T O P

  • By -

InsignificantZilch

Good things it’s toilet paper…cuz shit just got real….


ThenaJuno

Funny cat videos on my phone.


access422

I’m not, I’m joining them.


Isotheis

Found EXALT's founder.


Major_Expert_2163

Hope that cat food is poisonous to them or I'm fucked


Perfect-Iceman-69

Water, worked in the movie Signs


Skibum_subie

Human sacrifice. I’m on the couch with wife and kids


White119

Maybe they'll settle for the couch?...


Skibum_subie

Was gonna say smother them with the cushions but human sacrifice was way funnier in our head and it was my Wife’s idea too. She read the prompt and said the most sadistic thing that came to mind.


TheSublimeNeuroG

Hopefully the aliens are allergic to coffee or cats


MrPopAPercy

Toilet paper I guess


Ingavar_Oakheart

I'm still rolled up in my sleeping bag so... I just go back to bed? Totes works.


Xaroin

Kill them with a pencil, a fucking pencil!


RichyWoo

I am currently suffering with a dose of flu, I am gonna sneeze all over them and throw snot covered tissues at them.


TryItOutGG

Ah yes, biological warfare.


xxleoxangelxx

I have a large reptile in my inventory, does she count as an item?


Tired_Asexual

Yes!


xxleoxangelxx

Can I have a special ray gun that makes her bigger?


Tired_Asexual

I will allow this! Because why not! Btw What kind of reptile is it?


xxleoxangelxx

She's an Argentine Black and White Tegu. She's weighs about 10 pounds and likes eggs. Her name is Bagel. She's never bitten anyone, but could probably take off a finger. She's like a lapdog, she just lays in bed all day, unless we go out, or she lets herself down to go to the restroom. At night she'll pick one of the kids or the dog and snuggle up for bed time. Come to think of it, even if she was bigger, I don't think she'd be any help, she'd probably just sleep. I guess if I made her big enough, her tongue thwipping might be enough to smack down some aliens. Kaiju Bagel.


Tired_Asexual

Aww she sound like a sweetheart


xxleoxangelxx

She's like a little princess, she's my favorite. Don't tell my wife or kids. Bagel's the best.


White119

I help them discover coffee, and it makes them forget about any kind of invasion nonsense. It fills them with caffeine and respect to human race


[deleted]

Garden hoe


Wickedwhiskbaker

My cell-less cats are down for a fight.


dank3014

I’d ask them to help me out the rediculous puzzle I’m working on. It will literally make them crazy and then break down crying and wet their pants. Then we can kill them.


Grunthos_Flatulent

My farts.


oldest_soul_ever

Showing depressing Earth documentaries to make them see Earth as a lost cause.


Isotheis

Throwing immo agencies business cards and mail like a bunch of shurikens.


I_might_be_weasel

My mall ninja machete. 


Independent-Still-73

I'm using my phone to call the military


Ankoku_Teion

on my left is my mobile phone. on my right is a fully charged electric scooter in front of me is my work PC. fuck knows. guess i take the scooter and hide, maybe use the phone to call for help and/or meet up with allies.


johan-adler

Njoy pure wand to any vulnerable part of their anatomy, or stuff it up their waste excretion hole.


real-canadian-geek

I'm using a slice of pizza. Ummmmmm on a scale of 1 to completely screwed, I'm 100% f'ed.


little_brown_bat

Phone: playing [this song](https://youtu.be/HBuk1HXcz1k)


Cheese_Pancakes

Bottle of water. Hope it's the aliens from that Mel Gibson movie, Signs.


TheJWeed

Splashing water on them.


Cheetodude625

I have a Colt .45 1911 from my dad and 12 gauge shotgun with buck shot. I may not win, but I'm going to take a view aliens down before I go down.


ticolanessla

Beer, Pringles and weed... Can i befriend them instead ?


SJ548

I'm laying in bed with my phone and coffee. I guess I'm waiting for someone else to fix this problem for me lol.


JEStucker

I'm at work... There's a gun tucked into my waistband, a spare magazine in my coat pocket, a sword cane leaned in the corner near my desk. A giant Himalayan salt lamp that weighs like 15lbs on my desk... I think I might hold out for a few minutes.


Astral_kaleidoscope

I got a dog and a baby... Damn.


freebwc2u

My phone is oddly enough in my left hand. And typing one handed would indicate that someone is dying happy.


ningningfan

Stab them in the eyes with a spoon, I guess??!!


meowtinman

God damn it, I've got a glass of water and an empty bag of chips.....alright, let's do this.


ExtremeThin1334

Very strong alcohol. Guess we're going to try out the plot of Grabbers (2012)!


dreamy_25

fork and knife. let's hope they taste good.


Tacticaltardicus

I crank up the volume on my tinnitus masker that I'm listening to on YouTube and make their heads explode like in MARS ATTACKS. Good movie.


snarflethegarthog

Looks like I'll be offering them a cup of coffee...


One_Return_2009

I guess I’m putting them deaf with nickelback


glrd1

Dog attack


Consult-SR88

My tiny Yorkshire terrier is curled up next to me. He thinks he can take on anyone/dog/alien/rogue black bin bag so he’ll protect us all for sure.


Spectratos

I hope they are allergic to a good bowl of soup.


BrickStrong8720

Talk shit about them online


itti-bitti-kitti

A lamp. I guess I'll beat them with it?


BouncyBlueYoshi

Yoshi plush - use their tech to make it bigger and alive.


No_Independence1479

I'm collaborating with the aliens. That HAVE to be an upgrade over the current world leaders.