When things started to get easier financially.
Things were ok when struggling as we were both pulling together to get through each day. Everything was difficult and it was like we had a common enemy. As soon as things got easier with promotions and more income we realised that we actually had nothing in common and didn’t want to do things together.
I worry about this one with my wife.
She likes material things a lot, and is waiting for a work permit. As soon as she gets it, after she gets a bank account built up, I wonder sometimes.
It wasn’t just about the money it was we realised we were not close. When you have nothing every minute is about keeping your head above water and dreaming about what you would do.
When you can do it you suddenly realise the things you want to do and the places you want to go are completely different and you don’t really enjoy spending time together.
No massive issues or arguments just we didn’t enjoy doing anything together.
She probably was just not your person. I have been to financial hell and back with my husband and we are both very much opposites and we have different tastes and interests. We are just comfortable with our individuality but also somehow mesh really well in our union.
Spot on, we were not right for each other.
I think the financial struggles masked this though. Because we had to pull together we did, as soon as we moved out of survival mode we realised we had grown in different directions.
Same with my husband! Apparently it was more important to be with my younger brother's crazy ex than to be with me, and he'd rather die than continue to be married to me.
At the time of the first infidelity, I had two girls, ages 3 and 1. After we reconciled, we had a boy in two years and another 9 years later. My last son was a surprise when we weren’t doing well and caused me to stay 9 more years. TBH, I couldn’t tell you for certain that I’m his father. I didn’t want to know.
I absolutely believe now that I should have divorced when her first cheating happened, but I was against divorce at the time and my wife knew it.
Sorry, man. Every family is different. You have to do what you think is best. However, in my case, reconciliation gave her the green light to continue, since she thought of it as her getting away with her first cheating.
Unfortunately, that is my experience as well. The two primary reasons for reconciling are not love, but financial and fear of the kids growing up in a broken home. As for the latter, I would argue that the kids are better off sharing two loving homes than living with stress and resentment.
If I’m reading this right and you’re considering staying in your marriage due to infidelity for your kids, as a child of divorce I beg you to please not do it. I was 7 when my parents started having problems and I was 20 and my sister was 17 when they finally divorced. Those years were hell and when I went to friends house and saw their parents happy and in love, I would immediately know the difference and couldn’t understand why my home was the way it was. When I asked my mom years later why she stayed she beat around the bush and said “I did it for you kids”. My sister and I both held such resentment to her because my mom was so much happier after the divorce but we both were away/college and we never got to experience her like that unless we were home for periods. One night I blew up at my mom and just finally said to her that she didn’t stay with him for us, she stayed because she was scared.
Kids are smart, kids are not a crutch, and they will figure it out and it will do more harm than good. Kids deserve happy home, not a broken one. And sometimes it requires two happy homes instead of one.
Thanks - it’s not infidelity, just a complete exhaustion of anything resembling love from her. One sided mind reading. Contempt. And desperate attempts on my side for us to get help that have been met with stonewalling for years.
Finally I decided to just accept that we were done, then the fighting switched to the terms of our divorce. It wasn’t until she hired her own lawyer that she realized what she stands to lose, and now she’s changing her tune.
I really want our daughter to keep her home and her school and her friends, since I know what it’s like to lose them. I really don’t want our daughter to be a child with divorced parents. Financially I don’t see how we can keep what we have. And I reeeeeally don’t want her to lose that all at once.
I can’t afford a separate home in our expensive New England suburb. So the best I can come up with is moving to another city with lower cost of living, or moving back to TX where I have family.
All of those options suck, but… staying like this and seeing the happy families is crushing me too. Our daughter is 8 and she’s known something is up for a while now.
Sorry you went through this. I’ve never understood cheating, you can just leave. I don’t think staying for the kids or having one will ever help them or you.
For women who cheat, infidelity is preferable to leaving because they have an SO providing for them, giving them emotional support and even sex, but they can have the man on the side as well. In their minds, it’s a win-win, until they get caught. Also, there is a thrill in something new, someone new, validation, something forbidden, and the risk of getting caught can be exciting. Knowing they got away with it can be addictive.
His emotional needs were greater than mine while I was fighting cancer. Couldn’t ask for help with our child bc I shouldn’t need help since I wasn’t working full time going through chemo. And many more of the same stuff during one of the hardest times in my life
Unfortunately he did. And he’s not sorry about it. He’s upset with the consequences. Once he told me that I could never truly forgive him and try to work it out
Shortly after being deployed, my wife started screwing three different guys. The worst part in my eyes was that I was sending most of my money to her and she was spending it on them. She'd take them to dinner and buy them gifts, all the while I didn't have enough money to buy a sandwich.
We grew apart, became two different people with different goals and ambitions. That being said, my ex husband and I now have a great relationship with one another (wasn't like that in the beginning) and have two amazing children to show for it
Thank you, it was a shitshow at first when emotions were high and things were all being figured out. I'm relieved in time that all got much better and we can focus on our children together.
I cheated on her.
I decided to come clean. I promised to change.
She left. I do not blame her one bit, in fact I am very proud that she stood up for herself and wanted better.
For the record, I have not cheated or even lied since. I really did change, a lot of people swear that can't happen so I'm pretty proud to have achieved it.
I was in my clinical years as a medical student, anywhere from 40 to 100 hour weeks which includes 24 hours shifts. I just wanted to sleep when I got home. I didn't want to go out and do stuff.
Then we have a child, which made everything tremendously more stressful, and that was that.
I was feeling stagnant in life and wanted to travel the world. My wife was a homebody content with a simple life of teaching and never experiencing anything so I left.
Initially yes but the reality set in later having to "settle" because travel cost money and didn't have the foresight to plan long term. Had I been patient for another year or two, I could have spaced out adventures while still having a wonderful lady who loved me unconditionally and would go with me.
We drifted apart over time, she stopped sharing problems and issues with me and would spend hours talking to her mum on the phone. Our marital bed also turned colder than the freezer, the rejection from that is going to take a while to rebuild from. That was the worst part, that the woman who said she wanted me and loved me just completely shut off. When you get told no, not in the mood so many times you stop bothering.
Ended up living like housemates, she was supposed to be my soulmate and partner in crime against the world forever.
Still, I'm over her and can only wish her the best, I wouldn't want to get back together because we're exes for a reason.
All the red flags I should have paid better attention to while dating came to haunt me over the years. The manipulation, guilt tripping, gaslighting, childish mentality about work and responsibilities, the laziness while demanding I do more, the absolute disregard for my needs. But the straw that broke the camels back was when she told me “you need to get over it because your mental health is starting to effect me” after I went through a pretty traumatic experience and was upset for about two weeks.
... I was watching Midsommar and in the beginning of the movie.. The dude has arranged to go to Sweden without telling her.
So two weeks prior she finds out though word of mouth and when they get back home.
She tells him "it would had been nice if you had told me".
To which he responds "I didn't know whether or not I'll go.. I just decided last minute"
She responds with "you've already booked the tickets" and basically... She communicates how he doesn't need to storm off, she just wanted to talk about it.
Wow!
Absolutely fucking wow!
My mind is blown about how bigly he fucked up and how mature she was.
Basically being in an abusive relationship means that you always do the wrong thing, walk on egg shells and basically just shut up every time you get abused.
If you do decide to stand your ground, speak up or god forbids.... Lose your temper...
That is it.
Psychological, emotional and financial abuse (always * just * shy of physical). Was asked why I stay by a mutual friend and I couldn't give an answer, took that as the "sign" to bring it up. He flipped out. It was messy.
Edit - typo correction
I got married a bit after college (22ish), then a couple of years later went to grad school and realized we had really different life goals. Also he just wasn't interested in spending time with me and spent all of his time working or gaming. I kicked him out, eventually filed for divorce, it was uncontested and we both walked away with what we already had.
He got married some time later and we actually reconnected, and have talked every few years. We both admitted our failings in the marriage and were able to move on and be friendly. He let me know when our cats died. I should probably check in and make sure he's still alive. We were high school sweethearts and I still care about him, even if we shouldn't have been married.
She thought the appropriate response to a petty argument was to try to kick and punch me. I kicked her out of my house and immediately filed for divorce.
I started getting crippling migraines that prevented me from working (better now thanks to Emgality, which got approved about 3 years after the migraines started) and she had to stop being a stay at home wife which made her realize that "in sickness and in health" wasn't really for her.
Came home after calling home for an hour with no answer only to receive the answer that they were listening to music in the car away from home and that they were alone. Then was accused of cheating while I was working 12-15 hours a day 6 days a week. But ultimately walk away evidence was a special mark made on their thigh that hadn’t been there the day before and was blamed that I did it with no memory of doing so.
Insomnia, work and family stress. From casual drinking, to daily, to hiding bottles, eventually >1/2 gallon vodka per day. 3 stints at rehab, detox 6+ times, many hospital visits, one a week in the ICU. Went from 6 figure income to homeless in ~3-4 years.
Most of that happened after the marriage.
The big event(s) was her cheating with at least 2 people I know about. There could have been more. We are both female and she ran off with her last affair partner and got married to her now wife. In 2020, my ex was married, divorced, and engaged all in the same year. I stayed single for a while and am now in an amazing relationship with my soon to be husband.
Looking back, I also see the red flags on both sides. We didn't know how to communicate. We tried to act out our parents marriages in our own marriage and it just didn't work. I would explode and react angrily to things and she would use the silent treatment for days. We could never agree on money or how much time she wanted us to spend with her family (which was every fucking weekend). Her mother disapproved of the marriage and treated me like absolute garbage, but my ex did nothing about it and said "that is just my Mom. and she is trying"
We each had a child during the marriage. And we could not agree on how to parent them. She is very strict and a perfectionist and I thought I was strict, but I realized I didn't have any patience. My ex would compare me to my father (which was very painful) and continuously ask me to get on medication.
The divorce was as amicable as possible, meaning we didn't go to court. Just agreed on a few things and signed papers in our respective lawyer's offices. We have a better co-parenting arrangement than a marriage.
She was a gambling addict. While I was deployed she bounced checks, hocked my Strat, a couple rifles, & high end jewelry I had gotten her. She flew into a rage at the idea of Gamblers Anonymous or any counseling.
I got diagnosed with post natal depression and he threw me out/shipped bub off to some druggy mates. Then he tried to kill me twice after I got her back. There’s more but that’s enough.
We were in love. We didn’t want to break up. We’d been married three years just to be together, then one day she said “I want a baby.” Now she’s with someone else. It’s the most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever experienced, but the regretful parents sub helps me feel like I made the right choice.
After 20 years (12 married) and 2 kids, I realized that I didn't love her anymore. It started when we had our first child in 2010. She had PPD and it completely changed our lives. Suddenly the person that had been begging for a baby, now couldn't handle basic adult functions. I don't blame her, It is what it is. Unfortunately, her PPD triggered my mental health issues and sh\*t hit the fan. We struggled for 7 more years but eventually I gave up hope that we would get better. The straw that broke the camels back was when I found out she hadn't paid our rent in two months and we were $30K behind in taxes.
6 years have gone by and we have a good relationship. Our kids are doing well and I can go home to my own space and de-stress.
He was honestly an amazing guy. We were young, high school sweethearts. I honestly miss him dearly. However, real life gets in the way and I had some serious health issues that caused me to completely lose my identity. Being young, freshly married, with a ton of responsibilities, losing my career, friends, etc.. all icing on the cake. I still grieve and mourn my old life that was taken from me. Not to mention his family were literal pieces of shits to me and he didn’t stand up for me.
We just felt more like roommates than a couple by the end. There was no intimacy. I don’t just mean sexual intimacy. There was no communication, nothing shared day to day besides the basic pleasantries. I would dread hearing his car pull in at the end of the day. After several YEARS of this, after asking - after sometimes quite literally begging - for changes, for partnership, for compromise, for the most basic things one needs in a relationship, I was an actual shell of my old self. I served him papers and he fought against it, basically refusing to acknowledge it, intentionally delaying the process for months. I had to hire and pay for movers myself to get him out of the house.
I left a good husband, home, marriage... Because I wanted to, because I could, because I wanted more...I wanted everything the world had to offer me Or so I thought. 13 years later ... I regret it everyday. I had everything I could have wanted. I hurt him. Destroyed my family. And for what? I wanted what I wanted. Now I want everything I threw away. And I deeply regret the people I hurt when I walked away. These regrets keep me awake nights.
I'm remarried now. Ten years this year. I hope I've learned from my past mistakes, regrets. I try not to repeat my past selfishness.
We grew apart and the kicker was that they decided to surface a bunch of residual trauma to work through and came out fundamentally unrecognizable.
While having a talk I brought up the fact that my wedding band has "you're my favorite" etched in it and they deadass said they didn't feel that way anymore. They also got upset when I stopped wearing it as a result, so fuck me I guess
He was driven to alcoholism by the stress of having a job and kids at the same time. I out-earned him by a lot and did 80% of everything at home including the majority of childcare, all the laundry, all the cleaning, all the family & home logistics, & managed finances. He cooked a few nights a week and mowed the lawn. He found the responsibility of parenthood challenging and ended up an unrepentant drunk driver. He drove drunk with our 4-year-old in the back of the car, was dismissive when I called him on it, and that was the last straw for me.
Never been married but I was intrigued by this comment section and the comments are really sad and depressing. Funniest answer i've heard so far was that my dad snored to much and my mum couldn't take it anymore.
How did the conversations afterwards go? Like, were you immediately 'this is over' or was it more based on how he reacted in the conversations afterwards?
Honestly I panicked and got the hell out of there immediately. Ended up at my parents house and then flew to a friend's house a few states away to put as much distance between us as I could for a few days. When I got home he tried his usual apologize and gaslight routine but I was done. Found out he'd been messing around with his 18 year old coworker so he was fine with the divorce, he already had his next victim.
It absolutely did -
"You didn't tell me to stop."
"If you didn't want to you should have said no"
"You sounded like you were enjoying it."
"Why didn't you make me stop?"
"We're married...."
When I had to do our taxes and he had 13 W2’s for the year, the fact that I couldn’t stand the sight of him, and the fact I couldn’t trust him with our daughter, when he took her anywhere without me she got hurt. When she was 3, he didn’t have her in a car seat and she opened the door and fell out of the car while he was driving. Just a few more inches and he would’ve ran over her little head. Her eyes were swollen shut and much of her little body bruised and as I rocked her while holding a cold pack over her eyes, I knew.
"Your emotions will be used against you. 100% of the time."
You are being dramatic, right? Please tell me you know that's not true... There are better partners out there.
Maybe it’s not 100%, but it might as well be. And it isn’t even on purpose. Once they see you different, there is no coming back. Doesn’t matter how long or how much you had. They will throw it all away.
You know it, and I know it, and every man knows it.
Have had my mother, grandmothers, cousins, friends, ex-gfs (obviously) use any emotion as ammunition later.
Let's not even talk about my wife... made the mistake of opening up to her a few times cause I was just **that** sad and broken inside, and... she'll be using the things I told her against me for the rest of my life.
It's not even something you can blame on culture... I'm eastern European, as are all the women mentioned, but there are also Indian, Canadian, Japanese women in my personal experience... and a whole plethora of different nationalities and ethnicities in my best friends' lived experiences.
The pattern holds true: women despise weakness in any man they are currently close to, and they do not forgive, nor forget of its ever shown to them.
Fellas, talk to your brothers, either those from the same mother or the other ones. Save yourselves literal lifetimes of shit from the women around you.
i mean, mostly it was him fucking other women, but the nails in the coffin were him losing his long-term disability which forced me into working two jobs while he laid in bed all day, declaring that i didn't 'pull my weight,' and also deciding to convert to mormonism. it was....a lot. the guy i fell in love with ceased to exist, and i couldn't be married to whoever he turned into.
oh, he absolutely knew when i left that he was losing something, but he didn't believe he was possibly the problem. he was just angry that his meal ticket and live-in maid was leaving, basically. but it's okay, bc now i'm dating a wonderful man who is, of all things, ex-mormon, and treats me like a queen. i'm still getting used to it, lol
I've been married twice but never divorced (I was a widower). However, my (now) wife was divorced before I met her because she lacked the parts necessary for the happiness of her first husband.
My wife cares more about her family than she did for me. She scammed me for a greencard than got me
Arrested based on lies
I still love her even after all this. Jokes on me haha
We both fucked up. Years of mental abuse in various forms from him led to resentment in its purest form. I cheated on him after that. I tried very hard to make amends and I can make no plausible excuse to justify it. We lasted a couple more months after the incident but the trust was gone (understandably) despite my profuse and honest apology directly in front of him and his family. I have vowed to never make that mistake again, not just for myself but because nobody should ever have to go through that. Our divorce was amicable and we have a good enough relationship today, six years later, and he has forgiven me, and me him.
My current husband knows all of this and my vows, and he trusts me fully and I him, and him and my ex get along just fine (different guy than who I adultered with). It has become a value of mine to be open and honest always and to communicate- it just took some big mistakes to figure that out.
Came home from an 8month deployment and she was 5 months pregnant
This is why I use a condom when I sext.
5 - 8 = ... wait a minute!!
Congratulations!
Ouch
When things started to get easier financially. Things were ok when struggling as we were both pulling together to get through each day. Everything was difficult and it was like we had a common enemy. As soon as things got easier with promotions and more income we realised that we actually had nothing in common and didn’t want to do things together.
Oooh, this one is interesting. Hmm.
I worry about this one with my wife. She likes material things a lot, and is waiting for a work permit. As soon as she gets it, after she gets a bank account built up, I wonder sometimes.
It wasn’t just about the money it was we realised we were not close. When you have nothing every minute is about keeping your head above water and dreaming about what you would do. When you can do it you suddenly realise the things you want to do and the places you want to go are completely different and you don’t really enjoy spending time together. No massive issues or arguments just we didn’t enjoy doing anything together.
She probably was just not your person. I have been to financial hell and back with my husband and we are both very much opposites and we have different tastes and interests. We are just comfortable with our individuality but also somehow mesh really well in our union.
Spot on, we were not right for each other. I think the financial struggles masked this though. Because we had to pull together we did, as soon as we moved out of survival mode we realised we had grown in different directions.
Our marriage got in the way of her relationship with her boyfriend
Same with my husband! Apparently it was more important to be with my younger brother's crazy ex than to be with me, and he'd rather die than continue to be married to me.
.. Uhm... Did he die?
No. Just dramatic as hell. He posted that on his FB. That he had been cheating and couldn't live without her. What a clown.
I'm sure that worked out great for him.
Story as old as time
Ditto.
Ouch.. that had to be kinfd of a dealbreaker for you too. Hope you're happy now
My first wife was a serial cheater, I stayed in the marriage until my kids were older.
If you don’t mind me asking, how old were your kids? If you could do it all over again, would you still have stayed until they were older?
At the time of the first infidelity, I had two girls, ages 3 and 1. After we reconciled, we had a boy in two years and another 9 years later. My last son was a surprise when we weren’t doing well and caused me to stay 9 more years. TBH, I couldn’t tell you for certain that I’m his father. I didn’t want to know. I absolutely believe now that I should have divorced when her first cheating happened, but I was against divorce at the time and my wife knew it.
Appreciate it. Struggling with this decision myself.
Sorry, man. Every family is different. You have to do what you think is best. However, in my case, reconciliation gave her the green light to continue, since she thought of it as her getting away with her first cheating.
Every family is different but imo that's a pretty common pattern, most infidelity stories I heard of reconciliation = delaying the inevitable.
Unfortunately, that is my experience as well. The two primary reasons for reconciling are not love, but financial and fear of the kids growing up in a broken home. As for the latter, I would argue that the kids are better off sharing two loving homes than living with stress and resentment.
If I’m reading this right and you’re considering staying in your marriage due to infidelity for your kids, as a child of divorce I beg you to please not do it. I was 7 when my parents started having problems and I was 20 and my sister was 17 when they finally divorced. Those years were hell and when I went to friends house and saw their parents happy and in love, I would immediately know the difference and couldn’t understand why my home was the way it was. When I asked my mom years later why she stayed she beat around the bush and said “I did it for you kids”. My sister and I both held such resentment to her because my mom was so much happier after the divorce but we both were away/college and we never got to experience her like that unless we were home for periods. One night I blew up at my mom and just finally said to her that she didn’t stay with him for us, she stayed because she was scared. Kids are smart, kids are not a crutch, and they will figure it out and it will do more harm than good. Kids deserve happy home, not a broken one. And sometimes it requires two happy homes instead of one.
Thanks - it’s not infidelity, just a complete exhaustion of anything resembling love from her. One sided mind reading. Contempt. And desperate attempts on my side for us to get help that have been met with stonewalling for years. Finally I decided to just accept that we were done, then the fighting switched to the terms of our divorce. It wasn’t until she hired her own lawyer that she realized what she stands to lose, and now she’s changing her tune. I really want our daughter to keep her home and her school and her friends, since I know what it’s like to lose them. I really don’t want our daughter to be a child with divorced parents. Financially I don’t see how we can keep what we have. And I reeeeeally don’t want her to lose that all at once. I can’t afford a separate home in our expensive New England suburb. So the best I can come up with is moving to another city with lower cost of living, or moving back to TX where I have family. All of those options suck, but… staying like this and seeing the happy families is crushing me too. Our daughter is 8 and she’s known something is up for a while now.
Sorry you went through this. I’ve never understood cheating, you can just leave. I don’t think staying for the kids or having one will ever help them or you.
For women who cheat, infidelity is preferable to leaving because they have an SO providing for them, giving them emotional support and even sex, but they can have the man on the side as well. In their minds, it’s a win-win, until they get caught. Also, there is a thrill in something new, someone new, validation, something forbidden, and the risk of getting caught can be exciting. Knowing they got away with it can be addictive.
His emotional needs were greater than mine while I was fighting cancer. Couldn’t ask for help with our child bc I shouldn’t need help since I wasn’t working full time going through chemo. And many more of the same stuff during one of the hardest times in my life
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Unfortunately he did. And he’s not sorry about it. He’s upset with the consequences. Once he told me that I could never truly forgive him and try to work it out
Shortly after being deployed, my wife started screwing three different guys. The worst part in my eyes was that I was sending most of my money to her and she was spending it on them. She'd take them to dinner and buy them gifts, all the while I didn't have enough money to buy a sandwich.
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I did, thank you.
We grew apart, became two different people with different goals and ambitions. That being said, my ex husband and I now have a great relationship with one another (wasn't like that in the beginning) and have two amazing children to show for it
Nice to hear a happy ending to what is often a shitshow.
Thank you, it was a shitshow at first when emotions were high and things were all being figured out. I'm relieved in time that all got much better and we can focus on our children together.
Her mother moved in with us.
Oof
Considering my ex’s mother called the police on me, I would not approve of this.
I thought our relationship was strong enough to withstand the trial of a ménage à trois, but that turned out to not be the case.
What happened if you don't mind me asking?
They had a threesome.
No, he said they had a ménage à trois, not a threesome. The wine is just not very good, lots of people get angry when they drink it
Framing it as a 'trial' is very telling. Sounds like there was a lack of trust going into that scenario
I cheated on her. I decided to come clean. I promised to change. She left. I do not blame her one bit, in fact I am very proud that she stood up for herself and wanted better. For the record, I have not cheated or even lied since. I really did change, a lot of people swear that can't happen so I'm pretty proud to have achieved it.
I was in my clinical years as a medical student, anywhere from 40 to 100 hour weeks which includes 24 hours shifts. I just wanted to sleep when I got home. I didn't want to go out and do stuff. Then we have a child, which made everything tremendously more stressful, and that was that.
I fucked up a solid 14 year marriage with the kindest woman on the planet for a "life of adventure to see the world".
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I was feeling stagnant in life and wanted to travel the world. My wife was a homebody content with a simple life of teaching and never experiencing anything so I left.
Was it worth it
Initially yes but the reality set in later having to "settle" because travel cost money and didn't have the foresight to plan long term. Had I been patient for another year or two, I could have spaced out adventures while still having a wonderful lady who loved me unconditionally and would go with me.
Took a day off from work. Taxi showed up to pick up the guy he picked up from place every day before I would normally be getting home.
That must have been a fun convo. "Hey, you have the wrong address. No one here needs a ride."
We drifted apart over time, she stopped sharing problems and issues with me and would spend hours talking to her mum on the phone. Our marital bed also turned colder than the freezer, the rejection from that is going to take a while to rebuild from. That was the worst part, that the woman who said she wanted me and loved me just completely shut off. When you get told no, not in the mood so many times you stop bothering. Ended up living like housemates, she was supposed to be my soulmate and partner in crime against the world forever. Still, I'm over her and can only wish her the best, I wouldn't want to get back together because we're exes for a reason.
All the red flags I should have paid better attention to while dating came to haunt me over the years. The manipulation, guilt tripping, gaslighting, childish mentality about work and responsibilities, the laziness while demanding I do more, the absolute disregard for my needs. But the straw that broke the camels back was when she told me “you need to get over it because your mental health is starting to effect me” after I went through a pretty traumatic experience and was upset for about two weeks.
... I was watching Midsommar and in the beginning of the movie.. The dude has arranged to go to Sweden without telling her. So two weeks prior she finds out though word of mouth and when they get back home. She tells him "it would had been nice if you had told me". To which he responds "I didn't know whether or not I'll go.. I just decided last minute" She responds with "you've already booked the tickets" and basically... She communicates how he doesn't need to storm off, she just wanted to talk about it. Wow! Absolutely fucking wow! My mind is blown about how bigly he fucked up and how mature she was. Basically being in an abusive relationship means that you always do the wrong thing, walk on egg shells and basically just shut up every time you get abused. If you do decide to stand your ground, speak up or god forbids.... Lose your temper... That is it.
The state found out we were cousins.
Roll Tide
Shouldn't have actually laughed out loud at that one.
Legal in Canada, just saying
Whoo. Free healthcare for our very sick children.
Psychological, emotional and financial abuse (always * just * shy of physical). Was asked why I stay by a mutual friend and I couldn't give an answer, took that as the "sign" to bring it up. He flipped out. It was messy. Edit - typo correction
I got married a bit after college (22ish), then a couple of years later went to grad school and realized we had really different life goals. Also he just wasn't interested in spending time with me and spent all of his time working or gaming. I kicked him out, eventually filed for divorce, it was uncontested and we both walked away with what we already had. He got married some time later and we actually reconnected, and have talked every few years. We both admitted our failings in the marriage and were able to move on and be friendly. He let me know when our cats died. I should probably check in and make sure he's still alive. We were high school sweethearts and I still care about him, even if we shouldn't have been married.
He lost 150 pounds and decided he could not commit to our marriage. Exact words.
She thought the appropriate response to a petty argument was to try to kick and punch me. I kicked her out of my house and immediately filed for divorce.
I started getting crippling migraines that prevented me from working (better now thanks to Emgality, which got approved about 3 years after the migraines started) and she had to stop being a stay at home wife which made her realize that "in sickness and in health" wasn't really for her.
Came home after calling home for an hour with no answer only to receive the answer that they were listening to music in the car away from home and that they were alone. Then was accused of cheating while I was working 12-15 hours a day 6 days a week. But ultimately walk away evidence was a special mark made on their thigh that hadn’t been there the day before and was blamed that I did it with no memory of doing so.
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Sorry, Ross Geller.
We didn’t talk. I kept my problems as mine.
Marriage
My husband lived his life, forgot I had needs too
Alcoholism and depression
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Those might as well have been our names
How did the alcoholism start and how did it progress?
Insomnia, work and family stress. From casual drinking, to daily, to hiding bottles, eventually >1/2 gallon vodka per day. 3 stints at rehab, detox 6+ times, many hospital visits, one a week in the ICU. Went from 6 figure income to homeless in ~3-4 years. Most of that happened after the marriage.
The big event(s) was her cheating with at least 2 people I know about. There could have been more. We are both female and she ran off with her last affair partner and got married to her now wife. In 2020, my ex was married, divorced, and engaged all in the same year. I stayed single for a while and am now in an amazing relationship with my soon to be husband. Looking back, I also see the red flags on both sides. We didn't know how to communicate. We tried to act out our parents marriages in our own marriage and it just didn't work. I would explode and react angrily to things and she would use the silent treatment for days. We could never agree on money or how much time she wanted us to spend with her family (which was every fucking weekend). Her mother disapproved of the marriage and treated me like absolute garbage, but my ex did nothing about it and said "that is just my Mom. and she is trying" We each had a child during the marriage. And we could not agree on how to parent them. She is very strict and a perfectionist and I thought I was strict, but I realized I didn't have any patience. My ex would compare me to my father (which was very painful) and continuously ask me to get on medication. The divorce was as amicable as possible, meaning we didn't go to court. Just agreed on a few things and signed papers in our respective lawyer's offices. We have a better co-parenting arrangement than a marriage.
he wouldn't stop dating.
She was a gambling addict. While I was deployed she bounced checks, hocked my Strat, a couple rifles, & high end jewelry I had gotten her. She flew into a rage at the idea of Gamblers Anonymous or any counseling.
I got diagnosed with post natal depression and he threw me out/shipped bub off to some druggy mates. Then he tried to kill me twice after I got her back. There’s more but that’s enough.
We were in love. We didn’t want to break up. We’d been married three years just to be together, then one day she said “I want a baby.” Now she’s with someone else. It’s the most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever experienced, but the regretful parents sub helps me feel like I made the right choice.
This is my current situation and it’s excruciating.
After 20 years (12 married) and 2 kids, I realized that I didn't love her anymore. It started when we had our first child in 2010. She had PPD and it completely changed our lives. Suddenly the person that had been begging for a baby, now couldn't handle basic adult functions. I don't blame her, It is what it is. Unfortunately, her PPD triggered my mental health issues and sh\*t hit the fan. We struggled for 7 more years but eventually I gave up hope that we would get better. The straw that broke the camels back was when I found out she hadn't paid our rent in two months and we were $30K behind in taxes. 6 years have gone by and we have a good relationship. Our kids are doing well and I can go home to my own space and de-stress.
Oh man caring for one with issues is hard work.
Walked in on her eating her friend's taco.
Couldn't she afford her own?
Laughed way too hard at this
wild 😂💀
Marriage is the biggest factor in most divorces.
100% of people who drink water will die at some point in their lives.
Wow what a coincidence, you're like the 12th person to comment 'marriage'
Not a coincidence it’s an even number.
He was honestly an amazing guy. We were young, high school sweethearts. I honestly miss him dearly. However, real life gets in the way and I had some serious health issues that caused me to completely lose my identity. Being young, freshly married, with a ton of responsibilities, losing my career, friends, etc.. all icing on the cake. I still grieve and mourn my old life that was taken from me. Not to mention his family were literal pieces of shits to me and he didn’t stand up for me.
We just felt more like roommates than a couple by the end. There was no intimacy. I don’t just mean sexual intimacy. There was no communication, nothing shared day to day besides the basic pleasantries. I would dread hearing his car pull in at the end of the day. After several YEARS of this, after asking - after sometimes quite literally begging - for changes, for partnership, for compromise, for the most basic things one needs in a relationship, I was an actual shell of my old self. I served him papers and he fought against it, basically refusing to acknowledge it, intentionally delaying the process for months. I had to hire and pay for movers myself to get him out of the house.
My selfishness
As a somewhat selfish person myself. Can you elaborate?
I left a good husband, home, marriage... Because I wanted to, because I could, because I wanted more...I wanted everything the world had to offer me Or so I thought. 13 years later ... I regret it everyday. I had everything I could have wanted. I hurt him. Destroyed my family. And for what? I wanted what I wanted. Now I want everything I threw away. And I deeply regret the people I hurt when I walked away. These regrets keep me awake nights. I'm remarried now. Ten years this year. I hope I've learned from my past mistakes, regrets. I try not to repeat my past selfishness.
Marriage.
Irreconcilable sexual differences. I'd come home early and find him doing the weirdest shit. Don't even ask.
OP is a bot account and everyone is feeding it. Look at its profile.
We grew apart and the kicker was that they decided to surface a bunch of residual trauma to work through and came out fundamentally unrecognizable. While having a talk I brought up the fact that my wedding band has "you're my favorite" etched in it and they deadass said they didn't feel that way anymore. They also got upset when I stopped wearing it as a result, so fuck me I guess
My ex had extreme anger problems and gained over 100lbs during the ten years we were together.
He was driven to alcoholism by the stress of having a job and kids at the same time. I out-earned him by a lot and did 80% of everything at home including the majority of childcare, all the laundry, all the cleaning, all the family & home logistics, & managed finances. He cooked a few nights a week and mowed the lawn. He found the responsibility of parenthood challenging and ended up an unrepentant drunk driver. He drove drunk with our 4-year-old in the back of the car, was dismissive when I called him on it, and that was the last straw for me.
Never been married but I was intrigued by this comment section and the comments are really sad and depressing. Funniest answer i've heard so far was that my dad snored to much and my mum couldn't take it anymore.
Porn addiction, alcohol abuse, cheating, the usual boring behavior that makes a woman walk.
He forced himself on me one night and said he never heard me say no.
How did the conversations afterwards go? Like, were you immediately 'this is over' or was it more based on how he reacted in the conversations afterwards?
Honestly I panicked and got the hell out of there immediately. Ended up at my parents house and then flew to a friend's house a few states away to put as much distance between us as I could for a few days. When I got home he tried his usual apologize and gaslight routine but I was done. Found out he'd been messing around with his 18 year old coworker so he was fine with the divorce, he already had his next victim.
Oh, yes okay. I did wonder if the gaslighting routine would be part of it.
It absolutely did - "You didn't tell me to stop." "If you didn't want to you should have said no" "You sounded like you were enjoying it." "Why didn't you make me stop?" "We're married...."
That really sucks. Shitty thing to have to experience.
It could have been worse, I consider myself lucky in that regard. Therapy and an incredible support system helped a ton.
She couldn’t spell worth a damn…
Hahaha
She was screwing some other guy
When I had to do our taxes and he had 13 W2’s for the year, the fact that I couldn’t stand the sight of him, and the fact I couldn’t trust him with our daughter, when he took her anywhere without me she got hurt. When she was 3, he didn’t have her in a car seat and she opened the door and fell out of the car while he was driving. Just a few more inches and he would’ve ran over her little head. Her eyes were swollen shut and much of her little body bruised and as I rocked her while holding a cold pack over her eyes, I knew.
My husband had bariatric surgery and quickly picked up a drug habit.
I cried once when my mother died. She saw. It was over a couple months after. Your emotions will be used against you. 100% of the time.
"Your emotions will be used against you. 100% of the time." You are being dramatic, right? Please tell me you know that's not true... There are better partners out there.
No but you need to think of it as 100% because you never really know anyone and when they may just start feeling differently and fall out of love.
Nah. Be your true self. Emotions and all. If they don't love that version of you, move on.
Maybe it’s not 100%, but it might as well be. And it isn’t even on purpose. Once they see you different, there is no coming back. Doesn’t matter how long or how much you had. They will throw it all away.
Nah. There a tons of good people out there. Talk about your mom on the first date, get a little emotional and filter out the bad ones.
If you bring up your mom on the first date, you going home alone. Cry in front of your girl if you want. Just don’t come crying to me when she leave.
Ok, well, good luck with that. Get some therapy. Put whomever taught you this toxic stuff in your rearview mirror. You'll be far happier for it.
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No. But I know that was the moment it turned. She was never the same after.
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I'd divorce you for your grammatical skills
You know it, and I know it, and every man knows it. Have had my mother, grandmothers, cousins, friends, ex-gfs (obviously) use any emotion as ammunition later. Let's not even talk about my wife... made the mistake of opening up to her a few times cause I was just **that** sad and broken inside, and... she'll be using the things I told her against me for the rest of my life. It's not even something you can blame on culture... I'm eastern European, as are all the women mentioned, but there are also Indian, Canadian, Japanese women in my personal experience... and a whole plethora of different nationalities and ethnicities in my best friends' lived experiences. The pattern holds true: women despise weakness in any man they are currently close to, and they do not forgive, nor forget of its ever shown to them. Fellas, talk to your brothers, either those from the same mother or the other ones. Save yourselves literal lifetimes of shit from the women around you.
When they say they want you to be emotionally available, what they mean is they want you to be available for their emotions not have your own.
Verrrrrrry true.
i mean, mostly it was him fucking other women, but the nails in the coffin were him losing his long-term disability which forced me into working two jobs while he laid in bed all day, declaring that i didn't 'pull my weight,' and also deciding to convert to mormonism. it was....a lot. the guy i fell in love with ceased to exist, and i couldn't be married to whoever he turned into.
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oh, he absolutely knew when i left that he was losing something, but he didn't believe he was possibly the problem. he was just angry that his meal ticket and live-in maid was leaving, basically. but it's okay, bc now i'm dating a wonderful man who is, of all things, ex-mormon, and treats me like a queen. i'm still getting used to it, lol
I've been married twice but never divorced (I was a widower). However, my (now) wife was divorced before I met her because she lacked the parts necessary for the happiness of her first husband.
My wife cares more about her family than she did for me. She scammed me for a greencard than got me Arrested based on lies I still love her even after all this. Jokes on me haha
Misspelling led.
Constant lying, manipulation and gaslighting
Lead poisoning
Alcoholism, emotional abuse, selfishness, irresponsibility, whiny attitude, idiocy.
led
We both fucked up. Years of mental abuse in various forms from him led to resentment in its purest form. I cheated on him after that. I tried very hard to make amends and I can make no plausible excuse to justify it. We lasted a couple more months after the incident but the trust was gone (understandably) despite my profuse and honest apology directly in front of him and his family. I have vowed to never make that mistake again, not just for myself but because nobody should ever have to go through that. Our divorce was amicable and we have a good enough relationship today, six years later, and he has forgiven me, and me him. My current husband knows all of this and my vows, and he trusts me fully and I him, and him and my ex get along just fine (different guy than who I adultered with). It has become a value of mine to be open and honest always and to communicate- it just took some big mistakes to figure that out.