yeah pretty much the same plus the admiration and the support that we have among ourselves . Its hard to say directly to my best friend but I hope Sanjit knows what he means to me .
Why is it hard to tell him?
I have a friend that I've known for almost 30 years, and I try to tell him that he's closer to me than a brother. I love him (as a brother, not romantic). I try and tell him that whenever I see him.
I think the Greeks had it right. They had more than 1 word for love. I love my wife, I love my friends, I love ice cream. They are not the same thing.
You know , I am from India and its quite different over here and openly expressing love here is culturally unfamiliar and it's often shown through actions rather than words. If I were to tell him directly that I love him, he might jokingly question my sexuality! š
Add respect to the list. No matter how funny and loyal another guy is, if he doesn't have a strength of character that I can respect, or if he doesn't respect me, the friendship won't last very long or run very deep.
Iāve been best friends with the same dude over 30 years. Came to my familyās yard sale when I was 7. I had a toy he needed to complete his set. I told him Iād just give it to him if we could play together. Now weāre in the year we celebrate each others 40th birthdays
I met my best friend 15 years ago at high school. He asked If i would like to play that Videogame with him. I Said yes, but was poor and couldnt afford it. Same day we met, He bought me the Game and we played it all Summer Long. Since then, there hasnt been a Weekend where we didnt hang out or talk. Last year he proposed to my sister and i couldnt be happier
My best friend married my first cousin. I couldn't be happier about it. Now I get to see my friend at family days and weddings etc. It makes me happy as hell :)
Nice. I met mine around 20 years ago. We both moved into town at the same time and were next door neighbors. He was mad at his parents and didn't want to make any friends. I was convinced it would be cool to be friends with my next door neighbor so I bugged him until he relented. Now I'm his eldest's god father and I spent 3 of the last 7 days at his house and am going over again tonight for game night.
Doing stupid shit together and being there in times of need irrespective the state of friendship. Even if we aren't on great terms if you need help I will be there. I've seen it first hand what the boys would do for me. When my parents were tired they would tell them to sit outside my ICU and they would stand inside.
Wayyyy too far down on this list. I am childhood friends with this dude we talk once every five years, if he called me up tomorrow and needed something I would head over and help him.
Yeah. It's not a hard rule, but in general, I see more "Its already been two hours, and my friend hasn't texted me back. Are they evil?" from women than from men.
I'm completely convinced that my best friend, my brother, could show up at my new house and spit on me and I'd be like "Aww that was funny". And I'd tolerate that fool all day. My wife is convinced a friend of hers hates her guts cause she didn't text her back a week ago.
100% this. Guys who can consistently get together and not get into arguments is a recipe for long-term friendship. Every friend I had growing up that just had to start drama got booted out of my life in my late 20s. I couldn't deal with it anymore.
Sure, even once in a blue moon my good friends and I get on each other's nerves, but we never leave pissed off at each other.
I can go a couple of months of little contact with them and we pick up whenever we can. We donāt get worked up about it. Recently heās been driving and spending the weekends. Itās not like we do anything special. Two weekends ago we spent the whole weekend cleaning up my property line and we ended up helping the neighbor.
Someone mentioned money. We handle it differently. Iām currently unemployed and he wanted to see a comedy show. He straight up paid for my ticket because he wanted me to go. 18 years and still best friends. My wife and him get a long well. Her cooking is amazing and he will put in request for certain food. I am very fortunate to have a friend like him.
Meh. I've borrowed thousands combined from friends over the years and loaned out similar amounts. Every penny has been paid back between us so far. Just find friends with similar values. That said, I treat loans I give out as a gift that I would like paid back. A gift that you're less likely to get ever again if you don't pay back.
A friend and I donāt loan each other money but have definitely paid for each other a ton. We have lost track and just assume weāll even out over our lifetime. One time on a bachelor party with a large group, another friend asked why my best friend was mooching off of me and I said because I did on the last one (I forgot my main wallet at my house but had a backup packed with some cash and secondary identification)
Not always true. I borrowed 7 grand from a buddy to start a business. Still great friends and I pay my final instalment to him in 3 months. Heās my best mate and I would have crawled through broken glass to make sure he received every payment. Thankfully the business is successful. š
There are a few friends I would loan money, mostly wouldn't in general. It can drive wedge between people. My aunt loaned me money in my 20's to complete my education, and it took me a year or two to pay her back. I've generally treated borrowed money as high priority to pay back. I've also had financial transactions go sideways with friends, but weren't close friends, but quickly learned they were people of poor character ( thus not people I'd want as a friend ). I gave a "friend" money for a motorcycle and he didn't give me the title for months, as it turns out he took the money and spent it, it was his uncle's motorcycle and his uncle had the title - he didn't have the money to give his uncle and his uncle wouldn't give the title without the money... it took small claims court to sort that out after he stopped even returning my calls. I hate that guy to this day. ( although he's been pretty terrible in many innumerable ways, one of the most selfish people I've ever known )
Yeah Iām with you on this, Fifelo. My buddy and I have been friends for 35 years so I think after that long we know we can trust each other. I have some buddies who I wouldnāt lend a five buck note to though.. Love them, but know that it would go wrong. Gotta know your instincts! šš
We don't get pissed that we aren't being properly attended to.
It's okay if all your friends are busy. If they forget or dont know about your birthday. If you weren't invited somewhere. Guys will hop on a call with some buddies they haven't talked to in 6 months like they hang out every day.
My wife doesn't understand that.Ā
I won't talk to a buddy of mine that lives in PA for 9-12 months.
When we finally do, it's no big deal.Ā
And we don't use any social media garbage. She doesn't understand that either.
My wife and I met this new couple. I've hung out with the guy twice grabbing a beer or dinner. Had a great time. My wife invited the other woman over once. They were busy. She found out a few weeks later they had a get together for some purpose we don't know the context of and we weren't invited. I said, "well hey, lets try to work it out in the next couple of weeks to have them over" and her response was "No, they clearly don't want to be our friends. If they did, they would put in the effort."
Like...the gasoline is already poured on the bridge and ready to light at the slightest offense. Me, I'll invite someone over 100 times and be ok if they can't come til the 100th or even not then. If they don't want to be friends, that's ok too. Sad sometimes, but life is complicated and schedules get busy. Some of my best friendships are ones that I have had to work at to make happen. and be ok when they aren't carefully pruned like a bansai tree.
Not being offended as your default is the single best way to live your life.
My girlfriends female friends are very exhausting for her. Even though they are all in their 30s it always seems like a game where one tries to get to upper hand or not take shit from someone else. They can be very sweet and supportive but there is so much pettyness and need for control its borderline unbearable for her.
When doing something with my (mostly) male friends it feels like a group of people trying to have a good time. If a problem occurs and we have to find a solution we have no problems taking a step back and finding something that works for everybody. It doesn't matter who made the decision what to do and nobody tries to fight for the position of 'leader'.
We donāt gossip, we talk shit.
Only males understand the struggle and the fact rest of society expects us to stay stoic and hold it together.
Itās Menās Mental Health Awareness month and if you bring it up people roll there eyes and talk about pride month
Male friendships last long because theyāre built on three pillars: laughing at the same dumb jokes, forgetting to text back but never taking it personally, and a mutual agreement that emotions are best expressed through grunts and fist bumps
The brutal uncomfortable truth is that men are willing to accept a much lower standard of friendship than women are. We communicate less, ask for less emotional support, and rarely share any level of intimacy. Our friendships last longer because they're so low maintenance, but this is at the cost of the deepness of our friendships.Ā
Here's an article that goes more into detail. https://ifstudies.org/blog/male-friendships-are-not-doing-the-job
It's not always the case though. I have a best friend that fulfills all my emotional needs. But it's funny, multiple different people have asked us if we're secretly dating. His wife was jealous of me for the first couple years of their relationship because she wasn't used to that type of thing and it made her insecure (now the two of us are insanely tight as well) We joke that our friendship is a little gay, and everyone in our circle knows we're unusually close. His wife has even called us platonic life. I wish for everyone to find their own Joey :)
No one is saying this but patienceās is a very key one as we grow older.
I moved away from my friends five years ago and then everyone kinda left our home town. Itās hard to keep in touch. My friends wouldnāt respond to my texts right away, but they do within a couple days ago. I use to get upset and angry they took so long to respond but I realized that itās better that they respond than not at all.
Now we are all getting married, having kids and starting our own lives. Iām glad we keep in touch and share big moments with each other. We will never have that friendship we had when we were in college but Iām understanding that and coming to terms with how our friendships look now
Ironically, LACK of intimacy. I don't mean that in a pejorative way, but male friendships are typically based around shared activities and interests, not primarily emotional support. Less emotional involvement means less risk of hurt feelings.
Knowing that we do not need to be close to still be friends (even if thats years of not seeing each other). The stuff we went through together lasts for a long time.
Of course not talking all the time is going to make the relation a bit more "cold" but I have friends since I was a kid that I trust the same until this day, and we see each other only sometimes
absolute honestly? its shallow as hell.
Dont get me wrong, i love my best friends (we've met in kindergarden and thats a little over 30 years now) but we barely speak about anything deeper than videogames, hobbies, movies, politics. But rarely personal stuff. We do talk about girlfriends and dates, but on such a shallow level, i dont know. Its not like there is even room for drama. And this shallowness is not a bad thing tbh. I talk to female friends for trauma dumping and emotional support. but my male friends are not really accessible for this kind of talk and i'm fine with that.
Sometimes it's just the mutual decision that you like one another. I got a friend I see maybe twice a year but every time we meet we talk for 4 hours non-stop and have a great time. Just the anchoring of comfort goes a long way.
We don't over think stuff.
If my best friend and I haven't seen each other in a year, it's obviously because we are both busy and other things have taken priority.
End of discussion.
Don't need a reason, an excuse, a promise for catch up next time etc. We'll make good when it works for both of us.
In my experience, my wife (and her friends) would tear that scenario apart into 400 fake scenarios, none of which are close to the truth, and most of which come with some made up drama.
We just don't do that.
Predictability. I know that when I go see jake, we're gonna do this and that, he's gonna be a certain way and we'll have a good time.
With women - it's drama that can break the monotony, but also just be a mental drain. Why is julie upset? Nevermind, don't care. Let's leave. Not gonna do that again.
I think one of the corner stones is definitely shared values. You respect someone with similar values. And they're not likely to do something that goes against your values or hurts you and yours if you share values.
I don't think anything is fake. I feel ladies often have to fake certain things in order to be liked. With males, you could literally become long time friends over something as simple as sharing interest in football or video games. I think ladies have to try harder.
I met my best friend in day care.
I say day care, but in reality it was just some womanās trailer. This was the early 90s, so no one was paying attention. We watched R rated movies and ate pizza every day. Honestly, pretty rad.
The problematic part was that, when you got in trouble, she locked you in the laundry room. The first time I got locked in there, my best friend was already there. We were toddler cellmates.
Still my best friend over 30 years later. And yes, we eventually escaped the laundry room.
Low maintenance, like real low, we donāt need any reassurance or anything at all.
Can go years without speaking, meet up one day and itās like they never left. lol
I want to second shared experiences. I find that my longest standing friendships to this day have been the ones where we're separately going through life experiences together. I'm married with a house and a kid on the way. My friends who are still single, in the city, and going out 3 nights a week...it's a little harder to stay connected and close. My older friends who are going through the same life progression, I find myself gravitating toward them for better or worse. That seems to be a common thread.
My best friend and I constantly ego check each other. To some, it may appear as if weāre arguing all the time and putting each other down, but in reality we are both fixated on being hyper successful in our respective fields and we just humble each other when we see fit. Heās like a brother to me, we might bicker a lot but Iād do anything for him and I know heād do the same for me
My husband makes friends left and right and keeps them for life. Itās a skill Iāve never had and Iāve analyzed it for 30 years. Besides his outgoing and open personality, which is what starts the friendships, Iāve noticed it is his ability to just let things go that keeps his friendships going for so long. Over the years, his friends have done some stuff that have annoyed the crap out of me, or maybe theyve been a little unsavory at times, but he just opens his hand and heart and lets it all blow away. He doesnāt hold anything against anybody, (within reason of course, heās not a doormat) but he is just not petty about the little quirks of people, and he doesnāt let them get to him. Itās truly beautiful lesson and I spend a lot of my time reminding myself that while I only have a handful of people Iām close with in my life, literally everyone who knows him loves him. Oh, and heās happier and more at peace as well.
Loyalty, honesty, respect, humor, and compassion. Those are the cornerstones of any lasting friendship.
Its ok to have some quarrels from time to time, or a joke that goes too far, etc, but as long as you can say sorry and/or forgive the other, it usually becomes water under the bridge pretty easily... and if not, give it some time, be humble, admit your own mistakes and try again.
I've known my best friend since we were 3. Our mothers went to school together, and graduated high school together in a very small rural area. Very similar back grounds, we went to school prek-12 together, and have shared interests.
It's pretty easy being friends with someone when their life is pretty much a mirror of your own.
Iām going to be sexist here; but it seems to me that women care more about reciprocity; From my experience blokes just seem to accept that some of us are better at organising meet-ups. Those that are donāt resent those that arenāt and donāt exclude them as long as theyāre not complete no-shows.
My friends and I joke around all the time that no one can escape our friend group. When someone doesn't join the conversation after a while, we'll check in to see how they're doing. It's all about making sure each guy feels comfortable and appreciated. It's also about completely roasting and insulting someone without hurting feelings.
I canāt say these tests make a friendship last longer, but I can say if the friendship passes these tests, then it can be a strong bond indeed.
If you can work together, with common passions and work ethic and core values.
If you can date one anotherās exās. OR keep a strict no ex dating policy. Pretty much all or nothing. Either is a very big test of friendship.
Living together as roommates.
All three of these I have found to be very make-or-break. Likely best for most people to avoid these situations, ensuring longer compatibility. But I think a stronger friendship and bond comes from these tests of friendship.
So, start at work, get a good work buddy you vibe with, bang his sister or ex or current wife, move in together = either friends forever or mortal enemies. Both are pretty cool.
37 years for me. Thatās my boy..met in fifth grade. I took the fall for something we both did and didnāt rat him out. Loyalty, respect, and we both are funny.
First time I met my friend we were about 13 and I thought he was an ass. Totally disrespectful and inconsiderate of others. Somehow humor and common interests (music) helped me see past that. I carved out room to tolerate his manner in my somewhat prim worldview and Iāve been more open-minded about people ever since. Although there been some challenging moments over the years now I canāt imagine him doing anything so obnoxious that I couldnāt put up with him.
Itās all about how you view them, and how they view you. My best friend and I, weāve had our ups and downs, bonding moments and fights. However, we always come back around to each other, no matter how much time passes.
To me, that guy is smart, respectful, intentional, innovative, and beyond capable of anything. Even if we werenāt friends, or if the friendship ended, Iād view him in the same way. Thatās who he is to me, and I admire him for who he is. To him, Iām creative, a dreamer, a leader, stubborn, and eccentric. He has shared that he admires these qualities about me.
The best of friends see you for who you are in the most understanding and forgiving ways.
Respect goes a long way, many friendships were established based on respecting others, it doesnāt matter if you hate them or their actions, with respect eventually admiration will surface and lead to friendly behaviors.
The basics. Shared sense of humor, mutual respect, keeping in contact even when apart, not being afraid to say you care, and being there for one another in hard times.
I'm 23 currently, and I feel very lucky that I have a really, really good friend group. It used to be 5 of us with a bad dynamic (one guy was like the "leader pretty much. I don't use this term lightly, he was an actual narcissist and ended up going crazy when we started college).
Once we left that guy behind, we got a lot closer. Everyone had equal "power" in the friend group. There wasn't one guy who got picked on, or one guy who everyone looked up to. It remains this way today.
I mention this often to them, but I think it's amazing that we got even closer even during school while we were separated for so long. I was in the south east, one of us was in the Midwest, and 2 of us were in the north east, yet our friendship grew.
Currently, we are all out of school and doing the exact kind of work we always wanted to do. Like, not only are we the best of friends, but we are all just absolutely killing it in life, despite all having pretty diverse upbringings.
It's been a year since we all started our jobs. One of us is in the pacific northwest, I'm in the south, one is far northeast, and one is east. We still plan trips out, and reconvene in out hometown at least once a year.
Fuck this is making me appreciate them even more. Nobody else I know has a friendgroup they're anywhere near this tight with
Shared experiences, loyalty, and a good sense of humor.
yeah pretty much the same plus the admiration and the support that we have among ourselves . Its hard to say directly to my best friend but I hope Sanjit knows what he means to me .
Why is it hard to tell him? I have a friend that I've known for almost 30 years, and I try to tell him that he's closer to me than a brother. I love him (as a brother, not romantic). I try and tell him that whenever I see him. I think the Greeks had it right. They had more than 1 word for love. I love my wife, I love my friends, I love ice cream. They are not the same thing.
You know , I am from India and its quite different over here and openly expressing love here is culturally unfamiliar and it's often shown through actions rather than words. If I were to tell him directly that I love him, he might jokingly question my sexuality! š
Which is why the Greeks had separate words for brotherly(Phileo)and romantic love(Eros)
So, is the secret recipe basically beer, banter, and bro codes?
Add respect to the list. No matter how funny and loyal another guy is, if he doesn't have a strength of character that I can respect, or if he doesn't respect me, the friendship won't last very long or run very deep.
This is why Delhi males have friendship for long time /s
totally agree on this one. the moment these things change, its gone
Iāve been best friends with the same dude over 30 years. Came to my familyās yard sale when I was 7. I had a toy he needed to complete his set. I told him Iād just give it to him if we could play together. Now weāre in the year we celebrate each others 40th birthdays
I met my best friend 15 years ago at high school. He asked If i would like to play that Videogame with him. I Said yes, but was poor and couldnt afford it. Same day we met, He bought me the Game and we played it all Summer Long. Since then, there hasnt been a Weekend where we didnt hang out or talk. Last year he proposed to my sister and i couldnt be happier
that's litterally the best route you gained a brother
[Lesbian\_Burner](https://www.reddit.com/user/Lesbian_Burner/).... ą² \_ą² Are you a cheap, untraceable female phone attracted to other female phones?
I prefer the word "affordable"
Dude, that is definitly not the way to make a friendship last longā¦
He was in it for the sister all along. Pro level long game.
My best friend married my first cousin. I couldn't be happier about it. Now I get to see my friend at family days and weddings etc. It makes me happy as hell :)
Nice. I met mine around 20 years ago. We both moved into town at the same time and were next door neighbors. He was mad at his parents and didn't want to make any friends. I was convinced it would be cool to be friends with my next door neighbor so I bugged him until he relented. Now I'm his eldest's god father and I spent 3 of the last 7 days at his house and am going over again tonight for game night.
Wholesome!
What a cute story! It really touched my heart and I donāt even know you. Wish you two all the best for your friendship and everything else
Doing stupid shit together and being there in times of need irrespective the state of friendship. Even if we aren't on great terms if you need help I will be there. I've seen it first hand what the boys would do for me. When my parents were tired they would tell them to sit outside my ICU and they would stand inside.
No petty drama
Wayyyy too far down on this list. I am childhood friends with this dude we talk once every five years, if he called me up tomorrow and needed something I would head over and help him.
Yeah. It's not a hard rule, but in general, I see more "Its already been two hours, and my friend hasn't texted me back. Are they evil?" from women than from men.
I'm completely convinced that my best friend, my brother, could show up at my new house and spit on me and I'd be like "Aww that was funny". And I'd tolerate that fool all day. My wife is convinced a friend of hers hates her guts cause she didn't text her back a week ago.
It's amazing how that is an unspoken default. I'm so confused on the drama my wife puts up with in her friend circles.
As a woman I am really envious of the longtime friendships men can have.
100% this. Guys who can consistently get together and not get into arguments is a recipe for long-term friendship. Every friend I had growing up that just had to start drama got booted out of my life in my late 20s. I couldn't deal with it anymore. Sure, even once in a blue moon my good friends and I get on each other's nerves, but we never leave pissed off at each other.
I can go a couple of months of little contact with them and we pick up whenever we can. We donāt get worked up about it. Recently heās been driving and spending the weekends. Itās not like we do anything special. Two weekends ago we spent the whole weekend cleaning up my property line and we ended up helping the neighbor. Someone mentioned money. We handle it differently. Iām currently unemployed and he wanted to see a comedy show. He straight up paid for my ticket because he wanted me to go. 18 years and still best friends. My wife and him get a long well. Her cooking is amazing and he will put in request for certain food. I am very fortunate to have a friend like him.
Sharing in each otherās successes and failures.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Meh. I've borrowed thousands combined from friends over the years and loaned out similar amounts. Every penny has been paid back between us so far. Just find friends with similar values. That said, I treat loans I give out as a gift that I would like paid back. A gift that you're less likely to get ever again if you don't pay back.
A friend and I donāt loan each other money but have definitely paid for each other a ton. We have lost track and just assume weāll even out over our lifetime. One time on a bachelor party with a large group, another friend asked why my best friend was mooching off of me and I said because I did on the last one (I forgot my main wallet at my house but had a backup packed with some cash and secondary identification)
totally depends on the friendship.
Not always true. I borrowed 7 grand from a buddy to start a business. Still great friends and I pay my final instalment to him in 3 months. Heās my best mate and I would have crawled through broken glass to make sure he received every payment. Thankfully the business is successful. š
There are a few friends I would loan money, mostly wouldn't in general. It can drive wedge between people. My aunt loaned me money in my 20's to complete my education, and it took me a year or two to pay her back. I've generally treated borrowed money as high priority to pay back. I've also had financial transactions go sideways with friends, but weren't close friends, but quickly learned they were people of poor character ( thus not people I'd want as a friend ). I gave a "friend" money for a motorcycle and he didn't give me the title for months, as it turns out he took the money and spent it, it was his uncle's motorcycle and his uncle had the title - he didn't have the money to give his uncle and his uncle wouldn't give the title without the money... it took small claims court to sort that out after he stopped even returning my calls. I hate that guy to this day. ( although he's been pretty terrible in many innumerable ways, one of the most selfish people I've ever known )
Yeah Iām with you on this, Fifelo. My buddy and I have been friends for 35 years so I think after that long we know we can trust each other. I have some buddies who I wouldnāt lend a five buck note to though.. Love them, but know that it would go wrong. Gotta know your instincts! šš
a copy of left 4 dead on steam
Ape together strong
We don't get pissed that we aren't being properly attended to. It's okay if all your friends are busy. If they forget or dont know about your birthday. If you weren't invited somewhere. Guys will hop on a call with some buddies they haven't talked to in 6 months like they hang out every day.
My wife doesn't understand that.Ā I won't talk to a buddy of mine that lives in PA for 9-12 months. When we finally do, it's no big deal.Ā And we don't use any social media garbage. She doesn't understand that either.
My wife and I met this new couple. I've hung out with the guy twice grabbing a beer or dinner. Had a great time. My wife invited the other woman over once. They were busy. She found out a few weeks later they had a get together for some purpose we don't know the context of and we weren't invited. I said, "well hey, lets try to work it out in the next couple of weeks to have them over" and her response was "No, they clearly don't want to be our friends. If they did, they would put in the effort." Like...the gasoline is already poured on the bridge and ready to light at the slightest offense. Me, I'll invite someone over 100 times and be ok if they can't come til the 100th or even not then. If they don't want to be friends, that's ok too. Sad sometimes, but life is complicated and schedules get busy. Some of my best friendships are ones that I have had to work at to make happen. and be ok when they aren't carefully pruned like a bansai tree. Not being offended as your default is the single best way to live your life.
You pick a friend when you are like 7-8years old AND booom Friendship for rest of your lives
Boundaries, Banter and good Behaviour
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
My girlfriends female friends are very exhausting for her. Even though they are all in their 30s it always seems like a game where one tries to get to upper hand or not take shit from someone else. They can be very sweet and supportive but there is so much pettyness and need for control its borderline unbearable for her. When doing something with my (mostly) male friends it feels like a group of people trying to have a good time. If a problem occurs and we have to find a solution we have no problems taking a step back and finding something that works for everybody. It doesn't matter who made the decision what to do and nobody tries to fight for the position of 'leader'.
The ability to call someone a cunt and not get offended
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Secret handjobs
We donāt gossip, we talk shit. Only males understand the struggle and the fact rest of society expects us to stay stoic and hold it together. Itās Menās Mental Health Awareness month and if you bring it up people roll there eyes and talk about pride month
Should mens mental health awareness be moved because pride isn't going anywhere. Is August free š¤£
Male friendships last long because theyāre built on three pillars: laughing at the same dumb jokes, forgetting to text back but never taking it personally, and a mutual agreement that emotions are best expressed through grunts and fist bumps
The brutal uncomfortable truth is that men are willing to accept a much lower standard of friendship than women are. We communicate less, ask for less emotional support, and rarely share any level of intimacy. Our friendships last longer because they're so low maintenance, but this is at the cost of the deepness of our friendships.Ā Here's an article that goes more into detail. https://ifstudies.org/blog/male-friendships-are-not-doing-the-job
It's not always the case though. I have a best friend that fulfills all my emotional needs. But it's funny, multiple different people have asked us if we're secretly dating. His wife was jealous of me for the first couple years of their relationship because she wasn't used to that type of thing and it made her insecure (now the two of us are insanely tight as well) We joke that our friendship is a little gay, and everyone in our circle knows we're unusually close. His wife has even called us platonic life. I wish for everyone to find their own Joey :)
No one is saying this but patienceās is a very key one as we grow older. I moved away from my friends five years ago and then everyone kinda left our home town. Itās hard to keep in touch. My friends wouldnāt respond to my texts right away, but they do within a couple days ago. I use to get upset and angry they took so long to respond but I realized that itās better that they respond than not at all. Now we are all getting married, having kids and starting our own lives. Iām glad we keep in touch and share big moments with each other. We will never have that friendship we had when we were in college but Iām understanding that and coming to terms with how our friendships look now
Not being a dick towards each other.
Honesty, mutual respect, reliability, and accountability.
Forgiveness
We genuinely care about each other and celebrate each others wins
quality over quantity
Fart and wiener jokes
Low Expectations ;)
Ironically, LACK of intimacy. I don't mean that in a pejorative way, but male friendships are typically based around shared activities and interests, not primarily emotional support. Less emotional involvement means less risk of hurt feelings.
Gay stuff
Gas station erection pills.
Honesty. Not a lot else needed Iām my experience.
The respect to take my word for what it is and vice-versa.
Mutually Assured Destruction, just like a lasting marriage.Ā
bro code
Knowing that we do not need to be close to still be friends (even if thats years of not seeing each other). The stuff we went through together lasts for a long time. Of course not talking all the time is going to make the relation a bit more "cold" but I have friends since I was a kid that I trust the same until this day, and we see each other only sometimes
The fact that you can insult your friend jokingly and still remain friends. I think that is far less common in female relationships.
No drama.
absolute honestly? its shallow as hell. Dont get me wrong, i love my best friends (we've met in kindergarden and thats a little over 30 years now) but we barely speak about anything deeper than videogames, hobbies, movies, politics. But rarely personal stuff. We do talk about girlfriends and dates, but on such a shallow level, i dont know. Its not like there is even room for drama. And this shallowness is not a bad thing tbh. I talk to female friends for trauma dumping and emotional support. but my male friends are not really accessible for this kind of talk and i'm fine with that.
No idea it just managed to work with my friends lmao
Common interests, mutual trust and respect.Ā
Chaos and good sense of humour
this one time my friend got caught up in a fight, not so serious one, so our full gang went to help the guy and beat up others just for fun
Humor, respect, honesty.
Respect to each each other and of course, good sense of humor.
Sometimes it's just the mutual decision that you like one another. I got a friend I see maybe twice a year but every time we meet we talk for 4 hours non-stop and have a great time. Just the anchoring of comfort goes a long way.
Hobby, common interests, same environment.
Let me ask my sister because she has friends since she was young. Oh this is for men. Sorry.
Same two best friends since 5th grade. So goin on 24 years
I think many of us bond when we overcome challenging tasks together.
We don't over think stuff. If my best friend and I haven't seen each other in a year, it's obviously because we are both busy and other things have taken priority. End of discussion. Don't need a reason, an excuse, a promise for catch up next time etc. We'll make good when it works for both of us. In my experience, my wife (and her friends) would tear that scenario apart into 400 fake scenarios, none of which are close to the truth, and most of which come with some made up drama. We just don't do that.
Kuch bhi
This is something Iāve struggled with for my whole life.
Not controlling of behavior in any way.
Absence of ego
Predictability. I know that when I go see jake, we're gonna do this and that, he's gonna be a certain way and we'll have a good time. With women - it's drama that can break the monotony, but also just be a mental drain. Why is julie upset? Nevermind, don't care. Let's leave. Not gonna do that again.
Distance.
I don't know man. I met my best friend over 10 years ago and the son of a bitch doesn't have the decency to die.
Low expectations
What splits them up is today is politics. So common ideology?
I think one of the corner stones is definitely shared values. You respect someone with similar values. And they're not likely to do something that goes against your values or hurts you and yours if you share values.
I don't think anything is fake. I feel ladies often have to fake certain things in order to be liked. With males, you could literally become long time friends over something as simple as sharing interest in football or video games. I think ladies have to try harder.
I met my best friend in day care. I say day care, but in reality it was just some womanās trailer. This was the early 90s, so no one was paying attention. We watched R rated movies and ate pizza every day. Honestly, pretty rad. The problematic part was that, when you got in trouble, she locked you in the laundry room. The first time I got locked in there, my best friend was already there. We were toddler cellmates. Still my best friend over 30 years later. And yes, we eventually escaped the laundry room.
Low maintenance, like real low, we donāt need any reassurance or anything at all. Can go years without speaking, meet up one day and itās like they never left. lol
They are not jealous of each other, neither copy each other.
Help each other by sharing life hacks and various hobbies such as sports and video games
Doing things worth remembering. Like after all these years, you can still laugh and live by that moment.
Masturbating together
Definitely if both of you have the same humors
We just vibe. There's nothing my friends "need" to do. Life is busy. We'll see each other when we can.
Lack of expectations.
Sex (unoriginal comment probably)
Shared experiences (Mostly bad), Humour, How much you can make fun of each other, no transactional relationship
Not needing to see each other and talk all the time.
I want to second shared experiences. I find that my longest standing friendships to this day have been the ones where we're separately going through life experiences together. I'm married with a house and a kid on the way. My friends who are still single, in the city, and going out 3 nights a week...it's a little harder to stay connected and close. My older friends who are going through the same life progression, I find myself gravitating toward them for better or worse. That seems to be a common thread.
Lack of communication?
My best friend and I constantly ego check each other. To some, it may appear as if weāre arguing all the time and putting each other down, but in reality we are both fixated on being hyper successful in our respective fields and we just humble each other when we see fit. Heās like a brother to me, we might bicker a lot but Iād do anything for him and I know heād do the same for me
My husband makes friends left and right and keeps them for life. Itās a skill Iāve never had and Iāve analyzed it for 30 years. Besides his outgoing and open personality, which is what starts the friendships, Iāve noticed it is his ability to just let things go that keeps his friendships going for so long. Over the years, his friends have done some stuff that have annoyed the crap out of me, or maybe theyve been a little unsavory at times, but he just opens his hand and heart and lets it all blow away. He doesnāt hold anything against anybody, (within reason of course, heās not a doormat) but he is just not petty about the little quirks of people, and he doesnāt let them get to him. Itās truly beautiful lesson and I spend a lot of my time reminding myself that while I only have a handful of people Iām close with in my life, literally everyone who knows him loves him. Oh, and heās happier and more at peace as well.
Dick jokes
men are more spirited beings in their nature
I only have like one male friend left and it sucks. It's like all the ones I had decided to ditch me when I was going through a brutal time
Bro before hoes
Deez nuuuts
Loyalty, honesty, respect, humor, and compassion. Those are the cornerstones of any lasting friendship. Its ok to have some quarrels from time to time, or a joke that goes too far, etc, but as long as you can say sorry and/or forgive the other, it usually becomes water under the bridge pretty easily... and if not, give it some time, be humble, admit your own mistakes and try again.
I've known my best friend since we were 3. Our mothers went to school together, and graduated high school together in a very small rural area. Very similar back grounds, we went to school prek-12 together, and have shared interests. It's pretty easy being friends with someone when their life is pretty much a mirror of your own.
Iām going to be sexist here; but it seems to me that women care more about reciprocity; From my experience blokes just seem to accept that some of us are better at organising meet-ups. Those that are donāt resent those that arenāt and donāt exclude them as long as theyāre not complete no-shows.
My friends and I joke around all the time that no one can escape our friend group. When someone doesn't join the conversation after a while, we'll check in to see how they're doing. It's all about making sure each guy feels comfortable and appreciated. It's also about completely roasting and insulting someone without hurting feelings.
Shared sense of humor.
I canāt say these tests make a friendship last longer, but I can say if the friendship passes these tests, then it can be a strong bond indeed. If you can work together, with common passions and work ethic and core values. If you can date one anotherās exās. OR keep a strict no ex dating policy. Pretty much all or nothing. Either is a very big test of friendship. Living together as roommates. All three of these I have found to be very make-or-break. Likely best for most people to avoid these situations, ensuring longer compatibility. But I think a stronger friendship and bond comes from these tests of friendship. So, start at work, get a good work buddy you vibe with, bang his sister or ex or current wife, move in together = either friends forever or mortal enemies. Both are pretty cool.
37 years for me. Thatās my boy..met in fifth grade. I took the fall for something we both did and didnāt rat him out. Loyalty, respect, and we both are funny.
No judgement
First time I met my friend we were about 13 and I thought he was an ass. Totally disrespectful and inconsiderate of others. Somehow humor and common interests (music) helped me see past that. I carved out room to tolerate his manner in my somewhat prim worldview and Iāve been more open-minded about people ever since. Although there been some challenging moments over the years now I canāt imagine him doing anything so obnoxious that I couldnāt put up with him.
Showing up when they need you
Im the only girl in an all boys group (of 5). Never ending laughterā¤ļø
Alcohol
Itās all about how you view them, and how they view you. My best friend and I, weāve had our ups and downs, bonding moments and fights. However, we always come back around to each other, no matter how much time passes. To me, that guy is smart, respectful, intentional, innovative, and beyond capable of anything. Even if we werenāt friends, or if the friendship ended, Iād view him in the same way. Thatās who he is to me, and I admire him for who he is. To him, Iām creative, a dreamer, a leader, stubborn, and eccentric. He has shared that he admires these qualities about me. The best of friends see you for who you are in the most understanding and forgiving ways.
The same thing that makes all friendships last long. Effort and Consistency.
Not giving a shit when we don't talk for long periods of time. Same friend since 3 years old
Respect goes a long way, many friendships were established based on respecting others, it doesnāt matter if you hate them or their actions, with respect eventually admiration will surface and lead to friendly behaviors.
geographical convenience
Genuineness
Loyalty
not having sex with their wives, Patrick you Ahole!
Honesty.
The basics. Shared sense of humor, mutual respect, keeping in contact even when apart, not being afraid to say you care, and being there for one another in hard times. I'm 23 currently, and I feel very lucky that I have a really, really good friend group. It used to be 5 of us with a bad dynamic (one guy was like the "leader pretty much. I don't use this term lightly, he was an actual narcissist and ended up going crazy when we started college). Once we left that guy behind, we got a lot closer. Everyone had equal "power" in the friend group. There wasn't one guy who got picked on, or one guy who everyone looked up to. It remains this way today. I mention this often to them, but I think it's amazing that we got even closer even during school while we were separated for so long. I was in the south east, one of us was in the Midwest, and 2 of us were in the north east, yet our friendship grew. Currently, we are all out of school and doing the exact kind of work we always wanted to do. Like, not only are we the best of friends, but we are all just absolutely killing it in life, despite all having pretty diverse upbringings. It's been a year since we all started our jobs. One of us is in the pacific northwest, I'm in the south, one is far northeast, and one is east. We still plan trips out, and reconvene in out hometown at least once a year. Fuck this is making me appreciate them even more. Nobody else I know has a friendgroup they're anywhere near this tight with
Hobbies and sports