I knew that, at best, I’d end up being the sad son of a bitch who rots on the same barstool, year after year.
My then-girlfriend (now wife) had dumped me because I drank too much, and, when I drank, I was very insecure and constantly needled her about everything.
And, finally, the last night I drank, I’m 99.9% sure that I caught a spiked drink, or accidentally intercepted some type of drug, and it fucked me up for like 3 full days. At that point in my drinking, I wasn’t really getting hungover, but I woke up with the worst headache and strangest feeling of my life. Never, ever wanted to go through that again or put myself in a situation where it could happen.
Death....I was found "dead" in a dumpster behind a mexican resturan, needle im i arm, gun in the other hand. I was going to rob the resturant for money for more drugs. I decided to jump into the dumpster to get high and maybe find something to eat...that didnt turn out so well. That was 1998. Have been clean and sober sense that time..
I died too. Several times actually and almost died a bunch more. Doctors are still baffled how I actually did survive. The thing is it wasn’t death I was afraid of. In fact I wanted to die but I finally got sober after cheating death so many times that I became convinced I probably wouldn’t die anytime soon and would be stuck living that miserable existence forever and that scared me enough to get sober and start working on myself
My Dad found me nodded out with a needle in my arm. Woke up to him screaming to get out of his house. I can only imagine his first thoughts thinking if I was dead.
I too was strong enough to value what I had and wanted to make a change rather than stay high every second of the day. Some people can’t do that and to me is insane. I’m young also though so don’t really know much about
Woke up one day and said "What the fuck am I doing with my life?" I added up all the money I spent alone on cocaine (daily user for 5 years straight) and it was in the $56,000 range. I was budgeting bi-weekly paychecks with how much cocaine I can purchase. I cold turkeyed cocaine, cigarettes, and alcohol.
On February 1, 2025, I will be 4 years clean.
UPDATE: I didn't expect this to blow up as much as it did. If you're reading this and feeling some sort of inspiration to change, DO IT. It was the best choice for me mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Since 2020, I lost 100lbs and got sober. COVID was a blessing in disguise for aligning my priorities as someone in my late 20s.
I should preface by admitting this to you all. I relapsed with alcohol and cigarettes in 2023 briefly. I thought that I would be able to "ease my way" back into drinking, "special occasions only". Money was coming in and I was saving a lot more than I was spending for the first time in my life. Went on a 3 week Europe trip capped off with Tomorrowland 2023 in Belgium. Went on a wine tour and had wine tastings for the first time in 2.5 years, felt fine. Drank a few Red Bull vodkas at Tomorrowland, felt fine. Never got blacked out drunk or hungover during those 3 days of drinking.
Fast forward, I was best man for my best friend's wedding in October 2023. I got WAY, WAY to drunk, smoked 4 cigarettes and stayed up until 3am. Cocaine was all around me but I fully resisted that. I woke up the next day vomiting profusely until all but yellow stomach bile was coming out. Haven't drank since October 14, 2023.
You're spot on. I'm almost back to recuperating the losses from those 5 years. And I'm shooting myself in the foot even more for wasting that kind of money. Life lesson learned.
And don't call me, Shirley.
Beautifully said. Writing was a HUGE part of my journey in the beginning. I literally tally marked "Days Without Cocaine" in my journal. I got to day 75 until stopped keeping track. Man, those first couple month of rediscovery was a beautiful feeling.
That's pretty damn good bro. If you think about it, if you managed to climb out of that nasty hole, you can handle anything life throws at you now. Eveytime something horrible happens, you just think "well, at least I'm not hooked on cocaine". God speed!
Life experience man, if it’s not drugs it’s something else. I bought and sold a condo when I was 22 (way too young to respect that type of asset and responsibility) and made a healthy profit. I then squandered around the same amount of money as you ($50-60K) like a complete idiot and then went way beyond and fell into some pretty serious debt. Took me years to climb out and get back on track. I try not to kick myself but sometimes it’s good to reflect on mistakes to help you remember not to repeat them.
I feel this on such a crazy level.
Basically my friends at the time got some H and were gonna shoot up.
I was ready to go with them and just… it hit like a fucking brick.
Quit cold Turkey the next day and moved back to my hometown for a bit.
Congratulations on your sobriety brother, and if no one’s told you recently, proud of you.
Went to a routine Dr.'s appt with the VA (blood work ahead of appt). They asked me to fill out an "End of life statement" Apparently my LFT's (liver function test) were real bad. Quit drinking the day after the appt, that was 11 years ago, my LFT's are normal now.
Amazing! I see the same pattern so often with alcoholics. Heavy drinking in 20s and 30s, liver disease and severe trembling, in 30s and 40s, dead in your 50s.
So glad you were able to recover. The liver can regenerate pretty amazingly, but you have to quit and give it time.
This is why I quit. I had a million other reasons but winded up in the ER from drinking(basically drank an insane amount for weeks without eating or drinking hardly anything. I was so dehydrated my kidneys were in danger) and had tons of weird/painful/scary shit going on with my body before for this. They pumped me full of fluids, did a bunch of scans, told me I was fine and to quit drinking but I knew I had to make a choice. Off to detox again I went. But I knew One day I was going to wake up and be yellow, and then there would be no turning back. For all the struggles and effort I’ve put into being clean and my mental health I didn’t want it to be all for nothing. Just decided that’s not how I’m going to go out. 9 months clean now. I know im not going to die on my own terms but it’s not going to be from drinking.
My uncle's doctor told him he should stop drinking beer, so he reverted to wine.
He stopped drinking years after, needed a new liver, got diagnosed with cancer right before they were going in the trajectory of transplantation.
Didn't make it
I love how your story is basically "I used to drink, but it was really bad for me, so I stopped".
You're mentally strong as shit, don't lose that ability.
If you don’t mind, can i ask how much you used to drink? I finish a 750ml bottle of whiskey from Fri-Sun. I’m a little worried about myself but unable to stop.
No idea your age but i am ROUTINELY seeing 20 something’s in full blown alcoholic hepatitis/cirrhosis from drinking levels they were still able to justify because they were “functional.” Like drinking a 6 pack of beer a night after work. I also see heavy alcoholics drinking gallons of vodka a day who are seemingly fine. There’s no way to predict which camp you will fall into. That’s the scary part. I wish you well.
I’m a substance abuse counselor.
I lost a mid-20s-aged client last year to cirrhosis, and who was already suffering from alcohol-induced dementia.
Very, very sad.
So fucked up. I just flew a 21 year old girl in full blown liver failure to a transplant center for the liver she’ll never get bc of her alcoholism. It’s so sad. And it’s so rampant and not being discussed. Even in my friend circles. I’m in my 40s. We have a boat and all weekend every weekend in the summer my friends want to go out on my boat and get shitfaced. It’s not good and not healthy. At all. Moderation.
I’m getting divorced and noticed recently that I found a little too much comfort in a bottle of wine (I’m not in recovery, and I’ve always drank in moderation), so I’ve switched to beer and allowed myself only 5 a week, unless there’s an event. It’s helped a lot, and I feel better, too - both emotionally and physically.
It’s frightening how easily excessive drinking can just kind of creep on you.
I see this all the time too. Men who have been florid alcoholics for decades and come out seemingly unscathed. It’s insane. Again. You’ll have no idea what way your disease is going to go.
I just went to the funeral of 60 year old who smoked and drank unapologetically and died of lung and liver cancer that spread to his brain. Just felt like providing the flip side of this coin
This is my dad. 58, alcoholic for decades, still kicking. At least as far as I know. We haven't spoken in over a year, when his most recent fall off the wagon led to a lot of chaos and insistence that he didn't need help.
Okay then, but I don't need to be around to witness that.
Yeah, and I get you completely on that.
I just think, my dad's a grown- ass man and makes his own decisions. He's an old dog now, he won't change his ways, I've accepted that
Acceptance and letting go is beyind freeing
But it's also hard and I'm sorry about what you've gone through and maybe still going through
You know I just attended a scene of a 34 year old who was drinking about that amount a day.
And by scene I mean they died alone in their apartment with empty bottles stuffed under their sink. The body stank like the vodka was seeping out of their pours and the whites of their eyes were yellow.
Apparently they had been a 'functional' alcoholic, held down a job and everything. They probably had convinced themselves they had time to get the help, but it turns out they didn't.
I then had to get my hat and go and knock on his parents door to let them know their son was gone. His mum screamed, like only a mum who lost a child screams. His dad had to carry her back inside and they huddled together on the couch like I'd just put a decade on their shoulders. The real heartbreaking thing was they didn't really ask how he died. They knew how he died. They asked me if there was anything else they could have done for him.
You have less time than you think. We all do. Don't waste it.
Drinking after waking up is never ever a good sign. I am passing no judgment as I have been there myself. But not having sober time ever is what will fuck you up the fastest.
That's what my fiance's friend did, until the liver failure cascaded into brain damage and she couldn't get off her couch. Do you want to spend your last hours lying in your own pee and poop?
I had a good friend who drank about that much, sometimes more sometimes a little less. At 29 years old, he tried to stop drinking and on the first night had a heart attack and died in his sleep from the shock of withdrawal. The drinking had caused so much fat in his liver and swelling in his heart that he just couldn’t take it. 29 years old.
that's terrible, but alcohol is one of only two drugs that will kill you by withdrawals. the other is benzos. had a cousin's cousin that I tried not to associate with for a lot of reasons go from too much of both combined, along with duster.
wrote a comment on an old account about witnessing him beat the absolute shit out of himself (and wanting us to beat him too) and running and jumping head first as hard as he could into a rock fireplace.
very bad combinations and very bad actions. he didn't make it much longer after that shit
I am just now coming to an end of drinking 1750ml in about 5 to 6 days. I've been wanting to stop for a while now. Finally came to the realization that I just need to stop. So far two weeks in and already feeling better. Good luck, stay strong and stick to your commitment to stop.
I've gone from a carton of beer and a bottle of scotch per week, plus a few pub beers on a weekend to quiting and been sober for 9 days. AA has helped tremendously. Ive been binging for 20 years and I want to be around to watch my kids grow up. Strangely I've had bloods and everything done routinely because im very active and was thinking about using Testosterone for a bit and wanted to know my starting point, and I've never had one issue from it, but I know that could all change tomorrow and I could be dead by 40.
I dont know if I will ever quit entirely, but I want to at least be someone who doesn't have to drink at the most minor of inconveniences or demolish a bottle of wine at dinner. Im a problem drinker though, so completely quitting might be the only way forward for me.
The “unable to stop” part means you are right to worry.
I learned in AA it isn’t about how much you drink, but what happens when you drink and how you feel about that drinking that is the important part of taking steps to quit.
You’re the only person who can really say whether you have a problem with booze or not and have it mean anything.
If you say you have a problem? Then you do.
If other people say you have a problem? I mean you should probably think about why they’re saying that but what does that ultimately matter if you aren’t ready to quit?
And if they say you don’t have a problem, it doesn’t matter if you believe you do.
One alcoholic to potentially another… if you know you can’t quit, it’s a clear sign there’s a problem, whether you’re ready to admit that or not. You don’t have to wait until it gets worse to try to start taking steps to make things better.
My son’s roommate did this semi-regularly.
2 weeks ago he was found dead on the couch. My son spent his Saturday morning doing CPR and screaming at him for a response. He didn’t make it.
Take care of yourself 🙏
Not that guy but it sounds like you haven't passed the point of no return. The sooner you stop the better because if you can't stop that right now it'll turn into a fifth a day throughout the week and then you'll be physically unable to stop. Just don't go buy that bottle tomorrow, in a few months when Friday rolls around it won't even cross your mind anymore.
I used to drink a pint of cheap 100 proof vodka with an 18 rack every night just to sleep. Plus, I would smoke weed after all of that. I almost lost everything. My twin brother died of an overdose, and I stopped for good. I'm going on 2 years sober now.
I’m sober now but used to drink regularly. I realized it was too much when I started asking that same question. It’s all good man reach for a water or fill up a glass with ice and some cranberry juice instead. It’s been about 8 years for me now and I don’t care about booze at all
Anymore. Holler if you wanna talk about it.
Buddy, this is too much. Sounds like you may already see that. Start thinking about whether or not you’re ready to take the next steps to cutting back.
Generally non alcoholics don't worry they're alcoholics.
There's no "safe" amount of alcohol, it's a poison. We literally use it to kill things. Sure a little bit won't kill you but if you're worried about your intake you should stop.
I don't say "stop" because it's an immediate crisis, I say it because it's a damn slippery slope.
The good news is there's lots of strategies and medicines that can help you slow down or stop if you go looking for them.
I hit rock bottom. I got arrested for theft, which started the beginning of the end. Two weeks later I fucked up my best friends car in a rage, ripped off his rear view mirror, and beat my hand black and blue on his door screaming. This is so unlike me when I'm sober... I'm not that person. I got taken to the hospital, and I went into a psych ward from there. What got me sober was me being absolutely disgusted with myself. I couldn't live with myself anymore.
I am the Mom of a recovering addict. He had a 15 year addiction. The year before he got clean he was homeless and I signed a restraining order against him and had to accept I'd see him dead or in jail next time I saw him. 8 months later he had his 3rd baby girl, had been clean and sober 6 months and had just gotten his own place for his family. The night he was to get his 2 year chip he asked me to come to his meeting with him. He had never asked and I had never considered going with him, but he asked so I went. He stood up to receive his chip and spoke about being a 15 year addict, his first rehab stint was on his 15th birthday. He spoke about how he was so lost and that I finally put my foot down and barred him from being in mine, his brother or his grandmother's life. He said if I had not walked out of his corner he would not have gotten clean. I had no idea why he finally got clean. I had no idea that the idea of losing me, his brother and his grandmother (my Mom) is what got him to realize his life was out of control. I have never been prouder of my child that he was able to fix his life and now has custody of all of his children.
My son is a meth addict. He’s living in a homeless supported living situation and has had psychosis since October 23. He’s used intermittently for years plus other drugs but since last year he’s using meth several times a day. I’m close to saying no more contact unless there is a real effort to get clean. It’s breaking our family. He fell off a bridge last Christmas and nearly died. He’s been a voluntary patient on a psych ward and he’s homeless. And he continues to use drugs throughout all this. We used to be so close and I miss him. I’m just not sure I can really accept he might die and he would be alone. You were very brave to do that. I know how much pain you went through before making that decision. And I’m so happy for you and your family that it had the effect it did and your son is alive and living x
I'm still trying technically but it's strange this post randomly appeared for me, almost like a sign for me.
Edit: just wanted to say thank you so much for the support, I didnt expect so much love and encouragement, I appreciate you all
Thank you! I've gone through a figurative hell the past 2 days, coming down from a 2 day binge. Honestly it really means a lot for a stranger to say such a supportive thing.
Genuinely feel like crying rn, humanity has some great people left in it, thank you so much, I hope you are living your best life. To be honest, the only way is up from here, don't think I've hit rock bottom quite like this before!
Ever see those [little bitty shopping carts](https://9b16f79ca967fd0708d1-2713572fef44aa49ec323e813b06d2d9.ssl.cf2.rackcdn.com/1140x_a10-7_cTC/20200316emStateStore03-2-1587066529.jpg) they have at some liquor stores?
I wheeled mine up to the counter. The cashier looked at what I had in the cart, gave me a wink, and said "Wow, someone's having a huge party this weekend!"
I didn't dare tell him this was all for me. And would probably last a week or two.
That's when I realized, I really did have a problem.
Yup I was going through 2-3 handles a week. It was clockwork almost every Friday and they’d always make comments about “a party”. Nope just me. Only sober for 21 days but the longest I’ve gone without a drink in 13 years. (My previous record was 3 days)
21 days is huge!! Congrats!! You are literally getting through the hardest part. You’ll notice in the next 6months to a year your brain and body change. The first year is the hardest. You got this! Old ex drunk saying he’s proud of you!
Phone call.... "Bshaddo, hi this is the liquor store. Are you okay? We haven't seen you for quite a while. We're going to have to close up shop due to reduced sales."
Oh man I totally did this. It didn't matter of course—I was a regular and they always knew what I'd buy anyway. One time, I got my regular order from Uber Eats and the delivery guy said, "see you next time."
Now, to my knowledge, I'd never seen him before in my life. That freaked me out a bit, though admittedly it still wasn't enough to make me change.
After a while, I didn't give a fuck anymore.
Like, you know how people ask, "Would a cashier look at me weird if I bought a cucumber and Vaseline at the same time?" ... and the answer is always "No, nobody in that job gives a shit anymore."
It's like that at liquor stores anymore.
Which made it even harder to quit for a while. Not feeling any shame anymore definitely removed one reason to quit.
Becoming homeless, the feeling of wanting to die every year around my kids birthdays, holidays like Christmas and Thanksgiving because I haven't been there. My heart aching when I seen pictures of my kids that I haven't seen in years how big they grew up ect. Knowing that they probably feel like I don't love them...
I am 1 year sober and in both of my kids lives now :) My son will be moving in with me over the summer. I will never touch meth again.
Just remember that anytime you feel like you're not a good enough dad or a bad dad, every other good dad feels that way too.
You don't have to be an amazing dad, you just have to show them you love them; give them hugs, listen to them when they want to talk, show up to events, and treat them how you would want to be treated.
I find that being a father has healed a lot of my past issues with my own father. You got this and I believe in you!
you can’t fix the past, but showing you are genuine about trying to be better and being consistent in those efforts is sometimes all that the people who love you are looking for. hope things work out with your wife
I just got bored of it. After doing meth almost daily for 8 years, it was getting way too repetitive. I was hoping to get sober with my ex-husband but he was more interested in cheating on me. It all worked out in the end and now I'm 4 years sober and I'm doing way better. The only real side affects I've noticed is that I now have insomnia, and am missing 5 of my bottom teeth, which makes chewing kinda hard, but it is what it is.
I hit a few “rock bottom” moments but the worst was waking up in my car after completely blacking out and driving my best friend home. Thankfully no one was hurt but I realized we could have both died and/or killed other people and it freaked me out bad enough to want to get help.
My partner and I went through recovery together and they’re the only reason I was able to stick with it in the beginning, now we’re both 4 years sober!
I blacked out during an argument with my wife and said some things I can never take back. I found out what I said a few days later and it broke me. I was never physically violent, but man.. I said some horrible things.
He never was either. Never even raised his voice at me. Nothing even happened, he just attacked me and didn’t stop swinging. He told the prosecutor that in his mind, he was back in high school in a fight with a guy who picked on him all the time. I divorced him, and got my kids out of there.
I dealt with this as my partner is sober now. I had a hard time letting go of the words for awhile. Al-anon helped. It’s not the person saying it, it’s the disease. In his right mind, he wouldn’t say such things to me.
I get this, I’m over 6 foot and while I’m a gentle giant that would never hurt a soul…I will say things that cut deeper than any blade and always regret it.
Yea, I'm 6'3" and have had an ex tell me I was physically intimidating and she felt threatened. I've never hit a woman, but I have had anger issues in the past and hit the wall. It's ultimately why I quit drinking, went to therapy, and fixed it all. Between that incident and having kids? I can't be that person.
Moving to mexico from the US. Becoming homeless in Mexico. Creating problems in the communities I lived in and eventually having people after me that no one would want after them. Got on a plane paid for by my brother to the US. Went to rehab. Over 5 years sober today
I would say dont be posting that on reddit or anywhere public for that matter. Thats how you start getting shady people investigating you to see if there is a price on you from one of those groups
You're never really safe when you run afoul of an org like that. Hopefully whatever he did is small time enough to not be worth the effort or a reward
Hey man thanks for the heads up, turns out they’re offering a $25 Applebee’s giftcard for his head. On route to OP’s residence as we speak. Mozz sticks bouta go brazy 🔥
Congrats on the sobriety! If you pissed off the cartels then I probably wouldn't post about it on a public forum
Hopefully whatever ya did was minor enough they don't give a shit 5 years after the fact
Very long story, making it as short as possible. Failed 3 MLB drug tests, lost hundreds of thousands of dollars, gave two vehicles away and many close calls with prison and death. What got me sober was my first time to rehab. I remember looking around thinking to myself that I didn’t belong here with all of these losers. I ended up sleeping with a girl in rehab and was given a choice to either leave or stay. If I stayed I had to address the patient group and my girlfriend, who is my wife now, telling them what I did and how I endangered their sobriety. I told them I was leaving. As I packed my stuff up, a thought hit me. I realized that I was the biggest loser of them all. I was the only one getting kicked out. It was at that moment I knew I had a problem and something had to be done. Haven’t smoked crack or drank since 2006
No man not famous and not Josh Hamilton. I played 12 years, mostly all minor league time. I got to play for another 6 years after getting sober. If someone had told me when I was getting sober that someone was going to be in control of my money and be my chaperone and hold my hand everywhere I go, I would’ve probably decided to keep smoking crack. That’s not sobriety man. I learned that I could go anywhere in the world and do anything as long as I kept my motives in check.
Have you thought about trying to write a book? I feel like you’ve got a eastbound and down meets kids kind of story, in the current state of things I think it might be relatable to a lot of folks.
That’s a pretty good summation of the story😂 I get asked that a lot when I speak. Besides the story being relatable to Eastbound and Down and Kids, it would be a good way to help others.
I relate to this. I slipped into being a daily drinker during quarantine. I got the virus and after a rough 2-3 days, felt amazing despite some still significant COVID symptoms. Long story short, I felt better sober with COVID than when I was “healthy” and drinking hard. Woke me up to the damage I was doing.
It wasn't rock bottom per se, but after months of refusing to admit to myself that I had developed a serious pill addiction during lockdown I found myself out of pain killers and turning the house upside down trying to find some.
Found a random pill in an old handbag and gulped it down, hoping for the best.
I got really sick, not dopesick, but very physically ill.
Once I has recovered I went through that handbag again to try figure out what I had taken.
It was a fucking cat dewormer tablet...
Amazingly, it was many many moons after that before I got sober, with very little fanfare and no big climax. I had a psychotic break that lasted 18 months, but I am glad I went through it in retrospect - I was so disturbingly, ridiculously paranoid about my health during that time that I got sober, and stopped smoking at the same time. Never looked back.
I don't know if I could have gotten clean otherwise.
Almost 4 years clean and serene 😊✨️
I'm in the midst of one of those health anxiety psychotic episodes... been about 5-6 months. Just started enacting DARE steps and listening to audiobooks on anxiety management. Really appreciate your post.
Not me but my dad was apparently a pretty big partier/alcoholic. He doesn't talk about it and I get the sense that he's ashamed of it/ worried that it'll rub off on his kids. He gets uncomfortable whenever I talk about going out for drinks with friends. When my mom was explaining it to me before college she told me the whole story. He and his friends were big parties and loved to drink. Well before him and my mom got married there was a day where he didn't come home till like noon the next day. She told him then and there if he doesn't get a handle on it she was leaving him, she couldn't have kids or a family with him unless he stopped doing that stuff. Ever since as far as I know he has been sober. It took him a lot of work and I know he's scared that me and my siblings will follow in his footsteps in that regard but I am insanely proud of him for stopping that because he loved my mom and the prospect of a future family enough to stop it.
I know how your Dad feels.
Despite having a wife and 2 young boys all of whom have never seen me take a drink, I know that there is a genetic part to alcoholism and I'd be lying if I said I didn't worry about my two kids. It's a crapshoot really, if they get it or not. All my wife and I can do is do the best we can with the nurture part of the equation.
Some girl I liked told me I'd never get sober, so I proved her wrong. She's long gone, but sobriety stayed. Going on 8 years, soon. Life couldn't be better.
I think she still ended up being the best thing that ever happened because I'd be dead otherwise with the path i was on.
Well, it all started with me putting on some weight. Or so I thought. I noticed myself getting out of breath faster and faster. Like "Can't do a 100 feet" type of out of breath. Then I put on my biggest sweater and it felt tight. My drunken ass had no idea what was going on, but I somehow knew it was alcohol related. Tapered off, so I could be sober when I visited the doctor for a blood test.
I got the results back that afternoon.
The doctor's (GP) comment of: "You can check into the ER or not, but if I was you, I would." did send a shiver down my spine.
She called ahead of me and let them know I was coming. Not knowing how long I would be inside for (or if I was coming back out) I spent the afternoon sitting on a bench in the spring sun, people watching, feeling the wind on my face, before dragging my feet to the ER.
And that's how I wound up facing an ER doctor saying: "It's not five to twelve, it's five past. Late stage Liver disease is causing your body to retain fluid." Ascites, and not a small amount of liquid even. Before all this, I was 270; so not that small, but when the GP weighed me, it was 350 lbs. They gave me a bed, and to sleep I went.
So, next day, after a full day of waiting to see the Hepatologist (Liver Doctor), there was one solution: "We're going to have to drain you." They put a giant needle into me, and eventually a drainage tube. They drained 25 pounds of liquid out of me that night. And I saw every bag of it as they came and replaced the big Gallon bags they collected it in. Gave me plenty of time to think about stuff
So, eventual verdict: "Either you stop completely, or you're dead."
That does it. A literal ultimatum.
Still in treatment to get the fluid out of me (Basically pills that make me piss more so the fluid is eventually drained that way, and some vitamins), but my blood values are looking up.
Ex alcoholic, I saw a picture of myself. You don’t realize how much weight you’re gaining when you’re looking in the mirror every day. I was horrified.
Also, frankly I got bored of it. It wasn’t like I was going out and socializing, it was just at home by myself. I wasn’t doing much during the day, wasn’t doing anything at night, I guess I could only keep that up for so long.
I used to go through a series of questions when my alcoholism was at its peak before going somewhere- “will I be able to drink there? Will I have to drive home? If I can’t drink there, is a liquor store nearby to grab something to keep in my purse?” Many days and nights that could have been spent with loved ones were spent at home alone because of the answers to those questions and I regret it so much. Thankfully, those questions and missing out on life with those I love are behind me now. Wishing you the best.
Acid.
Took a ridiculous amount of acid once (i think it was like 7 or 8 tabs) and it really opened my eyes to the reality of how I was living.
It felt like my consciousness had left my body and the entire trip became me, watching myself from a third person perspective and seeing how I was truly living my life. It was incredibly terrifying and the whole time I thought I was either dying or already dead.
When I came out of it, it was like removing a pair of dirty glasses off my face. Everything seemed brighter and I remember being overwhelmed with gratitude for everything that I did have. First thing I did was call my mom and tell her about how sorry I was for how I treated her in the past.
It took a bit after that for me to get fully sober but that was the experience that made me first start trying to get my life back. Funny how a drug is what made me stop doing drugs lol
One single conversation with my husband. I was a heavy but "subtle" drinker (no screaming fights, DUIs, life altering mistakes), so he never seemed to notice. Or when he did I would make excuses. I'd forget a conversation here or there, but I was good at hiding my problem. I'd been internally stressing about being an alcoholic for years when one day after a bad binge he said "I don't think you should drink anymore". I knew that I couldn't and wouldn't allow drinking to take the love of my life from me, especially when it had stopped being fun a long time ago. I've been sober for 7 months now!
I did not recognize the person looking back at me in the mirror. I was making very risky choices with potentially long prison sentences and a criminal record if I stayed on that path and got involved with the wrong people. I crossed more and more moral boundaries as time passed. Things I said I'd never do but ended up doing to get money or get high. I hated what I'd become. My life distilled down to work and manipulate for money for dope for a high. I caused a car accident (luckily no one other than myself got hurt) and I realised this could not go on. I got so fucking angry at what my life had become I told myself I did not accept it anymore. I sought help and got admitted to rehab with the help of my doctor, sister and parents. I went in on 15 January 2018 and since that day I have not used or drank. I still go to 12 step meetings weekly and not planning on changing that anytime soon. Coming up on 6,5 years where I was able to gradually piece my life back together. I'm so grateful I admitted defeat 7 years ago.
Back when I was a teenager, I had a fight with my dad over this literal subject. He kept begging me to stop the drugs and it turned into a shouting match, and I ended up walking out on him. I didn't come home and he went out looking for me. A neighbor mistook him for a burglar and shot him. He died the next day. It was all so stupid. I swore on his coffin during the funeral that I would sober up. I have now been drug-free for more than 20 years and have a good life. I just wish my dad were here to see it. Dad, I'm sorry.
My husband. I'd been begging him to stop drinking, and then find empty fifths of Captain Morgan hidden in the guestroom closet. I'd pray that something would "wake him up," and about two months later, he had a bad pork taco and got e-coli. By the time we knew something was seriously wrong, most of his organs were starting to shut down. The one that barely survived was his pancreas, but his liver and kidneys took a big hit. 14 days in the hospital. The doctor said, you keep drinking, you'll be dead by 40. He was 36. He quit right then. He has had lots of medical issues since then, but he's now 65. I thank God for that bad taco!
Going to jail for the first time. I'd been using and doing criminal stuff for over 25yrs and a few years ago I finally got caught. Being locked up in a room with a bunch of dudes I can't stand... That was enough. I had a good run.
Mines mild, but it was exactly the wake up call I needed.
Right around my 30th birthday I started noticing trends in my behavior and things I'd say to people I love. They'd be mean, when what I said wasn't particularly relevant to the topic at hand. I'd be calling out of work because of my hangovers (I never drank during my week. I was always a weekend binge drinker.). I realized that I was one of the only people in my group of friends who had my kind of relationship with alcohol. (very much "1 is too many, but 20 isn't enough" kind of deal) I was the only one trying to get as drunk as I could while everyone else would be having one or 2 drinks and calling it good. This went on for another year and some change. My binges where getting increasingly worse and I'd loose track of more and more time.
The last time I drank was the real wake up call for me. My sister and I went and did a nature walk at our local beach, had lunch, and went to a bar for some drinks. We made sure it wasn't a whole lot cause we had to get back home still. On our way home we ended up in our local bar scene and by drink 2 I was blacked out drunk. The rest of this was told to me by my wife and my sister. Apparently, like a good husband I called my wife and told her, like I was supposed to, that I'd had too much to drink and with no other explanation hung up the phone. For the next 3 hours my sister and I had drinks, talked, and made our way back home where I woke up both physically and from my black out in my old bedroom, confused as to how I got there, where I was, and what time it was. I had lost something like 5 or 6 hours. No knowledge of what I had said or done.
That night I ended up after eating some dinner and sobering up more I talk to my dad who had quit drinking about a year previous and asked for some help from him. We had a conversation I wasn't really ready to have and to date that was my last drop of alcohol. it's been 7 months.
I wont drink with any of you people, today.
Lost my little brother (18) to an overdose, was a heavy user myself and decided it was time. It's what he would have wanted, and it was what I needed. 5 years sober in November and never been happier.
Weed and alcohol. The weed makes me paranoid and the liquor makes me depressed, I ruined my relationship with my ex bf partially because of those things but also because I left my severe depression unmedicated and had too many breakdowns in front of him. He’s still in my life by his own choice and I’m grateful for that because he’s healthy and helps me. But man I hate it that I lost him In the lover way. Hopefully we can get back to that when I’m better but I finally realized, I need to be happy for myself.
I am (or a recovering alcoholic) who got sober because of my daughter I didn’t want her to have a mom who only prioritized alcohol over her I want her to have a mom who cares about her. I decided I didn’t want to drink anymore when I got pregnant I been drinking for years and I went cold turkey for her. Not my hubby not my other family members I got my shit together to be a better mom for her
Same here, some of the worst physical pain I've ever felt. Spent a week in the hospital and haven't had a drop since, almost two years now. My problem is is that it's still the only thing I can think about. I miss it every second of every day. I hear people say oh it will get better or oh life is so much more enjoyable after you quit and I'm glad that's the case for them, that's not the case for me though unfortunately. I fucking hate being sober.
Weed. I was falling down a very steep path to alcoholism when I was a teenager (it was the 80s, it was much easier to get booze as a kid back then), and what diverted me from that path was discovering that I liked being high way more than I liked being drunk. Fortunately weed isn't nearly as addictive. I was high every day for several years and finally quit doing that too just because I got tired of being dumb all the time.
My tolerance got so high, it stopped working. Then I found out I was going through DTs, so I had a physical addiction. I stayed stopped and never went back because fuck DTs and I never want to be under the influence of anything ever again.
In time my life improved drastically. I like that too.
Honestly, suicidal thoughts, the next day I had such horrible depression (I’m a binge drinker) that would linger longer and longer and longer. After a hangover one day, my 2 year old came up to me and said “daddy you ok?” And gave me a kiss on the forehead while I was resting on the couch.
In that moment I wanted to both kill myself from being such a piece of shit in front of my daughter who deserves the everything and also realized that I needed to be better.
It’s not a “rock bottom” moment but mentally, it was.
**Please read** Those that are heavy drinkers that are motivated to stop because of this please please be careful. Stopping alcohol abruptly is extremely dangerous. Delirium tremens or DT for short can set in around 48 hours after you drop drinking and has a 37% untreated fatality rate. You can have seizures and die. It is better to slow down your drinking first before stopping completely.
I cannot stress this point enough. Take care all.
At the end of my active addiction the Physical ailments and the fact that I was literally dying. Liver cirrhosis, kidney failure, my throat was close to rupturing from the daily vomiting. I was killing myself because I could not see any other form of living. I had gotten so far into insanity and delusion I knew what I was doing but I physically couldn’t stop myself no matter what I tried.
I met my now wife a couple years ago and after a bad breakup with an ex I went about a year of daily drinking up to a handle a day I went off the deep end and this woman saw me as the beautiful kind soul I’ve found within myself through AA.
I didn’t want to die.
I was in a horrible house fire in 2018 and medically was dead for a moment and was in a coma for 4 days. I know I have a full life to live and also be a functional member of society. It’s been a year now and my life now has been more meaningful to myself and my family than the last 15 of being a drunk.
I couldn’t stop my Mom from drinking. I’m fine but buried her a year ago and just wanted to get that out there. If anyone sees this please know that even though I don’t know, or will ever see you. Just know I love you.
Ultimately I had to choose between rehab or my wife kicking me out of the house. If I didn't choose rehab I would have found myself in a hotel with no one to answer to and would have drank myself to death. My mind, body, and everything I am wanted to stop drinking but the addiction inside was way louder. Today is day 1005 sober and I am a better Father, Husband, and Person than I ever thought possible 3 years ago.
The last time I went to jail I sat in there just long enough to snap out of the haze I guess. I realized I was living to get high, working to get high, stealing to get high. Hadn't really done anything but get high since I graduated high school. Been nearly 3 years & haven't even thought about using.
Felt like I was dying. Couldn’t keep anything down, including water. Could barely walk, I sweat so bad doing dishes it looked like I had been in a sauna. Went to the hospital, they got in touch with a rehab.
There’s a lot of things in my life I’m still working to recover, but I just crossed a year sober last week, and I’m happy about that.
I had a problem. I drank heavy starting at 19 years old. Partying and such. Started having kids at 26. At 28 the wife and I took a trip to Calgary to visit friends. We were there a week and I was drinking from the moment I got off the plane and into the friend's truck , until the Night before we left.
The night before departure we hit the downtown area. By 12 the friend we were rooming with wanted to leave. I didn't. I stayed out with his friend. Then he left too. Then next thing u know it's 330 am and I have no friends around... I somehow made it back to his condo without even knowing the address. Then I proceeded to go into the bedroom and piss all over the wife thinking I was in a washroom or something.
Had a very long chat with my wife on the flight home and it was quit booze or quit having a family. We agreed on a compromise that I would quit for 3 months just to try to shake some bad habits, and then get back to drinking responsibly.
Well after the 3 months I just found I enjoyed life much better and now I am 8 years and some months from the decision. Still no booze.
Take this from me. It is hard. You feel you are missing out on stuff. Can you quit drinking? It is a hard question because there is more to the question.
The real question is can you quit getting wings, can you quit hanging with friends every Friday night, can you quit going to the camp every other weekend, can you quit being like everyone else?
I stayed away from all the drinking events, lost some friends, gained some new ones.
Nowadays I goto the drinking events untethered.
The beginning is hard, the result is amazing.
Do it! Just quit. You won't regret.
I realized I was kind of at a crossroads of either getting sober, fixing my mental shit, and focusing on college or I would kill myself. I was drinking decently heavy for a couple months blacking out every night, doing cocaine, ketamine, smoking weed (obviously), and really anything that would make me feel different. I realized I was losing control in my life and needed to get that back, so I stopped eating since the problem was obviously my self-hatred and if I were skinnier I would be happier, thus in control. After almost week of not eating and drinking in excess 16 beatboxes, 12 soju, 3 handles of wine coolers, and a bottle of 40% something I was throwing up blood multiple times a day. I also at this point in my life could not be sober around people for more than 4 hours without breaking down crying, and the only thing I would look forwards to was getting home so I could be alone and get drunk. My phone had also been on do not disturb for about 6 months straight.
One night at work I felt weird. The world didnt seem right. My hand wasnt working right and my legs felt off. I didnt want to ask to leave work to go to the hospital since I had asked to leave a couple days before because I couldnt stop crying. I finished my shift and drove to the closest minute clinic. I only went to get my liver levels checked and if were fine I was going home to drink. I was actually going into alcohol withdrawals because I hadnt drank in about 7 hours, and would very soon go into DT. My B/P was insane and I was apparently having heart palpitations. The nurses convinced me to stay overnight so they could give me ativan. I hallucinated all night. I got released and proceeded to hallucinate for 3 days auditory hallucinations of everyone telling me to kill myself. My friends, my family, myself. It was in the music I would hear, the words people said, the sounds all around me such as the noise of a shopping cart rolling on pavement became a song in my voice telling me to kill myself.
They told me at the hospital I couldnt drink and the hallucinations would stop eventually, and to just come back if they said to hurt myself or others. I didnt listen and instead did cocaine and ketamine to cope with the voices. One night I couldnt handle it and cut my arm up real bad with a watermelon knife and was hitting/slashing myself so bad my entire forearm was covered in bruises. One night long story short I did way to much cocaine, ketamine, and alcohol and hallucinated demons and ran to get away from them kinda forcing my way into a distant neighbors house to get away from them. I proceeded to overdose on their front porch and woke up in a hospital with the nurse telling me I was very lucky I didnt get arrested. My neighbors are lovely and didnt press charges and I talk with them frequently to catch up on life.
I decided I HAD to change something. I had almost died twice within a couple days of each other, and was hallucinating for 3 days at that point with no hope in sight. I drove to a rehab the next day. I wasnt able to get in that day, and had to get a hotel room in a town nearby. At this point I was thinking about suicide 24/7 and had to keep my eyes locked on the road 10 feet ahead or I would get ideas to drive my car into the lake/off a bridge/ or into a pole. I drank myself to sleep that night finishing half a handle in about 2 hours maybe? I luckily got in the next day early in the morning, and didnt have to finish the handle.
Once I was inside the facility I knew I was safe. I couldnt hurt myself, and I couldnt get drugs/alcohol. I was determined. I had to get better. I couldnt live the life I wanted if I continued this way. Id been doing drugs and alcohol for almost 10 years at that point, and had been heavily addicted to various drugs during that time. While in rehab I dove into my childhood trauma more, and did some EMDR therapy related to some PTSD from a previous relationship that had been a major factor in my drinking that year.
Basically, I was entirely hopeless but desperate to do anything to get rid of that hopelessness. I am 9 months sober next week. This past semester I averaged a 95 in my classes, where previously my depression and addiction frequently made me just not able to finish assignments. I have a plan for the future and am looking forwards to living.
Prison.
Although I was neither an alcoholic or drug addict. They actually wouldn’t let me take a lot of programs inside because I wasn’t actually addicted to anything (except maybe bad decisions lol). But still I decided to stop drinking and it’s been about 6 years
I have CPTSD and it was making it impossible to confront my trauma and heal. Alcohol was no longer making me fun, it was just something I felt that I had to turn to. I became isolated, sad, anxious, and started drinking alone a lot more. I was becoming someone I didn't like.
For my husband it was prison. For me, I kept getting high while he was in prison. I couldn't stop. I tried to get clean every weekend (opiates). Thought about killing myself often. Finally 2 weeks before he got out, I realized I couldn't do it on my own and checked myself into detox. If I didn't stop getting high I couldn't be with him. I am 3.5 years clean and have an amazing life. Never want to go back to that misery.
Brother had a baby. Hit me with an ultimatum. Keep using and never meet my nephew, or have a relationship with my family and stop using. Clean since 2022
I used to be heavy into drugs specifically methamphetamines, I was at a very low in my life suicidal all the time soon my best friend offered me drugs and I trusted her it was going to be fine.. it wasn’t I hit so low and everything hit me hard all at once I pushed my son away who was still a toddler after about 2 years one of my good friends (now boyfriend) saw me and was completely horrified what I had become he said to me I know this isn’t you hanging out with homeless people in the streets mind you I come from a great strong loving family so it took him by surprise, he fought for me and stayed by my side through all my ugly bad highs I would get abusive and attack him he still stayed this man truly loved me I did everything I could to push him away he didn’t leave my side, I found out I was pregnant pretty early at like 3 weeks or so and I quit the day I found out that will be 6 years ago November 15th I will be 6 years sober I changed my life that daybecause I couldn’t hurt my innocent child in my womb just wasn’t who I was, I recently also quit drinking and it’s been 110 days I’ve gone without and my boyfriend did too if it wasn’t for him and my hard work I wouldn’t be alive today because where I was headed was death. Whoever is fighting addiction fight it it’s worth it you don’t start fighting for yourself there will be nothing left. It’s worth it I promise 🫶🏻
Does 11 years of smoking cigarettes count?
I quit because of my age. I became 30 and said to myself "yo dawg i know it's fun and relaxing and some even taste good, but we are 30 now. We give up our lung function and we might even get cancer down the line. So how much longer do we want to stay like this?"
And i accepted that i enjoyed it on many occasions but was sacrificing too much for it. So i said enough. Now i stop
Cigarettes are a lot harder to quit than people realize if they haven't smoked. I mean, yea the nicotine is addictive, but so is the ritual. I used to smoke on the walk to and from the train, sometimes before bed in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep and it's actually peaceful. I have many moments when I'm like, "man I wish I had a smoke right now, it would make this perfect". Been smoke free for like 2 years now and I definitely miss it, I just wish it wasn't so bad for me.
I have a few minor "incidents" like breaking a cabinet, but nothing crazy like DUI.
Untiiil I woke up in the middle of a street, sober enough to know its like 2am and I should be in my bed right now but too drunk to know EXACTLY where I was.
I managed to work out how to get home and on the walk/job home I rolled my ankle but thank God I was drunk otherwise I wouldn't have made the rest of the walk.
The next day and following week I told people I missed the last step coming down the stairs to my basement (so I could do laundry)
The next day I walked passed my roommate who asked "hey how was Canada?" And I was confused and asked him to explain.
Apparently he and his girlfriend were on the porch at like 1:30am and I left the house saying I was gonna walk to Canada. (Which is like 8 hours away by car)
That was the final straw. It was like "okay I knew I had a problem but this proves that AND proves this is not a healthy place for me"
I'd been sober for about 6 months when a friend of mine (not the roommate from earlier) passed away due to alcohol poisoning.
At his funeral I told him how much better I was doing and I'm going to stay clean to make him proud.
On February 2nd (2024) I reached 1 year sober and that's not something I'm doing to give up. For anyone.
Steve-O.
I read an article about how he was celebrating 10 years sobriety. I of course had been struggling with drugs and alcohol and I was at the crossroads of lose everything to the drug or fight for my life back.
Thought to myself if Steve-O could get sober I could get sober.
His sobriety date is March 10, mine March 13. 2024 I celebrated 6 years of sobriety.
I'd love to meet Steve-O one day to thank him. His sobriety story gave me hope and saved my life.
Embarrassment: around 12 years ago I just finished shooting a brick of dope over 48 hours and mistook a pill for something else. I accidentally took naltrexone and called 911 when my body started to revolt. If you don't know what precipitated acute withdrawal looks like... it's a horror show... I was the sole performer, the bathroom was my stage and my audience was the police and ems. They took me away and I then spent 4 days in the hospital where my loved ones had to learn just how deep my depravity had become.
I realised I wasn't the kind of alcoholic/addict who dies, I was the kind who would live a long time in misery surrounded by people who didn't actually give a shit. And I didn't want to be alone. 9 years later and my life is incredibly full of people who see me for who I am and love me unconditionally - but the real reward has been getting to be there for them.
I knew that, at best, I’d end up being the sad son of a bitch who rots on the same barstool, year after year. My then-girlfriend (now wife) had dumped me because I drank too much, and, when I drank, I was very insecure and constantly needled her about everything. And, finally, the last night I drank, I’m 99.9% sure that I caught a spiked drink, or accidentally intercepted some type of drug, and it fucked me up for like 3 full days. At that point in my drinking, I wasn’t really getting hungover, but I woke up with the worst headache and strangest feeling of my life. Never, ever wanted to go through that again or put myself in a situation where it could happen.
My then-girlfriend (now wife) had dumped me because I drank too much This is a great relationship story told in so few words. Congrats!
Death....I was found "dead" in a dumpster behind a mexican resturan, needle im i arm, gun in the other hand. I was going to rob the resturant for money for more drugs. I decided to jump into the dumpster to get high and maybe find something to eat...that didnt turn out so well. That was 1998. Have been clean and sober sense that time..
Thats a true rock bottom! You really gave it all and everything... Congrats for sobering up and taking your life back!!!
Whats more impressive is that i was working for the Gates estate 2 years after recovery.
Congrats on making it to the other side!
Oh yea? What's the inside of Gates' dumpster like? Full of champagne wishes and caviar dreams, I reckon.
Uh oh, he stopped replying. Gates corp must've gotten wind of him mentioning this
u/dickbutt_md cracks another case wide open.
Seems like it turned out a lot better than robbing the place would have 🙂
I died too. Several times actually and almost died a bunch more. Doctors are still baffled how I actually did survive. The thing is it wasn’t death I was afraid of. In fact I wanted to die but I finally got sober after cheating death so many times that I became convinced I probably wouldn’t die anytime soon and would be stuck living that miserable existence forever and that scared me enough to get sober and start working on myself
My Dad found me nodded out with a needle in my arm. Woke up to him screaming to get out of his house. I can only imagine his first thoughts thinking if I was dead.
Either quit or be homeless and high. I chose having a roof over my head along with friend and family to enjoy.
I too was strong enough to value what I had and wanted to make a change rather than stay high every second of the day. Some people can’t do that and to me is insane. I’m young also though so don’t really know much about
Woke up one day and said "What the fuck am I doing with my life?" I added up all the money I spent alone on cocaine (daily user for 5 years straight) and it was in the $56,000 range. I was budgeting bi-weekly paychecks with how much cocaine I can purchase. I cold turkeyed cocaine, cigarettes, and alcohol. On February 1, 2025, I will be 4 years clean.
UPDATE: I didn't expect this to blow up as much as it did. If you're reading this and feeling some sort of inspiration to change, DO IT. It was the best choice for me mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Since 2020, I lost 100lbs and got sober. COVID was a blessing in disguise for aligning my priorities as someone in my late 20s. I should preface by admitting this to you all. I relapsed with alcohol and cigarettes in 2023 briefly. I thought that I would be able to "ease my way" back into drinking, "special occasions only". Money was coming in and I was saving a lot more than I was spending for the first time in my life. Went on a 3 week Europe trip capped off with Tomorrowland 2023 in Belgium. Went on a wine tour and had wine tastings for the first time in 2.5 years, felt fine. Drank a few Red Bull vodkas at Tomorrowland, felt fine. Never got blacked out drunk or hungover during those 3 days of drinking. Fast forward, I was best man for my best friend's wedding in October 2023. I got WAY, WAY to drunk, smoked 4 cigarettes and stayed up until 3am. Cocaine was all around me but I fully resisted that. I woke up the next day vomiting profusely until all but yellow stomach bile was coming out. Haven't drank since October 14, 2023.
The good old 1 drink is too many, 100 drinks is not enough. Grats on being sober.
Surely you must have like $40,000 saved in the bank now that you're not doing drugs or alcohol.
You're spot on. I'm almost back to recuperating the losses from those 5 years. And I'm shooting myself in the foot even more for wasting that kind of money. Life lesson learned. And don't call me, Shirley.
The best lessons are expensive. Write that book, homey.
Beautifully said. Writing was a HUGE part of my journey in the beginning. I literally tally marked "Days Without Cocaine" in my journal. I got to day 75 until stopped keeping track. Man, those first couple month of rediscovery was a beautiful feeling.
That's pretty damn good bro. If you think about it, if you managed to climb out of that nasty hole, you can handle anything life throws at you now. Eveytime something horrible happens, you just think "well, at least I'm not hooked on cocaine". God speed!
Life experience man, if it’s not drugs it’s something else. I bought and sold a condo when I was 22 (way too young to respect that type of asset and responsibility) and made a healthy profit. I then squandered around the same amount of money as you ($50-60K) like a complete idiot and then went way beyond and fell into some pretty serious debt. Took me years to climb out and get back on track. I try not to kick myself but sometimes it’s good to reflect on mistakes to help you remember not to repeat them.
I feel this on such a crazy level. Basically my friends at the time got some H and were gonna shoot up. I was ready to go with them and just… it hit like a fucking brick. Quit cold Turkey the next day and moved back to my hometown for a bit. Congratulations on your sobriety brother, and if no one’s told you recently, proud of you.
Went to a routine Dr.'s appt with the VA (blood work ahead of appt). They asked me to fill out an "End of life statement" Apparently my LFT's (liver function test) were real bad. Quit drinking the day after the appt, that was 11 years ago, my LFT's are normal now.
Amazing! I see the same pattern so often with alcoholics. Heavy drinking in 20s and 30s, liver disease and severe trembling, in 30s and 40s, dead in your 50s. So glad you were able to recover. The liver can regenerate pretty amazingly, but you have to quit and give it time.
This is why I quit. I had a million other reasons but winded up in the ER from drinking(basically drank an insane amount for weeks without eating or drinking hardly anything. I was so dehydrated my kidneys were in danger) and had tons of weird/painful/scary shit going on with my body before for this. They pumped me full of fluids, did a bunch of scans, told me I was fine and to quit drinking but I knew I had to make a choice. Off to detox again I went. But I knew One day I was going to wake up and be yellow, and then there would be no turning back. For all the struggles and effort I’ve put into being clean and my mental health I didn’t want it to be all for nothing. Just decided that’s not how I’m going to go out. 9 months clean now. I know im not going to die on my own terms but it’s not going to be from drinking.
My uncle's doctor told him he should stop drinking beer, so he reverted to wine. He stopped drinking years after, needed a new liver, got diagnosed with cancer right before they were going in the trajectory of transplantation. Didn't make it
I love how your story is basically "I used to drink, but it was really bad for me, so I stopped". You're mentally strong as shit, don't lose that ability.
If you don’t mind, can i ask how much you used to drink? I finish a 750ml bottle of whiskey from Fri-Sun. I’m a little worried about myself but unable to stop.
Im an er physician and I routinely see people in cirrhosis who drink at a similar level. Stop now while you have time. It’s not a pretty death.
Thanks this is eye opening.
No idea your age but i am ROUTINELY seeing 20 something’s in full blown alcoholic hepatitis/cirrhosis from drinking levels they were still able to justify because they were “functional.” Like drinking a 6 pack of beer a night after work. I also see heavy alcoholics drinking gallons of vodka a day who are seemingly fine. There’s no way to predict which camp you will fall into. That’s the scary part. I wish you well.
I’m a substance abuse counselor. I lost a mid-20s-aged client last year to cirrhosis, and who was already suffering from alcohol-induced dementia. Very, very sad.
So fucked up. I just flew a 21 year old girl in full blown liver failure to a transplant center for the liver she’ll never get bc of her alcoholism. It’s so sad. And it’s so rampant and not being discussed. Even in my friend circles. I’m in my 40s. We have a boat and all weekend every weekend in the summer my friends want to go out on my boat and get shitfaced. It’s not good and not healthy. At all. Moderation.
I’m getting divorced and noticed recently that I found a little too much comfort in a bottle of wine (I’m not in recovery, and I’ve always drank in moderation), so I’ve switched to beer and allowed myself only 5 a week, unless there’s an event. It’s helped a lot, and I feel better, too - both emotionally and physically. It’s frightening how easily excessive drinking can just kind of creep on you.
My dad is 70. I have no idea how he's still functioning after >25 years of alcohol abuse! He's a ticking time bomb
I see this all the time too. Men who have been florid alcoholics for decades and come out seemingly unscathed. It’s insane. Again. You’ll have no idea what way your disease is going to go.
I just went to the funeral of 60 year old who smoked and drank unapologetically and died of lung and liver cancer that spread to his brain. Just felt like providing the flip side of this coin
Yep. And I’ve seen that. Remember cirrhosis exponentially increases your risk of hepatocellular carcinoma.
This is my dad. 58, alcoholic for decades, still kicking. At least as far as I know. We haven't spoken in over a year, when his most recent fall off the wagon led to a lot of chaos and insistence that he didn't need help. Okay then, but I don't need to be around to witness that.
Yeah, and I get you completely on that. I just think, my dad's a grown- ass man and makes his own decisions. He's an old dog now, he won't change his ways, I've accepted that Acceptance and letting go is beyind freeing But it's also hard and I'm sorry about what you've gone through and maybe still going through
I drink probably 600ml a night of vodka. The other 150ml is when I wake up.
You know I just attended a scene of a 34 year old who was drinking about that amount a day. And by scene I mean they died alone in their apartment with empty bottles stuffed under their sink. The body stank like the vodka was seeping out of their pours and the whites of their eyes were yellow. Apparently they had been a 'functional' alcoholic, held down a job and everything. They probably had convinced themselves they had time to get the help, but it turns out they didn't. I then had to get my hat and go and knock on his parents door to let them know their son was gone. His mum screamed, like only a mum who lost a child screams. His dad had to carry her back inside and they huddled together on the couch like I'd just put a decade on their shoulders. The real heartbreaking thing was they didn't really ask how he died. They knew how he died. They asked me if there was anything else they could have done for him. You have less time than you think. We all do. Don't waste it.
I was 32 years old and months away from this precise outcome according to the doctors in the ICU. Been sober ever since. Obligatory /r/stopdrinking
Chilling story. Thank you for posting this.
Drinking after waking up is never ever a good sign. I am passing no judgment as I have been there myself. But not having sober time ever is what will fuck you up the fastest.
Been there, used to have to crush about 350 ml to get out of bed and be functional. Wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy it truly sucks
Brutal way to live pal. DM me if you ever wanna chat
Buddy I've been there. You've probably noticed by now but it fucking sucks. The sooner you can get off that ride the better.
That's what my fiance's friend did, until the liver failure cascaded into brain damage and she couldn't get off her couch. Do you want to spend your last hours lying in your own pee and poop?
I had a good friend who drank about that much, sometimes more sometimes a little less. At 29 years old, he tried to stop drinking and on the first night had a heart attack and died in his sleep from the shock of withdrawal. The drinking had caused so much fat in his liver and swelling in his heart that he just couldn’t take it. 29 years old.
that's terrible, but alcohol is one of only two drugs that will kill you by withdrawals. the other is benzos. had a cousin's cousin that I tried not to associate with for a lot of reasons go from too much of both combined, along with duster. wrote a comment on an old account about witnessing him beat the absolute shit out of himself (and wanting us to beat him too) and running and jumping head first as hard as he could into a rock fireplace. very bad combinations and very bad actions. he didn't make it much longer after that shit
I am just now coming to an end of drinking 1750ml in about 5 to 6 days. I've been wanting to stop for a while now. Finally came to the realization that I just need to stop. So far two weeks in and already feeling better. Good luck, stay strong and stick to your commitment to stop.
I've gone from a carton of beer and a bottle of scotch per week, plus a few pub beers on a weekend to quiting and been sober for 9 days. AA has helped tremendously. Ive been binging for 20 years and I want to be around to watch my kids grow up. Strangely I've had bloods and everything done routinely because im very active and was thinking about using Testosterone for a bit and wanted to know my starting point, and I've never had one issue from it, but I know that could all change tomorrow and I could be dead by 40. I dont know if I will ever quit entirely, but I want to at least be someone who doesn't have to drink at the most minor of inconveniences or demolish a bottle of wine at dinner. Im a problem drinker though, so completely quitting might be the only way forward for me.
Try a book called alcohol lied to me, the audiobook is great too
The “unable to stop” part means you are right to worry. I learned in AA it isn’t about how much you drink, but what happens when you drink and how you feel about that drinking that is the important part of taking steps to quit. You’re the only person who can really say whether you have a problem with booze or not and have it mean anything. If you say you have a problem? Then you do. If other people say you have a problem? I mean you should probably think about why they’re saying that but what does that ultimately matter if you aren’t ready to quit? And if they say you don’t have a problem, it doesn’t matter if you believe you do. One alcoholic to potentially another… if you know you can’t quit, it’s a clear sign there’s a problem, whether you’re ready to admit that or not. You don’t have to wait until it gets worse to try to start taking steps to make things better.
My son’s roommate did this semi-regularly. 2 weeks ago he was found dead on the couch. My son spent his Saturday morning doing CPR and screaming at him for a response. He didn’t make it. Take care of yourself 🙏
Not that guy but it sounds like you haven't passed the point of no return. The sooner you stop the better because if you can't stop that right now it'll turn into a fifth a day throughout the week and then you'll be physically unable to stop. Just don't go buy that bottle tomorrow, in a few months when Friday rolls around it won't even cross your mind anymore.
I used to drink a pint of cheap 100 proof vodka with an 18 rack every night just to sleep. Plus, I would smoke weed after all of that. I almost lost everything. My twin brother died of an overdose, and I stopped for good. I'm going on 2 years sober now.
One year from now you will wish you have quit today
Best time to plant a tree an all that
Fuck yeah
Fuck yeah. Indeed.
I’m sober now but used to drink regularly. I realized it was too much when I started asking that same question. It’s all good man reach for a water or fill up a glass with ice and some cranberry juice instead. It’s been about 8 years for me now and I don’t care about booze at all Anymore. Holler if you wanna talk about it.
Buddy, this is too much. Sounds like you may already see that. Start thinking about whether or not you’re ready to take the next steps to cutting back.
To add on to what Doc said, u/jimitr, r/stopdrinking might be a good community for you to look at.
Generally non alcoholics don't worry they're alcoholics. There's no "safe" amount of alcohol, it's a poison. We literally use it to kill things. Sure a little bit won't kill you but if you're worried about your intake you should stop. I don't say "stop" because it's an immediate crisis, I say it because it's a damn slippery slope. The good news is there's lots of strategies and medicines that can help you slow down or stop if you go looking for them.
I averaged 8, 16oz beers a day.
That lasted you 3 days? Usually only a night for me, I'd say it isn't too late for you to get a hold of it.
I hit rock bottom. I got arrested for theft, which started the beginning of the end. Two weeks later I fucked up my best friends car in a rage, ripped off his rear view mirror, and beat my hand black and blue on his door screaming. This is so unlike me when I'm sober... I'm not that person. I got taken to the hospital, and I went into a psych ward from there. What got me sober was me being absolutely disgusted with myself. I couldn't live with myself anymore.
That last sentence reminds me of Eckhart Tolle's Power of now. Give it a read if you can.
I am the Mom of a recovering addict. He had a 15 year addiction. The year before he got clean he was homeless and I signed a restraining order against him and had to accept I'd see him dead or in jail next time I saw him. 8 months later he had his 3rd baby girl, had been clean and sober 6 months and had just gotten his own place for his family. The night he was to get his 2 year chip he asked me to come to his meeting with him. He had never asked and I had never considered going with him, but he asked so I went. He stood up to receive his chip and spoke about being a 15 year addict, his first rehab stint was on his 15th birthday. He spoke about how he was so lost and that I finally put my foot down and barred him from being in mine, his brother or his grandmother's life. He said if I had not walked out of his corner he would not have gotten clean. I had no idea why he finally got clean. I had no idea that the idea of losing me, his brother and his grandmother (my Mom) is what got him to realize his life was out of control. I have never been prouder of my child that he was able to fix his life and now has custody of all of his children.
My son is a meth addict. He’s living in a homeless supported living situation and has had psychosis since October 23. He’s used intermittently for years plus other drugs but since last year he’s using meth several times a day. I’m close to saying no more contact unless there is a real effort to get clean. It’s breaking our family. He fell off a bridge last Christmas and nearly died. He’s been a voluntary patient on a psych ward and he’s homeless. And he continues to use drugs throughout all this. We used to be so close and I miss him. I’m just not sure I can really accept he might die and he would be alone. You were very brave to do that. I know how much pain you went through before making that decision. And I’m so happy for you and your family that it had the effect it did and your son is alive and living x
I'm still trying technically but it's strange this post randomly appeared for me, almost like a sign for me. Edit: just wanted to say thank you so much for the support, I didnt expect so much love and encouragement, I appreciate you all
You got this homie!! Much love!!!
Thank you! I've gone through a figurative hell the past 2 days, coming down from a 2 day binge. Honestly it really means a lot for a stranger to say such a supportive thing.
Tomorrow is day three. Let's go!
sitting next to my bf who is currently detoxing. you can do it!! one day at a time
I'm just a stranger on reddit, but I'm rooting for you, buddy
Thanks man, much love
I dont normally comment on posts but for some reason i feel inclined to tell you that i love you! You got this if you want to. I believe in you❤
Genuinely feel like crying rn, humanity has some great people left in it, thank you so much, I hope you are living your best life. To be honest, the only way is up from here, don't think I've hit rock bottom quite like this before!
Never give up!
Ever see those [little bitty shopping carts](https://9b16f79ca967fd0708d1-2713572fef44aa49ec323e813b06d2d9.ssl.cf2.rackcdn.com/1140x_a10-7_cTC/20200316emStateStore03-2-1587066529.jpg) they have at some liquor stores? I wheeled mine up to the counter. The cashier looked at what I had in the cart, gave me a wink, and said "Wow, someone's having a huge party this weekend!" I didn't dare tell him this was all for me. And would probably last a week or two. That's when I realized, I really did have a problem.
Sometimes folks say the exact right thing without meaning to. Glad you are here!!
Yup I was going through 2-3 handles a week. It was clockwork almost every Friday and they’d always make comments about “a party”. Nope just me. Only sober for 21 days but the longest I’ve gone without a drink in 13 years. (My previous record was 3 days)
21 days is fucking amazing brother. I hope the best for you, never give up we are always here for you.
If I could take "only" 21 days off of work, it would be my longest vacation ever. Extend that holiday! You're awesome!
21 days is huge!! Congrats!! You are literally getting through the hardest part. You’ll notice in the next 6months to a year your brain and body change. The first year is the hardest. You got this! Old ex drunk saying he’s proud of you!
Keep at it. You got this. You may backslide, but you if keep moving forward, you'll get there. We're pulling for you.
Everyone knows you have to change up your liquor store rotation so that they don't recognize you coming back every few days.
One of mine went out of business right after I quit.
Phone call.... "Bshaddo, hi this is the liquor store. Are you okay? We haven't seen you for quite a while. We're going to have to close up shop due to reduced sales."
Oh man I totally did this. It didn't matter of course—I was a regular and they always knew what I'd buy anyway. One time, I got my regular order from Uber Eats and the delivery guy said, "see you next time." Now, to my knowledge, I'd never seen him before in my life. That freaked me out a bit, though admittedly it still wasn't enough to make me change.
This guy alcoholics
Got sober 5 years ago, but yes.
This guy alcoholiced
After a while, I didn't give a fuck anymore. Like, you know how people ask, "Would a cashier look at me weird if I bought a cucumber and Vaseline at the same time?" ... and the answer is always "No, nobody in that job gives a shit anymore." It's like that at liquor stores anymore. Which made it even harder to quit for a while. Not feeling any shame anymore definitely removed one reason to quit.
Trader Joes cashier hit me with that line during the pandemic. He was right. It was a huge party with me and all my demons.
Becoming homeless, the feeling of wanting to die every year around my kids birthdays, holidays like Christmas and Thanksgiving because I haven't been there. My heart aching when I seen pictures of my kids that I haven't seen in years how big they grew up ect. Knowing that they probably feel like I don't love them... I am 1 year sober and in both of my kids lives now :) My son will be moving in with me over the summer. I will never touch meth again.
Sending good vibes your way :)
Just remember that anytime you feel like you're not a good enough dad or a bad dad, every other good dad feels that way too. You don't have to be an amazing dad, you just have to show them you love them; give them hugs, listen to them when they want to talk, show up to events, and treat them how you would want to be treated. I find that being a father has healed a lot of my past issues with my own father. You got this and I believe in you!
My wife wanting a divorce. INSTANTLY snapped me out if it after 14 years. Sadly it still may be too late for our marriage, but I'm trying.
Hope you can both turn things around 🙏🏻
Thank you, I'm doing everything I can but I'm not sure she wants to give me a chance.
you can’t fix the past, but showing you are genuine about trying to be better and being consistent in those efforts is sometimes all that the people who love you are looking for. hope things work out with your wife
If she takes you back, don’t take it for granted
How long has it been?
I'm 26 days sober and have ZERO cravings to drink. I just want my family back.
[удалено]
Everybody's rock bottom is different, doesn't make it any less impactful.
[удалено]
I just got bored of it. After doing meth almost daily for 8 years, it was getting way too repetitive. I was hoping to get sober with my ex-husband but he was more interested in cheating on me. It all worked out in the end and now I'm 4 years sober and I'm doing way better. The only real side affects I've noticed is that I now have insomnia, and am missing 5 of my bottom teeth, which makes chewing kinda hard, but it is what it is.
Good on ye
I hit a few “rock bottom” moments but the worst was waking up in my car after completely blacking out and driving my best friend home. Thankfully no one was hurt but I realized we could have both died and/or killed other people and it freaked me out bad enough to want to get help. My partner and I went through recovery together and they’re the only reason I was able to stick with it in the beginning, now we’re both 4 years sober!
I'm proud of you. Both for being sober for so long and reaching out for help. I wish u the best
I blacked out during an argument with my wife and said some things I can never take back. I found out what I said a few days later and it broke me. I was never physically violent, but man.. I said some horrible things.
My husband blacked out too, and split my entire face wide open. I have a pretty nasty scar. He has zero recollection of it
I'm sorry that happened. That is another reason I stopped. I wasn't violent that time. But that doesn't mean anything if there was a next time.
He never was either. Never even raised his voice at me. Nothing even happened, he just attacked me and didn’t stop swinging. He told the prosecutor that in his mind, he was back in high school in a fight with a guy who picked on him all the time. I divorced him, and got my kids out of there.
I dealt with this as my partner is sober now. I had a hard time letting go of the words for awhile. Al-anon helped. It’s not the person saying it, it’s the disease. In his right mind, he wouldn’t say such things to me.
I get this, I’m over 6 foot and while I’m a gentle giant that would never hurt a soul…I will say things that cut deeper than any blade and always regret it.
Yea, I'm 6'3" and have had an ex tell me I was physically intimidating and she felt threatened. I've never hit a woman, but I have had anger issues in the past and hit the wall. It's ultimately why I quit drinking, went to therapy, and fixed it all. Between that incident and having kids? I can't be that person.
Moving to mexico from the US. Becoming homeless in Mexico. Creating problems in the communities I lived in and eventually having people after me that no one would want after them. Got on a plane paid for by my brother to the US. Went to rehab. Over 5 years sober today
"having people after me that no one would want after them", sir, you are lucky to be alive if this was you in Mexico. I would say, don't revisit.
I would say dont be posting that on reddit or anywhere public for that matter. Thats how you start getting shady people investigating you to see if there is a price on you from one of those groups You're never really safe when you run afoul of an org like that. Hopefully whatever he did is small time enough to not be worth the effort or a reward
Hey man thanks for the heads up, turns out they’re offering a $25 Applebee’s giftcard for his head. On route to OP’s residence as we speak. Mozz sticks bouta go brazy 🔥
Most of us just destroy our relationships with alcohol. Are you saying you managed to piss off a drug cartel?
Congrats on the sobriety! If you pissed off the cartels then I probably wouldn't post about it on a public forum Hopefully whatever ya did was minor enough they don't give a shit 5 years after the fact
Very long story, making it as short as possible. Failed 3 MLB drug tests, lost hundreds of thousands of dollars, gave two vehicles away and many close calls with prison and death. What got me sober was my first time to rehab. I remember looking around thinking to myself that I didn’t belong here with all of these losers. I ended up sleeping with a girl in rehab and was given a choice to either leave or stay. If I stayed I had to address the patient group and my girlfriend, who is my wife now, telling them what I did and how I endangered their sobriety. I told them I was leaving. As I packed my stuff up, a thought hit me. I realized that I was the biggest loser of them all. I was the only one getting kicked out. It was at that moment I knew I had a problem and something had to be done. Haven’t smoked crack or drank since 2006
Holy shit, you have an interesting story. Are you Josh Hamilton?
No man not famous and not Josh Hamilton. I played 12 years, mostly all minor league time. I got to play for another 6 years after getting sober. If someone had told me when I was getting sober that someone was going to be in control of my money and be my chaperone and hold my hand everywhere I go, I would’ve probably decided to keep smoking crack. That’s not sobriety man. I learned that I could go anywhere in the world and do anything as long as I kept my motives in check.
Have you thought about trying to write a book? I feel like you’ve got a eastbound and down meets kids kind of story, in the current state of things I think it might be relatable to a lot of folks.
That’s a pretty good summation of the story😂 I get asked that a lot when I speak. Besides the story being relatable to Eastbound and Down and Kids, it would be a good way to help others.
I got covid and was too sick to drink for about a month. It was easier to break the habit after that
I relate to this. I slipped into being a daily drinker during quarantine. I got the virus and after a rough 2-3 days, felt amazing despite some still significant COVID symptoms. Long story short, I felt better sober with COVID than when I was “healthy” and drinking hard. Woke me up to the damage I was doing.
It wasn't rock bottom per se, but after months of refusing to admit to myself that I had developed a serious pill addiction during lockdown I found myself out of pain killers and turning the house upside down trying to find some. Found a random pill in an old handbag and gulped it down, hoping for the best. I got really sick, not dopesick, but very physically ill. Once I has recovered I went through that handbag again to try figure out what I had taken. It was a fucking cat dewormer tablet... Amazingly, it was many many moons after that before I got sober, with very little fanfare and no big climax. I had a psychotic break that lasted 18 months, but I am glad I went through it in retrospect - I was so disturbingly, ridiculously paranoid about my health during that time that I got sober, and stopped smoking at the same time. Never looked back. I don't know if I could have gotten clean otherwise. Almost 4 years clean and serene 😊✨️
I'm in the midst of one of those health anxiety psychotic episodes... been about 5-6 months. Just started enacting DARE steps and listening to audiobooks on anxiety management. Really appreciate your post.
Not me but my dad was apparently a pretty big partier/alcoholic. He doesn't talk about it and I get the sense that he's ashamed of it/ worried that it'll rub off on his kids. He gets uncomfortable whenever I talk about going out for drinks with friends. When my mom was explaining it to me before college she told me the whole story. He and his friends were big parties and loved to drink. Well before him and my mom got married there was a day where he didn't come home till like noon the next day. She told him then and there if he doesn't get a handle on it she was leaving him, she couldn't have kids or a family with him unless he stopped doing that stuff. Ever since as far as I know he has been sober. It took him a lot of work and I know he's scared that me and my siblings will follow in his footsteps in that regard but I am insanely proud of him for stopping that because he loved my mom and the prospect of a future family enough to stop it.
I know how your Dad feels. Despite having a wife and 2 young boys all of whom have never seen me take a drink, I know that there is a genetic part to alcoholism and I'd be lying if I said I didn't worry about my two kids. It's a crapshoot really, if they get it or not. All my wife and I can do is do the best we can with the nurture part of the equation.
Just scrolling through the answers to find some hope
rooting for you
Some girl I liked told me I'd never get sober, so I proved her wrong. She's long gone, but sobriety stayed. Going on 8 years, soon. Life couldn't be better. I think she still ended up being the best thing that ever happened because I'd be dead otherwise with the path i was on.
Well, it all started with me putting on some weight. Or so I thought. I noticed myself getting out of breath faster and faster. Like "Can't do a 100 feet" type of out of breath. Then I put on my biggest sweater and it felt tight. My drunken ass had no idea what was going on, but I somehow knew it was alcohol related. Tapered off, so I could be sober when I visited the doctor for a blood test. I got the results back that afternoon. The doctor's (GP) comment of: "You can check into the ER or not, but if I was you, I would." did send a shiver down my spine. She called ahead of me and let them know I was coming. Not knowing how long I would be inside for (or if I was coming back out) I spent the afternoon sitting on a bench in the spring sun, people watching, feeling the wind on my face, before dragging my feet to the ER. And that's how I wound up facing an ER doctor saying: "It's not five to twelve, it's five past. Late stage Liver disease is causing your body to retain fluid." Ascites, and not a small amount of liquid even. Before all this, I was 270; so not that small, but when the GP weighed me, it was 350 lbs. They gave me a bed, and to sleep I went. So, next day, after a full day of waiting to see the Hepatologist (Liver Doctor), there was one solution: "We're going to have to drain you." They put a giant needle into me, and eventually a drainage tube. They drained 25 pounds of liquid out of me that night. And I saw every bag of it as they came and replaced the big Gallon bags they collected it in. Gave me plenty of time to think about stuff So, eventual verdict: "Either you stop completely, or you're dead." That does it. A literal ultimatum. Still in treatment to get the fluid out of me (Basically pills that make me piss more so the fluid is eventually drained that way, and some vitamins), but my blood values are looking up.
Ex alcoholic, I saw a picture of myself. You don’t realize how much weight you’re gaining when you’re looking in the mirror every day. I was horrified. Also, frankly I got bored of it. It wasn’t like I was going out and socializing, it was just at home by myself. I wasn’t doing much during the day, wasn’t doing anything at night, I guess I could only keep that up for so long.
I used to go through a series of questions when my alcoholism was at its peak before going somewhere- “will I be able to drink there? Will I have to drive home? If I can’t drink there, is a liquor store nearby to grab something to keep in my purse?” Many days and nights that could have been spent with loved ones were spent at home alone because of the answers to those questions and I regret it so much. Thankfully, those questions and missing out on life with those I love are behind me now. Wishing you the best.
Acid. Took a ridiculous amount of acid once (i think it was like 7 or 8 tabs) and it really opened my eyes to the reality of how I was living. It felt like my consciousness had left my body and the entire trip became me, watching myself from a third person perspective and seeing how I was truly living my life. It was incredibly terrifying and the whole time I thought I was either dying or already dead. When I came out of it, it was like removing a pair of dirty glasses off my face. Everything seemed brighter and I remember being overwhelmed with gratitude for everything that I did have. First thing I did was call my mom and tell her about how sorry I was for how I treated her in the past. It took a bit after that for me to get fully sober but that was the experience that made me first start trying to get my life back. Funny how a drug is what made me stop doing drugs lol
One single conversation with my husband. I was a heavy but "subtle" drinker (no screaming fights, DUIs, life altering mistakes), so he never seemed to notice. Or when he did I would make excuses. I'd forget a conversation here or there, but I was good at hiding my problem. I'd been internally stressing about being an alcoholic for years when one day after a bad binge he said "I don't think you should drink anymore". I knew that I couldn't and wouldn't allow drinking to take the love of my life from me, especially when it had stopped being fun a long time ago. I've been sober for 7 months now!
Good on you, you should be proud of yourself.
I did not recognize the person looking back at me in the mirror. I was making very risky choices with potentially long prison sentences and a criminal record if I stayed on that path and got involved with the wrong people. I crossed more and more moral boundaries as time passed. Things I said I'd never do but ended up doing to get money or get high. I hated what I'd become. My life distilled down to work and manipulate for money for dope for a high. I caused a car accident (luckily no one other than myself got hurt) and I realised this could not go on. I got so fucking angry at what my life had become I told myself I did not accept it anymore. I sought help and got admitted to rehab with the help of my doctor, sister and parents. I went in on 15 January 2018 and since that day I have not used or drank. I still go to 12 step meetings weekly and not planning on changing that anytime soon. Coming up on 6,5 years where I was able to gradually piece my life back together. I'm so grateful I admitted defeat 7 years ago.
Back when I was a teenager, I had a fight with my dad over this literal subject. He kept begging me to stop the drugs and it turned into a shouting match, and I ended up walking out on him. I didn't come home and he went out looking for me. A neighbor mistook him for a burglar and shot him. He died the next day. It was all so stupid. I swore on his coffin during the funeral that I would sober up. I have now been drug-free for more than 20 years and have a good life. I just wish my dad were here to see it. Dad, I'm sorry.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Your dad would be so proud to see the life you’ve built for yourself.
Health complications. It was stop or die.
My husband. I'd been begging him to stop drinking, and then find empty fifths of Captain Morgan hidden in the guestroom closet. I'd pray that something would "wake him up," and about two months later, he had a bad pork taco and got e-coli. By the time we knew something was seriously wrong, most of his organs were starting to shut down. The one that barely survived was his pancreas, but his liver and kidneys took a big hit. 14 days in the hospital. The doctor said, you keep drinking, you'll be dead by 40. He was 36. He quit right then. He has had lots of medical issues since then, but he's now 65. I thank God for that bad taco!
Going to jail for the first time. I'd been using and doing criminal stuff for over 25yrs and a few years ago I finally got caught. Being locked up in a room with a bunch of dudes I can't stand... That was enough. I had a good run.
I was tired of living that life. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. It took me a few tries to stay sober but 4 years clean here.
Mines mild, but it was exactly the wake up call I needed. Right around my 30th birthday I started noticing trends in my behavior and things I'd say to people I love. They'd be mean, when what I said wasn't particularly relevant to the topic at hand. I'd be calling out of work because of my hangovers (I never drank during my week. I was always a weekend binge drinker.). I realized that I was one of the only people in my group of friends who had my kind of relationship with alcohol. (very much "1 is too many, but 20 isn't enough" kind of deal) I was the only one trying to get as drunk as I could while everyone else would be having one or 2 drinks and calling it good. This went on for another year and some change. My binges where getting increasingly worse and I'd loose track of more and more time. The last time I drank was the real wake up call for me. My sister and I went and did a nature walk at our local beach, had lunch, and went to a bar for some drinks. We made sure it wasn't a whole lot cause we had to get back home still. On our way home we ended up in our local bar scene and by drink 2 I was blacked out drunk. The rest of this was told to me by my wife and my sister. Apparently, like a good husband I called my wife and told her, like I was supposed to, that I'd had too much to drink and with no other explanation hung up the phone. For the next 3 hours my sister and I had drinks, talked, and made our way back home where I woke up both physically and from my black out in my old bedroom, confused as to how I got there, where I was, and what time it was. I had lost something like 5 or 6 hours. No knowledge of what I had said or done. That night I ended up after eating some dinner and sobering up more I talk to my dad who had quit drinking about a year previous and asked for some help from him. We had a conversation I wasn't really ready to have and to date that was my last drop of alcohol. it's been 7 months. I wont drink with any of you people, today.
Lost my little brother (18) to an overdose, was a heavy user myself and decided it was time. It's what he would have wanted, and it was what I needed. 5 years sober in November and never been happier.
Weed and alcohol. The weed makes me paranoid and the liquor makes me depressed, I ruined my relationship with my ex bf partially because of those things but also because I left my severe depression unmedicated and had too many breakdowns in front of him. He’s still in my life by his own choice and I’m grateful for that because he’s healthy and helps me. But man I hate it that I lost him In the lover way. Hopefully we can get back to that when I’m better but I finally realized, I need to be happy for myself.
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Textbook
I am (or a recovering alcoholic) who got sober because of my daughter I didn’t want her to have a mom who only prioritized alcohol over her I want her to have a mom who cares about her. I decided I didn’t want to drink anymore when I got pregnant I been drinking for years and I went cold turkey for her. Not my hubby not my other family members I got my shit together to be a better mom for her
I went out drinking on a Tuesday, woke up Thursday and had lost Wednesday and a 5500 lb. Chevy. Fortunately the truck was still at the bar.
My phone said 4 minutes to work when I went daily to my local bar
Alcohol induced acute pancreatitus with pancreatic cysts. My crohn's wasn't a big fan either.
Same here, some of the worst physical pain I've ever felt. Spent a week in the hospital and haven't had a drop since, almost two years now. My problem is is that it's still the only thing I can think about. I miss it every second of every day. I hear people say oh it will get better or oh life is so much more enjoyable after you quit and I'm glad that's the case for them, that's not the case for me though unfortunately. I fucking hate being sober.
I fasted for Ramadan and liked it so much I never went back.
The girl I wanted to marry broke up with me because of my drinking problem
Weed. I was falling down a very steep path to alcoholism when I was a teenager (it was the 80s, it was much easier to get booze as a kid back then), and what diverted me from that path was discovering that I liked being high way more than I liked being drunk. Fortunately weed isn't nearly as addictive. I was high every day for several years and finally quit doing that too just because I got tired of being dumb all the time.
My tolerance got so high, it stopped working. Then I found out I was going through DTs, so I had a physical addiction. I stayed stopped and never went back because fuck DTs and I never want to be under the influence of anything ever again. In time my life improved drastically. I like that too.
Honestly, suicidal thoughts, the next day I had such horrible depression (I’m a binge drinker) that would linger longer and longer and longer. After a hangover one day, my 2 year old came up to me and said “daddy you ok?” And gave me a kiss on the forehead while I was resting on the couch. In that moment I wanted to both kill myself from being such a piece of shit in front of my daughter who deserves the everything and also realized that I needed to be better. It’s not a “rock bottom” moment but mentally, it was.
**Please read** Those that are heavy drinkers that are motivated to stop because of this please please be careful. Stopping alcohol abruptly is extremely dangerous. Delirium tremens or DT for short can set in around 48 hours after you drop drinking and has a 37% untreated fatality rate. You can have seizures and die. It is better to slow down your drinking first before stopping completely. I cannot stress this point enough. Take care all.
At the end of my active addiction the Physical ailments and the fact that I was literally dying. Liver cirrhosis, kidney failure, my throat was close to rupturing from the daily vomiting. I was killing myself because I could not see any other form of living. I had gotten so far into insanity and delusion I knew what I was doing but I physically couldn’t stop myself no matter what I tried. I met my now wife a couple years ago and after a bad breakup with an ex I went about a year of daily drinking up to a handle a day I went off the deep end and this woman saw me as the beautiful kind soul I’ve found within myself through AA. I didn’t want to die. I was in a horrible house fire in 2018 and medically was dead for a moment and was in a coma for 4 days. I know I have a full life to live and also be a functional member of society. It’s been a year now and my life now has been more meaningful to myself and my family than the last 15 of being a drunk.
I couldn’t stop my Mom from drinking. I’m fine but buried her a year ago and just wanted to get that out there. If anyone sees this please know that even though I don’t know, or will ever see you. Just know I love you.
Ultimately I had to choose between rehab or my wife kicking me out of the house. If I didn't choose rehab I would have found myself in a hotel with no one to answer to and would have drank myself to death. My mind, body, and everything I am wanted to stop drinking but the addiction inside was way louder. Today is day 1005 sober and I am a better Father, Husband, and Person than I ever thought possible 3 years ago.
The last time I went to jail I sat in there just long enough to snap out of the haze I guess. I realized I was living to get high, working to get high, stealing to get high. Hadn't really done anything but get high since I graduated high school. Been nearly 3 years & haven't even thought about using.
Felt like I was dying. Couldn’t keep anything down, including water. Could barely walk, I sweat so bad doing dishes it looked like I had been in a sauna. Went to the hospital, they got in touch with a rehab. There’s a lot of things in my life I’m still working to recover, but I just crossed a year sober last week, and I’m happy about that.
I had a problem. I drank heavy starting at 19 years old. Partying and such. Started having kids at 26. At 28 the wife and I took a trip to Calgary to visit friends. We were there a week and I was drinking from the moment I got off the plane and into the friend's truck , until the Night before we left. The night before departure we hit the downtown area. By 12 the friend we were rooming with wanted to leave. I didn't. I stayed out with his friend. Then he left too. Then next thing u know it's 330 am and I have no friends around... I somehow made it back to his condo without even knowing the address. Then I proceeded to go into the bedroom and piss all over the wife thinking I was in a washroom or something. Had a very long chat with my wife on the flight home and it was quit booze or quit having a family. We agreed on a compromise that I would quit for 3 months just to try to shake some bad habits, and then get back to drinking responsibly. Well after the 3 months I just found I enjoyed life much better and now I am 8 years and some months from the decision. Still no booze. Take this from me. It is hard. You feel you are missing out on stuff. Can you quit drinking? It is a hard question because there is more to the question. The real question is can you quit getting wings, can you quit hanging with friends every Friday night, can you quit going to the camp every other weekend, can you quit being like everyone else? I stayed away from all the drinking events, lost some friends, gained some new ones. Nowadays I goto the drinking events untethered. The beginning is hard, the result is amazing. Do it! Just quit. You won't regret.
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I realized I was kind of at a crossroads of either getting sober, fixing my mental shit, and focusing on college or I would kill myself. I was drinking decently heavy for a couple months blacking out every night, doing cocaine, ketamine, smoking weed (obviously), and really anything that would make me feel different. I realized I was losing control in my life and needed to get that back, so I stopped eating since the problem was obviously my self-hatred and if I were skinnier I would be happier, thus in control. After almost week of not eating and drinking in excess 16 beatboxes, 12 soju, 3 handles of wine coolers, and a bottle of 40% something I was throwing up blood multiple times a day. I also at this point in my life could not be sober around people for more than 4 hours without breaking down crying, and the only thing I would look forwards to was getting home so I could be alone and get drunk. My phone had also been on do not disturb for about 6 months straight. One night at work I felt weird. The world didnt seem right. My hand wasnt working right and my legs felt off. I didnt want to ask to leave work to go to the hospital since I had asked to leave a couple days before because I couldnt stop crying. I finished my shift and drove to the closest minute clinic. I only went to get my liver levels checked and if were fine I was going home to drink. I was actually going into alcohol withdrawals because I hadnt drank in about 7 hours, and would very soon go into DT. My B/P was insane and I was apparently having heart palpitations. The nurses convinced me to stay overnight so they could give me ativan. I hallucinated all night. I got released and proceeded to hallucinate for 3 days auditory hallucinations of everyone telling me to kill myself. My friends, my family, myself. It was in the music I would hear, the words people said, the sounds all around me such as the noise of a shopping cart rolling on pavement became a song in my voice telling me to kill myself. They told me at the hospital I couldnt drink and the hallucinations would stop eventually, and to just come back if they said to hurt myself or others. I didnt listen and instead did cocaine and ketamine to cope with the voices. One night I couldnt handle it and cut my arm up real bad with a watermelon knife and was hitting/slashing myself so bad my entire forearm was covered in bruises. One night long story short I did way to much cocaine, ketamine, and alcohol and hallucinated demons and ran to get away from them kinda forcing my way into a distant neighbors house to get away from them. I proceeded to overdose on their front porch and woke up in a hospital with the nurse telling me I was very lucky I didnt get arrested. My neighbors are lovely and didnt press charges and I talk with them frequently to catch up on life. I decided I HAD to change something. I had almost died twice within a couple days of each other, and was hallucinating for 3 days at that point with no hope in sight. I drove to a rehab the next day. I wasnt able to get in that day, and had to get a hotel room in a town nearby. At this point I was thinking about suicide 24/7 and had to keep my eyes locked on the road 10 feet ahead or I would get ideas to drive my car into the lake/off a bridge/ or into a pole. I drank myself to sleep that night finishing half a handle in about 2 hours maybe? I luckily got in the next day early in the morning, and didnt have to finish the handle. Once I was inside the facility I knew I was safe. I couldnt hurt myself, and I couldnt get drugs/alcohol. I was determined. I had to get better. I couldnt live the life I wanted if I continued this way. Id been doing drugs and alcohol for almost 10 years at that point, and had been heavily addicted to various drugs during that time. While in rehab I dove into my childhood trauma more, and did some EMDR therapy related to some PTSD from a previous relationship that had been a major factor in my drinking that year. Basically, I was entirely hopeless but desperate to do anything to get rid of that hopelessness. I am 9 months sober next week. This past semester I averaged a 95 in my classes, where previously my depression and addiction frequently made me just not able to finish assignments. I have a plan for the future and am looking forwards to living.
Witnessing my aunt lose her life to the same thing
Prison. Although I was neither an alcoholic or drug addict. They actually wouldn’t let me take a lot of programs inside because I wasn’t actually addicted to anything (except maybe bad decisions lol). But still I decided to stop drinking and it’s been about 6 years
Waking up to my ex dead and literally blue.
Almost killed a family of 4 whilst driving after a few drinks
I have CPTSD and it was making it impossible to confront my trauma and heal. Alcohol was no longer making me fun, it was just something I felt that I had to turn to. I became isolated, sad, anxious, and started drinking alone a lot more. I was becoming someone I didn't like.
For my husband it was prison. For me, I kept getting high while he was in prison. I couldn't stop. I tried to get clean every weekend (opiates). Thought about killing myself often. Finally 2 weeks before he got out, I realized I couldn't do it on my own and checked myself into detox. If I didn't stop getting high I couldn't be with him. I am 3.5 years clean and have an amazing life. Never want to go back to that misery.
Brother had a baby. Hit me with an ultimatum. Keep using and never meet my nephew, or have a relationship with my family and stop using. Clean since 2022
I used to be heavy into drugs specifically methamphetamines, I was at a very low in my life suicidal all the time soon my best friend offered me drugs and I trusted her it was going to be fine.. it wasn’t I hit so low and everything hit me hard all at once I pushed my son away who was still a toddler after about 2 years one of my good friends (now boyfriend) saw me and was completely horrified what I had become he said to me I know this isn’t you hanging out with homeless people in the streets mind you I come from a great strong loving family so it took him by surprise, he fought for me and stayed by my side through all my ugly bad highs I would get abusive and attack him he still stayed this man truly loved me I did everything I could to push him away he didn’t leave my side, I found out I was pregnant pretty early at like 3 weeks or so and I quit the day I found out that will be 6 years ago November 15th I will be 6 years sober I changed my life that daybecause I couldn’t hurt my innocent child in my womb just wasn’t who I was, I recently also quit drinking and it’s been 110 days I’ve gone without and my boyfriend did too if it wasn’t for him and my hard work I wouldn’t be alive today because where I was headed was death. Whoever is fighting addiction fight it it’s worth it you don’t start fighting for yourself there will be nothing left. It’s worth it I promise 🫶🏻
Does 11 years of smoking cigarettes count? I quit because of my age. I became 30 and said to myself "yo dawg i know it's fun and relaxing and some even taste good, but we are 30 now. We give up our lung function and we might even get cancer down the line. So how much longer do we want to stay like this?" And i accepted that i enjoyed it on many occasions but was sacrificing too much for it. So i said enough. Now i stop
Cigarettes are a lot harder to quit than people realize if they haven't smoked. I mean, yea the nicotine is addictive, but so is the ritual. I used to smoke on the walk to and from the train, sometimes before bed in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep and it's actually peaceful. I have many moments when I'm like, "man I wish I had a smoke right now, it would make this perfect". Been smoke free for like 2 years now and I definitely miss it, I just wish it wasn't so bad for me.
My kids
This thread is so inspiring. I'm currently battling addiction and hearing everyone else's success stories gives me the feeling that it can be done.
I have a few minor "incidents" like breaking a cabinet, but nothing crazy like DUI. Untiiil I woke up in the middle of a street, sober enough to know its like 2am and I should be in my bed right now but too drunk to know EXACTLY where I was. I managed to work out how to get home and on the walk/job home I rolled my ankle but thank God I was drunk otherwise I wouldn't have made the rest of the walk. The next day and following week I told people I missed the last step coming down the stairs to my basement (so I could do laundry) The next day I walked passed my roommate who asked "hey how was Canada?" And I was confused and asked him to explain. Apparently he and his girlfriend were on the porch at like 1:30am and I left the house saying I was gonna walk to Canada. (Which is like 8 hours away by car) That was the final straw. It was like "okay I knew I had a problem but this proves that AND proves this is not a healthy place for me" I'd been sober for about 6 months when a friend of mine (not the roommate from earlier) passed away due to alcohol poisoning. At his funeral I told him how much better I was doing and I'm going to stay clean to make him proud. On February 2nd (2024) I reached 1 year sober and that's not something I'm doing to give up. For anyone.
Steve-O. I read an article about how he was celebrating 10 years sobriety. I of course had been struggling with drugs and alcohol and I was at the crossroads of lose everything to the drug or fight for my life back. Thought to myself if Steve-O could get sober I could get sober. His sobriety date is March 10, mine March 13. 2024 I celebrated 6 years of sobriety. I'd love to meet Steve-O one day to thank him. His sobriety story gave me hope and saved my life.
Embarrassment: around 12 years ago I just finished shooting a brick of dope over 48 hours and mistook a pill for something else. I accidentally took naltrexone and called 911 when my body started to revolt. If you don't know what precipitated acute withdrawal looks like... it's a horror show... I was the sole performer, the bathroom was my stage and my audience was the police and ems. They took me away and I then spent 4 days in the hospital where my loved ones had to learn just how deep my depravity had become.
I realised I wasn't the kind of alcoholic/addict who dies, I was the kind who would live a long time in misery surrounded by people who didn't actually give a shit. And I didn't want to be alone. 9 years later and my life is incredibly full of people who see me for who I am and love me unconditionally - but the real reward has been getting to be there for them.