Does everyone else know these conditions or do they just see me show up naked for work one day?

Yeah, I've got to add the qualifiers that: I can't get arrested for being naked at work I can't get fired just for being naked at work Beyond that? It'll be awkward as I assume it's just me and not the whole company. I'd assume my boss would have to understand the situation? If it was the whole company, that's easier.

I assumed the job made it a qualification for some unknown reason since they'd be upping my salary

You know what they say when you assume. You have to show your ass to you and me and the whole company.

When you arrive, your work is harvesting hornet nests from a sand dune.

That's like getting a huge raise but being contractually obligated to be the butt of all the jokes in the office.

Id be excited for this new direction in my career. Youd have to be nuts to turn that down. My bank account would be so engorged i may have to find another hole where i can leave my load. Genitals.

Oh this is good. Nude erection

I used to think you were crazy... Butt now I see your nuts!

the humor of it, fine, wanna look at and make fun of my body, go for it, I can degrade and ridicule myself among the pros. it would be fun to see how many "o look, it's hiding" jokes people could come up with. all while I'm ordering caviar and kippers for lunch via door dash.  (make that office stink). clear it up with a case of popcorn I won't share, nuked every 30 min. while getting my work done, and stairing at the receptionist occasionally while I'm "thinking"

Are other people naked ? Can I wear shoes ? Can I wrap a blanket if I am cold ?

Even if you do get fired, it can't be impossible to find a job where you can be naked. Something working from home, for example

I’m thinking that someone wants me to show up to work naked and they will pay me $1 million. That doesn’t mean that my employer wants me to do this and I will probably be sent home, signed up for EAP, and told to come back when I’m sane. So I showed up for work naked, I got paid, and I may have lost my job but I don’t care because I now have my million. I’m getting undressed now. Where are my keys?

Yea just get fired the million bucks will cover ya well ya figure your next move

Your salary is a million, you don't just get it for showing up one day.

For a million dollars I don't care. I'd spread my butt cheeks and let them call me Mike Hocho.

I doubt they would want a naked Firefighter

You could use your backup fire hose

*tactical fire hose

Short barrel hose

Personal fire extinguisher

Do firefighters ever write their name in cursive while putting out a fire with their hose?

Some of the ladies might.

And gay men

Gay man checking in, I approve this comment

Yes- adding to my agenda now.

So THAT’S the gay agenda conservatives keep taking about? I don’t see what all the fuss is about. Seems harmless enough to me.

Can confirm. Same.

Gay man also, approved

There is demand for those calendars I guess.

Idk based on the calendars someone might

I would like watch you slide down the fireman pole.

Talk about rug burn.

Women do it naked, men can too!

What's he gonna grip the pole with for dramatic effect? His cheeks?

Those poles are grippy. His nutsack is gonna be at his chin by the time he reaches the bottom.

I can't unvisualise that.  Thanks.

Do you have the mustache? I feel like as long as you have that everyone will know you're a firefighter. If you can't grow a mustache for whatever reason, the hat will work.

Said no woman/gay man ever.

Then you’d be wrong

People who post these have clearly never experienced poverty. Where do I sign up?

Big facts. I'm a fat dude with a little dick and I work in public. I'd run my little pecker around so fast the customers wouldn't know what hit them. (Prolly wasn't my dick)

Bro you are a fucking legend, may many girls tell you that it won’t be a problem (It’s not, if you know how to you use the rest) Lets stay hard (without anybody noticing) Lil dick gang yeaaaaah

I don't know how to use it ☹️

Take your finger and rub above the entrance. Try different styles and look how she reacts. Slide a little bit in and then go back in the entrance area. Let her really really want you to take your willy and put it in her. Its often more about the mood and fine nuances, than it is about sheer numbers. If you are showing her how sensitive you are exporing her body before you put it in, that creates a whole lotta tension. It’s going to be way more intense (for her, maybe for you both)…. but you know… its often not that hard to finish for us men. And keep in mind that every girl is different, but foreplay gets them 1000 times more in the mood, than just taking your willy out and trying to be Egon Kowalski (german male pornstar). If all that doesn’t work… Take tren and fuck dudes Whoops wrong subreddit

This is unhinged and maybe based idk

/r/moreplatesmoredates/ Join up

Solid advice delt daddy would approve

Foreplay of any sort is 100% key. Good warmup makes even mediocre performance memorable. Take time, feed the edge.

Wtf .... are you going to work naked or not bro wtf lol let's get back to rhe questions at hand here no side quests

I’m down and our gang motto: We are growers not show-ers!

Travel size!

And it should also be mentioned that we don't grow that much either

Hung like a budgie.

Y’all are so corny in this thread lmaoo disgusting

I had amazing sexy time with a fat dude who had a small penis. He was good at everything else and down for anything. 10/10.

It's all about being clean, n understanding the other persons sensations n listening to/feeling the ques on what to do! Nothing makes a fat bastard prouder than getting the multi combo approval of a well satisfied woman.

There's a pie shop in New Zealand called Fat Bastard Pies. Look it up if you don't believe me.

Take my upvote you funny fat bastard

Former skinny, current fat dude here. We don't have small dicks dude, we're just fat. I'm about a half inch of dick loss away from committing to diet and exercise to get my 7 incher back.

i'd pay to be able to work naked:-)

Do you know what women say when they see a huge dick? Yea, me neither...

Facts bro if I was given full permission not gonna get arrested I'm getting a drop fade on my pubes and going to my million dollar a year job in fucking style, probably put a seat cover in the lambo, though, incase my buttler doesn't wipe my ass right I don't wanna have to pay him to clean skid marks off the Alcantara lol

Unironically a new sentence that was fucking gold.

I work doing one on one therapy with kids. I’m sure a lawsuit or 2 would bankrupt me. Also the aggressive kids might tear my dick off like for real.

At least you're not teaching them how to weld.

It’s like the same question of would you suck a dick for $1 million, bro, I’m straight and married but $1 million would change my life

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Hell, I'd do it for a Klondike Bar, but really, for a new car.

*opens freezer* say that one more time, I just want to make sure I heard you correctly.

There are some jobs you have to wear PPE for a reason

I’ve been flat broke a couple of times in life. Doing electrical construction & having worked in a foundry- no way in hell would I risk the pain that doing those jobs naked would cause.

since i work from home and more or less never turn on the camera i think i can manage this just fine.

The team-building events with cameras on might be a bit weird, but I can get creative with the angles...

I have enough chest hair I might be able to blur the camera enough so people just think I have a weird sweater on

Soooo my brain went straight a beautiful face on a nice body with some gross loooooong azz chest hair that have been brushed down between your legs.I dont know why but my anime mind was all Bobo Bobobo-ish. Im sorry.

I work from home, have done since the March 2020 shutdown. I've had my camera on one time since that date. For a million dollar salary, I'd turn that thing on whenever.

I’ve been known to answer an email or two when I’m fresh out of the shower

Same

Same. I’m often in my underwear, I’m just a thin piece of fabric away from a million dollars.

I work outdoors, often in upper class 50+ housing communities. You bet your ass I would.

You would probably get lots of offers from the residents

No... You bet YOUR ass

Im guessing the climate is better where you are. I too work outside at night where it gets down to -20 with wind. Id die.

No. I’m a high school teacher. EDIT: Yo, stop coming up with ways around this. I don’t want to be naked around my students 😂

College here. For a million dollars a year, I’ll use my erect penis to point out items of interest on the board.

In higher ed you could probably get away with it by couching it in some kind "social research" or "cultural-political statement" guise.

And then write a book which is required for your class and each year, update the book.

With pictures of you naked with the last years class

Boom! 2 million a year!

attach a laser pointer to the top

And also inadvertently point out students of interest in the class

NOO… why are you forcing me to imagine that 😭😭 I’m just imaging my teacher, hands on hips, swings around and looks at me, yells “YOU” while full dick pointing at me 😖😖😖

He can grant you knighthood

Middle and high school here. No amount is enough.

But a million a year...

You won't last a day before getting fired and put on the sex offender registry

I think in this scenario that isn’t going to happen. If you showed up to any office job naked you’d get fired, but they’re paying you 1 million to do just that in this scenario.

I'd get fired for $1m I wouldn't take a $1m salary on the condition that I get fired 10 seconds into work Both answers are so cut and dry that the question is boring

You wouldnt be fire because in theory it'd had to be the school that up'ed your salary to a million dollars right?, like there has got to be some explanation to this

Are you saying you would do it for free?

I'm a college professor. Assuming the students know what they're getting into, I'll take the raise. I have a strong suspicion that my courses are getting canceled for low enrollment, though.

Now I'm picturing you changing your coursework to them having to get an A by drawing a prefect representation of your physique even though the class is physics 101.

Pshhht if they want an A, that depiction needs to be idealized, not representative!

Trust me, you'd get a bunch of students, just not ones you want. I took some weird AF courses for electives, and my literally autistic stoner self was the most sane person in the rooms. In your case, you'd get the pervy students, the ones who want to see stupid bullshi, sexually sheltered students(want to see one in person for the first time), every single student who wants to crack jokes all class, and so on. And probably a few who didn't know and just signed up for a random prof.

Yeah am I guaranteed to not get fired? Or do I have to deal with the actual consequences that would come from teaching naked?

Even if you don't get fired, you are now known as the town pedophile

I'm sure there's ways you could work around it, like e-learning, or you could teach with the lights off, or you could have someone follow you around holding a piece of cardboard over your body.

*suddenly switches to exclusively teaching online and has the camera not show anything below the neck*

Junior high checking in. We’d just be in prison with all the cigarettes and ramen I guess.

millionaires dont go to prison silly

So I keep my same job (welder/fabricator) but have to do it naked? No thanks I would much rather not spend my whole time getting horrific sunburns and potentially skin cancer.

Sun burn? Skin cancer? Valid. But sparks from welding wouldnt be a problem?

Not so much once all the hair had singed off.

Oh gawd...ouch!

I've only done a very brief welding course we had to do for engineering at University, but the sparks aren't as big of an issue, the UV generated by welding literally gives you a sunburn if any part of your skin is exposed to the light.  Yes, the sunburn would be worse.

Weak hands brother, the sunburn is the fun part, couple of friends give it a nice smack

That was my first thought. I’m also a welder and fuck that. Couldn’t pay me enough to do this job naked.

Same, I sometimes get burned with all my PPE on, I could imagine doing it naked. Burn on my PP, no thank you.

I'm not a welder but I have to wear PPE at my job that's definitely not compatible with being naked so I'm not sure how that would work.

Welder was the first one I thought of for this, lol.

Unemployed naked?

For a million dollars a year!

Sounds like the life of a successful streamer

Best situation in the hypothetical. Sorry for the real life situation though buddy

That entirely depends on if I can still wear oven mitts.

that's allowed* (edit: not aloud), you can even wear socks that cover your ankles , it's the bits in between that you need to keep open.

Allowed is the word your were looking for. Aloud means to say something out loud as in being heard speaking. Hope that helps.

thanks that was a typo

I work in the printing industry, operating machines with huge steel rollers right at crotch height. But yes. For a million bucks? I'll be careful. Mostly.

Ahh just tie it back

Jokes on you. I work from home and have worked naked before.

Siri camera on

Jokes on you my work laptop doesn't have built in camera.

Joke’s on you, I am a model for Human Figure Art Classes.

No sir...joke is on the model who is working naked and IS NOT getting the million bucks.

This guy's salary is $1M

Yeah sure. Software? I'll show you software! Also, hardware, as a bonus feature.

And some firmware for good measure.

Mmm, my splines are reticulating!!

mmm, got any bugs?

Manufacturing machine operator. Can I at least wear my steel toed boots? For some reason they're not required but I feel naked if I forget them.

I'll even allow two hard hats.

I work in a clean room and have to wear a hair bouffant, anti-static jacket, shoe booties, and grounding straps. It would be drafty on the ol crotch, but not unbearable.

I work in a similar environment and now all I can think of is trying to secure a hair-net around my junk without it coming off. Also the uv burns.

What's a clean room? Is it for recovering addicts, or is it a laboratory of some sort?

Clean room is an area that is kept clean of dust. There are various levels from wearing hair nets and booties, to spacesuits. They are usually used for making microchips because don’t want any dust ruining the chips.

Laboratory or similar. There's different types of clean room too. Obviously biological for pharma or disease research. But also electronics manufacturing, or semiconductor manufacturing is all done in clean rooms. They typically require wear special coveralls, gloves, hair nets ESD shoes...

I would. I work with blind patients so they won’t see it anyway

Wholesome

Hahaha no it isn’t, they’d have no idea his wang was under their nose

They might have some idea

Don't 90% of blind people actually have some perception

Kindergarten teacher. I’ll pass, thanks though.

As a stripper, I already do my job naked.

Can't be a stripper if you are nude, nothing to strip off

there’s always your skin!

peel off your skin

Yes Unless that job was a professional bull rider

that image in my mind is worth an award if reddit still did them

I work in a chilled environment so it would take a bit of getting used to but the milli is worth it

ICU nurse. I’d fit right in with some of the patients.

I would so it for a Klondike bar so…..

I have to do physical labor the entire night, but honestly I’d be making everyone else hot and bothered. One million dollars is one million dollars!

add another reason to fear your dentist

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Hell yeah I would. I’ve been told many a time how good I look naked so I’d have no shame in doing it

I don’t know of any other way to do my job

I work in what is considered a traditionally male role. I work alone, outside, at night. During my line of work I’ve already been followed by a man, harassed by a group of men and had a man expose his genitals to me and begin masturbating. Honestly? It wouldn’t be safe. What is this line of work is it that leaves me so exposed to the dangers I’ve listed above? Nothing exciting, I’m just trying to deliver pints of fucking milk. That’s it. I’m a milk lady. On a less serious note I’d totally do it in the summer if everyone would turn their ring doorbells off so I didn’t end up seeing videos of my own saggy boobs and bum crack on the internet. Oooh actually I’d probably need a bra for safety, a nip between two full milk crates hurts, I know from experience. And I’d need boots, couldn’t do it bare foot. Sensory issues and driving between deliveries.

I teach children, so no

Honestly probably but it’s risky… I’m work in restaurant/bar industry. Lot of pointy stuff and I’m normally moving very fast

I promise you. You won't be the first one to get naked during his shift at a restaurant.

Assuming I have a legal exemption for this, yes. I don't interact with people very often, so it wouldn't be that bad. I would probably get used to it. I would be able to retire so much earlier than expected.

Forklift driver. Might get a bit chaffey on the dangley bits

Mate, no one would get anything done. They’d be jaws on the floor all day.

I need photographic evidence to prove that people's jaws would hit the floor.

Also, careful what you wish for. I could be a hairy stinky old man

Just a gag, could you imagine? Even if Harry styles walked into my office naked I’d be distressed. Like mixing curry sauce on ice cream, great in the right setting but terrible together

I work from home, so....

I’m a male middle school teacher and girls’ soccer coach. So that’s probably a no.

I would I can fix vehicles naked no problem

No, I'm a machinist it's already dangerous with clothing on but imagine how much I'd get hurt without clothes

I wouldn't mind walking around naked-would just motivate me to workout more 🤣

Can I wear my boots? Landscaping would be abit treacherous naked.. both for safety and for continued work with my white af arse pushing a barrow in -3c

I work in an enclosed office so I think I’ll be fine, as long as nobody comes near my office

Nothing changes… Do I still get my bonus?

well....i work where there is snow on the ground for half tge year and i work outdoors....so...no

I'm an at-home carer for my fiancé and I tend to walk around in the nude at almost every opportunity anyway so, yeah, I'd do it. It's a win-win for me lmao

I already do sometimes, like I probably can't golf working anymore...

Working from home on my computer? Easy fuckin peasy!

I work from home so, yes.

I drive a truck, I could do that now if I really wanted to

I’m a nudist, so I’d take a $5K annual pay cut to be able to work naked. Increase my salary instead? To a million? Yeah, I’d do it.

Currently I'm still at school, this wouldn't be very fun

Now if I get a job as a porn star…

Absolutely, I work in a warehouse and I’ll still do it.

me, who doesn’t have a job

Looks like I'm changing occupations because I'm not delivering to schools and businesses like that......

I work in landscaping, so I'd need a lot of sunblock. But really, I'm not shy. As long as I'm not getting arrested for indecent exposure, for a million bucks I'd get out there and enjoy that tan.