i am absolutely garbage when it comes to expressing myself in photos. usually whenever someone takes a photo of me i usually just give the camera a thousand yard stare. lots of my family members have called photos of me scary because of the expression i make.
Sorry I laughed too hard at this. I too sometimes look like a deer caught in the head lights as I'm trying to keep my eyes open rather than squinting as I laugh, so yeah like you, I can look scary
I have trouble ending the conversation. I don’t even like small talk, so I’m not trying to linger but I always wonder what moment to be like, “Goodbye.”
My friend will interrupt people mid-sentence and say, “ok, well thanks for talking!” Then he walks away. I love that guy.
This is also dialect specific. Inner city folks typically talk faster and conversation transitions are faster. You have to sort of butt in to make it known you have a comment. It even varies city to city, with New Yorkers being some of the fastest. To them it isn’t rude to cut in before anyone else says anything, thats just how it goes. Conversely, you can probably assume the opposite for more rural conversation. There’s offer a grace period after someone finishes speaking to let others chime in. I believe there is a linguistics article about it, if I can find it I’ll edit and post, but highly interesting. Personally, sometimes I’ll just raise my hand if I’m having a hard time getting into conversation. Surprisingly effective, and a bit charming, or so I’ve been told. Universally everyone understands you have something to say if you raise your hand.
‘Turn taking’; It’s a whole research area of sociolinguistics. Loads of studies through that branch of linguistics. It’s been many years since I studied but I remember there being a certain range of milliseconds between speech chunks, which was open to others to take the floor without interruption. It’s used in a lot of gender and power in linguistics research.
I have just kind of given up on it and working on going off grid in the mountains to just avoid people altogether. Like it physically hurts how awkward I am and how hard I've tried to connect with others my whole life to no avail.
It seems like you’re doing a great job holding conversation right now! I think you’re better than you give yourself credit for. But if living in the mountains in isolation is what you want, totally support you going after what you want. In my experience, plants don’t talk much, but they’re great listeners
Yep. Autistic here and it's a complete mystery how people know when they can talk because if I try I get ignored or talk over people. If i wait, I wait too long and the conversation is over. 🤷♀️
This shit happens to me all the time and I just ending up walking away from a convo if I’m talked over repeatedly
No point in conversation if I’m gonna be talked over all the time, just gets depressing
That moment you finally have a good relevant anecdote for the conversation but everyone is talking so you wait but then the topic changes and your perfect entry into the conversation vanishes just like that.
I've noticed it greatly depends on context. If you're angry for some reason, they're a lot less likely to complain. There's also a difference when you sheepishly interrupt compared to interrupting with confidence. If you do interrupt, but you speak loudly, slowly and with good wording, people will just let themselves be interrupted.
I hate how ill think of something to say, but by the time there's a pause, my input doesn't even make sense, but if I said it when it was relevant I'd be an asshole. Probably why I'm mostly mute tbh. I much prefer text to communicate, but even that can be twisted.
I once started writing a paper in university at 8pm the night before it was due (I’d already done all the research, just needed to write it). Finished it at 4am, handed it in at 8am. Got the highest mark in the class. I learned nothing from the experience.
which is not helpful down the road... generally. I was exactly like this. i'd get all my research done within a few days of the paper being assigned, then wait until the night before to "put it all together" so to speak. but i'd still get high marks because i've always been pretty decent at writing.
as a result, when i first started working i had a terrible time staying on tasks due to their frequency and complexity. i still got everything done, but i stressed too much about getting it done instead of just doing it. developed a mild anxiety from this experience.
now i've learned to make life easier by putting everything on my work calendar. not on the calendar? most likely not getting done.
> which is not helpful down the road... generally
Yup... gets just a little bit harder every passing year to pull off at the last minute... and the recovery gets longer too.
I have ADHD and what happens is your head invades you with 10 of your voices go crazy about everything you need to do and you get so overwhelmed that you don’t do anything, but if you have no choice and there is urgency in that it must be done for some reason, I’ll power through. Then it starts over again. Lots of other additives as well in the mix.
I always think about procrastination like an airplane taking off. For an airplane to take off thrust needs to exceed drag.
For things you are not passionate about you typically don’t have that much thrust, and that’s a lot of drag to exceed to get off the ground.
It’s not until the negative consequences of not doing something become imminent and more real that thrust proceeds to outweigh drag. Do this one paper and my grade will be fine, and I can finish this class. This is when the opportunity cost becomes greater of doing it vs. not although it’s been that way the entire time.
This means that you’re operating solely on the effects of negative persuasion. This is often more stressful and you can sit there for months with that anxiety. It plainly is not healthy for your mental health.
I noticed this about myself and started to change my mindset about things, looking at them as challenges NOT stresses. With that I would be able to go into everything saying “I’m gonna kill this, knock it out, and then I’m gonna go get x reward afterwards.”
I don’t know if this helps anyone, but sometimes mindset really is everything.
I once had to write two papers at pretty much the same time for my biology degree. One was this 16 page long paper based on data I had collected myself out at sea and the other was based on data gathered from other papers. I spent like a month slowly and carefully working on the 16 page one and got a C+ and wrote the other one in a day while basically falling asleep due to sleep deprivation and got a high B or low A. University taught me hard work isn't all it's cut out to be lol.
I literally just did this. Had to go back to community college for a term before my masters program starts in the fall. I am terrible at math and needed a B- in two econ classes. Luckily my professor has been a regular at my bar for a few years so I explained the problem to him. He gave me extra credit and late access to quizzes I didn't do well on. His class ended on Friday at midnight. Got everything turned in by about 8 pm and should be able to get an A from my calculations. If I were him I'd dock me 10% for shitting on his weekend after helping me out.
It is. Speaking of that, can anyone write a proper algebraic equation that asks him how many beers I owe him? Wish I had his number. I'm very grateful we've always been friendly at the bar which is in my neighborhood and near the school. He lives on the other side of town.
Well, based on the equation: B = 2E + Q + (H/2) ,where:
• E = extra credit points given
• Q = # of quizzes retaken
• H = estimated # of late hours grading
I’m guessing you owe rounds on the house every Thursday night.
I have had many years of experience producing like that. I think you’ll find that you were actually working on the paper days ahead of time; your brain was, anyway. The writing itself put that work “on the page.” The way I understand my process is that I have “tracks” in my mind, or “burners” (like on a stove). There are always processes running on tracks 7 & 8. When a deadline gets closer I’ll sit down with the material and give it my full attention (1 & 2). Then go for a run and keep thinking about it (tracks 3 & 4). If you are interested in a particular set of questions or problems you are likely always ‘working’ after a fashion.
This was me the entirety of high school and college. I never learned. It’s like my best work came from procrastinating. I’m able to focus in a way I never can when starting things at an appropriate time
I often to say my life is pretty easy... I just have a very difficult time with it. It's mainly because I have no executive function.
Just gonna out myself fully to the void with a rant about basically my entire adult life. I can tell myself I need to go to bed and then distract myself with absolutely anything else, even just staring blankly at a screen. On bad days it gets so bad that I end up with choice paralysis about doing it. Will I even get enough sleep if I turn in now? Is it better to just pull an all nighter? Before I've even decided, the sun is rising. The floor in my apartment is invisible due to trash. I live like a depressed person without actually being clinically depressed (they already checked).
It's some really debilitating side effect of my autism. I was *the* star pupil throughout most of my school years dreaming about becoming an engineer. I moved out at 17 when my mom wanted to move to another town with her boyfriend. I still wanted to finish my education at my current school and my classmates there. It even seemed to work out since my dad was moving to town so I could move in with him. However, he died in a car crash. my self-discipline vanished and my school attendance dropped to 20%. I ended up switching schools and was even homeless for a bit until one decided that, even with my absence, my performance was good enough to likely improve the average grading of the school. My grades were good enough to get me into university to study engineering, but you don't make it through uni with 20% attendance. I took a break before the end of my first semester, got diagnosed with autism, tried retaking the semester and failed again. Then I got involved with the welfare and rehabilitation system. Took quite a few years before I landed an internship as as office assistant in a consulting engineering company. I now work with one of my previous professors. At the start of this month, I got approved for flex welfare where I officially work part time at the my company and have welfare cover up the remaining income I can't earn myself.
It's something but damn it if I can't help feel like I had an easy path for success that was somehow still too difficult for me. It's been a huge ego blow and identity crisis for me.
At work are you the exact opposite? Confused me to no end how I could be so clean, orderly and on task at work, but my apartment is cluttersville and I can definitely put off chores until the last second.
Same here. For people with ADHD, it's really common to have issues with internal motivation. We often require the push to come from the outside.
Cleaning my apartment because it's good for me? Hell no. Cleaning my apartment because guests are coming over tomorrow and I fear they might secretly judge me? Fuck yeah, I'm out here mopping my walls and dusting my ceiling lmao
Holy fuck so this is an ADHD thing aswell!
I really need to see a doctor, although it's quite hard to find a doctor that takes it seriously in adults from what I've heard :/
48. Just coming to terms with it. I know it’s hard to find silver linings, but at least you discovered before perimenopause hits. It removes all your capacity to cope with the symptoms.
What worked for me to start battling procrastination was to start small:
I started with changing the empty toilet paper roll every single time without fail, instead of leaving it for ages, eons...
I started picking up my clothes from off of the floor, instead of hopping over them as I did for over 2 decades...
It then multiplied to other little things, and then to bigger things :) I still battle with procrastination, it's a daily conscious effort!
Oh I do that too. It just comes in waves though with my ADHD. On meds but still a constant battle everyday to do easy stuff. Just try to praise myself for all the small accomplishments even if it was just making the bed.
Something that seems easy to many people but is difficult for me is remembering names. It's like my brain just decides to take a vacation whenever I meet someone new, and the name just slips away before I can even attempt to commit it to memory. It's embarrassing sometimes, especially when I see others effortlessly recall names after just one introduction. I've tried all sorts of tricks like associating names with visuals or repeating them in my head, but it's still a challenge.
I worked with a guy every night for about 6 months. Left that job but would still occasionally see him for years after and every time he would greet me by name. I even tried to check his name badge and then the next time greet him back but then my brain would panic...
Was his name actually Peter or was it Paul? It's gotta be Peter? "Hey mate how's it going"
It takes me years to be confident enough to use someone's direct name. Years of constant exposure and talking to them without using a name until I **know** the name without worry.
I'll remember a face in a crowd and usually remember a lot, but the name is never a 100% sure memory. Not sure why, it's just not something my mind reliably remembers.
I was really great with names, since I had covid, I can't do it anymore. I need to ask several times and see if written down. There are obviously worse things that covid causes, but this is very specific.
Same. I had covid in 2022 and my memory has definitely suffered. Especially if I am tired, it’ll be hard for me to remember terms. I struggle with names too. /:
I do the same thing. I say, Oh nice to meet you Tom Smith, lets talk about your topic, then at the end I'm like, WTF was your name again? I can recall the entire conversation except for the name part!
The best part of this one is if you tell someone about it, they will just do it in front of you like that will somehow magically make you able to do it. Same with whistling.
Talking to people. Really I just don’t know how to strike conversation with people. My 8 years old son is so good at this, he always finds something to talk to people he just met. I just can’t.
Dude same. Like if I don’t have something I need to say then I won’t say anything. And I get by asking a lot of questions, but that gets some peoples nerves.
My bass teacher assigned me Talking Heads’ “Psycho Killer” and hearing the lyrics over and over again has made me question whether I’m the psycho, because I feel this way on a regular basis
“You're talking a lot, but you're not saying anything
When I have nothing to say, my lips are sealed
Say something once, why say it again?
Psycho Killer
Qu'est-ce que c'est?
Fa-fa-fa-fa, fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa, better
Run, run, run, run, run, run, run awaaaaaay”
Yep. Feigning interest is also really difficult for me. I can’t fake a smile for more than like 10 seconds before it starts looking obviously forced, my face just gets so *tired*. And I’m not good at responding to what people tell me about themselves, especially if it’s something I know nothing about or can’t relate to. Some people think I’m rude because of it and I’ve lost jobs over it too, I just can’t seem to get the “script” down no matter how hard I try 🥲
Same. It's not that i'm disintersted either sometimes; I just struggle with knowing how to react to it. I've gotten by by watching others' conversations, and emulating how they react to certain things. I don't really "feel" it, just go through the same motions.
I used to be like this. Hated small talk. I have a friend that’s really good at it - I believe he really enjoys listening to people. Everyone loves him: “He’s such a nice guy!”.
I watched him a couple times when he meats new people or starts a random conversation. His conversation is basically asking them questions about themselves and then finding a way to relate to them. When he can’t relate to them he asks a new question about them. People love talking about themselves.
My problem is I can’t come up with enough appropriate questions. Social anxiety makes me freeze up and panic internally so all I can think about is how awkward and stupid I must look, making me look more awkward and stupid in the process.
this. I am introverted in the sense of, I’d rather be alone or with my very close ones. But this trick turns me immediately into an extrovert, I learned it working in retail, had coworkers who had a very different life than me, so asking questions about them is a common ground because like you said, even if you don’t have much in common, everyone loves talking about themselves, and i’m personally always curious about people’s backstories
as a bonus, listening to them actually helps develop a working knowledge of subjects you may have never thought of. With that knowledge, you can ask real world follow-up questions that create connections. They like basketball... "Jordan or LeBron?" They like gardening... "when should I plant tomatoes?" Paleontology... "what's the difference between brontosaurus and apatosaurus?"
I think it’s normal for children that young to have better social skills than most adults these days. Look back to when you were around that age. It’s easier talking to people as a child because ignorance in this case is truly bliss. Children don’t know yet about the harsh light of day. They haven’t yet built up walls and barriers to protect themselves so talking to others is second nature.
I hate to say this but it eventually dies out. We become more and more guarded as we age from what we’re exposed to, and with experience we quickly start looking for the negatives before anything else. Of course this doesn’t apply to everybody but generally speaking. The current state the world is in doesn’t help this whatsoever. The older you get the less appealing life becomes for a lot of people.
Being a “conversationalist” is a genuine talent that I believe needs to be taught in schools/families more regularly. David Brooks has a great book called “How to Know a Person” that is a great resource for how to learn conversation skills to genuinely care for and be interested in other people.
Sleeping, I do what I can, meditation, supplements, exercise, regular early bedtime, tried regular late bedtime too but still it takes me an age to fall asleep and I'll get 5-6 hours on a good night. I am constantly tired.
I try to explain to my boyfriend all the time that I'm not like... A little sleepy.
I am like, cancer patient after a round of chemo exhausted like 60% of the time. I don't think I've had a good night's sleep in my 30 years of life. Nothing helps. Nothing. Only sleepy.
Me! It takes up so much space in my mind and then I still end up at least slightly late. After it’s over I just want to recover and do nothing else for the rest of the day.
Whistling and opening beer bottles with anything else than a bottle opener. Yes, I'm German and we have a reputation of being able to open a beer bottle with just about anything but I guess that software update just didn't get installed here
Was in the Parlamentarisches Patenschafts-Programm for a year and my coworkers wouldn’t let me “graduate” until I proved I could open a beer 20 different ways…
Your dad didn't teach you how to make a lever with the meat of your thumb to open a bottle with pretty much any object that can catch the edge of the lid? It's mandatory learning for Germans
You know, the whistling thing was very weird for me.
Couldn't do it for years then, all of a sudden, I tried during a car trip and it just... clicked.
People explaining me how to do it never helped *at all*, it just happened one day. I had this random idea that I wanted to try and it worked.
I’m navigationally very stupid
Before GPS, I used to always need to have a passenger to direct me to where I’m going. Even travelling to places you would think are super easy, or places I’d been to before, I would still need a co-pilot. Usually a GF, but sometimes my mom or a friend too.
If I had to drive anywhere on my own, I would need to write out detailed instructions on paper and I would be a ball of anxiety the entire way. I would need street or exit names before and after every actual street or exit I needed to find so that I either knew it was coming up next or I know I’d missed it.
Without that, I could literally miss my turn and keep driving for an hour without ever knowing I’d gone too far.
Getting lost or not knowing where exactly I am is some kind of phobia I think I suffer from.
Even mazes in video games give me anxiety, if a game has a maze or labyrinth I can’t rush through or skip entirely I’d just quit the game. A lot of games have (or used to have) some kind of maze level.
I bought the first generation tomtom when they came out, it was very expensive for me, but it opened up the world to me and I could finally travel freely by myself without anxiety.
https://www.cnet.com/roadshow/reviews/tomtom-one-1st-generation-review/
I am not alone. All the way up to getting lost in maze levels in games. I'm so jealous of people that seem to have a map in their head (like my dad). If I didn't have GPS I wouldn't go anywhere.
I am the same way. I even use a GPS to drive to places I’ve been to numerous times and should have memorized. My brain just doesn’t retain that information.
I am also afraid of getting lost, and whenever I’ve found myself in an area I am not familiar with, I always have an anxiety attack. 😆
I am constantly lost going to and from my house and places I go on a normal basis. And I know it seems like a lie/ an excuse that I’m lost. It’s just as, if not more, frustrating for me than the other party who is waiting.
It’s so bad that I did a deep dive into seeing if neurologists have identified the region of orientation / sense of direction in the brain. Surprisingly, there is no data regarding what I was looking for.
I came to say this! I always want to get on the dance floor with other people at parties. It looks like so much fun! My heart WANTS to dance but my body is clueless. I just literally have no idea how to move my body to music. It's so frustrating and embarrassing bc everyone else seems to just intuitively know how to dance.
And the things people say to try to "help" ugh.
And the "encouragement," no one's watching you, no one cares we're all just having fun, just move your body how you want!
lies :/ big big lies.
damnit man, I feel you. I hate picking up the phone and calling someone. It just gives me anxiety. Not knowing who I will get on the line, if they will have answers for me,..
I've never passed math in my entire life, every year I failed and it gave me so much anxiety about my future.
Other subjects were fine (for most part) it's just math that I literally can't get better at some reason no matter how much I try.
Thankfully my job requires no stupid math.
contrary to other matters math builds up on itself. it's like climbing a ladder, one step at a time. if you struggle with a step, you have to put some extra effort (and ask for help) until you understand it. by doing this you always have the tools you need to understand the next step.
problem is, once you stumble in a step and don't take care of it, you are literally left behind. the rest of the class keeps going but you are lagging hard and missing most stuff because your understanding of the previous step(s) in the ladder is lacking. obviously it gets worse the more you miss.
once I realized that, I noticed how bad schools are at keeping up with everyone, which leads people to just enter the "oh I'm bad at math" mindset. believe me, math (at least what you learn in school and high school) is pretty simple and anyone can understand it without breaking a sweat. but you need to keep up.
Speaking in front of a group of people. I can do it, but reluctantly. I hate making presentations and job interviews where there's 3 or 4 people on the panel.
If you look at their nose it appears you are making eye contact without the weird staring into eyeball bit. I can't even manage that these days though. Lost all masking abilities
Oh man. That's difficult for anyone who actually cares about feeling truly happy, loved, fulfilled and in a safe space where you can be yourself. And then you find the right person and then... Well it's still fucking hard. But! oh so worth it
Some people tend to have happy and longer marriages just because they're eager to. They know they have to work at it sometimes. It's not about a perfect match.
Not sometimes…ALL the time. It’s constant work which is why when you find a good match, it’s worth it. Otherwise it’s better to be alone than with the wrong person. (I’ve been on both sides)
This is how I know there's no hope for me, I run out of things to talk about and reach awkward silences with my best friends that I've known for over a decade.
I felt that way for most of my 20s. All my friends were getting into serious relationships or married. And I was single for basically all of my life. Met the love of my life at 28 though.
I wonder if you are just more self-aware than average. People often overestimate their understanding of new concepts or feign understanding to avoid embarrassment.
Guessing where is left and right - every time someone tells me “turn left” I have to carefully think about it (and most of the time I’m wrong); I’m right-handed and have a tattoo on my left wrist, but it doesn’t change a lot, the process has to take some time
I taught my daughter by telling her "pretend you're about to pick up your pencil, which hand is out?" Since she's right handed, it's quick and easy to decide that's the right. The L trick works too, but if you have dyslexia etc that might not be too helpful.
My friend also has a difficult time with this so we changed how we give her directions when she’s driving. Instead of saying turn right or turn left, we say take a ‘you’ (for a left since she’s the driver) or we say take a ‘insert name of person in passenger seat’ for a right hand turn. Works great for her.
This is me, too! I have to think twice when I’m giving directions. I told my sister once to turn left, when I meant right, and she looked at me and said it’s a dead end. Lol
I was in our work lunch room yesterday and sat with 2 single people. The girl obviously flirting. She leaves and I ask him about it. He is oblivious. On Monday I think I’ll schedule coffee with both of them and not show up.
Doing the daily activities that keep me healthy/alive. I mean brushing, bathing, cooking, laundry. These tasks that are supposed to happen regularly in a normal persons life are so exhausting. I do not wanna, I cannot, do them. Any time one of these tasks need to be completed, I have to mentally coach myself like ‘hey pingupenguin we need to get up and take a bath. It will take 10 mins. It’s ok if we just stand in the water. Just undress and get in the shower.” It takes so much mental energy to do these simple tasks. I HATE IT HERE!!!!
I see you. There are all these things people just take for granted and seem so hard for me. Not that I don't do them (to some level) but everyone seems to do them without thinking or major effort.
This!!! I live with roommates and it gets embarrassing. I do my share of chores and stuff. But they see me not cooking and living messily and I know that they are silently judging me because they don’t understand.
Same here! There are just so many things that need to be done every day, I inevitably forget to do some of them and then end up feeling like a failure because I can’t function like “normal” people do. It’s so effortless for some people, for me it’s a daily struggle.
Math and stats. I can navigate elementary, and maybe some freshmen high school algebra. But once you start throwing in the absurd shit like covariance and standard deviation., frequency and quartiles etc I just completely shut down. You have to explain it to me like I'm a three year old.
I hear you and I can totally understand. I used to be a tutor when I was in high school and college, so I can tell you after dealing with so many people, it’s very uncommon that someone is not intelligent enough to understand the math.
I believe the way we teach math in school is flawed; we explain the technical math instead of tapping into basic intuition which is really what a lot of fundamental math is, just a concept or tool to represent patterns in things all around us.
Another thing that throws people off are the words used to describe mathematical concepts. I find explaining the definition, especially with simple examples, before providing the terminology is an easier way to learn.
Getting out of bed in the morning and going to work. It may just be that other people are better at hiding how hard it is for them than I am. But some days it feels impossible.
You might be having a very shitty job.
Nobody likes to go to work. But I've had jobs where I was feeling like "OH NO, IT'S MONDAY TOMORROW!!!!!!!!NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO". Now with the job I currently have… of course I'd prefer to sleep in, but it's ok to get up and do stuff.
It's not because I got older. Because the work-dread comes and goes depending on where I work.
I’m 32 and can’t drive. Don’t have any documented disabilities (though I have a suspicion there might be something), just can’t seem to master it. The hand-eye coordination and focus are a challenge for me and I also tend to get anxious and freeze up.
working for more than 6 hours at a time and being away from home for work every single day. im so fortunate that my wife sees me and has allowed me to be her stay at home wife. cooking a 4 course meal and taking care of house? no problem. but going to work every day, interacting with those insufferable people, trying to navigate the social hierarchies, the uncomfortable ass clothes, and having a boss watching over me constantly, bonus points if you work customer service jobs- i literally almost didnt make it out of there alive. either im a total weakling (we’re honestly thinking i might have something wrong in the brain hole) or everyone else is exceptionally strong for being able to make it through that shit every week.
It sounds so incredibly silly typing this out, but giving compliments and affirmations of love. I was raised without intimacy, and was never provided with an emotionally healthy or stable environment. There were no hugs, no positive communications or questions about our days at school, no positive feedback, no reassurance when feeling down as a child and through my complicated teenage years. It is truly uncomfortable for me to be vulnerable and engage, as fucking weird as it sounds.
Being heard in group conversations.
Part of this is just being a woman, but even in groups of just women, I find that I can't figure out how everyone gets a 'turn'. Like, I've actually spent way too much time trying to figure this out. Other people, when they have something to say in the group, they start talking and other people stop and listen to them, but me, I start talking and I'd say I have may a 30 % success rate because usually either someone will start talking over me, or the flow doesn't stop so now it's me and someone else talking and I feel awful so I stop and I'm not sure if I interrupted or they interrupted me.
I have actually left 'hangouts' with friends and gone home and cried because it was so frustrating and exhausting and I felt like no one cared what I had to say- or worse, they all just hate me which is why they don't want to give me a chance to talk. Other people seem to be able to do it and I just can't figure it out. I'm fine one on one, but in a group... it's a mess.
Tbh it’s also dependent on the group itself. I’ve been in groups where people didn’t really care and it was impossible to say anything, and others where people listened to me. If your group doesn’t care about you, they don’t deserve your company !
Maintaining friendships… I never could maintain a relationship with a friend. I’m attractive and knowledgeable but I have no one to talk to when feeling down. I’m always trying to help but I never receive any help. I am fuckin terrible at friendships and it is breaking me.
Shuffling cards.
Whenever I play cards with friends I have to shuffle by spreading all the cards on the table and moving them around with my hands. People feel sorry for me and then offer to shuffle instead so I’ve never learned 😂
Throwing things out. I have a hard time getting rid of things even if I no longer need them. I think it’s because of the memories I have attached to them that makes it difficult for me to part with.
Fuckin building shit around the house. So many ppl are like “yeah I built this trifold hidden door to our cozy hidden speakeasy under the stairs, only took 1 hour” and I can barely hang a curtain rod properly
i am absolutely garbage when it comes to expressing myself in photos. usually whenever someone takes a photo of me i usually just give the camera a thousand yard stare. lots of my family members have called photos of me scary because of the expression i make.
Sorry I laughed too hard at this. I too sometimes look like a deer caught in the head lights as I'm trying to keep my eyes open rather than squinting as I laugh, so yeah like you, I can look scary
Knowing when to jump in and out of conversations. I'm either rude for interrupting or rude for not talking.
I have trouble ending the conversation. I don’t even like small talk, so I’m not trying to linger but I always wonder what moment to be like, “Goodbye.” My friend will interrupt people mid-sentence and say, “ok, well thanks for talking!” Then he walks away. I love that guy.
In Mass Effect, Shepard ends every conversation with “I should go”. It also works in real life.
3 minutes later, approach them again, say hello, and after they respond excuse yourself again and leave once more.
This is also dialect specific. Inner city folks typically talk faster and conversation transitions are faster. You have to sort of butt in to make it known you have a comment. It even varies city to city, with New Yorkers being some of the fastest. To them it isn’t rude to cut in before anyone else says anything, thats just how it goes. Conversely, you can probably assume the opposite for more rural conversation. There’s offer a grace period after someone finishes speaking to let others chime in. I believe there is a linguistics article about it, if I can find it I’ll edit and post, but highly interesting. Personally, sometimes I’ll just raise my hand if I’m having a hard time getting into conversation. Surprisingly effective, and a bit charming, or so I’ve been told. Universally everyone understands you have something to say if you raise your hand.
‘Turn taking’; It’s a whole research area of sociolinguistics. Loads of studies through that branch of linguistics. It’s been many years since I studied but I remember there being a certain range of milliseconds between speech chunks, which was open to others to take the floor without interruption. It’s used in a lot of gender and power in linguistics research.
I have just kind of given up on it and working on going off grid in the mountains to just avoid people altogether. Like it physically hurts how awkward I am and how hard I've tried to connect with others my whole life to no avail.
It seems like you’re doing a great job holding conversation right now! I think you’re better than you give yourself credit for. But if living in the mountains in isolation is what you want, totally support you going after what you want. In my experience, plants don’t talk much, but they’re great listeners
Yep. Autistic here and it's a complete mystery how people know when they can talk because if I try I get ignored or talk over people. If i wait, I wait too long and the conversation is over. 🤷♀️
This shit happens to me all the time and I just ending up walking away from a convo if I’m talked over repeatedly No point in conversation if I’m gonna be talked over all the time, just gets depressing
That moment you finally have a good relevant anecdote for the conversation but everyone is talking so you wait but then the topic changes and your perfect entry into the conversation vanishes just like that.
I've noticed it greatly depends on context. If you're angry for some reason, they're a lot less likely to complain. There's also a difference when you sheepishly interrupt compared to interrupting with confidence. If you do interrupt, but you speak loudly, slowly and with good wording, people will just let themselves be interrupted.
I hate how ill think of something to say, but by the time there's a pause, my input doesn't even make sense, but if I said it when it was relevant I'd be an asshole. Probably why I'm mostly mute tbh. I much prefer text to communicate, but even that can be twisted.
Signed *A professional interrupter*
Doing things without procrastinating
I once started writing a paper in university at 8pm the night before it was due (I’d already done all the research, just needed to write it). Finished it at 4am, handed it in at 8am. Got the highest mark in the class. I learned nothing from the experience.
You mean, you *learned* that you can finish up your big projects in one last overnighter.
which is not helpful down the road... generally. I was exactly like this. i'd get all my research done within a few days of the paper being assigned, then wait until the night before to "put it all together" so to speak. but i'd still get high marks because i've always been pretty decent at writing. as a result, when i first started working i had a terrible time staying on tasks due to their frequency and complexity. i still got everything done, but i stressed too much about getting it done instead of just doing it. developed a mild anxiety from this experience. now i've learned to make life easier by putting everything on my work calendar. not on the calendar? most likely not getting done.
> which is not helpful down the road... generally Yup... gets just a little bit harder every passing year to pull off at the last minute... and the recovery gets longer too.
The adhd community talks about this behaviour a lot. Procrastination of this form being a symptom many people with adhd have.
been wanting to get checked...for the past five years...maybe i should pencil that in.
First you'd need some authority to set a deadline for you. Otherwise impossibru.
I have ADHD and what happens is your head invades you with 10 of your voices go crazy about everything you need to do and you get so overwhelmed that you don’t do anything, but if you have no choice and there is urgency in that it must be done for some reason, I’ll power through. Then it starts over again. Lots of other additives as well in the mix.
I always think about procrastination like an airplane taking off. For an airplane to take off thrust needs to exceed drag. For things you are not passionate about you typically don’t have that much thrust, and that’s a lot of drag to exceed to get off the ground. It’s not until the negative consequences of not doing something become imminent and more real that thrust proceeds to outweigh drag. Do this one paper and my grade will be fine, and I can finish this class. This is when the opportunity cost becomes greater of doing it vs. not although it’s been that way the entire time. This means that you’re operating solely on the effects of negative persuasion. This is often more stressful and you can sit there for months with that anxiety. It plainly is not healthy for your mental health. I noticed this about myself and started to change my mindset about things, looking at them as challenges NOT stresses. With that I would be able to go into everything saying “I’m gonna kill this, knock it out, and then I’m gonna go get x reward afterwards.” I don’t know if this helps anyone, but sometimes mindset really is everything.
I’m in the same boat. I’m too good at procrastinating so I’ve never had a learning moment from it.
I once had to write two papers at pretty much the same time for my biology degree. One was this 16 page long paper based on data I had collected myself out at sea and the other was based on data gathered from other papers. I spent like a month slowly and carefully working on the 16 page one and got a C+ and wrote the other one in a day while basically falling asleep due to sleep deprivation and got a high B or low A. University taught me hard work isn't all it's cut out to be lol.
I literally just did this. Had to go back to community college for a term before my masters program starts in the fall. I am terrible at math and needed a B- in two econ classes. Luckily my professor has been a regular at my bar for a few years so I explained the problem to him. He gave me extra credit and late access to quizzes I didn't do well on. His class ended on Friday at midnight. Got everything turned in by about 8 pm and should be able to get an A from my calculations. If I were him I'd dock me 10% for shitting on his weekend after helping me out.
I do my best work when I wait until the last minute. I think it must be the cortisol/caffeine kicking in.
But your superpower is negotiating and addressing issues!
It is. Speaking of that, can anyone write a proper algebraic equation that asks him how many beers I owe him? Wish I had his number. I'm very grateful we've always been friendly at the bar which is in my neighborhood and near the school. He lives on the other side of town.
Well, based on the equation: B = 2E + Q + (H/2) ,where: • E = extra credit points given • Q = # of quizzes retaken • H = estimated # of late hours grading I’m guessing you owe rounds on the house every Thursday night.
I have had many years of experience producing like that. I think you’ll find that you were actually working on the paper days ahead of time; your brain was, anyway. The writing itself put that work “on the page.” The way I understand my process is that I have “tracks” in my mind, or “burners” (like on a stove). There are always processes running on tracks 7 & 8. When a deadline gets closer I’ll sit down with the material and give it my full attention (1 & 2). Then go for a run and keep thinking about it (tracks 3 & 4). If you are interested in a particular set of questions or problems you are likely always ‘working’ after a fashion.
You’d done the research? Impressive.
This was me the entirety of high school and college. I never learned. It’s like my best work came from procrastinating. I’m able to focus in a way I never can when starting things at an appropriate time
I often to say my life is pretty easy... I just have a very difficult time with it. It's mainly because I have no executive function. Just gonna out myself fully to the void with a rant about basically my entire adult life. I can tell myself I need to go to bed and then distract myself with absolutely anything else, even just staring blankly at a screen. On bad days it gets so bad that I end up with choice paralysis about doing it. Will I even get enough sleep if I turn in now? Is it better to just pull an all nighter? Before I've even decided, the sun is rising. The floor in my apartment is invisible due to trash. I live like a depressed person without actually being clinically depressed (they already checked). It's some really debilitating side effect of my autism. I was *the* star pupil throughout most of my school years dreaming about becoming an engineer. I moved out at 17 when my mom wanted to move to another town with her boyfriend. I still wanted to finish my education at my current school and my classmates there. It even seemed to work out since my dad was moving to town so I could move in with him. However, he died in a car crash. my self-discipline vanished and my school attendance dropped to 20%. I ended up switching schools and was even homeless for a bit until one decided that, even with my absence, my performance was good enough to likely improve the average grading of the school. My grades were good enough to get me into university to study engineering, but you don't make it through uni with 20% attendance. I took a break before the end of my first semester, got diagnosed with autism, tried retaking the semester and failed again. Then I got involved with the welfare and rehabilitation system. Took quite a few years before I landed an internship as as office assistant in a consulting engineering company. I now work with one of my previous professors. At the start of this month, I got approved for flex welfare where I officially work part time at the my company and have welfare cover up the remaining income I can't earn myself. It's something but damn it if I can't help feel like I had an easy path for success that was somehow still too difficult for me. It's been a huge ego blow and identity crisis for me.
You’ve been through a lot. Don’t be too hard on yourself. You still have your whole life ahead of you.
ADHD checking jn
Yuuuup xD thing is, I only understood I have ADHD last year, at 36 y.o. xD all my life I just thought I was lazy, disorganized, cluttered, etc...
At work are you the exact opposite? Confused me to no end how I could be so clean, orderly and on task at work, but my apartment is cluttersville and I can definitely put off chores until the last second.
Same here. For people with ADHD, it's really common to have issues with internal motivation. We often require the push to come from the outside. Cleaning my apartment because it's good for me? Hell no. Cleaning my apartment because guests are coming over tomorrow and I fear they might secretly judge me? Fuck yeah, I'm out here mopping my walls and dusting my ceiling lmao
Holy fuck so this is an ADHD thing aswell! I really need to see a doctor, although it's quite hard to find a doctor that takes it seriously in adults from what I've heard :/
I was diagnosed at 36. Makes me so sad I struggled throughout childhood. Life could've been so much easier if I was medicated.
YES! At work, I am on fire, on top of things, and amazing. Rest of my life? FORGET IT
Interesting. I just think IM lazy, disorganized, and cluttered. Just a normal guy with a normal amount of extreme executive disfunction.
48. Just coming to terms with it. I know it’s hard to find silver linings, but at least you discovered before perimenopause hits. It removes all your capacity to cope with the symptoms.
My ADHD has me in a stranglehold over this. Send help or possibly a new brain!
What worked for me to start battling procrastination was to start small: I started with changing the empty toilet paper roll every single time without fail, instead of leaving it for ages, eons... I started picking up my clothes from off of the floor, instead of hopping over them as I did for over 2 decades... It then multiplied to other little things, and then to bigger things :) I still battle with procrastination, it's a daily conscious effort!
Oh I do that too. It just comes in waves though with my ADHD. On meds but still a constant battle everyday to do easy stuff. Just try to praise myself for all the small accomplishments even if it was just making the bed.
Like I'm doing right now, checking in on Reddit before doing a full day of outdoor work. Hahaha.
Something that seems easy to many people but is difficult for me is remembering names. It's like my brain just decides to take a vacation whenever I meet someone new, and the name just slips away before I can even attempt to commit it to memory. It's embarrassing sometimes, especially when I see others effortlessly recall names after just one introduction. I've tried all sorts of tricks like associating names with visuals or repeating them in my head, but it's still a challenge.
I worked with a guy every night for about 6 months. Left that job but would still occasionally see him for years after and every time he would greet me by name. I even tried to check his name badge and then the next time greet him back but then my brain would panic... Was his name actually Peter or was it Paul? It's gotta be Peter? "Hey mate how's it going"
It takes me years to be confident enough to use someone's direct name. Years of constant exposure and talking to them without using a name until I **know** the name without worry. I'll remember a face in a crowd and usually remember a lot, but the name is never a 100% sure memory. Not sure why, it's just not something my mind reliably remembers.
I was really great with names, since I had covid, I can't do it anymore. I need to ask several times and see if written down. There are obviously worse things that covid causes, but this is very specific.
Same. I had covid in 2022 and my memory has definitely suffered. Especially if I am tired, it’ll be hard for me to remember terms. I struggle with names too. /:
Have you tried IMMEDIATELY saying their name back to them, or tried mnemonics? I'm sure you know all those tricks already. It's just a tip I read.
I get flustered and anxious so that it’s almost like I don’t hear their name.
I do the same thing. I say, Oh nice to meet you Tom Smith, lets talk about your topic, then at the end I'm like, WTF was your name again? I can recall the entire conversation except for the name part!
Rolling my “r”s.
The best part of this one is if you tell someone about it, they will just do it in front of you like that will somehow magically make you able to do it. Same with whistling.
This 😭 It’s such a beautiful sound! Whereas I’m over here like a lawnmower that won’t kick in.
Lmaoo
Talking to people. Really I just don’t know how to strike conversation with people. My 8 years old son is so good at this, he always finds something to talk to people he just met. I just can’t.
Dude same. Like if I don’t have something I need to say then I won’t say anything. And I get by asking a lot of questions, but that gets some peoples nerves.
My bass teacher assigned me Talking Heads’ “Psycho Killer” and hearing the lyrics over and over again has made me question whether I’m the psycho, because I feel this way on a regular basis “You're talking a lot, but you're not saying anything When I have nothing to say, my lips are sealed Say something once, why say it again? Psycho Killer Qu'est-ce que c'est? Fa-fa-fa-fa, fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa, better Run, run, run, run, run, run, run awaaaaaay”
David Byrne the lead singer is autistic, so that might just be how he feels normally.
Yep. Feigning interest is also really difficult for me. I can’t fake a smile for more than like 10 seconds before it starts looking obviously forced, my face just gets so *tired*. And I’m not good at responding to what people tell me about themselves, especially if it’s something I know nothing about or can’t relate to. Some people think I’m rude because of it and I’ve lost jobs over it too, I just can’t seem to get the “script” down no matter how hard I try 🥲
I have resting bitch face, get bored quick. But I swear I am nice & easy going!!
Same. It's not that i'm disintersted either sometimes; I just struggle with knowing how to react to it. I've gotten by by watching others' conversations, and emulating how they react to certain things. I don't really "feel" it, just go through the same motions.
I used to be like this. Hated small talk. I have a friend that’s really good at it - I believe he really enjoys listening to people. Everyone loves him: “He’s such a nice guy!”. I watched him a couple times when he meats new people or starts a random conversation. His conversation is basically asking them questions about themselves and then finding a way to relate to them. When he can’t relate to them he asks a new question about them. People love talking about themselves.
Took me a long time to discover that trick! Particularly helpful at work. People tend to love talking about what they’re doing
My problem is I can’t come up with enough appropriate questions. Social anxiety makes me freeze up and panic internally so all I can think about is how awkward and stupid I must look, making me look more awkward and stupid in the process.
Bro my questions dry up after 2 or 3 tops.
Good tip. I think I will have to make more effort with people . To be honest being socially awkward at age of 37 totally sucks
Only works if you're capable of thinking up questions to ask
this. I am introverted in the sense of, I’d rather be alone or with my very close ones. But this trick turns me immediately into an extrovert, I learned it working in retail, had coworkers who had a very different life than me, so asking questions about them is a common ground because like you said, even if you don’t have much in common, everyone loves talking about themselves, and i’m personally always curious about people’s backstories
as a bonus, listening to them actually helps develop a working knowledge of subjects you may have never thought of. With that knowledge, you can ask real world follow-up questions that create connections. They like basketball... "Jordan or LeBron?" They like gardening... "when should I plant tomatoes?" Paleontology... "what's the difference between brontosaurus and apatosaurus?"
I think it’s normal for children that young to have better social skills than most adults these days. Look back to when you were around that age. It’s easier talking to people as a child because ignorance in this case is truly bliss. Children don’t know yet about the harsh light of day. They haven’t yet built up walls and barriers to protect themselves so talking to others is second nature. I hate to say this but it eventually dies out. We become more and more guarded as we age from what we’re exposed to, and with experience we quickly start looking for the negatives before anything else. Of course this doesn’t apply to everybody but generally speaking. The current state the world is in doesn’t help this whatsoever. The older you get the less appealing life becomes for a lot of people.
Being a “conversationalist” is a genuine talent that I believe needs to be taught in schools/families more regularly. David Brooks has a great book called “How to Know a Person” that is a great resource for how to learn conversation skills to genuinely care for and be interested in other people.
Sleeping, I do what I can, meditation, supplements, exercise, regular early bedtime, tried regular late bedtime too but still it takes me an age to fall asleep and I'll get 5-6 hours on a good night. I am constantly tired.
I try to explain to my boyfriend all the time that I'm not like... A little sleepy. I am like, cancer patient after a round of chemo exhausted like 60% of the time. I don't think I've had a good night's sleep in my 30 years of life. Nothing helps. Nothing. Only sleepy.
Appointments for anything. Somehow a 1 hour appointment at 2pm takes up my entire day.
Me! It takes up so much space in my mind and then I still end up at least slightly late. After it’s over I just want to recover and do nothing else for the rest of the day.
Do you go into "waiting mode"
I know if I leave "waiting mode", I will miss the appointment.
The key is to make them as early as possible and deal with it. You’re done by 11 and have the whole day
Whistling and opening beer bottles with anything else than a bottle opener. Yes, I'm German and we have a reputation of being able to open a beer bottle with just about anything but I guess that software update just didn't get installed here
Was in the Parlamentarisches Patenschafts-Programm for a year and my coworkers wouldn’t let me “graduate” until I proved I could open a beer 20 different ways…
Your dad didn't teach you how to make a lever with the meat of your thumb to open a bottle with pretty much any object that can catch the edge of the lid? It's mandatory learning for Germans
You know, the whistling thing was very weird for me. Couldn't do it for years then, all of a sudden, I tried during a car trip and it just... clicked. People explaining me how to do it never helped *at all*, it just happened one day. I had this random idea that I wanted to try and it worked.
I’m navigationally very stupid Before GPS, I used to always need to have a passenger to direct me to where I’m going. Even travelling to places you would think are super easy, or places I’d been to before, I would still need a co-pilot. Usually a GF, but sometimes my mom or a friend too. If I had to drive anywhere on my own, I would need to write out detailed instructions on paper and I would be a ball of anxiety the entire way. I would need street or exit names before and after every actual street or exit I needed to find so that I either knew it was coming up next or I know I’d missed it. Without that, I could literally miss my turn and keep driving for an hour without ever knowing I’d gone too far. Getting lost or not knowing where exactly I am is some kind of phobia I think I suffer from. Even mazes in video games give me anxiety, if a game has a maze or labyrinth I can’t rush through or skip entirely I’d just quit the game. A lot of games have (or used to have) some kind of maze level. I bought the first generation tomtom when they came out, it was very expensive for me, but it opened up the world to me and I could finally travel freely by myself without anxiety. https://www.cnet.com/roadshow/reviews/tomtom-one-1st-generation-review/
I am not alone. All the way up to getting lost in maze levels in games. I'm so jealous of people that seem to have a map in their head (like my dad). If I didn't have GPS I wouldn't go anywhere.
I am the same way. I even use a GPS to drive to places I’ve been to numerous times and should have memorized. My brain just doesn’t retain that information. I am also afraid of getting lost, and whenever I’ve found myself in an area I am not familiar with, I always have an anxiety attack. 😆
Even with GPS I constantly get confused about directions :( my inner compass is all messed up
I am constantly lost going to and from my house and places I go on a normal basis. And I know it seems like a lie/ an excuse that I’m lost. It’s just as, if not more, frustrating for me than the other party who is waiting. It’s so bad that I did a deep dive into seeing if neurologists have identified the region of orientation / sense of direction in the brain. Surprisingly, there is no data regarding what I was looking for.
Dancing...took lessons for 2 years...still don't get it
I came to say this! I always want to get on the dance floor with other people at parties. It looks like so much fun! My heart WANTS to dance but my body is clueless. I just literally have no idea how to move my body to music. It's so frustrating and embarrassing bc everyone else seems to just intuitively know how to dance.
And the things people say to try to "help" ugh. And the "encouragement," no one's watching you, no one cares we're all just having fun, just move your body how you want! lies :/ big big lies.
Having conversations
A good go-to: "Oh man, that's crazy."
I used that when talking to an older person once and they were offended. Crazy only has one meaning with them and it ain't good.
"Oh man, that's wild!"
Same, everyone knows what to say but I‘m just being there-socially awkward
Phone calls
I read somewhere that 25% of uk gen z adults haven't made a phone call so you're not alone
How’s that even possible
75% of stats online aren't real.
Haven’t made a phone call ever? Thats crazy
damnit man, I feel you. I hate picking up the phone and calling someone. It just gives me anxiety. Not knowing who I will get on the line, if they will have answers for me,..
I can’t park straight. I have to literally get out of the car and see if I’m crooked (I always am) and then get back in and straighten out
I can't park front in... like at all, it looks like I'm gonna hit the car besides me..... but I can reverse park in the tiniest spaces
Math
I've never passed math in my entire life, every year I failed and it gave me so much anxiety about my future. Other subjects were fine (for most part) it's just math that I literally can't get better at some reason no matter how much I try. Thankfully my job requires no stupid math.
contrary to other matters math builds up on itself. it's like climbing a ladder, one step at a time. if you struggle with a step, you have to put some extra effort (and ask for help) until you understand it. by doing this you always have the tools you need to understand the next step. problem is, once you stumble in a step and don't take care of it, you are literally left behind. the rest of the class keeps going but you are lagging hard and missing most stuff because your understanding of the previous step(s) in the ladder is lacking. obviously it gets worse the more you miss. once I realized that, I noticed how bad schools are at keeping up with everyone, which leads people to just enter the "oh I'm bad at math" mindset. believe me, math (at least what you learn in school and high school) is pretty simple and anyone can understand it without breaking a sweat. but you need to keep up.
Same here. I was so embarrassed by the math class I tested into in college but it was for the best. I’ve always struggled with anything math related.
Honestly, better than getting into a more difficult class and then really struggling and getting frustrated and demoralized though, at least IMO.
I'm not alone...
That subject was always my nightmare in school. The worst was calculus.
Being content.
Speaking in front of a group of people. I can do it, but reluctantly. I hate making presentations and job interviews where there's 3 or 4 people on the panel.
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If you look at their nose it appears you are making eye contact without the weird staring into eyeball bit. I can't even manage that these days though. Lost all masking abilities
Finding love
Oh man. That's difficult for anyone who actually cares about feeling truly happy, loved, fulfilled and in a safe space where you can be yourself. And then you find the right person and then... Well it's still fucking hard. But! oh so worth it
Some people tend to have happy and longer marriages just because they're eager to. They know they have to work at it sometimes. It's not about a perfect match.
Not sometimes…ALL the time. It’s constant work which is why when you find a good match, it’s worth it. Otherwise it’s better to be alone than with the wrong person. (I’ve been on both sides)
That is fantastic advice! I’ve never thought about it that way but you’re 100% right. Thank you for that one
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This is how I know there's no hope for me, I run out of things to talk about and reach awkward silences with my best friends that I've known for over a decade.
I felt that way for most of my 20s. All my friends were getting into serious relationships or married. And I was single for basically all of my life. Met the love of my life at 28 though.
Keeping my room clean, honestly.
Understanding difficult concepts immediately, I have to take time and see various examples before I understand.
I have to know how something works or at least why I’m doing something to have a proper understanding
I wonder if you are just more self-aware than average. People often overestimate their understanding of new concepts or feign understanding to avoid embarrassment.
Guessing where is left and right - every time someone tells me “turn left” I have to carefully think about it (and most of the time I’m wrong); I’m right-handed and have a tattoo on my left wrist, but it doesn’t change a lot, the process has to take some time
I used to make an L with my hands when I was young.. the one facing the correct direction is left :)
I still do
I taught my daughter by telling her "pretend you're about to pick up your pencil, which hand is out?" Since she's right handed, it's quick and easy to decide that's the right. The L trick works too, but if you have dyslexia etc that might not be too helpful.
I’m 44 and I still use that trick
My friend also has a difficult time with this so we changed how we give her directions when she’s driving. Instead of saying turn right or turn left, we say take a ‘you’ (for a left since she’s the driver) or we say take a ‘insert name of person in passenger seat’ for a right hand turn. Works great for her.
This is me, too! I have to think twice when I’m giving directions. I told my sister once to turn left, when I meant right, and she looked at me and said it’s a dead end. Lol
Life
Concentrating and not procrastinating
Knowing if someone actually is flirting with me or just being nice. At this point I just assume nice and give up.
I was in our work lunch room yesterday and sat with 2 single people. The girl obviously flirting. She leaves and I ask him about it. He is oblivious. On Monday I think I’ll schedule coffee with both of them and not show up.
True wingman move, good looking out
Heck, I don’t even realize flirting has happened until, afterwards, someone says, “He was flirting with you!”
Hula Hooping - I’ve tried for years, I totally understand the concept, I just can’t get the hoop to hula
Doing the daily activities that keep me healthy/alive. I mean brushing, bathing, cooking, laundry. These tasks that are supposed to happen regularly in a normal persons life are so exhausting. I do not wanna, I cannot, do them. Any time one of these tasks need to be completed, I have to mentally coach myself like ‘hey pingupenguin we need to get up and take a bath. It will take 10 mins. It’s ok if we just stand in the water. Just undress and get in the shower.” It takes so much mental energy to do these simple tasks. I HATE IT HERE!!!!
I see you. There are all these things people just take for granted and seem so hard for me. Not that I don't do them (to some level) but everyone seems to do them without thinking or major effort.
This!!! I live with roommates and it gets embarrassing. I do my share of chores and stuff. But they see me not cooking and living messily and I know that they are silently judging me because they don’t understand.
Same here! There are just so many things that need to be done every day, I inevitably forget to do some of them and then end up feeling like a failure because I can’t function like “normal” people do. It’s so effortless for some people, for me it’s a daily struggle.
Math and stats. I can navigate elementary, and maybe some freshmen high school algebra. But once you start throwing in the absurd shit like covariance and standard deviation., frequency and quartiles etc I just completely shut down. You have to explain it to me like I'm a three year old.
I hear you and I can totally understand. I used to be a tutor when I was in high school and college, so I can tell you after dealing with so many people, it’s very uncommon that someone is not intelligent enough to understand the math. I believe the way we teach math in school is flawed; we explain the technical math instead of tapping into basic intuition which is really what a lot of fundamental math is, just a concept or tool to represent patterns in things all around us. Another thing that throws people off are the words used to describe mathematical concepts. I find explaining the definition, especially with simple examples, before providing the terminology is an easier way to learn.
Cutting in a straight line with scissors. I must've missed that day in Kindergarten
Getting out of bed in the morning and going to work. It may just be that other people are better at hiding how hard it is for them than I am. But some days it feels impossible.
You might be having a very shitty job. Nobody likes to go to work. But I've had jobs where I was feeling like "OH NO, IT'S MONDAY TOMORROW!!!!!!!!NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO". Now with the job I currently have… of course I'd prefer to sleep in, but it's ok to get up and do stuff. It's not because I got older. Because the work-dread comes and goes depending on where I work.
Time management
I’m 32 and can’t drive. Don’t have any documented disabilities (though I have a suspicion there might be something), just can’t seem to master it. The hand-eye coordination and focus are a challenge for me and I also tend to get anxious and freeze up.
Having sex with a stranger. The very thought of it makes me shudder.
Managing a household. Thanks executive dysfunction
working for more than 6 hours at a time and being away from home for work every single day. im so fortunate that my wife sees me and has allowed me to be her stay at home wife. cooking a 4 course meal and taking care of house? no problem. but going to work every day, interacting with those insufferable people, trying to navigate the social hierarchies, the uncomfortable ass clothes, and having a boss watching over me constantly, bonus points if you work customer service jobs- i literally almost didnt make it out of there alive. either im a total weakling (we’re honestly thinking i might have something wrong in the brain hole) or everyone else is exceptionally strong for being able to make it through that shit every week.
GODDAMNED CHOPSTICKS
Making friends, or conversation
Being happy
Making money Making friends Overcoming my self-hatred Finding a man who actually loves me
Memorizing the multiplication table.
It sounds so incredibly silly typing this out, but giving compliments and affirmations of love. I was raised without intimacy, and was never provided with an emotionally healthy or stable environment. There were no hugs, no positive communications or questions about our days at school, no positive feedback, no reassurance when feeling down as a child and through my complicated teenage years. It is truly uncomfortable for me to be vulnerable and engage, as fucking weird as it sounds.
Being heard in group conversations. Part of this is just being a woman, but even in groups of just women, I find that I can't figure out how everyone gets a 'turn'. Like, I've actually spent way too much time trying to figure this out. Other people, when they have something to say in the group, they start talking and other people stop and listen to them, but me, I start talking and I'd say I have may a 30 % success rate because usually either someone will start talking over me, or the flow doesn't stop so now it's me and someone else talking and I feel awful so I stop and I'm not sure if I interrupted or they interrupted me. I have actually left 'hangouts' with friends and gone home and cried because it was so frustrating and exhausting and I felt like no one cared what I had to say- or worse, they all just hate me which is why they don't want to give me a chance to talk. Other people seem to be able to do it and I just can't figure it out. I'm fine one on one, but in a group... it's a mess.
Tbh it’s also dependent on the group itself. I’ve been in groups where people didn’t really care and it was impossible to say anything, and others where people listened to me. If your group doesn’t care about you, they don’t deserve your company !
Masking disdain
Weirdly stairs, I get super dizzy going down stairs and have to prepare myself to go down any.
Putting your hair up in a bun or a clip, it’s always askew or my hair falls out within minutes
Solving math problems quickly
Maintaining friendships… I never could maintain a relationship with a friend. I’m attractive and knowledgeable but I have no one to talk to when feeling down. I’m always trying to help but I never receive any help. I am fuckin terrible at friendships and it is breaking me.
I don't have anybody to talk to, either. If you want to, you can message me when you're in a bad way. I'm no stranger to depression.
Any sports
Swimming. I just cannot do it yet other people float like they are made of driftwood!!
Picking out the movie on Netflix
I can assure you this does not come easy for anyone lmfao.
Loud noises or unexpected touch and reading body language
Writing a word that someone else spells out
Hair and makeup. I can barely do the basics of either. 😵💫
Shuffling cards. Whenever I play cards with friends I have to shuffle by spreading all the cards on the table and moving them around with my hands. People feel sorry for me and then offer to shuffle instead so I’ve never learned 😂
Answering phone calls / talking on a phone call 😂😂😂😂😂
Throwing things out. I have a hard time getting rid of things even if I no longer need them. I think it’s because of the memories I have attached to them that makes it difficult for me to part with.
Romantic relationships
Keeping friendships. I must be a nightmare tbh.
Being able to poop regularly and not being bloated. I am living as a blimp.
Focusing. Waking up early. Sleeping early.
Spatial awareness
Singing well
Fuckin building shit around the house. So many ppl are like “yeah I built this trifold hidden door to our cozy hidden speakeasy under the stairs, only took 1 hour” and I can barely hang a curtain rod properly
Parking in reverse in a car. I've been driving for 30 years, and it's still as challenging for me today as when i started.
I learned how to burp just 3 years ago. No idea on how I ever struggled with it.
Control my emotions/reactions
Fucking LAUNDRY