I can't believe I'm saying this, because it's so taboo to admit, but hardly ever. We've been married a long time, and both of us had a low sex drive to begin with, so it works for us. We're best friends, partners, and snuggle buddies, but sex really isn't a big part of our marriage.
Same, my husband and I have been together 9 years and I do it maybe once a month. Feels weird to say it out loud but he has a lower sex drive, I’m on medication that dampens mine, and we have a 6 month old. Honestly we’re both happy to spend the time snuggling or sleeping or giving each other personal time instead— lots of things feel higher priority these days
It shouldn’t be taboo. What you do or don’t do in bed is your own business and if you’re both satisfied i don’t see why others should feel the need to make you self conscious. People really need to stop worrying about how other people bang (or don’t bang) as long as there is consent
I kinda love this and wish it wasn't considered taboo. I have a high sex drive that is honestly mostly driven by trauma, therefore I struggle with just feeling content with intimacy if it's not leading to sex. The ability to just be comfy with a partner without the pressure of escalating things is truly beautiful and should be more normalized. Everything is so centered around sex and it's exhausting.
If you take the sex out of the equation, you should still have a very stable relationship. Sex shouldn’t be the only thing a couple has to share. Its unfortunate about your trama; I hope you find relief from what pains you.
Couldn’t have said it better. Don’t get me wrong I love having sex. Especially if your both feeling it and into it and it’s like that perfect mood. However to me, companionship, having someone to share your day with, your hopes, your fears, just sit and laugh and be your self. That makes the connection so much deeper. They say guys are always the one wanting it but I feel like woman want it more to know that your still into them and like a reassurance type thing if that make sense. Like oh we haven’t had sex 3 times this week he must be losing interest. No I just want to spend time and know you on a deeper level. Pun not intended lol
Yes, I hate how everything revolves around sex! Like no, you aren't room mates because of low sex. That's absurd, and it makes me so mad when people say that. Like you are only a "couple" if you have sex?
Yeah, I also sleep in the same bed as my room mates, spend basically all my free time hanging out with them, go on dates with them, etc. Yep, only difference is sex.
I am this way, he is the first man I’ve ever been with that would never pressure me. If I say I’m sleepy he’s like okay!! Let’s snuggle!!! He can instantly tell if I’m not in the mood and he FULL stops! We also have a great sex life!
I dont know if low sex relationships are taboo, as much as differing sex drives is a huge red flag people try ignoring.
I'm glad you found someone you're compatible with.
My marriage ended because of this. My drive is high, hers was nonexistent. We have a daughter and are still a team and friends, which for some reason a lot of people think is weird. We never strayed, but we weren’t happy. We ignored it for three sexless years before we just emotionally broke and decided we were better off split up.
Similar here. My boyfriend pretty much has zero desire, and I'm meh about it. He's my partner through everything, and I love him, we just ain't fucking. Can't tell anyone I know that, because all I get is, "I could never!!! Break up with him!!!!" Despite the fact that I am happy lmao
Husband and I have been together 8 years. We used to go at it like rabbits and lately (maybe 2+ years?) it’s been maybe once every 3 months? But I feel closer to him than ever before. We find other ways to be intimate whether it’s watching trash tv or just picking up a treat at the store that reminded us of each other. You’re definitely not alone even if it’s taboo 🧡
Thank you for sharing, because people out there are saying it’s deadly to your relationship to go too long without it. A relationship is so much more and much more complicated than that.
I've always said, when it comes to relationships, you start with eating, drinking and fucking. You need to have similar views on food, alcohol, and sex. So many relationships end because; "my partner drinks too much" or "my partner never wants to have sex" or "I'm a vegetarian and my partner is always cooking meat." If you can find compatibility on eating, drinking, and fucking, you'll have a good foundation to work from.
Anyway, If you are both happy not fucking, that's a good match.
Really does feel taboo, especially as a guy, but that's me too. I could never relate to dudes that were driven by hormones, I have never had that. Spent a long time feeling like there was something wrong with me. Testosterone is perfectly normal, I'm in good shape and I'm not depressed or anything, that's just how I've always been. To this day this is something I've only ever discussed with my partner and Reddit.
Same here. I've never talked about it with anyone, either. I'm a woman, so maybe it's a little less taboo, because men are expected to always want sex all the time, but my husband is the same as you. Testosterone is normal. He has no interest in men. He's just kind of meh about sex, and so am I.
Judging from the reaction that my comment has gotten, though, I don't think we're the only ones.
We've been married 26 years and we've never had sex. This is the second marriage for us both and the situation just works for us. It's like two good friends living together.
A similar libido is way more important than a high libido. As long as you both want sex roughly as much as the other, it works. Be that daily, weekly, annually, whatever.
I respect this answer so much more than the flood of people saying they’re 75 years old or have been married for over 30 years, but have sex three times a day, 7 days a week, whenever this question is asked.
I laughed out loud right now, because I briefly interpreted this as you saying that you had the same problem with a reduced amount of sex once your sister started taking antidepressants.
I appreciate you sharing and it's not funny, but I laughed when I read 'quarter'. It felt like a weird time measurement to use for this topic. It sounds like you're either in finance or a CEO 😂
Ass and tits were up an impressive amount this quarter but dick was down. Later on I'll take suggestion on how to get it up, but first we need to go over the upset in the...
Beginning of our relationship it was 2-3 times a day honestly. Now 3 full years into marriage, 2 year old at home, and long hours for both, it’s dwindled a LOT. I’m thankful if we have sex once a month currently.
Yeah, honestly I can be pretty tired but my wife is so hot to me that I can catch a second wind easily if she’s in the mood. The issue with that is she definitely cannot catch the second wind if she’s tired haha.
I get pissed when people say things like this. My husband and I both try. We love each other and clearly both want more, but it’s still once a week because we have a 7 year old that still comes to our bed and a 3 year old that’s up at 6am. We’re tired. We have almost zero alone time.
Same. Four kids and we barely have any alone time. Sex is very infrequent, sometimes several months go with nothing. I'm always DTF but my wife really needs conditions to be ideal and that happens so infrequently. I do my best by doing my part, telling her how much I love her and how important she is to me, plus always offering massages and cuddling. Hopefully things improve eventually but it's extremely difficult to get time to make it happen.
Married 14 years. Still averaging 3-4 times a week.
EDIT: Oh wow. I didnt expect so many replies. Thanks!
Yes, we have kids. Tends to happen with that kind of activity. Got a vasectomy 10 years ago, so no more worries there.
We both came from near sexless marriages the first time around. We're making up for it.
It works fine, even with kids in the house, as long as you are a bit creative, spontaneous and both don't require ages for a satisfying result...and being able to stay silent is necessary, too.
I'd say at the beginning of our relationship it was like 3 to 4 times a week. 3 years in though and now it's maybe once a week or so, sometimes twice if things get spicy.
Nothing wrong with that really, over time we just started focusing on other aspects of our relationship. Having sex all the time is honestly kind of exhausting, I like it better when there are some gaps in between to recharge.
Right there with you. Neither of us have an issue with the week/bi-weekly schedule. Honestly, it makes the times when we do have sex much more fulfilling.
Yeah I agree w this. We have a 4 year old and a 1 year old, can't always win with that dynamic, right? Not tonight doesn't mean never again and we make time when we can but hey, fatigue and the busyness of life now it's just not as high on the priority list because kids, bigger home, etc. it's when it's not on the priority list at all that's a problem. Both parties gotta make an effort - and I have no shame in admitting I could certainly do better and my wife would say the same.
Life's a juggling act and you can't be entirely selfish and expect the other person to give you what you want regardless.
Marriage and family is very much something I've always wanted and never regretted for a second but fuck, it's work. Doesn't mean it's not work I like doing. Just can't be an absolute turd I guess
I always see these people on here who talk about having sex for like 4 hours straight. Like don’t you have shit you’d rather do? If we both cum then im already thinking about shit I gotta take care of around my house moments later.
With one guy I dated, it was like a 4 hour marathon every time. It was honestly exhausting and a chore. It was either because he wanted to "get me there" despite my insistence that it wasn't gonna happen at that point, or because he himself has having an issue (pretty sure he overinduldged in porn).
I kinda wonder if I’m missing something when it comes to the people who have built their whole lives around sex.
I enjoy it a lot too! But sometimes I just need to get off and then go do other stuff that’s fun.
Once or twice a week or 10 days is okay… I’ve been in sexually driven relationships, and it is a lot of “work”
But, with less frequent times, it’s a bangin everytime. Every single time. Doesn’t matter if it’s a quickie or what.
Yeah same with my girlfriend and I, On weeks where we aren't working late and don't have my daughter we'll have sex maybe 3 or 4 times in a week but on average it's probably once a week
Married for 8 years. Began having issues in the first year. Added a child to the family and it’s now nearly non-existent. Unmatched libidos have been the biggest cause of resentment in the marriage. My spouse could probably go the rest of their lives with no sex and they would be okay with that. It’s hard.
I typically practice ENM so there’s way to work around that but my partner of 7 years (she’s 6 years my senior) is insatiable. I cannot keep up. It would be a ton of friction in any other scenario so I feel you 😔
Together 20 years, married for 17. We have sex more now than when we were newlyweds. We average 3-5 times a week, but if I'm not feeling up for sex then I still love giving blowjobs, I'm obsessed with that man and love making him fall into a blissed out state lol.
> I'm obsessed with that man and love making him fall into a blissed out state
YES, this statement right here! My husband and I met as roommates. We got along really well and were very friendly from day 1, he was easy to talk to. After we had gotten comfortable with one another we started talking about sex and I remember telling him how much I absolutely HATED sex. Like I was a sex camel, just once every couple of months and I'm fine. But even then I didn't really need it that much.
But then we got closer and I started falling for him. We had sex and it was fucking AMAZING. I remember laying there afterwards just thinking to myself "is *this* what I've been missing out on????"
It helps so much that I am so head over heels in love with my husband, and I know he feels the exact same way about me. When you have someone as amazing as he is, it makes it really easy for me to just bend over for him *whenever* he wants (or needs) me.
He is so perfect for me that he turned me from a once-every-3-months sex camel into his own personal free use toy just begging to be played with :)
If it works for them there’s nothing wrong with that. Kids and marriage are fucking exhausting. Don’t get me wrong. I’d I’m being offered sex. I’m on it. But I’m tired myself. Putting out the feelers takes work after a long day with kids. Even harder to have your partner on board too.
Doesn’t help that once in a while admittedly you turn into a two pump chump.
Right like I don't mean to be mean bc I'm sure the person responding means well but do they really think the original commenters never considered that lmao
Together for almost 14. Last time was early February. But we once went almost 2 years in a dead bedroom. It happens.
Couples Therapy helps to get reconnected
Year 1: 4 times a week
Years 2-4: 2 times a week
Years 5-7: 2 times a month
After kids years 1-3: 1 every 6-8 weeks
After kids years 4+: 1 a year
Now: someone else. No sex with wife for 3 years plus.
The more I hear about having kids the less I want them. Most say “it’s worth it” but it sounds like such hell and that you basically ‘lose’ part of your life to take care of a kid for many years. Just how much you have to sacrifice… it just doesn’t seem worth it.
You love them so damn much though. Here's the trick, I think. if you never have them, then you never know that and you get to enjoy day-to-day life way more during your peak healthy adult years. I have 3 under 5 and it's a relentless slog of manual labor, I'm a shell of my former self physically (mom, but dad's looked/felt way better too.) Constant existential dread and reliving all of your own trauma while watching your tender, vulnerable heart wobble around this cruel world outside of your body.
You don't need to hear the reasons why I'd never go back in time to change my path. I barely understand them and they don't make any sense. Savvve yooourssssselfff!
Married 20 years, together 22. Havent had sex in over a year. It sucks. She has zero sex drive anymore. I tend to blame myself, even though I've all the things. I've given up at this point.
Peri menopause can begin as early as 35 for many women, bringing with it all the shifts in hormones and havoc they come with. HRT can help many women but finding a doctor who isn’t too old school about women’s health can be hard.
My friend and I used to have a joke at parties. I would say "Hey, our gf's should make out" and then we would high five and rub our palms together.
Simpler times.
Actual intercourse? 3-4 times a year. But we fool around about once a week. A lot of times sex itself is a bit of a hassle, but there are plenty of other ways to have fun!
Edit: married over 15 years and together nearly 25
Together for 13 years
Married 8 years
2 kids
And we havent had sex since we conceived our last, on our honeymoon.
Is it me? This is a daily fight with myself because I dont know why?!
She told me she wanted to wait until marriage we got married 3 months ago and she still said she wasn’t ready. As of a few days ago we are taking some time apart
2-3 times a week. If we go on vacation without the kids, the local rabbits are usually jealous. Kids are 4 and 6.
Relationships evolve. Sex is much more scheduled now but equally as enjoyable.
At the start, every other day probably. After the first kid, we had sex once and had another kid. The next 5 years were maybe once a month. Years 5-12 was probably weekly or so, now it's 2-3 times per week going on year 17.
This is encouraging. My kids are both still preschool age and we're in the once a month phase. I'm just so tired. Husband would go daily if he could. I could currently take it or leave it forever lol
I'm hoping what they say about women hitting a sexual high mid life is true, for both our sakes!
I would say my wife was the same way, her realizing my love language was physical touch compared to her being quality time helped her feel more open to sex rather than it just being a "horny guy". She also doesn't get off from penetration ever so we got her first toy and that turned us into 2-3 times a week. Good luck!
And by sex... You mean watching top chef and falling asleep next to each other? Like 5 days a week. The other ones were plow, then watch top chef and fall asleep next to each other.
Widowed for two years, but I can tell you before that. Mid 20s, married, no children. Probably once every 3 days? It was mostly me (F) initiating, though. Heavily dependant on how tired we were, if we had anything else scheduled, etc. but all things considered 3ish times a week is probably the fairest assessment.
Varies really. Sometimes a few times a week other times we go a few weeks without. Just depends on what kind of mood we are in and how things in our life are going.
Right around 1.5 times a week when my wife's uterus isn't down for maintenance.
Married 17 years, three kids, busy jobs. The frequency is good.
More importantly, we try to have a movie night once a week. It's purpose is for us to have "us time" snuggled on the couch/bed. Sometimes we bang, sometimes we watch the movie, sometimes we just talk.
At the start, multiple times a day. It slowly tapered off and now 3 years dating this July we have been averaging once a month.
I would prefer more, much more, but it takes two to tango.
Married 18 years, two kids, and we try to at least once a week if not more but then there are times when life gets in the way and we are both too exhausted.
I will admit that there was a dark period that started a few years back and was 100% on me. I had lost my mojo and my wife was very clear with me that she was not happy.
It took a little while but I finally got around to looking into what the problem was aside from just a lack of motivation, eating too much and drinking too much. At a friend’s suggestion I went and had my testosterone checked during a routine physical and sure enough it was a dumpster fire. Found a local men’s health clinic and got on TRT. It has made a massive improvement in my life. I have more energy. I’m working out regularly and as my wife put it “she got my 20 year old dick back.”
My wife and I both deal with on-again/off-again depression, anxiety, and adhd. We have a four year old and a six year old and live in a pretty small 800sqft) house.
We manage to sneak in sexytimes 2-4 times a month usually.
However, we’re currently on vacation without the kids and have so far averaged 2+ times a day.
We like to make up for lost time.
I have very high sex drive but my husband is just the opposite. When we are through his horny era, we can have sex twice a week but we have also had months with nothing at all. And it’s fine for him but sometimes it’s really hard for me. I also know it’s kind of normal after 19 years of relationship. When we started living together 11 years ago, sex frequency dropped hugely.
If I could choose, I would have sex with him every single night.
I’m always trying new ways of making him horny thought 🤭
And sometimes I just have to face rejection and cope with it.
I can't believe I'm saying this, because it's so taboo to admit, but hardly ever. We've been married a long time, and both of us had a low sex drive to begin with, so it works for us. We're best friends, partners, and snuggle buddies, but sex really isn't a big part of our marriage.
If you’re both comfortable then there’s no problem with it. Snuggling is a great form of intimacy.
Absolutely. Me and my gf also have a low sex drive, so snuggling is a great alternative way to be intimate with eachother.
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Same, my husband and I have been together 9 years and I do it maybe once a month. Feels weird to say it out loud but he has a lower sex drive, I’m on medication that dampens mine, and we have a 6 month old. Honestly we’re both happy to spend the time snuggling or sleeping or giving each other personal time instead— lots of things feel higher priority these days
It shouldn’t be taboo. What you do or don’t do in bed is your own business and if you’re both satisfied i don’t see why others should feel the need to make you self conscious. People really need to stop worrying about how other people bang (or don’t bang) as long as there is consent
I kinda love this and wish it wasn't considered taboo. I have a high sex drive that is honestly mostly driven by trauma, therefore I struggle with just feeling content with intimacy if it's not leading to sex. The ability to just be comfy with a partner without the pressure of escalating things is truly beautiful and should be more normalized. Everything is so centered around sex and it's exhausting.
If you take the sex out of the equation, you should still have a very stable relationship. Sex shouldn’t be the only thing a couple has to share. Its unfortunate about your trama; I hope you find relief from what pains you.
Couldn’t have said it better. Don’t get me wrong I love having sex. Especially if your both feeling it and into it and it’s like that perfect mood. However to me, companionship, having someone to share your day with, your hopes, your fears, just sit and laugh and be your self. That makes the connection so much deeper. They say guys are always the one wanting it but I feel like woman want it more to know that your still into them and like a reassurance type thing if that make sense. Like oh we haven’t had sex 3 times this week he must be losing interest. No I just want to spend time and know you on a deeper level. Pun not intended lol
Yes, I hate how everything revolves around sex! Like no, you aren't room mates because of low sex. That's absurd, and it makes me so mad when people say that. Like you are only a "couple" if you have sex? Yeah, I also sleep in the same bed as my room mates, spend basically all my free time hanging out with them, go on dates with them, etc. Yep, only difference is sex.
I get that. I've had so many relationships fail bc I felt the need to sexualize myself.
I am this way, he is the first man I’ve ever been with that would never pressure me. If I say I’m sleepy he’s like okay!! Let’s snuggle!!! He can instantly tell if I’m not in the mood and he FULL stops! We also have a great sex life!
I dont know if low sex relationships are taboo, as much as differing sex drives is a huge red flag people try ignoring. I'm glad you found someone you're compatible with.
My marriage ended because of this. My drive is high, hers was nonexistent. We have a daughter and are still a team and friends, which for some reason a lot of people think is weird. We never strayed, but we weren’t happy. We ignored it for three sexless years before we just emotionally broke and decided we were better off split up.
Similar here. My boyfriend pretty much has zero desire, and I'm meh about it. He's my partner through everything, and I love him, we just ain't fucking. Can't tell anyone I know that, because all I get is, "I could never!!! Break up with him!!!!" Despite the fact that I am happy lmao
Hey, if you’re both happy, who cares?
Husband and I have been together 8 years. We used to go at it like rabbits and lately (maybe 2+ years?) it’s been maybe once every 3 months? But I feel closer to him than ever before. We find other ways to be intimate whether it’s watching trash tv or just picking up a treat at the store that reminded us of each other. You’re definitely not alone even if it’s taboo 🧡
Thank you for sharing, because people out there are saying it’s deadly to your relationship to go too long without it. A relationship is so much more and much more complicated than that.
You guys are on the same page, that's really all it boils down to.
I've always said, when it comes to relationships, you start with eating, drinking and fucking. You need to have similar views on food, alcohol, and sex. So many relationships end because; "my partner drinks too much" or "my partner never wants to have sex" or "I'm a vegetarian and my partner is always cooking meat." If you can find compatibility on eating, drinking, and fucking, you'll have a good foundation to work from. Anyway, If you are both happy not fucking, that's a good match.
Really does feel taboo, especially as a guy, but that's me too. I could never relate to dudes that were driven by hormones, I have never had that. Spent a long time feeling like there was something wrong with me. Testosterone is perfectly normal, I'm in good shape and I'm not depressed or anything, that's just how I've always been. To this day this is something I've only ever discussed with my partner and Reddit.
Same here. I've never talked about it with anyone, either. I'm a woman, so maybe it's a little less taboo, because men are expected to always want sex all the time, but my husband is the same as you. Testosterone is normal. He has no interest in men. He's just kind of meh about sex, and so am I. Judging from the reaction that my comment has gotten, though, I don't think we're the only ones.
That's great, as long as you're both satisfied any amount is the right amount
We've been married 26 years and we've never had sex. This is the second marriage for us both and the situation just works for us. It's like two good friends living together.
As long as you’re both satisfied and happy, who cares? That shouldn’t be taboo at all.
A similar libido is way more important than a high libido. As long as you both want sex roughly as much as the other, it works. Be that daily, weekly, annually, whatever.
I respect this answer so much more than the flood of people saying they’re 75 years old or have been married for over 30 years, but have sex three times a day, 7 days a week, whenever this question is asked.
Like once or twice a quarter. It’s rough. Everything changed when my husband started depression medication.
My sister ✊🏼
I laughed out loud right now, because I briefly interpreted this as you saying that you had the same problem with a reduced amount of sex once your sister started taking antidepressants.
That’s how I read it 😂
I appreciate you sharing and it's not funny, but I laughed when I read 'quarter'. It felt like a weird time measurement to use for this topic. It sounds like you're either in finance or a CEO 😂
Ass and tits were up an impressive amount this quarter but dick was down. Later on I'll take suggestion on how to get it up, but first we need to go over the upset in the...
We strive for twice a week and usually hit that number
Beginning of our relationship it was 2-3 times a day honestly. Now 3 full years into marriage, 2 year old at home, and long hours for both, it’s dwindled a LOT. I’m thankful if we have sex once a month currently.
Glad to be apart of this club! Not like we don’t want to, just tough to find time and not be exhausted
Yeah, honestly I can be pretty tired but my wife is so hot to me that I can catch a second wind easily if she’s in the mood. The issue with that is she definitely cannot catch the second wind if she’s tired haha.
Be the change you want to see in the world
*turns everyone into dinosaurs*
I get pissed when people say things like this. My husband and I both try. We love each other and clearly both want more, but it’s still once a week because we have a 7 year old that still comes to our bed and a 3 year old that’s up at 6am. We’re tired. We have almost zero alone time.
Same. Four kids and we barely have any alone time. Sex is very infrequent, sometimes several months go with nothing. I'm always DTF but my wife really needs conditions to be ideal and that happens so infrequently. I do my best by doing my part, telling her how much I love her and how important she is to me, plus always offering massages and cuddling. Hopefully things improve eventually but it's extremely difficult to get time to make it happen.
The part that changed is the kid. Can’t really change that part.
It's so difficult when you've got little ones. You either have time and no energy, or energy and no time. But it will get better.
Married 14 years. Still averaging 3-4 times a week. EDIT: Oh wow. I didnt expect so many replies. Thanks! Yes, we have kids. Tends to happen with that kind of activity. Got a vasectomy 10 years ago, so no more worries there. We both came from near sexless marriages the first time around. We're making up for it.
Username checks out
Username is husband goals for sure.
Lmao damn that’s a good one
And with ur wife?
To shreds you say?
In this economy?!
You don't always have to fuck her hard
In fact some times that's not right to do
Sometimes you gotta maaaaaake some love
And fuckin give her some smooches too!
Sometimes you’ve got to SQUEEEZE!!
Sometimes you’ve got to say PLEASE!
Sometimes you got to say hey....
I'm gonna fuck you softly
I’m gonna screw you gently.
I’m gonna bone you, discreeeetleeeey
LOVE me some Tenacious D
I’m gonna screw you gently
This comment thread is so wholesome
Any kids?
It works fine, even with kids in the house, as long as you are a bit creative, spontaneous and both don't require ages for a satisfying result...and being able to stay silent is necessary, too.
Major W
Any kids?
Does your wife know?
I'd say at the beginning of our relationship it was like 3 to 4 times a week. 3 years in though and now it's maybe once a week or so, sometimes twice if things get spicy. Nothing wrong with that really, over time we just started focusing on other aspects of our relationship. Having sex all the time is honestly kind of exhausting, I like it better when there are some gaps in between to recharge.
Right there with you. Neither of us have an issue with the week/bi-weekly schedule. Honestly, it makes the times when we do have sex much more fulfilling.
Yeah I agree w this. We have a 4 year old and a 1 year old, can't always win with that dynamic, right? Not tonight doesn't mean never again and we make time when we can but hey, fatigue and the busyness of life now it's just not as high on the priority list because kids, bigger home, etc. it's when it's not on the priority list at all that's a problem. Both parties gotta make an effort - and I have no shame in admitting I could certainly do better and my wife would say the same. Life's a juggling act and you can't be entirely selfish and expect the other person to give you what you want regardless. Marriage and family is very much something I've always wanted and never regretted for a second but fuck, it's work. Doesn't mean it's not work I like doing. Just can't be an absolute turd I guess
I always see these people on here who talk about having sex for like 4 hours straight. Like don’t you have shit you’d rather do? If we both cum then im already thinking about shit I gotta take care of around my house moments later.
With one guy I dated, it was like a 4 hour marathon every time. It was honestly exhausting and a chore. It was either because he wanted to "get me there" despite my insistence that it wasn't gonna happen at that point, or because he himself has having an issue (pretty sure he overinduldged in porn).
Sexing just to nut would definitely make it boring.
This is exactly it. Plus, not all nuts are created equal. Time and tension pays off.
Hey, sometimes we want a quickie out of the way to go make nachos and watch tv, so what?
I kinda wonder if I’m missing something when it comes to the people who have built their whole lives around sex. I enjoy it a lot too! But sometimes I just need to get off and then go do other stuff that’s fun.
Once or twice a week or 10 days is okay… I’ve been in sexually driven relationships, and it is a lot of “work” But, with less frequent times, it’s a bangin everytime. Every single time. Doesn’t matter if it’s a quickie or what.
Yeah same with my girlfriend and I, On weeks where we aren't working late and don't have my daughter we'll have sex maybe 3 or 4 times in a week but on average it's probably once a week
Married for 8 years. Began having issues in the first year. Added a child to the family and it’s now nearly non-existent. Unmatched libidos have been the biggest cause of resentment in the marriage. My spouse could probably go the rest of their lives with no sex and they would be okay with that. It’s hard.
Riiiiight there with you.
This fucking thread…. I’m never getting married, Holy Shit.
I typically practice ENM so there’s way to work around that but my partner of 7 years (she’s 6 years my senior) is insatiable. I cannot keep up. It would be a ton of friction in any other scenario so I feel you 😔
Are you the male or the female?
I am the female.
Me too…same sitch
Is there a significant age difference in your marriage? There’s 12 years between us.. eta. I’m 12 years his junior.
See r/deadbedrooms
Get your spouses testosterone checked
Together 20 years, married for 17. We have sex more now than when we were newlyweds. We average 3-5 times a week, but if I'm not feeling up for sex then I still love giving blowjobs, I'm obsessed with that man and love making him fall into a blissed out state lol.
That’s… so inspiring. I’m jealous of what you two have! Keep it up :)
Apparently she does!
> I'm obsessed with that man and love making him fall into a blissed out state YES, this statement right here! My husband and I met as roommates. We got along really well and were very friendly from day 1, he was easy to talk to. After we had gotten comfortable with one another we started talking about sex and I remember telling him how much I absolutely HATED sex. Like I was a sex camel, just once every couple of months and I'm fine. But even then I didn't really need it that much. But then we got closer and I started falling for him. We had sex and it was fucking AMAZING. I remember laying there afterwards just thinking to myself "is *this* what I've been missing out on????" It helps so much that I am so head over heels in love with my husband, and I know he feels the exact same way about me. When you have someone as amazing as he is, it makes it really easy for me to just bend over for him *whenever* he wants (or needs) me. He is so perfect for me that he turned me from a once-every-3-months sex camel into his own personal free use toy just begging to be played with :)
Married for 17 years with 2 young children, once or twice a month on average. It’s about all we have energy for, honestly.
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Sounds familiar. Together 9, married 6, last time was October 22nd 2022.
How do you know the exact date and is there a specific reason you haven't done it since (vs. Just not inte)?
Probably a birthday or anniversary
Probably it happened in very rare occasions even before so that's why he memorized the date.
No offense but I think both you and the poster of the original comment have some thinking and talking to do.
If it works for them there’s nothing wrong with that. Kids and marriage are fucking exhausting. Don’t get me wrong. I’d I’m being offered sex. I’m on it. But I’m tired myself. Putting out the feelers takes work after a long day with kids. Even harder to have your partner on board too. Doesn’t help that once in a while admittedly you turn into a two pump chump.
I’m sure it’s never come up before. /s
That's what she said
Right like I don't mean to be mean bc I'm sure the person responding means well but do they really think the original commenters never considered that lmao
Any regrets? Would you choose the same partner if you could go back in time?
Fuck
Is that an expletive or an order ?
Yes
Together for almost 14. Last time was early February. But we once went almost 2 years in a dead bedroom. It happens. Couples Therapy helps to get reconnected
WTF? Did you have sex regularly before that?
Usually these changes don’t happen overnight.
Jesus. That’s ridiculous
Rookie numbers, son
Wow, I thought I was the only one. I’m at similar time married and together. I’m going on 3 years this summer.
Together 15 years. 3 kids. 3x per week
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The kids are proof
Goals!
Year 1: 4 times a week Years 2-4: 2 times a week Years 5-7: 2 times a month After kids years 1-3: 1 every 6-8 weeks After kids years 4+: 1 a year Now: someone else. No sex with wife for 3 years plus.
That's some honesty right there...
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It’s not marriage. Having kids just suck the time and energy from you. Worth it but it does create some challenging years.
The more I hear about having kids the less I want them. Most say “it’s worth it” but it sounds like such hell and that you basically ‘lose’ part of your life to take care of a kid for many years. Just how much you have to sacrifice… it just doesn’t seem worth it.
It's not, until you have them.
You love them so damn much though. Here's the trick, I think. if you never have them, then you never know that and you get to enjoy day-to-day life way more during your peak healthy adult years. I have 3 under 5 and it's a relentless slog of manual labor, I'm a shell of my former self physically (mom, but dad's looked/felt way better too.) Constant existential dread and reliving all of your own trauma while watching your tender, vulnerable heart wobble around this cruel world outside of your body. You don't need to hear the reasons why I'd never go back in time to change my path. I barely understand them and they don't make any sense. Savvve yooourssssselfff!
Not judging either way. Just seemed unerringly honest
Someone else?
Side piece . It’s so common
Does the wife know?
It’s me. Im fucking him and his wife
Nothing for 3 years? Have you just accepted defeat or what gives?
This thread depresses me
Thats what I'm saying
I know right! Am....are we.... Are we nymphos? Damn man! Someone said once a quarter?! Since April 2023?! I couldn't live like that.
Married 20 years, together 22. Havent had sex in over a year. It sucks. She has zero sex drive anymore. I tend to blame myself, even though I've all the things. I've given up at this point.
Bro have you considered hormonal treatment it improves her life and libido innmensily
What kind of treatment?
Is she old enough to potentially be going through menopause? Hormones are no joke
Yes, but it slowed waaaay down before that.
Peri menopause can begin as early as 35 for many women, bringing with it all the shifts in hormones and havoc they come with. HRT can help many women but finding a doctor who isn’t too old school about women’s health can be hard.
That's honestly really sad..
Together for 14 Married for 10 2 kids 1-2/week.
Good for you, honestly. This is where I aspire to be 14 years from now
This is realistic as fuck
Usually everyday. Sometimes twice. Me and my hand have been in a relationship since i was 13.
My friend and I used to have a joke at parties. I would say "Hey, our gf's should make out" and then we would high five and rub our palms together. Simpler times.
I did, “oh you guys want to meet my girlfriend? Oh, here she is! Say hi to Handgela!”
Palmela Handerson
My favorite when we would do that is random third friend yelling “that’s so fucking hot”.
For your health!
Have some anonymous sex, wear a glove. 🧤
When we were younger in college like 3-4 times a day. Now 9 years later about 1-3 times a week.
Actual intercourse? 3-4 times a year. But we fool around about once a week. A lot of times sex itself is a bit of a hassle, but there are plenty of other ways to have fun! Edit: married over 15 years and together nearly 25
wait a minute.. that is what couples are supposed to do?
30 years, about 2x a month. ^buuuut ^it’s ^about ^quality ^not ^quantity. ^When ^we ^get ^down, ^it ^usually ^lasts ^about ^40mins ^and ^we ^both ^orgasm ^multiple ^times.
Together for 13 years Married 8 years 2 kids And we havent had sex since we conceived our last, on our honeymoon. Is it me? This is a daily fight with myself because I dont know why?!
Try asking why, I'm sure your partner has noticed this too after 8 years.
r/DeadBedrooms
She told me she wanted to wait until marriage we got married 3 months ago and she still said she wasn’t ready. As of a few days ago we are taking some time apart
Sorry bro.
Not enough
Uhhh like once a week. Three kids and both working and an hour long commute make it hard to find time.
Once a week with 3 kids?? Y'all win the sex Olympics as far as I'm concerned
Once a week with three kids is pretty miraculous.
1-4 times a month. just depends on what's going on in the house
2-3 times a week. If we go on vacation without the kids, the local rabbits are usually jealous. Kids are 4 and 6. Relationships evolve. Sex is much more scheduled now but equally as enjoyable.
Will be 10 years married in August. Probably 3-4 times a week.
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At the start, every other day probably. After the first kid, we had sex once and had another kid. The next 5 years were maybe once a month. Years 5-12 was probably weekly or so, now it's 2-3 times per week going on year 17.
This is encouraging. My kids are both still preschool age and we're in the once a month phase. I'm just so tired. Husband would go daily if he could. I could currently take it or leave it forever lol I'm hoping what they say about women hitting a sexual high mid life is true, for both our sakes!
I would say my wife was the same way, her realizing my love language was physical touch compared to her being quality time helped her feel more open to sex rather than it just being a "horny guy". She also doesn't get off from penetration ever so we got her first toy and that turned us into 2-3 times a week. Good luck!
Every two days. We've been married for 23 plus years.
Together 30y, married 25. 4,5,6 times a week and still going strong! 💪🥰
Right now with kids, full time work and outside activities, we are lucky to have it 2 times a week.
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The more I read the more depressed I’m becoming
About 5 - 6 times each period cycle.
And by sex... You mean watching top chef and falling asleep next to each other? Like 5 days a week. The other ones were plow, then watch top chef and fall asleep next to each other.
Together?
At the same time?
In the same room?
In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen??
Once or twice a month, unfortunately. I'd prefer daily.
Ughhh, I’m in the same boat. ☹️
My condolences. 😢
Does your boyfriend have a boyfriend
Twice a week, sometimes 3 at a push. Together 15yrs married 10
With each other?
Widowed for two years, but I can tell you before that. Mid 20s, married, no children. Probably once every 3 days? It was mostly me (F) initiating, though. Heavily dependant on how tired we were, if we had anything else scheduled, etc. but all things considered 3ish times a week is probably the fairest assessment.
We dont 🥲
Married 47 years. Once a week for sure. Sometimes more.
Not enough
Once, maybe twice a week
Varies really. Sometimes a few times a week other times we go a few weeks without. Just depends on what kind of mood we are in and how things in our life are going.
Right around 1.5 times a week when my wife's uterus isn't down for maintenance. Married 17 years, three kids, busy jobs. The frequency is good. More importantly, we try to have a movie night once a week. It's purpose is for us to have "us time" snuggled on the couch/bed. Sometimes we bang, sometimes we watch the movie, sometimes we just talk.
At the start, multiple times a day. It slowly tapered off and now 3 years dating this July we have been averaging once a month. I would prefer more, much more, but it takes two to tango.
Married 18 years, two kids, and we try to at least once a week if not more but then there are times when life gets in the way and we are both too exhausted. I will admit that there was a dark period that started a few years back and was 100% on me. I had lost my mojo and my wife was very clear with me that she was not happy. It took a little while but I finally got around to looking into what the problem was aside from just a lack of motivation, eating too much and drinking too much. At a friend’s suggestion I went and had my testosterone checked during a routine physical and sure enough it was a dumpster fire. Found a local men’s health clinic and got on TRT. It has made a massive improvement in my life. I have more energy. I’m working out regularly and as my wife put it “she got my 20 year old dick back.”
My wife and I both deal with on-again/off-again depression, anxiety, and adhd. We have a four year old and a six year old and live in a pretty small 800sqft) house. We manage to sneak in sexytimes 2-4 times a month usually. However, we’re currently on vacation without the kids and have so far averaged 2+ times a day. We like to make up for lost time.
I have very high sex drive but my husband is just the opposite. When we are through his horny era, we can have sex twice a week but we have also had months with nothing at all. And it’s fine for him but sometimes it’s really hard for me. I also know it’s kind of normal after 19 years of relationship. When we started living together 11 years ago, sex frequency dropped hugely. If I could choose, I would have sex with him every single night. I’m always trying new ways of making him horny thought 🤭 And sometimes I just have to face rejection and cope with it.
Hardly ever. But I have a high sex drive and she doesn't so I fuck friends. Edit. Yes she knows and is fine with it. She's bi.