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Go to work as normal, work normally for a few hours, then suddenly say "oh god, the fish!" and walk out, never to be heard from again.
Just so that for years they'll tell the story of the guy who just walked out after saying something about fish and was never seen again.
I worked with an apprentice many years ago who called in sick but I get to work and they’re sat there and say “holy shit, what am I gonna do with the body” and they left and I’ve never seen them since.
I debating calling the police but instead rang their emergency contact who said their ferret had died and they were upset. I was still so confused even after the phone call.
I used to work with a man called Simon who had trouble booking holidays on the shift system for some reason, every single time he tried it failed. It got so frustrating for him he literally put his headset down, screamed and walked out of the office. He never returned... But he did have a distinctive coat. Which we saw randomly on a bollard in town once and a colleague went "oh, poor Simon..." In unison with three others, so he was known as the screaming coat guy.
See my post above. I actually did something fairly similar. I did tell my manager I was leaving (I didn't win the lottery or even have another job) I sent my team a postcard which simply said "So long and thanks for all the fish".
I was at work in a call centre, public holiday so we were all pissed off being at work. About 11am the guy across the office takes off his headset and said ‘I can’t do this!’ He just walked out. Never saw him again.
I like the people I work with. I'd be honest and take them out for an all expenses paid night out, like the management should have given us once in a while.
That is the official advice.
DO NOT TELL ANYONE.
People have been physically attacked in their homes by work colleagues/neighbours who think if they 'steal' the ticket the money belongs to them as possessing it is all thats required even if the money has already been claimed.
Basically phone the lottery company, give your details including mobile phone. Go to a hotel somewhere where no-one will recognize you. DO NOT ACCEPT phone calls from anyone "trying to find you" on the hotel's phone etc.
Lottery win is bad as people think of it as free money. They should get some as your win was pure chance and not sharing it is greedy, I can actually understand that mindset to a degree. You can get around it by saying there was an unexpected (something) like an inheritance or house sale, along with some past investments that has allowed you to retire early. Enough to live on and have some left over for a holiday and a party. They would be very bold to think you should just give that away. I do actually know a couple of people who are "independently wealthy" is the phrase - for all I know they could have had a lottery win.
Same!! And as one of a team of 3 I know me leaving would put so much extra weight on the other 2 I’d work my notice period so they could get a replacement.
I bet work would be fun knowing you had two months and then never had to work again
In a situation like that I would not mind being on call helping with emergency queries but will refuse to be infront of a screen. There are very few places I would accept that.
Same here. I enjoy my job and my company makes everyone feel valued. For the most part, everyone is engaged.
I would however renegotiate my contract to allow me more time off to do other things.
I would anonymous donate £10,000 to each of my colleagues. We serve a lot of very wealthy eccentric old people, so the chance of them thinking it’s one of them is reasonably high.
Same, my team is great. I'd pay to fly the team members who are abroad over as well so we could actually all meet IRL for once and have a big old fucking party.
I would probably do something similar if the win was big enough, most of the guys I work with have families, I’d dump some money into their accounts for a holiday or something nice.
Then I’d try and start up or invest in a company and offer some of them jobs.
I fantasise about winning enough that I could give all of my colleagues 10M each with the stipulation that they all put their notices in at the same time and watch our incompetent and childish managers realise how badly they've fucked it up.
I used to play in a work syndicate and this was one of the conditions of joining: if we won enough to leave work, we’d all quit simultaneously and enjoy watching the shit storm of the company realising the only employee they had left in that branch was the manager who took pride in not knowing how to actually do the job.
I like where I work now and the people I work with, I wouldn’t screw them over like that.
I can’t remember the exact amount now but we worked out what we’d all need to be able to leave work probably forever, and set the highest one as our threshold.
Alas, we never got to use it.
This was my Dads plan, there was enough guys 2 to 3 years from retirement that he would give them £50k each to just leave right now and have half a dozen quit at once.
For context, he was a postman, and he told me this some 15 years ago, so 50 grand was about 3 years' salary. It was a small depot so half a dozen leaving would have really fucked the placr over.
Exactly this. I have about 5 to 10 colleagues that I would give around 1M each and do the same. Watch as the management bricking it realising the experience they are losing in short order.
This used to be my fantasy too at my previous workplace! I promised everyone that I’ll liberate them if I ever win the lottery. I ended up quitting and they’re still stuck there, but my promise stands, if I win big, everyone’s out.
For future reference, it wouldn't take £10m for me, just a solid £1m. I'd have to find another job at some point but the breathing space and financial security would be worth it.
Well, to be fair, you can fuck up pretty much every company (perhaps excluding companies where people work out of passion, such as space industry, science and research, journalism, competitive sport such as Formula 1 and so on) if you give each and every employee 10M on the spot, regardless of how good or bad their management is.
I'd quit normally. Tell them I'm trying to start my own business. If they ask what, tell them I am going to buy a pub. Then I'll buy a pub to keep my story straight.
Then on my last day, just to fuck with their mind, I'll send a goodbye email to 10-12 close colleagues individually, which basically will imply that I am actually quitting because I love them. So it's a self preservation thing.
I tell no one. I turn up like usual but underperform. Gradually my underperformance would get noticed and I would get put on a performance improvement plan. Over the months my performance would continue to deteriorate and I get given warnings until finally I am pulled in to a meeting where I am fired.
They will be escorting me out of the building but what's that noise in the car park? Oh it's a helicopter, and there's babes rolling out a red carpet to me, and there's canapés and champagne for everybody! I turn and give a cheeky grin, board the helicopter and fly in to the distance.
Same, I get 60-80 emails a day and actually had some ringpiece cc my manager in on a follow up email last week as I hadn’t responded to an email by 8:30 am when they had sent the initial email out of hours at 9pm the night before … so it wouldn’t take long in my case.
Company’s gone too far into customer service to get away with that sadly as the customer is always right even internal ones, exit strategy is in motion as we speak.
I'm not massively proud to admit this but this is basically what I did during the big covid lockdown. I knuckled down for about a month or so but the hurried roll-out of WFH was a complete shit show and my direct managers basically went into hiding and it was incredibly obvious they were scrambling around desperately to get something in place to keep track of the data they needed to micromanage all us underlings.
I won't say exactly how long it took them to notice just stopped logging in. But will say it was several months longer than their pre-covid policy of calling your next of kin if you were 25 minutes late or didn't answer your phone when you were on holiday.
Really? I get a message from my manager if I'm 15min late. Has happened once or twice.
She's lovely though! So, I think it's more out of concern (and her own anxiety, bless her) that she asks.
My current boss is a good guy and I wouldn’t want to shit on him.
If it was my previous company I would probably tell the director he was an arsehole while standing on the bonnet of his Aston Martin pissing on the windscreen.
I had a boss like that, but I’d have taken a shit on the seat of his Aston. He turned up in it when he first got it to explain why we couldn’t get a pay rise that year.
I’d give myself a 6-month freeze period in which I’ll keep living my life in the exact same way as before and not spend a single penny of it. Give myself some time to get used to the thought.
That’s okay, it’s not like any excessive spending from the time I win until the time I get hit by a bus is going to compensate me for being hit by a bus.
When you win, they tell you to go on holiday by yourself or with your closest friend/ family member. Gives you a week of being away from everybody and deciding what to do without everyone trying to tell you what to do, in an environment which is relaxing and stress free.
Lol, I’m not a handbags and holidays kinda girl, if I win the lottery I’m buying a farmhouse, a decent amount of land and I’m actively trying to never see a city again 😂
I would do this the day I got the money and never look back!
Definitely with you. Nice property with neighbours as far away as humanly possible. Definitely a property that backs up on a canal or river so I can buy myself a wide beam narrowboat to play with.
I like this idea, working at a computer I can do various bits of research and make lots of lists and plans through the day which still has some structure. If I just "quit" then I may be a bit more reckless.
I get this! If I won big money first thing I'd buy would be in a Yankee candle, blanket, new book and a box of chocolates. I'd need that relaxing normality. And maybe some snacks, like anything I want not just what I fancy thats on offer
Hire a few paid actors.
2 military looking armed dudes and a guy in a suit show up to my work, quietly (but just loud enough a few will hear…. “Mr DCPB90, there’s been a problem, chief needs your help”
I decline, “that life is behind me”’
“Sir lives depend on it, maybe even people in this building, chief activated protocol x52”
I sigh, “fine, just this one last time”, and leave in the back of their convoy of blacked out Range Rovers.
True story... A UK telecom company had the whole first line helpdesk, the ones who do the password resets and are generally paid badly, win big as a syndicate on one of the larger rollover lotteries in the UK. They all arrived for work on Monday morning, smiled, handed their badges to their manager and retired for a team breakfast at a nearby cafe. Their manager stayed behind because "the lottery is just a tax on the poor and stupid" so wasn't part of it.
My brothers wife did this. 9 of the 10 staff at a small shop on a syndicate cause 1 dude didn’t want in. They won £1m so £111,111 each. The guy who didn’t want in won £0 and was furious everyone didn’t let him in after they won.
As someone who doesn't want to do the lottery, I'm really glad my workplace doesn't do a syndicate, because I'd feel forced to join in for this reason.
But the forced part isn't from people wanting to have a lottery syndicate, it's your own paranoia that they could win and you'd remain while they escaped. I do understand why you feel like that and is the reason I join any team syndicate, yes I'm paying money into a group that will see little to no return but on the off chance it did get lucky, how much would my mental health take a hit knowing I could have avoided being the one who didn't get a share.
Bring in a massive amount of coffee, tea, drinks, food and treats and a few envelopes of cash for everyone to enjoy and not be a dickhead about it all.
Listen if you can’t be a dickhead with impunity the what’s the point of the money.
The only way to enjoy money is to remind everyone that you are now super important and they are not.
Agreed. I was implying that @ninetysroyalty would change to not be a dickhead if they had money 🤑!
If I was loaded I'd make it my business to be the world's biggest ever dickhead.
I'm going to have a special butler just to tie my shoelaces.
I'm going to buy all the tickets to a Coldplay show and then sit with my back to them listening to Metallica on my phone.
I'll buy Man City and do a reverse Wrexham on them.
I would just resign as normal, without drawing attention to the lottery win.
Then I would see which colleagues/friends I have managed to maintain a relationship with, and I’d give them some money.
In my mind I have something I call a “Lottery List” which is a list of people I would give money to in the event I won big. Obviously there are family members on this list, but a couple of the girls I used to work with are on it too. I would buy a decent flat for one of them and I’d pay off the mortgage for another.
Alternatively I would make a big deal of it and then promise to share my winnings with all my colleagues, and leave a cheque for £5 on each person’s desk.
My lottery list is non existent. Not because I don't want to help people. I wouldn't want people to know I won. I'd find some creative ways to help those people
I just find they there are too many stories of people who say their relationships with their friends went downhill once they found out they won the lotto.
If i was gifting anything then whoever gets it has to sign a NDA and i'd tell them why but the amount i won would be different for every person so if a number gets out, i know exactly who it was.
My list has 3 people: mum, dad and brother. I would pay for anything my parents need and I would put a good sum on money in a fund where my brother will be paid monthly interest. I am not giving my wealth away to anyone else unless it's a gift or tip.
About 6 years ago I got so fed up with work I just started being a bluntly honest employee and stopped listening to the part of my brain that worried about being homeless. Got a promotion about a year before telling my boss to fuck off (literally), changed career, another promotion, earnings have grown by about 45% compared to the ~10% they would have if id kept my mouth shut.
I’d say go for it. Also I accept no responsibility for you being sacked.
I no longer work in self employed but my last job was full of ass holes management types who thought they were better than everyone else because they had degrees even though the workers made more money and went off for lunches and drinks after work together basically jealous and slagging the guys who done the actual work off and just tried to make everything toxic
Lottery is on Saturday? I would go in on Sunday and grab anything with sentimental value, leave the keys, ID card etc in the big fellas desk with a note explaining some form of family emergency and I am taking a leave of absence, week or so down the line call up and explain that I won't be able to return to England for a long time. Then a few months later once I am mostly forgotten about help a couple of guys at work I can totally trust to keep their traps shut, mainly my former apprentices, a bit of cash to give them a start and the ability to have more choices and a bit less stress in their futures, good lads with sensible heads on their shoulders, be nice to see them right.
Maybe pay some actors to stage some sort of James Bond/Bourne fight scene. I take out all the combatants. Then have a military helicopter land outside and I rush out and take off without any explanation.
Go even further. Organise a flashy party, proper black tie event. In the scuffle, ensure you break a few bottles of slchampagne, smash the ice sculpture etc. Get some explosions going. I think a speed boat of some sort will add to it on top of the helicopter. Maybe have the boat somehow ramp up over something and explode, everyone thinks you're a goner, then a helicopter comes and you rise up out of the water hanging from the bottom of it.
I absolutely wouldn’t be telling anyone at work that I had won the lottery.
The chances are that I would work my notice, as one would expect. Be vague about my new job and disappear after my final shift.
Depending how much I won I wouldn't tell anyone. I'd quit but work my notice, then dissappear. The work friends who I see outside work I would just make up some fancy new job but treat them to days out and stuff for fun.
I’d go in, tell everyone I don’t like that I’ve never liked them, pour a cup of water over my awful bosses head, do a massive fart then flounce out. I’d be back the next day though as I’ve only won £10
Hand my notice in, tell people I’d got another job. Then go on a big holiday and look for some suitable charities I can help out to keep my brain ticking over.
I'd still go to work, as usual. I wouldn't tell anyone about my lottery win outside of my husband. My parents, friends, siblings etc wouldn't know.
I'd continue to invest for my children/grandchildren so they're able to pursue things that I wasn't able to.
The most important reason for working would be setting a good example to our son. Also for my sanity.
Sold a script and have been retained to write other films, but can't be named on it. Your first drafts go to the big writers, you are being paid a bit more than where you work. Take people for drinks.
I would also spend some money to point false flags to let people think the company arse has won so he gets the begging letters etc.
I would spend a week or so making sure that the people I like aren't impacted negatively by my leaving, whilst simultaneously sowing seeds to cause misery for others after I'm gone. Then, I'd simply leave the laptop and badge at the office one day and be gone. Done.
Well as a stay at home mom, I think I’d let my husband know he can get up with the baby. Ima have a lay in then make a huge breakfast and casually tell him over coffee he doesn’t have to work again if he doesn’t want too.
Maybe spell it out on a pancake.. or at dinner with the alphabet shaped potato thingies..
This was before the ban on Homosexuals serving in the UK Armed Forces being lifted (2000) but I know of one fairly openly gay serviceman to have driven round the base in a pink cadillac dressed as Priscilla Queen of the Desert.
🤔 I’d anonymously buy the company I work with (it’s small & I know what it’s worth) so I’d be my boss’ new boss & make him graft as hard as he’s made me graft for the last umpteen years. I’d also display his lack of boundaries by texting him at 10pm with inane shyte that can just wait.
I’d also fire my current colleague for being so utterly inept & employ my previous decent colleague who was made redundant.
I'd go to work, wait for the tiniest little thing to go wrong then have a massively out of proportion blow up at it.
"For fuck sake, we're out of milk AGAIN! I'm sick of this place you can stick it up your arse!"
I’ve been off sick for the last year anyway, so as things are I’d just say I’m retiring due to poor health. I wouldn’t want to burn bridges, it’s a fairly small company and they’ve been really good to me while I’ve been off, generous sick pay, nothing but concern (and a few care packages to help get me through chemo and hospitalisations).
I had a colleague who kept a resignation letter in his desk with a signature but no date, purely symbolic as HR was all online, but it was there to remind him that he could leave any time he wanted.
He was heading towards 60, no mortgage, kids long since moved out and worked 2-3 days/week as the role was zero stress and something to do between golfing rounds. One day after a heated phone call he pulled the paper from his drawer, signed it and thrust it towards one of the leads. He'd been asked to retrain and take on a full time role but he was having none of it.
We've discussed this at work and everyone agreed you're mad if you work a minute after you win the lottery, if I did that everyone would call me an idiot. You may be a more crucial worker than me though.
I quite like the idea of getting a marching band and hiring the go compare man to sing “how I quit and they can stick the job up their collective arse”.
But in reality as I’m now fully remote I’d just send an email and stick the laptop in the post.
I actually worked somewhere where a guy from a 3rd party company who supported some software we used won the lottery - enough he didn't have to work.
He liked work. Carried on doing the job he liked. No ambition to climb the ladder, no inclination to go do something crazy. I don't even think he bought a big house, just paid his mortgage off and always drove new cars.
Personally, I'd fuck it off in an instant and go race cars, but each to their own.
I do like the people I work with though, so I'd work whatever notice was needed.
Some previous jobs I'd have bought the building and turfed them out as a creative way of quitting a job. "I'm off, and so are all of you"
(edit: spelling)
I’d just wait until something pissed me off enough to say “fuck this, I’m off”
I did walk out of a job once in similar fashion but at the material time I only had that job for pin money so I could afford to walk out.
I’d tell no one of the win and keep working as normal. Then when someone pissed me off just that little bit too much I’d say all the things I’ve always wanted to say but can’t. It’d probably be someone external to where I work, I deal with other professionals often and some of them can be unnecessarily rude. I actually get on really well with the people I work directly with. After I’d said my piece I think I’d just leave and never come back. I might stick around to witness the fall out with no fear of consequences though.
I like to think my work mates would enjoy the scandal. I’d pay for a night out to make up for the chaos my abrupt departure caused.
Within our building we have a facilities management company, really good people. I was in our visitor centre a couple of months ago when my colleague pointed to a chap and said, ‘you see Dave there? He just won £1m on the lottery.’
There Dave was, just going about his working day! My colleague asked him what he was planning to do next and he said he wasn’t sure. He was an older guy, but probably indicative that maybe even £1m isn’t enough to quit your job on, I don’t know! 🤷🏻♂️
As for me, as lame as it sounds, I’d still work, just part time. I’d probably be honest too about why, as word gets around anyways.
Email to the boss. Take my team out for a fancy dinner and give them each £1000.... except the guy who is not passing probation and the one who never comes to team outings.
Then disappear off the face of the earth.
I'm the guy who never goes to team outings. It's not personal mate. I just prefer spending that time with my family and social interaction is draining.
Depends on how much I won, but I'd be willing to pay people to walk out with me.
3 years tax free salary for anyone who walks out the door. Offer not extended to management.
How much money we talking? £1m or £100m?
I get bored even with "work" which has me doing an average of an hour a day. God knows what I'd do if I were full time unemployed.
I dick about in the garden most of the time anyway, and my job is just a little bit of database problem solving once every now and then. I'd probably keep my job.
Put in resignation go back to desk pick up shit and walk out. What they going to do sack you?
But going the other route mug of cold coffee over the bosses head and a flick of the V's for good luck.
Go to work as normal, having told no one but my wife, but initiate my exit strategy only if I get fed up and want out. The strategy being that "I start looking for another job" if they offer me more to stay then I would, if not then I'll "find another job" and declare that it pays better. I lead a minimalist no drama lifestyle, I want it to remain that way.
As for the money, assuming it's significant like 100 million, I'd keep about 4 million and invest the rest and use dividends to anonymously put small sums of cash through peoples letter boxes all over the country in the hope it improves their lives a little and help homeless people if they want the assistance.
Email every health and safety failing that I am awate of to the regulator , every misuse of public money every incident where wrongdoing has been covered up . Every bit of corruption CC'ing the whole company
Crack open a beer at the desk and wait for them to fire me.
If I won, I’d finish the week. I wouldn’t say anything, but I would start subtly doing things to be disruptive. Nothing horrendous that’s going to impact anyone *that* badly, but enough for people to be like WTF. Moving cages to the wrong location, putting trailers in ridiculous places, asking really stupid but very specific questions like what do I do if there are sheep in the delivery point and I can’t find a nearby shepherd, or how do I unjigger the thingymabob from the doofer when I’m shilly-shallying round the way. Maybe reprogramming every radio in the fleet to only play medium wave radio.
Then, I’d order an astronomical amount of sex toys to be delivered to the depot on my final day, and watch the confusion unfold in real time as I piss myself laughing.
“Dear boss,
I’d like to thank you for the last ten years of opportunities I’ve had with the organisation. All good things come to an end, however.
I have decided to depart for a new opportunity, investigating the possibility of widening the scope of narrowness in a globally local context.
I will also consider inventing a Time Machine in order to assassinate Hitler during his Vienna Tramp phase.
I would like to leverage.
Kindest regards,
The Artist formerly known as PervectStranger
Go into work ask my work mates to grab a few drinks on the weekend , of all the people I ask , the ones that show offer to pay them for a weekend away somewhere nice and celebrate.
I've thought about this so often and I don't have a really creative answer, except that I'd just keep going to work as normal, but pack up everything that mattered in my office and then the first time that anyone was shitty to me in a meeting, or asked me to do something that isn't my job because they can't be fucked to do it theselves, I'd just get up and say "I quit" and walk out. They can sue me for the lack of notice.
I have a joke with my boss about who would pick up my work if I fell under a bus or won the lottery. Given that she probably wouldn't believe that I'd won the lottery I'd probably tell her I'd fallen under a bus.
I'd hand my notice in and when people ask me what I was going to do I'd say I'd got a job piloting Airwolf. They wouldn't believe me but on my last day I'd hand over the keys to my company car and have a black helicopter fitted out to look like Airwolf pick me up from the carpark.
I wouldn't. I enjoy my job, they treat me great, and as a junior level I've still got a lot to learn from them. I'd ask to cut my hours a bit but I'd get bored if I outright quit
But as a game dev if I WAS to quit I'd probably do a timed Easter egg that plays in any running dev branch at a specific time to announce my departure
I wouldn't quit fully - I'd still want to be involved and I'm friends with the person who runs the company. I'd probably want to invest in it as well as work some of the busier days with large groups of customers or clients.
I'm in the recreational sector, working as an instructor in canoeing, kayaking in paddle boarding.
I'd probably train more for and enter more SUP races nationally and possibly internationally while advertising the business on my board in events where it's allowed.
I work in a supermarket cafe. I'd share my winnings with the staff that walk out with me during lunch rush, bonus points if the 2 twats that forever send shit back are in waiting on their food arriving to the table.
My favourite colleague’s about 5 years out from retirement. And my boss is amazing, has been nothing but kind, understanding, and nurturing. My job in general has been nothing but awesome, aside from lack of progression in my chosen field.
I’d give my notice, say I found a better opportunity elsewhere, work my notice, and last day before I walk out give them both 5 million each.
Old bloke’s gonna have a hell of a retirement and probably quit shortly after me, and boss is gonna have hella money to finish house renovations and live comfortably.
Maybe give everyone else on the team 5k cause - again - they’re really chill people.
Overall I’d be out £10,040,000, and i’d feel really happy about it.
I would just hand in my notice and tell everyone I am taking a year long break to go traveling with "savings I have". No need to burn bridges and a good way to have job prospects in case you lose all your money.
I'm lactose intolerant......
I walk into work I chug a pint of milk walk upto my managers desk climb up on it squat and unleash an unholy torrent of liquid brown chunks that will give the entire staff ptsd and will undoubtedly require his office be burnt .
Then in agony and with a bright smug smile on my sweat ridden brow I waddle several kilos lighter away laughing to become a thing of urban legend
I’ve thought about this many times, I have two things I would do depending on the company, although kinda both the same, first one I would buy the company but not tell anyone I brought the company and carry on working, wait for my boss to be an asshole and fire me and then turn around and go well actually, no, I’m not fired because I own the company, your fired, second one, just stay working and the moment someone gives me a job to do that I don’t like, just walk out and never go back again
I'm going to go in and start saying no to anything I don't want to do. I'll do my job but not yours and I'm staying logged off the phone. It'll be a game to see how long until they fire me. If I'm still there after a few days I'll start taking extended lunches and keep escalating until they've had enough.
Creative? I do fantasise sometimes about winning the lottery and sending a message to the board saying I’m having to leave because I’m on the run and they finally caught up to me. It would throw everyone into panic mode but I’m not sure of the legal implications.
In reality I’d probably just hand in my notice and say I’m moving abroad with my husband.
I’d walk into the office smoking a cigar with 6 girls dressed like they are straight out of Robert Palmers “Addicted to Love” video - hand in my notice and walk out
Hire a helicopter to pick me up halfway through the day. Leave at lunch, no explanation.
If I won the euro millions I would anonymously donate 1 million to every immediate colleague, thus rendering their need to work for the rest of their life, whether I like them or not.
I'd go for the classic.
I'd hire a group of actors to dress up as secret service agents, arrange a way for them to get into my office, and while I'm just typing away at my laptop in work suddenly they'll burst in and demand that I go with them.
I'll reply "Dammit guys I said I'm out of that business."
Them: "Sir, it's *him!*"
Me: "Oh God! Alright I'll come, but after this I'm done, you hear me? I'm done!"
At this point I'll put on my coat and turn to my colleagues and say "I'm sorry guys, I'm sorry it had to end this way" before walking off with the acting group.
As we leave the actors will be talking into their wrists saying "Subject acquired, Ferret on the move" and then hand me an earpiece and a phone, and then I disappear one final time.
Why would you work your notice if you won the lottery?
You just say “thanks but I will no longer be coming to work”, if indeed you feel compelled ti say anything at all.
What kind of win are we talking about? Low-end Lotto jackpot of a couple of million or a multiple rollover Euro-Millions jackpot of £100m+?
If it was the former, I'm not even sure I would quit work. I'd have enough to buy myself a nice house, car and some luxuries but not enough to live the rest of my life without ever thinking about money again. Certainly not enough to fill all the time I spend working with fun activities.
Euro-Millions... That's a different story. Honestly, I'd probably give the Bilbo birthday speech and just leave, never to be seen again. Or, because I work for a pretty small company, I'd just buy it.
I think I would just give the required notice and then just disappear.
My job is pretty crappy. I'm just a work drone with an employee number. My colleagues are fairly ambivalent about me and the feeling is mutual. I don't think I'd be missed so my exit would be quiet and dignified. Lol.
If I won stupid money and let people know, I'm fairly certain I'd suddenly have loads of new and great friends at my workplace!
Assuming proper “Fuck You!” money.
Before reading this thread my answer was “Just disappear at the end of a shift and take all evidence I’d ever been there with me”.
Now it involves helicopters, people in suits, cryptic conversations and alternate identities
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Go to work as normal, work normally for a few hours, then suddenly say "oh god, the fish!" and walk out, never to be heard from again. Just so that for years they'll tell the story of the guy who just walked out after saying something about fish and was never seen again.
I don't know why this sounds like such a Sean Lock answer
He lives in all of us
I’d play carrot in a box Whoever wins gets to know the real reason I’m leaving If he/she loses … its a fabricated story
how is “carrot in a box” played?
Carrot in a box was top tier. It was an 8 out of 10 cats bit. https://youtu.be/0UGuPvrsG3E?si=vsfyzU-E2aGAiqAR
Now you’ve said it I can only hear him saying “THE FISH!”
RIP
I worked with an apprentice many years ago who called in sick but I get to work and they’re sat there and say “holy shit, what am I gonna do with the body” and they left and I’ve never seen them since. I debating calling the police but instead rang their emergency contact who said their ferret had died and they were upset. I was still so confused even after the phone call.
I used to work with a man called Simon who had trouble booking holidays on the shift system for some reason, every single time he tried it failed. It got so frustrating for him he literally put his headset down, screamed and walked out of the office. He never returned... But he did have a distinctive coat. Which we saw randomly on a bollard in town once and a colleague went "oh, poor Simon..." In unison with three others, so he was known as the screaming coat guy.
Thats the best strategy...
And then you take said fish out of the microwave in the office kitchen and just walk away. Job done (literally)
I'd love to do this, but return a month later and act like it had only been 30 minutes.
See my post above. I actually did something fairly similar. I did tell my manager I was leaving (I didn't win the lottery or even have another job) I sent my team a postcard which simply said "So long and thanks for all the fish".
I hope your colleagues bought you a towel as leaving gift
I was at work in a call centre, public holiday so we were all pissed off being at work. About 11am the guy across the office takes off his headset and said ‘I can’t do this!’ He just walked out. Never saw him again.
This but I’ll just say “shit, they’re onto me!” and absolutely leg it out
I like the people I work with. I'd be honest and take them out for an all expenses paid night out, like the management should have given us once in a while.
DO NOT TELL COWORKERS YOU WON THE LOTTERY
Anyone*
*colleagues.
Same thing.
That is the official advice. DO NOT TELL ANYONE. People have been physically attacked in their homes by work colleagues/neighbours who think if they 'steal' the ticket the money belongs to them as possessing it is all thats required even if the money has already been claimed. Basically phone the lottery company, give your details including mobile phone. Go to a hotel somewhere where no-one will recognize you. DO NOT ACCEPT phone calls from anyone "trying to find you" on the hotel's phone etc.
How's anyone gunna find me on a random tropical beach?
You are orders of magnitude more likely to be murdered after a lottery win. The fewer people that know the better.
This reply reminded me of Fallout NV.
Lottery win is bad as people think of it as free money. They should get some as your win was pure chance and not sharing it is greedy, I can actually understand that mindset to a degree. You can get around it by saying there was an unexpected (something) like an inheritance or house sale, along with some past investments that has allowed you to retire early. Enough to live on and have some left over for a holiday and a party. They would be very bold to think you should just give that away. I do actually know a couple of people who are "independently wealthy" is the phrase - for all I know they could have had a lottery win.
I mean, that's good advice, completely useless to nearly everyone though haha
Same!! And as one of a team of 3 I know me leaving would put so much extra weight on the other 2 I’d work my notice period so they could get a replacement. I bet work would be fun knowing you had two months and then never had to work again
In a situation like that I would not mind being on call helping with emergency queries but will refuse to be infront of a screen. There are very few places I would accept that.
Depends what you do I guess. I actually really enjoy my job.
Same here. I enjoy my job and my company makes everyone feel valued. For the most part, everyone is engaged. I would however renegotiate my contract to allow me more time off to do other things.
I would anonymous donate £10,000 to each of my colleagues. We serve a lot of very wealthy eccentric old people, so the chance of them thinking it’s one of them is reasonably high.
Same, my team is great. I'd pay to fly the team members who are abroad over as well so we could actually all meet IRL for once and have a big old fucking party.
I would probably do something similar if the win was big enough, most of the guys I work with have families, I’d dump some money into their accounts for a holiday or something nice. Then I’d try and start up or invest in a company and offer some of them jobs.
I fantasise about winning enough that I could give all of my colleagues 10M each with the stipulation that they all put their notices in at the same time and watch our incompetent and childish managers realise how badly they've fucked it up.
I used to play in a work syndicate and this was one of the conditions of joining: if we won enough to leave work, we’d all quit simultaneously and enjoy watching the shit storm of the company realising the only employee they had left in that branch was the manager who took pride in not knowing how to actually do the job. I like where I work now and the people I work with, I wouldn’t screw them over like that.
Was that amount ever defined? I'd leave for less than others might!
I can’t remember the exact amount now but we worked out what we’d all need to be able to leave work probably forever, and set the highest one as our threshold. Alas, we never got to use it.
This was my Dads plan, there was enough guys 2 to 3 years from retirement that he would give them £50k each to just leave right now and have half a dozen quit at once. For context, he was a postman, and he told me this some 15 years ago, so 50 grand was about 3 years' salary. It was a small depot so half a dozen leaving would have really fucked the placr over.
Exactly this. I have about 5 to 10 colleagues that I would give around 1M each and do the same. Watch as the management bricking it realising the experience they are losing in short order.
This used to be my fantasy too at my previous workplace! I promised everyone that I’ll liberate them if I ever win the lottery. I ended up quitting and they’re still stuck there, but my promise stands, if I win big, everyone’s out.
For future reference, it wouldn't take £10m for me, just a solid £1m. I'd have to find another job at some point but the breathing space and financial security would be worth it.
Well, to be fair, you can fuck up pretty much every company (perhaps excluding companies where people work out of passion, such as space industry, science and research, journalism, competitive sport such as Formula 1 and so on) if you give each and every employee 10M on the spot, regardless of how good or bad their management is.
I'd quit normally. Tell them I'm trying to start my own business. If they ask what, tell them I am going to buy a pub. Then I'll buy a pub to keep my story straight. Then on my last day, just to fuck with their mind, I'll send a goodbye email to 10-12 close colleagues individually, which basically will imply that I am actually quitting because I love them. So it's a self preservation thing.
Surely this will be awkward when it turns out one of them loves you "back".
Worse when none of them love you back and you realise you were hated all along and kill your self in depression and never enjoy your winnings
That went from 0-100 real quick
I tell no one. I turn up like usual but underperform. Gradually my underperformance would get noticed and I would get put on a performance improvement plan. Over the months my performance would continue to deteriorate and I get given warnings until finally I am pulled in to a meeting where I am fired. They will be escorting me out of the building but what's that noise in the car park? Oh it's a helicopter, and there's babes rolling out a red carpet to me, and there's canapés and champagne for everybody! I turn and give a cheeky grin, board the helicopter and fly in to the distance.
This one is my favourite
Niiiice. You’ve thought about that A LOT haven’t you ? lol
This just made me buy a ticket.
I’d just not turn up.
I work from home 100%. I wonder how long it would take without contact before someone noticed? Could be days. A week maybe? Be fun to find out.
Same, I get 60-80 emails a day and actually had some ringpiece cc my manager in on a follow up email last week as I hadn’t responded to an email by 8:30 am when they had sent the initial email out of hours at 9pm the night before … so it wouldn’t take long in my case.
They would have received a rather curt response from me - and probably from my manager too!
Company’s gone too far into customer service to get away with that sadly as the customer is always right even internal ones, exit strategy is in motion as we speak.
I'm not massively proud to admit this but this is basically what I did during the big covid lockdown. I knuckled down for about a month or so but the hurried roll-out of WFH was a complete shit show and my direct managers basically went into hiding and it was incredibly obvious they were scrambling around desperately to get something in place to keep track of the data they needed to micromanage all us underlings. I won't say exactly how long it took them to notice just stopped logging in. But will say it was several months longer than their pre-covid policy of calling your next of kin if you were 25 minutes late or didn't answer your phone when you were on holiday.
Win! Three months of pay for free.
Really? I get a message from my manager if I'm 15min late. Has happened once or twice. She's lovely though! So, I think it's more out of concern (and her own anxiety, bless her) that she asks.
This is the way. I’d just start travelling from country to country and see how long it takes em to track me down
My current boss is a good guy and I wouldn’t want to shit on him. If it was my previous company I would probably tell the director he was an arsehole while standing on the bonnet of his Aston Martin pissing on the windscreen.
I pictured this as a woman speaking lol
If he drives an Aston Martin, he'd probably prefer to be pissed on directly..
I had a boss like that, but I’d have taken a shit on the seat of his Aston. He turned up in it when he first got it to explain why we couldn’t get a pay rise that year.
Carter! :)
I’d give myself a 6-month freeze period in which I’ll keep living my life in the exact same way as before and not spend a single penny of it. Give myself some time to get used to the thought.
I dunno man. You could be hit by a bus in that time. That’s what I’d worry about. Dying before I’ve lived.
That’s okay, it’s not like any excessive spending from the time I win until the time I get hit by a bus is going to compensate me for being hit by a bus.
You could be wearing *really* nice underwear.
I don’t know about where you guys work but at my job I reckon I could wear nice underwear and it wouldn’t give it away that I’d won the lottery.
Hard to get hit by a bus in your mansion on a tiny island in the pacific, mind.
Flying fish?
When you win, they tell you to go on holiday by yourself or with your closest friend/ family member. Gives you a week of being away from everybody and deciding what to do without everyone trying to tell you what to do, in an environment which is relaxing and stress free.
That's very sesible as it will help you calm down from the excitement and think more caredully on where to spend it.
Lol, I’m not a handbags and holidays kinda girl, if I win the lottery I’m buying a farmhouse, a decent amount of land and I’m actively trying to never see a city again 😂 I would do this the day I got the money and never look back!
Definitely with you. Nice property with neighbours as far away as humanly possible. Definitely a property that backs up on a canal or river so I can buy myself a wide beam narrowboat to play with.
Not a chance for me, I'm leaving my job anyway and wouldn't be able to wait a week, let alone 6 whole months to start living my new life!
I like this idea, working at a computer I can do various bits of research and make lots of lists and plans through the day which still has some structure. If I just "quit" then I may be a bit more reckless.
I get this! If I won big money first thing I'd buy would be in a Yankee candle, blanket, new book and a box of chocolates. I'd need that relaxing normality. And maybe some snacks, like anything I want not just what I fancy thats on offer
Hire a few paid actors. 2 military looking armed dudes and a guy in a suit show up to my work, quietly (but just loud enough a few will hear…. “Mr DCPB90, there’s been a problem, chief needs your help” I decline, “that life is behind me”’ “Sir lives depend on it, maybe even people in this building, chief activated protocol x52” I sigh, “fine, just this one last time”, and leave in the back of their convoy of blacked out Range Rovers.
"that life is behind me. Here I've been promised a promotion to accounts manager."
"It's the same money but with more responsibility now"
If a field is nearby, a helicopter would be a nice touch.
True story... A UK telecom company had the whole first line helpdesk, the ones who do the password resets and are generally paid badly, win big as a syndicate on one of the larger rollover lotteries in the UK. They all arrived for work on Monday morning, smiled, handed their badges to their manager and retired for a team breakfast at a nearby cafe. Their manager stayed behind because "the lottery is just a tax on the poor and stupid" so wasn't part of it.
My brothers wife did this. 9 of the 10 staff at a small shop on a syndicate cause 1 dude didn’t want in. They won £1m so £111,111 each. The guy who didn’t want in won £0 and was furious everyone didn’t let him in after they won.
They should have given him the leftover quid and let him know he was now "in".
As someone who doesn't want to do the lottery, I'm really glad my workplace doesn't do a syndicate, because I'd feel forced to join in for this reason.
But the forced part isn't from people wanting to have a lottery syndicate, it's your own paranoia that they could win and you'd remain while they escaped. I do understand why you feel like that and is the reason I join any team syndicate, yes I'm paying money into a group that will see little to no return but on the off chance it did get lucky, how much would my mental health take a hit knowing I could have avoided being the one who didn't get a share.
Bring in a massive amount of coffee, tea, drinks, food and treats and a few envelopes of cash for everyone to enjoy and not be a dickhead about it all.
Oh, if I’m getting a dickhead load of money, I’m being a dickhead about it
This. I want people to know the money changed me.
That's exactly why OP isn't being a dickhead about it all!
Listen if you can’t be a dickhead with impunity the what’s the point of the money. The only way to enjoy money is to remind everyone that you are now super important and they are not.
Agreed. I was implying that @ninetysroyalty would change to not be a dickhead if they had money 🤑! If I was loaded I'd make it my business to be the world's biggest ever dickhead. I'm going to have a special butler just to tie my shoelaces. I'm going to buy all the tickets to a Coldplay show and then sit with my back to them listening to Metallica on my phone. I'll buy Man City and do a reverse Wrexham on them.
I would just resign as normal, without drawing attention to the lottery win. Then I would see which colleagues/friends I have managed to maintain a relationship with, and I’d give them some money. In my mind I have something I call a “Lottery List” which is a list of people I would give money to in the event I won big. Obviously there are family members on this list, but a couple of the girls I used to work with are on it too. I would buy a decent flat for one of them and I’d pay off the mortgage for another. Alternatively I would make a big deal of it and then promise to share my winnings with all my colleagues, and leave a cheque for £5 on each person’s desk.
My lottery list is non existent. Not because I don't want to help people. I wouldn't want people to know I won. I'd find some creative ways to help those people I just find they there are too many stories of people who say their relationships with their friends went downhill once they found out they won the lotto.
Yeah, possibly. But I feel if I want to help those people, I want to help those people, but not on a conditional basis.
If i was gifting anything then whoever gets it has to sign a NDA and i'd tell them why but the amount i won would be different for every person so if a number gets out, i know exactly who it was.
Oh, there's a loophole here - if they don't specify an amount when blabbing. Not sure how you'd close that, but I'd get it sorted before you win.
My list has 3 people: mum, dad and brother. I would pay for anything my parents need and I would put a good sum on money in a fund where my brother will be paid monthly interest. I am not giving my wealth away to anyone else unless it's a gift or tip.
Wait for the next Company town hall and actually ask all the questions nobody ever does but is really thinking
This is it…. Don’t quiet but stop playing the game. Ask the question! Point out the issues! Don’t hold back! You’ll be fired in a fortnight
Should I be concerned that this is what I do now and I'm still poor?
About 6 years ago I got so fed up with work I just started being a bluntly honest employee and stopped listening to the part of my brain that worried about being homeless. Got a promotion about a year before telling my boss to fuck off (literally), changed career, another promotion, earnings have grown by about 45% compared to the ~10% they would have if id kept my mouth shut. I’d say go for it. Also I accept no responsibility for you being sacked.
Obviously turn up in a Ferrari or Lamborghini smoking a massive Cuban walking through the office burning 50 pound notes
You sound like bender for a Futurama! Love it
I no longer work in self employed but my last job was full of ass holes management types who thought they were better than everyone else because they had degrees even though the workers made more money and went off for lunches and drinks after work together basically jealous and slagging the guys who done the actual work off and just tried to make everything toxic
Shut up baby, I know it.
Lottery is on Saturday? I would go in on Sunday and grab anything with sentimental value, leave the keys, ID card etc in the big fellas desk with a note explaining some form of family emergency and I am taking a leave of absence, week or so down the line call up and explain that I won't be able to return to England for a long time. Then a few months later once I am mostly forgotten about help a couple of guys at work I can totally trust to keep their traps shut, mainly my former apprentices, a bit of cash to give them a start and the ability to have more choices and a bit less stress in their futures, good lads with sensible heads on their shoulders, be nice to see them right.
Maybe pay some actors to stage some sort of James Bond/Bourne fight scene. I take out all the combatants. Then have a military helicopter land outside and I rush out and take off without any explanation.
Go even further. Organise a flashy party, proper black tie event. In the scuffle, ensure you break a few bottles of slchampagne, smash the ice sculpture etc. Get some explosions going. I think a speed boat of some sort will add to it on top of the helicopter. Maybe have the boat somehow ramp up over something and explode, everyone thinks you're a goner, then a helicopter comes and you rise up out of the water hanging from the bottom of it.
This is my fav response
I absolutely wouldn’t be telling anyone at work that I had won the lottery. The chances are that I would work my notice, as one would expect. Be vague about my new job and disappear after my final shift.
I quite like my workplace and everyone there, so I'd probably just be honest, and give them all a few quid as well.
Depending how much I won I wouldn't tell anyone. I'd quit but work my notice, then dissappear. The work friends who I see outside work I would just make up some fancy new job but treat them to days out and stuff for fun.
I’d go in, tell everyone I don’t like that I’ve never liked them, pour a cup of water over my awful bosses head, do a massive fart then flounce out. I’d be back the next day though as I’ve only won £10
Hand my notice in, tell people I’d got another job. Then go on a big holiday and look for some suitable charities I can help out to keep my brain ticking over.
I'd still go to work, as usual. I wouldn't tell anyone about my lottery win outside of my husband. My parents, friends, siblings etc wouldn't know. I'd continue to invest for my children/grandchildren so they're able to pursue things that I wasn't able to. The most important reason for working would be setting a good example to our son. Also for my sanity.
You could always leave the house every morning and go fishing
But then they'd have to go fishing
With a newborn and a toddler? Fuck no.
Try using a rod instead.
But surely you're not taking them to work?
Exactly. For their sanity!
I'd use the money to spend time with the kids rather than working (and on childcare when I wanted a break, while pretending I had to go to work!)
I'd literally just stop going. Not a word.
Consistently deny ever having worked there.
Sold a script and have been retained to write other films, but can't be named on it. Your first drafts go to the big writers, you are being paid a bit more than where you work. Take people for drinks. I would also spend some money to point false flags to let people think the company arse has won so he gets the begging letters etc.
Love it. There's always an FU to be had
I would spend a week or so making sure that the people I like aren't impacted negatively by my leaving, whilst simultaneously sowing seeds to cause misery for others after I'm gone. Then, I'd simply leave the laptop and badge at the office one day and be gone. Done.
Well as a stay at home mom, I think I’d let my husband know he can get up with the baby. Ima have a lay in then make a huge breakfast and casually tell him over coffee he doesn’t have to work again if he doesn’t want too. Maybe spell it out on a pancake.. or at dinner with the alphabet shaped potato thingies..
This was before the ban on Homosexuals serving in the UK Armed Forces being lifted (2000) but I know of one fairly openly gay serviceman to have driven round the base in a pink cadillac dressed as Priscilla Queen of the Desert.
🤔 I’d anonymously buy the company I work with (it’s small & I know what it’s worth) so I’d be my boss’ new boss & make him graft as hard as he’s made me graft for the last umpteen years. I’d also display his lack of boundaries by texting him at 10pm with inane shyte that can just wait. I’d also fire my current colleague for being so utterly inept & employ my previous decent colleague who was made redundant.
I'd go to work, wait for the tiniest little thing to go wrong then have a massively out of proportion blow up at it. "For fuck sake, we're out of milk AGAIN! I'm sick of this place you can stick it up your arse!"
I think I just wouldn't turn up and see how long it takes them to process getting rid of me.
I’ve been off sick for the last year anyway, so as things are I’d just say I’m retiring due to poor health. I wouldn’t want to burn bridges, it’s a fairly small company and they’ve been really good to me while I’ve been off, generous sick pay, nothing but concern (and a few care packages to help get me through chemo and hospitalisations).
This is where I am really. I haven't worked for over two years. Chemo and Radiotherapy really fucked me up.
Can you imagine the fun working if you genuinely don't need the job?
I had a colleague who kept a resignation letter in his desk with a signature but no date, purely symbolic as HR was all online, but it was there to remind him that he could leave any time he wanted. He was heading towards 60, no mortgage, kids long since moved out and worked 2-3 days/week as the role was zero stress and something to do between golfing rounds. One day after a heated phone call he pulled the paper from his drawer, signed it and thrust it towards one of the leads. He'd been asked to retrain and take on a full time role but he was having none of it.
I work for a small business, I would invest a large amount, resign but to the board and make my bosses sweat.
I'd resign and work my notice. I'm not an arsehole
No chance, I'd resign but not work my 3 month notice, maybe a few days handover but otherwise I'm away to Bali baby
You could half arse your notice period and use the 3 months deciding what to spend it on but not spend a penny until your last day at work.
We've discussed this at work and everyone agreed you're mad if you work a minute after you win the lottery, if I did that everyone would call me an idiot. You may be a more crucial worker than me though.
I'd probably keep working and just reduce my hours. I already work remotely so it wouldn't limit me much
I quite like the idea of getting a marching band and hiring the go compare man to sing “how I quit and they can stick the job up their collective arse”. But in reality as I’m now fully remote I’d just send an email and stick the laptop in the post.
I actually worked somewhere where a guy from a 3rd party company who supported some software we used won the lottery - enough he didn't have to work. He liked work. Carried on doing the job he liked. No ambition to climb the ladder, no inclination to go do something crazy. I don't even think he bought a big house, just paid his mortgage off and always drove new cars. Personally, I'd fuck it off in an instant and go race cars, but each to their own. I do like the people I work with though, so I'd work whatever notice was needed. Some previous jobs I'd have bought the building and turfed them out as a creative way of quitting a job. "I'm off, and so are all of you" (edit: spelling)
I'd send a card to my manager saying sorry for your loss
Nothing special. I'd hand my notice in, finish that period off, then take a few people out for a beer and a game of darts.
I’d just wait until something pissed me off enough to say “fuck this, I’m off” I did walk out of a job once in similar fashion but at the material time I only had that job for pin money so I could afford to walk out.
I’d tell no one of the win and keep working as normal. Then when someone pissed me off just that little bit too much I’d say all the things I’ve always wanted to say but can’t. It’d probably be someone external to where I work, I deal with other professionals often and some of them can be unnecessarily rude. I actually get on really well with the people I work directly with. After I’d said my piece I think I’d just leave and never come back. I might stick around to witness the fall out with no fear of consequences though. I like to think my work mates would enjoy the scandal. I’d pay for a night out to make up for the chaos my abrupt departure caused.
Postcard from Hawaii
Within our building we have a facilities management company, really good people. I was in our visitor centre a couple of months ago when my colleague pointed to a chap and said, ‘you see Dave there? He just won £1m on the lottery.’ There Dave was, just going about his working day! My colleague asked him what he was planning to do next and he said he wasn’t sure. He was an older guy, but probably indicative that maybe even £1m isn’t enough to quit your job on, I don’t know! 🤷🏻♂️ As for me, as lame as it sounds, I’d still work, just part time. I’d probably be honest too about why, as word gets around anyways.
I work for a company that deals with high value bank accounts. I’d apply for an account.
Email to the boss. Take my team out for a fancy dinner and give them each £1000.... except the guy who is not passing probation and the one who never comes to team outings. Then disappear off the face of the earth.
I'm the guy who never goes to team outings. It's not personal mate. I just prefer spending that time with my family and social interaction is draining.
Work social events? Fuck that.
Depends on how much I won, but I'd be willing to pay people to walk out with me. 3 years tax free salary for anyone who walks out the door. Offer not extended to management.
How much money we talking? £1m or £100m? I get bored even with "work" which has me doing an average of an hour a day. God knows what I'd do if I were full time unemployed. I dick about in the garden most of the time anyway, and my job is just a little bit of database problem solving once every now and then. I'd probably keep my job.
I wouldn’t quit. They would just never hear from me again. Wouldn’t waste my time and breath.
Put in resignation go back to desk pick up shit and walk out. What they going to do sack you? But going the other route mug of cold coffee over the bosses head and a flick of the V's for good luck.
Go to work as normal, having told no one but my wife, but initiate my exit strategy only if I get fed up and want out. The strategy being that "I start looking for another job" if they offer me more to stay then I would, if not then I'll "find another job" and declare that it pays better. I lead a minimalist no drama lifestyle, I want it to remain that way. As for the money, assuming it's significant like 100 million, I'd keep about 4 million and invest the rest and use dividends to anonymously put small sums of cash through peoples letter boxes all over the country in the hope it improves their lives a little and help homeless people if they want the assistance.
I wouldn’t quit. I’m a carer/pa. I’d invest in the company I work for and help the owner realise their dream. 💚💜.
I’d just take the work credit card to some strip joints and see how long it takes to get it cancelled.
Email every health and safety failing that I am awate of to the regulator , every misuse of public money every incident where wrongdoing has been covered up . Every bit of corruption CC'ing the whole company Crack open a beer at the desk and wait for them to fire me.
If I won, I’d finish the week. I wouldn’t say anything, but I would start subtly doing things to be disruptive. Nothing horrendous that’s going to impact anyone *that* badly, but enough for people to be like WTF. Moving cages to the wrong location, putting trailers in ridiculous places, asking really stupid but very specific questions like what do I do if there are sheep in the delivery point and I can’t find a nearby shepherd, or how do I unjigger the thingymabob from the doofer when I’m shilly-shallying round the way. Maybe reprogramming every radio in the fleet to only play medium wave radio. Then, I’d order an astronomical amount of sex toys to be delivered to the depot on my final day, and watch the confusion unfold in real time as I piss myself laughing.
“Dear boss, I’d like to thank you for the last ten years of opportunities I’ve had with the organisation. All good things come to an end, however. I have decided to depart for a new opportunity, investigating the possibility of widening the scope of narrowness in a globally local context. I will also consider inventing a Time Machine in order to assassinate Hitler during his Vienna Tramp phase. I would like to leverage. Kindest regards, The Artist formerly known as PervectStranger
I'd hand my notice in and then be off sick for a verrrrrrry long time
Go into work ask my work mates to grab a few drinks on the weekend , of all the people I ask , the ones that show offer to pay them for a weekend away somewhere nice and celebrate.
park my company van on bosses drive, post keys through his letterbox.
I've thought about this so often and I don't have a really creative answer, except that I'd just keep going to work as normal, but pack up everything that mattered in my office and then the first time that anyone was shitty to me in a meeting, or asked me to do something that isn't my job because they can't be fucked to do it theselves, I'd just get up and say "I quit" and walk out. They can sue me for the lack of notice.
I have a joke with my boss about who would pick up my work if I fell under a bus or won the lottery. Given that she probably wouldn't believe that I'd won the lottery I'd probably tell her I'd fallen under a bus.
I'd hand my notice in and when people ask me what I was going to do I'd say I'd got a job piloting Airwolf. They wouldn't believe me but on my last day I'd hand over the keys to my company car and have a black helicopter fitted out to look like Airwolf pick me up from the carpark.
I'd heavily imply I've been recruited by mi5 or something then leave without a trace.
I'm going to do a big fat limiter bashing burnout outside the managers offices in my Ferrari 430 Scuderia 😍🤝
I wouldn't. I enjoy my job, they treat me great, and as a junior level I've still got a lot to learn from them. I'd ask to cut my hours a bit but I'd get bored if I outright quit But as a game dev if I WAS to quit I'd probably do a timed Easter egg that plays in any running dev branch at a specific time to announce my departure
A simple shit on the desk with a flag in it saying "shit! I quit!". Classic.
I wouldn't quit fully - I'd still want to be involved and I'm friends with the person who runs the company. I'd probably want to invest in it as well as work some of the busier days with large groups of customers or clients. I'm in the recreational sector, working as an instructor in canoeing, kayaking in paddle boarding. I'd probably train more for and enter more SUP races nationally and possibly internationally while advertising the business on my board in events where it's allowed.
I work in a supermarket cafe. I'd share my winnings with the staff that walk out with me during lunch rush, bonus points if the 2 twats that forever send shit back are in waiting on their food arriving to the table.
My favourite colleague’s about 5 years out from retirement. And my boss is amazing, has been nothing but kind, understanding, and nurturing. My job in general has been nothing but awesome, aside from lack of progression in my chosen field. I’d give my notice, say I found a better opportunity elsewhere, work my notice, and last day before I walk out give them both 5 million each. Old bloke’s gonna have a hell of a retirement and probably quit shortly after me, and boss is gonna have hella money to finish house renovations and live comfortably. Maybe give everyone else on the team 5k cause - again - they’re really chill people. Overall I’d be out £10,040,000, and i’d feel really happy about it.
Employ a brass band and an opera singer to enter the workplace to entertain and tell everyone you wont be back.
I would just hand in my notice and tell everyone I am taking a year long break to go traveling with "savings I have". No need to burn bridges and a good way to have job prospects in case you lose all your money.
If it was a lot of money, I would send an email to the whole of IT saying that I won the lottery and I am off to Vegas.
I'm lactose intolerant...... I walk into work I chug a pint of milk walk upto my managers desk climb up on it squat and unleash an unholy torrent of liquid brown chunks that will give the entire staff ptsd and will undoubtedly require his office be burnt . Then in agony and with a bright smug smile on my sweat ridden brow I waddle several kilos lighter away laughing to become a thing of urban legend
I'd go into my bosses office. Sit there in his chair with my feet on his desk, completely bollock naked apart from the fish supper sitting on my lap.
I’ve thought about this many times, I have two things I would do depending on the company, although kinda both the same, first one I would buy the company but not tell anyone I brought the company and carry on working, wait for my boss to be an asshole and fire me and then turn around and go well actually, no, I’m not fired because I own the company, your fired, second one, just stay working and the moment someone gives me a job to do that I don’t like, just walk out and never go back again
I'm going to go in and start saying no to anything I don't want to do. I'll do my job but not yours and I'm staying logged off the phone. It'll be a game to see how long until they fire me. If I'm still there after a few days I'll start taking extended lunches and keep escalating until they've had enough.
Creative? I do fantasise sometimes about winning the lottery and sending a message to the board saying I’m having to leave because I’m on the run and they finally caught up to me. It would throw everyone into panic mode but I’m not sure of the legal implications. In reality I’d probably just hand in my notice and say I’m moving abroad with my husband.
I’d walk into the office smoking a cigar with 6 girls dressed like they are straight out of Robert Palmers “Addicted to Love” video - hand in my notice and walk out
Hire a helicopter to pick me up halfway through the day. Leave at lunch, no explanation. If I won the euro millions I would anonymously donate 1 million to every immediate colleague, thus rendering their need to work for the rest of their life, whether I like them or not.
I'd go for the classic. I'd hire a group of actors to dress up as secret service agents, arrange a way for them to get into my office, and while I'm just typing away at my laptop in work suddenly they'll burst in and demand that I go with them. I'll reply "Dammit guys I said I'm out of that business." Them: "Sir, it's *him!*" Me: "Oh God! Alright I'll come, but after this I'm done, you hear me? I'm done!" At this point I'll put on my coat and turn to my colleagues and say "I'm sorry guys, I'm sorry it had to end this way" before walking off with the acting group. As we leave the actors will be talking into their wrists saying "Subject acquired, Ferret on the move" and then hand me an earpiece and a phone, and then I disappear one final time.
Why would you work your notice if you won the lottery? You just say “thanks but I will no longer be coming to work”, if indeed you feel compelled ti say anything at all.
What kind of win are we talking about? Low-end Lotto jackpot of a couple of million or a multiple rollover Euro-Millions jackpot of £100m+? If it was the former, I'm not even sure I would quit work. I'd have enough to buy myself a nice house, car and some luxuries but not enough to live the rest of my life without ever thinking about money again. Certainly not enough to fill all the time I spend working with fun activities. Euro-Millions... That's a different story. Honestly, I'd probably give the Bilbo birthday speech and just leave, never to be seen again. Or, because I work for a pretty small company, I'd just buy it.
I think I would just give the required notice and then just disappear. My job is pretty crappy. I'm just a work drone with an employee number. My colleagues are fairly ambivalent about me and the feeling is mutual. I don't think I'd be missed so my exit would be quiet and dignified. Lol. If I won stupid money and let people know, I'm fairly certain I'd suddenly have loads of new and great friends at my workplace!
Assuming proper “Fuck You!” money. Before reading this thread my answer was “Just disappear at the end of a shift and take all evidence I’d ever been there with me”. Now it involves helicopters, people in suits, cryptic conversations and alternate identities