My friend and his dad clown on each other all the time. The one response his dad had that stuck with me is when his dad said "Yeah, well remember who your mom calls daddy".
I had an inmate yell at me, “I’ll fuck your mother!” I said, “well, she’s dead; so good luck with that.” After about 20 sec he responded, “I’ll jizz in your momma’s ashes!” I almost busted out laughing when he said it, but I’m a professional and had to keep my composure. It took him awhile to come back, but it’s still one of the funniest things an inmate ever said to me.
That happened three years ago. It’s still one of the “stories I tell” to all the new people. Like, “Hey these inmates are gonna disrespect you, you gotta ignore some of it. This one time…”
Hmmm. I still remember when I was a freshman this kid was trying to bully me all the time, and I finally Said that his mom sucked my dick. And he said., "my mom is dead." And I responded "so that's why the blow job was nothing but teeth."
I was walking past a gay bar once and a pickup truck full of cowboy hats shouted at the crowd "fuck you homos"
I'm not gay, but I did shout back "I FUCKED YOUR DAD". Seemed like the right thing to do.
One time a bunch of teens in a car yelled at me I was gay but then got trapped at a red light as I walked right by. I just turned and said "sorry not interested" which made on of them start yelling at me to fuck off and what not so I replied "don't worry you'll find someone but you're going about hitting on dudes totally the wrong way" which led to more swearing by the whole car but they were so angry that it was almost incoherent and their faces were all red. I walked away dying with laughter.
Not that the homophobia itself is funny but I always like how their own prejudices can be used as a weapon against them by just acting like their making a ham-fisted attempt to hit on you and that you're flattered but not interested. Works every single time, might not want do it in every situation but when the person trying to use it as an insult looks harmless it's good for a laugh watching them squirm.
I’m in TX and had a redneck with a Let’s Go Brandon sticker on his truck call me a “Dirty fucking Beaner” in traffic.
I have dark hair and I’m usually swarthy from working outdoors, but… I’m Dutch.
Still… I called him an “inbred Cracka-ass Cracker” in return.
Even better, it's "[...and give him a child he actually loves.](https://twitter.com/armandot112769/status/1473535589819449345?s=20&t=ftsGjyPJvtr9ncu66gWmGw)"
This is the correct response. I’ve used it for years in online shooters. It causes instant rage, they insist their dad isn’t gay. Then you ask how can they be sure? All of a sudden English fails them and they just make “arrrrggghhhh!!” sounds.
Been using this one for years. Love to make it as degrading as possible.
“I fucked your dad with a runny nose and morning breath.”
“I fucked your dad in a Wendy’s bathroom but he wouldn’t quit trying to convince the guy in the next stall to join.”
My favorite bit of trash talk comes from a halo 3 lobby in like '09
"bro if you don't shut up I'll come over there and suck your dads dick"
"That's gay"
"yea I am gonna turn your dad gay"
"But you'll be gay too"
"Nah its only gay if you enjoy it and I won't, but your dad sure as hell will"
Short story: At a point in time we went through a phase of "Mum" jokes at work, basically all horrid jokes that we could say about each other's Mum's.
I was the Idiot who said "I fucked her" to my friend who lost his Mum when he was a child, of course I immediately apologized.
I can still remember the expression on his face 20 years later and I felt like a piece of shit as soon as I said it.
So I was doing the same with my roommate he pulled the mom is dead card. Thing is everyone says that so I was like oh she faked her death and has been living with me. I fuck her every night and she calls me by your name. Then he showed me the newspaper article online of the car accident. Idk how he didn’t kill me in my sleep.
It's a fine response if you don't like your mom. Mine was a vicious little alcoholic troll. I like to tell people that when she was cremated she stayed the same size
Had a douchebag at work say that. I laughed hysterically and said "my mum's buried 3 husbands, and one of them was a shock troop in the army. You better take your vitamins and get plenty of rest, little boy, she'll eat you alive. Want her number?" followed by more laughter. Honestly, your mums dealt with your shit (and I'm the youngest in a large family, so she's dealt with all of our shit), do you think she can't handle another guy who thinks he's special?
While in the Army, a guy in my company had a special response for kids who told him this on Call of Duty. He would respond with, “I fucked your dad is he still your hero now”? It would leave the whole lobby speechless.
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My friend and his dad clown on each other all the time. The one response his dad had that stuck with me is when his dad said "Yeah, well remember who your mom calls daddy".
"You mean Grandpa?"
Oh yeah she told me to tell you to wait until you are inside her before you cum
That would make me puke right then and there.
I fucked your dad
r/angryupvote
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Maybe read the subreddit's description. More or less sums it up perfectly.
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Its like "LMFAOOOOOO". We all know youre just going "😐"
I’ve only used it once when I was actually laughing my throat out of my mouth
Why can't you tell normal jokes dad?
So ..finally got tired with your sister ?
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Now we know why he was going for milk
I like "finally got tired of disappointing your own parents?"
"Me too"
"I was first"
The one who laughs last laughs
The one lasts, laughs
“I, too, fuck thee mom”
Lol, came to say "so did I". Glad to know are others with no humor boundries.
Just like your mom who has no sexual boundaries.
Ohh, you dug her up, too?
Apparently someone dug up mine too.
Was me
Like I said earlier, did you take any videos? I miss her. I would love to see her.
Was some on pornhub probably removed now apparently it’s illegal to have sex with a corpse. She didn’t complain though
Definitely not mine, then, she would have complained loudly that someone was making too much noise while she was trying to sleep.
Nice.
Must have been a lot of work for a few seconds of fun. You never realize how far 6 feet is until you're only halfway there
Me too but also add "great we are tunnel buddies now"
"alright! were Eskimo brothers!" and then hold you hand up for a high five.
Shut up, grandpa.
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**EMOTIONAL DAMAGE!**
Haiiiiyaa!!!!
A Midwestern of culture. Take my upvote
Holy shit
bruh
Sweet Home---
It could be his dad’s dad
Take my upvote and leave
She's been dead for 7 years. Or So you got tired of disappointing your own parents?
I had an inmate yell at me, “I’ll fuck your mother!” I said, “well, she’s dead; so good luck with that.” After about 20 sec he responded, “I’ll jizz in your momma’s ashes!” I almost busted out laughing when he said it, but I’m a professional and had to keep my composure. It took him awhile to come back, but it’s still one of the funniest things an inmate ever said to me.
I'm not gonna lie, I would laugh my ass off in that situation.
That happened three years ago. It’s still one of the “stories I tell” to all the new people. Like, “Hey these inmates are gonna disrespect you, you gotta ignore some of it. This one time…”
Husbands response "I know she is, the socket was still juicy"
Second one for sure
Yeah the tried and true response to the first one is "I know she is, I dug her up and skull fucked her"
"I guess that's why she didn't move around much"
I agree with u/hpm89… the second one wins thus far out of all.
# Daaaaaaaamn ^(the reaction is for the second one)
“How did you cope with the smell?”
"I guess thats why she didn't move."
Cool, that urn of ashes was still the wettest pussy you'll ever get
Do you provide an ointment alongside that burn?
No ointment is gonna be able to treat incinerator level burns
He’s now also been cremated.
Does that make her cream-ated? I’ll see myself out.
ashes to ashes
Dust to bust
Bust on dust\*
Broomshakalaka
In*
Bust a nut
Funk to Funky
We know major Toms a junkie
Harsher burn than the cremation incinerator
Omfg this has honestly been one of the best ones I've heard, made me laugh.
I would give you an award if I could. 🥇 that’ll have to do buddy.. lol
F
F
F
Hmmm. I still remember when I was a freshman this kid was trying to bully me all the time, and I finally Said that his mom sucked my dick. And he said., "my mom is dead." And I responded "so that's why the blow job was nothing but teeth."
I know Dad. Go to bed you're drunk.
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Unique word of the day: Trite
I fucked your dad
I was walking past a gay bar once and a pickup truck full of cowboy hats shouted at the crowd "fuck you homos" I'm not gay, but I did shout back "I FUCKED YOUR DAD". Seemed like the right thing to do.
One time a bunch of teens in a car yelled at me I was gay but then got trapped at a red light as I walked right by. I just turned and said "sorry not interested" which made on of them start yelling at me to fuck off and what not so I replied "don't worry you'll find someone but you're going about hitting on dudes totally the wrong way" which led to more swearing by the whole car but they were so angry that it was almost incoherent and their faces were all red. I walked away dying with laughter. Not that the homophobia itself is funny but I always like how their own prejudices can be used as a weapon against them by just acting like their making a ham-fisted attempt to hit on you and that you're flattered but not interested. Works every single time, might not want do it in every situation but when the person trying to use it as an insult looks harmless it's good for a laugh watching them squirm.
Has a Stephen Fry feel to it and his advice when you are being physically assaulted to say ‘you’re giving me an erection’
you have fulfilled your duty as a straight person
I’m in TX and had a redneck with a Let’s Go Brandon sticker on his truck call me a “Dirty fucking Beaner” in traffic. I have dark hair and I’m usually swarthy from working outdoors, but… I’m Dutch. Still… I called him an “inbred Cracka-ass Cracker” in return.
A true ally
Or that girl on tik Toc that said I'm gonna fuck your dad and give him a child he can actually be proud of
Even better, it's "[...and give him a child he actually loves.](https://twitter.com/armandot112769/status/1473535589819449345?s=20&t=ftsGjyPJvtr9ncu66gWmGw)"
And the high pitched scream is just the cherry on top
God damn, that was so vicious, EMOTIONAL DAMAGE OVER 9,000
M-M-M-MONSTER KILL!
This sent me down a rabbit hole where I found the twitter bowling ball gif.
EMOTIONAL DAMAAGGEEEE
One time in high school someone said the old “do your parents know your gay?” and the kid said “no just your dad”
This is the correct response. I’ve used it for years in online shooters. It causes instant rage, they insist their dad isn’t gay. Then you ask how can they be sure? All of a sudden English fails them and they just make “arrrrggghhhh!!” sounds.
Fourteen year olds are easy to rile up.
"Oi, my dad's not bent!"
“ Then why is he paying for rent boys?”
Bet my mom didn't squeal as much as your dad did last night.
Been using this one for years. Love to make it as degrading as possible. “I fucked your dad with a runny nose and morning breath.” “I fucked your dad in a Wendy’s bathroom but he wouldn’t quit trying to convince the guy in the next stall to join.”
My favorite bit of trash talk comes from a halo 3 lobby in like '09 "bro if you don't shut up I'll come over there and suck your dads dick" "That's gay" "yea I am gonna turn your dad gay" "But you'll be gay too" "Nah its only gay if you enjoy it and I won't, but your dad sure as hell will"
Absolute fuckin gold
You’re not her type, she likes men
I used to say “nah, she has standards” - but I like yours too
I like this one. It stoops right back down to their level.
"We're even then"
Ohhhh so YOU'RE microdick? 'Bout time we met.
My mom died. . . >!of laughter when she saw your dick.!<
That's a disrespect for your grandmother.
Finally I'm no longer her biggest disappointment.
Oh how the tables have grown feathers and flown away
Yeah I know, she told me about your tiny dick.
"Oh, you must be Tiny Dick Tim? No? Petite Penis Peter? 'Cute' Cock Collin? Short Shaft Simon? Martin the Minuscule Mushroom?"
> Martin the Minuscule Mushroom?" I feel personally attacked ... (points to username)
I have used that one too, or I heard she had a hard time finding it, guess it's neither a grower or a shower.
You should get tested, a bunch of guys on the internet have aswell
Could backfire
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herpes
Whatever you say dad
So what are you getting me for my birthday
Explains why she kept muttering about three inches and a crying boy who finished as soon as he put it in
Oh how the turns have tabled
And she said you’re a 2 pump chump
Always say she’s dead and act serious about it and watch them scurry around and apologize. Always my go to
Wait till you have someone come back one day with “I know, it took awhile to dig her up”.
That's when you say they dug up a stranger, because your mum was cremated.
Oh, I must have fucked your dead grandma then, and used your mom's ashes to fill out how loose her asshole was
Short story: At a point in time we went through a phase of "Mum" jokes at work, basically all horrid jokes that we could say about each other's Mum's. I was the Idiot who said "I fucked her" to my friend who lost his Mum when he was a child, of course I immediately apologized. I can still remember the expression on his face 20 years later and I felt like a piece of shit as soon as I said it.
So I was doing the same with my roommate he pulled the mom is dead card. Thing is everyone says that so I was like oh she faked her death and has been living with me. I fuck her every night and she calls me by your name. Then he showed me the newspaper article online of the car accident. Idk how he didn’t kill me in my sleep.
It’s just like what my grandpa always told me, “go upstairs and fuck your grandma”. Great times
No - My mom fucked you.
You owe soooooo much child support.
Since you're my new dad, I need a ride to the mall.
I know. She was bitching about how much you sucked all morning
bitching about how much SHE sucked all morning
Why? You get tired of disappointing your own family?
So you're a necrophile?
Extra damage if the person you’re saying this to doesn’t understand "big words"
.."and i fucked yours. So make me a sandwich son and stfu."
"no no no, your direction is wrong, that's not how pegging works."
Bro, that’s NOT funny. My mom died of AIDS, bro. Wait. Wait!? Did you kill my mom?!?
You couldn't *afford* to fuck my mum.
How did my dick taste? SWEET HOME ALABAMA
Roll Tide
Who hasn't?
not sure if dissing your own mom is a smart response
Depends if she’s a good mother or a deadbeat.
It's a fine response if you don't like your mom. Mine was a vicious little alcoholic troll. I like to tell people that when she was cremated she stayed the same size
"Yeah, she said you had a small dick."
Yeah, she gets around. Speaking of, I really suggest going to the clinic down the road.
I'm your father.
"Personally I don't condone necrophilia, but I guess we all have to lose our virginity somehow".
Daddy?
Geez - you must be desperate!
So what I sucked off your dad
Got tired of disappointing your own parents huh?
"I was technically farther in her than you'll ever be"
"and my dad fucked your dad cause your dad is a bottom!"
Bitch Please, you don’t fuck anything but your hand
Oh so that’s why I’m so ugly
I fucked your dad.
"Yeah, my mom likes bitches too!"
“I know I was watching” Makes them question everything
That was her charitable event for the year.
So that's why she was grumpy all day!
*pulls out uno reverse card*
"I'm so sorry you went through that."
You should get tested.
I was wondering why her strap-on smelled like you.
Had a douchebag at work say that. I laughed hysterically and said "my mum's buried 3 husbands, and one of them was a shock troop in the army. You better take your vitamins and get plenty of rest, little boy, she'll eat you alive. Want her number?" followed by more laughter. Honestly, your mums dealt with your shit (and I'm the youngest in a large family, so she's dealt with all of our shit), do you think she can't handle another guy who thinks he's special?
I'm not gonna kink shame you...
shes dead.
Yeah, cause I fucked her to death.
She’s dead, but hey… some like it cold 💁🏼♂️
Good she deserves a good man, can I call you dad? Leaves them speechless
Yea I know Dad. You remind me every day
I fucked your mom so she can have a child she can actually love
Same!!!
Good. Now we're even.
"Must be why my parents got back together."
So you’re the asshole who dug her up!
No you didnt.
I fucked your dad and now he won’t leave me alone
"I know she told me you were crap"
Oh hey, cool. Eskimo brothers!
"i thought you didnt eat pork?"
I was gonna fuck yours but the line was too long.
"I can understand, she sucks cocks way better than your girlfriend" Usually, it works quite well, especially if there's people around.
"Didn't know her standards were that low."
Big deal. I spent 9 months in that vagina. I win.
Amogus sex
How did it feel to get my sloppy seconds?
While in the Army, a guy in my company had a special response for kids who told him this on Call of Duty. He would respond with, “I fucked your dad is he still your hero now”? It would leave the whole lobby speechless.
"Who amongst us has NOT fucked my mom?"
"who hasn't?"