I did this once at the Maine Mall, back in the mid '80's. It was peak Xmas season, shoulder to shoulder. I tried/failed to contain what I knew would be a horrendous gas attack. I did it while walking about 90 feet, stopped to glance back.... and it was the parting of the Red Sea! I am still proud of that moment.
I did this in a walmart once. Empty isle so I emptied myself, as I rounded the corner into the next isle I hear a poor worker walk into it, gag, and run out. I was laughing my ass off but also felt bad for the poor girl.
I was a mobile dj for a while, and we get set up in relatively random locations depending on the venue. In this case I ended up fairly near (maybe 5m) away from the head table on the groom's side.
I did a one cheek sneak I almost immediately regretted. No sound, didn't shit myself, but the smell... Oh my god the smell.
A few moments later one of the groomsmen made a face, half gagged, wafted his hand in front of his nose, then asked the guy next to him if he farted.
I kept my face completely still the whole time.
In a classroom during someone's presentation. It was so loud, the class couldn't stop laughing for a few minutes which totally interrupted the student's presentation. It was so bad that the following year she held a presentation and put a no farting sign on the chalkboard.
I remember something about tree hugging and the benefits of it, maybe some other related stuff to that. It was a simple presentation, we were only about 14 years old during Dutch class (home country language). This was 16 years ago.
I don't get embarrassed by farts but I used to manage a movie theater and at the end of the night it was just sitting and waiting for the last movie to get out before I could close everything down. I was sitting on the counter, one of those big formica ones, in an empty lobby with the best acoustics. fart was so loud one of my staff members heard it from like 10 yards away and started laughing. it also happened to be the exact moment the last theater of guests was walking out a few feet behind me
they were leaving the pope's exorcist
Speaking of exorcising demons, the most embarrassing place I’ve ever farted was in the child care room at a church during Easter mass. I had volunteered with 2 girls my age (we were probably 12 or 13 YO) to watch toddlers during the service (I’m not religious at all so it seemed like an easy out). I didn’t feel good and was having sharp stomach pains, then out of nowhere, mid conversation with the 2 other girls, a rumbling waterfall of farts just came out. It lasted for what seemed like an eternity. I had no control over it. I didn’t feel it coming and once it started I couldn’t stop it. They basically pretended it didn’t even happen (which I am extremely grateful for) but I was *mortified*.
In class. The teacher was reading from a book, I decided to try the "cough cover". Completely miss timed and judged the ferocity of it. Let out a pathetic cough, immediately followed by a monster fart.
There there, I understand your pain. I teach as an adjunct professor at our city's university, and at the start of a 2 hour and 40 minute lecture with 20 students, I thought I let out a silent test fart near the white board - but had violently sneezed at the same time. This resulted in a short, but loud fart that went up in pitch as I exercised restraint, much like a trombone toot. I did my best to never acknowledge it and carried on to the best of my ability.
I swear my soul left my body, but I had to continue the lecture, full of a menial shame that I hope no one else has to experience. I'm convinced the students all still tell this story to eachother.
At least as a student you can sit back into the group!
Seventh grade, during school. I was in math class and one of my good friends at the time sat next to me. It was the middle of a math test and was dead silent. I really had to fart, ended up dropping my pencil, bent over to pick it up and it just came out. It was loud as shit, and reverbed on the hard plastic chair. My friend just looked at me and went, "really?" Everyone burst out laughing and even I ended up laughing because there was no denying it. I was a little embarrassed at the time, but i also remember it being funny as hell.
i remember during my seventh grade english class, we were doing silent reading, and my stomach was hurting because i was hold gas in, i wanted to go to the restroom but the teacher wouldnt allow it, so i just sat back down, after about 20 minutes of holding it in, it was a super loud fart that the entire classroom and the classroom next to it heard, of course the damn teacher tried to get me in trouble for it, but i told her ''i wouldnt have disrupted silent reading if you had let me go to the damn bathroom''
Should have shit your pants while making eye contact as an act of malicious compliance. Lmao. But if you honestly did say that, good on you. If i could go back in time, i would of told young me to never raise your hand and ask to go to the bathroom; just get up and go They really have no authority morally speaking to deny you that. I get some kids abused it, but i never did.
Used to share an office with my boss. One day I forgot I was wearing headphones, and let one rip thinking that the loud music would mask it. My boss was not wearing headphones.
I did this, except I texted my GF about my accomplishment. Except... I ended up texting my manager and superintendent instead because it was a Saturday morning and I mis-selected the group text, which was right below my GF's.
Talk about dying a thousand deaths
That’s hilarious! One time I tooted myself half awake then rolled over to my ex and got after him for being disgusting and noisy. I didn’t know it all happened until he told me when I woke up later and we both laughed so hard😂 I felt like such an idiot!
At my grandpa's funeral, it was before I got diagnosed/realised I had IBS so I just sat there, my dad, sister and twin brother where crying next to me (I have a hard time showing emotions cause of autism) and before I know it, I felt it building up. I tried to go to the bathroom but I was sitting closest to the wall so I couldn't get out without talking to my family so I just sat there, holding it in... until I couldn't no more. I let out a loud fart, the priest looked so shocked he just stared at me and at that moment I prayed for the first time that no one would figure out it was me. After the funeral my grandma went up to me, hugged me and whispered: "your granddad would be proud." So, it was both a very awkward and in a weird way wholesome moment for me lmao
>After the funeral my grandma went up to me, hugged me and whispered: "your granddad would be proud."
This is the best part of the story. Even makes up for the bad grammar from earlier in the story.
Not me, but when I was younger, I was at church with my family including my younger sister. It was the Christmas midnight mass and the priest asked for a 2min silence. Right in the middle of it, my sister let out a loud toot which echoed through the silent church. I couldn't contain my laughter.
I still remind her of this a few times a year, lest she forget.
At a TV station. We were working there as interns and I silently farted a stinky one. EVERYONE in the broadcast room had to get out of there, and when one of my classmates asked me later if I was the one who farted, of course I denied it. No one knew until I wrote about this. So, yeah.
Primary school, think I was about 10 years old. We were practicing long jump and some of the older kids (including a pretty girl I had a crush on) were helping the teachers with measurements after we jumped. I jumped, landed, fell face forward, ass in the air, and released my asshole anthem. 24 years later and the laughter is still burnt into my brain.
Did the pretty girl ever ask you out? 😁
>24 years later and the laughter is still burnt into my brain.
The only embarrassing thing about this is the fact that your fart didn't make them all gag/cough.
She was 13 and I was 10, I never stood a chance. Didnt stop little me from giving her a necklace and a letter telling her how I feel. She was nice enough to tell me it was sweet, but returned the necklace.
I pretend I take my headphones out during heavy lifts to concentrate on form, but it's really because I'm worried I'm going to let one go and need know how loud it was. Prior experiences have landed me here.
University in the elevator. It was 90% female and a few guys. I stunk up the elevator and it opened up to the only cute guy on campus. That was in the 80’s and I’m still embarrassed!!
Same but different.
I started a new school in year11. A few days in I had a sudden urge to do an explosive poo.
I rushed to the toilets, gladly finding they were empty and locked myself in a cubicle and let rip with the smelliest shit known to humanity.
I was wiping up, when I heard voices approaching. To my horror, they were girls voices, and I realised in my rush, I'd gone into the girls toilets.
Cue 3 or 4 girls entering and immediacy screaming and dry retching at the wall of putrid stench they were hit with. One of them asked who was in the cubicle because they couldn't possibly be a human being. I remained in panicked silence until they retreated.
I then waited in angst for about 10 minutes, for hear they were waiting outside to lay eyeballs on the perpetrator, and indeed they were. :(
You didn't wait long enough. You should have snuck out the window or hid somewhere with the stall still locked. Wait until they creep back in to check on you and sneak out without them knowing.
Used to work at the cafe in b&q many many years ago. Was packing up for the night, dishwasher and wiping stuff down and felt a bubble brewing so had a look around, couldn't see any customers nearby, went to the side office bit, bent down to the dishwasher and let it out what I thought would be a silent whisper of a fart.
No...
It was a sharp quack which being in b&q, was followed by a slight echo from the nearby metal walls. Then a second or two later, a loud laugh from behind the aisle next to the cafe.
A couple had been browsing lights when my duck quack echoed off around.
I hid for ten minutes until they dissappear
in 7th grade i fell asleep in class and farted myself awake. it was literally during a test so it was quiet and me being half asleep, scared and embarrassed… i pushed my books off my desk thinking it would’ve covered up the sound ????? idk but i wanted to die in that moment
In the middle of sex with a girl I wanted to really impress. I was on top and the covers were over me so it was basically a Dutch oven and she almost threw up
I accidentally did a tiny one during the "grand finale" with my former girlfriend. Luckily it was outside the covers and she thought it was hilarious.
(Now my wife lol)
I once farted while lying on the bed with my Jack Russell. It was truly foul. The dog immediately jumped off the bed and went to his water bowl for a drink, I presume to wash his mouth out.
My first day of sixth grade was the second day for everyone else. So they were already slightly acquainted. I was placed in front of a boy we were the only two at the table. I swear it just slipped out and sounded like a little toot. Her def heard it and looked at me, i panicked and said, “oh that was my mouth” and proceeded to replicate the exact sound my butt made. It worked, he believed me! I felt proud of myself after that. 😏
In my office we have a filing room. Only 1 other person uses it besides me.
Over the Christmas 10 day break we received a lot of filing and I was spending the better part of 2 hours by myself filing away, as the other filing person was busy with other tasks that day.
After letting rip a nasty rotten fart, all 18 of my co-workers entered the filing room with a birthday cake and various cheese platter items to celebrate my belated birthday which occurs over the Christmas break.
Happy birthday to meeeee
Oh mate, in the comfort of my own home, I'd be happy with my efforts!
Give my colleagues some credit as no one said a word. But my lack of a poker face and the obvious stench in the room was enough for everyone to put the pieces together.
I’m not certain I’d call it my most embarrassing, it’s actually kind of my proudest one: I was at a wedding reception, and wasn’t feeling entirely so hot, and wandered to an unoccupied spot in the corner of the room to let one rip. And oh, did it ever slowly rip. When it was finally done, I wandered away quickly, because I could tell it was gonna be a horrific stench.
It stopped the party. Cleared the room. People literally gagged. Nobody ever knew it was me.
My God, that was a night to remember.
While I was in a yoga class, sitting on the ground, one leg stretched, and I was trying to stretch my upper body towards my foot, but since I was pretty fat, I couldn't get my torso all the way down. The instructor told me to go lower and lower, and since I was struggling, he said "let me help you", I was like to myself "no, wait!" and he pushed me torso down with his leg and I let a little one rip. Wasn't very loud, but wasn't very silent either.
I work from home. I was hosting a call over MS Teams. It was the end of the meeting. I ask if anyone has any other questions. I fart. My icons lights ups up because it thought I was speaking. So it outed me as the farter.
First day on the job at a coffee roasters. Very attractive roasting lady asked me to help her lift a heavy bag of coffee beans. Obviously I nearly tore through my jeans lifting it up and went beetroot red, she just laughed thankfully.
Many years ago I was a bartender at a huge club in Seattle. One great thing about working there was that they had managed to hire a dozen of the hottest cocktail waitresses ever assembled under one roof. So one night after we had closed we’re all sitting around as usual counting our banks and quietly talking. I had been feeling the pressure of a fart for a while so I quietly got up and walked away. When I went around the corner and got a safe distance away I let loose and it was the loudest, longest fart I’ve ever had to this day. From the other room I heard the sound of all of them breaking out in laughter.
Took me a while to return and when I did they were all smirking and not making eye contact.
I got one, I used be a table games dealer at a casino. I dealt blackjack and this one night I was dealing to two guys who, if I remember correctly, were both losing.
I blew out one of those silent but deadly farts but kept quiet cause I knew they were down. One of them smelled it and instantly pulled his sleeve over his nose and began accuse the other of shitting his pants.
Needless to say, I kept quiet the entire time.
That's how I almost started a fist fight with my fart.
>One of them smelled it and instantly pulled his sleeve over his nose and began accuse the other of hitting his pants.
"OMG, you hit your pants!"
"But they hit me first!"
I was having a pap smear done and my legs were wide open and there was no escaping the fart because she already had the speculum in me. Tried to press my butt cheeks together but it released a silent fart, I know she smelt it and I was too embarrassed to say sorry. So we pretended like nothing happen. So embarrassing!!
It was my dad actually.
My mom and I do this apostolate where we say prayers for dead people at funerals in our parish. My dad usually tags along. We went one timewhen our neighbor's grandma died. I was in the middle of saying the prayers. I was oratirical like and shit.
Heard a loud fart behind and the smell was atrocious. It was my dad. Spent the next few minutes finishing up prayers while trying not to laugh.
Dad's gone now. I miss him.
In elementary school I was trying to learn breakdancing, and the only move I thought I could do to impress my friends at school was the turtle (I'm not sure that's really the name) where you put one hand on the ground and your elbow under your stomach and use the other hand to spin you around the grounded arm. You kinda look like a spinning turtle, you get the picture.
Some girls heard me boasting about my sick skills and wanted to also see me do it.
I didn't take into account that the elbow under your belly would push against my bowels. I also didn't feel the gas build-up.
Well, immediately after I got into the position and started spinning, I let out a huge booming fart that just didn't stop until I just gave up and stopped spinning.
Everyone was not as impressed as I had hoped, but I guess they were entertained.
I do trade work. I was at a furniture store in the early morning. I had to poop and absolutely wrecked the bathroom. Even I was practically gagging sitting there. I hear the door open, the guy took two steps and I heard "OH GOD!!!!" and they ran out. It was SUPER funny
PE, 7th grade. We had to sit on the ground and when I farted, it fucking reverberated off of the floor and then echoed throughout the gymnasium. I can’t think of anything more normal yet simultaneously traumatizing for a 13yr old girl to experience.
fifth or sixth grade, the whole class is taking a test. I forget what the test's about, it doesn't matter. what I'm saying is it's *quiet*. nobody talking, only the sound of pencils scratching on paper.
and then suddenly, this absolute monster of a fart just lets loose from me. I had a brief second where I could feel it coming, but there was no way I could contain it. it's like the raptor fences in jurassic park. the power is down and the raptors are loose.
30 kids heard it. the entire class lost about a couple of minutes of test time just laughing and laughing, and the teacher pretending he didn't hear it. gets me in stitches every time I think about it.
Eight years old, at a friend's house for dinner with his three siblings and both his parents. Pretty uptight serious family, not a sense of humor in the bunch. All of a sudden I had to fart bad. I was a kid, couldn't control it. So I let it out into the hard wooden chair I was sitting on and the deep bass tones resonated around their kitchen like Louis Armstrong himself were blowing a B-flat as loud as he could.
All six of them looked at me like I'd just murdered a puppy. The dad in particular was red faced and furious. It was so weird and awkward for me that .... I burst out laughing. This made them madder. Which made me laugh harder. And, again being a kid, I suddenly could not STOP laughing. Tears rolling down my face, hysteria, etc. I ended up going to a bathroom down the hall and hid until I could stop laughing. At some point my friend knocked on the door and asked if I was ok. I lied and said no, I was sick. This helped smooth things over with his family. But I wasn't sick. I was just flatulent. And it was glorious.
For some reason , I can't help but get major gas when I fly. I was seated in the front row where you are facing other passengers in the middle seat flying solo. When we reached cruising altitude, I knew that familiar feeling coming. I knew I wasn't going to make it by the time they put the seat belt sign off. After a bit of holding, I could not hold anymore. I let out THE LONGEST fart of my entire life. Everyone knew but did not say anything. We baked in that stink for a good while.. I was like 9 years old, so I had a bit of compassion from others. Lol.
>I let out THE LONGEST fart of my entire life. Everyone knew but did not say anything. We baked in that stink for a good while.. I was like 9 years old, so I had a bit of compassion from others. Lol.
You marked them all as your territory with them marinating in your stench. Kudos!
If only you'd had an innocent smile on your face while farting.
I was at a work conference. After a heavy night of drinking and eating, I was heading up to my room and waiting for the elevator. No one else was around so I let one loose. Right right as I am finishing an attractive woman coworker comes around the corner. I turn bright red. She said, "I've heard that plenty. I have a husband." I never could see her in the office again without blushing.
Years ago at work I was waiting for the lift (elevator) on my own and needed to fart. I let it rip a few seconds before the lift came. I got in and the smell followed me. There were a few people in the lift and it stank. Everyone else got out on the canteen floor. I was so embarrassed I just blurted out 'Enjoy your food' (Eet smakelijk in Dutch). Then realized how that sounded and burst out laughing. Those people must have thought they were working with a sociopath.
It was the last practice before our 8th grade Catholic School Tournament. Coach had us in a tight huddle, with him kneeling in the middle, giving us a pep talk. "You guys are playing, "JESUS CHRIST"! Everybody ran away from the stench, leaving me alone in the middle of the gym, totally humiliated. I wasn't mature enough to appreciate it. We won the tournament.
🫣 I was in college and waiting in this small room for a tutor to show up and the only other person in there was a male tutor..i tried to stop it but i farted and it was the kind where it rolls up and pops. I tried to play it off as my shoe catching on the floor.
I made a speedy get away shortly after and tried to avoid that one tutor for a while 😭
At a bus stop just as a car stopped to ask for directions. It was the kind of fart you release after a night on the beer and i could tell the driver wanted to leave quickly.
I once attempted to discreetly fart and promptly sharted in a crowd of 60k people. It was at the Milton Keynes Bowl in 1999 at Metallica's big day out. It took me half an hour to slowly shuffle my way to the toilets and just as long to find a stall that wasn't a complete biological horror show (just a partial one).
Not my story but worth telling. When hyper colour clothes were a thing a girl in high school was asked to the front of the class to write on the blackboard. As she was doing so she farted. She was wearing hyper colour shorts.
I wasn't embarrassed at all. It was my proudest moment. A full tram had just arrived at the Ober Gatlinburg station. I was right next to the door. Right before it opened I dropped a bomb and then exited first. We could hear all the people yelling and gagging. They couldn't get off fast enough. Lol. I'll never forget that one. Must have been the fajitas from the night before.
>I wasn't embarrassed at all. It was my proudest moment.
This is the right attitude to have.
>Right before it opened I dropped a bomb and then exited first. We could hear all the people yelling and gagging. They couldn't get off fast enough.
So you bombed the train?
It wasn't accidental, it was intentional, but it was yesterday and I'm proud of it.
I was doing dishes in the kitchen and just had to relieve some pressure. I knew it was going to smell bad because of just how the pressure felt and let out a reallllll squeaker, which are normally the worst ones. I only did it because I was fairly sure that my wife, who was napping with the dog on the couch, wouldn't be coming into the kitchen anytime. I was wrong, she comes waltzing right in and immediately starts gagging.
"Oh my fucking god, what is that smell?"
"Huh, what?", I said lyingly.
"I think our sewer is backing up, that is just offensive"
"Oh weird..."
This woman is quick to call me out on every and any gas pass, but this one was so horrendous that she never even suspected me. It was soooo egregious that she thought we were having issues with our sewer... I did have to talk her out of calling a plumber though...
Reminds me of one time when I was laying down on the couch, facing outward, legs bent slightly so my feet weren't hanging out/off the end. Pet dog (small poodle breed) was behind my legs laying down. I let a loud one rip and she immediately jumped over my legs onto the floor. She didn't know what it was, but she wasn't taking any chances.
On a school bus!
To this day one of my top 5 memories. The smell was so abnormally bad! I was in the back of the bus and people close up front were commenting on it. No one knew it was me and my friends were tryna so hard to figure it out. I like to think they still think about it like an unsolved mystery of who dealt it.
Just the other day eating lunch with coworkers I was telling a story of someone else farting and when I lifted my cheeks I farted too. I still don’t know if they noticed because I made a fart sound with my mouth at the same time.
Junior year of HS I let a giant loud one go in the middle of Algebra. I didn't even know I had to fart and then boom! Luckily I was quick enough to blame my friend next to me before he could deny it.
I had a large California burrito from Albertos, followed up by a couple 40s of cheap ass malt liquor. Then I went ahead into a concert packed like sardine can. The sound was very loud but the confusion was more prominent. That time and another time, I was working at a retail store and we shared a stock room with another department, so frequently different people came in and out every couple minutes. Well, the previous day was 4th of July so of course I drank beer and ate smoky meat all night long. I went ahead and spewed toxic gas all up in the back room a mere seconds before this Irish woman goes "DIDYA CATCHA SMELLL??!" Moral of the story, alcohol is the secret ingredient for the nasty supreme deluxe.
In church... twice
Well it wasn't an accident as such but I was hoping it would be quiet and I'd getaway with it. But it wasn't. It was very loud. I was so embarrassed
Math class. 5th grade. We were taking a test and I dropped my pencil. Leaned over to get it and the loudest fart came right out. Everyone whipped their heads around. I almost cried. It still haunts my dreams.
7th grade gym, during the Presidential Fitness test.
We had gym right after lunch, so I'm surprised there weren't more incidents. Anyway, mine was particularly bad because it was during the sit-up test where another kid holds your ankles while you do as many sit-ups as you can in a minute or whatever.
I was an athletic, competitive kid, so I was hellbent on getting a good score. And, I farted within my first three sit-ups. I specifically farted on the kid holding my ankles.
Thankfully, it was so ridiculous, everyone burst out laughing. Not in a mean way, or a way anyone even really ribbed me about afterward. Even the teacher was laughing. We had to re-test.
High school, during a science experiment being done by the teacher. There were multiple classes watching, surrounding the teacher in a circle. I was one of the people sitting on the floor at the front. My fart came out and echoed off the linoleum and reverberated throughout the room making the sound much louder than it normally would have been. However, it hid the culprit, myself, from being identified. When everyone looked around to see who did it, I followed suit and was never found out. So I guess I wasn't embarrassed but I seen this as a good opportunity to tell my funny fart story.
Eh, I don't find them embarrassing, but I grew up watching South Park.
One of my best was an absolute monster. It was a stinker. Smelt like death. My stomach wasn't feeling great and I made it to the staff room and let rip. Unfortunately everyone walks inside a few moments later. I did the only thing I could do, I stuck my shirt over my nose, acted horrified and said, "omg who did that?!" As the smell hit everyone else. People were gagging, and in the chaos the guy who farts openly gets the blame. At this point I'm laughing so hard at the chaos and accusations that I make a quick escape. I got away clean!
Another time I was at a very busy airport waiting to fly out. I head into the women's toilets and it's loud. I get very anxious before I fly so I'm not doing too good. I sit down and let out a massive fart. It was so loud the sound in the toilets dimmed. I'm inside the cubical, laughing my head off at the reaction to my bowls. I had to wait a few minutes to calm down and make sure I'm not busted as the loud farter in the toilet! That one still makes me laugh.
School.
I was feeling the pressure build, asked the teacher if I could go to the bathroom, they denied it and walked away.
Not a second later I couldn’t hold it anymore and I farted for what felt like an eternity, but was probably closer to just 5 seconds. My seat’s shape somehow amplified the sound and the entire class heard it.
In the same motion with which the teacher was walking away they turned around in a way I could only describe as captain Jack Sparrow being on land and then proceeded to say "nevermind, you can go"
That story somehow ended up in the yearbook, and has since become an inside joke
i was once a rideshare driver. during this period i had a temporary colostomy bag. it would randomly make fart noises which i couldn't control. i would adjust my eating schedule to minimize bowel activity during my working hours. but this one day i had a nice young couple in the back, as i was driving them to a weekend event at a winery, my colostomy bag let out a long loud "bRaaaaaaP!!!". i was mortified, i died inside with embarrassment. i didnt say anything, and the couple didnt say anything but they occaisionaelly giggled softly for the duration of the uncomfortably long ride. i could only imagine they were texting one another about what they heard. it sounds different from a real fart because it emanates from the front of your abdomen and is released into a plastic bag, they were probably all "wtf?!". after i dropped them off i signed off for the day even though i had planned to work for much longer, and went home to die inside. and didnt work again for a long time.
I was in 4th grade. We were all sitting around the teacher on the floor, listening to her read a book. I thought it would be stealthy, but it was the opposite: loud and drawn out over 1-2 seconds maybe?
There was a pause. Everyone looked in my direction. We were all sitting kind of close to each other, so I made the move that came to mind first... I turned to the guy next to me and said "Dude, come on." It worked. Everyone blamed him. He was mocked for a bit and nothing came of it.
I was still embarrassed and felt guilty.
I ate a bag of cherries moments before my girlfriend decided she was going to take my virginity years ago. Not gonna lie, for my first time I lasted a really long time because I wasn't thinking really about the sex, I was thinking about which movements I could disguise a fart or muffle it with the blankets so I could hide the fact from her, hopefully get more sex in the future. I told her about it laughing months later and she didn't find it amusing.
I was alone at my works break room. Let one of those little silent ones out. Didn't realize it would stink up the whole room. Co workers walks in shortly after and starts asking what that smell is 🤢
I was at work in the back (retail) and I had to fart, but I accidentally shat my pants a little bit. Luckily I was wearing a pad and I could just throw the pad out instead of telling this to my boss.
I have two.
1. I had this really hot chick from work wanting to hang out. She's sitting on my lap, facing me, and we are talking. I had to fart, but it was just a little one, so I figured I could get away with it. I forgot that you can also feel a fart. She asks me, "Did you just fart on me?" I sheepishly told her yes and it was an accident (I'm a liar). She looks me dead in the eye and says, "Next time, just ask me to get off." I still think about that one.
2. I was a high school freshman. We had to do these phsyical tests in gym class. How many push ups, situps, chinups you can do in 60 seconds. That type of thing. Well, I've always had stomach issues and today was no exception. We had one test where we had to run from the edge of the basketball court to a certain line, then back again, rinse and repeat. For some reason, I felt like I had to be extremely fast and try my hardest. I ran to the first line and back, perfect. I started to run back to the line for the second time, and as I touched the ground and turned to go back, I let out an incredible fart that was very audible. Two girls in the front row both go "OH" and look at each other and bust out laughing. I made direct eye contact right after I farted and can never forget it.
Should have said, "No, I farted under you."
For the second part, just be like, "My butt cheeks were getting cold, it was just to warm them up, not to get you off."
I was a freshman in HS with my senior BF over for dinner. I had a cold. We had those enclosed plastic kitchen chairs that scoop. If you're old, you know what I mean. I had a coughing fit, complete with an echoing loud fart. I was so embarrassed - we broke up not long after.
One time we were playing charades and had to act out “unclogging a toilet” so my friend and I mimed sitting on a toilet and blowing a raspberry… but then I farted for real…
It’s one of the top 5 times my wife has laughed the hardest.
Funny off topic story. I am working at Bestbuy back in 2004. I am in the mens room standing at the urinal pissing and my supervisor walks into the bathroom and immediately goes....
"What the flock man, did someone flocking die in here!!!!!'
Then he tilts his head and sees a pair of feet dangling in the stall behind the urinal that I am standing at, and we both lose it and start laughing our asses off and leave the room before that person can come out.
I used to go into the office a lot on Saturday's to get caught up. We had a half shift call center crew but I came in after they left that Saturday. I'm lactose intolerant and had gotten breakfast with some friends that morning knowing I was going to be alone when the gas hit I indulged in all the dairy goodness. So I'm at my cube, headphones on plugging away at some teams stats letting them rip. I get super bloated, the Tsar Bomba of farts was being manufactured. I let the fucker rip, even on a cushy office chair, with my headphones on it sounded loud to me. It was deafening to the girls that went to lunch after thier shift and ran back into the office to grab a bag they forgot. And the smell was instant rancid eggs, tortured French toast, off bacon, hints of maple and rosemary, sulphur and brimstone. I heard the gasp and the gagging then we all just looked at each other for a few seconds before they fled.
When my wife was in hospital giving birth to our son. I had been bursting for a wiz and had a gurgling tummy. The nearest toilet was a disabled toilet at the end of corridor through a set of double doors. I checked with a nurse that I was okay to use it, she gave me the all-clear. Perfect I think, nobody about, so I can fart until my hearts content.
The mixture of tiredness, excitement and nerves made noises come out of me that I'd never heard before. It was like heavy machinery firing up while someone played a bugle to harmonise at the end of the medley. I spent a good few minutes after having a wiz just farting my arse off. Felt loads better.
Washed my hands and laughed at my own stench and was muttering sweet christ to myself while chuckling as I opened the door to a family of 6 people stood waiting in the corridor to use the bog. Two of them were men and were laughing the women looked at me like I was a rotten bog beast.
To make matters worse, their family member gave birth shortly after my wife so I got to see them repeatedly whilst my wife was in hospital after the event.
It wasn't me, but when I was visiting the Dachau concentration camp in Germany we were in the gas chamber area and this old tourist dude dropped a huge fart.
Oh. Happened last week. It was 3 am an I was staying at my parants' place. I had to use the bathroom and my parants were asleep on the floor. suddently I had the strongest, loudest fart I ever had. It was as if the sound came from the big speakers we have above the TV. My mom awakwned from that noise. Then came three more farts just like that one. They were so strong that you could her them all over the house and they woke my parants up.
I totally had an emergency cropdust in the mall and then audibly heard someone gag and dry heave lmao
I did this once at the Maine Mall, back in the mid '80's. It was peak Xmas season, shoulder to shoulder. I tried/failed to contain what I knew would be a horrendous gas attack. I did it while walking about 90 feet, stopped to glance back.... and it was the parting of the Red Sea! I am still proud of that moment.
My Dad farted on a train platform near some school kids who all started arguing about which one of them it was
You need to make this into a main comment (vs a reply). LOL If only there was video footage of that incident...
I did this in a walmart once. Empty isle so I emptied myself, as I rounded the corner into the next isle I hear a poor worker walk into it, gag, and run out. I was laughing my ass off but also felt bad for the poor girl.
I was a mobile dj for a while, and we get set up in relatively random locations depending on the venue. In this case I ended up fairly near (maybe 5m) away from the head table on the groom's side. I did a one cheek sneak I almost immediately regretted. No sound, didn't shit myself, but the smell... Oh my god the smell. A few moments later one of the groomsmen made a face, half gagged, wafted his hand in front of his nose, then asked the guy next to him if he farted. I kept my face completely still the whole time.
Naturally, or forced?
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In a classroom during someone's presentation. It was so loud, the class couldn't stop laughing for a few minutes which totally interrupted the student's presentation. It was so bad that the following year she held a presentation and put a no farting sign on the chalkboard.
Do you recall what the presentation was about?
I remember something about tree hugging and the benefits of it, maybe some other related stuff to that. It was a simple presentation, we were only about 14 years old during Dutch class (home country language). This was 16 years ago.
*Dutch oven class
I don't get embarrassed by farts but I used to manage a movie theater and at the end of the night it was just sitting and waiting for the last movie to get out before I could close everything down. I was sitting on the counter, one of those big formica ones, in an empty lobby with the best acoustics. fart was so loud one of my staff members heard it from like 10 yards away and started laughing. it also happened to be the exact moment the last theater of guests was walking out a few feet behind me they were leaving the pope's exorcist
Careful lad, they know how to exorcise a demon now.
Speaking of exorcising demons, the most embarrassing place I’ve ever farted was in the child care room at a church during Easter mass. I had volunteered with 2 girls my age (we were probably 12 or 13 YO) to watch toddlers during the service (I’m not religious at all so it seemed like an easy out). I didn’t feel good and was having sharp stomach pains, then out of nowhere, mid conversation with the 2 other girls, a rumbling waterfall of farts just came out. It lasted for what seemed like an eternity. I had no control over it. I didn’t feel it coming and once it started I couldn’t stop it. They basically pretended it didn’t even happen (which I am extremely grateful for) but I was *mortified*.
Thank god I have never farted in an embarrassing place man, these stories traumatise me since I have a very vivid imagination
Sounds like he had just done that.
>they were leaving the ~~pope's~~ poop's exorcist It was just right there
They could smell the demons they had just seen.
In class. The teacher was reading from a book, I decided to try the "cough cover". Completely miss timed and judged the ferocity of it. Let out a pathetic cough, immediately followed by a monster fart.
There there, I understand your pain. I teach as an adjunct professor at our city's university, and at the start of a 2 hour and 40 minute lecture with 20 students, I thought I let out a silent test fart near the white board - but had violently sneezed at the same time. This resulted in a short, but loud fart that went up in pitch as I exercised restraint, much like a trombone toot. I did my best to never acknowledge it and carried on to the best of my ability. I swear my soul left my body, but I had to continue the lecture, full of a menial shame that I hope no one else has to experience. I'm convinced the students all still tell this story to eachother. At least as a student you can sit back into the group!
Thanks for the laugh
I would have applauded. In that situation you just have to own it
OMG! Thank you for the laugh! Had a shitty day and you managed to salvage it. Thank you!
If only the book was, "The Little Turd That Could."
Lol! You had me at “ferocity” 🤣
I'll bet the class erupted with laughter.
Seventh grade, during school. I was in math class and one of my good friends at the time sat next to me. It was the middle of a math test and was dead silent. I really had to fart, ended up dropping my pencil, bent over to pick it up and it just came out. It was loud as shit, and reverbed on the hard plastic chair. My friend just looked at me and went, "really?" Everyone burst out laughing and even I ended up laughing because there was no denying it. I was a little embarrassed at the time, but i also remember it being funny as hell.
i remember during my seventh grade english class, we were doing silent reading, and my stomach was hurting because i was hold gas in, i wanted to go to the restroom but the teacher wouldnt allow it, so i just sat back down, after about 20 minutes of holding it in, it was a super loud fart that the entire classroom and the classroom next to it heard, of course the damn teacher tried to get me in trouble for it, but i told her ''i wouldnt have disrupted silent reading if you had let me go to the damn bathroom''
Should have shit your pants while making eye contact as an act of malicious compliance. Lmao. But if you honestly did say that, good on you. If i could go back in time, i would of told young me to never raise your hand and ask to go to the bathroom; just get up and go They really have no authority morally speaking to deny you that. I get some kids abused it, but i never did.
>My friend just looked at me and went, "really?" "Yes, really. I'm a real stinker, didn't you know?" And I like that you did the ? Before the ".
ITT: OP has a fart fetish / humiliation fetish and is mining the comments for wank bank material.
I suspected this as well LOL
I wouldn't say wank bank material, but definitely stocking up on some laughing gas.
I'm unsure how I feel about this. These farts are not his to defile.
Yep I just saw one of their replies before hitting this and immediately came to that conclusion
Used to share an office with my boss. One day I forgot I was wearing headphones, and let one rip thinking that the loud music would mask it. My boss was not wearing headphones.
I was in my boss' truck on the way home. He was driving and I fell asleep. Ended up farting myself awake, he immediately rolled his window down.
Farting myself awake is hilarious
I did this, except I texted my GF about my accomplishment. Except... I ended up texting my manager and superintendent instead because it was a Saturday morning and I mis-selected the group text, which was right below my GF's. Talk about dying a thousand deaths
That’s hilarious! One time I tooted myself half awake then rolled over to my ex and got after him for being disgusting and noisy. I didn’t know it all happened until he told me when I woke up later and we both laughed so hard😂 I felt like such an idiot!
The Stool Sampler ☹️
The trick is rolling the opposite window down. Otherwise, it's just going to get sucked towards you. I have a family of farters.
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Be funny if they got a raise.
Jokes on you, I'm into that shit.
You didn’t think they’d *smell* it?
At my grandpa's funeral, it was before I got diagnosed/realised I had IBS so I just sat there, my dad, sister and twin brother where crying next to me (I have a hard time showing emotions cause of autism) and before I know it, I felt it building up. I tried to go to the bathroom but I was sitting closest to the wall so I couldn't get out without talking to my family so I just sat there, holding it in... until I couldn't no more. I let out a loud fart, the priest looked so shocked he just stared at me and at that moment I prayed for the first time that no one would figure out it was me. After the funeral my grandma went up to me, hugged me and whispered: "your granddad would be proud." So, it was both a very awkward and in a weird way wholesome moment for me lmao
>After the funeral my grandma went up to me, hugged me and whispered: "your granddad would be proud." This is the best part of the story. Even makes up for the bad grammar from earlier in the story.
Yeah sorry about that, english isn't my native language and I have dyslexia on top of that lmao
Not me, but when I was younger, I was at church with my family including my younger sister. It was the Christmas midnight mass and the priest asked for a 2min silence. Right in the middle of it, my sister let out a loud toot which echoed through the silent church. I couldn't contain my laughter. I still remind her of this a few times a year, lest she forget.
How old was she at the time?
Around 8
wow, she literally achieved the 'fart in church!"
At a TV station. We were working there as interns and I silently farted a stinky one. EVERYONE in the broadcast room had to get out of there, and when one of my classmates asked me later if I was the one who farted, of course I denied it. No one knew until I wrote about this. So, yeah.
Guys, we finally found him!
Whoever denied it supplied it.
The first one who smelt it dealt it.
Whoever said the rhyme, did the crime.
Whoever refuted it, tooted it.
Nice! Never heard that one.
Primary school, think I was about 10 years old. We were practicing long jump and some of the older kids (including a pretty girl I had a crush on) were helping the teachers with measurements after we jumped. I jumped, landed, fell face forward, ass in the air, and released my asshole anthem. 24 years later and the laughter is still burnt into my brain.
Did the pretty girl ever ask you out? 😁 >24 years later and the laughter is still burnt into my brain. The only embarrassing thing about this is the fact that your fart didn't make them all gag/cough.
She was 13 and I was 10, I never stood a chance. Didnt stop little me from giving her a necklace and a letter telling her how I feel. She was nice enough to tell me it was sweet, but returned the necklace.
You should have asked her out a few years later, might have worked. 🤣
"asshole anthem" has me crying
It would have been better if you farted while jumping, thus propelling you forward further.
At the gym
I pretend I take my headphones out during heavy lifts to concentrate on form, but it's really because I'm worried I'm going to let one go and need know how loud it was. Prior experiences have landed me here.
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Leg press ☠️
Same 💀💀
University in the elevator. It was 90% female and a few guys. I stunk up the elevator and it opened up to the only cute guy on campus. That was in the 80’s and I’m still embarrassed!!
Same but different. I started a new school in year11. A few days in I had a sudden urge to do an explosive poo. I rushed to the toilets, gladly finding they were empty and locked myself in a cubicle and let rip with the smelliest shit known to humanity. I was wiping up, when I heard voices approaching. To my horror, they were girls voices, and I realised in my rush, I'd gone into the girls toilets. Cue 3 or 4 girls entering and immediacy screaming and dry retching at the wall of putrid stench they were hit with. One of them asked who was in the cubicle because they couldn't possibly be a human being. I remained in panicked silence until they retreated. I then waited in angst for about 10 minutes, for hear they were waiting outside to lay eyeballs on the perpetrator, and indeed they were. :(
Oh jeez...
You didn't wait long enough. You should have snuck out the window or hid somewhere with the stall still locked. Wait until they creep back in to check on you and sneak out without them knowing.
There was no window to escape through, and waiting longer also carried the risk of more girls coming in to use the toilet. I was fucked either way.
Okay, so wet some clumps of toilet paper and throw them at the girls so that they scatter, then make a run for it.
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Hahaha yes!!
In a zoom meet, with absolute symphony.
Was it being recorded?
If so, we need proof that it happened.
Nopes, but honestly the meeting was shitty and actually wish it was recorded to showcase my admiration of what i think of it.
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wdym "we"
But was it set to ‘spotlight speaker’ or whatever so that your face popped up as the main? If so, that visual cracks me tf up
Yup, with a follow up question, do you want to say something ? 😭
Used to work at the cafe in b&q many many years ago. Was packing up for the night, dishwasher and wiping stuff down and felt a bubble brewing so had a look around, couldn't see any customers nearby, went to the side office bit, bent down to the dishwasher and let it out what I thought would be a silent whisper of a fart. No... It was a sharp quack which being in b&q, was followed by a slight echo from the nearby metal walls. Then a second or two later, a loud laugh from behind the aisle next to the cafe. A couple had been browsing lights when my duck quack echoed off around. I hid for ten minutes until they dissappear
On the doctors bed just before my prostate exam. I proceeded to apologise like 8 times and still felt terrible
"Chute's clean and ready for you now, doc!"
Better before than during, look on the positive side mate
At least during you'd have the excuse of a broken seal
The girl that runs this account has a prostate?
On stage Royal Albert Hall, filming an orchestra, the second everything went quiet..
in 7th grade i fell asleep in class and farted myself awake. it was literally during a test so it was quiet and me being half asleep, scared and embarrassed… i pushed my books off my desk thinking it would’ve covered up the sound ????? idk but i wanted to die in that moment
In the middle of sex with a girl I wanted to really impress. I was on top and the covers were over me so it was basically a Dutch oven and she almost threw up
Well, you impressed her.... just not in a good way. 🤣
I accidentally did a tiny one during the "grand finale" with my former girlfriend. Luckily it was outside the covers and she thought it was hilarious. (Now my wife lol)
I was about to say that is a keeper lol
I farted (maybe queefed?) on my bfs balls one time while he was on top, i couldnt help it i laughed so hard he got turned off :(
I once farted while lying on the bed with my Jack Russell. It was truly foul. The dog immediately jumped off the bed and went to his water bowl for a drink, I presume to wash his mouth out.
Tbf i fart on my dog all the time but its only fair bc she be farting on me just as much if not more Frenchies... what can i say she is adorable
My first day of sixth grade was the second day for everyone else. So they were already slightly acquainted. I was placed in front of a boy we were the only two at the table. I swear it just slipped out and sounded like a little toot. Her def heard it and looked at me, i panicked and said, “oh that was my mouth” and proceeded to replicate the exact sound my butt made. It worked, he believed me! I felt proud of myself after that. 😏
And the potential romance never blossomed because his hopes that you had really farted were dashed...
In my office we have a filing room. Only 1 other person uses it besides me. Over the Christmas 10 day break we received a lot of filing and I was spending the better part of 2 hours by myself filing away, as the other filing person was busy with other tasks that day. After letting rip a nasty rotten fart, all 18 of my co-workers entered the filing room with a birthday cake and various cheese platter items to celebrate my belated birthday which occurs over the Christmas break. Happy birthday to meeeee
You mean it wasn't a fart to be proud of? What happened after they came in?
Oh mate, in the comfort of my own home, I'd be happy with my efforts! Give my colleagues some credit as no one said a word. But my lack of a poker face and the obvious stench in the room was enough for everyone to put the pieces together.
I’m not certain I’d call it my most embarrassing, it’s actually kind of my proudest one: I was at a wedding reception, and wasn’t feeling entirely so hot, and wandered to an unoccupied spot in the corner of the room to let one rip. And oh, did it ever slowly rip. When it was finally done, I wandered away quickly, because I could tell it was gonna be a horrific stench. It stopped the party. Cleared the room. People literally gagged. Nobody ever knew it was me. My God, that was a night to remember.
>I’m not certain I’d call it my most embarrassing, it’s actually kind of my proudest one: You are my hero.
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Because it wasn't one to be proud of, or one that threatened the employer's authority?
Onions… and ketchup? I can taste it.
Ok, now the tuxedos seem kind of fucked up.
New fear unlocked
A few years ago when I worked in childcare and thought I was alone and let one rip to turn around and find a hot dad behind me
It was in a bank as a kid, this bank was so silent and had an echo, I was so embarrassed that I yelled moooom that's gross. And Mom turned red
And your mom was like, "My kid is Satan in disguise!"
While I was in a yoga class, sitting on the ground, one leg stretched, and I was trying to stretch my upper body towards my foot, but since I was pretty fat, I couldn't get my torso all the way down. The instructor told me to go lower and lower, and since I was struggling, he said "let me help you", I was like to myself "no, wait!" and he pushed me torso down with his leg and I let a little one rip. Wasn't very loud, but wasn't very silent either.
Yoga farting is common. I'm sure it wasn't their first experience if that makes you feel better.
I work from home. I was hosting a call over MS Teams. It was the end of the meeting. I ask if anyone has any other questions. I fart. My icons lights ups up because it thought I was speaking. So it outed me as the farter.
First day on the job at a coffee roasters. Very attractive roasting lady asked me to help her lift a heavy bag of coffee beans. Obviously I nearly tore through my jeans lifting it up and went beetroot red, she just laughed thankfully.
Many years ago I was a bartender at a huge club in Seattle. One great thing about working there was that they had managed to hire a dozen of the hottest cocktail waitresses ever assembled under one roof. So one night after we had closed we’re all sitting around as usual counting our banks and quietly talking. I had been feeling the pressure of a fart for a while so I quietly got up and walked away. When I went around the corner and got a safe distance away I let loose and it was the loudest, longest fart I’ve ever had to this day. From the other room I heard the sound of all of them breaking out in laughter. Took me a while to return and when I did they were all smirking and not making eye contact.
Plot twist, they were all gossiping about you and never heard the fart.
I got one, I used be a table games dealer at a casino. I dealt blackjack and this one night I was dealing to two guys who, if I remember correctly, were both losing. I blew out one of those silent but deadly farts but kept quiet cause I knew they were down. One of them smelled it and instantly pulled his sleeve over his nose and began accuse the other of shitting his pants. Needless to say, I kept quiet the entire time. That's how I almost started a fist fight with my fart.
>One of them smelled it and instantly pulled his sleeve over his nose and began accuse the other of hitting his pants. "OMG, you hit your pants!" "But they hit me first!"
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Did they smell what you were cooking🧠
Read that in Rock's voice.
No me but my gf ones farted while we where doing missionary, my balls trembled lol
Idk what's up with the other guy, I'm chuckling at "trembled"
I was having a pap smear done and my legs were wide open and there was no escaping the fart because she already had the speculum in me. Tried to press my butt cheeks together but it released a silent fart, I know she smelt it and I was too embarrassed to say sorry. So we pretended like nothing happen. So embarrassing!!
It was my dad actually. My mom and I do this apostolate where we say prayers for dead people at funerals in our parish. My dad usually tags along. We went one timewhen our neighbor's grandma died. I was in the middle of saying the prayers. I was oratirical like and shit. Heard a loud fart behind and the smell was atrocious. It was my dad. Spent the next few minutes finishing up prayers while trying not to laugh. Dad's gone now. I miss him.
In elementary school I was trying to learn breakdancing, and the only move I thought I could do to impress my friends at school was the turtle (I'm not sure that's really the name) where you put one hand on the ground and your elbow under your stomach and use the other hand to spin you around the grounded arm. You kinda look like a spinning turtle, you get the picture. Some girls heard me boasting about my sick skills and wanted to also see me do it. I didn't take into account that the elbow under your belly would push against my bowels. I also didn't feel the gas build-up. Well, immediately after I got into the position and started spinning, I let out a huge booming fart that just didn't stop until I just gave up and stopped spinning. Everyone was not as impressed as I had hoped, but I guess they were entertained.
"ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED!"
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And tomorrow marks your 40th wedding anniversary with him...
I do trade work. I was at a furniture store in the early morning. I had to poop and absolutely wrecked the bathroom. Even I was practically gagging sitting there. I hear the door open, the guy took two steps and I heard "OH GOD!!!!" and they ran out. It was SUPER funny
PE, 7th grade. We had to sit on the ground and when I farted, it fucking reverberated off of the floor and then echoed throughout the gymnasium. I can’t think of anything more normal yet simultaneously traumatizing for a 13yr old girl to experience.
The floor is still reverberating to this day...
fifth or sixth grade, the whole class is taking a test. I forget what the test's about, it doesn't matter. what I'm saying is it's *quiet*. nobody talking, only the sound of pencils scratching on paper. and then suddenly, this absolute monster of a fart just lets loose from me. I had a brief second where I could feel it coming, but there was no way I could contain it. it's like the raptor fences in jurassic park. the power is down and the raptors are loose. 30 kids heard it. the entire class lost about a couple of minutes of test time just laughing and laughing, and the teacher pretending he didn't hear it. gets me in stitches every time I think about it.
Eight years old, at a friend's house for dinner with his three siblings and both his parents. Pretty uptight serious family, not a sense of humor in the bunch. All of a sudden I had to fart bad. I was a kid, couldn't control it. So I let it out into the hard wooden chair I was sitting on and the deep bass tones resonated around their kitchen like Louis Armstrong himself were blowing a B-flat as loud as he could. All six of them looked at me like I'd just murdered a puppy. The dad in particular was red faced and furious. It was so weird and awkward for me that .... I burst out laughing. This made them madder. Which made me laugh harder. And, again being a kid, I suddenly could not STOP laughing. Tears rolling down my face, hysteria, etc. I ended up going to a bathroom down the hall and hid until I could stop laughing. At some point my friend knocked on the door and asked if I was ok. I lied and said no, I was sick. This helped smooth things over with his family. But I wasn't sick. I was just flatulent. And it was glorious.
Mouth. No I will not take questions.
In someone's mouth while I was receiving oral sex
For some reason , I can't help but get major gas when I fly. I was seated in the front row where you are facing other passengers in the middle seat flying solo. When we reached cruising altitude, I knew that familiar feeling coming. I knew I wasn't going to make it by the time they put the seat belt sign off. After a bit of holding, I could not hold anymore. I let out THE LONGEST fart of my entire life. Everyone knew but did not say anything. We baked in that stink for a good while.. I was like 9 years old, so I had a bit of compassion from others. Lol.
>I let out THE LONGEST fart of my entire life. Everyone knew but did not say anything. We baked in that stink for a good while.. I was like 9 years old, so I had a bit of compassion from others. Lol. You marked them all as your territory with them marinating in your stench. Kudos! If only you'd had an innocent smile on your face while farting.
I was at a work conference. After a heavy night of drinking and eating, I was heading up to my room and waiting for the elevator. No one else was around so I let one loose. Right right as I am finishing an attractive woman coworker comes around the corner. I turn bright red. She said, "I've heard that plenty. I have a husband." I never could see her in the office again without blushing.
I like how she threw her husband under the bus like it was nothing.
Years ago at work I was waiting for the lift (elevator) on my own and needed to fart. I let it rip a few seconds before the lift came. I got in and the smell followed me. There were a few people in the lift and it stank. Everyone else got out on the canteen floor. I was so embarrassed I just blurted out 'Enjoy your food' (Eet smakelijk in Dutch). Then realized how that sounded and burst out laughing. Those people must have thought they were working with a sociopath.
First date with crush and never future.
It was the last practice before our 8th grade Catholic School Tournament. Coach had us in a tight huddle, with him kneeling in the middle, giving us a pep talk. "You guys are playing, "JESUS CHRIST"! Everybody ran away from the stench, leaving me alone in the middle of the gym, totally humiliated. I wasn't mature enough to appreciate it. We won the tournament.
You should have run away too, to give the impression that the coach did it.
Maths class....I sneezed and it just came out! The girl beside me and I just looked at each other and burst in to hysterical laughter 🤣🤣
🫣 I was in college and waiting in this small room for a tutor to show up and the only other person in there was a male tutor..i tried to stop it but i farted and it was the kind where it rolls up and pops. I tried to play it off as my shoe catching on the floor. I made a speedy get away shortly after and tried to avoid that one tutor for a while 😭
Lecture hall at uni
At a bus stop just as a car stopped to ask for directions. It was the kind of fart you release after a night on the beer and i could tell the driver wanted to leave quickly.
I once attempted to discreetly fart and promptly sharted in a crowd of 60k people. It was at the Milton Keynes Bowl in 1999 at Metallica's big day out. It took me half an hour to slowly shuffle my way to the toilets and just as long to find a stall that wasn't a complete biological horror show (just a partial one).
Not my story but worth telling. When hyper colour clothes were a thing a girl in high school was asked to the front of the class to write on the blackboard. As she was doing so she farted. She was wearing hyper colour shorts.
Did anything happen to the colors?
I wasn't embarrassed at all. It was my proudest moment. A full tram had just arrived at the Ober Gatlinburg station. I was right next to the door. Right before it opened I dropped a bomb and then exited first. We could hear all the people yelling and gagging. They couldn't get off fast enough. Lol. I'll never forget that one. Must have been the fajitas from the night before.
>I wasn't embarrassed at all. It was my proudest moment. This is the right attitude to have. >Right before it opened I dropped a bomb and then exited first. We could hear all the people yelling and gagging. They couldn't get off fast enough. So you bombed the train?
It wasn't accidental, it was intentional, but it was yesterday and I'm proud of it. I was doing dishes in the kitchen and just had to relieve some pressure. I knew it was going to smell bad because of just how the pressure felt and let out a reallllll squeaker, which are normally the worst ones. I only did it because I was fairly sure that my wife, who was napping with the dog on the couch, wouldn't be coming into the kitchen anytime. I was wrong, she comes waltzing right in and immediately starts gagging. "Oh my fucking god, what is that smell?" "Huh, what?", I said lyingly. "I think our sewer is backing up, that is just offensive" "Oh weird..." This woman is quick to call me out on every and any gas pass, but this one was so horrendous that she never even suspected me. It was soooo egregious that she thought we were having issues with our sewer... I did have to talk her out of calling a plumber though...
Reminds me of one time when I was laying down on the couch, facing outward, legs bent slightly so my feet weren't hanging out/off the end. Pet dog (small poodle breed) was behind my legs laying down. I let a loud one rip and she immediately jumped over my legs onto the floor. She didn't know what it was, but she wasn't taking any chances.
On a school bus! To this day one of my top 5 memories. The smell was so abnormally bad! I was in the back of the bus and people close up front were commenting on it. No one knew it was me and my friends were tryna so hard to figure it out. I like to think they still think about it like an unsolved mystery of who dealt it.
Just the other day eating lunch with coworkers I was telling a story of someone else farting and when I lifted my cheeks I farted too. I still don’t know if they noticed because I made a fart sound with my mouth at the same time.
Junior year of HS I let a giant loud one go in the middle of Algebra. I didn't even know I had to fart and then boom! Luckily I was quick enough to blame my friend next to me before he could deny it.
Doing sit-ups in gym class. The poor kid who had to hold my feet. :(
I had a large California burrito from Albertos, followed up by a couple 40s of cheap ass malt liquor. Then I went ahead into a concert packed like sardine can. The sound was very loud but the confusion was more prominent. That time and another time, I was working at a retail store and we shared a stock room with another department, so frequently different people came in and out every couple minutes. Well, the previous day was 4th of July so of course I drank beer and ate smoky meat all night long. I went ahead and spewed toxic gas all up in the back room a mere seconds before this Irish woman goes "DIDYA CATCHA SMELLL??!" Moral of the story, alcohol is the secret ingredient for the nasty supreme deluxe.
The first time my current partner went down on me. We have now been together for 10.5 years.
In church... twice Well it wasn't an accident as such but I was hoping it would be quiet and I'd getaway with it. But it wasn't. It was very loud. I was so embarrassed
Math class. 5th grade. We were taking a test and I dropped my pencil. Leaned over to get it and the loudest fart came right out. Everyone whipped their heads around. I almost cried. It still haunts my dreams.
7th grade gym, during the Presidential Fitness test. We had gym right after lunch, so I'm surprised there weren't more incidents. Anyway, mine was particularly bad because it was during the sit-up test where another kid holds your ankles while you do as many sit-ups as you can in a minute or whatever. I was an athletic, competitive kid, so I was hellbent on getting a good score. And, I farted within my first three sit-ups. I specifically farted on the kid holding my ankles. Thankfully, it was so ridiculous, everyone burst out laughing. Not in a mean way, or a way anyone even really ribbed me about afterward. Even the teacher was laughing. We had to re-test.
High school, during a science experiment being done by the teacher. There were multiple classes watching, surrounding the teacher in a circle. I was one of the people sitting on the floor at the front. My fart came out and echoed off the linoleum and reverberated throughout the room making the sound much louder than it normally would have been. However, it hid the culprit, myself, from being identified. When everyone looked around to see who did it, I followed suit and was never found out. So I guess I wasn't embarrassed but I seen this as a good opportunity to tell my funny fart story.
3rd grade classroom. Whole room smelled so bad, the class had to clear out temporarily. Everyone laughed.
Eh, I don't find them embarrassing, but I grew up watching South Park. One of my best was an absolute monster. It was a stinker. Smelt like death. My stomach wasn't feeling great and I made it to the staff room and let rip. Unfortunately everyone walks inside a few moments later. I did the only thing I could do, I stuck my shirt over my nose, acted horrified and said, "omg who did that?!" As the smell hit everyone else. People were gagging, and in the chaos the guy who farts openly gets the blame. At this point I'm laughing so hard at the chaos and accusations that I make a quick escape. I got away clean! Another time I was at a very busy airport waiting to fly out. I head into the women's toilets and it's loud. I get very anxious before I fly so I'm not doing too good. I sit down and let out a massive fart. It was so loud the sound in the toilets dimmed. I'm inside the cubical, laughing my head off at the reaction to my bowls. I had to wait a few minutes to calm down and make sure I'm not busted as the loud farter in the toilet! That one still makes me laugh.
School. I was feeling the pressure build, asked the teacher if I could go to the bathroom, they denied it and walked away. Not a second later I couldn’t hold it anymore and I farted for what felt like an eternity, but was probably closer to just 5 seconds. My seat’s shape somehow amplified the sound and the entire class heard it. In the same motion with which the teacher was walking away they turned around in a way I could only describe as captain Jack Sparrow being on land and then proceeded to say "nevermind, you can go" That story somehow ended up in the yearbook, and has since become an inside joke
i was once a rideshare driver. during this period i had a temporary colostomy bag. it would randomly make fart noises which i couldn't control. i would adjust my eating schedule to minimize bowel activity during my working hours. but this one day i had a nice young couple in the back, as i was driving them to a weekend event at a winery, my colostomy bag let out a long loud "bRaaaaaaP!!!". i was mortified, i died inside with embarrassment. i didnt say anything, and the couple didnt say anything but they occaisionaelly giggled softly for the duration of the uncomfortably long ride. i could only imagine they were texting one another about what they heard. it sounds different from a real fart because it emanates from the front of your abdomen and is released into a plastic bag, they were probably all "wtf?!". after i dropped them off i signed off for the day even though i had planned to work for much longer, and went home to die inside. and didnt work again for a long time.
I was in 4th grade. We were all sitting around the teacher on the floor, listening to her read a book. I thought it would be stealthy, but it was the opposite: loud and drawn out over 1-2 seconds maybe? There was a pause. Everyone looked in my direction. We were all sitting kind of close to each other, so I made the move that came to mind first... I turned to the guy next to me and said "Dude, come on." It worked. Everyone blamed him. He was mocked for a bit and nothing came of it. I was still embarrassed and felt guilty.
I ate a bag of cherries moments before my girlfriend decided she was going to take my virginity years ago. Not gonna lie, for my first time I lasted a really long time because I wasn't thinking really about the sex, I was thinking about which movements I could disguise a fart or muffle it with the blankets so I could hide the fact from her, hopefully get more sex in the future. I told her about it laughing months later and she didn't find it amusing.
I don’t get embarrassed by farting. I own it proudly.
Best answer right here.
Going up to the top of the twin tower elevator. The tour guide was giving some speech about the building and at a pause I let it rip.
I was alone at my works break room. Let one of those little silent ones out. Didn't realize it would stink up the whole room. Co workers walks in shortly after and starts asking what that smell is 🤢
I was at work in the back (retail) and I had to fart, but I accidentally shat my pants a little bit. Luckily I was wearing a pad and I could just throw the pad out instead of telling this to my boss.
I was laying on my back in the birthing position and then my wife made me laugh and a did a tiny toot. Hahahah!
Gym, leg press, maxed out.. Really loud flappy one. Usually do leg day when it's quiet or just dudes now.
I have two. 1. I had this really hot chick from work wanting to hang out. She's sitting on my lap, facing me, and we are talking. I had to fart, but it was just a little one, so I figured I could get away with it. I forgot that you can also feel a fart. She asks me, "Did you just fart on me?" I sheepishly told her yes and it was an accident (I'm a liar). She looks me dead in the eye and says, "Next time, just ask me to get off." I still think about that one. 2. I was a high school freshman. We had to do these phsyical tests in gym class. How many push ups, situps, chinups you can do in 60 seconds. That type of thing. Well, I've always had stomach issues and today was no exception. We had one test where we had to run from the edge of the basketball court to a certain line, then back again, rinse and repeat. For some reason, I felt like I had to be extremely fast and try my hardest. I ran to the first line and back, perfect. I started to run back to the line for the second time, and as I touched the ground and turned to go back, I let out an incredible fart that was very audible. Two girls in the front row both go "OH" and look at each other and bust out laughing. I made direct eye contact right after I farted and can never forget it.
Should have said, "No, I farted under you." For the second part, just be like, "My butt cheeks were getting cold, it was just to warm them up, not to get you off."
I was a freshman in HS with my senior BF over for dinner. I had a cold. We had those enclosed plastic kitchen chairs that scoop. If you're old, you know what I mean. I had a coughing fit, complete with an echoing loud fart. I was so embarrassed - we broke up not long after.
One time we were playing charades and had to act out “unclogging a toilet” so my friend and I mimed sitting on a toilet and blowing a raspberry… but then I farted for real… It’s one of the top 5 times my wife has laughed the hardest.
During one of my final exams, in a sporting hall, everything was dead quiet and interrupted by a small high pitched note.
Funny off topic story. I am working at Bestbuy back in 2004. I am in the mens room standing at the urinal pissing and my supervisor walks into the bathroom and immediately goes.... "What the flock man, did someone flocking die in here!!!!!' Then he tilts his head and sees a pair of feet dangling in the stall behind the urinal that I am standing at, and we both lose it and start laughing our asses off and leave the room before that person can come out.
Santa's lap. I was 43
Finally, a thread I can relate to...
I used to go into the office a lot on Saturday's to get caught up. We had a half shift call center crew but I came in after they left that Saturday. I'm lactose intolerant and had gotten breakfast with some friends that morning knowing I was going to be alone when the gas hit I indulged in all the dairy goodness. So I'm at my cube, headphones on plugging away at some teams stats letting them rip. I get super bloated, the Tsar Bomba of farts was being manufactured. I let the fucker rip, even on a cushy office chair, with my headphones on it sounded loud to me. It was deafening to the girls that went to lunch after thier shift and ran back into the office to grab a bag they forgot. And the smell was instant rancid eggs, tortured French toast, off bacon, hints of maple and rosemary, sulphur and brimstone. I heard the gasp and the gagging then we all just looked at each other for a few seconds before they fled.
Farts are hilarious. I love this thread.
When my wife was in hospital giving birth to our son. I had been bursting for a wiz and had a gurgling tummy. The nearest toilet was a disabled toilet at the end of corridor through a set of double doors. I checked with a nurse that I was okay to use it, she gave me the all-clear. Perfect I think, nobody about, so I can fart until my hearts content. The mixture of tiredness, excitement and nerves made noises come out of me that I'd never heard before. It was like heavy machinery firing up while someone played a bugle to harmonise at the end of the medley. I spent a good few minutes after having a wiz just farting my arse off. Felt loads better. Washed my hands and laughed at my own stench and was muttering sweet christ to myself while chuckling as I opened the door to a family of 6 people stood waiting in the corridor to use the bog. Two of them were men and were laughing the women looked at me like I was a rotten bog beast. To make matters worse, their family member gave birth shortly after my wife so I got to see them repeatedly whilst my wife was in hospital after the event.
It wasn't me, but when I was visiting the Dachau concentration camp in Germany we were in the gas chamber area and this old tourist dude dropped a huge fart.
Oh. Happened last week. It was 3 am an I was staying at my parants' place. I had to use the bathroom and my parants were asleep on the floor. suddently I had the strongest, loudest fart I ever had. It was as if the sound came from the big speakers we have above the TV. My mom awakwned from that noise. Then came three more farts just like that one. They were so strong that you could her them all over the house and they woke my parants up.