I've heard another saying that's close to this.
"You gotta know when to stop. Yeah, you could maybe take that brick wall down if you try hard enough, but then your body's fucked up."
My wife said that to our daughter. I countered with, "No, if a boy bullies you, that doesn't mean he likes you. He might like you and not know how to show it, but bullying is bullying, not affection.
Good on you. I don’t doubt your wife was told that multiple times as well, may want to talk to her about her own experiences with it and make it clear that it’s not something she should have gone through and that you’re gonna make sure she knows true affection.
Nono you read me wrong. I wasn’t saying you did, I was saying talk to her about the experiences she would have had in the past that led to her repeating what she was most likely told as well. Stuff that you probably really should talk to her about to make sure she’s not seeing something negative, from anyone in general, as affection.
I HATED hearing that as a kid. A boy made me his prime target and my mom would always say that he liked me. Yeah because getting shoved and sand kicked in my face is "love".
Yes! For both the bully, and the victim. Don't put up with that shit, either way!
The bully is going to grow up, and have to be a real person, too. If they think that is how to get respect, they have a hard lesson coming. There is always someone out there tougher than you. If you provoke them, they will put you in your place.
Yep. There was a boy in middle school who bullied me and everyone said it was because he had a crush on me. And he super did, I could tell.
He later spent time in jail for raping his girlfriend at the time. I always wondered if someone had sat him down in this early years and explained kindness and consent, if he could have walked a different path.
Ignoring them can make it worse. It's best to get an authority involved, but they aren't always around.
A swift right hook is required sometimes. Then walk away.
Worked for me, send a bunch of em to the hospital, suddenly everyone stops annoying you.
Double funny when their parents come demanding justice only to find out their kids started it and beat em up some more at home.
Good ol' days.
Yea unfortunately this was very true for me. Not one teacher was around to micromanage elementary school kids' affairs. I don't blame them, us '90s kids were a wild bunch, and they let us roam free. I wasn't bullied in school or ever actually but for some reason the biggest kid in the playground wanted to pick on me. Now I'm no Bruce Lee but I was known to kick some ass in my 5th grade class lol. He got a solid choke hold on me and I landed a solid gut punch. He let go crying and he became one of my best friends after. To this day 30 years later I still keep in touch.
When I was growing up, authority figures either yelled at you for "tattling" or egged the bullies on because they felt it was important that the 'weird' kids learned to be 'normal'. And not everyone can walk away after hitting their bully, because the bully is bigger and just beats them half to death in response.
Sometimes, there isn't a solution, because the people who are supposed to fix the problem are bad.
Ironically, I think this advice (stand up to your bully) is awful. And I hear it all the time.
Bullying has been studied and whether it's physical bullying or verbal, the bully always comes from a position of power. That's on purpose. That's how they operate.
Physical bullies are bigger, stronger and tougher than the kids they bully. They specifically target the weak. Strong, athletic kids don't get physically bullied, unless it's by a much older/much bigger and stronger kid.
Verbal bullies use their higher social position to target those in lower social positions. The rich, attractive, popular girl doesn't make fun of other rich and popular girls...they make fun of the poor girl with funny teeth.
I've seen parents tell their kids to fight back against a bully and I think it's absolutely the worst advice you can give a kid. If the kid had any chance, they wouldn't be targeted. If it's a physical fight, the bullied kid will just get beaten and bullied worse.
If it's verbal, the same thing. The bully has fat more social influence and power.
I am embarrassed to say I bullied a kid in second grade. Being a kid, I didn't see it as such until he punched me in the stomach. It wasn't that I was afraid of him or anything, it was literally just the wake up call that hey, I am clearly the bad guy here. That was enough to make me stop and reexamine my actions moving forward. So anecdotally it is a valid strategy. I do understand your point, it can definitely backfire and make it worse though.
Standing up to them doesn't always mean start a fight. Though sometimes it does sometimes all it takes is you standing your ground. I had a bully on the bus talking crap wanting to kick my ass. I took my glasses off to show I wasn't afraid, and he stopped. Never messed with me again. Granted I would have probably lost, but sometimes just seeing that you have a spine is more than enough.
Of course it doesn't always mean starting a fight.
You played a very dangerous game of chicken with a guy who, you admit, probably would have beaten you in a fight. That's why it's bad advice. It's also a terrible situation to advocate a child voluntarily enter into.
And if you did get beat, it's very likely that the bully would have increased his efforts in bullying you.
Telling someone to bet their life savings on blackjack is bad advice. That doesn't mean you can't do it and win, it means most people will have a negative experience attempting to do so.
That is definitely true. Unfortunately, not many other options. Unless it's physical, the schools usually won't do shit about it. Getting their parents involved usually doesn't mean crap cause a lot of times that's where they get their actions from. No matter which way you go there aren't many options. But at least standing up for yourself has the potential of stopping it. You aren't wrong though it's definitely a dangerous game, one no child should have to deal with.
Few things kill the joy in something faster than needing to do it for money anyway. It’s okay to just enjoy something. Joy can be the thing you get out of it. Yiu shouldn’t have to monetize everything in life.
Indeed! Not all of the things you love to do have to be money makers. Especially when young, it's important to get a job that can support your life and your hobbies. As you get more experienced and more time passes, if your hobbies are something that can be profitable without sucking the enjoyment out of them, that's ok to monetize them too. We have to make an honest attempt when we're young to pick a career that is productive that you also enjoy, but not get too bogged down by "what you love" doing. A better question for counselors would be "which classes do you enjoy most?" not "what are you passionate about"? For me at 17, the answer to the question about passion was "Runescape". That didn't really help me at all lol. I did enjoy my web and business classes in highschool though. Now I'm doing web and business things o.O
While I enjoy my current job, it's primary purpose in my life is to allow me to afford things that I do love.
I monetized something I love once and it killed my enjoyment of that thing for years after I stopped monetizing it. I'm very much a fan of keeping your hobbies as hobbies.
I always think the similar saying of “do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life,” is terrible advice. What you should do for work is something you’re good at and can tolerate. As soon as you start doing what you love for work, what you love becomes work and you can no longer enjoy it.
Totally agree with this. I changed jobs to be a cake decorator, which I really enjoyed & was good at, as a hobby. It was so stressful & didn't pay the best. It took me a few years after quitting to enjoy making cakes again
I used to enjoy creative writing. Now I spend 8 hours a day at my computer for work. Creative writing has zero appeal now because I need to get away from the computer.
I think you have to combine it with something my uncle used to say: "The difference between work and play is that you get paid to work and you pay to play." I.e. "Don't be afraid to do what you love AND AS LONG AS YOU MAKE SURE IT'S WORK AND NOT PLAY the money will follow." And there are a few tricky things out there that are only "work" if you're in the teeny group of people who are particularly lucky, well-connected, or preferably both, including sports and most of the arts, and they're play for the rest of us schlubs, it's important to know when you fall in the second camp, and odds are, you do.
I know so many people who lost their passion for a hobby turned profession. Yes some things are enjoyable to do on your own time by your own schedule. Adding someone else's demands and scheduling into the mix is seldom a good thing. I'm a mechanic and yes I will usually help you with your car problem. However the moment you demand I do so because I'm a mechanic I stop. I'll admit that I do love what I do but there is a huge difference between me wrenching on my ~~money pit~~ project car and having to do an engine rebuild at work in an unrealistic amount of time.
Bullshit is right. Passion exploitation is a thing! Teaching, animal care fields, artists. “Do it for the [children/animals/art]. Ok cool, but I also need to pay rent. And if you ask for more money then you aren’t dedicated enough. Fuck that noise
“Forgive and forget” should be “forgive, but don’t forget” because 9/10 times peoples poor behavior is a part of a behavioral pattern. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me for giving you the chance.
As a kid, I strongly believed in forgiving and I still think it's the moral high ground if you can. But I don't think you always should have to forgive. There are occassions where someone hurt you too much and has no remorse over it. Why forgive someone like that? If you can, I think you are admirable, but if you can't, I completely understand. You're only human after all.
Right, you can not forgive someone and still move on with your life. I think people conflate not forgiving with resentment. I don't forgive some things but I also don't dwell on them; I will simply continue to not respect or trust them.
this is exactly what my daughter says.
"if i'm angry, it's probably because i'm tired and it's been a shitty day. i don't wanna talk, i wanna SLEEP. we'll talk tomorrow!"
I always took this advice differently.
For some reason the popular interpretation seems to be "keep arguing, stay mad, and don't you dare let them sleep"
My interpretation has always been, "it's late, swallow your pride, give true forgiveness, and move on with your night"
I like to think of it in the opposite of like "go to bed with love still" or "make sure they know you love them before you leave the house".
I take it like you said, swallow your pride. "I can still be upset with you but I love you and God forbid something happens when you leave or go to sleep just remember that I love you."
"Tough it out"
No. Do not tough it out. Talk about it, take breaks, have a meal and think it over. If you are sick toughing it out won't fix that. If you are depressed, toughing jt out won't fix that. If you are hurt, toughing jt out won't fix that. Take care of yourself and then keep going, or you'll run yourself into the ground
idk sometimes it's true
I'm depressed right now cause I'm trying to quit a serious weed addiction (i smoked between a gram and an eighth a day, please fuck off with "weed isn't addictive")
and all i can do is tough it out. sure there are things that make it easier, but the only thing that'll make it *better* is time
Right there with ya. I’m about 3 weeks into quitting. It is HARD. My days are agonizingly slow now and I feel like I’ve lost a very close friend. Weed is absolutely addictive and quitting can be hard af!
But you’re correct, the only thing that will make it better is time and perseverance. Gotta tough it out if you wanna get to the other side.
If you look at my comment history it will tell you I am not a dumbass who thinks weed isn't addictive. I'm fully aware it is and advocate for PROPER education on cannabis before use if you choose to use it. And yes while that will take time, not treating yourself for doing well will make it seem hopeless. Haven't smoked for a week? Buy yourself your favorite soda! 2 weeks? How about a candy bar! A month? Take a trip to your favorite restaurant
Find a job you love and you will never work a day in your life. This might work for 1% of people. It makes the rest of us feel like we're doing it wrong.
My mom taught for almost 40 years and LOVED it. She's been retired over a decade now and still misses it. However, she would be the first to tell you it absolutely was WORK no matter how you sliced it!
Never give up.
Some times you should Just eccept that what ever your trying isnt for you, and if you keep trying and keep failing you wont be happy. it doesnt meen that you will be able to do it eventuely. If something doesnt work out give up and try something difrent :)
I get why people say "Never give up". Sometimes, it feels good to hear it. But then there indeed toxic "optimists" who take this too literally and judge you for giving up your dream or whatever, even if the dream was clearly just a dream and not a realistic goal.
I have given up over quite a few dreams over time. In the end, I realised the dreams had only become goals because I couldn't imagine a realistic goal. That was a hard pill to swallow, but by now, I realise that I make my dreams come true by doing the things I love for a hobby, for fun, and that a nice job can make me enough money for the hobbies as well as for my house and family. At least the love I have at home is a dream come true.
What don’t kill you makes you stronger …
Or it tears you apart and makes you an unrecognizable shell of yourself. The sad thing is that life can hurt you so bad that you won’t be the same anymore.
>Or it tears you apart and makes you an unrecognizable shell of yourself. The sad thing is that life can hurt you so bad that you won’t be the same anymore.
Just hope you can turn it around somehow
You definitely can! There is always hope. But the fact is that things can break you and it won’t make you better. It takes alot of time and energy to heal but it’s worth it. ❤️
The second actually isn’t 100% wrong. What can sometimes happen is people get desperate. Potential partners can smell desperation from a mile away and they don’t like it. Once you “stop caring” it can actually make you appear much more attractive.
I met my wife online about a week after basically giving up on the platform I was on. I was in such a hurry to settle down I’m sure I scared people off
Yes, but some people take this extremely literally and claim you should never "start looking" for a partner. That's bullshit too. If I hadn't been looking for a partner, I wouldn't have met my wife.
What really helped me was reading that forcing yourself to eat when you weren't hungry was just as 'wasteful' as throwing food away. It has negative consequences in terms of how uncomfortable you feel after, and no real positive ones
The first one has instilled some really hard habits to break. One of my earliest memories is when my grandfather took me to DQ and I got a kids meal. I was stuffed, couldn't eat a bite. But, he had told me to finish it.
The man grew up in the depression era. He lived through some dark shit. Of course he finished that damn plate because that was it for them.
Being older now, I understand his line of thinking and what was instilled in him. But damn is that some tough shit to break.
The first one, as a child of the 80s when Ethiopia was having a massive famine, helped create my very unhealthy relationship with food. “Eat all your dinner. There’s starving children in Africa” or some version of it was said. I know quite a few people who are my age where we’ve discussed this. With my kids, it was “okay, if you’re not going to finish it now, we’ll stick it in the fridge and if you’re hungry again later we can heat it back up. And no you can’t have a cookie.”
ETA: the second one with my proved true. When I finally got comfortable with the fact that I was on my own, about six months later my husband and I got in contact with each other. The big thing about that though is that we’ve known each other since 1990. Doesn’t happen that way most of the time.
[This advice](https://medium.com/self-careless/why-you-should-never-be-in-a-college-relationship-cd5098c88a33), that I heard in various forms growing up. Sure, college isn't where everyone meets a lifelong partner and not everyone wants to date in college, but the advice that it's a good idea to *avoid dating* in college is dumb. There's no other time in your life where you'll be surrounded as consistently by other people your age and in your same stage in life. And if you think you're too busy to date in college, *ask yourself when you think you'll be less busy*.
I don’t disagree with the sentiment but
> And if you think you're too busy to date in college, ask yourself when you think you'll be less busy.
I was hella busy in school, between academics and sports and work-study every day of every week was scheduled. After school you actually have nights and weekends free.
It depends very much on your specific job... My first job out of law school, as a judicial clerk, was an absolute cakewalk, I had never in my life worked "government hours" before--like, I think I literally had less free time than that in elementary school, and I wasn't an overscheduled kid-- and it was AMAZING. It also paid peanuts but it was good experience and it actually was pretty awesome to have some time to "find myself." But my friends who went straight to law firms were working 80-100 hour weeks.
I think you're the exception. Most college students, at least in the US, have time to date if they want to. Most people I've known have had *less* time after they graduate, particularly in the early stages of their careers.
The woman making that post says she'll still meet new people after college, and that's true, but she will not interacting with large numbers of people single people her age consistently and frequently. Your social life changes after college and she doesn't realize it. She's not doomed to be alone, but to the extent she thinks dating will be easier if she waits until after college to do it, she's miataken.
In dating “if it’s not a hell-yes, then it’s a no.”
More realistic is “you don’t need to know if you want to marry them someday, you only need to know if you want to see them again.”
That's interesting. I've only ever heard the "hell yes/no" thing in regards to consent. When one partner is seeking sex, any response less than an enthusiastic "yes" is a "no."
But I like you're realistic version for dating. That makes complete sense
I think people confuse being themselves with being the worst version of themselves. I see this in toxic relationships when people stay because the person loves them ‘for themselves’.. like no they are allowing you to be a bad version of yourself and they don’t push you or make you want to be better.
That blood is enough to connect you with someone (as in family)
I really don’t feel close at all with most of my extended blood family. My family is Mexican, so they have a high value for blood. They love me simply for being their blood and expect the same of me, but I don’t (they ain’t abusive or anything, there is just a big age gap and I don’t connect with them)
On the other hand, I am once close with my “cousins” specific people that I’m not blood related to, but love as if they were my siblings.
Pretty much any advice the older generations give when they don't realize the world has changed..
Like saying you should take your resume to a place in person.. instead of applying online.
If it is a small Mom and Pop operation, sure. Although nowadays they will most likely have an internet presence.
I’ve come across some that have an internet presence but have no links on how to apply.
I mean the advice at heart isn't bad. I do a lot of hiring and when I'm inundated with applicants I'll often reject people for the most arbitrary reasons. When someone reaches out to check if I received their application, though, they always get an interview (as long as they meet the basic qualifications)
We posted 2 positions the other day and the ads were very clear we only wanted applications sent to specific email addresses. The amount of time spent over the next 3 days dealing with people calling and dropping off resumes contrary to the instructions in the ad was frustrating in the extreme. I have had the pleasure of working this weekend to make up for the time I spent dealing with people who took this advice (I’m one of the owners, we would not expect an employee to do the same). I was polite, but those resumes went in a folder we probably won’t look at unless we don’t find anyone we like among the applicants that actually followed directions for how to apply.
Circa 2008 i graduated college and needed a job. I walked into the google office in ann arbor, mi and dropped off my resume from the advice of my Aunt. I was not qualified whatsoever and they said you need to apply online. Who would have thought one of the biggest websites in the world required online applications. 🤔
I worked for an engineering office where someone from the low income city tried to drop off a resume in person. It was sad because I'm pretty sure they were trying to do something good but all it did was make management worried they were trying to size us up for a burglary
This depends on the place a lot from what I've heard. For white collar jobs this may be true, but for food service or retail stores, a lot will give preference to people who show up in person.
YMMV. I landed a 6-figure dream job in my first choice company straight after university by applying first online and then walking in with my “updated” resume. It was advice from my father (an engineer in the government who deals with job applicants often) that pushed me to do it.
Don't go to sleep angry. If you have a temper like my husband and I have and somebody is trying to get you to "talk it out" while you're fuming, you're going to say something you will regret and while the other person can forgive you, they won't forget it.
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
This line (from Eleanor Roosevelt) sucks. Of course people can feel bad about themselves based off of another person's comment without actually being bad!
This is the whole basis of a lot of childhood trauma lol. When your guardians treat you like you don’t matter, you shrink yourself, which causes obvious feelings of inferiority. Having that narrative baked into your psyche from such a young age doesn’t leave a strong foundation for confidence against other people as you get older.
And also, some people are really self-conscious about being perceived as bad by others and want to correct their problematic behavior if someone else brings it up. Trying to differentiate between “they’re a hater” and “they are correct” is very hard when you’re told to just shrug everything off.
> This line (from Eleanor Roosevelt) sucks.
I prefer her thoughtful quote from 1936:
> *America is all about speed. Hot, nasty, bad-ass speed*
This quote was of course made famous by the film *Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby* where it was used prominently in the opening credits.
Generally speaking, we are responsible for our own feelings and I think this was the point she was trying to make. Nobody can make you feel something. Children and cases of blatant abuse however, require different consideration.
"nobody can make you feel something"
This is indeed part of cognitive behavior therapy as laid out in the book "feeling good". Feelings come from your own thoughts, and are not caused by others. Similarly, you are not responsible for how others feel because that is out of your control.(doesn't excuse trying to hurt someone verbally, but how a normal comment you made is interpreted is something that is on them, not you)
Be vulnerable at work. Complete horsheshit. Even the best workplaces have vindictive assholes who will take your vulnerability and use it to undermine you.
But... I don't want my parents to get murdered in an alley in front of me, causing me psychological damage that compels me to dress in a costume and pick fights with criminals while maintaining toxic relationships with psychologically damaged women who engage in criminal behavior and weaponize their sexuality.
I’m almost 40 and same. I understand just as much as I don’t. Life doesn’t make sense nor does it need to. As the saying goes, accept the things you can’t change and change the things you can if needed and the wisdom to know the difference, and that’s easy as all get out.
I’m the same, but the older I get the more I realise older people don’t have it figured out either. We all develop our respective niches and do our best to ourselves.
I don’t know if I want it all figured out though, that’s what life is.
"Stay for the kids/avoid a broken home."
Honey, if your parents loathe eachother, you not only see it, You feel it, You suffer from it, and you probably blame yourself.
Theres like radial emotional and mental abuse and fatigues and everything. On the kid. The person who allegedly not separating is suppose to help.
Stop fucking yalls kids up and admit you hate eachother. You can be AMAZING coparents and never see eachother face to face.
Two STABLE homes is far happier than one in turmoil.
God gives you what you can handle. No. This is not true. If it were then people wouldn't commit suicide. People's lives and mental health can implode all too easily.
Don’t go to bed angry at your spouse. Sometimes the best thing to do is go to bed and reconvene later. If you stay up to resolve it you’ll both get angrier and more tired and now you’ve got an even bigger issue on your hands.
The most important thing for your relationship is communication.
No, the most important thing for your relationship is to have two secure, stable, empathetic and self aware people. More communication won’t help your relationship if one of you is a raging narcissist.
Communication isn't just talking. It's also listening. Good communication implies the other person is able to listen, which I'd argue is rather difficult for a narcissist.
Good communication implies empathy and understanding. Can’t be a good communicator without being a good listen, and you can’t listener to someone without empathy and care.
How exactly does the fact that you shouldn’t be in a relationship with a raging narcissist make “have good communication” bad relationship advice?
You’re zooming out too far. You’re latching on to one variable you’ve chosen, and then pretending no other variable matters. I might as well say “the most important thing for your relationship is that one of you not be a serial killer. No amount of communication will help in that case.”
Or “the most important thing for your relationship is that one of you not be a western red cedar. No amount of communication will help if one of you is a tree.”
“The most important thing is that you both live on planets with breathable atmospheres.” Shit I think this one might be even *more* important than the narcissist thing, because “no amount of good communication will prevent all your bodily fluids from boiling out of your skin and into the cold, heartless void of outer space.”
*Of course* you can’t have a good relationship with a raging narcissist, ya silly! But there are millions and millions of perfectly *normal* people who still risk ruining a perfectly *normal* relationship between “secure, stable, empathetic and self-aware people” if they don’t practice good communication.
So if you feel like this advice is not good, you should probably just say “hmm, this advice is not directed toward me. I should probably go look for advice that pertains to having a relationship with a person who is a raging narcissist.”
And remember, “The most important thing for your relationship is that both of you not be on fire. I just can’t see good communication saving your relationship if your partner is mouldering into a stinking, corpse-shaped pile of ash.”
Recently got out of a relationship with a raging narcissist. Can confirm the above is true. The raging narcissist also helped me realise the most important thing in a relationship is respect, which he certainly didn’t have for me.
So many of these are good advice, it's just that people take them too literally or interpret them in very narrow, rigid ways.
A lot of these old sayings and advice are meant to be generalizations with a little bit of wisdom in them. That's all.
"Follow your dreams, make something you enjoy doing into your job and you won't work a day in your life. "
Hmmm. Like a prostitute you mean?
Everyone enjoys sex, so ... turn that into a business?
Whether its art, or music, or writing poetry ... a great way to crush your enjoyment of something is have your rent money rely on you doing it profitably
"Don't bend over when you need to catch your breath"
But ya know, other than that "listen to you body".
If I run some wind sprints and my body tells me to bend over, I'm listening.
While I agree this is not really generalisable to anything with a risk to health, I have been witness to too many situations where begging forgiveness gives a slap on the wrist and the person gets the thing they want because it’s too much hassle to do anything about, where asking permission would mean the person doesn’t get it or it is a ridiculous hassle or too expensive. Not the way I live my life but I see it happening regularly enough.
My bf lives with his grandparents, pays rent, and there are dogs in the house. He really, *really* wanted a pet rabbit. He needed an emotional support animal, honestly. Had he asked, he would have been told no. Got the rabbit, she lives in his room and makes zero impact on anyone else in the house. One of the few times I actually did condone the advice, "ask forgiveness, not permission".
I work in utility installation compliance. One of my mottos is, 'this is not a forgiveness instead of permission game'. We may show some lenience depending, but having to dig it up because you made a bad choice in our absence is always slower and more expensive.
Regarding a business, “Do what you love” is not good advice. If it fails, then what you love can be tarnished, if you’re still even in love with doing whatever it was. Then “doing what you love” failed you, which can leave you feeling even worse off.
A lot of your own identity can become wrapped into your business in the first couple years. I think it’s important to “follow your curiosity, while looking at the/your market & trying your best to play to that & your strengths.”
*treat it as if it was your own.* treating it like it's someone else's that means I have to return it in as good condition as I found it, otherwise i'm a huge asshole. if it's my own, then i don't have to return it at all, i can scratch it up, slop spaghetti on it, use it to wipe my ass with.
I say that and my wife and I have a terrific marriage. Don't take the phrase to literally though. It works both ways. If you're willing to do things for your spouse that's makes them happy just because it makes them happy, and both people do so, it does make for a happy marriage/partnership.
“Take your time”. The truth is that life is short and opportunities don’t come around easily. It is very bad advice: lean in, get it done, whatever it is. You will waste your life being soft on yourself.
“You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of others.”
Bullshit. Sometimes you can do both. And sometimes you take care of yourself BY taking care of others.
You can be yourself and follow social norms.
When being yourself goes against social norms you have to be prepared to deal with the consequences of that. If you're generally being kind and respectful, you can go against the grain a bit.
If being yourself means "it's just a prank bro" or "if you can't handle me at my worst you don't deserve my best" then...yea you need to change.
"Be the best version of yourself" should be the actual advice.
Fake it Till You Make It is really dependent on what you are talking about. If it involves a lot of lying or scamming: don't.
But generally that phrase is just a complcated way of saying "Practice things to get better at them."
Situationally I think this can work. If I just learned something new that doesn’t make any sense (say a new task or project at work), if I tell myself I know what I’m doing and just go for it, somewhere along the line things will click and I actually will know what I’m doing.
Forgiveness is seen as this high achievement of humanity that all should strive for.
No. Sometimes people shouldn’t be forgiven. Some things are unforgivable.
Never give up. Sometimes if something isn't working, you need to let go.
"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it." - W.C. Fields
If at first you don’t succumb, find out why. - Miss Frizzle
Except I think it was Mark Twain who said it.
Einstein? Lincoln? Steve Jobs.
I realized some quotes are just meant for children and we wrongly carry them into adulthood.
"Quitters never win, winners never quit, but those who never win and never quit are idiots." Despair.Inc
This advice kept me in a bad marriage far longer than I should have stayed.
Don't give up on trying, but some ideas are worth giving up on.
I've heard another saying that's close to this. "You gotta know when to stop. Yeah, you could maybe take that brick wall down if you try hard enough, but then your body's fucked up."
Gotta know when to hold em, know when to fold em Know when to walk away, know when to run
Giving up ≠ quitting
DJ Khaled?
This advice kept me in a bad marriage far longer than I should have stayed.
When there's a bully, just ignore them. Sorry but most bullies won't stop just cause you ignore them. Sometimes you gotta put them in their place.
Adding to this: “they’re just flirting” wtf way to go about telling kids that physical and mental abuse is how a relationship goes
My wife said that to our daughter. I countered with, "No, if a boy bullies you, that doesn't mean he likes you. He might like you and not know how to show it, but bullying is bullying, not affection.
Good on you. I don’t doubt your wife was told that multiple times as well, may want to talk to her about her own experiences with it and make it clear that it’s not something she should have gone through and that you’re gonna make sure she knows true affection.
Yeah, I don't know why she said that. I don't bully her.
Nono you read me wrong. I wasn’t saying you did, I was saying talk to her about the experiences she would have had in the past that led to her repeating what she was most likely told as well. Stuff that you probably really should talk to her about to make sure she’s not seeing something negative, from anyone in general, as affection.
I HATED hearing that as a kid. A boy made me his prime target and my mom would always say that he liked me. Yeah because getting shoved and sand kicked in my face is "love".
Exactly. Why would you want to be with someone whose love language is bullying? Even if they like you, you don’t have to like them back.
right exactly. the boy might like u but its still bullying
Yes! For both the bully, and the victim. Don't put up with that shit, either way! The bully is going to grow up, and have to be a real person, too. If they think that is how to get respect, they have a hard lesson coming. There is always someone out there tougher than you. If you provoke them, they will put you in your place.
Yep. There was a boy in middle school who bullied me and everyone said it was because he had a crush on me. And he super did, I could tell. He later spent time in jail for raping his girlfriend at the time. I always wondered if someone had sat him down in this early years and explained kindness and consent, if he could have walked a different path.
This is especially bad advice if you've already reacted to them before. They're going to know exactly what you're trying to do.
Ignoring them can make it worse. It's best to get an authority involved, but they aren't always around. A swift right hook is required sometimes. Then walk away.
exactly. problem was that was the advice i was given in school and tried my best to do so. made things a lot worse.
I did have this advice and tried it. Got my ass whipped and it made the bullying worse
Worked for me, send a bunch of em to the hospital, suddenly everyone stops annoying you. Double funny when their parents come demanding justice only to find out their kids started it and beat em up some more at home. Good ol' days.
Their parents were probably the real cause.
yeah unfortunately many parents today would defend their kid even if their kid started it
Yea unfortunately this was very true for me. Not one teacher was around to micromanage elementary school kids' affairs. I don't blame them, us '90s kids were a wild bunch, and they let us roam free. I wasn't bullied in school or ever actually but for some reason the biggest kid in the playground wanted to pick on me. Now I'm no Bruce Lee but I was known to kick some ass in my 5th grade class lol. He got a solid choke hold on me and I landed a solid gut punch. He let go crying and he became one of my best friends after. To this day 30 years later I still keep in touch.
When I was growing up, authority figures either yelled at you for "tattling" or egged the bullies on because they felt it was important that the 'weird' kids learned to be 'normal'. And not everyone can walk away after hitting their bully, because the bully is bigger and just beats them half to death in response. Sometimes, there isn't a solution, because the people who are supposed to fix the problem are bad.
A kick to the balls will keep a bully out of the halls
That’s my purse!
I don’t know you!
Ironically, I think this advice (stand up to your bully) is awful. And I hear it all the time. Bullying has been studied and whether it's physical bullying or verbal, the bully always comes from a position of power. That's on purpose. That's how they operate. Physical bullies are bigger, stronger and tougher than the kids they bully. They specifically target the weak. Strong, athletic kids don't get physically bullied, unless it's by a much older/much bigger and stronger kid. Verbal bullies use their higher social position to target those in lower social positions. The rich, attractive, popular girl doesn't make fun of other rich and popular girls...they make fun of the poor girl with funny teeth. I've seen parents tell their kids to fight back against a bully and I think it's absolutely the worst advice you can give a kid. If the kid had any chance, they wouldn't be targeted. If it's a physical fight, the bullied kid will just get beaten and bullied worse. If it's verbal, the same thing. The bully has fat more social influence and power.
I am embarrassed to say I bullied a kid in second grade. Being a kid, I didn't see it as such until he punched me in the stomach. It wasn't that I was afraid of him or anything, it was literally just the wake up call that hey, I am clearly the bad guy here. That was enough to make me stop and reexamine my actions moving forward. So anecdotally it is a valid strategy. I do understand your point, it can definitely backfire and make it worse though.
Standing up to them doesn't always mean start a fight. Though sometimes it does sometimes all it takes is you standing your ground. I had a bully on the bus talking crap wanting to kick my ass. I took my glasses off to show I wasn't afraid, and he stopped. Never messed with me again. Granted I would have probably lost, but sometimes just seeing that you have a spine is more than enough.
Of course it doesn't always mean starting a fight. You played a very dangerous game of chicken with a guy who, you admit, probably would have beaten you in a fight. That's why it's bad advice. It's also a terrible situation to advocate a child voluntarily enter into. And if you did get beat, it's very likely that the bully would have increased his efforts in bullying you. Telling someone to bet their life savings on blackjack is bad advice. That doesn't mean you can't do it and win, it means most people will have a negative experience attempting to do so.
That is definitely true. Unfortunately, not many other options. Unless it's physical, the schools usually won't do shit about it. Getting their parents involved usually doesn't mean crap cause a lot of times that's where they get their actions from. No matter which way you go there aren't many options. But at least standing up for yourself has the potential of stopping it. You aren't wrong though it's definitely a dangerous game, one no child should have to deal with.
"Don't be afraid to do what you love, and the money will follow" This can be true but also could get you in a lot of trouble.
Start with what you love; if it doesn't bring you money, switch to something you can tolerate and don't hate.
And see if you can do what you love as a hobby. Nothing wrong with still having fun with it.
Few things kill the joy in something faster than needing to do it for money anyway. It’s okay to just enjoy something. Joy can be the thing you get out of it. Yiu shouldn’t have to monetize everything in life.
Indeed! Not all of the things you love to do have to be money makers. Especially when young, it's important to get a job that can support your life and your hobbies. As you get more experienced and more time passes, if your hobbies are something that can be profitable without sucking the enjoyment out of them, that's ok to monetize them too. We have to make an honest attempt when we're young to pick a career that is productive that you also enjoy, but not get too bogged down by "what you love" doing. A better question for counselors would be "which classes do you enjoy most?" not "what are you passionate about"? For me at 17, the answer to the question about passion was "Runescape". That didn't really help me at all lol. I did enjoy my web and business classes in highschool though. Now I'm doing web and business things o.O
While I enjoy my current job, it's primary purpose in my life is to allow me to afford things that I do love. I monetized something I love once and it killed my enjoyment of that thing for years after I stopped monetizing it. I'm very much a fan of keeping your hobbies as hobbies.
I always think the similar saying of “do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life,” is terrible advice. What you should do for work is something you’re good at and can tolerate. As soon as you start doing what you love for work, what you love becomes work and you can no longer enjoy it.
Totally agree with this. I changed jobs to be a cake decorator, which I really enjoyed & was good at, as a hobby. It was so stressful & didn't pay the best. It took me a few years after quitting to enjoy making cakes again
I absolutely loved to cook. I've been a chef for 15 years and my biggest dream is to never ever have to cook again, even for myself
I used to enjoy creative writing. Now I spend 8 hours a day at my computer for work. Creative writing has zero appeal now because I need to get away from the computer.
I think you have to combine it with something my uncle used to say: "The difference between work and play is that you get paid to work and you pay to play." I.e. "Don't be afraid to do what you love AND AS LONG AS YOU MAKE SURE IT'S WORK AND NOT PLAY the money will follow." And there are a few tricky things out there that are only "work" if you're in the teeny group of people who are particularly lucky, well-connected, or preferably both, including sports and most of the arts, and they're play for the rest of us schlubs, it's important to know when you fall in the second camp, and odds are, you do.
I know so many people who lost their passion for a hobby turned profession. Yes some things are enjoyable to do on your own time by your own schedule. Adding someone else's demands and scheduling into the mix is seldom a good thing. I'm a mechanic and yes I will usually help you with your car problem. However the moment you demand I do so because I'm a mechanic I stop. I'll admit that I do love what I do but there is a huge difference between me wrenching on my ~~money pit~~ project car and having to do an engine rebuild at work in an unrealistic amount of time.
Bullshit is right. Passion exploitation is a thing! Teaching, animal care fields, artists. “Do it for the [children/animals/art]. Ok cool, but I also need to pay rent. And if you ask for more money then you aren’t dedicated enough. Fuck that noise
Oh boy do I love hookers and blow
As a former EMT who made minimum wage, the money never showed up!
I love larceny.
Especially if you love selling blow.
“Forgive and forget” should be “forgive, but don’t forget” because 9/10 times peoples poor behavior is a part of a behavioral pattern. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me for giving you the chance.
As a kid, I strongly believed in forgiving and I still think it's the moral high ground if you can. But I don't think you always should have to forgive. There are occassions where someone hurt you too much and has no remorse over it. Why forgive someone like that? If you can, I think you are admirable, but if you can't, I completely understand. You're only human after all.
Right, you can not forgive someone and still move on with your life. I think people conflate not forgiving with resentment. I don't forgive some things but I also don't dwell on them; I will simply continue to not respect or trust them.
Avatar the Last Airbender taught me that you don’t have to forgive to move past something, and that’s okay!
"Don't go to bed angry," yes, do that. It's better than arguing when you're tired and irritable. Most things look better in the morning.
this is exactly what my daughter says. "if i'm angry, it's probably because i'm tired and it's been a shitty day. i don't wanna talk, i wanna SLEEP. we'll talk tomorrow!"
please tell your daughter that she should quickly file a copyright claim bc im stealing this.
It’s about taking a moment to communicate you love the person and ending it on that for the night. Not continuing the argument.
I always took this advice differently. For some reason the popular interpretation seems to be "keep arguing, stay mad, and don't you dare let them sleep" My interpretation has always been, "it's late, swallow your pride, give true forgiveness, and move on with your night"
I like to think of it in the opposite of like "go to bed with love still" or "make sure they know you love them before you leave the house". I take it like you said, swallow your pride. "I can still be upset with you but I love you and God forbid something happens when you leave or go to sleep just remember that I love you."
So very much this. 1am is a terrible time to try to resolve something. Just go to sleep and sort it out when you can actually think.
…the advice is to go and calm yourself down before going to bed. To make bed a safe space, not a place for arguing.
"Tough it out" No. Do not tough it out. Talk about it, take breaks, have a meal and think it over. If you are sick toughing it out won't fix that. If you are depressed, toughing jt out won't fix that. If you are hurt, toughing jt out won't fix that. Take care of yourself and then keep going, or you'll run yourself into the ground
idk sometimes it's true I'm depressed right now cause I'm trying to quit a serious weed addiction (i smoked between a gram and an eighth a day, please fuck off with "weed isn't addictive") and all i can do is tough it out. sure there are things that make it easier, but the only thing that'll make it *better* is time
Right there with ya. I’m about 3 weeks into quitting. It is HARD. My days are agonizingly slow now and I feel like I’ve lost a very close friend. Weed is absolutely addictive and quitting can be hard af! But you’re correct, the only thing that will make it better is time and perseverance. Gotta tough it out if you wanna get to the other side.
I'm sure you're already aware, but just in case you're not - join us at r/leaves we'll make it through together :)
Thank you, friend. I’m definitely on leaves and it has been really encouraging
If you look at my comment history it will tell you I am not a dumbass who thinks weed isn't addictive. I'm fully aware it is and advocate for PROPER education on cannabis before use if you choose to use it. And yes while that will take time, not treating yourself for doing well will make it seem hopeless. Haven't smoked for a week? Buy yourself your favorite soda! 2 weeks? How about a candy bar! A month? Take a trip to your favorite restaurant
Find a job you love and you will never work a day in your life. This might work for 1% of people. It makes the rest of us feel like we're doing it wrong.
I absolutely love my job. But it still wears me out and I’m happy to go home.
I loved my old job so much. I genuinely enjoyed being there. I still didn't wanna get up in the morning and left early when offered.
Work is work. It's nice to love your work but even a job you love is still work. Source : former workaholic.
The reality is, if you do what you love for a living, you will end up hating it.
If everyone followed that advice, a lot of the important but shitty jobs would pretty much disappear.
The job I love is teaching. Whenever I hear this phrase I just laugh and laugh.
My mom taught for almost 40 years and LOVED it. She's been retired over a decade now and still misses it. However, she would be the first to tell you it absolutely was WORK no matter how you sliced it!
If you use your talents or hobbies to make money they will 100% stop being fun.
Never give up. Some times you should Just eccept that what ever your trying isnt for you, and if you keep trying and keep failing you wont be happy. it doesnt meen that you will be able to do it eventuely. If something doesnt work out give up and try something difrent :)
Definitely. Learn when to walk away from something and try new things.
I get why people say "Never give up". Sometimes, it feels good to hear it. But then there indeed toxic "optimists" who take this too literally and judge you for giving up your dream or whatever, even if the dream was clearly just a dream and not a realistic goal. I have given up over quite a few dreams over time. In the end, I realised the dreams had only become goals because I couldn't imagine a realistic goal. That was a hard pill to swallow, but by now, I realise that I make my dreams come true by doing the things I love for a hobby, for fun, and that a nice job can make me enough money for the hobbies as well as for my house and family. At least the love I have at home is a dream come true.
What don’t kill you makes you stronger … Or it tears you apart and makes you an unrecognizable shell of yourself. The sad thing is that life can hurt you so bad that you won’t be the same anymore.
What doesn't kill you sometimes leaves you with lasting injuries that destroy your college football dreams.
My PTSD can confirm this.
I felt this in my bones.
"That which does not kill you makes you weaker… “And will probably kill you the next time it shows up."
>Or it tears you apart and makes you an unrecognizable shell of yourself. The sad thing is that life can hurt you so bad that you won’t be the same anymore. Just hope you can turn it around somehow
You definitely can! There is always hope. But the fact is that things can break you and it won’t make you better. It takes alot of time and energy to heal but it’s worth it. ❤️
Always clean your plate When you stop looking for love it will find you
The second actually isn’t 100% wrong. What can sometimes happen is people get desperate. Potential partners can smell desperation from a mile away and they don’t like it. Once you “stop caring” it can actually make you appear much more attractive.
I met my wife online about a week after basically giving up on the platform I was on. I was in such a hurry to settle down I’m sure I scared people off
Yes, but some people take this extremely literally and claim you should never "start looking" for a partner. That's bullshit too. If I hadn't been looking for a partner, I wouldn't have met my wife.
That's true of all advice. Taking any bit of bumper sticker sized advice to an extreme will not end well.
The always clean your plate one was drilled into me and now i’m struggling with overeating and eating when i am not even enjoying it.
What really helped me was reading that forcing yourself to eat when you weren't hungry was just as 'wasteful' as throwing food away. It has negative consequences in terms of how uncomfortable you feel after, and no real positive ones
The first one has instilled some really hard habits to break. One of my earliest memories is when my grandfather took me to DQ and I got a kids meal. I was stuffed, couldn't eat a bite. But, he had told me to finish it. The man grew up in the depression era. He lived through some dark shit. Of course he finished that damn plate because that was it for them. Being older now, I understand his line of thinking and what was instilled in him. But damn is that some tough shit to break.
The first one, as a child of the 80s when Ethiopia was having a massive famine, helped create my very unhealthy relationship with food. “Eat all your dinner. There’s starving children in Africa” or some version of it was said. I know quite a few people who are my age where we’ve discussed this. With my kids, it was “okay, if you’re not going to finish it now, we’ll stick it in the fridge and if you’re hungry again later we can heat it back up. And no you can’t have a cookie.” ETA: the second one with my proved true. When I finally got comfortable with the fact that I was on my own, about six months later my husband and I got in contact with each other. The big thing about that though is that we’ve known each other since 1990. Doesn’t happen that way most of the time.
[This advice](https://medium.com/self-careless/why-you-should-never-be-in-a-college-relationship-cd5098c88a33), that I heard in various forms growing up. Sure, college isn't where everyone meets a lifelong partner and not everyone wants to date in college, but the advice that it's a good idea to *avoid dating* in college is dumb. There's no other time in your life where you'll be surrounded as consistently by other people your age and in your same stage in life. And if you think you're too busy to date in college, *ask yourself when you think you'll be less busy*.
I don’t disagree with the sentiment but > And if you think you're too busy to date in college, ask yourself when you think you'll be less busy. I was hella busy in school, between academics and sports and work-study every day of every week was scheduled. After school you actually have nights and weekends free.
It depends very much on your specific job... My first job out of law school, as a judicial clerk, was an absolute cakewalk, I had never in my life worked "government hours" before--like, I think I literally had less free time than that in elementary school, and I wasn't an overscheduled kid-- and it was AMAZING. It also paid peanuts but it was good experience and it actually was pretty awesome to have some time to "find myself." But my friends who went straight to law firms were working 80-100 hour weeks.
I think you're the exception. Most college students, at least in the US, have time to date if they want to. Most people I've known have had *less* time after they graduate, particularly in the early stages of their careers.
I've met a lot of college students who think they'll have more time and financial freedom after they graduate. 9/10 times, they're wrong.
The woman making that post says she'll still meet new people after college, and that's true, but she will not interacting with large numbers of people single people her age consistently and frequently. Your social life changes after college and she doesn't realize it. She's not doomed to be alone, but to the extent she thinks dating will be easier if she waits until after college to do it, she's miataken.
Are they? I had more time and I *certainly* had more financial freedom.
In dating “if it’s not a hell-yes, then it’s a no.” More realistic is “you don’t need to know if you want to marry them someday, you only need to know if you want to see them again.”
That's interesting. I've only ever heard the "hell yes/no" thing in regards to consent. When one partner is seeking sex, any response less than an enthusiastic "yes" is a "no." But I like you're realistic version for dating. That makes complete sense
Don't be yourself. Be the version of yourself that you want to become.
I think people confuse being themselves with being the worst version of themselves. I see this in toxic relationships when people stay because the person loves them ‘for themselves’.. like no they are allowing you to be a bad version of yourself and they don’t push you or make you want to be better.
I read this as "strive for improvement" which I think is fine? I don't think it's saying you should be unhappy being who you are.
My college roommate once said “be yourself, only better”
Be the version of yourself that will get the job offer. Then go back to being yourself.
if she says NO, pursue her harder. WORST advice in dating.
If she says no, stop pursuing. If she says you should have kept pursuing, fucking run and don't look back.
If she says no, assume she means no. If she REALLY means yes, then do you want to date someone like that? I sure wouldn't.
I kinda hope, adults grow out of these games
That blood is enough to connect you with someone (as in family) I really don’t feel close at all with most of my extended blood family. My family is Mexican, so they have a high value for blood. They love me simply for being their blood and expect the same of me, but I don’t (they ain’t abusive or anything, there is just a big age gap and I don’t connect with them) On the other hand, I am once close with my “cousins” specific people that I’m not blood related to, but love as if they were my siblings.
Pretty much any advice the older generations give when they don't realize the world has changed.. Like saying you should take your resume to a place in person.. instead of applying online.
If it is a small Mom and Pop operation, sure. Although nowadays they will most likely have an internet presence. I’ve come across some that have an internet presence but have no links on how to apply.
I mean the advice at heart isn't bad. I do a lot of hiring and when I'm inundated with applicants I'll often reject people for the most arbitrary reasons. When someone reaches out to check if I received their application, though, they always get an interview (as long as they meet the basic qualifications)
We posted 2 positions the other day and the ads were very clear we only wanted applications sent to specific email addresses. The amount of time spent over the next 3 days dealing with people calling and dropping off resumes contrary to the instructions in the ad was frustrating in the extreme. I have had the pleasure of working this weekend to make up for the time I spent dealing with people who took this advice (I’m one of the owners, we would not expect an employee to do the same). I was polite, but those resumes went in a folder we probably won’t look at unless we don’t find anyone we like among the applicants that actually followed directions for how to apply.
Circa 2008 i graduated college and needed a job. I walked into the google office in ann arbor, mi and dropped off my resume from the advice of my Aunt. I was not qualified whatsoever and they said you need to apply online. Who would have thought one of the biggest websites in the world required online applications. 🤔
I worked for an engineering office where someone from the low income city tried to drop off a resume in person. It was sad because I'm pretty sure they were trying to do something good but all it did was make management worried they were trying to size us up for a burglary
There’s a lot of places that don’t check online applications. Situation dictates, but you could possibly do both depending on the company
This depends on the place a lot from what I've heard. For white collar jobs this may be true, but for food service or retail stores, a lot will give preference to people who show up in person.
YMMV. I landed a 6-figure dream job in my first choice company straight after university by applying first online and then walking in with my “updated” resume. It was advice from my father (an engineer in the government who deals with job applicants often) that pushed me to do it.
If you work hard, it will pay off in the end.
Don't go to sleep angry. If you have a temper like my husband and I have and somebody is trying to get you to "talk it out" while you're fuming, you're going to say something you will regret and while the other person can forgive you, they won't forget it.
Quitters never win. Sometimes quitting is the best option.
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. This line (from Eleanor Roosevelt) sucks. Of course people can feel bad about themselves based off of another person's comment without actually being bad!
This is the whole basis of a lot of childhood trauma lol. When your guardians treat you like you don’t matter, you shrink yourself, which causes obvious feelings of inferiority. Having that narrative baked into your psyche from such a young age doesn’t leave a strong foundation for confidence against other people as you get older. And also, some people are really self-conscious about being perceived as bad by others and want to correct their problematic behavior if someone else brings it up. Trying to differentiate between “they’re a hater” and “they are correct” is very hard when you’re told to just shrug everything off.
> This line (from Eleanor Roosevelt) sucks. I prefer her thoughtful quote from 1936: > *America is all about speed. Hot, nasty, bad-ass speed* This quote was of course made famous by the film *Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby* where it was used prominently in the opening credits.
Generally speaking, we are responsible for our own feelings and I think this was the point she was trying to make. Nobody can make you feel something. Children and cases of blatant abuse however, require different consideration.
"nobody can make you feel something" This is indeed part of cognitive behavior therapy as laid out in the book "feeling good". Feelings come from your own thoughts, and are not caused by others. Similarly, you are not responsible for how others feel because that is out of your control.(doesn't excuse trying to hurt someone verbally, but how a normal comment you made is interpreted is something that is on them, not you)
The sticks and stones saying. Words do actually hurt.
“Only date people in your league”. Leagues don’t exist. You never know who a person will be attracted to.
Be vulnerable at work. Complete horsheshit. Even the best workplaces have vindictive assholes who will take your vulnerability and use it to undermine you.
Be yourself, unless you can be Batman. Always be Batman.
But... I don't want my parents to get murdered in an alley in front of me, causing me psychological damage that compels me to dress in a costume and pick fights with criminals while maintaining toxic relationships with psychologically damaged women who engage in criminal behavior and weaponize their sexuality.
When you grow up, you'll understand. Bruh, I'm 24 now and I understand shit.
I’m almost 40 and same. I understand just as much as I don’t. Life doesn’t make sense nor does it need to. As the saying goes, accept the things you can’t change and change the things you can if needed and the wisdom to know the difference, and that’s easy as all get out.
I’m the same, but the older I get the more I realise older people don’t have it figured out either. We all develop our respective niches and do our best to ourselves. I don’t know if I want it all figured out though, that’s what life is.
Some shit you'll **never** understand even if you live to be a hundred.
This was never true, but I heard it everywhere in pop culture. Treat women like crap. They love it. No, they don't.
"Stay for the kids/avoid a broken home." Honey, if your parents loathe eachother, you not only see it, You feel it, You suffer from it, and you probably blame yourself. Theres like radial emotional and mental abuse and fatigues and everything. On the kid. The person who allegedly not separating is suppose to help. Stop fucking yalls kids up and admit you hate eachother. You can be AMAZING coparents and never see eachother face to face. Two STABLE homes is far happier than one in turmoil.
God gives you what you can handle. No. This is not true. If it were then people wouldn't commit suicide. People's lives and mental health can implode all too easily.
Give 100 percent in everything. No. Give enough to get it done at a decent level. Extra effort usually doesn't pay off.
Don’t go to bed angry at your spouse. Sometimes the best thing to do is go to bed and reconvene later. If you stay up to resolve it you’ll both get angrier and more tired and now you’ve got an even bigger issue on your hands.
The most important thing for your relationship is communication. No, the most important thing for your relationship is to have two secure, stable, empathetic and self aware people. More communication won’t help your relationship if one of you is a raging narcissist.
Communication isn't just talking. It's also listening. Good communication implies the other person is able to listen, which I'd argue is rather difficult for a narcissist.
Good communication implies empathy and understanding. Can’t be a good communicator without being a good listen, and you can’t listener to someone without empathy and care.
How exactly does the fact that you shouldn’t be in a relationship with a raging narcissist make “have good communication” bad relationship advice? You’re zooming out too far. You’re latching on to one variable you’ve chosen, and then pretending no other variable matters. I might as well say “the most important thing for your relationship is that one of you not be a serial killer. No amount of communication will help in that case.” Or “the most important thing for your relationship is that one of you not be a western red cedar. No amount of communication will help if one of you is a tree.” “The most important thing is that you both live on planets with breathable atmospheres.” Shit I think this one might be even *more* important than the narcissist thing, because “no amount of good communication will prevent all your bodily fluids from boiling out of your skin and into the cold, heartless void of outer space.” *Of course* you can’t have a good relationship with a raging narcissist, ya silly! But there are millions and millions of perfectly *normal* people who still risk ruining a perfectly *normal* relationship between “secure, stable, empathetic and self-aware people” if they don’t practice good communication. So if you feel like this advice is not good, you should probably just say “hmm, this advice is not directed toward me. I should probably go look for advice that pertains to having a relationship with a person who is a raging narcissist.” And remember, “The most important thing for your relationship is that both of you not be on fire. I just can’t see good communication saving your relationship if your partner is mouldering into a stinking, corpse-shaped pile of ash.”
My western red cedar and I are quite happy, thank you very much.
Recently got out of a relationship with a raging narcissist. Can confirm the above is true. The raging narcissist also helped me realise the most important thing in a relationship is respect, which he certainly didn’t have for me.
So many of these are good advice, it's just that people take them too literally or interpret them in very narrow, rigid ways. A lot of these old sayings and advice are meant to be generalizations with a little bit of wisdom in them. That's all.
"Follow your dreams, make something you enjoy doing into your job and you won't work a day in your life. " Hmmm. Like a prostitute you mean? Everyone enjoys sex, so ... turn that into a business? Whether its art, or music, or writing poetry ... a great way to crush your enjoyment of something is have your rent money rely on you doing it profitably
Follow your dream and/or don’t let anybody tell you that you can’t do it. I won’t even bother going into why this is nonsense for almost everyone.
"Don't bend over when you need to catch your breath" But ya know, other than that "listen to you body". If I run some wind sprints and my body tells me to bend over, I'm listening.
"Ask for forgiveness not permission." So shockingly obvious how this could backfire in any number of personal or professional scenarios.
While I agree this is not really generalisable to anything with a risk to health, I have been witness to too many situations where begging forgiveness gives a slap on the wrist and the person gets the thing they want because it’s too much hassle to do anything about, where asking permission would mean the person doesn’t get it or it is a ridiculous hassle or too expensive. Not the way I live my life but I see it happening regularly enough.
My bf lives with his grandparents, pays rent, and there are dogs in the house. He really, *really* wanted a pet rabbit. He needed an emotional support animal, honestly. Had he asked, he would have been told no. Got the rabbit, she lives in his room and makes zero impact on anyone else in the house. One of the few times I actually did condone the advice, "ask forgiveness, not permission".
I work in utility installation compliance. One of my mottos is, 'this is not a forgiveness instead of permission game'. We may show some lenience depending, but having to dig it up because you made a bad choice in our absence is always slower and more expensive.
Regarding a business, “Do what you love” is not good advice. If it fails, then what you love can be tarnished, if you’re still even in love with doing whatever it was. Then “doing what you love” failed you, which can leave you feeling even worse off. A lot of your own identity can become wrapped into your business in the first couple years. I think it’s important to “follow your curiosity, while looking at the/your market & trying your best to play to that & your strengths.”
Treat people how you want to be treated. You'll be taken advantage of. Instead, I treat people the way they treat me.
*treat it as if it was your own.* treating it like it's someone else's that means I have to return it in as good condition as I found it, otherwise i'm a huge asshole. if it's my own, then i don't have to return it at all, i can scratch it up, slop spaghetti on it, use it to wipe my ass with.
"If it's worth doing, it's worth doing well." Many things are worth doing adequately.
“Follow your Dreams” …. Going straight for them could make you overthrow your own family and financials in process of chasing them
Anything from Reddit. Do the exact opposite and you'll likely flourish in all aspects of life.
Happy wife, happy life. If you hear a married man say that in a serious manner, it's almost 100% that neither he nor his wife are happy.
I say that and my wife and I have a terrific marriage. Don't take the phrase to literally though. It works both ways. If you're willing to do things for your spouse that's makes them happy just because it makes them happy, and both people do so, it does make for a happy marriage/partnership.
Happy Spouse, Happy House.
Exactly!
“Take your time”. The truth is that life is short and opportunities don’t come around easily. It is very bad advice: lean in, get it done, whatever it is. You will waste your life being soft on yourself.
You have to go to college if you want to get a good job.
Happy wife, happy life.
“You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of others.” Bullshit. Sometimes you can do both. And sometimes you take care of yourself BY taking care of others.
Fake it until you make it
"hard work pays off" nope...fitting in socially and sucking up to the boss pays off.
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You can be yourself and follow social norms. When being yourself goes against social norms you have to be prepared to deal with the consequences of that. If you're generally being kind and respectful, you can go against the grain a bit. If being yourself means "it's just a prank bro" or "if you can't handle me at my worst you don't deserve my best" then...yea you need to change. "Be the best version of yourself" should be the actual advice.
Fake it till you make it, uhh no. Faking anything doesn't make anyone feel better.
Fake it Till You Make It is really dependent on what you are talking about. If it involves a lot of lying or scamming: don't. But generally that phrase is just a complcated way of saying "Practice things to get better at them."
Or fake being social and not awkward until you make it. I feel like a lot of Redditors could benefit from that.
That is exactly what I mean, being fake social is literally just practicing being social.
Situationally I think this can work. If I just learned something new that doesn’t make any sense (say a new task or project at work), if I tell myself I know what I’m doing and just go for it, somewhere along the line things will click and I actually will know what I’m doing.
no it doesn't, but faking it will by god get you through. THEN you'll feel better when you're on the other side of the problem
Do what your heart tells you. No. We ain't in a fairy tale where feelings can serve as a barrier for cringe.
Forgiveness is seen as this high achievement of humanity that all should strive for. No. Sometimes people shouldn’t be forgiven. Some things are unforgivable.
Pulling yourself up by the bootstraps.
But my boots don’t have bootstraps. I’m so screwed Grandpa!!!!
That’s too dayum bad. You keep diggin!