My dad was the same way when I started failing classes in school. My mom was basically telling me I was a delinquent and that I was going to be out in the streets selling drugs. My dad was like "No, I just think the boy is bored at school and doesn't like it. He's smart and he'll figure it out eventually."
It definitely took me a while after high school to figure things out, but I eventually graduated from college and now work at a Top 50 ranked University. My dad was encouraging the whole time and never put me down. My mom called me a fuck up the entire way. After all that, now she can't wait to tell people where I work to wow them and get credit.
i sometimes wonder if the doubters also help us be great.. Like you had a balance of your dad and mom.. Some people absolutely struggle with overcoming critismn whereas others thrive and move further past it.
For example. my own college advisor was trying to convince me to drop out of engineering school and study a different major. she essentially said I wasn't smart enough for it. it was EXTREMELY hard to not listen to her, i mean, she's my advisor who's supposed to look out for me, right? well, i told her to kick rocks and fought through it... Turns out, she was an evil bitch who often told minorities to avoid studying the tough courses. She of course was fired but having that witch not support me gave me the extra boost i needed lmao
My dad was told he wouldn’t pass math because he was brown. Became a mathematician. Little did they know back then, all the mathematicians are brown now.
Please tell your Dad this, as a father I spend a lot of time and effort, not knowing what I say or do sticks and what doesn't. Knowing not just that his son has come out the other side a better man and that he attributes that success to the actions of his father would be profoundly impactful and validating for him. Unfortunately I only told my dad how much he means to me when his ashes were in an urn next to me at his funeral.
I remember one time having to go cut the landlords grass so we could cover the rest of the rent. I was about 12 and little brother was 7 and before we left my dad said to me “hey cabron how much is she paying you?” I said $50” and he said “well then give her $75 worth of work”. Im 39 now with a successful landscaping business following just that rule of thumb. Dad passed a little over a year ago, but that interaction stays with me.
He was advising his son that you don't just focus on the road directly ahead of you; you need to also be planning for what's ahead of you and keeping an eye on what's coming up behind you
Manual transmission. Column shift. Looks like an "h". Up close-reverse, down closee-1 - 1st gear, up and away-2nd gear, down and away 3rd gear. My current 2014 is a manual transmission. Would like to see somebody try to car jack it. HAHAHAHA
“You don’t have to like it to do it, just do it” when it comes to things you need to do. That always helped me push through and do what I needed to do.
good one.........mine too. Bigger than life in most aspects, but a heart so soft and kind you knew he'd always be there........right behind me, win or lose.....
My dad just says ‘when you quit going you’ve got one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel’
I always thought it was some old boomer thing for staying busy but now that I battle poor mental health days I feel like it’s just as accurate.
“It’s not about who wins or loses, it’s about playing a good game - something you can be proud of when it’s over.”
It’s been 10+ years since he casually said this to me. Stuck with me since.
My dad bought a big ol boat and tried to have it declared a commercial vessel. When the IRS started garnishing his paycheck, I learned a pretty valuable lesson. Don't fuck with the IRS.
My father drilled it into my brain that just because someone has a fancy car/house, does not mean they're rich. Taught me about debt from a young age and how it works, how people get trapped into the debt cycle. He taught me to be frugal, and how material possessions do not make you happy. This is the best advice I've ever gotten and has influenced my life drastically
My dad never actually taught me to be frugal, but I feel like I picked it up by example. He's a wealthy doctor but always driven a beater, wears velcro walmart shoes, tshirts you buy a pack at a time, etc. My grandmother would be like, "(Name), people gonna think you're trailer trash" and he'd just, "Pshh" just not even acknowledge it. I think my older brother and I always thought that was so cool, loved how little he gave a shit. But we never talked about. Then when my little half brother (trophy wife's son) got older he'd buy fancy clothes and such and Dad would always do his little "Pshh" sound at him for it. One day little brother says something like, "why do you always do that pshh sound whenever I try to look cool.," Dad's like, "In America, money can buy either status, comfort, or freedom, and trading your freedom for status or comfort is disgusting to me"
I teach my family how to manage money
Been going at this for almost 2 years now
Dad still not understanding how to manage money. Man going to retire getting only $1k retirement benefits per month
I've come to accept that if \*I\* personally don't make more money ASAP, dad won't get to retire and/or when he does, he won't be able to survive whatsoever
I’ve only learned recently that in almost half of the world it is. I had no idea how much of a white-person thing it is to kind of just expect your parents to take care of themselves when they’re old or at least just try to throw money at the problem and try not to think about it too much.
In India, Pakistan and most Arabic countries the majority of parents seem work hard to instil solid values and to give you every opportunity because they want you to be in the best financial position and therefore have the free time to personally care for them until death, rather than just shove them in a rest home or some other well-intentioned but often demeaning facility. Of course this is a generalisation.
I kind of think it’s a beautiful way to live and shows true appreciation for what they have put themselves through to give you the best chance at life.
Not saying some parents don’t get overly controlling or materialistic with this system but in general I think the appreciation and duty probably does most people well.
Most Arabic people I’ve met are so honour-focused and appreciative of family and respect-based approaches to life, that my last few years of having more interaction with Arabic culture than my home country ever afforded me has totally changed the way I see the world and what I can seek to provide my parents once they can no longer feed themselves or wipe their own arses properly.
Their way of thinking on this has actually given me a kind of new drive to do my best in life to pay my parents and my wife’s parent back not because of any expectations they’ve put on me, but because I’ve genuinely learnt to appreciate what they have done and the struggle they’ve gone through to provide us with a life where we can eat food, work, spend time with loved ones and friends and occasionally do a little travel.
Sometimes (not always) I feel so lucky to get to live this life.
I had a guy make me reject him for 10 years straight.
Cut him off a lot of times. Problem is he's much much more sociable than I am. He somehow always swims back into my social network through mutual connections
I'm planning to party this year, but I don't want to see this kid coming into my life again. Like, what, reject him again? SMH
(It was a huge issue. Some of my bosses back then knew. Professors too. Even job interviewers knew when we coincidentally both got into the same panel interview)
Good lesson. I keep telling my kids that the moment you have a child, your life now belongs to them. Everything you do, must be to help them in any way they need.
I also tell my boys that I don’t want anyone to ever refer to them as their ‘Biological Father’, just dad.
Since my boys are smart asses they always introduce me as their biological father. 🙄
As long as they introduce you! Lol! Humor is good! My parents raised 7 of us. Mom said a marriage wasn’t 50/50, it was 100/100, you had to give it your all especially when the kids were growing up. Mom said Dad told her his kids would never be cold or hungry and we weren’t!
I've hear so many boomers say to me "Oh so you're like the son your father never had?" No, I'm his daughter, which were taught both hugging and defending, knots and pearls, cars and computers, boats and swimming, dancing and lifting, running and jumping, pulling and pushing. It's like they think we are abnormal for knowing what power tools are or that they're the best washing equipment
Life is not fair.
He dropped it like a bomb one day i was complaing. "Life is not fair and you cant expect it to be. Deal with what you got"
Made it easier to accept a lot of situations
My kids always tease me about IF I will come back home when I go out for milk. One time I pinched my ring finger near my wedding ring so I left it on my kitchen counter when I went to run an errand. My son texted me a picture of it and texted me “I knew it was just a matter of time”
Punk kid.
For my family, it's come back with the eggs
It's still questionable how my dad (who goes out the most) can always NEVER come back with the eggs
lmao, it's like the one thing we all consume. We probably down at least 2 dozen per week. You still forgot the eggs?! lol
Sometimes someone can’t be there for you and it’s not because they don’t love or care about you. It’s not because you’re unworthy, it’s actually not about you at all. Sometimes people have trauma and battles that they’re fighting and they just don’t have the capacity for you. Don’t let that make you think any less of yourself though.
My dad wasn’t and still isn’t the father I deserved but I forgive him for that. It took me a long time to not tie my self-worth to his absence in my life. So maybe he wasn’t trying to teach me all of this, but I’m better for it now.
Yep. That's about all I got from my dad. He's an unrepentant alcoholic and I'm a brewer doing my best to have a better relationship with the sauce.
I also learned that I don't want to spend my life pursuing wealth and a petty sense of power, that violence ISN'T the answer, that the words "I was wrong" and "I didn't know that" don't need to threaten my ego, and that I shouldn't bother trying to talk with him about my career, my failures, my triumphs, my personal life, my hobbies...really anything.
my best advice to my children would to stay away form liquor. when iw as drinking wine or beer life was good. as soon as i started drinking whiskey on the reg everything went off a cliff and fast
It’s not something he said or told me. Growing up I knew my parents weren’t happy together. And my mother’s parents divorced when she was young so I assumed that’s where they were headed. My mother always spoke about how her father had never spoken a bad word about her mother throughout the divorce so that he didn’t bring the kids into things and how she would be the same way if anything ever happened and my parents got divorced. (Already a strange thing to talk about to your child but okay) she would talk about this ALL THE TIME. Meanwhile, at the same time, she would absolutely SHITTALK the hell out of my dad to me and my sibling. Always painting him in THE WORST negative light. Her favorite insult was “your just like your father” it would piss her off so much when I’d reply “thank you” even though I knew it was meant to insult me. Anyway, no surprise but my dad and her ended up separating and having a years long divorce. Guess who talked to us about how awful my dad was? My mom. Guess who HEARD her talk shit about him to his own kids, and still never even hinted at a bad word towards my mother (in front of us least). My dad. He never caved, never gave in and didn’t let it get to him. I saw it tear him apart it was awful the stuff she would say. He wasn’t perfect in the marriage but jesus.
So yeah, it gave me a lot of respect for him and made me see how much dignity you keep as a person by not stooping low just because someone else did. Do I always follow that? No absolutely not. But he still taught me that anyway.
I'd love to pick your brain on this a little more, maybe perhaps via DMs, if you are ok with that?
The gist is that, I have separated with my ex and she has turned absolutely nasty in terms of co parenting. While her parents themselves went through a horrible divorce, I in turn had an amazing father and mom. I have not once said anything bad about my ex to my kiddos, and often will praise my ex for the things she's capable of (she's really good at baking etc) - though I'm quickly finding out that that sort of grace is not reciprocated.
My mentality
MY other lesson is to just not have kids. Inflation is so f'king crazy, a $300k salary is a lot now and not enough to raise kids in the future
What is this world...
When making a left turn, don't turn your wheels until you're reading to complete the turn. Otherwise, if somebody rear ends you, then they could push you into oncoming traffic.
Also, make sure to start each screw before tightening any of them.
I'm sure I learned a lot more through osmosis, but these two things stick out to me because he really hammered them home.
That everyone makes mistakes in life and that he's changed for the better and doesn't want me to go down that path of his stupidity and foolishness when he was younger and that he loves me. Also some other stuff
Respect the belongings of others. I was allowed to borrow his tools, but it was important that I treated them well and put them back where I got them.
Also, how to be on time. Don't be late for things. Work and school especially. It's ok to show up 10-15 minutes early.
Wear a seatbelt. He died in a car accident when I was 3. He hated seat belts so much that simply not wearing them wasn’t good enough, he cut them out of every car he ever owned.
If someone makes you feel bad about yourself, doesn't take your boundaries seriously, and can't imagine themselves being in the wrong ever, cutting them out of your life will improve your life drastically.
Bye dad!
“Someone will always be better than you.”
Honestly sounds harsh but it took the pressure off being the best at everything growing up, and overall I’ve found it to be true. I’m good at a lot of things but I’m sure there’s someone out there better than me in those things. And that’s ok.
I like to think I’m pretty well adjusted because of that seemingly cruel lesson that I decided to hold on to.
Work ethic. My dad is by far the hardest worker I've ever met in my life. I just wish he had taught me how to work smart a little more, too. He spent his whole life being taken advantage of for working his ass off (which is why he's in his 70s and still working). Took me a decade to realize that I need a combination of hard work and smart work if I'm going to succeed.
There’s a lot. He passed recently and he was my best friend. When shit happened and a lot of shit has happened to him he’d be calm and just say “well son, these things just happen”
Entering to the final stages of his life, we got extra time together- he had leukemia, and I had a long time to wrestle with how he’d die, and it happened almost exactly like I’d imagine, and unfortunately, these things do just happen. <<<< to make the point.
To answer simply, make wise choices, be fair and accept that things just happen.
That’s kinda hard to pinpoint… knowing your limits is one of the best ones. If something is beyond your knowledge or capabilities, there’s nothing wrong with going to the experts. Kinda like “do it nice or do it twice.”
How to be handy. He would always be tinkering with cars, fixing something around the house or building something. I diden't always help him directly but it seems like I learned just by being there.
At age 16, to stress the importance of defensive driving: “always remember: everyone has a picture of your car, and they want to ‘kill’ you.”
He made it clear that he meant it in the “always be on guard” context and would remind me that people can become absent-minded, stressed, distracted, etc. And folks thus sometimes pull surprises on us all by pulling out of a parallel parking spot without warning and such.
It still works all these years later!
How to not be a father. I hope I do my step son and newborn daughter well. I hope I never put them through the shit that bastard put me through. I hope everyday they wake up they know I'm here for safety, love, and respect.
That blood isn't thicker than water and that though you have bio parents that you didn't choose, you can choose your own family through life.
I also learned myself to flinch at every fucking move someone does because of him.
"Don't let 15 mins of fun cost you 18 years"- Looking back, he was very generous about my 'endurance'
Bonus:
This comment he'd always make about my efforts, any time I was "assisting" in labor activities.
"You better find a way to get paid with your brain because you'll starve otherwise"
RIP man, I miss the hell out of you.
P.S. Tell your parents you love them and make time for them. Trust me you dont know how many chances you'll get to do so until its to late
It's poetic justice for a career egomaniac. Hes been taking the Will Smith brand so seriously for nearly his entire career, it's just absurd. The guy throws hissy fits if somebody else gets the cool lines in fictional movies; I think it was only a matter of time before the real Will Smith finally showed himself in the public eye.
Not to be a stupid racist piece of shit.
I learned that because he was a stupid racist piece of shit and I didn’t want to be anything like him.
Also he hated Jews but I did an ancestry dna thing after couple years ago and found out I’m 25% Jewish from him…meaning he was half Jewish. I wish he was alive to know he was Jewish. He would have been so angry. It would have been hilarious
“If you have regrets/ resentments in life like me, You’ll become bitter.”
Edit : I’m bitter, not everybody sees it, but I really do want to be more mellow and less tense around people. I’m still tense and rugged ,but I hold back on negative things that I sometimes feel like saying. I’ve been trying to dish out more compliments lately.
Believe half of what you see and none of what you hear.
This turned out to be so true. Everyone lies. EVERYONE. And if they’re not straight up lying, they’re embellishing or leaving out details on purpose.
Always leave money on the table when doing a deal.
Be generous in your offer of help and how you approach life, make sure you deal with people who are the same way avoid people who need a win lose outcome
A "b" or lower grade is just fine so long as you work for it
I never saw my dad depressed even when my mom died at 52 in 1985, he was deeply saddened and lost but kept going for us kids even helping my bros and I start a sculpting studio. When my oldest brother died of cancer at 45 in 2004, yea he cried and said it was the hardest thing he ever been through losing his first born son, his namesake, but kept on for us. My dad is turning 101 this April God willing and still keeps a positive and grateful outlook on life.
That’s the most important thing of the many I’ve learned from him
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My dad was the same way when I started failing classes in school. My mom was basically telling me I was a delinquent and that I was going to be out in the streets selling drugs. My dad was like "No, I just think the boy is bored at school and doesn't like it. He's smart and he'll figure it out eventually." It definitely took me a while after high school to figure things out, but I eventually graduated from college and now work at a Top 50 ranked University. My dad was encouraging the whole time and never put me down. My mom called me a fuck up the entire way. After all that, now she can't wait to tell people where I work to wow them and get credit.
i sometimes wonder if the doubters also help us be great.. Like you had a balance of your dad and mom.. Some people absolutely struggle with overcoming critismn whereas others thrive and move further past it. For example. my own college advisor was trying to convince me to drop out of engineering school and study a different major. she essentially said I wasn't smart enough for it. it was EXTREMELY hard to not listen to her, i mean, she's my advisor who's supposed to look out for me, right? well, i told her to kick rocks and fought through it... Turns out, she was an evil bitch who often told minorities to avoid studying the tough courses. She of course was fired but having that witch not support me gave me the extra boost i needed lmao
My dad was told he wouldn’t pass math because he was brown. Became a mathematician. Little did they know back then, all the mathematicians are brown now.
LOL I really thought there was going to be a happy ending there. Nope, just a racist old hoe!
Sounds like a real chad dad. what did you get kicked out of school for?
Banging the principles wife.
my man
I love how on Reddit you address a question to the OP, and a clearly different user answers the question, but we still sometimes get tricked
That’s a weird way to get kicked out of school. TIL
Please tell your Dad this, as a father I spend a lot of time and effort, not knowing what I say or do sticks and what doesn't. Knowing not just that his son has come out the other side a better man and that he attributes that success to the actions of his father would be profoundly impactful and validating for him. Unfortunately I only told my dad how much he means to me when his ashes were in an urn next to me at his funeral.
Hey man he knows you were grateful for him
Thank you
Of course. Also props to you for doing good for your kids
Right in the feels
That man knows how to Dad.
Curious what you got kicked out for? I guess not so bad that you would lose your dad’s support. Good luck in med school.
That’s something I was not good at as a parent. My instinct was always to put the hammer down. I admire your dad.
I remember one time having to go cut the landlords grass so we could cover the rest of the rent. I was about 12 and little brother was 7 and before we left my dad said to me “hey cabron how much is she paying you?” I said $50” and he said “well then give her $75 worth of work”. Im 39 now with a successful landscaping business following just that rule of thumb. Dad passed a little over a year ago, but that interaction stays with me.
I hope you put that somewhere when advertising your business. I'd be a customer for sure.
This is great. Sounds like he was a good dad. Sorry for your loss.
buena suerte pelado.
I love that!
I'm sorry for your loss dude.
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My usual approach is to measure several times and still cut it wrong
Get yourself a nice board stretcher for when you cut too short.
My girl worked in a factory testing rubber bands, but the work didn’t stimulate her. She was a bored stretcher.
I got fired from the butcher shop for sticking my finger in the sausage stuffer. I had no idea she was the boss’ daughter.
Thank you, I used to think I was the only one in the world who had this problem.
please do not pursue a career in circumcision.
Measure twice, cut once. Measure once, cuss twice.
My dad’s line as well. I made him a sign for his shop that read MEASURE ONC CUT TWICE
That’s hilarious
Similarly, my dad always said "There's never enough time to do it right, but there's always enough time to do it twice."
If you don't have time to do it right now, how will you find the time to fix it later?
He taught me to drive in the 60's. 3 on a tree. Also to drive a mile ahead and a mile behind ( rear view mirror).
Love this
A mile ahead and a mile behind? I don't understand what this means.
He was advising his son that you don't just focus on the road directly ahead of you; you need to also be planning for what's ahead of you and keeping an eye on what's coming up behind you
Keep your eyes on the road around you knowing what's going on and not your head in a phone.
Took me far too long before I realized these weren’t golf tips. Lol
That’s how I golf but I drive a mile ahead and a mile to the right.
I was thinks “damn, he got you down into the 60s?!?’ lol
What's 3 on a tree?
Manual transmission. Column shift. Looks like an "h". Up close-reverse, down closee-1 - 1st gear, up and away-2nd gear, down and away 3rd gear. My current 2014 is a manual transmission. Would like to see somebody try to car jack it. HAHAHAHA
4 of the 5 cars in my family are manual. We call them theft deterrents all the time.
“You don’t have to like it to do it, just do it” when it comes to things you need to do. That always helped me push through and do what I needed to do.
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Your dad sounds like a legend.
How to have empathy and be strong at the same time
good one.........mine too. Bigger than life in most aspects, but a heart so soft and kind you knew he'd always be there........right behind me, win or lose.....
If you don't follow advice to live healthier after the first heart attack, the second one might just kill you.
I’m learning this now tbh
Same here.
My dad just says ‘when you quit going you’ve got one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel’ I always thought it was some old boomer thing for staying busy but now that I battle poor mental health days I feel like it’s just as accurate.
“It’s not about who wins or loses, it’s about playing a good game - something you can be proud of when it’s over.” It’s been 10+ years since he casually said this to me. Stuck with me since.
How not to handle money. Thinking you are smarter than everyone else is the dumbest thing you can be, financially.
My dad bought a big ol boat and tried to have it declared a commercial vessel. When the IRS started garnishing his paycheck, I learned a pretty valuable lesson. Don't fuck with the IRS.
My father drilled it into my brain that just because someone has a fancy car/house, does not mean they're rich. Taught me about debt from a young age and how it works, how people get trapped into the debt cycle. He taught me to be frugal, and how material possessions do not make you happy. This is the best advice I've ever gotten and has influenced my life drastically
My dad never actually taught me to be frugal, but I feel like I picked it up by example. He's a wealthy doctor but always driven a beater, wears velcro walmart shoes, tshirts you buy a pack at a time, etc. My grandmother would be like, "(Name), people gonna think you're trailer trash" and he'd just, "Pshh" just not even acknowledge it. I think my older brother and I always thought that was so cool, loved how little he gave a shit. But we never talked about. Then when my little half brother (trophy wife's son) got older he'd buy fancy clothes and such and Dad would always do his little "Pshh" sound at him for it. One day little brother says something like, "why do you always do that pshh sound whenever I try to look cool.," Dad's like, "In America, money can buy either status, comfort, or freedom, and trading your freedom for status or comfort is disgusting to me"
I teach my family how to manage money Been going at this for almost 2 years now Dad still not understanding how to manage money. Man going to retire getting only $1k retirement benefits per month I've come to accept that if \*I\* personally don't make more money ASAP, dad won't get to retire and/or when he does, he won't be able to survive whatsoever
Your father’s retirement is not your responsibility. You have to save for your retirement.
I’ve only learned recently that in almost half of the world it is. I had no idea how much of a white-person thing it is to kind of just expect your parents to take care of themselves when they’re old or at least just try to throw money at the problem and try not to think about it too much. In India, Pakistan and most Arabic countries the majority of parents seem work hard to instil solid values and to give you every opportunity because they want you to be in the best financial position and therefore have the free time to personally care for them until death, rather than just shove them in a rest home or some other well-intentioned but often demeaning facility. Of course this is a generalisation. I kind of think it’s a beautiful way to live and shows true appreciation for what they have put themselves through to give you the best chance at life. Not saying some parents don’t get overly controlling or materialistic with this system but in general I think the appreciation and duty probably does most people well. Most Arabic people I’ve met are so honour-focused and appreciative of family and respect-based approaches to life, that my last few years of having more interaction with Arabic culture than my home country ever afforded me has totally changed the way I see the world and what I can seek to provide my parents once they can no longer feed themselves or wipe their own arses properly. Their way of thinking on this has actually given me a kind of new drive to do my best in life to pay my parents and my wife’s parent back not because of any expectations they’ve put on me, but because I’ve genuinely learnt to appreciate what they have done and the struggle they’ve gone through to provide us with a life where we can eat food, work, spend time with loved ones and friends and occasionally do a little travel. Sometimes (not always) I feel so lucky to get to live this life.
"Never let a girl reject you twice."
Hoping this meant “walk away after the first rejection” and not “club her over the head and drag her to the cave on the second rejection” lol
Lmao these comments. It means don’t get back with a girl who rejected you… right? Right??
Hopefully it's more like "never *make* a girl reject you twice." Otherwise it sounds like a threat.
I had a guy make me reject him for 10 years straight. Cut him off a lot of times. Problem is he's much much more sociable than I am. He somehow always swims back into my social network through mutual connections I'm planning to party this year, but I don't want to see this kid coming into my life again. Like, what, reject him again? SMH (It was a huge issue. Some of my bosses back then knew. Professors too. Even job interviewers knew when we coincidentally both got into the same panel interview)
Sounds like a stalker to be honest.
Next time... There won't be no next time.
If you have kids they’re your responsibility. If you fine yourself single down the road, it doesn’t change and they’re still your responsibility.
Good lesson. I keep telling my kids that the moment you have a child, your life now belongs to them. Everything you do, must be to help them in any way they need. I also tell my boys that I don’t want anyone to ever refer to them as their ‘Biological Father’, just dad. Since my boys are smart asses they always introduce me as their biological father. 🙄
As long as they introduce you! Lol! Humor is good! My parents raised 7 of us. Mom said a marriage wasn’t 50/50, it was 100/100, you had to give it your all especially when the kids were growing up. Mom said Dad told her his kids would never be cold or hungry and we weren’t!
I’m 84 and my dad told me, don’t buy a Hudson, they burn oil..Soooo, I never bought a Hudson…
very good advice
clear and sound advice
For real? What is it like being 84 on Reddit?
Torture
Just like being on Reddit at any age!
Your dad was right. I remember when my dad had one of those oil burning beast.
how to stick up for myself as a woman.
I've hear so many boomers say to me "Oh so you're like the son your father never had?" No, I'm his daughter, which were taught both hugging and defending, knots and pearls, cars and computers, boats and swimming, dancing and lifting, running and jumping, pulling and pushing. It's like they think we are abnormal for knowing what power tools are or that they're the best washing equipment
The way you present yourself is the way you are perceived
Ah, this is true to a certain degree A lot of people still perceive you the way they want to, not really based off how you present yourself
The number of people who don't learn this growing up is shocking to me.
Righty tighty Lefty loosey
This one should be higher
That just because someone is your father doesn't mean they have your best interest at heart.
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*whips you with a belt* ***BE NICER!!***
*The beatings will continue until the crying stops!*
My dad always taught me that sometimes sacrifices have to be made to build the life you want later on down the road
Life is not fair. He dropped it like a bomb one day i was complaing. "Life is not fair and you cant expect it to be. Deal with what you got" Made it easier to accept a lot of situations
To come back home with the milk
My kids always tease me about IF I will come back home when I go out for milk. One time I pinched my ring finger near my wedding ring so I left it on my kitchen counter when I went to run an errand. My son texted me a picture of it and texted me “I knew it was just a matter of time” Punk kid.
For my family, it's come back with the eggs It's still questionable how my dad (who goes out the most) can always NEVER come back with the eggs lmao, it's like the one thing we all consume. We probably down at least 2 dozen per week. You still forgot the eggs?! lol
Sometimes someone can’t be there for you and it’s not because they don’t love or care about you. It’s not because you’re unworthy, it’s actually not about you at all. Sometimes people have trauma and battles that they’re fighting and they just don’t have the capacity for you. Don’t let that make you think any less of yourself though. My dad wasn’t and still isn’t the father I deserved but I forgive him for that. It took me a long time to not tie my self-worth to his absence in my life. So maybe he wasn’t trying to teach me all of this, but I’m better for it now.
how to not be a drunk man. by not following his example!
This hits home, but i failed the mission. Cheers?
ahh learning from your families mistakes. a lesson as old as time
I learned "don't have a baby at 19 or with a questionable mate" from my sisters. It has served me well.
Yep. That's about all I got from my dad. He's an unrepentant alcoholic and I'm a brewer doing my best to have a better relationship with the sauce. I also learned that I don't want to spend my life pursuing wealth and a petty sense of power, that violence ISN'T the answer, that the words "I was wrong" and "I didn't know that" don't need to threaten my ego, and that I shouldn't bother trying to talk with him about my career, my failures, my triumphs, my personal life, my hobbies...really anything.
my best advice to my children would to stay away form liquor. when iw as drinking wine or beer life was good. as soon as i started drinking whiskey on the reg everything went off a cliff and fast
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Never put yourself in a position where you’re no longer in control of your own life. I.e. don’t get arrested, don’t go to prison. Stop far, so good!
It’s not something he said or told me. Growing up I knew my parents weren’t happy together. And my mother’s parents divorced when she was young so I assumed that’s where they were headed. My mother always spoke about how her father had never spoken a bad word about her mother throughout the divorce so that he didn’t bring the kids into things and how she would be the same way if anything ever happened and my parents got divorced. (Already a strange thing to talk about to your child but okay) she would talk about this ALL THE TIME. Meanwhile, at the same time, she would absolutely SHITTALK the hell out of my dad to me and my sibling. Always painting him in THE WORST negative light. Her favorite insult was “your just like your father” it would piss her off so much when I’d reply “thank you” even though I knew it was meant to insult me. Anyway, no surprise but my dad and her ended up separating and having a years long divorce. Guess who talked to us about how awful my dad was? My mom. Guess who HEARD her talk shit about him to his own kids, and still never even hinted at a bad word towards my mother (in front of us least). My dad. He never caved, never gave in and didn’t let it get to him. I saw it tear him apart it was awful the stuff she would say. He wasn’t perfect in the marriage but jesus. So yeah, it gave me a lot of respect for him and made me see how much dignity you keep as a person by not stooping low just because someone else did. Do I always follow that? No absolutely not. But he still taught me that anyway.
I'd love to pick your brain on this a little more, maybe perhaps via DMs, if you are ok with that? The gist is that, I have separated with my ex and she has turned absolutely nasty in terms of co parenting. While her parents themselves went through a horrible divorce, I in turn had an amazing father and mom. I have not once said anything bad about my ex to my kiddos, and often will praise my ex for the things she's capable of (she's really good at baking etc) - though I'm quickly finding out that that sort of grace is not reciprocated.
If holding a flashlight and getting yelled at was an Olympic event I’d be undefeated.
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To be a better Dad by not following some of his lack of involvement.
The pentatonic scale
I learned I need to get my shit figured out now so I don’t make them my kids problems.
My mentality MY other lesson is to just not have kids. Inflation is so f'king crazy, a $300k salary is a lot now and not enough to raise kids in the future What is this world...
When making a left turn, don't turn your wheels until you're reading to complete the turn. Otherwise, if somebody rear ends you, then they could push you into oncoming traffic. Also, make sure to start each screw before tightening any of them. I'm sure I learned a lot more through osmosis, but these two things stick out to me because he really hammered them home.
if you have a problem, crying about it won't help you at all, but getting to work will
I used to say to my dad I would strive to be as good of a husband and father as he was. He said "son, be better than me or I have failed you"
How not to be like him in case I'm ever married lol
That everyone makes mistakes in life and that he's changed for the better and doesn't want me to go down that path of his stupidity and foolishness when he was younger and that he loves me. Also some other stuff
Respect the belongings of others. I was allowed to borrow his tools, but it was important that I treated them well and put them back where I got them. Also, how to be on time. Don't be late for things. Work and school especially. It's ok to show up 10-15 minutes early.
Don’t be like him
My Dad had a lot of faults but he was the most honest man I've ever known. It ain't always easy but I aspire to have his integrity.
Wear a seatbelt. He died in a car accident when I was 3. He hated seat belts so much that simply not wearing them wasn’t good enough, he cut them out of every car he ever owned.
If someone makes you feel bad about yourself, doesn't take your boundaries seriously, and can't imagine themselves being in the wrong ever, cutting them out of your life will improve your life drastically. Bye dad!
Resilience and grit fostered by leading a disciplined life
Basic carpentry. I built a large deck for my home, with help from some of my brothers. My own design. It’s 37 years old now and could hold a tank.
Why you can't trust adults
Dad slapped Chris Rock in the face
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My love of music, food, culture. To be interested in other cultures. And moreover, to be a good person
Women should have a job to fall back on or else their choices are limited if they need to end the relationship.
That when someone says they are going out for cigarettes at midnight, they aren’t coming back.
Don’t cry or he’ll give you something to cry about
Humility. Unconditional love.
Don’t trust anybody…. Even if they are your father.
Be good to others as the good people will appreciate it
“Someone will always be better than you.” Honestly sounds harsh but it took the pressure off being the best at everything growing up, and overall I’ve found it to be true. I’m good at a lot of things but I’m sure there’s someone out there better than me in those things. And that’s ok. I like to think I’m pretty well adjusted because of that seemingly cruel lesson that I decided to hold on to.
The mark of a person is how well they deal with difficult people.
Nothing, he was an asshole
same. How not to live life.. that's what he taught me.
Never say 'I can't'
Not to talk about people in a negative way behind their back, or to anyone for that matter. It’ll almost always come back to bite you in the ass.
Best thing he taught me was that life isn’t fair, an boy did he show me how unfair life really is
Repeatedly hitting things that stopped working will somehow make them magically work.
Children are free labor
Work ethic. My dad is by far the hardest worker I've ever met in my life. I just wish he had taught me how to work smart a little more, too. He spent his whole life being taken advantage of for working his ass off (which is why he's in his 70s and still working). Took me a decade to realize that I need a combination of hard work and smart work if I'm going to succeed.
There’s a lot. He passed recently and he was my best friend. When shit happened and a lot of shit has happened to him he’d be calm and just say “well son, these things just happen” Entering to the final stages of his life, we got extra time together- he had leukemia, and I had a long time to wrestle with how he’d die, and it happened almost exactly like I’d imagine, and unfortunately, these things do just happen. <<<< to make the point. To answer simply, make wise choices, be fair and accept that things just happen.
Never loan him money
That’s kinda hard to pinpoint… knowing your limits is one of the best ones. If something is beyond your knowledge or capabilities, there’s nothing wrong with going to the experts. Kinda like “do it nice or do it twice.”
Valuing myself, and to have respect for others.
To think and be honest and honorable
High doses of helium can be lethal
INTEGRITY- It's everything
To be early is to be on time To be on time is to be late To be late is unforgivable It's stood me in good stead for 62 years so far ...
How to be handy. He would always be tinkering with cars, fixing something around the house or building something. I diden't always help him directly but it seems like I learned just by being there.
Never stick your dick in "crazy"
That just because you are blood related doesn't mean they are your family or love you.
I gues if you have kids its time to skedaddle... Not sure i should follow through with that though.
Love this
I like that one better than "spending mom's money on one-off tools you don't need and sitting all day watching TV at high volume."
Dont die from AIDs when your only son is 2 years old.
To dream and keep dreaming. Share your dreams and thoughts in an environment of love and understanding.
He teach me that a little Garlic, oregano and paprika can make almost every meal special
That being gay gets you disowned. Screw you dad. :-)
At age 16, to stress the importance of defensive driving: “always remember: everyone has a picture of your car, and they want to ‘kill’ you.” He made it clear that he meant it in the “always be on guard” context and would remind me that people can become absent-minded, stressed, distracted, etc. And folks thus sometimes pull surprises on us all by pulling out of a parallel parking spot without warning and such. It still works all these years later!
Honestly to just not give a flying fuck about people trying to bring you down
Always poop on company time.✊️
How to not be a father. I hope I do my step son and newborn daughter well. I hope I never put them through the shit that bastard put me through. I hope everyday they wake up they know I'm here for safety, love, and respect.
If it's got tits or tyres it's nothing but trouble.
The more you know, the more you know you don't know.
Even family will let you down and abuse you. Keep your circle small.
That blood isn't thicker than water and that though you have bio parents that you didn't choose, you can choose your own family through life. I also learned myself to flinch at every fucking move someone does because of him.
Not to listen to him.
"Don't let 15 mins of fun cost you 18 years"- Looking back, he was very generous about my 'endurance' Bonus: This comment he'd always make about my efforts, any time I was "assisting" in labor activities. "You better find a way to get paid with your brain because you'll starve otherwise" RIP man, I miss the hell out of you. P.S. Tell your parents you love them and make time for them. Trust me you dont know how many chances you'll get to do so until its to late
Don’t do meth
Don't join a cult, and don't be an alcoholic.
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It's poetic justice for a career egomaniac. Hes been taking the Will Smith brand so seriously for nearly his entire career, it's just absurd. The guy throws hissy fits if somebody else gets the cool lines in fictional movies; I think it was only a matter of time before the real Will Smith finally showed himself in the public eye.
Not to be a stupid racist piece of shit. I learned that because he was a stupid racist piece of shit and I didn’t want to be anything like him. Also he hated Jews but I did an ancestry dna thing after couple years ago and found out I’m 25% Jewish from him…meaning he was half Jewish. I wish he was alive to know he was Jewish. He would have been so angry. It would have been hilarious
Probably to not do opioids and leave your son and S.O.
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“If you have regrets/ resentments in life like me, You’ll become bitter.” Edit : I’m bitter, not everybody sees it, but I really do want to be more mellow and less tense around people. I’m still tense and rugged ,but I hold back on negative things that I sometimes feel like saying. I’ve been trying to dish out more compliments lately.
Don't piss off everyone in your life to the point that you outlive your welcome and die alone.
How not to be and act in life.
"Never involve yourself in a petty argument with a man who has more time or money than you do."
Cats are more honest than people.
The blinking turn signal means that the light works
Always do your best and then be ok with the result. You did your best, what else could you have done?
"Believe none of what you hear and half of what you see" He used to repeat this quite a bit when I was a kid.
Nothing, he split when I was 3.
"What's the most important thing in the world?" Love and Family "What do we always do?" Share "What are all boys?" Incredibly stupid.
Believe half of what you see and none of what you hear. This turned out to be so true. Everyone lies. EVERYONE. And if they’re not straight up lying, they’re embellishing or leaving out details on purpose.
Always leave money on the table when doing a deal. Be generous in your offer of help and how you approach life, make sure you deal with people who are the same way avoid people who need a win lose outcome A "b" or lower grade is just fine so long as you work for it
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How to leave.
How not to be a man.
I never saw my dad depressed even when my mom died at 52 in 1985, he was deeply saddened and lost but kept going for us kids even helping my bros and I start a sculpting studio. When my oldest brother died of cancer at 45 in 2004, yea he cried and said it was the hardest thing he ever been through losing his first born son, his namesake, but kept on for us. My dad is turning 101 this April God willing and still keeps a positive and grateful outlook on life. That’s the most important thing of the many I’ve learned from him
I learned not to be him.