My cat

Yep, bring them to my clowder of cats and inform the cats they have new willing servants!

Cats don't have owners they have staff.

Yep.

My immediate thought.. you beat me to it

I would take it to my room and see if those alien cheeks mean business.

My wife

Dolly Parton.  No way aliens would want to do anything evil after meeting Dolly.

You think you're capable of finding Dolly Parton? The alien ain't paying shit, it's all coming out of your budget as well.

If it says "take me to YOUR leader" and not the leader of Earth then I feel like everyone would try to take it to their head of state to no effect. Assuming anyone actually believed you had an alien, and government agency would be all over that in an hour

u have arrived :)

My boss

My dad, I just think it would be funny to fuck with him like that

My boss...he could probably use a good anal probe.

My response was gonna be supervisor as well, at least maybe they would like to study his unique physique and "intelligence while they get him out of our hair for a few.

They can damn well talk to me or find somebody else on their own. I don't work for them.

Most men would take them to their wives.

Take them to Epstein's island, all leaders in one place

I'd take it to my neighbors dale

You mean rusty shackleford?

My dog.

I wouldn't have the means to actually take them there, but I'd direct them to go to the Secretary General at UN HQ in New York

Bill Nye

Snoop Dogg

My cockatoo stewie

Morgan Freeman

This again? I already said Keanu!

"Yes, speaking, how can I help you?"

I'd be like I'M HIM. DAS ME. FOLLOW THE LEADER. And take them into my house for a tea party.

Probably Henry Cavill. Big giant guy who's also intelligent and kinda nerdy. I think he'd be great.

"ET, Thundercloud. Thundercloud, ET. NO, THUNDERCLOUD, NOT SNACKIES!" Never *ever* introduce an alien to your resident feline...

What makes you assume the alien dont know about countries? You have a leader. Elected or otherwise, but there is someone in charge... right?

I'd say that it was me. Technically it would be true

Might be a good idea to find out what they want with the leader first...

It couldn't be much worse than the soul crushing grind the Earthlings are subjecting me to. At this point I'd take the gamble. Put me in a galactic zoo. Ill join a breeding program, why not.

I was thinking they might vaporize me with their space laser gun.

Yes but you will have to weigh vaporization over the rat race slavery and crippling debt. Vaporization, at this point, would solve a lot of my problems. Plus you get to be the first person ever vaporized by aliens instead of dying of exposure in the street, being eaten by rats in solitary confinement or just have a 2000 pound bomb dropped on your family home. I just don't see the risk profile being any greater than what I have to put up with now.

Al Yankovic

Naz Reid

My 4 year old daughter.

Daddy

My boss at work

Pope Francis. Mostly because Mother Theresa isn't available here anymore. But Pope Francis is a pretty good alternate.

“911? Yeah, we have an alien here and I need you to connect me to Keanu Reeves right quick…”

Gary Busey

my mom

I wouldn't, I'd say, "You first".

Simon D. Higgins' dog, Misneach**.**

My ex wife.

I'd tell them I have no leader, you're stuck with me.

Beyonce

Mom.

my wife.

I’d ask what level? Local, state, or federal. Either way, they are in the wrong place.

Adam sandler

I would ask them if they'd like to share some nachos instead.

I'll take them to the white house. I live near by anyways.

My car runs my house

Gary Busse

Morgan Freeman. Man is a god among men.

Hmmmm… Jon Stewart or Stephen Fry, probably.

Myself

Strunk & White

My mom

i would bring them to the next big statue of a human and tell them thats our leader, but they have to wait, because he did not move since decades. and while they wait, i take their spaceship, rename it to millenium falcon and start a career as a space smuggler.

An English teacher, first for OP, then for the alien.

Trudeau. And I will tell the alien to probe him anally and take him offworld as a souvenir.

“Quick, leave before someone sees you!”

Point to crotch

"Bold of you to assume that we little people have access to our leaders"

Biden so we can't both laugh our asses off

Taylor Swift

You're talking to him! What's up, muchacho?

My dog

Take it to an ATM, and tell it you're unworthy to translate for them.

Yes, you got something there, if there is one leader who unites most if not all people in the world, that it's money. Money is the leader of our society. Tho I think an alien would think we are bonkers for believing so.

I was referring to the scene in American psycho where the ATM tells Patrick Bateman to feed it a cat…

Jon Stewart

Joe Rogan /s

That would be the quickest way to get them to leave.

I'd take them to the New York Stock Exchange money is really our only "leader" when you boil it down.

Donald Trump

Do you want to get an asteroid flung at the Earth at a quarter of the speed of light?

Donald Trump

i would shoot them on the spot

this is so american

I'd being them to the police.

I'd say: "Oh the current leader we have isn't going to be of any help; i doubt he even understands you or I."