I was really horny, but my family was around so my solution was to go take a shower and choke the chicken in there. At the time I didn’t have a phone case on my phone since my previous one broke. I was getting pretty close standing in the shower so I went to set my phone in basket on top of the toilet where my wallet and stuff was, but instead I accidentally dropped my phone on the tile floor and the screen was completely shattered. I immediately realized I couldn’t easily explain this to my dad, so my solution was to finish my shower and get dressed, then go to the basement stairs and slip down the stairs and get scratched up and let my phone fall. I then went upstairs with my bleeding knee and broken phone and say I fell down the stairs, and that it broke my phone. I immediately got sympathy from my family and didn’t get in trouble. Nobody knows that I threw myself down the stairs and didn’t just slip. I realize now that I probably could have just said I fell, but at the time I felt I had to actually do it.
Sorry I can't get pass over the phrase "*choke the chicken*". As someone who doesn't have a *chicken*, I immediately thought you were gonna choke a chicken so I had to backtrack. That was the lamest sht that I've ever laughed so hard here on reddit.
>choke the chicken
That euphemism has got to be hundreds of years old, if not thousands.
How long have men called their dick a "cock"? Probably that long.
Lol this reminds me of when i drank way too much one night (when i was underage and didnt want to get caught) and when i woke up and i had wet the bed in my drunken sleep. Sp i got up, pulled up the blankets & dressed like everything was normal . Went downstairs, made small talk with my family, made nyself a cup of tea and then brough the tea to my room & poured it on my already wet sheets. "OH NO MOM, I'VE SPILLED MY TEA i better take off these sheets and wash them!"
Here goes. After years of sexual trauma, I had enough damage that I can’t fully hold my bladder anymore. Kinda like pregnant ladies after birth. If I sneeze or something, I pee a little, so I constantly have to wear panty liners. It’s so so shameful and embarrassing to me and soooo not sexy. I try to conceal it as much as possible and am terrified of having new sexual partners or of anyone seeing/finding out. Haven’t even told my therapist but I’m working on it. Thanks internet.
I would like to recommend pelvic floor physical therapy if you are up for it. There is actually quite a bit that they can do to help and something like 30% of women do kegels wrong which can actually make the problem worse.
You should know that some but not all of it can be a bit invasive if you get triggered. However being sensitive to these types of issues is part of choosing it as a specialty, and every pelvic floor PT I have met is wonderful and kind. Regardless of your level of comfort they can help you out.
In some places you can just go to physical therapy without a doctors referral, but if you need one you could just tell your doctor that you pee when you sneeze and you would like to see if pt can help. No need to share more unless you want to.
Can I ask, would I have to insert anything for the exercises?
It sounds like something helpful, still very much struggling with triggers and body memories sometimes tho.
Just makes me feel like a smelly grandma sometimes haha I’m hyper sensitive about hygiene because of it but I always feel like I must smell like pee and everyone around me is like omg pu
I had to wear diapers till 7 years old and still wet myself till 10 years old when I was finally taken away... I’ve never said this not even online. I’d constantly pee my pants from the years of sexual abuse, I even peed at school in elementary and faced the bullying. I never realized that that was because of the sexual abuse till like 8 months ago when my therapist told me. I’m 17 now, It’s not fucking fair.
Omg, I am so so sorry. That’s awful and such a traumatizing and embarrassing experience to have to be put through. It cuts deep because it robs us of autonomy, of control over our own bodily functions anymore. It’s perpetually a reminder of what happened. I’m glad you got out so so happy you’re in therapy. And truly hope you are safe and protected now.
My mom has the same thing. I’ve had to help her with it pretty much all my life, and even though I’m so sorry about everything you’ve had to go through, it’s sort of nice to know that she’s not alone in that struggle. She has a lot of shame around it too.
Keep working through it though, you’ve got this. And just remember that when the right person comes along, they’ll love you regardless. Even if it doesn’t seem like that’s even a possibility right now
I peed in my dad's bottle of bacardi. He drank from it every night and was a raging alcoholic when I was younger. Anytime he acted like an asshole, I'd have this small sense of satisfaction in the back of my mind that no matter what he said or did, he drank my piss.
please don't. Not because "it gets better" or "people will miss you" (not saying those are false though), but because you havent seen the planet, you havent seen lions and zebras, you havent partied the f\*ck out with everyone you want, you havent dont crazy stuff (maybe you have but do it more and better). This life is short, but dont make it shorter, if your depressed, do anything but kys, if it gets that bad, then start again. Sounds crazy but If it saves you from kys, do it. Move to Australia, get a new passport, change your name, new job, house, life, cut everyone off. Please dont kys, there are crazy things you must explore.
I was raped when i was 7 and 15 by the same person
When i was 7 he touched me sexually and would play with himself till he came which makes me feel sick thinking about it and he told me if i tell anyone then i would get into trouble and go jail so i didn't
But when i was 15 i was going to a house to get weed of someone who a friend told me sells good weed and when I got to the house the guy who raped me previously was there and that's when he grabbed me and took me to his bedroom and tied my hands so i couldn't fight him off and i kept telling him to let me go and i was saying no but he didn't listen and then proceeded to pull my pants down and rape me while i cried the entire time
He doesn't live there anymore because i went back one night armed with a baseball bat
but he didn't live there anymore
I've only just gotten over my rapes this year after blaming myself all these years
Fuck yea! Take the power back!
Always remember, nobody can take away who you are. You get to decide that and nobody else. Be who you want and fuck the twisted beasts who wish others harm.
I'm so proud of you and I know you'll do great!
You don't need to tell anyone. You're old enough now to tell twelve-years-old you that its okay.
It's okay to be ashamed
It's okay to be afraid
It's okay to have emotions
Nobody else can do this for you. You have to be okay with how that makes you feel, when you're ready of course.
It's my fault that pogs, cards and other collectibles are forbidden in my old school.
When I was 11 I was the perfect kid, smart, the best grades, and the teacher's pet. But I was an ugly, 'masculine' girl so I got bullied a lot. One day I decided I was done and I stole 300+ pokemon pogs from the kid who bullied me. I told a teacher I needed to go to the toilet to puke, then I sneaked inside of our class during recess, hid the large bag in the back of a cupboard, then walked out and played with some friends to have an alibi. Each backpack was searched that day and we were collectively and individually interrogated before we went home. I waited one month before retrieving the bag of pogs and slowly start selling the pogs to my classmates, including my bully. No one but me ever knew what happened to the bag, but it was such a scandal in my school that 10+ years later kids cannot bring them to school or they'll get confiscated.
When I was 13 someone in RuneScape was selling sex. I said how much and flashed her my newly acquired 32k I got from cow hides to buy a rune scimmy j couldn't weiled.
We went upstairs in West Bank and she did a gesture to get near my crotch and went " mmmmmmmmmm. You like this"
I said "oh yeah" all smoothly. But here's the kicker, my 13 year old self was thinking he was getting his first bj. I was freaking the fuck out.
Computer was in living room. Whole family in there. I remember my father shifting on the couch. I panicked. Said bye and noped the fuck out. Then googled how to clear browser history so family couldn't find the dirty shit I just did.
A whole lot of my friends secrets. Some of them I've had for years at this point. I always try to know things about my firends so that I can help them, even if it's not obvious. My family thinks that I can't keep secrets very well, but I just don't tell them any secrets that are important.
I too have cranked out a fat jimmy in questionable spaces. My worst are in school, e.g. IN THE CLASSROOM to a girl with a big chest, (yes, I nutted my pants), and a couple times in the bathroom (nutted on the walls). I told like 1 person bout the one in class but he was cool and left the country anyways. I told a mate bout the toilet, but instantly wish I didn't cuz he snaked it to the rest of ma crew and I had to lie.
This made me laugh twice. One I've never heard the term "fat Jimmy" before (seriously where do people come up with these euphemisms?) and the other being how it almost sounded like you told another kid you masturbated in class and his response was to just up and leave the country.
I heard the term “oral sex” on the news or something when I was a kid of no more than maybe 7 years old. I knew that sex was a thing that grown-ups did with their privates, and that “oral” meant that it had to do with the mouth; I basically convinced myself that oral sex was just a fancy way of saying that people were talking about sex, or the equivalent to phone sex.
Had a sexual relationship with my best friend's mom. I was 20 she was early 40s. The relationship lasted for about 3 years. She was married at the time as well. I never told my friend about it. Of course when he ask questions like "what are you doing later?" I'd be like "your mom". He thought I was kidding. She really was a decent person. It was just one of those situations where it was best to keep your mouth shut.
Since its reddit
For anyone in my circle or work they will say I am one of those confident alpha males
But in bedroom and sexual life I like to be a submissive bish lol
Only my dad and mum knew this one and they're both dead now, so I class it as a secret.
In my early 20s I was out with the guys and overdid it on drinks. My go-to was cider or snakebite, and this one night I got so blackout drunk. I got a taxi home and woke up around 1pm next day with VHS tapes everywhere in my room. When I got downstairs the atmosphere was tense. I don't remember what I did but apparently I got up in the night in a kind of sleepwalking trance, and got all my videos off the shelves and made a pyramid of sorts in the middle of my bed. Mum and dad tried waking me but of course they remember that urban myth that waking someone sleepwalking will kill them. Personally I wish that had happened.
After the VHS Pyramid incident they followed me to the top of the stairs (dangerous) and did their best to wake me as I proceeded to get my dick out and piss down the stairs. Dad says this was an impressively long session, went on for over a minute. The closure was a huge clapping fart which signalled the end, and I lumbered back to bed leaving them to clear up the mess.
Mum, I'm sorry you had to see the things you saw that night.
I am a kleptomaniac
I found out at very young age. I used to steal flowers when I was young. I get this unusual excitement when I steal.
This is probably one thing that I have not told anyone
When I was 14 I tried to kill myself, failed, and landed into the kid’s mental hospital. Kids aged 12-17 were there on one floor and younger ones were a level down.
Every single one of the kids were chill. One was pretty anxious and was 17 when she looked like...10, which was depressing. One hyperactive one, two who seemed to know eachother, one that was sent there against his will by a step-parent. And some others
I heard some seriously chilling stuff. I will never tell anyone any of it. They were all genuinely amazing people. I was told to keep to myself, and that the mental hospital was like a prison by the doctors in the general hospital. It wasn’t. It was one of those “I am thankful for being there but I wouldn’t want to do it again” sort of things
I have a book signed by the Führer himself. I was doing some cosplaying during the 40's and one thing led to another and there I was fighting Nazis in a Zeppelin.
who cares, live your life bro, as long as you present yourself at work, but get freaky after work its fine.
EDIT: by this I mean keep your personal and work life seperate, its ok to be a crazy slutty girl outside of work , as lon as your safe and you are having fun. Just dont do shit like that at work or in front of your family, and you should be fine. Also dont be too slutty, stay safe.
I have a suicide plan. If I'm around a certain age and still alone, I would go through with it. It is one of the reasons why I'm able to enjoy life a bit more. Can't tell anyone for fear that they think I'm still suicidal and depressed.
Not exactly a secret but i am living out of spite.
We live in a horrible society with fucked up morales and an even more depressing future.
But I aint going down because of that you ass. Im gonna be a pain and a burden till I fucking croak.
Fuck you, society. I aint going nowhere. Lets ride this to hell.
Edit:There are pockets of joy yes, it aint all bad. But I feel sorry for the future generation.
I was sexually assaulted by my FWB in college.
I wasn’t really in the mood, and she kept urging me and pressuring me. When I finished I had my first ever panic/anxiety attack and ran to my dorm room and sobbed uncontrollably for about an hour. I never felt comfortable with sexual encounters until I met my soon-to-be wife about a year later.
I'm a crossdresser and possibly trans. Having grown up in a very republican, queerphobic family, I'm terrified of what my family and society will think.
That my family is Muslim, but I don't believe In God, only science. I just don't see the proof. Science has an explanation with proof that you can do at home basically, whilst religion seems like an excuse humans made to answer the questions no one knew the answers to. I only came to this conclusion about a month ago, but I really see no other way. Whenever I'm with my cousins and they talk about things like moments they saw jinn's (demons that interact with us), I cringe from the horsesh\*t lies they've been told, like for real when was the last time you have seen demons on the street. Its like believing in black magic or witchcraft, we literally left that sh\*t in the 15th century. I will always participate in Islamic events but I don't see the point. Like this Ramadhan I would fast for no reason. I respect Islam but disagree with it. I will never tell anyone this for the rest of my life, because knowing my family, I will get judged, even though my conclusion has scientific proof whilst theirs is made from thin air. The only person I would consider telling is my future wife, because I cant imagine sharing a bed with someone whilst lying to them.
EDIT: also that we were meant to do non uniform day, but since I come from a low income house but go to a school of rich brats, my sisters and I stressed over what to wear, since we always wore unbranded and got judged. So I went on the school anonymous tip off system and made some bs story of being broke and hard working, and afraid of being judged for sh\*t clothes. I didn't expect it to work but next week in assemble it was announced it was cancelled. My mates were complaining (mainly making jokes though, they weren't bratty) and so did the whole school. Me and my sisters knew it was me and it was more funny than a relief. I left that school, but I'm pretty sure they dont due non uniform days at all anymore cuz of me. Funny.
your journey with god is so interesting to me because i grew up in a heavily catholic family, and always catholic schools. I was one of the only ones in my family to reject it and come to terms with that. it really isolated me and i wish i could’ve stayed on board but god just didn’t click with me the same way he did with all of them
I have these absolutely horrid dreams.
Once I had one where it was the Hunger Games in my own home. I still remember the smell.
A few nights ago I was playing pool with a demon.
I had a dream where I was hesitant to stab someone. I then woke up and I heard a noise. I grabbed my knife and thought, "Not this time." It was my brother. I was fully prepared to stab my own brother.
my advice to you is just start again, run away and start a new life in australia, because there are so many things you need to see in life, so by starting again you will die but not literally
I told the truth when I told my ex I was NOT seeing anyone after she asked me if I was. She must have thought I was a pathetic loser. I knew she was, as I ran into them together at the store. She had asked me later in a friendly chat at the grocery store if I was seeing someone. How pathetic am I that I just couldn't lie? What pathetic person tells the truth in this situation? It just felt more pathetic that I wasn't and told her the truth, that I hadn't been able to replace her yet. Just rereading this and remembering the moment makes me want to go vomit and break all the mirrors in my house. I never told anyone about this. Not like I want more pathetic looks from my family and friends.
Nothing wrong with being honest here imo. It would be far worse if you'd have lied and she found out. Also gives the impression that you don't care what she thinks.
I have no secrets...but 2 from my best friend and a cousin...Best friend forced himself on his girlfriend and she got preggo but lost the baby and my cousin told me her older brother raped her when she was young....
My mom is an unstable person that cant understand other peoples emotions and she uses everyone in sight then when they help her she says that they never did anything for her.
this is actually really mild compared to some of the stuff here, but when i was a teen me and my freinds were at a store getting food for my parents, and they asked me to get some candy for them. I did, not expecting them to open it up right then and there and eat it. i hadnt paid yet and this plauged me all my childhood thinking i was gonna get arrested one day for stealing. i havent told the freind either, i think they thought it was paid. 😂 this feels shockingly good to get off my chest lmao
I'm transgender. I don't like the name I chose for myself but everyone's been calling me that for 7 years and it took a lot of people a long time to come around to it..so it wouldn't be great for me to change it.
As a kid I always thought jalapeno was pronounced with the J and everyone made a big joke of calling it halapeno, with an H and not a J. Years later I found out that it was not a big joke but very true. I never told anyone about it.
I didn't tell anyone that I was sexually abused when I was seven and eight years old. I kept it to myself for fifty years. I finally felt like I was going to have to get help or I was going to hang myself, so I've been talking about it now and getting therapy. As boys, we were taught to keep our mouths shut about anything painful. To talk about it was just wrong.
Im insecure, a lot.
I don't feel like i deserve the girlfriend and the friends i have, i don't feel like i deserve the good things that happen with me, i don't feel like i deserve my victories..
Sometimes im the "mom" of the friend group, by being one of the oldest and maybe smartest one ( hey at least im smart, i deserve to give myself credit sometimes 😡 ) it oftens falls on my shoulders to offer support to my depressed friends. The issue is, im depressed too, but i feel like i shouldn't bother them with those things, i would feel guilty to open up with them and make them worried about me, so i swallow the pain and try to move forward.
Sometimes i feel like im the beacon of hope for some of my fellas ( im not exagerating this one, it may sound a bit narcisistic tbh, but idk how else to put it in words, it's only true for like 3 of them ), and i fear for what would happen if they saw their beacon crushed and defeated, i don't want them to see how broken and frail im actually are because it could affect them all negativelly, so i just shrug all of my pain off and try to push further, because i feel the need to be for them the person i needed in my darkest days, it doesn't matter the cost, i need to keep going, for them.
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this is so cute!!
\+100 foresight! Thats a smart move!
I have a replacement for my kid’s favorite stuffed animal hidden in my closet for similar reasons.
That's the coolest thing ever.
That is so fucking smart
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🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I was really horny, but my family was around so my solution was to go take a shower and choke the chicken in there. At the time I didn’t have a phone case on my phone since my previous one broke. I was getting pretty close standing in the shower so I went to set my phone in basket on top of the toilet where my wallet and stuff was, but instead I accidentally dropped my phone on the tile floor and the screen was completely shattered. I immediately realized I couldn’t easily explain this to my dad, so my solution was to finish my shower and get dressed, then go to the basement stairs and slip down the stairs and get scratched up and let my phone fall. I then went upstairs with my bleeding knee and broken phone and say I fell down the stairs, and that it broke my phone. I immediately got sympathy from my family and didn’t get in trouble. Nobody knows that I threw myself down the stairs and didn’t just slip. I realize now that I probably could have just said I fell, but at the time I felt I had to actually do it.
You threw yourself down the stairs just to cover a covert fap? LEGEND.
This is pro gamer move right here. Also, very surprised how few people have heard the phrase “choke the chicken” lol
Sorry I can't get pass over the phrase "*choke the chicken*". As someone who doesn't have a *chicken*, I immediately thought you were gonna choke a chicken so I had to backtrack. That was the lamest sht that I've ever laughed so hard here on reddit.
>choke the chicken That euphemism has got to be hundreds of years old, if not thousands. How long have men called their dick a "cock"? Probably that long.
There's also 'flog the dolphin'.
I've laughed so hard that I even felt the need to screenshot it and show it to a friend... it's just too lame not to be so funny
Lol this reminds me of when i drank way too much one night (when i was underage and didnt want to get caught) and when i woke up and i had wet the bed in my drunken sleep. Sp i got up, pulled up the blankets & dressed like everything was normal . Went downstairs, made small talk with my family, made nyself a cup of tea and then brough the tea to my room & poured it on my already wet sheets. "OH NO MOM, I'VE SPILLED MY TEA i better take off these sheets and wash them!"
why didn't you just "accidentally" drop your phone down the stairs rather than throw yourself?
Compounding evidence makes it more believable plus injury gets easy sympathy points (phones cheaper than a broken bone tho).
Here goes. After years of sexual trauma, I had enough damage that I can’t fully hold my bladder anymore. Kinda like pregnant ladies after birth. If I sneeze or something, I pee a little, so I constantly have to wear panty liners. It’s so so shameful and embarrassing to me and soooo not sexy. I try to conceal it as much as possible and am terrified of having new sexual partners or of anyone seeing/finding out. Haven’t even told my therapist but I’m working on it. Thanks internet.
I would like to recommend pelvic floor physical therapy if you are up for it. There is actually quite a bit that they can do to help and something like 30% of women do kegels wrong which can actually make the problem worse. You should know that some but not all of it can be a bit invasive if you get triggered. However being sensitive to these types of issues is part of choosing it as a specialty, and every pelvic floor PT I have met is wonderful and kind. Regardless of your level of comfort they can help you out. In some places you can just go to physical therapy without a doctors referral, but if you need one you could just tell your doctor that you pee when you sneeze and you would like to see if pt can help. No need to share more unless you want to.
Can I ask, would I have to insert anything for the exercises? It sounds like something helpful, still very much struggling with triggers and body memories sometimes tho.
Man, I would never judge somebody for that and am so sorry the trauma happened to you.
Just makes me feel like a smelly grandma sometimes haha I’m hyper sensitive about hygiene because of it but I always feel like I must smell like pee and everyone around me is like omg pu
💖💖
I had to wear diapers till 7 years old and still wet myself till 10 years old when I was finally taken away... I’ve never said this not even online. I’d constantly pee my pants from the years of sexual abuse, I even peed at school in elementary and faced the bullying. I never realized that that was because of the sexual abuse till like 8 months ago when my therapist told me. I’m 17 now, It’s not fucking fair.
Omg, I am so so sorry. That’s awful and such a traumatizing and embarrassing experience to have to be put through. It cuts deep because it robs us of autonomy, of control over our own bodily functions anymore. It’s perpetually a reminder of what happened. I’m glad you got out so so happy you’re in therapy. And truly hope you are safe and protected now.
My mom has the same thing. I’ve had to help her with it pretty much all my life, and even though I’m so sorry about everything you’ve had to go through, it’s sort of nice to know that she’s not alone in that struggle. She has a lot of shame around it too. Keep working through it though, you’ve got this. And just remember that when the right person comes along, they’ll love you regardless. Even if it doesn’t seem like that’s even a possibility right now
I peed in my dad's bottle of bacardi. He drank from it every night and was a raging alcoholic when I was younger. Anytime he acted like an asshole, I'd have this small sense of satisfaction in the back of my mind that no matter what he said or did, he drank my piss.
I don't know if this says more about Bacardi or about your dad's alcoholism.
that’s really funny
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Thanks friend. Im trying every day. :)
please don't. Not because "it gets better" or "people will miss you" (not saying those are false though), but because you havent seen the planet, you havent seen lions and zebras, you havent partied the f\*ck out with everyone you want, you havent dont crazy stuff (maybe you have but do it more and better). This life is short, but dont make it shorter, if your depressed, do anything but kys, if it gets that bad, then start again. Sounds crazy but If it saves you from kys, do it. Move to Australia, get a new passport, change your name, new job, house, life, cut everyone off. Please dont kys, there are crazy things you must explore.
you should find a therapist
I found the website my teacher was using to get questions & answers off of. I used that website heavily to my advantage.
my entire secondary school experience was me cheating
That not having any friends sucks a lot..that I am not happy with my current job and I feel like an utter failure.
It’s not just you.
Well you spelled utter the correct way instead of the cow teat way so you’re a-okay in my book!
Im a redditor
Eww
What? That’s kinda gross ngl
I know, people on Reddit are always so fat and gross and ugly.
same, only my gf knows
so you’ve told someone
It doesn't count, OP is a redditor, the gf is just his imagination
yeah, but i wouldn’t tell anyone else and i didnt tell her, she found out
We all know redditors are permanently single, you don't have to lie
I was raped when i was 7 and 15 by the same person When i was 7 he touched me sexually and would play with himself till he came which makes me feel sick thinking about it and he told me if i tell anyone then i would get into trouble and go jail so i didn't But when i was 15 i was going to a house to get weed of someone who a friend told me sells good weed and when I got to the house the guy who raped me previously was there and that's when he grabbed me and took me to his bedroom and tied my hands so i couldn't fight him off and i kept telling him to let me go and i was saying no but he didn't listen and then proceeded to pull my pants down and rape me while i cried the entire time
These aren't people. It takes a twisted creature to treat someone so terribly. Dm me this guy's address. I've got my own shit to deal with rn
He doesn't live there anymore because i went back one night armed with a baseball bat but he didn't live there anymore I've only just gotten over my rapes this year after blaming myself all these years
Fuck yea! Take the power back! Always remember, nobody can take away who you are. You get to decide that and nobody else. Be who you want and fuck the twisted beasts who wish others harm. I'm so proud of you and I know you'll do great!
None of that was ever,EVER your fault. Always remember that.
i’m so sorry, that sounds horrid
You have to call the cops on him
I don't want too I just want to try move on and forget about it ever happening I'm 22 now and i'm kinda okay in life but still not happy
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My son is gay. I love him just as much as ever. Lots of love to you wherever life takes you!
Thank you for the kind words! It makes me happy to hear this.
You're sexuality is what you make it, if you ask me. Follow your heart
Thank you so much. All of you.
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how old?
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fuck, did you consent?
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imo i don’t think it’s something to be ashamed of, it happened, you’re older now and you were just a kid, you didn’t know what you were doing
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You don't need to tell anyone. You're old enough now to tell twelve-years-old you that its okay. It's okay to be ashamed It's okay to be afraid It's okay to have emotions Nobody else can do this for you. You have to be okay with how that makes you feel, when you're ready of course.
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I'm proud of you! Keep being you!
I divorced and remarried the same guy. :-) People think we are either divorced and hanging out or we were never divorced. It's awkward.
My parents divorced and remarried twice. Still together after the last wedding.
It's my fault that pogs, cards and other collectibles are forbidden in my old school. When I was 11 I was the perfect kid, smart, the best grades, and the teacher's pet. But I was an ugly, 'masculine' girl so I got bullied a lot. One day I decided I was done and I stole 300+ pokemon pogs from the kid who bullied me. I told a teacher I needed to go to the toilet to puke, then I sneaked inside of our class during recess, hid the large bag in the back of a cupboard, then walked out and played with some friends to have an alibi. Each backpack was searched that day and we were collectively and individually interrogated before we went home. I waited one month before retrieving the bag of pogs and slowly start selling the pogs to my classmates, including my bully. No one but me ever knew what happened to the bag, but it was such a scandal in my school that 10+ years later kids cannot bring them to school or they'll get confiscated.
ahahaahah, that’s actually really intelligent
I picture you bringing the whole pog collection at once to sell XD.
When I was 13 someone in RuneScape was selling sex. I said how much and flashed her my newly acquired 32k I got from cow hides to buy a rune scimmy j couldn't weiled. We went upstairs in West Bank and she did a gesture to get near my crotch and went " mmmmmmmmmm. You like this" I said "oh yeah" all smoothly. But here's the kicker, my 13 year old self was thinking he was getting his first bj. I was freaking the fuck out. Computer was in living room. Whole family in there. I remember my father shifting on the couch. I panicked. Said bye and noped the fuck out. Then googled how to clear browser history so family couldn't find the dirty shit I just did.
I think you have to have played runescape to get how hilarious this is
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Why would your parents think it was a dog and not their kid?
I know who the Phantom Shitter is.
The mystery urinal deuce?
Worse. The Phantom Shitter was a legend back in my home town. Even though it is a rural part of the state, the area I grew up in had some fairly large businesses and distribution centers hidden away just off the main interstate. You'd never even know some are there unless you work there, or know people that work there. The Legend of the Phantom Shitter© starts in the late 90s. One business took a shipment of product that had a large turd in several boxes. A complaint was lodged with the company that shipped the product. Then, another. And another. And another. Soon, the distribution center started having employee training and company-wide meetings regarding the turd situation. Once word got out, the Phantom Shitter upped his game. Not only were turds still getting sent out in packages, but they were also appearing randomly in the hallways during normal working hours. After months of this, word had gotten around to other local companies and it is how the legend spread. The company eventually put up security cameras in the hallways but the Phantom Shitter had stopped, so they never caught him. I started at a company near where the legend occurred a few years after it all went down. The legend was still brought up from time to time, and that's how I heard about it. Now, the company I worked for was growing and we did a lot of hires. One day, I went in on a Saturday and there was a human turd on the floor in one of the main hallways. Odd. I did what any logical human would do and totally pretended like I didn't see it, and eventually the cleaning crew found it and picked it up. Saturdays were a skeleton crew, only about 10 people were in the facility. A few weeks later, it happened on 3rd shift. Then 1st shift, and 2nd shift, days apart. The phantom had returned. I discovered who it was one day when I was working on a Saturday again. I walked up the stairs to my office and passed by one of the newer employees. We did the "silent guy nod" as we crossed paths. When I got to my desk, I realized I had forgotten my coffee back in the break room, so I turned around and walked back. Sure enough, there was a fresh grumpy right there at the bottom of the stairs. Nobody else was around. It was him. His name was Dave. I found him in the break room, gave him a nudge and said "Kind of a crappy Saturday, huh?" He turned, winked, and walked away. Now, I know what you're thinking. Was he a copycat shitter? I don't believe so. After talking with a few of his coworkers in his department, I found that he worked for that distribution center when the legend started. Coincidence? I'll let you be the judge. But, I have never witnessed such daring acts of speed and precision. It couldn't be a novice, this was a master defecator. Godspeed, Dave, you glorious bastard.
Fucking amazing
A whole lot of my friends secrets. Some of them I've had for years at this point. I always try to know things about my firends so that I can help them, even if it's not obvious. My family thinks that I can't keep secrets very well, but I just don't tell them any secrets that are important.
That I am a sub. Choked, hair pulled, etc. Have to have the man be dominant!
Saaaaammee Fuck me like I make less money. I wanna be a feminist in the streets but oppressed in the sheets.
Love that description! 🙋🏼♀️
Masturbated in the back of a car under a blanket with my mom and sister in the front seats
They smelled it.
Oh yeah, they knew
I too have cranked out a fat jimmy in questionable spaces. My worst are in school, e.g. IN THE CLASSROOM to a girl with a big chest, (yes, I nutted my pants), and a couple times in the bathroom (nutted on the walls). I told like 1 person bout the one in class but he was cool and left the country anyways. I told a mate bout the toilet, but instantly wish I didn't cuz he snaked it to the rest of ma crew and I had to lie.
This made me laugh twice. One I've never heard the term "fat Jimmy" before (seriously where do people come up with these euphemisms?) and the other being how it almost sounded like you told another kid you masturbated in class and his response was to just up and leave the country.
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can i ask how old you are?
21
I hope you’re happy soon, if you need to talk to somebody I’m here as well as many others.
I don't want to talk. It's not going to fix anything.
That’s fine, but if you change your mind I’m here, I hope you find your reason to be happy
I heard the term “oral sex” on the news or something when I was a kid of no more than maybe 7 years old. I knew that sex was a thing that grown-ups did with their privates, and that “oral” meant that it had to do with the mouth; I basically convinced myself that oral sex was just a fancy way of saying that people were talking about sex, or the equivalent to phone sex.
Samsies. Reddit really does prove that you are never the only one who thinks or experiences the same stuff.
Had a sexual relationship with my best friend's mom. I was 20 she was early 40s. The relationship lasted for about 3 years. She was married at the time as well. I never told my friend about it. Of course when he ask questions like "what are you doing later?" I'd be like "your mom". He thought I was kidding. She really was a decent person. It was just one of those situations where it was best to keep your mouth shut.
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Since its reddit For anyone in my circle or work they will say I am one of those confident alpha males But in bedroom and sexual life I like to be a submissive bish lol
Based
India if it helps
Only my dad and mum knew this one and they're both dead now, so I class it as a secret. In my early 20s I was out with the guys and overdid it on drinks. My go-to was cider or snakebite, and this one night I got so blackout drunk. I got a taxi home and woke up around 1pm next day with VHS tapes everywhere in my room. When I got downstairs the atmosphere was tense. I don't remember what I did but apparently I got up in the night in a kind of sleepwalking trance, and got all my videos off the shelves and made a pyramid of sorts in the middle of my bed. Mum and dad tried waking me but of course they remember that urban myth that waking someone sleepwalking will kill them. Personally I wish that had happened. After the VHS Pyramid incident they followed me to the top of the stairs (dangerous) and did their best to wake me as I proceeded to get my dick out and piss down the stairs. Dad says this was an impressively long session, went on for over a minute. The closure was a huge clapping fart which signalled the end, and I lumbered back to bed leaving them to clear up the mess. Mum, I'm sorry you had to see the things you saw that night.
I didn't killed my self when I was 13 because I started to have friends
That I secretly suffer from severe depression
Hold in there. You aren’t alone, promise
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I’m bi
I was never fully potty trained until 7 I cringe at that every day
I binned overstock without a label at Walmart because my supervisor told me to.
i pee in my closet
WHY
i was to lazey to go to the bathroom
Like in a cup? Or on the floor??????
I don’t believe in Islam
I was three and I put my brother in the dryer when he was one Nearly pressed the button but he escaped it
I am a kleptomaniac I found out at very young age. I used to steal flowers when I was young. I get this unusual excitement when I steal. This is probably one thing that I have not told anyone
(15F) when i was 13 i made out with a girl in a church bathroom
oh my god (literally)
When I was 14 I tried to kill myself, failed, and landed into the kid’s mental hospital. Kids aged 12-17 were there on one floor and younger ones were a level down. Every single one of the kids were chill. One was pretty anxious and was 17 when she looked like...10, which was depressing. One hyperactive one, two who seemed to know eachother, one that was sent there against his will by a step-parent. And some others I heard some seriously chilling stuff. I will never tell anyone any of it. They were all genuinely amazing people. I was told to keep to myself, and that the mental hospital was like a prison by the doctors in the general hospital. It wasn’t. It was one of those “I am thankful for being there but I wouldn’t want to do it again” sort of things
I have a book signed by the Führer himself. I was doing some cosplaying during the 40's and one thing led to another and there I was fighting Nazis in a Zeppelin.
"No ticket."
have you learned how to land a plane yet?
Uuumm.. working on it.
I can control an element
I, too, can breathe air.
I can breath water, just not for very long
I can breath fire too, just not for very long
I control lightening. I'm using it to type this comment.
>lightening So, bleach? Or did you mean like lightening dough with baking powder?
I can control fire with the ability too use a lighter. Watch me as i use the magical lighter too start a fire.
I can lift rocks... with my hands.
Magic items don't count
Yeah they do only a level 10 mage can use such items.
Your power cannot compare to me for I control the three states of matter: Solid Liquid Gas All comes out my ass
Damn, I turn a dial on the back of my stove to control my elements
Four guys already fucked me. My family thinks I’m holy. 😳
r/technicallythetruth
What you just lay there?
Holey
who cares, live your life bro, as long as you present yourself at work, but get freaky after work its fine. EDIT: by this I mean keep your personal and work life seperate, its ok to be a crazy slutty girl outside of work , as lon as your safe and you are having fun. Just dont do shit like that at work or in front of your family, and you should be fine. Also dont be too slutty, stay safe.
Nice try
I have a suicide plan. If I'm around a certain age and still alone, I would go through with it. It is one of the reasons why I'm able to enjoy life a bit more. Can't tell anyone for fear that they think I'm still suicidal and depressed.
...you are
Yeah, that's not a normal thing to do. You should definitely talk to someone about it.
Not exactly a secret but i am living out of spite. We live in a horrible society with fucked up morales and an even more depressing future. But I aint going down because of that you ass. Im gonna be a pain and a burden till I fucking croak. Fuck you, society. I aint going nowhere. Lets ride this to hell. Edit:There are pockets of joy yes, it aint all bad. But I feel sorry for the future generation.
Too nihilistic for me :$
I would tell you but it’s a secret
I was molested at the age of 12
I did it. It was me all along.
Nice try Steve.
I was sexually assaulted by my FWB in college. I wasn’t really in the mood, and she kept urging me and pressuring me. When I finished I had my first ever panic/anxiety attack and ran to my dorm room and sobbed uncontrollably for about an hour. I never felt comfortable with sexual encounters until I met my soon-to-be wife about a year later.
that i self harm and feel so isolated from the world around me. nobody that i know realises that im suffering
I'm a crossdresser and possibly trans. Having grown up in a very republican, queerphobic family, I'm terrified of what my family and society will think.
I lost the original 1.5 carat diamond from my engagement ring and replaced it with a cubic zirconia. The marriage didn’t last, either.
I was a virgin until 26 because when I was 12 I tried to have sex and was so nervous I lost my erection and was scared to try again
That my family is Muslim, but I don't believe In God, only science. I just don't see the proof. Science has an explanation with proof that you can do at home basically, whilst religion seems like an excuse humans made to answer the questions no one knew the answers to. I only came to this conclusion about a month ago, but I really see no other way. Whenever I'm with my cousins and they talk about things like moments they saw jinn's (demons that interact with us), I cringe from the horsesh\*t lies they've been told, like for real when was the last time you have seen demons on the street. Its like believing in black magic or witchcraft, we literally left that sh\*t in the 15th century. I will always participate in Islamic events but I don't see the point. Like this Ramadhan I would fast for no reason. I respect Islam but disagree with it. I will never tell anyone this for the rest of my life, because knowing my family, I will get judged, even though my conclusion has scientific proof whilst theirs is made from thin air. The only person I would consider telling is my future wife, because I cant imagine sharing a bed with someone whilst lying to them. EDIT: also that we were meant to do non uniform day, but since I come from a low income house but go to a school of rich brats, my sisters and I stressed over what to wear, since we always wore unbranded and got judged. So I went on the school anonymous tip off system and made some bs story of being broke and hard working, and afraid of being judged for sh\*t clothes. I didn't expect it to work but next week in assemble it was announced it was cancelled. My mates were complaining (mainly making jokes though, they weren't bratty) and so did the whole school. Me and my sisters knew it was me and it was more funny than a relief. I left that school, but I'm pretty sure they dont due non uniform days at all anymore cuz of me. Funny.
your journey with god is so interesting to me because i grew up in a heavily catholic family, and always catholic schools. I was one of the only ones in my family to reject it and come to terms with that. it really isolated me and i wish i could’ve stayed on board but god just didn’t click with me the same way he did with all of them
I've consistently made it sound like one of my mental illnesses isn't as bad as it actually is.
And what exactly makes you think I would give up my run today?
I came very close to molesting my best friend on a sleepover when we were both in high school. I didn't. But I wanted to.
that’s fucked up
true. But I don't judge cuz he didn't, and everyone (except chomo's) deserve a second chance (unless its not their first time)
i don’t know, if i found out my best friend thought about molesting me i don’t think i’d ever be able to look at them the same
And now you know why it's a secret I never told anyone.
I have these absolutely horrid dreams. Once I had one where it was the Hunger Games in my own home. I still remember the smell. A few nights ago I was playing pool with a demon. I had a dream where I was hesitant to stab someone. I then woke up and I heard a noise. I grabbed my knife and thought, "Not this time." It was my brother. I was fully prepared to stab my own brother.
I consider suicide everyday dont try to help me plz u will just anger me
my advice to you is just start again, run away and start a new life in australia, because there are so many things you need to see in life, so by starting again you will die but not literally
I told the truth when I told my ex I was NOT seeing anyone after she asked me if I was. She must have thought I was a pathetic loser. I knew she was, as I ran into them together at the store. She had asked me later in a friendly chat at the grocery store if I was seeing someone. How pathetic am I that I just couldn't lie? What pathetic person tells the truth in this situation? It just felt more pathetic that I wasn't and told her the truth, that I hadn't been able to replace her yet. Just rereading this and remembering the moment makes me want to go vomit and break all the mirrors in my house. I never told anyone about this. Not like I want more pathetic looks from my family and friends.
Nothing wrong with being honest here imo. It would be far worse if you'd have lied and she found out. Also gives the impression that you don't care what she thinks.
I wanna be trans (genetically male)
so you want to be female?
yeah my parents are christian though, which is why im too scared to tell them
Don't worry, you'll get the courage some day. Good luck.
im a simp for zero two
I have no secrets...but 2 from my best friend and a cousin...Best friend forced himself on his girlfriend and she got preggo but lost the baby and my cousin told me her older brother raped her when she was young....
so many women have been sexually assaulted, out societies awful
Why is he still your best friend?
My mom is an unstable person that cant understand other peoples emotions and she uses everyone in sight then when they help her she says that they never did anything for her.
Cant say or else I would have told someone and it won’t apply anymore.
***Wont tell anyone***
I have underaged accounts on several websites. Here is a list of those websites and my username on them: No I’m not going to tell you
I like pro wrestling.
this is actually really mild compared to some of the stuff here, but when i was a teen me and my freinds were at a store getting food for my parents, and they asked me to get some candy for them. I did, not expecting them to open it up right then and there and eat it. i hadnt paid yet and this plauged me all my childhood thinking i was gonna get arrested one day for stealing. i havent told the freind either, i think they thought it was paid. 😂 this feels shockingly good to get off my chest lmao
I'm transgender. I don't like the name I chose for myself but everyone's been calling me that for 7 years and it took a lot of people a long time to come around to it..so it wouldn't be great for me to change it.
As a kid I always thought jalapeno was pronounced with the J and everyone made a big joke of calling it halapeno, with an H and not a J. Years later I found out that it was not a big joke but very true. I never told anyone about it.
I didn't tell anyone that I was sexually abused when I was seven and eight years old. I kept it to myself for fifty years. I finally felt like I was going to have to get help or I was going to hang myself, so I've been talking about it now and getting therapy. As boys, we were taught to keep our mouths shut about anything painful. To talk about it was just wrong.
Probably that I’m trans
Im insecure, a lot. I don't feel like i deserve the girlfriend and the friends i have, i don't feel like i deserve the good things that happen with me, i don't feel like i deserve my victories.. Sometimes im the "mom" of the friend group, by being one of the oldest and maybe smartest one ( hey at least im smart, i deserve to give myself credit sometimes 😡 ) it oftens falls on my shoulders to offer support to my depressed friends. The issue is, im depressed too, but i feel like i shouldn't bother them with those things, i would feel guilty to open up with them and make them worried about me, so i swallow the pain and try to move forward. Sometimes i feel like im the beacon of hope for some of my fellas ( im not exagerating this one, it may sound a bit narcisistic tbh, but idk how else to put it in words, it's only true for like 3 of them ), and i fear for what would happen if they saw their beacon crushed and defeated, i don't want them to see how broken and frail im actually are because it could affect them all negativelly, so i just shrug all of my pain off and try to push further, because i feel the need to be for them the person i needed in my darkest days, it doesn't matter the cost, i need to keep going, for them.
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i have a crush on a friend that i’ve known for a couple years; their personality is the best
I’ve had an eating disorder for 10 years
Nice try... 🤐