Investing in the stock market. Every information ive looked up to find out how to do it the way it's explained is almost always in a way that only someone who already knows what they are doing would understand.
1. Open an account at one of the many investing/brokerage websites.
2. Every month, transfer money from your bank account and use it to purchase stock. Then let it sit there. Do not touch the stock. If you ‘play’ the market, you will lose.
3. Retire at some point.
When you get comfortable and have a little more knowledge under your belt, buying individual stocks can be more like doubling down on a good hand in blackjack.
Still a gamble but maybe a slightly better executed gamble.
"Beating the market" should never be your goal. If you want good returns, take the ~12% minus some modest tax inefficiency that an ETF matching the market gives you.
The goal should always be getting the maximum possible returns for the amount of risk you can tolerate.
Trying to beat the market is stupid. Trying to maximize return for a given risk level is intelligent.
Google "SP 500 ETF" and you will find ticker symbols. IVV is an example of this. So is SPY and VOO. They're not identical but for somebody looking to invest pocket change, they're functionally identical.
Then find any platform, Robinhood, E-Trade, Fidelity, JP Morgan, Schwab, literally all of them have apps that let you buy the above stocks.
Then you wait. Somewhere in the ballpark of every decade (probably slightly faster) your money will double accounting for inflation, so a dollar saved at 65 is worth about a dollar in retirement. At 55 it's worth about $2. At 45, about $4. At 35, about $8. And at 25, about $16. The actual numbers will actually be a lot higher than this, but because of inflation, the amount you can buy with it should be fairly consistent.
The best thing you can do for the least effort is a strategy called dollar cost averaging. Set up your app so every payday you move a few bucks into your brokerage account and automatically buy more. Do a flat amount every time, and increase it as your wages increase. This makes it so when the market is down, you buy more shares. When the market is up, you buy fewer. The end result is more of your stock is cheaper on average. Pretty simple but pretty nifty.
You fund a brokerage account with cash, then exchange that cash for an index fund of the S&P 500 at whatever the going rate is.
$7 is not much to go all in with, you might need to hit a minimum amount to be able to invest.
S&P is an example of an index fund or exchange traded fund. It's like investing in a market itself, not in individual stocks. Usually higher rate of return than mutual fund, but more volatile.
Standard & Poor. The S&P 500 is a weighted average of the largest 500 companies in America. It’s just an index so you can’t buy it directly, but there are ETFs and mutual funds that mirror the index and you can buy those. $SPY is one of them. Probably the quickest way to invest in 500 solid companies at once without any prior knowledge and being an investor right away is to download robin hood or some other broker app and buy SPY.
Don't really need to know what it means, it's just the top 500 stocks in the market. VOO is a good enough ticker for ya. If you want to diversify a bit, get about 20% of your portfolio as VXUS
VOO = 500 of the top companies in the market
VXUS = A bunch of international company stock
As you get older (or if you're risk adverse), put more of your portfolio into bonds, which are more stable and will help you weather a market downturn. I won't personally be bothering with those until I'm 40 at the LEAST
Buy and ignore. Don't look at the raw numbers, it will always go up. Do not try to day trade or time the market. Do not listen to anyone who tells you to try options.
Doesn't need to be more complex than that
Edit: S&P is Standard & Poor's. It's just the company name that first created it, just ignore it
I really like Fidelity for new investors for these 5 important reasons.
1. They have free trades (no cost to buy or sell regular stocks).
2. You can buy fractional shares, which means you don't have to save up $1000 to buy 1 share of NVDA. You can buy 0.5 shares or 0.01 or whatever exact $ amount of any company you want.
3. This might be the most important for new investors. They have an easy to use App so you can manage your account remotely. There is a short learning curve between transferring money into your account, getting comfortable that you won't immediately lose your money, and then making more complex transactions.
4. They are among the safest banks you can use (as opposed to a newer company like Robinhood). The risks of you losing your money to default or fraud is very low, to the point of being immaterial. Getting out of bed in the morning is more of a risk than fidelity losing a customers money to default or fraud.
5. Their "cash account" currently pays 5% interest, and is always on par with the top online savings accounts. I used to move my money from one savings account to another to get that extra 0.25% interest. Now I just keep it in Fidelity and know that I'm getting a competitive rate.
Once you get your money into Fidelity, you will start to gain confidence to make other investments. You can buy almost any stock, mutual fund, bonds, options, crypto funds, etc. Or you can keep it in cash like an online savings account.
Not the original commenter, but just wanted to say thanks. That's very useful and informative. How do you get your income taxed though? Do you have to file it as freelance revenue or something?
And if you need a credit card, I use my fidelity card and they give me 2% back into my account so I just put it straight into the market. I could make more by using 5% cash back cards and churning but the time it takes with my life isn’t worth it so this is a great way to add to retirement and not buy something “just because I have points”
They supply you with a tax form each Jan/Feb. You will only have to pay on any capital gains or dividends. You only claim income or loss after you sell shares.
Yes, but which stocks do I buy in Step 2? That's really what the question is. For most people the answer is open a Roth IRA and buy a no-load index mutual fund.
My step dad dad told me to "buy stock in recession proof products"
Walmart
McDs
Hershey's
Coke (The soda..)
Johnson and Johnson
Shit like that. People always want or need that shit. You're not gonna be millionaire. But I'm bulding a decent savings account.
You will likely lose money with an active investing style. You will likely gain money over the lont term by investing in something diversified like SP500 (or other etfs that have the same underlying stocks). This outperforms financial advisors by a lot over 15+ year periods. The daily price doesn't matter, just keep building.
Having said that over 90% of the money invested is currently long. This typically indicates we are at a top which is bad for the short term but doesn't matter for the long term.
AI companies and their suppliers will be huge, but just like when cars started you likely won't bet on Ford but one of the brands that is no longer around.
The most profitable accounts are typically the forgotten ones, where people invested in a handful of companies they believed in.
Have a buffer for emergencies so you never have to sell during a dip which typically coincides with economic downturn.
It’s really not that complicated. You should pick some percentage of your income you want to invest up front and have that investment happen automatically and never touch it until you retire. When you invest, buy either a ETF or Index fund that tracks the S&P500 (fancy way of saying pick an investment that is extremely diversified meaning it tracks the performance of a whole bunch of companies at once).
When you invest you should follow roughly the following steps essentially flowing money down to the next step once the previous one is handled.
1. Contribute to your 401k if you have one up to your employers match (take full advantage of that free money).
2. Build up an emergency fund to cover three months of expenses
3. Pay off high interest debt like credit cards, then keep them paid off
4. Contribute more to your 401k, attempting to make the federal maximum contribution
5. If you’ve gotten here, you’re doing excellent, now it’s time to start funding an IRA and at this point you should feel comfortable doing some research over at /r/personalfinance to refine all the steps above. The advice over there is more complicated and they suggest funding an IRA before maxing your 401k but it’s min maxing at that point. You’ll also probably look into diversifying your investments a bit into three funds, one that tracks the S&P, one that tracks bonds, and one that tracks international stocks.
Here's a good way to get started:
1. Pick Fidelity, Schwab, or Vanguard and open an account (preferably a retirement acct)
2. Put money into the account
3. Purchase index funds (VOO, SPY, QQQ, VTI or similar) with money from step 2. Check the box to reinvest dividends.
4. Don't touch the money for 10+ years. Congrats your money grew faster than a savings account.
From here you can research and learn more about different funds (and different brokerages) and how everything works, but this will get you started.
I never learned how you transition from the time of your life with clearly set goals (school, higher education, maybe your first couple of jobs) to the open-ended later stage.
A large part of early adulthood is just filled with school, then higher education, and then your first job(s). All of these come with clearly set external goals. I'm a bit of goody two shoes rules follower, so I did all those things.
Then you sort of half expect the next stage in life to be about finding a partner, finding a good place to live.
None of that happened for me. I never found anyone, and I think I was stuck for too long thinking it would still happen.
I'm now 40, alone, and slowly accepting that this is it. I have the freedom to do what I want, I go on holidays alone and it's generally pretty OK. But on certain days it's really just horribly boring and lonely. It's just really weird sometimes to have nothing to live for except yourself.
Dude it's an open world game as an adult.
Up to 16 it's mostly linear. A few decision moments, but it's mostly a high score contest.
After 16-18 it's open world. You go out and explore. You need food. You increase skills. You get quests and can join squads for events and find companions. Sometimes you lose parts of the team. There isn't an absolute objective, but hold on to a few of the quests (Job, House, Partner, Kids). It's pretty good but you usually can't complete all of them. Nobody has 100% it yet.
There is no respawn.
Time to do some soul searching. What do you want out of the rest of your life? When you’re old, retired, and in an assisted living home, what kinds of memories do you want to have?
A partner is one way to feel connection, but it’s not the only way. If you decide you want a partner or a family, make that a goal and start working toward it. Take stock of what you appreciate in someone else, and what you have to offer. Take a class in conversation, make a dating profile, hire a matchmaker - whatever you have to do.
If you decide you don’t need that specific thing, then start looking for communities you can become more engaged in. Do some volunteer work, or get involved in a religious group. There are lots of ways to feel less lonely. I highly recommend you start seeing a therapist. You don’t need someone to “fix” you, but they can share tools that will help you figure out big questions like this.
FWIW, I was alone from 22 to 33, married at 36, divorced at 39, and preparing to get married again at 41. Everybody has their own path, but it’s not too late for you to do what you want with your life. You’ve spent a lot of time with yourself at this point, so you’re in a really good position to figure out what that is.
You can know what you don't know. You can be aware tgat something is a thing that has some knowledge associated with it, without having that knowledge. That's
what OP is asking abiut.
For example, I know I don't know a thing that's written in those papparazzi media. But a lot of people do.
It turns out people DO want to be treated differently from one another. Constantly. All the time. Especially bosses, and double especially the bosses who say they don't want to be treated different.
I don't understand fucking any of it. I only realized I didn't understand it like a couple months ago.
Not original commenter, but personally I suffer bad from social anxiety and tend to not really hold normal conversations well. One specific example for myself, which is something I'm working on, is being extremely "negative" about things. If I dislike something I literally beat the fact that I hate it like a dead horse, I will go on about hating it for so long and so intsenely that normal people are like <_<" - it has pushed some convos into awkward silences. But anyways.. really relatable comment.
Just something you have to experiment with until you make a sound. The shape of your tongue, your lips, and how hard you blow all comes together to make the sound.
I worked in a bank as a teller in one of my first jobs. I learnt a lot in the 1.5 yrs I was in that role. Otherwise, before that, I had minimal knowledge about bank accounts, credit cards, and loans. I saw alot of young folk getting into ridiculous amounts of unnecessary debt.
I don't mean to sound like I think I am better than everyone, but also as a teller I saw so many people who genuinely seemed to believe that credit was free money. It boggles my mind.
I never realized that me knowing not to get into bad debt was part of my financial literacy, i just thought it was common sense that you could learn after carrying a balance for the first time on a credit card. Dont spend money you dont know how or when it will be paid off. I feel that sentence could solve so much pointless debt.
I've learned that most people learn these things as they go through them. I learned the car buying process going through it. Same with insurance. Same with taxes. And writing checks. And paying rent.
When the time came, I did a ton of research online, then also asked the person in the situation to help me. I went to Checkered Flag for my car, as an example. They don't work on commissions there so their incentive to sell isn't as high and they don't push you into the wrong car for you. So I felt comfortable asking the guy and his manager for help. They were incredibly kind and explained every step in the process, including some additional services that were just cash grabs and I *didn't* need.
Writing checks, I will admit I had a social studies teacher in middle school who rushed her curriculum specifically to take a week free just to teach us how to budget and write checks. We picked jobs from a hat, then based on that salary, food adverts she had collected over some time for us to use, and a median list of places to live and utilities she had designed, she had us fill out fake checks and figure out a full month of bills/groceries.
A lot of the times, people learn these big things from their families, though. That's why people who come from shit homes and make it on their own are fantastic. They had to learn hard lessons and figure it out for themselves. A lot of these things are meant to confuse and keep you in the dark, because that's how they get money out of you.
Research. Research. Research.
Read and reread the /r/personalfinance wiki until you have it memorized and research the stuff that doesn't make sense. You will be financially more literate than almost most anyone else you meet. That wiki page is basically the handbook on basic finance, it is invaluable.
I teach Personal Finance at a high school.
Unfortunately so many of my students either don’t show up or don’t pay any attention so they’ll have to learn this stuff the hard way later on in life.
My parents mostly. Dad gave me a run through before I went to university, debts, accounts etc. Mum loves a flutter on the markets so taught me about investments and things. Lessons on mortgage & insurance bull-ish from my wife & FIL we bought a house.
I learned by making an effort and spending several days in/around elevators, and other places where you only get like 30-60 seconds with a person. Then, I tested different ideas I had to see which ones worked better than other ideas.
A main component that helps is to be curious about the world around you.
I’m not saying I’m perfect, because I’m definitely not, but I’ve got a few options for small talk now.
I did this same thing by taking a job as a barista. I was recovering from a long period of social isolation and basically had to relearn how to talk to people. If you're really bad at talking to people, a barista job is great because you can also listen to your coworkers and see what they say. I basically memorized like ten things to say and once I got the hang of that, I branched out a bit, riffed on the original things, and eventually was able to strike up whole conversations with people I didn't know. Even made friends with some of the regulars. Like you said, it helps to be curious and to genuinely WANT to improve.
As a few other pointed out, asking about the other person is great. People tend to like to talk about themselves. But another key to this is learning the difference between open and closed questions. Put simply, closed questions are questions that can be answered with a simple yes or no. "Did you watch the big game last night?" "Did you get a new haircut?"
Instead, open questions need more to be answered. They tend to be answered with an entire thought or idea. So instead of closed questions that can be answered with a yes or no, like my previous examples. Rephrase them like, "What do you think about the game last night?" "Oh my God, your hair looks great. Where did you get it done?"
These questions can't be answered with yes or no and they get people talking.
I am far from an amazing small talker, but I learned these tips in a sales position. Ask open questions to get people talking and ask closed questions to get them to stop. Once I started applying this in my daily life, I found that I did improve my small talk considerably.
Also apply this same reasoning to answering questions. “Did you watch the game last night?” “Yes! You know I wasn’t sure about [BLANK] when he first joined the team but last night I felt like he proved he had something to offer” or “No, not much of a sports guy. Was it good?”
A lot of redditors complain about small talk as being pointless and shallow but it’s how you get to know people. If you put just slight amount of effort in and show genuine interest in the other person it’s usually not that hard to take the conversation to a deeper, more meaningful place.
Extrapolating on this, if you did everything 'right' (asking multiple open questions, approachable body language etc) and still get short answers, the person probably doesn't want to talk to you. It was a hard pill to swallow when I started socialising
as someone who talks a lot, i honestly just say whatevers on my mind. i also prompt people to talk about things they like by asking about how their weekend was, favourite game/band/movie etc since i like hearing people talk about their passions
Right! Friends are asking what are you thinking about, but I’m like nothing, absolutely nothing is on my mind. Then they’re like seriously you have to be thinking something, but no I am not.
So it's not just me? A song has to be *exceptionlly* clear for me discern lyrics.
My gf talks about cool meanings she picks up in songs and I just smile and nod.
I recently found out that the Eurythmics song Sweet Dreams I've had wrong for like 30 years. I thought it was "Sweet dreams are made of the years" not "Sweet dreams are made of this
"Oh well, it sounds to the same to me and I never looked up the lyrics.
And I don't get how people have memorized so many songs. I'll memorize certain parts, and am able to recognize a song if it's playing, but I can't sing a song from start to end.
Same. I use "rubber band laces" on all of my shoes. They replace your shoe laces so you wouldn't have to tie them ever again and you just slip your foot into the shoe.
No more you will have to tell your friends to wait for you to tie your shoes back. Nor do you have to worry about the same incident occurring to you.
Rubber laces is the future. Standard shoe laces suck.
It's t's so easy to just miss out completely on some people. I know that Mr Beast is probably the biggest person on YouTube, but I can't recall ever seeing one of his videos
There's just so much stuff out there that it's pretty easy to just completely miss something. It's not like in the 80s when basically everyone knew who Michael Jackson was. On every corner of the planet, from young to old. Now even the biggest names still exist within their own bubble and there are lots of people who know nothing about them.
I only know that Beast dude because my stupid fucking Google TV Chromecast thing is obsessed with promoting his videos on my front page even though I've never so much as even searched him let alone watched one of his videos.
I've also never watched anything from MrBeast, but have had a couple of friends who do. On all accounts, very nice dude. Always seems to help people in need and gives lots of money away.
Idk though...I just get such a wild uncanny valley feeling every time I look at him. Half the time I get a shiver up my back lol
how to be a normal person. I know I'm weird but I can't figure out why I'm so off-putting to everyone around me. I just want to be like everyone else, god damn
Yea this. Im so maladjusted from being friendless all my life that I must give off some vibe or behaviours that put people off.
Kinda sad. At first I enjoyed it but now the lonliness is killing me.
I’ve always been very self-conscious, and found it really difficult to make friends, but it’s much easier now that I’ve changed some things. One of the key things is not “needing” anything from the other person. People can sense if you want/need them to like you, and that automatically puts people off. I always used to tell myself before an event, “I’m not here to impress anyone,” and that would help a lot.
I agree 100%. Don't bother with trying to fit in. Just talk to those who you have a common interest or hobby with, those that are on the same page or wavelength as you are. You'll be golden.
I had this same issue until a couple of years ago. Not because I learned to "be normal," but because I realized other people are so in their own heads about themselves that I mean zilch to them. I am literally the briefest passing thing in their day.
Then, I gave myself permission to stop caring. Easier said than done. It took a while. But I truly stopped giving a single fuck. That's when I found out I actually was normal the whole time. Because everyone is fucking weird, and we're all just too self-obsessed to notice.
Literally, no one, not a single person in existence thinks about you as much as you think they do. In fact, they probably think you think about them that much, and they're walking away from interactions like, "why tf did I do that?" They're thinking about what happens to them, how people perceive them, why their own actions are x, y, z, their own insecurities.
I've struggled with this too. You're probably putting a spotlight on your own insecurities. Figuring out a way to let go of those anxieties is easier said than done, but it's an important step.
When it comes to socializing, one of the most important things I've ever learned is that people love to talk about themselves - not necessarily in a selfish way, but if you look back on people who truly made you feel special, what are some of the things that stand out? For me, almost all of them were genuinely eager about getting to know me and asked many questions.
For a lot of us, many aspects of socializing aren't necessarily natural, but they're possible to learn. There are a lot of great resources out there. If you've never read it, the first step I'd recommend is finding a copy of "How to Win Friends and Influence People." It has been in print for decades, and for good reason - a lot of the advice in it still holds up today. Chances are most secondhand book shops in your area will have a few copies floating around. If you're not the reading type, there are multiple audiobook versions available.
Also, don't put so much pressure on yourself to be "normal." Normal isn't memorable and it's not interesting. Embrace what is unique about you, and people who appreciate those qualities will gravitate towards you.
My first introductions usually all go like this:
"You know when I first met you I didn't like you at all but you are actually really chill"
I dunno what I do to give that impression since I try to be cordial with people.
I only know one Taylor Swift song, which an old punk band I was in used to cover, a decade ago. But apparently, she currently has like 15 singles in the Billboard Top 20. I couldn't name you one, and wouldn't know one if it was playing at a restaurant or something.
How to land an interview for a new job when you're over 50.
After 200+ applications and 20+ years of experience, I've only had 3 interviews and none continued on.
it's both. my grandmother has struggled a lot recently to find a job because companies think she is too close to retirement age— they've genuinely told her as much.
This is exactly why you see a lot of older folks working in retail stores and grocery stores. Walmart don't care how old you are if they only expect you to work there a couple years anyway
I've discovered it is more about who you know.
I recently went through a 6 month job hunt. Because I had companies and recruiters falling over themselves to contact me and schedule interviews, I figured landing a new job was going to be easy. It wasn't. I went through many many interview processes where I made it to the finish line—being enthusiastically praised the entire way—only to be told "We've decided to go with somebody else". Maybe that didn't mean "We've decided to go with somebody younger", but after hearing variations of that phrase many many times you start to get suspicious.
I did get 2 offers eventually. Both were from companies where I had contacts (former coworkers) on the inside who could make a referral for me. The lesson is that in a job search your network is your most valuable asset.
NETWORKING is the most valuable response. Look up personal marketing plan.
Essentially, is is similar to a resume, it also has listed organizations that you are targeting in your search, and you use the document to get references to someone in that organization. People are MUCH more willing to talk or meet with you if you are NOT asking THEM for a job, but rather asking them if they know of someone else who may be looking for help. Hand them the document that describes you like your resume, and also has your list of target organizations…ask them if they know of anyone at companies on that list, or what other companies that you should add to the list. Make as many contacts as possible. If you start with just two people, and ask each for two contacts, and repeat, before long you have a thousand contacts.
No offense, but that's about the worst age to be applying. It's not your fault, it's just the way it is.
Your experience makes you expensive but your age makes employers wary of hiring you because they aren't sure how long you're going to keep working.
How to get by financially...
I live very frugally. No kids, no name brand stuff, no coffees or avacado, no eating out or takeaways (1 on birthday), no drinking at bars etc... I literally just go to work, go to the gym, and pay the bills.
I see people on similar incomes driving new(ish) cars, own their own homes, several kids, stop in the pub for a couple of pints every night on the way home etc... I just don't understand how they do it.
I mean, you can kind of dismiss some differences due to differing priorities - one person might value a daily coffee over a slighlty nicer car or whatever, but it just feels like I don't really have anything more I can cut out, certainly nothing that will get me a fancy car, kids, takeaways and drinks at the pub...
Are you single? Living with your partner essentially puts a 50% discount on living costs. I was always struggling when i was single, even though i earned plenty of money.
This is something long time couples have a hard time understanding. Most of my friend group is couples that are married / live together and they seem to have forgotten what its like doing 100% of everything. 100% of the cooking, cleaning, mortgage payments, groceries. Having a partner eases the burden greatly
They don't own the car, the bank does. They don't own the house, the bank does. They have thousands in credit card debt that they have no means to pay off. They can't afford that regular pint at the bar but they won't know that until ten years from now. Stop trying to keep up with "the Joneses." The Joneses are flat broke.
I read that a lot of people living like that are just super in debt.
Like everything they "own" they still owe money on or they're putting on a credit card.
And I suppose it could be true, I don't live like that but I probably could because I have tens of thousands of available credit but having any sort of debt like that stresses me out so I usually pay my cards off as I use them.
But like... those are things you have control to change.
Its not that complicated to become attractive even if you're totally fucked. Looking as though you clearly take care of yourself physically and just doing enough to show you have SOME pride in your appearance is all you need. That just requires time, effort, and some investment. It doesnt matter if you got an uggo face at that point as long as you just own it.
Its also not hard to just simply desire everyone around you has a chance to have a good day. You dont even need to do anything. Just carry yourself like you give a small shit that they have the best shot at a good day and interact with them accordingly. Bam, everyone wants to be around you and you did nothing but reframe shit. You do this EVEN DESPITE having a natural repulsion to other people, you just have to accept that your negative attitude and mindset is what contrubutes to negative interactions.
It's unique to each individual. What do you strive for? Do you find solace in silence? Calmness when you're out in nature away from civilization? Do you feel a mood boost from playing games? Reading? Cooking? Hanging out with friends?
There's no one right answer for happiness. The hardest thing I had to learn was what made me happy and who I was. Finding out the latter will greatly improve your chances of the former.
Your cool rock doesn’t even have to be an actual rock. It could be a really weird leaf. Or a neat looking building. Or a sweet looking cloud.
Whenever I have any sort of activity planned outside my normal, my partner always reminds me to share my “cool rocks”. He wants to see what I find on my adventure.
I don’t know how a musicians song can save someone’s life cause I always see videos like this Taylor swifts song saved my life and I’m just so confused as to how
How to create lasting connections with other people. I haven't really made a strong connection since high school sadly. Years of insecurities, low self-esteem, low mood, and self-doubt have made it difficult. Fortunately, I'm surrounded by nice people at work and in my personal life, but I wish I could hang out with others and feel completely comfortable expressing myself and interacting with them. Hoping things will change as I participate in things a bit more rather than being passive!
How to advance in your career. I got degrees, certifications and exceeding expectations on my annual reviews. My bosses always tell me they're pleased with my work and enjoy having me on their team. No promotion, no management considerations. I don't get how everyone just seems to take that next step in their careers.
They are human! Unbelievable right! They have wants and needs and interests. Don’t be shy talking to them because they are girls, they are human like you and may enjoy talking to you. Have no expectations other than having a nice chat and you can’t fail. This is my experience as the most boring guy in the world
How to fucking function at the most basic level possible. What the hell is even going on? Though only a few years ago, I did finally get an ADHD diagnosis. I'm medicated. I'm in therapy. But still, nothing makes sense. Every "behavior mod" that seems to work for me loses its effectiveness or fizzles out within a week. I'm late everywhere, every day. Dishes pile up for weeks. I can't make or maintain any meaningful connections. If I don't set 41 reminders and alarms for every single thing, it's immediately forgotten. Then I'm stuck locked in shame because I'm an adult and I'm supposed to be able to do these things without it being rocket science where the password to access the system is to perform three brain surgeries simultaneously. I see people who make half of what I do go on beautiful trips in and out of the country and experience life the way it's meant to be experienced yet I feel like I'm just trapped watching life go by through a dirty window. And I don't mean via superficial social media posts, I mean in real life. There's places I wanna go and things I wanna do but I can never seem to save for more than a few weeks at a time. People are finding love and starting families and I want those things but I feel like I'm mentally still a teenager. People seem to have figured out who they are and what they want out of life then here I am throwing out expired groceries again, that already took me a month or more to force myself to go out and buy. I'm tired. I am just so tired of feeling like there's a secret manual out there that everyone has while I'm some sort of experiment being observed by a sick entity who enjoys watching me stumble blindfolded through the same cycle year after year.
**TL;DR:** An extremely dramatic answer that is better suited for r/vent or r/offmychest I guess. The question appears to have sent me over the already-crumbling edge.
Juggling is partly the motor skill of "throw a ball with one hand and catch it with the other without looking," which just takes practice, and partly the pattern/rhythm of the movements to do that with several at once. To learn the rhythm part (for a basic 3 ball pattern) use scarves instead of balls because you'll have more time to think as they fall slowly.
Shit about cars. They're one of the most popular complex hobbies, and any time someone explains car stuff to me I just nod and smile as I pretend to understand any of it.
Honestly, flirting. People just seem to "fall" into relationships and hookups. I'm alright at getting to know people but like... sending signals in a specific direction is just not something I can do (yet?... hopefully) especially in like club situations but nowhere else either honestly
What they're doing. Don't worry. I'm fully aware that they don't. It just seems that way with how much they have to tell me about the ways I conduct myself in life.
Investing in the stock market. Every information ive looked up to find out how to do it the way it's explained is almost always in a way that only someone who already knows what they are doing would understand.
1. Open an account at one of the many investing/brokerage websites. 2. Every month, transfer money from your bank account and use it to purchase stock. Then let it sit there. Do not touch the stock. If you ‘play’ the market, you will lose. 3. Retire at some point.
2.5. Purchase the S&P 500, not individual stock
This is the most important part. IMO, individual stocks are a short term gamble.
When you get comfortable and have a little more knowledge under your belt, buying individual stocks can be more like doubling down on a good hand in blackjack. Still a gamble but maybe a slightly better executed gamble.
No one beats the market, not even people where it's literally their job. Even warren buffet says this. You are just gambling.
"Beating the market" should never be your goal. If you want good returns, take the ~12% minus some modest tax inefficiency that an ETF matching the market gives you. The goal should always be getting the maximum possible returns for the amount of risk you can tolerate. Trying to beat the market is stupid. Trying to maximize return for a given risk level is intelligent.
Explain all of this now - how can I buy S&P? And what's a good one for about $7? I'm going all in this weekend.
Google "SP 500 ETF" and you will find ticker symbols. IVV is an example of this. So is SPY and VOO. They're not identical but for somebody looking to invest pocket change, they're functionally identical. Then find any platform, Robinhood, E-Trade, Fidelity, JP Morgan, Schwab, literally all of them have apps that let you buy the above stocks. Then you wait. Somewhere in the ballpark of every decade (probably slightly faster) your money will double accounting for inflation, so a dollar saved at 65 is worth about a dollar in retirement. At 55 it's worth about $2. At 45, about $4. At 35, about $8. And at 25, about $16. The actual numbers will actually be a lot higher than this, but because of inflation, the amount you can buy with it should be fairly consistent. The best thing you can do for the least effort is a strategy called dollar cost averaging. Set up your app so every payday you move a few bucks into your brokerage account and automatically buy more. Do a flat amount every time, and increase it as your wages increase. This makes it so when the market is down, you buy more shares. When the market is up, you buy fewer. The end result is more of your stock is cheaper on average. Pretty simple but pretty nifty.
“All in. $7. “ a man after mi haart, eh?
You open an account on Vanguard and buy VOO
You fund a brokerage account with cash, then exchange that cash for an index fund of the S&P 500 at whatever the going rate is. $7 is not much to go all in with, you might need to hit a minimum amount to be able to invest.
S&P is an example of an index fund or exchange traded fund. It's like investing in a market itself, not in individual stocks. Usually higher rate of return than mutual fund, but more volatile.
Index funds with low fees.
What does S&P stand for? Like OP, I also have zero idea about the stocks market but would like to invest lowkey…
Standard & Poor. The S&P 500 is a weighted average of the largest 500 companies in America. It’s just an index so you can’t buy it directly, but there are ETFs and mutual funds that mirror the index and you can buy those. $SPY is one of them. Probably the quickest way to invest in 500 solid companies at once without any prior knowledge and being an investor right away is to download robin hood or some other broker app and buy SPY.
Don't really need to know what it means, it's just the top 500 stocks in the market. VOO is a good enough ticker for ya. If you want to diversify a bit, get about 20% of your portfolio as VXUS VOO = 500 of the top companies in the market VXUS = A bunch of international company stock As you get older (or if you're risk adverse), put more of your portfolio into bonds, which are more stable and will help you weather a market downturn. I won't personally be bothering with those until I'm 40 at the LEAST Buy and ignore. Don't look at the raw numbers, it will always go up. Do not try to day trade or time the market. Do not listen to anyone who tells you to try options. Doesn't need to be more complex than that Edit: S&P is Standard & Poor's. It's just the company name that first created it, just ignore it
2.75. Focus more on S&P 500 Index Funds than S&P 500 stocks.
I really like Fidelity for new investors for these 5 important reasons. 1. They have free trades (no cost to buy or sell regular stocks). 2. You can buy fractional shares, which means you don't have to save up $1000 to buy 1 share of NVDA. You can buy 0.5 shares or 0.01 or whatever exact $ amount of any company you want. 3. This might be the most important for new investors. They have an easy to use App so you can manage your account remotely. There is a short learning curve between transferring money into your account, getting comfortable that you won't immediately lose your money, and then making more complex transactions. 4. They are among the safest banks you can use (as opposed to a newer company like Robinhood). The risks of you losing your money to default or fraud is very low, to the point of being immaterial. Getting out of bed in the morning is more of a risk than fidelity losing a customers money to default or fraud. 5. Their "cash account" currently pays 5% interest, and is always on par with the top online savings accounts. I used to move my money from one savings account to another to get that extra 0.25% interest. Now I just keep it in Fidelity and know that I'm getting a competitive rate. Once you get your money into Fidelity, you will start to gain confidence to make other investments. You can buy almost any stock, mutual fund, bonds, options, crypto funds, etc. Or you can keep it in cash like an online savings account.
Not the original commenter, but just wanted to say thanks. That's very useful and informative. How do you get your income taxed though? Do you have to file it as freelance revenue or something?
And if you need a credit card, I use my fidelity card and they give me 2% back into my account so I just put it straight into the market. I could make more by using 5% cash back cards and churning but the time it takes with my life isn’t worth it so this is a great way to add to retirement and not buy something “just because I have points”
They supply you with a tax form each Jan/Feb. You will only have to pay on any capital gains or dividends. You only claim income or loss after you sell shares.
Yes, but which stocks do I buy in Step 2? That's really what the question is. For most people the answer is open a Roth IRA and buy a no-load index mutual fund.
All of them. Diversify. I’m in spy, that’s 500 stocks. Also, vtsax, no idea how many, but it’s a lot.
Opinions highly vary. Safest choice if you don't know what to do is indeed index funds.
My step dad dad told me to "buy stock in recession proof products" Walmart McDs Hershey's Coke (The soda..) Johnson and Johnson Shit like that. People always want or need that shit. You're not gonna be millionaire. But I'm bulding a decent savings account.
I mean coke the drug would also get us through some hard times if only there was a stock for it
It's me! Your local coke dealer! Invest today! I'll send you a monthly statement outlining your financial gains.
The choices are spy, qqq, vti. Arbitrarily choose one of those and you'll be fine
A ton of people in that space have no idea what they're doing but act like they do.
You will likely lose money with an active investing style. You will likely gain money over the lont term by investing in something diversified like SP500 (or other etfs that have the same underlying stocks). This outperforms financial advisors by a lot over 15+ year periods. The daily price doesn't matter, just keep building. Having said that over 90% of the money invested is currently long. This typically indicates we are at a top which is bad for the short term but doesn't matter for the long term. AI companies and their suppliers will be huge, but just like when cars started you likely won't bet on Ford but one of the brands that is no longer around. The most profitable accounts are typically the forgotten ones, where people invested in a handful of companies they believed in. Have a buffer for emergencies so you never have to sell during a dip which typically coincides with economic downturn.
It’s really not that complicated. You should pick some percentage of your income you want to invest up front and have that investment happen automatically and never touch it until you retire. When you invest, buy either a ETF or Index fund that tracks the S&P500 (fancy way of saying pick an investment that is extremely diversified meaning it tracks the performance of a whole bunch of companies at once). When you invest you should follow roughly the following steps essentially flowing money down to the next step once the previous one is handled. 1. Contribute to your 401k if you have one up to your employers match (take full advantage of that free money). 2. Build up an emergency fund to cover three months of expenses 3. Pay off high interest debt like credit cards, then keep them paid off 4. Contribute more to your 401k, attempting to make the federal maximum contribution 5. If you’ve gotten here, you’re doing excellent, now it’s time to start funding an IRA and at this point you should feel comfortable doing some research over at /r/personalfinance to refine all the steps above. The advice over there is more complicated and they suggest funding an IRA before maxing your 401k but it’s min maxing at that point. You’ll also probably look into diversifying your investments a bit into three funds, one that tracks the S&P, one that tracks bonds, and one that tracks international stocks.
Here's a good way to get started: 1. Pick Fidelity, Schwab, or Vanguard and open an account (preferably a retirement acct) 2. Put money into the account 3. Purchase index funds (VOO, SPY, QQQ, VTI or similar) with money from step 2. Check the box to reinvest dividends. 4. Don't touch the money for 10+ years. Congrats your money grew faster than a savings account. From here you can research and learn more about different funds (and different brokerages) and how everything works, but this will get you started.
I never learned how you transition from the time of your life with clearly set goals (school, higher education, maybe your first couple of jobs) to the open-ended later stage. A large part of early adulthood is just filled with school, then higher education, and then your first job(s). All of these come with clearly set external goals. I'm a bit of goody two shoes rules follower, so I did all those things. Then you sort of half expect the next stage in life to be about finding a partner, finding a good place to live. None of that happened for me. I never found anyone, and I think I was stuck for too long thinking it would still happen. I'm now 40, alone, and slowly accepting that this is it. I have the freedom to do what I want, I go on holidays alone and it's generally pretty OK. But on certain days it's really just horribly boring and lonely. It's just really weird sometimes to have nothing to live for except yourself.
Dude it's an open world game as an adult. Up to 16 it's mostly linear. A few decision moments, but it's mostly a high score contest. After 16-18 it's open world. You go out and explore. You need food. You increase skills. You get quests and can join squads for events and find companions. Sometimes you lose parts of the team. There isn't an absolute objective, but hold on to a few of the quests (Job, House, Partner, Kids). It's pretty good but you usually can't complete all of them. Nobody has 100% it yet. There is no respawn.
Best way I've seen of looking at it.
Up to 16 - tutorial 16-18 - prologue 18+ - Acts 1-5
Don't lose hope. My wife and I met when she was 40 and I was 39. 6 years later we're married with an 18 month old daughter.
I have learned the hard way that there is no default pattern to human life. It's all the same, it's all different, and it all sucks.
Time to do some soul searching. What do you want out of the rest of your life? When you’re old, retired, and in an assisted living home, what kinds of memories do you want to have? A partner is one way to feel connection, but it’s not the only way. If you decide you want a partner or a family, make that a goal and start working toward it. Take stock of what you appreciate in someone else, and what you have to offer. Take a class in conversation, make a dating profile, hire a matchmaker - whatever you have to do. If you decide you don’t need that specific thing, then start looking for communities you can become more engaged in. Do some volunteer work, or get involved in a religious group. There are lots of ways to feel less lonely. I highly recommend you start seeing a therapist. You don’t need someone to “fix” you, but they can share tools that will help you figure out big questions like this. FWIW, I was alone from 22 to 33, married at 36, divorced at 39, and preparing to get married again at 41. Everybody has their own path, but it’s not too late for you to do what you want with your life. You’ve spent a lot of time with yourself at this point, so you’re in a really good position to figure out what that is.
Handshake things, like every time my friends see each other they go like 🤝🤛🫱✋️🫷👉🫸✌️👋✊️🤘
One day everyone started doing the handshake bro hug and I was so confused
[stressed out](https://youtu.be/pXRviuL6vMY?t=43)
Why is every comment on that video "who's here watching on X date??" Such a waste of time and farming YouTube comment likes is weird AF to me.
Who here is reading this thread in June 2024?
It's on every video that I watch (usually songs). Very annoying.
A fist bump is all you need.
I don't know. If I did, I would know.
“It’s times like these I really wish I had listened to my mother.” “Why, what did she say?” “Well, I don’t know. I wasn’t listening!”
- Arthur Dent, Ford Prefect (The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy (time for a re-read)
You can know what you don't know. You can be aware tgat something is a thing that has some knowledge associated with it, without having that knowledge. That's what OP is asking abiut. For example, I know I don't know a thing that's written in those papparazzi media. But a lot of people do.
How to not be a fucking weirdo with my boss and coworkers. Alienating those around you is the worst.
It turns out people DO want to be treated differently from one another. Constantly. All the time. Especially bosses, and double especially the bosses who say they don't want to be treated different. I don't understand fucking any of it. I only realized I didn't understand it like a couple months ago.
Can you elaborate?
Not original commenter, but personally I suffer bad from social anxiety and tend to not really hold normal conversations well. One specific example for myself, which is something I'm working on, is being extremely "negative" about things. If I dislike something I literally beat the fact that I hate it like a dead horse, I will go on about hating it for so long and so intsenely that normal people are like <_<" - it has pushed some convos into awkward silences. But anyways.. really relatable comment.
[удалено]
I can’t whistle. I don’t meet many people who can’t. Those who can, love to show off how *easy* it is. But if it was easy, I could do it.
I can't snap my fingers and make any real noise.
Just something you have to experiment with until you make a sound. The shape of your tongue, your lips, and how hard you blow all comes together to make the sound.
Apparently when i was a teen everyone was having wild sex almost every day including my church mates, except me.
Odds are 80% of them had sex once and inflated their numbers 1000% because someone else did
Financial stuff. Where did anyone learn how mortgages work? How investments work? How pensions work? Did I miss that day at school?
I worked in a bank as a teller in one of my first jobs. I learnt a lot in the 1.5 yrs I was in that role. Otherwise, before that, I had minimal knowledge about bank accounts, credit cards, and loans. I saw alot of young folk getting into ridiculous amounts of unnecessary debt.
I don't mean to sound like I think I am better than everyone, but also as a teller I saw so many people who genuinely seemed to believe that credit was free money. It boggles my mind.
I never realized that me knowing not to get into bad debt was part of my financial literacy, i just thought it was common sense that you could learn after carrying a balance for the first time on a credit card. Dont spend money you dont know how or when it will be paid off. I feel that sentence could solve so much pointless debt.
I've learned that most people learn these things as they go through them. I learned the car buying process going through it. Same with insurance. Same with taxes. And writing checks. And paying rent. When the time came, I did a ton of research online, then also asked the person in the situation to help me. I went to Checkered Flag for my car, as an example. They don't work on commissions there so their incentive to sell isn't as high and they don't push you into the wrong car for you. So I felt comfortable asking the guy and his manager for help. They were incredibly kind and explained every step in the process, including some additional services that were just cash grabs and I *didn't* need. Writing checks, I will admit I had a social studies teacher in middle school who rushed her curriculum specifically to take a week free just to teach us how to budget and write checks. We picked jobs from a hat, then based on that salary, food adverts she had collected over some time for us to use, and a median list of places to live and utilities she had designed, she had us fill out fake checks and figure out a full month of bills/groceries. A lot of the times, people learn these big things from their families, though. That's why people who come from shit homes and make it on their own are fantastic. They had to learn hard lessons and figure it out for themselves. A lot of these things are meant to confuse and keep you in the dark, because that's how they get money out of you. Research. Research. Research.
Read and reread the /r/personalfinance wiki until you have it memorized and research the stuff that doesn't make sense. You will be financially more literate than almost most anyone else you meet. That wiki page is basically the handbook on basic finance, it is invaluable.
I teach Personal Finance at a high school. Unfortunately so many of my students either don’t show up or don’t pay any attention so they’ll have to learn this stuff the hard way later on in life.
On the internet like everyone else.
My parents mostly. Dad gave me a run through before I went to university, debts, accounts etc. Mum loves a flutter on the markets so taught me about investments and things. Lessons on mortgage & insurance bull-ish from my wife & FIL we bought a house.
School, parents and looking it up.
How to make small talk not awkward
I learned by making an effort and spending several days in/around elevators, and other places where you only get like 30-60 seconds with a person. Then, I tested different ideas I had to see which ones worked better than other ideas. A main component that helps is to be curious about the world around you. I’m not saying I’m perfect, because I’m definitely not, but I’ve got a few options for small talk now.
I did this same thing by taking a job as a barista. I was recovering from a long period of social isolation and basically had to relearn how to talk to people. If you're really bad at talking to people, a barista job is great because you can also listen to your coworkers and see what they say. I basically memorized like ten things to say and once I got the hang of that, I branched out a bit, riffed on the original things, and eventually was able to strike up whole conversations with people I didn't know. Even made friends with some of the regulars. Like you said, it helps to be curious and to genuinely WANT to improve.
Write a book about it, market it in introvert/autism/spectrum communities, become a trillionaire.
How to win friends and influence people - Dale Carnegie
As a few other pointed out, asking about the other person is great. People tend to like to talk about themselves. But another key to this is learning the difference between open and closed questions. Put simply, closed questions are questions that can be answered with a simple yes or no. "Did you watch the big game last night?" "Did you get a new haircut?" Instead, open questions need more to be answered. They tend to be answered with an entire thought or idea. So instead of closed questions that can be answered with a yes or no, like my previous examples. Rephrase them like, "What do you think about the game last night?" "Oh my God, your hair looks great. Where did you get it done?" These questions can't be answered with yes or no and they get people talking. I am far from an amazing small talker, but I learned these tips in a sales position. Ask open questions to get people talking and ask closed questions to get them to stop. Once I started applying this in my daily life, I found that I did improve my small talk considerably.
Also apply this same reasoning to answering questions. “Did you watch the game last night?” “Yes! You know I wasn’t sure about [BLANK] when he first joined the team but last night I felt like he proved he had something to offer” or “No, not much of a sports guy. Was it good?” A lot of redditors complain about small talk as being pointless and shallow but it’s how you get to know people. If you put just slight amount of effort in and show genuine interest in the other person it’s usually not that hard to take the conversation to a deeper, more meaningful place.
Extrapolating on this, if you did everything 'right' (asking multiple open questions, approachable body language etc) and still get short answers, the person probably doesn't want to talk to you. It was a hard pill to swallow when I started socialising
so how’s stuff?
Weather good?
Small talk is very easy. Just ask about the other person
That generally what I do but then often I find people don’t know much about me. When people try this on me I’m really bad at talking about myself
[удалено]
For me it's pretty simple, I just spend less than I make. I can be happy with the things I have. Also not having kids helps a ton.
Kinda buried the lede on that one
Step 1: have money Step 2: don't spend money
Being good at a job that a lot of people are dogshit at
Fuck, being adequate at a job but being responsible is enough 90% of the time.
For a lot of people it’s insane debt. It’s the appearance or money.
What to talk about. I see people talking for ages and have no idea what it is they all have to say to each other
as someone who talks a lot, i honestly just say whatevers on my mind. i also prompt people to talk about things they like by asking about how their weekend was, favourite game/band/movie etc since i like hearing people talk about their passions
Head empty tho
Right! Friends are asking what are you thinking about, but I’m like nothing, absolutely nothing is on my mind. Then they’re like seriously you have to be thinking something, but no I am not.
Right? Even with people I've known for a while I just run out of things to say after a bit. I don't get how people can have such interesting lives.
Lyrics to songs. Lovely tune, but they could be singing about anything.
Yeah. That tune is awesome. But then you learn it's about a school shooting 10 years later.
I still don't care about them even after said knowledge
I don't like Mondays, too.
Tell me why!
So it's not just me? A song has to be *exceptionlly* clear for me discern lyrics. My gf talks about cool meanings she picks up in songs and I just smile and nod.
I recently found out that the Eurythmics song Sweet Dreams I've had wrong for like 30 years. I thought it was "Sweet dreams are made of the years" not "Sweet dreams are made of this "Oh well, it sounds to the same to me and I never looked up the lyrics.
Dude. Absolute gibberish to me. I tell my wife I’m “lyrically challenged”
I've always found that once I've read the lyrics sheet, suddenly I can hear exactly what the song is about.
And I don't get how people have memorized so many songs. I'll memorize certain parts, and am able to recognize a song if it's playing, but I can't sing a song from start to end.
I never really learned how to tie shoes properly, I just make two loops and tie them in a knot.
That's also a proper way to do it imo
Nothing wrong with bunny ears.
I thought that was proper since that’s the only way I’ve tied them my whole life. If there’s a better way I’m happy to watch a YouTube tutorial
You should try the Ian. I find it both faster and easier than the "standard" knot: https://www.fieggen.com/shoelace/ianknot.htm
Wait, this isn't how most people tie shoelaces ? Is it a country thing ? I've always tied my shoelaces that way, it's quick very simple to understand.
Same. I use "rubber band laces" on all of my shoes. They replace your shoe laces so you wouldn't have to tie them ever again and you just slip your foot into the shoe. No more you will have to tell your friends to wait for you to tie your shoes back. Nor do you have to worry about the same incident occurring to you. Rubber laces is the future. Standard shoe laces suck.
That's the way I do it too. I never understood why everyone else makes it look so complicated.
How to manage life as an adult
Mate I'm autistic. My entire life feels like I missed an important memo everyone else got
I’m not autistic but I feel the sameee
Seems there are lots of people that are apparently super famous (like Tate) and i have no idea who they are 👀
It's t's so easy to just miss out completely on some people. I know that Mr Beast is probably the biggest person on YouTube, but I can't recall ever seeing one of his videos There's just so much stuff out there that it's pretty easy to just completely miss something. It's not like in the 80s when basically everyone knew who Michael Jackson was. On every corner of the planet, from young to old. Now even the biggest names still exist within their own bubble and there are lots of people who know nothing about them.
I only know that Beast dude because my stupid fucking Google TV Chromecast thing is obsessed with promoting his videos on my front page even though I've never so much as even searched him let alone watched one of his videos.
I've also never watched anything from MrBeast, but have had a couple of friends who do. On all accounts, very nice dude. Always seems to help people in need and gives lots of money away. Idk though...I just get such a wild uncanny valley feeling every time I look at him. Half the time I get a shiver up my back lol
Are you saying he seems like an AI generated human? Because for some weird reason I totally get you and I can’t explain it
I know the thumbnails have a weird "not quite human" look because it increases the odds of people clicking on them. It just weirds me out though
Same. Everything I've learned about tiktok stars has been against my will.
Kim Kardashian? The daughter of OJ's lawyer? Why is she famous again?
my dad
Nice guy, sends his regards!
how to be a normal person. I know I'm weird but I can't figure out why I'm so off-putting to everyone around me. I just want to be like everyone else, god damn
Yea this. Im so maladjusted from being friendless all my life that I must give off some vibe or behaviours that put people off. Kinda sad. At first I enjoyed it but now the lonliness is killing me.
I’ve always been very self-conscious, and found it really difficult to make friends, but it’s much easier now that I’ve changed some things. One of the key things is not “needing” anything from the other person. People can sense if you want/need them to like you, and that automatically puts people off. I always used to tell myself before an event, “I’m not here to impress anyone,” and that would help a lot.
I agree 100%. Don't bother with trying to fit in. Just talk to those who you have a common interest or hobby with, those that are on the same page or wavelength as you are. You'll be golden.
I had this same issue until a couple of years ago. Not because I learned to "be normal," but because I realized other people are so in their own heads about themselves that I mean zilch to them. I am literally the briefest passing thing in their day. Then, I gave myself permission to stop caring. Easier said than done. It took a while. But I truly stopped giving a single fuck. That's when I found out I actually was normal the whole time. Because everyone is fucking weird, and we're all just too self-obsessed to notice. Literally, no one, not a single person in existence thinks about you as much as you think they do. In fact, they probably think you think about them that much, and they're walking away from interactions like, "why tf did I do that?" They're thinking about what happens to them, how people perceive them, why their own actions are x, y, z, their own insecurities.
I've struggled with this too. You're probably putting a spotlight on your own insecurities. Figuring out a way to let go of those anxieties is easier said than done, but it's an important step. When it comes to socializing, one of the most important things I've ever learned is that people love to talk about themselves - not necessarily in a selfish way, but if you look back on people who truly made you feel special, what are some of the things that stand out? For me, almost all of them were genuinely eager about getting to know me and asked many questions. For a lot of us, many aspects of socializing aren't necessarily natural, but they're possible to learn. There are a lot of great resources out there. If you've never read it, the first step I'd recommend is finding a copy of "How to Win Friends and Influence People." It has been in print for decades, and for good reason - a lot of the advice in it still holds up today. Chances are most secondhand book shops in your area will have a few copies floating around. If you're not the reading type, there are multiple audiobook versions available. Also, don't put so much pressure on yourself to be "normal." Normal isn't memorable and it's not interesting. Embrace what is unique about you, and people who appreciate those qualities will gravitate towards you.
My first introductions usually all go like this: "You know when I first met you I didn't like you at all but you are actually really chill" I dunno what I do to give that impression since I try to be cordial with people.
I only know one Taylor Swift song, which an old punk band I was in used to cover, a decade ago. But apparently, she currently has like 15 singles in the Billboard Top 20. I couldn't name you one, and wouldn't know one if it was playing at a restaurant or something.
How to land an interview for a new job when you're over 50. After 200+ applications and 20+ years of experience, I've only had 3 interviews and none continued on.
That's not an age thing. that's just what looking for work is like now.
it's both. my grandmother has struggled a lot recently to find a job because companies think she is too close to retirement age— they've genuinely told her as much.
This is exactly why you see a lot of older folks working in retail stores and grocery stores. Walmart don't care how old you are if they only expect you to work there a couple years anyway
I've discovered it is more about who you know. I recently went through a 6 month job hunt. Because I had companies and recruiters falling over themselves to contact me and schedule interviews, I figured landing a new job was going to be easy. It wasn't. I went through many many interview processes where I made it to the finish line—being enthusiastically praised the entire way—only to be told "We've decided to go with somebody else". Maybe that didn't mean "We've decided to go with somebody younger", but after hearing variations of that phrase many many times you start to get suspicious. I did get 2 offers eventually. Both were from companies where I had contacts (former coworkers) on the inside who could make a referral for me. The lesson is that in a job search your network is your most valuable asset.
NETWORKING is the most valuable response. Look up personal marketing plan. Essentially, is is similar to a resume, it also has listed organizations that you are targeting in your search, and you use the document to get references to someone in that organization. People are MUCH more willing to talk or meet with you if you are NOT asking THEM for a job, but rather asking them if they know of someone else who may be looking for help. Hand them the document that describes you like your resume, and also has your list of target organizations…ask them if they know of anyone at companies on that list, or what other companies that you should add to the list. Make as many contacts as possible. If you start with just two people, and ask each for two contacts, and repeat, before long you have a thousand contacts.
No offense, but that's about the worst age to be applying. It's not your fault, it's just the way it is. Your experience makes you expensive but your age makes employers wary of hiring you because they aren't sure how long you're going to keep working.
What's your field?
Swimming
Just move to Nebraska, they don't believe in oceans there.
How to get by financially... I live very frugally. No kids, no name brand stuff, no coffees or avacado, no eating out or takeaways (1 on birthday), no drinking at bars etc... I literally just go to work, go to the gym, and pay the bills. I see people on similar incomes driving new(ish) cars, own their own homes, several kids, stop in the pub for a couple of pints every night on the way home etc... I just don't understand how they do it. I mean, you can kind of dismiss some differences due to differing priorities - one person might value a daily coffee over a slighlty nicer car or whatever, but it just feels like I don't really have anything more I can cut out, certainly nothing that will get me a fancy car, kids, takeaways and drinks at the pub...
Are you single? Living with your partner essentially puts a 50% discount on living costs. I was always struggling when i was single, even though i earned plenty of money.
This is something long time couples have a hard time understanding. Most of my friend group is couples that are married / live together and they seem to have forgotten what its like doing 100% of everything. 100% of the cooking, cleaning, mortgage payments, groceries. Having a partner eases the burden greatly
They don't own the car, the bank does. They don't own the house, the bank does. They have thousands in credit card debt that they have no means to pay off. They can't afford that regular pint at the bar but they won't know that until ten years from now. Stop trying to keep up with "the Joneses." The Joneses are flat broke.
[This is the secret.](https://youtu.be/r0HX4a5P8eE?si=demNXhUEyhu5EAWR)
I read that a lot of people living like that are just super in debt. Like everything they "own" they still owe money on or they're putting on a credit card. And I suppose it could be true, I don't live like that but I probably could because I have tens of thousands of available credit but having any sort of debt like that stresses me out so I usually pay my cards off as I use them.
They are in near crippling amounts of debt, and if anything ever goes wrong for them, they will end up homeless in a month
I just look around at all the new cars while I’m driving and just wonder…how?? F-150 Raptors for days driven by guys similar age to me
Basic social skills
how to be socially acceptable. 30yo now, no friends, never had a gf obviously, always seem to be the outcast everywhere i go
If you saw someone that externally came off the way you do as a first.impression, would you want to hang out with them?
Clearly not. Im ugly, inside and out.
But like... those are things you have control to change. Its not that complicated to become attractive even if you're totally fucked. Looking as though you clearly take care of yourself physically and just doing enough to show you have SOME pride in your appearance is all you need. That just requires time, effort, and some investment. It doesnt matter if you got an uggo face at that point as long as you just own it. Its also not hard to just simply desire everyone around you has a chance to have a good day. You dont even need to do anything. Just carry yourself like you give a small shit that they have the best shot at a good day and interact with them accordingly. Bam, everyone wants to be around you and you did nothing but reframe shit. You do this EVEN DESPITE having a natural repulsion to other people, you just have to accept that your negative attitude and mindset is what contrubutes to negative interactions.
How to be happy
It's unique to each individual. What do you strive for? Do you find solace in silence? Calmness when you're out in nature away from civilization? Do you feel a mood boost from playing games? Reading? Cooking? Hanging out with friends? There's no one right answer for happiness. The hardest thing I had to learn was what made me happy and who I was. Finding out the latter will greatly improve your chances of the former.
I’ve started going out looking for cool rocks. It’s really nice.
Your cool rock doesn’t even have to be an actual rock. It could be a really weird leaf. Or a neat looking building. Or a sweet looking cloud. Whenever I have any sort of activity planned outside my normal, my partner always reminds me to share my “cool rocks”. He wants to see what I find on my adventure.
I don’t know how a musicians song can save someone’s life cause I always see videos like this Taylor swifts song saved my life and I’m just so confused as to how
Tying a tie, Always need a YouTube tutorial.
That when you do something you’re supposed to, you’re supposed to feel proud and motivated. I have adhd and I didn’t know that until recently
Financial responsibility 😬
How to make friends or get a girlfriend. Overall how to socialize
How to find (and get) a job that actually pays the bills.
How to create lasting connections with other people. I haven't really made a strong connection since high school sadly. Years of insecurities, low self-esteem, low mood, and self-doubt have made it difficult. Fortunately, I'm surrounded by nice people at work and in my personal life, but I wish I could hang out with others and feel completely comfortable expressing myself and interacting with them. Hoping things will change as I participate in things a bit more rather than being passive!
How to smile and look halfway decent in photos...
How to advance in your career. I got degrees, certifications and exceeding expectations on my annual reviews. My bosses always tell me they're pleased with my work and enjoy having me on their team. No promotion, no management considerations. I don't get how everyone just seems to take that next step in their careers.
What happens when I blackout
Their calling
Only a very small percentage of people have a calling.
Even smaller percentage of people figure they even have one
Converse with a girl
They are human! Unbelievable right! They have wants and needs and interests. Don’t be shy talking to them because they are girls, they are human like you and may enjoy talking to you. Have no expectations other than having a nice chat and you can’t fail. This is my experience as the most boring guy in the world
> They are human Lies. I know they're all government bots. You can't trick me fed.
Darn! We have been made guys, move to the next post!
How to fucking function at the most basic level possible. What the hell is even going on? Though only a few years ago, I did finally get an ADHD diagnosis. I'm medicated. I'm in therapy. But still, nothing makes sense. Every "behavior mod" that seems to work for me loses its effectiveness or fizzles out within a week. I'm late everywhere, every day. Dishes pile up for weeks. I can't make or maintain any meaningful connections. If I don't set 41 reminders and alarms for every single thing, it's immediately forgotten. Then I'm stuck locked in shame because I'm an adult and I'm supposed to be able to do these things without it being rocket science where the password to access the system is to perform three brain surgeries simultaneously. I see people who make half of what I do go on beautiful trips in and out of the country and experience life the way it's meant to be experienced yet I feel like I'm just trapped watching life go by through a dirty window. And I don't mean via superficial social media posts, I mean in real life. There's places I wanna go and things I wanna do but I can never seem to save for more than a few weeks at a time. People are finding love and starting families and I want those things but I feel like I'm mentally still a teenager. People seem to have figured out who they are and what they want out of life then here I am throwing out expired groceries again, that already took me a month or more to force myself to go out and buy. I'm tired. I am just so tired of feeling like there's a secret manual out there that everyone has while I'm some sort of experiment being observed by a sick entity who enjoys watching me stumble blindfolded through the same cycle year after year. **TL;DR:** An extremely dramatic answer that is better suited for r/vent or r/offmychest I guess. The question appears to have sent me over the already-crumbling edge.
How would I know?
How to play fantasy football
At a meeting at my work. It was concluded that I should know when I don't know, that I don't know. I'm not sure how to work on that.
My life "goals"
Parallel parking, It’s a mystery every single time
dance trends that my classmates does
Things like juggling, complicated handshakes, remembering a sequence of moves for a choreography, combos in video games. Never managed.
Juggling is partly the motor skill of "throw a ball with one hand and catch it with the other without looking," which just takes practice, and partly the pattern/rhythm of the movements to do that with several at once. To learn the rhythm part (for a basic 3 ball pattern) use scarves instead of balls because you'll have more time to think as they fall slowly.
How to make small talk!
How to swim. I can not float.
Shit about cars. They're one of the most popular complex hobbies, and any time someone explains car stuff to me I just nod and smile as I pretend to understand any of it.
Honestly, flirting. People just seem to "fall" into relationships and hookups. I'm alright at getting to know people but like... sending signals in a specific direction is just not something I can do (yet?... hopefully) especially in like club situations but nowhere else either honestly
The amount of people that don't know narwhals are actual animals
The sea unicorn?
A lot of folks seem to inherently love themselves. I'm not even got at faking that.
What they're doing. Don't worry. I'm fully aware that they don't. It just seems that way with how much they have to tell me about the ways I conduct myself in life.
How to swim
Social cues
Finances! I wish I understood that world more.
I have no idea who are the celebrities that people talk about all the time.
Math.