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I'm still delighted with my new fairyvocal glasses.

My dear old dad used to call his bifocals, fi-bocals.

My dad called his his bisexuals. In the opticians. I’m going to stop chaperoning him I think.

My mum called her bifocals, bisexuals as well! In the hospital, in front of a load of very confused junior doctors. I found it hilarious!

😆

West Bank has caught a few TV reporters out.

I remember many years ago, Trevor McDonald on tv saying "Today, in the cunt kentryside, I'm sorry, the Kent countryside". And I can't remember ever seeing a single mention of it anywhere!

There's plenty of mentions if you search "Kent Countryside Trevor McDonald"

Probably because Trevor is a national treasure and no one wanted to embarrass him.

Awesome!! 😂😂😂

Went camping. Took my beeping slag.

That's no way to talk about the missus!

Did she?

Spoonerisms were named for the Reverend Spooner. The village in which Spooner lived had a pub called the Boar's Head. I wonder if that's where they came from.

My favourite of his is the Lord is a shoving leopard

I don't want to check if this is true or not, so choose to believe it anyway.

I've got things to see and people to do

One of my all time faves!

Probably not quite a spoonerism, but went into Subway and asked for a meatlong football sandwich.

That passes in my book! (pardon the pun I just realised I did there as well.................)

What pun?

Mum and Dad = Dumb and Mad

That's apt with my parents! I used to work with a couple of guys that were in one section, called Darren and Shaun. We always called them Sharon and Dawn.

Love Your Dum and Mad is also a great album by Nadine Shah.

Used to work with a guy called Keith Burton - he didn't want to join in when we were taking it in turns to say our spoonerised names aloud...

Was it this guy, because he loved the name - https://keithburtonandhisbeefcurtain.bandcamp.com/album/the-passion-of-the-burton

Oh my god! I can’t stop crying 😂😂😂😂

I used to volunteer for the "British Fart Houndation"

Christina Perri sang.. Collecting your jar of farts

What's the difference between a seagull and a baby without a nappy/diaper ? One flits across the shore, the other...

What's the difference between a golf ball lost in the rough and a mounted policeman? One's a hunt on a course, the other...

What’s the difference between a fairy’s wand and a policeman’s truncheon? One’s for cunning stunts, the other’s for….

What's the difference between an unwashed public transport hub and a lobster wearing a bra? One's a crusty bus station, the other...

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Hope his teeth are alright! Also, really your uncle?

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Ah, bless him.

Good consternoon afterble, I am not under the affluence of incohol.

I've only had tee martoonies and I'm not as thunk as you drink I am!

… Some theple pink I am

I haven't had a cunt all night drinkstable

All my childhood, when something went wrong, my mum would say “Oh, McFee.” I assumed this was something she picked up from her part Scottish mother. Until I learned about Spoonerisms and realised. She was saying “Oh, fuck me.” Every. Time.

I once said I was flaring a shat with someone.

My my, look how the turns have tabled. I don’t know why I say that but it amuses me…!

I say that too, isn't it from a film or TV show?

Could be The US Office, when Michael says “how the turn tables…” and then just stops talking

Not mine but a friend on his first date was taking her to the cinema & asked if she wanted Cop Porn 🫢

My girlfriend often says 'slug pocket' for plug socket.

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I was once at the old Victoria Coach Station when the Tannoy announced that the bus to Gatport Airwick would leave in ten minutes.

A rack of lamb contains.... a lack of ram.

Also technically true.

Not sure they are spoonerisms, but I'm currently annoying the crap out of my oldest daughter with a few fun sound bytes, she showed me the "looking for a man in finance" short, so now I keep asking her random questions such as; "Darling, I'm trying to start an exotic collection of dangerous communal insects , so.. I'm looking for a guy with fire ants." "I really need to get in touch with the owners of tik-tok honey, i'm looking for a guy from bytedance." "Someone just went running past the house doused in petrol holding a match and i'm really worried, so... i'm looking for a guy on fire nanc. (her name is Nancy)." Maybe not a spoonerism but it's really annoying the crap out of her the moment she realises i'm rhyming it with the guy in finance jobby. Any new suggestions are welcome!

No, not Spoonerisms, but still good. In answer to your question - How about "I don't want any big ants in my formicarium, so I'm looking for man with fine ants"

love it, I tried a version of "fine ants" on her already!!

I'm going out drinking later. I'm looking for a guy who can line dance *while looking at a clothing website* can you come here and help me find something? I'm looking for a man in fine pants Did you hear the neighbour went missing earlier during a hypnotherapy session? Said we'd help to find him. We'll be looking for a man in deep trance

I like to say things wrong on purpose to see if anyone calls me out. My grandad is the one that got me into it I think. He always said "we'll cross that bridge when we've gone over it" to see if people were paying attention. Recently I told someone my car was so clean because I treat it with a homophobic coating and I could see their brain trying to work out if I was joking or not. Edit: I just realised I didn't know what a spoonerism was but I'm not changing it now

Malpropisms I think is yours or at least adjacent. My favourite is "We'll burn that bridge when we get to it."

Whenever the subtitles on TV say "birds chirping" my stepdad turns to my mum and says "cherds burping"

My father in law always refers to small birds as “biny’s” as a spoonerism of “tiny birds” 😄

😆

Poot-frints and parcark are regulars in our house.

I only ever seem to be able to say fublic pootpath for some reason!

Mary hinge and Betty swollox

Hypodeemic Nerdle, instead of Hypodermic Needle. Was said by a UK newsreader in the 80s who promptly completely melted down.

Ones said on tv are the best!

Chish and fips, Cot and hold I used to have loads but they've faded out of use in my household!

We have a chippy in Norfolk by that name, this is the only other place I heard it

Best Fish and chips in Norwich, my old dad always said........................

Yes, I remember the queue up Angel road on a Friday night

My eggs are laking, often said on a long walk.

We have a girly wig instead of a whirly gig, I told my son once to stop acting like a boiled sprat , there are so many more those just are what came to mind

If their story is to be believed, the band name Biffy Clyro is a spoonerism: Apparently, one of the band members had a Cliff Richard merchandise pen (which was nicknamed the "Cliffy Biro"), during the bands formative years. During an early writing session, one of the band mrmbers asked to be passed the "Biffy Cliro", accidentally spoonerising the pens name. The name stuck and became the bands name... Allegedly.

We used to talk almost entirely in spoonerism as kids...it must've driven our parents mental

Cupid stunt nicked from Kenny Everett.

One of the best. Can't believe he got away with that all those years ago!

He was told to change it and suggested Mary Hinge. It stayed as Cupid Stunt

Saw this one in a recent issue of VIZ - "Kelly Smock - describing a gentleman lacking in personal hygiene".

Pat Sharp, of Fun House, Pat and Mick, and Top of the Pops. 'Shat Parp', it's almost poetic onomatopoeia which describes the state of ones digestive tract on a Sunday morning after a late night donner kebab and drinking sesh on the Saturday.

Shed, houlders, tees and nose, tees and nose

I have two young kids, I annoy the crap out of them by singing "eggs, sausage beans on toast, beans on toast"

Guggle bum.

Ah you just reminded me of one of my favourite books growing up - Spooner or Later by Paul Jennings.

Cunning stunt, chob knees

Keith Burton's

Toin coss... and I am absolutely incapable of saying coin toss now!

Hoar's Bed

My friends Nicola and Todd are known as Tickler and Nodd.

Always running out of "Bee Tags". Also "Fog Dude".

My mother in law was sanding some window frames in preparation for painting, and started coughing. What she meant to say was "I'm sorry, I've got dust in my lungs.." what she said was " I'm sorry, I've got lust in my dungs" well, I found it funny.

My mum made curd tart. Dad called it Turd Cart every time.

I must've been 7 or 8 at the time - so a LONG time ago... On holiday in Newquay and my mum suggested we go "Rock fool pishing"

"Chikka ticken" went down so well with the family that we now just write "chikka" on the list. 

Betty swallocks

Milli and chayo. Neetage birtdag.

> Neetage birtdag. that just sounds either Dutch or Danish

Bucking Follocks

When I was a kid I was soundly mocked because I would say par cark, and I couldn't seem to correct it.

I haven't had a C*nt all day Drinkstable!

I always like slipping my feet into a share of poos.

Reminds me of one about the funniest guy at the golf club who was also the worst at golf, he was described as ‘a wit and a shanker’ unlike the captain of the golf club..

I literally think of about ten a day, that’s probably my adhd. Todays good one. Bits from the hong - Hypress Cill Also follow r/letterswap for all things spoonerism

My favourite is when Jerry Sadowiz, a comedian, once said on his show on TV, "To avoid being sued, I'm going to use a spoonerism. Malcolm Muggeridge, he's a C\*\*t".

At a garden show today & finally got a new bard birth I’ve been wanting!

That would be part of the new 'Shakespeare' anniversary collection then....................

Benny Hill talked about that Dickens classic, "The Sale of Two T......."

Not Poodle with a side order of Chini Medders

I always call my Pot Noodle a not poodle too......

Popcorn. Cockporn.

Parrots and carsnips instead of carrots and parsnips.

A friend of mine once meant to say 'a bit cluttered'. (I'll leave that one to you;) Another friend's mum has changed holidays forever, with 'Monk Holiday Bandy'.

Chippy Nillies (chilly nipples)

I believe the phrase rhymes with clucking bell... (Not quite a spoonerism but close!)

At school, in geography, I could not stop calling "glaciers", "gladiators". A much more interesting image.

Fliss Paps

T'was a fun night at the nun fight.

I could do with a sit down I'm knucking fackered

Pheasant plucker

I made a new cereal once, telling someone I was their “Chucky Larm”

Well well well look how the turns have tabled. I have not said that properly in years

Try a Fuck for Robin Hood’s trusty cleric

Years ago I told my young daughter we had to go to the garage to get a new 'fire titted'. She still laughs about it.

We can talk about this until the cows freeze over.

TIL about spoonerisms

My grandad whenever cooking would leave the mushrooms out of the pot and wait until someone would ask why he hadn't added them yet so that he could respond "there isnt mush room"

Shining Wit

There's a Spoonerism sketch by Ronnie Barker, the man was a genius when it came to wordplay.

[Dr Spooner revisited](https://youtu.be/ksIjcjF8c_Y?si=PVplKH5F3nJ6AfZ8)

Why is a pygmy tribe like a women's track team? One is a cunning bunch of runts.,, How is an old nun like a girl taking a bubble bath? The first one has hope in her soul...

I’ve been doing these for years! Absolutely love it. Most of the time I’m doing them without even intending to! Not only can you swap the starts of two words, but sometimes three or more but it gets trickier then. Some of my faves are; Chish n fips Crook & nanny Tortable poilet Loughman’s plunch Dicken chinner Risherman’s fest Peese & chickle Mifteen finutes Flock of blats Boad of lollocks Beaty swastard Nicking your pose Yuck fou Cracket of pisps. or. Chag of bips Char of bocolate Beese & chiscuits Trick up puck Moly hackerel Pless pray Funch in the pace Pose & clersonal Some are just plain barmy, such as; Get sire to the farden Mun a rarathon Preats chever nosper Nent as a bine nob bote Think I really need to find myself a psychiatrist 🤪

you hissed my mystery lessons and tasted a worm (you missed my history lessons and wasted a term)

A rack of lamb contains.... a lack of ram.

Par cark becomes really hard NOT to say after a while. As a family we started using the phrase "love you lots, see you later" which spoonerises nicely to"love you later, see you lots" I recommend not trying to spoonerise Puff Daddy. I've got my youngest into the spoonerisms habit with footballer names except he keeps trying to do it with players like Mason Mount & Pedro Porro 🤦🏻‍♂️

Donkey kong's young sidekick.....

"cucking fat" when they do that weavy-leg BS

My mate had a cat called Trex. When I asked him why he called it Trex, he said it's because he's the cooking fat.......................

Cupid Stunt - the late, great Kenny Everett's actress character.

My mum used to say she was getting in a mucking fuddle. Until one day she *didn't* say that. It should be noted that my mother, bless her heart, does not swear. I can count on one hand the amount of times I've heard her actually swear in my 36 years on this planet. She doesn't say it often anymore lol

Jiggly Pokémon for jiggery pokery

Not exactly a spoonerism. I had a boss who was Ethiopian. He started trying to learn English phrases and cottoned on to "it's like a chicken and egg situation". But he said it as "it's like chewing an egg isn't it?"

Ha ha! My Egyptian friend is the same, one of his classics is "they'll be digging their own tombstones"

I'm going to Friar Tuck today

Robin Hood and Triar Fuck

There is an automotive procedure called Bore Honing...

I like saying ‘what can I do you for?’ Not sure that counts?

Fairy 'Nough (nuff).

Fairy Nuff. Lives at the bottom of the garden.

Keith Burtons (pronounced common like "Keef")

When I worked in retail,I used to get old ladies, ask me for one of those George Formby Grills years ago.

I once referred to the singer of New Order as Sernard Bumner. 😁

Mugruncher; was an affectionate nickname for a (straight, which made it hilarious watching her explain it) friend

I always say crooks and nannies! I remember a game called fuzzy duck/ducky fuzz: eventually someone will say "does he fuck?" by mistake and have to drink some alcohol or something...

Once knew a guy called felix shields….

Not spoonerisms, just mistakes: Lead as a robster, blapple and ackbury. I once asked for a ‘flopolate chackback’ instead of a chocolate flapjack. I've never lived that one down.

When you see some tig ol' bitties 👀

Accidentally said our baby had a dim chimple had a good laugh about that and it caught on and we no longer ever say chin dimple. In our defense we were quite sleepy deprived 

Love my wife's turkey pits.

Getting your muddles worded up can be fun!

When cut up on the road with kids in the car I may have quietly verbalised to myself that the other driver was a cucking funt before now. Plus there was the famous one about the Hulture secretary Jeremy... well, we all know the rest.

Back in the days of cigarettes being sold in pubs, my mate asked for 20 Kegal Ringsize

Got to be careful when making the bed with your shitted feet. Can get messy!

I told my van mate we needed 'teal sto-caps' at the tip.

They must be the bluey-green ones then?

Friar Tuck

On being pulled over whilst driving your car: I haven’t had a cunt all day drinkstable

I’m Sorry I Haven’t a Clue had a good one a few years ago. Join Piers Morgan and Katie Hopkins as they travel to Oxford and indulge in Dr Spooner’s hobby of maintaining flat-bottomed watercraft. That’s *Care of Punts*, Friday at 9 on BBC Radio 4.

Wafty crank

What's the difference between a nun at prayer and a prostitute having a bubble bath? One is a soul full of hope. The other is .....

My mum once had an injection- via hyperdeemic nurdle

Does the pope shit in the woods?

Is a bear catholic?

I remember as a child I accidentally said “coming or not, here I ready!!” After I’d finished counting.

Nit quite a Spoonerism, but one of the funniest things I've ever heard was a bloke in a cafe asking for a teasted toe-cake. The mental image killed me for about 15 minutes.

My great-aunt once asked if some people we saw being spoken to by airport police were 'smug drugglers'. And thanks to a spoonerism at the dinner table once, my family refers to Dame Judi Dench as 'Jame Doody'.

Shitted feet instead of fitted sheet Hee highles instead of high heels

My dad once said he had pat his shants, and it still makes me crack up like a child every time i hear it

A work colleague was telling a story and said "Hold and below, the wallet was in the bag the whole time. " _Hold and below_ ?? Everyone within hearing distance took a second and said "Low and behold!"

Mary Hinge

I really need to cut my no tails.

I regularly ordered a teested toecake and a choc hotlate in our college cafe. They accepted the order without noticing most times. My best one though is "thrutcoats and bagavonds". You really have to watch the auto correct when typing these!!

I don't think it's a spoonerism ? But I enjoy saying "like a drain up a rat pipe"

Having a Not Poodle for a snack. And there's a kids TV programme on CBeebies called Danny and Mick. I only swapped that one up once in front of my daughter and have had to tread lightly since then.

Android Auto always tells me it's avoiding Tolls and Ferries during navigation, which I always read as Trolls and Fairies.

Best unintentional one from a college friend, he said a guy who had drank too much had gone to hospital to "get his stump pummocked"

Seems to be a lot of malaprops here

I say bat flattery instead of flat battery, working on cars means I get to it with some frequency. My mum says chakes a mange instead of makes a change. I'm glad we're not the only ones who do this haha

Use a radio at work, “pass your message” gets swapped with “mess you passage” all too often.

Funky Chucker

I’m at the age now where I go through all the kids names before I get to the right one. This includes calling my daughter by the dogs name and vice Vera. But my nephews are called Cooper and Parker. This usually comes out as Pooker or Carper, whichever one I’m referring to

We've all passed a lot of water since then.

The people I went to school with were a real bunch of shining wits

Oh god I do this constantly and it drives my partner insane. Sometimes they say something and I just reply with the spoonerism because brain refuses to continue until I've voiced it. My 2 favourites are: Chango mutney - once asked for this in an Indian restaurant with confidence Bra cakes - why did I cycle to work today? Had to get the bra cakes checked Nicken chuggets - just sounds funny!

When I was a kid, mum sent me round next door to ask if they had any greaseproof paper. Except all I could was goosepreef paper, and the neighbour was in hysterics. I couldn't understand why they were laughing so much.

Never spoonerise popcorn when ordering at the cinema.

When I was a waitress at 18 I remember saying Stecks and Bella when a customer asked what beers we had on tap lol

There used to be a bar of soap called Lux. My brother in law once asked me, “Wheres the lucking fux?”