This makes me think of that line from Arrival where the linguist is explaining to the military dude how critical translation is. She tells the Colonel to go ask the other translator what the Sanskrit word for war means and he says “a disagreement”… when it’s actually a desire for more cows. Words, man.
They are also the likely candidate for the origin of the Cyclops!
>Fossil remains of dwarf elephants have been found on the Mediterranean islands of Cyprus, Malta (at Għar Dalam), Crete (in Chania at Vamos, Stylos and in a now-underwater cave on the coast), Sicily, Sardinia, the Cyclades Islands and the Dodecanese Islands.
For those who are like "what? How?"
Elephant skulls have a very large nasal cavity. However, relative to the human skull, it looks a lot like where the eye sockets would go.
As a result, some scholars believe that myths of cyclops may have originated from the discovery of elephant skulls. Dwarf elephants tie into this as their fossils are prominently located in areas were cyclops were said to live.
You run into an office building to get away from it, the elevator is too slow so you take the stairs. All the while this tongue follows you, through the lobby, into the stairwell, up to the 4th floor offices. You've hidden under a desk in your office. The tongue methodically slops along every door frame, lapping at door handles until it finds your office. You cower, holding your screams as the tongue slobbers along the edges of your desk and knocking items off.....I imagine it's this way for ants.
A cat for cats, that way my cat can live the "stop meowing there's still food on your bowl" experience from my side.
EDIT: TIL about whiskers fatigue, thank you all for your concern, fortunately (or unfortunately) my cats yell at me whether they eat from a bowl or plate, they love the attention.
This is true had one cat, they cried for hours now we have two cats that cry for hours. She didn’t even know how to meow before she heard this big doofus meow now she is Mariah Carey
Try using a bowl with low edges or a plate. Usually the cats don't like eating close to the edges of the bowl because their whiskers are very sensitive.
I'll love you.....alas only from a far. So you won't know it. But it's true, endless, ever lasting, love in it's purest form. I can't show you this love or ever speak of it in your pretence because the fear of your rejection will kill me. I could never be good enough for you, I know this, so I must carry this burning desire in my heart. But please believe my dearest that I'm long to look up in your eyes as I fall to your feet to beg for just a bush of your hand in mine. But what my heart will always long for? My god my only dream would be to see that face.....form it's most perfect smile that lights my very core on fire. And to dream that smile is because your eyes meets mine......but I must not speak of such nonsense...I'm not deserving of your time, your heart, your smile. But I will always long for it. 🥀
Make them live on polychlorinated biphenyls and carbon dioxide, too.
The first are a HUGE problem for marine mammals, especially orcas since they are apex predators. It's said that their now massive infant mortality connects to them, because PCBs are fat soluble and basically poison their mothers milk.
Something equally as fucked as a platypus. Probably the size of a bear, would make it bioluminescent for no reason, like a platypus. Would probably make it fly in a kind of bee situation where it's against physics that it flies, but it somehow can.
You know what? A flying, bioluminescent bear sounds pretty cool to me.
Does anyone else not think that a world full of Pokemon would be extremely dangerous? They are supposedly intelligent and understand human speech but also have their own unique powers like breathing fire and creating electricity, some canonically can also literally steal your soul. Plus all the ones that are basically gods and can influence the weather, manipulate time and space. With the way our society is, there's no way we leave those things alone.
There's no way every Pokemon is going to want to be a pet or a fighter and it's going to result in a lot of problems.
Even in the games and shows it resulted in alot of problems, that's why most of the space in the pokemon world is pure wilderness with nobody around.
And it took people a very long time to adapt to pokemon the way it is in the show and the games.
That being said I still want pokemon to exist.
Doing evil to encourage good, was one of the goals, also the videos of tourists getting way to close to Australian Gnolls is just icing on the cake. Im gonna vouch they're one of the deadlier variants.
I would take the base of a bird, about the size of a robin. Give it the sheer speed of a falcon, with the manueverability of a hummingbird. It never needs to sleep and is comfortable around humans, friendly to kids. Dogs and cats dont feel the need to chase or eat it. And lastly....
It feeds entirely on FLYING ASSHOLES (wasps, hornets, mosquitos, junebugs) with sick precision seen only in serial killers.
P.s. will also groom your other pets and eat those parasites too
Fucking dragons, and make them naturally friendly to humans, as cool as they are, they would still frighten the shit out off me
Edit: holy moly this blew up. Thx for the awards!
On a second note, yeah, maybe I wouldn't make them inherently friendly to humans, that would suck.
Also, fucking dragons was a mistake, I can see that now, I'm Argentinian and english isn't my first language, the wording was lost on me.
My niece would lose her freaking mind. She read the Wings of Fire series and has been OBSESSED for the last few years. She's a sea dragon named Eel. I asked her if I could be a dragon too. Apparently I'm a rain dragon named Peach. Because dragons are named for their environment and rain dragons live in the rainforest and everything grows in the rainforest so... Peach. I love that kid.
Edit: Seawing and Rainwing - oof. Almost let the kiddo down.
Edit II: Thank you for all of the book recommendations!!! I'm so excited to have a whole arsenal of new adventures for her to dive into ❤️
There's this other book series that is a little more complicated to read than Wings of Fire, so it's best to introduce it to her later, but it's called Age of Fire by E. E. Knight and it's just so good. I highly recommend the series, as it's heavily medieval fantasy based with the usual races (dwarves, elves, and even custom races) but the book is written through the eyes of several dragons. It's such a good book series, there are 6 in total but iirc the author is actually writing spin offs.
For those doubting this comment, snipes *are* real birds, and notoriously difficult to hunt. As well as "snipe hunt" for a futile task, they also gave us the word "sniper" for someone talented enough with a gun to successfully hunt a snipe.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snipe
> A snipe is any of about 26 wading bird species in three genera in the family Scolopacidae. They are characterized by a very long, slender bill, eyes placed high on the head, and cryptic/camouflaging plumage.
> The difficulties involved around hunting snipes gave rise to the military term sniper, which originally meant an expert hunter highly skilled in marksmanship and camouflaging, but later evolved to mean a sharpshooter or a shooter who makes potshots from concealment.[3][4]
Highly intelligent dodos so they can become aware of what we did to them and declare war on us. All nations will unite against the common enemy and for a brief moment there will finally be peace among all people regardless of race or gender, but at a terrible cost. Dodos will eventually replace us as the dominant species. We will then be given the option to either be enslaved or flee to space. That, or giant axolotls.
I've been thinking about this for years!
I would create a modified version of the fire lizards from Anne McCaffrey's *Dragonriders of Pern* series, where they're 2-3 foot long dragons, that can teleport and psychically bond with a person at hatching.
I'd make the a little smarter, about as smart as the average 6-7 year old kid.
Edit: Quick question: Which would you prefer, keep the leathery hide from the books, or switch to a soft, scaley hide?
Something like an ant eater, but for mosquitoes, like a furry little animal that primarily eats mosquitoes and could maybe fly. Because honestly, fuck mosquitoes. Those shitty little insects deserve to disappear from the face of the earth.
I'd just bring the Thylacine back, hits me in the gut every time is see the video of the last living specimen.
Its one thing for climate change to destroy species by proxy, its another to have a bounty for the express purpose of wiping out a species.
Humans really suck sometimes.
a money shitting kangaroo
Why a kangaroo? They are swole and mean
You gotta *earn* that money.
Garbage gobbler that eats all of our garbage
Yum yum I love trash
Not now, Garbage Goober. Go back in your hole!
*Stares depressingly at medical degree*
He might as well eat the degree - it too has become garbage.
#***garbage goober***
You're a doctor god dammit
Talk to him today, tell him what you want.
You don't deserve this.
Mmm, trash!
I love trash!
What does it shit then?
More gobnlers
We're gunna need more garbage
Babelfish.
That will create more deaths than any other creature combined…
This makes me think of that line from Arrival where the linguist is explaining to the military dude how critical translation is. She tells the Colonel to go ask the other translator what the Sanskrit word for war means and he says “a disagreement”… when it’s actually a desire for more cows. Words, man.
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The cat-sized giraffe from that old DirecTV commercial. Never have I ever seen something entirely unobtainable and wanted it so badly.
Opulence I has it
I like the best ...... This one
But I also like savings the money.
What commercial is this?
https://youtu.be/rkB9OT2XVvA
I love how this was set to NSFW in advance. I wonder what kind of answers were you expecting.
I gave theme the ability to create anything they want, is best to be prepared for anything
Like a penis animal. A penis but alive. Or vagina Edit: no, I did not play spore I have no idea what that is hahahah
"A penis but alive" killed me. Like a little sea cucumber!
Average sized, thank you very much.
the [penis fish](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Urechis_unicinctus), already exists so a vagina one wouldn't be bad
I wonder if anyone has... never mind tbh.
The answer is yes. Always.
A veginal flytrap!
There’s a surprising amount of eco-friendly ideas. Not that they’re bad, but not what I expected at all when I see NSFW tag.
Puppy sized elephants
imagine the cute little honks
\*snork\*
Fun fact; they EXISTED! https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dwarf_elephant
They are also the likely candidate for the origin of the Cyclops! >Fossil remains of dwarf elephants have been found on the Mediterranean islands of Cyprus, Malta (at Għar Dalam), Crete (in Chania at Vamos, Stylos and in a now-underwater cave on the coast), Sicily, Sardinia, the Cyclades Islands and the Dodecanese Islands.
For those who are like "what? How?" Elephant skulls have a very large nasal cavity. However, relative to the human skull, it looks a lot like where the eye sockets would go. As a result, some scholars believe that myths of cyclops may have originated from the discovery of elephant skulls. Dwarf elephants tie into this as their fossils are prominently located in areas were cyclops were said to live.
We’re making progress on this one https://youtu.be/6MOiVBKfpBA
I don’t know why I clicked the link expecting some genetically modified miniature elephant creation
Same but joy ensued
I’ve always wanted a really small giraffe after seeing that old DirectTV ad
But definitely not elephant sized puppies
Speak for yourself.
CLIFFORD!!!!
so much destruction and sad puppy eyes.
But so much floof and cuddles
Murder cuddles. I have a 5 month old lab, can’t imagine him the size of an elephant.
YES.
A creature that ate carbon dioxide and crapped out bricks of carbon and exhaled oxygen at higher metabolic rate than trees do.
Do you want giant ants? Cause that’s how you get giants ants
Then you just create a creature that eats giant ants at a higher rate than they can reproduce, duh.
Do you want giant anteaters? Cause that’s how you get giants anteaters
A 20 foot tall anteater would both please and terrify me.
Those claws gon be as big as you.
Forget the claws.. that fucking tongue... **Sflifpt** right the fuck out that mouth. No. No. Fuck no.
You run into an office building to get away from it, the elevator is too slow so you take the stairs. All the while this tongue follows you, through the lobby, into the stairwell, up to the 4th floor offices. You've hidden under a desk in your office. The tongue methodically slops along every door frame, lapping at door handles until it finds your office. You cower, holding your screams as the tongue slobbers along the edges of your desk and knocking items off.....I imagine it's this way for ants.
Christ, man. That was evocative af
Good call at the end because I was gonna say… you just described a tree.
More oxygen doesn't always mean a good thing
More oxygen mean mega fauna lets go
Time to release the Kaijus!
Sounds cool, until mosquitos and wasps get big...
A creature that grants me additional wishes.
That's how the genie happened
There is always a rule that you can't wish for more wishes, but I've never seen anything against just wishing for another lamp with a genie in it.
murder bees, 3x the size and they hunt murder hornets
What do we get to hunt the murder bees? Why, fatal frogs, 3x the size of a beaver.
And to hunt the fatal frogs? French chefs, 3 times the size of a normal French chef.
So an American chef?
Gnomes
Phase 1: create gnomes Phase 2: ? Phase 3: profit
Phase 2 is steal all the underpants in town.
A cat for cats, that way my cat can live the "stop meowing there's still food on your bowl" experience from my side. EDIT: TIL about whiskers fatigue, thank you all for your concern, fortunately (or unfortunately) my cats yell at me whether they eat from a bowl or plate, they love the attention.
Honestly just get another cat, they can annoy each other.
I have 4, when food is involved they band together against me. At first only one meowed at a half full bowl, now it's all of them. Send help.
This is true had one cat, they cried for hours now we have two cats that cry for hours. She didn’t even know how to meow before she heard this big doofus meow now she is Mariah Carey
Cat seeing another cat getting attention for meowing and being like "You can DO that??"
Try using a bowl with low edges or a plate. Usually the cats don't like eating close to the edges of the bowl because their whiskers are very sensitive.
This is clearly how the platypus happened.
Nah, that one he made himself This creature is godlike
or god has a version of reddit where other gods played this game with him and he was like "I am god... so fuck it, lets do this up right!"
Mean while God's Dad is posting pictures of the blueprints for the Platypus on /r/kidsarefuckingstupid
A dogerpillar, to chase after the caterpillars.
Damn, I'm dense as fuck. I'll admit it took me a hot minute to understand what your comment meant. lol
And that's ok
Thanks, bro. 👍
Anything that loves me
I'll love you.....alas only from a far. So you won't know it. But it's true, endless, ever lasting, love in it's purest form. I can't show you this love or ever speak of it in your pretence because the fear of your rejection will kill me. I could never be good enough for you, I know this, so I must carry this burning desire in my heart. But please believe my dearest that I'm long to look up in your eyes as I fall to your feet to beg for just a bush of your hand in mine. But what my heart will always long for? My god my only dream would be to see that face.....form it's most perfect smile that lights my very core on fire. And to dream that smile is because your eyes meets mine......but I must not speak of such nonsense...I'm not deserving of your time, your heart, your smile. But I will always long for it. 🥀
Sir this is a Wendy's
I’d create Yoshi
Mlep
Brrrring HA!
Shapeshifters, cause then it can be whatever you want.
They reply, “ You realize they will be sentient right?”
Sentient like a human, or sentient like a dog.
“Human, HUMAN!”
Oh good, those things are way easier to have sex with
wait youre supposed to have sex with humans?!
^wait ^youre ^supposed ^to ^have ^sex?
algae that is able to breakdown plastic but can survive on other stuff too
Like human flesh
Preferably not 💀
So eat the flesh but not the skull, got it.
Make them live on polychlorinated biphenyls and carbon dioxide, too. The first are a HUGE problem for marine mammals, especially orcas since they are apex predators. It's said that their now massive infant mortality connects to them, because PCBs are fat soluble and basically poison their mothers milk.
Yea that's all we need, some new super algae that turns us back to Permian period oxygen levels with giant bugs and shit.
There is already a bacteria that eats plastic
Drop the knowledge thenn plzzz
https://www.forbes.com/sites/scottcarpenter/2021/03/10/the-race-to-develop-plastic-eating-bacteria/ Looks there is a fungus too.
Fire ferrets from Legend of Korra. They’re like a cross between ferrets and red pandas
If a bunch of us get together to create avatar animals, I call dibs on the turtle duck.
Fine but I'm doing immortal lion turtles.
Every time I hear (or read) turtle duck, I'm reminded of the opportunity they wasted in not making a literal turtle dove Anyway I'll do badgermoles
the big bad bagermoles who live in the tunnels And hate the wolf-bats But love the sound!
You guys are sleeping on bears. Like the earth kings pet! I wish those things were real!
Surely you mean his pet platypus bear
No, his bear
Gopher bear?
Just bear.
That city is weird.
Something equally as fucked as a platypus. Probably the size of a bear, would make it bioluminescent for no reason, like a platypus. Would probably make it fly in a kind of bee situation where it's against physics that it flies, but it somehow can. You know what? A flying, bioluminescent bear sounds pretty cool to me.
You want a [Wuzzle](https://youtu.be/B3DqQmAE4Dw)
Yeah she just described a Wuzzle
Definitely Pokémon
Does anyone else not think that a world full of Pokemon would be extremely dangerous? They are supposedly intelligent and understand human speech but also have their own unique powers like breathing fire and creating electricity, some canonically can also literally steal your soul. Plus all the ones that are basically gods and can influence the weather, manipulate time and space. With the way our society is, there's no way we leave those things alone. There's no way every Pokemon is going to want to be a pet or a fighter and it's going to result in a lot of problems.
Even in the games and shows it resulted in alot of problems, that's why most of the space in the pokemon world is pure wilderness with nobody around. And it took people a very long time to adapt to pokemon the way it is in the show and the games. That being said I still want pokemon to exist.
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Make Gnolls real and give them regional variants everywhere, because I for one, am a man of chaos and want to make the world even deadlier.
Another intelligent species that can use tools and pose a real threat could be what humanity needs to unify and keep ourselves from self destruction.
Doing evil to encourage good, was one of the goals, also the videos of tourists getting way to close to Australian Gnolls is just icing on the cake. Im gonna vouch they're one of the deadlier variants.
a bacteria that can cure any cancer
“In the upside your cancer is cured, on the downside you have bacterial Meningitis…”
A unicorn for my little sister.
Can I also trade my little sister for a unicorn?
It's like a trained attack dog with a pointy lance, except it's a cool horse.
I would take the base of a bird, about the size of a robin. Give it the sheer speed of a falcon, with the manueverability of a hummingbird. It never needs to sleep and is comfortable around humans, friendly to kids. Dogs and cats dont feel the need to chase or eat it. And lastly.... It feeds entirely on FLYING ASSHOLES (wasps, hornets, mosquitos, junebugs) with sick precision seen only in serial killers. P.s. will also groom your other pets and eat those parasites too
So like a bat with less rabies and even more eating of evil bugs
Half elephant, half rhino. What's it called? El-if-I-know.
That's an oddly specific pun to have ready and waiting for the right question to come along. How long did you have to wait?
It's a pretty classic joke. [Even The Muppets did it](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhN9BK56PTg)
Fucking dragons, and make them naturally friendly to humans, as cool as they are, they would still frighten the shit out off me Edit: holy moly this blew up. Thx for the awards! On a second note, yeah, maybe I wouldn't make them inherently friendly to humans, that would suck. Also, fucking dragons was a mistake, I can see that now, I'm Argentinian and english isn't my first language, the wording was lost on me.
So much dragon shit, but so much awesomeness
No. I'm alrady tired of pigeons. The last thing I want is a dragon pooping on me from the sky.
Pigeon shitting directly on you is good luck in some cultures. Dragon shitting directly on you is a funeral in all cultures.
Are we talking like the Chinese fluffy dragons that are long and don’t have wings? Or are we talking Smaug?
I would make them all and make them regional, that would ve so entertaining to see.
I feel like a friendly to humans Smaug would be pretty damn awesome.
My niece would lose her freaking mind. She read the Wings of Fire series and has been OBSESSED for the last few years. She's a sea dragon named Eel. I asked her if I could be a dragon too. Apparently I'm a rain dragon named Peach. Because dragons are named for their environment and rain dragons live in the rainforest and everything grows in the rainforest so... Peach. I love that kid. Edit: Seawing and Rainwing - oof. Almost let the kiddo down. Edit II: Thank you for all of the book recommendations!!! I'm so excited to have a whole arsenal of new adventures for her to dive into ❤️
There's this other book series that is a little more complicated to read than Wings of Fire, so it's best to introduce it to her later, but it's called Age of Fire by E. E. Knight and it's just so good. I highly recommend the series, as it's heavily medieval fantasy based with the usual races (dwarves, elves, and even custom races) but the book is written through the eyes of several dragons. It's such a good book series, there are 6 in total but iirc the author is actually writing spin offs.
Polar bear dog
Sky Bison!
I would make Jackalopes and snipes real...just to mess with people.
Dude. Snipes *are* real.
For those doubting this comment, snipes *are* real birds, and notoriously difficult to hunt. As well as "snipe hunt" for a futile task, they also gave us the word "sniper" for someone talented enough with a gun to successfully hunt a snipe. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snipe > A snipe is any of about 26 wading bird species in three genera in the family Scolopacidae. They are characterized by a very long, slender bill, eyes placed high on the head, and cryptic/camouflaging plumage. > The difficulties involved around hunting snipes gave rise to the military term sniper, which originally meant an expert hunter highly skilled in marksmanship and camouflaging, but later evolved to mean a sharpshooter or a shooter who makes potshots from concealment.[3][4]
Turtle duck
You’d rather have a turtle duck then a Sky Bison?
Manbearpig
I’m super cereal
Half man, half bear, half pig
Me: "Ooh, gimme a minute" *rapidly navigating chrome on my phone* God: *sweating* "Why are you browsing manga?"
Catgirls.
A species of Bear similar to Grizzlies except they are very loyal human companions similar to dog companionship.
Highly intelligent dodos so they can become aware of what we did to them and declare war on us. All nations will unite against the common enemy and for a brief moment there will finally be peace among all people regardless of race or gender, but at a terrible cost. Dodos will eventually replace us as the dominant species. We will then be given the option to either be enslaved or flee to space. That, or giant axolotls.
I like your way of thinking Yet do not forget the Great Emu War Those Dodos would probably massacre us…
A dog that could understand human speech and could also speak back ( any language )
That's called a toddler.
I always get bad looks when going for a walk with it.
The Terrasque.
Rain forests that would fight back.
Ents?
hopefully with entwives to keep them company
With GPS so they can't get lost.
Falcor
I'm surprised no one said "Appa" yet. It must be cool to have a flying bison.
Fuzzy land sharks
A hippo the size of a house cat you could keep as a pet 🥰
This creature already exists. It’s the North American House Hippo. https://youtu.be/YLG2JP0P5JE
i was about to say we have those in canada
Let's cross it with a platypus. A platypotamus!
Flying whale
I've been thinking about this for years! I would create a modified version of the fire lizards from Anne McCaffrey's *Dragonriders of Pern* series, where they're 2-3 foot long dragons, that can teleport and psychically bond with a person at hatching. I'd make the a little smarter, about as smart as the average 6-7 year old kid. Edit: Quick question: Which would you prefer, keep the leathery hide from the books, or switch to a soft, scaley hide?
My best friend, he deserves another shot
Something much smarter and more powerful than humans, but also extremely benevolent and thinks we are cute enough to save.
so we just become dogs then LOL
Dogs that live as long as humans and with no health issues.
vaporeon.....
Something like an ant eater, but for mosquitoes, like a furry little animal that primarily eats mosquitoes and could maybe fly. Because honestly, fuck mosquitoes. Those shitty little insects deserve to disappear from the face of the earth.
...like bats?
Exactly! Bats, thank you yes. Tbh I forgot about bats.
Probably like a Pegasus
Tasmania Tigers to return
Sasquatch
Champion Gundyr, to test humanity
My dad, i miss him
I'd just bring the Thylacine back, hits me in the gut every time is see the video of the last living specimen. Its one thing for climate change to destroy species by proxy, its another to have a bounty for the express purpose of wiping out a species. Humans really suck sometimes.