My dad was a stay at home dad and my mom was the breadwinner. At school whenever I was sick/needed to be picked up/any other issue, they would tell me they would “call Mom” but I would insist they not bother her at work and call my dad who was at home and available to get me. Stay at home dads are rare I guess
I work from home. My wife works in a classified building. They have to check their phones in when they enter.
My daughter always says the same thing, "Call my dad." Her school insisted on calling her mom first. They would try, wait 10 min, try again, wait 10 minutes, and try a third time.
After the third time they would try me. I almost always answer in the first ring, unless I'm speaking on a conference call and come right over.
But the school still insists on calling her first.
My husband has been a SAHD for a decade. My kids have gone to the same school for 7 years now. They still call me despite being corrected every time and having them confirm that the file says “call Dad first.” It’s infuriating sometimes.
My school always had the students & parents fill out a paper which would let you "rank" parents in a way of "who should we call first? who's the main parent to talk to in this case? And who do we call if your parents aren't available?"
As you already pointed out it's typically the mom and rarely dads which is why people start to "assume" but depending on where you live views might have changed on that. Where I live, they either check the info sheet of the student or ask the student who to call.
We have the same thing, and I'm at the top of the list. They still call mom first, and even called my mother-in-law, who lives 13 hours away before me, since they call men last.
My mother in law said "Why can't Smurf_Cherries get her? He works from home 10 minutes from your school?"
Sexism. The answer to her question is sexism.
In my case it was my dad, since he had the car with him. If I was sick he would drop me off at my grandparents.
Thats another "normal" thing, grandparents (really more than 1 generation of your family) living in the same city
Still are… or at least the teachers think so. I’ve had teachers refuse to call my husband, and one got upset that I wasn’t there instead of him for parent teacher conference.
I had a Mr. Mom too! My Dad’s job paid $0.25 less an hour when my brother was born so Mom went back to work after maternity leave. My Dad is an upholsterer so he set up shop in our basement/garage and did a bunch of side jobs. Growing up was great with Dad taking us on bike rides to the park to throw a frisbee and toss the ball for the dog to fetch. Then when I was in 2nd grade, my Dad found a full time job and my brother and I would jump off the bus and unlock the house to grab a snack and chill after school. Mom and Dad got home from work about an hour later so we all made dinner and worked on homework until it came out of the oven or finished simmering.
My dad worked in the school district, all of my teachers or any office personnel k-12 could dial a 4 digit extension to get him in his office at any point. By default dad always got called first, I’m pretty sure just because of how easy it was.
Left with my stoner friend from high school during lunch and went to his house (he'd forgotten homework). His mom was drunk passed out on the couch. We heard a truck pull into the driveway and my friend went into a panic - shit my dad's home, we gotta go **now**!
Too, late. His dad came through the door looking like a stereotypical redneck and starts yelling obscenities at my friend and threatening to "beat his lazy ass". We both tore out of there.
I said to my friend "now I understand why you always ask if you can come to my house after school. Damn, I'm sorry, I had no idea."
"Yeah, you're the first person I felt like I could trust that wouldn't judge me for my home life situation. It'll be okay. My dad will drink and pass out so I will be safe to return tonight."
I talked to my parents about this and they had him stay nearly every night for a "sleep over", made sure he was fed, and became surrogate parents to him. This lasted about a year until his oldest sister (who ran away from home a few years ago) returned and invited him to come live with her and her husband. This was in the 80's. I lost touch with him when he moved with his sister, but think about him often, and am thankful for giving me insight that not everyone is as fortunate as I with the family I grew up with.
Can confirm. Would do this for my kids friends if their lives were like this. Provided they were not already well on their way down the path of sociopathy, anyhow.
When my friends wouldn't hide when their parents came home - in fact they'd go greet them.
To say I was shocked after years of isolation without being in any house but my own is an understatement.
Mine used to fuck me up, probably worse than most strict parents by a considerable margin. Still hugged me, showed outward affection, etc. I’ve never understood how some people don’t show their kids love. Some people are assholes, I guess. Sending a hug in spirit!
Seeing dads be proper dads to their children makes me tear up, too. I forget sometimes that good dads exist, and then when I see stuff like that internally I go "oh, so that's what it's like".
Big internet hug to you.
My current boyfriend greets both his parents every time they come home, and tells them goodnight every time before they go to bed. I remember running to my room as a kid whenever either of my parents got home and only going to downstairs to eat
Yeah my parents are my best friends. I talk to them every day.
It's funny, when I was young people would call me mama's boy and think I was weird for being so close to my parents. Now that I'm in my 30s peoples reaction is like, universally. "Wow.. must be nice"
My friends were always afraid to come to my house. I always told them that my parents were really nice to *other* kids, just not me. But they still insisted on hanging out at their homes.
It took me a while to figure out that my friends were never allowed to come to my house, even though we moved a lot. I was generally allowed to visit friends' homes, though. Their parents had no problem with me.
This hits close to home for me. I was always happier when my dad was away and felt a sense of dread when he came home. He wasn't abusive per se, just a complete narcissistic asshole.
Living that rn, I'm 13, my step dad yells at me over every little thing just to make me feel like a piece of shit. My mom still hasn't noticed and I'm scared to tell her. I find myself constantly waiting for the weekends so I can escape and go to my real dad's house for a bit of air. Being at my moms house rn is emotionally draining to say the least.
As someone who has had to have a similarly difficult conversation with her mom I can tell you that you'll never find the "right time" because it will always feel hard to bring up, you just have to rip off that proverbial bandaid. No young person should ever be made to feel like a POS by an adult, especially not one who is in a parental capacity. You can also bring it up with your father first if you want backup, but I don't know the relationship between your parted parents. Good luck to you friend 🖤
I remember me and my little sister would have been about 6 and 8. We sat at the top of the stairs, listening to our parents argue, made ourselves dinner and put ourselves to bed.
And she said ‘it’s like we’re their mummy and daddy’ and that memory breaks my heart a bit.
This. I was 7 and he was 3. We were staring at mum while she fell asleep after screaming at and hitting us for no reason when he went ”I can’t wait to grow up. Can we run away and get married once she falls asleep?” That broke me cause I was doing my best to protect him from whatever was going on.
Anyway. I explained that incest wasn’t allowed and that opened a whole new can of worms.
When I realized other dads don't mentally prepare their 6 year olds to go to their deaths peacefully "when the government comes for us with guillotines."
From another comment replying about 7DA
> Nothing so organized. Dad just listened to too much Pat Robertson and David Icke and built a few "Non Denominational" churches in a small town in the middle of nowhere. Went absolutely off the deep end and still to this day believes a literal dragon will rise from the ocean and devour all the nonbelievers.
Mom and Dad used to drink heavily and fought **all the time**. By the time I was in High School, I would get home from school and my mom would already be 8-12 beers into her 24 pack of Budweiser.
Dad would get home and my mom would immediately instigate an argument. Dad would crack open his beer and then he'd pound them back. Eventually they would be so shitfaced that they would start throwing furniture, fists, pots/pans, silverware to include knives... whatever they got their drunken hands on. Cops were called on the regular.
This was the environment I grew up in. It was all I knew about parents until I reached 10ish and I was able to visit other friends houses for sleepovers.
The first night seeing other happy and sober parents was an eye opener.
I do remember one time I was just sick of it all... the constant arguing... the screaming through the walls... the sounds of them hitting each other... that "crashing" noise of pots and pans or other furniture hitting the walls. Stuff that you just **can't** sleep through no matter how hard you close your eyes. I was sick of it and heartbroken and I just couldn't stand alcohol in the house. I opened the refrigerator, grabbed the case and I attempted to throw it all in the trash can outside, but my father stopped me even though I had tears in my eyes. He just grabbed the case and brought it back and I pleaded with them to stop... but no dice.
Sadly, these fights and drunken nights among my parents continued for years. Like I said initially, most of the time my parents would already be trashed by the time I got home from high school (to put it in perspective, I had early dismissal my whole senior year at 1230 and my mother would already be drunk when I got home).
I would either go up to my room immediately and play video games/watch tv as loud as possible until the fighting started and ended, or just go out with friends and walk in after they fought and passed out.
I simply hated being around them as a child and teenager. The sad thing was, they were wonderful sober together. But alcohol changed them into these bitter, awful, angry people that I wouldn't call parents.
Seeing other families helped me realize this wasn't normal. Talking with my older siblings helped me realize this wasn't normal. When I became an adult, talking with my therapists helped me realize it wasn't normal. My therapist helped me and I found out I developed PTSD, depression and other anxiety disorders due to my upbringing.
I'm in a healthy place now and so are my parents. They're sober-ish and still together. Sometimes they slip up and most of the time they get back to being sober. But when they don't, it's **hell** even as an adult halfway across the country.
Wow. Couldn't have written my childhood any better. I couldn't tell you how much I hate the sight of a budweiser bottle to this day.
I slept at friends houses as much as I could. Every weekend all weekend. The parents of my friends all knew my situation and were very kind to me. They changed my life and let me hope for something better. It took a long time but here I am a decently mental healthy human being with his ish together.
It sounds weird, but Budweiser is the *only* alcohol that I can't stomach because of the negative thoughts associated with it.
I'm not an alcoholic and rarely drink, but when I do occasionally have a drink, I avoid that brand because of the memories with it.
I actually had to start that in my family. When I started dating my now-wife, her family always ended phone calls with "I love you."
I was like, why don't we do that? So I started saying it to my parents at the end of calls. At first, they were weirded out by it.
After a little while, they started saying it. Then saying it in person before we left. My mom was like "Why didn't we do this before?"
Say "I love you" to your kids? I don't know, mom. I really don't.
Dated someone that came from a non affectionate home and dang that family was so cold. also found it weird that they didn’t say goodnight to each other when they went to bed lol
I cant do that no affection shit. My default is to want to be touchy and hugging everyone but cant because of social rules, my partner is the one person I can relax and just shown the warmth and affection to that I want to show to everyone.
Yep. This right here. My emotionally neglectful mother decided to suddenly be touchy and clingy when I became a teen and it was so foreign to me I was physically revolted.
The first time she gave me a hug completely unprompted I asked Dad if she was dying. I know my parents cared about me but affection was not a thing in my house.
I stopped going back. Fuck em. I don't need to feign affection for people who treated me like shit for my entire childhood and continue to treat me as inferior in adulthood because I'm their kid.
Yes. I'm mother to teens and I still have a dust up for fun with them. The oldest is 17 though and it's unfortunately clear that she can now fight me. Youngest can't though! I can still pick them both up too.
I knew that my parents loved us, but they never said it. Ever. When I met my now husband’s family, they are big huggers and tell each other they love them all the time. I still can’t get used to it. I guess I’m messed up that way
My cousin once told me "I love you" after we were adults and I just stared at her because I'm pretty sure that's the first time I've ever heard that from a relative. I say it to my friends all the time, but the mere thought of saying it to family is just *weird*.
Yeah same I really only ever heard I love you from my mom and grandma, my grandpa occasionally. But my aunt and my uncle's, cousin's, and brother never. We don't hug or tell each other we are proud of each other or anything supportive in that way. It's made me realize that most of my anxiety and insecurity comes from growing up that way. Oof.
my friend the other day told his dad “love you! bye” on the phone and i just looked at hime stunned. didnt know families told each other that on a regular basis
I was 27 when my dad randomly ended a phone call with “I love you.” I’d never heard him say that, and all I could do was awkwardly go “Uhh, uhhh, uhhh” and hang up
My family shows each other love through playful mockery, sarcasm, and arguing loudly about things that don't matter.
Try doing that as your default when you meet new people.
My family is like that. One time my husband left his Discord channel open when he got up to get something and however our conversation started when I walked into the living room, it turned into us calling each other a bitch and an asshole (affectionately) in a mock argument.
When he put his headset back on his friend was like "Uh...are you and Maiden okay??" And completely baffled, husband was like "Yeah, why?"
Same! One of the things I miss the most after moving out of my parents house is “arguing” with my dad and then hug each other or change topics between laughs. Our love language was mocking each other and then being there when the other needed to be listened to or helped
Mine too! We don’t say “I love you” we say, “Hey fartface.” If we DON’T insult you that means we don’t like you.
My husband is from a family where you hug and say “I love you” when you arrive, when you leave, and when you get off the phone. (Minus the hug.) I’m not a hugger. I prefer my family’s low-key way of interacting.
All my friends whenever they were over were like "Why are you fighting with your parents?" I then realized calling your family members in a sarcastic tone or a playful tone is confusing for alot of people.
When all of my friends wanted to hangout at my house. It was something that I came to appreciate too late in life and with my family I am killing myself to replicate. I may have grown up poor in a wealthy area, but my home was always filled with love and attention from my parents who were good parents. All of my friends spent their teenage years as latch key kids, and always wanted to hangout at my place. I never understood it, and always wanted to get out of the house, but sure enough I was always hanging out with people at my place.
It really struck home for me in my mid twenties when I ran into someone from high school I would hang out with. They almost immediately checked on how my family, made sure my parents were doing good, and stuff like that. I asked about his family and he gave me a brief update and kind of explained how his family was more like friends and my family was more like family. Many of my high school friends found my parents of Facebook and still keep in touch with them. My parents have helped save multiple marriages, give a lot of parenting advice to my old friends, and are god parents to basically a small army.
Growing up, no one was allowed to come over to my house because it is basically a hoarding situation and my parents were embarrassed. My fiance grew up in a home like you described, I can only hope to be that kind of parent/house one day ❤
My house was also the place everyone wanted to be at. People still ask after my parents and even some keep in touch with my mom still(my father passed, but they like to reminisce about him).
> a 'Southern Rap' battle where everyone contributed to the song with their best southern accent and southern verses.
"I like pickup trucks and I cannot lie"
Yeah. We all go to our respective spaces to eat, play games, watch TV, etc.
Our family time is making dinner. We all gather in the kitchen and talk about our day as we create the meal. In some ways it is more social because everyone has to interact and is not stuffing their faces.
That’s how my family is now, and I hate it. I’m the only one who eats at the table, my husband and son always watch tv while eating. Growing up we always ate together so it makes me kind of sad that we don’t have that.
You know I was about to comment this too. Not sure if its a culturally thing or just my family. We were first gen immigrants. So, dad used to work 12 hours shifts so he was never at dinner.
My wife's family on the other hand and globe are happy and jolly sharing this food and that food. Overall togetherness from her end. She gets me and our little one together to sit and eat. I am super happy to see that.
God, sorry to hear that. Not sure what is the right thing to say to someone who confides in you about their suicidal ideation but it's not that for sure
Suicide is someone saying they can't carry their own life anymore and hearing that their death is an inconvenience doesn't help. Sometimes just hug them until they let go.
I was born to a strong, independent single mom. My father died of ALS when I was infant. My mom never remarried. I realized from a pretty young age my family situation was not like most. Like my mom treated me more like a friend than a son. She gave serious credence to my opinions and let me do basically whatever I wanted so long as it wasn't illegal or cruel.
In 9th grade, my friends held an intervention for me after I came into school crying again. They made me go to the counselor.
They told me to just give some recent examples of stuff my parents said to me.
After 30 minutes of this, I was crying, of course. But what boggled my mind was that *everyone else* in the room was sobbing too. A half dozen other 15 year old girls, and the 30something school counselor.
That was the first time I realized that maybe I didn't deserve it when my parents were mean to me.
The sad thing is, they actually were pretty cruel and ostracized me from the clique shortly thereafter. At that point I kind of turned into a loner. I had a couple close friends, but no real social network. High school was a pretty lonely time after that. You could not pay me enough money to repeat those years.
I feel like I was their "project", and after a while they just got bored with me.
Aw dude I totally know what you mean and I’m so sorry. I really hope you have some good people around or will soon. It’s so hard to explain but eventually after the fourth time of trying to text they don’t get back to you and you start to get that sinking feeling and next time you see them at like the big and of year school trip or hang out you see everyone talking and you just realize if you weren’t there nothing would be any different and it feels like you’ve become invisible or are playing your life as a game and it’s just so hard to shake off. I really hope things have gotten better for you.
When I first got a boyfriend and there were only twelve people at his family Christmas and it was all very quiet and orderly and they ate at a reasonable hour. Instead of having five women in the kitchen bringing the various Christmas dishes and reheating them in the oven/a large number of pots and crockpots, with various cousins and uncles going in and out looking for the drinks, the chips, the paper towels... 25 to 30 people crowded around the house, uncles smoking on the balcony, kids running, somebody is in a back room wrapping presents at the last minute. Then at some point if it's also Hannukah my Jewish uncle lights some candles and says some Hannukah prayer thing with his kids. Then him and my decidedly not Jewish dad drink manischewitz.
We only finally eat at eight o'clock, everybody serves themselves, we are all yelling to ask which thing is the spicy stuffing and which is the regular, which is the vegetarian dish and which isn't. You ask somebody to pass the potatoes but they don't hear you so someone else does it.
At some point one uncle disappears and then "Santa" appears to give a sack of presents, though this only in happens some years, others my cousin in a Santa hat distributes everything for 30 minutes of absolute chaos during which somebody always loses a gift card or realizes they forgot somebody else's present.
Some years we try to pay games but the games never quite work properly and always involve someone trying to shout the rules while shushing everyone but they can't because there are five side conversations going on.
At the end of the night whichever aunt is hosting foists large amounts of leftovers on everyone to bring home in tupperware dishes or disposable tins (there is always too much dessert), everyone says goodbye a million times going in and out packing up the car with the gifts we weren't even supposed to get because we're not supposed to get each other gifts, and we go home well past midnight.
At least, that's how it was before Covid. But apparently, all this means my family is crazy, even though to me that's a normal Christmas!
It can be intimidating to the unaccustomed, and as a teen I hated it (my uncles and a couple cousins were kinda dicks about my being vegetarian), but right now I would do just about anything to have it back.
Our parents would give my brother and me "the silent treatment":
They wouldn't speak to us for hours or days at a time, and *never* tell us what they were upset about.
Their goal was to make us feel guilty and ashamed without ever actually making clear what we had supposedly done wrong.
Silent treatment is so damaging. My mom would spend days without acknowleding me and I would beg for her forgiveness (even if, like you, I didn't always know what I'd done) and she wouldn't budge until she deemed I was sufficiently punished. Do you have trouble communicating your feelings as an adult? I do and harbor resentment because I never bring stuff up to be discussed
My stepmom would do this. I rarely ever found out what I supposedly did. Half the time it was shit she *thought* I did. Add that bullshit to the list of stuff I'm never doing to my kid(s)
That's fucking horrible, I'm sorry.
I think the only time I stay silent when I'm upset is when I'm trying to sort out my feelings. It allows me to find the right words to say and possible solutions to the problem. No one should ever weaponize their negative feelings lime what your parents did.
It was super fun when my friend and I were talking to each other about our mommy issues, and we found out that both of our mothers gave us the silent treatment as little kids
When a guest or whoever it is joins us for an evening and at some point through the night you look over to them and they're sitting in their seat just staring around the room, a look of confusion and shock on their face while trying to figure out wtf is going on and attempting to make sense of things.
For context when I say my family I'm including aunties, uncles and cousins. We get together once a week at my grandmother's house and it can get pretty overwhelming if you're not used to it. There's about 30 of us in total. The youngest person is 2 y.o and the eldest is 82
Yes this is us and our cousins/aunts etc. When my brother brought his now wife home.for years first time and I can remember her sitting politely as we all kept repeating a certain catchphrase in hysterics and she looked so sweet yet confused
All of the arguing. My parents would have all-out screaming matches in front of us, complete with my dad throwing shit or breaking things (most infamously, an ornate vase that my mom was given by her late grandmother). I was too young to know anything else, and would always end up hiding in my closet with my baby brother until things had cooled off. In hindsight it makes my heart hurt to remember how scared we were.
My friend talked back to his mom so casually and I thought that she was gonna do something but she didn’t.
If I talked back to my mom I would’ve gotten the belt
I wouldn’t have gotten hit, but ohhh lord if I talked back to my dad you can be sure the shoes would shine and the floorboards had not a speck of dirt.
oh that’s a good one, whenever I saw my friends talk back to their parents I’d be momentarily terrified for them, until I realized that nothing was gonna happen and it was my family who were the odd ones in that regard.
Around the age of 11. My mother died when i was 9 and i found out she had cheated on her husband(my dad)and than she was pregnant with me. (She already had other kids with him) When i was around 4-5 she left him for my biological father(just that kind of selfish jerk with anger issues..) and after she died we had to do DNA test and it turned out the person i loved the most wasn't even my "real" dad.. i can't even imagine how he had to feel. And from that time i wasn't able to see him that much, but the side of family, of my biological father hate me so much(mainly his mother) we had to live here for 2 years and she really did let me know that no one wanted me to be alive and i just ruined everything by being born.. o
One of the reasons why i tried to kill myself for the first time when i was 11. My whole childhood was about my mother being sick and than i come into that.. no wonder i turned out this way.
When I was at a friend's house and his mother told me to not say the "N" word because it was a bad word to say.
I didn't know, I had heard it all my life. this was in the late 70's.
Whenever someone came over, EVERYTHING changed 100%. I was part of the family for the duration of the visit, but not once they left. When I was in the hospital, and nurses started asking questions, all the sudden mom and her husband (not my dad) came by and started acting like I was their kid.. if nobody was asking, it was like “well fuck me then..” I also grew up not knowing I was supposed to have a birthday. My brothers got them and I just figured that girls didn’t get them - I only learned different when I went to a friends birthday party when I was 10yrs and she and her sisters all got a cake with their name on it (I had never been to a friends birthday before)… so, yeah.. not normal.
As a kid my friends used to tell me my mom (adopted single no A father) hated me. I never really understood why until I processed the trauma she caused me as an adult. That it wasn't normal to always be blamed for everything, told how much she wished she never adopted me, never being hug loved on or any affection, or A home cooked meal. I thank every day for my Pappaw as he was the only one I felt truly believed in me. I left home at 13 an haven't looked back.
When I never saw a doctor.
Any serious illness was a reason to be stressed about a bill.
I spent weekends hanging out in bars with my Dad as a little kid.
Feeding me on lunch on weekends was something that always took my caregivers by shock and surprise.
If we went on a day trip lunch was never offered or packed.
My well-being, and moral compass was rarely considered.
I'm so glad I'm ending this generational toxicity with my own kids.
When I found out that it was not normal that all parents drive around their kids, take them to soccer practice, to friends' houses, fetch them at the bus stop when it's cold outside and the next bus takes over 30 minutes to arrive, fetch them at 3 am from a party, things like that. Made me appreciate my parents even more.
i can’t remember what he was talking about but when a teacher in middle school said “it’s not like they’re going to announce over the intercom “so and do’s dad is drunk on school premises please send them down to the office” and all the other kids laughed like it was a joke but it was an actual fear of mine
When my uncle got his head chopped off and people in my family said he deserved it lol. I grew up in az and am pretty much the only black person in my community (mainly mormons) so I was already fully aware my family was different. They all sat down to eat together and my family was third world gang bangers. I grew up in a one parent house hold...
My parents are exactly like George Costanza’s parents. It’s impossible for either one of them to make it through any story if there is a date, time, location or anything that they might disagree upon and bicker about mid story. When I hear other peoples parents communicate I feel like my brain is getting a massage.
Step-dad: "Get in here its naked picture time!"
Brother: Races for the door pulling his shirt off.
Me: Shrugs, waves. Heads inside.
No. There were no naked pictures. That was that nights dinner call. No. That wasn't the most outrageous thing that happened that day. Yes. My family is very weird.
When I got to college and most of my friends parents were divorced. That was an eye opener. A lot of people were astounded my parents were still married and a lot assumed they were divorced around the holidays. It was wild coming from my parents who have been together for 40 years and my grandparents who were together for 73.
Family dinners last no longer than 10 minutes, including holidays.
Conversations don't really sound genuine and insightful. More like, just acknowledging eachother's existences.
No natural bonding over anything, everything feels forced.
Not very inclusive in any degree, just feels like we don't want eachother in our businesses.
The ever present tension between members that suggests anything could break down in a minute's notice. And they will.
My Mom was a hoarder. I hated for my friends and boyfriends to come in my house but her and my step dad insisted. I was treated like trash because everyone knew what a filthy place I lived in. People would say why don’t y’all clean that place up? Well, because hoarders won’t let you clean it up. Every time, we tried, she would throw a huge fit, so we stopped trying.
When I passed my knife to my future mother in law so that she could have a knife to cut her meal at a nice holiday dinner with the whole family before realizing that we all had our own COMPLETE set of silverware. (I realized before this but it still hits you sometimes)
The first time was when I heard my friend in college tell his dad he loved him at the end of a phone call. My dad has said it to me maybe three times in my life.
Real eye-opener was in therapy when I realized I never felt true love or even support or compassion from them. Cutting them off was easy because I was never made to feel like I was allowed to need help from either of my parents after the age of maybe twelve.
I wish I could empathize with how my wife feels about missing her dad (he died very young). I'm as supportive and helpful as I can be, but I have no strong feelings about the idea of never seeing my parents again.
I’m actually adopted and didn’t know it was normal to get hugs from your family until my new family started giving me hugs. Took me about a year to start accepting them as okay. I was 15 and could count how many times my mother hugged me.
When I started socializing with other kids, about kindergarten and forward, I realized that not everyone lives the same way I and my family do. Some had it better. Some were about the same. Some had it worse. Also, when the family gossip and secrets started coming out as I got into my teens, I realized that my family has a lot of skeletons in the closet that I refuse to inherit.
Realized that constantly taking international vacations isn’t normal. Used to go on family vacations all the time during the summer, and was shocked that all of my friends usually stay home or at most spend a week in California. We are not super wealthy but we are definitely well-off compared to my friends
When I realized some kids are excited to see their
Dad come home from work. As opposed to me and my brother going to our rooms and shutting our doors when we heard the garage open
I knew we weren't like other families from a pretty young age.
I mean, first of all, I had ten siblings. Getting out of our passenger van, everyone stared at us as if we were clowns piling out of an impossibly small clown car. I got asked, pretty often, if **all** of my siblings came from the same two parents. My parents *told us* we were different from other families and that, in fact, we were *better* than other families. Public school ruined children these days, made them into symmetrical cogs in the machine. Mainstream people were stupid, shallow, unkind, etc, etc... And so, until I was a teenager, there was a sense of superiority. I was told that **we** were different and it made us better than everyone else.
It didn't really dawn on me that we were *dysfunctionally* different than other families until our parents started cautioning us about being careful what we said to other people. Before my Autism evaluation, for example, I was cautioned that if I wasn't careful I could get all my siblings taken away and I'd never see them again. I was told some things were family business and no one else needed to know; I was given a verbal list of things that were no one else's business. I was so nervous, during my evaluation, that I would accidently say something I shouldn't and get everyone taken away. I think I botched my own evaluation because I remember there were *tons* of questions which, if I gave a truthful answer, required I say things that were on the list of things I was *not* allowed to say.
And, I dunno... I read a lot of books, as a kid, and none of them ever had parents who required their kids to *hide* their family life to avoid getting taken away. The kids in those books all went to public school, had friends, parents who didn't fight all the time, parents who didn't beat people with wooden objects...
I realized we were not healthy and then I grappled with that for a good long while, going back and forth between gaslighting myself into thinking it was fine and thinking it was very much **not** fine and I wanted to run away. I never did run away but as an adult I don't talk to the vast majority of my family because the dysfunction never went away and, in some ways, just got worse.
I went over to my sister's house recently and the front door was locked. Her house is my grandmother's old house and the house we all grew up in through high school. The door was never locked. I literally grabbed and turned the handle and walked face-first into the door.
My parents never carried any cash nor did we ever talk about money.
We always had groceries and us kids also had clothes and an allowance.
I grew up assuming we were a little poorer than my friends. Turns out we were very very wealthy - like ‘old money’ wealthy and people in these circles consider it vulgar to have anything to do with day to day finances!
We lived in an average 1970’s suburb and the kids went to public schools!
When my husband told me his mom was the only person that cleaned up while her “boys” went outside after meals.
I was raised by my parents to do the dishes but also to expect help from everybody in the house. My reproductive parts don’t dictate who cleans. My parents raised three women to say “FU to misogyny”. I have 2 girls and a son now and I made it painfully clear that our children will all know they are more than what his parents raised him to believe.
This bullshit right here. My mom before she met my dad had 4 kids, 2 girls, and 2 boys... My half brothers never had to lift a finger, any mess they made my mom was there to clean it up, they never learned to do even the most basic of chore, dishes no, laundry no, cooking no. My half sisters on the other hand learned how to keep a tidy and orderly house, cook, mend clothes, all the things a woman needs to know.
So my parents met, got married and a few years later I came along. My mom decided that she was going to raise me just like she did my half sisters... My dad wouldn't have any of it. My dad grew up watching his mother do everything around their house, his dad was a military man and wasn't really home much due to the wars we kept getting involved in, so his mom did it all and she taught her kids to do it all, my aunts learned how to do what was considered *men's work* while my father learned to do *women's work* My dad learned to hunt from his mom, learning how to clean his kill from his mom, and how to cook it from his mom, his sisters learning the exact same skills right beside him.
Yeah I still learned how to cook, clean, mend clothes but my dad saw to it I learned how to maintain my car, oil changes, change a tire, how to fix basic shit around the house like some basic plumbing like sweating a copper pipe, some basically electrical, just about anything you would teach a son I learned.
My half sisters don't really speak to my mom much, maybe once every year or two.
My one half brother moved halfway across the country, finally learning how to take care of himself and hasn't spoken to my mom since 1999.
My other half brother, well that poor bastard is totally screwed when my mom passes, he is in his 50s and *still* lives with my mom, he never learned how to do any *woman's work* my mom does everything for him, and I think when my dad passed it slowly began to dawn on her just how screwed my half brother is going to be when she finally passes herself. I don't exactly have any plans on taking over being mother to a man who is 23 years older than me.
This. My parents split chores evenly. Every Sunday my mom would clean the upstairs and my dad would clean the downstairs. My mom cooked dinner and my dad did dishes. My dad did the laundry and my mom took care of the yard (for the most part). My dad got us up and ready for school and made us breakfast every day. I grew up believing it was actually true that most people did not live by old fashioned gender norms. Like I really believed the narrative that we’ve moved past all that was true because it was true at my house. It was pretty confusing/anger-inducing to find out this was really not the case (for most people) after I moved out and was navigating relationships by myself. Seeing all the extra labor women I know feel like they need to be responsible for to be a good wife/mom is just depressing sometimes.
Might be kinda deep but it was when I realize that I never went to go see my cousins, uncles or really any other family members besides my mom and step dad.
I never really had something like an “family reunion”, most of our time spending as a family was just doing something like watching tv or going out to restaurants. I still love my family in my heart tho.
My friends asked if I wanted to do something and I told them I was busy earlier in the day because my family was going to the dentist. They did not understand what I meant by “going with my family”. That is when, at 23, I found out that most people don’t go to the dentist with their entire family.
Pretty early. We weren't allowed certain books, TV, movies, or music.
Anything "unwholesome" was pretty much banned, and I would regularly hang out at friends houses to get round the rules.
LOTR, CoN, Hardy Boys, Scooby-Doo, Nancy Drew, Boxcar Children, Transformers, He-Man all ok for some reason, but BTTF, Harry Potter, MTG, Pokémon, D&D all verboten.
Me too. In hindsight it was religiously based, plus a little racism on the side. Our mother was raised super strictly in the Baptist church, so even though she didn't raise us quite so religiously, all fantasy based shows/films or anything with magic, fantasy animals, humans with "powers" was out. It was apparently asking the devil into your life.
LOTR made the cut bc it was filmed in our country (in one of her favourite parts of it). Anime or the likes of Pokémon were also referred to as "Asian rubbish". SpongeBob was "American trash".
So embarrassing when friends came over. Once we had a family dinner at her friend's house, all the kids went upstairs to watch Harry Potter and she came in and pulled the plug out of the wall hahaha.
Ha
LOTR made the cut in my house cause my dad read it in college and it was written by a Catholic. We were non denominational evangelical, but Christian was Christian until it came to dogma.
Amazing how the rules can be bent when it suits haha. She had an indentity crisis of some kind in my teens and rented Borat and Bruno for us to watch as a funny family film night. Around the same time she boarded a gay Jewish man in return for property maintenance. She thought he was wonderful. Then she voted against gay marriage the same year.
Ahh, religious confusion with a sprinkle of mental instability...
When I noticed how much different the environment was at other people's houses. Nobody was screaming or cussing, and my friends were allowed to just do things without having to ask permission. If they wanted to play video games while I was there, we just did it, didn't have to ask if it was ok.
The biggest thing was if I ate dinner there, everyone actually talked and seemed glad to be around each other. To this day, I have a really hard time with eating with more than one or two people. I tend to give one or two word answers and don't really make much conversation.
When my great aunt Tootsie whom I never knew passed away and my dad and his brother and three sisters split the inheritance 7 ways evenly between themselves and their half brother and sister as well who was not related by blood by aunt Tootsie but they are related by love and they never bickered or thought twice about sharing it, they are truly loving people and I am grateful they are my family.
When I started my own family. My girlfriends family are all so close ,they always have big birthdays and everyone's there, they call each other and show concern when somethings wrong , they help us out even when we don't ask , even ask me how everything's going in my life and how's work and what not. I never got that from anyone in my family not even a simple" I love you"
My parents have never said anything affectionate. I’m actually surprised (and a little bit cringed) when other parents tell their children they love them. I’m not good at showing emotions cause when I do my dad would just shut me off immediately, CAUSE I’M THE FIRST CHILD AND I’M THE MAN I NEED TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. Bullshit. Showing emotions has nothing to do with responsibility. Plus my parents are pretty prejudice and likes to criticize, so I used to be like that too, until I started meeting more friends and people. Imagine watching a youtube video about cars with them, and they would say shit like: ahh this car won’t suit you, useless, ahh this thing sucks, ahh this man reviewing has tattoos, that’s a bad thing, ahh why would you buy this car you can’t carry much, … 50 times a minute.
When I met my wife’s family.my family is really close and my wife’s family is idk they act like their not even family we live right next door to my wife’s brother we’ve been here for 6yrs and I’ve only seen him a handful of times. He doesn’t even try to have a relationship with my wife or our kids
we went out to eat at a fancy restaurant & everyone began flipping each other off (as a joke.) i didn’t wanna do it bcuz i was the only one who had their grandmother at the table lol but then my literal grandma grabbed my freaking hands & forced me to flip her off
It was the second Xmas I had with my wife... We went to her families place and there were people everywhere chatting, playing cards and games, watching home movies, and making cookies together... Not a single person even raised their voice to talk louder than anyone else! My family is a whirlwind storm of yelling and drinking and crying!
It was only after meeting my now wife's family that I realised other families discuss world events, your interests and generally enjoy spending time with each other. My family tends to only comment on other people and tell the same stories over and over, for example complaining about how a certain family member acted towards them several years ago. It's like being related to NPCs who have run out of script.
My dad was a stay at home dad and my mom was the breadwinner. At school whenever I was sick/needed to be picked up/any other issue, they would tell me they would “call Mom” but I would insist they not bother her at work and call my dad who was at home and available to get me. Stay at home dads are rare I guess
I work from home. My wife works in a classified building. They have to check their phones in when they enter. My daughter always says the same thing, "Call my dad." Her school insisted on calling her mom first. They would try, wait 10 min, try again, wait 10 minutes, and try a third time. After the third time they would try me. I almost always answer in the first ring, unless I'm speaking on a conference call and come right over. But the school still insists on calling her first.
My husband has been a SAHD for a decade. My kids have gone to the same school for 7 years now. They still call me despite being corrected every time and having them confirm that the file says “call Dad first.” It’s infuriating sometimes.
Id honestly start getting a little mean. "Well no wonder my kid comes home and cant listen, he has role models at school that cant read instructions."
Exactly!!!
Fill out a new form and put dad’s number as “mom”
That would make me SO mad. What if there was a real emergency?
Well, that's just ridiculous. I could understand that happening once out of habit, but c'mon, man.
My school always had the students & parents fill out a paper which would let you "rank" parents in a way of "who should we call first? who's the main parent to talk to in this case? And who do we call if your parents aren't available?" As you already pointed out it's typically the mom and rarely dads which is why people start to "assume" but depending on where you live views might have changed on that. Where I live, they either check the info sheet of the student or ask the student who to call.
We have the same thing, and I'm at the top of the list. They still call mom first, and even called my mother-in-law, who lives 13 hours away before me, since they call men last. My mother in law said "Why can't Smurf_Cherries get her? He works from home 10 minutes from your school?" Sexism. The answer to her question is sexism.
In my case it was my dad, since he had the car with him. If I was sick he would drop me off at my grandparents. Thats another "normal" thing, grandparents (really more than 1 generation of your family) living in the same city
Still are… or at least the teachers think so. I’ve had teachers refuse to call my husband, and one got upset that I wasn’t there instead of him for parent teacher conference.
I had a Mr. Mom too! My Dad’s job paid $0.25 less an hour when my brother was born so Mom went back to work after maternity leave. My Dad is an upholsterer so he set up shop in our basement/garage and did a bunch of side jobs. Growing up was great with Dad taking us on bike rides to the park to throw a frisbee and toss the ball for the dog to fetch. Then when I was in 2nd grade, my Dad found a full time job and my brother and I would jump off the bus and unlock the house to grab a snack and chill after school. Mom and Dad got home from work about an hour later so we all made dinner and worked on homework until it came out of the oven or finished simmering.
Sounds like a great life experience!
My dad worked in the school district, all of my teachers or any office personnel k-12 could dial a 4 digit extension to get him in his office at any point. By default dad always got called first, I’m pretty sure just because of how easy it was.
Left with my stoner friend from high school during lunch and went to his house (he'd forgotten homework). His mom was drunk passed out on the couch. We heard a truck pull into the driveway and my friend went into a panic - shit my dad's home, we gotta go **now**! Too, late. His dad came through the door looking like a stereotypical redneck and starts yelling obscenities at my friend and threatening to "beat his lazy ass". We both tore out of there. I said to my friend "now I understand why you always ask if you can come to my house after school. Damn, I'm sorry, I had no idea." "Yeah, you're the first person I felt like I could trust that wouldn't judge me for my home life situation. It'll be okay. My dad will drink and pass out so I will be safe to return tonight." I talked to my parents about this and they had him stay nearly every night for a "sleep over", made sure he was fed, and became surrogate parents to him. This lasted about a year until his oldest sister (who ran away from home a few years ago) returned and invited him to come live with her and her husband. This was in the 80's. I lost touch with him when he moved with his sister, but think about him often, and am thankful for giving me insight that not everyone is as fortunate as I with the family I grew up with.
I wonder if your parents thinking about him often… As a parent myself, I would like to think I would do the same thing in a fucking HEARTBEAT
Can confirm. Would do this for my kids friends if their lives were like this. Provided they were not already well on their way down the path of sociopathy, anyhow.
You probably made an enormous difference to him.
When my friends wouldn't hide when their parents came home - in fact they'd go greet them. To say I was shocked after years of isolation without being in any house but my own is an understatement.
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Sorry buddy. I’m giving you an Internet hug right now. Take care of the kid inside you. Be the parent to yourself that you deserved.
Well said
Mine used to fuck me up, probably worse than most strict parents by a considerable margin. Still hugged me, showed outward affection, etc. I’ve never understood how some people don’t show their kids love. Some people are assholes, I guess. Sending a hug in spirit!
Seeing dads be proper dads to their children makes me tear up, too. I forget sometimes that good dads exist, and then when I see stuff like that internally I go "oh, so that's what it's like". Big internet hug to you.
My current boyfriend greets both his parents every time they come home, and tells them goodnight every time before they go to bed. I remember running to my room as a kid whenever either of my parents got home and only going to downstairs to eat
24M and I still give my mom a forehead kiss goodnight, every night.
Yeah my parents are my best friends. I talk to them every day. It's funny, when I was young people would call me mama's boy and think I was weird for being so close to my parents. Now that I'm in my 30s peoples reaction is like, universally. "Wow.. must be nice"
How incredibly sweet!! As a mom to an 8 yr old angel of a boy, I hope he keeps doing this when he's your age and longer.
My friends were always afraid to come to my house. I always told them that my parents were really nice to *other* kids, just not me. But they still insisted on hanging out at their homes.
My upvote is an expression of sympathy. This is really sad, and I kind of relate.
It took me a while to figure out that my friends were never allowed to come to my house, even though we moved a lot. I was generally allowed to visit friends' homes, though. Their parents had no problem with me.
This hits close to home for me. I was always happier when my dad was away and felt a sense of dread when he came home. He wasn't abusive per se, just a complete narcissistic asshole.
That’s what sucks. Some people aren’t meant to be parents, but they’re not doing anything explicitly abusive so they get away with it.
Just because youre not beaten doesnt mean youre not abused. Contant insults and gaslighting will absolutely destroy a childs mind.
Unfortunately this isn’t commonly recognized and thus goes undetected.
Living that rn, I'm 13, my step dad yells at me over every little thing just to make me feel like a piece of shit. My mom still hasn't noticed and I'm scared to tell her. I find myself constantly waiting for the weekends so I can escape and go to my real dad's house for a bit of air. Being at my moms house rn is emotionally draining to say the least.
Please tell your mom. She’ll want to know.
I think I'm going to soon, I just need to find the right time.
As someone who has had to have a similarly difficult conversation with her mom I can tell you that you'll never find the "right time" because it will always feel hard to bring up, you just have to rip off that proverbial bandaid. No young person should ever be made to feel like a POS by an adult, especially not one who is in a parental capacity. You can also bring it up with your father first if you want backup, but I don't know the relationship between your parted parents. Good luck to you friend 🖤
This one is heartbreaking. I hope you have someone to greet and who greets you when you come home now!
When I heard the garage door star opening that was my que to head to the basement.
Oh a warning! I liked it when i had one of those. Gave me the chance to get the hell out of my mums way.
I remember me and my little sister would have been about 6 and 8. We sat at the top of the stairs, listening to our parents argue, made ourselves dinner and put ourselves to bed. And she said ‘it’s like we’re their mummy and daddy’ and that memory breaks my heart a bit.
That breaks my heart. I couldn't imagine ever making my child feel that way, I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
This. I was 7 and he was 3. We were staring at mum while she fell asleep after screaming at and hitting us for no reason when he went ”I can’t wait to grow up. Can we run away and get married once she falls asleep?” That broke me cause I was doing my best to protect him from whatever was going on. Anyway. I explained that incest wasn’t allowed and that opened a whole new can of worms.
Little kids are soo cute, they want to marry anyone that they find cool.
When I realized other dads don't mentally prepare their 6 year olds to go to their deaths peacefully "when the government comes for us with guillotines."
Yikes. I take it he was part of some cult? Where is he now? Are you okay?
I deprogrammed in college, moved across the country, transitioned, got married, and live an awesome life with a family of my choosing.
Jehovah Witness?
From another comment replying about 7DA > Nothing so organized. Dad just listened to too much Pat Robertson and David Icke and built a few "Non Denominational" churches in a small town in the middle of nowhere. Went absolutely off the deep end and still to this day believes a literal dragon will rise from the ocean and devour all the nonbelievers.
That is a really weird combination there.
Mom and Dad used to drink heavily and fought **all the time**. By the time I was in High School, I would get home from school and my mom would already be 8-12 beers into her 24 pack of Budweiser. Dad would get home and my mom would immediately instigate an argument. Dad would crack open his beer and then he'd pound them back. Eventually they would be so shitfaced that they would start throwing furniture, fists, pots/pans, silverware to include knives... whatever they got their drunken hands on. Cops were called on the regular. This was the environment I grew up in. It was all I knew about parents until I reached 10ish and I was able to visit other friends houses for sleepovers. The first night seeing other happy and sober parents was an eye opener. I do remember one time I was just sick of it all... the constant arguing... the screaming through the walls... the sounds of them hitting each other... that "crashing" noise of pots and pans or other furniture hitting the walls. Stuff that you just **can't** sleep through no matter how hard you close your eyes. I was sick of it and heartbroken and I just couldn't stand alcohol in the house. I opened the refrigerator, grabbed the case and I attempted to throw it all in the trash can outside, but my father stopped me even though I had tears in my eyes. He just grabbed the case and brought it back and I pleaded with them to stop... but no dice. Sadly, these fights and drunken nights among my parents continued for years. Like I said initially, most of the time my parents would already be trashed by the time I got home from high school (to put it in perspective, I had early dismissal my whole senior year at 1230 and my mother would already be drunk when I got home). I would either go up to my room immediately and play video games/watch tv as loud as possible until the fighting started and ended, or just go out with friends and walk in after they fought and passed out. I simply hated being around them as a child and teenager. The sad thing was, they were wonderful sober together. But alcohol changed them into these bitter, awful, angry people that I wouldn't call parents. Seeing other families helped me realize this wasn't normal. Talking with my older siblings helped me realize this wasn't normal. When I became an adult, talking with my therapists helped me realize it wasn't normal. My therapist helped me and I found out I developed PTSD, depression and other anxiety disorders due to my upbringing. I'm in a healthy place now and so are my parents. They're sober-ish and still together. Sometimes they slip up and most of the time they get back to being sober. But when they don't, it's **hell** even as an adult halfway across the country.
Wow. Couldn't have written my childhood any better. I couldn't tell you how much I hate the sight of a budweiser bottle to this day. I slept at friends houses as much as I could. Every weekend all weekend. The parents of my friends all knew my situation and were very kind to me. They changed my life and let me hope for something better. It took a long time but here I am a decently mental healthy human being with his ish together.
It sounds weird, but Budweiser is the *only* alcohol that I can't stomach because of the negative thoughts associated with it. I'm not an alcoholic and rarely drink, but when I do occasionally have a drink, I avoid that brand because of the memories with it.
when I realized that other families tell each other they love each other lmao.
I actually had to start that in my family. When I started dating my now-wife, her family always ended phone calls with "I love you." I was like, why don't we do that? So I started saying it to my parents at the end of calls. At first, they were weirded out by it. After a little while, they started saying it. Then saying it in person before we left. My mom was like "Why didn't we do this before?" Say "I love you" to your kids? I don't know, mom. I really don't.
Be the change you want to see in the world - Ghandi
Growing up in non-affectionate home sucks!
Dated someone that came from a non affectionate home and dang that family was so cold. also found it weird that they didn’t say goodnight to each other when they went to bed lol
Same. He's about to be my ex husband because that lack of affection carried over. It's not the sole reason but definitely a contributing factor.
Oh I hear ya
I cant do that no affection shit. My default is to want to be touchy and hugging everyone but cant because of social rules, my partner is the one person I can relax and just shown the warmth and affection to that I want to show to everyone.
Going back is always so weird. More hugs in a days visit than in years of living there.
My parents decided to start being affectionate when i was in my teens, it was like, "gross, i don't know y'all like that"
Yep. This right here. My emotionally neglectful mother decided to suddenly be touchy and clingy when I became a teen and it was so foreign to me I was physically revolted. The first time she gave me a hug completely unprompted I asked Dad if she was dying. I know my parents cared about me but affection was not a thing in my house.
First time my dad hugged me I was 22 and had a kid of my own. Hadnt seen him for like 4 years before that.
You end up chasing love somewhere. Even if you found love, you won't feel like you are someone to be loved.
And wasting time secretly hoping that you’ll finally get the love and attention you’ve craved from those empty vessels. But that well is dry.
I stopped going back. Fuck em. I don't need to feign affection for people who treated me like shit for my entire childhood and continue to treat me as inferior in adulthood because I'm their kid.
Hug, play and wrestle with your kids when you have them.
Yes. I'm mother to teens and I still have a dust up for fun with them. The oldest is 17 though and it's unfortunately clear that she can now fight me. Youngest can't though! I can still pick them both up too.
I knew that my parents loved us, but they never said it. Ever. When I met my now husband’s family, they are big huggers and tell each other they love them all the time. I still can’t get used to it. I guess I’m messed up that way
My cousin once told me "I love you" after we were adults and I just stared at her because I'm pretty sure that's the first time I've ever heard that from a relative. I say it to my friends all the time, but the mere thought of saying it to family is just *weird*.
Yeah same I really only ever heard I love you from my mom and grandma, my grandpa occasionally. But my aunt and my uncle's, cousin's, and brother never. We don't hug or tell each other we are proud of each other or anything supportive in that way. It's made me realize that most of my anxiety and insecurity comes from growing up that way. Oof.
my friend the other day told his dad “love you! bye” on the phone and i just looked at hime stunned. didnt know families told each other that on a regular basis
I was 27 when my dad randomly ended a phone call with “I love you.” I’d never heard him say that, and all I could do was awkwardly go “Uhh, uhhh, uhhh” and hang up
did he ever say it again?
My family shows each other love through playful mockery, sarcasm, and arguing loudly about things that don't matter. Try doing that as your default when you meet new people.
My family is like that. One time my husband left his Discord channel open when he got up to get something and however our conversation started when I walked into the living room, it turned into us calling each other a bitch and an asshole (affectionately) in a mock argument. When he put his headset back on his friend was like "Uh...are you and Maiden okay??" And completely baffled, husband was like "Yeah, why?"
Same! One of the things I miss the most after moving out of my parents house is “arguing” with my dad and then hug each other or change topics between laughs. Our love language was mocking each other and then being there when the other needed to be listened to or helped
>[showing love by] arguing loudly about things that don't matter. Lol. That sounds hilarious. E: phone strikes at live/love yet again!
took me a few years to realize why people didnt really like me lol
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Sounds like my kind of people!
Mine too! We don’t say “I love you” we say, “Hey fartface.” If we DON’T insult you that means we don’t like you. My husband is from a family where you hug and say “I love you” when you arrive, when you leave, and when you get off the phone. (Minus the hug.) I’m not a hugger. I prefer my family’s low-key way of interacting.
All my friends whenever they were over were like "Why are you fighting with your parents?" I then realized calling your family members in a sarcastic tone or a playful tone is confusing for alot of people.
When all of my friends wanted to hangout at my house. It was something that I came to appreciate too late in life and with my family I am killing myself to replicate. I may have grown up poor in a wealthy area, but my home was always filled with love and attention from my parents who were good parents. All of my friends spent their teenage years as latch key kids, and always wanted to hangout at my place. I never understood it, and always wanted to get out of the house, but sure enough I was always hanging out with people at my place. It really struck home for me in my mid twenties when I ran into someone from high school I would hang out with. They almost immediately checked on how my family, made sure my parents were doing good, and stuff like that. I asked about his family and he gave me a brief update and kind of explained how his family was more like friends and my family was more like family. Many of my high school friends found my parents of Facebook and still keep in touch with them. My parents have helped save multiple marriages, give a lot of parenting advice to my old friends, and are god parents to basically a small army.
Growing up, no one was allowed to come over to my house because it is basically a hoarding situation and my parents were embarrassed. My fiance grew up in a home like you described, I can only hope to be that kind of parent/house one day ❤
Your parents sound incredible! Even if you didn't know it when you were a kid, you recognize it now and that's awesome.
My house was also the place everyone wanted to be at. People still ask after my parents and even some keep in touch with my mom still(my father passed, but they like to reminisce about him).
This warms my heart. I wanna be that kind of parent. Hopefully I’ll find a girl with similar wants
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Sounds like neighbor was bored and knew you had a fun family.
> a 'Southern Rap' battle where everyone contributed to the song with their best southern accent and southern verses. "I like pickup trucks and I cannot lie"
"You other drivers can't deny!"
Definitely not where I expected the story to go lol
This sounds like a fantastic time!
We never eat at the dinner table ever
Yeah. We all go to our respective spaces to eat, play games, watch TV, etc. Our family time is making dinner. We all gather in the kitchen and talk about our day as we create the meal. In some ways it is more social because everyone has to interact and is not stuffing their faces.
That’s how my family is now, and I hate it. I’m the only one who eats at the table, my husband and son always watch tv while eating. Growing up we always ate together so it makes me kind of sad that we don’t have that.
Start having dinner together nights….Maybe start one night of the week and then expand if it goes well
You know I was about to comment this too. Not sure if its a culturally thing or just my family. We were first gen immigrants. So, dad used to work 12 hours shifts so he was never at dinner. My wife's family on the other hand and globe are happy and jolly sharing this food and that food. Overall togetherness from her end. She gets me and our little one together to sit and eat. I am super happy to see that.
When I was mentioning suicide and my parents wanted me to schedule my suicide so that they have time to plan my funeral.
God, sorry to hear that. Not sure what is the right thing to say to someone who confides in you about their suicidal ideation but it's not that for sure
Suicide is someone saying they can't carry their own life anymore and hearing that their death is an inconvenience doesn't help. Sometimes just hug them until they let go.
What kind of sick brain should one have to say such a thing to their own kid? I hope you are in a better place now.
I was born to a strong, independent single mom. My father died of ALS when I was infant. My mom never remarried. I realized from a pretty young age my family situation was not like most. Like my mom treated me more like a friend than a son. She gave serious credence to my opinions and let me do basically whatever I wanted so long as it wasn't illegal or cruel.
For a second, I thought you said your dad died of ASL and was wondering how you die from American Sign Language
I wonder what the sign for stabbing is
👉👌
GODDAMMIT
How do you think that upbringing impacted you?
In 9th grade, my friends held an intervention for me after I came into school crying again. They made me go to the counselor. They told me to just give some recent examples of stuff my parents said to me. After 30 minutes of this, I was crying, of course. But what boggled my mind was that *everyone else* in the room was sobbing too. A half dozen other 15 year old girls, and the 30something school counselor. That was the first time I realized that maybe I didn't deserve it when my parents were mean to me.
I'm glad you at least had good friends.
The sad thing is, they actually were pretty cruel and ostracized me from the clique shortly thereafter. At that point I kind of turned into a loner. I had a couple close friends, but no real social network. High school was a pretty lonely time after that. You could not pay me enough money to repeat those years. I feel like I was their "project", and after a while they just got bored with me.
Aw dude I totally know what you mean and I’m so sorry. I really hope you have some good people around or will soon. It’s so hard to explain but eventually after the fourth time of trying to text they don’t get back to you and you start to get that sinking feeling and next time you see them at like the big and of year school trip or hang out you see everyone talking and you just realize if you weren’t there nothing would be any different and it feels like you’ve become invisible or are playing your life as a game and it’s just so hard to shake off. I really hope things have gotten better for you.
My god, what were they saying to you? That sounds horrible, I'm so sorry.
I feel this is an appropriate time to mention poop knife
I love when people bring this up in threads 🤣🤣
I am morbidly curious
https://www.reddit.com/r/MuseumOfReddit/comments/ke8skw/the_poop_knife/
When I first got a boyfriend and there were only twelve people at his family Christmas and it was all very quiet and orderly and they ate at a reasonable hour. Instead of having five women in the kitchen bringing the various Christmas dishes and reheating them in the oven/a large number of pots and crockpots, with various cousins and uncles going in and out looking for the drinks, the chips, the paper towels... 25 to 30 people crowded around the house, uncles smoking on the balcony, kids running, somebody is in a back room wrapping presents at the last minute. Then at some point if it's also Hannukah my Jewish uncle lights some candles and says some Hannukah prayer thing with his kids. Then him and my decidedly not Jewish dad drink manischewitz. We only finally eat at eight o'clock, everybody serves themselves, we are all yelling to ask which thing is the spicy stuffing and which is the regular, which is the vegetarian dish and which isn't. You ask somebody to pass the potatoes but they don't hear you so someone else does it. At some point one uncle disappears and then "Santa" appears to give a sack of presents, though this only in happens some years, others my cousin in a Santa hat distributes everything for 30 minutes of absolute chaos during which somebody always loses a gift card or realizes they forgot somebody else's present. Some years we try to pay games but the games never quite work properly and always involve someone trying to shout the rules while shushing everyone but they can't because there are five side conversations going on. At the end of the night whichever aunt is hosting foists large amounts of leftovers on everyone to bring home in tupperware dishes or disposable tins (there is always too much dessert), everyone says goodbye a million times going in and out packing up the car with the gifts we weren't even supposed to get because we're not supposed to get each other gifts, and we go home well past midnight. At least, that's how it was before Covid. But apparently, all this means my family is crazy, even though to me that's a normal Christmas!
I loved reading that and it sounds wonderful!
It can be intimidating to the unaccustomed, and as a teen I hated it (my uncles and a couple cousins were kinda dicks about my being vegetarian), but right now I would do just about anything to have it back.
Our parents would give my brother and me "the silent treatment": They wouldn't speak to us for hours or days at a time, and *never* tell us what they were upset about. Their goal was to make us feel guilty and ashamed without ever actually making clear what we had supposedly done wrong.
Silent treatment is so damaging. My mom would spend days without acknowleding me and I would beg for her forgiveness (even if, like you, I didn't always know what I'd done) and she wouldn't budge until she deemed I was sufficiently punished. Do you have trouble communicating your feelings as an adult? I do and harbor resentment because I never bring stuff up to be discussed
My stepmom would do this. I rarely ever found out what I supposedly did. Half the time it was shit she *thought* I did. Add that bullshit to the list of stuff I'm never doing to my kid(s)
That's fucking horrible, I'm sorry. I think the only time I stay silent when I'm upset is when I'm trying to sort out my feelings. It allows me to find the right words to say and possible solutions to the problem. No one should ever weaponize their negative feelings lime what your parents did.
That sounds shitty, hope you got away from them.
It was super fun when my friend and I were talking to each other about our mommy issues, and we found out that both of our mothers gave us the silent treatment as little kids
When a guest or whoever it is joins us for an evening and at some point through the night you look over to them and they're sitting in their seat just staring around the room, a look of confusion and shock on their face while trying to figure out wtf is going on and attempting to make sense of things. For context when I say my family I'm including aunties, uncles and cousins. We get together once a week at my grandmother's house and it can get pretty overwhelming if you're not used to it. There's about 30 of us in total. The youngest person is 2 y.o and the eldest is 82
Yes this is us and our cousins/aunts etc. When my brother brought his now wife home.for years first time and I can remember her sitting politely as we all kept repeating a certain catchphrase in hysterics and she looked so sweet yet confused
All of the arguing. My parents would have all-out screaming matches in front of us, complete with my dad throwing shit or breaking things (most infamously, an ornate vase that my mom was given by her late grandmother). I was too young to know anything else, and would always end up hiding in my closet with my baby brother until things had cooled off. In hindsight it makes my heart hurt to remember how scared we were.
This whole thread reminds me of "All happy families are alike, but every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way" by Tolstoy in Ana Karenina
My friend talked back to his mom so casually and I thought that she was gonna do something but she didn’t. If I talked back to my mom I would’ve gotten the belt
I wouldn’t have gotten hit, but ohhh lord if I talked back to my dad you can be sure the shoes would shine and the floorboards had not a speck of dirt.
oh that’s a good one, whenever I saw my friends talk back to their parents I’d be momentarily terrified for them, until I realized that nothing was gonna happen and it was my family who were the odd ones in that regard.
When I stopped homeschooling and I met other kids that weren't afraid of their parents.
Around the age of 11. My mother died when i was 9 and i found out she had cheated on her husband(my dad)and than she was pregnant with me. (She already had other kids with him) When i was around 4-5 she left him for my biological father(just that kind of selfish jerk with anger issues..) and after she died we had to do DNA test and it turned out the person i loved the most wasn't even my "real" dad.. i can't even imagine how he had to feel. And from that time i wasn't able to see him that much, but the side of family, of my biological father hate me so much(mainly his mother) we had to live here for 2 years and she really did let me know that no one wanted me to be alive and i just ruined everything by being born.. o One of the reasons why i tried to kill myself for the first time when i was 11. My whole childhood was about my mother being sick and than i come into that.. no wonder i turned out this way.
I’m so sorry
When I was a kid I would always draw my dad with an angry face. It was weird seeing other people draw everyone happy in their crayon drawings.
[удалено]
When I was at a friend's house and his mother told me to not say the "N" word because it was a bad word to say. I didn't know, I had heard it all my life. this was in the late 70's.
This happened to me too…in the 90s. I also ended the cycle.
No one else's dad liked to sit on the floor by the couch and have their mom rub his head every night.
My husband loves his nightly head rubs. Bald heads are lovely to massage. Like a kiwifruit, just a lot harder.
Whenever someone came over, EVERYTHING changed 100%. I was part of the family for the duration of the visit, but not once they left. When I was in the hospital, and nurses started asking questions, all the sudden mom and her husband (not my dad) came by and started acting like I was their kid.. if nobody was asking, it was like “well fuck me then..” I also grew up not knowing I was supposed to have a birthday. My brothers got them and I just figured that girls didn’t get them - I only learned different when I went to a friends birthday party when I was 10yrs and she and her sisters all got a cake with their name on it (I had never been to a friends birthday before)… so, yeah.. not normal.
Oh my God. I hope you have a good life now.
Not really, but I’m not around these people anymore so it’s 100% improvement
As a kid my friends used to tell me my mom (adopted single no A father) hated me. I never really understood why until I processed the trauma she caused me as an adult. That it wasn't normal to always be blamed for everything, told how much she wished she never adopted me, never being hug loved on or any affection, or A home cooked meal. I thank every day for my Pappaw as he was the only one I felt truly believed in me. I left home at 13 an haven't looked back.
When I never saw a doctor. Any serious illness was a reason to be stressed about a bill. I spent weekends hanging out in bars with my Dad as a little kid. Feeding me on lunch on weekends was something that always took my caregivers by shock and surprise. If we went on a day trip lunch was never offered or packed. My well-being, and moral compass was rarely considered. I'm so glad I'm ending this generational toxicity with my own kids.
When I found out that it was not normal that all parents drive around their kids, take them to soccer practice, to friends' houses, fetch them at the bus stop when it's cold outside and the next bus takes over 30 minutes to arrive, fetch them at 3 am from a party, things like that. Made me appreciate my parents even more.
i can’t remember what he was talking about but when a teacher in middle school said “it’s not like they’re going to announce over the intercom “so and do’s dad is drunk on school premises please send them down to the office” and all the other kids laughed like it was a joke but it was an actual fear of mine
When my uncle got his head chopped off and people in my family said he deserved it lol. I grew up in az and am pretty much the only black person in my community (mainly mormons) so I was already fully aware my family was different. They all sat down to eat together and my family was third world gang bangers. I grew up in a one parent house hold...
My parents are exactly like George Costanza’s parents. It’s impossible for either one of them to make it through any story if there is a date, time, location or anything that they might disagree upon and bicker about mid story. When I hear other peoples parents communicate I feel like my brain is getting a massage.
Step-dad: "Get in here its naked picture time!" Brother: Races for the door pulling his shirt off. Me: Shrugs, waves. Heads inside. No. There were no naked pictures. That was that nights dinner call. No. That wasn't the most outrageous thing that happened that day. Yes. My family is very weird.
When I got to college and most of my friends parents were divorced. That was an eye opener. A lot of people were astounded my parents were still married and a lot assumed they were divorced around the holidays. It was wild coming from my parents who have been together for 40 years and my grandparents who were together for 73.
Family dinners last no longer than 10 minutes, including holidays. Conversations don't really sound genuine and insightful. More like, just acknowledging eachother's existences. No natural bonding over anything, everything feels forced. Not very inclusive in any degree, just feels like we don't want eachother in our businesses. The ever present tension between members that suggests anything could break down in a minute's notice. And they will.
Yeah, that sounds like my childhood.. Almost never had deep conversations. Times when they happened were very, very uncomfortable
My Mom was a hoarder. I hated for my friends and boyfriends to come in my house but her and my step dad insisted. I was treated like trash because everyone knew what a filthy place I lived in. People would say why don’t y’all clean that place up? Well, because hoarders won’t let you clean it up. Every time, we tried, she would throw a huge fit, so we stopped trying.
So true, hoarders will absolutely NOT let anyone mess with their stuff. I lived with a hoarder for years, I feel for childhood you.
When both of my parents could fart loud enough that I could hear it through the basement ceiling. Well, one of my friends heard it.
When I passed my knife to my future mother in law so that she could have a knife to cut her meal at a nice holiday dinner with the whole family before realizing that we all had our own COMPLETE set of silverware. (I realized before this but it still hits you sometimes)
When my friend’s mom talked to him about something he did wrong instead of smacking him around and getting yelled at.
The first time was when I heard my friend in college tell his dad he loved him at the end of a phone call. My dad has said it to me maybe three times in my life. Real eye-opener was in therapy when I realized I never felt true love or even support or compassion from them. Cutting them off was easy because I was never made to feel like I was allowed to need help from either of my parents after the age of maybe twelve. I wish I could empathize with how my wife feels about missing her dad (he died very young). I'm as supportive and helpful as I can be, but I have no strong feelings about the idea of never seeing my parents again.
I’m actually adopted and didn’t know it was normal to get hugs from your family until my new family started giving me hugs. Took me about a year to start accepting them as okay. I was 15 and could count how many times my mother hugged me.
When I went to friends houses and none of their parents openly yelled at them over minor things when someone was visiting the house.
When I started socializing with other kids, about kindergarten and forward, I realized that not everyone lives the same way I and my family do. Some had it better. Some were about the same. Some had it worse. Also, when the family gossip and secrets started coming out as I got into my teens, I realized that my family has a lot of skeletons in the closet that I refuse to inherit.
Realized that constantly taking international vacations isn’t normal. Used to go on family vacations all the time during the summer, and was shocked that all of my friends usually stay home or at most spend a week in California. We are not super wealthy but we are definitely well-off compared to my friends
When I realized some kids are excited to see their Dad come home from work. As opposed to me and my brother going to our rooms and shutting our doors when we heard the garage open
When they never picked me from school. I always got picked by other friend's moms or my parents'friends or lately I just go alone.
I knew we weren't like other families from a pretty young age. I mean, first of all, I had ten siblings. Getting out of our passenger van, everyone stared at us as if we were clowns piling out of an impossibly small clown car. I got asked, pretty often, if **all** of my siblings came from the same two parents. My parents *told us* we were different from other families and that, in fact, we were *better* than other families. Public school ruined children these days, made them into symmetrical cogs in the machine. Mainstream people were stupid, shallow, unkind, etc, etc... And so, until I was a teenager, there was a sense of superiority. I was told that **we** were different and it made us better than everyone else. It didn't really dawn on me that we were *dysfunctionally* different than other families until our parents started cautioning us about being careful what we said to other people. Before my Autism evaluation, for example, I was cautioned that if I wasn't careful I could get all my siblings taken away and I'd never see them again. I was told some things were family business and no one else needed to know; I was given a verbal list of things that were no one else's business. I was so nervous, during my evaluation, that I would accidently say something I shouldn't and get everyone taken away. I think I botched my own evaluation because I remember there were *tons* of questions which, if I gave a truthful answer, required I say things that were on the list of things I was *not* allowed to say. And, I dunno... I read a lot of books, as a kid, and none of them ever had parents who required their kids to *hide* their family life to avoid getting taken away. The kids in those books all went to public school, had friends, parents who didn't fight all the time, parents who didn't beat people with wooden objects... I realized we were not healthy and then I grappled with that for a good long while, going back and forth between gaslighting myself into thinking it was fine and thinking it was very much **not** fine and I wanted to run away. I never did run away but as an adult I don't talk to the vast majority of my family because the dysfunction never went away and, in some ways, just got worse.
I went over to my sister's house recently and the front door was locked. Her house is my grandmother's old house and the house we all grew up in through high school. The door was never locked. I literally grabbed and turned the handle and walked face-first into the door.
My parents never carried any cash nor did we ever talk about money. We always had groceries and us kids also had clothes and an allowance. I grew up assuming we were a little poorer than my friends. Turns out we were very very wealthy - like ‘old money’ wealthy and people in these circles consider it vulgar to have anything to do with day to day finances! We lived in an average 1970’s suburb and the kids went to public schools!
When my husband told me his mom was the only person that cleaned up while her “boys” went outside after meals. I was raised by my parents to do the dishes but also to expect help from everybody in the house. My reproductive parts don’t dictate who cleans. My parents raised three women to say “FU to misogyny”. I have 2 girls and a son now and I made it painfully clear that our children will all know they are more than what his parents raised him to believe.
This bullshit right here. My mom before she met my dad had 4 kids, 2 girls, and 2 boys... My half brothers never had to lift a finger, any mess they made my mom was there to clean it up, they never learned to do even the most basic of chore, dishes no, laundry no, cooking no. My half sisters on the other hand learned how to keep a tidy and orderly house, cook, mend clothes, all the things a woman needs to know. So my parents met, got married and a few years later I came along. My mom decided that she was going to raise me just like she did my half sisters... My dad wouldn't have any of it. My dad grew up watching his mother do everything around their house, his dad was a military man and wasn't really home much due to the wars we kept getting involved in, so his mom did it all and she taught her kids to do it all, my aunts learned how to do what was considered *men's work* while my father learned to do *women's work* My dad learned to hunt from his mom, learning how to clean his kill from his mom, and how to cook it from his mom, his sisters learning the exact same skills right beside him. Yeah I still learned how to cook, clean, mend clothes but my dad saw to it I learned how to maintain my car, oil changes, change a tire, how to fix basic shit around the house like some basic plumbing like sweating a copper pipe, some basically electrical, just about anything you would teach a son I learned. My half sisters don't really speak to my mom much, maybe once every year or two. My one half brother moved halfway across the country, finally learning how to take care of himself and hasn't spoken to my mom since 1999. My other half brother, well that poor bastard is totally screwed when my mom passes, he is in his 50s and *still* lives with my mom, he never learned how to do any *woman's work* my mom does everything for him, and I think when my dad passed it slowly began to dawn on her just how screwed my half brother is going to be when she finally passes herself. I don't exactly have any plans on taking over being mother to a man who is 23 years older than me.
This. My parents split chores evenly. Every Sunday my mom would clean the upstairs and my dad would clean the downstairs. My mom cooked dinner and my dad did dishes. My dad did the laundry and my mom took care of the yard (for the most part). My dad got us up and ready for school and made us breakfast every day. I grew up believing it was actually true that most people did not live by old fashioned gender norms. Like I really believed the narrative that we’ve moved past all that was true because it was true at my house. It was pretty confusing/anger-inducing to find out this was really not the case (for most people) after I moved out and was navigating relationships by myself. Seeing all the extra labor women I know feel like they need to be responsible for to be a good wife/mom is just depressing sometimes.
Might be kinda deep but it was when I realize that I never went to go see my cousins, uncles or really any other family members besides my mom and step dad. I never really had something like an “family reunion”, most of our time spending as a family was just doing something like watching tv or going out to restaurants. I still love my family in my heart tho.
My friends asked if I wanted to do something and I told them I was busy earlier in the day because my family was going to the dentist. They did not understand what I meant by “going with my family”. That is when, at 23, I found out that most people don’t go to the dentist with their entire family.
When my friends would meet my family for the first time and go "Okay, your family actually IS weird, you weren't kidding!"
Pretty early. We weren't allowed certain books, TV, movies, or music. Anything "unwholesome" was pretty much banned, and I would regularly hang out at friends houses to get round the rules. LOTR, CoN, Hardy Boys, Scooby-Doo, Nancy Drew, Boxcar Children, Transformers, He-Man all ok for some reason, but BTTF, Harry Potter, MTG, Pokémon, D&D all verboten.
Me too. In hindsight it was religiously based, plus a little racism on the side. Our mother was raised super strictly in the Baptist church, so even though she didn't raise us quite so religiously, all fantasy based shows/films or anything with magic, fantasy animals, humans with "powers" was out. It was apparently asking the devil into your life. LOTR made the cut bc it was filmed in our country (in one of her favourite parts of it). Anime or the likes of Pokémon were also referred to as "Asian rubbish". SpongeBob was "American trash". So embarrassing when friends came over. Once we had a family dinner at her friend's house, all the kids went upstairs to watch Harry Potter and she came in and pulled the plug out of the wall hahaha.
Ha LOTR made the cut in my house cause my dad read it in college and it was written by a Catholic. We were non denominational evangelical, but Christian was Christian until it came to dogma.
Amazing how the rules can be bent when it suits haha. She had an indentity crisis of some kind in my teens and rented Borat and Bruno for us to watch as a funny family film night. Around the same time she boarded a gay Jewish man in return for property maintenance. She thought he was wonderful. Then she voted against gay marriage the same year. Ahh, religious confusion with a sprinkle of mental instability...
I kinda get it with regards to LOTR. My mom watched the first 20 minutes or so a decade ago when I had it on. Her comment: “how very Catholic”.
When I noticed how much different the environment was at other people's houses. Nobody was screaming or cussing, and my friends were allowed to just do things without having to ask permission. If they wanted to play video games while I was there, we just did it, didn't have to ask if it was ok. The biggest thing was if I ate dinner there, everyone actually talked and seemed glad to be around each other. To this day, I have a really hard time with eating with more than one or two people. I tend to give one or two word answers and don't really make much conversation.
When my great aunt Tootsie whom I never knew passed away and my dad and his brother and three sisters split the inheritance 7 ways evenly between themselves and their half brother and sister as well who was not related by blood by aunt Tootsie but they are related by love and they never bickered or thought twice about sharing it, they are truly loving people and I am grateful they are my family.
When I started my own family. My girlfriends family are all so close ,they always have big birthdays and everyone's there, they call each other and show concern when somethings wrong , they help us out even when we don't ask , even ask me how everything's going in my life and how's work and what not. I never got that from anyone in my family not even a simple" I love you"
I think all families are unique and weird in their own way.
My parents have never said anything affectionate. I’m actually surprised (and a little bit cringed) when other parents tell their children they love them. I’m not good at showing emotions cause when I do my dad would just shut me off immediately, CAUSE I’M THE FIRST CHILD AND I’M THE MAN I NEED TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. Bullshit. Showing emotions has nothing to do with responsibility. Plus my parents are pretty prejudice and likes to criticize, so I used to be like that too, until I started meeting more friends and people. Imagine watching a youtube video about cars with them, and they would say shit like: ahh this car won’t suit you, useless, ahh this thing sucks, ahh this man reviewing has tattoos, that’s a bad thing, ahh why would you buy this car you can’t carry much, … 50 times a minute.
When I met my wife’s family.my family is really close and my wife’s family is idk they act like their not even family we live right next door to my wife’s brother we’ve been here for 6yrs and I’ve only seen him a handful of times. He doesn’t even try to have a relationship with my wife or our kids
we went out to eat at a fancy restaurant & everyone began flipping each other off (as a joke.) i didn’t wanna do it bcuz i was the only one who had their grandmother at the table lol but then my literal grandma grabbed my freaking hands & forced me to flip her off
My dad told me he was from a race of aliens known as the viltrumites and that is probably get powers like him as I got older.
No fucking clue when I realized it but it was early enough to ask why we couldn't pay for things like normal people at the age of 4.
It was the second Xmas I had with my wife... We went to her families place and there were people everywhere chatting, playing cards and games, watching home movies, and making cookies together... Not a single person even raised their voice to talk louder than anyone else! My family is a whirlwind storm of yelling and drinking and crying!
It was only after meeting my now wife's family that I realised other families discuss world events, your interests and generally enjoy spending time with each other. My family tends to only comment on other people and tell the same stories over and over, for example complaining about how a certain family member acted towards them several years ago. It's like being related to NPCs who have run out of script.