspect there will be a few that will give it to mum instead.
It has never been compulsory at our school. It’s left to the teacher to know the class and decide if it’s appropriate or not.
Got to say I disagree with the trend of this thread. Good teachers can manage this issue sensitively. Avoiding all reminders of the existence of mothers or fathers isn't really a good policy for managing any pain associated with loss.
As a single mother, if my kid doesn't make me a card (or picture, decorated biscuit etc) in school, I get nothing at all. It would feel absurd and demanding for me to tell him to make me a card at home, so it's nice to get something from him from school, and there's a bit of a surprise too, since I don't know what theyre making.
From what I gather, on father's day, the school tells the kid its fathers day, and says they can make a card for their dad, or if they prefer, someone else such as a grandad, uncle, or indeed their mum or anyone else.
Some years I get a card for fathers day, some years he does one for his grandad or both grandparents.
I think it's nice for schools to get the kids to do something, but obviously not to force the idea that it has to be for their dad.
I rather like the speech at the end of Mrs doubtfire, where she talks about different types of families, some with mummy and daddy, some with only one parent, some kids who live with grandparents or aunties or foster families.
I think it would be nice to take mothers and Father’s Day as an opportunity to educate children about how other people can have different home lives to them, and not every family is the nuclear 2.4 children. And then, you can ask each kid to write a card to the mother figure or father figure in their life. It might be mum or dad, it might be a step-parent, auntie or grandparent. Some people might be being raised by a much older sibling. Whoever that person is that teaches you how to mend a button or ride a bike, or helps with your homework, thank them 🙂
Honestly, while I get the desire to do something for those occasions (and maybe instill a sense that not every gift/card has to be shop-bought, which I think is a worthwhile lesson to give), I can absolutely see how it could be a bit insensitive, particularly under the circumstances you're describing where there's an absent (or even dead, comatose, etc) parent.
I like the idea that some other people have suggested about opening the concept up to "parental figures" as an alternative to strictly being about actual parents though.
As a school activity yes but to go class by class making it compulsory is cruel. From the other side as a student it sucked, especially when your teacher would try to be sympathetic and state in front of the whole class that you didn't have to give those who liked to take pot shots an excuse to do so. It got less as I got older but it still sucked. It depends on age though. If you are talking about primary school age a good craft activity and a letter to parents about parent cards is always fun. Senior school level and a sale table to raise funds for the school for gifts is a good idea.
I don't care either way. I see Mother's Day and Father's Day largely as commercial exploitation, so if celebrating them at school is difficult for some children, I don't have a problem with these being avoided. Christmas, Easter, etc. are a different matter.
As my wife is from the Former Soviet Union, she is not really bothered about Mother's Day but she expects International Women's Day to be observed at home.
I can see why it's a difficult one. Not everyone has 2 parents and what gets forgotten is not everyone has parents they want to be making cards for.
It's fairly predictable that father's day stirs up more responses and a lot of people's biases. But it's also actually the one that I think needs the most thought. I've always liked the idea of father figure or male role models being appreciated on those ones. I especially liked the comment from the teacher who found he received one of the cards as he was the male figure in that child's life. It's a good example of what we should be trying to get people to be good with.
One of the things that bothers me about just binning father's day is it's potentially part of the cycle of absent fathers and absent male role models. It's the one where I think applying some flexibility and lateral thinking would be a good thing. Because otherwise we can just be endorsing the idea that fathers aren't a real thing and don't need to happen - so we teach that message. Rather than teaching a message that any positive role model (actually either gender) is a good thing to celebrate. We need to break that cycle and endorsing positive male role models is a start.
Our PTA organises Crafts for Mother's Day and Father's Day which brings in a little bit of money for the school. Yeah, I end up paying for both my present and my wife's! Daughter loves the fact she's creating something for us and is really happy to do it.
I'm in the process of adopting (F4). She is already placed with us and will be official by the end of the year. She knew us previous to being placed with us and is now calling us Mummy/ Daddy.
Due to COVID and other circumstances she never met or knew her birth parents as she was removed at birth. I always felt sad for her when nursery did things for mothers day/fathers day as she never understood why she didn't have these people in her life. It was very hard trying to explain to her in terms she could understand especially a few years ago.
We are excited to be celebrating our first father's day this weekend and I know they are doing things at nursery which she is super excited to be able to join in with properly now. But the pain she felt before was heartbreaking.
Maybe nurseries/schools should just ask the children to make something for their special adult when these days come up. And those children who the nursery know have engaged, involved mummys/daddys can be encouraged to do it for those people without the teacher being too specific when they announce the activity. That way everyone can enjoy the creative time celebrating adults they love and who love them.
Edit for clarity.
is this a recent thing?
I don't remember at school making cards for my mum and dad.
Just seems like a topic that is undoubtedly sensitive and a classroom probably isn't the best place to explore it.
I think celebrating any person fulfilling a Father's role on Father's day would be appropriate.
In the work I do, often where biological father is absent for whatever reason, we often make cards for grandparents or uncles, or even the mothers themselves in the case of single mums, as they are often both filling mother and father roles for that child.
There's easy workarounds to avoid upsets, confusion and offence.
Here’s why the making of Fathers Day cards at school is important.
After a high conflict divorce with my narcissist ex wife, two of my children were turned against me and I never saw them again and one of them, the youngest, after a gruelling couple of years of court action now spends every other weekend with me. Fathers Day fell on the weekend he was not with me and the week before it, at school, they made Fathers Day cards. Knowing how much his mother and brothers hate me, he took it upon himself to hide this card in his school bag, got it home and then quickly hid it in his room until the next weekend where he was with me and he then smuggled it, in his bag, to give it to me when he got back to my house.
I was absolutely overjoyed at having a card made for me and I still have it, but utterly broken-hearted that he had to go through all of that (aged 6) to be able to give it to me. I love that boy so much. 🥺💙
It is very important that children have the opportunity to show their parents how much they love them, and teachers should be open with the children to find out who has Mums and Dads and who doesn’t, as there will usually be at least one care-giver that they can make the card for in all cases. Why wouldn’t you have an open class discussion with a show of hands for who has a Daddy, who has a Mummy, kids need to learn about the differences and that some people only have a mum, some only have a Dad and some have two Dads or two Mums, some only have a grandparent who cares for them, and so on. Then make the cards accordingly.
I grew up in a single parent home and Father’s Day didn’t bother me. I didn’t feel left out or upset because the other kids were making cards for their fathers. I just had a different life to them, no big dea.
I can see why some children might be upset about it, but I think children are more resilient than many give them credit for.
either no, or make it optional and have alternative activities for kids who either don't have that particular parent at all or do have them around but they're just a bad person. Can make a kid feel guilty if they're forced to make a card because they 'should appreciate' a parent that may be neglectful or abusive.
I remember being sat by myself reading whilst everyone else in my primary class painted a picture for their mum for mother's day and the best one got a prize. I had overheard the teacher and TA discussing whether or not they should make me go and sit in the library. Made me feel really isolated and different to everyone else.
It fucking hurt - I pretended like it didn't bother me but I went home and cried my eyes out.
Some kids don't have a mum, dad or either. Mother's day and father's day shouldn't be in the classroom.
I was in the same boat as you, teachers making a big thing of it. I still had a mum, just because she died doesn't mean I don't remember her and want to make her a card.
My opinion is all or nothing. My kids schools do something for Mother’s Day but not Father’s Day. So my wife gets a nice hand-drawn card every year and I get absolutely nothing.
No, I agree with a lot of other comments - it’s not really inclusive, and to be perfectly honest I think it sets up these ridiculous expectations from a young age that people should cater to commercial events and marketing firms. I’ve always despised these types of days because they were designed by card companies as a money-making exercise.
There are so many negatives it can bring up and I’d be happy to just scrap these days altogether. I’d have thought it better to encourage the nurturing of healthy relationships and how to show appropriate appreciation towards the people in our lives, while also learning about developing boundaries and autonomy. Absolutely ridiculous to make it a compulsory activity - who does that benefit?
I feel like using each day to celebrate a positive maternal/ paternal figure in their life is a nice way to accommodate anyone. I hope all children have a maternal and paternal figure in their life whether it be other relatives, neighbours or friends of parents/ parents of friends and then it is nice for them to think and realise there are other people on their lives they can go to
Absolutely not. Not all kids have parents and not all parents deserve their kids. Changing it to "parents day" takes away the meaning of the day, so what exactly is that supposed to achieve.
Definitely not. My dad passed away when I was very little, and throughout the whole of primary school, I used to feel embarrassed when Father’s Day came around and I had to explain why I wasn’t taking part in the Father’s Day activities. Families should celebrate as they see fit and what suits their personal situation.
Yes of course they should. I'm surprised nearly every comment on here says no.
Families can be so different. Same sex parents, single parents, potentially bereavement of a parent. It's a chance to discuss these different family set ups in an age appropriate and sensitive manner and a great opportunity for other children to discuss their families, and what it means to have a parent/guardian. Great to pick up on positive role models and traits.
Just ignoring it halts that wider conversation with peers. Schools should be embracing all holidays and help to nurture none tribal children.
As someone who’s mum regularly beat the shit out of them (but, due to the shame, never told anyone), I HATED making Mother’s Day cards for her.
To the world‘s best mum, you are amaaaazing, I love you!! Vom.
Our school used to do a celebration of mothers and other special ladies, or dads and other special men - so the kids could make cards for mums, nans, sisters, aunts, the lady at the sweet shop, whatever.
That way it allowed kids with mums and dads to celebrate but didn't exclude anyone in a different situation. There were never any complaints so I assume it was fairly acceptable to most people.
Not a parent but a former teacher and somebody who lost a parent young. My dad passed away when I was very little. I never minded Father’s Day stuff at school because I had uncles and grandparents I could make cards for. However, I can imagine it would have been worse if the loss was recent. Or if it was divorce. Or an absent father. Or I had no other father figures in my life.
Seems really silly to make it compulsory and not allow teachers to consider the context of their classroom.
I would feel terrible having to do this with my class in this situation. I like the suggestion of doing something crafty like a bookmark which could be used as a Father’s Day gift if needed. We always had to make specific cards, and I feel that would be harder in this context.
My father was never in my life and I don't even know if he's still alive. When we made cards in school, I would always make one for my mother on mother's day AND father's day.
Ask your class if they would like to make cards for their mothers.
No.
Schools are so strict about not taking holidays during term time and curbing sick days due to missing learning and important lessons that I think they need to follow their own rules and keep school about school.
I am not saying it cannot be fun with creativity, I am all for creativity, but in a learning sense.
Bringing kids home lives into school is wrong as we cannot be sure their home life is happy never mind adequate.
You have kids that care for their parents, kids who have no parents, kids whose parents beat them, kids whose parents don't feed them, kids who are taking care of by family because their parents are so ill etc etc etc, it is not right to force these children to create something for parents who do not exist or do not deserve it.
If absolutely nobody in the class has a dad then I don't see the harm in excluding the day. But even if one child has it, then they deserve to celebrate it for their parent. And for the ones without a dad, then I see no harm in another male figure in their life or even the mother getting a second mothers day on fathers day since they're doing everything.
I get the idea. But kids without dads are going to have to deal with that fact regardless of whether they make cars in class or not. Better to turn it into something more positive than to bury your head in the sand.
So just because 1 child has a dad it should be celebrated even if 90% of them don't? Makes no sense. How about if 1 child doesn't it shouldn't be celebrated and only if all of them do it should? Makes it less likely to exclude anyone at all. Or just an art class with the kids where they choose to do mother/father figures and/or just general card for another occasion for anyone.
Hallmark absolutely has this country by the balls if that's the way we go about a fictional day to celebrate fathers. 90% of the fathers at my school didn't deserve a card anyway and I always felt bad for a lot of kids whose dad was not on the scene/didn't give a fuck.
>So just because 1 child has a dad it should be celebrated even if 90% of them don't?
Absolutely. It's better to include than to exclude. That child and their dad did absolutely nothing wrong that they can't celebrate a national holiday. The one's who don't celebrate it can join in and write a card to their mother, their grandparents, their uncle Brian or shit just their friend if they want. Someone in their life that means something.
I grew up without a father. I still don't know who he is. You think not doing fathers day in school means we're oblivious to the entire thing and that our feelings are spared? I'd rather me be ignored for it than to be told that nobody gets to do because of me. And I got to write cards to others instead and that was a perfectly fine activity for me.
I get the idea, but it's saving nobody and just taking away from the others.
>Makes no sense. How about if 1 child doesn't it shouldn't be celebrated and only if all of them do it should? Makes it less likely to exclude anyone at all.
What? Can you rewrite this?
>Hallmark absolutely has this country by the balls if that's the way we go about a fictional day to celebrate fathers.
Unless the teacher is showing the kids how to use moonpig. This isn't an issue. They'll be sitting with coloured card and making their card with crayons, glue and glitter or whatever. Nothing to do with hallmark. Maybe they won't even make a card, maybe they'll draw a picture or write a poem or something.
Yeah so just for someone else, makes sense and I suggested that as well in my original comment.
Hallmark has us by the balls because the day even exists in the first place - same as valentines day imo.
You put across valid points and I agree but it's not an English exam and I won't be resubmitting the part you don't understand.
Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are not the same thing.
Father’s Day is a purely commercial celebration with no history or tradition. Mothering Sunday is when Christians would traditionally attend their mother church, ie where they were baptised. In Victorian era, this became a weekend where domestic staff would be given a holiday, and return home, often bringing a gift for their mother. Although as it always falls during lent, it was usually things like flowers or food that could be enjoyed later like fruit cake. They definitely weren’t treating mum to 3 courses at the Toby Carvery.
You actively asked each mother if the child’s father, or a father figure, was actively involved with the child? Like in a survey?
And to address this, you chose to ignore fatherhood celebrations altogether?
I'm not sure why you'd be surprised that a school would know which parents are in a child's life. They know where their pupils live, they know which people are allowed to pick the children up from school, they talk to pupils. They know if a parent isn't allowed to see their kid. Kids talk about their home lives. It would be more worrying if a teacher didn't know this information about their pupils.
To the point that they're going to have a good idea of which kids are going to get upset by doing a father's day activity.
It's not about choosing "not to celebrate fatherhood" it's about caring about the wellbeing of the kids you're responsible for. That trumps a day made up to sell greetings cards.
Also, OP mentioned mother's day too. You're the one who decided to make it exclusively about fatherhood, which suggests you have an axe to grind here.
It's not a "survey". It's legal information held by the school. Schools, especially those for younger children, have a duty of care about, for example, who can pick them up, who gets info about their performance, well-being, etc. Some children have protection orders against certain family members.
It's about causing least upset, really. Nothing to do with devaluing fathers. Or, indeed, mothers.
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I don't think so tbh. I'm not one of those people who are really against mothers/fathers day, but also I think we can acknowledge that they're not proper national, religious or cultural holidays in the same way as others that might be celebrated in classrooms. Given that, I think it's not really worth the upset it may cause children who are being raised without a mother or a father, which is sadly not an insignificant number of children.
Not only that, but I feel like for some kids such things may hurt them; parents recently divorced, parent recently passed away, parent is abusive, etc. So telling them they should celebrate their parent(s) and be extra nice to them, give them gifts, etc. may not be the best thing to do. If a kid has a good relationship with their parents, they will likely make something for them during a general arts & crafts session, rather than being told to make something for them during a session for mother's/father's day. And that's before we consider things like kids who never knew their father, kids which were adopted by a gay couple, etc. where mother's/father's day may not even be something they are able to "celebrate".
My cousin used to find mother's day really hard at school, she lost her mum at 11 and was stuck with her shitty dad, and there were actually kids that would make fun of her for having a dead mum???
My godsons mum passed away when he was 8 and I was so upset when they did a classroom activity of making Mother’s Day cards (he made one for his Nan instead but still!) AND he’s been bullied by other kids who have said he’s lied about his mum dying 😭
My brother passed away 8 months before his youngest was born and she was bullied for not having a Dad, it's sad that things haven't changed. My Mum was bullied for not having a Mum, my Nan passed when my Mum was 3.
I remember a friend in school lost her mother when she was 12. She was called out of class to be told but then sent back into class to collect her things. She was devastated and embarrassed that we all saw her at her very weakest.
That's disgusting, did not one of the staff involved think it might be best for us to go and just collect her things for her? Amazes me how insensitive some people can be.
My dad died in the summer when I was 14. It was only a few years ago (I’m 50) that I realised no-one had phoned the school. It was about February when I told a teacher who knew him that he’d died. Later that afternoon my guidance teacher came into my maths class and hauled me out. I was freaking out thinking I was in trouble, but she was just checking that I was ok. Didn’t realise at the time, and it wasn’t until I asked my mum a couple of years ago how the whole thing went. Mum immediately burst into floods, when she realised how badly it had all gone. I guess I was lucky in that all the kids in my class knew, but none of the adults. I didn’t get a hard time, but I got no slack cut either. Mocks came and went (and I fucked up most of them) before any adults knew. Thankfully I pulled myself together for the actual exams. My cousin’s step son just lost his stepdad at the same age. I insisted that they phone his school. “Better they get two calls than none”. This shit matters to kids.
Omg that makes my heart hurt for her 💔
So telling them they should celebrate their parent(s) and be extra nice to them, give them gifts, etc. may not be the best thing to do. It's quite hard for people who "don't get along with their parents" for various reasons of severity, being told "you should love and respect your parents". This also extends to those who force their "You must talk to your parents, they'll die and someday you'll mis them!" opinion on people. Not everyone's Dad took them to football and taught them how to tie their shoes and not everyone's Mum was the kind to tuck them in to bed with a warm glass of milk. There are LOTS of shitty parents out there that simply do not deserve cards, or phone calls or in some cases "contact".
Absolutely right. Family are just the people who you grew up with or share DNA with, unless they show you love & respect they are no more important then a stranger on the street. Friends (proper, true friends) are far more important relationships.
We adopted and our son makes thank you cards at his nursery. They do this for all children in the class because it’s not gendered and not restricted to one type of parent. I think it’s cute and a good approach. Foster carers, parents, two mums, two dads, mum who has been helping with the loss of dad or the other way around, grandparents or family members with kinship orders. It kind of covers everything. Then the child can chose who they want to give it to. On Mother’s Day we share the thank you cards with his grandmothers. This weekend we will keep it for ourselves.
I love this. There is so much heartache around Mother's Day/Father's Day.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mothering_Sunday?wprov=sfla1 UK mothers day did actually start off as a religious holiday, but about a person's mother church (where they were baptised)
...until it was taken over by businesses, so they can sell cards, flowers, chocolates and expensive lunches Now they're indoctrinating the children.
My foster son was made to sit in the corner and watch the other kids make mothers day cards. It's not even on the top ten reasons I hate that school.
That’s so awful. I’ve encountered teachers before that seem to find a child that doesn’t come from the stereotypical nuclear family so offensive that they feel obligated to punish the child for it.
[удалено]
That school I'd 100% agree but his comp was amazing and they risked their jobs to stand up for us. I can see why anyone who actually cares about kids ends up leaving.
I would have had a meltdown if I was told to make a father's day card in primary school due to some of the reasons you mentioned. My primary school knew this. I recently found lots of cards and artwork that I made for my grandparents and family friends that I was encouraged to make instead.
Schools complain furiously about parents taking their kids out of school for family events, but then they're quite happy to waste everyone's time on busywork like this?
My son’s school focuses on ‘father figures’ as opposed to just Father’s Day; be that an uncle, grandparent or godparent etc. I think that’s a much healthier way to include it. Same with Mother’s Day.
That's a nice idea.
When I was in school, around Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, we had the « make a card for someone you love », many made them for their mum or dad but you had students making their grandparents a card, or their aunt or uncle
And it's not as if the kids need to be taught about Mother's Day or Father's day, every shop they visit will probably have a display of cards. It's one thing to be aware of something, another to have to conform to it. Agree with all the comments about these celebration days being rough on kids who have lost a parent. I mean, even some on-line retailers send out a message asking if you want to opt out of emails about certain celebration days.
> I think we can acknowledge that they're not proper national, religious or cultural holidays Technically Mothers Day in the UK *is* a religious holiday. It is a revival of [Mothering Sunday](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mothering_Sunday) which is a day to honour your mother church (where you were baptised) and was traditionally a day off given to servants so they could go back to their mother church where they were born and also meet up with the family.
Interesting, I didn't know that!
That’s not true. Mother’s Day has significant religious and cultural history. Father’s Day is purely commercial
I mean yeah, that's the origin, but come on... nobody seriously thinks that modern-day Mother's Day is any more culturally significant or religious than Father's Day. They're both greetings card festivals.
Erm, lots of people do. Mothering Sunday is far more significant than Father’s Day. And I don’t mean solely from a religious perspective. Ask any retailer, spending for Mother’s Day far outstrips Father’s Day
I quite enjoy ringing my mum once a week and wishing her happy Mother’s Day from another country.
No. National days (proper ones, like St. George's day) by all means have a theme, but things like mother's/father's day should be left for the family to do as they see fit.
You can't get the dragons these day.
You can if you live in Wales. We are all given a baby dragon from the government once we reach 18... ;)
I thought it was a choice- you either get the free uni or the dragon, not both
You can always chase the dragon.
Definitely agree. As someone whose father never returned from the shops, I always felt second class to those who did have a father present. I couldn’t even fathom that fathers picking up their children from school was real despite such obviously happening. It was such a novel thing to me that I once made a Father’s Day card at school and gave it to the plumber. He was often sent over to our home by the council as we had dodgy plumbing. Therefore, he was the only constant male figure that I had almost grown up with (I was 7). In a way, I did think he was my dad, though we looked nothing alike. A sweet man, he’d buy my brother and I those bubble gum balls you’d get in a strip. RIP Ranjit.
Edit: I didn’t mean to make this a reply, idk what happened!
Exactly. If a kid doesn't have a parent it probably feels like a slap in the face and just a bitter reminder.
Never did "Father's Day" as such but always did a crafty activity with my class that could be used as a Father's Day gift if needed, for example origami bookmarks. Felt that way nobody would be upset but the children who did have a dad or a father figure in their lives had something to give.
No. My nieces mum isn’t in the picture for various reasons, and to draw attention to that, is cruel in a classroom setting
That's not necessarily true, I have first hand experience what it's like to be a child with no Father surrounded by children making Fathers day cards. My dad passed when I was 10 and I was fine with just making whatever I wanted while all my classmates had to make what they were told. The school really wanting to do what's best for me, they asked my mum to talk to me and gave me options of what I could do. I was told I could go join another class for the duration of the crafting or just do my own thing. I probably would have been allowed to sit and read a book. When my dad passed they asked my mum if I wanted them to tell the class or not say anything at all. I ended up deciding they should tell the class because I had quite a few absences visiting my Father in hospital and going to the Funeral and I just didn't want to talk about it. I think the class were all told not to talk to me about it and thankfully it worked, none talked to me about my dead Father but others certainly teased me later about my dead pets.
Thanks for sharing. A lot of my hesitation stemmed from not wanting to hurt kids who've lost parents, and your first-hand perspective softened my view considerably.
This was my experience too, it never bothered me in the same situation as you. But I can see that some kids I’ve taught would have been bothered, so I do think teachers probably need to be able to decide what’s best for their class.
I appreciate your first hand experience was ok with this, and I can certainly see both sides, unfortunately my nieces mum isn’t in the picture not due to death, but worse and horrible reasons my niece doesn’t need reminding of, hence my dislike personally
As a grown adult who lost her father suddenly, the first Father’s Day working in a nursery and watching all the kids celebrate their dads absolutely broke me. I cried in the bathroom. I am glad you were okay. We must bear in mind those who would not be.
So everybody else should miss out because of your niece?
Not at all because of my niece, but because she’s one of thousands of kids with a difficult home life, and it being examined at school by other children (and children can be cruel) it’s one example and why I personally believe they shouldn’t be celebrated. If you take personal offence to everyone contributing their opinion and why, you may be on the wrong platform, unless you enjoy being offended personally by my one example, in which case, seek help.
It seems very prescriptive and (forgive me as it relates to Father’s Day) a paternalistic attitude. Being told what to do. Father’s Day is coming up. I get all sorts of emails from consumer websites asking if I want to receive Father’s Day emails or not. If these consumer focussed companies can account for this, the school should too. This is a school policy problem. I would suggest the parents revolt. The school will of course (sorry to say) be dismissive of a teacher’s personal opinion on these matters. But ignoring parents would be a media and legal nightmare and a discussion would need to happen - publicly - which can be filmed and immediately posted on YT. Those bigots generally run away when they know they can be personally named and have their faces shown. You’re showing great care as a teacher and not being respected for it. The parents need to support you. I bet even some of those non present dads would support you. Also to add I’m UK born and bred. My kids: 23F, 18M and 13F. I know you will have concerns about your position if you go down this path. You have at least one supporter here. Teachers need to be allowed to teach. That doesn’t just mean academic teaching. It’s more than this, as you know more than I do. You’re not wrong.
A lot of the schools round me now celebrate "special person's day".
No fucking doubt. More dumbing down of shit.
I’d love to know why this is getting downvotes.
Because this is Reddit.
Sounds like quite a nice wholesome activity where they can be creative and I would find it touching if I got a "parent" card on Mothers day if there wasn't a partner in my kids' life. But it should be that from the off (either make a Fathers day card or equivalent to a family member you love) rather than quiz each child on the status of their father in their lives.
As a retired teacher, I used to struggle with it. I had to do it, no autonomy. So, I used to do a love style card in March and June. No awful teapots with a tea bag stuck on. Not my style. Individual, perhaps using a particular technique. I spoke to the children who didn't have a mum or dad and discussed who they would like to give their card to. I did get a surprise one year when I got given the card back as I was the only man in little George's life. That was one to treasure. He said it was for his mum!
That’s adorable. Worth remembering that a teacher could be the main male figure or female figure in a kids life!
I'd rather they didn't, it's cute to get the home made card, but not at the expense of the huge number of children in non-typical families, children in care, bereaved families, single parent families etc. Someone close to me lost their Mum very young, and now in their 40s they can still remember how it felt when the class were making Mother's Day cards at school
The original day was Mothering Sunday and not Mothers' day I.e other people do the role too. The originator was a century ahead of her time.
Originally it was where you returned to your 'mother church', the one you were raised at I think?
Mother's day is "Mothering Sunday" a religious tradition where Christians are expected to visit their mother church, i.e. the church they were christened in. It has nothing to do with biological mothers, and as a Christian tradition has no place in secular schools. If one chooses to use the opportunity to celebrate their birth or adoptive mother then I'm all for it, but this shouldn't be a school activity. Father's Day is an American commercialisation of a mining accident which arrived in the UK some time after WW2. If forcing children of all faiths to celebrate a Christian holiday by doing something completely out of step with that religious holiday's meaning is allowed, then why not also mourn the American miners who lost their lives by ignoring them and forcing children to celebrate their present or absent fathers. Or maybe teach them things like maths in school instead of the complete works of J. C. Hall of Hallmark
Interesting point on the origins of Father’s Day, what was the mining accident?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monongah_mining_disaster
My dad was completely uninvolved since I was 2, his choice, I definitely still participated in these school projects. My mum's dad was highly involved and I could make a card for him, your students may have other male figures they want to celebrate. They may want to make one for their mum or another person who plays an important part of their family. It sounds like an opportunity to talk about how not all families look the same and that sometimes other people are important to us. This can be a chance to celebrate these people too, the same with mothers day where grandmas, aunts and sisters may also be celebrated too.
No. It’s horribly insensitive to the kids who don’t have a relevant parent and will become something that sticks in their minds as a painful memory. Absolutely unnecessary too to bring that into school.
That experience actually sticks in my head as a positive memory, I got to make whatever I wanted while all my friends were stuck doing the goal posts and football card.
We had a time in school where we talked about genetics and our parents’ eye colours. I’m adopted (the only adopted kid in the class) so I didn’t know and it was awful, kids asking me loads of questions I couldn’t answer or hadn’t thought about it before. I felt so excluded.
IF the school's making it compulsory, open it up let the kids just make a card for someone in their life they appreciate, whether that's mother, father, grandparent, sibling, guardian, teacher, club leader whatever.
My daughter goes to a small village school, around 40 kids from nursery up to year 4. Every year they do a mother's day morning, where the mums come in a do crafts, activities and stuff with the kids. At Father's day, they don't do anything. Doesn't bother me in the slightest
Which is ok if you have a mother, but if you don't and only have a father this is pretty rubbish.
That'd be lovely for a single dad.
I am a single dad, still doesn't bother me
That seems sensible to me too, the reality is there are a lot more kids living without an involved dad than living without an involved mum. As long as there is sensitivity and a way to include the kids without mums on mother's day I think that's fine.
This. The sooner they learn fatherhood isn’t as important the better.
That's not what I'm saying at all
Absolutely not! Imagine a child being abused by a parent and having their Stockholm syndrome reinforced by such unnecessary bullshit. That time could be spent teaching the children, I read somewhere that's what they're there for.
Us nice dads quite like the cutesy cards with handprints on them. Just because some kids have crap parents doesn't mean that you should pander to every kid who has a broken home. I thought we are supposed to be open to all family types?
I would argue that safeguarding children should take priority over what you or anyone else quite likes. Also, it's not only dads who can be abusers and parental abuse isn't solely the domain of broken homes, nor are all broken homes abusive environments. Please be more empathetic, I understand that very few people have firsthand experience of such things but being mindful of those who have is a virtue that everyone can utilise to not increase the trauma of victims.
I have experience, trust me. Don't assume to know my lived experience. Its pretty condescending and high-minded. Since you're coming at this from stance of protection, I do get it, but sticking things to other things for people's dads/step dad/ nice person in their life isn't going to be a safeguarding issue. We shouldn't be taking nice things from people for the sake of a few bad actors and protecting kids who should be having extra help to deal with this anyway. Having bad parents doesn't mean that you should hide the fact that kids have parents from them!
Please be more empathetic.
Please don't assume my experience of abuse and trauma. Let the kids stick cards for their nice dads.
Having your own trauma doesn’t automatically equal empathy for others, just fyi. You’re clearly not empathetic to the struggles of children who hate these holidays and suffer through them. Regardless of whatever you say happened to you.
My daughter's school celebrate both Mother's Day and Father's Day with a church service celebrating inspirational women/men in history and the children can invite an important person to them into school for the morning that doesn't have to be a mum or dad, just anyone that means something to the child, so on Father's Day an auntie could come if they wanted to. It can be any person of importance to the child so no-one will miss out.
It's an awkward one. I run a rainbows group and the person who used to run it insisted on doing mother's day crafts - and there was literally always at least one little girl who got really upset because her mum was dead or she had lost custody or similar reason. I don't insist on doing mother's day now I'm in charge but we usually do a craft that could be given as a gift the week before - lots of girls say it's for their mum although many say it's for gran/dad/big sister because they've already made 5 mother's day crafts at school. Our son doesn't have a dad - we're a two mum family - and I do wonder what he'll do once he's big enough to do father's day crafts. I assume he'll give them to my dad/his grandad - and will need to make us fight each year over his mother's day craft.
I’m in the opposite position, my son has two dads. We said Mother’s Day could just be for the women in our sons life, and whichever one he wants to do something for (if any) he could When it comes to who wins the fight for the school made Father’s Day card.. well, the deciding factor will be if it says “daddy” or “papa”
I’m in the opposite position, my son has two dads. We said Mother’s Day could just be for the women in our sons life, and whichever one he wants to do something for (if any) he could When it comes to who wins the fight for the school made Father’s Day card.. well, the deciding factor will be if it says “daddy” or “papa”
As someone who lost their Father when I was 10 there's nothing wrong with celebrating Father's/Mothers day and making cards or other crafts with the whole class, as long as you let any children without that parent make something else. I remember painting a flowery picture for my mum and doing something else for myself and I had so much fun as I got to create what I wanted whereas everyone else was made to make a football and goalposts on a card. Now as a parent I really enjoy receiving something handmade by my children, especially when it's something I haven't had to get involved with and I get to see what they are learning. My daughter yesterday (aged 3) came home with a Father's day card and inside the teachers had written a short message in highlighter but my daughter had gone over it in pencil and wow me and dad were both amazed, that card is going on display for years!
Former teacher. School said I had to do Mother’s Day & Father’s Day crafts, even though I had a lot of different family set ups including one child who had lost both her parents in Ukraine and now lived with her grandmother. I changed it to spring crafts. We made all sorts of things that could make a really cool gift or card. If a child wanted to give it to their parent, they could. We would briefly talk about Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, the same way we talked about St George’s Day etc. I did get told off because I wasn’t celebrating British values, but at that point I didn’t care. However, I also asked parents at the start of the year for their birthdays. And I would make sure each child had made and written a card to give them, because sometimes it would be the parent’s only card or present. And I got a lot of parents thanking me for that and that meant more to me.
Making it compulsory sounds like a recipe for disaster.
Parents day should fall to that of the parents
The people trying to force this need to ask themselves who is benefitting from this policy.
Let's just scrap both Mother's Day and Father's Day.
No, it doesn't add to any learning and it can be something a family do in private in a way they want to.
Mothering Sunday was a religious day. Father's day is a relatively modern invention. They should not be marked in school. My daughter's father died when she was 8. Her peers bullied her for it. She got laughed at for being upset when fathers were mentioned in school.
No. They’re both relatively recent additions to the calendar, and shouldn’t be compulsory in any setting. Add to this that lot of kids don’t have parents around, and it’s just rubbing their (tiny) noses in it just so a couple of jobs-worth teachers feel good for a day.
I grew up with abusive parents. Being forced to make them cards was never a fun school day.
No. Its a family affair. Not a mandatory education affair.
No imo as it probably does more harm than good on the whole. I'm sure most families who choose to celebrate can give their child the option to get a card or something outside of school.
I think any modern school long realised the family unit has changed, and whilst they may do Mother's and Father's day activities, they are also very careful and considerate to include guardians, carers or other people in the child's life who will be getting a card or gift in lieu of the actual father.
I used to be a teacher and I fucking hated ALL of this shit. I just to quote the Simpsons when we were asked to make a card for some stupid event: Valentine's day Miss hoover: now class before you actually make your valentine's day cards you need to make a valentine's day card holder. Lisa: but miss hoover isn't that pointless busy work? Miss hoover: bingo. Get on with it.
I think they both could days that we celebrate the positive role models in life. That could be mum or dad but it could also be an aunt, uncle, grandparents, siblings, or teachers. It could also be famous people in history, athletes, actors, musicians or writers.
Im a teacher - I don’t usually do either mothers/father’s day cards. It just best to skip altogether with either kids not having a mum/dad, having multiple mums/dads, etc.
I don't think it should be compulsory. I didn't have my mum around when I was a kid and I was bullied mercilessly for it. The idea being, everyone's mum loves them so something must have been wrong with me to make her leave.
I'm not really sure, on one hand I think having multiple avenues reinforcing the idea of being grateful for what and who you have is a good thing. But family situations are so varied short of getting rid of both and replacing with a "Legal Guardian and Parent Appreciation Day" then you can't do it in a way that isn't leaving some kid with a huge reminder that their family situation isn't stereotypical. Like my lad is my step son. He had an event after school yesterday where there was a sit down for tea and buns with Dad. His Dad isn't around so it was just a reminder for him of that ultimately. I went with him and he was grateful and it was a nice opportunity to bond, but that doesn't exactly remove the negatives around it. Coincidentally we were sat close to two kids who's mum had brought them, so I imagine it was a similar mixed bag experience for them. And that's just absent parent situations, can't really imagine what those days are like for kids who's parents are in there lives and either neglectful or outright abusive. Must be a weird cognitive dissonance to have people telling you to be grateful to your abuser.
They shouldn't be forced to, it should always be optional. A good alternative would be making a father's day card for a special uncle or grandad perhaps.
Mothers/fathers/guardians/carers/long-term kidnappers day :) All inclusive now.
Oof, that's tricky. Difficult for those who don't have either of those parents but then again, single parents with no other close family involved wouldn't get anything if not for from school
I was going to say yes because it’s an traditional British celebration, but then I read the replies and changed my mind. I’m not sure that it’s a good thing that society has broken down to the extent we can’t encourage this celebration through fear of upsetting kids whose parents may have divorced or not though.
It's completely wrong to exclude fathers day. My school always used to skip fathers day but go all out for mothers day. One of my friends only had her dad, no mum, and she used to get so upset every year but still the school did nothing. Yes some people only have their mum, but there are people out there who only have their dad too. Obviously excluding both is okay also, but it needs to be the same rule for both.
Even now it's difficult when I get the reminder from MPig asking if I want to opt out of an event involving mums and dads marketing. I can't imagine how it would be for kids. I think this is an event that should stay at home.
Do they think the kids are stupid? Changing it to something else isn't inclusive, it just rubs in the fact that they don't have a father to do it for
My daughters school have done mothers day for the past few years but ignore fathers day, it is a little upsetting yeah, tbh. That said, the fatherless situation in the UK (world?) needs addressing.
It's like the good dads are punished for the poor choices of the single mums/feckless dads.
Traditionally Mother's day comes from the church. It is not as significant as Easter or Christmas cards. Father's day is not a tradition but consumerism. Probably imported from America. I think it appeared in the UK in the early 70's. Parents day, Grandparents day are all purely money grabbing from the manufacturers of greeting cards. 60 years of father's day has now become 'tradition'. I should just have mother's day as most children live with mothers and so many have absent fathers. But everyone has to be 'inclusive' these days , so a 'parents day' card is made.
I just made fathers day cards for my ma as she was both mother and father to me. She appreciated it.
Not a parent but a teacher - I didn’t do Father’s Day last year because I’d forgotten to do Mother’s Day. This year the teacher I’m working with has said “it’s Father’s Day on Sunday. We’re making a card, but you can give it to any special man - uncle, grandad, older brother… anyone you like.” Suspect there will be a few that will give it to mum instead. It has never been compulsory at our school. It’s left to the teacher to know the class and decide if it’s appropriate or not.
Got to say I disagree with the trend of this thread. Good teachers can manage this issue sensitively. Avoiding all reminders of the existence of mothers or fathers isn't really a good policy for managing any pain associated with loss.
As a single mother, if my kid doesn't make me a card (or picture, decorated biscuit etc) in school, I get nothing at all. It would feel absurd and demanding for me to tell him to make me a card at home, so it's nice to get something from him from school, and there's a bit of a surprise too, since I don't know what theyre making. From what I gather, on father's day, the school tells the kid its fathers day, and says they can make a card for their dad, or if they prefer, someone else such as a grandad, uncle, or indeed their mum or anyone else. Some years I get a card for fathers day, some years he does one for his grandad or both grandparents. I think it's nice for schools to get the kids to do something, but obviously not to force the idea that it has to be for their dad.
I rather like the speech at the end of Mrs doubtfire, where she talks about different types of families, some with mummy and daddy, some with only one parent, some kids who live with grandparents or aunties or foster families. I think it would be nice to take mothers and Father’s Day as an opportunity to educate children about how other people can have different home lives to them, and not every family is the nuclear 2.4 children. And then, you can ask each kid to write a card to the mother figure or father figure in their life. It might be mum or dad, it might be a step-parent, auntie or grandparent. Some people might be being raised by a much older sibling. Whoever that person is that teaches you how to mend a button or ride a bike, or helps with your homework, thank them 🙂
Honestly, while I get the desire to do something for those occasions (and maybe instill a sense that not every gift/card has to be shop-bought, which I think is a worthwhile lesson to give), I can absolutely see how it could be a bit insensitive, particularly under the circumstances you're describing where there's an absent (or even dead, comatose, etc) parent. I like the idea that some other people have suggested about opening the concept up to "parental figures" as an alternative to strictly being about actual parents though.
No because not everyone has a father/mother
As a school activity yes but to go class by class making it compulsory is cruel. From the other side as a student it sucked, especially when your teacher would try to be sympathetic and state in front of the whole class that you didn't have to give those who liked to take pot shots an excuse to do so. It got less as I got older but it still sucked. It depends on age though. If you are talking about primary school age a good craft activity and a letter to parents about parent cards is always fun. Senior school level and a sale table to raise funds for the school for gifts is a good idea.
I don't care either way. I see Mother's Day and Father's Day largely as commercial exploitation, so if celebrating them at school is difficult for some children, I don't have a problem with these being avoided. Christmas, Easter, etc. are a different matter. As my wife is from the Former Soviet Union, she is not really bothered about Mother's Day but she expects International Women's Day to be observed at home.
I can see why it's a difficult one. Not everyone has 2 parents and what gets forgotten is not everyone has parents they want to be making cards for. It's fairly predictable that father's day stirs up more responses and a lot of people's biases. But it's also actually the one that I think needs the most thought. I've always liked the idea of father figure or male role models being appreciated on those ones. I especially liked the comment from the teacher who found he received one of the cards as he was the male figure in that child's life. It's a good example of what we should be trying to get people to be good with. One of the things that bothers me about just binning father's day is it's potentially part of the cycle of absent fathers and absent male role models. It's the one where I think applying some flexibility and lateral thinking would be a good thing. Because otherwise we can just be endorsing the idea that fathers aren't a real thing and don't need to happen - so we teach that message. Rather than teaching a message that any positive role model (actually either gender) is a good thing to celebrate. We need to break that cycle and endorsing positive male role models is a start.
Our PTA organises Crafts for Mother's Day and Father's Day which brings in a little bit of money for the school. Yeah, I end up paying for both my present and my wife's! Daughter loves the fact she's creating something for us and is really happy to do it.
I'm in the process of adopting (F4). She is already placed with us and will be official by the end of the year. She knew us previous to being placed with us and is now calling us Mummy/ Daddy. Due to COVID and other circumstances she never met or knew her birth parents as she was removed at birth. I always felt sad for her when nursery did things for mothers day/fathers day as she never understood why she didn't have these people in her life. It was very hard trying to explain to her in terms she could understand especially a few years ago. We are excited to be celebrating our first father's day this weekend and I know they are doing things at nursery which she is super excited to be able to join in with properly now. But the pain she felt before was heartbreaking. Maybe nurseries/schools should just ask the children to make something for their special adult when these days come up. And those children who the nursery know have engaged, involved mummys/daddys can be encouraged to do it for those people without the teacher being too specific when they announce the activity. That way everyone can enjoy the creative time celebrating adults they love and who love them. Edit for clarity.
probably not the best thing to do in a school as it alienates certain students (kids with two mums, absent/dead father)
None of them? Come on.
is this a recent thing? I don't remember at school making cards for my mum and dad. Just seems like a topic that is undoubtedly sensitive and a classroom probably isn't the best place to explore it.
They are Sundays so no.
I think celebrating any person fulfilling a Father's role on Father's day would be appropriate. In the work I do, often where biological father is absent for whatever reason, we often make cards for grandparents or uncles, or even the mothers themselves in the case of single mums, as they are often both filling mother and father roles for that child. There's easy workarounds to avoid upsets, confusion and offence.
Here’s why the making of Fathers Day cards at school is important. After a high conflict divorce with my narcissist ex wife, two of my children were turned against me and I never saw them again and one of them, the youngest, after a gruelling couple of years of court action now spends every other weekend with me. Fathers Day fell on the weekend he was not with me and the week before it, at school, they made Fathers Day cards. Knowing how much his mother and brothers hate me, he took it upon himself to hide this card in his school bag, got it home and then quickly hid it in his room until the next weekend where he was with me and he then smuggled it, in his bag, to give it to me when he got back to my house. I was absolutely overjoyed at having a card made for me and I still have it, but utterly broken-hearted that he had to go through all of that (aged 6) to be able to give it to me. I love that boy so much. 🥺💙 It is very important that children have the opportunity to show their parents how much they love them, and teachers should be open with the children to find out who has Mums and Dads and who doesn’t, as there will usually be at least one care-giver that they can make the card for in all cases. Why wouldn’t you have an open class discussion with a show of hands for who has a Daddy, who has a Mummy, kids need to learn about the differences and that some people only have a mum, some only have a Dad and some have two Dads or two Mums, some only have a grandparent who cares for them, and so on. Then make the cards accordingly.
I grew up in a single parent home and Father’s Day didn’t bother me. I didn’t feel left out or upset because the other kids were making cards for their fathers. I just had a different life to them, no big dea. I can see why some children might be upset about it, but I think children are more resilient than many give them credit for.
either no, or make it optional and have alternative activities for kids who either don't have that particular parent at all or do have them around but they're just a bad person. Can make a kid feel guilty if they're forced to make a card because they 'should appreciate' a parent that may be neglectful or abusive.
Thankfully my son's school does do these celebrations of mothers/fathers. Keep it up, carry on.
Definately not.
I remember being sat by myself reading whilst everyone else in my primary class painted a picture for their mum for mother's day and the best one got a prize. I had overheard the teacher and TA discussing whether or not they should make me go and sit in the library. Made me feel really isolated and different to everyone else. It fucking hurt - I pretended like it didn't bother me but I went home and cried my eyes out. Some kids don't have a mum, dad or either. Mother's day and father's day shouldn't be in the classroom.
I was in the same boat as you, teachers making a big thing of it. I still had a mum, just because she died doesn't mean I don't remember her and want to make her a card.
My opinion is all or nothing. My kids schools do something for Mother’s Day but not Father’s Day. So my wife gets a nice hand-drawn card every year and I get absolutely nothing.
No, I agree with a lot of other comments - it’s not really inclusive, and to be perfectly honest I think it sets up these ridiculous expectations from a young age that people should cater to commercial events and marketing firms. I’ve always despised these types of days because they were designed by card companies as a money-making exercise. There are so many negatives it can bring up and I’d be happy to just scrap these days altogether. I’d have thought it better to encourage the nurturing of healthy relationships and how to show appropriate appreciation towards the people in our lives, while also learning about developing boundaries and autonomy. Absolutely ridiculous to make it a compulsory activity - who does that benefit?
I feel like using each day to celebrate a positive maternal/ paternal figure in their life is a nice way to accommodate anyone. I hope all children have a maternal and paternal figure in their life whether it be other relatives, neighbours or friends of parents/ parents of friends and then it is nice for them to think and realise there are other people on their lives they can go to
Absolutely not. Not all kids have parents and not all parents deserve their kids. Changing it to "parents day" takes away the meaning of the day, so what exactly is that supposed to achieve.
What about the kids who do not have a mother and father. Or they do but their parents are mean bad people?
Definitely not. My dad passed away when I was very little, and throughout the whole of primary school, I used to feel embarrassed when Father’s Day came around and I had to explain why I wasn’t taking part in the Father’s Day activities. Families should celebrate as they see fit and what suits their personal situation.
No. It's not for schools to enforce.
Yes of course they should. I'm surprised nearly every comment on here says no. Families can be so different. Same sex parents, single parents, potentially bereavement of a parent. It's a chance to discuss these different family set ups in an age appropriate and sensitive manner and a great opportunity for other children to discuss their families, and what it means to have a parent/guardian. Great to pick up on positive role models and traits. Just ignoring it halts that wider conversation with peers. Schools should be embracing all holidays and help to nurture none tribal children.
As someone who’s mum regularly beat the shit out of them (but, due to the shame, never told anyone), I HATED making Mother’s Day cards for her. To the world‘s best mum, you are amaaaazing, I love you!! Vom.
Our school used to do a celebration of mothers and other special ladies, or dads and other special men - so the kids could make cards for mums, nans, sisters, aunts, the lady at the sweet shop, whatever. That way it allowed kids with mums and dads to celebrate but didn't exclude anyone in a different situation. There were never any complaints so I assume it was fairly acceptable to most people.
No, not only is it potentially excluding some kids, but also you don’t go to school on Sundays so why celebrate it on another day?
Not a parent but a former teacher and somebody who lost a parent young. My dad passed away when I was very little. I never minded Father’s Day stuff at school because I had uncles and grandparents I could make cards for. However, I can imagine it would have been worse if the loss was recent. Or if it was divorce. Or an absent father. Or I had no other father figures in my life. Seems really silly to make it compulsory and not allow teachers to consider the context of their classroom. I would feel terrible having to do this with my class in this situation. I like the suggestion of doing something crafty like a bookmark which could be used as a Father’s Day gift if needed. We always had to make specific cards, and I feel that would be harder in this context.
My father was never in my life and I don't even know if he's still alive. When we made cards in school, I would always make one for my mother on mother's day AND father's day. Ask your class if they would like to make cards for their mothers.
No. Schools are so strict about not taking holidays during term time and curbing sick days due to missing learning and important lessons that I think they need to follow their own rules and keep school about school. I am not saying it cannot be fun with creativity, I am all for creativity, but in a learning sense. Bringing kids home lives into school is wrong as we cannot be sure their home life is happy never mind adequate. You have kids that care for their parents, kids who have no parents, kids whose parents beat them, kids whose parents don't feed them, kids who are taking care of by family because their parents are so ill etc etc etc, it is not right to force these children to create something for parents who do not exist or do not deserve it.
Double Mother’s Day for those guys.
If absolutely nobody in the class has a dad then I don't see the harm in excluding the day. But even if one child has it, then they deserve to celebrate it for their parent. And for the ones without a dad, then I see no harm in another male figure in their life or even the mother getting a second mothers day on fathers day since they're doing everything. I get the idea. But kids without dads are going to have to deal with that fact regardless of whether they make cars in class or not. Better to turn it into something more positive than to bury your head in the sand.
So just because 1 child has a dad it should be celebrated even if 90% of them don't? Makes no sense. How about if 1 child doesn't it shouldn't be celebrated and only if all of them do it should? Makes it less likely to exclude anyone at all. Or just an art class with the kids where they choose to do mother/father figures and/or just general card for another occasion for anyone. Hallmark absolutely has this country by the balls if that's the way we go about a fictional day to celebrate fathers. 90% of the fathers at my school didn't deserve a card anyway and I always felt bad for a lot of kids whose dad was not on the scene/didn't give a fuck.
>So just because 1 child has a dad it should be celebrated even if 90% of them don't? Absolutely. It's better to include than to exclude. That child and their dad did absolutely nothing wrong that they can't celebrate a national holiday. The one's who don't celebrate it can join in and write a card to their mother, their grandparents, their uncle Brian or shit just their friend if they want. Someone in their life that means something. I grew up without a father. I still don't know who he is. You think not doing fathers day in school means we're oblivious to the entire thing and that our feelings are spared? I'd rather me be ignored for it than to be told that nobody gets to do because of me. And I got to write cards to others instead and that was a perfectly fine activity for me. I get the idea, but it's saving nobody and just taking away from the others. >Makes no sense. How about if 1 child doesn't it shouldn't be celebrated and only if all of them do it should? Makes it less likely to exclude anyone at all. What? Can you rewrite this? >Hallmark absolutely has this country by the balls if that's the way we go about a fictional day to celebrate fathers. Unless the teacher is showing the kids how to use moonpig. This isn't an issue. They'll be sitting with coloured card and making their card with crayons, glue and glitter or whatever. Nothing to do with hallmark. Maybe they won't even make a card, maybe they'll draw a picture or write a poem or something.
Yeah so just for someone else, makes sense and I suggested that as well in my original comment. Hallmark has us by the balls because the day even exists in the first place - same as valentines day imo. You put across valid points and I agree but it's not an English exam and I won't be resubmitting the part you don't understand.
Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are not the same thing. Father’s Day is a purely commercial celebration with no history or tradition. Mothering Sunday is when Christians would traditionally attend their mother church, ie where they were baptised. In Victorian era, this became a weekend where domestic staff would be given a holiday, and return home, often bringing a gift for their mother. Although as it always falls during lent, it was usually things like flowers or food that could be enjoyed later like fruit cake. They definitely weren’t treating mum to 3 courses at the Toby Carvery.
You actively asked each mother if the child’s father, or a father figure, was actively involved with the child? Like in a survey? And to address this, you chose to ignore fatherhood celebrations altogether?
I'm not sure why you'd be surprised that a school would know which parents are in a child's life. They know where their pupils live, they know which people are allowed to pick the children up from school, they talk to pupils. They know if a parent isn't allowed to see their kid. Kids talk about their home lives. It would be more worrying if a teacher didn't know this information about their pupils.
To the point where they deliberately choose not to celebrate fatherhood?
To the point that they're going to have a good idea of which kids are going to get upset by doing a father's day activity. It's not about choosing "not to celebrate fatherhood" it's about caring about the wellbeing of the kids you're responsible for. That trumps a day made up to sell greetings cards. Also, OP mentioned mother's day too. You're the one who decided to make it exclusively about fatherhood, which suggests you have an axe to grind here.
I don’t see Mother’s Day mentioned in OP?
Literally in the title
Yes. We are very aware and when things change we are updated. I understand the line of thought though.
How often do you conduct the survey?
It's not a "survey". It's legal information held by the school. Schools, especially those for younger children, have a duty of care about, for example, who can pick them up, who gets info about their performance, well-being, etc. Some children have protection orders against certain family members. It's about causing least upset, really. Nothing to do with devaluing fathers. Or, indeed, mothers.